#i'd also kinda like to post periodic updates on it if that's something people on here would be interested in seeing...

[srah-the-violist]

Hey! Thanks for tagging me in the ask game yesterday. I’ve gotta get around to that haha. For yours, I’d love to hear more about the music WIPs you mentioned! Dealer’s choice, whichever one you’d rather share about haha. Love your music! You’re a fantastic violist!!

Hi, thanks so much for the ask! And you're welcome! :D

First of all, I'm so sorry that it took me pretty much a whole week to get around to this! School's been keeping me pretty busy lately, and it sometimes takes a lot of brain cells to think of words

Second, thank you so much for listening to my music! I'm so glad you love it, and your comment made my day! 💜💜💜

As far as my music WIPS go, the one I'm most excited about is the studio version of the Zelda suite! I've mentioned a little bit about it already, but I'm getting the ensemble that played with me on my recital last month to join me again this summer/fall and create a studio recording of the Zelda suite. I'm currently working on getting click tracks set up for it so that I'll be ready to record everyone when the time comes. I can't wait to share it once it's ready!

#I'M SOOOOO SORRY FOR MY DELAYED RESPONSE 😭😭😭😭 #words are hard sometimes 😭😭😭 #anyways yeah! the zelda suite studio version is something i'm really excited about and i can't wait to share it once it's ready! #i'd also kinda like to post periodic updates on it if that's something people on here would be interested in seeing... #anyways! #i'm very excited! #thank you so much for the ask and for your kind comments! #💜💜💜 #ask #ask game #wip game #sillylildude

[katzirra]

Aggressively rubs my face, complaining about anything in life feels so tedious compared to what's going on in the world. World events and disasters and genocides and just fucking everything make you feel so small and worthless. Like god damn I feel guilty for thinking how stressed I am because HAHAH COULD BE WORSE, BITCH. WHICH is kind of a weird thing the internet really uh, perpetuates. Which is kinda what people get at when they say take care of your mental health.

Like I'm staying as up to date as I can but it's... wow it's hard to stomach, and it's hard to know what to do when you're in a financial spot lmao... Fucking god damn. Like carrying on like normal is really hard because there's that thought in the back of my mind right now about how upsetting it is realizing so many people can't do that. Will never do that again. It's like tv static in my head lately low key saddening me more and more.

But yaknow that just sounds like I'm complaining about a world event, but it's not. It's just...a profound sadness. Saturating things. I find myself just kinda sitting lately unsure what to be doing that feels... productive in this time. Not really feeling, uh, creative or happy. I dunno. Low simmering fear as well tbh.

That wasn't the topic I was planning to post about uh... FRIVOLOUS UPDATES I GUESS... I USE TO DO THOSE, YEAH? IDK WHO CARES ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE THESE DAYS TBH LOL

Taking a break from Xig because I'm just ..out of it and need the expectations off me for a second.

Having anxiety even checking my art blog because people weirdly correcting me/giving me a compliment that's shorter than a correction and making me come off rude telling them I'm not wrong makes me anxious as hell :))) so I end up avoiding my own haunts!!! How fucky is that.

I am almost done with my small sketchbook?? I was fixing a few pages up before hitting a few dried out Copics, which lead to me checking all of them to see who I needed to fix/replace and uh... relocate them in my office. Which became redoing my pen pouches and seeing if those got fucked up. Hopefully I'll finish that and start scanning. 2018-2023... with huge gaps in there lol...

I miss doing art I liked. Its kinda stagnant atm so I might take the rest of the year to do studies on angles and shit tbh. I need something. It all feels same same.

Uhhh figuring out some dental stuff - bought myself a bougie electric toothbrush and I think my old one's timer was fucked up and making me brush too long?? Which is bad!!! So this new one already has my teeth feeling better 👏 mom's genetics have me terrified!! My teeth feel better after two brushes??? insane.

