#it all still cuts deeply

[silvergreenseraphim]

I am still reading through Ultimania translations like a certain someone in the data room…

Here are some curious notes on our Jenova Project scientists, Vincent, and Sephiroth that I know you will all appreciate.

That note about Hojo envying Gast and his genius—please keep this in mind. It will come into play for these next translations.

The research on Omega and the Kalm experiments were also in the Shinra manor. It makes you wonder if Sephiroth read any of that and further saw how cruel Shinra was.

The Jenova cell flashes in Sephiroth’s mind that we saw in the Rebirth demo can be seen in this image from the Crisis Core guide.

This is where everything becomes more interesting. Something not fully explained in DOC is Lucrecia’s own deterioration. It would appear that Vincent confronted Hojo over this after Sephiroth was born and taken away (or did he?). Lucrecia was falling to pieces it seems. (We will come back to this).

(Small note, but it looks like Vincent actually did propose to Lucrecia).

The next pile of notes are from the older Ultimania Omega from 2005, and some debate the validity of the text and whether it still holds true to current canon. However, if we are willing to consider Crisis Core from 2007 as canon, then I see no issue with this Ultimania unless something is directly changed.

For our Jenova project scientists, there is just more detail not spoken in the game. Some of it is fascinating and helpful.

I take this information as extra insight that the original game did not give us and mostly canon as well. Reading it felt like a stab to the chest even if I knew most of it.

We know from DOC that Lucrecia did love Vincent in the end, but during their time together she pushed him away because of the guilt with his father and gave into her love for Hojo instead.

It is….strange but that line from the CC guide about Hojo’s envy of Gast was apparently a concept here too. It supposedly was so strong that it brought out a maternal love in Lucrecia. Very likely this was before Hojo was completely mad and murderous.

I also wonder if Lucrecia’s affection was only that overall. A feeling that didn’t last when she realized Hojo’s complex was destructive and not “cute.”

These are the details some debate and I believe it has been for shipping reasons in the past…but as a non-shipper, I can see this happening with such a complex group of people.

The next bit about Lucrecia’s deterioration is also odd because it almost sounds as though Lucrecia disappeared only because of her body’s collapse. DOC once again changed the order of these events to where Lucrecia left after failing to save Vincent and losing her son.

It also looks like Vincent confronted Hojo much earlier. We are now left to interpretation maybe since DOC’s own timeline is hard to follow. There are plenty of people who have these events better thought through than me.

But if we combine all of these details together and ignore the timeline, we have more reasons for Lucrecia’s breakdown in general. Vincent’s bodily corruption, the loss of Sephiroth, and Lucrecia’s own degradation. We may not know the very order of every event until Rebirth or the third game, which is okay. These are still good details.

This hurts so much and I do not even need to explain why, ahaha. Hojo is so, so cruel to his own family.

I have recently pulled a translation from this section which some of you may recognize. All of the small details make me emotional 🥲

And this is the last one I wanted to share. I cannot stop thinking about Hojo’s inferiority complex with Gast because we know Sephiroth looked up to and admired Gast from a young age. How bitter Hojo must have been that his own son adored a man he hated. The implications of how complicated this could have made their relationship are endless. No wonder Hojo murdered Gast without hesitation. A walking mass of complexes indeed.

I think this is so emotional for me because of The First Soldier and Rebirth now. These details matter for enrichment.

Edit: I should once again clarify what I think about the 2005 Ultimania because there are fans that dismiss it thanks to its questionable text in spots. I believe that if a note from this book does not directly contradict currently established canon, then it may be safe to take in as context enrichment.

For example, all of the information about Sephiroth here is still accurate to the most recent depictions of his character, but there are small details added about why he believed he was different.

I do not see any reason to fully dismiss this because it does no harm to canon and does not go against what we have seen even in recent media like Ever Crisis.

On the other hand, the information about Lucrecia and when she left and why is much more fragile because Dirge of Cerberus added a new take on her motives. For this reason, I will only cherry-pick. I would say the detail about deterioration is accurate because that was hinted at in DOC but it’s no longer the only reason she left.

But everyone should make up their own minds on how to approach this Ultimania.

