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fictionfixations · 6 days

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tamashina-mina event (aka the sunset savanna jp event)

so anyway because i cant read jp (the translated vid is in parts so thats why im posting multiple links)

youtube

leona brushes it off but

youtube

so LISTEN. The chamberlain whatever his name is isn't happy with Leona for not putting his intelligence to help the country

but when he DOES provide an idea (aka actually mining the mineral resources) its shrugged off because they're all for being with nature

youtube

so what im understanding is leona is proposing to actually make use of what the land has to, yes, make a profit, but also it could help with all loads of things? like spreading water to be a little more easily obtainable once having the funds to idk throw away money for the good of the people (i mean. they're already rich aren't they? i don't really get it but also the world runs on money. i dont know if there are any benefits to it just sitting there, or if there are cons to digging them out or not but leona seems very passionate about it.)

but so its like this then

where if its not modernized then people will just. not live modernized. and i get that ig, wanting to live with nature (well not really but i mean its all down to preference isnt it? which im not an outdoor person so uh)

maybe it'll make more sense in the EN version (whenever it comes). or maybe i need someone to dumb it down to me like im 5.

but anyway you see my point right?? Leona provides an idea (is very invested in it) that goes to the good of the kingdom (making more profit but its also like they dont have to mine ALL of it he at least just wants them to make use of it at least instead of not even touching it)

and then it gets shot down because. basically. tradition. ???

anyway heres my idea: if someone like Ruggie Bucchi can exist (i mean as in someone born in a poor environment) in the Sunset Savanna, then clearly there can still be something done to keep people healthy and in comfortable situations without compromising idk the beauty of also being able to live with nature at the same time? to help make it a bit more convenient in the process at least? (like there could be a system that brings them water, but it could still be in a well so they can still do that process by hand, there will just be more water so they dont have to worry about idk running out? i dont know how wells work but i imagine they can run out eventually)

and if anyones like 'oh but we wont make a profit' then propose ANOTHER way we can make big income. aka MINING the MINERAL resources so it could be like nothing even changed or that we might be even making more than we usually are (but also probably supervised so they cant take advantage and just i mean get rid of the entirety of it? cause. its.. important right? so some but not all.)

maybe i just dont understand this, maybe im biased towards leona who knows, but i kind of also feel like its dumb to just brush it off. and i mean who knows maybe hes proposed it many times before, maybe hes shown them so many ideas and proofs and proposals related but they mightve been flawed in some way i dont know and thats why they refuse. who knows. it just rubs me the wrong way

its also kind of related to people brushing off leona just as being lazy and stuff like that (also did you know he only failed ONE year? he joined NRC a year late) but leona isnt really doing anything to try to change peoples perceptions of him because 'thats what they think of me, why should i bother?' like people hating on him for being [something something] compared to falena so then just. takes that in and is like 'okay so people think of me this way. if thats how they view me, then whatever.' hes still very competitive and all that stuff but theres also apathy in 'people will think whatever they want of me, why should i even try to change it?' (and hes probably heard all kinds of things at a young age that really stuck with him and shaped who he was. which goes from being really hurt by it to not even caring about peoples opinions anymore. dont get me wrong it can still affect him because the part of him that got hurt by it the first time is still there but yknow)

but so then the chamberlain is like 'why dont you use your smarts for the country'

and leonas just like

THEN SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NOT SAY SUCH THINGS??? (you knew him as a kid surely you could do something) like. theres. just. such an utter lack of trying to convince him otherwise. and i guess to him it would sound so fake so he might not be convinced at all. but then if you stop trying at all then he'll think that he was right in what he thought people thought of him and wont try to correct anyone. or in fact will correct anyone if they think positively of him.

i mean theres also not wanting to say it in front of other people. but. listen. if youre afraid of what the people think then it will affect the other negatively.

like for example if you try not to do lovey-dovey stuff in public then your lover will naturally feel like youre just trying to hide them away. or that you might feel ashamed.

so if the chamberlain tries to convince him when they're in private but in public he doesnt. then you can see what kind of conclusion leona would come to, right?

its kind of a tough situation because i honestly dont know what youd do in that situation. its just. i feel like they could communicate better. that there could be things to be done and it just frustrates me.

yes he does go on to say that leona is strong

and that he believes in him basically but

it just. doesnt feel like enough. and it could definitely be on leona for also not being willing to listen so hh. and i also get the chamberlain has a lot of responsibility so he cant just be there all the time and everything hfeuishfdi

#tamashina mina #leona kingscholar #twst #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #thoughts #Youtube

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shit-posts-and-fanfictions · 3 years

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You have dared me and I can not back down form a dare. So...hmmmm if you write liu...

can I get someeeee eh I’m so stoopid can you do some cuddling headcanons? I’m sure you like him too😂😂

Bro you kidding?? I fucking love Liu.

