#i'm just so tired constantly

[that-angry-noldo]

we have a saying in ukrainian, "горить сарай - гори і хата", which basically translates to "if the stalls are burning, let the house burn too", and if it doesn't describe my attitude towards school perfectly.

#i've became so apathetic towards school it should probably scare me #but i just can't force myself to care #i don't see the results of my work #the time spent studying rarely pays off #some professors are more and more demanding #i wake up at 6 am every day and it's slowly killing me #i'm just so tired constantly #i also got stuck on my original wip and its driving me insane #i feel i'm spending too much time on my phone while i should be doing productive things but i don't have energy nor resources for them #teachers say i can do better academically if i just push a little mire but i don't want to #i don't see the point #i just want to curl up in a ball and sleep #and adults say 'oh you should be grateful for these years when you become an adult you'd dream about returning to high school' #good sir if i'm gonna miss this i don't want to be an adult #sorry for rant. #to delete

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Why would you—That's not—I just wanted to ask for help, why did you have to go and make it awkward???

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #xue yang #Its such a relief to not have to draw so many characters once again. #Redrawing the specific font from the English translated mdzs books was surprisingly fun! #Maybe I'm alone in this...but I think characters switching to a different font of speech for *emphasis* is peak comedy #you can't communicate voice changes of sound very well in non audio forms so this is the best I can do. #Anyways...rip Xue Yang. You finally meet your idol and he brushes you off #Rather— he doesn't live up to the expectations you built in your head #Kind of an on going issue there Jester (I refuse to call him king or sir) #XY is constantly making people out to be the versions he needed them to be to feel justified in his actions #but struggles to pivot when confronted with the fact that these ppl are *more* than just one surface reading! #wwx doesn't actually think xy is flirting. He's just tired of all the fake fans + wants to get out of this convo. #button mashing the A button to skip the unskippable cutscene #Lan Wangji is in the next comic btw. I've missed him dearly. I'm sorry he's been gone so long </3 #edit: poorly spelt MDZS strikes again. This is why I need more time to write my comics. So I can actually proofread B*( #edit2: I cast 'Power of Technology' and fixed my error. Everyone reblog this version instead please

[terraco-07]

Each day I wish that Homestuck 2 would have stayed on indefinite hiatus. My fandom experience has degraded to such an extent that it's becoming more and more difficult to be around. It's exhausting dealing with people re-contextualizing characters entire existences off of one update from a non canon official piece of work.

#I'm so tired of it #Missing the days where we were all just thinking of our own shit and not having to fight in the trenches constantly #HSBC #upd8 #HS2 #Homestuck

[essektheylyss]

I realized that A Crown of Candy is actually the first time I've watched Zac Oyama play D&D, and it's frankly been wild watching how masterfully and quickly he sets up Lapin and the depths of this rabbit. I know it's been said that Zac's an excellent player, but it's one thing to hear and another to actually witness.

I feel like it probably shouldn't surprise anyone that the liar spellcaster with the religious bullshit is my favorite right off the bat, but it's funny because the first introduction of him did not endear me to him whatsoever, and in fact kind of off-put me, but every further piece of information about him, and in fact many of his offhand comments, feels like picking up a log on the ground and finding an entire microbiome underneath.

#yes I do know that his fate is not kind and frankly that makes it even better for me #I don't know how it happens (do not spoil it pls. I'm watching so slowly okay.) but regardless it feels fitting #also I was watching slowly but I will probably get through it faster now that I have motivation lol #me constantly: it's literally not that much content. just fucking watch it. #also me: but... I am so tired.... and so distracted.......... #lapin cadbury #acoc #dimension 20

[varilien]

used to love, used to love, used to love, used to love, used to love, used to love now all i do is hate

#trigun #trigun fanart #trigun anime #vash #vash the stampede #horror art #body horror #felt really nice to just freehand something for a change everything's been so labor intensive lately lol #anyways finals are going p good. i've p much constantly had my nose to the grindstone for three straight days but i'm almost done :) #oh yeah also #eyestrain #idk halftone makes my eyes So Tired but also it looks neat idk dhfgkjd

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Tumblr is way chiller than Twitter for sure but sometimes I see a post and I'm like. Y'all DO remember this is a block game, right? You're not gonna get legitimately pissy and passive-aggressive over characters doing things in a block game, RIGHT???

#i talk #qsmp talk #Chatter: Jaiden don't do this— twitter will cancel you! #The rest of us in chat: Why should she care about anything Twitter says #People on frickin twitter AND tumblr: *whining about Jaiden* #LIKE BRO YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS LMFAOOOOOO #fandom wank #I'm gonna start unfollowing people #not even just for bad opinions I'm just tired of seeing people being mean and bitter #I'm just here to have fun I don't want to constantly see whining #Critique characters and stuff all you want that's part of the fandom experience but some of y'all are so damn mean for no reason lmao #Touch grass and seek therapy #I know me posting this is part of the ''too many people complaining'' problem but Jaiden's my gal I am a little bit annoyed by that #Again: character critique is fine #but sometimes it's just so passive-aggressive and like. written like the character did a personal attack on YOU #<- the last tag is the most important point here I think

