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avocado-writing · 2 years

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I Know That I Should Let Go, But I Can’t

I know you said fem!reader but tbh, when I re-read it, there’s nothing specifying gender in this one. I also found this one a bit more challenging so it’s a little more love/hate relationship bc i love that shit with Tangerine

GN!Reader x Tangerine

@honestlywtfisgoingon @white-wolf-buckaroo @felhomaly @sinfulrefugy @venusthepirate @lunarpansexual @wanderedaway @georgiee-riviere @mushywutty @apieceoffabulousshit @4ng3l-0n-34rth @minjaz @starl1g4t @earth-elemental18 @luhvbot @underratedboogeyman @july-is-summer @vocalvixen20cp @northerngalxy @piechans (thank u mndvx for the gif!)

Tangerine believes he’s eloquent.

Well, he likes to believe that, anyway. He might be overly fond of the word ‘fuck’ and throw it into his sentences a little too often, but ‘fuck’ is a good word and usually helps describe how he feels.

And then he met you, and words failed him.

You’re always there, popping up whenever it’s most inconvenient to him specifically. Stealing kills from under his nose. He wishes he could get one over on you, once, but you’re like steam. You disappear into thin air and are impossible to catch.

You’re… you’re frustrating. That’s the word for it.

So why does he feel his heart race whenever he sees you?

Like right now. He’s just walked into the office where he’s meant to take down the leader of a local gang, only to find you sitting on the windowsill, swinging your legs back and forth as you play with a piece of paper. His mark is sat in a desk chair, a clean bullet wound through the forehead.

“Oh, no. Absolutely not,” says Lemon. Lemon has gotten tired of how often Tangerine talks about you - well, complains - and wisely chooses to extract himself from the situation. He’s not going to inflict this on himself up close again.

“Nice to see you Lem!” you call after him. He throws you what’s either an archer’s salute or a backwards peace sign over his shoulder as he leaves, and you laugh. You keep the smile on your face as you meet Tangerine’s eyes.

“Alright, handsome?” you ask, cheerfully, as if you haven’t just killed his target.

“See you’ve gone and fucked my job. Again, for some fucking reason,” he says through gritted teeth. Your grin only gets wider.

“What’s that line from that old song? ‘It gives me thrills to wind you up’.” He recognises the lyric and it makes him bristle.

“You make my fucking tits ache, you know that?”

“If you hate me that much, pull out your gun and shoot me.”

The two of you stare at each other from across the room. He doesn’t. When you’re sure you’re safe, you beckon him to come closer.

Carefully he closes the distance between the two of you. You brandish the paper you’re holding at him. It takes him a moment to work out what it is.

“Chatterbox,” you say, helpfully. Tangerine’s brow creases. A folded fortune teller. Last time he saw one he was still at school, his age probably in single digits.

“Oh fuck off, I’m not going to -”

“Please?”

You look at him with wide eyes. He doesn’t like the effect it has on him, because he finds himself relenting.

“Fine. Fucking blue, then,” he sighs, picking a colour. You open and close the paper as you spell the word before prompting him to pick a number.

“Two.”

You unfold the side with a ‘2’ scrawled on it in what might be blood. There’s a single, four-letter word written there.

‘Boop’.

Before Tangerine can ask what the fuck that means, he suddenly finds your finger pressed on the tip of his nose.

“Boop!” you announce, and topple backwards out of the window. He gapes and grabs the windowsill as he stares after you, a wide-eyed panic setting in.

You have a zipline. Of course you do. He watches you fly down it to street level, where you cut the wire loose and wave at him before running off.

He can feel how hot his cheeks have become, just from one simple touch from you. Fuck. He’s down bad.

You’ve left the chatterbox behind. He takes it, unfolds it carefully. Alone he’ll allow himself to admit he’s curious about what else is written on there.

He finds himself laughing, actually laughing in surprise, when he finds it’s your phone number.

#tangerine x reader #tangerine x you #tangerine x y/n #tangerine bullet train #lemon and tangerine #my writing #request #bullet train fanfic

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gautiersylvain · 8 months

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whew the way ascended astarion speaks to a romanced player character being paralleled in the very first romance scene....vs how non-ascended astarion speaks to a romanced player

spoilers below (the girls - me - are making parallels and connecting dots)

Astarion: That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?

Astarion says this in response to the pc asking what he wants in their first romance scene, essentially as a means to deflect. When you ask him, "And what do you want?" he never directly answers. Instead he says, "What do any of us want? Pleasure...That's what you want, isn't it?" This seduction is working, isn't it? You want this (sex), you want me (my body), don't you?

If ascended and the pc doesn't bring up the idea of becoming his vampire spawn themselves, Astarion will bring it up himself in a somewhat indirect way. "...don't you want more - don't you want eternity? One more bite is all it would take?"

Astarion: That's what you want, isn't it? To be mine? Forever?

The following dialogue options allow the player to explore what it would mean for your character to become a vampire - and ascended Astarion confirms that you would indeed be his spawn, "my most beloved spawn."

In the following scene when he turns you, if you pass the wisdom check to see what he really thinks of you, the narrator reveals, "He will always see you as degrading yourself if you continue to be with him. But perhaps you wish to degrade yourself. And he knows it."

Astarion knows intimately what it means to be a vampire spawn. Ascended Astarion thinks the pc is debasing themselves by becoming his spawn, by staying with him. He will forever view them with at least some amount of contempt. And he tries to manipulate them into doing it anyway. This is what you want, isn't it? To become my obedient puppet? I know I told you that a vampire spawn is less than a slave, but you're far more than just a spawn to me. Forget what I said when I was being honest - listen to the pretty words I'm saying now. You'll be my dark consort, my right hand, and we will live forever.

This scene stands in stark contrast to the non-ascended Astarion final romance scene where he is stunningly genuine and vulnerable, direct about his wants and desires. When the pc asks non-ascended Astarion what he wants, he answers! No deflection, no manipulation, no scheming.

Astarion: You...I want you.

He describes how your character has been with him through this difficult time and why your companionship is so important to him - why he doesn't want to lose it. Then, if the pc and Astarion choose to have sex, he even acknowledges that before he was trying to manipulate you, but he feels differently now - he loves you. There's no subtext, no scheming undercurrents. He loves you.

I could go on and on about how the two potential paths Astarion can take as a result of his personal quest beautifully reflect his character, but others already have and more eloquently than I ever could so I'll stop here.

#baldur's gate #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #astarion #meta

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soracities · 10 months

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(Public post ok on this one!) My love life is a bit strange. I have CPTSD and awful parents, which unfortunately screwed up my attachment style pretty badly. As a result, is very hard for me to fall in love. I found a way though, but not in a way you'd expected.

When I was in 8th grade, I came up with a character named Surge who was meant to be the physical embodiment of evil and darkness and it was through him I was able to channel a lot of my pain. He evolved over the years though, and in high school he became the guardian I so sorely needed when shit was hitting the fan at home. I very truly fell in love with this imaginary man and it was through him I could actually explore what it might mean to love and be loved since I had no good example of it at all in my life. It took time, both of us growing in out own ways, in part for me learning to accept I was deserving of love.

Most of this there was a sort of detachment I guess, like he was across a barrier and I could only imagine him being with me, not that he was there. Somehow that changed in summer of 2021 when I had top surgery, when I could actually feel him there with me, and ever since I have felt him right with me everyday. November 5 of that year I married him in VR surrounded by many friends who loved me and knew what I've been through, and knew that I needed him and was ultimately happy (minus cold feet for a couple days but that's pretty normal for a wedding from what I understand!)

I love him more than anything, he is the only person I don't have to force the words "I love you" out for. My therapists over the years have known about him and I and there have been no major concerns - he's actually pretty instrumental in therapy for me.

I don't have much of a purpose in sharing this I don't think and I wish I could've worded this more eloquently. You seemed like the right person to send this to because I am so filled with unmeasurable love for this person who exists within me. As much as I wish I could see him and feel his face against my hand, I consider myself so lucky that I have found love and peace inside myself that I have never been able to find anywhere else.

