#idk how long but dont expect anything regular

[ssparksflyy]

Hiii! Would it be ok if I requested some Jason Grace x reader hcs? Maybe like Jason was having a terrible day (like to the point of tears) and reader comforting him? Thank you in advance if you decide to write this!

(Ps: I love how you write Jason sm agejzejetjfj)

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

comforting jason grace ‧₊˚✩彡

pairing: jason grace x gn!reader warning(s): sad jason :( word count: 1.2k a/n: hi! tysm for requesting <33 sorry it took me a minute to get this out, whenever i had motivation to write, i couldnt, but then when i could, i didnt have motivation?? idk. also ik u said hcs but i wanted to turn this into a regular fic so i hope u dont mind, enjoy!

if there was one thing jason had perfected over the years, it was hiding his emotions.

from a young age, jason was shoved into a role of leadership. he knew that if he wanted to be trusted and taken seriously as a leader, he couldn't show any sign of vulnerability.

he knew that he gave others hope, that they looked up to him. in times of despair, he was their saving grace. jason was always the shoulder somebody could cry on if they needed to.

so it happened naturally. he was always too busy to care for his feelings. and it wasn't like anybody truly cared or noticed if his smile wasn't as bright anyway.

while out and about with others, jason was always happiest guy you'd ever meet. while alone, he was a wreck. he could only push down his emotions so far for so long.

often times jason was haunted by grief. haunted by those he couldn't save in battle. people always thought they never got to him, but really, they ate him alive. he always asked himself what he did to deserve to live while others didn't.

other times he was just so tired. some days were better than others, but those days that didn't go as planned left jason feeling exhausted.

today was one of those days. everything about today just wasn't going to well for jason, and now, in the dead of night, he was able to go back and replay his day.

as jason lay sprawled out on his bed, he felt tears brimming in his eyes. he took his glasses off and placed them on his bedside table. he just wanted to curl up into a little ball and disappear.

once the tears started, they didn't want to stop. his tears fell like the raindrops racing down his window. lightning struck as a sob escaped his lips.

jason lay in a fetal position, facing his wall. he felt his eyes begin to droop, tired from a long day and crying, but quickly sprang open when he heard quick knocks on his window.

he quickly snapped up to check who it was, jumping out of his bed. he quickly sniffled and wiped his face as he walked over to the other side of his cabin, over to the window.

you stood outside his window with an umbrella, a smile on your face.

jason returned a smile before opening his window. he hadn't expected to see you tonight, but he was glad you were here.

you quickly climbed in through the window and landed with a small thump. you quickly closed your umbrella and leaned it against the wall.

"hey" you said, breathlessly. that window had no right to be so hard to climb through.

"hey, didn't think you'd be stopping by tonight" jason replied, with a small smile.

"i know, i wasn't gonna, sorry. but i couldn't sleep and i just got an update on the whole clara situation," you said quickly, as your smile disappeared and was replaced with a confused look on your face, "are you ok? your eyes and nose are looking a little red."

you stepped a little closer to jason and cupped his cheek with your hand. he was unable to meet your eyes as he slowly placed his hands on your hips.

"yea, no im fine!" jason said, an obviously fake laugh escaping his lips, "i was, um.. doing weed."

"seriosly? 'doing weed?'" jason thought to himself.

you cringed at his response. "jason.. hun, you don't 'do weed', you smoke it. and it leaves a smell. the cabin smells normal. seriously, what going on? you know you can tell me anything."

jason let out a small sigh and continued to look down, refusing to meet your eyes. he wanted to tell you how he was feeling, he knew he could trust you. he loved you and you had always been there for him during difficult times, so why was it so hard for him to talk to you about his feelings?

he felt a sob building in his throat. he bit his lower lip in attempt to keep it in, but couldn't help it. when the sob escaped from his lips, so did the tears from his eyes. his grip tightened on your waist as he pulled you in closer.

you stood there, stunned for a second, but quickly recuperated. you hugged jason back tightly. he placed his head in the crook of your neck, and every time he let a sob out, your heart began to ache even more. you had no idea he felt anything like this. to you, jason was always shining like a diamond. you should've known diamonds were made from pressure.

you stood there holding jason until his sobs stopped. he took a step back as he lifted his head up from your neck and sniffled as he said, "im sorry-"

you stopped him with a shake of your head, "no, there's nothing for you to be sorry about, im sorry i didn't know how you were feeling."

tears were still streaming down his face, and his eyes were red and puffy. you took his hand and led him over to his bed. you sat down crisscrossed on his bed, and he sat across from you, your knees touching each other.

you held his hand up to your lips and placed a small kiss on his knuckles. jason remained silent, allowing you to lead his every move.

"do you want to talk about it?" you asked softly.

jason nodded his head slowly and let out a shaky breath before saying, "i guess, i-" he paused for a second before continuing, "i just get kind of tired of being the person everyone looks up to. and i know, that may sound bad, but sometimes i just want a break, you know? and i feel like i can't get that because everybody is looking up to me."

you nodded your head, showing him you were listening.

"overtime it just builds up, i guess. most times im fine, but i dont know, sometimes, like now, it just hits me. straight punch to the face." he said, making his spare hand into a fist and making a small and soft punch motion, "a-and i just get so overwhelmed."

a few more tears slipped from his eyes as he squeezed your hand. his eyes unable to meet yours once again.

you squeezed his hand back and raised your spare hand to his face to cup it. you leaned forward and kissed away the tears that fell from his eyes. soon, they stopped falling.

you sat back down. "thank you for telling me, lightning." you whispered, "im sorry you have to go through that, i wish i had known. next time you feel overwhelmed, you know you can tell me."

you found your other hand softly playing with his hair. you knew it calmed him down, based on the way his shoulders relaxed and he leaned into your touch, you knew it was working.

"let me know anytime you want to talk about something, okay? i love you, jason" you said, softly.

jason leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on your lips, "thank you, (y/n), i love you too" he whispered.

a/n pt2: hello again! tysm for reading, i hope u enjoyed !! just wanted to say that requests are closed rn but will be open again once i catch up! have a good day / night ! go watch the shrek musical rn

peace from manhattan

percy jackson

#percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson x reader #heroes of olympus #pjo x reader #heroes of olympus x reader #hoo x reader #jason grace #jason grace x reader

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey I have a possibly another, better..? idea👀 it's a Slenderbeing reader! but they like to travel the world, a LOT. and usually in their human form. but they are so in depth with their magic's capabilities it's almost near impossible to detect any magic sauce from them, it's like they are truly a regular human being. until they reveal themselves and give everyone a heart attack😂

The slender reader is also like a runt, they hate the height difference compared to average Slenderbeings, but low-key likes the attention :P

Any characters! Have fun n take your time!! :D

Various characters with a slender-being reader!

