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#i wonder if anybody else Gets what i'm ranting about here. i always feel weird talking about the things that bring me comfort
uncanny-tranny · 6 months
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On the "darker" side of being comforted by one's immortality (not in the physical, but metaphorical), I've always been comforted by bone needles.
The idea that even after death, you've still been remembered by how you are used. No, bone needles probably weren't used with human bones, but it's a reminder that you aren't just going to... disappear. I'm comforted in the knowledge that I don't end in a "me" but in a "we," in nature. Everything about me is reused material so much more ancient than I am, and knowing that, I feel so much closer to the world.
#positivity#death positive#death tw#i know i mentioned the last part in a different post but i will never ever forget that nor will i talk about it only once#and the fact that we've found fifty THOUSAND year-old bone needles comforts me too#if you want immortality then there - that's your immortality staring you in the face!#we like to concieve of immortality as something you hold direct witness to but that's only a fantasy...#...in reality you will be immortalized - or likely will be - but it's in such a way you won't be able to witness it firsthand#i have always grappled with the knowledge i could be remembered and recognized and noticed in ANY way#i don't want that and knowing that i am simply borrowing what makes me 'me' does comfort me#it takes the burden off of being Me if that makes sense#this isn't about self-hatred but a burning desire to perfect the craft of being an actual person#i was so absorbed in being Me that i forget that i am part of this universe#human-centeredness will convince you that humans are almost... separate from the universe...#...that humans are unique from the concept of Nature and the World...#...blame it on capitalism or blame it on hubris or blame it on lack of insight... but when you discover how directly connected...#...to the universe you are i think you can learn to sit and appreciate... all of it#from the beetle crawling over your shoe to the wasp gazing into your car mirror... you'll appreciate it#i wonder if anybody else Gets what i'm ranting about here. i always feel weird talking about the things that bring me comfort
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gustingirl · 2 years
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hi nella <3
i have a fluffy little request :)
i'm not feeling too great at the minute, like i'm so emotionally drained and am in a bit of a panicky limbo. i'm currently unemployed and am trying desperately to find a job, and i'm feeling like a huge burden to my parents because, at the moment, they are my financial support (i'm only nineteen, but i feel like i should have my shit together, ya know?)
anyway, could you possibly throw something together about how jake might comfort me and help me through it?
i hope you're having a wonderful day/night
much love, stressed anon :)
p.s. i am absolutely love your blog <3 one of my favourite on this hellsite
ok seeing someone address me on the interney by name will always be a weird but beautiful experience.
i want to post this for you because this ask made my heart warm, but it'll be short, i fear
so jake comforting you:
- i truly feel he understands other people's emotions pretty well, so i can imagine him feeling your pain even if he never went through it, like it's incredible how understanding he is
- something inside me believes he would try to give you a bit of a lecture, not much attacking you, but more like letting you know with words why he believes you're not a burden
- in times where others are not positive, i see jake taking that role, so i can only imagine him saying positive things to you, as lecturing and also like random compliments, you know?
- in physical love, jake would want you to get distracted, and i can see him using his own body for it. if you're in the mood for sex, great. but if not, he would probably want you to sit down with him and do whatever as long as your mind is busy.
- though i imagine him laying down with you, taking a nap or watching a movie, i can see him wanting to play games for some reason. board games or not, like he would want to hear you laugh and so he would bring up all sorts of games to play together.
- random dates? like out of nowhere he's taking you on a hike with him, next thing you know you're going to whatever restaurant you choose, also let's visit the casino and see if we win anything, just random spontaneous adventures to get you off your head.
- his biggest mission would be to change your mind but, upon not being able to (it's a very hard mission for anybody), jake would change his mission to make you smile or laugh, both if it's possible.
- what i mostly feel with jake is that he would first let you vent, rant, cry all you want cuz he knows you need it. he would prioritize you unleashing everything that's bugging you before anything else. then, he proceeds to show you his point of view, whether you care or not, he wants you to know his opinion. finally, once all conversations have been done, it's distraction time. he's working his ass off to distract your mind as much as possible.
- little extra: he would bring josh along the way at some point, mostly to see if he could light you up a bit, but this would only happen if he sees you're not getting better or if he runs out of ideas.
i'm here for you, if you ever need anything! i hope you feel better, and i love you so much!
