#in the life of a polol

[incarnateirony]

So time for some personal blogging here.

You'll notice the public tone of my blog has shifted a lot. I'll answer asks, I'll post updates, I'll reblog things that are coming around, but I'm mostly just staying in my server.

I've had to have a lot of personal realizations lately, like how even Supernatural had become a drag, and not from the content. Because the hate trolls out there. the people like 2po stalking and doxxing for upwards of 6 years in little rage temper tantrums.

One can say it doesn't bother you--because it doesn't bother me in the sense they want. It doesn't cause fear or recoil in the minute. It's no different than their other relentless noise and attention seeking. But their pure existence is being an energy vampire, and the entire clan has been hyperfixated on me for six years.

Atop that, those six years were spent fighting fights they didn't realize were being fought while they were brushed off or at times intentionally distracted. There was a goal, a mission. Even if we got punched in the face over and over, there was a reason to stand back up for the next hit.

And then... we won? And... the wait was over?

And that seems like a time to celebrate, and i knew it, and I did. You all saw it, you've seen how I've posted for this last 2 years. But at the same time, like. So many old friends were gone to time (and others tiffs over a decade). I've literally lost people in this fandom to death, good people like bex.

And suddenly there wasn't anything to fight for. And I mean, some of you know me from before tumblr existed and before Supernatural existed as a show. You know. You saw me collapse Tokyopop in the early 2000s and get a TV show. Because I had something to fight for. And I got it. Then I wandered off into the fandom fog only to be seen like a mythic beast 2 decades later finding the entire fandom remaining there is still my meta.

But that aside, I did that then too. I got up and disappeared into the fog. POLOL at the time was a sort of shadow of itself and it was gonna take a LOT of work to get it back up to glory days, and I just did not have the spoons. Because in their own, fucked up way, the hate trolls had done their job. They wore me down and wore down my energy and attention.

Add in the frustrations of being a niche creator, life, my onset of disability and everything else, and it made for a pretty dark winter for a while, even while The Winchesters was airing. Like yes for a few hours each week I'm ecstatic, but then what. What do i do with nothing to do.

But there's not Nothing I Can Do. I can bring POLOL back, and we did. It just took some time to realize that really, my problem was learning to value my time and energy. First screening out the attention seekers and yeah, even resorting to a paywall to do it. On an average day I'm answering about 60 individual dms from people that all think sending me an individual dm about every little cute idea is a great thing. That alone is a full time job much less going back to my Event Coordination, Director and Programming Manager roots for free.

So yeah, realizing my years of work in this fandom built a truly premium space that only gets more premium when I put in the effort made me say, yeah, you know what, eat shit. They wanna use my Free Entry generosity to cause shit still, everyone has a few weeks to decide if they can manage a few bucks a week, and I WILL tell you to buy one less starbucks depending on your priorities at that point. Especially since there's free access means by voting, or by volunteering to host events and add content to the community.

You get back what you put in. It's not a hard concept. And I realized if I'm teaching this fandom many things like history and context, equal trade and adult boundaries should join that list. If you contribute major content, you don't pay shit because you help build the place; if you're just here consuming the content then give back. (Especially since if people start using the discord version I can even pay my hosts for their efforts through an internal system).

This fandom has gone far too long taking advantage of and feeling entitled to everything, and it seems the underbelly of fandom and GA both agree if the 30 new users in the last 2 days and 56+ users in our live watch say anything.

So that realization of the world around us being almost as tired as I was is a sort of aside but.

My perspective has entirely changed since deciding to value that time and work. I'm sure you've noticed, it's a nonstop stream of announcements of new phases, new ideas, new events, new reports, new feeds, whatever. I'm currently sitting here streaming the Rockin Rocky's Leaky List at 3 AM no sweat just vibes.

But it took a few things: 1, internalizing it, when I ironically broke to the Elsa - Show Yourself realization of letting it emotionally land and 2, finding a new rudder.

I'm not going to get into what or whomst the new rudder is but I've self diagnosed that I literally need something or someone to fight for. Same reason I shrugged and said Ok when my wife was done or whatever. Like I already made good on my promises to you, we had our adventure and you've turned into a closed off bitch since so ok. i made good on my promises, bye, i'm taking the tv you can have everything else.

Self care and self value matters a whole fuckin lot. I suddenly love fandom again. I suddenly want to build and design and make feeds and webhooks for everyone nonstop again.

I guess my lesson here is, do your best to tune out the emotional vampires. They've shown their homophobic and racist elements over time, they're just angry, they don't even like the show and they are literally raging about the fact that they're NOT the target audience and that we ARE. So like lmfao. Why bother.

Now next step is learning how to really tackle full frontal dysphoria and be a big boy who uses grown up words with girls instead of running away when my brain's OS misfire starts scratching the hard disc. [aggressive whirring noises inside skull]

Either way, stay tuned. We're here for the next eternity, and this time, we're literally immune to the noise.