Sully would step on me but thats f i n e, i love that lil fucker too

The DID representation got me fucking b u s t i n '

Fandom: Creepypasta

Rating: Fluffyyy

Readers Gender: neutral

Present Characters: Homicidal Liu, Sully

Trigger Warnings: Sully being a dick, hints at after sex, hints at broken bones but not really-, Liu's PTSD,

Notes: I might do some headcanons later about Liu and D.I.D. Gotta love that accurate representation, plus i have some personal ideas i haven't seen in the fandom so keep an eye out when i drop that 👉😎👉

Liu

The first few times you guys cuddle, Liu is so tense im ngl

You may even startle him in his sleep and he'll wake up in a panic before realizing its just you

However though, when he does start to relax and get more comfortable to sharing a bed with you, he has a couple favorite positions while cuddling.

The first one is definitely facing eachother in a complete tangle of limps

You can pry that headcanon out of my cold dead hands

Just being able to feel you, to hold you and be held by you makes him feel so safe and loved.

Sometimes he'll have you with your face burried in his chest, sometimes he'll bury his face into yours if its been a stressful day

Other times he'll press his forehead to yours and just melt while you exchange soft kisses here and there on eachothers faces

Kiss his scars

I dare you

His checks, bridge of his nose, chin

Kiss👏His👏Scars👏

He will melt, completely wrapped around your fingers like putty

He is always self conscious about his scars and stitches, and at first even tried hiding them from you.

Showing him that you love him despite the scars means the world to him-

His second favorite cuddling position is him as the little spoon.

I dont take criticism on this. Liu is a hard ass little spoon.

The first time you spooned him he mightve cried a little

He is so damn touch starved-

His favorite thing to do while you spoon him is when his head is pressed back into your chest, and you cradle around his head just enough to press kisses to the top of his head and forehead.

Lastly, if its been a r e a l l y long day and it puts him in a foul mood, he loves simply walking in and seeing you laying in bed

Could be drawing or reading a book-

He will simply plop down ontop of you and bury his face into your stomach or chest

If your reading, read to him.

Show him what your drawing

He loves anything you do, and enjoys when you get all excited to tell him about it

Takes his mind off the bad day he's just had

Now- if you play with his hair

Thats a whole other story

I hope your comfortable, because he will pass tf out and you are not getting him off for a good hour or two

Sully

Prayers to whoever tries to bed this bastard outside of anything sexual

I think he really only has two settings

McStabby and Horndog

The first few times you try to cuddle him, he might flat out kick you from the bed and on the floor.

Especially if theres a switch from Liu to him while cuddling, he will shove you on the floor and roll over to sleep

He probably thinks its hilarious

The first time you guys actually cuddle is definitely after doing the deed

If you can manage to keep up and tire him out, he'd be to lazy to shove you from the bed or get up to leave

He turned his back to you, and you being stubborn or just plain cold after he hogged the blanket, spooned against his back

He would never admit the butterflies it gave him when you hesitantly drapped an arm over his waist, but he decided then that maybe cuddling isnt so bad

At first the most you get after that is just him allowing you to lean against him while your standing near eachother or sitting together

After a bit though, he found comfort in draping his arm around your shoulders

(It was totally because someone was hitting on you, but you wouldnt let him shank the creep so he resorted to getting handsy)

If you ask him about it he claims its because your Liu's and someone has to watch you while he's not there.

But he is really so protective and its a comfort to have you under his arm, showing anyone watching that you belong to both of them

Sully also enjoys being a tease and will make you work for cuddles

So he loves doing a half spoon where he lays back comfortably and you cling to his side

He has his arms supporting his head while you bury yourself against his side and just give a cheeky grin to you actually wanting his affection, though he was sure its just because Liu wasnt there to give you any

Has definitely referred to Liu as a simp-

If you fall asleep in that position he might drape an arm over you 👀

But only after he's sure you've fallen asleep.