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whetstonefires · 5 years
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While i was rifling thru your fic tag like a half-starved raccoon in a cake tin I found your clone Damian's fic & i'm in LOVE! And like, do u hav anymore meta on that verse? like how do the rest of the fam find out? how do they REACT?! how does Damian? does the heretic clone still exist? Just reading abt tim with a bunch of tiny dami's gave me heart palpitations. Thank you for this gift.
(In reference to this post.)
Why thank you!
It’s vaguely inspired by some meta @cerusee and @audreycritter did about what if Damian was one of several identical clones, but I’ve been fascinated by the character potential suggested by Damian having been cloned since Talia first revealed it, so.
Let’s see.
I don’t think the Heretic still exists, not in the form we saw. This story fragment sort of assumes Talia went less crazy than they made her for the whole Leviathan storyline; she doesn’t regard the clones as sons the way she does Damian (she totally relied on cloning to get him perfectly matched organ replacements, like that spine) but she’s not “sons are born to die in battle” “let’s grow him big inside a WHALE” levels of whacked out.
She hasn’t fully committed to having them compete to be selected as the official Damian #2, either, because she’s still attached to the original, though the growing prospect of that was a lot of the reason they ran for it. One of them might have wound up as the Heretic, in another timeline? But it was a timeline that diverged long before they fled the League.
So they make it to Tim’s emergency van without being intercepted, and get as far as his secure site on city limits, but they have to fight their way through the last leg of that trip and to make it inside the bunker, and it’s supplied for a siege but not really big enough for eight people, even if seven of them are small, and also staying there and being besieged would draw the attention of the Bats, which defeats the whole purpose of not making for the Cave/calling reinforcements.
So he calls his friends for extraction, and they all wind up in Kansas.
Tim puts off contacting the family until the clones have with his guidance sorted out exactly how they want to present themselves.
Unfortunately, the last stage of the ninja battle was showy enough not to be overlooked, so his absence was noticed much sooner than he expected, and regarded as more worrying. On the second day Dick calls Kon to see if he knows where Tim’s gotten to, and Kon fails to lie adequately.
Dick can’t pressure Kon as easily as he can most people because last time he asked Kon for a favor Kon came to the North Pole and died for him.
Which is the kind of thing even Nightwing isn’t veteran enough not to take seriously.
But he still calls his bluff and asks a bunch of questions, and winds up very suspicious and worried, so at this point Tim and the Damians have to hurry up and figure out how to announce the situation or go on the run from the Bats as well as the League, which would be. Not smart.
Tim explains the situation over videochat with the Cave before having the cloneboys join him on the feed; this spares them the worst of the yelling.
Bruce, Dick, and Damian all respond pretty badly. Bruce because he doesn’t like change and he’s reflexively suspicious, and having eight Damians to raise is a justly horrifying notion. Also anti-clone prejudice. It’s unfortunately an established trait of his, though not like. A strong one.
Dick because he’s really defensive of Damian, and perceives this first and foremost as an emotional threat to his bab’s fragile identity.
Damian because he knows exactly how he was raised to react to someone being in a place he wants, and he knows how many opportunities his father’s household policies gave him to take shots at Tim, and they may be six years old but there are seven of them. He is going to die.
All things considered, Damian’s being the most rational here.
He’s wrong though. The clones were raised as disposable ninjas, not princes; they’re perfectly well aware killing him would gain them nothing, and they have very little sense of entitlement.
Bruce and Dick do try to be nice to the kids once it’s finally settled they will be staying at the Manor at least for a bit, because they need to be somewhere safe and Bruce can’t leave them at Clark’s house forever. Even Ma Kent has her limits.
But Bruce blows bewilderingly hot and cold and Dick kind of makes a point of of not being too warm to them, because he’s loyal to his demon brat. Damian starts staying at his place a lot and consequently working with Nightwing instead of Batman.
Bruce has no idea what to do about this or if he even should do something. Damian’s thirteen, right? Teenagers are supposed to rebel??? This is a pretty harmless way to do that?
But he misses him.
This does lead to making more time for the Seven Identical Six-Year-Olds.
Their sense of morality revolves around having made the breakthrough to valuing on another’s lives; they aren’t as opposed to not-murder as Damian was but they’re also a lot harder to coax into seeing things his way because they don’t need as much from him, emotionally.
This makes them ironically less terrifying for Bruce, even if he’s still having trouble actually bonding with them the way he normally does with his kids.
Barbara meanwhile is cautious. She always takes a while to warm up to new people, and she doesn’t have Tim’s history with clones to get her over that speedbump. She tries very hard to be fair, but she’s not really welcoming. She’s Reserving Judgment.
