#it's only 10:30 i could stay downstairs for four more hours easily if i want to

[just-another-bored-killjoy]

spent almost 6 hours in the study room yet not feeling very productive

#before that studied 2 hours in my room too :/ #somedays i listen to music while studying #but today it felt like studying while listening to music ykwim #i would love to exchange my brain for one that could actually focus on stuff #i know i wasn't entirely unproductive #i did finish bits #but not as much as i would like to #it's only 10:30 i could stay downstairs for four more hours easily if i want to #but holy heck my brain feels foggy tonight #i do love to study i love staying surrounded by education #i just wish i could give more or just as much as i am actually capable of instead of whatever i am doing to myself #zztudying #febs are for emerson having a crisis over exams wahooo #might sleep early tonight head's getting dangerous

[vslattae]

ALL I COULD EVER WANT

ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴄ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴋᴘᴏᴘ ɪᴅᴏʟ...ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴅ ʜᴏᴡ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ ʜɪs ɢʀᴏᴜᴘᴍᴀᴛᴇs ᴘᴀʏᴇᴅ ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ..

ᴀʟʟ ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴠsʟᴀᴛᴛᴀᴇ

Paring: Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: ( fluff omg...) taehyung being a softie again, the first L words, jk threatening tae (it’s a joke), taehyung introducing you to tanie :), shower stuff :p, oral (male receiving), light fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it plz),soft thrusts, and a lot of kissing :D

chapter 11. all i could ever want.

———————————————————————

Getting up earlier was a pain in your ass especially because minnie hated waking up. She was spoiled rotten, hated walking unless you gave her a treat, but overall she was a sweetheart being friendly with everyone.

Jumping into the shower at 7:45 AM, washing your hair and doing your routine. Getting dressed in a big white long sleeve shirt detailed with roses and flowers, paired with a pair of shorts and checkered vans and nike socks seeing as you and date weren’t the formal date attire kind of people. Minnie on the other hand her ears peppered in tiny red bows and the flower collar and leash your mom bought her.

About 10 minutes later Taehyung gives you the heads up he’s outside waiting for you to come out. bending down to talk to minnie she watches you with playful eyes and a wagging tail.

“okay minnie there’s a man outside, his name is taehyung he has a doggie too..his name is yeontan okay? I can trust you’ll be on your best behavior” you smile as she somewhat understands ushering you to the door while her tail wags furiously.

Stepping out of the apartment doors for your skin to meet the warm rays of the sun, taehyung is standing there bag in one hand and a tiny brown fluffy dog. His smile brightens as he watches you and minnie walk together her face smiling as she approaches yeontan with a sniff.

“Hi baby and hi minnie” he pecks you on the cheek while he bends down to softly pet minnie.

“Hi tae...and hi yeontan...oh my goodness your so cute just like your dad” you giggle taking taes arms to loop around yours as the four of you walk together...like a real family.

He tells you jokes and compliments you seeing as you both dressed almost the same, smiling the whole way as you walk through the park sprung up with patches of flowers.

“so mister pretty, what are we doing today?” you look up at him with a smile on your face admiring the soft curls that adored his face much like the color of tanie.

Pulling you closer to him he replied “ we’re having a picnic silly just like our first date.” you giggle watching your dogs walk side by side.

Taehyung was a little picky about picking the spot to roll the blanket out making sure there weren’t a lot of bugs and not a lot of sunshine...it had to be perfect. Once the magical spot was found watching kids play at the playground and you two munching on whatever taehyung brought.

“You should have told me to bring something baby..” you pouted minnie automatically whining at the face taehyung pulled on your face.

He chuckles “i’m sorry minnie...your moms a big baby” he pulls you in for a soft kiss, yeontans paws at minnies face when she lies down to enjoy the sunlight soaking it through her smooth curls, as she lays in your lap.

“Awe i’m sorry Tantan...she gets sleepy so easily just like me .” he whined crawling over to your side only inches away from your baby leaning against taes shoulder as he enjoys the day with you.

“this so far my favorite date...and i like tantan stole my heart” you push the small curls out of his face to gaze at his chocolate colored eyes.

Out of nowhere you hear you name being called by a squeak of a little kid no doubt. Looking up searching for the child that screamed your name it was none other than Felixs little niece Yoosung.

