#idk what to say im alive i guess

[dreemurr-skelememer]

I'm gonna be anonymous when I say this because I have seen this done by many people... I strongly dislike the "Error and Nightmare gang are the good guys and trying to make the universe stable while The star sanses are the idiots who will not see reason" .. Like... I .. really? I'm not sure if the reason why I don't like it is because I have seen it so many times or what but it annoys me dearly. The members of the star sanses are reasonable and they are just often made as one sided ignorant people- I mean okay Lets go on the different pov, on the bad sanse side: You see them risk their lives every day getting themselves hurt over and over again all to defend different worlds for the sake of bringing what they believe to be peace and you label them as the fools who just want all the glory- really??? people who get hurt over and over again just do it for that stupid reasons??? I mean come on! Seeing as generally it is shown that the bad sanses want peace as well why not be trying to reach an agreement??? you fight over and over again and you couldn't even be bothered to try and reach their heads to finally listen to what you are saying like what "in a way" dream has done with nightmare countless times but they cant do the same? Just have them fight knowing that the other side are in the wrong and you choose to do nothing but break them?? Like is this your pride or something?? Why are they labelled as good guys yet they allow the other side to fight to their deaths with a good motive in mind but they only lack the full picture?? How am i suppose to "root for you" if this is what you do????? We get inside information of how peaceful they are and how they care for each other deeply, but if you care so much for each other why would you allow the other side to keep fighting your loved ones when they are missing the big picture, you know the big picture yet you say... NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH!! you cannot tell me that they don't listen to you when you barely speak up about the true issue or find a way to show them- you maybe say it once or twice in the whole story and then any other time you go straight to fighting or just avoid them.. COWARDS!! ALL OF THEM!! And in these stories the star sanses always state their reasons for their interference yet you cannot tell them why you are doing this?? All that comes out your mouth are insults and sneers, who would want to believe you when that is all the comes out of your MOUTHS... Excuse me... Just pissed sorry for the long rant.. Oh my gosh AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON DREAM AND NIGHTMARE, DUDE YOU GOT THE BALLS TO BLAME YOUR KID BROTHER FOR BEING A KID AND NOT RECOGNISING YOUR TRAUMA EVEN NOW AS YOU ARE MUCH MORE MATURE AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO REALIZE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU BOTH AS CHILDREN????? Is he the one holding onto the past or is it you??? Night is always depicted as the dadmare, boss, the caring lover, the brother yet he doesn't even have the decency to face the fact he abandoned his brother in stone for 500 years or so, when he comes out you automatically hate him for something he had no idea or control of and choose to ignore his pleads, when your brother wants to reach you, you break him over and over again not wanting him in your life ever again when as i said before he was your "KID BROTHER" and you want to tell me your the good one for just wanting to cut him off with no answers or anything? You gotta be pulling my leg bro... and it would be a different story if the dreamtale background is different but no! it isnt! nothing is said to make it seem dream was an abuser of sorts, they were both hurt and yet you blame dream for all of it you have a whole ass support system yet that is your mindset??? I cant.... I really cant Uh sorry again for this long ass rant though =w=

anon our souls are holding hands resonating as one

my two cents on this (that isn't something i said. a million times before already) is that it's usually because people refuse to see the star sanses in the same light they do the bad sanses the people who actively dislike the star sanses and what they do usually do so because they can't relate to them, from what i've noticed

the bad sanses are easier to root for because of the fact that they are made of struggle and the dirty, gritty parts of morality and life so to say it's easier to think of good things in the middle of so much bad, because it's in our nature as people to look for hope or root for the good, no matter how little it is having the ability to look for goodness and love in so much evil is a form of love in of itself everybody struggles and life sucks and sometimes the world is evil and sometimes we do bad things, but that's the thing, the fact that we as people find something good in the middle of it all (like finding familial love bloom in the bad sanses, as an example) is very inspiring. at least to me!!! that's how i see it!!!! that's how i like to think people see it as well because that's how i see and enjoy them together so i can totally see why people find more relatability and love for the bad sanses. i really do get it and i agree!! like a lot!!!!! i love them too

but that exact reason is also why it really sucks that people just don't see the star sanses in the same light?

i wanna reemphasize my point in relatability: it's difficult for most people to relate to the star sanses because inherently they are the heroes, the protagonists, the main characters, because nobody are any of those things i feel like people often put them on a pedestal because of their central tropes and characteristics. they have it all already, they don't need more praise, right?