Getting bloodwork done Thursday so hopefully figuring some shit out about my weight and health :))) I'd like to lose the like 20-45lb I mysteriously seemed to gain over the past few years??? Uhhh??? And figure my periods out, money has just been BAD since Hannibal's surgery....

Having panic scares about if my job is going away in December or not and hating every job listing I see online so I gotta look for whatever listing sites exist outside indeed. Also something this decent with the same pay :)))))) so that's on my todo list... again.

Box spring is busted on my bed, so hopefully I don't have to replace the mattress just yet because of the previous point AND THE FACT I JUST STARTED GETTING TO SAVE FOR MY PC..... first world problems but fuck, dudes. Vakarian is fucking suffering sometimes... :(( but we'll see because MATTRESS PRICES.......!!!

I cleaned my office and room and that made me feel like I've accomplished something for myself so that's... something.

Trying to focus on things. Depression cocktail is going on..... money, job, housing, health, the world... it's all so much all the time, man.

#kat life #kat talks #ignore me #this is just feelings and ugh updates on my shit!!

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP! You seem kind if level headed about most things so thought you might have some advice. Since getting into bts I've mainly used twitter to keep up with things, but have long found it too stressful with the fanwars, the negativity to bts, some army loving dicourse too much and demands from some about streaming/voting (which I do anyway, but the guilt trip posts start to stress me out) etc plus reactions to anything seem amplified there. I've tried several times to curate my timeline, only follow official accounts and trusted update ones, but still a lot of nonsense ends up reaching me. I've even tried deleting the damn app, but always end up back because I've not found anywhere better for updates yet. Maybe its because I already suffer with anxiety that a lot of these things effect me more then they should, but with all the enlistment stuff I really think I need to find better places to spend my time. I used to use tumblr years ago (before I was into bts) and since blowing the cobwebs off my account and going through my old posts I remembered how much calmer being a fan on here felt, so I'm thinking this might be a good platform to try and spend my time on instead. My only concern is that I'll miss actual news and translations as twitter just seems a better platform for that real time. How do you manage your fandom experience? And are there any good blogs here you'd recommend? I just don't think I can handle each of their enlistment periods putting up with both kmedia nonsense and armys instant reaction to it like you said on one of your previous asks. I know it won't do me personally any good and if I'm just stressed all the time I'll start associating feeling stressed with the boys, which I dont want. Honestly finding your account where you actually discuss things in a calm manner has felt a blessing when I've been both over stressed by twitter and feeling a bit lost on tumblr so thank you.

***

Hi Anon,

I hear you on all this, but I think the way I 'manage my fandom experience' might not work for you because going by everything you wrote, I suspect we have very different personalities. Plus the way I stay updated is mostly from actually talking to people, friends in Korea and outside Korea, rather than checking in with update accounts and things like that. Like most of the time I'm online for k-pop, I'm online with friends on Daum... not Twitter or Tumblr. This is what I sort of organically developed over the years and during significantly crazier times in k-pop.

Occasionally I get asks wanting advice on navigating k-pop or fandom in general, and it kinda stumps me because fandom is just a microcosm of wider society so just do what works for you out there, in here. It's a process of trial and error, but eventually you'll create an environment you like staying in.

You're also doing all the right things already. You seem self-aware of your limits and how staying longer in an environment you find toxic could impact other things such as how you view the tannies + the fandom. You mentioned checking out different online platforms and I agree with you that Tumblr better allows you to isolate for what you actually want to see, way better than Twitter does. Tumblr, rather than Twitter, is the best platform to create an echo chamber which is essentially what you're asking Anon. I don't follow many accounts here and most of the accounts I do follow are pics accounts for the rapline and jikook, but one account I'd recommend that updates with current events for all BTS members very promptly, is @jung-koook.

On Twitter, I have notifications set on the official BTS accounts and usually add new events to my calendar right away (but this is also something I do generally for other events to stay organized). The people I follow on twitter outside of official accounts are friends who I've known for an average of 3 years (from all sorts of fandoms), as well as some producers and music magazine editors. I look out for people who seem genuinely interested in the music over anything else. I have a fairly big account on Twitter but I'm also a vintage twitter user (think circa 2007) and so I'm very comfortable navigating the madness happening on there daily. And this brings me to one big point: if you plan to spend any time in fandom, any fandom, you might have to work on your tolerance.

