#i should work on that bc i should be proud of myself no? Yeah? i’m aware but i’m still like 😐 it is expected why should i even crack a smile | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tia-222 · 4 months

Note

okay so i don't know if this counts as a full success, but i have a void story!

a couple hours ago i was napping because i was tired af from melatonin, and i woke up a couple different times and quickly fell back asleep without thinking. then i woke up again, but this time i was awake long enough to be like "oh yeah i should try to get into the void"

so because i was so tired, it was super easy and quick. i was laying flat on my back and closed my eyes, and i just tried keeping my mind awake. so i repeated "mind awake, body asleep" and i would mentally talk to myself inbetween to stay awake and conscious. LITERALLY IN UNDER 5 MINUTES I STARTED TO FEEL IT. i genuinely and truly felt my body fall asleep and get numb, and the sound of my tv started to fade in and out. i knew exactly what was happening and i was focusing on keeping my body asleep. i was getting really excited because of how the sounds around me kept fading because i knew i was finally getting to the void but then i got a little too happy and accidentally moved 😭

BUT IT WAS SO EASY! AND BC OF THIS EXPERIENCE I KNOW FOR A FACTT THAT I CAN DO IT AGAIN🫶🫶

OMW CONSIDER THIS AS A VOID SUCCESS STORY <3.

You've just experienced what entering the void feels like and I'm super proud of you. Ikr, entering the void state when you're super sleepy kinda helps because your body just wants to sleep, I mean ofc it should but we should use it to our advantage :-). And no, ik everyone's mind is gonna go into overdrive here thinking that they should take " melatonin ", not really. You just need to stay up late or wake up 2 hours before you normally do.

There's a void success story on Reddit that's kinda similar to this, I'm gonna share because I think it will help understand how easy entering the void state through mind awake/ body asleep stage ♡.

" I entered a pure consciousness/ void state last night "

" Hello everyone! So last night I went to sleep actually early and decided I was going to try to do the void method. I haven’t done it in a year or so because before I was trying really hard before to enter the state and it was just a big mental mess lol.

This time I had no expectations, as I knew that was one of the things that always held me back from shifting or even entering deep meditative states like the void state. So before experiencing the void state/ pure consciousness state, I made sure to say: I have no expectations, i would like to experience the pure consciousness/void state” and then got relaxed in bed.

So I went on my side as that was the most comfortable for me. Last time I forced myself to do starfish position and that made things worse. Anyways I kept affirming “ my mind is awake but my body is asleep” repeatedly. Again, I made sure I had no expectations because it makes me anxious to see if I’m in the void state or not. After about a minute or 2 I begin to experience my whole body going numb and disappearing, and the sounds around me immediately being on mute. My head felt heavy and then i remember just hearing just my thoughts and floating and nothing else. It was very peaceful and quiet and I didn’t even think about shifting because of how peaceful it was!.

I didn’t realize how quick I got into that state when I didn’t hold high expectations for myself to enter. But that’s something that I’ve found that truly works for me and takes the pressure off of shifting!. Overall it was a very cool experience. During the early morning I even ended up doing it again just for fun!"

376 notes · View notes

teddiemush · 1 year

Text

one of the hardest things about accepting my autism since burnout is losing the ability to please everyone.

i spent my whole life making sure i made my family, teachers, and bosses proud, no matter what that meant for me. even at the cost of my health. because i care so much what people think of me. straight a’s all my life, honor roll, valedictorian…all to flunk out of college because of (what i now know was) intense autistic burnout. i haven’t been the same since. i can’t mask like i used to.

i can no longer go back to school to finish my degree. now, im choosing between a retail job and possibly working in a library (which i’ve done for years and love). BUT…i love the people i work with at dollar tree. they care for me, and when i need to call out bc of severe anxiety or a meltdown (even if it’s multiple times within a week), they understand and make it work. basically, working my retail job is better for my health. working at the library is better for my ego.

i don’t judge adults who work retail, so why do i judge myself? yeah, no matter what, my family or loved ones might be judgmental of my lack of degree and retail job. so what? if i’m happy and healthy and able to take care of myself and be the best version of me, why should i care? we don’t take people’s opinions of us to the grave.

when i am happy and healthy, i am kind. i am gentle. i can be there for the people i love. i think being looked down upon for my life path is worth being the best version of myself. now i just need to put my thoughts into action.

tldr; do what is best for you and your happiness and your health, despite what society tells you is “right” or “good.” we are not all meant to follow the same path, no matter what the world tries to tell us.

#worm posts #sorry to get so personal but #i wanted to say this somewhere #in case someone else needs it like i do #actually autistic #autistic adult #autism #autistic things #autistic life #autistic experiences #autistic problems

200 notes · View notes

nanawritesit · 2 years

Text

Taeyeon Scenario: Meeting up after breaking up and getting back together

Anonymous said: “hiii! just saw you write for snsd and i wanted to request something with taeyeon, cause i think there's no much recent content to read of her. i was thinking maybe something with angst but a fluff ending, maybe they are in love but they're on a difficult moment as individuals so they decide on giving up on each other, but in the end they find each other when already healed and everything is beautiful and wholesome”

a/n: oh i totally agree, we need waaayyy more taeyeon content! i feel like it’s definitely gone down in popularity :( but i guess i gotta write it myself 😤 i love this prompt too, angst is actually one of my favorite genres bc i’m mentally ill. i hope you like it 💗💗💗

TW: light cursing, angst but it ends cutely

——————

It was around ten o’clock at night, and you were roaming the city streets exhausted and hungry. You couldn’t be more happy that you finally had your dream job, but you’d be lying if you said the hours weren’t killing you. Still, you were strong and weren’t going to give up anytime soon, you thought to yourself. Finally, you caught a glimpse of your favorite convenience store. It had the best instant ramen and beer, perfect for a late night dinner for one.