#aaaaaa #next i have some information on genesis #and then finally i will complete this post on a crisis core translation detail because i finally found the keyword i was looking for! #i am so happy they are referencing these old details in the first soldier with sephiroth #hojo being the one to give sephiroth the photo and say lucrecia’s name was jenova… #ouch #it all still cuts deeply #i feel awful for lucrecia and sephiroth and vincent #ff7 #final fantasy 7 #ffvii #crisis core #sephiroth #fvii rebirth #fvii first soldier #lucrecia crescent #vincent valentine #hojo #gast faremis

[emblazons]

WARNING: FFVII spoilers + ship talk—scroll if you want to skip, because I am simply commentating my own gaming experience & not trying to start a war in the comments

-

It’s the way I’m DESPERATELY trying to play FFVII with an openness to Cloud and Aerith because I know it means so much to so many people—and yet even when I go to YouTube and watch alt versions of mandatory scenes I cannot fathom how people are missing the subtext of “Aerith knows and acknowledges Tifa is so much more than Cloud’s friend even as she wants his attention because she doesn’t know if he’s really himself, has been extremely lonely since Zack left + knows somewhere she’s going to die for herself” ☠️

Like I am 3000% for FF ships that have a lot of groundwork but aren’t primary canon, because Square is notorious for building true chemistry between people who are not ever canonically romantic (hello Phoenixflare) but…it’s getting kind of absurd to see how many people are denying the subtext of Aerith as secondary to Tifa solely because they love their ship.

Perfect example: the scene where Aerith goes up on the Nebelheim water tower (a place wholly and entirely tied to Cloud and Tifa’s ongoing relatonship) and asks Cloud about his town…only for us to get this:

As someone who just consumes media generally…the whole subtext of the scene is clearly that Aerith trying to 1) pull Cloud’s actual memories up from the mind muck he’s going through (something she and Tifa both do repeatedly) and 2) remind Cloud of the side of him that inherently has always had a whole ass crush on his childhood best friend to help jog his memory.

Sure, it reads as a cute moment between them if you want that…but if you’re paying attention to the purpose of the scene itself and what’s being said (verbally and subtextually)…it’s astronomically clear this is a Cloud x Tifa recognition delivered to the audience through a Cloud/Aerith moment…and this happens repeatedly ☠️

And then…immediately after having her be upset that she doesn’t have someone the way Cloud has Tifa, and asking to be alone? I…I just. Like it’s so hard to be here in the middle of a war about “optional scenes” when shit that happens to everyone happens just like this 😭

#example of what I’m talking about under the cut #I just. LISTEN. #I fucking love Aerith #I really do #and even though some of her actions are quite curious to me re: cloud romance #I can clearly tell they are setting her up as loving him as a friend more than a romantic partner #and her still feeling so tied to Zack…while knowing she’s in for something terrible. #even with all the whispers shit that’s crystal mf clear—she’s just trying to find joy while she can #and cloud is more than willing to indulge her because he cares deeply for her too! #…and yet #we are so clearly in for a cloud x tifa romance in the long haul #Tifa and cloud love each other. cloud and Aerith LIKE each other—and even she comments DIRECTLY on ‘liking v LIKING’ #I just…whew #ship your ship #but let’s not outright lie to ourselves here LMAOOOO #ffvii analysis #cloti #ffvii #ffvii spoilers #remake spoilers #final fantasy spoilers #the me tag

[butchsophiewalten]

Man this is so random but this theory is stuck in my head and I wanna see how other people feel about it because I don't see people talk about it a lot (I have no clue if the link will go through properly since I've never put a link in a ask box)

https://www.tumblr.com/art-w0rm/667910993425350656/theory-time

Oh god not this theory again. I really truly try not to be mean to people for no good reason on this blog, but this theory is literally one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever seen in my entire life. I don't talk about this theory because to me it's like the walten files theory equivalent of that tubby custard mechanically separated chicken post.

Most of the time I genuinely don't even consider it worthy of my time, because it's nonsense, but this is a very nicely worded ask, and I really don't mean to dedicate any of the vitriol I hold towards this theory to You, poor anonymous person, so I will deconstruct it. I will go through the theory point-by-point and deconstruct why I disagree with it.

