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yostresswritinggirl · 3 years

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@butterfly-mochi Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #zhongli x reader #childe x reader #ganyu x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact childe #genshin impact ganyu #exile.circlet #exile.flower #sojourner specials #reeeeeeeeee #gender neutral

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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I really like the prompt list you reblogged it’s got some good stuff. What about 37. “Because I love you god damn it!” with Loki if you are still needing inspiration.

37) Because I Love You God Damn It!

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The Secret Is Out

Characters: the Avengers Bunch, Loki, Thor, Clint

Warnings: Dirty words, slight angst

Summary: after putting your life in the line for a teammate you accidentally let a big secret slip.

Announcements: I will always need insperation and requests! They feed my soul! Haha. I'm not gonna lie. Im skipping back and forth on my requests though. I have a really good story line for one but its just so emotional(thats were Im hoping it goes at least) that I didnt want to write it tonight and put my self in a mood. So instead I guess im goimg with a form of anger? Meh. Anyways... I absolutly love love love everything from you guys! The reblogs, likes, and comments are amazing and I am very greatful for all the love I am getting!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

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The fight had been rough but not as rough as you were feeling in the moment. You had gotten serverly hurt and had been in the medbay for about a week now and you had a longer road ahead. There had been an explosion and instead of turning to run away you had ran toward one of your team members that had been to distracted to realize what was going on, you had successfully gotten him shoved out of the way but you had taken the brunt of the blast.

Now you were laying here staring at the celing trying to stay distracted as Bruce and Tony looked at your completely shaddered knee and the burns up your leg. Fingers crossed that they would have good news soon.

"Well as of right now kid your out of commission." Tony said helping you sit back up.

"Meaning?" You pulled one of the pillows down so that you could sit up without being uncomfortable.

"Meaning right now, the way it all looks, your gonna be stuck in the bed until it fully heals and after wards theres really no way to tell if your going to be able to work in the field again." Burce said looking at the xrays again. "And your gonna have to have surgery in order to put all the right pieces back in the right places, but we cant really do that until some of the burns heal or at least start to heal. Its gonna be a long drawn out process unfortunately." He sighed setting the charts back down and walking over to you.

"Fucking hell! You mean I'm gonna be pushing paper work? I might as well go work in a damn office with four white walls and a poster that says 'hang in there, its almost Friday'." You placed your head in your hands.

"Hey! At least our paper work is more exciting than just running numbers." Tony said placing a hand on your back. He had been like a fsther to you, taking you in when you didnt have anywhere else to turn except the streets. Your own family had abandoned you at a young age and you had been leaning toward a dark path until Tony. "Besides with your expertise you dont have to sit behind a desk, your fingers arent blown off, you can still hack into stuff I'm sure."

"Tony we had a deal when I moved in. No hacking but you would train me and I could actually do good. Now look at me."

"I said no hacking the good guys, and if I remember correctly you were the one jumping close to the bomb not away from. I hate to be this way y/n but the only one to blame is yourself on this one."

"He would have been worst off than I am if not killed. I think I did the right thing. Besides you would have done the same thing if you had been closer." You sighed.

"Honey the diffrence with that is I have a supersuit, you wear a skin tight, spandex one peice, that I'm not a fan of." He laughted. Bruce had went to go get you some more pain killers to shoot into your IV.

"Tony if I were you I would shut up. Your starting to sound like you might actually love me, might even say your starting to act like a dad." You laughed pulling him into a hug.

"Shut it kid, cant let the others know I have a soft spot for the hacker orphan kid i took in all those years ago now can I." He said kissing the top of your head. "Do you need anything else before the drugs kick in and you pass out again?"

"Yes, can you please bring me my phone charger, laptop, and that really fluffy blanket that you and Pep got for me for Christmas."

"Dont ask to much of me now."

"I wouldnt be asking if you would just let me stay in my room. I hate it down here. I wanna be were the people are." You were starting to get loopy from whatever Bruce had given you.

"Ok little mermaid, get some rest I'll get your stuff." He laughed walking out the door letting you fall into a restless sleep.

You didnt know how long you hade been asleep but you woke up with a groan trying to sit up so you could atleast stretch your back from laying in one spot for to long. You flopped back down dramatically with a sigh. You could sense someine else in the room with you, you always knew when he was around.

"You dont have to hide in the shadows Loki. Your more than welcome to keep me company, you should know that by now." You smiled as the prince walked over and sat in the chair beside you. You could tell he hadnt been sleeping, his hair was fixed as always but his clothes looked worst for wear. He had on a plain black shirt and a pair of gray sweat pants, both of with had wrinkles in them either from tossing and turning or from not being changed in a few days.

