#i just wanted to feel some paint today 🙃

[muiitoloko]

Hiii! :D I LOVE your writing!! Every day I come home from work I go to your blog to read if there is a new story🌟 I don't know if you're taking request; i would like to make a request about Frank Benson (Eye in the sky) x reader I haven't read anything about him 🥲 and I would like if you could do something fluffly❤️‍🩹 with smut💥 maybe like something about him being married to the reader and coming home after a bad day at work and he just needs to be in control and some release🔥and then the reader being comforting💖🫶

I don't know if that makes sense🙈

Title: In control

Summary: He wanted to be in control and you gave him control.

Pairing: Frank Benson × Fem! Reader

Warnings: Smut, foul language and fluffy.

Author's Notes: Hey there! Thanks a ton for the love and support! Your dedication to checking out my blog every day seriously warms my heart! 🌟 As for your request about Frank Benson from "Eye in the Sky," I'm all ears! 😎 Your idea sounds like a rollercoaster of emotions, from fluffy to smutty to comforting—it's a wild ride! 🎢 And don't worry, even if it sounds a bit wild, it totally makes sense! 🙃 I've whipped up something I hope you'll enjoy! As for Alan Rickman in that military uniform, oh boy, does he look like a sin! 😏🔥

As Frank stepped through the threshold of his home, his shoulders slumped with the weight of the day's burdens. The familiar scent of home greeted him, a comforting reminder of the sanctuary that awaited him within these walls. Yet, even as he longed for the solace of his haven, the remnants of his stressful day clung to him like a suffocating shroud.

His brow furrowed in frustration as he struggled with the keys, his fingers fumbling with the metal implements in a futile attempt to unlock the door. With a muttered curse, he finally managed to coax the stubborn lock into submission, the satisfying click of the mechanism echoing in the stillness of the evening.

"Darling, I'm home," Frank called out, his voice a weary rasp as he pushed open the door and stepped inside.

As you heard Frank's weary voice calling out from the hallway, you quickly turned off the stove and removed the pan from the fire, setting it aside. With practiced ease, you slipped off your apron and made your way to where Frank stood, struggling with his uniform.

Seeing him wrestle with the buttons of his military coat, you couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for the man you loved. His gray hair was slightly disheveled, and the furrow in his brow spoke volumes about the weight of the burdens he carried.

"Hey there, soldier," you said softly, stepping closer to him and placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Rough day?"

Frank let out a frustrated groan, his shoulders sagging even further under the weight of his troubles. "Everything's gone to hell today," he muttered, his voice tinged with exhaustion. "I can't seem to catch a break."

You listened patiently as he vented his frustrations, offering him a sympathetic ear as he unburdened himself of the events that had unfolded throughout the day. His words painted a picture of chaos and uncertainty, a world where everything seemed to be spiraling out of control.

With a heavy sigh, Frank finally paused, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of weariness and longing. "I just... I need to feel like I'm in control," he admitted, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down your spine.

In that moment, you knew exactly what he needed—to let go of the burdens of the day and be comforted by you. With a gentle glint in your eyes, you reached for the buttons of his uniform coat, your fingers deftly working to release them one by one.

As his coat fell to the floor, revealing the holsters of his gun beneath, Frank pulled you close, his hands roaming over your body with a hunger that left you breathless. You stumbled against him, the heat of his touch searing through you like wildfire as he pressed his lips to yours in a fierce, desperate kiss.

As the passionate kiss finally broke, you took your husband's hand, leading him to the bedroom with a sense of purpose. Frank followed, his steps heavy with the weight of the day's burdens.

Entering the bedroom, Frank began the familiar ritual of putting away his weapons, his movements precise and practiced. The holsters of his gun were set aside with care, each motion a testament to his disciplined nature.

But as he turned to undo his tie and the buttons on his shirt, you sat on the bed, watching him with a mixture of admiration and longing. Frank noticed your gaze and paused, his brow furrowing with concern.

"What is it, darling?" he asked, his voice tinged with worry.

You shook your head, a playful smile playing on your lips. "Nothing, love," you reassured him. "Just enjoying the view."

Frank's expression softened, a hint of amusement flickering in his brown eyes. "Flatterer," he teased, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down your spine.

As Frank continued to undress, you couldn't help but notice the frustration still lingering in his demeanor. His movements were stiff and mechanical, a stark contrast to the controlled precision he usually exhibited. It was clear that the events of the day had taken a toll on him, weighing heavily on his shoulders like an oppressive burden.

You watched him silently, your heart aching with the desire to ease his troubles and bring him the comfort he so desperately needed. But as he paused halfway through undoing his wristwatch, his gaze meeting yours with a hint of uncertainty, you realized that perhaps what he needed most was not your comfort, but your submission.

You stood up, approaching him with purpose in your stride. With a gentle touch, you reached out to caress his cheek, your fingers trailing lightly along his stubbled jawline. "Let me take care of you, Frank," you whispered, your voice a soothing melody that washed over him like a warm embrace.

Frank's brown eyes softened at your words, a flicker of vulnerability shining through the steely mask he wore. He nodded wordlessly, a silent acknowledgment of the trust you placed in him as he stepped back, allowing you to take the lead.

With a sense of purpose, you reached for the buttons of your own blouse, your movements deliberate and unhurried. Frank watched you intently, his gaze filled with a mixture of desire and anticipation as you revealed the curves of your body inch by inch.

As the fabric fell away, pooling at your feet in a heap of discarded clothing, you stood naked before him, your skin flushed with anticipation. Frank's eyes roamed hungrily over your exposed form, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he took in the sight of you.

With a seductive smile, you dropped to your knees before him, your hands trailing lightly along his thighs as you looked up at him with adoration. "I'm yours to command, Frank," you murmured, your voice a husky whisper that sent shivers down his spine.

Frank's chest swelled with pride at your submissive gesture, his arousal evident in the bulge that strained against the fabric of his trousers. With a confident smirk, he reached down to undo his belt, the sound of leather sliding through metal sending a thrill of anticipation coursing through you.

As his pants and underwear fell to the floor in a heap, Frank stepped out of them with practiced ease, his arousal standing proudly at attention. He approached you slowly, his eyes never leaving yours as he reached out to pinch one of your breasts, making you moan softly in response.

With a hungry glint in his eyes, Frank caressed himself lightly, the sight of your kneeling form before him sending a surge of desire coursing through his veins. "You look so beautiful like this, my love," he murmured, his voice a low growl that made your heart race.

But even as desire threatened to consume him, Frank remained in control, his gaze unwavering as he issued his command. "Open your mouth for me, darling," he ordered, his voice tinged with authority. "I want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours today."

Eager to please your authoritarian husband, you obeyed without hesitation, parting your lips to accommodate him. Frank's arousal throbbed with anticipation as he positioned himself before you, his hands gripping your hair firmly as he guided himself to your waiting mouth.

With a sense of reverence, you took him in, your lips wrapping around his length as you began to suckle gently. Frank groaned in pleasure, his hips rocking forward as he buried himself deeper in your mouth, the heat of your tongue sending bolts of ecstasy coursing through him.

Lost in the rhythm of your movements, Frank's control began to slip, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he surrendered to the pleasure you offered. But even as his arousal threatened to overwhelm him, he remained mindful of your boundaries, his touch gentle and considerate as he guided you with a firm hand.

"Tell me if you want me to stop, darling," Frank murmured between ragged breaths, his voice thick with desire. "Just give my thigh a little tap, and I'll pull back, okay?"

You nodded in understanding, the sound muffled by the thickness of him in your mouth. With each passing moment, you felt yourself growing more intoxicated by the taste of him, the heady scent of his arousal filling your senses until you were lost in a haze of desire.

As Frank's arousal reached its peak, he couldn't hold back any longer. The controlled, disciplined soldier he once was faded away, replaced by a primal, insatiable hunger that consumed him from within. With a low growl of desire, he began to thrust into your mouth with increasing urgency, his movements rough and relentless.

Each thrust sent waves of pleasure coursing through you, the heady mix of pain and ecstasy driving you to new heights of arousal. Frank's grip on your hair tightened, his fingers digging into your scalp as he used you for his pleasure, his baritone voice a symphony of sinful promises that sent shivers down your spine.

"Such a good little cocksucker, aren't you?" Frank purred, his voice thick with lust as he rocked his hips against your mouth. "Taking me like the obedient little slut you are."

His words sent a surge of heat pooling between your thighs, your own arousal building with each passing moment. You moaned around him, the vibrations sending Frank over the edge as he let out a guttural groan of pleasure.

But just as he felt himself on the verge of climax, Frank forced himself to pull back, his hand gently urging you to release him from your mouth. He groaned in frustration as he watched you obey, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on his brow as he struggled to regain his composure.

"Fuck, my little slut," he gasped, his voice thick with desire. "You're incredible at that. But I'm craving something more. Turn around and grip the edge of the bed for me; I need to be inside you now."

You nodded obediently, eager to please your dominant husband as you reached out to grasp the edge of the bedframe. As Frank fell to his knees behind you, you couldn't help but protest about his knees, but before you could voice your concern, he silenced you with a sharp slap to your ass.

The sudden sting made you gasp in surprise, a mixture of pain and pleasure coursing through you as Frank's calloused hand connected with your flesh. He caressed the spot he hit, his touch both soothing and electrifying as he leaned in close to whisper in your ear.

"Don't worry about me, darling," Frank said, his voice dripping with authority. "I'm in control here, and I know exactly what I want."

With a sense of anticipation, you held onto the edge of the bed, your heart pounding in your chest as Frank's hands roamed over your body. His touch was electric, igniting a fire within you that burned hotter with each passing moment.

As Frank positioned himself behind you, you braced yourself for what was to come, your body trembling with excitement. But before you could prepare yourself, Frank slapped your ass again, making you cry out in surprise at the sudden blow.

"None of that, love," Frank chided, his voice firm but tinged with amusement. "You know better than to speak out of turn."

You bit your lip to stifle a whimper, your arousal building with each slap of Frank's hand against your flesh. Despite the sting of pain, you found yourself craving more, eager to surrender yourself completely to his dominant touch.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Frank playfully tugged your hair and brought his mouth close to your ear. "You enjoy that, don't you, my dear?" he whispered huskily, his voice carrying a commanding tone.

You whimpered in response, your body trembling with desire as Frank's words sent shivers down your spine. "Yes, sir," you gasped, your voice thick with need. "I love it when you take control."

A satisfied smirk spread across Frank's lips as he leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear. "Good," he whispered, his voice a husky rasp that made your pulse quicken. "Because tonight, I'm going to make you scream my name until you can't think of anything else."

With that, Frank's hand trailed down your spine, sending sparks of electricity dancing along your skin. You arched your back in anticipation, offering yourself up to him completely as he teased you with his touch.

As his fingers dipped lower, trailing along the curve of your ass, you couldn't help but moan in pleasure. Frank's touch was electric, igniting a fire within you that threatened to consume you whole.

With a sense of purpose, Frank reached between your legs, his fingers finding your slick heat with ease. You gasped in pleasure as he teased your folds, his touch sending waves of ecstasy crashing over you.

"Look at you, so wet and ready for me," Frank murmured, his voice thick with desire. "You're going to take everything I give you, aren't you, my little whore?"

You nodded eagerly, your breath coming in ragged gasps as Frank's fingers delved deeper, exploring every inch of your trembling body. You were his to command, his to please, and you relished in the knowledge that he would take you to heights of pleasure you had never imagined possible.

As Frank's fingers teased your slick heat, you let out a low moan of pleasure, your body arching instinctively into his touch. The sensation was electric, sending waves of ecstasy coursing through you as he explored every inch of your trembling body.

"God, Frank," you gasped, your voice thick with desire. "Please, I need you."