Jason thinks this is the funniest thing ever and goes out of his way to tease Damian about it. Privately he’s super creeped out, but as that wears off he starts getting mad about Bruce and Dick making the kiddos feel unwelcome and at some point does a rant, and after that is vaguely protective in a useless sort of way.
He enjoys being a bad influence. The septuplets also enjoy this. They think he’s funny, too, and he’s easier to communicate with than most people around here. Achieves a fairly high tier on the Favorite Non-Clone Brother list they aren’t exactly keeping.
Cass is super about these kids. She can relate to them even more than to Damian, because they weren’t raised as heirs to anything and don’t have the sneering put-down form of pride going, and also she’s actually around to meet them at the crucial getting-to-know-you stage.
She thinks sparring one-on-seven is an excellent sibling bonding activity. There are assassin-child puppy piles once they’re all worn out. Many photos are taken.
She’s doing much better than Bruce at getting them to extend their nascent sense of empathy beyond one another, without actually making an effort. It’s not like they’re actually much behind their cohort when it comes to social development, they’ve just got murder conditioning flattening their affective empathy. (And are ahead of cohort intellectually, which contributes a lot to the dissonance.) Cass’ accidental therapy involves butterflies.
Tim continues to be around, a lot more than he has been for a while because he’s kind of obligated to see this through. The septuplets trust him, which is more than they do anybody else for a while, so he winds up with a lot of childcare duties.
Since this amounts to ‘showing them where to find soap’ and ‘being in their vicinity’ rather than i.e. brushing their teeth for them and making sure they don’t steal each others’ snacks, he’s fairly okay with this.
Sizdahum sticks especially close, which is fine because he’s not a big talker; he winds up getting a lot of absent lessons on detective work.
Tim gets yelled at for having murder scene photos open in front of him; both of them and Haftum, who happens to be there at the time, roll their eyes a lot throughout.
Tim’s friends also visit the Manor a few times specifically to visit the kids, since they already met them. At one point the Damian clones, Tim, Kon, Wonder Girl Cassie, and due to rumor mill Anita, Cissie, and Greta all have a picnic in a rare afternoon of sunshine on the Manor grounds.
Alfred packed the picnic so it has ludicrously expensive cheese, a fruit salad featuring freshly pitted cherries, and thermoses of milkshakes in the favorite flavors of everyone who got one, even the ones he’s never met before. In response to this bounty Anita threatens to come to visit every time she can get babysitters for her parents.
Then she considers introducing her parents to the clone kids. They’re turning out almost as weird, even if in theory they don’t remember their previous lives. We’ll see how that turns out.
Bruce got used to how all his sons’ friends know his secret identity over a decade ago, it’s…fine.
Steph thinks they’re creepy but she’s far enough from ground zero to laugh about it, especially about their occasional appearances as Tim’s row of ducklings, and also she trusts Cass’ judgment.
Everyone does, to a certain extent; it helps the septuplets’ cause incredibly over the course of the first few weeks. It wins Alfred off the fence about them after about three days, which is quite a coup; even before that he was fast catching up with Tim in the ‘learning the differences between the septuplets’ sweepstakes.
(Cass is the only one who can even semi-reliably tell them all apart if they’re not wearing their nametags, or catch them switching, but learning things like their individual preferences in weaponry or cake is arguably much more important.)
Speaking of names, it’s a difficult issue. Bruce would (with considerable angst and self-doubt) be willing to name them all if asked, and they’d probably be open to it if he offered, but they’re not quite comfortable naming themselves and he’s too insecure and weirded-out to suggest anything else.
The other members of the family are varying degrees of not okay with the numbering system. Steph’s main issue with it is she has trouble remembering them precisely, because she doesn’t speak Farsi and learning seven unfamiliar similar-sounding words at the same time doesn’t play to her strengths.
Damian has a tendency to call them by their numbers in English, which only some of the clones actually mind but it offends the hell out of Bruce.
The necessity of keeping them secret until they have actual public-ready names and a story has been settled on wears on everyone’s nerves a bit. The issue that there exists no story more believable than the actual extremely weird truth stands in the way.
Barbara actually crafts an entire cover about rescuing the products of an illegal cloning operation by people planning an overly complicated ransom scheme for Damian, and Bruce going ‘well dammit they’re my kids too,’ which doesn’t get deployed for a while because:
1) everyone’s still hunting for something a little less weird and
2) they have to review the entire body of legal precedent relating to clones to make sure this won’t put the kids in jeopardy down the line or undermine Bruce’s chances of getting custody somehow.