[mod2amaryllis]

who else haunted by an apology you never got the chance to make???? 🤪🤪🤪

#this isn't too serious this is about my college roommate #i was awful and i think about it all the time and wish i could send her a pizza and say any resentment is justified i'm so sorry #but i don't keep track of people. i don't know her last name i don't know how to contact her or if she'd even want that #i just think about it constantly for some fucking reason #if you're out there....man i'm sorry i didn't try harder to be friends i was 19 and at my absolute worst #I'm sorry about the illegal rat cage i never cleaned #literally i wish i could pay you reparations you wouldn't have to say a word to me just receive 'you didn't deserve that' + 50 usd #i think part of why this particular memory is so persistent- and has been for years like it constantly comes up when i'm tired- #is because the stakes are relatively low #like i was just a shit. i was just annoying and unkind. and then we both moved on and i'm better now and i assume she's ok. #the scope of it is just small enough.... like a burr. in my brain. #I'm hoping if i throw this into the ether i won't think about it as much lol #m2a

[belleandsaintsebastian]

i love having the shittest week ever and feeling so so tired and so gross and just basically like i'm constantly behind in Everything even though i'm studying all the time and then calling up my dad basically just looking for someone to tell me that i'm. doing well. only for him to do Concerned Disappointed Father voice like i'm worried about you...i don't think youre doing enough.....why haven't you joined any societies yet....you don't socialise enough.....etc etc AND SO ON :(

#LIKE . this is soooo stupid i'm sorry and theres more important stuff to spend my time and energy thinking abt but. !!!!AGH need to stop #worrying abt. how to make my dad say he's proud of me !!!!!!!!!!! (<- guy who is constantly searching for their father's approval ://) #just went on a massive angry walk in the rain abt this ahhh i feel so stupid and dramatic i'm just. so so SO tired. #anyways v bad day hope everyone else's day has been better!!!!

[xhanisai]

hey lads if you’re not gonna comment on a fic you enjoyed, at least leave a kudos man

#delete later #on like half of the stories i've written on ao3 or more #i don't even get 10% of the viewers leaving kudos on my work and that's just kinda tiring man #we've come so far from the fanfiction.net days where writers solely thrived on comments and private messages to KNOW if their work is well #received by the online people #now you can just press a BUTTON to know that you enjoyed a story and it only takes like half a second! #there are so many people online who are constantly BEGGING everyone to PLEASE comment or review or let them know somehow that you've enjoyed #their work because we get so little feedback often and it is demotivating af #but if you're not gonna comment AT least leave a kudos rather than staying silent and consuming the stories like it's nothing #one thing i loved in the beginning of the ml fandom was how interactive everyone was with fanfics and how it had such a positive status #people were happily reblogging and leaving kudos and commenting LOADS back then #now???? it's literally SILENCE #back when my writing was worse prepandemic i easily got hundreds of kudos in a few days #but now i'm struggling to reach even 200 kudos in three months on my newer oneshots #engagement rate is soooooo bad now and it's demotivating af #i think this is why i prefer to write and send drabbles on discord because people there do respond and react to my works and it gives me the #push to keep going

[okkennymay]

This time around I thought I would make a comic relaying the events after the last time I posted, because my gosh is it easier to explain with pretty pictures than upsetting words >vO I prefer to make jokes about my situation than anything, ‘cause honestly it’s a solid way of dealing with it and I take so many medications as it is, why not add laughter to it I say! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Despite my condition’s best efforts I still managed to organise and complete a commission with someone through emails! Thank you @waezi2 you were so patient as I arose from my grave every other day to get things done (❁´◡`❁) Fighting my body and winning to complete it was the victory I needed! The sheer satisfaction I get from a commission well received by someone is like pure nectar to me~ Sweet sustenance I just can’t get enough of! The money don’t hurt either, Disability Support Pensions do not go far in this economy 👀 This is as close as I can get to having a job and I wont let C.V.S (Cyclic vomiting Syndrome) or Chrohns take that from me! 

I’m raring to dive into more if anyone’s interested ♪(´▽｀) I’m just about to post a new “commissions sheet” to broadcast that very fact >vO I do love having something to draw between Ectober pages~

#OKKennyMay #chronically ill #chrohns disease #Comic #cyclic vomiting syndrome #If you're wondering about the fire #long story short my body has little to no control over it's temperature and sometimes it tries to overheat me to death during my episodes #it makes it such a hassle constantly changing out ice packs and devouring ice only to vomit it out trying to cool it myself down physically #In a room that's colder than ice but feels like a furnace to me #all the while in a desperate and delirious haze #needless to say it's a bit of a wild time but i've got a really awesome mum who keeps me alive during these moments #I'm determined to be more honest about what's going to in my life for my own sake #i'm tired of having nightmares about people knowing details about my illness so i'm just going to rip the damn bandaid off #no matter how embarrassing or horrifying it is to relay at times I gotta do it #because i'm tired of being ashamed for things I have no control over dang it! It's not my fault my body doesn't work right >:V #hey if you read all these tags thank you #I appreciate you