“shit..” you whisper tae automatically noticing the man that followed the child running up to you.

“i’ll play nice but he needs to go sooner than later.” he whispers kissing your cheek laying down to bask in the sunlight.

“ unnie y/n!” yoosung calls out.

“hi pretty look at you! you’ve gotten so big oh my” you giggle as she pets your head.

“i missed you..h-how come yo-you never co-come around anymore unnie?” she looks at you with sad eyes and it breaks your heart looking at the man behind her.

“things happened yoosungie...i missed you too i have but...unnie had to leave..” you smile at the child.

“hi y/n” felix looks at you when his heart drops..he knows he couldn’t tell her that her uncle cheated and that’s why y/n isn’t here anymore.

“who’s that unnie?” she points to taehyung with a giggle.

“oh this is my big baby taehyungie...” he smiles watching felix with perfected movements.

“is he your boyfriend too?” she rubs her hands over your leg staring at taehyung with a confused smile on why he kisses you like lix.

“Yoosungie...me and felix aren’t together anymore...he did something and that hurt me very bad...” she looks at you with shocked eyes as she slaps felixs leg.

“what did you do uncle lix?” she stares at him with a pout.

“we just grew apart” he lied promising himself he could never let her know the truth and everytime his eyes glanced at you it broke his heart.

“okay..i’m going to play on the swings unnie..i missed you and he better take c-care of you t-too” she points at tae with a sparkle in her eye.

Watching her run to the swings across the field..watching as felix turns away chasing after her doesnt really hurt you..your happy he’s gone and don’t have any nightmares about it since you hung out with taehyung.

Sitting there for a little while longer the time now 10:45 AM you pack it up taehyung inviting you over to hang out with the boys for a while. Nodding of course, you loved seeing those boys despite seeing them not even 72 hours ago. Walking hand in hand you had no worry in the world watching taehyung smile as the both of you and your babies prancing around back to his house.

Opening the door yoongi automatically knowing it was you he ran to the door picking up minnie and cradling her in his arms. She loved yoongi more than jungkook who ruffled her fur the way she didn’t like it. She was a picky dog, choosing her favorites out of the people that she met.

“y/ns here!” taehyung calls out as yoongi runs off with your dog into the living room where everyone is watching a movie. Haru of course hung around jin smiling as she sees you walk hand in hand with taehyung and a trailing yeontan right behind you two.

“y/n your doggg..is that minnie?” jimin walks downstairs as you nodded.

“oh my godddd she’s so cute” he shirked automatically minnie is yelling at the noise staying perched in yoongi lap.

That’s when you hear a weird noise stunting the house. “ what is that?” you question

leaving haru and the rest chuckling, Namjoon passed out next to j-hope in the other room.

“your brother brought a friend..” jin rolls his eyes.

Yeontan disappeared into the other room to perch on Jhopes face.

Time flies by as the movie marathon runs around. Looking at your phone it reads 8:30 PM knowing you weren’t gonna to go home and minnie successfully pasted out on yoongi a chest as he watches the tv with jimin.

“Can i shower in your bathroom?” you turn to whisper at tae and which he nods following you upstairs.

He pulls out a towel and a pair of his shorts and a shirt. Luckily he accidentally got a pair of your underwear in his laundry that was mixed in before you left the vacation 2 days ago.

The water that pours over your skin is cool..pawing your hands through your hair with taehyungs shampoo. Suddenly you feel the burst of cool air along the smooth hands of your boyfriend who got tired of waiting for you outside, watching your shadow of your perfect petite body through the blue shower curtain.

“hi” you giggle watching the water pour through his hair.

“hi pretty” he pecks your lips in a non seductive way until your arms twist around his neck as the water continues to pour in between you.

“he’s back again” he whines trailing his eyes down your body watching the suds pour over your breasts down to your core. the sight sends the image straight to his dick.

“see now your needy” you giggle carefully running your fingertips down his body to wrap your hand around the hardened length.

Groaning at the sight of you slowly making your way to your knees kissing the tip of his length watching him writher above you. As much as he loved the sight of you when he’s in between you legs he loved this view much more.

