#i'm.. trying new things cause why not

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[sophieswundergarten]

New Ask Game to Hype Up Fic Writers!!

This is intended to be geared towards other people's work, not that of the person opening their Ask Box. There are plenty of Ask Games for people who are promoting their own writing, and while that is wonderful, I wanted to make one specifically for complimenting other writers!

Really good OC a writer has come up with

Terrible OC (In terms of, like, villains. We're being positive today!)

Headcanon you've adopted from a writer

Great Angst Fic

Great Fluff Piece

Interesting AU

Specific Line that has stuck with you

Specific Scene that has stuck with you

Amazing Title/Chapter Title

Fic(s) you would/did create fanart for

Memorable Ending

Memorable Beginning

A detail from canon that was expanded upon

Fic(s) you reread a LOT

Fic(s) that inspired you to write

Author you give the most unhinged comments to and why

Author you give sweet/sincere comments to and why

Fic(s) that keep you up at night (Either reading or thinking about)

Fic(s) you bookmarked (Maybe forgot about) and then were really happy you saved

Fic(s) you used to reward yourself (ie: "When I finish this chore/homework/task then I can read that")

Fic(s) you would/have forced someone else to read

Fic(s) you could do a whole PowerPoint Presentation on

An unfinished/updating fic that is totally worth the wait

An older fic that you still commented on/saved

A fun writer quirk you've noticed (Specific word(s) they repeat, detailed setting description, a lot of adjectives, trope they write really well, etc.)

Feel free to use, if you'd like! I hope you have a good day :)

#You don't have to send me any asks or interact with this at all #I just wanted to try creating one of these and pushing myself out of my comfort zone with something new #I tried to avoid saying “favourite” because personally that causes a lot of pressure and stresses me out #But I also tried to include a variety of questions #I feel like every story/writer needs someone who hypes them up and always supports them #And so I wanted to try making a game of it! #I hope this turned out well #I'm not sure why people don't comment on older stuff but apparently that's a thing people worry about #So yeah #ask game

[demodraws0606]

I just fucking realised, I'm pretty sure I remembered that it was hinted that the reason why the Eggs disappeared was to protect themselves/hide from something evil on the island.

Considering how it seems the Codes might be linked to their disappearance, it might be possible that the eggs are being protected by the code somehow ???

Maybe it's why the spaceships have been appearing with photos of the eggs, because the codes are trying to communicate to the islanders that the eggs are safe ?????

In fact it would also explain why the black concrete somehow allows the eggs to communicate to the Islanders, it's possible the Code allowed it. Similar motives to the photos, it was done to calm the Islanders down.

Because as much as I want to believe the black concrete is related to Cucurevil, the big Etoiles fight had a bunch of black concrete even surrounding the chest where he retrieved his shield.

Of course there is the question of why the fuck did the Codes kill the eggs if they're gonna protect them but like it wouldn't be the first time they do contradicting things.

It would also pose the question of again what is the third evil thing on the island and why Cucurevil seems to have access to the Egg's accessories.

Which I want to say even if Cucurevil DID take the eggs it still wouldn't make sense because we see they have their accessories in the photos.

In the end what I want to say is...

What if bringing the eggs back actually puts them in more danger ?

#qsmp #qsmp theory #qsmp eggs #qsmp codes #i apologize if this is like innacurate cause i'm pretty new to the lore all things considered #like i know MOST of it but like if there are any contradicting information that's why #i'm just thinking getting the eggs back without consequences doesn't feel like the vibe #maybe the codes are trying to stop the eggs from getting taken by cucurevil ??? #maybe cucurevil wants to use the eggs to manipulate the islanders and thats why he seems weirdly obsessed with them

[thethingything]

I would really love it if maybe we could have a break from the horrors for five fucking minutes

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #this year has been one fucking thing after another and I'm burnt out and exhausted #actually it's not even one after another. they keep piling up and overlapping #like hi would you like to spend the whole year having your abandonment issues triggered and made worse constantly #would you like to go through medical trauma that leaves you with issues that cause you severe pain on a daily basis #while also making it so you literally can't go to get any of it fixed #because seeing any of the tools that would have to be used is enough of a trigger to cause issues regardless of the context you see them in #would you like to take a medication for a month that makes you constantly terrified that something's trying to kill you #and then when you stop taking it that goes away so you think it's gonna be fine but a month later you still have other side effects #and you're trying to navigate all these new symptoms and triggers while more and more stuff just piles up #so then every time it feels like you've made progress something else fucks you up and it feels like you're back to square one #and it's starting to feel like maybe you're the problem because why else would everything keep going this badly #even though so much of it is completely out of anyone's control and you're trying so hard to cope with it and get better #I'm so fucking exhausted and it feels like every attempt to fix any part of our situation goes to shit in some new unforeseen way #and every time I vent about any of it I feel like a burden for making anyone else deal with our problems even if they've said it's fine