#Youtube

[weirdkelsey]

Red Meat 11x17 || Written by Robert Berens & Andrew Dabb Despair 15x18 || Written by Robert Berens Carry On 15x20 || Written by Andrew Dabb

#supernatural #dean winchester #spn #spnedit #polol #suicide tw #listen #i don't know how to explain how insane this is making me #dean's heart almost killed him #a vamp almost killed him #third option? and arguably most queer-coded option? (peak Baio) #he couldn't die happily living out his life #but he also had to be silenced (choked) because Chuck (Charles) was still in charge #(i know this is unhinged but 3am brain would not let it go) #his death was somehow both coded as suicide (because of what he was allowed to say) and martyrdom (because of what he couldn't) #but no dean #it was not supposed to end like this #andrew dabb are you out there? #i know you left clues #and that we can use them to figure out what the network did with the body #but i'm too stupid to understand them all

[sortasirius]

What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me.  Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based.  In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place.  Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!”  Bruh.  The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode.  You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season).  Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here.  Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone.  He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else.  That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit.  This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this.  That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS.  AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all.  Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this?  I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20?  AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT?  WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half?  Nothing really happened?  Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around.  It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it.  The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery.  Truly, that is the only thing.  It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper​ got a week or so before the finale.  She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right?  It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc.  The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.”  Uh.  Where are they?  And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So.  Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

????????  That’s the end if it?  They don’t need to be discussed after this???  It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too?  Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay?  Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else.  They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else.  Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here.  What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right.  Weird as fuck.  Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas?  My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene.  Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back.  Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it.  Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad.  It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway.  He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here).  Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying.  My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair​ spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven.  The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago.  We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread).  The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here.  Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here.  Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions.  Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was.  None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why?  Why lie to all of us when we have questions?  Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense.  Simply?  Warner Brothers is absolutely massive.  These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs.  They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha.  It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him.  He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids.  It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then. 

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram.  It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other. 

My theory?  They didn’t know.  They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all?  Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so.  I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God.  I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read.  He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that?  Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys.  Why would he get involved?  He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is.  He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam.  I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to.  So what changed?  What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious?  CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South.  It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And?  They don’t care.  They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects​ wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here).  They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line.  And you know what?  To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what?  They warned us.  I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network.  I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want?  Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy.   In fact, to the people trashing them?  You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb.  Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them.  The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this,  Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

#my writing #my meta #supernatural #spn #spn finale trash fire #MY MANIFESTO IS DONE

[curioussubjects]

You seem to have a way of understanding dean on a better level than a lot of us. What do you think of what jensen said about dean wasting his life away at the back of a pool bar if Sam was the one who had died? I'm having a hard time processing what he said and I'm still upset that jensen sees dean as still heavily codependent. Idk I'm uncomfortable that it came from jensen as opposed to anyone else. He let me down...

Ok, so this is a complicated question with a complicated answer. First, I want to say that I completely understand why people are upset. My immediate reaction was the same, tbh. But here’s the thing: Jensen was right, but he said it wrong. I realize the Jensen is right is, afaik, and on my dash at least, the main opinion going around, but the reason is more nuanced than the conventional wisdom. Sure, yeah, we know how Dean reacts to loss, and we’ve seen that kind of despair take him nowhere good (hello Advanced Thanatology), but that’s not why Dean had to be the one to die. 

If you’ve been around my blog (and other polol folks, too) you might have noticed I’m on the Dean was always supposed to die camp. Not only that, but the dying in this case doesn’t mean the end but ascension. That is, it’s a death solely of the body in which the soul goes on to live it’s truest life free from the suffering of material existence, of suffering. Something that is achieved by actualization of the self. Death, in the philosophy informing the mytharc for Dabb’s run and s15 most loudly, is transformation. A refining of the self, say. In this ‘heaven” is meant to be what’s True, and Real, and Free (”what would you rather have, peace or freedom?” [both]).

Cool beans, but why does this matter. Well, I’m gonna quote my much less eloquent screaming from discord:

jensen IS right, but he SAID IT WRONG because the story never manifested itself [in 20]. so he described a hopeless dean wasting away which is so not what dean's death meant to portend. nothing wasting. nothing about hopelessness. he would cross and move on to LIVE HIS ACTUAL LIFE with his family, with his beloved, and he would welcome sam and sam's family (who would be dean's family, too) on that bridge and dean would still have a mission and i just aaaaaaaargh. BECAUSE HE WASNT MEANT TO DRIVE AROUND [pointlessly in heaven] EITHER

What I mean here is that Dean surviving and Sam being the one to die would only underscore how Not of Earth Dean was anymore. He didn’t belong there anymore. Everyone he loves, all he could ever need, or want, or dream, was somewhere else. Sam, on the other hand, did in fact have specific things to accomplish on earth still before being ready to ascend. Sam had Eileen and the MoL and the new hunter gen. As Jensen said, Sam had a bigger picture he was invested in, while Dean has always been about his family. Dean had said he was ready to retire if he knew the world was safe. Dean surviving instead of Sam would leave him wholly alone (yes, I know, Jody, Donna, and Claire, but for all Dean cares for them, they aren’t Sam and Cas. Mary, Bobby, Charlie). 

If we think of death as a door and not an end, and assuming a finale that isn’t completely botched: Dean surviving alone would make his worst case scenario real in that he doesn’t have his family, he doesn’t have the people he loves to share things with. There would be only the job and dying bloody and alone. Meanwhile Sam would be in heaven never having come into his own as a leader. He wouldn’t have Eileen. The flipside, that is, the finale we didn’t get, would have Dean being around all his favorite people except Sam. BUT he would know Sam was following a path on his own right, he’d have a goal, he’d have a family. And then they’d reunite and never part. 

The reason I’m saying this is because if one of the has to die, it has to be Dean because everything falls into place with the exception of the momentary separation between him and Sam. A separation that needs to happen because Dean needs to let go of the burden to “protect Sam” and Sam needs to walk on his own legs without his big brother/parent. It’s a growing up and letting go story before reunion. Where both Sam and Dean would be in environments conductive to them thriving. It’s the final blow to that toxic codependency. 