Again so so so so sorry for taking so long to get to this :(

I've kinda been mostly checked out mentally this week and the past 4 days spiderverse has taken over my brain and

Sobs

Anyways! Most of these are platonic leaning, but that's mostly because I couldn't think of anything explicitly romantic <\3 these also may be

Short since I'm kinda

Dry brain

No gifs for each character since it lags my phone and I ain't dealing with that rn <\\3

Slenderman:

Head tilt

Of course he knew he and his brothers weren't the only slender-like.. beings in this world

But he didnt expect to see another (that wasnt splendor or trender) enter his woods... that and he also. Never really left his woods save for a few occasions.. never really met another creature like him outside family

Huh

Hes curious, of course! He himself can only talk so much about his day to day life, being more or less binded to his forest.. so hes willing to let you talk his non existent ears off

Likes making crafts for you that remind him of your stories

Doesnt particularly favor one form over the other; though with that said he almost offed you when you first waltzed in, disguised as a human

Makes him realize he... doesn't know how to do that..

Splendorman:

Oooh how cute! You're so tiny!

On the flip side, hes met dozens of slender-beings, due to him bouncing around just about everywhere

Doesnt make fun of your height, bullying isnt cool!!

You both exchange stories about places you've been and things you've done

Sits down and looks at you with so much interest when its your turn to speak

Finds both of your forms adorable

Laughing Jack

"I didn't even know they made them this size!"

Ljs already a little shit, but hes going to be even more of a little shit around you being a runt

He'll try not to take it too far, but hes definitely got a problem with his filter

Due to him being bound to his box and being passed around Lj only has so much experience with different kinds of people

So even though he'll crack jokes and interrupt, he's willing to listen to a story or two

You can still be taller than him and he'll still tease about your runt status <\3

Eyeless Jack

"Oh.. huh.. you're like.. that one guy,"

In my au he lives in the same woods as slenderman but they hardly interact and when they do it's barely civil

Both are very possessive of their areas so... yeah

Asides slender you're the only slender-being hes met; he wont even know you're a runt unless you bring it up

If you do he'll just

Not care, I mean hes short too so??

Has a weird.. vicarious thing going on with your story

Hes condemned himself to being a hermit due to his curse, so he ends up naturally.. doing that with your stories and makes small suggestions on where you should go next

What having your normal life snatched away does to a mf

Masky & Hoodie

"Mini boss?" "Mini boss"/j

Masky is.. well my take on him hes a little.. funky.. bro is likely watching you from a distance and not really.

Interacting

Kinda freaks out when you reveal your true form

Hoodie is a little more tame and open than masky, kinda just

Signs and asks questions but he isnt too social

"Why are you so short??"/j

Honestly I feel like these two would take a long time to warm up; they're already distant enough with slender

Idk, I really dont have any ideas for these two 💔😔☝️

#creepypasta x you #creepypasta x reader #slenderman x reader #splendorman x reader #laughing jack x reader #eyeless jack x reader #masky x reader #hoodie x reader

[leolingo]

(long post about purgatory and meta and rp)

sigh one thing ive been thinking is that it feels a bit unfair to see so many people complaining or doomposting over how purgatory affects the overarching qsmp rp story or how it ~interrupted arcs~ or is ~disturbing current storylines~ or ~narratively unsatisfying~ like. Sure. its a bit abrupt and most players were caught off guard because lore-wise it stems from the federation which means none of them were told about anything beforehand

but... its only been three days. maybe we could have a little faith? like idk ill be soooooo out there rn and say that maybe the admins did this now for a reason. maybe itll make sense later on. we already see lore repercussions with elquackity and his motives and all the nods to the eggs.

theres fair criticism to be made (when done respectfully) if youre mainly here for the roleplay but i feel like we sometimes need to remind ourselves that the qsmp storytelling is a VERY ambitious project. lmao. imagine being the writing team and trying to wrangle 20+ characters with distinct points of view and journeys on an ever-changing story because of the very nature of live rp. its practically IMPOSSIBLE to tie up every loose end neatly and at this point i dont think we should expect that. keeping up momentum with all plotlines must also be pretty hard, cc's schedules and outside factors like server programming and building and mod tweaking and all those meta elements considered and so on and so on

i DO also want the story to move forward and be cohesive and make sense in a satisfactory way. like i really do!!!!!!! but i try to understand that thats not ALL the qsmp is about. from the start quackity said the server wouldn't be exclusive to the rp aspect. it sure is that way right now, but thats because most of the active members are VERY passionate about roleplaying. thats a good thing! they have fun and its fun to watch and the experience is mostly good for everyone because it corresponds to their expectations to an extent

the thing about purgatory is that i feel like its a lot more meta than most people doomposting realize. it ties into the story, sure, but to me it feels like the sudden switch in environment and vibes and stakes isnt actually catered to the rp and thats FINE. like thats not what it exists for and thats fineeeeeee

pac for one has said he appreciates the event for the change of pace, though its very hard (lol), because regular qsmp was starting to feel a bit stale to him and he was kind of running out of things to do. THATS A GREAT THING! managing player engagement like that is awesome and sometimes necessary. YES, purgatory caters to a very different playstyle than what we're used to -- and thats one of its strenghts.

a lot of hispanic creators have also felt this!!!! roier, rivers and carre most prominently have been VERY excited about this event because its similar in format to a lot of spanish speaking events like mc extremo and such. a lot of these players are also not particularly interested in rp-ing and had not been logging on very often prior to purgatory.

even roleplay regulars like tubbo, fit and bbh have shown interest in purgatory for the competitive nature of the setting!!! thats cool too!!!! something different, new possibilities to play around with. thats what the events should be about. kudos to the admins and dev teams for attempting it in such a big scale. their effort shows and all the mechanics weve seen are really fucking cool

i love the roleplay!!!!!! its one of my favorite parts of the qsmp!!!!!! but its not ALL there is and it shouldnt be! non rp-oriented creators are also part of the project and deserve to have a little fun too -- not to mention a big chunk of the hispanic fan community that has blown up twitter with support bc what we have rn is similar to events they already love!!!!!!! im glad to see so many of them get excited again!!!!!!

at the end of the day, qsmp is a LONG long term project, and purgatory ends in two weeks. by the time its over, we can all choose to engage with it as we wish. it can be a big filler episode in your mind, if you want. it can be just for fun..... otherwise, if its not fun, your regularly scheduled qsmp will be back soon anyway :3 its fine to not like it, its fine to have something negative to say about it if properly tagged and not like. crazy entitled or blown out of proportion for what this situation is.

i just hope we can all manage our online experiences accordingly and avoid making things less enjoyable for each other. this is supposed to be fun

#rant kind of #i hate hate hate doomposting it drains me #lets not assume the worst!!!!!! lets wait and see!!!!!!! theres so much time!!!!!!! how about that #qsmp #discourse

[commander-wame]

expaaaansion update thoughts ( SotO spoilers) in no particular order

peitha ily forever

i wish there was more character building/connection. i don't mind taking commander/wayfinder away from their regular group and putting them in a new and unfamiliar dynamic, but seeing as zojja was a big selling point for the expansion n now she's just memory wiped and barely even present in the bagground.... ***eh***. :(

nayos is a very cool and pretty place. i like the events! exploration is neat as well. i really don't mind using story to help explore, even if the events-meter thingy is grindy at times.