First up, this:

Showbear is not a character in The Walten Files anymore. Showbear was fully retconned and is never going to appear in the series again. He was effectively just a cameo of ThunderingStatic's (one of Martin's friends) OC, but when The Walten Files blew up and people started assuming Showbear was Martin's character, Static decided to withdraw his character from the series and focus putting him in other projects.

Martin talked about this on Twitter forever ago, but I wouldn't be able to find that tweet now. But here's a bit from the interview he did with KnowYourMeme back in 2021 where he talks about it:

Now this:

This is just stupid to me? Like a complete logical incongruity? I barely even know how describe what is dumb about this because I can't even fathom how anyone draws this conclusion from this information. How is it strange for a man to say 'if my wife isn't home by the time she said she was going to be, let me know, in case something happened.'????? Why would Rosemary be out cheating on her husband with her fucking daughter with her??? If Rosemary was cheating on her husband why would her whole life collapse when he went missing? If Rosemary was cheating on her husband why would she show up at the restaurant every day after he disappeared asking if anyone had seen him and hoping to find him alive??? Why would she make paintings of herself and him together after he disappeared????? What the fuck are you talking about?

Ok now this:

Whatever. This is maybe the most coherent part of the theory, to me. I definitely agree that Sha evokes a 'wolf in sheep's clothing' sort of aesthetic, but I do remember Martin saying something in a Twitter Q&A at one point about how that wasn't actually intentional, and that Bon was the character he actually meant to seem unusually predatory. I looked for a while and couldn't find a screenshot of that, but I did find this one where he says the thing about Bon:

So whatever. take that with a grain of salt.

I don't even know what to say. here. Whatever. sure she was rolling in the hay

yeah Rosemary is asking if she's still beautiful because she cheated on her husband and not because she was chopped up and stuffed inside a big animatronic sheep. I think this is correct and is the True Deep Lore.of the walten files. I'm sure this doesn't have anything to do with the recurring motif of the double-meaning behind the word Beautiful either.

I don't know why it's weird that the lost lingering spirit of a mother would be calling out to her only living child. I Don't know why that needs additional explanation involving this batshit infidelity conspiracy theory.

Sha's chest is also ripped out

So is Banny's, honestly? Just a little less?

ok now this:

I guess I can't disprove this except that I think this is dumb. I think this is a really incredibly stupid logical leap to make. Y'know I really meant to go into this levelheadedly and very calmly go through every point and talk about why I think it's Decisively Disagreeable or whatever but I can't. I really can't. I just cannot keep my patience with this sort of thing.

You'd think if there was an infidelity aspect here it would've been lampshaded in some respect, at all, in the old /sophiewalten findjackwalten page text. Where it's literally Sophie talking to Jenny about what she remembers about her family.

Especially if the idea is that Sophie is meant to have been there. You'd think something like that would have come up here. Not 'she was nice and a good mom until my dad disappeared and her mental health started getting worse'

#ask #this theory always feels like someone's pulling a prank on me. like they're trying to see how much stupid bullshit they can say convincingl #before i notice and get mad #i'm sorry i couldn't keep it together for you anon I really dont mean to make anyone feel like an idiot #i just really don't have the patience for something like this today I think. #we haven't seen a lot of rosemary's characterization in the walten files yet #but everything we HAVE seen externally characterizes her as loving and compassionate but also sharply protective of the people she loves #and also so very deeply incredibly in love with her husband #and there's actually a decent bit of positioning her and jack as equals in their relationship which isn't exactly usual for the time #yknow. she has her own car and she has a job (even if its working for her husband's company.) #she's headstrong and ferociously talented and her husband is very supportive of her and of her artistic endeavors #yknow. the tragedy of jack and rose isn't that their relationship was bad #it's that their relationship was great and it was cut short over factors outside of their control #and now it lingers through the hallways of abandoned buildings as a broken facsimile of itself #there was a wonderful family full of people who loved each other intensely and had their whole lives still ahead of them #and it took one summer for all of it to be gone

[journeyman-tier-fibercraft]

Shawl 13 | Pattern

Finally, he is finished! And absolutely giant!

I don't really think about shawl sizes outside of yardage, so I didn't pay a bit of attention when the listing said this shawl would be 8 feet wide at the wingspan. I regretted that when I realized I didn't have enough foam blocks for pinning and had to cannibalize them from the center part of the shawl.

