#iamfindingkatie tacos 🌮

[iamfindingkatie]

Intentions

Jeeze. I cannot get down on myself. Honestly, I have nothing to be down about. There is plenty of stuff that needs to be done in the background now that the school year is getting closer and it will be back to a routine. I miss those days. Summer got us all going ROGUE here and it's honestly so overwhelming. Plus, with school starting there will be some huge changes coming to my family.

Surely my struggles will be over once there is another income. That has got to work, right? Yes-BUT I'm like not a fan of some huge changes and boy will there be some! Of course, with change comes some anxiety and fear that this isn't really what's best for everyone, but I'm at the point where I am working so super hard and I don't have much to show for it after paying bills. We use to not have any time and more money. Now we have too much time but with the cost of living increasing....free and close to home are key at the moment. Its not a bad place to be in. We have a house, we have everything we need to survive but there are always those little kisses of awesome that happen at the right moments.

Riding the school bus to be a high schooler is on the agenda this year. Yes-my child will be in high school and is not looking forward to being a bus rider. The younger one is out of district. I think I don't have a choice at the moment to even bus her, but I swear I would if I could. These kids have it super easy with everything handed to them. Riding the bus is not the worst thing in the world.

The man of the house is going back to work. I work. I work a lot. Hence my overwhelmed mind and all this stuff I intended to do for July but I'm on to a slow start with fewer time to waste the closer to the end we get to do a lot of what I wanted to. I have a good heart. I will more than likey have to get use to a routine that comprises of split shifts, some weekend hours, long days, and cooking as well as meal planning again. I'm actually going to have to be a working mom...and that does scare me just a tad. There's a reason 2 people are needed to make one because you sure as hell need 2 people to raise one.

Being Bipolar has to be one of the hardest things in the world. I know when I will hit my low after a high, but my low right now is not welcomed and I'm slowly digging myself back up and to the light, but my head needs to be clear and my time needs to be more focused on the things that matter to me, yet I'm in a funk. I honestly wish there was a way to balance this all out for me to where I don't have one extreme or the next because it's getting old dealing with the whiplash of it all. Getting help and being accountable is something I'm forcing myself to do so I can grow. I hope people see it that way. I'm learning just like everyone else.

I'll be back to swimming. I will be back to making my fun self front and center. I will be present in life because that's not anything that my illness can take from me.

#mental health #mindful #keep moving forward #mental health awareness #parenting #presence #self care #self growth #growth #iamfindingkatie tacos 🌮 #school #back to school #back to studying #high school #bus rider #journal #july 2023 #swimming #fun times