that said ^ i am however worried that this Otherworldly Realm of Dreams that could Impact Tyria so much will just be confined to one map. and then... that's it. i mean i was really looking forward to more Cantha but instead we just ,, don't explore those implied plotlines or areas? the story feels pretty rushed :c

i miss tyria. i love tyria. i REALLLLY love tyria, tyria is so cool and diverse and grand with so much to see and so many stories to explore. nayos is cool but man do i love tyria. i want to know how everything is effecting tyria, IF anything is affecting tyria orz. the dragons arent/werent the only thing going down in tyria!!! theres so much there!!

but also getting whisked away to another dimension and not knowing What Else Is Up is also pretty cool. (but man. i LOVE tyria)

i DO like commander/wayfinder back in the role of sidekick/attack dog. i loved it with trahearne and i love it with peitha.

frustrated huff. im pretty satisfied with this expansion so far but also im not used to settling for 'pretty satisfied' when it comes to gw2, personally. i know they can't continue the way they used to, with long expansions and content-filled living world eps. but even if the living world ep was small, they usually still managed to pack a LOT of stakes into them!! i really hope they round the story off well, but with there being another expansion in the works already... hhhh...

i really wish we spent more time discussing and exploring the fractals introduced in the beginning of the expansion.

actually, i think what i really miss is taimi (or anyone) sending us on our way to collect every bit of data possible in every corner of a new map, with fun dialogue to accompany it.

i miss the characters we got to know in the first bit of the expansion. man first i dont get to see the guild, then i dont get to see zojja, now ive only goth Peitha and Galrath. i love you Peitha and Galrath 💕. but where's our buddies :( yeah i know they explained. but. hrmrmff.

like idk i was really expecting we'd get to spend more time with zojja at least, even when memory wiped. you're telling me being stuck with your old friend/coworker in a mysterious demon dream dimension while your old friend/coworker remembers nothing about the bond you two had except that you two had it at all doesnt sound like grounds for amazing dialogue?? cmon!!!!!!

i think thats all for now ! thanku for reading my wall of text (i didnt mean to dwell on negatives sm bc theres still quite a lot i really like!! but i just. know what gw2 can be at its best. and if gw2's best can't happen anymore then im still really happy ive got the best to replay whenever i want)

#honeydew talks #soto spoilers

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

hiiiiiiii we havent sent you any asks for some time. mostly because kanra didnt front much

[idk if you can recognize us after all the url changes]

ereyesterday our their of pissed suggested getting into an outpatient psychward and told us to think about it. and silver[headmate] made a post on the tumbler saying that this could be a bad idea because somewhat recently i made a hole in a wall and less than a week ago Lyra messed up a cupboard. as if we're the only ones who on occasion damage stuff when angered. this is literally so mean for no reason.

also. a few months ago shinra had an accident with a knife. and we got a fun new 1 inch long scar and possibly a little bit of nerve damage or something. and we were supposed to get some reminder tetanus shot around a month after that since i had no idea when was my previous tetanus shot. and i uhhhhhhh didn't get it since i'm scared of doctors, and it would probably seem quite weird if i went to a doctor about this now

also im sorta balding but. scared of doctors so cant do anything about that

last sunday i was in some social studies class or some other shit. and the teacher said something about how lgbt people were never oppressed in this country. which is a very bold thing to say as someone living in a country in which like a quarter of the area declared itself a "lgbt free zone" and only calmed down a little when the european onion told them that that's probably illegal. and i decided to argue with the teacher a bit. one of the things she said was that sometimes there's dudes in pup masks on pride parades, which invokes disgust and thus should be banned, and. idk why but i kinda expected teachers to have a bit more common sense than 14 year old twitter users. also i came to school wearing a spiked dog collar on a regular basis. [for reasons unrelated to kink.]

well. good thing i'm failing every single one of my classes lmao. at least i won't be invoking disgust in fragile old ladies

also. i just met a doggy and he was very niceys. very soft and friendly. and polite also.

- toby

HOW COULD I NOT RECOGNIZE U MY BESTIE IN CHRIST <3 u changed ur url a binch of times but ur icon remained the same sdlfndnfkjsnsdf so i was able to keep track!

i however do not understand a single word of that first paragraph. if u want my advice, DO NOT. FUCKING GO. TO A PSYCH WARD!!!!! idfc Who it helped, it hurts a lot more than it helps, theres NO WAY to tell which psych wards are good and which are shit. no really let me go thru them all rn:

REFERRALS: most professionals that work in different offices do not know each other on a personal level and may never hear of their bad stories. a doctor that was the chillest coolest doctor id ever met referred me to a psychiatrist that sucked fucking ass shit. there is no way to know for sure

GOOGLE REVIEWS: im gonna b real i dont trust some of those mfs. you seen the guys that go into psych wards? a lot of mentally ill people r internalizers and just accept whatever happens to them, and even if they arent, society looks down on the mentally ill SO MUCH that they could b told "you deserve this bc ur crazy" and due to all this societal gaslighting, theyd agree

REVIEWS ON OTHER WEBSITES: same thing lol

why is this so important? because you cannot Fucking leave a psych ward. an outpatient ward yeah you can leave, but ive been to both in and outpatient and they excert the same level of bullshit control over their patients. in outpatient, one of the therapist told me "you are not mentally ill" and made me cry lol. she MEANT to mean it in a "you're not mentally ill, you're ~suffering from a mental illness~ uwu dont let ur disorder define you" kinda way, but that concept was introduced in therapy..... two days after she told me this. like hello? and then she tried to spin it as like, it was a problem with Me i.e. My PTSD Was Triggered and not She Is Dog Shit At Timing The Explaining Of Concepts.

this place also invited my abuser into group therapy even after me incessantly telling them "this is my abuser, she will use all this against me" and yeah guess what she did immidiatley after lol

dont go to wards.

WRT THE KNIFE: damn :0 thats insane dude, hopefully the nerve damage will heal but from experience its gonna take like, a few years at minimum lmao. i had a Knife Incident involving my pinky and the nerve damage was so bad that i couldnt hold scissors w my pinky in the scissor loop thing but evenchually it got better but it took like 4 years. if the knife was clean and not rusty ur risk of tetanus is pretty low i THINK, do not quote me on this. if ur scared of doctors, look into if ur pharmacy offers tetanus shots! some pharmacies have vaccinations other than flu and covid (which i need 2 get lol rip) so u might be able to get one THERE and not see A Doctor about it!

u dont need a doctor for the balding. minoxidil my dear boy, its at walmart, its the stuff thats in rogaine. you want "minoxidil 5%" thats whats in rogaine, theres "minoxidil 3%" thats For Girls but idk ive never heard of anyone having a problem w it. IT IS TOXIC TO CATS THOUGH IT IS VERY VERY TOXIC TO CATS IF YOU HAVE A CAT DO NOT LET THEM FUCKING TOUCH YOU OR RUB ON YOU UNTIL IT DRIES ok? :) id google more if i were u but boom. problem solved. i am the doctor now

"dog masks invoke disgust and should be banned" babygirl disgust is subjective and like, someone could use that logic to ban whatever YOU like, or Are. maybe someone is really disgusted by lil old ladies bc the wrinkles look gross as fuck to them. should we quarrantine the grandmas?

also lol at the dig against 14 year old internet puritans and then surprise surprise guess what happened on This Very Blog while this ask was sitting n collecting dust!! i gotta b on my best behavior bc theres a nonzero chance that The Feds will be looking at this blog (did u know u dont report cybercrime to local police and instead theres a form on the fbi's website? Well Now You Know!) and that goes 4 all of u too. bart please be good..... for the love of GOD please be good....... please tell me yall know that simpsons scene

also also yay doggy!! was it a regular dog or a dude in a pup mask? either way very fun n cool!!!