The way your lips fit perfectly nipping and licking all the right parts it’s like you know his dick like the back of your hand. His hand trailed over your wet hair letting your throat fuck his length, eyes rolling back everytime it hits the back of your throat sending a groan of your name that falls out of his pretty lips.

“so good...look so pretty like this angel” he coos making you whimper sending the little eclectic shocks straight through his body.

“oh fuck just like that” leaning towards the wall as your tongue swirls, you can feel his length pulsating in your mouth popping off the tip you giggle and look up at him.

“come tae wanna taste you..i bet you taste soo good for your princess..then you can do whatever you like to me” you whine back as he pulls your mouth back on with a couple of strokes your mouth painted white with a sweet taste and a bit of bitterness you happy look at him watching him as he watches you swallow his seed.

Automatically pulling you up his hands pools the valley of your breasts nipping at the buds watching them harden as your hands tug at the roots of his hair whining at the feeling. his hands travel down as his mouth switches to the neglected nub sliding his finger over your arousal.

“Taehyung” you whine as two fingers slip inside your warm walls welcoming him in everytime.

“now who’s needed” he pulls his face away from your chest to kiss you passionately tongue slipping in your mouth as his hand movements speed up. Your walls tighten causing you to cry out, quickly his mouth moves down your neck replacing the old fading away purple marks with fresh new ones.

Taehyung was always fond of marking his territory but when it came to you and after seeing your stupid ex he wanted to mark every inch to exert felix away.

“oh my fuck” you pull at his hair as you whine a little too loud echoing off the walls of the small shower space, pulling his fingers out to admire the wet sticky mess you laid out on his fingers pooling them into your mouth before sucking on your tongue.

God..you two love the taste of yourselves together..

pulling yourself out of the silence you look at him “taehyung i want you here rn”

“ always for you baby” he pushes your body against the wall teasing the bundle of nerves with the tip of his length before slowly inserting himself in you. pulling your leg into his arm as his thrusts go harder every time, praising you for being such a good girlfriend to him or for the sinful sighs that pour off the tip of your tongue everytime he hits the right spot.

Watching your eyes roll back tipping your head into his chest digging your fingers into his shoulder blade makes him weak at the knees witnessing you losing yourself.

“fuck tae...right there don’t stop” you cry out as the tip nudges your sweet spot. you manage to pull your mouth to his as you cry out your first orgasm since the vacation.

“so fucking pretty fucking hell” he grunts out trying to push the second orgasm out of you..legs shaking as the thrust go slower every other push then speeding up again. “you...fuck..you fuck me so good tae...so fucking good.” he moans hearing the dirty things that come out of your mouth only pushing him to shove himself deeper.

the harder he thrusts the more you feel like putty in his hands watching him focus on pounding you harder waiting for the tightening of your walls to hit..and just as he determines your mouth kissing his pulse whining pleading him to go deeper before you melt.

“close...i’m close tae” you squeak watching his eyebrows furrow as the sound of skin fills both of your ears.

“hold on to it baby..wanna come together” he grunts laying his head on your chest to suck more purple marks over the right side of your breast.

“fill me up tae...your lucky i started back on birth control a while ago” you chuckle out only to head back biting your lip feeling your muscles tense together.

“ i could have came in you...but you wanted to taste me you needy girl hm..? you like the way i tastes..” he watches you closing your eyes head against the wall mouth open whimpering his name

“love it tae..” you manage to breathe out before he growls at you to come.

“fuck i love you y/n-” he groans feeling the wetness pool around his length only a few thrusts before he releases his seed inside you filling you up.

Foreheads pressed together you smile..

“you love me?” you giggle out sleepily washing away the mess in between your legs.

“yes..i have for a long time you just didn’t notice” he chuckles washing you again before pulling you out and drying you off together.

“hmmm..i love you too tae..i wish i noticed earlier” you mumble out throwing clothes on.

Once you guys are both dressed you head back downstairs sitting on the couch surrounded by your friends and wrapped around taehyung, minnie still seated in yoongi lap while jimin had a hold of yeontan.

“i love you my beautiful angel” he whispers in the middle of the movie

“i love you too tae” he kissed you softly before your body is warmed with love and warmth glancing at taehyung before you closed your eyes.