i think the biggest problem people have with the star sanses, like your whole ramble very clearly shows, is that they don't humanize them i feel like a lot of people assume that just because they are good and choose to be good and are praised for being good, they are unreachable people don't think they struggle. that it sucks being that.

it's often why i like writing the star sanses with so much struggle and so much mental illness lol, because being good is fucking HARD and they're as imperfect as everybody else. dream is anxious, ink is brash, blue is a workaholic, stuff like that

there's a lot to say but it's just....the bad sanses and the star sanses are two sides of the same coin. the bad sanses is finding good in the middle of, basically, evil and misdeed the star sanses is finding struggle in the middle of trying to do good

people often portray both of them black and white morals and it's why it gets frustrating and flat and badly written.

idk, just like how i find inspiration in the bad sanses of finding hope and love in the middle of darkness, i really admire the implications of the star sanses when you actually decide to humanize them. because if you make the star sanses struggle throughout their praise, glory, and righteousness, it's...really admirable that they still choose to do good.

like you said, the star sanses risk their lives often and fight, offering treaties and agreements, just to make things right that's so??? admirable????? like for the amount of times the bad sanses fucking fight them, i genuinely would've just given up completely, but they just....don't??? and that's so admirable and sweet? it makes them so deserving of their titles as guardians.

idk!!! this is a massive ramble too, i don't even know where i was going with it but like, yeah, i think i wanted to talk mostly about why people preferred the bad sanses over the star sanses and how it makes me sad i get you anon. with my whole body and my whole soul. i understand what you mean and i see you

#Anonymous #idk like. if these fuckers were real and protecting my multiverse id spare some sympathy for them #i would hate for people to call them stupid for not trying or not being the best bc theyre literally the only ones keeping me alive #< (hypothetical situation btw. thought id say that again in case it wasnt clear) #ive already talked enough about how i dont like people making the star sanses evil (unless its written well) #and pretend that everything the bad sanses do is good and that theyre sweet wittol babie beans #like what if i like them evil. they would kick my ass and that's what i prefer tbh #anyway yeah............different flavor ramble from me today i guess. im just sad the star sanses arent humanized ever

[demonbarberofbeepbeep]

morning toddheads

#look he did have fun #he liked it #*walter white voice* he liked it. he was good at it #you know what i do think he loved her a little bit too #final scene is so sad #everything faaaaalllllsss apaaaart #i guess when i say i don't think sweenett is love #i do think they love each other in their ways #but the lie about lucy is so enormous #so central #to have lucy still alive and badly needing help #and have nellie continuously hide that from a man who is GRIEVING HIS WIFE #and trying to avenge her #it bothers me a lot #so i think the betrayal at her lying to him is multifold #it's not just you LIED to me #it's YOU lied to me #i thought you were on my side #all our confidences and tender moments had this lie beneath it #who are you #even #idk. i'm writing my fanfic and im in my feelings #their relatinoship is so complicated #what is love anyway #WHAT IS IS LOVE #baby don't throw me in the oven #in the oven #anymore #text post meme #sweenett

[romance-rambles]

ROSES FOR THE BLUSHING BRIDE

Your attempt at killing your kidnapper goes awry. How tragic it is—that the man who killed your love wore his face first.

— word count: 2.1k

— pairing: [unspecified] alkaid mcgrath x little painter/you

— tags: mentions of murder, suicidal thoughts and suicide, alternate universe - vampire/vaguely historical/reincarnation, mentioned non-con kissing+biting, unhappy ending [neither of them are mentally well - possibly ooc?]

— note: inspired by my little ramble in the tags of this gif post so it's technically PL but it could just be au alkaid. not sure if i did it justice but also, i wrote this over the course of two days so!! small victories!!! 🎉

return to lbc masterlist | series: none

THE DOOR CREAKS LIGHTLY AS it opens, the warmth of your candlestick highlighting the steps beyond it. The monster that resides in this manor is foolish, and your Alkaid is—was—not. The hefty lock that once guarded against you sits carelessly beneath a portrait of a woman who looks like you—who was once you, if the ravings of a mad man are to be taken seriously.

And if they are, then you will meet him soon—the man you were set to marry, with the same bright green eyes and light blond hair, and a warmth that the lord of this manor greatly lacks.

And if they aren't, then, that is simply not possible. Because, you think, how else can this be explained?

