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#i might be ok but im not fine at all
curlygoatmeister · 20 days ago
Omg. The vocals. The production. The subtle changes. It's. So fucking good . TAylor. HOW?? I AM HEADBOPPING SO HARD TO ALL THE SONGS RIGHT NOW 💃💃💃🥰🥰🥰🥲🥲🥲😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺 Thank you Taylor Swift for the amazing gift that is RED (Taylor's Version), on the day I am 22 and 5 months old no less. I remember vividly listening to 22 when it first came out as a 13 yr old and being SO ANNOYED that I wasn't 22 yet. And here we are. I'm 22. You're amazing. I love this so much and it's brought me so much joy. ❤❤❤💃💃💃💫💫💫🤗🤗🤗🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😁😁😁
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linzlovestaylor · a year ago
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
@taylorswift I wanted to thank you for giving me strength. Until recently, I've never had to experience the pain of cancer.
I am ER nurse and take care of patients with cancer almost daily. I've built an internal wall to keep me from becoming emotionally attached in the ER. You have to, or you will spend the rest of your life playing fictional stories in your mind of what happened to your patient. The stuff that keeps me up at night. The reason I have had to seek out treatment for myself to help me cope with the world of ER nursing.
But now, things have changed. My aunt is dieing. She was diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer last Christmas and given 6 months to live. Here we are 13 months later. She is in the hospital, and the nurse in me knows that she isn't coming home.
Taylor, I don't know how to wear both hats. This is my mom's baby sister. I am trying so hard to be strong for my mom and support her. She has spent her whole life being the strong one for me. Unlike my patients in the ER, I can't stop this story. My aunt is mother. Her daughters are the same age as me. She is a grandmother. She is the life of every family get together. The reason we have an annual ugly Christmas sweater party. The aunt who drives hours to surprise me at my MS Walk and support me through all of my own health issues. I can't imagine life without her. I didn't see her this year at Christmas because I was too weak from my own chemotherapy. It's haunts me that I missed her last Christmas. I've tried to go visit her with my mom since then and she has just been too sick. It's a terrible feeling. Wanting to be with the person you love, but knowing that you are both too sick to be around each other. I am suppose to be with my aunt today, but she's been put in isolation and not aloud any visitors.
So here I am. An internal emotional wreck who has it all together on the outside. The person my mom needs. I am trying to do my best. Trying to keep my nurse hat on for my mom, because that's what she needs right now. It's so hard to appear unaffected and be matter of fact when I'm talking to my mom. That's what a nurse has to do though. Normally, I would compartmentalize my feelings and move on to the next patient. Shake it off if you will. Because the next patient I care for doesn't care about the patient I had before them. And that's ok, I don't expect them too. My job is basically to forget and move on to the next. Giving that same undivided attention to each patient.
Well this one I can't move on from. This one I cannot forget and go about my day. I am struggling with the inevitable. I want to have faith. I believe that if it it's God's will, my aunt will get better. I also believe in medicine. The internal conflict of my brain. Have faith and hope for a miracle vs a decade of nursing that says this is the end.
So @taylorswift , I am devastated to hear about your mom. I am thankful you have shared her story, because you are not alone. I think you are like me. You are putting on a brave face. The face people need to see when in actuality you are crying on the inside. I believe we have to have faith. Even when God takes my aunt, I will need Him to lean on and pull strength from.
In the meantime, I have been listening to All Too Well on repeat everyday. It's not in the same context. I might be ok, but I'm not fine at all.
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illicittswift · 2 years ago
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@taylornation @taylorswift
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backtotaycember · 2 years ago
I’m ready to be lonely and single and cry myself to sleep while listening to Lover
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soitgoesgrace · 3 years ago
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I did a thing 🙈💙 I LOVE YOU BUDDY AND THINGS ARE HAPPENING SO FAST AND MY HEART IS FLUTTERING AND IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU AND WITH YOU AND JSBXJAJD I CANT WAIT!!!! See you so soon in Philly (July 14) in tour!!! 27 days until it all begins AH!!! I love you!!! And hope we get to hug on tour!!! @taylorswift @taylornation
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bowenoke · 3 months ago
the people I follow: I hope Tubbo gets a good team, I want him to win :)
me: please be a good color please be a good color. for the art. i need you to be a good color
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i-am-very-very-shy · 6 days ago
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or: i couldn’t help myself. again. @ezdotjpg​
“Can you please,” War said, momentarily distracted from what he had poked his head into the practice room to say, “stop stealing other sections' kids.”
