#i really dont want to tag this in fear.

[slightlyunconventional]

long overdue second dbhwks fic (2.8k)

SLAVED AWAY at this for days (i didnt. i could have done it in one but i procrastinated so much it’s unbelievable. but heres some food) quite happy w how it came out too if i do say so myself,, hope u enjoy!! 🫶

-

“Sorry I’m late.” Dabi. He’s picked the damn lock again. 

“Oh my god, do you seriously not know how to knock?” Hawks calls back, practically skipping into the living room. 

“Don’t wanna stand around outside your door like a creep, thanks,” deadpans the villain. Hawks rolls his eyes.

“You look like more of a creep picking the lock, but sure. Come here.”

He takes Dabi by the hand and leads him toward the couch. His fingers are warm, like usual. God, has Hawks missed that. Between hero work, villainy, and conflicting schedules they’d barely had time to see each other and, man, was it miserable. It takes everything in him not to bowl Dabi over with an absolutely suffocating embrace - it’d probably kill the man. 

Dabi raises his eyebrows. “You cleaned?” 

Hawks had expected Dabi to notice, but not point it out, so he’s a little caught off guard by the halfway-question. “Oh, yeah,” he says, a fraction sheepishly, “Is it too much?”

“Mm, no, looks good,” Dabi smirks, “Makes a nice change from all the crap you’ve usually got lying around.” Hawks hits him playfully and he laughs, clear and smooth, not at all like the peals brimming with malice he’d usually hear from Dabi.

“Uuugh, I hate you, leave me alone,” he complains. When Dabi’s eyebrows raise again, Hawks pulls a face and adds, “I’m a busy man! I don’t have time to clean!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m flattered.”

He sits Dabi down on the couch, maybe a little too eagerly, and comes down to straddle the taller man’s lap. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers, before pressing his lips to Dabi’s with an urgency that only comes from being deprived of seeing one’s lover for far too long. Dabi loosens underneath Hawks and they quickly fall into a long practised pattern, all pretences dropped for this moment of touch-starved tenderness. Nothing exists outside of this room, everything is so warm, and Hawks melts even more when he feels Dabi smile against his lips.

“Seems like someone missed me,” murmurs the villain, voice sleek and low. The response is simply a hand laced through the dyed-black hair at the back of Dabi’s head, taking hold of him and pulling him closer with nothing short of absolute need. In turn, Dabi’s hands find the small of Hawks’ back, and heat begins to pool in his stomach as they slowly threaten to sneak closer to the bases of his wings. And his lips are warm, so warm, and he always seems to know exactly what to do with them to make Hawks collapse like putty in his hands. For a crazed villain who incinerates shit for fun, Dabi’s a fucking good kisser. 

…And a tease, apparently! Hawks knows that Dabi knows how badly he wants this, and how long he’s been waiting - yet he still seems to be taking his sweet time. He can feel the villain absently tracing circles into his back, with the same pace as his mouth is working against Hawks’. The little shit. He knows exactly what he’s doing; well, two can play at that game. Hawks takes it as a challenge, takes Dabi’s scarred face between his hands, and takes control. He presses closer, kissing the man with some previously unseen vigour, practically forcing him to match the increased pace. A little wave of triumph passes through Hawks as he hears Dabi’s breath catch in the back of his throat, nearly silent, but they’re close enough that nothing can really go unheard. Feeling like he’s succeeded, Hawks goes to indulge further, perhaps elicit some more reactions like that, when he feels Dabi’s hand leave his back. Before he can register it properly, the hand is upon his chest, pushing with some insistence. Hawks pulls away, panicked.

“Oh, shit, fuck, sorry, was that too much?”

The arm Dabi has outstretched towards Hawks’ chest slackens slightly, as do his facial features. He doesn’t reply, but rather his lips part and his eyes glaze over, forming an expression so laced with vulnerability that Hawks is almost taken aback - though, he can’t dwell on the display for long, as he’s quickly instead watching Dabi bring his other hand, curled tightly into a fist, up to his own face and press it most firmly to the underside of his nose. His chest rises once with an inhale not unlike before, only this time a little louder and deeper, and he ducks forward slightly with two slightly-awkwardly stifled sneezes.

“hhahh-! ..hh’nGXT! kxNTsh! Ugh, fuck.”

“Oh!” Hawks says, a little surprised, “Bless you.” A part of him wants to chide the villain for holding it in like that, but he refrains, knowing full well he himself would stifle exactly the same.

