#i was walking outside of my school.

[void-kill]

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

#:((((((((((( #yes because i am know for being the cisgender heterosexual allosexual alloromantic starbucks girly girl #hi my name is Luma insta'gram dizzy dizzeners dizziest #and i have long blond hair with pink streaks and blue tips that reaches my mid back #and sky blue eyes like limpid tears and alot of people tell me i look like enid sinclair #(AN: if u dont know who she is get da hell out of here!) #im not related to harry styles but i wish i was because hes a major fucking hottie #im an elf but my ears are round and cute #i have pale white skin. #im also a witch and i go to a school called (name) in (place) where im in (number) grade (im an age) #im a girly girl (incase you couldnt tell) #and i wear mostly pink #i love hot topic and i buy all my clothes from there. #For example today I was wearing a pink corset with matching lace around it and a pink leather miniskirt #black fishnets and pink combat boots #i was wearing pink lipstick #white foundation #black eyeliner and pink eyeshadow #i was walking outside of my school. #it was sunny and bright and there was sun #which i was very happy about. #a lot of gays stared at me. i put my middle finger up at them.

[emperorofthedark]

Gunther Goth Elementary.

#sims 2 #ts2 #simblr #pleasantview #gunther goth elementary #based on one of the many elementary schools i attended #i didn't even like that school but we lived close enough that i could walk to it during off hours and have the playground all to myself #my favorite times were the early evenings when the weather was shit and it was at its most otherwordly #i still remember the eerie feeling that the world outside of the schoolgrounds had changed somehow #and that the familiar streets and houses would all be gone #and i'd never find the right way back

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

No, see, now I'm thinking about Iris teaching Phoenix how to plait hair and getting emotional about it because like. The first person who ever plaited her hair was probably her mother, right? And I think Morgan's the kind of mum who's rather strict with hair, meaning that it'd be drawn very tight and be a rather painful affair. After they leave Kurain, I'm guessing that Iris still may not have known how to braid her hair but Dahlia did, and so Dahlia was the one who used to do it for her before eventually teaching Iris to do it herself; and, while I don't think Dahlia was as rough as Morgan was, she did learn how to plait from her, and she has nails, so it still hurt a little. But that's how Iris learns to plait her hair: with a touch of force and an emphasis on bridled control. It's necessary, when you're working up in the mountains since it keeps strands out of the way.

But then she goes to Ivy-U and meets the kindest, gentlest man she's ever known, and he gets curious as to how she does her hair, so she shows him. It's the first time anyone's ever touched her hair and truly cared about not hurting her -- he's hesitant to even comb his fingers through it because he's afraid of tugging on her scalp -- and she has to change the way she moves as they slowly, carefully work their way through the two braids together. Yes, it takes longer than it normally would, and the braids are looser than she would usually wear them, but they stay, and it's the first she's ever tried plaiting them in a way that's different from her mother and sister -- the first she's ever considered it, even -- and it shows her, irrevocably, that kindness and gentleness can be just as effective as the harsh strength her family has always prided and possessed. It's the first time that Iris has used her hands in a way that feels truly natural to her and not been ashamed for her own weakness.

And she carries that with her for the rest of her life; just as he carries what her hands showed him as he brushes his fingers through her younger sister's fairer brown locks, while she sits in jail and does the same to her own long, dark hair, now black as it should be instead of red.

#i wrote this in a fevered state after walking through a storm so i doubt it's coherent but. it's the way they changed each other! the way #the first person to be gentle to her comes from outside her family and the way she returns to her family through him because he plaits #pearl's hair when she cannot!! it's about how love changes and is preserved through time and tragedy!!! #feenris #phoenix wright #iris fey #iris hawthorne #i am doing an absolute dogshit job of battling the feenris shipper allegations. #i think phoenix is quite crap at braiding too btw. i think he always does it way too loose so half of it is falling out within two hours #but hey it's still kind of a braid right? iris comes out of jail and sees pearl with her hair in a bird's nest and two vague braid shapes #and is like '... oh no.' shouldnt have told him he did such a fantastic job that first time #this is influenced by my secondary school days btw. i taught the boys in my class how to plait hair (using my hair) and they were so scared #of combing through it and drawing it tight even when i swore that i couldnt feel it because it was halfway braided. #boys can be sweet #ace attorney #ace attorney trials and tribulations

[elftwink]

one major difference i have found between service industry work (in my case food service but this is widely applicable to similar jobs) and other public-facing positions is that the job itself is often very similar because people is the same, it's just in service everyone approaches you already thinking they're right and you're a fucking idiot and its their god given right to disrespect you, where in other positions even if they are not nice to you they usually acknowledge that you know more than them on issues pertaining to your job. like the difference in behaviour from people who see you as serving them vs helping them is unreal. i am doing literally the exact same things. customer is always right mentality did irreparable damage to the fabric of society