Mage looked up from his book and slid his eyes over to Mini. Ostensibly he then began using telepathy, because Mini shook his head without even turning towards him. “I don't,” said Mage, with no inflection whatsoever. 
“Can you please stop harboring other sections’ kids when they run away?” War said, not irritably because it was Mage, but not not irritated, because it was Mage. 
His fellow senior and the longtime enemy of any established order returned his attention to his homework and went back to reading, visibly exiting the conversation.
War really hated him, sometimes.
“Does Groose know you’re in here?” War asked Mini, switching targets. He supposed that in fairness there was a nonzero chance that the answer was yes, but as far he had been told, pit was supposed to be practicing in the band room. Which Mini obviously was not.
In defiance of War’s brief lapse into optimism, Mini began moving his mallets incrementally closer to the xylophone, shoulders curving slightly inwards. He glanced up to give War the closest thing to a literal fish eye he had ever been on the receiving end of, and War sighed.
He wasn’t actually the band director, so— whatever. This particular issue could be someone else’s headache.
“Have you seen Mirror?” he asked, directing the question at Mage again. Mini correctly assumed this meant he was off the hook, and he straightened and cheerfully started playing where he had left off when War opened the door. It was not a song that War recognized, which he reminded himself was not currently his problem.
“No,” said Mage, scribbling in his notebook.
“Do you know where Mirror is?” said War, and Mage flipped to another section of his textbook without answering.
After waiting a few beats in vain, wherein neither of the other two deigned to acknowledge his presence any further, War rolled his eyes. 
He closed the door on them, in the interests of preserving his sanity. If they had been any other students, he might have tried harder to prod them back to where they were supposed to be— technically Mage was also running away, though if anyone had ever bothered to try to wrangle him, War had never seen it— but he wasn’t the sort of person that enjoyed pounding his head against brick walls.
And of course getting Mage to tell him literally anything was equally an exercise in futility, so he had other things to do, thanks.
He tried the next practice room, and bit back another sigh.
“Oh!” said Loft, also apparently playing hooky and looking guilty from where he sat next to a dead-eyed Slate on the floor. “Um,” he started, but War didn't actually care.
“Have either of you seen Mirror?” he asked, before he was subjected to whatever excuse Loft was fumbling for.
“No?” said Loft, and Slate just kind of stared at him, so that was another thing that he wasn't going to deal with. He closed the door on them, too.
The other practice room had been empty, which meant he should probably look in the gym or one of the courtyards or wherever else the color guard might be holed away from the rest of them.
His phone buzzed in his pocket as he was exiting the band hall, and he pulled it out to see that Wake had texted him approximately thirty times in thirty seconds.
did u find him yet, they all read, without the many typos.
No, he said, and got a barrage of thumbs down emojis. He started making his way to the gym, waiting for Wake to stop typing as he walked through the empty hallways.
also hey
do uk where loft went
the woodwinds r sll wandering arnd like sad abandoned orphans
and im tryn 2 help spirit n mask with them
but the upperclassmen r rebelling
Practice room, he said, taking the stairs down two at a time, crying over Slate’s dead body
wait that was a joke right
war answer me we can’t lose our mascot
War snorted, because no one else was around, and he could do that.
I thought you said Mirror was the mascot
i mean ya but obvi ur gonna kill him so we need a new 1
or i guess mini could do it
speaking of groose is blowing up my phone hve u seen him
Mage, War said, which was all he needed to say.
oh lmao again???
nvm then
i didn’t even notice mage was gone tho how does he do thtt
and who’s watching brass
y is every1 leaving smh r they 2 good 2 play the same 3 measures 4 6 hrs like the rest of us
Bye, War sent, pulling open the gym door.
come 2 my fineral
i meant funeral but actually bury me with a shark and make that joke or i’ll haunt u
War switched his phone off and stuck it in his pocket again, making a beeline to where Mirror was spinning obliviously by the bleachers.
