#i still love choir music

[big-pp-energy-ven]

This is just a miscellaneous post of my inner rants, I expect no one to engage with this other than myself when I find this post in like 5 years from now

Based on the previous reblog where it was poll on what kind of gay I was in high school, I was a choir kid (derogatory)

I say derogatory because,,, I had mix feelings about it.

I got into choir in 7th grade middle school, and was in choir up until 12th grade of high school (excluding the covid year, I was online). That's almost 5 years of choir.

Those first 3 years were alright, I might even say great. I had pretty good directors, I especially liked my 8th grade director- excusing that one time she yelled at me tho and made me cry... (maybe).

Middle school choir was about what you expect, I feel like it wasn't all that serious. No proper techniques, just... singing to the crowd. The only shit that was a constant issue was drama amongst the clique of 11-13 year olds. My 8th grade director was great cuz she gossiped with us and she fr kinda ate... she was a middle aged latina woman who had a new jersey accent... loved how real she was.

Then I get to high school choir, and of course everything is different. The director, who we called "Mama", was the sweetest woman and she made choir the best for me. She was like my 8th grade director but more sassier and a loud mouth (affectionate)

You might be saying- what was so bad about choir?

All I will say, the one thing that Mama would get on our asses about whenever we weren't meeting her expectations was attitude and egos. I've seen how some my classmates acted... she was right in most cases.

Something to admit, right off the bat, being in choir for those 3 years was the 2nd time I had ever felt lonely. I mean, 10th grade concert choir, is when I made friends with people I'm currently friends with now! It's funny because I remember seeing how my buddies interacted and I thought they were weird... but then I gradually warmed up to them and realized that I was just as weird.. (that's on that neurodivergent behavior).

While I did make friends with those weirdos (affectionate), I recognized that I spent most of my time alone. Quiet and just watching the other choir students talk and stuff. Whenever someone did talk to me, I remained friendly and said hi, but it always felt kind of forced. Like I couldn't exactly hold a long-lasting conversation. I think I spent more time listening/watching than actually talking. I did have to force myself to talk to people and be a part of a group, I didn't wanna be completely alone. Even in 12th grade, I tried my best to put myself out there... but there weren't a lot of people I vibed with except maybe like 5 of them (there were at least 50 people, btw).

I was in the beginner choir for 2 years, I was supposed to go to the bella voce (all women's) choir my 11th grade year, but covid happened...

So it was surprising when I was chucked in chamber (advanced) in 12th grade. You had to audition and do an interview to get in, and you would be added according to the schedule. Mama always found a way to get in you in multiple choirs... but I was surprised when I was put in there, cuz I didn't have to do any of it.

Mama always mentioned how she saw the best in us and knew who was hard working. Me, however, didn't see that.

I think that's when I started to develop imposter syndrome or at least started to notice it. I felt like I didn't belong in chamber. Everyone in there were great singers and were in theater as well. I know I shouldn't have been comparing myself, but it's kinda hard when you're surrounded by so much talent

I remember we were having a discussing and Mama was asking if we saw ourselves as an ensemble (a person who works collectively with their group) or a soloist (someone who's having a performance of their own... /negative). Most answered ensemble. I answered soloist, and when I explained my own reasoning, I said something like "It's not that I'm intentionally singing alone, I don't feel like I'm apart of the ensemble and I'm my own island." Mama took note of that.

I worked to better my vocals, I sang during karaoke days, and I was considered one of the strongest altos in my section, but I still felt like I wasn't trying hard enough. Senior year had become a weird period where choir became my least favorite class unlike before... I didn't hate it, but it became something I didn't look forward to.

The rehearsals felt monotonous, the drama felt constant, the current state of the world was no longer the same, and I had to worry about passing, so choir wasn't my top priority exactly. I still did what I needed to do during those last 40 minutes of the day, but outside of choir, I was focused on other stuff.