You entered the shop, waving to the cashier who knew you as a regular. You headed straight to the aisle with the ramen, but stopped in your tracks as you saw the shelf. It was completely empty!

“Damnit…” you cursed under your breath, shoving your hands in the pockets of your coat. “Guess I’ll have to find something else to eat for dinner.”

“You still haven’t given up on that ramen, huh?” a familiar voice said behind you. You immediately flipped around to see who it was, and your breath hitched in your throat. It was Taeyeon, your ex girlfriend.

She let out a tiny giggle at the look on your face. She couldn’t blame you though. You guys hadn’t seen each other in person since you broke up a few months ago.

Kim Taeyeon was the one that got away. She was your dream girl, and everything about her was perfect. Everything except the timing of your relationship. You both had commitments to your jobs that you felt you had to honor above all else, and it created such a huge distance between you. One day you woke up and felt like strangers, and came to the mutual decision that the two of you weren’t working out. It didn’t make it hurt any less, you were still madly in love with her. You’d had flings since the break up, but no one could ever measure up to her.

“Tae!” you exclaimed finally, shaking your head in disbelief. You reached out to give her a quick hug, which she gladly accepted. You were still on good terms and texted each other from time to time, so it wasn’t too awkward to share the small embrace. “Oh my gosh, how have you been? You look great by the way.”

She giggled, flipping her dark locks over her shoulder. She really did look pretty in her white blouse and two toned jeans. She looked good in everything, but you always loved when she wore simpler clothing because it let her true beauty shine through.

“I’ve been doing well! This last album was actually my best selling one yet, the fans all really liked it.” she blushed.

“I know I did. It was a great album, you should be very proud of that award you got.” you told her.

She smiled and dropped her jaw open dramatically. “You mean you watched the awards show? And you listened to the album too?”

“Well of course! I was there for half the writing process! I had to see it to fruition!” you exclaimed, putting your hands on your hips.

She laughed loudly, and you felt something break inside of you. You realized you missed hearing that noise. You actually missed almost everything about her.

“Well how about you? You were almost done with training when we…” she stopped, trailing off awkwardly from not knowing how to end the sentence.

You gave her a grin and decided to help her out. “When we broke up? Yeah I um… well, I got the job.”

Her mouth dropped open again, this time in genuine surprise. “Oh my gosh Y/N are you serious? That’s amazing, I’m so proud of you! Congratulations!” She leaned in and gave you another hug, this one far warmer and tighter than the last. You squinted your eyes at the feeling of her holding you again, not wanting to indulge in it too much.

You pulled back, clearing your throat awkwardly. “Well, I should get going. I have to figure out what I’m eating for dinner.”

“Hey, I was actually here for the same reason. Would you like to get dinner together? It’d be a nice chance to catch up…” she asked, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. She was looking at you with such a hopeful flint in her eyes, and when you saw her lips curl up in that adorable half smile, you were helpless.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

—————

Now it was around midnight, and you were both at an outdoor food eating fried chicken and drinking beer, which you got from the convenience store two hours ago. It was one of your favorite places to go on dates on the middle of your hectic schedules back when you were together, so you decided to visit it for nostalgia’s sake.

It was so easy to fall back into that same old rhythm with Taeyeon. She was so easy to talk to, so familiar. You knew so much about each other already that things were just so comfortable. There wasn’t any testing of waters or pressure of relationships, it was just enjoyable. You hadn’t even realized that you’d been sitting and talking for so long until you noticed the food stall packing up.

“Oh man, I guess we better get going before they kick us out.” Taeyeon chuckled, pushing in her chair.

You nodded, grabbing your jacket from off the table. “We should. Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

“Oh you don’t have to do that!” she reassured you, waving her hand. Maybe it was the beer, but you could’ve sworn you saw a pink blush creeping up her cheeks at the thought.

“It’s okay, I know how much you hate walking alone at night.” you told her. “Besides, I live just a few streets down, we’d be walking the same way anyway.”

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear before following behind you. “Okay, if you insist.” and smiled.

On the way home, a cold breeze hit you, and you both immediately shuddered. As if on instinct, you untied your jacket from around your waist and t it over her shoulders.

“Y/N…” she chuckled, tucking herself further into it. “You’re making this difficult for me.”

“Making what difficult?” you asked stupidly, shoving your fists in the pockets of your sweatpants.

She rolled her eyes and laughed once more before looking over at you. “Trying to pretend like I’m not still in love with you.”

You expected yourself to give more of a reaction, but for some reason, you just kept on walking, staring at the ground. You couldn’t think of anything to say, so you didn’t say anything. Taeyeon stopped in her tracks, and you turned around to face her.

“What’s wrong?” you asked with a poker face.

“Please tell me you’re not over me.” she demanded, arms clutching her sides desperately. “Please tell me I’m not the only one who still wants us to be together?”

You stood there in shock for a moment, letting your lips part slightly. “Taeyeon, I didn’t know you still wanted to be with me. I thought we were done for good.”

“I thought so too...” she began, tightening her grip on her jacket, looking anywhere but your eyes. “But… I can’t stop thinking about you. I know we’re both committed to our careers, and I know I can’t trust myself around you, and I know things didn’t work out before but…. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you!” she confessed, stepping forward a bit as she finally met your gaze.

