#im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz

[puppyeared]

i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend

my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.

but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)

on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.

and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(

you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth

and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!

#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened #my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda #ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game #because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something #normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have #when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think #i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing #others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie #but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy #and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him #and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me #i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder #this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for #literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND #i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better #yapping #diary #loz #pokemon

[onesidedradiostatic]

Real talk

Im sooooo tired of Vox always being portrayed as the victim and Alastor the only one 100% responsible for their friendship falling apart

Did we all suddenly forgot that Vox is a terrible person too? He brainwashes his audience, he supports Val, he is willing to offer his lowest employees for Val to kill, he's also prob abusive to his employees as well, he stalks pretty much everyone, he has like 5 cameras inside Angel's dressing room, also it's like implied he's jealous of Angel because he gets Val's attention, him being jealous of Angel for being a victim of abuse is pretty messed up if you ask me. Oh he also told Sir Pentious to fucking kill himself and he also gets hard of seeing people in pain and get hurt! (Sure it was Alastor but still messed up)

" he looks so sad at the end of stayed gone when Alastor threatens him I feel so bad for him:(("

Really ? Well maybe if he had just kept his little hate boner for Al to himself instead of feeling to need to start publicly slandering him it wouldn't had happened. Just saying. Also I don't see how people feel bad for him. If anything he looks so extremely pathetic it's laughable I want to kick him

Okay this is kinda out of the point I want to make it's just many people who make him the victim seem to forget he's a terrible person so I just wanted to friendly remind everyone that he's as awful as Al ^^

Anyway

I think, we should acknowledge, that it's a complicated, and probably tragic, situation. What if, maybe, they're both as equal at fault for shit going down hills for their friendship. Vox because he doesn't respect others wishes and cannot take no for an answer, he prob tried forcing Al to move on with recent technology, which Al hates. ((His request to Al to join the Vees also prob meant catching up with the nowdays stuff and new technology, like the rest of them)) and Al because he was prob unnecessary cruel and brutal with his rejection.

I don't think Al was just using Vox like I've seen many people say. He allowed Vox to take a picture of them together. For Al to do that I think it confirms their friendship was genuine. "Ah but it's Alastor so that means it was fake cuz he's an evil manipulative bastard who only cares for him-" You're wrong, but also right lol. He's an evil manipulative bastard, but , he's also capable of genuine friendships with others (( did y'all forget Rosie lol? )). What I think happened is that, time passed , things changed. Vox became obsessed with new technology and tried to force Al to follow in, Al didn't like that, but instead of communicating with eachother and solving their problems by talking it out and respect eachother's wishes, they had an unnecessary argument and fight. They're both to blame for this, they're no victims in the situation and it's okay you can still sympathise with eithers side

Also people who make Al the villain for like not returning Vox's confession and feelings in most One sided Radiostatic videos/fics I've seen-- yikes.. I really hate that I have to literally say to PLEASE don't villiantise the aroace character for being aroace and rejecting confessions. It's extremely ace/arophonic (and yes I get to have a say to this, I'm a replused aroace videos/fics like this genuinely make me feel negative emotions) even if he was extremely cruel with his rejection -- villiantise the fact that he's an asshole- not his rejection.

yes I agree!! this is essentially a consolidation of points I've made before ksdlfglg

like yes, alastor's an absolute shithead but I think there are some people who forget that vox is also... not a good person. I don't think there's anything wrong with there being sympathetic aspects to vox but I feel like there's such a huge amount of fanwork where he's the only one portrayed sympathetically without showing his own bad points in their relationship, and I absolutely hate it when alastor is fully blamed for how vox is now and vox is seen as

yeah

vox got pissy at a rejection, that's not being able to take no for an answer, that's incel behaviour LMAO

feel like there's something to be said about people feeling the need to sympathise with the one with unrequited feelings compared to the one who has to deal with someone expecting romance from them when they don't feel the same. does it have to do with society's expectations about romance that unrequited feelings are more sympathisable?

but yeah I am glad that at least the "complicated" part of the description of their relationship implies to me it won't be as simple as "vox was the poor victim and alastor was just using him", I think it is much more interesting if there's no clear victim and both were at fault in a way

#ask #osrs.txt #I'm gonna avoid heavy tagging because I don't wanna attract discourse #onewaybroadcast #okay to rb if you want though

[pagodazz]

your post abt sexualizing the emh characters and actors was based but lets be real we all skipped the princeton tapes anyway

Im going to be so upfront rn. and don't take any offense I'm not mad or anything but I'm definitely gonna get heated HELP.