Meanwhile, Bruce absolutely forbids the clone squad from getting involved in vigilante fighting. Because they are six. They’re not quite on house arrest but they have strict supervision and a curfew. They mostly accept this; they’re used to discipline and they did come here for refuge.
He tries to take away all their live weapons. Because they are six. This fails to stick. It threatens to become a serious bone of contention.
Cass, Tim, and Damian (somewhat unwillingly) wind up having to broker the issue; explaining to Bruce that the kids think he suspects them of plotting murder, and to the kids that Bruce doesn’t think they can be trusted not to hurt themselves with sharp objects is. Fraught. On all sides.
Why does Bruce never get any kids for whom normal responsible parenting guidelines are fully applicable?
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(1/?)So, i have a really weird thing (topic?)I wanted to ask you about. It's kind of cringey and I understand if you don't answer this. I am a shy, social anxiety-filled fifteen year old that, much like yourself, is obsessed with the Hales, Teen Wolf, and a lot of other fictional t.v. shows/books. I'm also very overweight (trying to work on that though but lmao it's a process), and I'm also Christian. Honestly Idk why I am writing you with this but I've followed you for nearly a year now
(2/?) and I went anon because this is kinda aweird thing to bring up, but anyway, on with the point: my best friend, whoI've known for ten years now, has a boyfriend. They've been dating for roughlya year, and they've been having sex. She just turned 16 in December. I wasreally shocked when I found out. I knew that they had sex at least once a whilebefore this, but she told me that it went badly and that she changed her mindhalfway through it and that she felt like she was being forced (3/?) into it and all this other stuff but shestayed with him anyway. Anyway, Friday she told me they've been having sex fora while now actually and of course I always questioned why she was still withhim after that first time because why the heck would you want to stay withsomeone if you feel like they forced you into sex but it's not my life so whatever,at least they're using protection. Okay, further on to the point. There are alot of girls in my grade having sex. I took a vow of (4/?) abstinence a while ago because even though it seems to begetting harder and harder these days to wait until marriage, I saw a meme withJesus in it and a guy and a gal, they both had talk bubbles saying "Iconsent!" but Jesus had one that said "I don't!" And I guessthat got to me because the next thing I know I'm promising Jesus to wait untilmarriage (I'm being serious. I'm not trolling you right now. I'd find the memeand send it if you could do that on this) and I don't judge other (5/?) people if they choose to do different for the same reasonI don't judge people who've had abortions or people who participate inrecreational marijuana use: it's not my body so I'm not going to act like Ishould have an opinion over it. I've also never had a real relationship. Likeyeah, I had those stupid middle school relationships of convenience that lastfor like a week or a month and you where you kiss on the lips every once in awhile and yada yada yada, but never one where you go on (6/?) dates and change your Facebook status and actually developfeelings for the other person and I used to think it was because I'm fat, butI've realized that being fat does not make me ugly, so I started thinking it'sbecause I'm shy and started pushing myself to be more open and that stilldidn't work so finally I complained to my best friend (who I mentioned earlier)and she says it's because people know I don't "put out" and that it'salso because I'm smart and sometimes being pretty and (7/?) smart can be intimidating to people so, in her words,that's why I'm single. Even if it is why it still kind-- scratch that, REALLY,gets to me. And I know a lot of high school relationships don't last and thatthe real stuff doesn't happen until college but I've been feeling really lonelyfor a while now and I'm tired of no boys (or girls) ever taking an interest inme. I'm not saying I'd be the perfect partner in a relationship, but I know I'dtreat the other person with respect and give (8?/) what I have (minus my virginity unless they want to goahead and put a ring on it because I love Jesus), so why the heck is it thesetrampy girls who only care about updating their next Facebook status (I don'thave Facebook, I deleted it a couple months ago) always have boyfriends andgirlfriends and I'm over here spending my Saturday nights reading Teen Wolf fanfiction about fictional characters in amazing relationships and having to hearsecond hand about how amazing it is to (9/?) be in a relationship. And I'm not trying to sound like oneof those boy crazed teenagers whose lives revolve around being in arelationship because I know I can live without being in one. I know it's notthe end of the world if I never find a guy or gal or just don't until later inlife. Life goes on. The world keeps spinning. I just keep hearing about sex andboys and relationships from all these other girls and it makes me jealous andfrustrated and even more lonely all at the same time. (10/10) I am so sorry to flood your ask with my teenage angst haha.I didn't mean for it to turn into a rant and end up being this long. I guesswhat I'm trying to say is, from one Christian gal to another, can you relate?From what I gather you're only older than me by like four or five years so youmust remember what it was like to be fifteen and surrounded by girls like theones I've described. Any advice would be much appreciated but I understand ifyou don't respond. God bless xox
Wow, what a question haha! In all seriousness, I do hope that what I’m about to write can actually offer you some sort of comfort or reassurance or something along those lines. I’m about to pour my heart out, so be prepared!