Basically, you can try to curate your online environment as much as you like, but so long as you're dealing with people or are anywhere you expect to interact with strangers, then you need a higher tolerance baseline. I answered another ask recently where I said fandom probably skews higher than the normal distribution of freaks in a population, so no matter the platform you're on, you're just going to have to expect to see weirdos. Like you might be surprised to learn that even with my apparent 'reasonable' approach with this blog open for less than a year on a 'calm' site like Tumblr, I've had my fair share of weirdos and manufactured drama. It's unfortunate, but also just par for the course.

The basics: block people you don't want to interact with, mute words you don't want to see or that add to your anxiety. You don't need to explain yourself, but also understand you'll still see things you don't like. With my personality it's easy for me unlook weird shit and focus on what makes sense to me, but for others I can understand if they need hard limits on that sort of nonsense.

*

TL;DR

Tumblr is better for creating echo chambers than Twitter. Tumblr is better for controlling what you want to see than Twitter is.

One account I'd recommend following here is @jung-koook who posts frequently and promptly for all the members.

On Twitter I have notifications set on the official BTS accounts. I mostly only interact with a handful of friends on Twitter though I have a fairly big account on there.

There's no shortcut to creating a space that works for you. It's trial and error but you seem to already be doing all the right things.

Develop a higher tolerance for weird. Fandom brings in all sorts of people, pay attention to things you like, block things you don't, and eventually you'll find your people. That's not a platitude, it actually generally works.

Goodluck Anon. 💜

#bts #fandom behavior #bts army #bts fandom #army fandom

[divergeddestiny]

Frequently Asked Questions

(Okay, so maybe they aren't "frequently asked" due to nobody even knowing this exists, but I digress.)

What is Diverged Destiny? An Undertale AU created by @superduggy117.

What kind of AU is this? While there are some roleswap elements, it is not the focus of the AU. There are some new characters and locations to visit with a decently new story. Honestly, I'm hesitant to give it a concrete label. If I HAD to describe it, I'd maybe call it an "AU with roleswap elements". Simply put, It's a story set in Undertale's world. You'll recognize a lot of aspects, but others may surprise you...

So roleswaps aren't the "focus". Can I get a roles list? Honestly, I'm... hesitant to provide one. I don't want so much emphasis on the roleswaps, and I'd also much prefer them to be revealed through the story itself rather than kinda just... being put out there. You'll just have to stay on your toes. Besides, won't it be more fun if you don't know what to expect?

How is Diverged Destiny's world different from Undertale's? For starters, certain key events and characters' lives played out a little differently. The timeline has been shuffled around at points, so some things that wouldn’t be possible otherwise can still happen (like certain characters existing at the same time, and them existing earlier than they otherwise would). As I've said, there are also some brand-new characters to meet and locations to visit. As for the genuine specifics, well, I don't want to give away any spoilers. You'll have to keep up with the story to find out! Just... keep an open mind. If something doesn't seem like it makes sense, it is very likely that your questions will likely be answered eventually.

What time period does the main story take place? Unlike in the original Undertale, the timeline here is much tighter and significantly less time has passed. This story takes place in 202X, which is essentially the present day, meaning I had to take some creative liberties and shuffle some things around, considering that most of the main cast shouldn’t technically exist by that point.

What format will the story be in? A write-up split into segments. It follows a single path and has one ending. While I will post updates on here, the main home for everything related to Diverged Destiny will be on the master google doc. There likely won't be custom sprites or anything like that, as I have neither the tools or the knowledge on how to make them. I'd love to create a spritecomic, but realistically, I highly doubt that's ever going to happen.

Is there an OST? Nope. I do know what tracks WOULD play, though. The write-up describes what the tracks would sound like to the best of my ability.