Frank's brown eyes darkened with desire as he leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear. "You're going to get everything you want, my little slut," he whispered, his voice a low growl that sent shivers down your spine. "But you have to beg for it."

Without hesitation, you nodded eagerly, your arousal reaching a fever pitch as you pleaded with him. "Please, Frank," you whimpered, your voice desperate and needy. "I need you inside me, now."

A satisfied smirk spread across Frank's lips as he positioned himself behind you, his arousal pressing against your slick folds. "That's it, darling," he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "Beg for my cock like the filthy whore you are."

With a sense of urgency, you pushed back against him, your body trembling with anticipation as you felt the tip of him teasing your entrance. "Please, Frank," you begged, your voice a desperate plea. "I need you to fuck me, now."

Without warning, Frank thrust into you with one swift motion, filling you completely as he buried himself deep inside your throbbing heat. You cried out in pleasure, your body trembling with ecstasy as he began to move, his thrusts slow and deliberate.

"That's it, my dear" Frank growled, his voice thick with desire. "Take my cock like the filthy whore you are."

With each thrust, Frank's control slipped further, his movements growing faster and more desperate as he surrendered to the pleasure of being inside you. You met him thrust for thrust, your bodies moving in perfect harmony as you chased your release together.

"Fuck, Frank!" you moaned, your voice thick with desire. "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

The sound of your voice sent a jolt of arousal coursing through Frank's veins, his arousal peaking as he felt your walls clench around him in a tight embrace. With a primal growl, he thrust into you one final time, sending you both hurtling over the edge into a sea of ecstasy.

As the waves of pleasure washed over you, you cried out Frank's name like a prayer, your voice echoing in the stillness of the room. Frank's release followed soon after, his body trembling with the force of his climax as he emptied himself inside you with a guttural groan of satisfaction.

For a moment, the world fell away, leaving only the two of you entwined in a blissful embrace. With each ragged breath, you felt the weight of the day's burdens melt away, replaced by a sense of contentment and fulfillment that only Frank could provide.

After reaching the pinnacle of pleasure together, Frank withdrew from you, his body trembling with the remnants of his climax. Slowly, he stood up, feeling the ache in his knees that he chose to ignore for the moment. With a gentle tug, he pulled you to bed, wrapping you in his strong embrace.

As he held you close, Frank's chest swelled with a sense of gratitude and affection. "Thank you, my love," he murmured, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down your spine. "For giving me control today."

You smiled softly, running your fingers through his gray hair as you leaned in to press a tender kiss against his lips. "Anything for you, Frank," you whispered, your voice filled with love and devotion. "You know I'll always give you whatever you want."

Frank's brown eyes twinkled with amusement as he pulled back to gaze at you, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. "Well, my dear, in that case, get ready for the next round," he teased, a smirk playing on his lips.

You chuckled, a mischievous twinkle in your eyes as you playfully pushed him. "Oh, I'm always ready," you replied, your voice laced with anticipation. "But are you up for it, old man?"

Frank feigned exasperation, shaking his head with mock indignation. "Ah, the audacity of a woman," he exclaimed, his baritone voice filled with amusement. "Give me a minute, or perhaps ten. The refractory period is shit at my age."

You grinned, leaning in to kiss him once more. "I know, darling," you said softly, stroking his chin affectionately. "But I miss the times when we were young and had sex all night."

Frank's smile softened, a hint of nostalgia flickering in his brown eyes as he pulled you closer to him. "Those were the days, weren't they?" he murmured, his voice tinged with longing. "But even now, with age catching up to us, I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world."

You snuggled against him, feeling the warmth of his embrace enveloping you like a cocoon. "Me neither, Frank," you whispered, pressing a tender kiss against his cheek. "As long as I have you by my side, I have everything I need."

Your words trailed off as Frank's stomach let out a loud growl, prompting a blush to spread across his cheeks. He chuckled softly, a hint of embarrassment coloring his expression as he realized his hunger. "I guess I've worked up an appetite," he said sheepishly, his deep voice tinged with amusement.

You smiled warmly at him, the affection in your gaze evident as you got out of bed and wrapped yourself in a cozy robe. "Don't worry, darling," you reassured him, your voice gentle and soothing. "I'll have dinner ready for you in no time."

Frank nodded gratefully, feeling a sense of comfort wash over him as you took charge of the situation. With a contented sigh, he settled back into bed, the soft sheets enveloping him like a warm embrace.

As you left the bedroom to prepare dinner, Frank couldn't help but admire the way you effortlessly took care of him. Your love and devotion were evident in every gesture, and he felt a surge of gratitude for having you by his side.

With a sense of purpose, Frank made his way to the bathroom, his steps heavy with exhaustion. The warm water of the shower beckoned to him, offering a brief respite from the stresses of the day.

As he stepped into the shower, the hot water cascading over his weary body, Frank felt the tension begin to melt away. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to bask in the warmth and comfort of the moment, relishing the sensation of being cleansed both physically and mentally.

With practiced efficiency, Frank washed away the grime of the day, the steam of the shower enveloping him like a soothing blanket. The rhythmic sound of the water against the tiles echoed in the small space, a steady cadence that matched the beat of his heart.

As he lathered soap over his body, Frank couldn't help but reflect on the events of the day. It had been a challenging one, filled with difficult decisions and unexpected obstacles. But in the midst of it all, he found solace in the knowledge that he had you waiting for him at home, ready to offer him the love and support he so desperately needed.

With a sense of determination, Frank resolved to leave the worries of the day behind him, focusing instead on the simple pleasure of being present in the moment. The warm water of the shower was a soothing balm to his weary soul, washing away the remnants of stress and tension until all that remained was a sense of peace and contentment.

After thoroughly enjoying the rejuvenating shower, Frank emerged from the bathroom feeling refreshed and revitalized. He quickly dried himself off and dressed in fresh clothes, the weight of the day's burdens lifting from his shoulders with each passing moment.

As he made his way to the kitchen, the tantalizing aroma of dinner wafted through the air, filling him with anticipation. He found you standing by the stove, a look of concentration on your face as you put the finishing touches on the meal.

"Smells amazing," Frank commented, his voice filled with appreciation as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, pressing a tender kiss to your cheek.

You chuckled softly, leaning into his embrace as you stirred the pot on the stove. "I'm glad you think so, darling," you replied, your voice warm and affectionate. "I made your favorite."

Frank's eyes sparkled with delight as he caught sight of the meal you had prepared. "You spoil me," he teased, a hint of mischief in his voice as he took a seat at the table.

You smiled fondly at him, the love in your gaze shining brightly as you served him a generous portion of the delicious meal. "You deserve it," you said softly, your voice filled with sincerity. "After the day you've had, you deserve a little pampering."

Frank's heart swelled with gratitude as he took a bite of the food, savoring the familiar flavors that reminded him of home. With each mouthful, he felt a sense of warmth and comfort wash over him, filling him with a sense of contentment that he hadn't felt in days.

As you watched him eat, a sense of satisfaction filled you, knowing that you had brought him the comfort and nourishment he so desperately needed. In that moment, there was no greater joy than seeing him happy and at ease, his troubles forgotten in the simple pleasure of a home-cooked meal and the warmth of your love.

#frank benson #frank benson x reader #alan rickman #alan rickman x reader

[m-u-n-c-h-y]

Okay, this is my last one, I swear!

...

🤞

#yakuza #yakuza 0 #yakuza kiwami #yuko nishikiyama #yumi sawamura #i just wanted to feel some paint today 🙃 #can you imagine tho #Nishiki visiting his sister AFTER the kiwami prologue??? #Nishiki: *chuckles* Im in danger #sketches #doodles #my art #got the munchy's?

[firespirited]

Today I practiced shell stitch, had to redo the swatch several times as the tutorial video didn't specify to always start/end a row with either a single crochet or 3 double crochets. I like the shape much more than the 3 of a granny stitch, it somehow looks more polished. Video tutorials are really helpful but I'm just not yet at a point where the stitches are neat and easy to count and 'spaces' aren't really obvious. Being limited to 45 minute sessions means that it's over right as I'm starting to get into the groove. You know when it starts to seem intuitive?

I've had crochet stitching appear in my dreams so at least you know some of it is getting written to the hard drive. 😁

Fixed a cute red top (beads had been ripped off around the v-neck and I had just the right amount of ric-rac in silver) and I'm wearing that now. Accepting that a wardrobe change is inevitable would be easier if mail order clothes shopping wasn't full of really ugly tops. The moment you're XL in France, which for me was at 16 when I was just curvy not overweight, you're cut off from anything nice. You can get the brown-grey 'taupe' , the leopard print or shapeless sack of business carpet print. 🙃 I really want basics: 95% cotton, some stretch, long torso, v-necks in black white and blue. Seriously considering ebay UK and its import fees for some M&S classics. Maybe even the infamous Shein.

Finally got my bloods done! There was a backlog over the holidays. Must have been a mug full. We're looking for another intestinal opportunist and checking on the anemia and diabetes. The anti-fungal in december did something, I was able to actually taste christmas dinner and that was amazing. The cotton mouth isn't pain but it's been months of eating what feels like cardboard in varying textures. 😑

I've been busy sorting files: dumping stuff in folders instead of naming it properly came back to bite me. I used to have multiple freeware programs for renaming & making thumbnails and they got lost in the windows reinstall or just don't work any more. *Rename Master* is a freeware gem (all sorts of insert, replace and numbering options) . I really need to find a right click to autogenerate thumbnails program again.

Also been sorting out the to-do lists, gradually working down my massive 'keep' notes and bookmarks to create a document of things I'd like to watch, tagged all the 'reading' and 'listening' notes.

I'm putting together just pay postage bundles. $8 for A5 letter size, $30 for a big shoe box kilogram. Less in the EU. Stuff's on the website: the vintage heads, reroots that need paint, a bunch of incomplete imperfect monsters. Just let me know. I can also include fur wigs, glittery stretch fabrics and various small findings.

The plan is to wait for test results and go from there, continue slowly tidying and destashing, try size 46 tops for size, with doll projects to look forward to. Try to stay sane. 😂😘

#Saf #Ramblings

[malamai]

TODAY HAS BEEN A TERRIBLE DAY.

I was sat enjoying my night off from the DIY and painting, ENJOYING MY LIFE when my body just decided to be like "hey girrrrrl!!! guess what?! got ya period!" At complete random.

(I actually blame Lee for this because he was talking about getting a stylish as fuck baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and it's like all my reproductive organs were just like 🤮🤮🤮🤮 at the word "baby".)

But anyway, continuing on, the cramps came on, the discomfort, headaches, my night was ruined so I went to bed. I woke up this morning and I am not even joking my hair literally looked like a Ronald Mcdonald wig, my whole hair had just puffed up like completely ridiculously, like literally the worst hair day ever and Lee's act of support was going to be lending me his beanie but my hair puffed it out and I looked even more ridiculous so I had to find a tighter one and I tucked all my hair into it. 🥲

Then we went to leave the house to discover I have lost my bank card and from that moment onwards I quit, I just opted out of today, it was not happening.