#wasks #4 everyone else: im gonna turn asks back on but no anons for a lil while <3 #kanranon #missed u bestie!!!!! i was wondering when ud send another ask #tho ig ur not kanra ur toby sdjnksjdsndf but either way!! a message !!!

[pigtailpoll]

I really like the way you seeded this bracket so far. I mean at first i thought all the precure characters would sweep but apparently others do stand a chance. Are you going to do any other polls after this?

AH thanka you ajdjkckdkda !! im actually really surprised too , im not tht familiar w precure but i know it has a lot of different serieses and a huge fanbase plus i got SO many pretty cure submissions it was insane sjkdkqhfksijekcka . but even tho they arent sweeping i still think they can win , miyuki and ruru are currently in tha leads as i type this !! and theyve already been winning rounds , i thought xinyan would win because im moar familiar with genshin than precure i guess , but miyuki won that poll !! :D

i tried my best but im not familiar with most of the contestants actually !! so i kind of just had to guess ?? educated guesses , i mean . liek " oh genshin is a big fandom , ill put this genshin character against someone else whos from a big fandom , liek pokemon or something " you know ? actually in tha next round ( round 7 ) i feel liek one part of tha bracket is kind of unfair , but who knows , maybe theyll surprise me too . unfortunately theyre not all perfectly evenly matched so there are some weak spots here and there where im liek , well , i gotta put them SOMEWHERE BQJDJCKCKCKA even if it feels a little unfair . but again , i could be surprised !! i never expected gosalyn to maek it that far , for example , and shes in tha finals for round 5 now !! i didnt realize how popular she was since i dont know anything about her !! you gotta beleive in yrself 2 achieve in urself ♡

as for othar polls : yes , i am !! this is honestly a lot of work , especially in tha sorting through submissions stage , but its still also really fun . im already planning on doing a braids poll after this , because tha definition of pigtails does include braids , but for tha sake of narrowing things down this bracket is only including regular / non-braided pigtails . im also thinking of doing some other kinds after that , liek i wanted ta do a fictional fictional character poll , and i wanted to do a sibling one as well cause i know SO many sibling characters but i saw someone was already doing one liek that ajdjxkka !! maybe some tiem in tha future wen its been long enough that im not stepping on any toes , i mean itll be after tha braid one at least cause i already said id do that one

idk how to end this answer !! thanks for asking , hope you have a great day , bye !! :D 💖🌈🍀

#pigtailpoll #pigtail poll #mun speaks

[flockofdoves]

i recognize that cats are like. infamous for begging for food and meowing like theyve never been fed in their lives

and also i recognize when i first moved in my roommate was like 'don't worry if the cat meows at you her old owner overfed her so she's always begging for food but i have her on a special diet with specific proportions on a regular schedule so you don't have to feed her when she begs at you'

but also with my roommate leaving for a week without telling us and just setting out extra food but then not responding at all to my texts (or acknowledging this at all after she got back) i sent 4 days into that week when the cat almost was out of food asking if she was coming back that day or should i start feeding her cat and if so what portions she feeds her cat and at what times. plus also that while idk how much cats poop per bowel movement, it does seem to me like the litter box looks almost as full as it was when i scooped it after 4 days of my roommate being gone and she pooped on the floor (i feel really bad about that i should have looked up how often litterboxes should be scooped as soon as i noticed my roommate set out extra food for her, even if ofc she should've given a heads up or timeline or any info when me and my gf have been clear we've never lived w cats before)

like. it makes me not sure what to trust :(

like i almost never see her feed her and i recognize we have kinda different schedules (although a lot of times shes home but just in her room and i cant hear her so dont even realize shes home) and that the cat eats fast the times i have seen her eat so its hard to figure out the situation

and it sucks bc theres like no safe side to lean on bc either way could be harmful for the cat if i'm mistaken

the only real way to know would be something deranged and unethical like a camera monitoring the litterbox and food bowl lmao. so like idk the only normal solutions i can think of are just like. trying to spend as much time as possible downstairs on days when me and my gf aren't doing anything to see what happens? taking pictures of the empty bowl to see if the crumb positions look different later and taking pictures of the litterbox to see if it looks worse later? but even then its not very conclusive

and of course i'd love to propose like. idk. putting up a little white board seeing if shes got fed yet but. shes not my cat and im not the one directly responsible for feeding her and proposing that potentially either could sound like i dont trust my roommate or some ridiculous thing to assuage my anxiety that makes her do extra work or if she really is hiding neglect that wouldn't necessarily do much depending on what her routine is compared to mine and also maybe proposing that would make boundaries unclear and make her think she could rely on me for stuff like that without having to communicate it first

idk part of me worries also considering that shes started just like. taking me and my gfs dishes (which are in an entirely separate cabinet) and using them when never asking if thats cool with us as roommates. and like theoretically i love to share things ofc as long as people are considerate but some of those dishes and pots have been sitting out dirty for over a week now so unless i see her around (feel insane like just jumping to texting about that) im sure at this rate me and my gf will have to clean these encrusted dirty dishes and pots and stuff whenever we need them again, that maybe despite her saying before that i wouldnt need to worry about feeding the cat, that somehow without communicating either that as an expectation when i've checked in with her about her preferences in cohabitating or communicating details to us as ppl w no experience taking care of cats that she expects taking care of her cat to be an equal task for all of us. and like of course the most important thing to me is that this cat is healthy and okay and i wouldn't mind helping out even if i'd slightly prefer not having the responsibility of a pet foisted on me at this point in my life and from past communication expected just like. vibing while she took care of it as her pet. but god that just needs to be communicated by her. itd be scary to me if there is neglect happening and if it was happening that it was happening bc she just expected me and my gf to know exactly when and what to do with every day cat care.

