#im pissing shitting throwing up. what the fuck is this.

[chrissfawn]

ꨄ MAKE IT UP . 𓂃 ㅤ۫ ㅤ⊹

— c.s. series | part 1 . .

pairing :: chris sturniolo x fem!oc

summary :: in which isabella decantis has to share a dorm room with her high school enemy, chris sturniolo.

word count :: 1,390 k

warnings :: swearing, angst (??), lowercase intentioned, 3rd person, chris is a dick, drinking, throwing up, fluff if u squint, n thats it

a/n :: yall r crazy for getting tense to 800 notes 😭😭 i love u guys all dearly. also the story line is js smth i ended up doing on c.ai and i thought it was realy good so 😁 also credits to maxine for the name she said she wouldnt read this if i didnt give her credits

COLD was what amber-eyed isabella decantis felt while walking down the long hallway. after waiting for weeks and even months, she had finally gotten accepted into her dream college. the brunette girl looked down at the small folded paper to know which dorm was hers. to her surprise, the hallway was empty on move in day. she knew how hard had been working and how much money she paid to get one of the dorms that have a private bathroom. she knew she deserved this.

‘ROOM 617’ was said on the small sign on the door. isabella put her boxes down after struggling to carry them for almost 10 minutes. she excitedly took out the key to unlock the door, but it was already open. bella raised her eyebrow slightly, a bit shocked that her dorm mate would already be here. she opened the door slowly while letting out a soft, “hello?”

her amber eyes met with blue eyes. “uhm.. what the fuck are you doing here?” chris mumbled, getting up from his bed. isabella’s jaw clenched as she looked back down at the folded paper. “this is room 617?” she spoke with anxiety laced into her tone. “are ya’ blind?” the brunette boy spoke coldly. “no because if i was, i wouldn’t already know that im gonna have to be with you.” she spat as she kicked her boxes filled with clothes and other things into the room.

bella picked up the few boxes and placed them on top of her bed. the room now completely silent, she took a box knife that she had in her purse and started to open the boxes up. “cant fucking believe im gonna have to be stuck with you for the entire year.” chris mumbled under his breath, thinking that isabella couldn’t hear him when in reality she did. “well we both wouldn’t be pissed off if you didn’t bully me through all of high school, wouldn’t we sturniolo?” isabella snapped.

“well thats what you deserve for being all slutty n shit when you fucked every guy in school decantis.” he argued back, not even looking up from his phone. bella paused from packing to turn to chris. her hands rested on her love handles. “excuse you! your the one who played every girl in bell borne! remember lizzy? yeah, you fucked around with her for a bit and then you cheated on her with her sister.” she retorted with frustration laced into her words. “but ohhh, no remember that one time when you cheated on her sister with her bestfriend?” bella continued, pissed off that chris was probably not even listening.

“oh please bella! you sent nudes to basically all of the guys during junior and senior year. dont act all innocent and act like you didn’t do anything.” chris finally snapped as he put his phone down. “jesus christ and you fucked how many guys in the bathroom?” he didn’t stop there. “don’t be coming after me sayin shit like im a player when you were a slut too.” he finally stopped. isabella rolled her eyes, turning her back to chris. “oh so now what? when i finally say the truth you stay quiet? is that what hurts you to know bella?” he taunted.

“that’s because its all a shitty humor chris! i didn’t fuck anybody in any bathroom, i didn’t send nu— well i sent nudes to my boyfriend.. i didnt send nudes to any other guy but him!” she defended herself while throwing her hands up with mercy. “for fucks sake chris you’re just like your ex girlfriend. she was such a fucking dick. you know you were nicer in eighth grade but when you started to date her during the summer you became a prick. guessing you also played her then?” bella added, tilting her head to the side slightly while crossing her arms. after a few seconds of awkwardness, isabella knew chris was finally silenced, atleast for now.

bella turned back to her things and continued to unpack everything. she carefully placed things on top of the shelfs next to her bed. her dainty crystals, her box of tarot cards, her little jewelry box, everything that she had loved. but it wasn’t too soon until the silence started to kill her. she then remembered that he had brought her vinyl player along with two or three records. the brunette girl carefully opened the book that held them, then taking them out. happily, isabella plugged in the vinyl player and putting on a mac demarco record on to play. chris groaned quietly as the music started to fill the room. “jesus what is this shit?” he asked while getting up from his bed to turn off the music.