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[snixx]

feeling like no one around you cares is such a shitty feeling and it never fully goes away. everyone leaves you and nothing lasts and I'm tired of carrying this aching loneliness everywhere with me and overinvesting in people who just don't give a shit

#kinda feels like I'm failing at everything tbh #my grades are painfully average #my quote unquote best friend of twelve years hasn't spoken to me in months #im pretty sure the girl i thought was my college bestie is avoiding me or at the very least constantly flaking on me #i don't have the energy to reply to anyone and have like a zillion unread chats #it feels like people only talk to me when they need me and I'm so tired of it #im tired of everyone in college forming their super exclusive groups that i can never get into #and blowing me off for shit they won't let me come to #it kinda makes me hate myself a little which is an emotion i haven't felt in years #like what is it about me that is so fundamentally unlikeable that doesn't let me ever feel like I'm not lonely #i just can't #and it's not something i can change #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com

[barricadebops]

I've never seen anything written by Mindy Kaling or any show she's acted in, so when I heard the new Velma shos was going to feature Velma as a South Asian, I was excited. That was until all of the terrible things in the show and now learned of how Mindy Kaling only ever writes South Asian women as loser characters with all the same insecurities being brought up again and again, as well as her weird obsession with white men. Enough Mindy, enough with your self inserts, enough with writing the loser brown girl with the "hairy gorilla arms" that only ever takes me back to my own insecurities, enough with passing off your terrible representation as good representation just because it's representation.

#wow I just can't wait till people see how velma's written in that show and think it's okay to keep these ideas and stereotypes #fun fact: I'm extremely insecure about my own body hair. I don't wear shorts because it's against my religion but I still shave my legs #I hated knowing that when ppl in school would make fun of girls with hairy legs I would be included in that category #for a south asian woman to constantly make shows where the brown character's born-with traits are always the butt of the joke #always brought up #is so demoralizing #I thought we moved past this #it's so clear how Mindy Kaling plays for the white audience #because we south asians are tired #we're tired of it and we're tired of her #anyways that's my little rant lol #velma #velma hbo max #mindy kaling

[autism-swagger]

I HATE BEING DISABLED!!!!!!!!!!

#I hate the constant doctors appointments and tests and procedures! #I hate all the medication! #I hate using my mobility aids! #I hate being so fucking scared and paranoid when I'm alone that my parents feel like they have to invite me on their anniversary trip! #I hate being unable to reconsume specific media because they remind me of my psychotic episodes! #I hate always being late to school because getting up is so hard! #I hate constantly obsessing over whether or not I'm keeping my movements even! #I hate not knowing what not being in pain feels like! #I hate being so goddamn tired all of the time that I can barely keep my eyes open! #and I just have to make my peace with all because I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life!! #I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

[snackugaki-jestsjapesjokes]

i am consumed with the urge to collect them all, preferably across all iterations but my ass don't know 03 or 12 like that and my memory of 87 is too rusty, h elp

#i love trash #i love camp #i love the next mutation #the next mutation #that's NM Leo's 'I'm listening intently' pose #those tiktok sweatpant boys have neither jack nor shit #on Elias Koteas as Casey Jones #hhhhh the 1st 5 eps of NM really put it in people's heads they all constantly hit on Venus #i'm so tired of the shit #just say you didn't watch it past those eps #tell the whole story #tmnt #french girl pos or lounging luxuriously #they're the same picture

[stardust-vi]

Dumb ramble but I hate that you can't critique The Thing you love within a fandom space without some dude breathing down your neck like "Well actually that means you hate The Author and The Thing! And what about all the times The Author did this Good Thing? Checkmate, liberal." as if you can't be critical of something because you love it and want it to be better.

#just. i'm in a rush rn so i'm probably not articulating myself well and i could go more in-depth with my thoughts #at the risk of someone spinning my words into “cringe blue hair pronoun wants to cancel araki!” which... will happen inevitably #even though i don't know how many times i can repeat “i do not hate araki #this is specifcally about jjba btw because like. #look i love it and araki has done some good things (or at least had good intentions in most cases) #but i'm so over the fact he constantly has to reach for some form of traumatizing women in his writing #and I already hear “well it shows they're a villain!” #but does he HAVE to use assault? why does he have to use that instead of demonstrating their villainy in other ways #that don't need to use it as a crutch #i'm not even saying you can't ever write about assault #that's not my argument either. #I'm not even accusing him of being a bad writer or person but just. Can we please retire the overusage of assault for shock value? #i obviously don't hate people who enjoy the series regardless #i'd be a massive fucking hypocrite #i mean i've literally been in this damn fandom for 6 years and just now decided to post my art. #but i'm tired of any time someone brings up legit criticisms of the misogyny in his writing #it's met with “but araki did this-” like it changes anything. #i'm glad he did somewhat improve writing women over time compared to the earlier parts #that said. that doesn't cancel out the blunders he did make or will make in the future #even if he has good intent. #or really any criticism of the writing being hit with “but its not supposed to make sense #anyways rant over. probably going to delete later bc im tired. #tw assault #assault tw