Dabi hums in lieu of a thanks, and Hawks returns his hand to his boyfriend’s face and leans back in.

“Can I go back to kissing you now?” he murmurs.

Dabi rolls his eyes but drapes his arms lazily over Hawks’ shoulders, an invitation, yes, you can go back to kissing me now. Their lips interlock once again, picking up where they left off, with Hawks feeling absolutely on top of the world from the fact that he’s doing the work here, he’s the one kissing Dabi, not the other way around. He’s never been opposed to Dabi taking control, in fact he loves being ravaged by the man, but sue him, sometimes it feels good to be the one doing the ravaging. However, his elation at this seems to be poorly concealed, or perhaps Dabi just wants to knock him down a peg, because Hawks feels teeth closing on his bottom lip. Not so hard that it hurts, but just enough to tease an audible gasp from him as he tenses up on Dabi’s lap. He’s fairly certain he’s never needed someone all over him so badly until this point. Clearly it shows, too, since Dabi insists on being such a menace and playing the long game with him. Well, Hawks decides that’s not going to fly; he presses in closer, almost entirely closing the gap between them and slides his other hand behind Dabi’s head, not-so-subtly tugging him closer and kissing him harder, once more regaining the upper hand. He takes to gently thumbing back and forth against the base of Dabi’s neck, to which the man lets out, involuntarily, a little noise of satisfaction, finally accepting submission. Hawks is almost tempted to bite Dabi back, but maybe that’d be pushing his luck. Besides, this side of Dabi - soft, pliant, accepting - is one he rarely sees, and he’s kind of into it. It’s a good look on the villain. 

Before long, however, their rhythm is broken once again. One of the arms laying around Hawks’ neck begins to move, and the hand meets his shoulder. Hawks has a sneaking feeling he knows what’s coming (for the second time), as Dabi’s hand pushes against his shoulder - slowly, though, as if he’s really trying to prolong the inevitable. It really doesn’t seem like he wants to pull away, so Hawks does it for him, gently separates their faces, strangely endeared by Dabi’s reluctance - and it seems he did so at exactly the right moment. Being so close to him, Hawks can easily see the way his face immediately crumples, eyes flickering shut and lips parting with an inhale that sounded as though it had been waiting to be drawn for… a while. In a split second, he’s tugging the sleeve of his hoodie over his hand with some urgency, and Hawks catches the flare of his nostrils right before he pinches his nose, clamping the thick black fabric over the bottom half of his face. There’s hardly six inches between the two of them, so Dabi twists awkwardly to the side with a set of cruelly stifled sneezes.

“hh’GKTtch! ‘KXXSHh! Ugh, god– h-hahH’KGXt’sh!”

They sound harsher this time around, harder to stifle, probably.

“Bless,” says Hawks, “You okay?”

“Mm… yeah, just something really… stings,” Dabi replies. He’s knuckling the side of his nose with some force.

“You’re, uh, not getting sick are you?” Hawks asks, unable to conceal the tinge of nervousness that seeps into his tone. As much as he loves the man, he’s got some long days on patrol coming up soon, and a cold from Dabi would severely compromise him.

Dabi raises an eyebrow. “I’m not that much of an asshole, Kei.”

“Right-! Yeah, no, of course not. Sorry, I didn’t really think there.” Hawks grimaces internally at himself, and Dabi shakes his head.

“Ugh, Jesus, hold on–” He turns away again, breath wavering, “hehh’nGXKt!” A shaky exhale escapes from him as he releases his nose.

“So, what’s got you all worked up, then?” asks Hawks, teasing.

Dabi half-sighs, half-groans, and replies, “Don’t know, but I wish it would fucking stop.” As if for emphasis, the sentence is punctuated with an irritated-sounding sniffle.

“Well, it probably would if you stopped stifling like that,” Hawks says pointedly. That earns him a hazy blue-eyed glare… that doesn’t last long, since Dabi’s squinting again, and his mouth curls up into the beginnings of something akin to a snarl. Hawks smirks as he ducks into the crook of his sweater-clad elbow to muffle yet another sneeze.

“hehH’DSHHh’uh! What the fuck?”

At least he didn’t stifle it.

Hawks hums. “Bless you.” He sends a feather to retrieve a box of tissues, then decides the villain probably also needs some space, so he manoeuvres himself gracelessly off Dabi’s lap to sit beside him on the couch. 

“Very elegant,” Dabi remarks.