You sighed, brushing your hair out of your face. “Taeyeon…. how can you do this…”

“Do what? Love you? It’s the easiest thing in the world.”

“No, I mean how can you just show up out of the blue after I’ve spent months trying to forget about you, telling myself that I did what was best for both of us by ending things, lying to myself about how much I missed you, and get me all confused by telling me you still love me?” you snapped, getting frustrated at the well of feelings that had been tipping over inside you. You didn’t mean to raise your voice, but it kind of got away from you in the heat of the moment.

“Are you saying you don’t still love me?” she asked softly after a moment of silence, tears prickling at the surface of her brown eyes.

You scoffed with a frustrated laugh, putting your head in your hands. “Oh my gosh Taeyeon, of course I still love you! I never stopped! You’ve literally been the only thing on my mind at every moment of everyday!”

“Then why can’t we be together?” she pleaded, taking a step forward challengingly.

“Because it didn’t work, Taeyeon.” you declared, finally letting a few angry tears fall. “We’re both too busy and couldn’t give one another the relationship we deserved.”

“What we deserve is each other!” she cried out, practically sobbing now. No matter how mad she made you, you would always hate seeing he cry. “I was never happier than when I was with you! I thought succeeding at my job would make me happier but it doesn’t. It all means nothing if I don’t have you to share it with!”

You looked at each other desperately as both of your tears fell to the pavement, and at that moment you finally understood each other. Right now, sharing this gaze, was the most intimate moment you had ever shared. At last, you knew how one another felt.

You took a few short, quick strides over to her, then yanked her into an embrace. You held onto her so tightly, as if she would disappear at any given moment. You buried your head into her neck, letting the last of your tears fall before pulling back to look at her.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” you confessed, wiping one of her remaining tears away with your thumb.

She laughed through the tears, then put her arms up behind your neck. “I promise, we’ll make it work this time. I’ll take time off work to spend it with you.”

“Same here.” you agreed, nodding your head with a smile. “I lost you once, and I’m not gonna lose you again.”

She looked at you with such unbridled adoration, glassy eyes shining even brighter than the moon above you, and before you knew it, your faces were just centimeters apart. You closed the gap slowly, pressing your lips to hers softly. God, you missed this so much. You would never, ever grow tired of kissing her. The two of you just seemed to mold together so well.

She pulled back to breathe, forehead still pressed against yours. “Come on, let’s get to my place. I think we have lots to talk about.”

#taeyeon imagines #taeyeon scenarios #taeyeon headcanons #taeyeon x reader #taeyeon fanfic #taeyeon writers #taeyeon reactions #kim taeyeon #taeyeon snsd #snsd imagines #snsd reactions #snsd scenarios #snsd headcanons #snsd x reader #girl group imagines #girl group fanfic #girl group scenarios #girl group x reader

252 notes · View notes

findmeabowlofundertale · 3 months

Text

@benanazauce YOUR TAGS ON PART 8.1 ARE SO NICE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I’m making this its own post bc of a thing at the end but I figured I’d reply to all the nice things you said!!

She needs that hug so bad but she might melt on you. (Dw though she doesn’t soak into your clothes though)

AND YEAH COLORED MAGIC YAY!! Purple magic never gets talked about, so I thought it’d be cool to do something with it~ I really had to bend my brain to make some of those connections though sjsksjhs

Ehehehe~ THANK YOU

Yeeeeaaah that is because I have been in therapy for so many years. Channeling my inner therapist to analyze my own frustrations with myself and what I see a lot of other people struggle with. I also sent my therapist a link to this fic sksndjsjs so Alisa if you’re reading this hi

BUT ANYWAY THANK YOU I’M GLAD YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD!! Tbh I was pretty proud of it myself

THANK YOU, I DID HAVE A NICE MEAL!

SNSJDNSJKSHDH I KNOW THAT LINE CRACKED ME UP TO WRITE! Mostly bc my friend says stuff like that CONSTANTLY, it’s so funny. It’s a good thing I didn’t work her “I want man like a pancake… a pan like a mancake” into this chapter. Though on second thought I should have, that would have been really funny. (Even though to this day none of us (her included) are actually sure what it meant when she said it…)

AAAAA THANK YOU YOU’RE SO KIND

But this is actually the main reason I made this post!! (I have to resist the urge to make this kind of post with screenshots of all the nice tags whenever anybody reblogs my stuff. Every single time. I just want everyone to know I see them, always, and roll around on the floor happily.) ANYWAY!

That line is actually more important than it seems, I’m glad it stuck out to you!!! It references a few different things, one of which hasn’t happened yet. But the biggest immediate references are actually…

And

She associates the crystals on the ceiling of Waterfall, the “stars,” with the feeling of home, and of comfort, of love. They make her feel safe. In part because of what she believes about what happens to a monster after they die, which she explains to Alphys, and so she believes she can sense her parents’ magic in them; in part because her parents loved the stars (and named her after them); and in part because the ceiling stars are constant. She actually does know them well enough to navigate home if she gets turned around in the winding caves there. If she were ever to get lost… she would use the stars to show the way.

Her subconsciously beginning to associate Gaster’s blue magic and glowing eyes with the same feelings of safety and comfort, of belonging, of home, is a marker of their deepening relationship. Whether the black rock represents the darkness of the teleport, with his eyes/magic being the unmoving (read: “steadfast,” “trustworthy”) guide home, or it simply represents how his glowing eyelights look floating in dark sockets, well. It could go either way, couldn’t it?