My friends were either in different choirs or were doing dual enrollment, so I was alone for the most part in that class period. Yes, I had friends outside of choir, but I only saw them during lunch. I feel like senior year was lonely... that 1 hour lunchtime didn't seem like enough time.

Now, MPA (basically a choir exam) was coming up, and we have these really advanced pieces we're performing. Mama, love her to death, was working us to the bone. She was harsh. She was critical, but I'd say it was mostly tough love... and this was also when the interpersonal drama started to ramp up, and she had gotten involved to some extent. A lot was happening now (..uh time frame, this was early 2022).

There was one day where the tension was... well tense. And Mama was not having it with us. I was stressed out of my mind at this point, I felt like I wasn't working hard enough, and it felt like I was experiencing the weight of the situation.

The rehearsal went on, and she distinctly told us, "You're gonna close your eyes and sing this right. If you open your eyes, then you aren't taking this seriously, and you don't have the right to be in this choir."

That, for some reason, got me. In the middle of the song, I got choked up and was so ridden with anxiety and sadness that I froze up. I was rubbing my pants' legs and shaking, all with my eyes closed. One of the guest teachers had to touch me to calm me down.

Of course, there was discussion afterward... I was put on the spotlight. I don't even remember what I said, but I spoke out how I felt about the performance. I was mess. I still think about that day because it makes me feel exhausted thinking about it. I remember how much I wanted to quit after that. It's been a year since that happened. I don't know why I felt so burdened during that rehearsal. It might've been due to my own fears of failing, I already had the constant thought of not being good enough and not belonging. I still don't know what set me off to this day.

I find it a little messed up to say that I was happy when I left choir and graduated. I remember seeing my choir mates crying and hugging the seniors. Meanwhile, I was just happy to get out of there. I did say goodbye to one of my favorite underclassmen. I felt no attachments to the choir anymore. The only reason why I cried is because it was due to seeing two of my favorite teachers front row (Mama and my English teacher). That got me, god.

Mama was a great teacher in terms of how she taught and lifted us up. Not only that, she was a good counselor... she was very vulnerable with us, and that, in turn, made us vulnerable with her, and she's the most supportive teacher on campus. I hope she still works there.

The only things I did enjoy from choir were the songs. I can remember a few of them. Also, I'll never forget that I listened to Ubi Caritas for 2 hours straight... I learned it, though. I can't listen to it, thought without feeling sad, as it reminds me of that rehearsal day.

My dad always asks if I'm still singing, and I would say not really... I mean, I do sing on occasion, but I still don't think I'm good. I don't see myself joining the singing career. I still have moments, though, where if/when I listen to someone sing, I listen to techniques and silently correct them. I'm glad I'm more focused on visual arts than performance arts... I was in tech theater though, that was fun.

Sorry for anyone that happened to read this entire mini Bible.. I've had this on my mind for a year.

#ven speaks #ven lore #choir kid (derogatory) #text post #story time #i still love choir music #i bump religious choir songs every so often #especially my old choir recordings... #i be throwing it back to Didnt my Lord.

[sunriseinorbit]

#polls #i love these hehe #for the second one the age/level of school does not matter #(i was in orchestra/choir/vocal jazz/theater pit in high school and 2 orchestras/chamber music in college so. it's true for me either way.) #also longtime followers the first one is exactly what you're thinking. i still haven't played persona 4.

[blanchebees]

Not sure this is for me, i just can't bring myself to like this new look, good for them if they like it but yeah.

It's so out of nowhere that i am so confused.

