#i think the most recent of those sorts of books ive read is either one of the moomin compilations or the c+h commentary style one

[wiiwarechronicles]

your art style would be amazing in either the funnies in newspapers or in a childrens picture book. love it.

WOO YIPPIE thank you this is very nice. When I was younger I used to borrow compilation books of comic strips and read them all over the course of a few days it was my favorite thing ever.

#ive read obscene amounts of Garfield and calvin + hobbes and foxtrot and pearls b4 swine and popeye #and my parents had some really old ones for the old Mickey Mouse strips and I loved those ones so much because Mickey was always such a dick #i think the most recent of those sorts of books ive read is either one of the moomin compilations or the c+h commentary style one #recently ive been curious about getting peanuts ones cause I have not read enough peanuts for how much I love it #call-me-fiend #maidsmop

[lettersfromverabookreview]

Book Review: Piranesi

Hi! This is my first review of a book ive read recently, and i want to remind anyone that reads this that i want to do this as a hobby!! No edits, nothing, just whatever my brain wanted to spit out when thinking about the book!!!

First, I do want to say that this book blew my mind in ways that I do not believe appear as literal as written. Now it may be my understanding of this book in itself, the time of my life in which i was going through to understand it the way I did, or maybe that I understood what the writer meant to do.

Books like these I would not present it as either difficult to understand or to read, but I would say to not take this book (even when it could be a day reading) for granted and to read it with time and patience.

Piranesi, for me, is a great and interesting book that is about trauma, and dealing with it. Now, the book in itself is not directly about this, we begin first in a house, a house with multiple infinite rooms (the author herself said that she based this book on stories by Jorge Luis Borges, an amazing Argentinian author that I recommend as well, that talks about magical realism. I wouldn't say that this book is about magical realism because magical realism has a big history in Latin America, and even though it may be intertwined with the creation of this book, it would be simply incorrect to put it into this category.) and a main character ready to explore each and every one of those rooms. As the curious person that I am, I would have been able to love and read each description of the room that that house contains, and I´m more than happy with the number of descriptions that there are, which is not an opinion I´ve heard a lot either in Goodreads or in my group of friends.

Piranesi, the main character, which I´m not even sure if I should call Piranesi since he doesn't think that is his name (He simply calls himself “your friend” which I think is the best introduction to the innocent character we read about the whole book), is an innocent, goodhearted, curious person that ended up mysteriously in this house. Yes, I have to admit that I have gotten frustrated with this character, but thankfully his actions are not without reason, and I think that that is one of the reasons why it's so helpful to read this book from his point of view, his immense trust with the Other, how he tries to even speak with the birds and even !!! talks with !!! the bodies of !!! the people that were there before him !! You pity him before you even have the chance to hate him.

Now, I do realize that if another person who has read Piranesi may read this review and be like “Hey, you didn't talk about the statues, the birds, the messages” and yes, you would be right, but 1. my focus on the review of this book is not put on this because I was still not as enthralled as I became later on when this topic seemed the most important to me in the book and 2. I am not the best at deciphering secret messages in statues. But surely, if you ever want to read it and give it your own meaning, please do!! share it with me if you want, I would love to read all of the different opinions!!

Now, arriving at the main point ( in which I think I will have to warn about heavy spoilers) why do I think this book is mainly about trauma and going through it?

Well, I do have some main points that refer to the answer, but in a general sense, I did feel that way overall throughout the whole book. What happens after disaster? After the whole world has collapsed around us? After the reality that we thought was truly changed, and not only changed, but we were forced to change because of it? Are we still ourselves at the end of the path? Or are we some kind of Theseus ship, with all parts of us replaced, new and used?

Piranesi begins as a child would enter a new world, recollecting information as presented, never put to doubt, sort of a blank slate in this world, we are as lost as he seems, even in his comfortable way of living and knowing the closest rooms to him, there are some paths that he knows he has not gone to, some that he is aware he is afraid of going back again, he is from the moment that we meet him, like a vulnerable crab that has changed shell and is in its most delicate state, we see him longing for connection in a world that answers in its own, inexplicable way. He is always looking for an answer, for a message, but we are never sure what does that mean. This reminds me very well of the reconstruction of the self after a traumatic event, of course, in this case, his forgetfulness was the product of the “magic” of the house, but wouldn't it make sense if Piranesi, our friend, appeared to be so shocked, so unprepared for such change that his brain would choose block those memories? Because when he believes that his prison, the House, is his home, something to trust, to sleep in peace, to fish, to run around, he is able to continue on.

Now, continuing on the sense of the Magic of the House being the one that controls the memories of Piranesi, wouldn't it be Piranesi´s mind the actual House? Many memories, thoughts, messages, and people that circle our mind, we are not always aware or in control of which memories will rise to the surface, which ones will be forgotten, and how will we remember someone, a memory, in the future. The House is Kind, the book says, the House in its infinity is ultimately kind, and is this not a reflection of Piranesi, the man talking to the birds, pitying the stranger, believing the best of all the people around him, and many many things more? Even when the Other is about to shoot Piranesi, he wishes the Other would go back to the boat. He is the House, and his connection to the House, mysterious as everyone´s connection to our selves is, is also his connection to the world. Once the Other is washed up with the water of the House (and even though Piranesi did not want the Other to die, as it happens in a lot of traumatic events, when we do not think the person that did us wrong actually did us wrong) he is free to go to the Real World, which yeah, is uncomfortable, is not the House, it's not his home, but when are we ever comfortable when moving on?

Lastly, at the end of the book, Piranesi does not reflect himself with this Piranesi persona (the first person we met, living in the house) nor with the person that he was before Piranesi, Matthew Rose Sorensen, he is someone new, containing yes Piranesi and Matthew, but not one nor the other. After the tides of life have washed us over and over again, could we have the same kindness we had before?

Thanks for reading! Before I finish this post, I do want to leave this very interesting reddit post that I saw while writing this, that has a very similar pov from what i was thinking! and many others.

Anyways, Happy Reading!

#book review #piranesi #susanna clarke #fantasy #mystery #books #booklr

[steelycunt]

hello ridi how are u! how's ur sourdough starter! is the weather ok! is the weekend treating you nice... what cookies do you plan on making? what are you reading rn? are you writing anything? do you like long chapters? what's ur deepest secret! what's the best kate bush album (no incorrect answer to this one)! have you watched any new shows or movies recently & what do you think of them? and most importantly pick & choose from these questions the ones you feel like answering like an ask game...

omg hi hello...what a fun ask i feel like ive been stopped by one of those online street interviewer people...but a lovely one obviously...i am okay!! how are you i hope youre well!! sad to announce that my sourdough starter well i killed him didnt i. deliberatelyhe was just getting so needy and i felt like i was working very hard for him for such little reward so in the end i decided to save my flour xx which is fine because i can now use it to make cookies!! brown sugar chocolate chips ones which are beautiful if i can get them right...and if i can get into the kitchen because my dad is in there cooking atm.

this morning i finished chelsea girls by eileen myles!! sort of a memoir/poetry/essay collection non fiction read with a kind of strange tumbling prose at times (brought to mind kerouac a little? but maybe not) so there were bits i liked and bits i didnt but the bits on like the lesbian scene in new york in the 70s and 80s were really interesting!! my next read is going 2 be mr loverman by bernardine evaristo i have the most gorgeous copy : ^ ) i dont mind a long chapter if the books good...i do appreciate small bitty chapters can make long ones feel likea slog but that is a good thing i think. makes u take ur time with a book makes u slow down a bit. as for writing!! i am currently writing the [redacted] au which is going alright now ive started making some actual progress on it now (albeit slowly about. a scene every day and a half) and im really enjoying it!! have been writing some poetry also although i find poetry far more difficult to write so those are likely to never see the light of day but its still fun to try it out : ^ )

best kate bush album i think either the kick inside or the dreaming. the dreaming is incredible and ofc it has suspended in gaffa on it one of my all time favourite songs xx i like hounds of love too although i think that one is a bit overrated just in comparison to some of her other albums. recently i have watched a few films!! velvet goldmine (which i didn't like) and aftersun (which i did), aftersun was incredible i heavily recommend xx oh and my deepest secret...well of course ill never tell.. xoxo gossip girl (<- ive never seen gossip girl). thank u for this ask it was so fun!! please pop back in and let me know how YOU are bab ill make us some tea xx

#anon #telegram #: ^ )

[gloriousmonsters]

hi!! obviously feel free to ignore, but just in case my other ask got lost i wanted to send another :) i just recently got into tgcf and have been going through various tags and i really liked reading your posts!! i was just curious to see how you view sqx's gender since rereading? the more fic ive read since finishing the book, the more surprised ive been to find that most of it (at least that ive read so far) really ignores any discussion of either gender id or having sqx be gnc or anything. like, it seems like if its a serious fic people write him in male form and if its a fun fic people write her in female form (and my/hx in female form as well, which is a whole other convo) and regardless of form its all very much adhering to expectations for whatever gender the author is writing, not really any gnc stuff. anyway! sorry, i got carried away, but i guess im really just looking for an insightful take on gnc cis sqx so that i can have some hope restored that there are people who have a nuanced take lol

hey, sorry for the late reply! I got your other ask, I just have been pretty caught up with work and other distracting things the past few days..../week. what is time

Honestly I haven't read much fic for TGCF at all and less featuring SQX, but i'm... sadly not surprised at hearing what you've mostly run into. People don't often seem to be up for any sort of complicated gender stuff on the average day, so it makes sense it wouldn't be addressed in a lot of fics, and SQX's femininity--in whatever form--being treated mostly as a 'fun' thing instead of a serious part of SQX's gender is... frustrating but again, not surprising.

It's been a bit since I last looked at TGCF, but my personal interpretation remains that SQX is a femme man, much as I view Ling Wen as a butch woman--I very much don't want to say it's not as valid or interesting to interpret either of them as trans, but for me personally both characters are most interesting to read as GNC cis characters. That's its own whole struggle, one that the issue of their worshipers essentially deciding what their gender is for them--because they don't conform to the conventions of their own--is painfully resonant with.

(I'll try not to talk more about Ling Wen more on this SQX gender post, but I'll make a last sidebar about I wish people would talk about Ling Wen's gender more in general.I barely even see people acknowledge that she HAS a male form or any of her character as it relates to her being masc/butch.)

SQX clearly enjoys wearing his female form, and it very much comes across as dressing up in clothes that really express how you feel--he's so much cuter, it's so fun to wear a female form (to such an extent that he will try to pester anyone left alone with him for five seconds into doing so, because how can you NOT ENJOY looking pretty??). But to me he never seems dysphoric about his male form--just bored and sometimes hurt by the limitations it imposes on him. Being a man isn't an issue for him, acting like a man is.