First, a bit on the sex thing. WHY ARE PEOPLE HAVING SEX SO YOUNG I DON’T UNDERSTAND???? Like, how do you even know what everything is and where it goes and how it works and just.....what?!?! I have NEVER understood that! It completely baffles me. Especially after having sex! 
I was 17 when I lost my virginity and (due to many complicated things that have happened since) I wish that it hadn’t happened, but I’m also grateful it did because I learned a lot and my life has taken a path I never quite imagined that it wouldn’t have otherwise. But God has really put abstinence on my heart in the last year and I have dedicated my life to that now.
So please, DO NOT DO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO. You CAN say no! And if you feel called to a path of abstinence, then you follow that path, darling! I think is wonderful and amazing and it really makes me so happy to hear. 
However, I know how hard it is when everybody else around you seems to be having sex. Sexual temptation is hard, so hard to deal with. But God won’t give us anything we can’t handle! 
Now...
I can honestly relate to so much of what you are saying on such a deep level that it is a little scary. Throughout school I struggled with my weight and my looks and I’ve always been socially awkward and kind of the ‘weird girl’. I’ve also always been rather smart, the top of my class, always got great grades and cared about my work, blah blah blah. Guys didn’t notice me, and the few that did weren’t ones that I necessarily reciprocated feelings for. 
So, I know exactly how lonely, difficult and disappointing that existence can be. Especially when you see all your friends or just others around you getting hit on or dating people or in what seem to be amazing relationships. 
But then came Ethan. 
He and I were together for three years. That relationship was toxic right out of the gate. We were so off and on it was ridiculous. He used me for sexual things. He practically cheated on me, multiple times. And yet he’d tell me how much he loved me and cared about me and couldn’t be without me in his life. And I just took it. All of it. 
Until one day I said, ‘I’m a human being and I deserve to be treated with respect and love’. To keep from boring you with all the gory details, I ended up breaking up with him several months after. And a lot of that breakup had to do with the fact that he was a major temptation in my life and God was telling me basically ‘hey, time to stop doing sexual things and start saving yourself for marriage!’ 
So trust me, relationships aren’t all they seem to be cracked up to be.
And now here I am, trying my best to be a single Christian girl in a world that seems to go very much against all of that (being single and a Christian). And it is tough. So very tough.
I am lonely. Hell, I was in a relationship for 3 years! I’m not used to this whole single thing lol so I completely understand. And all of a sudden it’s like nobody notices me again. I’m back to being that invisible girl, too shy to speak up and when she does it doesn’t seem to get her anywhere. Somewhere between pretty and not pretty enough, always stuck in the in-between of everything. Smart, but not quite smart enough. Skinny, but not quite skinny enough. Blah blah blah.
And it is SO frustrating to see all these people that look superficial or shallow or whatever getting all this attention when you know that you have so much to give. I feel that way all the time! 
So I completely, 100% understand. I do! 
But the most important thing to remember is that God loves you. He will always love you. You will always be His child, His beloved, made in His image and beautiful just the way you are. 
I know it’s hard. It’s so hard. But let the Lord guide you, and I promise He will never steer you wrong! 
You’re right, not having a partner right now isn’t the end of the world. But it does suck sometimes. And when those feelings settle in, turn to God for comfort and guidance. Let Him fill up that part that seems to be lacking. Because He’ll do it better than anybody ever could.
Honestly, honey, the best advice I can give is to just keep your chin up. Hold your head high, know your own worth, and don’t compromise it for anything. I know it sucks, I know it’s hard, I know it’s lonely. But one day, one day it’ll pay off. Trust in the Lord, He will provide! He will never give you anything more than you can handle. And He will always love you.
I hope this helped at least a little bit! Please feel free to message me privately if you feel comfortable or send in another anonymous message :) I will always be here to talk and try my best to offer advice and love!!!
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