This was a very lovely pattern and was a lot of fun to knit even with the incredibly long final rounds/bind off. That being said, if I knit it again I'll make several changes purely out of personal preference. In my opinion, most of the thin stripes are very lovely and accent the piece well, but some (mostly the middle width stripes) I think are distracting(?)

For example there's a thin dark grey stripe and a medium mid grey stripe in between the sipped stitch dots section and the half twisted rib section. The dark grey stripe looks really really good. However I think if the mid grey stripe was instead more half twisted rib (making the whole half twisted rib section about a third wider), it would be more attractive. I'm a big fan of thick stripe with thin stripes in between them look tho, so like I said, purely personal preference stuff.

Regardless of my nitpicks, he's a very pretty shawl and exactly what I wanted to make with this yarn when I bought it nearly a year ago. I'm not really a colourwork guy but I wanted something outside my comfort zone both in fiber (to that point I mostly worked with acyrlics or cotton) and technique (it was several years since I last did any sort of stranded or slip stitch colourwork). Between Shawl 12 and this shawl, I've learnt that I really do like fingering weight wools when they're non superwash, and I can do attractive and well tensioned colourwork (with a bit of help from blocking).

#knitting #knitblr #project: shawl 13 #shawl #knitted shawl #i rambled a bit. i had to cut out like two full paragraphs because it just wasn't relevant or useful information #not that i think everything here was relevant but like it was extra not relevant lmaoo #after finishing this shawl tho i did the math. with all the yarns I used in it. I still have 1500 yards left #which is about as much as both this shawl and shawl 12 used individually #i could get Another Full Guy out of this yarn. but do i want to thinking emoji #things to ponder deeply while eating chicken nuggets

[rotzaprachim]

Nimona is. A very good movie but also one of the contextually for-it’s-time precise movies I’ve ever seen

#Like I’m still turning over in my head the way it pretty explicitly talks about not accepting trans children’s identities #As a particular and deeply violent and brutal form of child abuse #But I’m also pretty caught on all the decisions and implications that come from racebending ballister #That was a Decision and I think a Good One but again. While I’ve seen some commentary on classicism #That story is also So Much in the context of anti south Asian racism and Islamophobia #There’s been a bunch of kid and adopted Dad stories as of recent but there’s whole new levels making the adopted dad figure a gay #South asian man #Like just as the Nimona plot line is actively and precisely cutting at the Defend our Children catchphrases of transphobic legislation by #Showing the harm that kind of demonization does to a CHILD #Having ballister be the kind of awkward dead inside/dad inside figure really cuts into the homophobic scar tactic of gay men being #Fundamentslly Dangerous to Children AND the racist scare tactic of south Asian men being fundamentally dangerous to children #Nimona is…. Very good. Like clearly thought happened in the making of this movie

[meredithbeckham]

i prefer to fight with words. 

#meredithbeckhamedit #meredith beckham #vaedit #vampireacademyedit #vampire academy #i love her your honor!!!!!!!! #emotional lesbian strategist of my HEART #she's so important!!!!! #the friend everyone needs the girlfriend we all want #brutally honest sincere emotional lover darling #when mason is tossing out these painful barbs at her and you can see how much they hurt how deeply they cut her how much pain is in these #things he's unknowingly referencing and she's still so kind so sincere so aware of the fact that he is hurting trying so hard to reach him #because her heart can't bear to see him hurt any worse #the friend that will level with you even when it hurts even when it will make you angry even when it might make you lash out #she's so smart so kind so wonderful i'm just (chin hands) #* #ch: i prefer to fight with words

[itspileofgoodthings]

okay but Taylor’s prologue made me cry.

#it’s actually the first time (or one of at least!) where I feel like she’s put some of her own power into words really accurately #I love all of Taylor’s writing because it’s sincere and because it’s her #but her non-songwriting writing has always been fairly standard to me #sweet. sometimes funny. sometimes clever. but generally presenting some truth that’s fairly obvious #ljke even her midnights intro. go out searching for ourselves. twisting in our self-made cages #yeah yeah yeah #(the cages. we’ve all seen ‘em) #just rarely tapping into the truth of things the way her music does #so I was SHOOK when she started talking about the pressure she faced after fearless #and how she responded to it #like !!!!!!!! Omg there it is. the steel and the power that made her such a compelling force so early #and there it is!!!!! how deeply the criticisms about everything but especially her voice and her songwriting cut her open #also this re-recording project is so interesting because she CAN be more honest #first go around her MO was always to present things as positively and as graciously as she could while still making her points #but this lays all those parts of herself she worked to master and present in the best light bare #and I love to see it! #taylor swift #speak now (taylor’s version)