so yeah. ig just gonna try my best to monitor stuff over the next couple days to understand the situation better and just communicate from there :(

any advice appreciated tho tbh god idk

#cpost #animal neglect -

[vaguely-yandere]

omg!! chami chami!! thanks for always taking the time to respond and write out such long, meaningful responses!! u really do spoil me sm!! :D

that being said OMG pls dont take what i said about being friends too seriosuly!! i mean, ofc i wanna be friends w you but in my mind i meant like. just sending asks every so often and talking w u kinda like how we are rn!! i dont need you to remember my interests or anything!! anything i wanna discuss will be put in an ask, like i have been so far!! the great thing about asks is that YOU as the author get to choose when you respond to me!! the only reason i brought up how you might recognize my username is only bc i feel a little embarrassed liking everything and then sending messages on anon, it feels counterintuitive bc i feel like youll just know its me anyways. but please!! dont feel pressured into keeping my likes and dislikes into account bc i dont expect you to :3 were friends as in: i send in my silly little asks and you respond when u want and if u want!! <333

also, luckily im actually really good at setting boundaries!! one of my friends said that the only reason some of the people back in highschool didjt like me was because they thought they could step all over me without me complaining. im really friendly but i let people when i have a problem, which surprisingly, a lot of people cant comprehend?? the ‘mature adults’ were nowhere to be seen LOL ig it was back in highschool but still.

on another note, i honestly love taking up space (when its appropriate!) but i really dont want to overwhelm you!! i do have a tendency to talk a lot and freely express what i think (which is like. 4892992 things all at once as you may have noticed) this ties back into the whole ‘you choose when to respond’ thing bc i can wait as long as i need to to hear from you <33 i love hearing about ur yan OC’s(?) so far!! also dw, everything we discuss is purely fictional and for our silly little imaginations!! fantasy purposes only!! i just wanna make that clear for your comfort :D also idk if i made it clear enough but i am NOT in hs anymore, im a uni student and over 18 i just wanted to make that extra clear so you dont think im a minor!!

ONE LAST THING (i promise i’ll shorten these asks in the future omg): i could be wrong but im kinda getting the feeling you run a little on the mean side when it comes to yanderes(?) which is funny bc im a little on the opposite!! like im imagining us in a room w one of ur yans and theyre like all kneeling at ur feet and stuff while they shake and cry while you degrade them and step on them versus me maybe patting their head and holding them close afterwards to soothe them…the whiplash…<33 i mean, i have a little bit of a mean streak in me too, but i would feel too guilty to be TOO mean to ur yans whereas i feel like you wouldn’t care about that kinda thing and just go all out HAHA i could be wrong lmk!!! but it’s cool to know ur love language is acts of service!! i think that was my second highest, with my top being words of affirmation!! could u tell LOL

- sunny!! <3

aaa sunny darling!! youre spoiling ME with conversation!! honestly, answering asks is significantly easier for me than regular conversation because my monologues are much more socially acceptable and it also just tend to take pressure off of both parties! so dont feel pressured to send in a buncha asks! i just respond so often and so quickly because i too have many many thoughts and many words in my head and typing them out is very helpful! like a journal! and thank you for clarifying you arent a minor and its so nice knowing other people who tend to be disliked because theyre very sure in who they are! i used to struggle with setting boundaries which is very odd because of my personality and now, because i look very idk doormat-y, ppl commonly think they can walk all over me (another reason i like submissive yanderes/characters! they take me seriously from the start without turning me into a mother figure and dont have a weird complex that prevents them from seeing me as a fully functioning adult)

i also love talking a lot and taking up space when appropriate! ironic because i have agoraphobia dkajhfad but its also nice meeting ppl who are very much like me :33! and use yanderes and darker writing as a release from reality or just a nice fantasy instead of using my ideas as examples which has happened before because im pretty talented at writing horror or disturbing or niche things! twas not fun realizing the fanbase you gathered didnt understand the reason why you were writing the things you were writing!

also, dont shorten your asks!!!!! they took away the word limit on them for a REASON!!!! abuse your lack of a word limit to the fullest extent!!!

i do kinda run on the mean side when im being dominant, it kinda makes me feel a bit bad because i have issues even being fake mean but i just love humiliating my yanderes! seeing them get all red, teary eyed, its just so cute (i say that a lot lol)! besides, its so fun knocking them down a few pegs (sometimes with pegging for comedic sake) via some spanking, a slap, and a healthy dose of degrading! with a healthy amount of consent checks as well and soft stuff to balance it out <3 but i think it would be so funny seeing, say, the sensitive yandere having two darlings (the poor thing can barely handle one!!) where one is fairly mean and very degrading, teasing them for their issues controlling themselves, making fun of how red their face is, overstimulating them a bit and then getting passed to darling two who gently cleans them up and kisses away their tears and coos praises to them! their head would be spinning!

which i guess is also the allure of predatory darling! an aggressive side and a gentle side! perfect for everyone! <3

#sunny darling #darling #asks

[1d1195]

🎀-anon

So, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? (If you did ask for manicure too)

You deserve all the cute stuff in the world😭🎀 I got up from a very long nap. My head is hurting, but that's fine. I'll take some painkillers, but anyway, so..oh! Yes! I have a lot of exams rn uni is very stressful and I'm only a sophomore😭 but I do care about every class cause I have a lot of dreams and I will hopefully achieve them one day. Btw I'm studying English literature and translation (Arabic - English). I'm an Arab!

Yk, sometimes I feel like I'm the mom in my group of friends, too but getting to know more people i learned that my bff is the mom shes always telling ppl off when they are being rude go me like the other day a colleague of ours was like twlling me that "i dont know anything about Hamlet" like literally 5 minutes before the exam (was she expecting me to help her cheat?)😭😭 so my friend was like oh and what should we do? She's so awesome.🎀

So my exams today went well, pretty well. I don't know why I stress sm when I do well, but I'm thankful. I STILL HAVE 3 OTHER 😭 I literally hate this lifestyle but I'm just a girl yk?

So my ex friend.. well she was toxic from the beginning but I don't know why I kept her I just think she wasn't as bad? Like well she is a bit of a pick me (I'm not trying to talk bad about her I swear I just can't find a suitable description other than that) so when the doctors started acknowledging me in classes she came up to me and started making conversations. So I noticed that she was toxic when she was convincing me to give her answers and when she took my notes without even asking and always, always turning the tables. I swear to God it took me a year and a half to make the decision of cutting her off. Even the prof who I was doing the presentation for and stopped her from ruining it noticed and she talked to me asking me what happened and that she always saw us together, but I didn't want to talk bad about her I just said that I think we're better now and that I don't want to get back to that state again (overthinking if I am the one who's being a lot and not respecting the other person's feelings) but to be honest the breaking point was when she said that I'm trying to show myself off in the presentations we did together I was deeply hurt and the next week she and her circle (one of them being the first girl I knew in campus) but they all sent me looks without talking to me I was with my other group of friends like usual and when I talked to my other friend, mutual friend, she said that the ex friend talked about me with all of them and told them that "I changed and I don't hang out with them anymore and that I am a lot of other stuff" so I decided to stand for myself and now I don't even care about her she's just being rude for no reason (idk why my haters are increasing by time😭 they're just being rude but when I don't act as kind as I did back as a freshman they just hate on me but I don't care that's how we should be right?)