#Also why keep vess and the choir looking the same but the others are like that??? #Sleep token #Surprised that so many like it #I'm not hating the boys I'm just ranting about this #If they keep these looks i don't know how long I'll keep enjoying them #That's my fear and I'm a bit worried #It wasn't like with the Impera masks #I don't think I'll find myself drawing those or liking them anytime soon #Don't get me wrong i still love their music and stuff

[anispelix]

Em's Jane because i can and i'm not taking any responsibility of this musical being my hyperfixation lately and my friends have awakaned in me an unstoppable urge to post my art, i'm literally struggling so yeah

#em flosi #rtc jane doe #penny lamb rtc #jane rtc #rtc musical #rtc #chance theater rtc #st cassians chamber choir #jane doe ride the cyclone #i still suck at drawing hands & legs i'm gonna cry #AGHHHH I LOVE THEM #my hyperfixation achieved an unhealthy level send help #🎢 #ride the cyclone

[rosicheeks]

i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.

#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?! #I literally am speechless #I’m not super talky right now #but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless #like I already said I love your writing 🩷 #and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration #like????????? what??????? me???????????! #I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down #I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true #I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty #one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me #idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing #not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately #and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon - #my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that #I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks) #and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life #so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know #asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes #and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️ #then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A #and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol #but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6 #and she was talking about how impressive that is #and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get #I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’ #it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again #who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting #I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory #anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[27-royal-teas]

I GOT MY FIRST CHOICE SOLO SONG FOR OUR SOLO SHOWCASE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

#every year for show choir we do a musical theater showcase where everyone does a solo song #and our choir director is a HUGE hardass about what songs were allowed to pick #but I got my first choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I’m doing come to your senses from tick tick boom !!!!!!! I’m so fucking excited #it’s such a good song I love it so much #i think I can do it rlly well #granted the showcase is in January but still #toby speaks

[diredenzione]

wish autoplay was still a thing. your own, personal demon from the afterparty soundtrack is sooooo abbacchio core. so melancholic with it's religious organ and electronic undertones are just perfection. it's hard to not listen to that song (and most songs from the afterparty ost) without thinking of him

#◆ 𝖆𝖇𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖙. / ooc. #( like the ominous as fuck choir music too ...... oooooo im obsessed ) #( i need ominous and unsettling as fuck song to listen to when writing abbacchio and this track + the entire ost works perfectly ) #( idk idk i love the evangelical undertones he has and how he is still oddly religious despite not practicing religion anymore )

[fitheghosty]

okay my brain is filled with angst now for the ghost au so uh have an idea

constance is having a really bad day, well as much as a ghost day can get bad. someone from the choir says one thing to annoy her and suddenly she's teleported out. penny, who doesn't know much about the choir's lives, asks everybody where they think she went. she wants to be the one to be there for her

naturally, it's her family's cafe, so penny makes a run for the comforting, little establishment. she finds anything but that. instead of finding constance crying like she expected, she finds her staring up at the cafe. hands fisted and eyes wide open with shock.

"they're closing." she says.

"..what?" penny turns her head to constance.

"my mom and dad are closing the cafe. I heard them talking about it." she seems to internally flinch while she talks, still currently in shock.

"let's just sit down—" "NO!"

constance ends up yelling at penny, but slowly her hard breathing turns into slow sobs. she takes a seat on the curb, and starts mumbling to herself. penny wishes she could touch her.. she's not the greatest at comforting but at least she would have the option. all she can do is be there for constance as she breaks down. after awhile, constance calms herself down enough to talk to penny. she talks about her family. the way her brother would dance to any pop song if you turned it on, the way her mom would bring in warm comfort food from the cafe if she knew constance had a frustrating day, and how her dad would listen to her patiently as she tried to figure out a math problem that seemed to be a little too hard for her that day

she talked about it all, how she's glad that her family is sorta moving on, but it still hurts to witness. she talked about her confusion on what her family is going to do next if they don't have the cafe, their way of bringing joy to the community. did it remind them too much of her? was constance the reason?