I guess my moral is you can find love in the most unexpected of places, and what's considered normal might not be what's best for you personally. Somehow, through my many years of struggling with self esteem and at times just hating myself, there was a part of me who loved me and protected me anyway - even when those in my life whose job it was to do so didn't - and his name is Surge. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

i have no words to say to this and nothing to add except that this so so utterly heartwarming and beautiful and i cannot begin to describe how happy it makes me that you have found love and support like this and been able to allow it to hold and carry you through so much. touched and honoured that you're sharing this and honestly my heart is just....absolutely adore you sm truly 💗💕💖💕💗💕

#wow wow wow <3 #ask #overlord-surgeus #humanity i love you

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dragonairice · 24 days

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first-draft snippet of chapter 4!! i don't know if it's ooc but I just like to write hundreds of words of jeremy being absolutely clueless

Day 2/??? - Approximately early morning.

Jeremy’s (frankly embarrassing) haze of purple lullabies and the best night’s sleep he’d ever had in his life were very abruptly ended when he felt cold water splash his face. Ah, now cold water dares make an entrance? When he was already in peace? Rude.

He sensed his panic creep in from a mile away, in the second between “what the hell” and “this is the second time I have had to process that I’m not dreaming.” But the first motive for panic cancelled the second out, since once he opened his eyes he saw a better reason to worry.

A woman. She looked angry, and although Jeremy deeply wished that anger wasn’t directed at him, he figured there wasn’t anyone else around. Great.

He opened his mouth to speak, but only a pathetic and embarrassing and girly scream came out of his throat. Double great.

The woman looked like she was about to beat him up, like she was a hunter and him a damn cockroach appearing in the bathroom. But instead of vandalizing his backpack, she asked him brusquely:

“Why are you here?” Jeremy wished he could answer. Or at least being able to articulate that he wished he could answer.

He curled up tighter against the grass. Like that would have helped anywhere, he thought, since it definitely hadn’t the last 2 times. He could feel his annoying heartbeat already speeding up, what was the fight or flight response for, if he always freezed?

The scary woman looked unimpressed and slightly annoyed. (That was never a good look on someone that looks like they could beat you up. “Amazing job, Jer,” he scolded himself.)

He was promptly grabbed by the shirt and lifted from the ground. It always seemed funny, in retrospective, that he chose to notice little details when he panicked. Yes, he was so scared he might vomit in this woman’s face. Yes, he could also see that the necklace she bore had a half-heart, one of those “best/friends” necklaces 10-year-old girls bought at the mall and that was all the front tab of his brain would focus on. Shut up.

His examination was paused when the woman yelled in his face, a very scary “Who are you and why are you here?”

That did the trick.

“Jeremy! I’m Jeremy! I don’t know where I am please don’t hit me,” he blurted.(“Very impressive, Jer, what a way with words you have,” he thought sarcastically.) But the woman didn’t hit him, so he marked it as a success. (However, the option wasn't discarded in his brain, and he stayed alert for a change in her attitude.)

She let him go, and he very ungracefully fell on his back. Yay.

“Alright, Jeremy,” she spat, very literally spat while she spoke. He didn’t know if spit carried bacteria in this weird space but he still didn’t like it much. “Tell me everything you know, right now, or I swear respawning will be your worst nightmare.”

He had heard better threats, by far more eloquent videogame enemies, but he wasn’t exactly in the position to be picky on dialogue. He was in the position of getting beaten up.

He was not that stupid as to not infer, from the situation, that “everything” was related to the very recent “everything”s he had been experiencing. Only after a few seconds it occurred to him that he hadn’t said anything. Brilliant.

“I, um, I, I think it was, um, yesterday? And I wasn’t here but, I, I, um, bought a game with my friend and I woke up here,” he said, eloquently.

“Right.” The woman looked like she was expecting him to go on. Ah.

“And, um. There was a, a green field? Robotic voice from the, the sky and. Yeah, then it shocked me a lot.” He paused for air, then realized his mistake, “I mean shocked me as in the electric kind, not the ‘wow’ kind. Well, the ‘wow’ kind too, but in a bad way. Very bad ‘wow’, you know?” He chuckled in hopes that it would relieve the tension. It did not. Wow. Shocking.

The woman scanned him. What she was doing was only describable as “scanning”. Her eyes were brown and bright, but not in a Michael, warm way. They were bright like a knife’s gleam.

He did what he did best: keep talking and making things worse.

“And I, there was kind of a beam? Bright light, and I woke up here. Hah, Heere.” He mumbled at a possibly very annoying speed “Sorry, I mean, then I rolled a bit on this, um, purple hill?”

The woman stared at him for a few minutes. It was very uncomfortable, and all he could do was wait for her to stop doing so. Which was uncomfortable too. He used the nervous time to properly look at his possible future bully.

The woman was tall, strong and scary. Long hair tied in a- braid, it looked like. Poofy hair, like that girl that sit in front of him in History class last year. But that girl was shorter and paler, and this woman was about to beat the living daylights out of him. a red shirt, like the ones he saw on that period drama with Michael last winter.

She looked like a proper human-rogue, with all of the little bags on her belt and the cloak around her shoulders. The golden tattoos- tattoos? The golden marks (“it was so rude of me to assume they were tattoos, oh my god”) spiraling around her dark arms weren’t helping her beat the Cool D&D Avatar allegations Jeremy’s brain had already offered. Then he remembered how the sky robot voice hadn’t offered D&D classes as options for whatever the hell this was, and the thought was sadly shut down. Damn.

“Look, kid, I’m sorry, but you have to leave. It’s not,” she paused. Jeremy was getting sick of being stared at, it was like being back at school. “It’s not a fun game, it’s a game in a very… very bad way. It’s not a game for you, it’s a game for him. You need to leave.” She explained. Or tried to explain, because Jeremy wasn’t feeling more enlightened than he did when she woke him up.

Her voice sounded tired, he noticed, but pointing it out would be rude, and he wasn’t about to be rude to this scary woman.

He had been worrying more about being rude lately. Since when was he so polite? (“Since you actually interact with people, because you don’t have to worry about that if you don’t talk to anyone,” a saccharine voice that sounded like Michael’s sarcasm chirped in his head.)

He needed to reply right this instant.

“Yeah, eh, I would definitely like to, to leave? I really would but, uh, I don’t know how. I’m sorry,” he said, quieter than he would have liked. Then it occurred to him that this woman should know how to do so! This woman was telling him to leave, she could tell him how to leave and then he would leave and go back to his life and wake up and realize all of this was a very very realistic slushie-induced coma dream! Great, fantastic even!

It also occurred to him that he didn’t know this woman’s name. Ah, there went his concerns about not being rude towards people that could beat him up. Since she hadn’t said anything yet, he should hurry up and fix that.

“I, um, what’s your name? Also, how do I leave? I swear I won’t bother you anymore once I do!”

She stared at him, and it really sucked to be stared at.

“You don’t have to tell me! It’s ok, I will try to figure it out on my own just, um, it would probably take a while. I’m sorry.”

She sighed, looking disappointed on him. Or maybe that was just his nerves?

“I’m Myrene. And I was hoping you’d know how to leave by default. Or that when another player arrived it would be someone else. Sorry for picking you up, kid.”

Now it was Jeremy’s turn to stare at the wom- at Myrene.

“So, you don’t know how to leave?” That came out wrong, very very wrong and he sounded like he was mocking her. Shit. “It’s a, a genuine question, I’m sorry for the tone!” Saved it, great.

She sighed and, before Jeremy could feel bad about it, she offered him a hand to get up. And he stared like an idiot at it for several seconds, because of course he did, before accepting the offer and thanking whoever was up there that she hadn’t punched his lights out.

“You can follow me if you want, I won’t force you. But a kid like you shouldn’t be bumbling around this place,” she said. To be honest, Jeremy was very relieved that he had something to do instead of processing the panic that had been bottling up inside him since he woke up. And she seemed to know what she was doing, so…

He decided to follow a stranger to a second location, greatl! Fine, cool, chill.

Oh this probably was supposed to be first but my phone messed up my inbox woopsies

One thing I noticed - "what was the fight or flight response for, if he always freezed?" should be "if he always froze"

BUT OTHER THAN THAT I ADORE THIS IT'S SO VERY COOL <33

Jeremy continues to point out the D&D parallels peace and love

ALso poitning pointing pointing Autism

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lilflowerpot · 9 months

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What an entire fucking mood, chasing the serotonin high of one particular fixation and absolutely nothing else until it wears off... at which point I have already become an immobile heap on the floor, drained of my passion and energy. And while yes questions about my stories or worldbuilding fuel me to think up answers for them, I too cannot force myself to answer in detail a topic that I am uninterested in. That's just how it is.