Your fingers lightly graze over the most recent puncture wound at the base of your neck. They play connect the dots and the monster's claim draws a circle. It ends where it starts, with the gemstones on the dagger's obnoxiously decorated hilt digging into the palm of your hand and your teeth gnawing at your bottom lip.

There sits a bruise there, the likes of which you've only ever allowed one man to gift you. You can still taste your own blood upon your tongue, metallic and bitter, but you can no longer remember your lover's smile.

Yearning overwhelms you, for a man long dead. It is something you can fight off almost as well as the monster. And it is a maddening thing—the way your carefully-groomed nails desire to claw your skin off. The way your hand twitches, dagger still in hand.

It is a mistake to think of him at all.

You cannot afford any mistakes, not when your weapon has been promised a different target. You cannot afford any mistakes, when your next life is to be a happier one.

So, the candlestick lifts higher.

Heels you might've chosen for yourself in another life clack against stone, the sound echoing throughout the darkened chamber. Yet, the monster still slumbers, oblivious to your intrusion. At the very end of the room lies a coffin, and there he waits, surrounded by white and green. By roses and their stems carefully preserved, a silent mockery of the promise Alkaid once made you.

Eternal loyalty—but this is not the eternity you desire.

In hopes of composing yourself, of chasing away the familiar disgust, fury, loathing, you tear your gaze away from the coffin. The grey floor has borrowed an orange hue from the candlelight. As you cross the distance, you do not look at the portraits that line the walls, with their never-changing subject, the contents of which you know only because the monster brought you to his lair exactly once.

You, with the same dead eyes and the same dead love and the changing fashions doing little to distract from your likeness. You, who were unfortunate enough to fall in love with that monster in some other lifetime, having been blinded by his pretty face.

And the bile that climbs your throat at the thought, which you choke back with a tired grimace—that, too, is familiar.

WHEN YOU REACH THE COFFIN, the first thing you do is yank the flowers out of your sight. Your dagger comes in use much earlier than expected, handling all that your hands cannot.

It is the least you can do for Alkaid.

The monster remains asleep throughout. It's convenient—if you'd known it was that easy, you would've done it sooner. You would've avenged him sooner. Alkaid was a light sleeper, and you had assumed the same held true for the monster.

With the same hand that carries the dagger, you open the casket. It takes a bit of effort to ensure you never lose sight of your target—quite literally. The payoff lies in the way the candlelight illuminates the man resting within.

His lighter hair takes on a warmer hue, thought it's incomparable to the way Alkaid's hair would gleam golden under the sunlight. He is blue, dressed in an outfit that looks to be the furthest thing from comfortable sleepwear. Alkaid was beige and green, and he was always getting on your case about dressing comfortably.

Marking the spot where your hands should hover, you set the candlestick beside you, careful to ensure its enthusiastic flame avoids the hem of your dress. You're almost giddy with excitement.

You'll see Alkaid soon. You'll get to him, even if it takes ten or twenty—

The monster mumbles your name lovingly.

Alkaid?

The dagger freezes just before the blade can slice through the layers of fabric guarding his heart. Your heartbeat quickens. You watch the figure warily, waiting for anything that could signal his monstrous nature.

Why would Alkaid be here when he is meant to be dead?

But the monster has never said your name before. You are simply his bride, just the most recent in a long string of replacements. If you did not share the same name as all the rest, you're certain he wouldn't know what it was.

And if it is Alkaid, if he has turned into a monster, if he is just as much a victim as you—

How could you ever dare to hurt him?

You can't lose him again. His family and yours, if they're still alive, would gladly testify about the absolute wreck you'd been when he disappeared a few days before your wedding.

It was only when one of his friends mentioned that he had seen Alkaid near the monster's manor that you'd found the resolve to crawl out of your bed for the first time in weeks.

Of course, you hadn't known just yet that there was a monster at all. You hadn't known of all that was to transpire—that had already transpired.

Your grasp on the dagger's hilt tightens—you don't want it anywhere near Alkaid. You want to know if he's Alkaid. You want to shake the man awake and ask, Are you him? Are you the one I've been searching for? And what about the monster?

You know that if he says he was the monster all along, you'll forgive him with an ease he would not deserve.

Again, the man mumbles your name. It does much to distract you from your spiralling thoughts.

After all, it sounds like coming home.

You want to believe it sounds like coming home.

"Al—"

As if sensing that his name is on the tip of your tongue, the man rouses himself from his slumber. The first thing he seems to gaze upon is you—and the dagger you've pulled close to yourself.