And I understand that for some people there's little difference between those things--a lot of people find their gender nonconformity means they're not that gender at all. I feel like another factor is the well-meaning anvil that got dropped a while ago of 'you can't write a stereotype, so all your queer men have to be normal macho and all your queer women have to be normal feminine' which further erased the very concept of GNC-ness, at least when it came to writing fic. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so attached to cis femme SQX--GNC characters, or even interpretations more complex than 'completely conventionally cis or binary, also conventionally (gender) trans' are thin on the ground in fandom.

(a sidebar: writing a guy as a uke-in-all-but-name is not the same as writing a guy as meaningfully gnc. like pursue your bliss and write what you want and all that, but I had the haunting suspicion that there's probably some 'gay twink that cries a lot and always bottoms' SQXs out there and i want to register that it's nooooot what i'm talking about when i talk about being gnc. WHOLE other discussion packed away inside that one. let's skip it for now)

I wish I had something more specific or insightful to say here, lol. You can enjoy looking like a woman and not be a woman. You can dislike being masculine and still be a man. SQX clearly, despite the not-cool reasons for him having it (because the implications of two gods being close, even if they were brothers, was just TOO GAY, we gotta make it straight! are their worshipers those people who genderbend just one sibling to write incest because i have some Annoyed Words for those people. Stop Making It Boring) is very attached to his female form and enjoys wearing it, and while it's not given a great deal of time, there's obviously friction between him and his brother based in the fact that, even while not wearing a female form, SQX just doesn't... act quite like a man should.

(This is pure personal interpretation/headcanon, but he often doesn't see the problem with how he's acting because he simply has an internal sense of gender that doesn't clash with looking like a woman or not acting like a man--gnc gender identity is no less deeply or completely felt than any other. It takes SWD or someone else reacting badly to remind him, ah, apparently not every man would be like this if he had the chance. Which seems fake, but ok)

if there's a conclusion, there's this--to write SQX as either a straightforward male or female character is just missing his whole point. He can be a gnc man, genderfluid, a trans woman--but whatever he is is complicated, despite how untroubled he usually seems by it all. There's tension between what he is, how he's viewed, and the limited means he has to express himself, and while that obviously can't be the point of every fic he appears in, it's always there. And cis gnc SQX remains, in the end, my favorite lens. It's unlikely, but I do hope someone got that boy a cute outfit at some point postcanon, it's the least he deserves.

#there's so many words in this and who knows if any of them make sense.... i'm very tired tonight sorry lol #thanks for the ask though! #and you're right in female form hx/my being a whole other conversation... #Gender In TGCF And What The Fandom Does With It is a whole thesis and a half #and it's located in a minefield. least where i'm concerned #replies #vic reads tgcf #remains my tgcf tag i have none other

[dotster001]

Congrats on 500! I'd love a matchup if they're still open. Obey me, romantic please!

I'm not quite sure how to do this as ive never requested something like this before but I shall try.

I am 5'3, very pale with lots of freckles. Thick, curly, auburn hair, not quite orange enough to be qualified as a ginger but enough that I have to be wary on international hit a ginger day 😔 My hairs just past shoulder length and pretty messy so I usually tie it back, except for my bangs which are somehow even more messy, I tend to just brush them aside.

I'm a Sagittarius, INFP. I have a cat despite being severely allergic to them. My cat is my favourite thing in the wkrld. Literally my best friend, I don't care if that makes me a loser. She's great. And fluffy. And adorable.

I'm pretty sarcastic, sometimes I get carried away, to the point that I'm mean. I've been trying to do better though. I have pretty bad anger issues, I used to punch holes in walls when I was 3-14. Haven't done it in a while but I still feel anger most of the time. It's just that instead of reacting with violence I react with a cold sort of malice. I still have those out bursts of burning rage where I shout and throw things, but my last one was like a year ago so I'm pretty happy with how far I've come!

I've got ADHD. Common hyper-fixations include animals of all kinds. Crime, torture methods, serial murder etc... I've unfortunately become pretty desensitized to the kind of stuff I learn.

Ive always been creative. I love to read and write. I currently own over 500 books and I've read most of them. Recently I've been trying to get into gaming. I've only ever played games on the Wii and DS before. I love Kirby, the only two games I've ever finished are Kirby ones. I've even watched the anime.

I write mostly fantasy stuff, with magic and dragons. Love dragons. When I was younger I taught myself draconic just because I could. I do tend to write things a bit darker, I love a tortured protagonist. My current WIP shows an assassin joining a normal guild to maintain their cover (as they didn't kill a guild member who saw them and need to keep an eye on them to make sure they don't snitch). Then with time the assassin finds themselves getting attached to the guild and it's members, especially the younger ones. But oh no, their identity gets out and everyone turns against them! The whole things very convoluted honestly. Lots of blood and violence. I find it cathartic.

I also like to draw and paint though I'm not great at either. I tend to like to collecting things. I'm currently collecting the vintage Fear Street books- I started reading them like years ago now but since the movies come out they're so much harder to come by. I've only 40 or so to go though! I was probably too young to read them, won't go into details but there were deaths and scenes of violence in those books that I had no business reading when I was six.

I also collect Pokemon cards, though I'm not buying them as often. I wanted to get all the Eeveelotions, but then they came out with Sylveon and I quit because honestly how dare they? I was only two away and they made a new one. And it wasn't even a dragon type :( My big claim to fame is that I have a number of first edition cards, which is super fun!

I love music so much. I listen to pretty much every genre. My biggest are metal, indie and punk rock. But I also really like musicals. Right now my top songs are probably Ride the Lightning, Fleur de Lis, Ophelia, I Can't Decide, Don't Go Breaking My Heart, the other side of Hollywood and Mr Loverman. I play the baritone/euphobium- think a small tuba. I also play the guitar and harmonica (self taught!). I'm looking into getting an otamatone. My dream instrument, though, is the bagpipes.

My favourite movie of all time is How To Train Your Dragon. SAW III is a close second. Idk why I like SAW III so much, it makes me so angry I literally shake just thinking of it. But I also find it hilarious for the same reason it infuriates me. The main character is horrible. I make a point of watching it with every friend i make. All the homies hate Jeff.

My favourite season is winter because I love wearing toques and sweaters, curling up in fuzzy blankets, snuggling with my cat. I love the snow and the way it sounds beneath boots. I tend to dress mainly in black and red. Ripped jeans, steel toed boogs. I've got a ring in the shape of a snake and another with a bunch of eyes carved in it. I have a padlock necklace with an accompanying skeleton key necklace because I like things to fit together, y'know? I have a fairly eclectic earring collection. My favourite pair is a silver set made to look like meat cleavers.

So sorry for rambling, I have no idea what to say and ended up saying way too much but whatever. Thanks a bunch and congrats again! Go drink some water if you haven't in a while!

❄️☃️ anon

(Yo I feel your pain on the red head thing 😂 I'm strawberry blonde, and some people will fight to the death to say I'm a redhead. Stay safe out there 😂 Also, my cat's my best friend, so we can be losers together)

I match you with Lucifer.

To be totally honest, I could see you with every brother, and Barbs. But in the end, I feel like Lucifer just shone through. Especially when it comes to sarcasm. He can slice and dice someone in three words, so he'll give you a run for your money.

He loves how many instruments you know how to play, and may or may not be looking into finding the best bagpipes teacher to ever exist, so that you can both learn how to play together. Will make the other brothers play instruments as well so that you can all put on a concert for Diavolo.

He has all the ins and outs of everything, so he can help you build your collections. He makes it look like an illegal drug deal sometimes, and he's willing to pay waaaaay too much money for you to feel safe about your financial future, but he gets everything for you. Don't give up on your Eeveelution collection yet. He's got a lead.

He'll watch SAW III with you. He doesn't really understand why you continue to watch it if you hate Jeff so much, but it makes him feel soft inside to watch something you enjoy so much with you.

He birthed Satan from his wrath. He understands anger. If you get overly angry, he understands and will help you figure things out, calm down, or slice a bitch. He's flexible.

You'd gotten dressed to go out for the day, in your black ripped jeans and boots, a red blouse Lucifer had gotten for you, and that new pair of dragon earrings he'd also gotten for you. After finishing getting dressed, you headed to his office.

You knew he was the avatar of pride, but sometimes it was easy to forget until you saw him practically preening like this. He stood up from his desk, and took your hand, just staring at you for a moment.

"What is it, Luci? Is my beauty leaving you speechless?" You said with a playful eye roll.

He gave a booming laugh, before he drew you closer, and whispered, "Have you ever noticed how you tend to prefer my colors?"

"Huh, I guess I didn't," you said. "Anyway, where are we going today?"

He smiled, and again, his pride was staggering.

"We are going to practice your draconic, my love," he said, collecting a couple things and starting to leave the room.

"Wait, so that means..."

"Yes," he smiled. "I'm going to introduce you to my pet dragon."

#matchups #500 followers #obey me #lucifer x reader

[ablednt]

im not disagreeing with ur gifted kid post, but the way some of ur stuff is phrased can come off in ways u might not have intended. boiling those sorts of unrealistic expectations of very young kids down to "being complimented too much" ignores that a lot of these kids were unfairly placed in these programs and forced to complete them regardless of how much they struggled with it (and that these kids were in prime environments for developing npd due to overinflated ego from a young age). many gifted kids were given extremely unreasonable expectations and only barely managed to meet them in order to avoid facing punishment for failing. im not saying there ARENT gifted kids who dont treat it like "oh i was so special and now im not boohoo :( i need special treatment for it" but i feel like theres some aspects thats have been unintentionally misunderstood (/nm /nonagg!!! ^^ just wanted to bring this up as more of a discussion than an argument, hope ive made sense!)

No I definitely agree but my point is that I've never seen a genuine discussion from these people about this and I'm sure they exist to some capacity but that's Very Clearly not what the community was formed around nor where the term originated. People don't complain that they had expectations on them they just make stupid tiktoks like "teachers seeing a neurodivergent person: omg you're so smart you're my favorite student!!!" and then act like that's 1. universal and not just for palatable NDs and 2. that being complimented by their teachers was the problem and not everything else

I think it's also important to note that the expectations really weren't worse for gifted kids, it's just that gifted kids got closer to reaching those expectations and felt they actually had a chance whereas everyone else was punished automatically for not coming close. The issue is not specific to any one class or type of class it's a widespread issue with academia as a whole.

I genuinely don't think that gifted kids had it any easier than anyone else but I don't think that they had it harder either. Recently someone while venting told me, "I think school is stealing my family from me" because of the extreme expectations put on them and they're definitely not in any kind of gifted kid program, it's literally just as bad and extreme for all of us.

Like and I really don't think it's a coincidence that the times that I've criticized gifted kids and the times that I've challenged academia is when I've gotten some of my most blatantly ableist asks telling me to "just get over [my disability] and read some fucking books" and grasping at whatever straws they can to make me look "unintelligent" (like yeah I totally don't have trauma with academia I'm just mad because [checks notes] I play undertale sometimes and it made me incapable of coherent thought I guess/s)

The community is inherently classist and ableist and whilst they definitely do have trauma from academia it is not any different than the rest of ours, them separating it as some different and unique trauma just because they did better than us so obviously we just Wouldn't Understand their Huge Brains is just so frustrating and gross and I just really wish people would realize that rather than using this as a crutch not to work on their internalized ableism like yeah take trauma processing at your own pace but that doesn't mean you get to make it everyone else's problem.