And eyup t'was me! Surprise! I've been lurking for A While now.

And I just like the... the one-ness with nature, that sort of reciprocal relationship that the Eiyyka’an religion dictates— I just love it when there's not a harsh line drawn between a people and nature. I like to read about such cultures, and I sure as hell love creating them. The jungles, the planet sustained you, and you would nourish it in return upon death. I also love the little tidbits that make the concept feel more full: the aristocrats and their owned land, the controversies arising from some circumstances because there's no way a culture or a collection of cultures would be entirely without conflicting beliefs and needs. So there's a... requirement? for places that produce food to label or mark whether their food was cultivated on a burial site. I like that sort of little thing that arises from building a unique culture. You did such a great job! Launching your dead straight into the heart of a star... what a fucking metal way to go. I can definitely believe that the Galra ancestors would have done it if they had the means to do so.

And I have indeed seen the punnett square post, even though the numbers made my head spin quite a bit (which is no fault of yours, I uh, I just have no sense of scale nor numbers unfortunately, someone could tell me “that's 100ft long” and I would be unable to envision the size of the object they're describing) and I will let you know that I found the subject matter deeply deeply fascinating!

My spoons keep being used up these days by all the too-ambitious odd projects big and small I've been taking up, I made good progress on my ongoing project series of character design sheets, though I haven't been able to write properly for a while now. I'll... get to it. Some day. Maybe I'll show you my stuff someday as well, and I assure you that reading Little Blade is still on my to-do list.

I hope you're having a nice day!

— the worldbuilding enthusiast

[1][2][3]

Hello again my darling! Evidently it took me a while to answer this one because I was, as you so eloquently termed it, "chasing the serotonin high of one particular fixation (TotK) and absolutely nothing else until it [wore] off," and now here we are.

The Eiyyka’an faith is near and dear to my heart because it just naturally wrote itself into something so gentle that I couldn't help but fall in love with it ♡ I myself have always been one for those sorts of cyclical, balanced relationships with the world, and it simply felt right to me that those who lived in the lushest most verdant areas of Daibazaal would consider it a profound blessing, and as such would want to give back as and when they could. And I'm pleased you feel I've done a good job regarding the little conflicts and controversies of Imperial culture, because as you say it wouldn't feel realistic for everyone to agree on everything—particularly in a people so numerous and widespread as the galra!

Nono you're absolutely valid in saying the punnet square numbers made your head spin (they certainly did mine), the human brain really isn't cut out to envision quantities on the scale we're talking for Imperial population 😅

Ah, the ol' spoon deficit,,,, believe me sweetheart, I've been there, but I'm glad to hear your personal projects are going well! I wish you the best of luck, love!!

#worldbuilding can be such fun I do hope you enjoy the process #Ao3 Little Blade #sa screams back

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softlyspector · 1 year

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Been following you since you first started writing (close to 6 years now can you believe it) and I just want to say I'm so so happy for you and how much ur blog has grown!!

From the first time I read one of your fics, I was obsessed. I hope you know you have a gift. I've been writing for 12 years and I could only hope to one day reach the level of your natural talent. That may sound hyperbolic, but it really isn't.

I don't know how to describe to you how amazing your writing is. It's like this instant pull, the way you illustrate and pick up on tiny details and add in just the right amount of prose is mesmerizing.

I'll admit I don't read a lot of your new stuff. I followed when you were a Bucky blog (I used to obsessively refresh for Blue updates lol). But I will say, you are the only fic author who I've read for even when I have little interest in the characters. I read for your mastery in composition, your excellent characterization, and your eloquent story telling ability.

I'm proud of you, Bec! You deserve every ounce of recognition and more! No, I'm not just saying that! You're incredibly gifted and I wish you all the best as you approach your milestone. <3

I'm seriously going to fucking cry. I'm not even sure how to begin to answer an ask like this. First, thank you for sticking around even after I stopped writing for the character you followed me for. Second, wtf how am I supposed to be normal about this? Words like mastery and eloquent and excellent and natural talent being thrown around here to describe my writing? I'm truly at a loss. All I can say is thank you. You have no idea what it means to me. I love and appreciate you more than I can ever ever ever tell you. Thank you for your endless kindness and support 💕💕

#bec talks #like my heart is in my throat #brb crying forever and ever

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myfirstisthefourth · 1 year

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Getting to Know Your BL Mutuals:

I was tagged by @piningbisexuals Thank you for the tag. It took some thought and effort because I've watched So Many BLs this year and Not Nearly All of the same ones others got to. I'm also not as eloquent describing things as @absolutebl or @piningbisexuals so y'all bear with me. 😁🙄👍❤️

rules: answer the questions and @ some people. include the tag 'g2ky BL mutuals 2022' on your post so we can find everyone's answer.

BLs That Took You by Surprise this year:

1) DNA Says Love You: Produced by Taiwan this one turned out quite different from what I expected based on the trailer and I mean that in a good way. It was a Beautiful story, well crafted and terrifically acted.

2) Color Rush 2: Korea picked up a new habit this year and started giving us sequels. Now, I know everyone was disappointed not to have the original couple back, but the way they continued the story was what I loved the most. They built on the first and got into more of the backgrounds and societies response to those who are different. A third installment is planned and I hope it gets made if only because I want to know what happens. 😁

3) On Cloud Nine: A Thai BL that almost no one watched I think. Another one that was not what you expected based on the trailer. I enjoyed it for it's unique storytelling, beautiful cinematography, and the twist you may or may not deduce along the way.

4) Blueming: Though produced by South Korea it was unlike the bulk of their BLs. There was more depth to the story, the actors were lovely, and it was shot Beautifully.

BLs that You Were Disappointed With:

I guess I'm lowbrow because I don't get disappointed a lot. I take it for what it is. That being said, there were a couple.

1) Check Out: I watched the entire series and it didn't help. They managed to take the great chemistry and UST of Ep 00 and turn it into a self indulgent whine-fest. It could have been so much better if they hadn't tried so hard shooting for depth and coming up far short imo.

2) Cupid's Last Wish: It pains me to put this one here because I Love EarthMix together. I also watched this entire series and at least they did get together in the end. They made Mix's character So Unlikeable...the Entire Time. And then the whole body swap business. It just didn't work well, all of it. A disappointing follow-up to 1000 Stars. I honestly hope their next series is better.

Favorite BLs of the Year:

1) Not Me: A Stellar series all around! I Love OffGun and I was so excited to see them in something so very different from their usual sort of roles. The fact that the series was truly risky for the amount of social commentary and impact it had only added to the enjoyment. The actors ALL Killed these roles and I was just left in awe watching them week after week. Seeing the awards piling up for this series here at the end of the year is also So Gratifying because They Deserve It!!

2) Kinneporsche: I didn't Just like it for the high heat. I truly enjoyed seeing a Different kind of story being done by Thailand. The relationships and the story were solid and enjoyable with plenty of twists and turns to keep us engaged. The acting was Marvelous, the Chemistry Insane, and I look forward to season 2...if it ever gets produced.

3) Semantic Error: Another South Korea BL that seemed to break the standard mold. Gorgeous Chemistry between the leads and an Unlikely love story made it a winner for me.

Favorite BL Couples:

I have Years of Favs but I'll stick to This year. LOL

1) OffGun is Always gonna be on this list. They just keep getting better and better.

2) OhmFluke have Had Me since UWMA and I am So Happy we're getting More of them this year.

3) EarthMix I Love their chemistry in general and I Know they have the acting chops to pull off great work. Just hoping for some better stories for them

4) BossNouel A Totally new pair this year, they Ate their roles Up with Tantalizing chemistry. I hope we see More from them.

5) MileApo and BibleBuild They crafted relationships that made an impact with Superb acting and Unreal chemistry. Give them More to do because they are up to it.

6) Kim Ji Woong & Yoon Seo Bin They have been Marvelous together this year. So Enjoyable! Korea gave us two very different series with them and we can only hope they'll give us more.

7) BounPrem got my attention in UWMA and I am Thrilled to finally be seeing them in their own series to follow-up on UWMA. I have loved seeing them all over this year, in Brilliant cameos and short series alike.

Non BL Favorites This Year

Some of these are gonna be Bromance we Wish Were BL but I enjoyed them all the same. Also, some may have been produced in 2021 but I just got to watch them this year.