Once he starts getting more attached and protective of you, he loves having you burried against his chest

Often propping his head in his hand while laying on his side and watching you

He enjoys it when your facing him in this position, but is just as fine if your on your back burried under him or facing away from him with your back against him while reading or playing on your phone

He'll just watch you and whatever your doing, which can get a little creepy considering the unsettling gaze he naturally has

But he also doesnt say anything either- even if you try talking to him he'll just shrug or stare at you till you leave him alone

If he really wants your attention he'll take whatever your doing from your hand and throw it behind him while pulling you to face him.

Also

Dont play with his hair- he is not a soft lover and doesnt want to be perceived as such

The first (and hopefully last) time you tried playing with his hair he snatched your hand and damn near broke your wrist.

So really just dont touch him unless he wants you to or you know hes alright with whatever you do. He has alot of boundaries that he just wont tolerate being crossed

The last few positions he enjoys are after sex

Sometimes he'll just flop down ontop of you and pass out right there, still pressed inside you while he sleeps

Other times he'll roll over with you and have you sleep on his chest

He has a funny way of showing his affection for you, but he does care in his own twisted way-

He may be a hardass but he is your hardass and he does need to be taken care of

With the few things he does allow you to do to him, he really just melts

He is wrapped around your finger too, whether you realize it or not

He would kill for you if you asked it of him

#creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta headcanons #liu woods #homicidal liu #sully #liu x reader #homicidal liu x reader #homicidal liu headcanons #liu and sully #creepypasta sully #jeff the killer #jeff woods #jeffery woods #jeff x reader #ben drowned x reader #eyeless jack x reader #jeff the killer x reader

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desiree-harding-fic · 4 years

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oh shit that really sucks :( My city has the highest recorded number corona patients of the entire country, but besides the "if you feel even slightly sick, stay home" no college things are being cancelled yet. As for rejeancy AU prompts... Can we have some Lup n Kravitz meeting for the first time? or taakitz + Lup hanging out? (idk if you've done those I mightve missed some)

Thank you for the kind words, dear. And ooooo I haven’t thought about writing a scene where Lup and Krav meet, that sounds like fun.

^^^ ok that was Desiree of two weeks ago, this Desiree is back with 2000 words that barely fit the prompt but u know what what else is new enjoy!!!

*~*~*~*~*

She caught sight of the house for the first time as the carriage crested a hill. Massive, done in pale stone and nestled in the crook of the valley below her like something out of a painting, down to the large stream she could see bisecting the property, to the sheep that grazed on the hills father out from the house. A rolling green park, and through the land, in a winding line, the road dipped behind copses of trees and reemerged, until she could see it running all the way up into a wide, well-kept drive before the front door.

All this she saw in a second, before the road turned, and the view was obscured.

She did not look again. Something about the scene and all the promises it implied, her connection to it, however tangential, made something heavy settle in the bottom of her stomach.

And yet, her thoughts turned to Taako. As shocking as the news of his marriage had been, as skeptical as Lup was about the true nature of it, she could not help but long to see her brother again. Three months was too long. They had thought the holiday would do her good, but in truth the time she had spent at the Burnsides’ house had only brought her ill news from seemingly every front. She needed her brother.

If nothing else, she thought, it would be good to see him again. If he was not changed by marriage as she feared.

The carriage rumbled along the road, until she could feel it slowing, until she could feel the shape of an incline. She suddenly felt something like a great illness wash over her, a settling dread, and an exhaustion so acute and complete she almost wished not to be made to move at all. She leaned her head back against the wall of the carriage, and closed her eyes, and wished, suddenly, to be gone from this place, even to be locked up in her dingy room in Tostaada’s home, if only for the fact that it would be familiar. If only because it meant that so much had not changed, that Lup had a handle on the world, a foothold in it, and that her life was not being thrown into disarray in new ways each moment.

The carriage came to a stop. Her eyes snapped open. The walls of the carriage mocked her.

There were steps approaching. Lup breathed deeply, swallowed the lump in her throat. The handle of the door was jostled, and then it was open.

She did not recognize the man who helped her out, for the moment she cast her eyes upon the gravel drive before the house she saw him.

Taako.

Hurrying from the entrance to the courtyard of that fine house toward her carriage, a grin splitting his face as he looked on her, and Lup couldn’t contain herself as her feet touched the ground, and gathering her shawl around her she ran to her brother, threw her arms around his neck, and embraced him.