This was the moment taehyung and you realized..you never wanted this moment to end..and for a fact..he whispered into your ear.

“your all i could ever want” and he couldn’t wait to tell you the next morning and every day that continued.

“your all i ever wanted to taehyung..” you whispered back before walking to dreamland.

———————————————————————

A/n: PHEW. i did it! i never wanted to end this story but i’m happy with the way this series ended! I’ll put a lot more bonuses and such so please request whatever you’d like! I’m probably gonna make a second part to this whole series! Thank you so much for the reads and i pray for my writing to get better bahaha. as of right now..this probably isn’t the finally piece but eh :) I love you all <3

𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡:

@hantaev @strawverryxmilktae @serendipitysev

#taehyung smut #taehyung fake social media #taehyung fic #bts smut #taehyung story #taehyung #taehyung fake texts #taehyung fluff #bts #bts fake social media

[catthecoder]

tag game - get to know me

tagged by the awesome @orangenfrottee - thank you, i haven’t done one of these in ages and these questions sound like so much fun! 💕

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? it’s grey on the back with black handle

2. name a food you never eat - hmm, i used to be such a picky eater but i recently slowly started eating a lot of food i used to despise... if you asked me a few months ago, i could write up a rather long list, but right now? the only thing that comes to mind are picked cucumbers 😬

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold, 100%. somehow, my body stays cold even when it is like 30 degrees, which is hella weird.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating lunch! i made bagels with ricotta, ham, cheese, egg and avocado and i had a couple of baby cucumbers along with it (mind you, not pickled ones) and it was super delicious.

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? i think twix is my favourite? or perhaps this slovak bar called ‘horalky’, which is basically wafers with peanut filling and sides dipped in chocolate... god, now i want one so desperately.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? i used to watch hockey a lot and i’ve been to a couple of games.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?  huh, i think it was my order when i went for coffee a couple of hours ago? (i got a latte and a piece of apple crumble cake, in case anybody’s wondering)

8. what is your favorite ice cream? i could eat ben&jerry every day, so it’s probably their ‘half baked’ or ‘phish food’. also, i’d die for a good mango sorbet.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? plain old water

10. do you like your wallet? i like how small and practical it is..... i’m trying to recall the last time i actually took it out of my backpack and i’m coming very short.

11. what is the last thing you ate? the bagels from question 4!

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i bought a pair of new masks last thursday and they arrived on monday - does that count?

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? haha, does the bake off count as a sporting event? if not, i think it would be some skiing competitions (slalom) last winter - my parents follow them rather closely and it kind of rubs off on me when i’m home with them.

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? salty mixed with sweet!

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my boyfriend.

16. ever been camping? does setting up a tent in friend’s backyard and sleeping there count? if so, then yes.

17. do you take vitamins? not really... i sometimes take c during autumn for immunity, but i haven’t bought any this year so far... oh, i am taking probiotics right now, though i’m not sure whether that counts as vitamins.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? no.

19. do you have a tan? no, if i try to tan, i just turn pink (or red). though i’m pretty sure my skin is marginally lighter underneath where i wear my watch.

20. do you prefer Chinese or pizza?  if going out, pizza; if i’m cooking, chinese.

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? if there’s ice in it, then yes; otherwise, i tend to skip the straw. 

22. what color socks do you usually wear? black or white.

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? gonna be honest and say yes. not by crazy amounts or anything like that, but if i know the road and i can see quite far around and ahead, i will go 10ish% above the limit easily. not gonna lie, it’s especially easy on highways (though i nearly got fined last time i drove, so who knows how i’ll feel about it the next i’ll sit behind the wheel) 

24. what terrifies you? haha, like i’m going to share that.

25. look to your left, what do you see?  a shelf with alcohol bottles, glasses that don’t fit into our kitchen cabinet, an assortment of cameras and other photography equipment and a scanner. oh, and a window.

26. what chore do you hate most? taking out our organic waste bin - it starts smelling very bad very quickly plus the bin for it downstairs hadn’t been taken out in a very long time and it’s always covered by fruit flies and smells veeeery bad and i’m feeling yucky just thinking about it.

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i think - hah, that person is australian, how cool.