I listen to the Princeton tapes almost everyday, I revisit the transcripts often when I want easy access to the dialogue. The Princeton tapes might actually be my favorite part of the everymanHYBRID lore. It's so important to everything you need to know for the whole series and it helps explain so much, especially when it comes to vinnie as character.

the Princeton tapes have so much to offer and I think it's such a shame that this fandom chooses to ignore all the effort that the everymanHYBRID guys put into this series. The Princeton tapes has never failed to make me emotional HELP. it's beautiful shit. So I'm so sorry anon I literally cannot agree with this at all because the Princeton tapes are my absolute everything. I genuinely relate to Princeton Vinnie (& also Roger) more than I might relate to anyone on the channel. They're so real, and I wish more than anything they were more than tapes but at the same time I love it so much it's so perfect.

Also while during my most recent rewatch I've realized that in the series HABIT himself will use quote's and shit that Princeton Vinnie himself has said.

This one always sticks out to me, because it feels like habit pulled those words RIGHT out of Vinnies mouth only to in turn use them on him. Of course the Lexi video predates when the tapes came out, but canonically the tapes happened WAYYYYY before this, considering it takes place in the late 80s.

this goes with my idea that HABIT himself has probably had access to those tapes (atleast at some point) and he did he's research on Mr everyman here. but that one is just my personal opinion and I don't expect people to agree.

While people think that the Princeton tapes are daunting and take too long, they're literally shorter than emh as a whole series if ur watching the right shit.

these videos are basically the full in depth EMH lore and it has videos in it that long since been deleted.

If you're getting into everymanHYBRID and you're not getting into all the lore and then you're gonna go an act like you know everything it's genuinely so??? because you're literally missing out on KEY information.

like did you guys know habit IS in the tapes 😱😱⁉️⁉️⁉️ did you WATCH finding fairmount all the way through????

did you know Evan and Jeff are there ⁉️⁉️⁉️

ALSO ??? PATRICK FROM MLANDERSEN0?????? DUDE???? HES IN THERE. THE RAKE FUCKING TALKS TO VINNIE IN THERE.

did you know that EVEN VINNIES DEAD FUCKING GIRLFRIEND LEXI IS THERE. IT HAS SO MUCH INFO. YOU LEARN WAY MORE SHIT ABOUT FAIRMOUNT AND THE MINETOWN FOUR IN IT. IM GENUINELY SO AT A LOSS RN. HELP IM TOO AUTISTIC FOR THIS ASK. BECAUSE IN NO WORLD WOULD I EVER DREAM OF SKIPPING THE TAPES.

#everymanhybrid #slenderverse #emh #vinnie everyman #vinny everyman #habit emh #habit #evan myers #jeff emh #steph emh #james corenthal #the princeton tapes

[xurory]

DARLING

"the first time i learned real world super-powers live in three words, they revitalize my fraying bones."

OR

how hsr men love youuu !

pairings. dan heng, blade, aventurine x fem! reader (separate)

cc. modern-ish au w/ dan heng . not proofread so lmk for errors . fluff

DAN HENG has never been the one to be good with expressing his love through the use of words. so instead, he shows how much he cares for you over actions.

he knows you know that for every time he goes silent after telling him you love him and then pulling his closer to him, that was his way of saying i love you more but through the way his actions suddenly shifts.

your lover is aware that you do not always need to be reassured that he loves you and all that, but whenever he's extra clingy during your alone time with him, you knew this was another one of his way of saying that he missed you, and he loves you dearly.

though, of course, there would be times where he feels the need to return your sweet words, not with actions — but with his own voice.

"baby?" you whispered, resting your head against his shoulder as you heard him hum back in response. "i love you so much. i appreciate you for staying."

he went silent for a good minute. and truthfully, you didn't really bother to think about it too much.

as long as he was there with you, alive and breathing, you were okay.

the two of you watched the sun melt from the beach, admiring the pretty orange and pink hues that painted the sky. the sound of the ocean waves sounded like the peaceful life you've always been craving for.

