#i wish i could fade away

[notmuyo]

The thing about me is, that eventually, every person i once met and got close with, will forget me.

#it always happens #maybe i am just not meant to be someones forever person #i wish i could fade away

[teknikolor-walters]

the urge to overshare on the internet vs. the fear of being a burden to my friends and worrying yall

#sighs. sighs #i. uh #im sorry #i love u all #so much #none of this is your fault #i just #you know when i said today was my origially planned date but i wasnt gonna do it #yeah #well #that aged terribly #i dont know #i think there are a lot of benefits to me killing myself but i dont wanna traumatize anyone and i dont want anyone to mourn me #i wish i could just fade away #have nobody remember me #if i do stop being a fucking coward and actually go through with it. just rmember that i love you. so so so fucking much #you guys are some of the best people in the world #dont ever forget it #cicadas vent tag

[maudiemoods]

I hate being sick but I also don't mind it because I'm never truly grounded unless I'm sick. Idk most of the time I feel like I'm watching my life behind a screen but when I'm super sick I get to feel the air and see things really clear

#wish i could be conscious all the time 🥲 #idk #i probably need to go to the doctor #i remember feeling the sense of being grounded slowly fade away throughout middle school #is this disassociation? probably. will i go to the doctors about it? probably not #ren won't shut up #im sick rn and its not too back but enough that i feel every conscious moment #idk the world is so pretty when you can feel like you're living in it #explodes #info dump

[rhysnolastname]

Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.

#yeah im still thinking about this and its the next day #he might be telling the truth about the Vallaslin but my inquisitor did not let him remove it #I’ve played her as very proud to be dalish and believes in elven gods so it would be out of character even if solas says something else #maybe that’s what it represented then but it is not what it is now and she chooses to move forward #about the breakup … this is not the first time a man takes me on a date and dumps me 😭😭 but hey um wtf #honestly my lavellan does love him and is hurt but she has to be so many things to so many different people #there’s bigger things at stake and bigger problem to deal with at this time than whatever he's hiding or lying about #im pretty sure he was going to say something else not about the vallaslin #but his fear is dying alone becasue i saw it in the fade and yet !!!! he pushes everyone away he picks fights with everyone no matter whos #in the party he didnt come to the wicked grace game he never opens up beyond what he has seen in the fade. he is a fixed point #i wanna shake him by the shoulders and YELL WHATA RE YOU DOING you could have it all someone who loves you and a wonderf #a wonderful found family. he is kind and gentle but he is also so full of ANGER and he is so set on things being as he sees them. #Cole cant change because to Solas cole is always a spirit. the dalish are misguided and YOU Lavellan are just different YOURE special #the meaning of the vallaslin cant change because to him it represents slavery and it is in stone to him. things dont change with time they #are fixed. like things in the fade it what it was preserved. he is trying to hold on to a past that doesnt exist that has moved forward. #Solas says you cant change yourself by wishing. but i would say wishing for change is THE required prerequisite for change. a little though #a little idea a little wish that something was different better. but to #why cant you move forward Solas what the fuck are you holding onto so intesely #OKAY WHATEVER IM DONE WITH THIS ESSAY IM OVER IT ITS FINE ITS SO FINE

[undefeatednils]

Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void

...

#nils talking #feeling very tired after this week #the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in #I'm just drained #tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood #but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days #bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water #I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over #too many variables too much that still needs to happen first #but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic #connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments #or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal #at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations #anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me #I don't wish to fade away into the background #I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly #to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party #or who was just a random fellow student or coworker #I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy #sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation #also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school #it's a mostly depressing affair

[onconstellationstreetmp3]

waylon jennings & willie nelson save me

waylon jennings & willie nelson

save me waylon jennings & willie nelson

#me.txt #music talk #i wish i could be cool guys i really do but this song made me cry in 4th grade & its making me cry now #SO BABY SELL YE DIAMOND RING BUY SOME BOOTS & FADED JEANS & GO AWAY

[travel-to-my-daydreams]

Sometimes I just don't care anymore. The thing is, is that I do care but it hurts too much because I do. It hurts to care about things. The world, its people, not all but a good amount can so easily make me feel like nothing. That everything I care about is nothing. They make me feel hopeless. My family makes me feel hopeless too sometimes. I just don't want to care anymore. I just want to disappear and never be found.

caring is important, but why does it have to hurt so much?

#mental health #social anxiety #negative thoughts #i want to fade away #i wish i could disappear #too many thoughts #dark thoughts #hopelessness #fuck the world #i feel like crying #Caring hurts #I don't want to care anymore #lgbtq community #queer community

[iwasraisedfromperdition]

i can now play not one !! but two!!!! tøp songs with my drums

#and this bitch is gonna learn a third and a forth and probably more #also i technically know lane boy the whole way through but 160 bpm is too fast for the fills at the end. i can play it at 120 tho! #i know heavydirtysoul and jumpsuit #and i really wish i could play levitate bc like. the way jumpsuit carries on into levitate reminds me of those CDs in the 2000s/2010s where #songs faded into each other. like green day holiday/bvd of broken dreams #but levitate is even fucking faster than lane boy so like. ive only been playing for abt a month #hopefully ill get good enough to play that fast but thats a long way away lol #anyway. rambling. im really happy. playing drums is really fucking cathartic #tøp #twenty one pilots #21 pilots #ill probably try Guns For Hands next #or The Hype