"Whats wrong? And dont pull that 'nothing is wrong dear. I'm absolutly fine.' Bullshit. You look horrible." You reatched out to grab his hand. What you and Loki had was diffrent. You didnt just see his as a friend, he didnt just see you as that either though. You had spent many nights sitting up with the silver tounge man many nights laying on the couch watching movies, reading, talking about each of your pasts. He knew more about you than even Tony did.

"I'm still currently trying to wrap my head around why you pushed me out of the way and took the blow when you had a chance of dying from it. You shouldnt have been so thick headed my dear." He took your hand and raised it to his lips kissing the top of your hand.

"Loki." You sighed rolling your head to look back up at the celing. "You would have been hurt alot wordt than I am now, that blast could have killed you."

"I am a god y/n, that blast wouldnt have caused me nearly as much damage as it did you." His voice raised slightly.

"Thats what you think. You think that because you are "immortal" that you can take anything thats thrown at you. That no one really cares about you, that you wouldnt be missed? So why not try to take a blow from a bomb? My god your so stupid sometimes."

"I know I can. Norns y/n I've jumped into space, been brain washed, tried to take over New York, gotten smashed around by the Hulk. I was raised with Thor, he doesnt really go easy on a person. What I'm saying is I dont understand why you, a mear midguardian, would sacrifice themselves for me. If anything would have happened-"

"Nothing did happen though. I'm fine-"

"You have steel sticking from your leg, theres no telling when or even if you'll be able to walk again, and there are highly server burns that will leave scares. You cannot sit there and tell me that you are fine."

"Your right it does suck that I'm jot gonna be able to pull off shorts or a bikini anymore."

"This isnt a joke y/n. You almost died!" He finally yelled.

"And i would do it a thousand times over if that ment saving your damn ass again!" You shouted back.

"Why though?! Why me y/n? I've done horrible things, killed people! My life is meaningless." Tears had sprang to his eyes as he looked away.

"Because I love you God damn it!" You stopped suddenly your jaw dropping at the admission that you hadnt ment for him to hear. His head jerked back to you.

"What?" Shock was all over his face as he stood to walk closer to you. "What did you just say?"

"Because I love you Loki Odinson. Because if you were to die I dont think I would be able to go on living. Because even if you see all the bad things that you've done I can look pass that amd see all the good that you are doing." You reached up placing a hand on his cheek and wiping away a tear.

"I love you too y/n. I have since the day I met you. The girl that didnt care what anyone said when she spent time with me. The girl that can see through every face i put on. I love you so much darling." He placed his hand on your face and leaning down gently kissing your lips.

It felt like you thought it always should you felt electricity run through your body and the two of you connected. It was like getting a breath after not being able to for so long. He pulled away smiling at you.

"What do we tell the others?" He asked laying on with bed with you being easy with your leg. He placed his arm around your middle and pulled you as close as he could.

"I honestly dont care what we tell them. They can figure it out themseves for all I care." You smiled lacing your fingers with his, you yawned placing your head on his shoulder closing your eyes.

"Sleep now my Dove, I will be here when you wake." He felt your gentle breath slow as you fell asleep, the rhythm you of your breath lulling him into his own sleep.

Tony and Bruce walked in the next morning stopping dead at the sight in front of them. You and Loki were still cuddled on the small bed sleeping peacefully.

"Should we wake them up?" Bruce asked looking at Tony.

"Na, let them sleep. Dont want to let them know that we know." Tony saod grabbing Bruce's arm and turning to walk back out of the door.

~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

#loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki #loki avengers #loki daily #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki request #loki masterlist #loki x you #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki x y/n #loki friggason

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aiviloti · 3 years

Photo

my 2020 fic writer wrap-up!!

this is going to be incredibly long (a total of 1.1k lmao) so imma put a cut here, but basically thank you for being here all throughout my 2020! i appreciate you all very much <3

fav kind of fic to write:

i love writing about mutual pining slow burn process of getting together but i have NEVER WRITTEN ONE IN MY LIFE so i hope to change that in 2021

in 2020 i discovered??? humour??? so i enjoy writing about that and when people tell me i’ve succeeded in making them laugh it’s all 😳😳😳 for me

hardest fic to write but also most proud of:

to write you a song was a fic i struggled with from all of april to june which is very long?? to me??? considering i usually sit down and write things in one seating. fully fleshed ideas don’t usually take me thaaaaaat long to crunch out, but for some reason i struggled bad with this bc I really didn’t know where i was going w it lol

LA LA LAND gets an honorary mention of it’s own simply because it was 44k, and it took me all of july-september, but it’s something i still am proud of! to show how difficult it was to write/plot here’s the spreadsheet i had to use to keep track of the scenes and the chapters djkgfsjdfkjhgd