"i love you too." more than you know.

his words surprised you, in a good way. it felt so good hearing his voice, it's like the sound of your lover was the only way to cure the entirety of the pain you had.

a huge smile grew on your lips, dan heng slightly glanced to his side to see your gorgeous smile, earning a small one from him.

what a beautiful moment this was.

BLADE isn't a man of many words, just like dan heng, he relies on acts of service. wether it's putting your hair up with his hand while you eat your food, opening doors and pulling out chairs for you, or putting his hand on every corner you are near to whenever you crouch down to get something.

and you appreciated every one of them.

you cherished the way he'd always have something up his sleeve to make you feel cared about.

and maybe sometimes you can't help the feeling of wanting a verbal partner that constantly reassures you through literal words, but that idea of yours get shot down immediately just by how your man looks at you.

if his gaze could be compared to daggers threatening to stab their eye to others, then for you, the look in his eyes showed nothing but softness. all for you.

he lets you do stuff to him, no matter how silly it is. wether it be styling his hair into cute hairstyles or making him try different hand poses whenever you want to take a selfie with him. (it takes a lot to actually convince him to do these)

early into the relationship, it's common that he would have a hard time expressing himself. but further into it, he'd grow to be more comfortable around you.

he lets you see every part of him (👀) because he trusts you with his entire heart. he shares everything you want to know, his past? every detail.

it continues to be hard for blade to be affectionate, he's not that type of person. but if it's you, he's willing to make an exception.

you silently laid on your bed, feeling awful to the core. until you felt the opposite side of your bed sink with the weight of someone. making you sit up.

"blade.. i swear to the aeons i will kill myself tonight if this goddamn headache doesn't go away." you groaned, scratching the side of your head.

"sure you will." blade replied, making you roll your eyes. he laid back in the bed, pulling you on the waist with him. "im not kidding, it hurts."

your lover grunts, reluctantly sitting up and welcoming you in his arms without a word as the side of your head pressed against his chest. "it'll past. did you even take the medicine kafka gave you earlier?" you nod.

he continuously caressed your head, making you fall into slumber under his gentle touch. ah, he was a completely different person behind closed doors with you.

the softest snores were soon heard, with your beloved guarding over you as he planted a small kiss on the top of your head for his own comfort.

and it felt nice, you know, to not have to pretend.

AVENTURINE loves you like there's no tomorrow. i said what i said. this man would be HEAD OVER HEELS for you!! whenever you flirt with him, he'd be right up your ass. one simple i love you from you makes him crazy and all over you the rest of the day.

but in all seriousness, he doesn't limit himself with what he gives you.

he'd return every gesture of yours knowing it means so much to you whenever he does so. and he, your lover, wants nothing else but to be enough for you.

the first thing he does every morning if obviously admire you, duh. he just loves the way you look absolutely gorgeous under the sunlight even though he knows you'd be complaining once you wake up because he didn't close the curtains.

AND he loves doing things for you! like heck yeah he could buy you flour that you needed to bake. he wants you to know that during your times of need, you could always count on him.

"honeeyyy! could you help me here please!" you yelled from the kitchen, alerting the blonde man who was up in your shared bedroom doing his own thing, now rushing downstairs.

he instantly sees you by the counter, prepping your freshly made cupcakes that earned a grin from him. "that f'me?" he asks, appearing behind you as his arms snaked around your waist.

you turned around with a cupcake and your hand and a sweet smile that could light up his entire day. offering your boyfriend to bite one as he did so with a pleasant look on his face that you could easily tell you rocked that cupcake.

"like it?" you ask.

"i love it."

with that, a grin appeared on your lips.

and then, he kissed you. roughly but tenderly. he still had some icing on the corner of his mouth but who cared! this was his way of saying he LOVED whatever you would bake for him.

he appreciated you, so much.

from xumi ; rushed as fuck i was literally dying

#>ᴗ< — xu writes ´ˎ˗ #dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #blade x reader #blade x you #aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #fluff #x reader #honkai star rail #hsr x you

[izzypaw]

after i made the undertale ones i knew i couldn't NOT make matching icons of these 2 aswell...