“Ugh, shut up,” he replies, elbowing Dabi in the ribs. The laugh this elicits almost straight away rises into a staggered gasp, that itself turns into a pair of hastily covered sneezes.

“hhahH’KXXTshuh! hh’huuhh’DZSHHhue!”

“Jeez, bless you.”

Dabi sniffles thickly. “Yeah.”

Hawks’ feather zips back into the room and drops a box of tissues into Dabi’s lap - the thicker, softer ones that the hero always insists on buying despite them being double the price of regular ones. 

“Sounds like they’re getting stronger,” Hawks observes, a note of concern in his tone, but then adds, more teasingly, “Not allergic to me, are you?”

Dabi scoffs and tugs a couple of tissues from the box. “I wish,” he says, scrubbing at his nose. “Then I’d actually have an excuse to avoid your annoying ass.”

“Wow, okay, that was so uncalled for. Just say you hate me at that point.”

It’s Dabi’s turn to elbow Hawks back. He probably deserves it. 

 “Ow, bitch,” he says in mock offence. 

“You’re the bitch,” comes the reply, from behind a handful of tissues (which are then promptly screwed up and tossed, flying in a neat arc, straight into the trash on the other side of the room). 

“Whatever, bitch. Are you done sneezing yet? This couch isn’t as comfy as your thighs-”

“Ugh, shut up, you are so weird,” Dabi interjects in fond disgust. 

“Oh my god, what if you’re allergic to my apartment being clean? Then I never have to clean ever again, hah!”

Dabi gives him a look. “You say that as a joke, but honestly, you migh-might be right…hh.. hehH’KXNTtsh’uh!”

Dabi’s expression falls midway through his sentence, brows drawing together and eyes narrowing as he gives into another sneeze, hastily half-stifled against the back of his hand.

“Seriously,” Hawks deadpans, eyebrows raised. That’s new, he thinks.

“Well, unless you’ve suddenly acquired a pet cat - which I doubt - then yeah, seriously,” says the villain flatly, though with a note of congestion starting to creep into his voice. “Last I checked, your place didn’t reek of fuckin’ –all of spring and then some.” 

Hawks suddenly remembers the air freshener he’d used–the only one he had, some floral one found right at the back of a cupboard, unused for entirely too long. He hadn’t had a clue what clean apartments were supposed to smell of, so he’d sort of just… went ham with it. Definitely a mistake.

“Don’t slander my choice in scents,” he teases, “Are you sure it’s… that?”

“Nothing else changed ‘round here, has it?” Dabi pauses to give his nose a brief rub. “I’m here practically every week and I’ve been fine, so, you tell me.”

Hawks will never not poke the bear when he’s got the opportunity, so he says, “So this does mean I never have to clean the place ever again, right?”

Dabi’s mouth falls open as he feigns offence. He says, dramatically, “Wow. That’s all you have to say? When I could literally die right now in front of you? I’m.. hah- I’m-”

Hawks snickers. “Bless you,” he sing-songs prematurely, utterly pleased with himself. It’s almost cute, the attempted glare Dabi gives him through his glazed over expression. Nobody can look menacing in the slightest when they’re trying not to sneeze (and that’s a fact!).

“Sh-shut uhhhp..” replies Dabi, his voice quavering. He lifts a hand slowly, bringing it to hover weakly before his face. His breathing is unsteady and his eyes half-lidded, and the crease between his dark brows deepens.

“Okay, point proven, idiot,” Hawks says with a laugh, “Just sneeze, this is torture even for me.”

The hazy glare returns, and Hawks clocks it. 

“Oh!” he laughs, giving Dabi a slightly bewildered smile. “Oh my god, I jinxed it. You deserve that ‘cause you’re mean to me.”

“I hahh-hate you-” Dabi responds breathily. He rubs at the side of his nose with two knuckles, pressing decently harder than is probably necessary. The bridge crinkles in irritation when the rubbing clearly has no effect. “Jesus, it won’t go away.”

“Mm, what a shame.”

There goes a third bleary glare from the villain. “I’d like to remind you wh-whose fault thhihhs.. was in the first place,” he says. Any malice intended to be behind his utterance is immediately negated by his breath catching and wavering through the words. Though, at a point, Hawks begins to feel a little… voyeuristic just watching Dabi struggle. Sure, he’s his boyfriend and all, and yeah, he’s definitely seen worse, but it’s easy to tell Dabi’s getting a little self-conscious about this… spectacle. He’s never been a fan of having things out of his control, especially not displays of vulnerability like this, and Hawks knows this, so why prolong it?