“its music…” bella mumbled, quickly turning it back on. “well yeah it sounds depressing, who listens to that kinda stuff.” chris argued as he turned it back off. the girl pouted slightly. “people who listen to mac demarco?? if its bothering you so much then get out while i finish unpacking.” she shrugged. chris didn’t give her an audible reply, instead just simply putting his shoes on and leaving the room. isabella let out a small sigh of relief, thankful she had the room to herself now for a while.

. . . .

isabella was now in her nicely made bed comfortably. her wired earbuds connected to her phone which played music softly into her pierced ears. she hummed to herself quietly once she noticed the time. 1:03am. the brunette girl couldn’t actually help but feel a little bit worried about where he was. but of course, she quickly brushed it off and enjoyed how cozy she was currently. soon enough, a loud thud hit the door. isabella’s eyebrow raised slightly while lazily getting out of bed.

the brunette walked over to the door, taking out one earbud while opening it. her eyes met chris’ eyes. his hair stook out everywhere and some of it stuck to his forehead, his hand holding a bottle of something, his eyelids droopy, and his scent reeking of alcohol and his cheap cologne. “jesus what did you do?” bella asked while moving to the side to let chris in. “mmmhh” he rather giggled. he belly-flopped onto his bed and wiggled around on it for a while, bella assuming he was trying to get comfortable. “are you.. drunk?” she asked, crossing her arms. “don’t be ridicu-lush.. ‘m not that drunk.” he slurred while continuing to giggle like a baby.

isabella hesitated, but she grabbed the bottle that was in his grasp. “jesus! vodka chris?” she groaned in annoyance. he let out a small hiccup in reply that kinda made her laugh. isabella just watched him wriggle around in his bed before his body shot up. “what now?” she mumbled. “im gonna throw up.” chris groaned as he quickly ran to the bathroom that was connected to the dorm. the brunette girl ran after the boy as he kneeled down in-front of the toilet to throw up. isabella who had emetophobia, was also not doing well. her fingers lightly held chris’ front pieces of hair back with one hand patting his back gently, trying not to look at the throw up.

“there ya go..” she whispered quietly. after he was done doing his thing, isabella grabbed a plastic cup and filled it up with tap water. “here, drink some water.” the brunette said, then flushing the toilet. chris gladly took the cup of water and took little sips. “feel better?” she asked as she leaned against the sink counter, looking down at chris on the floor. “hm, i think ‘m still drunk.” he admitted, putting the cup down. isabella hummed quietly, nodding her head as she stuck out a hand to help chris up. “get some sleep.” she suggested while walking chris back into the room. “m’kay..” he babbled while quickly flopping back on his bed.

the amber-eyed girl turned off the bathroom lights then walked over to her bed. she had also decided to go to sleep. isabella turned off her lamp and put her phone to charge. her body slid underneath her sheets and blankets. she heard chris snore like a truck, “great.” she thought. honestly though, she didn’t mind it that much. after staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, she quickly fell asleep.

a/n ;; STARTING MY FIRST SERIES 🙀🙀🙀 this might be a bit messy for the first part but i do hope u guys enjoyed it!!

taglist :: @espressomads @mattsluttywaist @sturniol0s @luverboychris

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x fem!oc #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo angst #light angst #fluff if you squint #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chrissfawn #matt sturniolo x you

[happyvalkyrieofdoom]

*gasp* WHAT THE FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!!!!!!