THANK YOU SM AS ALWAYS! Honestly maybe I really will start making reaction posts to people’s tags a thing I do… Is it weird? Was this weird???

#There’s actually quite a few lines in the last couple parts that are technically foreshadowing!!#or reference something #seeker talks #long post #⁂posting #⁂#asteri #seeker oc #I HOPE THIS WASN’T WEIRD TO DO

5 notes · View notes

bookinit02 · 7 months

Note

HAVEN OH MY GOSH THE NEW EPISODE!!!!!! I SCREAMED. I made a bunch of very insane notes and I thought I'd gift them to you. as a treat:

fucking COLD

BABY WILL AND MIKE GOT ME SOBBINGGG

So curious as to what's going on with Will and Vecna, also Will tell your boyfriend!!! Come on!!! crazy together!!! (also MIKE tell your boyfriend actually. y'all need to talk about the messed up Vecna stuff!!! that's the whole idea!!!)

OH FUCK OH NO MAX AND LUCAS. OH NO. OH NO I AM SO SAD. OH NO. I AM CRYING. WHYYYYY

NANCY ROBIN ERICA TEAM UP!!! Erica gets friends and mentors as she SHOULD and I love her

WINGWOMAN NANCY!! Hasn't even been come out to yet and is already the wingwoman of all time. We love to see it. I love her.

RONANCE CRUMBS???????

THAT JANCY BREAKUP WAS THE MOST HEARTBREAKING THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. I AM CRYING. SOBBING. BUT IT WAS SO GOOD

What does Karen Wheeler KNOW

Mike and Holly are the cutest little sibling babies and I love them so much. They are my favourite and Holly is adorable and deserves the world.

NANCY AND MIKE ARE ALSO THE CUTEST SIBLINGS. QUALITY WHEELER FAMILY CONTENT RIGHT HERE. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH.

OHHH MIKE JUST CAME OUT. OH HONEY. NANCY YOU ARE THE BEST BIG SISTER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

THE JONATHAN AND WILL MIKE AND NANCY PARALLELS IM-

THE MIKE AND NANCY SCENE AS A WHOLE. THAT IS LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE SCENE SO FAR. THAT WAS SO GOOD. READING THAT IN THE FIC IS GOING TO BREAK MY HEART EVEN MORE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh Mike. I love you so much. you and will need to TELL EACH OTHER THINGS. PLEASE.

All in all amazing episode, I loved it and it was sad and happy and funny and destroyed me like six times but it's WORTH IT!!!! I'm excited for the chapters of the fic!!!

ok i hope it’s ok that i waited a few days to answer this—i didn’t want to spoil it for anyone!!

first of all YES i was so fucking proud of myself for that line😭 such a banger . i literally left it there for like 2 days without writing anything else bc i was like how tf do i follow that😭😭

MIWIIII💗💗💗😭 BABY MIWIIIIII💗🫶🏻😭

yes!! i am also super excited to develop the will & vecna storyline. and listen they’ve been miscommunicating for like 2 seasons now, ofc they’re gonna keep going (for a little bit at least😉)

yeah honestly i cried writing that scene☹️ they make me so . So.

yes!!! i need some sort of girl power moment in s5 so badly (but Not in that cringy forced way that shows do sometimes if u know what i mean😭)

nancy is The wingwoman of all time actually. she treats it as a matter of life and death. it is a one-woman competition and she is NOT losing.

ronance crumbs… perhaps… hehe :)

yeah listen it broke My heart too and i was SO split on whether to do it or not . but i think it’s the most realistic option and they definitely have things they need to work out!! i’m honestly very very interested to see what the writers do with the love triangle storyline bc this has definitely been the most challenging plot to write so far. but i am enjoying the challenge :)

as for what karen knows… we’ll have to find out👀

I AGREE😭😭💗 HOLLY IS SO UNDERRATED WE NEED MORE OF HER SO BADLY!!!

nancy and mike as well. just more wheeler family dynamics all across the board bc i am Obsessed with them!!

yeah that scene was very emotional to write😭😭 he’s come so far and i’m so proud of him!! (is the one actively writing his character arc)

love me a good parallel🫡🫡

THANK YOU THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES AS WELL💗💗💗 and yes i’m so excited to write the fic version!!

i’m so glad you liked this episode, thank you SO much for this comment! i don’t get as many comments on my scripts (understandably) as i do on my fic, but i really appreciate when people give me feedback :) i’m so happy that you’re enjoying them!

#asks #script comments #might make that a new tag if i get more!#thank you so much <3

10 notes · View notes

ofmermaidstories · 9 months

Note

(1/2) I hadn't written fic in almost 10 years and then at the end of last year I started reading Surrender and then Something Just Like This and they were so amazing. I've always been an avid fic reader but something about your work really inspired me. In February I started writing fic again and now I've posted just over 150k total words to Ao3 (125k being a longfic that I somehow started and finished in a 4 month period).

(2/2) I’m almost 30 and just kinda struggling to find my way in life, as ya do. All through high school and most of university my main way to express myself and find little bits of joy was writing. Being able to write and find that joy again after a long period of not being able to has brought so much goodness to my life that I didn’t think I’d have without it. So yeah. Thank you for the inspiration.

150k words in like, what? Five months?? That’s incredible!!! You should be so proud—that’s a great accomplishment! 🥺 I’m incredibly jealous, LOL. Have you found your niche, over there on AO3? Do you post here to tumblr too?? I keep to AO3 because I like it loads better, but I do think they’re different beasts when it comes to like expectations and genre and filtering (obvi, bc AO3’s tagging system is unmatched).