Again, from my discord screaming: 

ugh what a perfect microcosm of the finale: the essence of what jensen said is right, but the form of it, the way it was presented was all wrong. and i cant even fault him that badly because idk how much he does know, if he has only a pitch, how much he knew of the intended ending. we just don't know. we don't know what is ignorance and what is misunderstanding, or what is just good old misreading.

The proposal of the finale only works if properly delivered, I think something like that happened today, too. I don’t know to what extent it’s Jensen misspeaking (because it’s a finicky topic that is rather hard to explain) or being ignorant of the full scope of the mytharc (knowing he doesn’t actually watch the show). 

At the end of the day, what Jensen says or doesn’t say doesn’t change the textual meanings of Supernatural. I know we want validation, and that we want our fave to agree with us, but the bottom line is that there’s only so much Jensen can say. And ultimately it doesn’t affect the story one bit. 

Did...all this kinda answer your question? I know it got way long, but there’s a lot here skdjhfalksdjfhalsd Y’all can send more asks if you need clarification on any of this mess.

#supernatural #dean winchester #questions and answers #also anoooon omg thank you for validating my dean studies ❤ #oh and also: let's not forget j2m have been historically infamous for having really bad spn takes #they are precious beans but they are also turnips #i have more thoughts about why this hit so hard today for a lot of us but it's late kjhfaskljfasd #if anyone wants to know remind me and i'll talk about it late

[lotsofletters]

The End Has No End

The Great Rewatch Project

So those of you around for a while know that the People of Lots of Letters have loosely planned a New Year’s rewatch!

For those of you in the server, you’re going to notice some changes. 

The Rewatch and Study section has gained a few extra rooms; these rooms are for general discussion purpose notwithstanding a certain episode, even if the idea is sparked by a certain episode:

Similarly, a Season 1 Review section has been created, and a room now exists for every single season 1 episode, as well as a season 1 overview section.

Rewatch does not “officially” begin until January 3rd, but if you’ve happened to watch recently, have a favorite episode in this section, have old meta for any of these episodes, go ahead and start engaging the section 1 rooms as appropriate!

We are also setting loose, tentative “community watch day” schedules. For more details, please check the Announcements channel.

If you are not able to attend these days or have to watch on your own pace, the rough target is 2 weeks per season. At an average of 2 episodes a day, that still leaves 3 days of catch-up time. Or do a few binge days. Whatever. This tentative schedule is subject to change, since nobody’s ever really tried to herd a few hundred fandom cats into watching again at roughly the same time.

If you DO watch alone, REMEMBER, while we are not a boycott server ourselves, we collectively support the CW boycott, which means we do NOT want you to stream from Netflix or whatever. Buy used DVDs, rent from the library, get ~creative~ in your methods, we don’t care, we’re just not going to pile on 70,000 digital calls for the dickwads by the time we’re done with the rewatch, so be mindful of that! Or make use of our hosted watch parties.

If you start a few days early, that’s okay! Just leave some notes in the appropriate room, because the backbone of PoLoL is people sharing thoughts and discussing, and we want to hear what you have to say.

We will begin queueing meta and reviews of episodes Jan 3rd. So even if you have old thoughts, as long as they adhere to the #get-a-dictionary standards. Use of skills and tools from the #av-study channel are also highly suggested, but not required.

If we stay on track, it should take about 30 weeks to clear the show, while generating content. However, we expect growing pains involved in this. There’s life events, holidays, and even just figuring out if it stresses people too much at a 2 week pace! For all we know we could be finishing up this time next year. Let’s find out.

You’re free to follow along for the ride. Hey, not in the server, drop your stuff in the hashtags, we’ll probably reblog good meta or see about trying to kidnap you into our crazy nerd AV club with the rest of us.

Let’s rock and roll.

#polol #announcement #psa #the great rewatch project #community #fandom

[natakari-tash]

More lies, more projecting..

Anons by their side, wow, doesn't sound familiar at all.

December 2019 has been a long time ago, I've been in the twitter GC when the "confrontation" happened. Been confused by the way it all exploded, I remember that clearly. This group chat has always been and meant to be a safe space, to vent, to discuss fandom things, talk about the show too. When misunderstandings happened they were either cleared up in chat or in messages or just given time to cool off. People clash sooner or later, you can't agree with everyone on everything, nothing wrong about that. No one is, will be nor was blamed for leaving the chat, even less for taking a break from the fandom. Also need to add that all fans are equal regardless the followers or whatever reason someone finds to assign as "qualifying" to be better than others. So, a group chat of fans that are friends, new people added here and there, new friendships made, fallouts happen here and there, friends talk again, life continues.

Except... This was never a problem to these two. Tink and Saz. They saw and seem to still see it the same way (if not worse) as back then. That Min is the problem. Guilty of always speaking condescendingly to other fans according to both, considering Tink an "idiot" which was pulled out of thin air (again, I happened to open the chat on those messages, closed it as I thought it has been cleared up to an extent).

How did Saz reply to my message where I reached out to her?  "I'm sorry you feel that way"

See? No remorse. Claimed she wasn't uncomfortable with the whole gc but uncomfortable and scared of Min. Sell that bs to someone else.

According to Saz, the whole chat was okay with Min's horrible behavior that no one dared to speak about nor put a stop to it which had to be changed. When no one bit her bait she was clearly free to claim we're all horrible people that gang up on others and attack them relentlessly whenever they think differently. She's still saying it. Wow, standing up to hurting people, to lies, to other obvious bs makes you an awful person. Guess I shouldn't report anyone who attacks shippers solely for the ship and not behavior.