He was just the same, the smell of him and the shape of his arms around her and his head at her shoulder as it always had been, and Lup took a shaky breath and held him tight and god, how she had missed him. She must’ve looked a sight, exhausted from travel, unladylike and childish in her greeting, but she could not bring herself to care. She missed her brother too much to care.

“Lulu,” he said softly, in way of greeting, and like magic, nothing seemed as terrible as it had a moment ago. Taako was with her. What could she not weather with Taako beside her?

“I missed you,” she said, muffled in his shoulder. Taako chuckled.

“Missed you too, Lu,” he said, and then, all too soon, he pulled out of the hug, stepping back, smiling like nothing in the world was wrong.

And then he turned.

And for the first time since she arrived, Lup noticed the other man.

“Lup,” Taako said, “I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Kravitz. Kravitz, my sister.”

“Miss Lup,” Kravitz said, bowing low to Lup’s curtsy. Lower, she thought briefly, than her station deserved, comparatively. “Welcome to Astral. And please allow me to express what an honor and a pleasure it is to finally make your acquaintance. Since Taako first spoke of you I have been eagerly awaiting our introduction.”

He was handsome, Lup had to own. But the more she looked at him, the more she was convinced his features were rather too fine for her taste. They seemed to have been sculpted of marble, or invented at the end of a painter’s brush. Indeed, she studied the pleasant expression painting his face and thought it looked rather like the marbles she’d seen in the fine halls of the wealthy; each minute shift seemed choreographed to show itself to the highest level of beauty, and as such, Lup could find no earnestness in him.

But Taako was positively beaming beside him, and Lup had agreed to live in the man’s home. So she turned her face to a pleasant smile as best she could.

“Thank you for your kindness,” she said, a vague comment simply for the fact that it felt right to thank him, though Lup could not imagine what for. “I too have been awaiting our introduction since I received Taako’s letter.”

He could sense her hesitance, Lup was certain, but if he did, he played it off with much cordiality.

“You must be tired, after such a long journey,” he said, “come, let us retire into the house. I will have some of my men see to your things, and call up some tea from the kitchen.”

She was tired. Long days in the carriage always tired her. They had traveled more strenuously than they could have, but by the time Lup left home, she had been desperate to see Taako.

He walked beside Kravitz, and Lup trailed behind them, just slightly, as they entered.

Each chamber they passed through, corridor and sitting room, seemed finer than the last. She could hear Taako and Kravitz prattling on about this and that but could not bring herself to listen, so amazed was she by the sheer wealth implied by each space. At moments, she seemed to forget she was not touring the house of a rich and distant lord, like so many other families on summer holidays through the country, and would not be asked to tip the housekeeper upon her departure.

Finally, they came to a halt in a sitting room at the back of the house, overlooking the gardens and grounds beyond. The view was expansive out of the tall windows, and Lup ran her hands along the low sills as she gazed out. Flowers of every shade and kind, and trimmed hedges, and fountains, and beyond that, just as she had seen on the drive in, rolling fields, the most attractive countryside one could wish to see during an afternoon tea. There was almost a possessiveness to it, she thought, and the thought soured her tongue. She suddenly felt terribly out of place in her shabby travelling clothes, her day dress she had had since she was fifteen that was now faded from its original color, her plain shawl draped at her elbows.

She turned away from the window, looking back into the room, and Taako was seated on one of the sofas surrounding a low tea table, watching her, a discerning expression on his face.

For the first time she took in his clothes. The white of his collar was brighter than ever before, clean and pressed. The fabrics were of a finer weave, there was more color in them, more detail. And the fit… they were not handed down and taken in. These clothes were made for him, and she saw him holding himself differently in them.

He did not shrink away from the expansive space, the mirrors on the walls and the polished stone floors and frescos on the ceiling. Rather, he seemed to walk in a way that filled it, and it occurred to her then, as she took in the sitting room there, the vases on pedestals along the tapestried walls, the satiny sofas and marble tables between them, that as out of place as she must look, a shivering country mouse wrapped in her worn shawl, that Taako did not. That Taako was master of this house that seemed halfway to a palace, and that he believed it.

Somewhere, while Lup had been away, Taako had ascended, seamlessly, and Lup was suddenly terrified she would never be able to join him.’