Anyways, shop talk aside I’m glad you found your way back to writing. 🥺 I know the feeling!! Before the pandemic kicked me back into fanfic it’d been years since I had written—there really is a magic to losing yourself to it that can’t be replicated with anything else. It spills over! Whatever well those 150k words bubbled up from, I hope it stays lush and full forever. 😌 I’m glad my fics could help dig at it, and get you to that first bit of wet earth. ⛏️🚰🌷💕

#ofmermaidstories-asks #syoish!!! i hope you’re having a good weekend 🌺#i snooped your blog and saw the ao3 link and then laughed when i recognised your ao3 name #your fics look incredible—I hope they continue to bring you nothing but joy 📖✨

18 notes · View notes

chloe12801 · 10 months

Text

Introduction post

Hello! My name is Chloé, I’m in my early twenties, bisexual, and I’m currently going to college for psychology as well as environmental studies. I have a puppy named Ella Stein (after Frankie Stein) and here are some other facts about me:

☀️Sagittarius,🌙Libra,⬆️Cancer (Astrology is fun!)

Fluent in English, know some French (could probably survive a conversation)

Favorite musicians: Lana Del Rey, Miley Cyrus, Rico Nasty, Eminem, Nirvana, and MCR

I consider myself a music enthusiast. I collect physical copies, collectibles, merch, and am always trying to diversify my music taste/knowledge. As a result, we probably enjoy some of the same artists :)

I also collect monster high dolls, crystals/rocks, and pins

I love animals, I want to use my degrees to do something involving them

Favorite video games: GTA (mainly V, haven’t finished IV or played any other), RDR (2, need to buy and play the first one), Fallout 4/NV/76, and the Sims

I’m very much in love with Trevor Philips

I am a proud lover of old men, average Lana stan moment

I am a creative, I have dabbled in music/art/edits/videos/written work/clothes/upcycling/photography

I am an immersive daydreamer. This means I have deep lore filled daydream universes that go on for years. Ex: I have one with an OC and Trevor that I thought up around 2 years ago. I really should write it down bc it’s essentially fanfiction

I love vintage stuff, particularly 60s-00s

I like girly, grunge, coquette, goth, and rave type fashion. Combining this with vintage and you get my style

I’m really into aesthetics, I’ve been making themed boards on Pinterest and weheartit since middle school

I LOVE horror, the rare times I watch movies they are almost always horror (or cinematic bc I like visuals)

I like visiting cemeteries, I just find them peaceful and nice to remember those who aren’t around anymore

If I’m watching tv shows, I’m usually watching children’s cartoons. My favorites: Regular Show, SpongeBob, Adventure Time, and The Amazing World of Gumball

I’m usually watching YouTube though, mostly stuff with video game or horror themes

I’m shy (probably bc of my GAD) but very friendly and non-judgmental so feel free to talk and interact with me, I have a hard time making the first move sometimes

On top of having GAD, I also have major depressive disorder, OCD (mainly contamination), body dysmorphia, recovering from an ED, and other symptomatic issues stemming from these things like anger issues

I tag all posts I add something to/create with #cafa / #cafaoc

I think this is a pretty solid start to knowing me, of course there’s a lot more to me than this but yeah welcome to my account! :)

#cafa

12 notes · View notes

euelios · 8 months

Text

the way i say “(oh) brother” now instead of just shouting swear words

so weird to be—on the other end of “should i apologize?” usually i’m sitting here hoping for an apology or at least yk. “are you ok”

(i’m always ok. nothing is ever that bad or that real. it’s all drama)

i told my mom off about (inadvertently) making me feel like an incompetent shit every time i discussed moving out, like i wasn’t uncertain enough on my own. and she just went “that’s not what i meant and you know it” and like

jesus. no i know that. trust me i know. but that’s what happened. like that hurt then and it hurts now and i want you to take note of it for later when we have this conversation again

“why didn’t you just say what you meant why did you go on and on” uhh bc i didn’t know what the issue was and i was trying to work it out? because YOU go on and on and i don’t try to cut you off?? and also it’s not the moving that’s the issue it’s how you kind of keep reminding me of how bad i am at things???

(please just believe in me, and SAY so. you aren’t too harsh on me anymore but i don’t think i ever left that weird little kid behind. i didn’t always want to Be Better. i just wanted to be okay.)

and i could see her getting upset. by something i did. like that’s never happened before. me being the one upsetting her instead of the other way around. no one cried this time thank god. i’m the crier and it always makes her angry but this time she started getting defensive and i started getting angry and like—we’re just turning into each other

(not really. i don’t think i ever learned to defend myself against anyone. easier to just be wrong. john mulaney vc you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you)

but i could kind of see it. the connections. i’ve long since lost the whole “and my parents know everything” sheen but like on her end: yeah dude. i’m 21 years old. i’ll tell you lots but not everything. i’m absolutely going to get mad at you if you make me uncomfortable. you might not have ever had reason to think about how you get angry but boy howdy did i learn from the best—

(we talked about this one night. did i plan on kids? i’ll have them or i won’t, but only if i’m dead certain i’ll be a good parent. “i don’t think there’s a parent in the world who doesn’t love their kid,” she says and i feel charitable so i agree. but there are just too many ways to love someone wrong.)

this is kind of like, the parallel of those “would you be friends with your siblings if you weren’t siblings” “oh your parents are human too” like. no we wouldn’t be friends so i guess it’s good that we’re related. i love you and you make me so angry, and i’ll never have the guts to tell you how much of either.