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

we just went through some family albums and. enjoy my grandma being cunty at my parents' wedding

#i can also use this to talk about my favourite insane thing about her #my dad is from a small town in alacant and she ran a bar there so she knew everyone #and wanted to do a second wedding there after the official wedding #my parents agreed to doing it after the honeymoon but said no to wearing the same outfits (my mum was pregnant with me so her dress #would probably not had fitted her) #however. after their honeymoon they learned that my grandma had done a fake wedding in their honour #inviting all of the town plus my mum's family from alacant #and not only that but she made my dad's best friends who were dating at the time (and are married now) wear wedding dresses and pretend #they were my parents #they did the whole mass service (without the vows ofc) and cut the wedding cake and the first dance. my dad's friend danced with my grandma #as if she was his mother etc. #he made sure no photographs survived from that night and they're still deeply ashamed of it #so yeah. that's my grandma <3

[sysig]

See you everywhere, now that you’re gone (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Dexter Favin #Ft. Wally West and Xigbar again - they're good to him <3 #Hhhh ;; The sads :'0 #ZEX never got to fully show off his uniform ;; #I was so hoping for that! He deserves to show off and feel nice and be praised </3 #At least he'd surrounded himself with good people - the dynamics around which are also interesting #Wally lovely <3 He's so sweet honestly just wants to offer a shoulder if he's able any small bit of comfort #He's injured and he's still trying to hug ZEX weh ;; Any bit of solace ♥ #Xigbar's way of cheering him up is his own kind of misplaced sweetness haha I love the care put into everyone's quirks <3 #Ugh the whole thing of Nobodies trying to (and failing to! To varying degrees) convince themselves that they don't have emotions #Clearly Xig is unbothered by this so it's better to just flirt and not worry about it! It's a shame but it happens to everyone #I see you Xigbar #Really tho him being a bit flippant and silly and tactile with ZEX did seem to help haha #''Let me comfort you'' pfft - sad silliness hehe #And then Dexter showed up!! I was so unprepared for that!! #Honestly I only expected him to come visit The One Time so I was so not ready for him to be here after All This #He made ZEX cry last time and this time he came to it already crying ;; #Ughhughgh ZEX's unshakable trust for DAX - even just his voice - being the breaking point of his self control I jfdlksahfds #Someone he can be weak in front of since he doesn't want to be seen by anyone that way - only to DAX ;;;; #Offering any bit of familiarity as comfort weh I'm fine this is fine ;; #Poor ZEX :( Being so powerless and helpless in this situation is so sad!! At least when he was in the War he was in control to an extent #He only touched his cheek with his uniform later that night which I do honestly love the imagery of soft and tender <3 #I like drawing people holding things fully to their face more than I remembered haha #And then the fact that his roommate changed the same night and it was /Kirk/ of all people fjdslahfdsfd wehhhhh 😭 #Kirk is genuinely the sweetest to him he is absolutely best boy but to have a Captain after all that ;;;; #It cuts so deeply ironic oww <3 <3

[blondiest]

going to make my own version of those "that girl" videos that used to go around on tiktok (which were basically aesthetically-styled disordered eating so far as i could tell tbh) but mine will be me eating stuff like hard-boiled eggs slathered with mustard & enjoying it with a degree of enthusiasm that viewers find off-putting. my "that girl" trait will not be yoga or drinking five gallons of water a day or even having nice hair or clear skin, it will simply be my joie de vivre or however it's spelled