Lee decided it was then lee baked a cake and found my frosting stash and wrote "misty smells" on the cake to Try and make me laugh, he called it a "dis cake", we ate some which was nice.😂

Then I was feeling gross and not comfortable at all so I was thought I'd maybe just go die in peace, have a little emotionally unjustified cry, do some body lotion, tie my hair in a knott, that kind of crack. 😂

And when I announced I was going to bed, Lee was like "oh ill come too!" But my brain was just thinking "I love you but nooooooo. Fuck off." 😂😂😂😂

I am currently in bed now, Lee has not come upstairs yet, hopefully he gives me time to recoup from my emotionally traumatic day before we does because I do love him but right now I just want everyone to leave me alone and just let me be a miserable cow.🙃

#mumblr #mom blog #parenting #momblr #mom blogger #parent

[hollyjollybaby]

These summer days are just so much fun. We’re feeling that massive heatwave and it’s been over 100 with the humidity every day this week, but last weekend I grabbed an amazing 10ft inflatable pool for $35 and we have basically been using it all day every day. We go out after breakfast, come back in for lunch and nap, and then go right back out. It’s been soo good for Holly bc she’s at her best self when she’s outside lol. Even though it’s still hot af it feels muuuch better in the pool and she likes me to get all the way in and sit down and splash around with her. It’s been tons of fun and so worth $35. She just discovered splashing me 🙃 lol

Yesterday we saw our 10, 11, and 12th houses. We were this 🤏🏼 close to putting in an offer on a new build, still early in the construction phase, and then Jake learned of the federal rate increase to a high 5.something? I just let him tell me about the numbers and stuff tbh but it scared him enough to make him want to call his guy at the bank and make sure we could still afford to make this offer. So we didn’t sign the offer. Today he called the guy SEVEN times and he never answered or returned the calls/messages. And we were talking today when he got home like, is this just a bad time? Is the universe telling us to stay put this year and focus on building savings more/fixing up things at this house?

Honestly it would kind of be a relief to take a break on looking and even though our house is old (1965) and has old house issues, I love it dearly, it’s the house we lived in when we went from boyfriend/girlfriend to fiancés, then married, then brought our baby home to. We’ve never painted any rooms except the nursery, which we spent tonsss of time on and is my favorite room ever. It’s so pretty and full of natural light. So it would be nice to stay another year I guess.

In Holly news, she started tumbling class last week! The first class was pretty rough, she didn’t want to participate and tantrumed more than half the time, but we persevered lol. I took her back this Tuesday and she did SO MUCH better!!! She was running around being silly and engaging with the teacher, giggling and smiling at her, and hanging out close to some other little girls. She cried a little maybe 10% of the time compared to last week. I’m so proud of her for making so much progress in a week 🥰 I think over the next 6 weeks she’ll really grow to love the class. It is a lot of fun actually. She’s obsessed with flipping and being upside down and balancing on stuff at home, it’s just a matter of getting her to translate those skills into a totally different environment 😅 also she starts PRESCHOOL in 68 days 😭

Jake has next week off, he took time off for his birthday. I have some funny t-shirts and a little photo gift for Father’s Day/his bday, but nothing big per his request. I told him to think of somewhere he’d like to go/do as a family during his 9 days off, but he hasn’t come up with anything, which is definitely because he wants to stay home the home time lmao.

Alright I think that’s all I have for now 😂 I wish I could update this space more frequently with smaller posts but apparently it’s the opposite!

[punkscowardschampions]

Slaggie & Sick Kids & Sylke (pt.1)

Sylvie: Went in that group chat for the first time today

Maggie: How was it?

Sylvie: 😬😑🙃

Sylvie: Like, they were trying to normalise it so much it made me feel even weirder?

Maggie: That’s not the move, do I know what the move is, nah, but I know it ain’t theirs they were pulling 👀

Sylvie: I know, I can’t turn around and tell them to hate their lives and be depressed as I am but

Sylvie: it was just awkward, before I even get to the real Dublin of it all

Maggie: Paint it black, lads, soz tryhards never win 🖤🥀💀 everyone’s got their shite, what’s pretending it ain’t sometimes sad to do?

Sylvie: They weren’t all ☀️ & 🌈 but it was sanitised, like some doctor or therapist would log in any second and tell us off 

Maggie: Point on the doll where your invisible disability is

Sylvie: Fair though, speaking of trauma

Sylvie: Guess who’s ex was in there?

Maggie: [just throwing out wild possibilities of peeps they know]

Sylvie: You’ll literally never get it

Sylvie: think 😢🥀📹💔

Maggie: Not my niece! 

Maggie: Jesus, Mary and Joseph, heard it all now

Sylvie: Not Bobby, as that would actually make sense

Sylvie: Guess he was mining misery for his songs, or whatever

Maggie: Jacob, Jacob, Jacob

Maggie: well I never

Sylvie: Small 🌍

Maggie: It’s confidential, yeah? You can’t tell us why he’s in

Sylvie: Sounds like prison

Sylvie: but no, probably shouldn’t, unless I find out he’s let slip about me, game over then, obvs

Maggie: 🧦🎱🧼🧱  prison rules for snitches and what they get

Sylvie: Much as you’d LOVE to flex your auntie status

Sylvie: he wasn’t as entirely obnoxious as he usually is

Maggie: Tiny Tim effect, don’t fall for it

Sylvie: You’re never saying that poor crippled wee 🐸 was a menace 

Maggie: I’ll saying Jacob there’ll play you like a wee fiddle as if he’s all 🥺💔🤕🦽 he’s a lad, is he, no?

Maggie: remember when [a boy] fell down the mountain for my attention

Sylvie: What for? He has the loyalest 🐶 he can get, he’s not chancing that

Maggie: He’d have himself a pack if he could get away with it, we all of us know that to be true

Sylvie: It was a steep hill at best, let’s not get carried away

Maggie: To be sure it took the piss is the point

Sylvie: We’re all of us knowing that the playing was mutual, whatever love square they had going on there, can only put 1/4th of the blame on his shoulders

Maggie: Careful how you go back in, that’s all

Maggie: Are you?

Sylvie: I don’t know

Sylvie: I mean, I wasn’t expecting a cure but did it help talking to any of them?

Maggie: 1 strike and you’re out’s not the game though

Maggie: you’ve to give it best of 3, at least, come on now

Sylvie: I am 🖤🥀💀 and 🥺💔🤕🦽 if you recall

Sylvie: Couldn’t we just give you some vaguely life-threatening illness and call it a day instead

Maggie: I could go undercover to hold your hand, like, but it feels villain era to fake being on death’s door even for the good

Sylvie: The shame if you got caught 😶

Maggie: Well, I’d not, away with yous for suggesting such a thing! But still, bigger picture, I don’t think you really need my help

Maggie: Whos are they anyway? It’s nothing you can’t hack

Sylvie: You are REALLY subtle, famously so

Sylvie: They just made us feel like I was in my villain era, how nice and positive they all were

Maggie: I know they did, and I’m raging 

Maggie: Do you want to 🥚🥚🥚 [the most overly positive person they know IRL whether that’s a teacher or a doctor or what]’s house about it?

Sylvie: Maybe

Sylvie: Definitely

Maggie: We’ve 🥚🥚🥚 in abundance and as it’s more eco than 🧻🧻 I’m calling the thing mammy sanctioned

Sylvie: I have no doubt she would

Sylvie: even if I wasn’t very ✌️ & 💚 with ‘em

Maggie: Ah patience of a saint compared to me, you and her both

Maggie: I’ve my daddy to thank for my none

Sylvie: It’s pretty overrated, even as virtues go

Sylvie: when do you reckon Bobby and Libi will get together then?

Maggie: Can’t be rushed or I would’ve

Sylvie: 🙄 that’s not patience that’s penance

Maggie: Tell me about it

Maggie: I’ll be how many men down and babies out before she’s her act together?

Sylvie: You terrify me

Sylvie: and if you start as early as your mammy, I’ll have to kill you, sorry

Maggie: Up to 🙏⛪️

Sylvie: I’m serious, I’ll make you come to the convent with me 

Maggie: It’s yeah to a girl’s trip whenever and wherever but you don’t have the need to be taking yourself off to no 🐧🏠

Sylvie: Your daddy would sanction that one

Maggie: My daddy knows a 🎣 when he sees one and you still are

Maggie: so unless this is you saying you want to go in to come out 🏳️‍🌈🥳 it’s a nah from me

Sylvie: FINE 😣😖😤

Sylvie: I’ll keep myself pure on the outside

Maggie: On God, thanks for that one, sir, cos I love all my queers but it’s lonely being one of the onlys on the het heap

Sylvie: Straight rights

Maggie: I can’t be the only holy show in the village, sometimes my back hurts from carrying all these mistakes aka boys about the place

Sylvie: I only wish I could help you in your crusade

Maggie: You could, who’s stopping you? Cos a doctor’s overstepping the mark and being dead inappropriate if they are, like 😬

Sylvie: Verging into nazi territory

Sylvie: you know why though, shh

Maggie: I have the knowing that you’re beautiful just like your ma

Maggie: and [someone]’s after going out with you, as he should be

Sylvie: Absolutely not 🙅‍♀️

Maggie: You’re making this into a thing ™️ when it’s no need to be

Maggie: you’re scared, I know, but fears are to be faced or they fuck yous up 🐯🥊🦁🥊

Sylvie: I don’t need to be facing it now, I can’t, when there’s all this… shit

Maggie: I’ll be there with you, it won’t be the group chat

Maggie: and by 💋🐸 you’ll get out your head thinking you’ve been cursed

Sylvie: Just not Tiny Tim, is it 🚫💋🐸 FINE

Sylvie: and NOT [this person, whoever you may be lmao] for real

Sylvie: We can go [to whatever cool kid event Jake asked if she was going to]

Maggie: And not tonight, you’ve had a day of it already

Maggie: but I can do [this event]

Sylvie: Who are we going to see when we’re 🥚🥚🥚 [this poor person’s] gaff, absolutely no rides, is who

Maggie: A challenge you’re giving us, is it?

Sylvie: No, good looking lads are too arrogant

Maggie: @ Jacob Cohen who you want to 💋🐸 all the same

Sylvie: Oh please

Sylvie: That girl kills her personality to get a fraction of his attention, it’s so sad

Maggie: I’d kill you if you did that, make no mistake

Sylvie: Good thing it’s never going to happen 😘

Sylvie: I couldn’t if I tried

Maggie: She said, personality TOO big, and she’s not wrong

Sylvie: It’s genetic

Maggie: But maybe I’m to rescue his girlfriend, it’s what mammy would do

Sylvie: I don’t see how? 

Sylvie: trying to steal her man has already been attempted and that was an utter fail

Maggie: The power of real mates who don’t ditch her on his say so?

Sylvie: Okay little miss ☀️ & 🌈

Sylvie: giving my little pony

Sylvie: IDK, maybe she’s happier being boring and on his arm

Maggie: I’ll report back 🦄✨

Sylvie: You’re going to meddle, aren’t you

Maggie: I need to know if the girl’s been happy a day of her life

Sylvie: Apparently, deliriously so

Maggie: He would say that

Sylvie: You’d have to hope you don’t turn yourself into white bread for less, yeah? 🤷‍♀️

Maggie: Ooh, you seriously don’t like her

Sylvie: I just think she’s stupid for doing it, she isn’t the only girl to, so no, I don’t have strong feelings either way

Maggie: Okay

Sylvie: I just have opinions, you know this

Maggie: Why you’re my favourite cousin

Sylvie: We’ll pretend it’s not a long list and easy to forget ones off it 😺😺😺😺😺😺😺

Maggie: I’d give you my bowel if I could

Sylvie: When they start taking bits away, we’ll zombie some of yours in, shall we

Sylvie: 💛💛💛

Maggie: IF they start

Sylvie: Right, if

Maggie: It could be alright, we don’t know yet ☀️🌈

Sylvie: I’ll get over my emo phase either way

Sylvie: without ruining my hair, remains to be seen

Maggie: I’m not hating your emo phase

Maggie: or that you’re sick in a way that means I don’t have to ruin my hair in solidarity, what worked for Sinead ain’t necessarily working for me

Sylvie: It depends, do you want to look like 👽/your mammy as a baby?

Sylvie: I see it very clearly in my head

Maggie: Us as a baby too, only just grew into my eyes feels like 

Sylvie: with your 👀s and my 👄s

Sylvie: giving zombie DIY realness

Maggie: Will we go in fancy dress for the [cool kid event]? 