How dare friends vent for the past pain some fans inflicted on them and keep it contained in *gasp* a group chat that isn't public and everyone is free to be themselves?! The woooorst.

Okay, back to those memories.. Soon enough Saz was yet again defending Tink, claiming Min didn't stop but supposedly made subposts or sth and even threatened and blackmailed her.

Uh, wtf?? Way to twist words, wow, taking everything someone posts as personal. So healthy...

I've left them alone, so did my friends from chat and outside it. It's always the two that mention us in some way, add a lie etc. They do it in cycles they keep accusing us of.

Turn off that projector already, you two, move on, stop being vengeful spirits, c'monnn.

I'm not sure what happened before and what after, me messaging Saz or her messaging people from the chat she supposedly considered friends like Tink supposedly did too, I am sure that Saz went around trying to pull people with her and stand up to the massive threat that she clearly still sees Min as. I never messaged Tink. None of the people that have been contacted from the chat that have known Min for longer than me and also irl, none have agreed with Saz. What's even worse, Saz fed all that to another friend that I didn't see as being played by her, used this friend at the confrontation. That it indeed took me long to see.

At a point the two admitted that why they joined the chat for over a year, planning to leave it soon, that they regretted thinking it was a good idea, then both acted like that didn't happen- never said that, that no one saw that. Suuuure.

Hey, people have memory not just eyes. Your bs is not any less bs, Tink, Saz. Think we'll just ignore what we know know and ignore your maskless faces? Nah. Nice try.

Filp and flop, bitter then not and not then bitter again, contradicting selves again and again, taking every swing our way as an opportunity to add to it...

Like I mentioned already, it's cyclic. Feeling attacked so they let it out, then silence from them about it, bam, silence, more lies, silence, more slander, silence, new name for the horrible gc, silence and without doubt there's been bad mouthing in the months I moved on and didn't even remotely think of either of them.

When I expressed doubt to Saz about her words she took it as intimidation tactics, that this is what she gets or daring to disagree with Min and trying to call out Min. Her words. That I'm blind if I can't see the problem with Min, also that I'm bullying her.

Hello? Irony anyone? Self-awareness?? No one's home. Naturally. She's the frigging blind one. When it's more than one person that tells you you're wrong maybe take a step back and consider seeing where you're wrong and work on it. Saz and Tink have been around Min for less than others within the chat if I'm correct. Hell, I didn't know Min for as long as Chriss, Shea, Dot, Hikari, Sam and many others, yet still enough to see how Min is. A person, that like everyone can mess up, fight, apologize,  stand up to inaccuracies, to bs and other things while doing their thing, living their life, having their views...

Saz and Shea talked, anyone that knows anything about Shea knows that she won't just nod to bs and . She knows how people can get, knows how to handle them, had a job like that. She can go from zero to murder cop if necessary. Being Min's partner she looked into the situation and guess what? The whole thing has been taken out of proportions, there was no condescending tone, and also no innocents she said. I'll never forget that. No innocents. No one was innocent. There have been mistakes made my Min, being condescending WASN'T one of them.  

Yes, I've accused Saz of being okay with Yeshim because Drula is all buddy with Yeshim who Saz was (is?) friendly with, true, had to see the reaction. Did I believe that? Nope. That reaction along with the previous messaging told me enough on its own. Wasn't seeing her as a friend when I first messaged her already yet still being open to hear her side but nothing more cause it was clear to me she won't change her mind any soon nor will apologize to everyone she hurt. Her reply showed me she didn't and doesn't care about anyone in the chat but her and Tink.

I'll say it no matter how many times it needs to be said. If one of my friends does sth wrong and I see it I'll most likely contact them, reach out to them, tell them they did sth wrong, do it within a chat as it happens if needed. 

My point? I don't manipulate the people I consider as friends.

And once again.. Not only I'd notice the superiority in tone if there was any, I'd frigging mention it and talk about it. Most likely in DMs.

It looked like a misunderstanding at first, handled poorly, it uncovered a whole mountain of yikes in the end, kept getting worse since then. I think Saz never truly saw anyone in chat as her friends, she wouldn't accuse us that fast and keeping it up so long if she did. Acting like we betrayed her not the other way around.

Now the cult thing, Polol Discord server, Min being the cult leader.. Saz is lying again. Tink too. Notice the pattern?

Min being guilty of sth. Them not able to see what's right infront of their noses. People supposedly fearing Min and afraid to disagree. Min being a mighty fearful cult leader for having certain knowledge & being specialized in their fields. Uh, not happening. Obsessed much?

Ask anyone in the server, I'm waiting.

Stop projecting your issues on people, Saz and Tink. Not anyone's fault around here you feel inferior, feel the need to save people from others, feeling threatened without being threatened, playing victim for who knows how long so far, assigning power and clout where it's not in play at all. Therapy is nothing shameful, moving on is necessary. Please.

#hop off already #life is meant to be lived #move tf on already #tink #saz

[ywhiterain]

 I CAN’T REBLOG IT SINCE THE POST IS GONE AND I HAD MORE TO SAY AFTER A NAP. And I need this to exist in rebloggable becaue I read this. It was a hate crime against me (Caroline). So I copied and pasted it lol:

curioussubjects Dean’s Confession to Cas

You know how 20 looks like the hollowed out shell of what it was supposed to have been? You know how you can still see some of the spaces where the actual heart of the finale was meant to fit?

I’ve seen posts about the funko pops going around, I’ve seen conversation about Dean’s driving montage, and Dean’s reaction to Bobby mentioning Cas. But what about the huge hanging thread of Dean’s final step towards actualization? What about Dean finally being able to mirror Cas’s confession and say what he wasn’t allowed to say in 15.09 and 15.18? Well, look at Dean’s speech to Sam. Does anything look off to you?

