#it all just. hits so damn hard

[scattered-winter]

♪

MUSIC! NOW!

hey brother by avicii

hey brother / there's an endless road to rediscover / hey sister / do you still believe in love? I wonder / oh, if the sky comes falling down / for you / there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

I'll give you a song!

#*slaps song* this bitch can fit so many blorbos in it #actually anything by avicii is really easy to Blorbo-ify #broken arrows comes immediately to mind but my bestie that is a kyle song #i just *clenches fist* #avicii was one of my favorite music artists and he still is even though he's been dead for years #i was absolutely shattered when he died because his music is my Lifeblood #and im still sad about it even though its been years #but anyway all of his music really touches me on a deep and emotional level but especially the True album #(which is where hey brother comes from btw) #it all just. hits so damn hard #anywayyyy ramble over <3 avicii my beloved #asks #rye 🍞

[tubbytarchia]

gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)

#ethubs #Ive wanted to draw ethubs angst for so many days but art block is still hitting hard and this thing has been sitting around for awhile #hey ethubers how did you. survive #last life ethubs upsets me so much make it end #The way after Bdubs dies Etho is trying to justify to himself not having given him a life to begin with rather than #telling him to prove himself #its like he expects the others who are with him to comment on it but they dont. Etho's all "I couldn't have just given it to him you know.. #without them asking about it or anything. And Etho just keeps going. god damn it Etho I feel so bad for them #dont even get me started on what Bdubs said to G about Etho grrrr GRRRR I saw that for the first time not long ago GRRRRRR #I still wanna draw proper ethubs though. someday #also the damage to Bdubs' face is supposed to be from the rocket Lizzie shot #does it make sense? No probably not but its an excuse to make him look more dead #tubby art

[taikanyohou]

#PrettyPillowPrincessPete. KinnPorsche (2022) : Episode 12.

#pete #vegaspete #kinnporsche #asianlgbtqdramas #* #faiza gifs #PILLOW PRINCESS PETE AKA MY FAVE SIDE OF PETE!!!!!!!!!! #LIKE. THIS IS WHO PETE IS. THIS IS PETE. THE ONE WHO DESIRES AND DESIRES AND DESIRES AND LUSTS AND LUSTS AND LUSTS #AND IS SO SO HUNGRY AND SO SO INSATIABLE AND WANTON AND HE JUST WANTS FROM VEGAS. HE TAKES AND TAKES FROM HIM. #AND WHILST DOING SO HE ABSOLUTELY BASKS IN IT!!!! HE IS SO GOOOOOOOD AT IT!!! HE TAKES WITH NO SHAME WHATSOEVER. #BC THIS IS ALLLLLLL WHAT HE WANTS!!!!!!! AND ITS WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS FACE!!!!! SO SO PRETTY SO SO SOOO PRETTY. #hence why vegas saying 'come here dont by shy' FUCKING SMACKS AND HITS bc vegas has SEEN how pete TAKES from him #and how pete HUNGERS and how pete fucking DESIRES WITH NO SHAME WHATSOEVER #AND WHY VEGAS' 'DO YOU KNOW HOW SEXY YOU ARE?' HITS SO DAMN HARD TOO. #oh my GOD.

[astro-b-o-y-d]

How pissed do you think Shermie was when he found out about what really happened with Stan and Ford???

#Hayley Speaks #It might not hit as hard if you headcanon him as the baby in the flashback #But if you don't and you headcanon him as older than them it's like #Okay so he comes home to find out one of his younger brothers got kicked out #And the other moved all the way to the other side of the country #And then the news about Stan being dead comes up #So I fully imagine that while Stan never outright told him about what happened; he knows damn well that he's not Ford #Even after all the time they spent apart; that is so CLEARLY Stanley Pines who is suddenly going by Stanford #Maybe Stan hides his hands around Shermie to continue the con but Shermie knows #Which means something probably happened to Ford and Stan doesn't want anyone to know #So he keeps the secret and doesn't let on that he knows #He could always confront Stan about it but also like #The last time he really saw Stan was long before he got kicked out of the house #He does NOT want to scare off what is potentially the only brother he has left #He's always felt like the third wheel when it came to them; both because of the twin thing and the 'being the oldest' thing #Combined with the whole 'Pines men don't talk about their feelings' thing; he thinks it's best to just let Stan keep pretending to be Ford #And silently mourn the loss of the brother that the rest of the family doesn't realize is even gone #But THEN the grandkids are like 'Yeah Grunkle Stan's twin brother is back now!' and he's PISSED OFF #He kept Stan's secret for THIRTY YEARS and the bastard didn't even have the gall to let him know that Ford was back face to face #Neither of the bastards had the gall to do it?! #They just took off on a fishing boat together in search of adventure?? #He's so mad at them but also...that is so painfully in character for them. At least from the memories he has of them as young kids. #But also.......he's their brother #They couldn't have told him ANYTHING???