"I guess it's still taking time to mourn my life.. today made me realize that."

penny nodded with a sad smile. she got that, she gets mourning something that will never be the same. now, both of them understand eachother, they're closer than they were before. penny waits there at that little curb for however long constance needs

#DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M SAD OKAY #YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT #I JUST. I'M #LET CONSTANCE BE SAD OKAY?? #i feel like this hits close to home writing this idea bc i too suck at handling change & the choirs whole situation in this au is that #they all mostly love their undead lives with penny but they still have their off days #ride the cyclone #ride the cyclone musical #rtc #musicals #musical theater #off broadway #musical theatre #theater kid #fandoms #off broadway theater #off broadway musicals #rtc ghost au #constance rtc #penny lamb

[kaoharu]

gahhh

#✧ chatting ! #hii im in english rn lol ( one of the only classes w service . . . ) #and well. turns out i like the choir program a lot ( i have it first period ) but im still gonna switch to early out o think. oughhh #i love the choir teacher shes very nice but i wanna go home and theres no way im knocking ap music theory or band <//3 #oh well

[prettyboysmlm]

god why do people have to be so fucking intolerable

#4am thoughts ig #idk i’m just #thinking abt how my choir teacher is an elitist bitch #who only cares abt the kids who are musical prodigies or who are rich enough to pay for voice lessons #and could not give less of a fuck about anybody else #and thinking about my friend who’s supposed to be the ‘chill mom friend’ #and how instead she acts like an immature child who throws a fit the minute things don’t go her way #and how all of our other friends support her bullshit bc ‘that’s just the way she is!’ #god get fucked #i don’t mean that but it really feels like i do rn #she straight up almost outed me to my mom. which were that to ever happen i would be fucking ///screwed/// beyond belief #and when i got upset with her bc that’s literally a life or death situation for me #she had the ////AU-FUCKING-DACITY//// to get mad at me for being upset with her!!! #‘ jeez i’m sorry! i just forgot you don’t need to be that mad!’ BITCH I COULD FUCKING DIE IF SHE FINDS OUT #this is why i can’t be friends with cis ppl istg #and the thing is that even if she were trans she’d still never get it. #her parents are supportive. they actually love her. #she’ll never have to face being kicked out or worse if she ever came out to them as trans #god fucking. idk anymore. #it felt good to get this out tho i’ll admit that #anyways i’m gonna go look at ace attorney things and hope that makes me feel better #k.txt #vent tw

[windfighter]

I keep hearing people say "that's not what eurovision is about" but no on ever says what eurovision is about so I had to go check out the first ever winner of it and

amazing. I wish modern eurovision could be a little more like that

Anyway my conclusion is that: Ballads is what Eurovision is about and y'all are cowards for hating on them ;P

#windy wrambles #eurovision #I don't mind the modern music #and the different genres #but all the effects that make my eyes and ears hurt? #yeah eurovision is not really accessible if you have sensory issues #ableism? In my eurovision? It's more likely than you think #I still watch it though #hey it's /music/ and I would die without it #I would probably live without esc but music is my life <3 #music and writing #wish I could write songs but eh #anyway #having the live orchestra there? #A live backup choir? #bring. it. back #just *holds gently* I love it it gives a completely different vibe #also less flashing lights PLEASE #I also googled Ballad just now and honestly I don't even know what classifies as a ballad any longer #this is not a call to explain it to me #(although I think my askbox is open if you want to) #ANYWAY listen to Refrain and touch some older ESC-songs :3 #it's nice and calm over there :3 #Youtube

[supercantaloupe]

ughh listening to victoria always makes me wish i was in a chamber choir again

#i mean i AM in a chamber choir technically #but it's on hiatus rn for the summer i think we're starting up again with the fall semester #and it's like. small informal amateur group #and we're not bad dgmw but. maaan what i wouldn't give to go back to the blessed one and a half semesters in freshman year #when we still had a proper chamber choir at my uni and i was in it. before covid ruined everything #easily the best choir i've ever been in and the most fun i've had singing in a choral setting i think #i think it beats out my allstate years too. cause as fun as allstate was it was also like 120 people #chamber choir was like. 35. and i loooooove love love chamber music #anyway. i like the group i'm in now and i think it's cool that we focus on early and renaissance music #like i don't think we even ventured into the baroque era at all last concert #and there really is some fantastic early choir music that survives #but i do miss being in a slightly more. idk. formal? official(tm)? chamber choir #with the early music yes but also more recent stuff. poulenc. rutter. whitaker. shaw... #oughh. to sing the kind of stuff that roomful of teeth does. that would be MAGICAL #sasha speaks