Sylvie: Do you have an idea/want an excuse to shop?

Maggie: Always

Sylvie: It would take my mind off things

Sylvie: plus I’m encouraged to eat like shit now so we can get [a mcdonalds esque moment when you’re in town, you know the vibes]

Maggie: Super recognisable to a certain JC who ain’t my man Jesus or in disguise depending, I’ve idea(s)

Sylvie: Wow, his mammy really said she was gonna remind us Jesus was a Jew, eh

Sylvie: I don’t know if I like where this 💭 is going though…

Maggie: His mam said justice for white Jesus

Maggie: but that boy’s ego don’t need no more encouragement off the comparison, I’ll not be making it again

Sylvie: This isn’t part of your SOS plan, is it? 

Maggie: This is all for you, no plan except outfits

Sylvie: And we’ll still look great

Maggie: I’ve missed you what with all the shite happening

Sylvie: Don’t get soppy, okay

Maggie: I’m not my daddy

Sylvie: 😅

Maggie: Bit out of order you’re not saying yous miss me when there’s only us here but ah well

Sylvie: I’m neither my mammy nor my daddy for that, the personality is a throwback obviously

Maggie: You’re nan, emo phase and all

Sylvie: Oh, fabulous

Sylvie: really working overtime to cheer me up, you

Maggie: 🤡🤹‍♀️🐘🥜🎪

Sylvie: I’m just so glad there’s worse drama right now in the family circus to distract from me being centre of attention

Sylvie: thanks, Janis

Maggie: She did do you that favour

Maggie: and when it blows over I’ll be ready with a new distraction, sure enough

Sylvie: Well she’s free to use it as a reason, my IOU

Sylvie: do you reckon I should tell the teachers, see if it gets me any favours of my own?

Maggie: About time they did something what weren’t 👿

Sylvie: Can they be trusted, is the question

Sylvie: you know what they’re like, Bobby only just got a interpreter 

Maggie: We can’t put the blame on ‘em for Libs going above and beyond in the name of obsession

Sylvie: See aforementioned girls, yeah 

Maggie: You’ll be the talk of the staff room, but I doubt the goss however juicy’s leaving there

Sylvie: only when it concerns [a juicy scandal like student-teacher relations vibe, even if this is fake news]

Sylvie: 💩 is not that level

Maggie: Right, you’ll be grand

Sylvie: I think [this goody-goodys house] is nearer mine, you best be getting a shift on

Maggie: 🚲🚀

Members List: 

gotspoons [Mod] (Rosie, 17, Chronic Fatigue)

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously [Mod] (Rich, 18, Multiple Sclerosis)

brainpain (Lauren, 19, TBI)

tigerbalm (Robyn, 15, Arthritis)

sonmychest (Kara, 13, Cystic Fibrosis) 

princemyshkin [New Member!] (Jake, 14, Epilepsy)

ihatemyguts [New Member!] (Sylvie, 14, Ulcerative Colitis) 

injectme [New Member!] (‘Denis’,‘14’ = Margot, 12, ‘Diabetes Type 1’)

ihatemyguts: 🚪🙋‍♀️ Me again… I guess most of you are still at school/uni/work rn but is anyone about? 

brainpain: 👀

brainpain: 👃

brainpain: 👅

ihatemyguts: Suitably creepy, well done

ihatemyguts: what are you up to today?

brainpain: 🎮🎧💰

brainpain: welcome back newbie

brainpain: weren’t sure we’d see you again

ihatemyguts: Nice

ihatemyguts: Me either but had the kind of day that only people like us would get so, worth a shot, right?

brainpain: kept me coming back

gotspoons: Me too 😊 then I couldn’t keep away! Hi again, Sylvie 💛

ihatemyguts: It is a good place to hide… that’s how it feels anyway

brainpain: 🥃🍸 who you hiding from? feds or civilians? 

ihatemyguts: 🐄🚲😈s, to avoid swearing about them

brainpain: tell your big sis what happened

ihatemyguts: Turns out my ‘rents had to tell the school about my hospital appointments anyway, and some ditzy secretary or someone let slip about my diagnosis

ihatemyguts: this one girl in particular, doing the whole pretending she’s asking lots of questions because she cares and not because she wants to humiliate me bit

ihatemyguts: I’ve walked home, f that

brainpain: fukc that 1 girl in particular

brainpain: what a

brainpain: c u next tues

ihatemyguts: Shouldn’t be surprised, she has form for it

ihatemyguts: the fact that anyone else could be sat there smirking along, or just not doing or saying anything… more disappointing 

brainpain: 💩 I had when the news broke about my near death experience

brainpain: this town’s vulture central man

ihatemyguts: Can only imagine, at least my bull💩 isn’t taking up column space

ihatemyguts: I probably should have fronted it out but I don’t have the 🎱⚽️s to do that yet

brainpain: f it

brainpain: yous can front it out the rest of the week

brainpain: take a breather 1st

sonmychest: hey

sonmychest: jk but I was lurking whilst in my own snoozefest of a lesson and I wanna say that girl sounds like the biggest loser, it might hurt but at least you’re cool

brainpain: ^^^ nobodys patting that 🐄🚲😈 on the back 

brainpain: shot herself in the face to anyone with half a 🧠 

brainpain: showing herself up & whoever the h raised her

sonmychest: ^ It’s NOT cute 😷

ihatemyguts: You’re both right, obviously

ihatemyguts: sound very woe is me to say it’s never been directed at me like that before but it hasn’t and it was a feeling I’m not looking forward to feeling again

brainpain: been there 

brainpain: not saying I was the princess of dubo or whatever pre getting my head caved in but like

brainpain: I was doing 👌 no trolls

gotspoons: I’m so sorry, first of all, but the others are right, I’m sure there were people who will take her to task for her nastiness, even if you didn’t witness it in the moment

gotspoons: people viewing you different post illness/injury/etc is rough, I think even more so if you yourself don’t feel any different, or the only difference IS this one small facet of you that’s not their business

ihatemyguts: 🎯👏 Not that I think I’m super hard or something but like, who does she think I am now just because I’m sick

ihatemyguts: should’ve slapped her, you live and you learn, eh?

brainpain: also rough if you’re down on yourself & that comment irl or online validates all the s you were already thinking

brainpain: 👟 her 💀 in she can join us here & we’ll all school her

sonmychest: OMG YES

sonmychest: to the first part… not me enthusiastically endorsing violence 🤪

sonmychest: ‘Skinny’ is not a compliment to me when I can’t gain weight, ugh

brainpain: you know you wanna get involved in the brawl Kara

ihatemyguts: No one’ll see it coming, too bad the name is already taken (not sure if I’M personally allowed to say it but you know the one) 💙👊

gotspoons: I cannot condone this, neither can the group as a whole, just so we’re all clear 😬🤭

brainpain: yeah yeah

brainpain: it’s just my personal advice to leave her disabled

ihatemyguts: It is a teaching moment

ihatemyguts: in fairness, I wouldn’t be surprised if my cousin hasn’t heard and found her by now, I did forget to call her off on my way out the door 💁‍♀️

brainpain: everybodys got that cousin

brainpain: in my fam it’s me

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I heard there was incitement happening that needed breaking up?

brainpain: quiet my love

brainpain: you’re on my side

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Naturally

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Any energy wasted on this girl would be just that, it seems to me, though I’m all for advocating for yourself and your right to basic human decency

brainpain: when he’s so wise & sensible 😍🥰😘

brainpain: the chalk to my manic 🧀

sonmychest: Manic Cheese is an excellent band name 😍

ihatemyguts: 10/10 would play [the venue you usually see bands]

brainpain: you can have that for free girls

brainpain: start a band

sonmychest: rock out on my clarinet 🪈

ihatemyguts: Lung workout, 2 bird 1 stone, cool

brainpain: wheres Robyn @ ?

brainpain: there’s a baby who needs to rock out

ihatemyguts: I bet she knows ALL the K-pop girly dances

brainpain: nobody tell her rents 🤫

sonmychest: 🤐

brainpain: none of that talk’ll cheer up the newbie

ihatemyguts: Ah, say no more

ihatemyguts: I can see how this kind of stuff could turn any parent crazy

brainpain: anon rat out that girl to hers

ihatemyguts: 📢 your daughter is a piece of shyyyyyt

brainpain: 50/50 they’re not too?

brainpain: I need my boy here for the maths

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Am I being arrogant by assuming the new boy is not some kind of mathematical prodigy? Potentially

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I would say it’s debatable, the odds on the parents of an unsavoury individual also being so… so 50/50 works perfectly, flip of a coin, as it were

brainpain: arrogance works perfectly on me 

sonmychest: A room must be found for you two

brainpain: sharing my address is a kick outable offence

gotspoons: I’m so proud, Lauren

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Likewise

brainpain: hits different when he says it

brainpain: but thanks guys 💕

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I know it will be supremely unpopular as well as uncool to suggest this

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but if this girl, or anyone, carries on with this behaviour, you can and should tell an adult, don’t suffer in silence

tigerbalm: I agree with Rich

tigerbalm: sorry, I this min caught up

gotspoons: Robyn! 💛

tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Appreciate the backup

tigerbalm: Unrelated but btw I DO know the dances 😸

ihatemyguts: Omg, teach me

ihatemyguts: (and I appreciate it, guys, I promise I can handle her better than I did today, a blip)

tigerbalm: Are we allowed to send links? I pinky promise it’s not a virus (which makes it sound like a virus, I know, but it ISN’T)

sonmychest: 🦠 keep it 6-feet from me

gotspoons: 🤭 I think we can trust you not to send anything inappropriate

tigerbalm: [send some tutorials on how to do these dances kinda vibe because you can’t show her irl]

ihatemyguts: Catch me at [cool kid venue] killing it

tigerbalm: OMG as if you’re going to [this venue] + it’s almost like I’m coming with!

ihatemyguts: You should come sometime

tigerbalm: 😿 when I’m nearly 18 instead of 16 I’ll MAYBE be allowed

ihatemyguts: Between us all we have to be able to come up with good enough cover stories

ihatemyguts: Bible study, volunteering at a homeless shelter…

tigerbalm: 😸😹 you’re hilarious, Sylvie 

brainpain: onto something’s what she is

brainpain: nicely done new girl

ihatemyguts: Gotta be done, your K-pop moves cannot be confined to your bedroom forever, Robyn

tigerbalm: ilysm everyone 😻  you’re bad influences but good friends

sonmychest: we ly too 💞 vibes only today

✉️ private @ihatemyguts

princemyshkin: I heard what Sam did

ihatemyguts: Unsurprised 

ihatemyguts: so much for keeping it on the dl, I forgot quite how many appointments I’d had

princemyshkin: I don’t know what makes her think she can act like that

ihatemyguts: I don’t know, she’s just a bitch, I won’t psychoanalyze her about it

ihatemyguts: she doesn’t deserve it

princemyshkin: Yeah

princemyshkin: Did you go home?

ihatemyguts: I know, kinda lame

ihatemyguts: I just, panicked? It felt like panic, though I don’t know why in hindsight

princemyshkin: It’s not that, I looked for you in [whatever lesson she should’ve had, bonus points if it’s one he’s not in but he went to try and peep anyway]

ihatemyguts: Oh

ihatemyguts: well thanks, for checking in

princemyshkin: [the teacher] stopped me before I could get a real look, I couldn’t tell if you were there or you’d already left

ihatemyguts: [this teacher] thinks they’re a prison warden or something, seen them legit chase someone down the hallway before

ihatemyguts: you’re lucky, must’ve been in a tolerable mood

princemyshkin: I said it was important

ihatemyguts: I was hoping I’d get to speak to you

ihatemyguts: though everyone here has been pretty chill this time

princemyshkin: I had to wait until [a lesson you can get away with this in/lunch break/school to be over whichever the vibe is]

ihatemyguts: That’s cool, I wasn’t expecting it or anything but I did assume you’d hear it through the grapevine eventually

princemyshkin: [a friend] told me during [a lesson some time after this happened which we’re implying was too slow cos wanted to know sooner cos we care]

ihatemyguts: You came with receipts

ihatemyguts: swear I wasn’t going to call you out for being a fake sick kid if you didn’t come through

princemyshkin: What are you going to do?

