#is my anxiety up a little? yeah

[ittytittygothgf]

Working on an Ad. I ended up fixing the metals a bit more and the spots on the mushrooms to be a little brighter. I ended up making 4 packs. one for each metal and then 1 pack with all 3 huds for the fatpack since I just honestly don’t know how to make mesh that you can change the metal from the earrings individually but that’s for another day. I’m hoping I can get my bestie to come online to try everything out and test things for me and try to break them before i release them to the public. 

#secondlife #melinoe #i'm very excited but nervous about this #is my anxiety up a little? yeah #but i think that's just because i've never done something like this #i told myself funnily enough on my bday #by the time my next bday rolled around #i'd have my own shop #and I do now. #i've done all of this in one month #i'm excited by the time my birthday actually rolls around #what type of things ill be able to create

[da-proti-toku-grem]

how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?

#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk...... #god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours #but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk #i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her #and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk #and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights #all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then) #so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place #but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet) #we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else #she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly #and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning #also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too #so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling #my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away #there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground #i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too #after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal #all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours #we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up #my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt #idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max #we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little #i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened #anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety #or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow #i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure #yeah......... #maca speaks

[averlym]

Im sorry but can you do 45 angst for parrlyn? U don't have to tho!

45- "leave" (very quick doodle for you!)

#hi anon akshdjdhd thank you for asking so politely i guess #here's this .. 'm not sure what exactly but it's exam project season rn #and like!!! screwed up stress responses all over the place!! #anyways. #six the musical #six the musical fanart #anne boleyn #catherine parr #parrlyn #... the angst of being in an awkward situation #quick run down: been reading fic (not helping my revision any but nevertheless) and looking back at old characterisations of cathy #and like one thing was the coffee/ lack of sleep/ stress response thing that seems like part of widely accepted hc #and. well. um my stress response is avoidance! including of people #so yeahhhh maybe pushing people away is bad but also people can be so overwhelming even in the same room yknow #aka why i haven't been studying with friends (sad haha) and like maybe i'm projecting a little bit . shh #also also anne! bestie! me too! logically it's the 'ily but i really Cannot rn' and yeah it checks out but #on the other side of it the rsd / anxiety hits hard it's like oh i'm a terrible person #then you spend the next hour coaxing yourself out of that piece of sh- mindset #so. that's the idea of angst but also apparently most people don't know the insides of my head so what's angst for me #which is usually strongest with Implications instead of proper whump or whatnot #isn't probably angst for the. general populace .. #maybe it's the anxiety? *fingerguns* #alright! gn! #<side story: there was once this guy who kept trying to get me to go out with him to study (?still actually but now he's resigned to reject #-​ion) and i couldn't say to his face ' i would want you to stop breathing tbh because your physical presence in the same room would set me #absolutely off and into a nervous breakdown' and that's how i ended up saying 'people are distracting' and implied i was interested in him> #<lowkey. very yikes>

[mokeonn]

I've been dealing with a lot of stress lately about jobs, money, friendship, and doing passion projects; so I drew this to express how I feel.

#simon says #art #my art #I haven't pony posted in a hot second so here's something to make up for that #my little pony gen 4 #my little pony #my little pony friendship is magic #mlp g4 #mlp fan art #mlp twilight sparkle #twilight sparkle #doodle #cute #silly stuff #it's a doodle of me #but yeah i've been dealing with a lot #it's mainly just anxiety #and I think twilight sparkle could relate and help me if she was real #man... I wish horses were real

[bunnihearted]

umm

#i havent had this bad anxiety in like 10 years wth #i have a dentist appt. and it's only a checkup thingy there will be no treatment done #it should be short and quick but im so anxious #im also anxious bc there's almost aways issues w financial aid and stuff 🙃 #and a checkup is almost $100 which is 1/3 of my monthly budget 💀 #so that's the main part that worries me. plus everyone in a dentist's office are so rude </3 #i've tried asking her several times but she is so unclear... i hope i can get like an invoice/bill thing #but yeah everyone are so rude about it and it's just a whole ordeal #so im so anxious for this appt omg #im like shaking a little and my breath feels caught in my chest lol #i dont wanna go but if i dont go now i'll have to pay a fee which is also expensive so like #i have to go but i dont wanna i just wanna cryyyyyy #update: no i did not get an invoice #she was really rude too T-T acting like i was gonna run away and not pay #so yehh... $140 gone from my accountttt i did not think it would cost that much #so .. ummmm #i hope my financial aid worker will reply soon #and i mean omg i hope they will grant me financial aid #otherwise.... i wish i had neven gone wtffff #everyone told me it'd work and this was ok but like ??? #i just hope she replies today or tmrw so i can know #if i have to have given up that mych money then #i wont be able to buy buss tickets to the animal park i wanna go to #or buy those clothes i was gnna buy #or have food the entire month lmao #but i just wanna know what im dealing w i hate not knowing

[munamania]

also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...

