#i’m very very numb to that feeling

[weenhands]

i’ll never find true safety with someone. there’s always some reason to keep my walls up

#not once have i ever felt with a single individual that i should #wholeheartedly be myself and that it’s safe to share things or express myself naturally #i feel so incredibly alone lately and more than ever in awhile #and while it no longer effects me on an emotional level #i’m very very numb to that feeling #i just think it’s kind of sad to observe #vent

[figofswords]

wow I didn’t think reblogging that tea post and then seeing people’s tags would deal me such strong psychic damage. come over I can fix you I can find a tea you will like. “I don’t like tea” how can you say that as a blanket statement when there are so many vastly different kinds of tea. head in hands

#‘it’s like coffee but not good’ #while a cup of black tea does have a great deal less caffeine in it than coffee #it also has a stimulant called l-theanine which is NOT found in coffee #and the more complex combination of the two stimulants hit your system much more slowly #which is why tea doesn’t give you jitters like coffee does #anyone who’s like wow I need my coffee to survive but I hate that it makes me nauseous and gives me heart palpitations and bad breath #to you I say. wean yourself off coffee and onto tea!!!!!!! #but WAIT I can keep going. nauseous? ginger tea. sore throat? peppermint contains menthol which works as a numbing agent #green and black teas are both very high in antioxidants #chamomile and lavender do both have a calming affect #BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TASTE I hear you say #IT TASTES LIKE GRASS. try a floral tea or a black tea or chai or Thai tea #ITS SO BITTER you’re either steeping it for too long or the water you’re using is too hot #not to sound like I’m fucking uncle iroh or something I just apparnerlt have strong thoughts and feelings about tea #I can’t handle ppl going ugh I hate tea and it’s like. overbrewed lipton in microwaved tap water. #anyway MY favorites are jasmine and lavender earl grey #and currently I’m really into this corn silk tea my brother bought me at h mart #it’s like gen mai cha but even more #congrats for making it this far into my tea rant tags. if you comment your tastes I can give you a personalized tea recommendation

[shoutsindwarvish]

my mental health isn’t doing so hot you guys

#was derealized and almost fully numb from 10/8-10/14 #(caught a centipede under a glass with zero fear response as an example) #emotions started booting back on slowly starting 10/15 #and the emotions are kicking my ass #had a panic attack at shul on saturday #now i feel like i’m on the verge of tears at any given moment #deep anger and horror and grief at the genocidal actions of israel #disappointment in and ​fear of the antisemitism i’ve witnessed from pro-palestinian leftists that i otherwise agree with #and feeling utterly powerless about the whole thing #i’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. i’m just. not doing so hot. #my posts #note: my synagogue has centered palestinian deaths the past few services. #or at least always mentioned them in the same breath as israeli lives #someone gave an explicitly anti-zionist sermon on yom kippur on the haftorah #(i was very impressed that the rabbis gave the ok on a holiday when so many non-members attend) #i’m grateful for my community

[welove-thedirection]

listen I will defend kendall til my last dying breath. He’s the type of character that I have lived and breathed for these last couple years and seasons. He’s my little prince and I love everything he does. Even when the things he does is morally, ethically, and socially terrible.

but I draw the line when he told roman that he fucked it at the funeral. After everything. That did it for me. My prince is gone. Officially. The kendall that I watched get burned over and over again for 4 seasons… Kendall Logan Roy (the KLR) replaced him. And now I have to turn my back and accept the fact that the poison did in fact drip through.

Fuck you, Jesse Armstrong. Fuck you and god bless.