[evil-moonlight]

Dongsik asked Juwon if he likes pufferfish soup. Juwon doesn't like pufferfish soup. Obviously. But Juwon allowed himself to be persuaded to go inside a Pufferfish Soup Restaurant with Dongsik. It was a question so he could've said NO as a response and continued his day like it's a normal day for an inspector. But again, he was persuaded to go anyway. And you can't... you can't allow someone to persuade you and be persuaded later on if you don't trust the person enough. Also, we are easily persuaded or influenced when we follow our hearts, and Juwon did. He allowed his heart to choose for him. And it turns out that the one his heart yearns for is no other than Dongsik. Perhaps, he didn't care about whether he liked Pufferfish soup or not. It didn't matter to him what kind of soup it was. He knew he couldn't and wouldn't eat what was served on the table. But the very moment... right here, sitting close to dongsik, spending time with Dongsik, getting insanely electrified by the little distance between them, and witnessing dongsik talk about how great the pufferfish soup is, mattered to him most.

#If it's not love then what is #beyond evil #just thoughts to fade my sadness away #i miss them so much #i wish i could forget everything about beyond evil so I could watch the show for the first time #han joo won #lee dongshik #jwds #my moon entire

[goldiipond]

dont know wjat im gonna do when tpn fixation fades. im nothing without my specialest little guy ray my friend ray tpn

#skye's ramblings #i said the same thing abt olivia and man. the love is still there but its different when its not an active fixation youknow #i dont see t/pn fading anytime soon but it is something i think about. i love these kids so much #could help tht i actually have friends to talk to abt it now and that i watch s1 like relegiously. constant stream of GOD i fucking love ray #i wish fixations never faded and you could always experience the excitement of the peak of your fixation and also #that new fixations didnt scare away the old ones. endless brainpower to love everything so much all the time <3

[caffeinatedopossum]

I keep losing people but it happens so slowly, in such small increments. Like a sweater being unraveled. And I never know it until all that's left is the threads.

#it starts with a distance and then a realization of the distance #then i notice that one of us doesnt mind the distance and it grows with nothing to stop it #then i look away for just a moment and my memories fade #my memories of who they were and who i was around them #i forget everything i want to forget along with everything i want to remember #and when i try to gather the broken pieces of those memories #when i try to sweep them up off the floor #i dont get to choose which ones i piece back together #i dont get to choose whether i only remember the good or only remember the bad #i wish i could remember them both and everything in between #how can i be expected to make good decisions with such a myopic view of everyone? #im scared I'll remember the good and be reminded of the bad later... like i always do #or remember the bad and wonder if there was good i couldnt see #ill always feel like theres something lost. something incomplete #until i find the other pieces

[magicstormfrostfire]

.

#sometimes i feel so torn #its no longer a safe place #but i have nowhere else to be #i just kind of wish i could fade away into something else #somewhere else #like friendships naturally do #but i dont have a space where i can. #it feels so strange #like time wasted #but i know that things dont revolve around me and people have their own lives and troubles #im not mad at that #i could never be mad #i just wish i could go somewhere else #start over #break old ties #start new ones #but right now im just fading in and out. waiting.

[groupwest]

its all such bullshit

#its all so fucked on so many innumerable layers. feels so fucking impossible. feels like everyone hates me #like everyones so sick of walking on eggshells for me to STILL push them away #i so desperatly want fucking love and comfort and its like everyone thinks i have shunned those things from them. #im just so sick of being looked at the way they all look at me IM SICK OF IT. faces are all just too much. what do they want from me. #i’m nothing and i wish i could just fade away already. i want so much but. the wanting is horrible when you’re so tiny #when you’re such nothing

[bo0zey]

i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with

#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl #ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they #everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for. #i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous #all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me #’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right #i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love #i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life #ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death #after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away #all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light #i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away #it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think #it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen #then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again #opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier #i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent #i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying. #there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel #i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess #can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence #ramblings

[ranuunculus]

the last notes in I Can Hear the Rain… <- (full of emotion)

#the way the plucking of the strings continues on even after all the other instruments have quieted down #only to fade away in the end as well #like the last droplets of water dripping from the rooftop after the rain has stopped #it’s like. Right There. you can still hear the rain. You can still hear the vestiges of the song and then. quiet #the whole theming of the song about recalling memories like vivid events ‘i can hear the rain just like her laughter’ #just for said memories to fade away in time into silence #AUGH #i wish i could word this all better.. i should really examine Dead End’s lyrics even closer #dead end #merry habla

[bottom-slut-unionizer]

.

#growing up my dad had dimentia n literally forgot about me n my family #idk some times i get this deep fear that at some point ill forget everything #that ill look around and realize im not the same person i thought i was that im not where i should be #and ill have no idea if who i think i was is the real me or if i just forgot who i am #maybe it wouldnt be so bad #every now n then id go out #become someone else #and i could finally give up on the stupid things that hold me down #the thoughts that keep me where i am #i want to run off and escape my life but instead i stay #wishing for it to happen #just as detached as if i were really gone #maybe it's what i want #maybe I'll just waste away being the same thing #not doing anything exciting #just a day after another until i can't tell them apart #until i can't tell which part of my life I'm in #and everything fades into infinity