#and me when i type up a long paragraph abt like nothing happening! <3 #um. and i am overthinking and in my defense. ill lament one more time. HAVENT HAD MY ANXIETY MEDS IN DAYS. so plz be nice.. #and lydia joked abt how i was a little weird. which i was. but now im like fuckkkkk man we're never hanging out again... #they also went back to like one of my stories theyd seen this morning so its like wowwwwww so youre literally obsessed w me.. #anyway. still being so strong and leaving it to them to make a rain check plan if they wanna. and if not thats so hashtag chill #also ive barely seen sam this week which is like nice but i found out they last second saw the eclipse together #and again not that i think i would come up or w/e but i did have sam off my close friends for a while bc he was stressing me out. yk. #and im not sure if um... that would have become evident... doesnt actually matter who gaf #but yeah also naturally hes seeing one of the coolest most beautiful talented creative etc girls in the film major rn #on top of his little fuck buddy. and im not being a bitter little incel abt the fact that hes got bitches and i dont. #bc its like. whatever. too much going on rn to have bitches. tho ill stick to my guns in saying some good sex could fix me a little #yayyyy i love talking #abby talks

[lexalovesbooks]

I remember reading fangirl when I was like thirteen and there being that mini plot thread throughout the novel where for the longest time Cath was too scared to go to her college’s dining hall because she didn’t know how it worked and was terrified she’d accidentally embarrass herself so instead she just spent half a semester eating peanut butter and granola bars until her roommate noticed and forced her to go with her. And that just really stuck with me because even at the time it felt like something I would do and I thought about it for years and years and then when I was finally at college on my own and I knew. that I needed to go to the dining hall and get food and eat but I was scared to do it on my own because I didn’t know the rules and what if I did something wrong or embarrassed myself and I couldn’t even ask my roommate to go with me and make it less scary because I didn’t have a roommate (covid protocol). Anyways Cather Avery most relatable character ever.

#fangirl rainbow rowell #thinking about it and yeah. i had mixed feelings about that book at the time but it was really the first main character that i could #see myself in. every description of cath’s social anxiety felt so familiar to me and it was also the book series that sort of. helped me #understand fanfiction? (before that i disliked it (had never read it) because i had a really incorrect understanding of what it was and why #people wrote it. i didn’t love it after finishing the book but i didn’t despise it anymore either) #anyways. books that probably did change my life a little bit #also i did eventually make it to my dining hall. there was a girl there who i knew from high school and when i mustered up the courage to #text her she was super nice and immediately invited me to have dinner with her. so i didn’t have to live off peanut butter for an entire #semester thankfully lol

[famewolf]

im punching and punching and punching my anxiety today

#[static] #man i need a new job but im gonna try my best to stick it out for the next year and a half so that im 'vested' - #- or whatever its called for my little tiny 401k money lmao #im starting to get anxiety about work on my days off more than usual #they just changed it from 5 years to 6 years fjgkdlghd #and im nearly at 5 years #also i think im gonna try and stick it out with the full time up until October and i'm going back to 4 days a week for my sanity #and also theyve been cracking down on ppl missing work and the winter time i have to call out a couple times a month for snow #they used to be understanding about it but it sounds like they arent anymore :) #in one breath they'll be like 'yeah it's no worries we work at a grocery store who cares! we're stacking cans this isn't life or death' #but the moment you gotta leave early due to snow so you can actually make it home in one piece they get butthurt lmao #mind you I have put my car in a ditch BECAUSE of work doing this to me and i ended up missing a week + covering repairs because of it #like ... would you rather i go home 2 hours early or miss 4-6 days of work and be in debt :) #and the answer is the 2nd one for them lmao i fucking hate them

[asparklethatisblue]

kinda cute to be raised on “only your family will truly love and support you, and they will show their love via money. Physical and emotional abuse means nothing because at least you will never want for anything!”

and then have your parents randomly and smugly tell you to never ask them for anything ever cause you have a job

#i asked for the equivalent of a Christmas present which I didn’t get last year fyi #and now they keep reminding me to not expect anything from them #and the thing is? I don’t NEED anything #but what about emotional support cause my rent is increasing? I just want to be told it’ll be ok I don’t want money #but i can’t even bring up money anxiety cause they WILL be cruel about it #or tell me to move back home which yeah ok I’d live there for free but I’d also kill myself so haha #anyway when you were taught to measure parental love via money… #Not to MENTION that we were poor when I was little and my baby brother gets??? So many fucking expensive toys now??

[the-descolada]

what a rough way for this year to go already.

#I don't think I've felt genuinely happy in maybe months. probably since late february #I may have poor emotional resiliency but in my defense it is not exactly normal for a close friend to suddenly treat you this badly #went from yeah things are gonna be ok and we'll stay just as close or closer into just #a two year friendship being entirely blown up based on nothing but irrational anxiety and poor communication and projection in under a mont #really more like in a single week tbh. our friendship as it was ended the moment i got yelled at for crying at cold shoulder behavior #bc i wanted a hug bc i was thinking about my DEAD DOG?????? #“why are you hitting me” says person beating you with a stick #classic #sorry I can't be a perfect little angel in response to being repeatedly verbally abused for things i wasn't to blame for!