Shout out to kiroiimye , sweet , sirius and krypt for keeping my sanity intact

easiest fic to write:

this genshin impact fic: The Land Favoured by the Wind but its because ive been thinking about this idea for more than a month lol so the actual writing and editing took me less than 3 hours

there were several others too, bc ideas then to hook themselves to me then refuse to let go fjshlfgdfsg

fav fic to write:

Most definitely this sakuatsu monstrosity here by the name of Miya Atsumu's unwavering love for Sakusa Kiyoomi and an unholy amount of terrible food analogies that should not have the right to Exist lol, I only came up with the idea of Atsumu asking Osamu how to make friends bc I was friendship pining for someone at the time and then proceeded to write the entirety of it in a feverish daze! It’s as of rn my top hit / kudoed / bookmarked fic on ao3 and man, thanks for liking this as much as i did :’D

writing sequence:

i have to write from start to finish lmao i cant move on if the fic isnt chronological? the only exception was la la land bc it was too long and i had help from the spreadsheet so i alr knew where i was going i just had to write it down dfhdsfksfksdfhjg

deleting works:

the only fics i remember deleting are both first chapters of a multichap, bc i dont like having unfinished pieces on ao3, and far less if im not sure if ill finish them/if i dont know where im going w it!

if it’s dark history of shit 15 year old me wrote imma keep it there! it is an archive after all. go on, judge my fics from 5 years ago ahahahaha

best writing advice:

not a general thing and might just apply tome, but i tend to write in very convoluted ways and squish a lot in my sentences, or add to many unnecessary commas, so i received advice recently about being more mindful of the pacing and it’s helped me a lot!

worst writing advice:

none at the top of my head djgfkdsjfh if it’s bs to me i just forget it entirelyyyy

collab:

@actuallyasweetpotato (also aforementioned sweet) and i did a thing for bokuaka week!!!! you can find it here: under my breath and into your scarf

wips:

9 unfinished zine pieces, 3 commissions, 1 exchange piece, about 10 or so other things

fav story of another writer:

favourite things

manly man falls for manliest man krbk fic!!!

gently, like a winter wind iwaoi birthday fic

sunchaser krbk fic

JUNO atsuhina fic

best review:

dude i cried

and shoutout to tien , sirius for fan art, fan comics, fan animatics of fics ive written, and shoutout to akemiiiii for this song they wrote i am eternaally grateful

worst review:

no negativity today!

prequel/sequel to other people’s fics:

none at the top of my head hm, but if anything probably any of kiro skk stuff

do i reread my stuff:

yes, but only if they’re old enough for me to go “it’s okay even if i dont like it bc this is old”

published:

hopefully! even though i do take part in zines and i guess they already have been published in a broad sense

fav/least fav chara to write:

no one at the top of my head! it’s instinctive for me to go ahead and think about character motives whenever i come across them, so if i ever write about someone, i usually just put my spin/interpretation of a character in a way that i can comprehend. the pros of this is i can write about many people, and the downside is that these characterisations can come off as out of character to anyone who doesn’t agree w me hehe

deadlines or goals:

if it’s a oneshot that’s under 3k i usually aim to have it done within 24 hours of beginning the fic. even tho i rarely succeed, having that as a goal usually pushes me to get it done faster than i would have if i had no goal altogether! if it’s anything long i aim for 1k a day, tho rn all my deadlines are zine deadlines and on top of that there’s uni, so to say im not stressing about writing would be a lie LOL

fav writers: (am too shy to tag but i swear these people are literal gods)

chonideno (mag): tumblr | twitter | ao3

batman (teesta): twitter | ao3

maplefudge (raei): tumblr | twitter | ao3

trope never written, would like to try:

aforementioned SLOWBURN MUTUAL PINING ANGST W A HAPPY ENDING GETTING TOGETHER!!!

but also royalty au

trope you will never write:

haha loads

how long have you been a writer:

began writing around may of 2014!! it was a horrible piece but im glad i started somewhere

influences:

chonideno/mag is one! maggie stiefvater who wrote the raven boys is also one, among many others

hardest part of writing:

writing action? writing things that are happening right now, describing people talking, eating

easiest part of writing:

descriptions of people, places, feelings. internal monologues, the like

best part of writing:

sharing how i perceive the world w other people, and discovering other people agree

wip sneak peek:

cw: hanahaki, falling out of love

this was written in a friend’s dms lmao this is why i sound like this

something unique i bring to all my stories

i had a revelation the other day after talking to all my friends and realised i have really pretentious titles