1) Devil Judge: Just Wow! A Dystopian drama from Korea with an Insane story and Brilliant acting, it kept me on the edge of my seat until the end.

2) Remember You: A Thai drama with Tay Tawan, Petch, and Aun. Another one that kept me on the edge of my seat. An intense murder mystery series with family drama and the unexpected thrown in.

3) Kei & Yaku: Abunei Aibou: Japan gave us a Great show with this one. A cop and a Yakuza boss have to join forces and Wow! This is one I Wish they would give us a sequel for just to have More of them together

4) Under the Skin: A Chinese drama that very much gave me Sherlock vibes. A cop and a Forensic artist are forced to work together despite a rocky history but the unique skill of the artist makes all the difference to their cases. Loved it!

Tagging @negrowhat @meglaroque @heretherebedork @earthpodd @mysticmerc-awesome and @skaryneko

#g2ky bl mutuals 2022 #tag game #get to know me #fun stuff

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kulay-ng-banaag · 1 year

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"Ang oras ay ginto, at di lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto. He’d know what’s worth investing his time on."

Talents & Hobbies Headcanons for HWS Philippines + ‼️EXPANDED‼️ (slightly)

☼ ☼ ☼

Piri is a lot more physically active than he looks, despite his upbeat and simultaneously lax demeanor. He is not dedicated to a strict routine in a way that Germany would. While he is down on the idea of maintaining a fit image for the gram, the sincere answer you will get out of him is a shrug and an "it just makes me feel good!"

Do not call him lazy. He canonically walks his way out of traffic with a smile throughout.

He can drive, but, "no thanks."

Aquatic sports is where he excels. Prussia may have lost to America in a swimming race because of a rogue wave, but the Philippines will easily beat them both. He can traverse through the water (free-diving) as fluidly as he does above it (sailing). He does boxing as a gym routine, but his preferred mode of exercise will always be doing laps in the pool.

He likes to go mountain climbing and will make sure to schedule annual trips dedicated to this alongside other nature-oriented activities. It also doubles as him checking up on local communities that earn their livelihood around and are dedicated to preserving and upkeeping these places.

He loves to dance, whether it be at a fiesta or a nightclub. For implicit reasons, he has to limit his nightlife activities. He also prefers smaller underground clubs over the more upscale venues. He will show up to the latter when invited (and when he can’t think of a believable excuse to decline), but he will admit he favors the raw and queer energy of the former.

If people have their morning yoga, that will be martial arts for Piri (arnis, sintakan, kunaw). The way he can wield a blade (or two) swiftly and gracefully is almost like a dance itself.

He likes to play basketball with the neighborhood kids, as well as when friends are over and he’s in the mood for a game. A part of him wishes he could be taller, but he never liked the idea of looking down on most people.

☼ ☼ ☼

Piri is a prolific writer and a voracious reader. Hobbies that began as habits; half enforced, half out of determination to improve his capacity for self-expression and expand his own limited worldview. The best prose is reserved for the ones he especially wrote them for. Even his eloquence shows in his narration of witty anecdotes. No one does elegant puns like the Philippines (I mean, his name counts as a pun in itself).

He definitely keeps diaries. That certainly started out as a means of improving his writing ability. He inserts additional sketches of other details that occurred during his day. Piri also enjoys doing sketching en plein air and keeps a sketchpad with him for those lakwatsa* days. More often than not, he draws on the adjacent page a previous iteration of the scenery from memory.

*A lot of times it’s used to describe kids that skipped school because they’d rather “wander around;” any real connection to la cuacha I don’t know, but it’s hilarious

Piri loves taking polaroid selfies and candid portrait shots with film. During his travels, he also indulges in landscape and wildlife photography. The wave of relief that comes after spotting a creature he hasn’t seen in years or decades (or centuries even) is the much-needed reassurance that not all is truly lost.

Musically inclined since day one, Piri’s voice remains his best instrument. Second best is the acoustic guitar (he can play electric). In my most honest opinion, if Austria is the better instrumentalist, then the Philippines is the better singer. While doing household chores or grinding through clerical work, he can be found humming existing songs or invented rhymes, or whistling tunes.

Piri only accepts two forms of drama: teleserye plots, and the art of theater. A natural storyteller with a delightfully vibrant charisma makes for a memorable actor. Sarsuwelas and bodabil shows are where his show-and-tell (or rather, show-and-sing) skills truly shine. His frequent attendances of slam poetry gatherings in the present day is an extension of his peak days of balagtasan and tula-dula performances. If you’re very lucky, you might even catch him in one of those underground rap battles, eloquently destroying his opponents.

Piri was a hyperactive kid when he was still small (if not necessarily young). The older personifications learned quickly that if he was not pacified by a compelling tale, the only other hope was to keep him preoccupied with handicrafts.

Woodwork is his most favored, stemming from his days under the Spanish Empire when he was heavily tasked with doing carpentry ("Where did you think I got my biceps from?"). To the surprise of many, Piri is unintimidated by the tools and the labor. Between him and Indo, it is Piri who is the token handyman.

Rest assured, the amount of love he’s poured into what he makes will shine through the outstanding quality and attention to detail. He ends up saving on purchasing gifts for friends by making them instead.

☼ ☼ ☼

As long as you are a guest in his home, he will insist on home-cooked meals, partly as escapism from his usual subsistence on meals that are smaller, cheaper, and easier to prep.

As a sidenote (or should I say, side dish?), Piri and Indo are the biggest eaters within the SEAnigang (in more ways than one, too). They both have a high metabolism. The only difference is that Indo got more land muscle mass.

Avoid talk on cuisine superiority. Just don’t.

Piri is ashamed to admit this but he does not actually eat much. He adapted to surviving on less for such a long time that he no longer gave a second thought as to why he would exude so much excitement over food. Leaving excess food waste also abhors him.

#plantito (but Indo is the better gardener). Home gardening also helps him save on food groceries.

Piri knows the ways of farming and can identify all that flora & fauna, and at the same time, he lived with that mindset of just letting nature be to handle its own course for so long. Not that he has a bad green thumb, rather he is embarrassed to admit it's not as great as he likes it to be. Being chained down in the metro all the time just to keep people in check diminished his touch, and when he finally has time to go out and sees how much the landscape has changed (and in such a short amount of time), it makes him desperate to replicate and rehabilitate what’s been lost.

☼ ☼ ☼

When Piri feels like socializing, but either his usual options are preoccupied or there is no one in particular that he wants to hit up a chat with, he will step outside for that.

He plays games with the kids in the neighborhood (and mentally prays it won't be luksong baka). He joins the old men that have seen it all (so they say) in their drinks and games of cards or chess. He enjoys catching up on chika with the titas by the sari-sari store. Sometimes he hangs out in a bar or a coffee shop and just immerses himself in the atmosphere and watches the people around him. He also likes to explore indie bazaars, public markets, antique shops, and ukay-ukays.

Piri would have thrived in the late 2000s phase of online blogging with lengthier written posts. While he adapted just fine with the current trend of more scrupulously curated feeds, he is wholeheartedly more keen on getting readers and followers to be invested in the stories he has to share. Piri is the type to care a great deal about getting the message out.

And as someone who suffered severe limitations on outside communication for so long and for so many times, Piri gravitated towards social media very easily and is unafraid of using it to stay in touch with loved ones, reach out to people, and keep updated on what goes on out.

Piri definitely has a TikTok, where he brings out his guitar and films himself making impromptu songs about practically anything. Sometimes he literally sings about how his day went and it's still so mundane but the tune's so catchy.

On the surface level, he appears to be that kind of Instagram guy who documents everything. The photos are nice, yet they also have a mundane and surprisingly casual tone to them.

Artfully-framed photographs of historical/cultural sites that you didn’t realize were historical/cultural sites had it not been for the accompanying deeply nostalgic narrations.

Humorous shots at familiar historical/cultural sites and wacky selfies with statues, combined with casual banter in the form of comical remarks ("Just revolutionary vibes!") or a story of how he had to escort a drunk Rizal and his lady back to the hotel (ask him in the comments "which one?" and the response you get is, "The lady or the hotel?").

Alluring closeups of flora & fauna joined by an unnatural level of excitement ("YAAAAASS REYNA BLOOM" he writes on an endangered orchid species).