#I’m very sad #like I’m numb and I can’t feel anything #but yeah I guess you could say that I am very very sad #“I don’t wanna be you. #KENDALL YOU SAID THAT #YOU said that #😭😭😭 #we’ll look at you now #kendall Roy #Jeremy strong #Jesse Armstrong #succession hbo #hbo succession #kieran culkin #Roman Roy #gg

[hsslilly-blog]

being chronically ill fucking sucks man how am i supposed to live the rest of my life like this

#rant #on top of that i have severe issues w socialising #as in. i cannot talk to people for more than an hour at time otherwise i start feeling physically ill #i have a very low tolerance for that #so man how am i supposed to like. work #i had to get up to open the front door for my father today and by the time i reached the door i was already panting #(i was laying down before that) #i have uni + internship on mon and tuesdays and by the end of the day i cant feel my face. literally. #my cheeks are numb. my feet are numb and hurting. every inch of my body hurts all the time. my hands don’t move properly #my blood sucks!! my nerves suck!! my brain sucks!!! #not even sleeping makes things better. my muscle tone is sooo bad that i wake up w/ everything hurting even more!!! what!!!!!!! #how am i supposed to go on like this for more like idk 50 years? if i’m lucky #every day and again and again and again and again and again #i’m not going to type out what i think of doing when i imagine a life like this but it’s not good!!!!!!

[cherrysnax]

I’m 23 and I still feel stuck. younger than young. older than old. most importantly, I feel stuck

#bwaugh #I think it’s cause Covid struck at the end of my teen years and then nothing was the same #I’m. sick #and I’m tired and I’m happily in love and I’m terribly lonely at the same time #I’m trapped in my safe space but it doesn’t feel like prison because I’m here on my own accord #mostly #I want to live but I also don’t want to live enough if that makes sense #I’m so angry at life that I’m numb for the most part #and I feel like I’m being punished for being depressed #I think. this is just internalized ableism and I’m mourning a life that k was never gonna have #and now I’m like. going thru the stages of grief and varying intervals #I’m very self aware I just wished it helped more #I’m getting so good at understanding my feelings ^_^ so that’s progress #but yeah. I wanna live so bad I wanna die. so I can live again

[misspermitted]

Hannah Gabsby said why do people shame us over being sensitive? Sensitivity is a good thing, it means you notice when something is bad and appreciate when something is good in 2017 and I’m still not over it

#literally broke me #I stopped the show recording and just had a processing error #for hours #because like yeah #why would you want to be numb to everything #feels very unsafe and boring #why wouldn’t you want to know when something can be hurtful to yourself or others #why wouldn’t you want to enjoy things to their fullest extent #sensory sensitivity but also sensory appreciation #emotionally sensitive but also joyful #but also excited #but also taking a stand and using positions of privilege to counteract shame #but defending myself #I’m still going insane over it #nanette #Hannah gabsby #autism #neurodiverse stuff #its the neurodivergency #neurodiversesquad #autism comedy #trauma #mental health

[vydumaj]

I’m weirdly at peace with some things in my life that I feel like I shouldn’t be. I talked a bit with my sister and mom and neither of them has forgiven my dad or anything, and my mom says her greatest regret in her life is not being able to give my sister and I a better childhood and I’m just, like, fine with what happened? is it right for children to grow up alone with their mom when the dad is perfectly capable of participating and is better off financially without supporting the family at all because he…doesn’t get why he should move to the family? sure! but it…happened. I have mental scars from it like I don’t think I’ll ever be fit to raise kids even though I actually love kids and being around kids and have a lot of love to give, and I don’t trust anyone enough to even consider trying to get a romantic relationship of some kind but I have a roof above my head and one parent who cares about me anyway? And I’m studying something I think is important and interesting. So many people have it so much worse, and I can’t fix my dad or un-have him as my dad or go back in time and tell him to be a better parent. This is just how it is, and while it’s not an ideal or even remotely normal situation, I’d rather work with what I have. My mom and sister both seemed really confused at how I think like this… like is something wrong with me lol… am I too chill about this. Bc right now I’m even considering going to visit my dad in Thailand soonish and live at his place for a while, even though he hasn’t raised me. He’s not a bad person he just never understood what parenting is (and that’s partially because of some things that happened in his childhood that feels like tmi). I wish he realized I need money, though, bc he’s a uni professor and mom and my sister and I have neverrr had a lot of money to go around on, and now I can’t work and I’m too afraid to take student loans, but, anyway… I’m kind of past expecting him to be a dad in any way, and I can’t really bother with being angry or hold a grudge anymore. I’m too tired for that. Like…is something wrong with me?!