IF YOU’RE HERE

did you know the wc of this thing is 1k words? idk why you stuck through all of that but thank you. i’ll keep writing in 2021, and all the years after that, and i hope i’ll find you doing things you love too :)

#liv rambles #sorry i am incapable of shutting the fuck up :relieved:#i will continue to not shut the fuck up in 2021 see yall there

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swampgallows · 6 years

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i just woke up, it’s close to noon here, five hours is good enough i guess. i keep thinking about college and how fucking suicidally depressed i was then and how ive spent half of this year being unemployed and generally just struggling to take care of myself in the most banal and basic ways possible, and how depression really does just delete years from your life. you live through them in a daze, you’re already a ghost, you’re already dead. questing in wrath of the lich king is honestly some of the last shit i remember concretely before going into a two year gray area of passing my classes and nothing else. i remember breaking up with my boyfriend because he chose raiding over me. i dont want to talk about it again. the memory is still painful. still, even still, ten years later. and in late 2008 i was attacked in my dorm room and i was screaming and my roommates thought i was being a big ol slut. they thought any guy that came over was someone i was fucking. when i went to blizzcon in 2008 and my brother stayed in my dorm they thought i was fucking him too until i told them he was my little brother. they tried so fucking hard to suppress my interests and make me “like them”. “there’s more to life than world of warcraft and pokemon” they said as if going to college basketball games and rewatching disney movies has any more enrichment or depth beyond what i was fucking doing. my life is so full of hatred, from myself, from other people, just being fostered in me in general, and it’s only within the last few years that i’ve gotten to heal from it at all, all the time being hurt more and more

i was talking to a friend yesterday who is just 19 and thinking about where i was when i was 19, which of course puts me in 2009 again, the year i dropped out of existence, and i was telling them about how i was essentially raised by the ilk of 4chan and the piece of shit community on wow that, like, since i’m around ~liberal genderqueer~ tumblr-type spaces all the time, genuinely shocks me to remember still exists, of those fucking hypermasculine overcompensating military dudes. and we were talking about how like, nerds in general tend to have shit social skills or anxiety or are Othered in ways that have them reinforce this piece of shit pecking order where the loudest and meanest proclaim themselves the Leader and everyone just follows them because theyre too meek to challenge them or they mistake arrogance for confidence and assume any asshole crowing that loud about how Right they are all the time Must Be Right.

and i thought of my own life, my ex QP, my old friend groups, my abusive ex boyfriend, how i mistook so long their malice as strength, how i was duped by their self-aggrandizement. they had no skills, no talents, no girlfriend (except when i dated them), no women in their lives in general, no real friends they could count on (except, for my abuser, an older man with 3 children and a brand new divorce whose house he muscled and manipulated himself into—”i cant even bear to be in the old master bedroom anymore”—and my abuser promptly MOVED HIMSELF INTO IT) no hobbies, and the one or two hobbies that they had—fishing, video games—they were fucking less-than-passable at. my ex-qp wasn’t good at video games. he would use cheat codes or just play the strongest character and rely on everyone else to pick up his slack. warrior, carry, tank, what have you; all of us his underlings to support him to victory—”I’m doing all of the damage and getting none of the kills”—he would whine, oblivious to the concept of teamwork and seeking credit within the only realm he had a semblance of succeeding in.

anyway so when i first joined tumblr i swung the pendulum in the other direction because i absolutely had to, it was for my survival to become a virulent feminazi as they put it, and i was obnoxious about it, and i reposted rape statistics all the time and challenged people all the time because i had to. i had to let it overtake me in order to purge all of the 10+ years of toxic social conditioning that places like 4chan and their little infestations in WoW and all of my abusive partners instilled in me. i had to be vocal about rape this and sexual assault that because i spent the better part of my adolescence trying to laugh away the fact that i was raped as a child, trying to make jokes about my “delicious flat chest” and pedobear and “surprise buttsecks/it’s not rape if you yell surprise” and “delicious loli”; some of the images i had willingly saved on my ancient hard drive are absolutely harrowing to go through now as an adult knowing my mushy impressionable 14 year old traumatized mind was trying to cope with and gloss over what had happened to me and with the future i was facing as a budding adolescent in this kind of environment. men didnt want to be responsible for what happened to me or with what would happen to me, it made them uncomfortable for me to talk about it, so i was told to laugh it away, that nobody cares that i was raped, that i was stronger if i could just laugh about it, that no topics were beyond reproach or off limits, and that if i wasnt desensitized to my own suffering then i was weak, i was a sheep, i was a burden, i was letting my emotions get the better of me.

