#i miss the good times like crazy

[heybaetae]

hi

#hi #i am just popping on here for a second bc i’m not in the mood to be back yet but my queue is getting quite full #so i think i might have to unpause it soon #maybe tomorrow idk yet #just a heads up in case i seem active again i’m not really i just had a lot of stuff piling up 😭 #it will be a Huge shuffled mess so patience is appreciated!! #i apologize if you’re waiting on me but thank you for waiting regardless #please keep using my tracked tag for your creations #i will be back for real eventually #my mental health is quite terrible lately i still need time #it’s about to be a year since the last time i saw my sister before she passed so like. my grief is going through a crazy stage #i’m still not getting a ton of sleep #my brain is just Bad things all day #it’s all just really sucky but i’m trying to do my best 🙃 #i hope you are all well i miss you #i will respond to messages at some point too #there are very few which..well it puts things into perspective and validates certain feelings ig lol #it’s all good that’s something i’m working on internally #hopefully i get there #bye again for now 💕

[craycraybluejay]

yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps

#i JUST want to experience high school #without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on #i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades #not... That #i never had that im never going to have that #can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university #fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama #i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates #or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance #i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life #i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones #rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life #and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems #like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation #but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited #i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try #because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health #the MILDEST #i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT #and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough #the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem' #i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over #thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust #thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them #yk? #and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture #i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to

[sheauz]

I will never understand the concept of just listening to music in one language like that doesn’t make sense to me there’s an entire world of music out there and you won’t even give it a chance bc you don’t understand the language?? loser

#I don’t speak any indian languages but I still can have a great time with desi hip hop and Bollywood like ??? #people are missing out on so much good music it’s crazy

[artist-rat]

scuttling in the underdark

#d&d #dnd #drow #dwelf #warlock #oc: knell #lool i missed knell & knead :'') haven't drawn them in a good while #can't wait to continue the campaign one day<3 #my smol son and his lil void kitty #or more like... lil void kitty and their my smol son #anyway both my babys <3 :') #oh oh and hey all i am doing / will do the sword prompts still life's just been crazy #taking my time #thanks again <3<3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

It's so weird watching fullmetal alchemist in contrast to naruto. Because both are set in fucked up worlds where everyone has committed war crimes, has had war crimes committed upon them, or is a war crime. But I trust that fma fundamentally understands how fucked up everything is, including the sinister qualities of the institutions that allowed this to happen. Naruto understands its fucked up on a surface level, but also glorifies the institution and never changes.

#like the idea is similar at the root bc atrosities have been committed in both worlds on both sides and someone needs to come in #and say. thats enough. enough of this. further violence isnt helping make anything better #and fma does a better job bc it unites all the warring parties agaisnt one monster villian #but i think naruto is more interesting bc the same thing happens but the betrayals feel much more huge and the pain feels more visceral #bc the familial love is so tortured under the shinobi system and all the pain arrises from that system but it never fucking changes #bc the author still feels the need to glorify the village system despite the clear cursed god tree metaphor #idk its just interesting to me where theyre similar and where they differ #in fma the characters r more insane to me bc the fucking ego and hubris is so crazy #idk in naruto it feels more like everyone is so fucked up they think they have to accomplish their goals or die but in fma thry just seem #like they have a right to do the things they do and it unnerves me more #but hey i mostly passively watched fma over 3 days so maybe i missed some stuff lol #naruto ramblings #fma rambling #unrelated #i do think i understand now how naruto never changes. they think: weve been saved. were in a time of peace. everythings good now #and then they never fucking talk abt how fucked up everything was. they just move forward without catharsis #and thats why everything is still fucking awful. they never truely reflect

[cinna-bunnie]

not me and my manager trauma bonding over mommy issues 💀💕 i love her aksksk oof i had to go smoke and Think after this one

i love when our one on ones are basically like lol i don't have much 2 talk about this wk and we get like 40m to hang n talk after getting work stuff out the way. she is such a sweetie and so fun (❁´◡`❁)

#i talked about my intro 2 adulthood and what it was like around before/when i left home and how my sis was just 10 when i left #so we never rly got to be close n i just started talking 2 her this year. but the last thing i told my mom was she lost her son forever #and that she better not fuck up with my sister - and she took it to heart fr which was Great for my sister. #she grew up v loved and supported and idk as the eldest u have complicated feelings being the experiment child. #and as an older sibling u are genuinely happy ur younger sibling has it so much better but there's this disconnect where u both have #Very very different feelings about ur mom and family in general ig. but it's from having lived different lives and idk. #she relates though 😔💕 oldest sibs rly b dealing w moms that tear them down then watch w bittersweet feelings that ur sibs get a better #life. my life itself is fine lol im kinda stoned (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) but like. a good loving childhood. support. community n never feeling like #there's Nothing for u here. she's turning 21 in December it's crazy how time flies. I'm glad she's doing good but I'm just thinking about #how we had Very different lives and stuff going on in our late teens 😮‍💨 #bless my manager fr i'm glad we got to get into it !! 😹 i can see why i miss her when we don't get to meet for the week

[kugisaaki]

hung out w my best friend after moooooooonths and i was in such a good mood but now my mom tells me that we have people coming over????