Also a lot of people are gonna hate this comparison but I frankly don't see a single difference in gifted kids making up terms to say that their experiences are somehow more severe or even all that different to ours cause they're just Built Different and empaths taking widespread issues that affect everyone and acting like they're just sensitive special little souls and we could never comprehend their pain when really it's the same shit like depression, anxiety, etc. that we all live with on a daily basis.

#I do agree with you though that there IS an actual issue #I know that a lot of gifted kids have trauma being treated like spoiled and bratty when they expressed genuine hurt #and I definitely don't share that sentiment it's just that they're going about everything in an incredibly ableist manner #it's in my mind absolutely comparable to the way that ppl who think narc abuse is real weaponize their trauma against ppl with npd #like rather than actually challenging academia in any meaningful way they just spend their time lashing out at disabled and undereducated #people the fact that they do have real problems to worth through doesn't excuse that yk? #not saying that you were trying to make an excuse though it's reasonable to interpret what I said the way that you did

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

#ask #fandom politics #fandom culture #fandom psychology #mailob

[animeyanderelover]

could you wrote prompt 17 with paku? im sorry ive just been stalking ur page 😭

Don’t feel sorry for this darling. I’m not angry with you.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, manipulation, Pakunoda reading the reader’s mind, mentions of kidnapping

Prompt 17: “You’ve been such a good girl lately. If you continue to behave so well I might just reward you. Would you like that?”

What had you gotten yourself into? How had this even happened? When had your lovely girlfriend became a criminal and part of the famous Phantom Troupe? As it appears she had been part of the troupe since a long time. How had you even found that out? Let’s just say...you managed to appear at the wrong time at the wrong place and had witnessed Paku talking to some rather shady looking persons. A girl with pink hair who looked like she hadn’t smiled very often in her life and a man who had looked creepy as fuck if someone ignored the fact how tiny he was. You had been too far away to hear what they had been saying, but you knew that it hadn’t been anything good and had tried to sneak away when the man suddenly appeared right in front of you, giving you nearly a heart attack. Just from looking at him you had known that the gap between your and his strength was enormous. He had looked at you with a look in his eyes that had scared the living shit out of you and had asked you with his hoarse and broken voice who you were and what you were doing here. You hadn’t been able to answer him, paralyzed with fear. He had asked you once again and had told you if you wouldn’t answer him he would kill you. That had been the last straw for you and you had fallen unconscious right then and there, expecting to never wake up again.

But you had woken up again. In a room with which you were very familiar. It was Pakunoda’s bedroom. She had been sitting right next to you, waiting for you to wake up again. As soon as you had sat up she had been quick to hug you and telling you that she had been worried when exactly you would wake up, but you had interrupted her and demanded from her to know who the hell these people had been. Paku had tried to tell you something about that they were old friends from her. You would have believed her if it wouldn’t have been for the fact that the small guy had threatened to kill you and had meant it so you hadn’t believed her. You weren’t the smartest one, but you weren’t dumb either and it had been obvious to you that these people had been some sort of criminals so why had Pakunoda be with them? Was she involved? You bombarded her with these kind of questions, not giving her time to lie even more to you. You had felt betrayed. But she still had insisted that these people weren’t bad and that you had just misunderstood something. That’s when you had snapped and had angrily told her that you didn’t plan on staying with a liar so you just stood up and had left her house, yelling that if you really meant something to her that she wouldn’t lie to you so boldly.

And you had gotten answers to your questions because the very same day she had kidnapped you and had told you the truth. Now you wished you would have just accepted her lies back then. You had felt nothing, but terror when she had told you that she was a member of the Phantom Troupe and that the two guys you had seen her with recently were members as well. Hearing that you had nearly been killed by a troupe member had sent you into pure anxiety and you had suddenly realized in what a situation you had gotten yourself into. You had asked her shaking what would happen to you now that you knew who she really was. She had answered you honestly that she had talked with her boss about this and he had told her that as long as she would make sure that you wouldn’t tell anyone he wouldn’t see you as a threat. When you had asked her what would happen if you would tell someone she hadn’t answered you and had just told you that you shouldn’t think about that, but her undertone had told you exactly what would await you if you would tell anyone. Death.

After that day Pakunoda hadn’t let you out of the house again, wanting to ensure that you wouldn’t get the chance to tell anyone about her or the troupe. When we’re already talking about the troupe, she had introduced you to them after some time, wanting you to meet her friends. This day must have been the most terrifying and interesting day in your life because who gets the chance to see all of the Phantom Troupe members without being killed immediately. Probably only a few. You had clinged to Paku for dear life during this time, not willing to leave her side, especially when you had seen the guy again who had wanted to kill you, Feitan. But you did meet some guys who were more pleasant to be with and if you could choose you would say that your “favs” were Uvogin, Nobunaga, Shizuku and Kortopi. And if you could choose the ones who were your least favorite then it would be without a doubt Feitan and it seemed like that feeling was mutual judging from the way he glared at you. But then again he seemed to always be not in a good mood and you doubted that he had ever laughed or smiled in his life.

You were conflicted about how to feel about Pakunoda now. You still loved her, but locking you up in her house was a bit much to take and you hadn’t even talked about her punishments yet. She had a lot of patience with you and you were sure if you would have been kidnapped by another troupe member you would have gotten in serious trouble for your behavior. But Pakunoda wasn’t them and so you were still healthy and good taken care of. But even the most patient person had a limit and you guess you had gotten a bit too comfortable with her. That had been a mistake because you had found out only after she had locked you up in your room and had taken everything you could have used to pass your time that she possessed the ability to read someone’s mind, meaning you were literally naked for her and had no way to hide your thoughts. You had tried to use her softness for you against her and had planned to escape her, but all she had needed was to swing an arm around your shoulder and ask you if you wouldn’t try anything. You had answered with a no and at first you had been confused when she had suddenly tensed up and looked at you with a disappointed and sad expression. Only after she had thrown you into the room she had told you about her ability and that’s when you had understood that you were doomed. There was no way for you to even think about a way to escape when all that was needed was a touch and a simple question for her to know what you were thinking. It was truly unfair. The worst was that you had been stuck in this goddamn room for at least two weeks and you hadn’t anything to use for some entertainment. No books, no TV, nothing! The only thing you could do was sleeping, wandering around the room or staring at the ceiling.

Currently you did the last one, staring at the ceiling and thinking about your life decisions, asking yourself what you could have done differently to not get into this situation. Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the door lock being unlocked. You turned your attention towards the door when Pakunoda walked in for her daily checkup. She walked quietly to your bed, sitting down next to you. “How are you?” “Boring.”, you answered her straight away. She chuckled a bit before pulling your head against her chest. You knew what was coming now. “Do you plan anything special?” Here we go again with the questioning. “No Paku. I don’t plan anything.” You didn’t lie. What was the use anyways? Paku knew this as well because you could see a small smile on her face. “That’s good to know.” Your situation was really helpless because as soon as even the idea of a way to escape would come into your mind she would know. She didn’t let go of you and you just assumed that she wanted to spend a bit more time with her. Not like you didn’t like it, her breasts were...soft and comfortable to lay on.

“You’ve been such a good girl lately. If you continue to behave so well I might just reward you. Would you like that?” You tensed up when she said this. Was this a way to test you? Was this a trick? Since she was still in contact with you she read your thoughts and a sigh escaped her lips. “You still don’t trust me?”, she asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice. “You gave me some reasons to not trust you. By the way, you don’t trust me either. It seems like our relationship is lacking the most important thing that it’s supposed to base on. Trust.”, you replied, bitterness audible in your voice. “I really want to trust you, but you just make it a bit hard.”, Paku said. You looked up. “I trusted you once, but you broke that trust when kidnapping me and telling me that you’re a criminal who kills people. But I guess you have your reasons too that I can’t understand since I’m not you and don’t know what you went through in the past. So it’s not my right to judge you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m upset. And I upset you too so I guess we’re both guilty.” You meant those words and you could tell by the way she tensed up that she was surprised by this. “(y/n).” You hummed and gave her a confused look. “Yes?” “I meant it when I said that I want to reward you. Tell me what you want?”

Wait?! What?! Your thoughts started to race and you felt excited at the thought that you would have something to entertain you with. But what did you want? A book? A CD? A movie? Something to play with? “Only one thing.”, Paku reminded you when noticing your racing thoughts. You tried to calm your train of thoughts down to start thinking clearly. “A new CD?”, you asked her hesitantly. She nodded in approval. “Alright. A new CD.” You felt relief flowing through you. To be honest, if you would have spent a week longer in here without anything to do you were sure that you would have gone berserk at one point. A human can only hold on that long when they have nothing to do.Both of you spent a few minutes longer in this position, your head against her chest and her just holding you close. You were almost sad when she let go and made her way out again, but at least you would have very soon some music to listen to. “(y/n)?” You hummed confused and looked at her. Paku was standing in the door frame and her head turned around to look you directly into your eyes. “Is something wrong?”, you asked her irritated. “You said that our relationship is lacking trust.” “Yes?”, you answered her unsure.

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to build that trust up again?” This question caught you off guard. Your eyes widened surprised. Why was she asking this? And why wasn’t she just asking you whilst having some physical contact with you? Like this she could make sure that you wouldn’t lie to her. For a moment you played with the thought of giving her an answer that would please her and probably lead to you getting sooner out of this room. But then you realized that this was exactly why this relationship had never worked. It was right that she had lied to you, but were you any better when you tried to use her love for you to your advantage? No, you weren’t. So you decided to give her your honest opinion. “I’m not sure. Our situation is very...complicated at the moment. But I guess if both of us try to change that there might change something. But I’m not 100% convinced.” Paku didn’t say anything and you assumed that she was thinking about your answer. Before she closed and locked the door up again she said:”I appreciate your honesty.” You sat stunned there, staring at the door before you realized why she hadn’t tried to read your mind whilst asking this question. She had wanted to be able to trust you without needing to read your mind. That told you something else as well. She was ready to try to trust you again. The question right now was would you give it a try as well and try to work this out with her?