obviously, tumblr as a whole DIRECTLY acts in opposition of this: everything is rooted in our traumas, which we are expected to lay bare for all to be taken seriously: 4chan demanded that we invalidate the trauma by making a joke of it and allowing the masses to pick it apart for their own entertainment, to become part of the anonymous “legion” by offering up our individuality to be consumed by the group (as a currency of “lulz”, basically); tumblr, reflexively, demands we validate the trauma by making it an open and public integral asset to our identity, to have easily digestible and categorized characteristics so as to fit into the tumblr hierarchy of needs, their own misinterpreted facsimile and microcosm of existing systematic oppression, and obtain a sort of fixed currency of privilege or “woke points” dependent on identity politics. so i definitely needed to purge my previous conditioning with this reclamation of my identity as a survivor, etc, and had about 7 years of misplaced anger and fury condensed into a good two or so years instead, and even now im still parsing details.

it wasnt until i was 22 that i had even heard the term asexuality and it wasnt until i was 25 that i realized i was bi (or “could be” bi), even though i had already been in love with and sexually active with women years prior lmao. i had been told by every possible source that having a dick inside me would change my life and change my outlook and change me into a better person or whatever the fuck, that i would “understand” and “grow up” and “become a woman” or whatever and guess what it did fucking NOTHING, just like every teen drama romance or whatever tries to stress over and over, sex is not a magical lifechanging event that hands you a million dollars and a healthy brain. it changes your life in some ways and it’s definitely not something to be taken lightly but in no way is it a cure for anything.

i dont know where i’m going with this, im just fucking pissed off about my life, im pissed off that healing takes so long and that i had to do any of it in the first place. im so pissed about all of my time wasted with this fucking piece of shit body and fucking piece of shit brain and i wish i could just go back to work and be a functional human being but im like just a short leap away from doing any of that. i have to get in touch w my previous HMO once the new year starts now that im confirmed for medi-cal, and i should have done it months ago, but i have to just accept that this whole time ive been not USELESS but just utterly CONSUMED by self-preservation, that it is taking most of my effort to want to be alive and stay on this planet any longer. especially now with my teeth bugging me so bad because i cant fucking take care of myself so im grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw and i guess eating improperly or what have you idont fucking know. im going to buy a waterpik even though it’s fifty dollars and i have not made ANY MONEY in the last 6 months or done ANY of what i wanted to do and i still have a number of commissions needling at me that i genuinely like cant fucking even look at withotu fucking hitting myself and crying, and im seriously not trying to make fucking excuses, i am so fucking ashamed and consumed by self-hatred about this, this has been a problem for me SINCE COLLEGE where i was an ART MAJOR that i had to fucking beat the shit out of myself to try to draw anything “seriously”, and i do mean literally beating myself, bludgeoning myself with my morris sticks and smacking myself in the face/head and clawing at my skin, and i fucking hate it

i just know i need like SO MUCH recovery or healing or whatever the fuck, i feel so long overdue for very basic shit, and part of me feels like a withering plant, like pouring water over dry leaves thinking it’s just going to saturate itself and be instantly rejuvenated. im losing leaves in the process, as it were, and getting no “water” all this time. i feel like i’m in drought mode. these last six months are me basically conserving all i have, toeing away from the edge of the cliff because iw as so ready yall i was so fucking ready, i was ready to jump off, i spent whole lunch hours just ready to fucking leap, staring down the void, staring at the winding road that went up the mountain, staring at the deer who stared back at me, hiding my face from Adults who treated me like a wind-up doll, i just couldnt take it, ic ouldnt be somewhere that sterile, i couldnt be spending so much of my life getting so little back, i coudlnt see my friends ever, i couldnt breathe, but in general my brain is sick and i need to heal from all of these things, i need to figure out how i can cope with being alive because i am going to be alive at least a little longer and i need to not fear and crave death simultaneously. i do not want to die, I DO NOT want to die, but i cannot live in a constant state of recuperating. my life has just felt like the Shutting Down... screen for the last 2 years.

NEED a new dentist NEED my teeth fixed PLEASE GOD open the stem cell dentin treatment to clinics worldwide GOD fix my TEETH PLEASE let me REGROW my TEETH NEED therapy NEED to fix my brain NEED to figure out how i can cope with being unable to support myself in this shit fucking economy NEED TO RECOVER NEED TO GET BETTER PLEASE IM FUCKING SUFFERING

#blathering

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yallashoola · 7 years

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Towards Artistic Greatness in Five Movements

The ten year journey to ‘The Great Exodus’, a new solo exhibition by Ronald Muchatuta. By Valeria Geselev

Movement I

If you ask Ronald Muchatuta for his bio, it will begin with a movement. “Muchatuta is a Zimbabwean-born contemporary artist currently residing in Cape Town. He specializes in drawing, painting and mosaic. He began his career at the age of 16 as a pottery decorator at Ros Byrne Pottery in Harare, Zimbabwe. After being mentored at Gallery Delta in Harare and finishing his fine art exams through National Gallery of Zimbabwe, he relocated to South Africa in 2007 to pursue a career as an artist.”