[bibiana112]

I would like to stop finding Akane Kurashiki relatable for one day of my life thank you why is my chest heavy

#new hypothesis of what's wrong with me just dropped like three hours ago and I'm unexpectedly and ironically feeling things about it #how much of me being this way is me how much of me being this way is collateral of what was done to me #does it matter? #can it ever be reverted? will I ever feel things a normal human being should feel in their lives or did I lose my humanity back there? #I clawed my way out of it killing me in full and I'm grateful my sibling had my back but is the full life I want unobtainable still #regardless of how loved I am? how wealthy how successful if everything just brings me mild amusement rather than joy? #I work and work and work and do things I like and try to help causes I find important and I know I am not my feelings but still #I dunno I feel robbed? #hhhhh #delete later #it makes sense of why I'm so tired all the time too

[pastafossa]

If the super cool odd smelling of incense witchy binder with the crinkly aged paper and the tiny wonderful bag of string and amazing little decorations and journaling questions is there on the bottom shelf of the shop for 4 months and you look at it every time and it's clear you are the only one entranced by it, then it's meant for you, it was meant to be yours, I say to myself in the mirror, knowing I was trying to save money.

#the universe put it there for me that's why no one bought it #look she even took ten bucks off cause it had just been sitting there on the bottom shelf #except for when i would come in and look at it and touch it and all the delicious crinkly pages #and the little strings and folders and pretty bits and bobs and it smells nice like the shop and #IT IS A SENSORY WONDERLAND #goblin brain engage #have i already ordered new cool aged paper stuff to start adding even more things you're gd right i have #and i'm going to try to modgepodge the cover with some cool designs like i have not been this psyched #about a binder #since my elementary school days when i snagged a lisa frank binder and was the talk of the class #wait a second #is this just the adult version of that #have i come full circle

[medicinemane]

I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive

I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)

My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions

I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today

For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit

So I already wasn't in the mood for him

Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp

(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)

Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism

I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)

Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff

Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off

He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical

Being practical requires working in the confines of reality

...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something

You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do

So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?

Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?

...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?

Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help

#last two paragraphs are things that sadly a lot of people could learn #sometimes you need to shut your mouth and just listen #and this is why I have my no advice without action policy #if the rolls were reversed; I'm not willing to suggest someone buy a knife unless I'm willing to pay for it #most I'll ever do is something like say 'Just wondering if this is something you've already tried' #like know someone who go hacked here; and I just asked if they're running two factor authentication now cause if not it might help #like that's the outside amount of advice I'm willing to offer without action #because it acknowledges that they may have already thought of it; and it more just tries to float an option than it does suggest shit #honestly... I think I'd be less annoyed if it was like 'what about buying a new knife?; rather than 'you should buy a new knife' #advice in the form of a question makes for a dialogue rather than dictation #lets the other person just explain why something won't work if they've already considered it #like in this case... money; way rather just sharpen shit and get to spend money on food instead of a knife #like... this is the crux of what I complain about with my grandma; that groceries are my number one desire with money #are you my grandma? suggesting that I just flippantly spend money once it becomes something you'd want to spend it on? #...and the answer honestly is that yeah that's usually how people are #they can laugh off wasting money on shitty over priced clothes; but when it's what they like spending on that's what everyone should do #...maybe I fail at it; but I try not to do that #try to just be a back up to people and support them in whatever matters to them #and once again; only offer advice when I'm actually willing to do something like drop the money on getting them the thing I think they need #eh... I don't want to share the other dumb shit he was saying cause... dear god #edgy stoned dipshit talk; you know? #framed as actionable policy #good guy; helped me move shit up (I mostly needed a driver) but... utter fucking ass too much of the time #there's reasons we're not closer

[woodenela]

Don't you ever let anyone tell you that it is too late to switch jobs/careers. Not ever.

Found a job at 18 & stuck with it? Cool.

Wanna change things up every 5 years? Do it.