“Come sit,” he said, his contemplative eyes still fixed on her.

“Where is Kravitz,” she asked.

“He left to see to a few details of settling you in,” Taako said. “You disappeared for a while.”

Lup laughed humorlessly.

“I’m sorry.”

Taako’s expression shifted, minutely, into a frown.

“Come here, Lulu.”

It was still her brother’s voice, and Lup, in all her life, could never deny him.

She sat beside him on the sofa. Tea had come from somewhere and Taako made himself busy fixing her a cup. There was platter too, of biscuits. Fresh fruit. A truly exorbitant number of cakes and tea sandwiches for three (now two) people.

“Who’s going to eat them?” Lup asked. Taako blinked in confusion for a moment before the understanding downed in his eyes.

“Oh,” he said, and then shrugged. “Servants, probably, to be honest. I’ve tried requesting fewer, but they don’t seem to have taken to heart yet that we don’t need several dozen sandwiches for one afternoon tea. You should try them, though, they’re… quite good.” He handed her the tea. She took a sip.

“You don’t like him,” Taako said, and Lup froze. He did not have to say who he meant.

“Taako,” she started, and what could she say? “He seems… very nice.”

“A glowing report from you,” Taako said dryly, stirring his own cup. He did not meet her eyes.

“Taako,” but there was no more to say. She could not defend herself. In her heart, a thousand worries bubbled up. The marriage had come so quickly, and with no warning, and upon meeting Kravitz he did not strike her with any strong impression other than that… he was rich. And after their aunt died and left them with Tostaada, she and Taako had been in dire straights, to be sure, but she had not thought it was so dire that Taako would -

“It’s just -” she blurted, and then held her tongue. But Taako waited, turned his gaze to her, raised his eyebrows over the brim of his teacup as though to urge her on.

“Do you love him, Taako?” It burst from her, she being unable to hold the question that had plagued her for two months any longer. She wished to take his hand, but he was holding a teacup. Hers, reaching out for him, landed indistinctly on his knee.

Taako paused a long moment, not looking at her. He set his tea down on the table, the soft clink of porcelain on stone seeming to fill the entire room. She could see the muscles of his jaw working, clenching and unclenching the way they did when there was something he wanted to say but was not sure he could. And she knew, in that moment, that she had been right the whole time, that the threat of poverty had finally overtaken Taako’s heart, and he had been too afraid to continue on without it resolved. And resolved it was. But at what cost?

In that silence before Taako’s answer she imagined a thousand things. Imagined Taako’s cold, distant life with a man he could not love, and wondered, sickly, if all of the comfort, all of the brocades and fine china and tea sandwiches in the world would fill the ache in his heart of a life without love.

And then Taako took a deep breath that seemed to shatter the room.

And he looked at her, and his eyes were deeper than the ocean as viewed from Magnus’s door, and were so earnest she felt fixed in place by them. She could see tears welling in the corners. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw Taako cry.

“Lulu,” he said, and he grabbed her hand, squeezed it tight. He was smiling. “I think I do.”

#reJEANcy #taakitz #lup taaco #taako taaco #taz kravitz #asked and answered #regency au #heckthedamn #wow i took so long to answer this and it got so long and jfkldjkfla #oh well #i hope you like some lup introspection #bc i do #i SURE DO #also taakitz is very in love

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drchrismurray · 5 years

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|| I’m A Mess ||

who: Chris Murray and Dr. Marietta Winslow with mentions of Brittany Pierce, Santana Lopez, Sam Evans, Mercedes Jones and Noah Puckerman