#yandere hunter x hunter #yandere hxh #yandere pakunoda

[melforbes]

seaglass blue annotations

hello! i just posted the last chapter and thought i’d put together some ~fun context~ for that fic. it got way way more attention than i ever expected and for something i feel i didn’t put that much effort into i think i did in the end put a lot of effort into it so i might as well talk about it and answer some potential questions.

my favorite book of all time is the sunlit night by rebecca dinerstein (yes, that one) and something i find really compelling about that book is how sparing the prose is, forcing the reader to fill in certain gaps, and i think having to fill in those gaps makes the book a really acquired taste with which either you love it or hate it and there’s not really an in-between

i also really adore how in that book the natural world backdrop comes to life, something i find really challenging to write. recently i even read into thin air, the book about the 1996 mount everest disaster, and even though the writing was superb, i still had to google what the hillary step was because i couldn’t picture it on my own. i don’t know how people write nature because to me it feels damn near impossible, but this sparing approach really worked, so i thought i might try it out. i tend to be longwinded (gestures vaguely at this post) and wanted to have certain parts of this be a lot smaller and more contained without negating impact. whether or not i made it work is anyone’s guess. definitely not my normal style, so to speak

based on the comments i’ve received i think this might be everyone’s favorite part. in my mind age of consent by new order was playing in the background. in pretty much every fic i have a scene like this one and all of them are based on the poem first base gold by rh*annon mcg*vin from her book branches (censored because she has a tumblr and i don’t want her seeing this haha)

i absolutely can’t do the poem justice by describing what it’s about, but the simplest, most basic interpretation of the poem is that there is no better place to kiss than right here, right now, because of the past. i really like that imagery and tend to use it a lot. she as a writer has been a big inspiration for me and if you’ve read my fic true minds i should add that the nonfiction inspiration for that was directly as a result of one of her youtube videos. i particularly love how the last paragraph (stanza? im not a poet) is one big run-on sentence that’s jovial and tongue-in-cheek and colloquial and straightforward. it feels triumphant in a quiet way to me and i love how it’s done. obviously my attempts at something similar are nowhere near as insightful, but still, the most basic image of this is that there is no better place to kiss, and that’s how i felt about the two of them finding pudding in the supermarket

this part is autobiographical; while writing this last year, i went through six months of intravenous drug treatment, a month and a half of which involved long days of doctor visits on every weekday. when you’re on stuff like that for a long time you end up with a central line for better access (potential plot hole in all of this: scully never had one) but for a month and a half i got poked almost every day and strangely enough it got harder over time. the first couple you never feel, but a week or two later you start flinching, and if the needle goes in the same vein each time, it hurts the more it gets prodded. i reached a point toward the end of the in-office visits in which i would bleed a lot every time i got poked, and i can’t watch anything like that happen to me so i was looking away each time, and when i felt that the nurse was done, i would look back over, and sometimes i would be looking down at a pool of blood that i hadn’t expected to see. it’s weird, you don’t actually feel yourself bleeding, i would’ve expected a hot bloody feeling but instead it felt like nothing. and when i say a pool i mean that it would drip down beneath my elbow, stain the sheet they’d put underneath, and i wouldn’t get all of it off until i showered. i didn’t necessarily find it scary, but it was surreal and kind of pulled me out of normalizing the experience i was having. for a very long time needing iv drugs was my greatest fear and i was surrounded by that then and fine, and then, there was blood all over my arm, and like, haha, this is actually not fine. you’d think something else would’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t. and now looking back at this paragraph i wish i’d edited it differently but hey that’s life

i’d never really understood the purpose of religion as a self-driven part of life until i took anatomy in college. i was raised catholic and though culturally i understand having a religion and being raised with one, i’ve never really reached for religion when i wanted answers, and i haven’t personally understood why that’s someone’s first option. and i know there’s been plenty of commentary on the hypocrisy of dana scully as a catholic who believes in science, yada yada yada, i think everyone has read all of that by now. but what struck me while learning anatomy is that there is a kind of neuron we don’t know the function of. there are four kinds of neurons, and one of them is still a mystery to us. and then, there’s all of these different parts of human bodies that exist in a certain perfect way, but why do they exist like that? to support life, yes, but why is it that we can make comparisons? why were irises not the same color? and we name valves of the heart after religious figures. we are so hell-bent on meaning that something literal will never be enough. and all of that made me think that dana scully has god to fill in what science won’t answer, at least not yet. and there’s definitely a bigger conversation about science as denial of indigenous cultures that i am nowhere near qualified to start. after taking those classes, i think i would be more shocked if she wasn’t religious. you can ignore pretty much all of the paragraph above but it was important to me that at some point in this fic she willingly conceded that she didn’t know what would happen and that she didn’t have answers. with illness, there is no logic, there’s no thinking your way out of it, and i think that would plague her for a long time. to me, she only would accept her death when she could say she had no idea what would happen, she has no answers, there’s nothing filling in her gaps anymore, and she’s comfortable with that. and i put all of that in a paragraph about my thoughts on god because it made sense to me. there are times that just feel like you’re in a movie and there’s no one else you can say caused them. it’s not enough to build belief on but it’s enough to bring a certain kind of wonder. also one time my parents insisted on watching stripes because it was so funny and when watching it none of us found it funny at all and my parents grimaced and were like what were we on that made that good back in the day so that’s in here now haha

and now, the biggest question: does she die at the end? when i came up with the idea for this fic, i knew the beginning and ending but not the middle, and i posted this as a smaller project (ie: chapters below 3,000 words) while illness made my bigger projects harder to work on and essentially flew by the seat of my pants the whole time. i wrote the last line a long long time ago and have always seen the ending as written as the concrete ending. when i started writing this, i never intended for there to be a definitive answer to whether or not she dies. i like premature endings (the ending of girls burn brighter comes to mind) and i think that this works better without saying whether or not she lives. and i also have a hard time with giving a definitive answer because this fic very much is about death and having her die would, of course, be traumatic, but showing her living instead i think ruins any takeaways people could have. i’ve never had cancer but as a chronically ill person i think i can speak to how you never actually win with illness; the best you can do is tie, and sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you “lose” anyway, you lose spectacularly, and all of your effort was for nothing. i wholeheartedly believe that humans can’t emotionally or logically process natural disasters or illness, hence why much of the talk about illness in this is from mulder’s perspective as he experiences her terminal illness secondhand; that way, he doesn’t need to (but still likely will) find logic or reason or meaning for death from a terminal illness, so his discoveries and his coping mechanisms aren’t as urgently needed. had i written a chapter that describes how she lives, i think that the discussion of death in this would be voided altogether. and i also don’t believe the ending would be much different whether she lives or dies; there’s still the need for death acceptance and talking about dying, whether or not she lives, and none of the story in this fic would have happened had the characters known she would live. the whole point is not knowing.

for a little while i toyed with writing an unofficial sequel of sorts in which i spelled out what i think happens after the ending, but after realizing that that would end up being longer than the original fic and would also have some massive plot holes, i decided against it. i do have my own version and i don’t want to share that version because i never really intended for my version to be some kind of genuine sequel in which every question gets answered and everything is wrapped up and happy ever after and whatnot. it was just where my brain wandered in the same way it wanders when i watch an open-ended movie. all of that to say, if you think she lives, then she lives. if you think she dies, then she dies. it’s your decision. i’d much rather you choose than me. i never marked this as “major character” death on ao3 because, well, she doesn’t die in this fic. whether or not she dies after the fic ends, that’s for you to decide. 

thank you for taking the time to read my writing. i never expected this to blow up (it blew up for me at least, for a while it was my most popular fic ever, with i think thousands more hits than anything else i’d written) and the response has been mind-boggling and wonderful. i don’t respond to comments often because it makes me feel like a pompous jerk (”thank you for enjoying this! i, too, enjoy this thing i have written! oh ho ho!” is how it sounds to me in my head, whereas when other writers respond to comments to me it just looks like thanks man have a good day, feel free to call me a weenie) but i’ve appreciated all of them very much. THANK YOU! i hope your new year is a Whole Lot Less Shit than 2020. i don’t plan on writing more msr because i don’t really have any ideas for them. thank you for making my last time special <3

[daaziscoolbesties]

i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

#long post #sorry its so messy but like i said its almost 3 am and i dont want to go back and format all this #i might come back and make it look nicer in the morning #maybe not who knows #i just checked and this is 1.5k words what the hell

[statticscribbles]

My Dearest, My Dead

Summary: Evelyn/Edgar, A look at what they want from The Farm

Evelyn writes; she keeps unsent letters and journals in the records rooms; with everyone’s files. Edgar says it’s her way of coping, the rest of The Farm just think they’re her records of everyone. She doesn’t think back to when she’d been told. She blocks out how she’d gone to Edgar sobbing, inconsolable with pain blurring her entire being. Edgar carefully took her in his arms and they spent days in bed. They didn’t have the Farm; they didn’t have their family to support them as they do now. Edgar talked to her softly, gently explaining how they can build a family, how they can create The Farm. How Evelyn will need to be the first to be harvested. He can’t take her pain of course, he reminds her; but she can help the cause. She agrees and when she wakes up it’s like nothing has changed; the memory of what happened buried under the stitches and bandages.

Edgar sits with her as she recovers, the stitches he gave her barely there, they dissolve within two weeks and she barely has anything more than a faint line on her side. She writes when he suggest it, a way to keep her feelings her own, but not let them fester inside her. He never asks her to read them, but when she wakes screaming and sobbing from nightmares she’ll read to him in her shaking voice until she calms enough to sleep.

In the places before Riverdale they do not dwell on those they had to leave. Evelyn does not write to them, she burns the records, she does what Edgar says. He promised her they’d have their family and as they move on from the last town they’ve taken from Evelyn can’t help but be relieved it’s one step closer. She does not have doubts she knows Edgar will succeed and they’ll have their family, have their farm and everything will go back to how it was. She wonders if they’ll move back to the first town they took from, she decides she’d prefer not to, she likes the idea of Riverdale, of it being their final home; where they started is where they end. She finds it poetic; Edgar agrees. Evelyn is far too excited to start their plan, Edgar reminds her they might still need to move, still need to leave. ——————————————————————————–

In the sister’s of quiet mercy, past the Gargoyle King’s chamber, beyond the tunnel that leads out; there’s a room locked from everyone’s eyes. The only two who have seen in are Evelyn and Edgar. Edgar told Alice it was the room where they’d ascend. It was a way to stave off her curiosity, to hush the reporter’s urge that still bubbled under her skin. Evelyn had caught her trying to sneak down; Alice was understandably confused when all Evelyn did was start sobbing; broken wails and injured animal sounds drowning out any of the farms regular noises; even the pipe system was drowned out under her crushed voice. Edgar was there in moments, snarling into Alice’s ear and telling her how Polly would be punished for her sneaking around, grip on her arm almost breaking it. Alice doesn’t understand where the viciousness comes from, how it vanishes the instant he moves from her to Evelyn; it’s not love she reasons, but something darker. The way Evelyn folds into him mumbling nonsense and dates long past has Alice wondering what exactly that room is meant for. She mentions it to Charles when she sees him next; he promises he’ll look into it.