Ah.

You tremble. His gaze is cold and his grip is bruising. Alkaid has never looked at you so unkindly. You used to find it disconcerting how easily the glare on his face would slip away if he glanced at you. Now you wish for it more than anything.

What have you done wrong? Why is he upset?

In your desperation, you almost beg: Alkaid—

Then, you blink, remembering the weapon in your hands. It coincides with the moment that a sense of clarity washes over you, beckoning you to recall your mission. To remember—

This man isn't Alkaid.

"Oh." Your heart flutters strangely. You want to claw it out too. "The monster."

Alkaid is dead, after all.

"Yes," the monster agrees.

The dagger plunges into his heart.

AN ORDINARY MAN WOULD KEEL over from the pain. The monster only grunts. You might as well compare it to bumping into the furniture by accident, with the way he seems so unfazed.

His gloved hand climbs down to your clenched fist, as if hoping to wrench the dagger away from your fingers. He is a monster and your Alkaid was not—that is what makes the difference between living and dying.

"You didn't die," you note, disappointment plainly evident in your tone. "Did you know?"

Did you know this would happen when you gave me this dagger?

"I'm difficult to kill," he responds flatly.

You wonder who the scorn in his voice is directed to. His gaze seems distant—which one of your predecessors is he thinking of? But you've never learned to tell the difference, so it's not as though the answer would make any sense to you.

"Unlike Alkaid?"

The monster remains silent. It only infuriates you more.

"I hate you," you spit out. Tears well up in your eyes, though for what reason, you're not sure. "I'm sure they all hated you too."

Anger briefly flashes across his bright green eyes. Instinctively, you pull your hand away, pulling the dagger along with you. Blood drips onto your nightgown, dying its white fabric a bright red.

Beyond an sharp inhale, the monster's expression remains unchanged. You're almost surprised at how easily he lets go of your hand, at only the slightest show of resistance.

"I know they did," he says, eyeing the new stain on your dress. You don't want to put a name to the emotion on his face. A monster like that doesn't deserve it. "They all told me as much."

You fill in the blanks yourself. Before they died. But they must've been the same as the monster when they died—that is why he refrained from performing that particular act with you. That is why the blemishes on your skin have nothing to do with any sort of traditional violence.

He hates it when you're hurt.

"And how did they die?"

He doesn't care enough to see that you're past that point.

He looks haunted. "That's not something I want to tell you."

A spiteful part of you delights in watching his expression. It wonders how much more his face will crumple when you meet the same fate. Dying is the only part of your gambit that was guaranteed to work out flawlessly in the end—the only time you've ever tried to trust the monster sitting in his coffin.

(I will turn you only if you truly desire it.

...I don't believe you.

Do as you please. I will hold onto my word regardless.)

The dagger is still in your hand. You pull it away from the monster's reach and nod almost imperceptibly. You cannot kill him because you do not know how.

But you are not beholden to the same laws of nature as him.

"And you won't tell me where to find whatever it is that killed them either?" you ask, though you know it's useless to ask.

For you, it is either death or a life spent with the very monster that stole your lover away. You will remember nothing of this conversation, nor of the pain you went through when you awaken once again. And you will go through the same pain and suffering, all the while cursing your predecessors for not taking care of what should be their mistake.

But you can still meet your beloved.

You want to meet your beloved.

"You have no need for such a thing," he says, with your name on his lips.

That is enough for you.

HIS EYES ARE GREEN JUST like Alkaid's. It's something you've noticed before.

As the dagger pierces your flesh, they widen in horror. You can't feel much of anything—if your hands were not holding onto its hilt, you wouldn't know you'd been stabbed.

There's an odd expression on the monster's face. Pained and familiar. It reminds you of the time you tripped over your own two feet, leaving you with scraped knees and elbows, and your dinner for the night littered across the ground.

You'd left Alkaid behind in a hurry, the siren's call of a warm meal too difficult to resist, and he hadn't been quick enough to catch you.

But the man in front of you is not the man you love.

Your lips pull into a faint smile regardless.

You're not sure why.

THE HANDS THAT WRAP AROUND are so terribly cold. You know for certain they belong to the monster. His tears drip down onto your cheek and you're surprised to learn that he can cry. But the blood on your hands, on the dagger lodged into your stomach, is sticky and warm.

Your neck remains untouched. His previous words echo through your mind—a man can only watch the woman he loves die so many times, after all.