when: Friday Morning

why: Chris has therapy

“Chris… Chris are you with me?” Chris blinked a few times, his mind completely elsewhere other than in the small room he was seated in. He looked around at the blank walls, painted what he could only assume was supposed to be a calming grey. It looked much like his own office where he met his clients. Comfy seats, walls that made his patients feel safe. And pictures of him and his family that made him relatable so his patients felt that they could talk to him. He knew the tricks were just that. Tricks. Which was why he was having such a hard time in this particular session. “What?” he finally replied. “I asked if you were okay,” Dr. Winslow leaned foward. “We started talking about your family and you sorta blanked out.” Christ adjusted in his seat and shrugged. “What do you want me to say Doc?” The older woman sighed and leaned back. “Chris… this isnt new for you. Not only do you do this for a living but we’ve been meeting each other for nearly two months and you’ve made progress but today it’s like you dont actually want to be here. So why are you here?” “Because I’m paying you $100 an hour,” he quipped, not earning a response from her. He sighed deeply and rubbed his now sweating hands on his pants before clearing his throat. “I’ve just been having a hard time.” “Chris,” she said again. “You were diagnosed with depression, something that millions of people deal with. And on top of that, your life hasnt exactly been a walk in the park. Your mother died when you were a child, and your father shipped you off to live with relatives when you were 16. You became a father at 17, and eventually married a woman who tried to kill your cousin. You have had more than a hard time…I just want to help you. Or we can sit here for the rest of the hour and not talk at all.” He tried to ignore the ripping in his chest and stared out the window. “Today was hard,” he started. “I didnt wanna get out of bed this morning. I felt pretty empty and I know you said these new meds would kick in soon but I feel like I’m drowning…. Last night I couldnt sleep and I just stared at Brittany… I just kept wondering why the hell she was with me.: “Why do you think she’s with you?” Dr. Winslow asked. “Do you want the real answer or what I tell myself?” “Both.” Chris swallowed and looked down at the ground, knowing that honesty was actually the best policy. He wasnt dumb, he knew that if he was going to be able to manage the storm that was his brain, he needed to lay all his shit bare. Even if it made him feel gross. “Most days I tell myself it’s because she loves me. Because she realized that she wanted to be with me. Other days I think it’s just because we have Ari. Because I’m convenient. Because... Puck isnt here.” He hated thinking it. That he was second best and that he didnt deserve to be with Brittany. Most days he was okay. Most days he knew he deserved to be happy. But those days were overshadowed by the days when he felt completely and utterly useless and unwanted. Dr. Winslow nodded. “Have you always felt like that?” “I dont know,” he shrugged. “Maybe? I always wondered what if we hadnt gotten pregnant? What if she’d had an abortion or if we just hadnt dated at all… would we be together right now?” “And?” “And… the answer scares me.” “Why?” “Because I knew that had we not had Ari. Had we not dated at all, I’d still have been with Santana and I would’ve married her…And she’d still be with Puck. He mightve still cheated but it wouldnt’ve been with Steph and maybe just maybe he’d still be alive.” “That’s a lot to put on yourself Chris. How does that make you feel?” “I dont know. I know that I love Brittany. So much. And I dont regret a single bit of our life together. And I want to be with her forever. But had she and Puck not broken up, she wouldnt have given me the time of day.” She nodded. “Does that make you feel insecure? Or unworthy?” Chris shrugged with a small nod.. “Look I know I’m good looking. I know I’m charming. I can turn it on whenever I want but the people who I fall in love with rarely love me back. Shawn was too deep in the closet to admit ever feeling anything for me. And Santana well I cant blame her because she barely loved herself when we dated as kids. And Stephanie was insane and cheated on me repeatedly. What makes me so sure Brittany is different?” “Is this why you have such a hard time thinking of marrying her?” Chris licked his lips and frowned. “Maybe? I wanna give her the world but marriage just sounds like something I never wanna do again. I mean everyone’s marriage has fallen apart. Charice and Dylan are divorced, Sam and Cedes never even made it down the aisle even though they’ve tried a combined number of three times. Why would I be the exception?” Dr. Winslow sighed softly and leaned forward. “Chris… I think when it comes to dating you’ve faced a lot of rejection. With Shawn, he rejected not only his sexuality but you as well. With Santana, she hid a lot of things from you and while I dont believe you were perfect, I think that’s added to your current mindset. With Stephanie, she cheated on you and then hurt someone you care about. I think it’s totally valid that you feel like marriage isnt something you want because you are yet to feel stable in any romantic relationship you’ve been in. But I think right now is a chance for you to try creating your own stability.” “How so?” he questioned. “Chris, have you told Brittany you’ve been meeting with me yet?” He started to shake his head. “Doc, I told you I cant. Look we’ve all been through so much shit the last year, I cant add this on. She’s already having a hard time with Cedes being gone and these new damn friends of hers that frankly suck. If I add depressed boyfriend to that, I dont know what she’ll do.” “Perhaps you arent giving her the chance to react. You’re basically taking her option away because you’re afraid she’ll reject you… maybe this even plays into the fact that you feel like you need to be the shoulder for everyone else. It’s a coping mechanism. You deal with other’s problems because maybe if they see you have a use for them they wont reject you much like your romantic partners and even your own family did as a youth.” Chris winced and clutched his chest due to the honesty in her words. “Ouch… Jesus Doc.” She shrugged a shoulder. “You dont pay me to lie to you,” she said. “Next week, I want to hear that you’ve not only told Brittany but that you’ve given her a chance to prove that you are in a stable, healthy relationship. One that wont end in rejection. Allow her to prove you wrong Chris.” Chris nodded, not wanting to do what she said but knowing that it would be helpful. “What if she proves me right?” he whispered. “Then you two made a beautiful little girl. And being with her taught you a lot. But she isnt the one you’re gonna end up with and that’s okay too. Stability starts in you first. Not in someone else.” Chris sighed loudly and rubbed the back of his head before standing. “Wow Doc, I feel like they need to pay you the big bucks.” “Aw Chris,” she grinned. “They already do. See you next week?” “Next week it is.”