#mother 3 #lucas #claus #mother series #even though there are like 15 ppl active in this fandom ❤️ if nobody uses it can just be me and my sideblog fr🔥🔥 #i like these less than the undertale ones maybe bc theyre messierr?? i mean my art is always messy but #idk whenevr i indulge in my special intrrest even literally just drawinf the characters i get this like pain in my chest and like my hands #shake which i knwo is very Not Normal i swear i love it it just makes me feel crazy anxious when i draw with the Intent to post knowing how #so so sensitive i am about it for NO reason im just veruy autistic about this game and have a deep personal connection to it #so anyway the point of that tangent was to say i dont think ill ever make m3 art that ISNT messy bc of thr shaky hands #sorry if you read allat i have a tendency to get too real in the tags #izzy art

[b1mbodoll]

repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please

#♡.gabi barks #im okay i prommy (im crying rn) #like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but #apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞 #like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize #im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz #like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!! #ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!! #im just a girl #if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!! #i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it #anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist) #no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :( #i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad

[starfall-calamity]

HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL HEAL

#and like...death will fall too #also a good song #also enjoy his clocktower cover of course #BUT OH MY GOD HEAL GUYS ITS REAL IVE WANTED THIS FOR LITERALLY ALMOST A YEAR NOW AGAGFGASFDS #I AM. SO NORMAL #guys if you thought i loved don't take it personally you only know half of my feelings for HEAL #if this gets on Spotify this WILL be on SO much #this is coming from the guy who is already the 4th/5th top listener of CJ #this WILL end me #god im getting back into this game too #ough im losing what sanity i have left jash why must you do this #moss rants #chonny jash

[cinna-bunnie]

why is it always the forbidden fruit that entices me the most (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

#🚶🏾‍♀️ not that it impacts the way i feel about anyone else but i actually do fr love my manager and it's crazy bc idk how or when this #happened. like i have fun by myself n i love my friends but i rly am at my happiest when I'm next to her huh (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) ♡⁠ #and that is a wild way to feel about someone i work with let alone who supervises me akdkaka #i still can't believe how naturally and affirmingly “i love you” jumped out of me the other day without thinking about it #and i do??¿ after thinking about it??¿ i would literally do anything for you #and she said she loves me too 😵‍💫 and we've never articulated that before. and now our talks feel more personal than before but it #was a much bigger conversation for sure (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) she's out of work this week though and I'm thinking about her. #🚶🏾‍♀️i wanna show her my knife throwing but idkk...... struggling w where the line between professional and personal needs to be 💀 #i treat my work friends and my real friends very differently lol. i don't know (⁠´��� ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) aaa #now that i said it it's like a dam of feelings burst ૮ – ﻌ–ა girl... #she has a husband. but he's a scrub. but she's my boss. but we're already so sweet to each other. but i shouldn't. but i want to #aaauuugghghfhfghhghkhkjltlskxkvofjw !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ignore me and my pining (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) ♡⁠ im crazy about that girl. i really am huh.. 🚶🏾‍♀️ #if you got to hang out with her u would get it.... i can't believe her man ain't shit... pls let me give u my attention #u don't have to be mine nor am i wanting that but let me take care of you (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ u work so hard for everyone else #she's fantasizing.... ......... wanting.. contemplating...?..?? no. no....??¿......? ......... 😐 hm #lmao

[vse-kar-vem]

why are we having queerbaiting discourse as a fandom in the year of our lord 2024 😭😭 we're just as bad as twitter oh my god