#im pissing shitting throwing up. what the fuck is this. #and here i was to say that he was growing on me lmao #i still hope that MAYBE he just pulled an Illusion™ to just make it seem like they're dead but they're actually alive right? ... right?? #this literally took me out more than the stuff in chapter 12 of chōjirō's route what the fuck. what the actual fuck!! #and this was supposed to be the least angsty route?? lmao #nightshade #nightshade spoilers #nightshade otome #nightshade otome spoilers

[hecksupremechips]

Can we talk about mitsuham I think we should talk about mitsuham yes I’d like that very much

Imagine Mitsuru her life has been planned out for her by a bunch of men her choices are not hers to make every move is political she is nothing but a tool forced to fight as a child never allowed to burden anyone with her feelings. Her life isn’t hers, it’s never been hers for a second, she exists to further the careers of the men around her. The first two friends she makes are both boys and she was in charge of leading them, using them just to further the Kirijo agenda. Genuine friendship did blossom between them, but things fell apart pretty quickly. Shinjiro can’t control Castor, something is seriously wrong with him, he kills someone, then he leaves and the Kirijos cover it up. Was it to protect him, or to protect themselves? Mitsuru certainly doesn’t know anymore but she’s lost a friend and can’t reach him again, he’s too traumatized by personas and Akihiko is still there but he’s always so stuck on Shinjiro and Mitsuru feels like she failed both of them. Just more men for her to let down by not being good enough

Then there’s Kotone. Sweet, strong, clumsy, talented Kotone. She’s so bubbly and friendly, but behind those warm smiles is horrible loneliness. Pain. But she’s never ever gonna let anyone see that. She busies herself by taking care of everyone else, listening to their problems and never burdening them with her own feelings. She can just fix everything and make everyone happy if she works herself hard enough. She just has this way about her, so reliable and so kind

And Mitsuru watches Kotone from above. Trusts her to be the leader, or maybe she just wanted to push a burden onto someone else for a change. Someone who’s able to take on burdens with a smile for fucks sake. And Kotone leads, seemingly effortlessly, and is able to recruit several members in a short time and achieve just so much more than Mitsuru could in her entire lifetime. Just, perfectly. Without even possessing any prior knowledge of the dark hour or personas. And she does this while being so emotional, so social, so weird, so fucking cute, it’s absolutely nauseating. This should be fine, right? It’s what Mitsuru’s always wanted, for someone else to ease her burden. And hell, it’s a woman too, a woman who’s perfectly capable of doing it all without a bunch of men helping her. It’s inspiring, isn’t it?

But there’s the pain. The envy. Kotone is perfect and she doesn’t even have to try. Mitsuru on the other hand has been shaving herself down to nothing just to be allowed a place. She makes the perfect grades and wears the beautiful clothes and applies the fucking makeup and is mature for her age and never speaks out or feels anything that could possibly make her be seen as a human, a filthy fucking human. So why does a woman as unashamed as Kotone get to have it all? And why is Mitsuru still here, still acting as the Kirijo tool, still doing whatever she possibly can to hurt herself to make a man feel better? Why isn’t she useful anywhere? It’s not fair

And then when she actually spends the time with Kotone she’s trying so hard to be that wise and mature figure she’s always been, trying so hard to force herself to smile through the pain, but she’s talking to someone who can see right through that shit cuz Kotone Shiomi invented lying through her teeth to make others feel better. It’s annoying really, how Kotone is supposed to be the childish one, yet it’s Mitsuru who can’t get it together and can’t seem to look into those bright eyes without breaking. And Kotone isn’t disgusted by what she sees, even though Mitsuru is being unreasonable and emotional and talking about wanting to run away and how much she hates her life and how she’s not only eating fast food but enjoying it, letting herself enjoy an indulgence that won’t make her pretty anymore. No, Kotone sees this and listens and encourages it and celebrates it, celebrates how utterly human Mitsuru is. She holds her hand and says "let me take on your burden". And it’s horrible, this kindness, Mitsuru hasn’t even broken all her bones to make Kotone happy, so why is she being so fucking nice? And then something breaks, and Kotone defends her. Stands up for her against a man. Lets herself once again take a hit to protect someone else. And it’s just too familiar, too much to fucking bear, and it pisses Mitsuru the fuck off. And she is able to tell a man to go fuck himself, because no one gets to fucking talk to this girl like she isn’t the most amazing person ever to exist. Not after everything she’s done, everything she still does, not after giving her all and never once asking for anything in return. And in standing up for Kotone, Mitsuru is able to stand up for herself for the first time in her life. And she looks at Kotone and says "let’s take on each other’s burdens"