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[toxooz]

ALSOOOOOOO i Finally got to ride a skateboard at the skatepark with bf n friends for the first time ever yesterday and i feel so 👀👀👌👌👌💯💯💯 i managed to be able to balance and push around and stop without falling and it was fun tbh!! i can see getting muscle memory and improvement by doing it consistently 😤 i just hope this aint too short of a phase for everyone so i can hopefully get me own board soon 🙏

#i kno i said i had to take it easy but it was the 4th i had to go out n live a little shhhhh #i think i skate goofy but it might be bc im left handed so its just How Its Gunna Be lmfao hopefully i'll see #theyve been starting to go there recently and a few ppl are thinking abt getting more boards and skates and ofc i Gotta get one #its practically required of me to get one AHA #being able to use my book smarts research abt footing and pushing with the right foot/ stopping without a tragedy was rlly cool #i havent fell yet but im dreading it bc that shit will be inevitable lolol its just a matter of when #it definitely takes confidence and intent and Brother i am but a teacup chihuahua #BUT that is the beauty of progress and improvement and courage #even if its just a couple months fad thing for them it would still be nice to at least get the experience #and get a better idea of what the hell my Entire story is about lmfao #i hate that it took me this long but its what i gotta do better late than never #i think i aint got crippling anxiety for everything and then i realize i cant do like 85% of things #i want to do in life AHAaa #its just one of them things i Gotta have someone do it with me so this opportunity fell into my lap and im ESTATIC #edit looked it up again and i DO NOT skate goofy i skate regualr HELL YEAH

[ironmanstan]

I am the king of writing papers twice as long as they should be

#hope my English prof DIES #soon tho i will be free and then i can have my silly little world films class yay ^__^ #i have to write so i can ignore my mental insanity i feel like i am dying horrifically but itsssss fine gamers #my beautiful girlfriend prozac is like every time u have insane symptoms. u will have to up your doseage. #but every time you up your doseage. week of pure unhinged anxiety. ok. now lets makeout #and every time i am like wow crazy whats happening to me #my english prof is gonna be like this paper makes no fuckjng sense and is a huge run on sentence and imma be like yeah its the ptsd #have fun i hope u cant read it and u actually like pass out reading it #the gamer speaks uwu #ouuguughghfhhh im so close to being free and then next sem i can have even more horrors with my evil schedule

[pl4n]

from a while back

#my art #rare colored drawings #even if its just flats #i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome #sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk #its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess #i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how #i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit #but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down #i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh #i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher #so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety #im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year #i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST #and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan #hows anyone gonna manage that? #but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo #time keeps slipping man i hate it #ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do

[wastelandbabyblue]

.

#so turns out my boss doesn't have the money to hire me right now and she won't fucking talk to me #i learned this from my coworker because she told her but not me???? #and like it's fine i don't mind keeping freelance until the end of the year it's almost over anyways #but?????? she won't talk to me and i can't go to her and be like 'yeah so i know you can't hire me right now so let's keep things the same' #anyways starting to think the universe doesn't want me there because this is the 3rd time something happens right before i sign the papers #maybe i should just make something up myself and tell her to leave it be until next year at least #there's no risk of her like firing me or i guess cutting me off just because i know she's struggling with the workload with little staff #so she needs me there #sigh #my anxiety had just gotten a bit better this will mess it up again 🥲

[spaghett-onaplate]

using the school bathroom stealth but pre-t is the scariest fucking thing but thusfar it's always been fine. mostly sucks on my period

#today i had to flush a pad down the toilet 😔😔 #which is really bad ik but my only other option was reach into the toilet to fish it out and there was no way in hell #bc it had come loose and so when i sat on the toilet it fell in and. yeah #anyway good lord it's always so nerve-racking using the school bathrooms #period or not #in fact regular pissing may be more scary bc i always have to sit on the toilet whereas changing tampons i can usually stand facing the #toilet and keep my pants up and just switch n wrap the used one in a shitton of toilet paper to put in a bin elsewhere #my main source of anxiety comes from the not super substantial stall privacy #and this cute little things the kids at my old school did where they took photos under the stalls 🥰 #which never happened to me thankfully but like. good lord lmao #also never happened at this school as far as i know but it still scares me #also today i sat down on wet grass and i was freaking out all class thinking my underwear and legs were soaked from bleeding through #but no actually it was fine! tampon+toilet paper+pad triple layer barrier juuust kept things under control #fuck my heavy periods man #anyway look i'm so lucky and so much happier being stealth here than cosplaying as a girl at my old school #i am infinitely happier i really can't emphasise how much better i am doing now living as a guy #BUT man some aspects are a pretty tricky