#real people cant queerbait. jance arent queerbaiting bokris arent queerbaiting either . #we have no right to know their sexualities nor do they have any obligation to tell us before kissing a man. they could be fully straight #they could be playing gay chicken 24/7 (they are) and that still isnt queerbaiting ! #what they choose to put in that photoshoot 'authentic' or not is their choice #its so stupid cuz like i thjnk its such a nothingburger of discourse 😭 neither of the ships at play here are in direct conflict with #each other #literally for everyone on both sides : dont like just block #i dont think anyone in this fandom has malintent or is tryinf to put any other members down on purpose #+ we all have our own preferences when it comes to shipping #also i think stuff thats getting said is getting so misinterpreted and magnified beyond original intent that its making everything such a #largwr deal than it is #anyways! my own personal gripe: related to my orher post #why are we babying grown men lord 😭 i would also LOVE a jannacejure photoshoot but im sure its not hurtful for tjem if they dont do it 😭 #like theyre grown men not elementary schoolers who need to be told theyre special #sorry that was a little more confrontational! wow we have really descended into disxourse today havent we #what im trying to say is this: i have beloved mutuals on both 'sides' and hold no hard feelings at all we're all entitled to our opinions #and i think it's really stupid to be drawing lines in the sand like this around issues that dontt even matter #ok! im done #vee rambles #ok yeah ive gone back and read all the discourse and my conclusion remains the same. i thjnk some people are reading a leetol too much into #things #but i think both sides have valid points #whatever we shall take it as it comes

[kraviolis]

i can tell when the author of a fanfic im reading had a peaceful childhood

#krav talks #not to pull the 'i have actual ptsd from a traumatic childhood' card but im gonna be real #i dont think some of y'all understand exactly what hunter's childhood was like #belos also most likely was not the verbally abusive type of parent. he was physically and emotionally abusive FOR SURE. ABSOLUTELY #but theres no shot he'd just yell at hunter. he doesn't get angry like that #case in point: What Happened To Caleb #hunter isnt gonna start crying from someone yelling at him out of anger. he'll get triggered MAYBE #hunter gets fighty if he gets triggered by ANY older authority figure. kikimora and lilith werent exactly kind to him either #the only way hunter cries is when his friends are around bcus he feels so safe with them #you know who would cry over being yelled at like that??? amity. #sure later in her life she probably got into screaming matches with odalia #but if u think even she wouldnt burst into tears if she got yelled at by any older female authority figure in her life #then u r wrong. sorry #hunter was not allowed to be vulnerable. it was too dangerous to be. he also had NO ONE while under belos's thumb. #amity had her siblings. they probably gave her safe spaces to cry it out after getting verbally abused by their mom #if lilith lost her patience and raised her voice at amity (not in a mean way bcus lilith would literally Never but no one is perfect) #amity would start crying for sure. and then lilith would feel like the worst person in the world. scum of the earth. #and god forbid hunter sees this exchange. he'd rip lilith a new one even if she'd already apologized #he wouldnt stop chewing her out for even daring to speak to The Amity Blight so disrespectfully unless amity physically pulled him away. #and then he'd threaten lilith and flash step amity away and immediately call luz #now if a MAN tried to yell at amity she would be three seconds away from throwing hands #but she wouldnt even need to worry about getting her hands dirty bcus hunter would already be shoving the man to the fucking ground #and threatening to end his entire life if he even stepped foot into hunter's field of view ever again #this is why its hard for me to imagine hunter living with darius post-belos... darius wasnt kind to him at first either. #and i think hunter living with someone who had actually had a role in his traumatic childhood would make him. regress #he'd fall back into old behaviors without even noticing. im not entirely sure darius would notice either #i love darius and i love darius & hunters bond so much #but it makes so much more sense and would be so much better for hunter to live with the nocedas for a while #not permanently. camila did great with paying for 6 kids under her roof but she was one emergency away from financial devastation #and i dont think hunter would want to live in the human realm permanently either

[myriadsystem]

.

#personal #i have doctors appt today with a new doctor its literally not even a real appointment i just need some stupid forms signed #but guys im so stressed im so scared ive already cried once about it today i just. i fucking hate doctors so so much #theyre all so bad. im not in the mood to be dismissed again today and its 15 goddamn degrees so everything feels bigger and worse than it is #if they dont sign the form i dont get paid any more and if i dont get paid i cant continue to try and sort out my medical #which means i continue to not get paid and im just. so scared. so so fucking scared i dont even care if we find the start if the path #to vetter my health i dont care about gettinf better right now i just need this fucking form signed but #ive already been dismissised for it once and i have new doctor jitters. what do you mean i have to tell someone new that #i have ptsd and anxiety and depression and fibro and alleged bpd but its probably autism actually and hope #hope and prey they losten to me because its other doctors that have told me this and im definitely computer illiterate i couldntve come up #with all this on my own i promise ive done zero research into my own symptoms i live with every day im a simpleton im an idiot #please believe me dr refer me to ypur colleagues for further testing but in the mwan time sign the one form i need please #im so scared. i dont know what to do. my tarot says to tryst myself and find my own authority about the situation #but like literally legally i cant i have to rely on the hope this new doctor gives her signature or i dont get fucking paid as stated #i hate this i feel so shaky and nervous and nauseous and awful 😮‍💨 #and im supposed to do groceries today. im at the very end of my shopping like if i dont go get food today #then i dont eat tonight but its cold and rainy and im super stressed abt the appointment so idk if ill be able to go shopping after #i dont wanna die anymore but like rn i kinda do this is too much today feels like too much #help me im drowning