Perhaps one day there will be an actual OST, but not today.

How often will updates be released? I dunno. I just kinda work on this whenever I have time to, really. There's no set schedule or anything. I wouldn't expect them very often, to be honest :P

Do you have the full story planned out? Most of it! I'm excited to show anyone at all you guys what I've got in store...

So there's one route, huh? The write-up follows one main story. In-universe, it simply doesn't make sense for there to even be a Genocide Route. Regardless, I do have some Genocide ideas thrown together that I'll reveal later down the line for fun.

What about the main character? Haha this is less of a frequently-asked question and more of an infodump The concept of NarraCharra is used in Diverged Destiny.

However, the two protagonists of DD are actually original characters!

Amy can be rather reckless at times and is often frustrated at others for not taking her seriously. Not much is currently known about Caleb other than the fact that he's currently along for the ride.

Amy is 14 and Caleb is 15.

Can I make fan-content about this AU? Sure! Stuff like drawings, sprites, music, etc. is completely fine. Just make sure to link back here somewhere so people can find out what it's all about. I mean I doubt anyone would make any but like it'd be cool

Why should I care at all? Good question! Honestly, I just really want to share the stuff I've come up with. If only three people are genuinely interested in what I have to say, then so be it. I just figured I'd throw my stuff up here and maybe people would stumble across it, y'know?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- That about wraps it up, I think. Obviously, there's not much to see as of now, but I just wanted to get this up and running while I worked on the AU itself. I'll probably have the Ruins arc up here at some point soonish...?

Thanks for reading through all of that, I guess. I don't have anything else to show you for now...

#undertale #undertale au #divergeddestiny

[stackthedeck]

Ok wait… do you also have odd feelings on Fahrenheit 451? Because I always just thought there was something wrong with me. Like I just chalk it up to “I was forced to read it so I didn’t like it” but also. The book kinda doesn’t hold up? Like the message does to some extent but there is some part of me bothered by my older adult figures telling me how good this story is. Now granted it could be me being dramatic and not liking authority figures. But some part of me is bothered by the “secret society” that survives the war and the treatment of Montag’s wife ya know? I’m aware of the period it was made in and that is definitely something one has to consider when reading it. So I don’t know where this was going point is I don’t understand the love for Fahrenheit 451 but also maybe I should just give it another read :/

Okay I actually really like Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury is one of my favorite sci-fi authors. Like the novel is definitely dated as all dystopia novels from that time period are because they're written by white dudes and they really don't incorporate any axes of oppression other than the government which like makes sense because that was a real fear and worry in the wake of WWII and the beginning of the cold war. Yeah, the novel is definitely deeply sexist, like the overindulgence in technology and the lack of awareness of the world and government is framed as a very feminine action when in reality it should be you know on society not the individuals. But like again that's a very post-war attitude. Oddly enough the distrust and questioning of authority is part of the theme of the novel so if you finished the book and thought "the people in charge told me I should like this but I don't and I won't pretend I do" you've internalized the novel in a meaningful way. I do really like the secret society it is unfortunately anti-urban but again the threat of nuclear annihilation will do that to you. Like it's this group of people who have been removed from society and they're tasked with rebuilding it with only what they remember of literature. Like most sci-fi novels of the time, the most interesting part of the story is at the very end and isn't given the attention it deserves. Also, the mechanical hound and the suspense of f 451 were gripping and horrifying. Like I feel it is a well-crafted novel but you've gotta put in its cultural context if that makes sense. The shifting hegemony, extremely fast changes in technology especially in the military, and increased government power. Like it's the kind of novel that was needed back then, but I feel that the "book burning" idea needs to be updated to a modern context because it's not as simple as "the government wants to keep you entertained and ideal so you don't think about the war." Like that's not why censorship happens. But also modern dystopias are deeply ineffective at expressing anything thematic so :/

basically what I'm saying is that it's one of my favorite novels but I get why people don't like it. Ray Bradbury was deeply of his time; if I met him, I'd kick his ass before I praise his books. That being said I do recommend his other works, especially his short stories.