“Well, I guess there’s only one thing for it,” he says, taking matters into his own hands. 

“Fuck off- what–” Dabi gets out, as Hawks takes his face between his hands and begins to press kisses softly down the bridge of his nose. Hawks doesn’t let him twist away from it, trying not to laugh to himself about how dumb this probably looks. At least one of them is having fun. He considers pulling away with a “Gonna sneeze yet?”, but refrains - he’d probably end up on fire. He does, however, pause for a moment when he reaches Dabi’s trio of silver nose studs, hovering. There’ve been feathery, wavering breaths coming from his boyfriend consistently but, nothing has come to fruition, so Hawks decides–those piercings have always been sensitive, a fact he’d discovered about Dabi rather early on (and maybe, possibly sometimes used to be a menace). He plants a final, delicate kiss right upon where the three studs lie, and finally lets Dabi pull away.

“Oh, oh, fuck– s-screw you–hh’ehH’IIDTSSHh’uh! ‘kXXTS’SHhue! …Christ, you’re such an ass.” The pair of sneezes that result are harsh to say the very least. And even after all that, he still tries stifling the second– unsurprising, but at that point is it even worth it?

 “Sorry! I had to!” Hawks says, really trying to look like he isn’t laughing. It doesn’t work.

“You absolutely did not have to,” corrects Dabi. 

“Okaaay, okay, sorry. It was funny though.”

“Yeah, for you, maybe,” Dabi mutters, shaking his head, “Oh, fuck’s sake, hold on–”

“I’ll wait till you’re done to say bless you, this time,” says Hawks with a fond snicker. 

“Good plah-an–! hhuh’hHDSHH’SHuh! …Ugh, fuck.”

“Bless,” Hawks replies. He averts his eyes, a little sheepishly. Dabi pulls a face.

He asks, “What the fuck’s with the guilty face?” to which Hawks throws his head back with a groan and slides his hands across his face.

“I just wanted to do something nice,” he says, “You know, clean the place up a bit. Since it’s always kind of a massive mess.”

“Jesus, Kei, I don’t care about that,” says Dabi, breathing a laugh. “It’s you I’m here for, not your fuckin’ apartment. I can kiss you whether or not there’s crap on every surface.”

Hawks isn’t used to Dabi outright saying nice things, so his cheeks flush slightly hearing this. He’s unsure what to say. Thankfully, Dabi speaks again.

“Okay. Where didn’t you spray that shit?”

Hawks scoffs. “I sort of went crazy with it, uh… my bedroom? If that works?”

“Very forward,” Dabi replies, raising his eyebrows. “Almost like you wanted me in there.”

Hawks jabs him in the ribs but still smirks. “Yeah, maybe I did.”

#this is also pretty dialogue heavy cause i like doing dialogue but sometimes i do too much. er #its fine though right #also sorry h/awks nation im feeding you next i promise!! #ive just been wanting to get this fic done for ages and i wanted to focus on it yk #but i have a decent sized h/awks wip atm and also a couple other ideas that i really wanna write for him so!!! #fear not #anyway tag time boooooring #snz #snzblr #snz kink #snzario #snz blog #sneeze kink #snzfic #sneezefic #m/ha #d/abihawks #d/abi #OMG ALSO. SORRY IF ITS CRINGE #like the kissing part. its so embarrassing but i just dont Know how to write stuff like that. but i stepped out of my comfort zone for this #so sorry if its crap #in that department

[spider-man-2o99]

okayokayokay ill shut up after this but before i go just look at him putting his arms & red patches up over his head to look more Big and Scary like.. . . yeah yeah buddy we get it u r venomous and Birds oughta Think TWICE Before They Mess With You and also this is DEFINITELY not going 2 come back to haunt Anyone at Any Point EVER

#talking tag #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #across the spider-verse #atsv #(disheartened) lads i dont know if he will Bite That Teenager. strongly a-fearing that he really just might not have his paralyzing bite :{ #cause like FR if youre both unmasked and miles is Running Away. and YOU dont want him to run away. then WHY not try 2 bite him? #but when we see miles as theyre fightin. his suits torn up yes but he doesnt have any (visible) Fang Punctures #which means! for Some Damn Reason! either mig is just Letting Miles Run for the #-sake of whatever his Motivation in this film is (aka it only makes sense with context). Or. OR. they just FORGOT HES VENOMOUS >:{ #listen to me atsv LISTEN to me you already fuckign gave him an abe lincoln head if he doesnt even have his fangs im turning into tha joker #no group tetanus shots bcuz mig got freaked out nd started biting ppl.... <:(