(apparently none of my mom’s side ever got mad at their parents growing up. she says this like she’s proud of it but none of them speak to their parents now either. in that light i think i’ll call whatever we’ve got going on progress.)

#yum yum auden venting #auden.txt #just—off stuff. early 20s shit #with a little ✨artsy flair✨ i guess.#and by that i mean parenthetical interludes. what is this a fall out boy song #i need to get a therapist or SOMEONE i cannot just keep shouting into the void about this expecting it to help me #i don’t stan greta gerwig the way the internet does but maybe lady bird/little women/barbie back to back will fix me

4 notes · View notes

vesperewrites · 7 months

Note

woah. i think i recognize the tone/typing mannerisms of that one weird anon and believe they’ve been in my inbox before, shitting on my fics and art with no real critique behind their insults. just like now, all they’re spewing is pure hate backed up by no real reason and what i think is a sad, unnecessary form of jealousy. i’m guessing from your last post they’ve decided to use up all their cards and rlly drive the message that they’re a bitter loser by perhaps insulting you and your craft in some shape or form (tho if they haven’t and i totally misread, just know the following sentiment is still true lol). i just wanna say— the way you carry yourself and have been giving rlly informed and supportive conversations surrounding certain lucemond topics as well as your writing are rlly, rlly good and important. it showed that most of us still read, support, and appreciate one another and that’s what matters. i feel like the main thing ppl should understand abt ff writers is that this is definitely a hobby for us, as we have real adult life’s. so that being said, anybody having these extreme and emotional issues with fandom and fiction that upsets you so much enough to blindly attack should just take up another way of spending their free time.

also idk if you’re taking up anymore recs but a fandom og who left/deleted their works revealed their last known pseudonym as @aelussy and their fics are just phenomenal. ‘apex predators’ had a really fun approach to lucerys and aemond’s dynamic which i think you’ll appreciate, bc i know i can’t stop thinking abt them.

and it also begs the question: are ppl just so blinded by nostalgia that they don’t even recognize the supposed ‘lucemond peak writing’ even if it’s right in front of them, just under different usernames? idk, it just makes me think all those things that anon supposedly misses (since it truly never rlly left) is just an excuse they tell themselves to justify shitting on ppl.

Yeah, it's truly bizarre. I'm sorry that happened to you :/

Criticism and open discussion is fine. There's nothing I can to say to someone resorting to ad hominem attacks or making a hasty generalization (logical fallacy) argument. At the end of the day, it's just opinions. And agreed with you. It reads as jealousy, insecurity, or attention-seeking. Nothing I can do about that.

Ah, I didn't think they insulted my work at all, but even if someone did, it's honestly fine!! My stuff is very rough/imperfect (I say this with absolute love to myself) and nevertheless I'm proud of it.

Ah, thank you very much! That's very kind of you to say. Disagreements can be healthy, but both parties need to operate underneath good faith as a means and end goal to try to understand one another. Supporting others is very important to me.

Ff is definitely a hobby I do in my free and even then...I'm a slow writer. 💀 anyone taking it this seriously might not have much going on.

I'll check out your rec :] I think I saw that it was an orphan account. I believe I read it a while back, so I'll see.

Yeah, it makes me question, what nostalgia are they speaking about? Nothing I can do about it, since I can't miss what I've never known. Like....I'm sorry...? Lol.

But yeah, plenty of talented people here from the beginning, it seems. So I'm honestly confused by some folks' takes of "the good ones left". That was the only statement I was addressing that started it all. If people want to shit on others, that says more about them than it does about me.

Thank you for your take! I'll check out your work too. :]

#author asks

2 notes · View notes

astorytotellyourfriends · 1 year

Text

annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2022.

i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self-evaluation

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

as per usual that list is too long for this post so here's my 2022 fic roundup

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

i'm honestly proud of everything i wrote this year so this is fucking impossible!!! i guess if i HAD to pick from jatp, i'd pick coping because it was SUCH a massive project and i'm really, really fucking happy that i a. finished it and b. it was everything i wanted it to be. as for stranger things, if i had to limit myself to picking from my completed works then i'd go with both alike in dignity because idk it felt a little out of the box already even tho it was only my third hellcheer fic!

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

i really hate this question because as i said before I'M PROUD OF EVERYTHING but if i had to go with a "least best" then i guess braiding my boyfriend's hair (boyfriend reveal!) because i definitely struggled with writing this and i think that's why i haven't returned to this verse since. i do want to go back to it bc i do have more ideas, but writing the filming of youtube videos is fucking impossible good lord.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

when i first started writing if we don't leave this town (we might never make it out), i knew i wanted to have a scene where Eddie had his who did this to you moment and oh MAN it turned out even better than i could've hoped:

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

basically every comment on chapter 9 of love is just a currency was in this same vein and i love every single one of them.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

when i got fuckin' covid back in april. just EXISTING was hard then.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

honestly the fact that i fell so goddamn hard for hellcheer really surprised me because i've been watching stranger things since it started and never gave a DAMN about fic until that stupid metalhead was sweet to the cute cheerleader.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i guess maybe somehow figuring out how to balance several wips at once? it surprises me every goddamn day!

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i mean, i said last year that i wanted to try some different genres and i think i sort of did that with just try your best (not to get hurt) but i'd really like to push that boundary a little more!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

i've met so many wonderful people in the hellcheer community who are so loving and supportive and i'm so, so thankful for all of them 💛

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

i mean. most of the time when i'm writing Eddie, i feel like i'm just writing a male version of me, so. yeah..