Oh and also they watch a scary movie together and hold hands and ride a motorcycle and Mitsuru calls Kotone adorable I mean that’s pretty gay man

#persona #persona 3 #mitsuru kirijo #kotone shiomi #mitsuham #girl is that even the ship name thats how fucking obscure this shit feels lol #but noooo you people dont UNDERSTAND you dont GET ITTTTTT they are everything to me your honor #atlus gimme the rights i can do this shit so much better #basically what im getting at here is that mitsuru kirijo is a lesbian and whenever i see her with a man I actually throw up #dont piss me off like that oooh #ive already decided that if i ever post that shinji fic im doing a mitsuru spinoff #cuz like first off her relationship with shinji is really interesting to me and i wanna explore it further but theres not much time in the #shinji fic its more just setting a foundation and i realized i didnt wanna leave them hanging like that #but i also wanna give her a fic cuz ive uh become a bit feral over her and mitsuham in particular #and basically i want her to maybe just uh. leave the kirijo group 🙊 and live her own life make her own choices #and kiss girls kiss a lot of girls and also she gains weight and stops wearing makeup and cuts her hair #she gets to be loved and she loves in return and i spray atlus with a gun shes mine now 👺

[allofuswantgwinam]

it terrifies me the way so many people keep living without even batting an eye about the genocide that’s happening right in front of our eyes. i will never shut the fuck up about this.

#from the river to the sea #free Palestine #im so fucking pissed rn #was just havin a conversation with my mom and it did not go well #and i want throw up and cry #she makes me so mad #she knows this is wrong #idgaf if she’s scared of trump. idgaf if this is stressful and scary to her it is to me fucking too #which is why I will not ever stfu about this #or ignore this or forget what is going on #and live in comfort #I think the fuck not #I wanna fucking lose my shit rn but I’m not bc that won’t help anything #she’s already said before ‘I don’t have to know anything to know that it’s wrong’ so fucking accept what I have to say then #i pay attention #I know wtf is going on. let me be your fucking tool to help with this instead of getting upset with me!!!!! #she is being a coward #she knows this isn’t right. she’s being selfish #i understand it’s hard but like that’s why we fight #that’s what drives you. the outrage and pain you feel watching innocent people get murdered #I can’t understand her rn. im so done with people her age

[misspickman]

actually i will say it it is wild to me still how people talk about tim in robin 93 re steph specifically as if hes the worst sexist motherfucker alive to her meanwhile alfred is beefing with this 16yo girl and talking shit instead of dealing with bruce like an adult and he gets the aww grandpa who takes care of everyone 🥺 treatment. girl he is useless

#hes not but u know. im being dramatic. alfred in robin 93 just really pissed me off sometimes #not to say that tim is faultless bla blabla u fucking know what i mean #these are grown ass adults treating this teen girl horribly alfred should not get a pass. destroy him #txt #he is useless the moment any actual conflict arises he throws up his hands like ah i cant do anything about this #the tims birthday shit. he didn't have to go along with that ! in fact he probably should not have! #but he does it while mad at bruce so its fine

[ozlices]

my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.

and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc

and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.

and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.

bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.