So yeah.. that's the whole story💕💕💕

I STILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GUY WHO ACTS LIKE THE WICKED STEP MOTHER😭😭😭 HE'S AN ASSHOLE ALWAYS TRYING TO HARASS ME AND SOMETIMES MY FRIENDS I HATE HIM OHHH THATS GONNA BE A LONG ONE TELL ME IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT?😭

My pedicure was good! I picked like this light blue sparkly color. I'm a little bummed it smudged a little (I did a regular pedicure not gel).

I'm sorry about the headache I hope it's gone away since you messaged! As always, I'm so in awe of anyone that can speak two languages. I can barely speak English and it's the only language I know 😭 It sounds like your bff is the best! I love that for you! THREE MORE EXAMS?! You are a trooper.

As for your toxic ex-friend: the very first thing you said? You're not sure why you kept her around? I don't want to put words in your mouth (nor compare yourself to me, I know we're still getting to know each other). I for one have kept a lot of people in my life who I probably shouldn't have for much longer than they needed to be. I tend to naively see the best in everyone even if it's harmful to myself. Unfortunately, I'm wrong a lot. But on some level they WERE your friend, right? Like you did things together, had stuff in common, for better or for worse there was a connection and I don't think that's something that just happens and it's hard to just ignore that connection past it's prime if you will.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, that's something I definitely DO NOT do. I'm glad you have a good friend group to support you and that you're pulling away from your ex-friend. It's natural to grow apart from friends that no longer help you be the best version of yourself so I'm glad you have a group of friends that are kind and lovely towards you 💕

You can tell me all the tea of whoever you want! Bring on the wicked step mother! 😈

xoxo

#🎀

[eggmuffinwaffles]

🕯️

ok i cant tell but i think this emoji has 2 questions attached to it so fuck it we ball ig idk which one u meant so ill answer both

was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

outside of just. regular burnout/etc. i think the fairy AU is definitely a fic that ended up taking me to a place i did not expect. this was supposed to be a 5k angst prompt and it ended up dragging me down a like 60k journey projecting so much onto hugo it was great truly the most unexpected brainworm ive ever had

how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i got lots of Feelings on this that could be its own essay since i am definitely witnessing people Not engage with fandom in a healthy way (cough tall varian anon cough cough) but i think fandoms are at their healthiest when its a community built to support each other versus a community that fosters competitiveness/makes people feel pressured to put in energy they might not have.

i have Really bad generalized anxiety so dealing with anxiety while interacting with fandom is. an entire thing- usually it means i need to take steps back when im getting too chronically online/invested in things that literally don't matter or push myself out of my comfort zone (it took me. So Long to get the confidence to interact in comments let alone on social media). usually i just have to make sure im being honest with myself about my boundaries so that i know what they are and i can communicate when they're crossed- and also making sure im not letting myself feel pressured to create to impress people/make other people happy which i think is unfortunately a common mindset that can burn people out -> which reminder that you dont owe anyone anything. absolutely anything. fandom is for you- it's your hobby. if you don't want to read something, comment on something, write something, draw something, that's for you to decide and no one gets to guilt you for doing that. kisses for everyone reading this i love you and an extra big kiss to all the silent fandom members reading this you're so valid do what makes you feel comfortable with your limited free time

[a-wild-things-rambles]

i in a bit of a weird time rn. ive been majorly online in some form since 2020, but only in the last months of 22 did i start posting/creating anything to more than discord servers and friends.

as you can see with the new icon and the fact ive posted more art in a few days that i have... ever on this blog, im readdressing my proiritys when it comes to our beloved interweb. my 'successful' pieces of art were gifts to bigger creatives. ive done lot of fandom stuff, and been inspired by the creatives around me.

but emulation isnt good for the self. ive had alot of issues with going from traditional to digital, especially with the gap in expertise, ive learnt and grown [albeit in my own stubborn way without getting help] and how for fictional characters its hard to get refrences.

i am a visual artist, i work best of pictures or models, not having to fuiger out what things look like and how body's work. i have done some stunning [if i say so myslef] graphite drawing which while not 100% photo-realistic are pretty damn close. i have trialed and error-ed my way through the basics, and i can do things like the dick grayson alone anamatic with fast and quick drawings of bodys in motion.

as i mentioned earlier, the bone/skeleton pieces are not just easier and more interesting for me to do, but a lot less stressful, i do them for myself, for my skills, and how i see light.

going forward id say to expect less fandomy stuff. more still lifes and objects and buildings. ill still do people drawings but their not my favorite to do. im not gonna never do anything fandom related ever again. but dont expect it id say.

an artists journey is a long and ever changing one, im still slowly getting a 'style' and i think moving to subjects i enjoy drawing more will help me avoid burnout and stress. art is my relaxing thing to do after long hours and stressful days, and i want to keep it that way.

as i grow even more conscious of the future and jobs and all that, i want to grasp my freedom i have right now, use it to make stuff i enjoy, and maybe get my own little corner of the internet, being able to continue my art through the years ahead. i want to get something im good at. to be the neon skeleton artist. or the bones bitch. gain an identity and something for being me and doing what i enjoy.

idk. this dosent mean much change. but i hope yall stick with me for whatever happens. ive really enjoyed tumblr and everything so far, thank you for sticking around, beloved mutuals new and old, and all the regulars in my notifs! and everyone who has liked or shared or commented on my works, it means the world and has got me though a lot.

#thebirdspeaks #not much is gonna change #but id like a style and artistic identity #something me in the ever shifting world we live in

[hopeididntscareyou]

Omg its Taylors birthday and he did go out of his way to make the time and effort for me, and im here being a shitty person just not doing more than i know that he deserves. I knew its his birthday days prior but i also thought i could just get away with the bare minimum but now that he surprised me and did that on his birthday, wheres hes the one whos supposed to be spoiled and all that, im now ridden with so much guilt

im really terrible at making people feel special on their birthdays ugh. Idk.. Taylor keep on saying im being too hard on myself and its just a regular day for him but Idk i just have a high expectation for myself during birthdays. I know i could do so much more. Because birthdays of people i love are the best things that ever happened in the world and is therefore meant to be celebrated. I mean.. how could I not celebrate their existence?! Even in Jeans bdays i never gave her gifts i would always give her something a few months after. I dont know im just so bad at this i prefer making people feel special on random days of the year when I really feel like it.