Charles brings her half used information, snippets and pieces of the past members in the Farm, they all talk of similar doors, similar rooms, and how Evelyn always fell apart at the idea of others in the room The door was always locked, bolted and there was no window, no way to see what was inside. They’d spoken how no one entered and no one left. It was thought to be the records room; until the records room was mapped out. The room big enough to house two people, with bed on either side. Alice shot down that idea; Edgar and Evelyn already had their own room; they had no need for another one. —————————————————————–

Evelyn wakes to Edgar’s arms around her, she doesn’t move wondering if he’s awake as well. “Betty’s staying with us.” “That’s good.” “She’s smart, bound to figure out some part of what we’re doing.” “That’s bad.” Evelyn frowns her headache coming back as she remembers the nightmares she’d had; she can faintly remember Edgar sedating her but she’s not sure if it was last night or months ago. “I had to dear, you were going to start screaming, can’t worry anyone now can we.” Evelyn nods letting him kiss her forehead as he pets her hair. “We’re having another group today, would you like to join?” “Maybe; I know today is; tough for both of us.” He nods nudging her to lie back down so they face each other. She watches the way his eyes track her face, and as he brushes his thumb against the corner of her mouth she knows he’s not seeing her as she is now. She wonders which version of her he’ll see the most today. “We’ll be together; through all of it. Like always.” He speaks softly nodding to her, his hand running down her arm as he pulls her close.

She’s not aware she falls asleep again, just as she’s not aware she’s awake once more. She’s aware she’s sitting in a chair. She knows Edgar helped her, she can smell his soap on her skin and the shampoo he uses in his hair on her own damp locks. She turns her head to see not only her journal, but a new book and a fresh vase of flowers. She reaches for the flowers wincing when the IV tape tugs against her skin. She grabs the book easily enough and starts to read. She glances at the almost full bag, she knows she’ll have hours left.

She’s barely a third through when Polly walks in. She’s reading, thankful she decided to leave her daily journaling to before bed. “Oh sorry.” Polly’s about to back out of the room when Evelyn watches Juniper fussing in her arms. “Tilt her chin up.” Is all she says before she flicks another page in her book; Polly’s surprised when Juniper quiets. Alice asks to talk to her, and Evelyn declines. “Evelyn.” Alice starts and watches how she turns her head, regarding Alice nervously. Alice isn’t sure why she’d been so anxious recently but it seems like every sound had her on the knife’s edge of panic. In the group session earlier some sort of beeping alarm went off and Edgar had to sedate Evelyn. She looked terrified even when she was sleeping. Betty has theories about Evelyn’s guilt, about her knowledge of the organ farming but Alice knows she can’t share it with her daughter, she just hopes she’ll be able to get her and Juniper out before anything else happens. ————————————————————-

Evelyn knows she’s dreaming, she always knows when she’s dreaming after being sedated; everything is too dull or too vibrant. She can smell too much, everything is too crisp, too clear it makes her wan to close her eyes, to turn away; but she knows she can’t. She must look to understand. She watches her husband, her Edgar, always trying to do good, always trying to help people; why he’d become a trauma surgeon in the first place. She knew he was going to help thousands. She didn’t understand why she had to be one of the first. The car had swerved too far out, it had been dark and icy, it would have happened to anyone. She knows this is what the doctors tell everyone, that they never stood a chance in the tiny car against the truck, against the weather and the distance from the town, from the hospital. Edgar saves her, she knows he does, she can smell the soap and shampoo he uses, unchanging since they’d met in school. He knows it comforts her.

She lets the dream happen, she knows she can’t wake herself, she’s tried time and time again, she knows not when this will twist from dream to memory unsure if it already has. She follows the gurney; the ambulance no longer makes sound, she can’t hear the shouts, the screams from the doctors. She knows this is a memory with how everything seems to settle for a moment, the saturation dropping, the sound no longer fogged. Her vision no longer blurry. She sees her own face, blood covered and she can’t help but gag with her memory self and she tries to breathe, she looks up and it’s a dream once more, Edgar rushing over, his hands running up her arms promising her he’ll save her, the fact she can see him the giveaway it’s only a dream again. She knows she’s dreaming and she can feel herself crying already; she watches herself on the gurney, reaching to the other one, Edgar moves them both closer despite that they’re going to different operating rooms, despite that she knows Edgar can only save one. She wonders why he chose her. She can hear screaming from the other room, she knows she’s dreaming but she cant help the panic, the need stop the screaming, she shakes on the gurney, twisting and trying to shout, only managing to choke on her own blood as someone that’s not Edgar pricks her with a needle and a mask is placed over her mouth and nose.

She wakes shaking and gasping scrambling off the bed trying to pull herself free of wires and tubes and IV’s that are no longer there. She sobs, throwing herself from the bed and trying her best to stand and move towards the door. She’s sure she’s the source of the screams, the pained broken animal that bubbles from inside her chest. She can hear footsteps and collapses into the arms that open the door. “I’m sorry; I’m sorry, what about Elizabeth, you need to fix her, she knows; she knows, she knows! You left her; you left her!” She chokes on her own sorrow as Edgar’s arms hold her up. He kisses her forehead once more, not bringing her back to their room, but to the common room, he sits with her; both Cheryl and Polly appear instantly, worry on their faces. Fangs and Kevin bring her a blanket and she sits, confused and blinking in the sunlight filled room as they stay next to her. Cheryl smiles, running her hand up her arm in comfort. Polly braids her hair. Kevin and Fangs start talking about something they saw on TV, a distraction she thinks. Edgar sits next to her and she reaches out for him. “Elizabeth she-“ “It’s alright Evelyn, it’s alright.” He rubs circles on her back as she starts to cry again, confusion on her face. She watches Betty back out of the room, she watches the look her and Alice share before Alice smiles at Evelyn trying to be comforting. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Everyone chorus’ Edgar’s voice, concern and confusion lacing their words. ——————————————————————————-

Evelyn doesn’t need to ask, she waits until its far past anyone being awake, Edgar rouses her she’s still confused about how she ended up asleep on the common room couch, her hair braided and one of Fang’s hoodies around her shoulders, but she lets Edgar wake her and walk with her. She knows he doesn’t need to support her but he does it anyways; the closer they draw to the room the more pronounced the limp she has gets; he can tell she’s nervous. The door opens with a hiss, it’s been sealed to prevent decay; she’s not sure how it works, only that it does. Edgar steps in first, letting the lights flicker on before Evelyn steps through. The door hisses closed behind them, sealing them in with the rest of room’s content.

“It’s beautiful, Evelyn runs her hands along the bed frame, the side table where Edgar’s notes and drawings sit is where she touches next; where he keeps most of his medical supplies from his days as a surgeon is the last she touches, always in the same pattern. Evelyn’s fingers tangle in a blanket, letting the soft fabric run through her fingers. They catch, as they always do on the bloodstains that haven’t been washed out. “What troubles you about today love?” “We’re home; we’re back we- We shouldn’t have come into her room without her.” Evelyn trembles and Edgar’s arms wrap around her. “Dear, she’s here remember? In the hospital, we just have to bring her home, once everyone agrees to ascend, we can bring her back. One human soul has to be given back if we give up hundreds. It would only be fair, of course.” His fingers undo the braids in her hair.

“Can we visit her?” Her voice is small and Edgar nods, they don’t need to sneak out, but still they do, taking the tunnel the sister’s had closed up. Moving past the hospital security is easy enough, and as they both stand outside the room, Evelyn starts to cry. Edgar wipes his own tears along with hers. They nudge the door open, the room exactly the same as it was two years ago. Everything the same, just as if they stepped out for only a moment. “Hey Elizabeth, how’re you doing sweetheart?” Edgar offers into the darkness, only the beeping of the machines answers him. Evelyn’s grip on his arm tightens, he knows this is too much for her, but he nudges both of them closer. He needs to see her face. “Please.” She whimpers and he nods, sighing as they step back towards the door, a step and a half and they’re back in the hallway. Edgar carries her back to the Farm, back to their room.

“You did so well this time, you got all they way into her room. I’m so proud of you.” “Shouldn’t have to be.” She mumbles upset at herself; Edgar shakes his head kissing her softly. “Remember what the doctor’s said, you can’t blame yourself for what’s happened to her, just like I can’t blame myself for not being able to help her. I saved my wife. I saved the love of my life. You’re safe, you’re alive because of me.” Evelyn nods swallowing. “You should have saved our daughter.” Edgar tenses. “I will. I’m going to bring her back; I’m going to wake her up. I swear.”

Evelyn wakes up alone, she’s told Edgar is performing pain removal on someone and she nods letting him have his peace, she’s seen his notes, his drawings and ideas, to create enough pain to draw his daughter’s soul back to the living; to give up the soul’s from the farm, to trade for hers. She’s fairly sure it won’t work, but she’s foolish enough to let Edgar’s hope and delusions infect her like the pain he inflicts on others. She wonder’s what is worse, living with her pain, or what he’d take away to free her from it.

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#edgar evernever #edgar evernever x evelyn evernever #evelyn evernever #riverdale #riverdale imagine #riverdale request #the farm #this was written like at the beginning of the farm plot being introduced so its kinda old #the farm riverdale #stattic

[freddiesaysalright]

Peace Like a River Part 10

A Gwilym Lee x Reader Story

Summary: Reader is a stand up comic with a pretty dark past. She has a three new lights in her life: her daughter, Violet; her anonymous correspondent, Dear Friend; and Gwilym Lee.

Word Count: 3.4K

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @simmisblog, @assembledherethevolunteers, @lookuptotheskiesandsee, @readinghorn, @riddikuluslypotter, @doingalrightt, @misslolasworld, @lemurian-starship, @ravenedges-lies, @painkiller80, @imgonnabeyourslave, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @ixchel-9275, @sincerelygmg, @lv7867, @unicorn-princess-1999, @delilahmay39, @chlobo6, @dragon-out-of-water, @radio-hoo-ha If you’d like to be added let me know!

A/N: Alright!! This is more of a set for the coming chapter, but still lots of great stuff! We meet Y/N’s new assistant and find out what happened between Stacy and Henry! Also, Gwilym is maybe catching on!!!! Y’all enjoy :)

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V  Part VI  Part VII  Part VIII  Part IX

Part 10 here we go!!!

You read his letter over and over again. The whole trip home to Los Angeles, you pondered how to respond. What should you say? Should you come clean in the letters? Would he believe you if he did? Then, there was the matter of his confession and what he said.

Dear Friend. I’m afraid our correspondence must soon come to an end. I’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you, but I’ve met someone. As much as I’ve cherished getting to know you, and connecting with you over our shared interests, the person I’ve come to love is now in front of me. I always could picture a life with you. But she is the one person I cannot imagine my life without. 

That being said, my invitation to meet still stands. I’d like for both of us to have some closure, so we won’t spend our whole lives wondering. If you’d prefer to let things lie, that would be alright, too, but I hope you’ll agree with me and have a proper conclusion. Let me know what you decide. Sincerely, Dear Friend.

Your mind raced with everything you had to consider. The time to come clean was upon you. When and where to do it appropriately was the only question left to answer. You knew Gwilym loved you. It was right there in black and white. Crystal clear. That made you so happy you could burst into song and dance. But, a fresh wave of guilt came with the demise of his relationship to Dear Friend.

