#im not articulating this the way i want to...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hold on i need to get a thought and emotions out. so with Welcome Home, there seems to be a before and an after. obviously, we're in the after. the website is the after. and if it turns out that the story we see, the one where shit hits the fan and the show is practically erased, then... that already happened. whatever horrors we see, we'll know that there is no saving them. there is no happy ending - it happened, and it's tragic. the show is doomed to end and be scrubbed away. if any of the characters are revealed to be dead/gone by the website, then when/if we see them at an earlier point, we'll Know

and there's a special kind of dread and horror in that for us, the audience.

#im not articulating this the way i want to... #it's like going to see a tragic play. like romeo and juliet for instance. #we go into it knowing the end. they die. no matter what they die. every step they take leads to That End #every happy moment is undercut by the knowledge that it won't last #thinking about this makes me think that at some point learning more about the story/characters is gonna feel like digging up a grave #AGH I LOVE IT THOUGH I LOVE IT. IT HURTS SO MUCH BUT I LOVE IT #its a special feeling of dread/nostalgia/bittersweetness/resignation #and that is sensation in the chest that doesnt feel good but it also does somehow? it hurts but just enough to not be unbearable? #welcome home #welcome home speculation #welcome home puppet show #man i am so so so so scared for the puppets lmfao #i have some theories on the ways shit might go down. like little things. souring relationships and such #i also have a feeling that the story is really gonna hit home (ha) for me in Big Ways #like as soon as i saw clown say that it's kinda about 'when does a home become a house' and stuff #OOF. YIKES. WHEN DOES IT INDEED. i mean i know. ive lived it. im Living it. #this is gonna get unintentionally personal Real Fast in Several Fun And Festive Ways for me huh #i wonder if the story is gonna be uncovered linearly or not... #chewing on it chewing on it chewing on it #i can't wait to Understand the world/characters so that i can write fanfic. i want to so badly. i want to Explore #i want to hop into that grave and keep digging

[a-mongooose]

Why do I always end up posting at completely unreasonable hours? Oh well! Sleep is for the weak <3 The Drew kids have comically large gaps in skill when it comes to artwork. Like Audrey really needs to step up her game <///3 And by popular demand, I have given Bendy his well deserved chocolate. Nothing else happened. No souls were harmed in the process. Trust me bro 

#bendy and the ink machine #bendy batdr #audrey batdr #batdr #bendy and the dark revival #okay but like #thank you guys?????????????? #the last post kind of blew up in comparison to my usual stuff and ?????????? #just???? i love all of you that interacted tbh #the RBs were so NICE ugh i want to put all of you in my pocket for safekeeping #anywho #ill get some more content for yall of these silly little goobers #or ill try #either way something will happen #these games have been living rent free in my neurodivergent brain since 2017 so i have plenty of juice #but whether my shriveled little husk of a hand will cooperate is unkown #wow these tags are devolving rapidly BASICALLY #im gonna try to revamp some of my old designs for the JDS staff. wow I struggled to articulate that #but if you read this far #have a wonderful day or night or whenever you see this :) #and DONT . sell your soul to bendy. no matter how nicely they ask. <3 #<- speaking from experience #sorry no im not

[aquickstart]

one thing that's been talked about here and by creators and is obvious but still important to articulate (to me) is that oliver is not envious of the cattons because they are wealthier than him, necessarily. it's not about the money. or it is, but in a way that everything in life is about money: no matter how much you have, you kind of always want more, because want is a very strong driver. he's not coming from a place of poverty or any financial need at all, and he is not genuinely burning with the anger at the rich as a working-class guy constantly overpowered by them. there is no righteousness of the oppressed in his motives; sure, he "knows how to work", but to me—and this is, again, personal interpretation—the more important part is that the cattons "made it so easy" for him to take everything from them. it doesn't matter where oliver is coming from, ultimately (which is why he is so pointedly an upper middle class kid, quite comfortable, not a struggling genius he paints himself to be). for oliver, and for his audience, what matters is what he wants, not why he wants it; how badly he wants, how deep inside his own desire he is.

in short, it's not that the cattons had something he didn't have. it's just that they had something he wanted.