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

i have no new wisdom. only old wisdom: don't compare yourself to other people, it'll only end in pain and frustration. just keep doing what you're doing, try new things, and your writing will grow and improve and you'll be much happier for it.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

GOD I HAVE SO MANY!!! i have SO many ideas that are period pieces and i'm just ITCHING to get to start them!!! but first, i must finish my wips. my poor wips.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

hi if you've made it this far, you're tagged. love you.

#annual self evaluation #about my fic

7 notes · View notes

fluffypotatey · 1 year

Note

f g p r from the fanfic ask game? please?

Hey bestie 🥰 thanks so much for the ask this one took me awhile lol

G - Do you write your story from start to finish? or out of order?

i like writing things from start to finish. key word: like. my brain, however, likes to jump ahead to specific scenes and events. i used to fight that bit and force myself to forge on along and wait until i finally made it to that part in the story.

lmao that was a horrible idea. those scenes would continue to haunt me and pester me until i finally give up and wrote them. so i just stop fighting it and write out of order. (honestly it was a blessing for me to decide to make my lmk one-shot series not in chronological order bc then i’d never get it done lol

it’s why my writing can get slow sometimes because while writing the chapter for the next event, i’ll be hit with some scene 2 chapters later or 3 scenes after some confrontation i haven’t started yet!!! i have ch7 for the dr geyer fic. it’s in my docs but i haven’t finished it bc someone *looks at brain* wants to write more of s6b bc Theo’s in that one >:(

P - Are you what George RR Martine would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance vs letting the story unfold as you go?)

you know, i know i read of this before like years ago but i don’t remember it lol. had to look it up to make sure i was understanding this right.

so… i think it depends?

with my merlin multi-chap fic and my medieval fantasy wip i plan those in advance. the merlin fic? i have that 1st arc’s plot down, i know where the story will lead to, i even know which characters i’ll keep alive or keep dead.

with my one-shots (and my one-shots that chose to say “fuck you”), those are a spur of the moment kind of writing. i had something playing in my head that’s wants to be free, so i write it down and pray that it’s satisfied (it typically is not which is why you see a lot of my one-shots become multi-chapters or one-shot series). these don’t have a solid plan when i begin. i tend to come up with it as the plot comes together.

tbh this works well with my fics bc i have a base outline: the actual show/book/movie. with my dr geyer fic, i know where s5-6 begin and end. sure, i’m choosing what gets to happen in-between, but i at least have the comfort of that base. the lmk series? it’s literally just me plugging in an oc and forcing a couple characters to air-out their issues.

R - Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

oh definitely. tbh my main one would have to be Lemony Snicket. fell in love with the narration of those stories. the snark, the personality, the vocabulary, the inner dialogue. idk it just did something to 9 year old me lol

another big one i’d have to say is Branden Sanderson. not really his writing, but how complex and beautiful his worlds are. i didn’t know that you could create and capture the essence such beautiful worlds in writing but reading his books and seeing them come to life really influenced my desire to write and design fantastical worlds or even just explore snippets of other worlds like BBC Merlin Albion.

F - Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it

babe, i’m so sorry but it took me forever to choose. i debated on whether i should do lmk or teen wolf or abc merlin or even shit i haven’t posted bc i love too many of these T^T

but dw i did find one (it’ll be under the cut bc this got long jfc). i giggled a lot when writing it just because the back and forth with Liam and Mason interjecting was fun. also i picked this one to prove the dr geyer fic hasn’t been forgotten. i’ve just been….preocupied and going feral over immortal monkeys

“I’m not here to start anything,” Mr. Doughlas said to them calmly. “I just want the mountain ash barrier open, mh?”

“Yeah, because this isn’t starting anything,” Liam growled.

Mr. Douglas smiled, sharp teeth in full display. Again, he twisted his claws in the chimera. Theo, again, kept quiet. The only indication he was in any being came from his winces. Liam can’t tell if he should be impressed or horrified that getting stabbed in the spine barely got a reaction out of Theo.

“This is simply a contingency. I just want the barrier open, then I’ll be out of your hair. I promise. No funny business.”

Theo chuckled (well, more like gurgled) and snorted.

“Says the Nazi.”

Douglas drove his claws further into Theo’s spine, polite smile cracking, in response. The chimera grunted, but Theo just laughed again.

“Sorry, sorry.” Theo’s smirk looked almost deranged with the blood coating his lips. “Nazi was the insult others threw at you, right?”

“He’s a Nazi?!” Mason shrieked.

Doughlas sighed, all politeness disappearing as he addressed them all.

“Must we obsess over my previous occupation? I don’t see how this is important. I was just a soldier there.”

“Oh yeah, being a part of a genocidal fascist group should totally be overlooked!” Liam exclaimed. “Not like you were involved in and advocated for any of that!”

“Yeah, it adds nothing for us to even slightly trust you,” Mason added.