#good idea generator #i loveee the library front desk everyone is polite and people will just ask you anything #they assume so much knowledge and access to data #ill be like 'just one moment let me look that up in the system' [googles name of school + upcoming events] #also not in a mean way but i never realized until i worked here how little anybody is googling anything #i think its funny and i also love to google things for people so i am perfectly suited to this #and some questions even though they are googleable the issue is more that the person isnt totally sure what theyre asking #but like. the library hours are visible on the home page. and outside the building that you just walked into on a sign #PPL DO NOT READ SIGNS. i knew that from other jobs but good lord people do NOT even GLANCE at signs #ppl would fully walk past like 4 signs about a specific thing and proceed to ask me a q about the thing. after waiting in a line #constantly CONSTANTLY ppl are trying to enter or exit through locked doors. clambering over closed signs to do so #its someones job when the library closes specifically to point out the signs and direct ppl to an open exit #and still often people will get up to the automatic doors and be baffled and confused as to why they dont open #but like even this i dealt w/this at my food service job and it was so frustrating #bc when you had to confront these people they would get MAD AT YOU. furious that they didnt read a sign telling them where to line up #but at the library people are polite and apologetic so you know it's not malice or entitlement ppl are just kind of inattentive #monumental difference tbh i actually love front counter so much people are so fun #and i like it when nobody is actively trying to kill me with their mind while we speak

[bunnihearted]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[melit0n]

.

#tw vent #I am so. so tired #this week hit me like a freight train #I have final coursework to hand in in less than a week and I'm stressing because I was most definitely not given enough time to do it #and everything inside me is telling me I'm going to fail and I'm pretty sure my teachers think so as well #all my friends are high achievers who always get high grades and put their soul into their work and then there's me. Constantly failing #I try so hard but no matter what I do I never make any progress and I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here #and that eventually my friends will move on academically and maybe socially and I'll be left behind and feel like a scared kid again #I can't go outside for a walk to try and calm myself down because I fucked up my ankle #and I got laid off one of my jobs which means I'm also stressing about being able to actually eat and on top of that I'm stressing about -> #getting another job because otherwise I can't eat or pay gas or shit #so I'm sat here in my room surrounded by work and I can't go outside and I can't leave my room because my roommate has friends around and #I just want to explode #I'm getting to the point where I'm just being unproductive because all I do is sit in bed and rot #and if I'm not doing that I'm working or I'm at school #and of course I can't even sleep. I can't even rest for a moment #this is shit man #so utterly shit #mel's thoughts

[h0t-p1nk-ch33tah-pr1nt]

Back home, hobie better fucking kiss me.

#kat text #my school didnt have internet today and i was left in the trenches #i did do some walking around outside but now im sweating 😭😭😭

[puppyeared]

#AHH. AHHHHHHHH #i waited at the bus stop for 15 minutes and i saw my bus but like it was going really fast #and i was like why is it going so fast so i stepped outside the shed thinking it would stop. IT KEPT GOING IT SKIPPED ME #there was another bus right after so i took that one to try and catch up to it at an intersection. when i got there i was waiting for #the light to turn so i could cross to the other stop and i saw THE SAME 50 THAT SKIPPED ME. AND I GOT ON #MADE IT TO SCHOOL ON TIME ONLY TO FINDOUT IT WAS A WORK PERIOD AND WE WERENT COVERING NEW MATERIAL #THAT COULD HJAVE BEEN AN EMAILLLLLLL #walked back. waited for the bus for another 15 sopping minutes #normally i take a shortcut but that takes a lot of walking and im tired so i just decide to go to the next terminal #boarded another bus so i could go home cause the route passes by my house. BUT i forgot it goes in two directions #so i was stuck on a route going the opposite for another 20 minutes and then another 20 minutes in the terminal bc the bus driver took a #a break and by the time i got home its been 4 HOURS SINCE I LEF.T I COULD HAVE LITEERALL;Y STAYED HOME AHHH #yapping #im tired

[steelthroat]

You know when people on the internet say that you have to be careful about the way you talk even when putting yourself down because you could put someone else down and stuff?

I finally get it it makes sense.

I have this friend, they have many issues, and incredibly low self esteem. But they're conventionally attractive, smoothest skin one could possibly have, skinny, nice hair and many other features that are generally complimented.

And I know that this doesn't stop someone from hating themselves and their body, I am incredibly aware of this.

But also if this person comes to me and says "omg my skin is absolutely horrible, I hate it look I have a pimple" or "I am so big I hate my body" or "my hair sucks, it's so messy" than how do you expect me to feel?