Here, let me help (and thank you @write-nerdy-to-me for the Gas n’ Sip idea & polol for the enabling and feedback):

“So…there’s a few things that I need you to hear. Come here. I’m so proud of you, Cas. You know that? I’ve always looked up to you. When we were fighting Billie you were so damn brave. You never… You never took any of Chuck’s crap. I never knew how you did that. And you’re more caring than me. You always have been.

Hey, did I ever tell you… did I ever tell you that day that, uh…that I came for you when you were at the Gas n’ Sip? You know, after I told you to leave the bunker? I must have stood outside the store for hours… because I didn’t… I didn’t know what… what you would say. I thought you’d tell me to… to get lost or get dead. And I don’t know what I would’ve done… if I didn’t have you. ‘Cause I was so scared. I was scared, 'cause when it all came down to it, it was always you. It’s always been you. I love you so much.”

Let’s skip the nonsense about the the heart of the finale being planned as Dean/Cas anything. Let’s even skip the fighting Billie crap. Don’t even have it in me to unpack Chuck = John, and the idea that Cas never took any of God’s crap.

The Gas  n’ Sip.

Dean feeling bad about how he kicked Cas out of the bunker is true. But the idea that it holds the same emotional significance as Dean pulling Sam back into his life is... ridiculous. I’m not talking about its overall significance to the plot (although, yeah, there’s that) but just how it relates to Dean as a character.

Dean being terrified that Sam doesn’t love him nearly as much as he loves Sam is not a new concept. It’s probably his baseline insecurity. He made it his life’s mission to take care of Sammy. The image of baby pilot Dean just watching Sam’s home and trying to figure what he could possibly say to convince Sam to come back to a life he hated, to come back to Dean adds to the pilot and to Dean’s character. He came in, cocky and flirted with Sam’s live in girlfriend after he just broke into their home and wrestled with him like a fucking loon. 

I’d always figured the reason Dean was introduced like that was to give the audience of a very clear picture of who Dean was. He’s a fucking loon, but he really loves his family. And that was likely the intent. But the great thing about long-form storytelling with multiple writers in a collaborative creative process like television is that after fifteen years of developing two characters and their messy relationship is that you can go back. You can put a new spin on things. You can bring more meaning to the text.

Dean acted like a fucking loon that night because what else could he do? Earnestly ask Sam for help because he thinks Dad might be in danger and he wants his brother around to help him? No, pft, that’s not going to work (and when it doesn’t work, Dean might not recover from that emotional blow) just crash the party and wing it and hope it all works out.

Cas working at a gas station doesn’t have that weight. I’m not saying you can’t spin an interesting story out of Dean’s feelings about kicking human Cas out of the bunker (to save Sam, natch). But it would have different emotional beats to work.

Gluing Cas into Sam’s story and in Dean’s heart is just a baffling concept to me. Rewriting the ending? Sure. Got it. But, like, wholesale plagiarizing from the competition ship is just so ?????? If you like the emotional beats in the Sam/Dean goodbye scene just ship Sam/Dean. 

#supernatural #anti destiel #dean winchester

[jenngeek]

I’m trying to have any kind of profound thought here, and it’s not happening. Just....my deepest thanks for this show coming back into my life when it did, and the fucking lunatics of POLOL I met along the way. It’s been one long Scooby Doo adventure with you meddling kids, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#polol #supernatural #spn #the gnostic gospel of supernatural

[chaoticdean]

rose and green (watercolor asks)

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

I honest to God can’t find anything remotely interesting to tell you right now. I could lose my job tomorrow, I’ve been dealing with anxiety for months because of the pandemic and I’m basically hanging by a thread as far as mental health is concerned. I guess if I had to find something, I’d say that getting to talk to my POLOL crew online everyday for the past 4-5 months has been a joy, and getting to share a very deeply personal story and see people actually enjoying it is also on the plus side.

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

I really want to go back to the US for a road trip at some point. I went there in ‘10 as part of an exchange program between my high school and a high school in Georgia but I’d love to discover wayyyy more than just GA. Other countries I’d love to visit for the first time or again, in no particular order: Germany, UK, Ireland, Canada, Argentina, Italy, Spain, South Africa, Australia

Doing this

#watercolor ask

[incarnateirony]

Alright guys. Due to realizing that even allies that want to learn are generally, daft as fuck about what being trans with dysphoria or physiological elements is, outside of the Gender Brigade.

Because as always gender and express how you want but the people that just have Gender have completely lost the conversation and allies have forgotten a lot of real checkpoints and life impacting problems for people with real physiological elements that ISN'T just the gender woowoo. Like please I beg I am trying to explain there are parts that aren't social sciences woowoo blease.

(Always-disclaimer: I also subscribe to gender woowoo but I recognize it's fuckin woowoo. Get that shit out of the trans conversation pool, it didn't used to fucking be here.)

But that all said, POLOL has opened a room called Transmasc [Boys Club Only]. For now I am TENTATIVELY NOT FORCING FILTERS OR PERMISSIONS. But this is both to *give trans men a space to talk about trans men's issues without being stomped all the fuck over by the local feminists and Genders not realizing that's what they're doing* and to *give exposure to a point of view that has been conveniently been muted by the larger Gender force that moved into the Trans neighborhood.*

Do not fucking PEEP a thought in the room itself if you do not fucking qualify as someone struggling with things like literal boners. If you think it's a phantom limb, or a feeling, get the fuck out. You can read this and learn. Respect that. It is a small marginalized group allowing you to read their life and perspective that has been *removed from the conversation by design*, and a lot of allies even with gender tags don't realize how they add to that.