#thanks for the ask!#asks #fanfic ask game #long post #yeah it was F that was giving me trouble lol I wanted to pick so many T^T #dr geyer fic

2 notes · View notes

greg-montgomery · 1 year

Note

I will prolly never reveal who i am (lies) but like i want you to know youre an amazing writer and youre the first person ive sent this much to- and i love you sm for being you and you should be proud of yourself and i love your blog with my whole heart (no you have no idea how much) bc while my mental health may be crashing as hard as my grades (im okay dw) you (and your blog) are just amazing and a sort of rock and im sorry if this got heavy but yea- also im proud of you just existing and waking up today and I want you to know that if you ever feel lonely or unloveable that this little internet weirdo on your phone is proud of you and loves you very much (/p) even if all you do is wake up in the morning so yeah if you ever feel a lil down im here <3

-🧽

bestie…

this made me cry and i’m not lying 🥹

no matter what i reply to this, it won’t be enough to show how much this means to me. the kindness you’re showing me rn? your sweet words? i love you so much! you are an angel the universe sent to me today because i needed it!!

it means THE WORLD to me that something i post here could bring comfort to someone bc i know the feeling of needing this type of comfort :( and this blog brings so much comfort to me. so the fact that someone else can also feel this way bc if it is so 🥹🥹

i genuinely don’t know how to express myself rn 😭 just know that i’m sooooo grateful for you and this message <3 it made me cry (in a good way) after a very difficult day. i’ve been going through it and the reason i haven’t posted much this week (and reply to your asks - i’ve seen them i love them keep going you’re never bothering me) is bc i’ve been working all day. so this was a gift sent from heaven :(

thank you and take care of yourself, i love you so much!! we’ll be okay <333

#no reveal yourself i wanna love you 🔪#i’m kidding you can reveal who you are whenever you want if you ever do! it doesnt matter i’ll love you the same!#bestie 🫂 ilysm seriously thank you #🧽 anon #ask #🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 sobbing

3 notes · View notes

pinkspiraling · 1 year

Text

solo therapy session bc i need to get out of bed

i am getting anxiety bc i am putting too much pressure on myself. i’ve told everyone i’m not looking for a new job for 1-2 months bc i know i need time but now i’m rushing myself. which is silly! bc i want time for the meds to help i want time to prepare and work on my confidence and get used to trying to be alive again. i’ve been in the worst and longest depressive episode of my life and it’s so unfair to expect myself to jump back after like two weeks jfc who in the world could even do that. it wouldn’t even be a good thing for me to do that! ig i feel like ik my social anxiety is whats keeping me from getting a new job sooner but like yeah…that’s a big problem for me. so stay on meds and work at it why tf should i have to be able to overcome my biggest fears right this second, i need to build up to it. if it was my best friend who was in the situation i’d be like bitch! take some time to rest and enjoy life! you almost died! lmao i have to be more understanding towards myself. i am not bad because i can’t face my fears right now. it is hard to face fears and it takes time and if it takes me all year or even two years to get a new job, i will still be proud of myself and it will not make me a piece of shit. i’m not a piece of shit even if it takes a long time to heal i’m not a piece of shit even if it takes a long time to heal i’m not a piece of shit even if it takes a long time to heal

#ok i really will get out of bed now! and i should really find an actual therapist #pink’s word vomiting

4 notes · View notes

kithtaehyung · 1 year

Note

RYEN!! HELLO HOW ARE YOU? 🥺

I’m so sorry for the inactivity lately but I promise I’ve been here and catching up still! 🥺 I’ve recently just got out of a 3 year toxic relationship and your writings have been such a huge source of comfort for me 🥹❤️ I’ve always been able to relate some of the characters personality, thinking, or relationships so I feel more connected and emotional while reading them 🥺🫶🏼 ( may have read forfeit a billion times and cried on all of them.. kinda scared for myself once ch 10 comes out.. shivers )

It’s always nice to be able to just click on your page and being able to just reread them !! please know I mean every word I said when your writings are masterpieces and filled with love! I not only see you as an author but a friend! the way you interact with your readers is so wholesome it feels like a small community where we’re all respectful of each other and that just makes me so soft to see!! 🥹❤️❤️ I grown comfortable sharing things and I can tell other readers feel the same! speaking of readers, I hope all of them are doing well and staying healthy! 🫶🏼❤️

also.. HSJSJ I MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE YOONGI IN LA !! AHH!! LETS JUST HOPE I GET THE TICKETS FIRST 🥲 AND JIMIN SOLO? JSOSKS I’m incredibly overwhelmed right now but honestly? I’m buckling up and ready for whatever the future brings me!

I hope you’ve been able to rest and enjoy yourself!! make sure to drink water!! ❤️❤️

WITH LOVE,

🍷

WINE BABEEEE oh my goodness, i wanna hug you. very, very proud of you for recognizing that relationship was toxic and had the courage to leave. that takes incredible strength that no one really talks about, so i just wanted to say that i'm glad that you're out of it now❤️

i'm also happy you're able to just come over and either read these stories or just check out what's been happening! making things comfortable here is top priority despite all the filth in the library lmfao. but i digress: you've read forfeit that many times?? i seriously can't wait to get to it on my 3tan reread journey lsdkjf i feel like it's gonna hit different after reading everything before it rather than editing and rereading it to hell while working through it lolol and yeah. get ready for 3tan10 lol. it's not gonna be easy.

you are so incredible, you know that?? i'm sure all the readers here would also consider you a friend and someone cool to hang with! we're all about just having a good time as you know<3 i hope you're all staying safe and healthy, as well❤️

LETS GOOOOO IF UR IN LA WE CAN PROBABLY LINK UP! i plan on stopping by no matter what :D and staying for quite awhile, too. don't talk to me about face bc i'm already planning so many sets LMAO the behaviors are not as healthy as they should be!! but thank you for all the love and i will drink water :'))

#🍷 anon #lovely people #asks:3tan #3tan9 #3tan10 #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌

3 notes · View notes