You think you might pity him.

That is, before the memory of his confession, of the way he killed your love, leaves you with nothing but fury coursing through your veins.

You think you curse him.

You think he welcomes it.

#fics by aya #lovebrush chronicles #lovebrush chronicles x reader #for all time #for all time x reader #alkaid mcgrath #alkaid mcgrath x reader #lbc alkaid #lbc alkaid x reader #lovebrush alkaid #lovebrush alkaid x reader #rambles from here on -> #looking up card arts and guessing what's going on seems like a very productive use of my time #i already have a second alkaid card in mind (it's wedding unascended) #but i don't know what the plot is even though ik i want it to be witch!alkaid+reunion #some kind of friends to strangers deal like my mind is saying time travel shenanigans waking up 10 years in the future #also have something for ayn but it's more mundane “oops accidentally got married and now we have to live together” #or something along those lines—there was another card where he was the most beautiful man alive but #idk how to translate that into plot #im thinking late night return from a trip turns into a proposal from mc or something—he was REALLY beautiful #that or idol boyfriend shows up at 3 am at your door for some godforsaken reason and it's still a proposal #also for some reason i really love alkaid and white roses...which—fair enough

[crj-200]

dont tell your parents you want to move out and be independent because then they'll say shit like "but you're always going to have a roommate so why bother trying to live on your own" and "im sorry you hate us so much that you want to move out" and "you could just be independent living here if youd do what we tell you to do" and imply that anyone that agrees with me is an idiot who just hates them for no reason. the cool thing is theyll say this and then go watch their stupid comedy right after like nothing happened

#i dont think i can afford the apartment im applying for. #my credit card minimum payment jumped way up #i have my car payment and student loan and i have to afford food and medications and i just cant do it #idk what i can do #i need out i cant live hwre any more i know i cant #i dont know where else to say this stuff #i dont want to worry people irl i guess #credit cards are so fucking evil i wish i understood what debt would actually be #im gonna make it out alive anyways #sorry this isnt my usual type of post i need to document this kind of stuff in some way

[gn4wz-0n-b0n3z]

i thuink i migh t be a bub fictokin

#BOY GET OUT!!!!!!! GO BACK TO LETTING PIGGY STEP ALL OVER YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also im still confused on Extravagant (the rainwing. i named him finally) why is he gone. when and how did i lose my connection with him #idk how to describe my experience as otherkin myself but instead of the characters being dead or smth like that and In My Mind/Body #it feels like theyre still alive but just get more connected to me in passing #as if its like we're from diff universes?? so i think Extravagant somehow lost his ability to get more connected 2 my body #like lost the Thing or actually DIED or smth. which is probably likely w/ how long dragons typically live frm what ik so. rip Extravagant. #matthew.txt #its like?? its weird saying this but its like a flesh mecha i fucking guess. boy use that weird item or power to get connected. #so when the character like dies or smth they just. leave forever. no return. #am i allowed to make up lore/theories for how i think my kintypes get connected to me in the first place

[mad-hunts]

i'm sure y'all already know how petty barton is because i feel like i talk about it all the time... but allow me to ramble about one of the pettiest things he has arguably ever done to someone else, and that is that whenever barton is feeling quirky — you know, just a bit silly — he likes to call into the GCPD and make up complaints about jim gordon in different voices even though he knows he likely isn't going to get fired for it. barton just HATES him that much, and he thinks it's funny, so i can guarantee y'all that every single time after he makes one of these calls he cackles like a damn hyena 💀 and then he'll go on with his life as if he wasn't trying to ruin someone else's... like, if he wasn't evil, then i think he might just have made a good comedy actor BAHAHA

#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings. #ANGERS HELPED ME STAY ALIVE: headcanons. #SKSKSK im still trying to find out how someone could be so unserious and evil at the same time #i guess it could be because his brain structure may or may not be literally altered? idk i'm still trying to figure out if i want to make- #a thing BUT it has been shown that some sociopaths have shrunken amygdala's and they are one of the major parts of the brain that is- #responsible for regulating emotions so if it is altered then that will mean that your personality / perception will also be altered as well #BUT i'll have to get back to y'all as to what my decision is on that... though i am not even joking when i say that barton is- #TRIPPING at least half of the time. like this probably isn't worth making a post of it's own on but whenever everyone thought the joker- #died in the new 52 in batman: endgame? i think that barton might've frolicked through a field or two. #but yeahhh if uh... barton hates your muse then he will most likely try to pull the pettiest thing's against them to ruin their life. so ☠️ #it unfortunately isn't exclusive to JUST jim