28. what’s your favorite soda? i love san pellegrino. limonata is my go to, but i recently had lemon & mint and my god, that one is amazing.

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? i go in, even if i drove there - i don’t like eating in my car.

30. what’s your favorite number? i’ve always had a special connection to number three, so let’s go with that.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? depends on what you mean by talked to - actually spoke to, with my voice? the bartender at my favourite coffee shop. had a meaningful conversation? probably with a customer service employee who’s helping me resolve an issue. just chatted to, without much of a point? my boyfriend.

32. favorite meat? hmm, probably ham?

33. last song you listened to? i’m currently listening to ‘cigarette daydreams’ by ‘cage the elephant’, though that’s going to change in a minute and half.

34. last book you read? ‘renegades’ by marissa meyer! it was so. good! i started the second book, ‘archnemesis’ yesterday and i’m even more in love. 100% recommend if you’re into superhero stories with secret identities and enemies-to-friends(-to-lovers). such an amazing series.

35. favorite day of the week? what even are days?

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? only crazy people can.

37. how do you like your coffee? oat latte with a bit of honey.

38. favorite pair of shoes? i own way too many shoes to be able to pick a single favourite pair.

39. time you normally get up? between 8:30 and 9:00.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets.

41. how many blankets are on your bed? none. there is one on the couch though.

42. describe your kitchen plates? we found this kitchen set in tesco after eating from paper plates for at least a week after moving in - there are four bowls, four small plates and four big plates (a year layer, we found two extra big bowls matching our set) - the bowls are grey from outside and white on the inside; the small plates are grey on the top and white on the bottom and the big plates are white on top and grey on bottom.

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: very small - a third of it is a stove (with two heating pads? circles? whatever), another third is a sink and the last third is workspace with a small shelf for spices, cutlery etc, and a cutting board and knives stand. most of the workspace is taken up by a cutting board i used to cut avocado and cucumbers for lunch and there is a tiny pan (and i mean really tiny, like one egg sized) leftover on the stove. i’m probably going to do the dishes after i finish answering these.

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i’m not that picky, i’ll drink almost anything. i think i prefer fruity drinks though - i really like french martini or sex on the beach.

45. do you play cards? we used to play cards a lot with my parents and sister (and grandparents as well) - i love playing canasta, but you need four people for that, so i haven’t actually played in months... we also played a lot of joker and i taught my boyfriend to play this summer (not that he didn’t know how to play, he just wasn’t particularly good)... and we also play poker with a couple of our friends here from time to time

46. what color is your car? this is going to sound so bad, but i am actual not sure? we ended up finding quite a good deal on a car we wanted to get after uni, so we bought it - however, it is back in slovakia and both me and my boyfriend are stuck in uk right now. it’s either black or very dark blue, but for the love of my life, i can’t remember and the photos i found weren’t helpful at. all. (if it weren’t for covid, i’d be able to answer this question a lot better). oh, and the car i had before (my mom’s old car) is red.

47. can you change a tire? i like to think i’d be able to (after enough googling and youtube videos), but if there was somebody else with me, i’d gladly let them do it.

48. your favorite state or province? like in usa or what? i guess new york.

49. favorite job you’ve had? i don’t think i’ve particularly enjoyed any of the jobs i had so far - if i had to pick, i’d say working in an ice-cream shop, because if there is one thing that could make work during a very hot summer even slightly bearable, it’s the fact that every so often, you can nibble on a bit of an ice-cream.

i’m tagging @stonerbughead @strangenightsofdaydreams and @i-know-you-can - i know there is like 50 questions and that’s a lot, but they were actually a lot of fun? 

#tag game #i haven't done one of these in so long #and i really enjoyed most of these questions!

[eves-library]

Day One - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The box of Christmas decorations traveled to a new family every year.

Word Count: 3048

Warnings: Family loss, pregnancy, fluff.

A/N: Okay... So I said this was going to be short in length but it just got out of control (oops). I honestly didn’t know what I was gonna write with this first prompt but I gotta say I love this concept, hence the length. Days two and three will be posted in a few hours just so I get on time. Day four will be posted on Wednesday 4 at around 9 p.m. along with (hopefully) one of those Sweat Pea fics I promised over a week ago. (Sorry for that, again) 

Also, if anyone knows how to put the keep reading thing and would be so kind as to tell me how, I will highly appreciate it!! Now, enjoy it!