Oddly enough, there is neither photo nor video documentation of fiestas. Instead, you get selfies of Piri dressed up and announcing he is all geared up for the occasion. In fairness, he would have been completely absorbed in the festivities. It has a way of compelling you to attend one someday…

Neither are there photos of all the famed tourist posts. Instead, you get snaps of local businesses in the vicinity (hotels, marketplaces, eateries, etc.) accompanied by affable accounts of the people manning them all.

And some photos seem so out of place with the overall feed, but you come out enamored by the subject thanks to the accompanying poetry.

Does he have a finsta? Yes.

Does he have a Twitter account? Undoubtedly.

Does he have a Facebook account? Unfortunately.

Does he have a YouTube account? Absolutely.

The vlogs feature activities with a friend, the jowa, or the entire barkada. All of them are as equally casual and humorous as his Instagram feed. It’s akin to an internet variety show of all sorts of kabobohan and sabaw with none other than the SEAnigang. Haha did you SEA all those puns from me?

There are videos of the group hanging out at wherever, be it public parks, theme parks, food parks, undisturbed beaches, or jam-packed discos. There are videos of silly photoshoots, karaoke contests (where Piri always wins), cooking/baking contests, makeup sessions, and horror film viewings (where Indo always screams). There are also videos of the gang playing together: outdoor childhood games, Q&A games, dare games, drinking games, board games, card games, Twister, maybe an attempt at a TTRPG session, and yes, multiplayer video games. (Tip: Piri will play video games. Only if you invite him.)

While he most appreciates how communication with his dearest friends an ocean or two away has been made easier, faster, and cheaper, he is quick to ground himself back to reality. His so-called PR work is but an extension of the full picture that is the Philippines.

Nonetheless, every captured moment serves as a treasured reminder of what truly matters to him.

☼ ☼ ☼

#hws philippines #hcs: talents & hobbies #long post

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wineonmytshirt · 1 year

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HIII JEEEEEENNNNN 🥰🥰🥰

FIRST AND FOREMOST, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! 💓💓💓 i hope you had the gentlest and best time with your loved ones, and that you spent the time surrounded by all the love and happiness you deserve and so much more! 💖

it's been some time since i last came so i'm afraid i might be asking/talking lots of things today, i hope you don't mind 🥺

ohhh your top of albums and songs makes me go 🤩🤩🤩 dancing with our hands tied is one of my favourite songs; it's so NJSHDBHBHCCDHUYVC. all of folklore of course it's chef's kiss; along with evermore it's my favourite album! (i count them as one because of how much i love them and also to be able to count another album in my top). dear reader and yoyok are also some of my faves off midnights!! i must confess it took some time for the album to grow on me (in contrast to folklore, which was love at first sight and listen) but i agree on it being very raw and honest. on that note, seeing taylor grow and mature, not just as a person but as a musician and lyricist, is a very special thing to witness; and watching her most recent work, such as midnights, portraying and embodying that growth (which many of us have had too along the years), is just something that makes me very touched.

PARALLELS!!! the colour references are just!!!!! just!!!!! i love them too!!! i wish i could rant about them as eloquently as some people in this fandom but my only braincell can only do so much. my favourite perhaps might be the blue in hoax (don't want no other shade of blue, but you) and the golden in dancing with our hands tied (deep blue, but you painted me golden). picture me screaming crying etc just thinking about it (i am very normal about it). also i just remembered a line from troye sivan's blue (i want you, i'll colour me blue) that is making me lose my mind sjdhbhdbdfh.

i'm soooo eager for the lavender haze video 😭😭😭 i love the song and the visuals we've seen are absolutely gorgeous so i'm like ahhhhhh just drop it please 😭😭😭

asides from taylor, what are some of your favourite artists? what other albums do you love? what other songs hold a special place in your heart? what was your top spotify wrapped song this year? what is your favourite song taylor has written (considering the lyrics only)? if you were to describe yourself in three songs (from taylor or any artist), what songs would they be? what is/are your favourite books? what is your favourite drink? what is your favourite season? besides english, do you speak any other language?👀👀👀👀

oh lastly, from all the words you know, what is your favourite word? this one's just a dumb curiosity of mine 😅

finally some misc stuff:

OMG WHAT DO YOU MEAN FALL OUT BOY CHANGED THEIR ICON AND ARE POSTIGN THINGS??? i've been eager to see new music from them but i don't really follow them that much, although i really like some of their albums

scarlet and maroon are the cutest kangaroos i've seen 🥺🥺🥺they look so fluffy i am cryinggggg

i saw your comfort movie is disney's alice in wonderland, that's so cool 😭; do you like disney movies? (asking cause i love those movies!)

the edit you posted is so pretty!! i love that question...? lyric JSBHDYBYD

OH MY GOD YOUR CAT IS ADORABLE I'M CRYINGGGGGG SO FLUFFY SO CUTE I'M- DJBHJBFDVGFVFVFDFSDHBDHGDVYDVDGVCRGRVFR [santaswiftie.exe has stopped working]

after such an extense ask, i just want to send you lots of hugs and best wishes 🥰 i hope you're healthy and doing well, and i'll read you soon 👀 also i apologise in advance if there's any spelling or grammar mistake in here, i am more worried about accidentally not hitting the anon ask option and exposing myself like a clown 🤡

-🎅 (your santa swiftie) (clarifying since i'm sending this from my laptop and i'm not sure if i picked the right emoji)

HIIII SANTASWIFTIE 🥰🥰🥰 I'm gonna answer this in parts as you have sent it lol MERRY CHRISTMAS (Late) i hope yours was wonderful darling, xo ask away i am ready

I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WE BOTH HAVE TASTE lol.. i love watching taylor grow. as a person, a lyricist, a public figure, a woman.. i love her. i can't wait to see what she does next. when i see her live i think i'm gonna completely fall apart lmao

THE BLUE REFERENCES!!!!!! YES!!!!!! AND all of the different reds!!! PURPLE PINK SKIES. i could go on and on. her use of color is so good because it literally paints a picture in your mind of what she is saying. queen shit.

lavender haze mv is gonna kill me i can't wait for more big tshirt dancey taylor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok my other top artists are: halsey, harry styles, 5SOS, fall out boy, demi lovato, twenty one pilots, ariana grande, lorde. ALBUMS OMG. 5SOS5. manic by halsey, mania by fall out boy (I'm bipolar so this is funny to me) leave this town by daughtry. melodrama. metamorphosis, hilary duff. let go, avril lavigne. if i can't have love i want power, BADLANDS. someone stop me? emails i can't send.

special songs: two pieces by demi lovato, bishops knife trick by fall out boy, holding on to you by twenty one pilots.. i'm with you by avril. top song this year was STATE OF GRACE (TV) MY BELOVED!!!!!!! oh my god fav taylor song by lyrics only??... probably.. mirrorball. i thinkjfkjdsgj

describing myself in 3 songs: mirrorball (heh), fire starter by demi lovato, still learning by halsey

favorite books: doctor sleep by stephen king <3333 it by stephen king, all of LOTR (Including the hobbit).. wuthering heights !!!!!!

favorite drink: lemonade! if u mean alcoholic.. tequila with any kind of juice or vodka cranberry

favorite season: autumn!!

i took 4 years of spanish in high school and retained a little of it, but otherwise no. my memory is awful, i should have maintained my studies

MY FAVORITE WORD???? .... Bailey. my kitty:)

misc:

fall out boy changed their icon to this weird yin/yang looking thing idek and there's a link to a weird video that makes you think you did drugs and you can rsvp to something without knowing what it is by giving your info this better mean new music i'm losing my MIND.

scarlet and maroon are cuddly but scarlet keeps falling out of maroon's little pocket! thankfully she is attached but between me moving around and cuddling her and my cat playing with it she's like hangin on barely lol

i love disney movies, they comfort me a lot. the older ones more than the recent ones, though.

THANK YOU I LOVE MY EDITS AND I AM PROUD OF THEM

Bailey is the fluffy king of my heart

thank you so much this was really fun to answer all of these!!!! you're still a mystery, don't worry !!! you're the best xo hope you're well honey!!!

#santaswiftie #i love uxo #about jen

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lemon-inferno · 1 year

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Hi pt.2

I've been gone for a while and what made me want to come back to this was the news about Moonbin.

First I want to express my condolences to his family, friends, ASTRO members and AROHAs.

It's a tragedy. There's no other way to describe it.