My skin is not smooth nor clear, far from it, I am slightly heavier than my friend, my hair is messy and curly and kind of unkept to be honest. How do you expect me to believe this friend when they hug me and say "you're so beautiful, and pretty and I love you"?

"No, you don't think that"

Obviously I don't believe them. I don't believe they find me beautiful, the things they hate so much about themselves, that they described as disgusting... well I also have them.

I hate the fact that they openly insult themselves like that desperately seeking for me or anyone else to say "no it's not true you're beautiful". And I understand it okay? I understand their issues and their need for validation and stuff. I've been through that when I was 12, it sucks.

And it's ironic that they say "I just don't believe when people give ne compliments" okay, neither do I believe when YOU give me compliments lol. Because I can believe anyone else, but not you.

I believe I can be pretty to myself or any other person in this world, but not for you.

Because I don't hate myself anymore, I've spent years fighting myself and now that I've finally started liking myself and my body and I finally know what I aspire to be it won't be something like this to set me back. I don't have the same goals as them, I don't feel the need to change the things they hate so much about themselves because I don't care about them on myself anymore. But God, would this shit have thrown 11/12 years old me in one hell of a loop.

I just don't believe this friend is being genuine, I just really dislike the fact that they don't see any problem in scraping the bottom of the barrel fishing desperately for compliments while putting others down even if unknowingly.

Sometimes I don't even think they're doing it unknowingly, I think they feel miserable and hope that just a bit of that feeling will spill onto someone else, just not to feel so lonely in their misery.

And I pity that.

I genuinely care for this friend and won't stop being there for them or giving them compliments for that matter, at least one of us has to be genuine, I just wish it could be them for once. I just wish they didn't compare myself to me and made me feel weary of being a little bit too happy about my own accomplishments. Because no matter how much they say "I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you" I can feel almost pure hatred behind those words, even if it's for just a second.

#steel rambles #also the casual fatphobia this friend shows in front of me or other friends is disheartening #other tahn that today has been a good day #the weather is nice and maybe I'll either write/draw for a bit or get out and walk for a bit #no wait actually #how long has it been since I've just taken a walk outside alone??? #years?? #oh my god. #what has school done to me????? #this is unacceptable I need to touch grass

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it #she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin #all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's #all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood #and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here #and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does #so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff #when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die #and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates #cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter #grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni #she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t #so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too #and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress #when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk #i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz #cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all #grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done #unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess #it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help #like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi #and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous #and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree #at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar #without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since #we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by #i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear #its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage

[aropride]

dessert i got has nuts in it. i cannot imagine trying to navigate daily life with a nut allergy i would go fucking crazy. theyre everywhere

#text #like. all the vending machines have reeces pieces. they sell pbjs at the cafe #etc. Like u walk into any room and the chance someone is or has been or will be eating nuts is astronomical #like how do u. survive. ????? #my brother is severely severely allergic to nuts #but hes at a specialized school thing w only like 20 students. so its not rly a problem they jsut banned nuts #but i worry for when hes more like. in the outside world

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #was gonna message today but then i DIDNT. IDK. IT DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. #I KNEE THE TOPIC BUT LIKE. WORDING ?????? WORDS???? IT WOULDNT COME #its okay tho. its okay. i literally have a fuckin note on my phone where i put shid i can talk to him about in the future NDNNDNDJXJDJDJDMD #GOD LMAO. IVE NEVER PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN. IM SO...... #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its mostly been me messaging first but like he keeps it going....... GOD LMAO #it was like that in person too tho. like we would just stand/walk n not say anything JDJDJFJKFKFJXMXMX GOD #i wasnt made for this oml. i dont even talk to ppl that much. like idk. iDK. #i just... 1. i dont want him to forget about me 2. i dont want him to think i forgot about him #3. i dont want him to think im not interested in talking to him anymore #ok 2 and 3 are basically the same but JDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD #IM SO BAD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH. LIKE THIS IS SUCH A CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON MY PART. LIKE. I HOPE HE REALIZES???? #also like. id love if hed message me first. hes done it before. but there was more to talk about while the sem was still going. now its #like... ok we can talk about exams n grades but now its christmas so like ?????? #and like. GOD. is it like... is it TOO MUCH??? to say merry xmas to him?????? or would it be normal????? #im just ??????? #GOD. i want him to know i like him but i also uh.... DONT??????? IDK IDK #i also kinda wanna see if we can even be friends outside school. but like HHHHHHHHHH i cant take it. I WANNA SEE HIM XJFIRKRIRFDIODDKHDJZJZ #hhhhhh god pls dont let me be the only one feeling this way istg #im just !!!!!@@@ i never expected this to happen to me ok. but if its Reciprocated. like TRULY. i think i'll actually like. break down #crying JDJDJDJKDKDKDKDKDKX #like Happy tears. like.... Disbelieving tears. hhhhhhhh #but..... n e way. i got this far. and when ppl dont like you they avoid you or come up with excuses. but rather hes moving like Toward me. #like i couldnt have gotten this far without him like.... Participatjng #god its all so new and weird. i just #if youve never felt this way. you probably will one day and wont know what the fuck to do. its all just too weird #literally went from like screamin about sj to like. a guy in my class JDJZKDKKZZMZMZ its fjne. its ok #know hes Cute tho. #thats another thing. i never imagined i could like have someone so Cute.... god. i'll die if he likes me back. hes so so Cute. not my usual #type. like. physically i mean. personality wise hes typical of me NFNFJFJFMFDMDM n e way. hit the tag limit 😳