#para: I'm A Mess

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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posting to say im vanishing for some unknown amount of time rofl

making this post to say i won’t have internet access for an indefinite amount of time going forward. like, it could be a week or you know, any other amount of time. which you know, sucks, because it seems annoying to complain about like oh damn i can’t reblog memes but for me the internet is a way to be connected to like, anyone else in the world, and have a place to voice my thoughts where people might listen, and have the chance to talk to people and feel like there’s ppl who are aware of my existence who might value me for one reason or another. and if you’ve been following me anytime for the past like, eight years or so, you mightve noticed i’m not doing so hot. and i’m not really thriving right now and you know. ugh

like hey if i off myself you know i’ll probably try to queue up a post saying something about it. but maybe i won’t. you just never know. either way you can’t really worry about me w this indefinite online absence because there’s no way to get in touch with me otherwise. part of why being stuck offline sucks. again, maybe it’ll be brief. maybe i’ll be able to you know scuttle into a starbucks and post quick updates saying i havent fucking died yet. i have no idea, people.

also you mightve noticed that despite wanting to die and having nothing good, i still at least sometimes like to draw useless gay shit and post it. jk my contents great and a blessing, i’m not gonna be the one to deny that. anyways its what i like to do and what i’m best at and its a way for me to put myself out there in ways i can’t otherwise do and also its why practically all of you follow me obv and like i said its just fun......but i can’t really post if offline. more a tragedy for me than anyone else, but thats true of this whole thing. at least i can still write coz ive still got a ways to go on that before even intending to post it. and read and shit. sigh

idk anyways like i said maybe i’ll pop up five seconds after going Offline and be like hey im back gosh i was worried about nothing! but probably not. i hope soon because i have barely anything going for me and the net is my main way of getting. any social interaction/connection at all and its important to me, however much anyone else wants to judge that. how will i ever learn that selfies aren’t the most important thing in life, right?

anyways. this is why i’m vanishing, i’ll try to refrain from burying this under other reblogs. i hope to god nothing important happens when i’m gone, watch me miss something vital ugh. i also get my news from twitter dammit. sigh!!!!!!!!!

if i had an art sideblog i could sort out those notes easier, so i hope there’s not like...some super great comments on my shit that gets buried in the mobile apps horrible activity display and i never get to see it. aughh

this sucks but anyways. just an informative post. about the lack of information there may be going forward. it’ll at least start out b/c im going somewhere currently w/o net access and am broke as a bloke and my phone isnt very useful w/o wifi. ah well, right. c’est la vie. que sera, sera. what happens happens. shit’s like that sometimes. shrug. lmao.

i’m gonna go jump around some love, simon clips to further burn them into my memory. don’t get me wrong, i’m fucking. doing terribly and wanna kms. but this film’s a blessing and i love it and i’m happy i’ve got to see it and just like my lack of internet access, it can be my fave going forward indefinitely

#there’s a fair amount of other reasons being offline will really suck but. yknow i can’t keep us here all day only to further upset me #hope i don’t die without getting to say that’s what i’m doing? you’d never know if i offed myself or just didnt get back online lol #✨⭐️🌈👐🏳️‍🌈⭐️✨

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endangeredbrownguy-blog · 6 years

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I am wasting my Life.

Today,at 2:19 pm I came into the conclusion that I am wasting my life,I will never be able to get out of the hole which I have been dug into by myself,my parents,and the system.