ihatemyguts: Kicking her head in OR telling her mammy have both been suggested but

ihatemyguts: probably nothing, it’ll die down, don’t you think?

princemyshkin: I’m a pacifist 

princemyshkin: and I’ve met her mother, she’d find a way to justify Sam’s behaviour again, it’s a pattern

ihatemyguts: I didn’t know you guys were that close, used to be

princemyshkin: I thought we were but she thought we should be closer

ihatemyguts: I get it

ihatemyguts: I think every girl has had a friend like that

princemyshkin: Have you?

ihatemyguts: I wasn’t always defective, tah very much

princemyshkin: This friend of yours probably isn’t thinking of you as defective, unless they’ve really changed, or you have really bad taste 

ihatemyguts: It’s nothing to do with my taste, I don’t like him back, that’s the point

ihatemyguts: it’s awkward, I’m sorry Sam did that to you

princemyshkin: I’m sorry she hasn’t learned anything, doing that to you sucks

ihatemyguts: She probably thought it’d get stronger laughs than it did

ihatemyguts: at least I don’t have to go that low for attention, right?

princemyshkin: She’s always been tone deaf, in and out of the music block

ihatemyguts: 😅 okay, you’ve cheered me up

princemyshkin: Everyone’s agreed to boycott [whatever band she’s trying to front now whether that’s still his old one or another she’s had to move onto cos she’s shit], their gigs and uploads

ihatemyguts: Ah, I’m not sure about that though

ihatemyguts: won’t that make everyone else in that band hate me

princemyshkin: If they remain in a band with her, they’re part of the problem

ihatemyguts: Okay, I don’t want to be the poster girl for this

princemyshkin: It’s bigger than just you

ihatemyguts: She was insulting me, no one else

princemyshkin: She’s hurt loads of people

ihatemyguts: Then they can say something to her about their own beef

princemyshkin: They have, they are

ihatemyguts: Okay, as long as this extra shit isn’t being done on my behalf

ihatemyguts: I’m not a cause

princemyshkin: It’s not a revolution, people are just fed up of her continuing to treat everyone badly

ihatemyguts: She’s a mess but

ihatemyguts: is your girlfriend gonna let her get shunned the way she was

princemyshkin: I thought you’d be happy

ihatemyguts: What do you mean?

princemyshkin: It doesn’t matter, I’ll call it off

ihatemyguts: Well, is it a revolution or not, Jake

ihatemyguts: why would you go ahead and set anything up

princemyshkin: Why are you angry at me?

ihatemyguts: Because this makes me some freak to feel sorry for and meanwhile you get to be the good guy whilst hiding your own sickness

princemyshkin: No it doesn’t, she did that, tried to do it

princemyshkin: I talked about maybe denying her the attention she desperately craves to the point of hurting whoever to get it

ihatemyguts: And what’s in it for you?

princemyshkin: Sam finally realising enough is enough, that’s the only reward

ihatemyguts: The points you’ll score can’t hurt

princemyshkin: I told you I don’t care about scoring points

princemyshkin: and that I won’t go ahead with it now

ihatemyguts: Do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

princemyshkin: You’re entitled to your point of view

ihatemyguts: A yes then

princemyshkin: I talked to her when I found out what happened, it didn’t do any good

ihatemyguts: You did?

ihatemyguts: What did she say?

princemyshkin: She called me overly sensitive, basically, those are my words not hers she used 

ihatemyguts: She’s going for edgy, clearly

ihatemyguts: Sorry, I didn’t mean to chew your head off that just made me feel weird

princemyshkin: It’s cool, you’re right, I was getting caught up in the wrong things

ihatemyguts: You have a right to call her out too, you’ve got history

ihatemyguts: and I appreciate that you aren’t just pretending to give a shit for kudos

princemyshkin: I wouldn’t, you’re not a cause

ihatemyguts: You could boycott, it isn’t just about me, you’re right

ihatemyguts: this thing is making me so in my head

princemyshkin: I don’t know, if I go after her, that makes me as bad as her, doesn’t it?

ihatemyguts: You are the pacifist 

ihatemyguts: if it doesn’t feel right, don’t

ihatemyguts: I’m not gonna kick her head in, that’s not me 

princemyshkin: Nothing feels right

princemyshkin: my mother’s adamant we have to tell the school, tomorrow or the next day or whenever, I’m in the boat next to you

ihatemyguts: So you get it

ihatemyguts: I don’t want to be seen as THAT girl, like we felt about the people here

ihatemyguts: like, it’s my whole personality and everyone has to love me or something, just ‘cos

princemyshkin: It’s messed up, school’s already hard without any of this

ihatemyguts: Yeah

ihatemyguts: if you ever wanna hide too

princemyshkin: I do

ihatemyguts: We could keep each other company

ihatemyguts: if you don’t wanna mess with China’s schooling about it

princemyshkin: She wants to be the first person in her family to go to uni, I can’t ruin that for her

ihatemyguts: No, bit of a dick move, for sure

ihatemyguts: what does your ma do for work?

princemyshkin: She’s a nurse

ihatemyguts: Oh, yikes

ihatemyguts: now I know why she’s been so hardcore about this

princemyshkin: What does yours do?

ihatemyguts: She writes, kids books, mainly

ihatemyguts: she does a lot of working from home, so yours is a better spot, when your ma is on shift

princemyshkin: Cool, I live in [like the suburb or neighbourhood not his full address, so she knows roughly where it is in relation to her house/school etc, we all know it’s a shithole because his poor mum is a single parent]

ihatemyguts: Cool

ihatemyguts: you can tell me when you want to disappear for a while, I’ll come through

princemyshkin: [where he lives] is no Paris

ihatemyguts: Not yet

ihatemyguts: better than school right now though

princemyshkin: I regret not leaving when you left

ihatemyguts: You should

ihatemyguts: stress isn’t good for you, not even a lie

princemyshkin: An empty house isn’t if I have a fit

ihatemyguts: how long would it take for you to get a service dog?

princemyshkin: I’d have to google it

ihatemyguts: If there’s a long ass waiting list, like everything, I could ask how hard it might be to train a dog to alert if you have a fit, I know someone who might know

princemyshkin: I assume there is too

ihatemyguts: I bet they’re easier to train than guide dogs, it’s the one thing but

ihatemyguts: I could be way off

princemyshkin: Who are you asking?

ihatemyguts: My cousin, she’s trained lots of dogs in the general sense, but she might have some idea

princemyshkin: My sister would be happy, she’s wanted a dog since she was, like, 8

ihatemyguts: She might consider talking to you again

ihatemyguts: [send him a pic of your dogs because we’ve always vibed before that they have a lil dog and a big one and I feel like that’s real]

princemyshkin: Where did you rescue them from?

ihatemyguts: [tell him because I’m sure you did, you’re those types too]

princemyshkin: We should go there

ihatemyguts: Alright, yeah

princemyshkin: Tomorrow

ihatemyguts: Tomorrow

ihatemyguts: I’ll send my cousin a message now

princemyshkin: Do I lie and pretend we’re not all vegan?

ihatemyguts: As long as you’re prepared to accept the dog as a carnivore, I think it’s okay

princemyshkin: I accept everyone’s right to choose

ihatemyguts: I’m sure you can find the most cruelty-free pet food going

princemyshkin: More googling

ihatemyguts: Busy boy

ihatemyguts: who needs homework

princemyshkin: But do you want your homework from [the classes she has missed, even ones he is not in because he would sort it]?

ihatemyguts: I suppose it can’t be all puppies and Paris

ihatemyguts: you don’t mind?

princemyshkin: I wouldn’t offer if I minded, how passive-aggressive

ihatemyguts: It feels wrong to thank you for homework though

princemyshkin: I haven’t thanked you for tomorrow

ihatemyguts: Let it get here before you do

ihatemyguts: it might be intolerable

princemyshkin: I don’t think so

ihatemyguts: We’ve not spent any time together in a group smaller than… a dozen or more people, probably

princemyshkin: I know, you don’t like me

ihatemyguts: And I don’t know you

princemyshkin: Don’t you?

ihatemyguts: You said it, or words to that effect

princemyshkin: We’ve been getting to know each other

ihatemyguts: Yeah, a little

princemyshkin: Has it been intolerable so far?

ihatemyguts: I might not use the word intolerable

princemyshkin: Well then, no reason to jump to the conclusion about tomorrow

ihatemyguts: Your ego, my god 😏

princemyshkin: You know I’m a realist, it’s how stuff is

ihatemyguts: As long as you know how determined it makes me not to like you

princemyshkin: Your determination makes me like you more

ihatemyguts: Admit you want to win

princemyshkin: Win you over? I did admit that

ihatemyguts: That counts

princemyshkin: Stress isn’t good for me, you know

ihatemyguts: Shameless tactic, the guilt trip

princemyshkin: Be friends with me for my health

ihatemyguts: You are such a dick, it’s unbelievable, actually

princemyshkin: I’ll never make it to Paris, you have to

ihatemyguts: Is there nothing you won’t do?

princemyshkin: The only line I won’t cross is through the middle of that city

ihatemyguts: I’ll put you on probation 

princemyshkin: For how long?

ihatemyguts: However long it takes you to pass or fail

princemyshkin: Graded on a curve or not?

ihatemyguts: Do you expect to be that much better than the friends I have to compare you to?

princemyshkin: Yeah

ihatemyguts: By all means, go ahead and impress me then

princemyshkin: I’ll start by dropping off your homework, if you’re not impressed your parents will be

ihatemyguts: Oh, you are SUCH a parent pleaser

princemyshkin: Tell that to China’s mother, she can’t stand me

ihatemyguts: That’s hilarious

princemyshkin: No it’s not, it’s the first time ever

princemyshkin: she’s ruined my streak

ihatemyguts: Precisely

ihatemyguts: adults are meant to not be so upfront about it

ihatemyguts: Why do you think she hates you?

princemyshkin: She kinda said it to my face

ihatemyguts: 😂 go on, tell me what she said

princemyshkin: I don’t want to, you agree with her

ihatemyguts: Your streak 🥺

princemyshkin: And it’s not funny, actually

ihatemyguts: Why do you need her to like you?

princemyshkin: I love her daughter

ihatemyguts: You’re 14, she’s not your MiL

princemyshkin: She could be

ihatemyguts: It still doesn’t matter, my mammy’s mammy hates my father, it’s irrelevant

princemyshkin: We’re family orientated

ihatemyguts: So’s my family

ihatemyguts: You can’t force China or her mother to be

princemyshkin: I’m not forcing anything

ihatemyguts: Okay

princemyshkin: And wanting her to like me isn’t a crime

ihatemyguts: It’s your life

princemyshkin: Where do you live?

ihatemyguts: [tell him, gotta if he’s to drop off this homework]

ihatemyguts: Hope that doesn’t set the sirens off

princemyshkin: [tell her how long you’ll be, your extra ass coming straight from school, we see you]

ihatemyguts: You don’t have to stay or anything, by the way

princemyshkin: I’ll just talk over [something they did in a class he was in of hers and has taken notes for, like it’s so complicated she needs him to mansplain it so she will understand the homework] with you, but then, yeah, I’ll head home if you’d like me to

ihatemyguts: I’m sure you’re busy

princemyshkin: Not really

ihatemyguts: Yeah, me either

princemyshkin: We could do it together, our homework

ihatemyguts: You could do it for me, seems like you know so much about [whatever he just mansplained like lol]

princemyshkin: I’ll help you, totally

ihatemyguts: Do you want to go to Uni?