[lunar-gl1tch]

I get everybody's frustrations with Geats I guess everybody is entitled to their opinions but I'm having a great time every week :)

#'takahashi can't write characters' since when??? #i guess people don't like ace??? #but have you considered: he's my cringe son??? #idk i have my reserves on how michinaga is used especially with this new ep but #i'd say atm im wondering what happens when a producer doesn't want you alive and you stay alive #everything esle slaps #it's kept me going thru the harrowing donbros mourning #actually let me tag it bc im just being positive!! #kamen rider geats

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[nt3000s]

i think this increasing normalization or i should say this constant normalization thats existed for a long time of self hatred humor is starting to become incredibly hard to bear and i know that im not exempt from this i need to do better at being kinder to myself and getting out of this near constant usage of language like that but the real thing that just makes me feel bad all the time is just how much people pretend that its okay and maybe im a little baby but so many good people are so so mean to themselves ruthlessly and its really upsetting and the thing that comes with the territory of normalizing this behavior as humor is that people will just be so rude to themselves and their worth and pass it off as a joke to resist the idea that they deserve to be treated better than this no matter how much you try to be kind and change it and i guess its like everyone knows the ‘treat yourself as good as you treat other people’ and stuff and i know these days we all have self worth problems i do really and its hard to just stop having them which isnt what im talking about i guess i just wish the world was kinder and we don’t all have to live in this sarcastic nihilistic world where you have no worth and no talent and everyone else around you does i cant hate myself because i dont want to put all of the people around me on this pedestal that theyre better than me while i make everyone around me feel bad because i think everything i do is shit and i dont let them console me i just want people to realize they need to matter as much as everyone around them please love yourself and those around you please dont hate your art your photography your writing your music your work your worth please realize love exists not for you to give only but for you to also receive not just from others but for yourself. please be kind to yourself. genuinely genuinely kind. i love you(reader). sorry if thats too earnest and cringe.

#Talking #so many peopl on twitter and tumblr and life and im upset i guess my message is i love uou okay and i dont care if we've never talked or onl #y talked once i dont care. i love you okay #not high not drunk not delirious just built like this #its hard being alive. its hard to pretend and to lie to yourself about things that you feel like you were born with i know that #but i love you. i love you i love you i love you. please believe that. i dont caare what the context of your life is i love you. thats all #i want to say ill be mad at myself in the morning for posting smth like this like man youre crazy #but idk i just want to say i love you whats wrong with that. let me live in peace

[cattycaleb]

the more i think about fcg’s situation the more i feel like we need someone to sit down with them and walk them through their feelings about recent revelations, like what imogen and fcg did with fearne’s feelings about her parents

fcg needs to be able to express more than just vague sadness and anxiety about this bombshell or else the stress is just going to build up again. i want them to be able to get all their fear and grief and frustration out in the open. i want them to be given a space to just speak their mind for a bit

#im not sure how to properly explain what im asking for #i guess as an example like. the next time he tries to say he’s not alive #instead of immediately shutting it down you would just pull on that thread a bit. ask him to elaborate. get to the emotional root of that #idk its hard to explain bc we’ve gotten SO much fcg content already #but there’s something inside me that’s telling me we’re nowhere near done processing this. like a gut feeling #fcg #willow whispers #critical role spoilers #cr3

[scattered-winter]

yknow I think the core of my problems rn is the fact that I never thought I'd live long enough to have to make all these big life decisions