#saltburn #am i making any sense at all. be honest #like i make sense to myself. but. #this came about actually because i'm writing post-canon and it's important to me to detangle his logic #like. he wouldn't put an emphasis on how he got from his humble beginnings and got where he is in any way #i think for him more important would be that he got what he wanted so easily #like itd be more about intelligence in the moment than about being worthy. he thinks in primitive categories. i want i take. yk? #ah im just rambling again. #like this makes sense to me. but im not sure im articulating this riight #mine #saltburn journaling

[qubitos]

so has anyone else given any thought to what all the constant tea-drinking has done to the islanders? like what sort of effect it's had on them? not physically speaking (though thats definitely a really interesting avenue to pursue) but mentally

like. will any of them be able to drink tea ever again? will they be able to enjoy it? there are so so many memories associated with it now. two weeks worth of friend-killing and they were drinking tea through it all. they were chugging it during pvp. surely that has to twist their relationship with it? like, the mental association. there are foods i cant eat without thinking of home and other foods i cant get down because of bad memories associated with them. i have to imagine that sort of pain/discomfort has to be magnified tenfold here

tina discovered the tea strat because she wanted to make it for bagi. because bagi loves tea, and tina loves bagi. there's so much love behind it all and its so tainted now

#qsmp #qsmp purgatory #i have literally not been able to stop thinking about this #there are soaps i cant use without flinching. theres no way that these guys are coming out the other side of this without an aversion to te #im not articulating myself as well as i want to here but. i feel like my point gets across all the same #i hope someone at least touches on this w/ their character. this is all i ask

[napping-sapphic]

Listen i’m strictly a hot chocolate kinda gal in regards to warm drinks but i will put so much time and care into learning how to make your extra complicated tea or coffee or whatever because i don’t think anything in this world says i love you as much as making someone else’s favorite warm drink for them

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #besties i cannot articulate how much coming into a warm mug waiting for me means to me #the fundamental act of love to me #i will buy thermometers and coffee makers and tea pots and creamers for you #because this is a Priority okay #i am giving you my favorite mug and softest blanket to use because it’s the only way i can articulate what i want you to know #i am bad at words sometimes but i can always boil water okay #idk it’s 2am i just started my period i have to be up in five hours i have Many Feelings #and i really really just wanna tell someone i love them but specifically like this #im gay and i like sleeping

[oh-katsuki]

im gonna say something corny but... the profound effect that living in a women-only house had on me was and is insane. it was (almost) completely by chance that only women ended up living there, but i think moving in with my housemates was possibly the best decision i've ever made. i genuinely wish i could describe that kind of love and community, but i don't have the vocabulary. all that i know is that it's such a privilege to have gotten to live in that house and to love those women and to get to keep loving them. they're my most precious friends and i owe that feeling of safety and community to them. there was just something very special about that house. i was very lucky, i think. i don't think people get to love like this every day.

#im having a lot of big feelings tonight #and i miss my friends #and my house and the way it felt to live there #and come home to them #i want to grip the world in my hand and tell them how lucky i am #and i KNOW this is corny #but y'all... i hit the fucking jackpot with them i really did #and i WISH i had the words to articulate it #if i ever write one beautiful thing.. please let it be about them #vent