Movement II

Ronald’s first solo exhibition in Cape Town was held in 2014 at Greatmore Studios in Woodstock suburb, the home of his artistic self in the past three years. Tall, dark and quiet Ronald could be found at his Greatmore studio at all hours.

During the weekend or late at night you could hear Nina Simone blasting from the speakers in his tiny clustered studio. His fine tunes were competing only with the sounds of hip hop in the yard, where Khaya Witbooi worked. If Greatmore were giving away an award to the most hard-working resident artist, the two would have to share the trophy.

In January this year, Ronald had to clear his studio, with its sound-system, and move out as his lease has expired.

Movement III

Greatmore’s rent is an exceptional deal in a town of gentrified real-estate prices. Any other studio would cost up to five times more to rent. So Ronald moved his studio into his home, a bachelor flat on Kloof Street.

That’s where BBC came to shoot an interview with him. The international interest in his art was triggered by his previous series of works, ‘Children of the Necklace’, depicting humans whose skin is of a Chinese bag pattern – powerful commentary on xenophobia. The interview was aired on tv screens across the globe in May, putting the ‘BBC World’ seal on Ronald as “the African foreigner artist”.

“People expect great things to come out of that exposure” he says. After taking part in about 50 exhibitions, in South Africa, Zimbabwe, France, England, United States and Italy; being selected to residencies; winning awards and big corporate commissions; Ronald knows better than to buy into the promises that come with exposure. “The big galleries ignore me. I have no expectations to be approached. Once a friend made a joke, saying you will never be respected as an artist in South Africa because you are a fucking foreigner. I made a painting with that title. There is freedom that comes with being independent artist – you can choose what you make and who you sell it to. Cape Town has platforms for artists to express themselves and find their way out through the cracks regardless of the racial tensions and economic hardships.”

Racial tensions and economic hardships are well felt in one of the many coffee shops down the road from his flat-now-turned-studio. Here fellow Zimbabweans are assigned the roles of waiters, as part of the compartmentalised South African economy. “Everything here is segregated. Somalis work in spaza shops, Zimbabweans are waiters, Congolese are doormen. You don’t see Nigerians working in restaurants. You don’t see groups overlapping. I want to explore who controls this narrative. White Capitalists are using cheap labour from the African continent to navigate the conflict with local black people” says Ronald.

He will dedicate his next solo show to the economics of migration. He booked well in advance the August-September slot in the main exhibition hall of AVA (Association of Visual Arts) gallery. The local art-world has great expectations from the incoming migration of income to spill over from the opening of MOCAA - the Mecca of art collectors - in September.

Movement IV

As the exhibition date approaches, negotiations of a new studio space rise and fall, Ronald hears through the grapevine of Greatmore alumni about a temporary studio in Bo Kaap, and moves there. As we go uphill in the stiff narrow road he comments that the daily climb is good for his health. As with many spots in Cape Town, the pilgrim’s effort is rewarded with magnificent views.

Nina Simone will have to wait for a permanent solution, no loud music is allowed here. Her wait and his relief will not last long, as the space will be “re-developed” by its new owners soon and Ronald will have to move again. In the meantime he draws music. “An artist friend declared one of my new drawings to look like jazz - moody with character”.

Not being able to escape the theme of migration (and isn’t an escape too a form of migration?), Ronald instead goes deeper. His work becomes more personal. Taking shape in the temporary shelter of creation are multiple Ronalds – as he skilfully sculpts his own face again and again. Later he mosaics around the heads and draws tags on his/their foreheads – “ fucking foreigner”, “darkie”, “kwerekwere”, “underdog”, “cheater”. It’s more emotional than a mere reflection on geo-politics.

“Part of the body of work is putting in personal elements of me. Each and every head that is painted black has something negative written on it. Since I am talking about migration, I’m trying to figure out how to put in my personal story - where does Ronald fit in this body of work?”

Movement V

“I don’t want to talk about local politics, but it is in my work. There is a lot of pain. It’s an honest work with a lot of emotions. The previous work was looking from a distance. Here I dive into my nature and see things from an intimate position. The dense and potent narrative is balanced by the medium – a playful mix of mosaic and drawing. I am pushing the mosaic form and exploring the 3D element”.

Unlike many of his contemporary fellow artists, Ronald invests equal effort in skill development as in conceptual growth. He is not looking for shortcuts – instead he believes in perfecting the craft, in building up towards artistic greatness. He buys stacks of art history books – reading of the Masters, studying hard when taking a break from working hard. “I am concerned with the question what makes a great artist. Today my answer is – a work that is produced with honesty, bravery and introspection”.