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[sayheykid]

i genuinely don't think a story's worldbuilding and lore has ever drawn me in the way that check please did. it's been years and i still think about it every day. the characters and plot were always superb but i think what has stuck with me the most is the depth of the settings and how everything feels so lived in and tangible. everyone wants to make a fake world and town and university but no one else has EVER done it that well

#like the college setting especially is so delicious to me #there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about the campus map and the building names and the haus and the stop and shops #ugh i need hardcore analysis injected into my damn veins #also this could be it's own post. but #the generations of players and how every fan has different people that really speak to them #like i'm not a huge kent/tater or dex/nursey fan and honestly am pretty ambivalent to jack/bitty #(don't take this the wrong way) #but i LOVE ransom and holster and shitty and lardo #and even some of the other characters like bully and tango though i admit the later years don't hit as hard for me as the first couple #i just love that everyone finds something to go batshit over #the attention to detail was just so so incredible and still for SURE holds up #no matter what aspect #i was never super directly involved in the fandom but when i think back on formative pieces of media for me as a person and as a writer #i don't think that there are many things that compare #if you've read my writing i don't think it's hard to see the correlation at all #also if you want to talk check please analysis (or can rec me others' analysis!!!) i'd be forever grateful #otherwise i'm just going to keep marinating forever #omgcp #check please #omg check please

[hrina]

the chokehold that bride by ali hazelwood has on me.............

#i need to be studied in a lab fr #the funniest part is i did NOT think it would be my cup of tea #but she didn't lean TOO hard into the omegaverse so i actually ended up enjoying it a lot! #i just cant get over how damn romantic it was. like she included all these little details that had me squealing and kicking my feet and suc #*such #i've gone back a few times to re-read my kindle notes/highlights AND IT STILL HITS EVERY SINGLE TIME #she really hit her stride with this one i fear

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

#the klock keeps ticking #yttd #i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks #but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD #i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin #i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr #first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with #all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying #and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so #good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all #like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad #he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP #and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just #being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how #well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler #and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end #and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts #cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish #but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like #the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries #and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer #and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive #and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori #and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent #and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse #he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA #im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad #and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof #I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN #have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game... #to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know. #well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it! #anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations) #so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭 #my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game. #this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat! #imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

[regallibellbright]

“You should go to a hospital.”

“You”--Miles eyed him--”have just lost your authority over my actions. May I remind you. Simon.”

Miles has just been fired by someone who is functionally his uncle, who he called “Uncle” until he entered the Imperial Service nine years ago. Simon’s clearly broken up about this and would have taken any possible out if Miles had given him one. Simon also just witnessed Miles have a seizure in front of him. (Simon also, as family to the Vorkosigans in all but name AND Imperial spymaster, has to be aware of the fact that Miles is a suicide risk right now.) He may have had to fire Miles, but he clearly still cares a lot.

Miles responds by switching back to first-name basis just to twist the knife on that line. It’s awful.

#suicide mention #attempted suicide mention #to be more specific knowing what's about to happen #i guess this is a vorkosigan saga liveblog now #vorkosigan saga #memory #miles naismith vorkosigan #is an impetuous little shit here and is damned lucky Simon cares so much #the self-destruction and lashing out at other people has already begun and it began with Ivan earlier #Simon Ilyan #who is the only commanding officer who could have possibly put up with Miles because only family could ever stand it #who loves him so much that Cordelia could tell he was having a breakdown writing the report where Miles was killed in action #because for once he was euphemising and dodging the point and doing everything he could to avoid saying 'Miles was killed in action' #who seriously. if he hadn't cut someone's legs off with a plasma arc due to this. if he hadn't LIED about it. #if he hadn't passed up EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY to save himself. Simon would have tried for Miles. #who is Aral Vorkosigan's liegesworn vassal in all but name not just because of the political reasons but PERSONALLY and everyone knows it #who we all know what's coming up yeah? The good news is Miles is going to redeem himself hard for that 'Simon.' soon enough #but knowing what's coming just makes it hit even harder. OUCH Miles.