When War got within about 3 feet of him, Mirror noticed his approach, and cringed out from under his toss in such a way that his flag hit the floor inches away from War with a bang.
“Whoops!” he said, sheepishly grinning like he hadn’t almost just let a 6 foot metal pole wildly careen into the side of War’s skull, “My bad!”
The rest of the flag line had glanced over at the noise, but upon seeing War’s face shuffled their block safely out of range, leaving Mirror standing a little separate from the rest of them.
He sent them a betrayed look.
“So you’re failing,” War said without preamble, and Mirror attempted not to grimace at him.
“I'm failing right now,” he said placatingly, like that meant anything when grades were going to be finalized at the end of the week. Seeing that this clarification was not going to save him from whatever dark fate War’s expression was spelling out, he mustered a mostly convincing smile. “I won't be failing at the end of the week!”
“Why,” said War, if not skeptical then at least unswayed from a path of extreme violence. Which, within the structure of the band, meant forcing Mirror to lug around props and play chromatic scales in his free time.
“My paper!” said Mirror, gesturing expansively, and then when this also failed to have any effect, he added, “I already talked to Mage about it.”
There were a lot of things War might feel like doing if Mage were a normal human being, but instead Mage was a weirdly terrifying monster of a person, so War just had to be irritated at Mirror.
“Mage isn't leadership,” he said, mostly calmly, “and you're in my section, so talk to me about it.”
“It isn't a failing paper!” Mirror exclaimed, attempting to surreptitiously scoot his flag closer to himself with his feet so he could grab it. War crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at him.
Mirror snatched his pole and gave him a pitiful expression. “Really! Or I mean like,” he said dismissively, waving a hand as he neatly rolled up the silk, “it got failed, but that's because Yuga hates me, and also basically teaches historical revisionism. The paper was good! So my grade is going to be fixed before report cards go out.”
“Can you tell me,” War said, no less disgusted after this explanation, “why you decided to pick a fight with a teacher right before competitions start?”
“Well, obviously I didn't think he'd fail me,” Mirror said, leaning on his pole and pouting. “And it’s not like he can get away with it, so why not? Anyway, I already talked to a bunch of people, it’s going to be fixed, I’ll still be able to play my solo, so it’s fine!”
War still felt faintly dubious— Mirror was absolutely not above lying, although the fact that the color guard coach hadn’t killed him herself was a promising sign— but if he didn’t have to press gang anyone else into groveling for extra credit, he wasn’t going to complain. Especially since, this last minute, he was getting out of having to grovel to Yuga, too.
“Would it kill you,” he said, sighing as Mirror brightened, “to tell me about these things before I get sent to yell at you?”
“I feel like you might have killed me, at first,” Mirror said, brazen and grinning again now that he had decided War probably wasn’t going to yell at him. “But you don’t need to worry anymore! Impa just emailed me a few minutes ago that she was gonna talk to Yuga about it, so that should at least get me to passing.”
If Mirror (or, more likely, this was where Mage had been involved) had roped the head of the history department into it, it probably would be fine; Impa was another uniquely terrifying person, and she was in all likelihood going to snap Yuga like a twig.
Which was great, because War was the backup option for Mirror’s solo. And since it was Mirror’s solo, playing it meant he would have been forced into the middle of the color guard’s drill. They would never in a million years extend the same mercy Mirror got to him; he was horribly certain Slate would have found a way to give him brain damage by the time Mirror wheedled his way back into performing.
So yes, he really would have killed Mirror if he’d gotten himself failed by provoking Yuga for no reason, and that kind of just made this situation even more irritating. 
“I really would have,” he said, since it was true, and also it made him feel a little better to see Mirror’s smile crack around the edges.
“Right,” he said, sidling back to his block, “but now you don’t have to do that, so….” and he promptly ran away.