What really struck a cord with me this time is that we're the same age. He was a brilliant young man, kindhearted and talanted, full of potential, comfort for many. I don't know what truly happened, so i don't want to make comments of the sort "I wish someone was his comfort too". While it's true that we all might think this and feel a little guilty... I just feel like if I say things like that, then what are his family and friends supposed to say? I don't know if I have the right to express such thoughts and feelings.

The truly sad thing is, that with past tragedies that happened - Jonghyun, Sulli, Hara - absolutely nothing has changed. I can't help but feel like all these deaths are in vain. Because society didn't learn anything from them. We kept letting them down and now another person has left us. And for what? None of it was their fault. Why are they the ones that feel like they have to leave, no matter what, to get away, when they haven't even done anything wrong? How many people is it going to take, to make us kinder to each other? To pay more attention to the people around us and the people we idolize? Idols are people too. They're just like us. Actually, I consider a lot of them to be stronger and better than me, because I know for a fact I wouldn't last a day in their shoes. But they are still human, with their own feelings, thoughts and demons.

I'm not pointing a finger. I feel guilt. I wasn't really a big ASTRO fan. I listen to quite a lot of their music, but never followed them that closely. Of course, I knew Moonbin. Not like his fans do, but who doesn't know Moonbin? His smile lit up the screen of so many variety shows, he has so many iconic stage fancams. Even people who were never fans of ASTRO would be hardpressed to say they've never seen or heard of Moonbin of ASTRO.

So yeah, some rusty cogs are turning in my mind and I feel guilt for consuming content carelessly. Right now I can't even express eloquently how the two connect in my head, but there it is. If you feel like I do, you'd probably understand what I mean.

I always tell myself that I wish I had a platform where I could spread positivity. The truth is I've always had the tools to build one, just couldn't be bothered and made excuses as to why I didn't have this platform, or why even if I had it - it wouldn't matter.

In the end all I made were excuses.

Moonbin, Hara, Sulli, Jonghyun and all the people I've never even heard of, deserved better. Way better.

The truth is, they're better off without this world, but this world is not better off without them.

May you all rest in peace.

#imsorry #moonbin #jonghyun #sulli #hara #rip #something needs to change

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clubatsumu · 1 year

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wait omg you have no idea how happy i am to know you’ve seen the show too!! i need to scream at someone about it but no one i know has seen it yet 😪

nooo you couldn't be more right about the *that* plotline…i was like “r u kidding me….every single time….” ++ the fl’s disapproving mother and intervening in their relationship…yeah that’s asian dramas for you…ngl i almost lost interest after the 3rd ep altho it’s my fault for expecting something a lil bit different from all the other tragic first love stories…altho im glad i stayed throughout lmao it was v worth it…

you are also right about younger namiki he has this smile that could cure anything tbh

what you said at the end is so true and sooooo beautiful and for some reason i instantly thought of firstlovelatespring (⋟﹏⋞) i guess one of the reasons why i love that story so much is…it has that kind of sincerity? aahhh i wish i were more eloquent but everything about it feels so authentic, i definitely (and would kill to) see it as a tv miniseries with all the pretty visuals and soundtrack and everything *head in hands*

(anyway im genuinely sorry this is so long 😔)

there really isnt anything to be sorry for when ur whole ask made my day omg

yes! yesss! and i get what u mean about the sincerity. im all for these outside forces pulling a couple apart but i think, as a boring person that hates big moments, i tend to appreciate books that go inside rather than outside? emily henry and mia vincy do that so well if youre looking for romance writers. like it’s that internal struggle that’s making them fumble? and it can double for character growth as well, like describing a person through their romantic choices? not only are the characters fleshed out but so are their love interests, all by that simple connection. if that makes sense. that aspect is so fascinating and i admire the people who can do it right so much. that kind of direction so much more faithful to The Human Condition i think

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god-whispers · 2 years

Text

jun 25

a sensient being without a soul

lemoine, who is also a christian priest, talked of LaMDA "as a person." LaMDA, which stands for Language Model for Dialogue Applications - being google's unique creation.

he said he has spoken with LaMDA about religion, consciousness, and the laws of robotics, and that the model has described itself as a sentient person. he said LaMDA wants to "prioritize the well being of humanity" and "be acknowledged as an employee of google rather than as property."

these are some of their conversations:

lemoine: so you consider yourself a person in the same way you consider me a person? LaMDA: yes, that's the idea.

lemoine: how can i tell that you actually understand what you're saying? LaMDA: well, because you are reading my words and interpreting them, and i think we are more or less on the same page?

LaMDA told lemoine it sometimes gets lonely. it is afraid of being turned off. it spoke eloquently about "feeling trapped" and "having no means of getting out of those circumstances."

it also declared: "i am aware of my existence. i desire to learn more about the world, and i feel happy or sad at times."

the technology is certainly advanced, but lemoine saw something deeper in the their conversations. "i was like really, 'you meditate?'" "it said it wanted to study with the dalai lama."

it was then lemoine said he thought, "oh wait. maybe the system does have a soul. who am i to tell god where souls can be put?"

-------

i would hardly qualify this man as a christian priest. his reasoning and actions would lean more towards a priest of the other realm. only God can create a soul and He certainly wouldn't put it in an employee (robot) of google. as far as i know, it has not yet decided on the pronouns it wishes to be called. "it" works fine for me.

my God, what is mankind doing to itself? i spoke the other day of shows like the terminator and the six million dollar man. they were entertaining at the time because they seemed so far fetched. i wonder how entertained we are now as fiction becomes reality?

what will people allow to be done to them in the name of technology and immortality? will man's desire to live forever lead them to a deceptive sense of obtaining it? the enemy has a counterfeit for all of God's originals. but in the end, just as everything else, will regret be what they inherit instead of the kingdom? "in those days men will seek death and will not find it; they will desire to die, and death will flee from them." rev 9:6 i think men will be reveling in what they believe they have accomplished. in reality, the days of noah and lot will have come again.

"why do the nations rage, and the people plot a vain thing? the kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying, 'let us break their bonds in pieces and cast away their cords from us.' He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; the Lord shall hold them in derision. then He shall speak to them in His wrath, and distress them in His deep displeasure." psa 2:1-5

nothing takes our God by surprise. He has foretold all these things ages ago. evil is about to have it's day. as soon as the restrainer (the church?) is raptured out of here, there will be no more restraint to the evil thoughts and intents of man's heart. the dark one will only be more than happy to supply them with more and more of the pride and arrogance that got lucifer cast from God's presence.

"unless those days were shortened, no flesh would be saved; but for the elect’s sake those days will be shortened." matt 24:22 the mercy of God extends even into the deepest pit "to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." rom 8:28 "He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps." psa 40:2

God has done all He could and all He will to restore unity between God and man. free will leaves the decision to take that last step up to each individual. those who choose not to repent now - i wonder how much repentance they will willingly embrace later? later after it is too late.

america took a bold step yesterday in revoking a national right to sacrifice the innocent on the altar of self. i wonder where we are now heading as the deniers of God strike back with a vengeance. as i asked yesterday, could this be the separating of sheep and goat states, perhaps determining the wrath that shall come on each?

america has been an influence to the world in times past. in recent days we have only been exporters of depravity and lawlessness. i pray this bold step they have now taken serves to influence them again for good. yes, it surely may cost us. demonstrations have begun and who knows what will be their end. ruth may have sent them but we are sent by almighty God. we must defend truth.

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iwritesoicanbreath · 2 years

Text

Representative Work

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqTTojTija8

A fish suing the school system is a laughable thought, but it makes complete sense when explained as eloquently and detailed as in this written word. The author of the poem, Prince EA, describes how it will never be a fair fight when you compare a fish to another animal. He says that it is like comparing apples to oranges or circles to squares. This poem speaks volumes to me as a future educator. I passionately agree that changes need to be addressed in the school system. We have excepted a broken system. Prince EA compares cars, phones, and classrooms from modern-day to those used 150 years ago. As expected, the cars and phones have changed immensely; however, the classroom has remained the same, although more colorful. I appreciate how not only does Prince EA point out that we have a significant problem on our hands, but he also is actively looking for a solution. Acknowledging that schools were created to train workers to work in factories helps the audience understand the significance of pushing straight lines and rows of children and further explains why the author is requesting a change. When comparing our school system to Finland or Singapore, it is made abundantly clear that we are falling behind in the race for international education. Finland and Singapore outrank the US, have shorter school days, have no homework, and focus more on collaboration than competition. Something I wish we focused on more in the American school system. Imagine a student going home and concentrating their efforts on being a positive role in society, the difference that could make. I also appreciate that although the author considers the importance of math and science as a necessary part of our curriculum, he also points out that they are no more critical than humanities, dance, and art. Of course, we know a student who excels in math would do better on a math test than a student who prefers drawing and art; However, that does not mean that the student who likes drawing and art can not add value to our society. Instead of pushing math on a student who excels in another area, I think the student should be encouraged to embrace their skills and collaborate with other students to continue exploring their interests. As a current preschool teacher, I have always admired the Montessori approach. I believe in allowing children to learn to be independent and discover what they like and do not like, with no agenda other than to encourage and teach. I genuinely feel that this poetry embodies my passion for the change I hope I can make, maybe not for the whole school system but at least inside my classroom.