[vexcountess]

something i am really interested in is how kate navigates her role as viscountess not only because it's an entirely new world of responsibility, which she will obviously excel in, but also because (as simone put it in an interview) she's going to be pretty "humbled" and i just find it so crunchy the sort of push/pull ache it's going to give her now that she is no longer quite as independent of a woman

not that she was wildly independent before, as a woman AND a woman of color in the world that she lives in, but certainly more freedoms were allowed her as an unattached elder sister versus now a married woman with a husband and household to which she is very much attached

#i just think that violet and kate have to be very good pals #kate gets along with all of her in laws NATURALLY #but i neeeeddd to see her and violet comparing notes #and daphne too. daphne would be very valuable in her knowledge #kate had every intention to be unattached for the rest of her life and now she's having to completely 180 #and of course she will take this on and tackle it as she does any other challenge #but i can definitely see it being quite the challenge for her #kate: what do you mean i can't just go for a ride in the mornings like i have always done for 20 years?? #kate: FINE. yes of COURSE i will go over the damn cutlery options for the ball tomorrow night. I GUESS. #i can just see it being really overwhelming and uncomfy at first #and she wouldn't allow herself an ounce of grace or room to make mistakes #alas the eldest immigrant daughter syndrome be hitting hard (anxious perfectionist etc etc etc) #i have so many thoughts..........

[designernishiki]

it really means the world to me that little 12 year old daigo mentions that kiryu used to hang out with him a lot, meaning a teenage kiryu (and likely a teenage nishiki as well) basically babysat an even younger daigo on the reg for some amount of time. i wonder what shenanigans they got up to

#if im remembering correctly i think they said something about going to the arcade but yeah other than that #they’re so… different. I feel like kiryu would try to teach him a sport and daigo would fucking hate it #unless he could manage to change the rules around so that he can hit nishiki with the ball a bunch of times #and I mean it’s not like kiryu would be helping him with schoolwork #like let’s be real here #all jokes aside I imagine it really meant a lot to daigo to have someone treat him like a normal kid and encourage doing #stupid normal kid things instead of whatever his other caretakers had him doing #kiryu (especially at that point) is just a big child at heart in his own way- probably more than daigo was ever really allowed to be- #so it’d be a nice oasis from the cold strict monotony of daigo’s typical life. #that and kiryu (and probably even more so nishiki) is actually somewhat physically affectionate unlike probably anyone else in daigo’s life #and isn’t afraid to like. ruffle his hair or pat him a little too hard on the back or what have you #man those two have known each other basically their entire lives huh??? #like damn it’s just now really hitting me that they’ve known each other like. at least 35-40 years? #could be longer depending on if kazama introduced them prior to kiryu becoming a yakuza and all that #kiryu’s just sort of been. always there in daigo’s life. that’s sorta wild #anyway time for me to stop talking #rambling #daigo #kiryu

[wylldebee]

Mordin's death still hurts. It's been eighty four years since I played ME3, and yet it still hurts. You know it's coming, because no war is without sacrifices, and not all your friends will survive this war despite how hard you try, because not even the great Commander Shepard can stop death. To keep Mordin alive you have to screw over the Krogan by not opening your mouth and convince Mordin not to do the cure. That's all you have to do. But I can't do that. Because as painful as it is to have Mordin die - for him to never go retire on a beach and run tests on seashells and not hold little Urdnot Mordin in his arms, this little future he has given to the Krogan - it's ten times painful to betray Wrex. Keeping my Shepard silent as Wrex and Bakara are hoping and envisioning a future right next to her? Painful. Knowing I would almost single-handedly make the Krogan go extinct? Painful. So while it's painful for me to watch Mordin go up the elevator, to see him take that deep inhale that says he knows his time is up, to hear him humming happily even as the place explodes around him- The pay-off of the Krogan having a future, of having hope, of having a chance to being better and restoring their honour as warriors that they lost decades ago by their own hands will always be worth it to me, and to my Shepard.

#mass effect legendary edition #mass effect #I'm rambling #I honestly don't know where this came from #Mordin's death just hits hard for me because he's literally the first of your crew to die #you kept him alive through the suicide mission and then he dies in the next game #really hits my Shepard hard because she's lost so much in Mindoir and Akuze and she's all about saving people because of that #and yet here she still loses another person close to her despite trying so damn hard #ugh I really need some sleep #Mordin Solus #urdnot bakara #urdnot wrex

[01tsubomi]

i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"

#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back #in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou #so i was like damn i would've totally passed #anyway hashtag classic maya but idk #i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college #but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji) #and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again #so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da #i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work #so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time #i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time #with the genre of shows i watch at least #so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like #a good place to be #i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles #so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point #those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss #personal

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

[dizzybevvie]

who knew that lying on a table in the sun like a lizard gives +500 mental stability. crazy right?

BADBHBSAJHDS THE SUN MY LOVE IM SORRY I NEGLECTED YOU ALL THESE YEARS,,,

#Seasonal sadness hit HARD this year #i think before last summer #i was just sad all year round so winter didnt effec me much #BUT GOD DAMN RECENTLY. UGH #I AGREE SO HARD THE SUN IS PULLING ME THROUGH SCHOOL AND LIFE RN. #beverly says stuff #asks #loz tag