War pulled out his phone again.
Is there any particular reason, he texted Mage, completely ignoring Wake’s many and various messages detailing the woodwinds’ rampage, that you didn’t tell me about Mirror’s paper?
No, said Mage.
So War was probably just going to go sit in the band director’s office and stare at the wall for a while.
#bonus links#tiny fic#although actually this got away from me. it's so stupid but somehow it became long#well. not ''somehow'' lmao im goofing off from nanowrimo by. writing other things. and this is still going to my word count i love cheating#anyway! miscellanea: i made this a no pass no play program n that's why failing was an issue jic that was confusing#u might b asking why loft and slate were in a practice room.i have no idea#one of them was upset let's say.#also when i was in hs sectionals were the director's free for alls and leadership was in charge#(along with any techs or student teachers but i didn't feel like figuring out who they would b so i didn't lmao)#while the directors were floating around. so that's also happening here. rip our drum majors#and i mean like also leadership but only if they cared#and also again this is stupid so don't think about it too hard just like. overall. don't even read it in fact skskjbweb#ok. alright. oh wait final also: SKJHKFBS why do i have followers on this blog???????????? i really wasn't planning on writing anything else#obviously u can stay if u want! but. i'm a shriveled husk of a person most of the time this will not be an active page#ok. alright. that's it for real. goodbye forever again. don't look at me i still can't get over how dumb this is#edit: lmao just realized wolf is not in here. he doesn't cause problems. it's fine#drumline isn't real anyway as everyone knows#double edit: lmao speaking of that. for some reason i thought mask was also a flute. oops
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tallstars-rewrite · 4 months ago
About (2.0)
After 3,000 years, we begin. Helloo my name is Yarrow, welcome to my side blog where I talk about my ideas and sometimes art for my personal rewrite of Tallstar’s Revenge~
Click here for the (now complete!) chapter list!! (feel free to send an ask for any tags i may have missed)
Main Warriors-centric blog: Yarrowleef
and now a somewhat lengthy preface:
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in 2017 I read Tallstar’s Revenge and was very frustrated by it. So I decided to try out rewriting a warriors book to see if I could make something closer to what I wanted to see. I also did it because I really wanted to finish something, and it seemed like an easy starting point. Then I quickly realized I had no idea how to actually write a story because I usually never get past the “daydreaming and maybe sometimes writing disconnected scenes and concepts” phase, so that was quite a hurdle to overcome.
This fic has been a bit of a rickety lifeboat for me over the past 4 years. Sometimes it even became sort of a vent for my lingering high school angst. I began this project at the same time I graduated high school and was about to start college (a bad idea) and I hit several major periods of burn-out. Honestly, I think I was feeling burned out through at least 75-80% of it. But I needed to focus on something for the same reason I needed to drag myself out of bed every morning, even if I usually didn’t really want to. 
Now I think it’s as finished as it’s ever going to be. I’m not going to lie, my confidence in its quality has been. let’s say Shaky At Best. Taking so long means that some parts are already outdated before they’ve even been posted. Also, several bits (including prose and world building) were not even fully edited to completion. There’s at least one or two chapters that are more summary then full writing, but I don’t think it’s bad enough anywhere to be incomprehensible? soo we’re just gonna roll with it.
My mixed feelings about it aside, the only reason I can have those mixed feelings is because I wrote it in the first place, and thus got better (at least a little). I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t, so no matter what I am very glad that I managed to make myself finish it!! And there are at least some parts I still genuinely like. In the end, this was always intended to just be a practice story using someone else's outline, so I am simply going to dump this content on the floor as it is and it is up to you to sift through it. I’m ready to let go of this rickety clumsy life boat, so now I am pushing it out to sea.