Before this I felt that I was actually wasting my life but now I'm sure of it.

I hate commerce and I have to do it for a living now.If only the 15 year old me had a choice.Well if it wasn't sciences to save face in teh society commerce was the low.If you take Arts or Humanities you're already considered a deadweight for your parents,their money and this Earth.

I have always been pretty confused with my life.I was really not good at anything.I liked some things and I didn't like somethings.However I was never good in things I liked and I sucked at the things that I didn't like.

I tried.I tried really hard.I am very lazy and my laziness is a demon I could never overcome.Is this a suicide note?It feels like a suicide note.I usually try to put some lane jokes in my blog posts but this one is far too melancholic.

I feel I'm a jack of many trades and a master of none.I did like music a lot though and If maybe I could have learnt an instrument or two I'd have definitely tried to master a piano or a guitar my entire life.I'd like to make Electronic music.I love Electronic music.I don't have a laptop but the day I get one I'm gonna try my best to make some music.

There is cutthroat competition in this life.You have to be better then the rest if you want to make a decent living.I don't know why it's a norm for parents to push their kids into learning things that they don't want toto.We just wanted to do something different.I don't know what's so wrong with that.

I don't have many friends.I do have some but they're all busy with their own lives and I'm very lonely these days.Im still smiling for the social media though don't worry you won't see my black and white side until it's a filter.

I'm dying in this room.They tell me to consider myself lucky.They tell me I should feel privileged.Maybe I shouldn't have listened to them.If only I was a bit stronger then I wouldn't have been what I am now.

I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see.I see a loser.I am a loser.I am not denying that.I have never came first in anything.Ive never won a golden medal and Ive never got a standing ovation.Do you have to get one of these to make yourself feel like you're worth something?

I don't know,I was brought up to believe In worth something If I came first in something.I tried.I tried my best.But I shrugged all my loses with a smile.

In my heart I only had good thoughts.But at the back of my mind The Devil was poking his trident and was yelling that I'm useless.

It hurt.It hurt bad but I shrugged it off with a smile.

I tried to look at world differently.But different only means problems.I was labeled as mad,weird and a lot of other names.For that I really didnt care.I was only doing myself and I didn't care if I was being laughed at.But myself was too weak.Too incompetent and I was never the person I was that I thought I was in my head.

If only I had been stronger,wiser and more of a person who played by the rules I might've been liked by others.But that was never my style.You only get stick for doing things differently.

If I knew somethings that I know now in high school I mightve been bolder in my decisions and have not got into the commerce stream.

I don't know how this became a monologues of me shouting my problems philosophically when all I wanted to tell you that I did not want to get into commerce.

The things is.I can't even get out of it now.Im already in too deep.I hate the subjects and In failing in classes however my mind is still wandering.Guilt is a Schrodinger's cat.I might have it some time when I succumb to what others are saying and it goes away when I'm reading quotes by a famous people who made it on what they wanted to do in life.

I still don't know what I want to do in life.Or maybe I don't know what I can do in life.

Life is a bitch.Its laughing at me while I'm writing this.Of late I have not been feeling much.I can't make up my mind If I want to give up on my hopes and succumb to the wishes of others or fight them.I want to fight them but I don't have the will or neither the strength.I have never felt alive since being born. Sometimes I wish I was there born.I'd have definitely said no if there were people asking if you want to be born or not.

If I actually leave everything to do what I actually want to do I'd be the black sheep of the family for years to come.I can't waste these years people would say but All I'm thinking about is all the years I'm gonna waste in the future if I actually keep on doing this.

What will the people say?

What will you do?

What can you do?

How will you do that?

Today,at 2:19 pm I came into the conclusion that I am wasting my life,I will never be able to get out of the hole which I have been dug into by myself,my parents,and the system.

I'm staring at the grey ceiling and I feel like life isn't worth living.What are doing anyway?We are already slaves to rich and the government.

What's the point in living? You do what you're doing until the day you can't do it anymore and then you wait for death? Is that there's all to life? Aren't we all wasting our lives?

Or is it just me punching a virtual keyboard and writing a blog post about it?haqn

Ouch.The Phone just fell on my face and I realise now that have to complete my assignment on Incorporation of a Company.Well not use trying to get out of it now anyway.Ill just smoke another carton of Marlboro reds and continue living this prefect nightmare.

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