So you can read. you can learn. But it's not going to be sanitized for you either. We're gonna talk about our random boners and how confusing they got we're gonna talk about weird health shit and we do not CARE if you are uncomfortable with us existing. If you're uncomfortable, get off my fucking server, cuz I'm not removing myself either, and I realized there is definitely a demographic that lowkey wants to enforce that to drive out Bad Man. And it's not happening.

But if you want to learn, check the Transmasc [Boys Club Only] in READ ONLY MODE. If you are not a qualified member of the physiological confusion discussion and self discovery, stay the fuck out of it or you will be banned without notice for refusing to respect the space of a much smaller minority while talking good on main. And I am over this whole I Am Uncomfortable When We Are Not About Me bullshit. No "but my opinion?" but "gender same little bit?" none of it stay shut up and actually listen. Yall gonna learn some shit and decide where you sit after that. It's learnin time.

[incarnateirony]

Trying to sit here thinking of how my antis are negotiating events in their head to run from the truth right now. Spiral narrative. Tarot. Alchemy. The One. The Path of One. 13 tracks put together in a surprise order. Radio interference. Ticks and leeches. Queen bee. Art of Dying. Reflections. Rocky. The ego. Context. Traxxverse. Find the Queen. Magic Sex Chicken. All of it.

Like. OK. let's say they disbelieve origin stories. ok but what does that leave them as an option. am I just. So closely resonant to their brainwaves and thoughtforms and so good at this show that I knew all this shit in advance by a year or in some cases years?

Because like. even if I was lying about origins, I still have.... [points at all of the above]. So that still means I'm "speculating" correctly long before anything was ever released. Meaning my brain would be sharing the same story braincells as these authors.

So where, oh where, do they see an escape hatch where if they scream at me they can scream it away? Worst case in their own minds I've vibrated into the supernatural dimension to become a psychic attached to Robbie's mental basket. Or, realistically, I've been telling the truth the whole time.

Guys. The end is coming whether you like it or not. I told you LONG BEFORE my fellow worker bee did: Nothing can stop what's coming. Stand down, go home, and enjoy whatever life you have left. That's only a threat if you fear what's coming. And if you fear it, it's over, you lost, go home.

genuinely funny that for all of 2po's itk posing he's about to get blindsided. SPN ripping off the bandaid needed to flush the fandom liars, projection machines, conmen and more out. The authors are over your bullshit, guys. 100%. Direct. Like that context shit? 2po and those like him better take that as @ them personally, because this is in fact personal. They can't tell you that, but I can. You've attacked and fought them for years, and now, this is revenge. And some of us were more than happy to help.

Goodbye, you lying sons of bitches, you extortionists, doxxers, career liars and grifters. Goodbye, you agenda'ed bastards that think you can warp the truth however you want. Goodbye. It's time for a new empire. Long Live The GenderBending Queen.

(update he tweeted shortly after the post)

A terminal fandom disease, a plague, the lot of you. We're ripping out the rot at the root. We're opening that gay door. And you're going to cope. imagine if the fandom was as selfish seasons 10-13 for the Wayward fan pitch. Which antis like 2po also hide that Berens picked up AS a fan pitch, and nobody wailed about credits.

I don't find it a coincidence that the people that grift thousands out of fandom are obsessed with credits as proof. Well, yeah. People who believe in nothing but themselves and their material gain can't comprehend doing what's right for free simply because it is right.

Some of us actually stand for something. Believe in something. And fight for what we want instead of complaining all day. Even if it takes years. Even if it takes falling down again and again. There's a reason it's a representation battle, not a representation parkwalk, and that doesn't work if every man tries to be an island for himself. Sometimes, life is complicated, and sometimes, you Just Help whether you get benefit for it. Because it was what was the right thing to do. Because you knew the Truth. Because you listened.

You guys may understand the concept some day.

The real truth you missed is that for the last several years 2po was trying to argue with me and deny real things that came true, he was basically arguing with those same authors, because some of us don't just suddenly care when convenient. Some of us fight for years without looking for attention like the scripthunt members do.

And 2po is so set on his bad biases he convinced himself he got access, rather than for example wigglebox bitching and moaning her entire time in POLOL about never getting access, and his weird spies that fled when I nailed down 2po's doxxing attack all only having base permissions like lmfao bro. Perspective. You are years behind and clueless. The sooner you accept that the sooner you're going to understand what's happening. You didn't HAVE the context to understand the double-S tweet of Berens intentional mispellings being a silly slapfight with Meg Fitz over her giant bees and the fact that she spells Cas with two S'es, that even if they aren't credited they're all idea sharing still. And you'd know it's meg if you knew meg's interests.

Deep down even wigglebox knows that I used to prioritize speaking with the authors. She did not have access to the results, and I think she only possibly saw the one voice message from Bobo if she saw any at all, but she has to be aware that I chose a different path than they did and the potential that pass opened. She just does not want to look into that opening. Because she chose the wrong path. And it's everybody in script hunt

Amazing the things that can be done if you spend your time and years treating creatives like human beings rather than robots to abuse for demands, project intention at, or try to treat like a direct info spout. You want to know the reason you guys can't get info for crap? Every single one of you sounds like a desperate fan when you try to talk to them instead of appreciating their own work or interests. That's why you guys lost. You never wanted to listen. And that's the plot.