On 17th August the exhibition which he worked on since the beginning of this year has opened for public at AVA Gallery in Cape Town. He gave it the title “The Great Exodus” – to mark his tenth year anniversary in South Africa. With over 60 new works Ronald is celebrating a decade of art-making in a place where he still is labelled as an outsider. “There are artists in South Africa who do great work, but the department of Arts and Culture doesn’t put a foot forward to assist and elevate these people, because they are seen as foreign nationals”.

The exhibition “The Great Exodus” will be on show from 17 August to 20 September at AVA Gallery.

an edited version of this article was published on page 8 of Business Day, 21 August 2017 - https://www.businesslive.co.za/bd/life/arts-and-entertainment/2017-08-21-great-exodus-emotions-ride-high-in-paintings-depicting-migration/

#ronald muchatuta #art #cape town #migration #valeria geselev #the great exodus #ava gallery

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mattyslittleworld · 4 years

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East Keansburg

P: Rob Sellig

2:48 am / Thursday morning. Im listening to this new Tsu Surf & Mozzy project, thinking about this kid I grew up around. Ive been reading he passed away, which is such a shame. We grew up playing basketball together at St. Catherines in EK, middle school, high school, alternative high schools, programs together. Troubled youth. I have this specific memory of him from years ago. I believe I wrote about it in my last blog post, about watching somebody get curb stomped. I was a lost kid, me and my friends aimless, drifting from group to group. Ended up spending a lot of late nights in EK wandering the streets. This night specifically, there were about 7 of us. A homie of mine was interested in writing graffiti, and this was before music, so graffiti was basically my identity. So we met up at his house, where my friend had a group of heads over, and they were partying, selling, and just going off. He lived with his parents, which speaks volumes, because at this time in my life, everyones parents gave up...nobody gave a fuck, except mine, but they couldn't control me. One thing leads to another, my boy wanted to go bombing. So we leave his house with our paint, and just take the streets, 5 reckless kids fallowing us on skateboards and bikes. Wasted, loud, rowdy, reckless, but as an outsider, I found a silver lining in their terror....it was a middle finger to the society that never gave them a chance. It was a brotherhood. This specific kid, at this point, was in and out of county, witnessed him fighting over and over in school, and in the streets since day 1. We were walking tall through the backroads in EK....they were spray painting cars...houses...anything. No fucks given. Wasted...they were breaking windows...kicking dents in BMW’s. Playing music off the phone...they were all they got. Another group of kids ended up on the same block....and they went off. A fight broke out....and I have this specific memory of boy ripping his shirt off, passionate, raging with anger, to protect his brotherhood, his street crew, his family. Being around him since I was a little kid, school, ball, mutual friends....I never got to know him deeper than this...but I would always see him and just salute his pride, and his will to stand on his actions, and his will to fucking fight for who and what he loves. Rest In Power fam. A lot of homies reading this from EK who follow my music...yall know who I am talking about. I never got to know this man - but I salute him for how much of HIM HE REALLY WAS. I remember in 2006, I was a freshman in high school, and my cousin ended up in a fight with a senior over a friend who passed away. My cousin was intoxicated during this time, in school, and I ended up beating the dog shit out of this senior as a young kid. These EK boys were the only ones who showed love, who stood tall behind me, making sure I was good, safe, and assuring me I was doing the right thing. Cant let your family go down like that. Rest In Peace man.