/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!

i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.

i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.

im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.

and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.

i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#mine #vent #abuse mention// #i had to get all this out im literally so fucking pissed #i went to get food after starving all day bc my abuser was here #and my mom stood in the kitchen doorway and glared at me for almost a full minute #and when i snapped 'what' she cursed me out. bc. u know. #i fucking snapped hearing my abuser SCREAMING for two days straight. #oh but if /i/ have a meltdown where /i/ scream and throw a ~tantrum~? #then it's 'grow the fuck up. ur so immature'. #my sister is fucking 30 years old. and has NEVER fucking honed in her anger. EVER. #but IM the immature one here. not the 30 y/o with TWO CHILDREN WHO NEVER LEARNED TO CONTROL HER ANGER #im so done. #i literally bend over backwards being everyone's goddamn therapist #& then get told im a piece of shit when i too have human emotions & reactions to TRAUMA. #im done! im done. im done. #yall want a fucking apathetic snippy selfish piece of shit i always get framed as for being fucking burnt out after being brutalized #every goddamn day & losing everything in a year? fine. im done being a therapist for fucking free & suffering in silence alone #fuck this shit

[andtosaturn]

hey yellowjackets. what the FUCK was that

#yellowjackets spoilers #yellowjackets #other than redacted dying it was good #shes still alive until next season TO ME. im not letting go #im PISSED though. why her. fuck you #but ben burning the cabin down is so fucking funny to me #these teenage girls are doing what they can to survive and coping the best they can? i will set the one sure thing they have on fire #lottie laughing at it burning too. love it #also unrelated but i hope we get more scenes of them immediately after being rescued #im guessing they'll show it towards the end of the show but idk they could throw in a few from the first year being back in society #i want to see them try to go back to their lives #and juxtapose it with the shit they did to survive and/or how they're doing now #shut up claire

[justablah56]

oh my FUCKING shit , I am about to absolutely fucking *punt* this group of boys in my sign language class holy fucking hell .

#just blahs #okay this may just be bcs i havent ever really seen ableism irl #but legitimately what the fuck #the teacher for my sign class is completly deaf right ? and there's these three guys in the back corner who are literally just . #the single most offensive people i have ever had the displeasure to exist in the same space as #the teacher will teach us smthin about deaf culture and they'll fully just be like 'oh haha why don't they just say it ?' #or today ??? as soon as shes not looking at them theyll just yell insults at her . #and then obviously *she can't hear them bcs shes **deaf*** and one of em will do the dumb highschool boy laugh like 'haha yell it louder' #aND IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO CHUCK MY PENCIL AT THESE ABLELIST PEICES OF SHIT #or theyll mock the way she talks or theyll just blatantly ignore what shes trying to teach #and my friend who knows a bit of sign bcs her dads deaf was obv fast at spelling her name and one of em calls her a tryhard #because shes actually putting effort into this class . #like literally what the hell is wrong with you . this isnt a required class . you *chose* to be here so shut the fuck up #and i dont even know what the proper thing to do here is . like . do i tell the teacher those boys over there are being dicks ? #do i just walk my 5'0 ass all the way across the class to smack them upside the hesd ? #do i throw the pencil at them ? #i dont know what im supposed to do here but FUCK im so pissed off about this #im literally just trying to learn this language and they are making it so difficult bcs every other minute theyre over there yelling #fucking hell #ableism #anyways .

[hexados-on-a-string]

do u ever think about how gus claims that he brainwashed his bakugan to be loyal to spectra and yet they all say they're loyal to him. either the brainwashing didn't work (get on kazarina's level gus 🙄) and they're still loyal to him, or loyalty to spectra meant keeping gus alive. bc i think about that incredibly frequently.

oh also that reminds me, how did gus survive a giant fuckin laser that had killed 2 of his bakugan previously. like. did he just look death in the face and tell him to fuck off or was he too angry and gay to die. bakugan has the inverse of bury the gays honestly.