He told you he was in love with her. Did any of those feelings still linger? How much did he still care? Enough to still want to meet, that was for sure. But he was also willing to just let it go. For you.

Part of you was a little offended. Could he really not even entertain the idea that you were the same person? He told you how alike you and Dear Friend were - which was obvious to you - but had it even crossed his mind? You had to talk to him and find out where his head was at and what he hoped for from all of this.

The only problem was that when you got back to LA, you were busy. You were shopping for Violet’s Christmas gifts, interviewing for a new assistant, your agent was hounding you about a film role she liked for you, and you were trying to squeeze in time to even just tell Gwilym you missed him. Texting was okay, but you missed seeing his face and the sound of his voice.

The only person who probably missed him more than you was Violet. She was pretty depressed, despite being excited for Christmas. Usually, she was in bed when you had time to call or FaceTime with Gwilym, so she missed a lot of it. The moments she did get to talk to him were brief, either in the car or over breakfast before your busy day.

You had booked your trip to London already. You’d be flying in on the twenty-first, just days before Christmas, and you’d stay through the New Year. Violet was incredibly excited. So much so, she was literally counting down the days with an Advent calendar. She had asked you to circle the day you were going to see Daddy, and you obliged.

One week before your departure, you interviewed a final candidate for your assistant. It was a man a little younger than you, named Adam, and his resume was impressive. It was all a matter of what you and Violet thought of him. You were conducting interviews at your house, and when the doorbell rang, she rushed to answer it.

“Hi!” Adam said brightly, smiling at her. “Are you the one hiring an assistant?”

She giggled. “No, silly, it’s my mommy!”

“Of course!” he said dramatically, gently hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand. “I am silly. You just seemed like such a busy girl.”

You grinned. He was already on the right track.

“Adam?” you said, coming to the door.

“Miss Y/L/N?” he returned, extending his hand.

“Y/N,” you told him, shaking it. “Come in, please.”

He followed you into the kitchen, Violet on your heels. She took to Adam quickly, whereas the others seemed sort of put out by her. It was refreshing.

“So, tell me why you left your most recent job,” you said as you took a seat across from him at the table.

“Things weren’t working out with her,” he said.

“Can I ask why?” you wondered.

He took a deep breath. “I might as well tell you so I don’t run into a similar issue. I have a boyfriend. I just came out earlier this year, and she didn’t agree with my ‘lifestyle.’”

You frowned. “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

He shrugged, but the corners of his mouth turned down in a way that told you it bothered him more than he was letting on. 

“It’s okay.”

“It’s really not,” you said. “But just so you know, it makes no difference to me.”

He forced a smile. “That’s a relief.”

“So tell me about your strengths as an assistant,” you said.

He immediately straightened up and grew more positive. He was an impressive person, and throughout, he was considerate of both you and Violet. You allowed her to ask questions too, only they tended to pertain to things like if he liked chocolate, and if he did, whether or not he would share with her on the occasions that he had any. He assured her that he would.

“Well, I believe those are all my questions,” you said with a chuckle. “Anything else from you, Vi?”

“Will he come with us to see Daddy?” she wondered.

“Daddy?” Adam questioned.

“My boyfriend,” you said. “He lives in London and we’re going there next week for Christmas.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Sweetie, Adam probably has his own family he wants to see during the holiday,” you explained to your daughter.

“Actually,” he said. “My boyfriend is traveling with his family, and I don’t really speak to mine….” he trailed off.

“Oh, you’d really like to come?” you wondered. “But it’s Christmas, you shouldn’t have to work.”

“I’d love it actually,” he said. “I hate the idea of spending another one by myself.”

You smiled. “Alright. I’ll get you a ticket.”

“And I’ve already got a passport,” he returned with a smirk.

That afternoon, you got a call as you were starting on dinner. You were shocked at the name on the caller ID. It was Stacy. Curious, you answered.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?” she said, and you could hear that she had been crying.

“Stacy,” you returned coolly. “What do you want?”

“Well, um, I just spoke to Henry and he dumped me,” she said. “I was just wondering if you’d talked to him or...well…”

You sighed. “No, I haven’t.”

“Really?” she pressed. “He didn’t even give a reason, so I thought…”

“You really think he’d start listening to me all of a sudden?” you replied. “If he ended it, it’s because he didn’t feel it anymore or he couldn’t use you anymore. In either scenario, you’re better off, believe me.”

“Alright,” she sniffled. “I guess I’ll leave you alone then.”

“Goodbye, Stacy,” you said, and hung up.

You were conflicted about how you felt about this new development. You’d resigned yourself to the fact that Stacy would stay with Henry, and you hated the potential harm that could come to her, but you did what you could. The fact that Henry broke up with Stacy despite how the meeting went pissed you off a little. It meant his threat was empty. He was going to leave her anyway. You’d put yourself and your family through that whole ordeal only to find that he was bluffing. He’d used your vulnerability. Of course he had.

Then again, part of you was glad for the confrontation. You no longer feared Henry. Punching him had pretty much rid you of any remaining fear. Gwilym had jokingly named the punch The Defibrillator since you’d struck two spots in the chest at the same time. But in all seriousness, you felt that sense of overcoming your past which had haunted you. Shedding that shadow. That counted for something. You just hated that you’d frightened your daughter and put Gwilym in danger.

You looked out into the living room and watched Adam playing with Violet - she was introducing him to all her stuffed animals - and smiled. The part of your life with Stacy, Henry, and even Dear Friend was done now. You just had to take care of that last bit.

After dinner, you put Violet to bed and Adam offered to help with the dishes in exchange for you feeding him. When you came back down the stairs, you found him at the sink. He had a strangely guilty look on his face.

“What’s up?” you wondered.

“Girl, do you know what year it is?” he returned.

Your brow furrowed. “What?”

“You’re still writing letters? In this day in age?”

Your cheeks went pink.

“You saw my letter?!”

“I didn’t snoop or read it!” he insisted. “It was on the counter and I got water on it. It looked important so I dabbed it with a rag and saw it was a real handwritten letter and suddenly it was the early twentieth century.”

“Come on, everyone likes getting mail,” you argued.

“He’s not overseas fighting World War I,” he retorted. “Slide in the DMs like everybody else.”

You rolled your eyes.

“So, it’s your boyfriend you’re writing to?” he asked.

“I thought you said you didn’t read it,” you said.

“Okay, but I have eyes, so I caught a few things,” he shot back. “Are y’all breaking up?”

“No,” you told him. “He doesn’t know he’s writing to me.”

“O...kay…” he began. “We don’t have time to unpack what you just said to me, but luckily, we have a very long plane ride coming up soon.”

You laughed. “Alright, I’ll explain everything then.”

You helped him finish the dishes and then he left. You went to your desk to write back, but then you got another call. This time, the name thrilled you. It was a FaceTime call from Gwilym.

“Hey, baby,” you said as you picked up. 

“Hello, love,” he replied. “How are you?”

“Good!” you told him. “I hired a new assistant today.”

“That’s wonderful,” he said. “What are they like?”

“His name is Adam…”

You told him about it and then he caught you up on the goings on in his life as well. When you came to a lull in conversation, you decided to bring up what had been weighing on you.

“So, there’s something we haven’t talked about,” you said. “I forgot about it after everything that’s happened, but it’s important.”

“What is it?” he wondered.

“Are you sure you have time to talk about it?” you asked. “Isn’t it like four in the morning there?”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “It’s why I called. Let’s talk about it.”

You took a deep breath. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about...Dear Friend.”

“Oh,” he said, and his face fell. “Yes, I figured you’d have questions. Things with her have not been romantic in nature for some time.”

“How do you feel about that?” you asked.

“It’s sort of sad,” he began. “I feel I sort of lead her on only to disappoint her. In a way, I felt I was being unfaithful. But...I couldn’t help what happened between us. As soon as I knew how I felt about you, I told her.”

“And...are you still writing to her?”

“I wrote to her just before I left New York,” he said. “That’s when I explained everything. In the spirit of honesty, I should tell you I’ve still asked her to meet. I want to have proper closure with her.”

You nodded. He frowned.

“You’re not surprised by that?” he questioned.

You blinked. “Oh! Um, no, I am. Sorry, it’s just a lot to process. Do you...do you still care for her?”

“It’s more of a friendly feeling now,” he said. “Because my feelings for you formed. Although honestly, it began to feel like you two were the same person at times. So I felt really conflicted.”

Tell him! Your mind screamed at you. Tell him now, you coward!

“Funny,” you said weakly.

“Do you want me to call it off?” he asked. 

You considered it. You wondered if calling it off would make it easier. But you also didn’t want him to wonder. An idea came to you. You weren’t sure if it was the noblest thing, but damn, it was romantic. And if anyone deserved a little romance, it was Gwilym. Especially after everything he’d endured with you and supported you through.

“No,” you said. “I want you to get what you need out of it.”

“That’s...surprisingly understanding of you,” he said.

“Gwilym, I love you,” you told him. “I only ever want you to be completely happy. If meeting her will help you, then I’m gonna be supportive.”

“I appreciate that,” he said. “More than you know.”

“I love you so much,” you said again.

“I love you too,” he replied with a small smile.

“Are you okay?” you wondered. 

He looked almost sad. Disappointed.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, but you could tell something was off.

“Gwil,” you pressed.

“I suppose I’m just...I dunno...a bit sad,” he admitted.

“Why?”

“I’ve been writing to this woman for over a year,” he said. “I really...I really thought she was it for me. Happy as I am to have found you, I feel terrible that I’ve hurt her. Or will hurt her. It’s the end of something special.”

You wished you could tell him you were feeling the same way. Even though you knew, it felt sort of bittersweet. All the excitement and mystery would be gone.

“And it sort of makes me feel like the whole thing was just a fantasy,” he said. “That I couldn’t truly love someone without meeting them despite all the ways we connected. It makes me feel so foolish to have believed in it at all.”

Your heart ached for him.

“You’re...you’re not foolish,” you assured him. “You’re a romantic. If it helps, I don’t think what you shared with Dear Friend was just a fantasy. Feelings like that are real and can affect you. You care enough for this person to hurt for her now that it’s over. That’s real.”

He sighed and didn’t answer.

“Besides,” you went on. “Who cares what it means to others as long as you know what you meant to each other?”

His eyes went wide and he gaped at you.

“Y/N -”

You yawned before he could ask the question you’d planted in his mind.

“I’ve got to get some sleep.”

“Hold on - Y/N -!”

“Good night, Gwil!” you chirped. “Love you!”

You waved to him and he sputtered to keep you on the phone, but you hung up, smirking. You wanted to surprise him, but it couldn’t hurt to drop a hint. Giggling to yourself, you began your reply letter.

Dear Friend, you began. I’m not at all surprised by the news you’ve met someone. I’ve had my suspicions since you stopped writing “I love you” before the end of your letters. Let me first say, I completely understand. We can’t control who we fall in love with. I’m happy for you. Second, I also would like real and complete closure. Let’s try to meet again. I promise that I won’t run away this time, no matter what happens or who shows up.