#asks #god i gotta reread that novel #anyway go read there will come soft rain #sorry for this whole essay #i'm a future english teacher so you know i am that authority figure that's going to ruin novels for kids #it is hard to teach novels because the act of forcing kids to read them primes their brains to hate it #i'd recommend reading classic lit outside of the classroom because they are classics for a reason #idk if i would like f 451 if i read it in class

[mylittlesecrethaven]

Bsd Is Kinda A Genius Anime: Pt 4

We're doing the Hunting Dogs this time!

Let's goooo!

(I said I'd stop doing this at night, but I guess I lied. *sigh*)

(I've already done Fukuchi, so it's only four characters this time around.)

Teruko Ōkura

Ability: Gasp of the Soul

I'm sorry, her ability is what? I just read the Fandom for her gift, and it is wild as shit. I'm not explaining it, cause you can find out in the anime (I think), but holy fuck. Ok.... let's see.... Her RLC was a student of Natsume's RLC (I really need to do this for him. I'll do it in the Special Operation's one.), and her RLC was recognized by Ranpo's RLC. I couldn't find much else besides basic biographies of her life, so Ima check for the book now. Ok, this book is as wild as her own ability. Shit. It's basically about these mysterious events happening in an auction of a clan's family heirloom, which is a letter from the deceased mother saying that she maintained her youthful appearance by making artificial bodies, and one of the heirs disappears? So.... maybe Teruko is from a big clan? I mean, the ability is spot on, and it's still fucking creepy.

(I think I did Tachihara already, but I'll have to check that, so it's only 3 characters I guess.)

Saigiku Jōno

Ability: Priceless Tears

I'm not gonna lie, this guy is a favorite of mine, so I really hope his RLC and RLC's novel doesn't mess that up. Yet again, not much on his actual RLC, which is disappointing. Also, you're telling me his heightened senses aren't his ability? Well, I guess all of the Hunting Dogs were given heightened abilities. Makes sense. The play that Jono's ability is based on doesn't really work together all too well, and I'm not gonna explain what the Fandom says because in my search I came across something here that is absolutely amazing, and if you want to check out the Fandom to find out what the play is about, don't. Just go to the link I put there. Someone put a lot of work into updating the Fandom and I'd like for them to be recognized, so check out the post. :3 Anyway, not much on this guy, which is sad.

Tetchō Suehiro

Ability: Plum Blossoms in Snow

And now we get to the Megumi-Ranpo mix. He's the last one and I can go to sleep after making a shorter post. *happy* Anyway! There's a lot more for this guy, so I should be able to find something. Emmm.... The only connection and I can find his RLC and himself is that his RLC was of samurai lineage and graduated from a samurai school, which could be a connection to how Tetcho acts? Idk. The book has almost no correlation to the ability. The book is just about these two unnamed people from 2040 in Tokyo talking about three specific peoples involvement on politics in the Meiji period. (Which I had to look up and is from 1868-1912, so why would people in 2040 be talking about that.)

(And since I still have time, I guess I'll do him.)

Sōseki Natsume

Ability: I am a Cat

I swear if that's an actual novel... Oh my shit it is. So, his RLC had his hand in a lot of different jars, which I guess Natsume also does? Not much else for that. "I Am a Cat" is about the life of a cat. It anthropomorphizes the cat and basically details the life around it, which it lives a very extravagant life. A very easy and clean connection.

Anyway, that it's for this go! Next I'll do the Special Operations Division. That shouldn't be too long either, I hope.

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #anime

[vespulagermanica]

Just a question. How did you find my blog and why did you like my stuff? Like I know you'd hate me. You'd be so anti me so I'm like haha why'd you interact.