#rant #oversharing #my sister said I’m too apathetic and she doesn’t want to numb herself #does it seem like I’m numbing myself? (gen) #oh another thing I feel like I’m way too at peace with is ?? my appearance #I feel like everyone has complexes and discomfort with something and idk since like two years I don’t #I’m totally fine with everything on my face and on my body #part of that is bc privileges and my body shape is very normative #but idk??? it feels like I shouldn’t be so chill abt it #or tbf she didn’t say I’m too apathetic but as a response to me she said she doesn’t want to become apathetic

[buriesitsteeth]

the untreated depression is depressioning so bad today 👍

#I have unfortunately been alone all day today while everyone else has been at work and hmmmmm #has not been great for my brain tbh #I’ve done lots of art and stuff around the house like chores but oh buddy I needed someone to chat shit with so bad #my brain problems manifest in a way that makes me feel very not human #that sounds v weird of me but it’s like #idk #very dog-like is the best way to describe it #like hm need enrichment need companionship #the YouTube let’s plays are not doing it anymore lmao #I did laugh once or twice at a lethal company video one of my favs did w his friends but like #hmm no #just ended up making me more sad tbh #seeing people have fun w their friends while I’m here rotting in a (very cold!) house jdjdjdjd #idk it’s silly I know but then family have got home from work and like #no one’s bothered with me #for more than a couple of minutes #and I know if you want to spend time w people you have to ask but I legitimately #do not even have the energy to ask #I just feel shite and angry and sad and irritable #and then like a good layer of numb so it feels a bit like uh #you know how things sound muffled when you’re under water #it’s like that but with emotions #idk I feel watery on the inside if that makes sense #but I don’t even have the energy to cry dhdhhddj #shit sucks man I want my energy back please I do Not enjoy being this way

[virtualmosshroom]

in a weird headspace

#just coming off my period so no surprise there but like #idk i feel very very isolated and hopeless and am dissociating a lot about reality/society #the downfall of twitter has fucked me up #i don’t know what i’m doing #i’m ill and receiving no support and it feels impossible to do anything more with my life than just surviving #there’s also a lot of r*** related content online and in media rn and it’s been a lot on my brain #i don’t have any hyperfixations rn so i’m just sitting here numb and waiting for something interesting to happen #living in poverty is so harmful to my physically disabled and AUDHD self #i want to go outside and laugh with friends in the sunshine #i want to be held and in love and support someone #i want to travel to japan and eat amazing food and shop #i want connection and meaning #but it all feels so impossible #/ #i was so convinced that i had absolutely blown that interview #and then i find out that it actually didn’t go as bad as i thought #i haven’t been outside and socialised in so long i think that’s why my brain shut down during the interview #i’m not really fit for work but i need and want to #i’ll find out in a couple days what the next four months of my life will look like #guess we’ll see

[inusmasha]

Me: Cannabis is your plant ally. It has to be respected and used with purpose. It’s not for everyone. There are risks. When you use it, sit awhile and observe what it does for you. When you reach for it, is it because you’re numbing your negative feelings? Are you trying to dilute your sensitivity to something? Are you truly trying to just have a good time or have you formed patterns and habits that need to be adjusted? When used with intention it can be a wonderful and life changing tool.