I guess i'm still jaded for being such a giving person to the wrong people for a long time, that i really have low energy these days to put the same effort anymore. Its not that i am thinking that the friends that i have right now aren't worth it, but its kind of a subconscious thing i guess. I dont really consciously think about it, its more automatic where i dont think about anything too much but just dont do anything and have a little lingering feeling of burnt out. Then the reality would hit me and I would realize how unfair I am being. This isnt an excuse though. I want to be able to show how i care genuinely and im working on it

[familyofpaladins]

*puts idea of lmk x bnha crossover into your brain :)*

(Just imagine the kids interacting aaaaa <3<3<3)

@berryblu-arts thank you for this ask, it brightened my mood and also apparently I have more thoughts on this than I realized lol

Sutsjgdkgxfjsutd HONESTLY I WAS SORTA THINKING ABOUT THIS THE OTHER DAY

When I drive to work I listen to music and theres certain songs that I have amv ideas for (which will never happen because I dont have the skills/tools to make them😔) for mha, and not that I've got lmk brainrot , I'm going "oh this song works for lmk too" 👀

Specifically like, Izuku and MK are very similar. Regular Kid given extraordinary power by a person who they've looked up to and admired for years. Then being trained by said person, who as best as they try, not necessarily the best teacher (not that they dont care or arent trying. Just . Miss some points on teaching their protege). The Dad and Son type relationship between them.

So like, if Izuku and MK met, they'd start talking about their experience and be like !!!!! SAME!!! *spiderman meme*

Also, Izuku has his notebooks and MK has his biography of Monkey King, and they'd share those and point out how well drawn things are and how detailed everything is. Itd be very cute .

I think MK and Denki would also get a long well. Like they'd both have that excitable-enegry-with-no-focus thing, and I think they'd like playing video games together.

Tang and Izuku would start to share interests and knowledge and it's just an hour of intense mumbling as they share all the information in their brains.

Izuku, MK, and Tang are the ultimate fanboy group.

Ppffffff Red Son and bakugo would get on like a house fire hdjshdskals. They'd immediately fight each other after they both call each other "peasant/extra!". Everyone else is gettign along fine, but these two are just starting fires and exploding stuff in the background ("How DARE you call Me an Extra! Do you know who I am?!" "Why would I know some random extra loser!!! And I'm no PEASANT! IM THE MURDER EXPLOSION GOD-" )

Now Red Son and Aoyama, now THEY would get along I think. Idk why, they just do.

Mei would be best friends with Mina, they have the same energy and they would be absolutely unstoppable. Imagine them going to the mall and/or arcade. Someone separate them now before they take over the world.

Actually I think Mei would get along great with all the girls. Mei and Tsu like each others blunt honesty. Uraraka and Mei would also be very good friends, cheerful and bubbly, but with that hidden murderous determination. They get into a friendly sparing match. Kirishima would also join in.

If mineta tried anything with mei she would absolutely yeet him across the room with no remorse. But possibly before anything would happen, she'd give him the Dragon Death Glare and he'd be terrified to approach

Momo would have a lovely tea session with Sandy, and they talk for like. 3 hours straight just about tea. Sandy also provides some good advice for her about anxiety and stress and self worth.

Todoroki spends most of the day in Sandy's house petting all of the cats. But I think he would also listen to any stories that Tang tells. (Todoroki after listening to Tang tell stories about Monkey King and MK: .... is MK monkey king's secret love child?") He and Red Son might also have a heart to heart about meeting angry fathers' expectations, and how they're trying to be better. Also Fire Powers (TM)

Sandy also tries some anger management with Bakugo. It is about 30% successful.

Pigsy and Bakugo actually get a long great (theres a lot of yelling, but that's just how they communicate to each other), because they have about the same temperament and bond over cooking (and kicking the others out of the kitchen when they start to be disasters). Satou also gets to stay in the kitchen and helps make noodles and actually teachers a dessert recipe to Pigsy.

All the kids just talk a lot about what powers each of them have. And quirks vs being a demon/descended from dragons/random kid given a punch of powers from ancient being. "So you have dragon powers but can you turn INTO a dragon?" "If you can make extra hands can you also make extra feet??" "What's the heaviest thing you can lift?" Are you actually turning into flames or just transporting with flames???" "Who Has The Hottest Flaaaames!!!" "Holy crap MK has a lot of powers" "kinda like Midoriya" "wait I thought you guys said everyone only has one quirk" "... uuuuuhh its complicated???"

Aizawa walks in and is just like... goddammit not more over powered teenagers. But then also adopts them. Aizawa's quirk doesn't work on MK and co (because their powers arent quirks), but his Glare does get them to stop whatever they doing, so its basically the same.

(Funny bonus: when I first watched the show, when macaque's big shadow form thing was first shown, my first thought was "Giant Evil Monster Aizawa")

#Aaaa thank you sheo for the excuse to mash my two current favorite fandoms together #Todo likes Pigsy noodles but would prefer them cold soba #Pigsy would either accept that and view it as valid or it would offend him #I'm not sure on the cultural cusine differences between cold soba and the noodles that Pigsy makes #But tang is the one to snitch free bowls for him to eat and this is when Pigsy starts kicking people out of the kitchen. #But Pigsy does try to teach todo how to properly chop vegetables #lmk x bnha #Monkie kid / my hero academia crossover #Lmk #Lego monkie kid #Mha #Bnha #Lmk mk #qi xiaotian #Lmk mei #Lmk red son #lmk pigsy #lmk tang #Lmk sandy #Izuku midoriya #Bakugo katsuki #Todoroki shouto #Momo yaoyorozu #Kaminari denki #Tsuyu asui #Mina ashido #Class 1a #Aizawa shouta

[altschmerzes]

hello! sorry if this question is too personal and you really dont have to answer if you dont want to but like. how did you know you were aro? its just something that ive been wondering about myself for a while.

i'm happy to answer! it's the sort of thing i don't at all mind talking about, i welcome questions and discussion about anything aro anyone would like to talk about as long as they arrive in good faith. it's an extremely major part of my identity, more than pretty much anything else lately.

so obviously this is different for everyone, but here's how it happened for me, in terms of figuring out i was aro. i'll put it under a cut for length (i'm so sorry, i ended up saying. so much. most of it is probably not even relevant to your question.) and also for some potentially upsetting content, re: internalized arophobia and having difficulty coping with one's identity.

so i didn't actually come across the term aromantic until i was maybe fifteen or so, after i'd already come to identify as asexual

(for a variety of reasons, i don't actually identify with "asexual" as a label anymore, as a brief digression. this is a recent choice for me re: what feels right for myself. i'm choosing not to identify a sexual orientation anymore at all, like - 'what are you?' aromantic. 'yeah but like are you asexual too or' Just Aro. i'm just gonna be identifying with the part that FOR ME is the important part, not the part people would like to shove on me and then make the only part they talk about. like, am i ace? idk, man, probably! to be honest though i don't really know! and like, what's more it doesn't really. impact my life at this point? i don't have strong or even moderate feelings about my sexual orientation. i don't blame anyone for that assumption, it's just that even when like... fictional characters are confirmed aroace (when that. happens. usually via word of godTM), people will OFTEN only engage with the ace part if they acknowledge that canon identity at all, and i'm tired of living the real-life equivalent when i don't even know if that's how i'd describe myself! at any rate. in terms of identity and words for identity lately, i'm aro and queer and that's the end of that.)