[illputdownmyrootswhenimdead]

the good ol "i dont see my child as an individual with their own mind, thoughts, opinions, and unique needs, and instead i see them as an object that i can control and make plans and set up expectations for for without problem or consideration, and if they aren't in the narrow boundaries of what i want them to be, i will act like they have died and talk about how hard this is for ME" special

#child abuse // #transphobia // #ableism // #sorry for how long these tags are i have too many thoughts in my brain. sorry #transphobic parents: im losing my daughter/son :(( its so hard :(( this is literally the same as my child being dead :(( #im watching them destroy themselves :(((( #trans kid: *literally just asked to be called different pronouns or cut their hair or something* #vs #ableist parents: my child doesnt even let me hug them :(( sure its a really unpleasant feeling for them that is very distressing but #what about ME?? :(( my child not liking physical affection is the HARDEST THING EVER im such a brave parent #autistic kid: *just doesnt like being touched because it feels bad and needs other sensory accommodations* #like legit transphobic parents and ableist parents use really similar language to talk about their kids #a lot of implications or outright statements that their children are 'gone' and that their current child is some kind of impostor #do these people think changelings are real?? did they miss the boat on that??? #and the 'im grieving my child' thing is so fucking dumb im sorry #your child isnt dead! theyre the same fucking person dumbass #your child didnt disappear when they realized they were trans or got diagnosed with autism. like. theyre still your fucking kid #these kinds of thoughts lead into shit like this story i heard about online about a father who became an alcoholic #because his son is trans and starting HRT. like this dad completely blames his addiction on his son being trans #because 'his daughter is destroying herself' and 'this stuff tears families apart' #newsflash you dumbfuck your son isnt at fault for you becoming an alcoholic instead of going to therapy to deal with any #complicated feelings or stress due to your son coming out #he did not hold you down and force alcohol down your throat you made the conscious goddamn choice to do that #because youre soooooo distraught that your beautiful daughter is gone :(( #fucking cry about it maybe? #and with ableist parents theres a lot of talk about how they dont feel like their child loves them or how THEY find it hard to love them #which. again. its not their fucking fault its yours for not getting help to fix your shit #just because your child doesnt show affection in the way you do doesnt mean they dont love you or that you shouldnt love them #if you cant love your kid because of them being autistic thats a problem that you need to see a therapist about it. jackass #do not blame your kids!! for your issues!! they can tell!!! and it fucking hurts!!!!!!

[lazarus---rising]

love (hate) when im Thinking about my childhhod and im like "yeah it was pretty normal and good ithink" and then i fuckingg Rember

#like oh that one wasnt very good ! #personal #<- ish #<- but boy are these tags about to be #this is about the time i didnt respond to my dad's text when i was in the middle of a highschool tour with my sibling #(<- they came with cause why the hell not) #and on the drive back home he went on this rant about how we dont know what money's worth (completely unrelated !) #and he literally told us To Our Faces that it wouldve been better if we werent born ! like sir whose fault is that one !! #and theres definitely more but for once im thankful for my head blocking shit out of my memories #and how hed yell at me for making Basic Fucking MIstakes (once when i was EIGHT i spilt water down the stairs and #he yelled at me for .i forgot how long but too fukcing long #and made me get him to bring my cups downstairs for a month after and then he forgot and yelled at me AGAIN #for asking him to bring my cup down AFTER TELLING ME I HAD TO #and so so much more like . the yelling got so bad that when i twisted my ankle #(only real ones remember) #i was scared of telling him cause i KNEW he'd be like 'do you have any clue how much the doctor's gonna cost blah blah' #and i just . didnt tell him #we used to have money issues and he'd always make me feel like shit for asking for anything that costed money ever #so i just didnt tell him when i was sick or injured or when i needed something cause he would get mad at ME like . hello #AnyWay ! so yeah thats the rundown of some of my severe trauma that still affects me to this day