You arranged to meet him on Christmas Eve at eight o’clock in the evening. The place was a park near Gwilym’s home, which you found after some meticulous Googling. You sealed up the envelope and addressed it, one last time. That familiar bittersweet feeling returned. This was the last letter. The end of Dear Friend.

This time, however, you weren’t scared. You had overcome more in the past few weeks than you had ever expected. You were proud of yourself. And you’d found Gwilym’s love amid all of it. It no longer felt uneven. You no longer felt unworthy. Gwilym loved you, and you believed him when he said it. No one could make you feel inferior to him. Not even yourself.

The next day, you went to put the letter in the mailbox just as Adam showed up for work. He laughed as he watched you put the flag up and everything. He got out of his car and you ignored his smug look.

“Letter writing is a lost art,” you said. “Now come inside and help me answer some emails.”

Chuckling, he followed you in. Violet gave a shout of delight at seeing him again.

“Good morning, Mister Adam!” she cried.

“You can just call me Adam, sweetie,” he said. “And good morning.”

“Want some pancakes?” she asked.

He looked at you to be sure there were enough. You nodded.

Well, sure,” he said, sitting down beside her.

You fixed him a plate before joining them with one of your own. Your phone rang and it was Gwilym, FaceTiming again. You answered just as you swallowed a bite of pancake.

“Morning, baby!” you said, leaning closer to Adam and showing Gwilym. “This is Adam, my new assistant!”

“Hello,” Gwilym said politely.

Adam turned his eyes on Gwilym and then choked on his coffee. 

“That’s your boyfriend?!” he cried. “That’s a real person?! He’s so handsome!”

Gwilym blushed. “Oh, my, that’s very kind of you.”

“He’s coming with us to London,” you said to Gwil.

“That’s great!” Gwilym said. “Listen, darling, I wanted to ask you something -”

“I wanna talk to him!” Violet whined. “Mommy, let me!”

“Hold on,” you said, looking at Gwil. “Violet wants to say hello.”

He chuckled. “Yes, of course.”

You propped your phone up facing Violet, who beamed.

“Hi, Daddy!” she said. 

“Hello, angel!” he returned. “How are you?”

She started jabbering away to him. Adam leaned over to you.

“Goddamn, Y/N!” he whispered. “That’s her dad?”

“Long story,” you said. “But no, her biological father isn’t in the picture. It’s sort of funny she just called him Daddy one day and it stuck.”

Adam glanced at the phone, where you both got a glimpse of Gwilym smiling at Violet.

“Shit, I’d call him Daddy too,” Adam muttered.

You snorted and burst into a fit of giggles. 

“Adam!” you scolded playfully. “You’re taken! And so is he!”

“I can look at the menu without ordering!” he argued, laughing. 

You enjoyed your breakfast, keeping Gwilym on the phone so it was like he was there with you. You missed him so much. You longed to reach over and take his hand. To feel his warmth and affection.

You could tell he wanted to ask you again about the reference to the letters, but it wasn’t a good time with Violet and Adam there. He was clearly disappointed when you did have to hang up and start with your day.

“Okay, so your first order of business is the movie role your agent has sent you…” Adam checked his laptop. “Four emails about. Literally in the last half hour.”

“Yeah, she’s pushy,” you sighed, picking up the plates to put them in the sink. 

“People stop doing that when you answer them, you know,” he returned.

You bit your lip. While it was tempting, the movie would begin shooting in Los Angeles within the year, and you weren’t sure where you’d be. You hoped you’d be in London, where your heart was.

“Turn it down,” you said.

“Are you sure?” he questioned, blinking with surprise. “It’s a big role.”

“I don’t have time,” you said with a shrug. “There are more important things I want to focus on.”

“Alright, I’ll let her know,” he assured you, already typing his message.

You smiled. It felt right. You needed to start thinking about what your future with Gwilym would look like. For you, he was also the one person you couldn’t imagine your life without. And thankfully, you wouldn’t be without him for much longer.

#gwilym lee #gwilym lee x reader #gwilym lee imagine #gwilym lee x you #gwilym x reader #BoRhap #BoRhap cast #borhap boys #borhap imagine #borhap cast imagine #borhap cast x reader #borhap boys imagine #borhap boys x reader #Queen #queen imagine #Brian May #brian may x reader #brian may x you #brian may imagine #peace like a river series #queen imagnie #queen x reader #queen x you #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody imagine #borhap au

[blackbluegrayred]

Blog #1: blogging

I really don’t have a desire to give any sort of introduction about this. This is more cathartic than anything, and honestly I don’t care if anyone actually reads it. This is just for me and any friends who care enough to read my shit. I kind of want to do something different than anything else ive ever publicly written online and actually just be completely honest about everything. Because of that, it’s best for me if I remain anonymous for reasons I don’t feel the need to discuss. This is just more of an anatomical description of how I’m feeling recently:

Time is not real. Memories are bundled together in a strange order, back a few days it’s coherent but hazy, a week it’s clumped and hazier, a month...? Unless I’m referencing a specific memory, which has no real date attached to it, then, remember the date, I will never have a real time in months, weeks, days ago to reference it. I don’t think this is actually a thing with my mental health either, I think its the radical difference of lifestyle the pandemic has caused. It’s making it so much easier to just sort of clump reality and stray further and further away from it.

Time moves hyper fast until I’m alone. Then its infinite. Time is mostly experienced as soon as I am aware of it. And then it lasts lifetimes within seconds.

Most of the time, I feel mostly nothing. Not happiness, not sadness, not anger. Some existential despair, but mostly, what I call the gray. It’s just this gigantic hole, this evil black hole that sucks up not only all the joy of life, but all the “life” of life. Everything: good, bad, suffering, excitement, passion, pain. It’s just... gray. Everything has an empty tint over it. And you... are completely devoid. Why get out of bed? Why brush your teeth? Why do the laundry? Why shower? When you awaken, the world will be the exact same as it was before. My resolution; and the reason I get out of bed and try my best to continue to function: is two reasons: one small and idealistic, one large and realistic. The small one is my own ambitions. I have so many ambitions, beautiful visions, music, movies, books, everything. I want to do it all. But I can’t realize any of them. Because of the gray. In my mind, there are so many colors sometimes. And they get put into the physical world and they’re as gray as everything else. But still, deep inside, I have the same ambitions, and the same determination. It’s just hidden by the gray. The real reason: is the people in my life. I am surrounded by the healthiest social circle I have ever been a part of. Not only do I have incredible, supportive friends who understand me and continuously make efforts to understand and communicate with one another... they’re just fun. We do things that distract me, and do so SO well that sometimes I’m even happy. Even though I forget about these times, and become no longer able to conceptualize or understand that feeling of happiness I experienced, I know they happened. I finally am confident that I have friends. My roommate is equally amazing, and I’m lucky to have him as one of my best friends. I have a guy in California who’s a brother to me. He’s family, and he’s one of the biggest visionaries I’ve ever met in my life. Then again, all of those people are. Visionaries. And my family. They’re all going to do FANTASTIC things with their life, and I want to help them every step of the way. I have a great friend in Florida who’s just brimming with excellency. Incredible musical ability. Then again, I know a great producer, and my roommate is absolute tank at the bass. And he ANIMATES, incredibly well. This man is gonna be on adult swim someday soon, I swear to god. I got carried away with all of this, but my point is, I fucking love these people, and their belief in me, and my sheer determination to help them and my love for these people is what gets me out of bed and gets me ambitious. The people in my life teach me so much. I learn something new every single day. I am genuinely so lucky to have them. They make all of this a little bit more manageable, and that’s more than anyone ever has. So I’m grateful.

But the gray still exists and still lurks. So there will always be more to talk about. See ya soon

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 20: 1x11 The Menagerie Part 1

Hello time for Spock’s Mutiny Part One

That is a LOT of 50s looking sci fi background to hit with me all at once.

Spock with his carefully neutral face like ‘hmmm? a distress signal that did not come from here? how COULD that be?’

Kirk and Spock tilt their heads at the exact same time lol.

“Subspace chatter.” Please, Commodore, call it what it is, “gossip.”

“We met when he was promoted to Fleet Captain.” Okay so he was promoted, but to a weird rank that literally only exists for like two people in Star Trek I guess. (I had to look it up because I don’t know what a Fleet Captain is lol.)

I don’t understand how Pike could be the same age as Jim and yet hold the Captain’s position for 11+ years before Jim was promoted like??? Did he become a Captain faster than AOS!Kirk? Also, he looked like he was Jim’s age now in those tapes from 13 years ago. He cannot possibly be in his mid-30s now, or he’d be in his early 20s on the Talos tapes, and also, younger than Spock. So either I misheard or...it’s wrong. I guess it was supposed to mean that he was, at the time Spock served with him, the same age Jim is now?? But it shows up in a weird place to be making that point.

Oh, Spock’s mentor. The emotion.

And so begins Spock’s amazing cavalcade of lies, lies, and more lies. Doesn’t even look like it’s hard. He’d basically do anything for his replacement father.

Pike must be the only other person Spock has ever served under.

I love it when they argue about records and log books. Like, this sort of bureaucratic dueling makes up a lot more of the TOS plot than people think. The record logs must have been changed because Spock never lies!

Love that Kirk and Mendez are fighting and Mendez just yells “Well you’re right!” and that’s the end of the argument.

Is this the same Jose who wanted his peppers in another episode?

Spock is so supremely sneaky here. Mission Impossible theme plays as he skulks around and messes with the computers.

Okay, that little flirting thing with Miss Piper and the mention of “Helen” and Kirk looking briefly worried about what Helen might have said about him--that does make him look a little slutty. So he loves love okay guys!!!

That scenery out the window omg 1954 called it wants its illustrations back.

All these dumbasses on the bridge and only Uhura is suspicious.

Spock is so exasperated. All these questions! Good thing he has a fake recording of the Captain telling them all to just listen to Spock. He really thought of everything.

Kirk is looking very handsome and thoughtful. (My mom: finally a man who can think and still look fine.) He’s so distressed at the idea of Spock doing something bad.

This Bones and Kirk scene. I’m so distracted by their insistence that Vulcans can’t lie. I mean have you considered that when they told you they can’t lie.... they were lying??? Also lol @ the idea of Spock’s human side being “completely submerged.” That’s another lie he’s telling you Bones!

Love Bones defending Spock though. “He would never make a false entry! This is the LOGS were talking about here!” He adores Spock too.

That’s a cool little secret book they got there.

Kirk’s face when the Enterprise leaves without him!

Self-driving Enterprise.

I love how everyone is just unaware of the mutiny lol. Just cackling at Spock’s blatant and constant lies. “I’ve placed myself in command of the Enterprise.” Sitting in The Chair.

I’m sorry but I’m laughing so hard at all of this. He made sure to lure Bones back onto the ship with the vaguest of messages just so he could be like “Look, friend, I have a secret... I stole a Captain!”