In Conclusion: Ultimately, is this story truly an “”improvement”” over canon? Who knows! Seriously, I simply cannot tell. I’ve been staring at it too long. “Improvement” is a very heavy and presumptuous word for someone like me anyway. I slowly chipped away at 200,000 words on my own for 4 years with no beta readers to talk it over with (none of my friends rly know what warrior cats is and I'm too embarrassed to show them, so I'm alone in here with my box of angsty cats). My brain is mush and the lines have blurred together. I have no earthly idea what this is going to look like to fresh eyes. In addition to that, many little things were tweaked just because I felt like it and not necessarily because I thought they were “objectively” better. That being said, some characters have been given completely new traits unrelated to who they were in canon to suit the story I wanted to tell, and how a character is portrayed here does not necessarily reflect my opinion/head-canon of their canon counterpart.  
Although my faith in this rewrites execution is iffy and the creation process was a hot mess, I can certainly say I still put a lot of thought and effort (and sometimes tears) into it, and in the end I hope that will count for something. Thank you for reading!
#TRabout#pinned#will add more links and directory when they are finished#definitely still super nervous about all this but im not even sure why#tbh just didnt expect this blog to get as many followers as it did#but even though the urge to list off all my *specific* gripes with it is so stronggg#i will physically hold myself back from defensively insulting my own writing#in a ‘if i say it first no one else can say it and no one can think im stupid if i KNOW about all the flaws’ kind of way#it is a very bad habit#mostly because it brings attention to the flaws that people ordinarily might not have even noticed if I hadn't pointed them out#thus making the experience worse and retroactively inviting people to be even more critical--#--and not trust ANY of the choices I made to be intentional#but honestly it is a little funny that since ive been alone with this dang rewrite so long#and since i’ve been staring at and tweaking and rewriting this on and off for years i genuinely Can Not Tell how good it is#i dont know how to judge any of it objectivley anymore#for all i know maybe it is good!#or maybe its a mess that didn't change enough from the source material#or that just created NEW problems in an attempt to remove certain canon problems#or maybe its just fine--simply unremarkably middling which i think would be an ok outcome for a first fic?#i sincerely couldnt tell you so we get to find out together#but what I CAN say is that everything that happens I felt happened for a reason#to set something up or illustrate some point#there is no pointless filler from my perspective#there was intention in pretty much everything#heres hoping it will come across that way!
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eeraron17 · 7 months ago
why the fuck do people take you not finding something funny so goddamn serious???
I'm not even talking about dark humor/seriously fucked up things disguised as humor/"its just a joke" type shit, I mean like a classmate told me a perfectly ok, not bigoted joke that I didn't laugh at and he got so mad. there was nothing wrong with the joke, it just wasnt my humor and I didnt find it funny so why would I fake a laugh over it? I even said to him "not my sense of humor but to each their own" and he was just pissed the rest of class like bro people are allowed to have different opinions on things especially when nowhere in the initial interaction was it hostile chill out
#eeraronspeaks#fr i might just punt a freshman down the stairs one of these days#some of them are fine but god most of them are just so fucking entitled little shit heads half the time#getting angry over stupid shit like that is honestly the smallest thing they do#theyre so fucking disrespectful to the teachers all the time when theyre literally just doing their jobs#most of them have bullied their peers to the point that if our school were competent they shouldve been expelled by now#one in my sewing class nearly broke an 800$ sewing machine because he wanted to get out of doing the project today#id say i cant wait until they get into the real world and finally face some consequences but theyre all backed by mommy and daddy#no one's gonna do shit to them#small town problems: the trouble makers are either buddy buddy with the cops & town office or theyre wealthy so either way no one reports#them on shit and theyres never repercussions#i miss the juniors and seniors at least most of them know how to act. sure they might show up high as a kite but theyre respectful#and other than the drugs theyre law abiding citizens. my town has such a drug problem tho dude its not even funny#for our population (combining the 3 towns thats taxes go to my school were like 15.000. my town is ~4000 but only bc its a college town.#the smallest one doesnt even break 1000) for our population we have a bigger drug problem than nyc & detroit (not combined thank god)#they banned trick or treating one year bc the candy kept getting drugged#but anyways. back to the original issue. there are precisely 3 valid freshmen in my school#my cousin. a lesbian i have science with. & the quiet girl in my gym class (who is on thin ice tbh)#ok. im tired now. rants over. i have therapy later i can talk this over professionally
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saltunafish · 4 months ago
time to make myself fettuccine for like the 4th day in a row because i have to use up the jar of alfredo sauce before it needs to be thrown away 💃
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totouchthelight · 17 days ago
I just read the letter old therapy sent my letter at the end of therapy and it's like... There are things in that letter that I did say I thought was happening but they said wasn't true, but apparently put in the letter as if coming from them. Then they say it was completely my decision to not continue treatment there when they had made it impossible for me.