I mean I'd block you because there's nothing more depressing and attention seeking than running a blog based on hate. Your username and pfp are aimed towards hating one piece of media which is undeniably problematic in nature, while your header and blog focus on hating on a guy who has been dead for over 100 years and was a product of his time period (which doesn't make it acceptable, it just makes it sadly stereotypical—also to the best of my knowledge he never spoke out against Jewish people, although at times he wrote in poor nature which is unacceptable, yes, but also rooted in his perception of society which wasn't good and I'm not making excuses for him but rather I'm trying to explain that he wasn't radical in his thinking and if given equal social resources as today he most likely would have been perfectly accepting of Jewish people) and also given the nature of Victorian prostitutes I don't think he was as much of a nonce as you think, but you're entitled to whatever thoughts float around in your brain. Also once again, Oscar Wilde has been dead for over 100 years so it's not like he's profiting anymore.

The only reason I'm not blocking you on sight is because I'm fairly interested in what you have to say. You may have nothing at all to say, and honestly if I were you I'd just block you without response, but obviously we are two extremely different people.

Ok so trying to answer this as nicely as possible because i dont know why a random person i dont follow has so much hate for me over some shitpost and suchand i am very very very tired and people are being so very mean to me about this . Am not crytyping people say that sometimes when im tired i just an super tird . the pfp and header are just silly things based on inside jokes i thought that was a normal tumblr thing to do. Also idont know who you are i literally dont even follow you. I make a bit of a joke of hatinh oscar wilde but erm the postes i made about him were ages ago except for one of them which was literally inspired by this new york time( https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/10/11/the-myth-of-oscar-wildes-martyrdom)

or whatever article. take issue with the author from new yorker instead of little autistic guy who doesn’t know you.

take issue with the author from new yorker instead of little autistic guy who doesn’t know you. idk why people are so pressed on something i made when i was 13 and posted when i was older because i remembered my friends thought it was silly. Idk why you are so pressed over me existing. But i dont have a lot of friends on here and mostly reblog stuff i Enjoy and forget to update my profile text with any change in interestes. idk why you think i am a 100 percent hater. I dont really hate wilde as much as i hate people idolizijg him and uwu gay beaning him, but i do kinda dislike the dead guy because of that idolization amongst people who want a accessible gay victorian icon. And also because he(probably , we will never 100 percent know for sure,)had sex with drunk people snd people never tell you that in those polished dark academia pintrest quote boards. Some but not all of the court reccords of these boys say that he intoxicated them severly . And i doubt this is lies because in my research of this topic of victorian rent boys(it is special interest) many get arrested for being acomplies no matter what they say, and infact jack saul, who was very open about his gay actions, got away free fromthe cleveland street scanfal. And also not every one in wilde trials said that wilde intoxicated them so the chances of it being dreadful marquess douglas plot is slimmer. Of course we will never know forsure but rich people have always been strange and awful and i feel that people never consider the class element of things. Haha wilde wrote something on socialism. Nice. Now can we please see something by a lowerclass person maybe

Also idc if people read him more power foryou reading and analysis is really cool especially with the layered homosexual subtext wilde has(he even very lightly references fanny n stella once. Real neat stuff imo and shows how tight knit late victorian gay stuff was)

I know 5at the victorian era was messy and awful at times, i know that in france the age of consent was 13 and in Britain at the time it was 17. I know about the fact telegraph boys were basically a gay version of romanticized schoolgirls. But still there is someyhing kinda unsettling about wildes potential actions being glossed over. It is strange and offputting to see from people with multiple postes against republicans spreading lies about lgbt child groomers. Because that is just a bit of fuel to republicans fire and its painful to see people ignore that sort of thing in my mind, i am sorry if i have a weird sense of justice about dead lower class people. But i just do. Baby im an Anarchist or whatever. Words arent wording sorrythat probably sounded awful

Im sorry if you are upset by my blog i mostly a, m just rebloggimh random stufv i see that i think is cool, and such. Please dont yell at me via cyberspace i wanted to provide as good a response to you as can in this state other people are being really nasty to me over thisand idk why they care about this dead guy so much . That they have to send nasty and ablesist stuff. Sorry its just super scarry

[gnot-that-gender]

3rd February 2020

8 weeks on testosterone.