[frankiebirds]

so. this scene has been talked about a lot:

I think this scene is a really interesting example of the criminal minds writers giving tiny pieces of character backstories that are never elaborated upon, (or, more broadly, forgetting early established character details) because unlike a lot of examples where lines are said and immediately forgotten about, I do think this revelation informs a lot of Hotch's character. I'm not necessarily saying that the writers always had it in mind when writing Hotch that he experienced childhood abuse, but I do feel like you can see the ways in which he was affected. I don't know—this made more sense in my head, but it feels a little less forgotten about and a little less thrown in than some other examples. I think a big difference between this scene and some later ones is that:

The trauma happened pre-series

and

It was established in the first season.

criminal minds isn't great at letting their characters be affected by their in-series trauma for more than a few episodes (and then maybe it'll come up once or twice down the line because the writers remembered it happened) and a lot of later instances* of characters being revealed to have some major pre-series trauma suffer because the impact it would have reasonably had on them isn't consistent with earlier portrayals and sometimes even contradicts established information.

not that it can't be interesting to look at those earlier portrayals of their characters with the backstory that is added later. again, this all made more sense in my head: essentially, the reason i think this feels different to me is that the writers knew when they started writing hotch that he was abused as a child, while other characters who have traumatic backstories revealed have those backstories added much later, and so the writers have a not-great choice between showing the effects their trauma had on them when there was no sign of it earlier, or moving on with their character as if none of it ever happened.

*i'd like to quickly establish that i'm not talking about morgan here. that was also a pretty early reveal and feels consistent enough with early characterization that i wouldn't be shocked if the idea was first floated while season one was being written

#as for how i think hotch's childhood abuse actually affected him #that would require a longer post and for me to watch more episodes so i have more evidence #but the very simple one sentence version is that i think hotch fears becoming his father #was it his biodad or stepdad? i dont remember. he had both right? #either way. if criminal minds writers were like #hey nineteen year-old canadian #for some reason we want you to cast hotch's father for a flashback #i would want the actor to look as much like thomas gibson as possible to really drive that point home #even if it WAS his stepdad #and if it was his stepdad it could fuck people up even more because instead of being told he looks like either of his biological parents #he'd constantly be told how much he looks like his unrelated abuser #man im sorry im just rambling in the tags ill shut up now #criminal minds #criminal minds rewatch #criminal minds s01e08 #natural born killer #aaron hotchner #not fic

[wolfsbanesparks]

*politely raises hand* Ayo do you have any thoughts on if fear toxin is even anything to worry about in the face of the Courage of Achilles?

Like Billy Batson would obviously have a terrible time if he’s exposed to it but would Captain Marvel, setting aside the fact he doesn’t need to breathe, be fine?

I don’t have a penny to give but I request thy thoughts.

Hey there!

So my answer here is two fold:

Technically there have been canon comics where Captain Marvel is affected by fear toxin (Shazam #12 i believe), bringing his greatest fears as Billy to the surface despite him being powered up. There have also been other non fear toxin induced events to a similar effect.

But to be perfectly honest, the comic I'm thinking of largely included him being affected by fear toxin as an excuse for a more experienced Batman to save the day and highlight his own inexperienced fighting style.

So as with most things, Cap's immunity to toxins (including fear toxin) varies based on what the writers want to happen in their story.

Personally, I think that he should be immune to standard fear toxin or at the very least be able to power through the hallucinations because of the courage of Achilles. I mean what's the point of having supernatural courage as a power if you can't overcome a chemical to induce fear? Especially if perfectly ordinary human Batman can do it with sheer willpower?

Mostly I think a lot of people have the tendency to downplay Cap's abilities while at the same time hyping up Batman and his rogues. If Cap's powers are actually understood and respected by the writers there really shouldn't be much to worry about with fear toxin (unless there's a a team up with a magical villain enhancing it or Billy is caught in it before he can transform. Then we might have an interesting story).

So that's my two cents on the subject! I'd love to other people chime in!