princemyshkin: I don’t see what they’d teach me about music

ihatemyguts: True

ihatemyguts: You’re not giving up then

princemyshkin: On my passion? No

ihatemyguts: You didn’t know, if you could keep being on stage, I mean

princemyshkin: I still don’t, but I’m not willing to give up, I know that

ihatemyguts: Good, you shouldn’t

ihatemyguts: however depressive I might feel one moment to the next, that’s always true

princemyshkin: What about uni for you?

ihatemyguts: Probably?

ihatemyguts: I’m not sold either way yet, truthfully

princemyshkin: You don’t need to be before you’re closer to my sister’s age

ihatemyguts: Said like you are but exactly

ihatemyguts: why rush?

princemyshkin: She wants to go to [a uni far away like in another country] but she’ll end up at [one in ireland that’s the equivalent level of however smart you are girl/the vibe of what you wanna study]

ihatemyguts: Wishful thinking from you or how homesick she’d honestly be 🤔

princemyshkin: You said it yourself, she’s full on

ihatemyguts: So are you, like

princemyshkin: In comparison, I’m not

ihatemyguts: I’ll believe you

ihatemyguts: my sister is way more emo than me, promise

princemyshkin: I’ll believe you back

ihatemyguts: Doesn’t mean we’re friends, Cohen, FYI

princemyshkin: We can start on friendship tomorrow

ihatemyguts: It’s all about [the subject of this homework] today, yeah??

princemyshkin: Yeah, you probably wanna go to uni

ihatemyguts: And you think you can win me over before we finish 

princemyshkin: [a subject or a teacher] did give you loads of homework

ihatemyguts: And you’re my own personal punishment from the universe, then

princemyshkin: Personal tutor, if anything

ihatemyguts: This isn’t a service you offer everyone?

princemyshkin: To any of my friends who need it, but they don’t take up the offer much

ihatemyguts: Not your tutoring not living up to your bold claims 😮

ihatemyguts: I was hoping I’d be able to reach out for some testimonials

princemyshkin: It’s them not realising my potential, no reflection on my skills

ihatemyguts: I thought it might be

princemyshkin: Most of them think what I’m good at begins and ends with a microphone and a [whatever guitar he plays idk about that]

ihatemyguts: You find that frustrating 

princemyshkin: It isn’t my entire personality any more than the seizures would be if people found out

ihatemyguts: Right

ihatemyguts: I think people assume when it’s positives, that you don’t mind being seen so narrowly

princemyshkin: I didn’t used to, I guess you’re rubbing off on me

ihatemyguts: Calling you out the other day rubbed you the wrong way

princemyshkin: It doesn’t happen

ihatemyguts: You’re surrounded by people who are more than a little invested in how amazing you are, not likely to happen

princemyshkin: I’ve sorta been living in an echo chamber for a long time without noticing

ihatemyguts: I was pretty sure you knew

ihatemyguts: that conviction isn’t so strong now

princemyshkin: Sometimes maybe

ihatemyguts: Everyone likes to be liked, it isn’t a crime, really

princemyshkin: I know, you just like to treat it as one

ihatemyguts: I don’t like inauthenticity, that’s all

princemyshkin: We’re not going to be our authentic selves until we’re older, and even then, it’s not guaranteed for everyone

ihatemyguts: Life’s too short, I’m not waiting

princemyshkin: This is when we get to try things out, explore different selves

ihatemyguts: You think I’m anti that?

princemyshkin: I don’t think you can say you’re really you before you’ve lived more life and met at least a handful of people who’ve changed you

ihatemyguts: You think I’m naive 

princemyshkin: You’re 14, you’re meant to be naive

ihatemyguts: I don’t want to waste time, in the wrong places with the wrong people

princemyshkin: You’ll only waste time if you’re determined to, the wrong places and the wrong people or things can be as worthwhile as the right ones

ihatemyguts: I don’t think so

princemyshkin: You think you already know everything, that’s why

ihatemyguts: No I don’t

princemyshkin: Unless life gets cut short, it’s long

ihatemyguts: And I know that people waste time in situations and with people that aren’t meant for them

ihatemyguts: there’s nothing poetic or romantic about it

princemyshkin: But it’ll teach them something, if they’re open to learning lessons like that

ihatemyguts: I don’t want to learn lessons, I want to be happy

princemyshkin: You can’t be happy unless you know what you want and that’s trial and error for loads of people

ihatemyguts: That’s such a male way to think

ihatemyguts: get what you want, cast it aside to try out everything else just to make sure

princemyshkin: The alternative is, not being sure or happy

ihatemyguts: I have instincts, I trust mine

princemyshkin: Feminine intuition, if you wanna gender everything

ihatemyguts: Male ego to assume that the thing you want will wait for you to explore your options, yeah

princemyshkin: Either it’s meant for me and it’ll find a way back to me or it isn’t

ihatemyguts: Oh God, why are you talking like a hippie

princemyshkin: There’s validity to it

ihatemyguts: So you do what you like then and fuck everyone around you?

princemyshkin: Where did I mention I condone hurting anybody?

ihatemyguts: Our choices and behaviour have consequences for ourselves and other people, that’s just reality

princemyshkin: The reality is, everyone wants to be happy and for the people they care about to be

ihatemyguts: Yeah and that isn’t hard

ihatemyguts: You don’t need to search the globe and meet every person to make it happen, people overcomplicate everything

princemyshkin: It can be hard

ihatemyguts: You’re happy, are you not?

princemyshkin: Not today, that’d be pretty insensitive

ihatemyguts: I don’t expect you to care

princemyshkin: I care

ihatemyguts: I don’t understand why

princemyshkin: You didn’t deserve the day you had

ihatemyguts: I’m fine

ihatemyguts: doesn’t need to be your problem

princemyshkin: Am I a problem to you?

ihatemyguts: I don’t know what you are

princemyshkin: I don’t know that you’re fine

ihatemyguts: who is

princemyshkin: [the person who spilled that tea about her being a sick kid, like lord knows she’s probably completely unphased]

ihatemyguts: Good one, you’re probably right there

princemyshkin: I’d have said Sam but she’s obviously not

ihatemyguts: I don’t want to be like her

princemyshkin: Why would you?

ihatemyguts: I mean I can’t be, that pathetic

princemyshkin: I mean, why would you even have the thought, you’re nothing like her

ihatemyguts: Far as you know

princemyshkin: I’m no stranger to Sam or you

ihatemyguts: At least my hair isn’t yellow, I’ll always have that going for me

princemyshkin: You have loads going for you

ihatemyguts: This is going to start feeling like a pep talk, we don’t need to do that

princemyshkin: I’m not doing that

ihatemyguts: I could feel it coming

princemyshkin: Your instincts told you, yeah?

ihatemyguts: Or you’re predictable?

princemyshkin: In the sense that I’m [however far away he is rn but the point being getting closer as something she could predict because it’s inevitable]

ihatemyguts: Is there anything you’d like me to prepare for your imminent arrival? 

princemyshkin: It’s cool, don’t put yourself out

ihatemyguts: Yep, unbearably chill

princemyshkin: You don’t want me to stay

ihatemyguts: I never said that

princemyshkin: You did

ihatemyguts: When?

princemyshkin: I have instincts too

ihatemyguts: If you trust them

princemyshkin: Are you saying I shouldn’t?

ihatemyguts: No, I don’t know

princemyshkin: Do you know what you want?

ihatemyguts: Don’t I know everything?

princemyshkin: What then?

ihatemyguts: I’m not telling you

princemyshkin: Why?

ihatemyguts: You know why

princemyshkin: You win if I’m no closer to an answer the closer I get to your house?

ihatemyguts: How could I refuse?

princemyshkin: But I don’t understand what you’re winning, you could just tell me if I’m invited in or not

ihatemyguts: It really is that simple, isn’t it…

ihatemyguts: alright, come in

princemyshkin: You like authenticity, be real about it

ihatemyguts: It’s been a strange day, a strange however long it’s been since all this started

princemyshkin: You don’t have to be fine

ihatemyguts: There are some things I can’t be though

princemyshkin: There aren’t wrong answers, how you feel isn’t part of the homework

ihatemyguts: You’re not grading me on a curve back?

princemyshkin: No, I’m not

ihatemyguts: I’m not a hot mess, that’s not something I can let myself be

princemyshkin: It isn’t messy to express your feelings, it’s healthy

princemyshkin: bottling them up’s not something I can let you do

ihatemyguts: I can’t decide if we’ll regret it more if you leave or if you stay, okay

princemyshkin: I’d regret leaving you, I know that

ihatemyguts: And if I’ve got this horrifically wrong?

princemyshkin: You don’t trust me but you do your instincts, how wrong can you go?

ihatemyguts: That’s what I’m spiralling about

princemyshkin: Stop spiralling, it’s okay

ihatemyguts: I want you to make this decision

ihatemyguts: will you?

princemyshkin: Yeah

ihatemyguts: Okay

princemyshkin: It is, I meant that

ihatemyguts: I don’t know what’s wrong with me today

princemyshkin: Your control was taken away, you didn’t get to handle any of it how you wanted

ihatemyguts: Yeah

ihatemyguts: and now my heart won’t slow down

princemyshkin: But I’ll come in and it’ll only be us and however you feel I’ll stay

ihatemyguts: I don’t want to do anything that makes you leave, because right now, I need you

princemyshkin: I won’t

ihatemyguts: I’m sorry, for being so intense

princemyshkin: I get it, I’d be worse if roles were reversed

ihatemyguts: I’m not sure I believe you this time but

ihatemyguts: I’m doubting things I thought I knew about myself

princemyshkin: When it’s my turn, you’ll see

ihatemyguts: I do hope it doesn’t happen to you, I’m not that petty

princemyshkin: It’s a matter of time before it does

ihatemyguts: Probably

ihatemyguts: I’m no optimist

princemyshkin: I’ll need you too

ihatemyguts: Okay, it’s a deal

[hauntingthechateau]

Saturday November 4th

High of 13, rainy/cloudy. Overnight low 6.

Breakfast at 9 is going to be a challenge for me 🙃 But Free food is worth a lot. Woke up this morning, tea/showered/makeup/dressed and then got ready to head to the chateau… really feels like I’m doing everything backwards when I do it like this. Not mad about the breakfast pickings though… there were like 9 cheeses. For breakfast. !?!? Plus pastries and sliced salamis and boiled eggs from our chickens and fresh fruit!? I found out today that it’s all locally sourced from villages around the area and the bread and pastries are delivered daily EVERYDAY. EVEN SUNDAY. IN RURAL FRANCE!? A miracle. And as someone who has /opinions/ about croissants, these are REALLY GOOD.

After breakfast we got the tour of the studios. My accommodations email originally said that I would be in the chateau so I lugged my 35lb suitcase up the hill in the rain, but I then learned I would actually be in the stables. I got to see all the other studios and they look great and I can’t wait to go and visit everyone else as I get to know everyone to check up on what they’re working on. It seems like all the chateau studios have old (nonfunctional) fireplaces, which are beautiful marble things, but overall I’m glad to be in the stables. 

After the whole tour, Josh drove my suitcase down to the stables and I started to settle in. Fuck me if my studio wasn’t the very central, most perfect studio, right underneath the old clock, so fucking aesthetically pleasing. The studio is probably about 1.5 or 2x the size of my studio back home, a nice easy rectangle with high vaulted brick ceilings and the front being all beautiful old windows/doors. I started settling in before lunch (leftovers) and then we went off on our shopping trip, which made up a chunk of the day (but was worth it even just for the experience). 