[catharsis-in-a-bottle]

best percussion instrument? the human voice. best orchestral instrument? the human voice. best instrument in groups? the human voice. best solo instrument? the human v

#i love our capacity for making noises so much #rap is just phenomenal. we split up time into equal parts like a drum and it SCRATCHES AN ITCH #and choir music is phenomenal. eric whitacre weaves magic etc etc #and solo voices are the most common instrument but still the most unique #I LOVE PEOPLE I LOVE MUSIC. #.txt #having a moment

[beevean]

Super Metroid

Crateria - The Space Pirates Appear

#metroid #metroid music #super metroid #music of the day #who was genuinely startled when the space pirates first appeared in old tourian? i was #ah good times #it still fits as crateria's theme until it's replaced by samus' theme #now the planet is alive... and it doesn't want you here #and you're still weak #i love the choir sound so much

[floralovebot]

I’d suggest you can try looking into Hozier’s songs for Helia’s playlist, like Work Song, In A Week and Moment’s Silence do give me helia vibes!

Thank you for the suggestions!! I've always really liked the idea of associating Hozier's song with Helia! I actually have like real people do on his playlist rn !

I really liked moment's silence but I actually added it to Nabu's instead! I liked the idea of it for Helia but I feel like the sound of it and even the lyrics really matched Nabu and aibu! I also really like work song and I've contemplated it for Helia before but I was never able to convince myself that it was his song yknow? While there are more intense songs on his playlist rn, I feel like it's a bit too intense? Or maybe the vibe of the song is too intense for him? I'm not sure what it is exactly since I do like the song and can definitely see it for florelia, but something about it just isn't quite right for them,,, :(

Also, I like in a week but i don't like thinking about rotting corpses so unfortunately i usually can't listen to that one ajldghladjgh

#i feel like for work song its the religious vibes? while i love the songs themself - i feel like theyre too intense for helia #quite a few of his songs have that worship vibe whether with the lyrics or the choir background vocals or the instrumental itself #and while there have been songs in that past that i associated with helia that had a similar sound #i think its specifically that christian / catholic religious guilt/worship sound that i dont associate with him #it definitely fits him but something about it is off and i can't figure out what!! #because it really does fit the relationship he has with red fountain but something about it!! is off!! and it bothers me so much!! #13th century religious music tends to fit him more i feel? like specifically that medieval religious sound? #at least in terms of worshiping your lover or having that guilt i feel like that sound works best for him rather than the more - #'modern' vibe hozier typically has (obviously its not Actually modern it is heavily influenced by older music) #answered #anyway when i add songs to the character playlists i specifically try to add songs that i feel the character could actually sing/speak #and while i like the lyrics for them i feel like the references to religion aren't something he would regularly say? #there's actually a song by eurielle called city of the dead that has the exact religious vibe that i would associate with helia!! #the lyrics don't really work for canon!helia but at least for the sound/vibe of the song it really works for him for an intense feel #and that's another episode of me overthinking their playlists way too much!! #alkhgdljahdg but still thank you !! ik it may not seem like it but every suggestion is really helpful !! #im sorry i shit on your suggestions though i feel bad 😞

[guideaus]

Oh lord, the anime got to me

#personal #like. as a reminder i only just started mp100 before s3 started 💀 #i used to private my spotify when I'd listen to that but i forgot skdhdkdk #i still love aurora after wolfwalkers ❤️ i should rewatch the movie #i do need new music tho bc i did just listen to mob choir for the past 2 months. im not kidding #spotify wrapped