I do not envy the trap he's made for himself and his followers. It quite literally makes them the villains of the fandom story. And he's successfully manipulated people against the truth and the creatives for years, and now they have no choice but to deny deny deny deny until the bitter end or accept the truth I've told them for years. And it's that you guys are the problem. And you need to either grow up and accept the truth or go away and find a show you actually not just enjoy, but understand.

Wouldn't it be funny if this Cult Spiral Narrative and my Cult Mythos Alchemy Bible and Cult Cas As The Goddess shit were actually already circulating the author room by the end of season 14? Like right before Bobo wrote the confession I knew about. The year he asked for me at SDCC. Yeah. That'd be really funny. You know, the things 2po harassed us underground for while we. like. talked to writers about it.

Because he doesn't want the truth. And he's always been a leader of a cult of lies projecting his sins, ideas and fears at everyone else, telling people not to look at the truth and to only listen to his perspective and telling, and boy oh boy does this plot have surprises for him.

You'd think by now he'd give up denying the obvious of what's happening both in the plot in the metanarrative, but no. He's pinned his entire fandom conman career on his current angle and if he concedes then everyone he's been exploiting thousands out of instantly drops his ass. Congratulations dude, you played yourself. Good luck hope nobody sues you off the planet.

#there is a fog #but it only takes embracing #the truth #to lift it #this is what's right #and this is the path that i choose to follow #the ostium one might say #this is the way

[incarnateirony]

Okie dokie, so for part of the happy new year and frankly happy new era, and a variety of changes in life, I've actually opted to invest effort in my Patreon and adjacent things. Server members have said for a long time they want swag. For now, there's a basic sticker and a few alchemy prints, a mug, et cetera on different tiers of rewards.

This Patreon was really made like, four years ago or something and just kinda sat there, so the old tiers were uh. Pre-inflation if you will. $3 is barely one starbucks coffee much less after fees. Old tiers have been retired, but initial patrons on those tiers still maintain it, and I think I got them hooked up with stickers. If I did that right.

The new tiers are:

5$: Guildman. You acknowledge me being google as a guy is, itself, a tremendous investment of my time in y'all. And the energy to cultivate the space everyone enjoys. You help cultivate it too. Get a sticker. Jazz hands.

12.19$: The Future Is Now. Reward program comes with two stickers (second still in development, I'll post it here when done) and a few alchemy prints. Being your witching hour DJ the last few years takes time.

15.18$: The Rugaru Mistake. Reward program: One sticker, two prints, one mug. These meta bibles and spirals didn't write and edit themselves. The leaks sure verified themselves though.

20$: Fixed It. Includes better membership swag. Did you know this is the rate of an hour of video editing? It's hard work guys, much less for the teaching part of it! Consider this voluntarily donating for all the classes I basically get asked to hold. I love those! But they take a lot of time. This compendium didn't build itself! Sticker, Mug, Shirt, Tote

$35: I just wanna represent. So all that above stuff took a lot of time and energy and still holding lessons almost daily, but the end rewards are almost here. And with it, some higher end merch to represent The Cult and your studentship or whatever. I'm literally just making this to make hoodies and the higher end in-market swag affordable for everyone before my comedy-level tier. Higher end loyalty package. (Mug, T-Shirt, Hoodie, Tote) -- I'll probably move the hoodie around seasonally, but it'll be warm by the time anyone gets it otherwise. The Patreon Hoodies are expensive af for some reason.

I do have a redbubble for them at basic value I'm setting up (I don't know if they're buyable yet?) if you just wanna target a POLOL sticker or mug or something before I get the ravens and other stuff up.

[incarnateirony]

with every post you prove that old callout about you correct. is polol still together? are you still their god or are you larping as a persona god now?

With every complaint you show how little you understand anything you try to throw insults at.

Winchester Way still exists. I have been all but absent for it for a year. Somehow, my psychotic wife and her little chronies have fucked up conversation in multiple fandoms so deeply, you people haven't caught that clue no matter how many times I tell you to go away.

"Every persona god" is the most retarded ass take I've ever heard. Way to show you can't follow... anything.

It is the opposite. I am a man. I am just a man that figured out a key for the system. I do not care if some whiny troll atheist has an opinion, she's the one that was playing as a witch using my old goddamn roleplays and playlists and anime shit she built a cult around and built a wholeass shop to with literal fucking octopus anime jibberish she charged people in the name of. Now she's dealing with a full force collective unconscious attack.

It's not being a god. It's being a psychic DDOS wave. I'm accessing servers. It truly is not that deep.

this woman has stalked me for 3 years, and cyclically fucked mine up for almost 20, I do not care about some shitheaded supernatural fan's opinion about my entire fucking life. I'm cutting her off, it's fucking ending, I'm not letting her delusion herself into being entitled to fuck my life up for another 20 years and incarnations.

This entire ass fucking thing is fucking telling people to leave me the fuck alone and stop making cults and shit. She can't stop. She was warned not to do the thing for half a year after her last few years after the last 20 years and she still fucking did the thing. Now it's, OH THERE WAS A MAGIC REASON TO NOT DO THE THING?

Go yell at the dumbass crazy cocaine bear in the fursuit running from why she thought she was channeling the great octopus jibberish god and why the song our roleplay characters met on is on the top of her hermes playlists along with all the albums I used, spare a few emo songs of her own. Go ask her why she was charging with my design's face about some octopus shit and calling it divination. Go yell at her first.

If you want to yell at me, go yell at Princeton first. And the CIA and DOD, you'll have to yell at them too. Cuz like. They use the same shit guys, and that's not conspiracy talk like it's public print, I am literally showing you Princeton data.