Wanna start in a new field after devoting 20+ years to a single company? It's never too late!

We only have one dang life on this planet, if you wanna go wild and test all kinds of jobs out & find something your passionate about at 28,39,52? DO IT!

#inspired by personal life stuff lol can you tell #I get looked at SO FUNNY SO OFTEN when I tell new coworkers that I'm 28 #glad that you found aomething early on and stuck with it but that's not a universal experience! #I worked as a tour guide for historical places & in customer service since I was 16 #and guess what. I'm just not passionate about it anymore. it bores me to death. I just want something new #I'm trying to find a job that's fun again. sue me for not wanting to be miserable at my job. like I see so many others #why is it so weird for people if you wanna change things up every 10 years?? i legit don't get it #I do understand that you stay bc of better pay and rank in your work field but if it's just not fun anymore? why torture yourself? #I know I'm gonna fall down to a ''starter's paycheck'' again. I know that for some that sounds crazy #but it's so worth it if you like what you do again. isn't it? #I test-trial-worked at a dentist's yesterday & the girl showing me around & teaching me stuff was 19 #which my sister commented on as 'being embarrassing'. why. why are we pushed so hard into 'one career until you keel over'? #that shit makes me so tired man #I'll probably never be able to stay at a job for more than 10 years cause I'll just get fed up with it & need something new #so what? #woodenelaramble

[nagitoedit]

you don't have to read this is for screaming in the void

#trying to explain that i'm struggling without saying the big most important part of why i am struggling is . #like oh i'm struggling because uh . the issues. what are the issues? well . they are issues that i refuse to elaborate on #so it doesn't help anybody. but like how am i supposed to explain to my mom that the reason i've become so severely depressed is because #i'm suicidal. like oh btw ^-^ i hate the life you gave me and brought me into so bad that i want to die. but it's no big deal so don't worr #about it. #which like that wouldn't be how i meant it at all but of course that's also implied or something #which just makes me think of other things like that if things weren't so bad id be able to get help but help is inaccessible. #ughhhh i just hate this it's so agonizing. like cant things be a little less bad. i'm not having fun being like this and people are #reasonably irritated with me because only based on what i'm willing to tell just. isn't the full story at all and would obviously just. #not make sense because i'm leaving out major parts of what's happening and why. #and tbh i'm constantly going back and forth between like. coming out as suicidal. mainly because like. well. it kinda worrying me. #because for like months now i've almost daily been fighting off suicidal thoughts and often even having suicidal meltdowns #yesterday i was standing near a ceiling fan and was like hmm wouldnt it be nice if one of the blades came off and stabbed me through #the back of my skull and killed me. but then i thought no that would be too traumatizing for my family #as if me dying at all wouldn't be. which i also thought of. idk just thinking about the idea of #i want to live but not like this. because yeah. my mom said that she thinks reading bad news is why and it's like well . of course it is #but should i just stay completely unaware of what's happening in the world. but also bad news is just unavoidable #but yeah it is why i'm depressed. climate change racism homophobia transphobia covid wars economy etc like #these are things that i can't just. ignore? and am i seriously the crazy person for being upset about these things? #well she does think i'm crazy for still being scared of the dangerous virus that is currently the third leading cause of death in the us #like last night she was like ' it's good to be cautious but you're going over board' i'm friends with people who could die from covid. #'over board' i care about them and other people and i don't want them to die. i don't want to be permanently disabled by a virus with #a 20% chance every time i catch it to permanently damage my immune system and give me long covid. <- according to cdc #but whatever. i do genuinely want mental help. i think i need s different medication or a diagnosis bc uhmmm . i am unwell #but that's expensive. #i have an appointment with a doctor today for a med check because i don't think my ssri is working . obviously #as i am as you can tell absolutely overcome with severe and debilitating anxiety and depression. lolzors #whatever. except not because ouuuughhhgh <-unimaginable suffering #mypost

[saintedbythestorm]

Not dad trying to tell me about some big fallout news he heard about from some work colleague 😂 oh what the poor man just subjected himself too.