#anyways hexados throwing himself into battle even tho gus hadn't sent him out JUST to protect vulcan fucks me UP every single time #i said id stop rambling but gus lives rent free in my head #ALSO vulcan implies that gus hasn't brawled since new vestroia and honestly #if 3 bakugan sacrificed themselves for me id also not battle again #that one brainwashing line is only mentioned once but its always wild to me #the fact that he thought they would be more loyal to spectra than him... the way gus actually really cares about his bakugan #HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH VULCAN... it makes me feral #ALSO ALSO early on in the season when he's talking abt helping spectra u know like take over the world or some shit #he ALWAYS includes vulcan as part of that world. he always says he that he and vulcan will stand by their side. #i am so not normal about them #a lot of bakugan have very similar traits to their brawlers. and loyalty is a running trend with gus and i adore that #also gus gets rlly rlly pissed off and upset when the brawlers almost succeed in taking vulcan in his second brawl against them #and that ALSO fucks me the fuck up #he lives in my head rent free i am so unnormal about him i am insane #FOAMING at the mouth rn #idek what sparked this i was just left alone. with my thoughts. a terrible idea if im being honest.

[macroglossus]

so furious and enraged over a horse game that im trembling. genuinely. stole my fucking unicorn right from under me. punching holes through drywall and screaming so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so fucking loud

#:) typing those so's. in a rhythm. sounded like horses hooves. :) #i dont even like horses to be quite honest. i play this game 100 percent because of nostalgia i really dont like them #theyre way way way too big for my personal tastes and their fucking teeth scare the shit out of me #i try to be full of whimsy and feed my grandpa's horse an apple? it comes at me with its fucking tombstone teeth #jesus #i have ended up just tossing the apple in its paddock 100 percent of the time. way too scary #and even if it didnt bite me what then? then it slobbers horse slobber on me? it gets me with its weirdly structureless lips?? #it's just too much. im nauseous just thinking about it #im sorry this is so cruel to horses. im sorry horses. but please don't come near me #plus the last time i rode a horse i (TMI SORRY) pissed blood in a mcdonalds bathroom and cried #why am i saying any of this. sorry. it's literally 1 pm and i haven't been able to sleep yet somehow #even though ive been trying since 6 am :( #if youve read this far i am giving you an apple and getting so so so scared of your teeth and throwing the apple at your feet and #running away

[arcadequeerz]

Right on that limit right now.

#Cade.Vnt #And exactly what i said would happens happens. #Dont have myt own bedroom. stiuck sleeping in the living room. mom demands me to move my bed #to the middle of the room with the desktop tower because i cant POSSIBLY move the tv. #Keyboard n mouse have wires #sit up all the time so it doesnt stretch over the little bit of room there is to walk now since my fucking bed is in the MIDDLE #OF THE FUCKING ROOM. #Brother screams and cusses me out about me being in the way asnd the livingroom being a mess #it isn't. i just jhave some of my stuff in it. cus u know. this is unfortunately my bedroom! #and i have to use the tv as a fucking MONITOR. #mom comes ou of her room. yells at me for the pc being in the wzy. i ask her where she wants me tp Put it #im literally where she told me to be- and yet she yanks the keyboard and mouse cables throwing them onto the ground #and stomps out of the room. #brother just screams over every little thing. punches shit when he gets pissed and screams. feel pathetic but it scares #the shit out of me and he alwayslooks like hes going to fucking bash my head in and im So tired of dealing #with this shit and hm and her anymore #feel like im going fucking cray anymore #anyeays im just numb now and sitting here on my bed trying to be like lol everythinhs fine like always. #long post #idk let me know if n eed to tsg this as naything im sorry for venting so muh lately.