I will repeat. One more time. For your tiny little brains. You are you, and your choices, in this life, but Soul Is Real. Call it Memory call it whatever, but it's a thing, and that's where you hear about shit like Ancestral Memory, which is partially literally in DNA from evolution and partially just there in the spaces between that can't be quantified. She insists on pretending she can steal mine while running from hers until she's eating handfuls of pills to stop ripping out her hair, because she won't look at hers and then keeps finding reasons to run back towards mine when "channeling" isn't as fulfilling as it should be. Cue the three month cycle of crashing into my life.

Some people learn how to become or embody or aspect for their ancestral memory without losing their goddamn minds, but it takes, I dunno, a quarter century of hard work. It has different aspects of men that have been considered gods, but ultimately, it all leads to oneself being the chance to be something new and better of it. So I got a lot of "gods" in my history (really cool dudes with big legacies, mostly human, yknow), but that's the entire point, you doorknobs. People who get REAL good can even start to run on the proverbial road between it. Those who master this become a Magus in Hermetics. It's called gnosis, actually, but i'm trying to use terms you may wrap your heads around. I do not know where I have been at all confusing about this point.

Yall act like "God/light is found within" is some new fuckin headline I'm dropping.

Also for what it's worth I was just pinged to update "you would be surprised how many gods spent their lives going, no, wait, I'm just--I'm a guy, my guys. No--no I'm not saying-- you guys--"

[curioussubjects]

SPN and Going Forward

Hi, guys, ugh. So we’re still here, huh? After spending most of the night talking and talking with polol folks, being in my feelings, see the shitshow on twitter, I have cried, laughed, and been in utter disbelief. I’ve been a lot angry, and I’ve betrayed and fooled. Really very very confused. Suspicious. Then I laughed some more at the sheer 2020 energy of this finale. Now that I’ve actually gotten time to process the bulk of my feelings and gotten some sleep, I want to address a couple thing about my stance on the text, what went down, and what you can expect from me here on the blog. 

First, I want to thank y’all again for the love you’ve sent my way. Thank you. I said weeks ago that if all went to hell in a handbasket, we’d get each other through it and I meant it. I mean it still. Supernatural, more than ever, belongs to us now. The finale can’t ever take that from us, and it can’t take the community we built from us. That’s how we...well, carry on. Not in honor of how Supernatural ended, but in honor of all that it did before. Of all the good memories we created, the ideas, the stories, the friendship, and the laughter we shared. If you hurt too much to stay, that’s ok. If you ever want to come back, we’ll be here waiting. SPNfamily only ends if we let it, and I for one don’t plan on giving whoever is behind this finale the satisfaction, which brings me to my next point. 

The finale sits at the end of s15 awkwardly. It doesn’t fit the emotional narrative. I can’t believe I’m saying this but 19 actually hits the emotional brief much better. 19 could arguably have a metanarrative purpose. I could understand the point of 19 in a way I can’t for 20. This is all to say I don’t buy that this was authorial intent. Compare the structure of 20 to anything else this season. It doesn’t fit, it’s sloppy, and the pacing is weird. And none of the emotional beats are there when they have been featured expertly since day 1, not only of s15, but all of Dabb’s run. This is all to say that my blog will not be a space that will engage in dunking on Dabb or Berens or Glynn. I simply will not do that because I’ve seen their other work and the finale was not it. If new info comes to light, then that’s that, but I have no reason to believe the finale was the conclusion to the story they wanted to tell. 

I have no idea how or why we got here. There’s a lot of rumors floating around, and we all want someone to blame. There’s a lot of information that doesn’t add up, and I sincerely hope one day we learn why Supernatural ended like it did. I hope we get to see what the writers envisioned. I’m personally inclined to place my blame on corporate meddling, but I have no evidence of that beyond that’s usually where fuckery comes from. We’ll see what unfolds, if anything does. 

Moreover, I want to say that I stand by every piece of meta I’ve written and engaged with. Last night I said that the finale did hit the mytharc brief, and, largely, it did: we got a restructured heaven that allows souls to be their true selves. Peace and freedom. The eternal sandbox. I appreciate that whatever happened, the writing team gave us the ability to take back the narrative and fix it because they weren’t allowed to. Philosophically, s15 delivered what is set out to, and I’ve always been a fan of that vision. I still am. I’m not upset over Dean’s death because as I’ve said all along: death is an illusion. Real life, true life, is the life of the soul not of the body. However, I understand that I have my own spiritual philosophy allowing me to exist so easily and happily with that conclusion. I don’t begrudge anyone who can’t. I always figured the finale would have to be very careful in how it delivered that plotline to make it work for an audience that isn’t already plugged into the philosophy. I meant that, but I also ask for understanding for those of us who do live that philosophy; we are allowed to be happy about the mytharc conclusion. 

The character narrative, however, was shamefully dropped. None of our characters got the emotional catharsis they deserved. I’ll maybe write about some of that one day, and I’ll definitely engage with the writing of others about it. Supernatural shined not because of its mythology, but because of its characters. The finale failed because those characters were erased and denied the last leg of their journey. They got their reward in heaven, I suppose, but there’s no satisfaction in off-screen resolutions. Our character-driven beats were absent. That’s why it hurts so much. And that’s why despite my loving of the mytharc, the episode itself is a bust. Our characters deserved better. Supernatural deserved better. 

It’s our sandbox now.

#spn spoilers #supernatural #spn #my writing #long post #polol #gonna laugh at memes now because humor is my coping mechanism