ANYWAYS. to return to the point. i encountered the word in passing on a website to do with asexuality and it started being something i thought about periodically in the back of my mind, which was actually a really upsetting experience at first. i had a pretty strong reaction to concluding i was asexual originally, it freaked me out even though it clearly fit me, and i could only really get myself to calm down about it when i reminded myself over and over that i was still 'normal' that i could 'still date and love and have relationships'. which is obviously an arophobic way to present asexuality, and was a huge warning sign of the massive internalized arophobia i was dealing with. it took me a WHILE to accept i even might be aromantic, never mind start identifying that way.

after i concluded that i was aro, it didn't really... get easier, not right away. not for a while, actually. when i first directly identified to myself that 'i am aromantic' i had an epic freak-out that outshone the way i freaked out at my (then) asexual identity by a hundred-fold. i'm talking i literally for over a week afterwards had regular, as in several times daily, panic attacks about it. given my family situation and the way society as a whole portrays and expects friendships to be temporary, situational things that fade as people 'grow up' and get 'real' relationships, i always saw romantic relationships as my only chance for actual love and the ability to build a safe and loving family. i was petrified of being alone and unloved, and that something was deeply wrong with me or missing from me for being unable to love the 'correct' way.

(obviously, this is bullshit. dominant western us american society and the narratives we're exposed to through it are... wrong. i am a person who feels a lot of love very deeply and profoundly, for the people in my life and the world at large, and i am in turn deeply and profoundly loved by the friends that have come to form my support system. i also really want to be in a queerplatonic relationship - i think i would be very happy in that kind of relationship, and i'm very interested in the idea of marrying someone i'm not romantically attached to. these were all things i didn't really... comprehend as options when i had that enormous, terrified reaction. (there is nothing wrong with aromantic people who don't feel love or connected to the concept of love at all, or who don't want any kind of partnered life or relationship, of course. that is just not my experience and it's not dismissive or erasing of those experiences to talk about mine.))

(i was also on tumblr and having this internal journey at pretty much the exact peak of 'ace discourse' and the rampant, unchecked, EXTREME ace- and arophobia on this website. it was absolutely everywhere, and it came from seemingly everyone. it wasn't just fine, it was cool. seemed like everyone thought it was funny and that ace and aro people were acceptable, even applaudable targets who needed to be put in their place. this doesn't happen so much anymore, but there are definitely still people out there who behave like this. that scared the shit out of me and actually re-closeted me for a while after i came out and experienced the force of it.)

as for HOW i concluded i was aro once i found out about it though, to back-track a little bit and hopefully address your actual question (i'm SO SORRY), it was actually laughably obvious in hindsight.

when i was young, i just. made up crushes. when my classmates and friends pestered each other and me about crushes, and saying 'no one' or not answering only made it into a much bigger deal, i looked around our class and picked the nicest or most tolerable boy i saw and was like okay, him. that's my crush. i was taken completely by surprise when friends started dating people or my classmates started dating each other. it often took me a while to catch on, and i was confused as hell every time. it actually annoyed me a lot, because everybody was suddenly caught up in all this bullshit i didn't understand or want anything to do with and the things that used to be interesting and fun were getting ignored and made weird by all the drama. people being upset about not dating and pining about people they wanted to date did not make sense to me at all - in my head, as a young elementary and middle schooler, i was like. "you could just go over and be friends with them, why are you making such a big deal about this."

then i hit high school, and the point at which it seemed... weird that i wasn't dating and wasn't dating and wasn't dating while it seemed like everyone else was and people were getting Weird about me not dating. and so i dated. or.......... tried to. two or three times, i tried to date, with people i thought were genuinely lovely and fun to be around who i wanted to know better and wanted to develop more emotional and physical intimacy with. (i'm a physically affectionate person, and this is important to me. this was another reason that i was upset about identifying as aro - it felt like things like frequent hugs aside from brief squeezes with friends leaving events or something, cuddling, etc, most if not all types of physical intimacy were just. lost to me. which is also not the case! it's all about the specific boundaries and comfort levels in individual relationships, not the nature of those relationships.)

these attempts did Not Work. as soon as it became about dating, about romance or attempting to enter a romantic relationship, my entire self revolted at the idea. i felt physically nauseated even just thinking about the person i was trying to date, and in one notable case with a very sweet boy in my high school freshman class when i was 14/15, we went on a few dates and do a dance together, and then the bad feelings and panic and revulsion built up in me until i sent him a frantic text essentially going I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE LEAVE ME ALONE and avoided him at school to such an extent that if i saw him in the hall i'd walk the other way. i did Not handle that well, as we can see. he was a good, lovely person, and he didn't deserve that. i actually looked him up on facebook a few years later and sent a message explaining and apologizing, and he was very sweet about it, no hard feelings, and we wished each other well.

the older i got the more annoyed and repulsed i felt by romance in fiction. fandom was a huge part of my life in my teens (and now!) and fiction narratives have always been monumentally important to me. they're how i've communicated my feelings and experiences, understood myself and others, and found meaning. fiction and fandom in particular also have increasingly drove me out of my fucking mind with the extreme, overwhelming emphasis on romance often to the exclusion and degradation of all else. it started out confusing and irritating me, and got to the point of being actively triggering for me. i joke sometimes that recently i've become more romance repulsed by the day, but it's true.

also - one of the bigger barriers to my choosing to identify as aromantic, outside of internalized arophobia and my fears associated with it, was the question of 'well, how do i know for sure.' it's hard to prove a negative, you know? what if i was wrong? what if i just hadn't met the right person yet? what if it changed? and it took me a while to reach this point but where i'm at now is like. well, maybe! so what if i am wrong? so what if i do meet someone later in life that i end up attracted to? that doesn't make anything about my current life wrong or untrue, and it's no guarantee. the identity label of aromantic has brought me more comfort and understanding and joy in who i am and where i fit in the world than i can express. so i'm going to identify this way, loudly and proudly, and if that changes later on, which it might but i frankly doubt it, i will never regret the time i've spent as aromantic and in the aromantic community.

so in conclusion: i'm so sorry this ended up being a meandering textbook around my whole. experience with coming to identify as aro, good bad and confusing, i hope there was something useful to you in there! as for figuring this out for yourself, i wish i could be more help! everyone is different and every aro's experience is different. i've found some useful tools, including a very cool list of 'you may be aromantic if...' statements that weren't comprehensive or universal obviously but was enlightening and helpful. if you want to chat further, please feel free to reach out any time, on or off anon. please know there is nothing i'm more thrilled to discuss than aromanticism in any context. it's very important to me, and i wish i got to talk about this sort of thing more.

mostly, i'd like to say this to you, and to anyone else debating whether or not to use the term or identify as aromantic:

you are welcome here. if the term brings you peace or understanding, you are welcome here. if you choose to identify this way for five days or five years or for the rest of your life, you are welcome here. if it turns out you're wrong, or if you change your mind, or whatever, you are welcome here. if you're questioning, you are welcome here. and i'll happily take up and throw down with anyone who tries to say otherwise.

#gav gab #gav answers #aro blogging #aromantic #actuallyaromantic #sorry this is so long oy #anyways it was. a wild ride but #i hope this is in some way helpful!