#like. as a kid i never really daydreamed abt college or careers or whatever because i genuinely didnt think i'd be alive to experience them #and idk. knowing that ive outlived my own expectations for myself kinda helps contextualize all this shit im dealing with rn #like obviously it sucks. i dont know what im doing or where im going or what i want to be and its scary and confusing and frustrating. #but its also. kind of liberating too. in a way #because im Alive to be worrying about this shit. which is more than young me ever thought i would do #and idk. i think that speaks for itself. #life sucks rn and im not having a good time because i thought i would be dead by the time i graduated high school #but by god i WASNT dead by the time i graduated high school and im not dead now. and i dont intend to be any time soon. #tonight's existential crisis is a mixture of crisis and hope i guess <3 #winter speaks #personal #tw suicide mention #<- not really but just in case #im not even sure what im trying to say im just thinking ig #goodnight <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#other ppl: youll be fine! u r passionate abt what u do #no u dont understand. its not passion. im being consumed. im being devoured whole and alive. #its out of control and its killing me #stop trying to tell me im good. i can assure u its a problem and i want it to fucking stop. whats the point of being successful if u cant #even fucking breathe? #this has been my weekend in purgatory for some reason. but fuck u i got the fucking application 98% done so im gonna read it over tomorrow #when my brain doesnt feel like its gonna explode and thrn send it to the dude and idk see wtf he has to say about it bc im positive i #overwrote it bc im unhinged. whatever tomorrow im gonna spend another 4hr transfering algae #if i can. turns out ive given myself a headache and now i cannot sleep lmao #lol i wrote all that yesterday night. it appears i was having a bad time. and i continue to have a bad time bc my manuscript is 98% ready #for submission but i leave at 7.20 tomorrow morning for my flight and wont be home until 7pm in this time zone at the very least #which means ill have to fucking wait all day to submit i guess unless i use plane wifi or something. fucking idk #i also havent sent the application in yet and i havent bought any Christmas presents bc my brain is splitting into a million pieces #its 10 pm now. will is sleep tonight? who's to say i still have work to do on this fucking manuscript #at least my coauthor thinks itll only get sent back with minor revisions so it must look pretty ok #part of it is just me bitching abt inconsistent methods across papers bc it annoys me but also i dont give a fuck #i will fucking psychically control ppl to read this paper and use its knowledge bc the way they talk abt the topic annoys me so much #which is additionally annoying bc like i said i dont give a fuck #anyway im procrastinating #unrelated #my parents texting me today: yay we r excited to see u 🤗 #and im just laying on the floor eminating a demonic aura

[cogbreath]

there is a genuine part of me that struggles to accept and cope with farquaads death

#i guess i cant deny it but i hate to acknowledge it really #i always have #i rember as a kid watching scared shrekless and seeing what happened to duloc was genuinely terrifying for me #well idk how that special stands on canon #i also feel upset about how at tbe end of shrek4d movie his ghost is destroyed #suggesting he died in a spectral sense #and it makes me mad becaude its like #why this again why again why csnt they just let him be stop killing him #i do love ghost farquaad as much as his living self but its still kind of painful #i have no aversion to ghosts and ghostloving. but i really would rather he be alive and safe thanks #i think this also might be where a lot of my protectiveness of him stems from also lol #moreso a thing that ppl close to me know what i mean #but i get protective and upset when someone tries to talk mean about him to me #^ refers to ppl who just say things to me like about how they think hes ugly or they want to hurt or kill him or are glad hes dead #ik i shouldnt let it get to me because its intent is to upset me and im playing into their wants by getting upset #but its hard to help it #thats my beloved my darling my foreverboy #yoi woildnt talk like that about someone whos irl husband died . ik they arent a direct equivalent but . #sigh. the explanation is im fictoromantic it's fundamentally different #so if you dont get it you likely never will

[lilowoof]

Chilling in bed thoughts

This year has just basically been the eerie realization that I am the most unhappy I have every been in my life, and I am basically doing nothing about it.

LIKE, literally, I am just waiting to die, and have been for the last 7+ years, but on top of that, the mental and physical health is slowly getting worse. And despite that.....????? NOPE, not getting out of this chair!

It’s important to recognize that I’m doing this so maybe by airing out my chilling thoughts, I can hold myself accountable to try and like.........make it better? Cause everything that I used to love to do makes me feel nothing and this loneliness is getting unbearable!! I need to get out and try things or make new friends or......something!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!

I have been trying to attend to some things and making sure I do basic hygiene and also getting back into exercising regularly, so maybe there is hope yet. I just need to keep on trying, no matter what :)

#though I will say this: the wrong kid died. and NO I will not elaborate unless I get paid big bucks $$$ #but yeah. the bleakness of the near future is scaring me and Im just like hhhahahahahaaahaahahaahha I wish I could just die #but that is not a solution #hopefully I can get therapy in the near future but that will have to wait for now cause no insurance to pay for it and my shitty home life- #-will basically mitigate any benefits from it me thinks. also I am not allowed to take meds for mental health things according to dad so - #-YEAH. THERES THAT! #seriously tho sometimes I think about that like. he will take horse meds to prevent covid but I am not allowed to get meds for mental health #anyways that's a rant for another day #me at future me: I hope one day you start to smile again at being alive because I don't want you to feel how I am feeling #text le text #don't get me wrong: there are a lot of good things that happened this year (den/game sessions/etc). but the bad things are getting worse too #idk #idk....... #we'll see what happens I guess

[yellowlaboratory]

💖🎯🤲

brizz my love, as with all things I do, I tried to make this as short as possible and I failed miserably aksdjfhlkasdjf i hope you don’t mind

💖 What made you start writing?