#ask me whatever you want y'all #shazam #billy batson #dc captain marvel #fear toxin #batman #scarecrow #yes i am throwing some shade on comics writers who dont seem to care about Captain Marvel's actual powers #he can do a lot more than punch things really hard and shoot lightning #Cap should be able to one hit KO at least 75% of Batman’s rogues gallery #that shouldn't even be a question #i love batman and the Gotham rogues but they work because they are (for the most part) non powered people fighting other non powered people #also people (including DC wroters) seem to forget thst Cap is immune to most non magical poisons #sorry for ranting in the tags #but i have feelings about my boy not being respected by DC writers

[measureyourlifeincake]

ysee, i believe people can do whatever they want in their fanart + headcanons, though i myself am not really big on headcanoning appearances for characters we never see bc i don't have a very strong visual imagination and it just doesn't super interest me

however, i also believe that if you draw the protagonist of slay the princess (or any of the voices or the narrator) without a beak then you are a coward

#hes a fucking BIRD DUDE #if you draw him as Some Guy but with feathers you are weak #also we *do* see the narrators face so we *know* he has a beak in canon #ive been going through the slay the princess tag and i am surprised at how many beakless designs there are #also part of me wants to draw fanart of the protag paralyzed in fear during the nightmare route #but i dont really wanna lock in a design for him #so im at a bit of an impasse #with myself #slay the princess #slay the princess spoilers

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!'' #i have several grips about that interpretation #going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply) #to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take #a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his #inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect #him to be that smart #but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way #it fine #what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao #who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3) #3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too #like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's #rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc #the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭 #also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw #unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it) #like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her. #she's his friend. #but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones #where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭 #anti steddie #not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone #edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel #drowned in st3ddie posts #like something isn't right here

[yaoianime]

Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️ #sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

[maxiwaxipads]

Romarriche - “Your company is one of a kind… I would never lie to you. I would never say a half-truth or be quiet.” “What is it in your mind, Merold?” “Hearing your voice, complaint or not—it is music to me either way.” Merold - “If there is one constant in this world… Let it be you.” “You’re the cruelest and the kindest thing that happened to me.” “…If only you continued to look at me like that.” Romarriche - “…Merold?” Merold - “But~ It’s only a minor case of bad-mood-itis.” “So Romarriche, spoil me with a spar, will you?” Romarriche - “Merold.” Romarriche - “Look at me.” Merold - “…” Romarriche - “Is something… Wrong?” Merold - “Instead of a spar…” “I might want to lie down on your lap after all.”

#fragaria memories #merold #romarriche #i wont lie i only had the first line and wanted to write something with it #i was reading this novel and i wanted to write something romantic </3 #im gonna babble here on my own so you're always free to skip the tags... #if i remember correctly romarriche and merold were made knights around the same time and I work on that context #i like to think their relationship was rocky at first at romarriche's side who didn't want to befriend merold #compared to merold who thought he finally had a friend his age that was also a knight of fragaria #it was romarriche who looked at merold with a perceived perfection and was compared to him #“...I'll get better and strong. I'll impress everyone so I don't have to hear it--his name repeating over and over again.” #merold who says “if only you continued to look at me like that...” refers back to the past when romarriche didn't think of him favorably #but i like the double meaning to it “please look me as you did before and look at me as you do now” #“cruelest” and “kindest” i was a reading a novel that also used those words so I kinda grabbed from that </3 #its really a cute novel though #me reading fragaria memories theories to see if it can at least make sense #i like this but i dont like this at the same time wwww #what does it say about its characters? as a writer i want to care about that because no dialogue should be said without reason #i think this dialogue is perfection but what am i writing this for? who does it refer it? what does it refer to? #but at the end of the day i simply want to indulge myself #something that could sound good and personal and something that could make people who read this smile and myself smile #Merold - “Will you make the promise to never change?” #Romarriche - “Change... But change in what way?” #Merold - “...” #Merold - “Because I'm a knight who fears a lot of things...” #Merold - “And I care about the Romarriche I have now.” #it was never supposed to be detailed but look at me now... </3

[bmpmp3]

and of course here's the drawing from my recent voicevox cover~

#art #traditional art #watercolour #fanart #voicevox #oh god i need to tag them all again hold on #kurono takehiro #aoyama ryuusei #shirakami kotarou #wakamatsu akashi #kigashima sourin #virvox project #i spent a really long time fearing making a drawing for the video because i was like #i need to make takehiro play a piano. but i dont want. to draw a piano #and i was like. oh god. how am i ever gonna draw a grand piano. or even an upright. theyre gonna kill me #but then i remembered i took piano lessons as a kid on a synth keyboard (which my piano teachers HATED because i would like) #(turn down the volume to be lower while practicing because it was too loud for my brain) #(and i couldnt handle playing loud on their real pianos LOL and other reasons too probably) #so i was like. okay we're drawing the yamaha. we're drawing the yamaha #it had a few demo songs to show off the different synth sounds on it and i really liked the one that was like. a midi of scarborough fair #i also liked doing a weird thing where i would hold a key on the rain sound and switch to the thunder sound while still holding it down #and make a thunder storm :) i was really bad at piano lessons. can you tell

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways

#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point #but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic #the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own #(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write #2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing) #the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die #i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick #but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern. #anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it. #and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around #without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn #such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing #which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence #when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe #and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude #like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????'' #again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it #i just #blahh #the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one

[subarashiihibi]

logging onto tumblr and seeing blatant ableism was not something i was expecting but Alright

#izaya is the official number 1 cluster b pd ambassador #me personally ive always been a firm believer in bpd izaya but after doing more research on aspd #i get it like it really does make sense esp a lot of little things here and there #just a horrible take in general i fear. rethink your life choices if yr being ableist over a hc #and shoutout to whoever brought the aspd izaya hc to life 💞💞 #i dont usually talk abt 'drama' or whatever but it's so disheartening to see #rly it shouldnt matter that much for someone to make a whole damn post fussing over it #regardless of whether or not izaya has aspd he is beautiful and it shouldnt be that huge of a deal that is my honest opinion #as in if yr that hung up over 'nooo izaya cant have aspd he has empathy!!!!🥺🥺' #1) just go to hell and 2) this should not affect how you regard him that much and if it does you are not worthy of liking him #er thats just me being petty but rly i mean it! it's all unconditional love for izaya here. #actually one more thing i do want to say i really do appreciate the creator of this hc i said it earlier but like #i love analyzing izaya as a character but i am admittedly SO BAD at forming meaningful explanations and stuff #so smth to not only do that but also explain how he fits the aspd diagnostic criteria and how it all lines up... it's really cool #ok sowrry i wont ramble anymore. im writing a damn essay in these tags 😭

[spearxwind]

you what’s a really funny about me following you for and massively enjoying Challenger Deep?

i am Extremely Not Down with the open ocean and ocean creatures larger than a school bus. worst thing in the world to me. Bad Vibes. far too scary by far‚ i was scared

That's really valid! The truth is though that most creatures larger than a school bus won't really hurt you (on purpose at least), most creatures that can hurt you arent really larger than a school bus at all (sharks and orcas, mostly) and the grand majority of things that can hurt are usually the size of a football at most. Sperm whales however (bigger than a school bus) will kill you just with the loudness of their clicks in close proximity alone

Jokes aside though I do think it's worth learning about the ocean to find it a little less scary, the same way you can do with bugs to make them feel less scary. We fear the unknown a lot, and the ocean is very feared for this reason, so what better way to combat the fear than to learn about it? That is actually a huge part of why I try to share so much about the sea, Challenger Deep included

Yes, I do want it to be scary when necessary and bc ooooo scary sea monsters and sailor legends are cool as hell, but I don't want it to come at the cost of people fearing our ACTUAL oceans!

If you ever have the time, and ever feel like fearing the ocean a little less, I recommend maybe watching a few videos from the EV nautilus channel where they find cool creatures in the deep and excitedly talk about them! And you can see most of them literally just Chill Out at the bottom most of the time. Or even check out the really cool and educational posts by @mbari-blog where they showcase cool creatures and biomes :]

In the end the ocean isnt actually some hell dimension to fear, its just another ecosystem filled with life that's evolved differently <3

And I will refer to this very cool post I reblogged recently as proof

#ask #hope you dont mind me answering this more jokey ask a little more seriously #i just really love the ocean a lot and feel like it is deeply misunderstood #the creatures who live there are a little alien yes but they are just living their lives #did you know whales and dolphins have their own cultures? that octopi are smart enough to have small civilizations? #did you know that reef fish sing and that the ocean has a whole soundscape around it #fearing it is obviously valid. it is pretty scary. and it definitely MUST be respected as the colossal force of nature that it is #however i dont want peoples fears of it to keep them from experiencing it or from knowing how many cool things there are in it too #this has been a love the ocean psa #actually ill put it in my tag too #ocean

[makeshift-wizard]

in my mind it is not surprising that someone who grew up in an emotionally stunted home, would then turn out somewhat emotionally stunted, ESPECIALLY in their teenage years. personally i think mike would have the same issue saying i love you to will, if byler becomes canon. and it’s specifically because he has had no real example in his home to show him what affirming your love to someone can mean. (admittedly, maybe less so, since he’s known will so long and obviously he has less trouble talking to will than he has anyone else)

i believe he certainly views action as more important than words (which is a mite ironic for someone whos supposed to be really good with words) but the issue is that both his and eleven’s actions are TRANSACTIONAL at the moment. they kiss, they send each other letters, he brings eleven flowers, she knocks a bunch of candy out the vending machine for him as a peace offering, the make up over sharing m&ms, he brings her waffles to make up, she saved will twice,  etc etc etc

it’s just an endless cycle of gifts to each other, when at the end of the day they never actually sit down and talk.

and it’s interesting to note that will doesn’t actually consider giving his painting to mike (and yes im gonna run with the assumption its for mike cuz there is literally no way it’s for anyone else), a gift, a transactional sort of exchange between best friends, until he’s actually certain that he and mike are making their way to being on equal footing again. after they talk, after they open up to each other. not as a tool to further bond with mike, but to show how much their friendship already means to him.

#byler #i wont be tagging that other ship because those ppl over there smoke crack #i just have a lot of thoughts on what mike must be going through #mostly because i can REALLY relate to being frozen by fear #even if you know that someone loves you #theres always doubt #you always worry that they dont actually need or want you

[denkryn]

Marcille is actually quite selfish when u think about it. Her fundamental character drive is her biggest fear which is everyone leaving her. It’s not that people she loves will die before her and she’s scared of that. It’s much more selfish. It’s people leaving HER. She doesn’t want to be alone. But it is her curse to bear as a half-elf. I love how selfish she actually is when u think about it. She does black magic because she needs to resurrect her gf. It’s a selfish desire. Without a care for consequence. All her motivations are very self-based. If u think about it. Even the lunatic magician who was basically the bad guy was not really selfish compared to her. He geniunely wanted to save the kingdom. But Marcille, well Marcille just wants to not be alone.

#an arguement can be made about sissel but i dont care enough to make it #:) #anyway i have just been thinking a lot about character motivations because u need to have a good grasp on it to write a good fic #or at least have a piece of canon u really want to lean on in order to write a solid character #i shant tag this because i fear the discourse 😂 #i just enjoy this manga very much #txt

[widevibratobitch]

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time) #and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die. #and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus. #but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help. #but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation. #i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.

[catboyfurina]

One of the really irritating things about that 'oh QPR is just friendship, clearly you've never had friends, lmao loser' discourse is that (and there are many irritating things this is just one of them) even in QPRs that ARE just friendships with a new fancy label.... like...? There are many kinds of friendship that people just have because it's easier than not. And there are friendships that you think are going to be incredibly lasting, but then they date someone new and suddenly you're no longer a priority. The QPR label lets people attach an intentionality and priority to their friendship that really is not guaranteed..... like also not every QPR is this way etc etc but even when it is Just Friendship T M its still like entirely reasonable to want to use that label to signify that it isn't casual

#beeep #like this isnt to say casual friendships are BAD but for alloros its kinda like. there is a typical way to denote a relationship #is intended to be very lasting and very stable and it has its own special word and its normal to look for it etc etc and #like why are u begrudging aros the same thing. just cus they dont wanna kiss??? ridiculous #<-guy who was having Emotions about how boyfriend is a really nice label cus it lets me know its On Purpose and not just Convenient #but like yeah. idk if im arospec or not im kinda giving up on the having a solid orientation thing cus thats hard but... the knowledge that #your loved ones will move on and find someone they love the most and then in the future youre nobodys priority and u cant blame them but it #hurts. well thats really scary. like constant unrequited love but nobody understands because the unrequited love is friendship and they lov #you like a friend ! except they don't realize how different the intensities are anyway. this was a fear of mine when i was id'ing as aro an #it isnt an unreasonable one i think. also may have been somewhat sponsored by being the Convenient Friend and not ever a Best Friend but #yeah. in conclusion. even if a qpr is just another name for a friendship there is a REASON they want to use that term for it and its not #just lmao shitty losers. its because the world is really hard to navigate alone and people want to signify that commitment ! raaaaaaargh #anyway im probably not fully aro ive decided. like probably the cupio label is not correct like i previously thought. but i think that #people are ridiculously mean to aros and like. kinda treat them like they are stupid????? or childish??? anyway #turns out i may not be aro however i believe in their beliefs (i could elaborate more on that but i suspect im running out of tags)