#it was about that leak from weeks ago. dad got quite the details about it. he walked right into that one. #and that dear sir is why we do not try to bring news about the hyperfixation. i will know about it and you will hear about it. #dude even got the history of fallout 3 as a bonus. since that was the one he mentioned 😂 #he also got a very veeeery long version about why i would necessarily get so excited about the leaks. #you know age of the document. the whole company sale thing. how much the time line clearly has already gone to shit. etc etc etc. #yeah... yeah i think he really came to regret that one 😅 #listen i have only slept 5 hours. am high on caffeine and painkillers- almost had a migraine ok. #which means i have like 0 filter rn and am quite brain tired. i will not realise how long i am going on for once i get started rn. #the info dump has started and it will end when i brain says so. i sure af won't notice I am doing it cause I'm just excited to share #not until i manage to like finish my long ass story do i realise i went on for like a good 20-30 minutes... oops. #and that may just be a generous estimate cause i got really going on the infodump ok. it was a blast. ngl. #i am very passionate about fallout ok. this is what happens when you fall asleep to fallout lore most days of the week. #yes i lost the plot ages ago about this hyperfixation. it makes me very happy. so i don't even care. i will keep doing it. #til the hyperfixation dies and bring great sadness to the lands... til we find something else. god knows when that is though. #i am very ok if fallout hyperfixation just... doesn't go away actually. i like hyperfixation. brings many a solution when upsetty. #.... i really need to stfu up now. hi. 👋 why are you still reading this??? these ramblings of a madman. 😂 #ryder speaking #i got this far before i realised i did not in fact write wouldn't get excited... well i aint fixing it now 🙃

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that #also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of #of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with #another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me #which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh #people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that #cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can. #got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still #which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents. #I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives. #I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are. #anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work #It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo.... #idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage. #trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done. #but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside. #I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that. #anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs. #the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back. #then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it #but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster #but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making

[mako-island-moon-pool]

You want to know how bad my memory is?

I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.

I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'

'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'

#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck?? #When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue #Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting #Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha' #It's scary. #I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make #Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it #I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time #And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you. #Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :) #Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather #So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction #Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it #Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write #Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul. #I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin #In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone #I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that. #Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster. #Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you #Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves... #ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter. #I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic #Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying? #Yeah GROOVY

[thegoldenelite]

The number of times I've watched bte 348 is ridiculous, but i can't stop watching it...

#it's like c ocomelon to m e #the part that really kills m e tho is when k enny a pologizes to h angman. wondering if h angman could ever forgive him #because i know for a fact that k enny doesn't forgive himself for what he did. #it's part of the reason why he took so long to make up with h angman. he was anger too but also #the guilt. he did the same thing with i bushi. he couldn't talk about him for very long without wanting to change the subject #but also he couldn't face i bushi (in the hallway) bc of the guilt he felt for betraying him #(as well as other thing of course but i'm focusing on the guilt) #like we know k enny STILL hasn't forgiven himself for that. When h angman betrayed the b uck #(grabbed nick's leg so the b ucks would lose their chance to c hallenge for the tag belts) #k enny was asked what he thought about it and he said something like: this is something h angman will have to #live with for the rest of his l ife. #this implies k enny STILL feels remorse for stopping i bushi from winning the i wgp belt 5 years later(8 now). Even tho i bushi forgave him #well before their reunion at new y ear's d ash #what i'm saying is that he did so much to h angman. i can understand why this reunion took so long. how could k enny face him after that. #probably in that time believing he didn't deserve h angman back in his lifetoo. As well as his forgiveness/etc(again did the same w i bushi #i could see k enny never fully forgiving himself for the things he did to h angman :(. (he did sign a contract in h angman's b lood) #he also didn't forgive h angman which is so v alid too. their tag run is s ad/tough to watch. k enny trying everything to make #their tag t eam work cause he c ares about h angman and tag t eams but h angman just not being there for it. oof #the thing that surprised me tho was that k enny a pologized first. i thought it would be a while till either did but no. #i believe k enny learned from the past. a pologize now. talk it out. and work on the r elationship TOGETHER. that's g rowth :'). #oh man didn't mean to r ant about k enny's guilt and how he's done this all before do you still think im h- #no but i l ove over a nalyzing w restling m en lol. this ep was full of interesting #i nteractions. i know we were all focused on the nod but this ep delivered on so much more than that. #rin posting #i thinks it's why i couldn't be mad at k enny not mentioning h angman throughout this feud. it would just be too p ainful for him to do so #he l oves/c ares about his ex s too much. a ctually #does any of this make sense. shrugs. #anyway lol.