We all loaded into vans, I dibs on the front of Beulah’s van and Jennifer crammed in next to me. It was incredible to see all the beautiful French countryside and small towns in the daylight, since we came in so late last night and with the storms there was no stars so moon so it’s been BLACK. Apparently it was some bomb cyclone blasting through the area that’s caused all these issues with the trains and such, and it’s looking like the whole month is going to be just gusty and cloudy and rainy which is kind of a shame. I don’t mind the general vibe, but it would be nice to have A DAY of sun at least???

Anyway, we headed to some weird garden centre/ small town canadian tire-ass place first that had an art supply section the size of a tiny art supply store. I picked up some spray paint for fun, but really I was just there for the next stop: the le’clerc! Such a weird Walmart + Costco vibe. I picked up tea and crackers and wine and scotch. I’m all good to go (and very glad to have chai for home to drink before heading to breakfast). 

Once back home (after another beautiful drive with great conversation), we unloaded into our studio to further set up/unload/settle in. I moved around furniture, unpacked everything and started to hang all my panels to make the studio feel less empty and sad. I think I need a little big more furniture or shelves to make the studio feel less barren, but I’ll work on that the next few days. So far it’s feeling nice though and I can’t believe my luck getting the exactly studio I wanted (although I know I would have made anywhere work).

At 6:15 headed up the hill for the proper Champagne welcome. Its more of a walk up that hill than I had bargained for, but honestly I’m really glad since Im not gonna be walking 2.5km to work all month (actually about 500 m to the Chateau, 200 to the Stables).  Got a nice introduction about the history of the residency as well as the chateau itself in its two iterations and it’s art collection and how much of it ended up at the Louvre (included pieces I knew well!).

Dinner was next up with a visit to the wine cave. I grabbed a bootle of vote d u rhone but they’re pricy and really next time we go into town I should buy a bunch of wine of my own. Lasagne dinner (with some nice chickpea and cucumber salads as well) and a dessert I yet again didn’t even make it to. Moved to the salon after dinner and then the speakeasy after 10pm (to keep down the noise) and just had a great time! I walked back home, called Craig from the studios and then pretty well crashed by the time I got home (minus all this journaling I just did).

The church bells always seems to be tolling when I’m coming home, which just seems so perfect.  The wind is howling something fierce tonight. My yawns are intense as I try to write all this before falling asleep, (its 1am now). Goodnight!

Xox

[pop-punklouis]

Hi loveee 💞

You might be right bc the first time I've heard my older cat hiss was when we showed her our younger cat lmaoo

Yesss attachment theory is so interesting I truly think it helps you understand yourself and others!

No exactly. That or I need someone to like encourage me. Being a perfectionist and having a fear of failure AND procrastinating are the unholy Trinity it runs together. The only reason I didn't abandon painting after a day is bc I somehow was okay at it. You bet your ass I've never watched a single tutorial I simply don't have the patience. I'm either decent naturally or it's not for me 💀

Re: fandom friends: I wholeheartedly agree

Re: shows. Nooo how do you do that 😭 I can't even watch more than one show at a time (unless they're all ongoing shows). I automatically go for light shows as like, coping but I also feel like watching several complex ones at once would be me if I wanted to cope but HARDCORE jfhfhf. Ooh I kinda get that. I liked ST season 3 simply for vibes and aesthetic and like, robin. I thought season 4 (while incredibly different from all seasons) was kinda cool but they kinda ended it messily which sucks. Guess we see where they go for the finale. Supernatural was good then bad then good then wtf?? Then good 👀 then the ending was: trauma I deserve compensation 😭 I do enjoy the earlier black mirror eps more but also I'll eat up more if they did more. White bear is a fav. I also like shut up and dance. I should rewatch it all I've got terrible memory. And I'll deffo be watching midnight mass!

Re: food. Oooh yes Mac and cheese. Simple yet so good. For me I think just Italian food. Pasta. I could have pasta for the rest of my life I think it's just so good.

For today: saw that you're graduating!! Congrats! But that made me realize I didn't know what you're graduating in, so if you feel like sharing, what did you study? Is this a postgrad? Future plans? (I usually hate this question so you can skip the last one!)

Have a wonderful day babe 💗

~🌱

hiiiii babe sorry this is so late this week has been so busy rip but!! i love that about you painting. yeah, i have to at least see some sort of potential in a skill or else i abandon it all together 💀 see! i’m like the opposite of a procrastinator?? if i see i have to do something like three weeks in advance i will think about it obsessively until i do it even though i still have like three weeks to have it done rip it’s so bad. i stress myself over something like i’ve got two days to do it instead of 18 days 🙃 but anyway yeah tutorials have never been my forte either. i like watching paint tutorial videos to help calm my mind down to sleep at night but otherwise

re: shows dude i KNOW i’m truly a masochist with my own brain watching shows. if i’m not watching three at a time i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s so bad. i could never watch multiple shows with other people because it would be a mess 👐🏼 omg how did i forget about robin yesss season 3 of ST had it’s good moments and i loved the robin character introduction. i think i would’ve liked season 4 a lot more if they had stuck to the original lore of the series instead of throwing new thinks in for shock value and plot twists to create new monsters and villains. and holy shit i forgot about the shut up and dance episode of black mirror that was also a really cool one. maybe i also need to rewatch the seasons again. but fr if they came out with more i’d watch them in a heartbeat. pls update me on midnight mass!!! also i recommend you watch 1899 too. i just finished it and i wish i was able to watch it again for the first time. it’s too good ✨

re: food. please love how pasta is both of our favorite foods. what kind of pasta is your favorite? i love cheese tortellini if i had to choose (besides mac & cheese of course)

and yes!! i graduated wednesday with my masters in film & media studies 🥺💕 i truly very little future plans at the moment besides relaxing for the next 5 or so months at home while i figure out what i want to do rip i have a lot of experience in a lot of different things in the industry but nothing has really grabbed me rip would rather just work in an antique store (own one is the dream) for the rest of my life. would be v happy i think 👐🏼

how has your week been? 🤍 have you done any christmas shopping? (if you celebrate!) i feel like christmas has just came so quickly i’m scrambling to do all the shopping and decorating two weeks out 😮‍💨 we just decorated our tree last week so it’s been frantic lol

#holiday pal 1

[mammonprotectionsquad]

Probably no my best one, but I think it's still kinda cute, sooo...

And it's low-key a bit self-indulgent, I'm just very soft for this man okay 🙃

Still hope you guys enjoy this 💕

And I'm not forgetting to tag you, @ayamewhump 😊

"Just pretend to be my date!"

V x Reader

It's a sunny spring day, more and more flowers are slowly but surely starting to bloom and it's even warm enough to finally abandon the winter clothes and opt for something lighter. Much to your delight. Winter is always rough on you and now that everything is starting to be colorful again, you're in a way better mood. 

Okay, maybe it was also due to the fact that you are about to finally see Jihyun again.

You've developed quite the crush on him, even if you are dead set on not letting him know anytime soon, considering that you are sure he only sees you as a good friend. And you are not willing to risk ruining everything. 

That doesn't mean you're not absolutely thrilled to meet him today, though. He'd been gone for a while, selling his paintings and going to some exhibitions he was invited to and now you two decided that it's about time you catch up, not only over the phone. 

After checking your appearance once again in the mirror, fixing your hair a bit and adjusting your [f/c] dress, before you make sure that everything important is securely in your purse. 

There's no need to be nervous, you think to yourself, as you take a deep breath. It's not the first time we're spending time together. Alone... It'll be fine! 

Before your brain can come up with irrational anxiety, you quickly leave your house and make your way to the coffee shop, you've both agreed on picking as your meeting spot. 

The closer you get, the more giddy you begin to feel. Even if it's only been two weeks, you always love to spend time with him, whenever possible. 

Although the moment you spot him, it's like your heart stops beating for a moment, only to start racing the next. He looks way too handsome... It's a rather casual look, but he makes it work so perfectly. With the dark blue jeans and a simple, white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

Then you notice that he's actually holding two cups of coffee and it hits you. That sweetheart of a man got you a drink. You quickly have to shake your head to get rid of the upcoming thought that it starts to feel an awful lot like a date. 

Get it together! You're just friends!, you scold yourself inwardly. 

But as soon as he notices you, and smiles at you so brightly, your heart feels like it's about ready to jump right out of your chest. Though he gets you back into reality, when he hands you one of the coffee cups and then pulls you into a tight embrace with his now free arm. 

"It's so good to see you again... It feels like an eternity since the last time we met, doesn't it?", he says excitedly and it's like only then he's realizing that he's still hugging you. 

As soon as he takes a step back, you already miss his warmth. 

"It surely does. Oh! And thanks for the coffee. You really didn't have to get me one... Though I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long?" 

"I know, but I wanted to, so... And actually, uh, I got here a bit too early", Jihyun admits with a sheepish smile and rubs the back of his neck. 

A nervous habit that you find way too endearing on him. 

You two take off towards the park for a stroll and he begins to tell you about everything he's seen on his trip and the people he got to meet. And honestly, you could probably listen to him for hours, without ever getting bored. Partially because you love his voice in general. 

He's just about to ask you about what you've been up to in that time, when you abruptly stop and pretty much stare straight ahead. 

"Oh no...", you mutter under your breath. 

"What's wrong?"

The worry in his voice nearly makes you feel bad, because honestly, it's probably not even that dramatic. But the last thing you expected was to bump into your aunt and cousin. And half of your family seem to have recently found enormous pleasure in asking you the ever annoying questions of "Did you finally find someone?" and "When can we expect you to start dating? You're not getting any younger!" 

"Hey, Y/N?" 

You snapped out of it again and turned your head to look up at him, and the way his turquoise eyes are filled with concern for you makes you feel a pang of guilt. 

"A-ah! It's nothing really. Just uhm..." Oh god, could you really ask that of him? It could make things become super weird afterwards, but you really aren't in the mood for more nagging from your family. 

As soon as you see that your aunt and cousin come towards you, waving, you quickly turn to the artist and instinctively hold on to his sleeve. 

"Just pretend to be my date! Please? My family is the worst about me still being single and I don't want them to drag down the mood today, so-"

Jihyun's quiet laugh cuts you off in your rambling and you feel your cheeks flush in embarrassment. 

"Deep breaths. I've got you." 

You nearly choke with the way he winks at you. 

Shortly before your family members reach you, he takes your hand and intertwines your fingers like it's the most normal thing in the world and as if you've already done that countless times before. 

The light squeeze he gives your hand is reassuring and you take a deep breath, before you quickly put on a smile. 

"Heeey, auntie!" 

You don't manage to get another word in, before your aunt already grins widely at you two. 

"Oh my, is this a date? Why didn't you tell us anything about it?" 

Because you all tend to be way too nosy, you think. 

"It was a spontaneous idea", Jihyun answers for you and you smile gratefully up at him. 

Man, you really owe him big time for helping you out in that very much awkward situation. 

"Yeah, he just came back from a business trip and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so..." 

Your cheeks flush once again, even brighter than they did before, when he suddenly lets go of your hand, to instead wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close into his side. And the way he presses a kiss to your temple afterwards nearly has you melting into a puddle on the spot.

This is bad. How is your heart supposed to recover and not fall even more for him after he's been so sweet? 

"How could I not ask, when I've missed my love so much?", he nearly whispers and the affection he holds in his voice leaves you questioning whether it's real, something you try not to dwell on too much, or if he's just a really good actor. If so, he could seriously rival Zen. 

For a moment you bury your face on his shoulder in an attempt to cover up just how flustered his actions leave you, but the way he rubs your back gently and almost soothingly doesn't make it easier for you to pull yourself together. 

You're only able to lift your head again, when you hear your cousin chuckle. "

"You guys are adorable... Alright mom. Time for us to go and let the love birds continue the date. But! I want to know all the details later!" 