#i used to eat hard boiled eggs w mustard on them all the time in college bc they had them in the vending machines #and they also had packets of mustard #and i forgot my lunch like every day lol #so that became my lunch #it's a humbling experience to eat a wholeass hard boiled egg in public with like. no knife to cut it in half btw. like you just have to #take bites and it's fine but you feel silly and inelegant #it does not help if you are very gender nonconforming at the time but like. aren't trying to be. jfhfhfjgh #<- was really bad at fitting in during college bc i had super short hair and wore men's jeans and sweaters from goodwill #all of which are actually swag things to do btw but like it doesn't feel swag at all if you like. are actually trying to fit in #and are just very bad at it #and genuinely cannot connect the dots on Why Girls Don't Want To Be Your Friend (it CAN'T just be that you're getting read as queer. right?) #(because that would be so messed up if it was because of that.) #[narrator voice: it was because of that] #anyways this is off the rails bc it was supposed to be about eggs and my love of them but #a lot of people say that college is better than high school. and for me it WAS by a lot but it still was really hard in a lot of ways #i felt deeply isolated. i went to an ag school in the middle of a midwest state and studied STEM #in high school i associated with basically only queer art kids (not a huge high school and a lot of us weren't out yet but. y'know.) #and then in college i felt very out of place #and towards the end of college i decided to try and take a stab at looking more traditionally feminine. grew out my hair #got rid of my bangs #it was fine #i definitely noticed that people treated me much nicer once i had long hair and women's clothes that actually fit me #and i was like okay yeah so i guess i just should try to pass as straight then. that seems like it'll be easier #during the pandemic i gave myself bangs again. just a lil bi girl swag yk. and then last august i got my hair cut into a real short bob #and i immediately felt so much more like myself. idk how to explain it. but i was just like not meant to be feminine in that exact way #i'm honestly still pretty feminine presenting overall but #i love the fact that if i wear my hair messy now it looks kinda boyish. and if i style it nicely it looks girly. #i feel like i have options yk. and i still don't think i get read as queer now tbh? though i'm bad at knowing these things #but i don't feel like i'm HIDING anymore #WOW THAT WAS LONG SORRY LMAO

[llycaons]

sometimes I feel like I've overcorrected on the unhealthy relationships in media thing because there is so much nauseating bullshit out there that people present as aspirational, which is kind of a shame because a lot of the most interesting fictional relationships are absolute nightmares and it's a real gift to see them appreciated by people who understand the nuances and the appeal

#it also depends on your reading of the term shipping I guess #like take lxc and jgy. super compelling and tragic. not healthy or anything and it annoys me when ppl make them all cutesy #but really worth digging into and exploring! same with like...amc iwtv. terrible marriage in like every way #but I really enjoyed watching it play out because the drama mattered to the characters and it was really interesting to dissect #and like phill and myeol are...idk what to call them. but they're enthralling #and obviously if you don't like phill lying to myeol or tracking him or trying to trick him into signing a contract #I'd say it's not the story for you but it was really compelling watching this utter freak meet someone unlike anyone else and like. #become deeply needy over his presence and then need to come to terms with what that means for him #ntm myeol's response to and counterattack on phill which is compelling and fun in its own right #like! this stuff is really neat and I wish like....fandom people didn't make me so wary about relationships #that weren't cut-and-dry sterile saccharine mush #that being said I do vaguely distrust ppl who ship them romantically bc who knows what they're doing with that BUT I also see why they do #of everyone on this list it is by far the least violent and toxic but still. there's some shit going on there #cor.txt

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Oh by the way. Life update cause I’ve said absolutely nothing recently

#the semester is kicking my ass (what’s new) #my next semester will not having marching band so it cannot be more miserable #i applied for a job I’ve wanted for ages and I have a great resume for it #I’m still very much in love with my ex #my therapist is not very useful at all. she’s an intern. she just wants me to vent and offers completely inane advice #it’s like. oh your financially dependent on your parents? get a job #ok man. 9$ an hour is not gonna pay my monthly rent of ~$575 #seriously this town has shit options for jobs it’s so bad #oooh. another favorite. I’ll tell her I really love my ex and she’s my best friend but there are times where I know I deeply need to get #over her. and my therapist is like. idk why u can even stand her. break your lease and cut her out of ur life #bitch????? did u miss the party where I said she’s my best friend whom i love very very much?? #or the. well why don’t you just tell your parents you don’t have to come home for Christmas and don’t #and it’s like. yes I want to visit for a few days I just wish the flights weren’t so busy. also the financial dependency would kick my ass #i get my adhd assessment results on the 18 #hopefully I will start antidepressants at least by my birthday in January #i still get along with our third roommate. that’s never happened!! ever!!! #she’s so great she’s awesome we love her so much #if she doesn’t resign this lease I will straight up die. I’m resigning it for her #she cleans?? it takes me so offguard every single time???? crazy. it’s great #i have not gotten to play a lot of games. hardly any at all #my beloved ex and I played a couple we were here games #those were super fun #i got drunk for the first time a couple weeks ago #took somewhere from 10-15 shots to do so. i think I started getting drunk at about 12 #went shot for shot with military man my landlord #king. he’s my favorite guy out here. his wife?? equally as great. they live right below us it’s kinda fun #my room is a hot mess. this week upcoming is finals. i hope I get a chance to deep clean #and oh god. do laundry. the laundry needs done so bad #anyways. that’s what’s new #soup talks