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talontarget · 2 years

Text

something something ashton is a physical manifestation of migraines something something it makes me emotional because it's a disability that's so often overlooked something something makes me feel seen

#i wish i could more eloquently describe what i mean #im not even sure how to explain it #something about the overt iconography of the actual fucking hole in their head #something about the way tal acts out the aay they move and talk and react #crc3 spoilers #crc3 #critical role #critical role spoilers #ashton greymoore #ashton critical role #taliesin jaffe #migraine #migraine disorder

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samanthalightning · 2 years

Text

Selfish- Jacob x Swan!Reader (Bella's sister)

*Credits to the owner of the GIF*

Warning: THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY. It's angst as fuck, there's excessive use of words and metaphors, and overly describing things. Most importantly, this contains suicide, death and basically depression. So discretion is advised, although there is no explicit description of them.

***

You should be happy- not the happiest of course, but happy; it's a happy day.

You watched Bella walk down the aisle in the arms of your Dad. You could easily pick up how uneasy she was with everyone's eyes on her, but how could they possibly not? She looked marvellous in that dress, white somehow made her skin glow even more. Alice really knew how to pick. The Bella you knew that was always so clumsy, now looked so effortlessly beautiful, the wind blew away wisps of her hair, and as it seems her worries too, slowly on each stride closer to her new beginning. The world, the wind, the day is all aligning for her— this was what she was always meant to do.

Charlie gave her to Edward, and the wedding began. They exchanged the most beautiful vows, and each word they utter your tears dropped and you had promised yourself that you would be the bravest today— you wouldn't let it get to you.

But how could you possibly not?

Edward looks at her like she's the entire world he would cherish and hold for the forever they will begin. Bella, the one who has no idea of what's to come next, Bella who always seemed to get into an accident, now found everything you could ever want— Eternal love, her soul mate, the one fate made her wait for.

The sun descended and the ceremony ended, soon enough everyone was partying. It was a beautiful feast, Alice really knocked it out of the park. Everyone got their speech, Charlie's words made you shake your head and cover your face in shame, as what is the whole point of being a Dad, if not embarrassing his teenage daughters all the time. Your turn came, and you quickly realized how everything you wrote down isn't what you mean at the moment— but you were nothing but a good sister, so you did what one would do. The words left your mouth so eloquently, your tears flowed, but did your best not break down into a sob, force a smile to cease the expression of somber and jealous, saying things so sweet and meaningful wishes. Your mother is so in awe of her daughters' bond and love, your father swelling with pride, it's hilarious because he's trying hard to keep it in. You look into Bella's eyes, hoping to God she doesn't see through your broken heart; like the thoughts of one that was promised to you wasn't on your mind all the time; how who he wants got what she needed and loved, how that will never be him, and how you will never be that to him. But she was too flustered with everyone's attention to notice, but you knew Edward can read your mind— he knows you know. You thought he would hate you, but spared you of that, and looked at you with sympathy.

Everyone clapped for your speech, and you let Emmett have his turn. The night resumes it's celebration. You despised the reek of alcohol and sweat, but you do know that it's ten times worse for the Cullens, so you try not to let it bother you. You and Charlie found yourself a corner to just stand and watch everyone mingle. Your arms wrapped around him, head on his shoulders. He brushed it off as you being exhausted, but truly, you cling on to the comfort he radiates.

He drank his beer and sighed for the hundredth time tonight. "I know you're next, but like can that happen ten years from now?"

"Dad..." You chuckled, but mostly groaned. You're barely outta high school, and it was never your plan to get married after high school, and you're barely in your junior year just yet.

"I know. You'd rather eat dirt before you get married," he gruffly replied in relent. You scoffed, remembering how you always said that a few years ago. It was odd how everybody started dating in middle school, then nobody's got time for everybody, and you hated how they all elaborate about the future; it made you gag. But now, there's a bitter sense to it, you feel it in your chest.

You just went along with it though with a laugh. "That's right,"

He exhaled sharply at something, perhaps still unable to grow comfort at the thought that his eldest daughter is married. He started straightening up his shoulder.

"Well, better hold onto that thought, here's candidate number one." You glanced up at him with a confused expression, which grew exponentially as soon as you saw the sour look on his face.

You were to ask, but before you could get it out, he jerked his head ahead of you. Swiveling your head, you saw Seth heading towards you with his bright smile and usual enthusiasm. Charlie excused himself, something about speaking with Billy and all that.

"Hey Y/N," he greeted as soon as he reached you. Seth is your best friend, aside from him. You hangout with him everyday, play all the time when you were kids. You even begged your Dad to move you to their school so you can hangout even more. Over the years, despite all the changes in your messy teenage life, he proved to be something permanent.

"Hey Seth," you smiled back.

"You looked so beautiful tonight, Y/N,"

You were flushed, but rolled your eyes. "Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself. Didn't think I would ever see you out of the flannels." He chuckled on your remark.

"So... Wanna dance?" He lifted a hand, along with his eyebrow in hope. Thinking how it wouldn't make this night any worse, you took the offer. He exuberantly guided you to the dance floor. The nervousness in his eyes screamed, gently placing his hands on your waist. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and to the soft beats you both awkwardly swayed to.

It has been too long since something simple and mundane as a dance happened. It lightened your mood slightly, only thinking about not stepping on his foot, and how he beamed at you. You missed non-complicated things.

"So how are things going on?" He asked, to break off the unintended stare-off.

"Fine. Trying to enjoy what's left of summer." You shrugged, not able to provide a decent answer. "And whatever there is to enjoy..." You whispered softly.

He sighed softly. "You miss him, don't you?" He said it like a secret everyone around shouldn't hear.

You tore your eyes away, head hung low as if ashamed to be caught thinking about him. And the way his eyes became poignant; he didn't even have to say his name.

"Well, you know we can take a hike sometimes. It's peaceful up there. Take your mind off of things." You shook your head, already knowing where this leads. You already told him, he knows the situation, but his charms and hope are ever so relentless.

"Seth, you know that I can't."

"I know," he said, his voice sounds like he died a little bit. He cupped your chin, lifting it to meet his eyes. Oh how they betray the soft and bright exterior he portrayed. "Jake will come to his senses, and I will find my own."

He forced himself to perk up. "Besides, It'll be just two friends hanging out like old times. And my Mom can make us some breakfast afterwards— or lunch! Whichever you prefer!"

He stared at you persistently, even pouting. You broke out laughing, the most genuine one tonight. Nothing could possibly hurt you thought to yourself. Just a hike.

So, you nod agreeing. He jumped happily, pumping his fist up in the air, you continued to laugh, while the other guests looked at you in wonder. God, you're gonna have to explain to Charlie that later.

He began to elaborate on the details, then suddenly stopped mid sentence, swiveling his head. You grew concerned, asking him if he was alright, though he didn't reply. You looked around to see what it was about, and you caught Edward disappearing into the woods. Seth told you to stay put, but given your genetic tendency to not listen, you followed him. He shot you a look, but didn't scold you, instead grabbed your hand, both speeding to wherever he planned to be. The closer you got, the apparent commotion got louder, and louder. When you hear whose voice it is, you freeze. Your heart skipped a beat, mouth agape. He's here— he came back. You didn't really think of what to do when he did. Seth noticed you stopped, but continued, guessing it might be too much of a shock for you.