[existentialcrisisetcetera]

Hope you’re doing alright, feel better soon

who the fuck are you and how do you know whats been going on

#if thats the asshole i think it is fuck off #for context ive been hospitalised lately and the only people who know in detail whats been going on are people im messaging #any online just-acquaintances only know from from friends talking about what theyve heard from me #or from me when delirious sending the message ''hospital'' to like half the servers im in #so anon here either could be contacting me directly via messages. since mine are open to anyone on servers besides people i have blocked #they could just not know about that and be a genuine kind acquaintance wishing me well and doing it on anon bc theyre shy or w/e #OR theyre the ex-friend i have blocked and i know from screenshots my friend sent me is saying shit like ''i know them theyre just like thi #and who i know from the same screenshots has been looking at my blog despite again being blocked #you might think im overreacting but idk i think i should be allowed to be pissed at someone who - forgetting our issues - #did some fucked up shit to my friend including block dodging to talk to them after said friend blocked them for repeatedly triggering them #something said friend mentioned as being why they were leaving in their parting messages #fucking with me ill get over. fucking with my friends i will ALWAYS be willing to throw hands over #anyway yeah if thats the motherfucker i think it is get the fuck out and never speak to me again #if it's not: thanks? i think?

[piplupod]

one of the cashiers at the grocery store i go to is so fucking fixated on shoplifters and it drives me crazy any time i check out through him (i try to avoid him but his checkout is often the most open/empty - hm! i wonder why! - and im often on a tight schedule w the bus). he brings up shoplifters every opportunity he gets and he seems so convinced that theyre a huge problem.

BUT WHAT REALLY GETS ME ,,, is that today the customer in front of me was needing a price check on one of the items bc it should've come out to be cheaper, so he was kind of apologetic abt it and saying "ah well, yknow, six dollars is six dollars, especially with how expensive groceries are right now" and i was nodding and agreeing (trying to show that i dont mind the wait and also solidarity my guy good for u for speaking up and getting the price fixed on that) AND THE CASHIER AGREES. FULLY ACKNOWLEDGES AND BEMOANS THE FACT THAT GROCERIES ARE CRAZY RN. AND THEN GOES ON TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SHOPLIFTERS. HUH ??????

so you agree that groceries are unreasonably expensive... and that sometimes ppl can't afford them... and yet ....................

#HE MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY CMONNNN THINK ABOUT IT DUDE.... #i knew him in highschool (small town things lol) and im pretty sure he was one of those kids who thought cops were really cool. so. yknow. #not surprised. just annoyed fdjkl #i would say smth like ''oh does ur paycheque get docked if shoplifters come thru or smth?'' but i dont want to piss him off #i would like to remain civil with the cashiers here bc its the only grocery store i can get to most of the time fdsjkl #but like. i would love to find out why he hates shoplifters so much #when i worked at DQ in highschool and ppl stole dilly bars or FULL CAKES... i did not give a single shit #even though the managers and boss would get kind of angry at us (but they knew we couldnt do anything abt it really lmao) #and then we had to put locks on the customer-facing freezers which was a hassle for us #AND STILL. I NEVER FELT ANGRY AT THE SHOPLIFTERS. BECAUSE WHATEVER DUDE LIFE IS EXPENSIVE GO GET THAT ICE CREAM!!! #also i was not paid enough to care LMFAO and i know for a fact that this cashier isn't paid enough either bc my brother used to work there #I DUNNO DUDE. HONESTLY I HAVE MAD RESPECT FOR SHOPLIFTERS #i've potentially done it a few times and its fucking terrifying esp w the amount of cameras installed now fdsjkl #i dont do it now even though i need to more than ever bc i was making myself sick every time i possibly did it #i'd get home and sit in the bathroom for an hour trying to make sure i wasnt about to throw up from the stress fdsjkl #also it was stupid to do honestly (but . needed. so yknow.) bc again. i dont have any other options for accessible grocery stores really #ANYWAYS. fuck that cashier i hope he realizes what a little narc he's being and gains some class consciousness or smth idk #all for one and one for all etc etc etc we're all in this together my guy #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[gorominecraft]

i dont think ive ever been so disappointed in manga's ending since they straightwashed kaneki but oh my god tokrev is about to take the fucking cake