#NORMALLY i’d be saying hi and going to my room but their daughter.. a little older than me… she talks to me the whole time and i don’t want #her to sit in my bed w outside clothes and i already have to make my bed and clean my phone and ipad and glasses x 2 every day when i get #home or it doesn’t feel right if i don’t i feel like im going crazy and it’s skspegekehekbslxvrldvd #i did better than i had expected in school today in the class that i didn’t attend half the time so i was kind of already on that high plus #i met my best friend today too and i missed her and it was soooo fun but NOW im tired and i wanna get my ocd ritual over w but i can’t do it #w her near me because 1. she’s a stranger 2. i have mentally count everything 3. outside clothes are a huge thing in my head #BUT it probably seems like a bigger deal than it actually is so it’s all good #mehak.exe

[yellowloid]

#please vote they're back almost back and i'm doing this for science xx #so curious to see what this leg will be like. but most of all impatient to see them back on stage again because i missed them too much </3 #i hope they had a good time being free for a month and i hope they got as much rest as they needed #but i'm also very much looking forward to going crazy over show updates with the moots!! #also if you vote please reblog for a larger survey *mwah* #arctic monkeys #alex turner #matt helders #jamie cook #nick o'malley #the car tour

[zincbot]

played through tunic so fast i didn't even process anything besides filling my noteapp with "left right down up", but yo the production line for the obelisks? that was fucked

#tunic game #that was probably my favourite part of the game #that and i had a split second of witnessing one of those energy spiders dash away in the corner of my screen way before i ever fought one #and that was crazy #i was like: yo TF was that #tunic was good as soon as i got the laurels i was pretty much continuously dashing as much as my stamina would allow #really hyper light driftering it #my biggest complaint after seeing both endings #(i didn't 100% the game in terms of chests or upgrades but i did collect every manual page) #anyway my biggest complaint: needing to navigate by jumping through the environment with the teleport dash. specifically the physics #so many times i would be dashing over and over again into the ledge and it wouldn't be working. so i'd assume it'd be impossible to go ther #only to later find yeah that's where i have to go it just didn't wanna register me across #in general the physics kind of bothered me i'd get stuck in a knockback loop or once i was trying to roll some red skulls around and oh #my god #more than any enemy or boss. most frustrating thing in the game was rolling those red skulls #but the concept of the manual and the puzzles involved were so nostalgic and very very good #i miss when games came with a big juicy manual man

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

.

#i am being sooooo reasonable about burcon and im being serious! #i will be there in my preferred seat on sunday and probably my general admission seat on saturday #i'm not taking time off to go on Friday and I'm only buying One (1) photo op #and im sure you can guess which one it is lol #also helping me spend reasonably is the fact that i live here and won't need a hotel lol #it's like an hour away which is actually perfect for me since i like to drive to decompress #and i never have to drive freeways much anymore (this is a good thing! it's my goal! still miss driving) #bruh i just realized that going to burcon has literally been my dream for over 10 YEARS now... wow wtf #itll be actually almost 11 years by the time i go #that's crazy

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i am once again writing fanfic on new years eve

#is this the third year in a row it feels very familiar #oh no end of 2020 i finished a long one just in december #well long for my standards back then it was like 20k i think #last year i posted THREE in the first week of january super normal super great hfkjghjgh missing thasmin like crazy #wait does that check out potd was in2022? #wild #hang on im gonna post experiments in the revival of organisms again #no reason its just hot #really want to make a video like that again it was the msot fun one ive made #still got a similar one in the works but my laptop doesnt work super well rn and i also dont have time #but i'd love to finish it #one day #oh man this video is really good actually i'd forgotten but it is.good #me catering exactly to me: wow i love this #what was wrong with me for this #oh my god

[mossytrashcan]

Unrelated but I was thinking about Koschei for reasons (I was reading about proto indo European pantheon and it turns out 'Fire God formed in water' is a myth researchers think they mightve had and it remonded me of Vassa) and am I allowed to say how funny it is that like, Koschei is so directly named after a myth. Like Bone Carvers his own thing and Stryga is technically got like The Three Fates/The Witch in Hansel and Gretel vibes, and then there's Koschei who is basically just the guy from the myth including the title. ALSO protoindoeuropean pantheon speculation is dope BTW you should research it its fascinating

Bold of you to assume I haven’t already researched it. I fucking loved anything protoindoeuropean as a kid, the folklore FUCKS

Anyways, personally I would’ve loved it if SJM combined Lanthys and Koschei together into one character. I think (no shade to ACOSF and it’s enthusiasts) instead of the rehab/whatever plot we got, we could’ve gotten to see a little brief corruption arc w Nesta and Koschei