Lol Jim following in the shuttlecraft. Can’t get rid of him that easily! Also I love the shuttle design. Adorable.

Oh no, Jim’s in danger! You can tell from Spock’s face that this was a crimp in his plan that he did not entirely expect. (I do think he figured he’d be court-martialed eventually but this specifically, Jim not turning back when he ran out of fuel, I think did throw him.)

Jim, caring more about Spock than about himself.

Bones like “hmmm who could it POSSIBLY be in the shuttle?”

“I never received orders to take command. Just went ahead and did it.”

Well this is an awkward situation!

Bones: “Well, confine him!”

Uhura’s reaction lol. Always a cutie.

Dammit I’m a doctor, not an arresting officer.

Scotty muttering (possibly his only line in this ep)

Spock’s weird statue. Lurking in the background while Spock somehow spies on the transporter room from his room? With a camera that can zoom in and out for dramatic effect?

So Spock thought it was possible Jim would follow him, so he made his mutiny impossible to undo.

Weird how they yet again call Spock a lieutenant commander when his rank stripes have always indicated he’s a commander.

I love when they discuss regulations. These nerds! They locate so much drama in it and the JD in me is having a damn good time.

I feel like this is the closest Jim and Spock have ever come to fighting. DENIED!

Oooh fancy dress time.

I feel like Spock is having a good time here lol. He lives for the drama.

He’d make a good lawyer. Kirk would too.”Commodore, you’ve opened the door” takes me back to Evidence.

And now, 13 years ago...

Jim, you’re ruining the DRAMA with your interruptions!

“Could you be biased because he’s your personal friend? Your special friend? Your best buddy Spock?”

This pilot looks like it was made 10 years before The Corbomite Maneuver or even Where No Man.

Young Spock wants to go exploring on the new planet! Kirk 100% would have gone, like, no question.

What kind of random ass outfits were those? Tennis Sunday on the Enterprise?

Look at that close up shot of the communicator. My flip phone c. 2032.

Gotta flop on the bed in the most photogenic way possible. Google Earth, always taking pictures.

This doctor is so obviously proto-Bones. And Pike IS Kirk but whinier and without that Shatner charm.

Swords and armor and deserted fortresses?? What?

This whole ep just reads as SUCH a rough first draft.

Knowing what we know about Spock, I almost doubt there was a distress message lol.

Time warp factor 7.

Court of space law.

Literally can’t believe they watched a 10 minute clip of Pike whining as part of this actual legal proceeding.

Kirk’s probably very curious to see more of Spock in his 20s.

Spock’s eyeshadow at the trial is super on point.

I can’t believe Pike has literal papers lol. Like papers made out of paper. They have printers in deep space?

Their little away team jackets, so cute.

More 50s sci fi backgrounds! I feel like people who think TOS is dated or ages badly need to watch this and, to a lesser extent, Where No Man. I think it shows just how much TOS did its own thing bc those pilots really took from the recent sci fi landscape, whereas TOS created its own thing. I think that’s why TNG looks more dated to me--it seems of a piece with other 90s media, whereas, aside from stuff like the hairstyles or the miniskirts, TOS doesn’t look 60s and it doesn’t look like other contemporary genre work.

Pretty blue flowers that make music make Spock smile--that’s my favorite part of the whole pilot. He’s so cute.

 A GIRL.

I love that reveal that the transmissions are coming from Talos IV because it means that Spock, while on trial for mutiny and an attempted capital offense, commits ANOTHER capital offense AS PART OF his trial. The balls.

“I respectfully decline.”

Literally the only time he freaks out about anything is when Jim is blamed. I mean truly his plan is at least 50% more complicated than it had to be solely to protect Jim. And now the Captain is going down with him, and he’s mad at him!! A cliffhanger for sure.

Honestly, even the power of Jim just standing alone in the room.... Underrated.

“To be concluded next week.”

#star trek tos #the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: star trek

[purplesurveys]

637

Random questions about your significant other. Yay I love these

What's their name? Y’all know the drill. Her name is Gabie. :) Are you dating, engaged, or married? We’re dating, because it’s too early to be getting into the other two just yet. How old are they? She’s 21. How long have you been together? It’ll be our fourth anniversary next month, but before that we also dated for eight months. When and how did you meet? It was in Grade 7, my friend and her friend were friends, so they introduced us to each other. We were a group of four friends for a while, but Gab and I ended up being the closest so we branched out. I took a liking to her because she was the only one in our batch who seemed to know about the fangirling culture, and I fucked with that lmao. Were you friends before you started dating? Yeah, super. We were each other’s best friends for a couple of years. She always says I’m one of the few people who understood her weirdness and quirks and rode along with it, and I can say the same for her with my own quirks. That really helped us become more close with each other.

- Beyond the basics - What did they have for dinner yesterday? We didn’t really have dinner. I know she had Chowking late in the afternoon, and then she met up with me in the evening and we had drinks out with friends. Sam’s uncle covered the food so we had grilled liempo, spicy hotdog, and isaw which technically was our pulutan, but I guess it counts as dinner too. What car do they drive? Her cars change all the time because of her dad’s business, but right now she alternates between a BMW (not sure which model) and a Toyota Vios. Where would they love to travel to the most? I don’t know, she hasn’t really expressed this with me. What is their favorite dog breed? She loves all dogs but I’m pretty sure her favorite breed is golden retriever. Are they more of a dog person or a cat person? She’s definitely more of a dog person, but she recently realized that she loooooves cats and that she’s a cat person as well. What do they do for a living? She doesn’t have a full-time job but I know she used to work at her dad’s company doing publicity materials for their social media, photography, working on Photoshop, etc. Not sure if she’s still doing the gig now since I don’t hear much of it from her these days. Have they ever worked two or more jobs at once? She juggled two executive positions in her two orgs a year ago, if that counts. What's their hair style/color? She used to have blonde tips but she chopped them off a few months ago, so now she’s back to just having her normal, wavy, black hair.   Name some of their favorite foods. Chicken pesto pasta, potato chips, and anything her dad cooks? I’m not sure about that last one, but generally I never trust her with having ‘favorites’ because hers changes every single day. What would they consider to be their greatest accomplishment? I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that it was when she scored a 100% scholarship at her present university. The tuition there per year is around P200K but thanks to her hard work and good grades her parents have never had to pay a single cent for her studies. How many cousins do they have? I know she has... a lot but they’re either too old (almost like her aunts and uncles) or live in the States. Her mom is the youngest among her siblings and all of them were already pretty grown-up when she came around; and her dad’s siblings live in the States, hence most of her cousins living there as well. Where did they go to elementary/primary school? She went to the same school I did. We met in Grade 7, or I think what you guys refer to as ~middle school. What's their highest level of education? We’re both in university but graduating this year. How many times have they moved? I’m only aware of the one time she moved, and I’ve also already been to that previous house. If there were any other periods that they moved houses, she hasn’t told me about them. (If married/living together) How many times have you two moved together? Do they have a celebrity look-a-like? She told me that her grandmother used to tell her she looked like Brooke Shields when Brooke was younger, but that was many years ago. Nowadays I hype her up cos she shares a resemblance with Gal Gadot, heh. Do they talk in their sleep? Sometimes. Usually it comes out as gibberish mumbles, but there are times she’d say actual words so for almost four years, I’ve kept a list of all the stuff she’ll say in her sleep. Some of the funnier/more interesting entries include “hot math,” “my knees are still stuck,” “I’m going to shate,” and simply “mutts.”

Have they ever had braces? Yes. We started wearing braces at around the same time but she had to keep hers on longer than I did. What size shoe do they wear? Her feet can fit in either a size 5 or 6. Do they have a good relationship with their parents? Yes. I’ll sometimes confide in her about how lucky she is and about how I wish we had the same set of parents, especially whenever I’m upset with mine. Her parents were very busy with work when she was younger so she wasn’t able to spend a lot of time with them then, but as time passed they were able to catch up and now she has a healthy relationship with both. At what age did they get their drivers license? 18. What was their first car? She changes her car every few months so she’s gone through A LOT and it’ll be hard for me to remember her first...but I’m gonna take a wild-ass guess and say her first was either like a blue-green Toyota Corolla or something similar, or a red Honda CRV. What were they wearing the last time you saw them? Plain gray t-shirt and black jeans. What was their first word? No clue. We’ve never talked about this. Are any of their grandparents still living? She has one living grandmother. What sort of books do they like to read? She’ll read anything I think, but right now she’s into coming-of-age stuff because of the last book she read. What was the last book they read, or are currently reading? ^ That. HAHAHA she didn’t tell me the title or delve too much into the book with me, but yeah it was coming-of-age and she ended up loving it. Do they wear a watch? Sometimes. Most of the time she doesn’t. Do they smoke? Yes. For a long time, I told her not to just cos I found it disgusting, but eventually I realized I can’t prohibit her from doing what she wants to do the whole time we’re together; so I slowly came to terms with her smoking so I just let her. I don’t know if it’ll be a habit of hers but I do know she does it socially. Do they drink? Yes. Are they more introverted or more extroverted? Definitely an extrovert; she can jive with anybody. What was their last reason for going to a doctor? She had a bad asthma attack so she needed to have an IV thing pricked on her for a few hours. What are some of their pet peeves? She HATES moochers, like those who ask for free stuff all the time hahaha I know this because we have a friend who shamelessly does this. She also dislikes freeloaders, laziness, and being scolded especially for something that isn’t her fault. What are some of their fears? On the shallow side, I know she’s scared of horror movies, driving at night, and having to kill cockroaches. But she’s generally a deep person ehhffdrjfld and I know that more than anything, she’s terrified of failing and of the future. What are some of their bad habits? She’s super forgetful but I think it’s endearing. Hmmm she overworks herself a lot, and overthinks as well. What are some of their talents? She’s amazing at writing, creating videos, shooting short films, doing tricks on the balisong, acting, and fixing everything I’ve ever broken haha. What's their favorite amusement park? I’m not a big amusement park person so we haven’t been to any, but I think she likes Disneyland? Have they ever broken a bone? I don’t think so. Which do they tend to remember more - names or faces? Neither. What are their religious beliefs? Or are they not religious? She’s agnostic. She believes there must be something or someone out there that caused the universe and why everything in it has happened so seamlessly, but she is in no pressure to find out who or what it is. Have they ever volunteered anywhere? To my knowledge, she has not. What's their favorite season? I dunno, we only have two. What sports have they played? Basketball and softball. What musical instruments have they played? Guitar and ukulele. What is a cause they feel strongly about? Women’s rights, and women in general.   What's their ancestry? She’s Turkish on her mom’s side, but other than that she’s Filipino. Which do they prefer - coffee or tea? Coffee. Do they believe in astrology? Ugh. Yes. Are they more of a night owl or a morning person? Night owl.

#survey #surveys

[stattic-writes]

My Dearest, My Dead

https://statticscribbles.tumblr.com/post/639099629845233664/masterlist

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