[the-busy-ghost]

Currently listening to the audiobook of “Murder Must Advertise” and I’m not very far in to it (so obviously don’t know how it will turn out) and even though it’s obviously part of the wider Peter Wimsey series, it has just struck me that a murder mystery but shot as a workplace mockumentary (like the Thick of It or the Office) would probably have gone down a storm in the noughties. 

#Pam in Payroll stepping over the dead body without realising because she's too busy chatting about her weekend off with Sandra in HR #Coffee machine's broken because someone's wedged the murder weapon in it and this has caused Anthony the junior team leader to finally snap #Tom the intern unwittingly shredding evidence because why on earth would this fresh-faced new starter question his boss #Security think they're Big Cool Detectives just because a police officer said three things to them going around trying to interview people #Despite the fact that they have absolutely no authority and everybody (except Tom the Intern) knows this and ignores them #Turns out it wasn't even murder it was just that Site Maintenance were trying to do the work of ten people and left tools lying around #Or maybe someone was poisoned in the workplace canteen and Debbie the dinner lady is Offended that someone might spike her food #I'm not the biggest mockumentary fan myself- the Thick of It being the exception- but I do feel like that's almost #what Murder Must Advertise feels like if mockumentaries were all the rage in the 1930s rather than the early 21st century #reading log

[sysig]

*dramatically swipes all the papers and books off the surface of my mind-desk*

#Actually I'll have to pick those up in approximately 24 hours but untIL THEN #This week has been absolute chaos on my focus IS2G #It hasn't even been a full week since my stream but I have been feeling so Weird since then lol #Not in like a bad way or anything just like - heavy flighty lol #The kind of restlessness that lends itself to nothing outside of 2-5AM on the odd days of the week #The universe decided to pull another Happy Coincidence prank on me #Anyone here remember the job that popped up for exactly long enough to replace my laptop? The one I'm currently using? #Yeah that happened again - different necessity of money spending (please let that continue to be the case) - but same coincidence #Practically the same distance and pay too like what #I hate to use the word NPC 'cause it's taken on such a gross implication as of late but like #Who are these Quest Givers and why do they have the exact amount of EXP I need for the next level when I Really Need to boss fight #I've also been getting back into Stardew Valley which has been great fun - I actually made it to Lv 25 in the Desert Mines! #I got a lot of things very quickly actually - I'm on Year 3 but over the course of like a season and a half I upgraded and acquired a bunch #Got the gold scythe and Iridium pick and the beets and my first fish pond and the Slime Ring!! Gods the Slime Ring #Makes my Slime Hutch about 1000000% easier #Oh yeah and two more Prismatic Shards and a Dino Egg (one hatched and one in the incubator) and the basement #Popping off is basically what I'm saying and doing and being and having #It's weird to return to the real world afterwards tho lol my schedule is so shot #Also not me setting a new alarm the other day and it going off and I'm just like ''Oh this is a pretty track I haven't heard this one yet'' #Running around trying to keep from accidentally shutting it off 'cause it's pretty and sounds nice against the late autumn day #Luckily I set it early enough that I recognized what was happening before the Actual actual time hit lol #SDV #WPSDV #WPVG

[purple-sage]

sometimes a girl just has to explain her favorite book to an imaginary version of the girl she has a crush on

#sometimes I wonder how I would explain to someone why I like dalinar kholin because every time I try to explain him it's always like #oh he did a few war crimes but it's okay because he was mind controlled and also accidentally had the war crimes removed from his memory #and then went through like decades???? of character development before having the memories reintroduced #and he was completely fucked up over it #he went through the half of the redemption arc where he changes the root cause of the actions that caused a need for redemption #now he needs to deal with actually having done the war crimes #tbh so far he basically just publicly admitted to the war crimes I don't think he's actually done anything for the people of rathalas #I really hope dalinar gets to get into this stuff with the rest of the alethi because this all kind of started with #the kholin brothers uniting alethkar but in doing so instilling a culture of competition and conflict instead of cooperation #which dalinar recognizes as a problem but has never addressed as a thing that he was at least partially responsible for #okay I need to check again but I think adolin is the new kholin highprince after dalinar stepped up as king of urithiru? #I guess he's kind of changing things due to the way he's leading the coalition not as the Blackthorn but as the Bondsmith #but he still kind of has to manage the Blackthorn persona because that's what people expect from him #he's been on a constant road toward becoming who he is today and I'm so proud of him #I really hope we get more focus on him in KoWT and on his relationship with adolin bc iirc he was just knocked out for all of RoW