[daily-hanamura]

i have more screenshots but idk if tumblr can handle it

#submission #hanamura yosuke #listen i do in fact think about this scene so much. so so so much. #i cant help but think about what saki used to tell naoki about yosuke considering how during an early meeting with naoki #hes brought up how he hated yosukr as well #but listen i think for me the main thing is how much i love when yosuke's big brotherness comes out especially when someone younger #is in a vulnerable state of mind #look at how hes trying to speak to naoki and reach out to him yosuke really does want to help here #and i have such a soft spot for the fact that its yu's slink with naoki i just love when yosuke shows up in yu's slinks #but yosuke being here was so important. and they wrote him so gently #god im down bad i know im not even coherent here im just!!! really! overwhelmed!! with! emotions!! #he wants to reach out to naoki but hes also careful to do it in a way that doesn't patronise him or talks down to naoki #yosukes not the best at speaking and being articulate and he's really just doing his best here to meet naoki where he is and aaaaaaaaa

[systemrestart]

i think Pluto is right. as much as Saturn leans into being The Bitch™/the chaos gremlin, she is a very thoughtful and empathetic person. and not even just to the people closest to her. i think this shines through in her final words from the CM ending;

"Everyone on Earth who believed in us felt the same way;

'Let's be more human.' 'How much more human can we be?'

That faith waned, maybe because they were jealous. Yet, maybe also, because the direction we were taking the future wasn't enough. Just another human they didn't want to be. Or a sort of human that they're scared of being.(…)

So, choose to come with us, or choose to stay. But I won't be happy without them knowing what they're missing out on. Look up in the sky, and see all the weird stuff we get to do with each other! And come join!"

like with most things Saturn does, it's couched in her own desires and feelings, her own 'selfishness' (or, something more like 'self-love', or 'self-respect')........ and yet, she still thinks of humanity, the humanity who rejected her, the humanity she so resents, and she expresses a hope that those who want to also free themselves may follow them someday

her 'victory' against Luna-Terra in the mission "DEEPER CUTS" also sticks out to me. in this 'battle' her goal was to break down Luna-Terra's emotional and mental defenses.......... not just for her own satisfaction (though that too of course lol), but also to see LT truly be vulnerable, for her own sake as well

#heaven will be mine #hwbm #saturn hwbm #saturn (hwbm) #remi plays heaven will be mine #i cant find the part where pluto calls saturn out on this dammit #well w/e #these probably arent even the best examples and idk if i articulated it well but. God #like it can be subtle and she also intentionally obscures how much consideration she gives others #but thats just how she is. and she does not allow her empathy to let others guilt or shame or push her around #and her thoughtfulness and emapthy dont mean she isnt willing to push people herself or demand her right to her own wants and feelings #okay i was about to launch into a whole second post down here im gonna stop #WAIT UH something something expresses her compassion in a similar way to Neptune in WKTD something something #okay now im done

[scamoosh]

this is gonna sound whiny but nonbinary ppl can immediately tell when u just see them as their agab jsyk👍 its just frustrating 2 b surrounded by other queer ppl and even in those communities without fail if i make any comment abt period cramps or having worked in childcare or shit like that theres an Immediate shift to like oh okay ur actually a Girl got it . like . there was anothr nonbinary person i used 2 kno who had zero problem using the right pronouns for me until they heard how high my voice was on a call once ☠️

#this isnt targeted its just a vent #idk its just annoying. like i can get away w painting my nails but i feel like thats bc #its trendy in niche communities now for cis boys to do it #and i hate feeling like my masculinity is constantly being stacked next to like . the pillars of cis man and cis woman #like . idk im probably not articulating this v well #like . especially as somebody who thinks of themselves as transmasc but doesnt want top surgery its annoying bc that alone #means i lose legitimacy 2 some of the queer ppl i try 2 talk 2 abt gender stuff with #and beyond that #the stupidass responses ive gotten to telling ppl i dont ever rlly plan on coming out to my family #like girl.... i cannot be the first person uve met who doesnt have a safe or comfortable environment to be transgender jn???? #and beyond that i dont think its that big a deal that i dont ever come out like . officially #the ppl i care abt know and they see me the way i want so thats enough for me #but in like . largely lgbt online spaces thats where it gets frustrating #like we r supposed 2 b beyond defining gender solely on stereotypes and tit size #tw transphobia #like not rlly but jic it makes anybody uncomfy #thank u that is all #SORRY FOR BEIN CRANKY FIRST THING IN THE MORNING 😵😵 love and light etc #its not like a huge deal either its just smth that gets frustrating specifically in spaces full of ppl that u have some expectations #of understanding from #sorry if this is like complete nonsense LOL