[spearxwind]

Thinking about the time i commissioned an artist i rly liked for something and the result was kind of really catastrophic just from the preview image in the email so i just. never opened the actual image

#i dont even know where it is #honestly ive had such bad luck commissioning art of adri that ive completely given up its like an anomaly #thunderclap #fan art my lovely followers and friends have done for me for free: literally the most swagful things ive ever seen #actual for real honest to god art i have paid real money for: worlds most inconceivably off model take #the only exception to this is when ive commissioned my friends themselves #i know this is a mean spirited post usually i dont mind like creative liberty I usually say yeah feel free to interpret my characters freel #but like. sometimes its not remotely the same character #thinking still about the uh. the art i got from [popupar twitter artist] in exchange for one of my adopts instead of them paying money #and they like. did it so off model they just made a whole new guy. the art? yeah it slaps obviously. but thats not my oc 😭 #congratulations thats the worst anyones ever done it!! #this is something i personally try not to do when i do commissions too unless very explicitely stated. 'do your own take' #and also i make sure that the sketch is on-model and the client is happy etc etc #i dont know what it is about some artists where they just go ouuhhh what if i . redesigned ur oc for u. HUH #anyway thats all i gottta say this is a weird post but i think about it a lot #before you ask no im not gonna name names. this is my own personal beef

[yuridovewing]

Feel like one of the best ways you can convince someone that no, villains with compelling motives that have sad backstories are not terrible writing compared to straight up born evil villains who just want to kill everyone and be done with it, is to tell them that Warrior Cats writes born evil villains constantly while literally preaching “That’s how evil works, you can’t CHANGE, you’re either touched by demons at birth or you aren’t!” and it blows chunks

#brokenstar tigerstar hawkfrost darktail one eye etc etc would all be so much more interesting if they werent so one note #and just had ‘’born evil’’ slapped on as their explanation for being evil #‘’ew why are you woobifying tigerstar’’ because i think a villain who feels emotion besides ‘’evil’’ and ‘’angry’’ and actually does care #about his clanmates but is also a bigot that deserves to be beaten down is more interesting than canon #to get like real world political here… abusive people and bigots like. are not one note born evil demons #they have loved ones and reasons for turning out the way they did. and im not saying that to go ‘’so you need to give them grace!’’ #im saying that because the line of thinking that every bad person is a super obvious mustache twirling villain with no soul #makes it so that people justify abuse and crimes from REAL people. like ‘’oh my friend says some racist things but he isnt BAD! he loves me! #would an abusive person be nice to his wife in public? of course not!’’ #and its rhetoric like that that lets abuse and bigotry thrive. if you put the world in categories of born evil and born good #then you will dismiss all the ‘’good’’ people in your life who have done horrible things with ‘’but she donated to charity once’’ #i mean. hell this LITERALLY happens in wc where the ‘’born good’’ characters are abusive and murderously xenophobic #where characters like clear sky and blackstar just get a sticker like ‘’oh you cant be TOO mad at them! theyre good at heart!’’ #‘’ignore all the times they killed vulnerable people for the crime of being born somewhere they didnt like! they were nice to a kid once!’’ #the message there is literally ‘’bad people cant REALLY be bad if theyre nice to people sometimes’’ #like. im not even mad at clear sky being motivated by witnessing his loved ones starve to death for why hes such an abusive control freak #thats an interesting reason to become a villain especially since the change happened when he was put in a position of power #the problem is not him having a sad backstory. the problem is the erins think his sad backstory means he was never that bad #and anyone who’s upset at him can go eat shit and die cause he looked sad #like. i get this line of thinking often comes from writers doing this for abuse apologism and just wanting to see abusers be held accountabl #accountable #but how exactly does it help victims of abuse to portray abusers and bigots in a christian ‘’touched by the devil’’ light

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them