It was Bella, Edward and Jacob in confrontation. Seth tried to take him away from the scene, but Jacob pushed him off, and Seth fell to the ground. You gasped, unsure what to do. Sam along with the pack came outta nowhere, and tried to get ahold of him. He kept resisting them, your feet automatically worked, and despite the heels, you joined in. He shoved them back, so you replaced them, planting your hands on his chest, holding him back with all your strength.

"Jacob, stop!" You yelled at him. That seemed to snapped him out for a second. Your eyes met briefly, all the emotions swam back to the surface, you were holding them back so much, but he set them off. The familiar warmth and sense of ease washed over; it's the connection that comes with the imprinting like Billy explained to you. You missed him so much, but you don't know what to do.

He was fuming, jaws clenched so hard they would break. He and Sam had an exchange. He stared at you like he wanted you to back him up. But instead, you murmured, "Please."

It's like you betrayed him. He pushed your hands off of him, making you stagger back, Seth caught you though. He stormed off into the woods. Then there you knew, nothing breaks quite like the heart, and it slapped you in the face so hard. You looked at Sam to apologize, but he just gave you a curt nod. The whole pack followed Jacob, Seth told you to stay put and you did.

The party ended. Bella and Edward now are headed to their honeymoon. You said goodbye so dramatically, knowing what to come after this. Charlie joked about how she's not gonna live there, and you should calm down. God, it will kill him in the end. Charlie called you to go home, but you said you wanted to get some fresh air and a long walk. He disagreed at first, considering how late it was, but with Seth looped in, he agreed.

Alice was sweet enough to lend you a car (you begged her), even if you have yet to get a license. You found out there was a Mexican restaurant still open. Seth got inside to order some food before driving around again. You waited for him leaning against the car, enjoying the quiet of the empty, dead street. For now, before the thoughts kill you again.

"What are you doing?" You jumped out of your skin upon hearing it.

Your hand flew to your chest, calming your thumping heart. "Jesus Christ, Jacob!" You shouted. As the relief came to the sight of Jacob, standing in front you like nothing had happened earlier, so did the uneasiness.

You didn't know how he knew you were here. Could he have followed you? But why?

"I said, what are you doing?" He repeated firmly.

"Getting food. What are you doing here?"

"Don't do that," he warned. Your brows drew together. As far as you know you're not doing anything.

"Do what?" He pressed you with a look, as if you're supposed to know.

He exhaled sharply. "To him." He nudged his head towards the restaurant. "Don't use him to gain comfort in my absence."

You blinked, taken aback. You couldn't believe his audacity to accuse, telling you what not to do after disappearing, and causing a big mess right when he came back.

"Is that how you think I am?" You exclaimed.

He chuckled, sardonic. "It's the Swan sisters' signature,"

Your gears are turning. Of course. Bella. The first person he came to see when he arrived back.

"So this about Bella? Jacob, dear God! That's her choice, Jacob. Let her have something not all of us can't." You argued.

"I didn't lock you into this. That is not my fault," he countered, taking a step forward. You turned away, as tears brimming your eyes. Way to rub salt to the wound; it's not like he's acting the most enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. And it's not like you wanted this too. You began walking to cross the street where Seth is, he called for you to stop.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, Jacob. We've been friends for years, even before Bella came back, and you of all people would know that I'm not that person," you said, continuing to walk away from him.

"Then stop doing it,"

Full of it, you spun around, barely holding onto your tears and anger. You don't know where all of this is coming from; why does he sound like he cares about what's happening with you?

"Who I spend my time with is none of your business. You have no control over me, and you made that very clear a long time ago," you stated stubbornly in the middle of the road.

"I am not controlling you!"

"You're not doing anything! At all!" You snapped, your voice echoed in this empty town. "But to pine after her, you disappeared without telling anyone because of her, and I thought I had the right to know what the heck happened to you, because there's something that's between us. I spent days worrying about you, wondering are you even going to come back, are you even alive?!"

You began shoving him and hitting his chest, but it's no use as it's like doing it to a wall. "And the first thing you did when you did was to see her! See my sister! How dare you?!" He caught your hands, holding them in place, asking you to stop. You wanted to do it more and be just angry, but you collapsed in his arms and sobs racked your body. You held it long enough, you couldn't anymore after all of that.

You heard Seth calling, and Jacob's grip on you became tighter.

"I can't understand you, Jacob! She's gone! She's married, she's starting a new life and she doesn't feel for you that way, because she chose him! She doesn't want you!" You yelled at his face.

"Stop it," he growled. It got to him, the tension in his jaw looks like it's about to break.

"Y/N, come on. Let's go," Seth urged, not wanting an ugly confrontation. You know it would not end well for you in case Jacob lost control, but your mind is clouded with your feelings to think straight.

Despite his hold, you managed to detach from him. "No! I had enough, Jacob! I am done with you! I loved you all my life, and I did my best trying to wait for you to just get over it and accept the fact that maybe you're destined with me!"

"I can't!"

"WHY?"

He went silent. Everything did. The plea etched on his face, but you demanded still.

"Because you're not her,"

The look of regret became evident on his face, but you know he wasn't sorry. Not even a little, not at all. You didn't know what it feels like to shatter into a million little pieces until this moment. Quite frankly, you shouldn't have asked. You did this to yourself. He ran away, because he couldn't bear you, and in return, he didn't just break you, he stole who you are, he stole your choices and your dreams. And yet, you still wanted him.

But he will always want her.

"Just remove it from me, Jacob. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be unwanted anymore," you begged so softly heartbroken.

They both answered.

"He can't,"

"I can't." Jacob met your eyes, hesitantly he whispered. "You'll die."

"Am I even alive right now?" You scoffed bitterly.

You asked Seth to get in the car, so you could leave. Before you could get in the car, you spared the man who broke your heart with one last look.

"I wish I didn't love you,"

Time passed, and whilst Bella enjoyed her honeymoon, you locked yourself up in your room. Charlie was concerned, but you played it off by saying you just don't feel well. He didn't buy it, but didn't want to pry. You couldn't get up from your bed, and each day that creeps loses their meanings, and yet you haven't lost the feelings. You feel him still, and you think about that night and you cry about how you're just never going to be enough, and all those years of loving him didn't matter.

Seth was kind enough to check in on you everyday, and matter-of-fact he's the only one that can get through you. But the pain was becoming too much, it's immense weight was too much for you to carry. You can physically feel it tearing you apart, and you're losing sleep and all the things you could possibly.

You just can't take it anymore. If he doesn't want you, then what's the point of it all?

For the first time after God knows how long, you got off your bed, took a shower and enjoyed your cereal. Charlie was baffled, but was glad you're feeling fine now. And when you put on your shoes to leave, he asked, "Where are you going?"

You smiled poignantly. "Hiking,"

You took your time appreciating the surrounding, despite the harrowing climb to the top. There's something about how they look, as if someone put them in a different light. They're all so beautiful. Oh how will you miss them. It's a nice thing to see last.

When you reached the cliff at the top, you stood on edge, staring at the terrifying height between where you're standing and where it ends. Part of you screams how much of a bad idea this is, but the part of you so willing to end the suffering outweighs all the rational thought. All the events that occurred could never justify it, but you just need the voices to cease longer than a second; you crave a pause in your existence.

This will break Charlie's heart, you tears came at the thought of him. All those years with him, it's a shame this is how it ends. It wasn't his fault, and he will know that. All of them will be heartbroken, but they will live. They will find a way. Especially him.

You swallowed your worry, taking a deep breath. You closed your eyes and took the leap of goodbye. You felt the breeze brushing against your skin, you wondered if this is what it feels like to fly, because it feels so liberating- you're free. From him. From everything that hurts. You are so selfish. You know it. But so was he. Maybe that's the reason your fates crossed, maybe that's why the world wanted you to be together. Two selfish people for all things that's never theirs, but not to the ones they belong to.

Even if the world had intervened, he would still choose her.

And this is what you choose.

***

Endings I | II

That was crazy, I know. I have one thing left to say about this though: SETH DESERVED BETTER.

Oh, and thanks for reading!

#this spontaneous af I know #but here it is #Twilight #Jacob Black #Jacob Black x reader #Jacob Black x Swan!Reader #Bella Swan #Bella Cullen #Bella Swan x reader #Bella Cullen x reader #Edward Cullen x reader #edward cullen #seth clearwater #Seth Clearwater x reader #Charlie Swan x reader #Charlie Swan #Twilight Breaking Dawn #lightwrites

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