[comfymoth]

i tthink. about the cartel streams So Much guys and about how tommy and tubbo just immediately latched onto quackity when he joined. they looked up to him, man, they thought he was so fuckin cool, like here’s this older boy whose smart and funny and knows all the ropes (or at least they think he does) and he’s willing to run around and play pranks with them and commit petty crimes and jesus christ i think So Much about. that relationship and that image and What Happened To It over the course of the elections and manberg especially manberg and i don’t know how to put it into words but its FUCKED UP

#i can’t articulate it the way i want not yet but i NEED you all to know im THINKING ABOUT IT #IM ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!

[stardust-vi]

Dumb ramble but I hate that you can't critique The Thing you love within a fandom space without some dude breathing down your neck like "Well actually that means you hate The Author and The Thing! And what about all the times The Author did this Good Thing? Checkmate, liberal." as if you can't be critical of something because you love it and want it to be better.

#just. i'm in a rush rn so i'm probably not articulating myself well and i could go more in-depth with my thoughts #at the risk of someone spinning my words into “cringe blue hair pronoun wants to cancel araki!” which... will happen inevitably #even though i don't know how many times i can repeat “i do not hate araki #this is specifcally about jjba btw because like. #look i love it and araki has done some good things (or at least had good intentions in most cases) #but i'm so over the fact he constantly has to reach for some form of traumatizing women in his writing #and I already hear “well it shows they're a villain!” #but does he HAVE to use assault? why does he have to use that instead of demonstrating their villainy in other ways #that don't need to use it as a crutch #i'm not even saying you can't ever write about assault #that's not my argument either. #I'm not even accusing him of being a bad writer or person but just. Can we please retire the overusage of assault for shock value? #i obviously don't hate people who enjoy the series regardless #i'd be a massive fucking hypocrite #i mean i've literally been in this damn fandom for 6 years and just now decided to post my art. #but i'm tired of any time someone brings up legit criticisms of the misogyny in his writing #it's met with “but araki did this-” like it changes anything. #i'm glad he did somewhat improve writing women over time compared to the earlier parts #that said. that doesn't cancel out the blunders he did make or will make in the future #even if he has good intent. #or really any criticism of the writing being hit with “but its not supposed to make sense #anyways rant over. probably going to delete later bc im tired. #tw assault #assault tw

[spider-man-2o99]

ok i’m still On Break do not take this post as a sign that i’m like. Actively Tumblring again yet because i’m still not, 4 the most part, but i have had my ear to the ground for special interest things, of fuckign course, of course, bcuz i’m me, and i. just. i am .i’m so fucking sorry to all the new SM2099 comic fans who are only just now realizing just now how dire the straits are, here, LMAO. it has been this way for Years. earnestly and from the bottom of my heart i love spider-man 2099 so much and also nobody on the goddamn planet Cares About Him At All or can even fucking write him half-decently unless every single celestial bodie in the fucking milky way galaxy comes into perfect fucking syzygy, i think, i think, i think. why did u think we (me) had a psychotic episode after that fuckin movie dropped. fucksake. lord above. because it’s all always “ohhh being yourSELF and telling your OWN story your OWN way” until you Look A Certain Way and ARE A Certain Way and Have Symptoms That Look Frightening and Don’t Move Around Like ‘Normal’ People Should Move, fuckin’ freaky-ass creature beast-thing, and so on and so on and so on, Christ all-fuckin’-mighty. gets tiring. but. anywaygs.