Also me but I feel a hangover coming on: 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬HELP💨HELP💨 HELP💨 HELP💨 HELP💨 GIMME🚬 GIMME🚬 GIMME🚬 GIMME🚬 PLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZ1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#cannabis #Im not saying it’s bad #I’m saying the level of desperation to not feel hung over overrides all Lol #In Ayuverda you’re only suppose to use a tinyyyyyy bit #because it’s powerful #so I try to keep that in mind whenever I use it #bc I use to be the person that got high everyday and it was a very low time in my life #and i got to a point where I didn’t even feel the effects of the high anymore #so that’s when I was like uh oh #*takes metaphorical step back* #but now my relationship with it is a little healthier #and herbalism helped me further understand that it means to look at a plant as a wise and healing friend #rather than a bad habit or substance I’m abusing because I’m bored or sad #and I think that’s important especially when we live in a society hell bent on keeping you numb and consuming #it all goes back to capitalism #kbye im going to throw up all the sangria I had

[vvyrmwood]

i haven’t felt good about my writing or characters or art in a long time and like. I know why exactly there’s just nothing to rly be done abt it it feels like

#years of abuse and toxicity have left me with basically no opinion of myself either way #kinda just numb and :| abt my own work sometimes. #most of my art and creative process is just for me now a days but. #sometimes i mourn the days i felt i could share those things/they were worthy to be shared #there’s still a lot of things i have i would like to share. #but most of the time it feels very pointless to try anymore #most of the time i am very transparent. i am here but everything goes through me and sees past me #i promise i’m still trying and having a nice time making art it’s just #the sharing it and community of it ive felt like. im not worthy enough to be part of lol

[boomerang109]

i need to be able to teleport because i don’t think i can drive right now but also i need to be at the beach

#I’m so mad I have a car and I just got repairs done #but between my fucking anxiety and my random ass symptoms driving FEELS so unsafe rn #like I don’t think it actually is but it’s just not a great way to feel yknow? #like I went to the beach earlier and my hands went numb on the drive over which is one of my med side effects #but I haven’t been getting it recently (like it makes sense I’m getting it but I hadn’t had it in a while) and I was like #what if it gets worse and suddenly I like cant feel my hands at all #cause like. you very much need your hands to drive #FUCK I HAVE FIVE MINUTES LEFT ON MY TIME LIMIT FOR TUMBLR TODAY #CURSE ME AND MY SCREENTIME LIMITING #boom’s bad days

[cryptidesc]

of course on the rare occasion that my physical disabilities take a break from screaming at me, my emotional anguish claws at me instead. god forbid my existence feels remotely tolerable

#vent post #I may be a bit dramatic with my wording here but i have bpd and it very much feels like the world is coming apart and i’m falling #without the pain distracting me or the fatigue brainfog numbing every thought i do not know what to do with myself #the realization of just how alone I am and how caged up i feel knocks the breath out of me and i feel scared and angry. i cannot accept it #the best i can do is try to ignore it and focus on my breathing. and not let the fear and despair bleed into destructive anger #my focus needs to be channeled into keeping myself alive. them’s the breaks #oversharing on tumblr is somewhat mortifying but emotions need to leak out somewhere. better here than my body #will probably delete later. that wave of shame is quite inevitable

[silentgrim]

seeing the positive reactions to my art is really heartwarming,, thank u!

#i feel it’s very mid but i’m happy that ur happy!! #i’m still going btw #just until the babies drop #which yknow #might by…a while…. #sighs at my numb cheeks #sksldl ok bye! #ALTHO i’m happy how my recent one turned out #hope they like it too! ☺️ #ok bye fr #goodnight! 🌙 #chatter

[queerhydrangea]

.

#i feel so stupid because i’m still processing the tl finale and i still feel numb and angry and sad about it #i don't want to be so affected by a tv show this is silly #but every time i see a rebecca gifset on my dash i start crying #can't bring myself to reblog them rn 😭 #honestly i think i never cried so much like these past two days #it's just a tv show!! but one that means so much to me #and atm it's hard to separate this rushed canon ending from my beloved characters 💔 #no ending was ever gonna be good enough for rebecca but...this?? #still feels like a very bad joke to me #rambles #(and yes i actually have a life. and basically non of my irls know the show) #(no one has asked about my puffy eyes yet. don't know if thats good or bad) #(hilarious sidenote: the person with whom i do talk about the show is my sister now ex boyfriend) #(when they were still together the show was actually something very nice we could connect about) #anyway. it's gonna take some time and great au's