They write as issues as mood and anxiety and avoidance. On that I don't understand why the other team I even said I had to stay there. Like I get why everyone thinks I have no trauma and they're probably right. Read that letter and like oh yeah is that all that happened? Idk man. Apparently variable severity. It appears as though attachment and dissociative symptoms are mostly in my head. Or something. Not what they're saying but if all it basically says is 'client says that is what she suffers from most' it seems to come down to it.
I don't know why I feel so thoroughly 'not seen' rn. And why I feel such a need to prove I'm suffering. I guess that makes it obvious why I didn't fit with her team according to them. Such minor things. Just avoiding because I want to I guess? Funny how self harm IS mentioned when I'm not sure I ever talked about it with them. At all. Funny how they say I had the other aid thingy even though I explicitly told them I didn't get it. All I got was the SW.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone had taken me seriously if I had dropped out of school or were less intelligent or anything.
Ugh idk why I'm this extremely upset. I just feel like no one ever sees me. But maybe I'm just thinking I'm worse off than I am and really I'm fine just a tad bit depressed maybe. Oh no wait it said in remission for mood disorder so I'm guessing really nothing wrong with me. Like I guess I'm fine that everyone seems hesitant to really pile a PD on to me but if my only real issue is anxiety then maybe I shouldn't have been at this team that is basically mostly for BPD??? So then to say it is just my choice not to continue there is odd and their refusal to say they're not the right fit for me even more. Yeah the mention emotions as an issue. I think they can't really mention diagnoses but it says mood emotion and anxiety symptoms (and self harm) in the title and somewhere mentions ED (even tho thru health insurance I can see I've been treated on an ED diagnosis lol).
It's just. I don't know. Everything is confusing. I mean to request my file still but don't know if it's a good idea because even this stupid letter is evoking a strong emotional response. It just made me feel like all anyone cares about is that I'm not participating instead of you know.. My actual suffering. Lol. It's just wild how much this letter differs from the assessment I did with that private therapist in January. I don't know if I've ever truly been seen since day treatment. Her too. Even though it felt like she saw me, maybe she didn't. Maybe she just thought I was not trying or willing or anything either. I mean I'm the person that withdraws in crisis and doesn't ever approach my therapists or whatever. But maybe I'm just being dramatic even calling them crises because I never asked for help with them and look I'm alive and haven't even been to an ER or for medical help or whatever so it seems like I'm fine enough on my own anyway. It isn't always without harm but who cares. I managed every single time even when I thought I wouldn't.
Wouldn't put it past me to not really know how 'severe' my issues are, I mean when it comes to mental health who doesn't think their symptoms is severe (excluding ED's here lol). I'm just overreacting. Should just be able to work and stuff, I mean.... I'm intelligent enough right. I got an academic degree too. There is really no reason to be this hurt. Or confused. I mean they thought I was fine in private practice and I only went to this one person and she thought my symptoms were severe but maybe she was wrong. They've known me all along. Right.
I don't know what's true. What's up and what's down. Being dramatic for no reason. And I am where I am now. Don't know how they see me either. Maybe also just anxiety. At least no one is telling me I'm not an anxious person, that we all agree on lmao.
Why am I still crying?
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sereniv · 2 months ago
Better late then never, but this is good. And perfect timing seeing as at least 5 Yaqui men found dead very recently, 1 being a water protector
I hope there's a broadcast and a recording of the broadcast. I never catch anything when it happens I always miss shit 😔
EDIT: I think the water rights might be about the aqueduct, and maybe even the land back. but hopefully it's something entirely different bc
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@ all that land back and water rights
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