Cuz like imagine a story where this deathless death god found out about cauldrongate and was like psychologically manipulating Nesta into gathering all of the troves (his soul bits) so that she could 1) become his queen/weapon, 2) make him all powerful, and 3) become a literal shield for him because the gang would have to kill her to kill him

(gonna unprofessionally ramble in the tags because I need to brainstorm about this lol)

#this probably sucks ass but I genuinely love the Koschei the Deathless myths sauuur much #like how fucking dare you throw him in there casually #anyways I need to work out the wrinkles in this hmmm #I know I’m bomb at pitching stories but there’s stuff missing and I need to work it out yknow #but yeah drop the mortal queen who’s evil thing cuz honestly who gives a fuck #also no shade to the rehab thing it was v relatable but also clearly a background for super sex #it could’ve been set up in the christmas special too #like oooo look something’s weird with nesta what could it be #and then also instead of there being too much free time for cassian to come off as an asshole #maybe he’s like trying to get thru to her or something #maybe it could be a literal retelling of the koschei story where the guy fucks his ass up for his lover #yeah that’s good see I just need to brainstorm in live time #sjm critical #THIS ISNT ABOUT HER I SWEAR IM JUST PITCHING #also also you could tie in nesta’s grooming for grooming #like in a sick way this is what she was raised to do #her wacky grandmother who def existed to make her story more sad laid the foundation for this #and now she has to like break that cycle and reaffirm that NO she doesn’t need to exist for old men #she deserves something better and epic #idk man I’m going crazy sorry

[thejadecount]

To me, one of the best parts of having watched ATSV and go on Tumblr is to find out that apparently just EVERYONE missed the part in the first movie with the spider glitching, meanwhile I’ve known the entire time and just been waiting for the writers to do something about it. Anyone else?

#like seriously #it’s just been #seemingly a good chunk of the fandom: how could I have missed such a crucial detail in the first film???? of course they did something— #meanwhile me circa 2018 watching the first film: #so should we be worrying about that glitching spider? #i feel like im going crazy #I haven’t seen anyone else go ‘oh yeah I saw that the first time’ #like in my theater everyone else was freaking out about Miles going to the 42 universe #and I was like ‘yeah that makes sense’ #sersiouly tho this happened to anyone else? #across the spiderverse #into the spider verse #earth 42 #like the whole glitching spider thing always bugged me and then atsv came out and I was so relieved they brought it up again #don’t know what else to tag this with

[toxooz]

me emotionally switching from 50 year old dad to middle schooler every 5 minutes this entire year bc the hormonal imbalance is desecrating my rat brain

#i miss my default 50 year old twice divorced emotionally seasoned man brain setting #im blaming the birth control right tf now lmfao #like Yes i was so manly im growing hair Everywhere and my ovaries were actively trying to kill me #but now my whole ass brain is now back to actively trying to kill me Every Single Day not just a week in a month lmfao #i thought it would just enhance the crazy bitch disease and be EXTREMELY pissed off but bruh #im not bleeding gallons and bed ridden from the physical pain but literally at what cost sksksk #im just bed ridden from emotional pain which might??? be worse lmfao #ANYWAY taking friday off bc these bitches made me work every saturday in april so i had n o time #still got like 5 pages left of the comic but im at The Good Part so i should move fast af #i just have to have the time to sit down and Focus (rare item)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#if u r curious abt following the saga that is my life: #i did finally accept an official offer from a school this afternoon. which is a huge relief and really exciting #and for once i think i did something that will b good for me in mind and body lol bc i think i could b happy with any of the places i #applied to but this program is most geared to my interests and its in a place where i think i can have fun due to the accessibility #of nature and the mountains haha. like at rutgers i think i could have got a good education and had a lot of opportunities but i think it #would have crushed my soul a lil bc it would b more high pressure and in the city. ya kno? so i hopefully i dont regret the choice lol #i still have to wait on the offical acceptance stuff but now at least i can allow myself to get excited abt the potential project and start #researching. which i mean ill have 5yrs of a phd for that but idk im excited and my life feels so empty and meaningless rn ive gotta take #the excitement where i can haha #anyway housing is gonna b a bitch bc there arent a lot of places available in grad student price ranges in the city to the point where they #said so in the official offer rip. and i have to decide when im leaving the southwest bc i could stay til August or leave in july and take #like a whole almost 2 months to just not b doing anything for a sec. and my dad was like !!! u could go to the crazy state parks #or drive out to the pacific northwest! and that would b amazing but also that sounds so scary to do on my own lol #like i dont wanna b missing and murdered as a youngish non guy traveling alone #but i could do it if i tried im sure. anyway i just wanted to let yall kno #bc im so doom and gloom on here all the time but a transition period is looming so im only stuck here for a few more months #and hopefully itll b a page turn into a happier place haha #watch out yellowstone cyanobacteria. im coming for u >:-] #knock on wood. ya kno. just in case #hhhh at least i can breathe a lil better now i have a direction #unrelated

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates