#i shit myself awake

[mewtwo24]

Not to be That Guy but like.

Am I the only one that can't stop thinking about how Tianlang-Jun says about Luo Binghe that he pretends to be cold-hearted like his mother. The hint of fondness there, the heartache in that utterance.

Like it drives me absolutely insane. Imagining her putting on a front of strength, cold and driven and unrelenting. Why does TLJ say that about her. Did she secretly look for solutions that meant reconciling with demons instead of hurting them when her sect wasn't looking? (I wonder this because I feel like his weird fondness for SQQ would lowkey track if it's connected to the woman he once loved.) Did he mean that she was tasked with basically assassinating him and she fell in love with him instead (re: failed step one)? Did he mean that she was fond and doting in her own way (e.g. conceding he was attractive, paying for his exploits and humoring him)? Did he mean that, like LBH, she thought that power would be the thing to protect her--and that it was disguising a person who was deeply and privately wounded? All four????? I don't need sleep I need a n s w e r s

Did she know about the Huanhua Palace Master's skeevy ass intentions before she met TLJ? Or did those only come to significant light after she fell in love with TLJ? Is that why she never anticipated that level of betrayal, because initially she had no intention of being with anyone romantically? And HHPM just assumed she would be under his thumb forever?? Was she furious at her own indiscretion or did she try to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip, a way to try to stop the immortals of Cang Qiong Mountain from attacking TLJ (plus the bonus of marriage entrapment no takesies backsies this is where LBH gets it from)? Did she try to use that claim on her to dissuade HHPM from his covetous advances, framing herself as tainted so that she could finally escape? Did she dream of a life by TLJ's side, far away from Cang Qiong Mountain?

Like. Literally every single permutation of what this could mean guts me to hell. Do you ever just cry about tianxi because I--[loud bawling noises]

#svsss #tianxi #tianlang jun #su xiyan #like this shit keeps me awake at night #i'm trying to put fic ideas together and every time i go back to that line i just #find myself trying to parse and hone out su xiyan's mannerisms/personality #zzl's descriptions help a great deal but i also love that they're limited in the sense that #1. zzl was clearly scared shitless of/disconcerted with her LMFAO #2. he was suspicious of her (as a cultivator fundamentally) and its fascinating that TLJ did not seem to share this suspicion at all #or one could argue tlj just didn't care beyond his attraction and glee being around her jkahglfdskjhsfkhjg #there is also the hilarious implication that part of what turned tlj on so much about sx is the fact that she could prbly kill him #tlj really said 'i love a woman who can and WILL kick my ass' #'none of that soft power seduction shit manhandle me or nothing' #like he always believed deep down--or at the very least wanted to believe--that she loved both him and lbh dearly #i'm not usually the fix-it fic type but the Way I Need To See Su Xiyan Destroy Huanhua Palace Master's Entire Life. #i just want sx and her boytoy to live happily ever after is that so wrong? #i also think of that person (im so sorry tumblr user i dont rmr who u are at the minute) that said there had to be trust between tlj and sx #because YES. ABSOLUTELY. I AGREE. AND I WANT IT FOR ME #don't mind me just the usual descent into madness anytime i think too hard about svsss #i need to outline damn you airplane and your refusal to expand on LBH's juicy ass backstory #ill never forgive the chinese (joke)

[infiniteorangethethird]

ik the common agreement in neurodivergent circles seems to be that we all function better at night but here's to the ones who are on the opposite end of the spectrum. To the early birds who wake at 7 and can't stay up past 10pm. To the ones who are left out of almost every social event bc everything seems to be happening after 8 but you're normally in bed by that point. To the ones who are made fun of bc "only little kids go to bed that early". To the ones who, even if they wanted to, can never seem to find their place among others bc of society's expectation that the real fun only begins after midnight. I see you, I feel you, and I wish you a very same

#it's especially annoying bc everyone around me seems to believe #that THEY are the weird one/minority for going to sleep at 4am #when i have literally never. not once. met someone who went to bed at 10pm like me #as part of their natural sleep cycle #& ik i can't be mad at others bc you don't really pick your sleep cycle but like. #a lot of the time it feels like they aren't even trying to involve me #bc 'if i wanted to be involved i should have just stayed awake longer' #instead of like. starting shit earlier or idk #and then im the idiot for not being able to force myself to stay awake #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #adhd #actually adhd #autistic #autism #actually autistic

[dragons-in-spaceee]

Doodled a bunch of my fave scenes and characters from season one for the first day of Celebrate Disco 2023 :))

#celebrate disco 2023 #star trek discovery #I’ve been keeping myself awake with annoying music to finish this #tired emoji #it’s so shit but I put too many hours in to turn back #star trek fanart #star trek discovery fanart #paul stamets #hugh culber #michael burnham #sylvia tilly #my art

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[prompt-master]

A lot of fans headcanon that Donnie likes black coffee and I totally get why cuz he does fit the vibes but then I remember the flavorless juice line and well black coffee has quite the hard hitting taste

So I propose that instead, Donnie simply takes a spoonful of caffeine and-

#tmnt #rottmnt #donatello #i can imagine him drinking black coffee just to wake up but also the mad scientist in him would try some insane shit like that #leo sees donnie shaking and SCARILY wide awake and is like ''geez bro what did you do? drink 4 cups of coffee'' #''i condensed 5 grams of caffeine into on spoonful and ate it'' #''you what'' #''donnie my brother you are going to give me a heart attack one of these days'' #[with a resting heart beat of 200bpm] ''yeah not before i give myself one''

[ante--meridiem]

why must I always be sleepy during the day but alert and excited to get shit done at night

#i thought i'd fixed it but when Very Extroverted Roommate left he took the tea that helped me actually sleep with him #& I haven't been able to find it myself #I could just resign myself to this being my schedule but I feel like I *would* sleep better have more energy and get more done if I could #just. not be nocturnal #also. other people expect me to be awake at normal person hours for courses & shit #personal #whining

[mdverse]

md's fun silly little top 10(ish) arts of the 2023!*

*pretend there's a fun cute doodled banner here (i was going to make one earlier and then i forgor)

doing a lil recap of my top 10 15 (it was supposed to be 10 and i could not narrow it down oops) best(? this is subjective as fuck i guess it's more like my personal faves) drawings of the year! *the crowd cheers* (it’s me I’m the crowd)

15: paradise by the dashboard light! i hate to rank her so low bc i spent ages on her but it seems i don't love the result that much anymore so :/ a for effort for me tho this was ambitious

14: cheer girl loml <33 not my best art technically by far but i went way out of my comfort zone for the background and the art style (for no good reason really) (i just wanted to do a comic book thing bc superhero vibes or whatever) (it did not come out the way i was hoping it would bc i think i got too frustrated) and we simply must acknowledge that. atog did things to me that i cannot explain

13: barbie meme brittana! not my best britt but truly sooo fun to work on. there's nothing quite like finding a fun rendering process and then never using it again (i don't even remember how i coloured this but i like it)

12: cowboy barbie brittana <3 they look good, they're about to kiss, cute outfits, pretty sunset, probably went overboard with the rim lighting, what's not to love? a banger, i think

11: i say a little prayer! i think the background is. questionable at best. but this is still really fun! i think i got possessed when i got to the uniforms bc goddamn they look good

10: klaine?? on this blog???? almost unheard of lmao i truly did not think i would like this one as much as i did. i'd consider ranking it higher if i wasn't constantly Unwell over brittana but again, i'm biased, and no one here should be surprised about that

9: pre-wedding kiss my beloved! with how insane i've been over this kiss it could perhaps be higher. i am gnawing on my desk as we speak i'm not even sitting at a desk rn

8: rutherchang x black swan!! ohhh u guys i don't talk about this one enough i think it's so pretty i don't even remember how i did the colours for it but rhgfdkngd?? love her, love pushing the glee x bts agenda, if any of u gifmakers are interested in making a mike chang x black swan lyric gifset i will love u forever

7: colour wheel challenge! busted my whole tiddies and ass for this one fellas. labour of love etc etc i think staring at the bright colours for so long made my eyesight worse and i'm ok with that

6: mistletoe brittana <33 easily the best instalment of this series by a long shot! recency bias (and also just. regular bias) made me rank her much higher originally but technically she is not the most intricate piece so she must sit down here

5: prom queen kurt! dare i say a girlslay on my behalf? i think i dare. every time i see it i think i should do more glosters (glee posters) and then i don't. i could tho they would be really cool (source: dude trust me)

4: churro kiss redraw!!! genuinely Not Sane over this! never have been, never will be! redraws are like crack to me and so is this kiss

3: furtana!! i neglected them for far too long this year but if neglecting them results in art like this i may have to do it again

2: heart kiss <3 if we're being really honest and vulnerable in the chat tonight i think this is technically my best of the brittana kiss screencap redraw things i've done this year? which i did not see coming but i guess practice means refining the process etc etc so. it makes sense ig. mwah to them <3

1: black or white gcv animation <3 it's not what i would call my best drawing (bc it's, yknow, not just one drawing) but it is what i would call the product of a very obsessive thought and some frantic art sessions. objectively it's the coolest thing i've done this year so it deserves the top spot. i'm proud of it i hope to glanimate more next year. also this isn't art but it's a relevant post that i still stand by months later

#md rambles #idk what this is kdfghk i'm so sorry it's 5am and i've spent the past hour ranking these and just saying shit #if i were more awake i would be more specific about actual art things i'm proud of. but i am not. so #sth sth made a lot of bangers this year i think sth sth vv proud of myself sth sth fun list bc i feel like it

[anotherpapercut]

just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace

#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges #im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life #i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself. #fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed #since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious #i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit #fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her #truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her! #talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us #i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result #until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace

[fellhellion]

I’m so. so tired of being exhausted. I come home from work and I’m too tired to read or write or play video games or really chat to people. The weekend barely feels like a rest. Can’t help but wonder if I’m just. Insanely lazy since this kind of work is something everyone does and yet I’m utterly exhausted every single day.

#I’m so SO tired and so tired of being tired #up at 5:30 and bed at 8:30 or sometime before 10 if force myself awake to play on my phone a bit #even my break at work I can’t even do any writing because I feel too tired and need that hour to recover energy #and the work isn’t even hard! it’s not like I’m doing hard labour or some shit #I’m just. so tired. and so tired of having no energy to do the things I want to do outside of work #vent.txt

[callixton]

holy fuck. i have done literally genuinely nothing today

#i played dnd . but i just barely dragged myself awake for that #i like. better finish my shit tomorrow jesus fucking christ #i don’t know what fucking executive dysfunction is going on but i Cannot get work done #this sucks this sucks this sucks #i haven’t even really eaten. i’ve been snacking but i haven’t had a meal and i also didn’t eat properly yesterday and i think it’s giving me #- a headache. but also i don’t really have food here that was. protein and such #maybe i’ll order in again if something’s open :/ #ted talks

[sugarsnappeases]

speaking of fun thoughts i have some (a lot) about rita skeeter…

rita who almost got sorted into ravenclaw, with her endless thirst for knowledge, her burning need to know everything about everyone

rita who became a slytherin because of what she wanted to do with that knowledge, that aching ambition, her burning need to be in control of everything

rita who barely slept for her obsessive research, digging into pureblood family trees, unearthing the skeletons (both literal and metaphorical) that they had kept hidden for years

rita who was quiet, unnervingly quiet, sitting in the corners of rooms and just listening, fading into the background until no one noticed that she was there, and people talk about such interesting things when they think no one else is there

rita who slowly but surely sunk her claws into everyone and everything she encountered, gently, silently, wrapping them up in the threads of information she had about them and then, when the time was right, pulling those threads tight, so they became like puppets on a string, under her control

rita who wasn't cool, or popular, or spectacular, who was actually quite off-putting, disturbing in her single-minded devotion to knowledge, to secrets, alarming in the way she sharpened those secrets into weapons, quietly formidable in the way she wielded them

but this was the rita skeeter who caught the interest of bellatrix black

the girl who moved like a wraith, constant dark bruises beneath her eyes to accompany the constant feverish hunger within them, silent and dangerous and fascinating in the way she surreptitiously pulled the strings of the school, everything under her control, dancing to her tune

bellatrix was under her control too, drawn in towards her like something magnetic that she couldn't stop even if she wanted to, so captivated by those sharp edges that she didn't even notice when she started to bleed out on them

or maybe she did notice, she just didn't care, maybe she just moved even closer, blades and secrets digging into her bones until she had nothing, no blood left to give, the entirety of her being splashed across the front page of the daily prophet

#rita skeeter #quillkiller #i have to be awake in less than five hours btw #why do i do this shit to myself #kara’s writing

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

#ok to rb in case someone is in the same boat but thinks the post is too personal #this friend of mine... #pretends he's great but can't respect one basic thing #he's lucky I have grown to control my emotions and not lash out #i hate it #don't hug me or touch me end of line #i am honest to god feeling sick #this dude and I have history where I borderline felt incapable of saying no and had sex with him #afterwards I told him how I felt #yet he still pulls this shit #hugs make me sick to my stomach I don't even hug my family #and I really don't wanna hug a man who pretty much made me hate sex (for myself) as a whole #i feel disgusting rn #twice he hugged me and got mad when I refused to hug him again #even after I already told him I hated it #then asks if I'm scared of him because of that like you piece of shit I wanna rip my skin out where you touched it #I may pretend to everyone that I'm a strong confident man but good lord #sometimes I wish I had an over protective boyfriend so he could kick him in the teeth over this shit #it's ridiculous I know but fuck #apologies if you read all these tags but I over drank after this and none of my friends are awake and I needed to vent #garrett.text

[fritzes]

fun idea: what if I randomly picked one or two players ranked like 50-100 who I'm neutral on right now and rooted for them this season

#I'm trying to keep myself awake for the match and this is the shit I came up with #I could do one atp and one wta only so they don't conflict with each other #of course if they played any of my actual favorites I would root against them #anyways #just a thought

[theflyingfeeling]

fictalkfictalkfictalk

#like the clown i am i spent half the night awake trying to come up with a way to make the olli/allu modern-day royalty AU work out #my first idea was to try and make it similar to my college AU with POV chapters and shit #but i quickly realised it wouldn't work out for the same reason i'm still struggling with the gran hotel AU: #unlike with the college AU i don't have a clear character arch for everyone #e.g. i can't for the life of me think of a way to link the joel/niko side plot to the main plot to make it make sense #and idk what joonas' role would be other than to occasionally hook up with olli and fangirl about aleksi and pine for joel #soooooo it thought i could instead make it a series of shorter stories? if anyone out there is seriosly interested in reading this AU? 👉👈 #like. the first one would obviously have to be a little longer since it's the establishment for the whole AU #so far i have an outline for a 6-chapter story from olli's and allu's povs. basically just them getting together #and the rest of what i have planned for the AU would be standalones or shorter establishments? #because if i were to include EVERYTHING in one fic it would most likely end up being +20 chapters lol #and no way in hell would i have the patience for that 💀 #that way i could just time-jump to the scenes i want to write the most lol #instead of having to try and weave them together to form a longer coherent plot #i mean i looooooooove slow burn and all that but i don't want to overwhelm myself by starting to write something #only to realise 32k words later that i have no idea where i'm going with it D: #(my ski jumping rpf fic says hi 🙃) #but by writing individual shorter stories it would be much easier for me to handle the plot while also advancing it #because the storyline in my head is so extensive that i feel like i can't fit it all in just one fic #at least in a way that i would be satisfied with 😭 #i can make them get together in 6 chapters with no trouble #but for them to actually form a secure relationship and get messed up in all that tabloid drama and face the prejudice of the royal family #until eventually getting their happy ending? yeah nope. gonna need at least 20 chapters for that lmao #and if i wanted to advance all the sideplots on top of all that? yeah nope 😵 #with individual stories i could just write all the joonas/tommi and niko/joel (and unrequited j/j) as spin-offs! yay problem solved! 😇 #pls don't get your hopes up though lol i may love planning fics but writing is another story entirely 😂 #but yeah. watch this space? #or maybe i'll just continue writing random pointless olli/allu standalones whenever i get a burst of inspiration. we'll see 👀

[hella1975]

me and my friend have both gotten with the same guy at least once over the course of coming to uni which is all very funny between us two until she breaks the sacred code and i wake up to him IN MY FUCKING FLAT

#i got woken up at like 4am last night bc she came home from uni and I could HEAR that she had a lad with her #but I was so out of it i think I convinved myself it didn’t actually happen #now I’ve been awake on tiktok for a bit and our walls are STUPID thin #and I heard her waking up (slowly lmao bestie is going through it today) and out of nowhere I just hear a boy’s voice #LITERAL JUMPSCARE #and I was like… that’s not matt surely… #she’s doing this to spite me I’m sure of it #like a couple weeks ago she went on a course trip to new york with him #and she rang me at one point bc there was drama and halfway through the phone call she GAVE THE PHONE TO HIM #IT WAS MIDNIGHT HERE. I LOOKED LIKE SHIT #AND NOW HES IN HER FUCKING ROOM #the way we are passing this boy around. slutty of him tbh #hella goes to uni

[dspdick]

im so close to dropping out of college and doing something else i hate EVERYTHING and EVERYONE BUT ESPECIALLY MYSELF

#i want fucking holidays and to sh i can’t cope with this shit omfg #worst part? most of my friends are asleep . din emmer nico come back im shaking and sobbing #im going to try and see if seph is awake so i can go to sleep without loathing myself lol