Last year, days before Tsu Surfs album Seven 25 dropped, he doubled back and we hit the studio and recorded a song called “Make You Proud”. He dropped the album very shortly after and it went #2 on iTunes in under 24 hours, and I was sure I wasn't going to see that man ever again. A year later, here we are...a day before he drops this joint project with Mozzy...that debuted at #5 on itunes, were dapping up at a film set in Queens, NY to film the music video. A YEAR LATER, this man gave a fuck enough to pull up and bless my career with this video. That meant a lot to me. I specifically remember feeling alone, hopeless, in some of the darkest moments of my life. Just listening to his tape over and over and over....running laps at the track at Mader Dei Highschool. It gave me hope, it motivated me to get over the feelings that were weighing me down. My life was changing, and this eased the pain. Nobody likes the motions of change if it includes losing people you love....losing the ability to do things you love...and going places you love. You have to find new health, new wealth, and new routines. My new found routine was coffee in the morning...spending an hour studying the industry...listening to my podcasts...then immediately running laps listening to his tape. Anything after that was subjective. Nowadays its basketball instead of running laps....but it gave me health. Mentally and physically. I could collect my thoughts. I could hear real stories....being gunned down 5 times and bouncing back...then charting. Here we are. On set....once again with Rob...my brother on the directing tip. My new lovely friend Victoria, who's a beautiful, ambitious, ride or die artist of her own. Robs pops. Mike Oliva, who is a SAVAGE photographer and film maker himself. It was a trip. Over the past year, kids at bars, hardcore shows, normals, civilians, people from all over and the world have been DMing me about simply just a teaser and a photograph of me and Surf in a studio. With Albee Al, Casanova, Cage - its all a specific group of people. Mainly mainstream music consumers...radio listeners...people who are tapped into Instagram and culture. But with Surf - Ive had the pleasure of speaking to people from all walks of life. Old hardcore friends telling me how much his movement has touched their lives...so wild. I was late to his wave...Belv actually told me to tap in and do it, and that's my brother so I made sure I did for the team. We drank hot chocolate and coffee, listened to our favorite music so loud, have such great conversations, got amazing footage that im so proud of, and just overall killed the mission. Nothing makes me more happy. This was a moment for me....because for the first time...im not in silly poppy clothes...im myself...im spitting bars on it...I feel and look like the person who was painting freights in 2007. And that is very important to me. Sometimes you can get swallowed by the wave youre riding...and I am guilty of that. It influenced so much of me...and recently I said look...fuck all this. Fuck everything except for whatever inside me still lingering before back and forth. Because if those passions, those tendencies, those people, are still here and within me...theyve been growing all this time, strong, sticking by me, and that's me. Shitty hoodie. Airmaxes or vans, shitty hat, stupid hair, cutty as fuck, smiling. dirty skateboard kid just trying be great man. I miss my old Mercer Ave skate crew. Its been years.

Im starting to go through a new awakening where im witnessing the ones around me unfold in such a distasteful manner. Its pretty crazy to spend time with people, face to face, and have dinner, coffee, laughing with each other one on one....and in my head at the same time think...this mother fucker dead ass hates me. Wants to kill me. Wants me to fail. Fucks heavy with EVERYONE who has done wrong to me. Has talked shit behind my back. Has stabbed me in the back. And they are such fucking clowns....they don't know that I know...and they don't even comprehend that im being a bigger person and not addressing shit below me, because I don't have room for shit like that in my life. This is the time where people fuck with you one foot in, for opportunity, to hit a lick, to keep the link, to get to the people you fuck with. It is literally so easy to show love...and yet people close to you just won't. Its an interesting concept. I am fortunate in the sense that I am self made, self built, and already a black sheep. If everybody in my life turned their backs, it wouldn't touch my career. So therefore, I don't have this fuckery nature in my behavior. I don't fuck with you, I don't fuck with you. Thats it. Im learning you cannot trust people who fuck with you one foot in....because that means they're prepared to step away at any moment when you're down. They don't got your back. They are around people who drag your name through the mud, and they allow it. AT BEST...since they have one foot in....theyll tap in and say such and such said this....but why didn't you defend me? Why were they okay with these actions with you? Because your friend has their other foot with the opps. Fuck these types of people. Forever. Ive been seeing people put up with this behavior, and I figured id speak on it, because its been on my mind. You don't have to get treated like shit to fit in. Truth is, your friends are probably wack. Your friends probably hate you. Your friends don't want you to do better than them. And no, it doesn't matter how long you've known them. Most relationships stem and grow out of convenience, and lack of change, lack of ambition, lack of dreams and goals. I always thought, its actually very easy to be a good friend when they need you...in moments of tragedy and misery. Because that doesn't shake your foundation, and make you realize you aint shit. It doesn't challenge your framework. Its harder for most people to be a good friend when their friend is celebrating success, because the human nature is to compare, and sometimes that can be a mirror reflection of how you AINT SHIT. Recognize these people and cut this cancer out of your system. Or if you are this person, we all have been at one point, cone to terms with how wack you are and be a good person lmao. I want to see my plumbing friend look me in the eyes and go “im the best plumber in this area and im gunna kill this job and make a living for my family and buy a BMW”, just like I want to see my graphic designer friends believe after their hard work that they're qualified OVER SOMEONE ELSE for their job, to make a great living. Just like I want to see a musician, or rapper, talk his shit and believe in themselves, go platinum, and make a great living and buy a Range. Being around greatness inspires me, never scares me. I love being at the bottom, it amps me up. It gets me going. It gets me off. I love the fight, the grind, the game. Whether its music, or washing windows in the freezing dead of winter for commission to pay for fucking studio time to be where I am right the fuck now boiiiiiii.

Me and Belv have some crazy shit coming. That is all. Okay bye.

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