[machotwink]

the FEY TEN AWL from {{\{mexico}\}]}}

#republican debate #they care about jail conditions now!! were so back 🤣🤣 #wilbur #all the gold commercials are hilarious but like deeply sad :/. i do be laffn tho #still cant believe im watching this #also russel brand is doing promos for this conservative twitch #🤣 #the jail/trump cut was perfect

[bldmnrises]

i'm sorry, that little psa took a lot out of me. miscommunication is one of my biggest fears and triggers, so it doesn't help i am constantly hyper-focused on making sure i come across correctly — which anyone knows does not have a perfect streak. send love, questions, anything you'd like. i'm going to take a moment to rest.

#ooc. #i've done a lot to grow over the past year bc #it took me 10 yrs to cut my toxic person out #and i'm STILL healing #so i appreciate everyone's patience w me and their understanding i'm not perfect #and that i make mistakes w communication #with processing text cues and emotions #and trying to understand whether or not i've overthought smth #to my mutuals who have supported me this far into my blog's journey #i deeply thank you for all the support #today i just need a chance to be reminded that it's ok #and that i'm safe

[femmeholograms]

*

#I’m deeply afraid of sharp knives #I don’t even handle kitchen knives #I always ask someone else to cut up fruit or slice bread for me #but honestly seeing all of you being like knives are sexy #is almost like weird exposure therapy #I’m still afraid of accidentally hurting myself because I am very clumsy #but also hmu if you want to cut up apples for me to eat I guess

[seilon]

i usually dont comment on these kinds of things because they shouldnt be treated with the level of weird parasocial interest they tend to be on social media generally but. claire (lil tay) was so fucking young. it doesnt take knowing her personally to feel just how jarring and genuinely tragic her sudden death is. like shit. she was only 14. she didnt even get to live her own life. sorry if this is pointless and theres no call to action or anything here but. jesus.

#kibumblabs #cw death #havent looked too deep into it because im still conflicted over it feeling voyeuristic and disrespectful to do so or not but #from what i have heard it seems sketchy re: her brother and idk i dont want to accuse anyone of anything without proper basis especially #when that someone also passed away but. considering his history of controlling behavior over her image and how it put her in some #serious danger at worst - situations a child should not be in at best... if he did have any part in this i. well i dont know. #cant exactly say he needs to see justice considering its a bit late for that but. i dont know #depending on the circumstances one of her parents may need to answer to some neglect charges. but anyway it all feels so trivial when its #already too late. #you know what. what i think i can say for sure is that i hope she's properly remembered and honored for who she actually was and not as #'lil tay the worlds youngest flexer'. a persona her brother made up that put her in dangerous situation for the sake of clout. by no means #is the public entitled to anything but if anything more is put out there in memorium i hope its something #letting the world know who she was as a real teenage girl with her own interests and personality and favorite songs and teenage obsessions #she looked like such a sweet girl. i hope her friends and family who actually knew her are haunted as little as possible by her #bastardized image on the internet. i hope they– as well as anyone else really– can separate that character from the innocent young girl #who actually existed and who's life was cut so. so fucking short. #i know i said i didnt want to comment too much about this but idk man. it really got to me. maybe because its such a novel situation thats #never exactly happened before- the way her image was on in the internet and how this case will inevitably be treated on the internet #how young she was and how little say she had in how she'd be portrayed on line– much less now how she'd be REMEMBERED. #its disturbing. and deeply deeply tragic. #2009. she was born in 2009. fuck. thats just. wrong