Hi all. Time for an update.

It's been 2 months now. I haven't posted anything because...well...not much has happened. I know progress with hormones is slow but fucking hell.

Content warning for body ickiness, menstruation, genital talk.

General Stuff

I mentioned in my 20th of December 2019 update that my weight and body fat measurements had changed. So here's an update.

Chart as before.

I have put on a lot of weight now and tbh I'm not sure why. My appetite has weakened a lot. I'm snacking a lot less and having more regular meals (which isn't to do with hormones and more to do with me recovering from eating disorder).

I am however drinking a LOT of water. Thorsty boy.

Talking of thirsty....

Sex Drive

Not sure how much people on here know about me, but I'm a sex favourable asexual guy. I have experienced sexual attraction but...rarely and not consistent to people so I dunno what's going on.

I also usually had a very low libido. In the past year my libido had been going up naturally, and as is typical with testosterone it now has had a boost as well. I don't feel necessarily any bigger drive to have sexual contact with others, but knowing it's easier to turn me on had had me curious as to if I could be more casual about sex, despite not having sexual attraction. I won't go into it but it's been interesting.

Genitals

Hi again! It felt like my growth had stopped but recently taken another look and I don't think you could look at it and think it belongs to a cis woman. The head now peeks out of the foreskin most of the time and I can pull it back to reveal the whole head which is very bright pink. I know a lot of guys complain about over sensitive genitals at this time but such hasn't been the case for me. But then I have quite a bit of fat and hair down there so that's probably keeping me protected. Though touching the head doesn't feel overwhelming like it used to before I was on T.

Menstruation wise, still regular as clockwork. Lasting longer than they did before (used to be 3 days, now 5 or 6) and now I get period pains which is!!! Not fucking nice considering I have been very lucky to miss them most of my life.

Skin

My skin is maybe getting a bit oily. I have regular spots on my face but nothing too dramatic. Eczema is in full force but again I keep forgetting to take my antihistamines so that is probably the culprit. I might invest in something to help.

Hair

My hair has definitely become more greasy. It used to cycle between feeling soft and fluffy when washed, then dry and easy to manage, and then flat and greasy. Now it seems to jump right to flat and greasy. Interestingly I've had less dandruff. But that makes sense if my scalp is more sticky. Hair isn't falling out. Hairline doesn't seem to have changed (it has always been kinda square as per the picture).

Mood and Attitude

Definitely not having angry outbursts as some people report. Haven't cried since my last update. But I've had no reason to and never been much of a crier anyway. I'm more confident for sure, but I've also moved home recently. Out of a stressful situation so that says a lot for my more positive outlook.

Face and Fat

My face is fatter because I've put on weight. I'd say on regard to fat distribution my face hasn't benefited. Actually none of me has. All my extra weight has gone to my hips and back and added to my muffin top/love handles. I hate it. It reminds me of when I was on the contraceptive pill. :/

Voice

Nope. No change yet. Actually I read up on it and apparently some guys never experience voice changes...especially older guys as our cartilidge is less inclined to grow. And some guys end up with a broken voice forever. So... I'm terrified of that. As a singer the thought kills me.

Body and Facial Hair

No change at all. Might try minoxidil for beard growth but chances are it won't do anything because nothing is growing at all yet.

Concerns

If I'm honest, I don't think the T is having a proper effect. It could be because I'm using testogel and have some sort of issue with absorbing it but my suspicion is my body is turning it back into oestrogen (hence the body fat stuff and heavier periods). I'm trying not to worry about it too much until my 6 month appointment. But it's frustrating.

Overall...

Very downhearted. Everything else in life is pretty good and this is the only real thing bothering me, which probably just makes it feel worse but I'm coping. Bought myself a packer as a treat to help with some dysphoria.

Until next time folks x

#gnot me #dysphoria #gender #transition #afab transition #testosterone #testogel #hormones #transgender #trans man