#im sorry but......wkui is such a bad writer #i dont even like takemichi i just tolerate him but i canNOT get over the way wkui just erased everything #with the laziest fucking 'they time leapt backwards so far it never happened and mikey was never ever mentally ill in the first place' #oh its so stupid its so fucking stupid im fucking pissed screaming crying throwing up what the fuck #i had miniscule hope when we got the shin lore but dude. ruined. its so bad #also the way wkui replaced draken w takemichi after that whole 'draken is mikeys heart' shit #im fucking fuming its so bad its so so bad at least tokyo ghoul had a good fucking story tokrev doesnt even have CONSISTENCY #anyway i could go on but i wont bc ive been actively going thru it lately also but g o d #such a garbage wrap up lol #idk if thisll end up in the tags also but im sorry if it does this is just my opinion pleas dont come for me im just a little guy

[dazais-crab-addiction]

Shinigami-thighs is nothing more than a miserable sack of discarded body parts that her mother sadly failed to abort. She has her own anon off and that's why her friends are getting harassed but she doesn't care, as long as she is safe from harassment that's what only matters to her meanwhile her friends are dealing from her actions and she sits there on her couch and watches her friends face drama. Calling her ignorant would be an understatement - the amount of sheer stupidity oozing from her could fill the Grand Canyon. She is a walking cheap street skank that should have never been born but it won't change who she is: a loser who couldn't even save her own mother. Shinigami-thighs should have been flushed down the toilet the moment she was born.

Um??? Who the fuck are you talking about???? Are you like, fucking stupid or soemthing??? Like not only is everything you've said make you a huge asshole I also have zero idea who the fuck that is, so your messaging random unrelated people about it. What the fuck is wrong with you???

Normally I'd just block you, delete this, and move on with my life. But I just got done having a fucking breakdown that a friend had to help me out with and I opened tumblr to relax and calm down and this is the shit I have to see??? No. Just no. Go to fucking therapy you piece of shit.

#rant #vent #im so sorry to anyone that sees this i am just not doing well rn and already being worked up just made me so unbelievably pissed about this #asks #anon ask #crab says words #on todays episode of crab finally snaps and cusses people out on main #i am so sorry #i just had a really shitty morning and opened a lot of trauma wounds and my friend had to sit there reassuring me about shit and #i felt so guilty about taking up their time over stupid stuff when we both know im not even going to follow their advice #and i am shaking so bad because of all that and i just want some calm so i open tumblr thinking i can just scroll thru fanart to calm down #and i see super aggressive shit about someone i dont even know like wtf???? get help????? #im still shaking but now on top of that i want to cry too and for fucking what #because some asshole is throwing a temper tantrum and being a little bitch??? #im so tired of not being able to peacefully exist in my own little bubble of the internet #i forgot just how bad my swearing gets when im upset aha #again im really really sorry about this but im just so upset rn that if theres even the slightest chance anon sees this i want them to #and i hope they feel like the piece of shit that they are for fucking with completely unrelated people #i dont think scrolling through fanart will help anymore i think i need a nap now damn #i hate how easily i get worked up when im already upset :((

[melto]

my thearpist is going to be fairly disappointed in me bc im failing back on old habits we worked soo hard to get rid of and well. feels like shit!

#my eating is getting bad again bc i cant control anything bc i cant do basic fucking chores still #bc i cant life shit or do certin motions #and im so stressed out about it that its like pissing me off bc as much as i hate being the person to always clean shit #i do need stuff done still. the fact i cant vaccum is making me want to throw up #i havent been like this wound up about this stuff since the like big incident a few years ago #but i absolutely cannot deal with the lack of control and the uselessness and im going to KILL MYSELF!!!! #im fine. like ive been doing fine my mental health has just been taking old and bad turns recently. Not handling it awesommeee. #the intense dreams or not sleeping havent been help nor has the insane loneliness #im not sure what im gonna do when im alone for 3 weeks and no one will be in person at work either. Like what then. #Everything will be fine once i can vaccum again i will be normal once i can do that. #it fixes me more than gay sex. #news with isaac