Rolling your eyes at her antics, you still have to smile and wave as you watch how she pulls your aunt along. 

"That wasn't all too bad. They seemed nice", Jihyun laughs as soon as those two are out of earshot. That earns him a huff from you. 

"Only because they were behaving, today. They can be the worst." 

It takes a moment for you two realize that you're still practically squished into his side, but unlike with the hug earlier, he doesn't seem to plan on letting go any time soon. Instead, it's his turn to look a little lost in his thoughts. 

"Jihyun? You still with me?" Chuckling quietly, even if you're sure that at this point your face is probably as red as a tomato from the close proximity, you poke his cheek lightly, in order to get his attention. 

"Mhm? I was just thinking... What if we turn this into a proper date?" 

Now that's the last thing you expected and for a couple seconds your brain shuts down completely. Though thankfully you come back to your senses rather quickly. Because the last thing you want him to think is that you're opposed to the idea when in reality it's quite the opposite. 

"I'd love to go on a date with you!" 

His entire face lights up at your answer and you swear you're falling even deeper for him then and there. It's just unfair to be so cute and attractive at the same time... 

"Perfect~ There's a nice restaurant that opened recently. How about we go there?" 

"Sounds good to me. Lead the way", you hum and beam up at him. 

With his arm still wrapped around you, you two make your way towards the restaurant, talking and laughing all the way. It's relaxed and even if your heart is still racing, you actually enjoy the feeling.

Maybe you had to thank your aunt and cousin for showing up in the park. After all they are kind of the reason things progressed like that with Jihyun.

But right now you're just indescribably happy that he seems to be feeling the same way towards you.

Masterlist

#mystic messenger #mysme #mysme v #mystic messenger v #mystic messenger jihyun #mysme jihyun #v x mc #v x reader #jihyun x mc #jihyun x reader #jihyun kim #mystic messenger mc #mysme mc #mystic messenger oneshot #fluff #mystic messenger reader insert #my writing

[chibi-tsukiko]

Hey Emmy!

How are you today love? Were you able to sleep? Were you able to get some time by yourself?

I wanted to respond to what you said about not being a good friend.

1. I think you're an amazing friend. You're always showing so much kindness to everyone. I can see you encouraging and supporting people all the time on your blog, it might seem like nothing but it never is. Don't underestimate yourself.

2. Being a good friend doesn't mean you have to be available all the time. Being a good friend doesn't mean you have to put yourself second. Sometimes being a good friend also mean taking care of yourself. Like Alec said, you can't save anyone if you don't save yourself first. It's not selfish, it's healthy. If anyone has made you believe otherwise they're idiots.

Just do what you feel like doing okay? If you want to draw or write or anything else do it, and if you feel like not doing anything, then don't. It okay to have those days. Do you realise how strong you already are? It's okay if you can't keep going all the time, this won't make you any less than the beautiful and amazing person you are right now.

Y-you YOU USED MY FAVORITE TRSoM QUOTE ON ME! I- I’M

Oh my sweet Marie you are too precious. So yesterday, we had to move buildings because they are painting & power washing the one we had been staying in.

And today we had to move rooms because the air conditioner broke last night 😅🙃 I just love moving. So much 😂

It’s only 12:30pm & I’m ready for bed.

I hope you are having a good weekend so far ✨ I hope to have a more relaxed day tomorrow, but we’ll see.

Thank you for reaching out to me and for choosing me to be your friend. I’m very grateful and quiet lucky to have you 💕♥️

#🦉💕 #ily so much

[superbolt]

Quiz Eps.

— 11:03 pm // 02.16.2022

I started a quiz today at 11:30 am with classes in between. It took me almost 12 hours to finish it but I guess I could have passed it an hour early only if I did stick with my idea on a 3-point question. Not the stressest yet, I dont think so hahaha. But todaaay, it’s the “Peace tayo, peace” HAHAHAHAH

— 1:45 am // 02.19.2022

It’s a pre-quiz craming time. How can i even fit all these 31 vidlecs in a night? hahahah galing half way to go. Ok tuloy tuloy.

The quiz was so awful, I can't even...

— 11:48 pm // 02.21.2022

Okayy so, I am currently reviewing for our sepa exams tomorrow and duuude my answer in my recent quiz was so bad, like supeeer bad brooomam. Tipong nakakahiyang ipacheck, its beyond disaster HAHAHHHA. UGHHH. K tuloy tuloy. 🙃

—9:13 pm // 03.04.2022

not quiz-related pero funny. So i assumed na there is no class kaninang 4:30 and nagpost din yung prof ng assignment. Okay, so aware ako na may gagawin but then i didn't even have the plan of checking the due date kasi naman sanay na day/s ang duration hahaha pero pagkabukas ko ng around 7:50, due na pala nung 7:30. Edi i told my friends, thank God we really are friends. Walang nagcheck ng due date hahaha. Yung lang hihi.

— 1:18 am // 03.07.2022

grabe im taking so so long already with this SA. ive manipulated the formula pero di ko parin makuha kuha huhu. Maglab na yata ako.

— 5:29 am // 03.10.2022

discorded from 9 pm to 5:27 am. kinda felt productive, really. tho im not finish yet. zZz. dont wanna have my 7:30 class later- hopefully none.

— 6:28 am // 03.15.2022

discorded from 8:30 to pass 6 and cooked some rice before going to sleep. all my dues are done except for lab, tho im done answering but i didnt turn it in yet

— 2:30 am // 03.17.2022

was planning to finish my el62 and start with my lab computation tonight kaso I just couldnt think straight and fast so tulog nalang muna hihu. My el62 prof is so extra lang in making our quizzes, it makes you work really hard for your score haha. night!

just to share sumthin about this^... so it was around 5:15 pm already when i asked my friend how many pages she was able to do, and out of surprise she told me that she was STILL about to do it. lokang loka si ghurl, our due date is 6:30 that day, and how can u even think and search that fast within approx 1 hr 40 mins. time left (ang hirap kaya magsearch and all knowing that it requires a "detailed" output daw) hahahah grabe samantalang if Ill calculate how much time i spent to finish it, dude thats half day for me hahahha baka more pa. Plus, I was able to fill up full 5 pages including references hahhaha. I cannot with that kind of risk and pressure lang. Power to my friend hahaha. IBA.

— 10:51 am // 03.18.2022

finished video A, did half of the lab computations last night and slept at 6:18 am kanina. i woke up around 9 to eat my breaky and now im back to bed, planning to wake up by lunch or 1 so i can immediately start reviewing for my quiz tomorrow < so sad that i cant make it to the province with my mom huhu > k, l8ers. " 2:44 pm -- woke up at pass 1 to review and kakaend ko lang since i feel sleepy na. im left with 3 vids for video B and another 3 from video C grabe ang hard to understand :€ nakakastress, idk if im still gonna finish it all or just push thru on practice probs. im literally having an absorption crisis. 💀

— 12:38 // 03.18.2022

stopped reviewing already, sleep is more important especially when u know that there is nothing's going inside your head na. haays. hoping for the best or atleast better tomorrow. thank u Lord agad ~.~ gnight and best of luck!

— 3:31 am // 03.25.2022

had a research night with my besties, it was a productive and a fun one. these baes never failed to be so cool. I kinda laughed a lot too and even discorded alongside it. :>> waiting for dad to wee, so i can immediately paint the ceiling part after hahahaha, tibay yarn. ~ seg lang, i really want to eat shawarma from the sharwarma in bloom bukas or sa sat. Di pwedeng matapos nang di ako nakakakain ng tinda nilang shawarma hmm lets see.

— 2:48 am // 05.16.2022

answered our solution thermo quiz ng 11:30 am and submitted it pass 9 pm. After dinner, I immediately started with my PhychemLab quiz and natapos ko naman din by pass 12 then reviewed sobrang a little lang on CRE. Ang sakit parin talaga ng back ko huhu. goodnight. Buy ako ballpen tomorrow.

— 12:25 am // 05.18.2022

no naps for today. Quiz whole noon to evening. Im more of tired than drained? anw ill get things done tomorrow na hopefully all. And go buuuuy ballpen refill for real na tomorrow.

#Spotify

[thekillingmoonmoon]

i'm going to preface this by saying i'm a bit scatterbrained today... oop.

did the house do something specific to warrant a paper being written about it? wait... if that's too specific a question for your field of study/school then nvm ^_^;;

the anticipation levels for marigold 2 are hiiigh (no pressure of course XD). i love when we get to see the healing and the moving forward. the realization that we're so much more than we let ourselves be with that one person? (i am definitely projecting here) and a reciprocated, devoted love is a such beautiful concept, yes to being a sucker for romance!

i ended up thinking about the siblings-3. we've got a god of war, a princess, and a jester (please forgive me sanzu fans but his scars remind me of a harlequin pattern). i'm squinting at brahman in general but i don't know what my spidey-sense is tingling for it's takeomi

about the use of princess... i don't think it's a petname for his s/o, for similar reasons you listed. to use it for senju and s/o would be likening one to the other and that feels a liiiiittle weird to me. personally i'm not fond of petnames so my mind skips over them sometimes (there's a backstory for this... and a lot of projecting in today's reply, apparently, sorry ^_^;;). but! there are some i do like seeing in fic, and i would definitely read petname hcs for the tr gang, because i like seeing the reasoning or little stories behind them.

💐 is a lovely emoji! i will wear it with pride, thank you <3

hello! how are you? I hope the scatter-brain is being taken care off with hydration and some rest!💜🧚🏻‍♀️

Now, this house (i need to hold myself back from rambling about this) this house is very textually boring, in comparison to the other literary houses I am studying (I am writing about haunted houses). There are no haunted paintings, no sentient mould, nothing. so my braincell and I were troubled to say the least. but that's over for now, I can move onto more *scandalous* subjects lol.

okay so, I've been writing marigold 2 and i feel like we might get a part three, just so that i don't overload you with pain and then kneejerk you into fluff (although there is still plenty of that. healing may be a long and difficult journey, but there is a strong argument for romanticising the little steps, enjoying the progress, etc) I will see after 2 if we're going to move forward with some romance, but there are plenty of other opportunities to explore that kind of love with the other flowers

SPOILERS START HERE

Where do I start with the siblings🙃? One, I have SO many thoughts about the way Wakui is writing them, where he could go with them, especially as a parallel to the Sano family. I need to know how they ended so fractured. Apparently this is an unpopular opinion, but I like Senju? I feel like we as readers need to be reminded that these are CHILDREN, and that Takemitchy and Mikey's reactions to what's going on are not indicative of a normal reaction to grief. As for Sanzu, I have another unpopular opinion. I don't like him. I guess I like my psycho-killers with less loyalty?

I hope your spidey-senses about my husband aren't bad (although if he ends up rotten I'll still probably love him). there are definitely shenanigans afoot with Brahman and the history we've missed. I have soany more things to say but I want to wait until Wakui reveals more.

I am such a sucker for petnames, mostly the old-fashioned ones (darlin', doll, sweetheart - can you tell I'm a Toji girl?), and yet I've somehow ended up with the most ridiculous petnames in real life. I put way too much thought into what petnames different characters use, so maybe I will post my ideas later on. Petnames are also a decent tool to avoid using "y/n" (gosh my secret is out) because it feels clumsy when I use it🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm glad I'm not the only one who dislikes Wakasa's use of "princess" for an S/O, so I'll stick to my hcs for him, the cheeky bastard.

At the rate i'm going, marigold will probably either be up tonight (for me) or tomorrow. I hope you like it <3

I hope you have a lovely day, wherever you are, my sweet 💐 anon

once again, big thank yous and hugs and hearts for this message, and I'm sorry for the short novel I wrote in response. I just love listening to your takes on certain characters (and I do take them to heart 💓 )

#killingmoon answers #🐰🌙: 💐 anon