it is far easier to be destructive, than constructive. so. ahem. sorry. refocusing. it seems quite simply that just yet another goddamn story missed the point that 90s future spider-man is a story about very plainly and simply loving each other as people. it’s a story about a severely depressed, miserable, cynical little man who finds new reasons to live in every kind person he meets, and there is an open earnesty to that, if nothing else, that no movie can take away 30 years later. anybody can decide to try and be a better person than the one they were yesterday, and that is goddamn important. to portray anything otherwise was an unfathomably cruel decision, on sony’s part, and as soon as we got trailer evidence that they were leaning into his more “intimidating” features back in ~dec. 2021, i.. pretty much Knew it was what they were gonna be doing with him. why wouldn’t they? i mean. who actually even cares about this obscure nobody, right? c-listers are the tried-and-true adaptational chameleons, anyways; they sure suckered in dumbasses like me, who still took blind hope in hook line and sinker, thinking he’d be important to the film, or at the very least portrayed sympathetically to his 30 years of established comic history as a character who is consciously aware that he is an adult survivor of fucking child abuse. but. c’est la fucking vie, i guess.

#talking tag #atsv #spider-man 2099 #i predicted All Of This and i am SO TIRED OF BEING RIGHT THAT I WANT TO THROW MYSELF IN2 THE SUN ABT IT :)))) #i WANTED to be wrong. /CHRIST/ i wanted to be wrong so goddamn bad #articulation isnt at its peak rn. how do i even- /bridge/ the breadth of this gap. wwoof man like. just. #i just. did yall think i started writing the dissection fic with extreme violation + dehumanization themes Just Outta Nowhere?? y/k??? #y’KNOW. haha. i am Intimately Aware firsthand with how years of it without reprieve shapes a brain over time. and. writing helps. #hhahaha. lord. id just go back 2 how i was Raised if i wanted 2 Constantly Hear so many ppl talkin abt how much they want evry Like-Me dead #(not-- not. not Like That. not in the nasty-ass too-online Way or whatever disgusting Assumptions that could Imply. im just a basket case.) #chroist. #not even . not even getting into the whole ‘also comic sm2099 is canonically staunchly anti-cop yet movieboy is weirdly fashy’ Thing. #i already Have a migraine im NOT getting into that right now #(holding back tears) wwelp looks like these next Seven Years Of Terrible Public Perception r gonna b long and suck so bad :)) #ok goodbye again now im going back to frolicking morosely in the Fields . be safe drink some water be kind to urself and others. mwah.

[bogkeep]

untangling my neurodivergence is such a trip like

- first time they tested me for autism i got a negative which is so funny in hindsight considering how Very Obviously Neurodivergent i was as a kid, so i had to return like OK I KNOW YOU SAID I DIDN'T AUTISM BUT CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY I AM IN CONSTANT SENSORY HELL LIKE I'VE BEEN TOLD BY RELIABLE SOURCES WEARING CLOTHES IS NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL THIS AWFUL ALL THE TIME and on second try i got an "hmmm ok you TECHNICALLY qualify but it's SO mild you are VERY high functioning like it's very vague. barely there. but you can have the diagnosis juuust in case you want accomodations someday" <- definitely didn't carry this assessment with me for years, no sirree, definitely didn't let other people's perception of "i'm not THAT autistic" color the way i viewed and treated myself well into adulthood,,

- the odd disparity between "but i'm so helpless i don't think it's possible for me to live on my own, i don't know how to do anything, i'm going to be a child forever" and "HUH living on my own is SO nice and easy?? i'm handling adulthood so much better than i ever thought i would????" because it turns out having control over my own environment frees up so much space in my brain

- the autism nerf becomes very apparent the moment i Return Home and suddenly the old brick walls in the brain are back. suddenly somehting as easy as making a little cheese toastie, a food that i've been eating almost every day for most of my life, becomes a strenuous task because i have to navigate a now unfamiliar territory, just choosing a cheese is hard enough because some of these belong to someone else and are off limits, if i open a new cheese when there was another one already open i will be berated for it, if i use the wrong cheese that is too fatty and melty i will be berated for picking the wrong cheese, and the fridge is very full and confusing and maybe i'm just missing the most obvious cheese, i'll just ask, and of course i can always ask, i am not afraid of asking for help but i'm always so tired of being made to feel stupid and clueless for needing to ask, but if i just assume i will always make the wrong assumption, and IS IT ANY WONDER SO MANY OF US DEVELOP ANXIETY

- anyway yes i'm absolutely THAT Autistic.