[daminini]

remembering that one time I got yelled at by my teacher for laughing during a 9/11 memorial announcement

#mind u I wasn’t even laughing at that but the bitch didn’t let me explain myself #if it’s 1 thing New Yorkers take seriously it’s them goddamn towers #every year we had 2 hear stories from the teachers who were there first hand #one time my principal said that she was working at a school on SI and when they made everyone go home there were a bunch of kids panicking #and crying because thier fathers were firefighters and nobody was coming to pick them up #my other teacher said that he had a brother who saw the first building get hit #and then I had another teacher who talked about how her son had to walk all the way from deep in queens to thier home bc #all public transportation was shut down #funny enough I got to high school and nobody seemed to give a shit anymore outside of a moment of silence

[maddy-ferguson]

failed my driving test twice, no actual friends in college, applied to a cool thing and was rejected, no bitches...thank god i'm seeing goodfellas in theaters in a few days because what do i have going for me rn

#the only ones who understand me are cher horowitz and pacey witter. and pacey got his driver's license later (i don't remember but #like i'm sure he did lmao) we don't know if that'll ever happen to me #what's annoying is i still don't think i'm a bad driver. delusions of grandeur maybe. but like yes for like 30mn after i failed the second #time i cried like while walking to the bus stop (i only saw like three people because YEAH it takes like an hour for me to go to the place #where you take the test like it's so annoying i have to take 2-3 different buses AND THEN i don't even have it. plus the money...) and #i was like you are the dumbest bitch ever but it's not because i don't feel capable it's because i DO and i make dumb avoidable mistakes #like it's just very frustrating #talked about the no friends at school thing like a month ago. we were together on wednesday and it's actually not as bad as it felt the day #i posted that but i don't hang out with them outside of school and don't want to is my point. they're like acquaintances that i'm not sure #i like #the thing i applied to i really wanted after i failed my test i was like i need ONE GOOD THING to happen to me this month and then i was #like no i can't post that because what if i don't get it. well #no bitches is self-explanatory #and goodfellas in theaters is real remember when it was already playing earlier this year but there was only one showing and i couldn't go #and i was so annoyed. there's three this time and i could even go to all three if i wanted to. one scorsese movie every monday at 1 from #now on for me please #and like i say: brf slt

[dirt-str1der]

just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service

(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?

#Thanks for the ask ! #HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect #based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop #saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which #is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because #you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy #i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane #and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a #knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one #when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid #so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from #nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and #beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees #to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and #nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the #gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes #other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to #walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and #eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when #he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a #girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever #kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to #find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus #like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy #when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate #ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition #because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would #give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a #shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its weird. everyone ive met at work has been really nice #its a different group of people than ive interacted with thus far in my life as ive mostly not #had many friends and spent all my time in school. this group of people is mostly from the area where they grew up. mostly barely getting by #financially. mostly married or engaged or in serious relationships. and its weird. and it has been weird and maybe it will always be weird #but i dont understand how to interact with people. im not there for conversations im not present for but how do other ppl interact with #eachother? bc in a conversation i want to get to kno how a person works. what motivates them. what do they love? what do they hate? what #makes them the person that they are? i just want to understand. so i ask lots of questions and it feels weird bc i dont get #the same energy back and i have to conclude that either i have a very different mindset when im walking into conversations or else im just #not vedy interesting and no one wants to get to kno me. but if thats not how ppl communicate then i dont understand how ppl have friends? #and keep friendships? like i want to crawl into ur brain and understand what makes u tick #how can we b friends if i dont understand who u r? i dunno. maybe ill never understand #maybe work is not the place to make friends. but i dont kno how to interact with others outside of a structure #one of the ppl i talked to is maybe my age with a 6yo son and is freshly engaged and she was like: u moved across the coutry all by urself? #i could never do that. and like yea u have ties that bind u to the place u live. its easy to move around when u have nothing to lose #im so bad at maintaining friendships. i just let them drift away into nothing bc i dont kno what to do with the. #with them. #unrelated