In terms of, like, writing in general, I don't really know what made me start! I was always writing stories, but I really got into writing towards the end of middle school, and I think I "finished" my first story in eighth grade, when I had an English teacher who made us write a journal entry every day, and instead of writing anything about myself, I wrote a story about a character (i think she was a mermaid? I can’t remember)(also $50 to whoever can guess my favorite coping mechanism 💀). But, after middle school, I had a bit of a falling out with writing, and I put myself in a position to either do engineering & math & science related stuff, or do writing related stuff. Idk why I thought I couldn't do both, but obviously, I ended up becoming an engineer, and while I wrote a little bit in high school, I completely gave up writing in college.

Then, covid happened at the end of my senior year of college, and I suddenly had, like, a renaissance lmao. I had nothing to do and so much time to do it, and then I ended up watching the first season of Outer Banks nine times through (yes I know I’m insane, but we move), showing my family and then various friends during zoom parties, and I became obsessed with figuring out Kiara's story. I had a doc full of questions based on throw-away lines and I don't know when it turned from "conspiracy theory about kiara carrera's background" to "actual legitimate story (kind of)", but it helped me A LOT when I was going through the early pandemic. So, I guess, obsessing over Kiara Carrera got me back into writing?? lmao. also having a lot of feelings over the pandemic and being locked in my hometown and isolated from my college friends while being much, much closer to my middle/high school friends?? idk. I clearly had a lot of feelings to wrestle with tho aksjdfhlkasjdf

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

LMAO yes!! I think almost everyone guessed just about every plot point in pltc, which is very expected when I was literally writing it to fit as well as it could into canon. I also had a few other fics where I read people's comments like "ah yes at least my foreshadowing works" 💀 I think there were a lot of those comments especially with like daisies underneath! 

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

for you, Brizz, a snippet from my upcoming fic for the music festival au space on my bingo card!

There’s something kind of thrilling about having him so close. She knows her makeup is beyond fucked, and her hair is in disarray, and she has a string of plastic gems trailing down her cheek that are worse off than they were last night, but it doesn’t matter. The music is too loud for them to maintain the sort of distance that she would normally expect from a complete stranger, and he leans in close, his blue eyes fixed on her with a piercing gaze.

She doesn’t know a lot about him, but she can sense how momentous it is to capture all of his attention for any period of time, like her body had cataloged every distraction he had found throughout the day and now marvels at the singularity of his attention. 

#ask games #brizz my bestie #re: getting back into writing #I don't deal with anything upfront but i do deal with it in writing aksjdfhlkasjdf #my grandpa died earlier this summer and obviously i was heartbroken and instead of facing that head on #i wrote 'the luckiest bastard alive' faster than I have written anything in my life #so #I love writing #and I do write when Im happy and things are going well #but I write particularly fast i need to process shit #ya know? #no? #just me? #that's on unhealthy coping mechanisms! #and when I say I have hoards of unfinished stories and planned but halfwritten novels #I mean that #a conservative guess would put the number of unfinished stories in the hundreds #I remember being in eighth grade and the most popular girl in my class's mom heard I loved to write and she asked what I wrote #and like ????? idk maam #words? #and so I was like scrambling for a way to describe the very intricate and bat shit crazy shit my 13 year old brain had thought up #and I was like #uh. romance #and she was like #ROMANCE #like miss girl don't get excited #I was a full 13 year old #even 25 year old me is painfully unspicy

[yngseung]

.

#my love for ys and attachment to the boys hasnt changed #but i will say my attachment to tumblr has not sure if i wanna keep up w this blog ...i guess i'll see but #like idk sometimes what im doing w this blog and if ppl even care lmao #the fandoms not v alive on here and fair not like ive been doing much either to try and upload content either #like the fact that no one talked abt the concert here is kinda like wow so huh def a dead platform #i didnt talk abt it here either so idk not trying to insinuate smth(???) #but yeah idk;; #feel like my small attempts to try and keep it semi alive didnt really work lmao but it is what it is #just thoughts #rambles #dl