#i say autistic but on paper i've got aspergers because norway uses outdated diagnoses :) #im just. mh. i know all this already but it's helpful to articulate it out #to put words to the ways i struggle instead of swallowing it down constantly #i want to do things but my brain is full of brick walls!!!!!!! it's a labyrinth up in here!!! #the thread here is that it's 'easy' to mask in a place you're familiar with #but then having the freedom to unmask - the return is always revealing

[good-beanswrites]

Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store. 

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore. 

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath. 

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her. 

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death. 

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno. 

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying. 

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well? 

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe. 

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #amane and fuuta mentioned #i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂 #oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk #i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that #anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0 #drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result #i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together #the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices #im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd #i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything -- #i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared #but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off #not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky #i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person... #i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon #and *shes* the odd one out for craving company #then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else #i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...? #AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃 #*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit* #drabbles

[cinna-bunnie]

why is it always the forbidden fruit that entices me the most (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

#🚶🏾‍♀️ not that it impacts the way i feel about anyone else but i actually do fr love my manager and it's crazy bc idk how or when this #happened. like i have fun by myself n i love my friends but i rly am at my happiest when I'm next to her huh (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) ♡⁠ #and that is a wild way to feel about someone i work with let alone who supervises me akdkaka #i still can't believe how naturally and affirmingly “i love you” jumped out of me the other day without thinking about it #and i do??¿ after thinking about it??¿ i would literally do anything for you #and she said she loves me too 😵‍💫 and we've never articulated that before. and now our talks feel more personal than before but it #was a much bigger conversation for sure (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) she's out of work this week though and I'm thinking about her. #🚶🏾‍♀️i wanna show her my knife throwing but idkk...... struggling w where the line between professional and personal needs to be 💀 #i treat my work friends and my real friends very differently lol. i don't know (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠) aaa #now that i said it it's like a dam of feelings burst ૮ – ﻌ–ა girl... #she has a husband. but he's a scrub. but she's my boss. but we're already so sweet to each other. but i shouldn't. but i want to #aaauuugghghfhfghhghkhkjltlskxkvofjw !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ignore me and my pining (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) ♡⁠ im crazy about that girl. i really am huh.. 🚶🏾‍♀️ #if you got to hang out with her u would get it.... i can't believe her man ain't shit... pls let me give u my attention #u don't have to be mine nor am i wanting that but let me take care of you (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ u work so hard for everyone else #she's fantasizing.... ......... wanting.. contemplating...?..?? no. no....??¿......? ......... 😐 hm #lmao

[thebirdandhersong]

one thing I've learned through being in this Milton course is that I really, really don't like feeling stupid. and that I will inevitably feel really stupid and out of my depth in a class full of honours students and one girl I know doesn't think very much of me, who can quote Keats and Blake and Shelley at the drop of a hat and very eloquently bring up sociologists and philosophers and a bajillion other smart sounding, insightful things in class discussion, while we're studying poetry I a) only half-care about and b) don't half-understand

#we were halfway through class today and i was like take me home i want to go HOOOOME #y'all................ what a day. and i'm only a third through the lectures i need to be in. like what the heckkkk i want to be not here #im usually mostly immune to the comparison game because i forced myself to be that way in high school but MAN #this class makes it very difficult to not feel like i'm constantly floundering and playing catch up #and as someone who is a slow reader and thinker and is not very articulate it sometimes makes me not want to talk in class