You've been waiting for this day for months, ever since you dragged Bucky with you to the community center near your childhood home. You had explained to him that you spent a lot of time there with your parents before they died. You also told him about a certain tradition the community center has. Every year members pay for raffle tickets to take home, on December 1st, several boxes with Christmas decorations. These decorations consisted of Christmas lights, some had ribbons, others had mistletoe and other types of decorations, but the one thing every box had were cardboard spheres with pictures on it from members of the community center with their families and loved ones. The tradition started many years back when the community center couldn't afford decorations for Christmas. They had decided to ask for the members to bring pictures of their families and they would make the cardboard spheres as frames. Over the years the tradition stayed and soon the community center had more spheres than they needed, so instead of rejecting the pictures and spheres they started making packages to raffle and give to the winners. 

When you were a kid, you and your parents had honored the tradition and made your own cardboard sphere. Christmas after Christmas you guys would buy raffle tickets and although not every year you got to take a box home with you, you remembered your last Christmas together decorating the Christmas tree with pictures of lots of different happy families along with other decorations. You were fond of this memory and you yearned to make a new one with Bucky. 

You ran down the stairs to receive the package that came from the very well known address for you. You thank the delivery boy and made your way upstairs once again. Bucky had gone out to the tower to a short meeting he had with Steve, and promise to be back on time to help you start decorating. You knew it wouldn't take much as his meeting was at around 10 in the morning and it was just 11:30. You started unpacking the decorations you had just received by mail and the others you and Bucky had bought a week ago. You were completely excited about the decoration task as you also have a small surprise for Bucky. Just as you finished taking everything out and laying it down the door opened and two super soldiers came through the door. "Y/N, Babe, I'm home! And I brought company!" 

You could clearly saw Bucky and Steve from your spot in the living room, "You don't have to shout Buck, I can see you both from right here." You said fake annoyment on your voice and a teasing smile on your face. You moved closer to Bucky as he made his way towards you. Once at arms reach he pulled you close and pressed his lips to yours. Even though the kiss was short and sweet, you felt your whole body melting and a content sigh escaped you. 

You then move to greet Steve with a kiss on his cheek and a complicity look. "Hey Y/N, I hope I'm not intruding, I just had nothing to do and Buck said instead of doing nothing I could come help decorate." You moved to face your decorations again and smile, "Of course you are not bothering at all Steve! The more the merrier! Now," you turned to look back at the boys, "let's get to work!" 

Steve and Bucky started hanging garlands on the windows and door frames, even on the frame of the countertop between the kitchen and the dining room had now a garland and white Christmas lights. You started working on making some centerpieces for the counter and table you had seen on Pinterest. You guys worked for a few hours, a break here and there. Between stories from when Steve and Bucky were younger and jokes filling the space as much as the festive mood, the little apartment you shared with Bucky felt cozier and a warm and fuzzy feeling crept up your chest. 

It was nearing 4 o’clock and you guys decided to go grab some food and return to finish. Thanks to the three of you working in tandem, the only thing left was to put the tree up and you were almost vibrating with excitement. You excused yourself to the bathroom before leaving to grab takeout. Once you were out of earshot Bucky turned to Steve and in a hushed whisper said, “Okay, give me the gift. I can go hide it in the room while you guys head out and I’ll stay with the excuse I forgot my phone.” Steve chuckled and took a box from the pocket inside his coat and gave it to Bucky. “I still don’t get what why didn’t you kept it, it’s not like Y/N would check your pockets, she’s not even expecting something for today, is she?” Steve asked Bucky a little amused by the nervousness clear on his demeanor. 

“Of course she’s not, but she could of feel it when I hugged her, I didn’t want to risk it,” Bucky said as Steve had said the dumbest thing, which for him he had. You walked out of the bathroom and grabbed your coat and wallet. “Okay, let’s go get some good burgers and pie, please!” Both guys chuckled Bucky helped you get your coat on, then you guys were heading out of the apartment when Bucky suddenly excused himself. “Wait! I forgot my phone, you guys head out I’ll see you downstairs.” You and Steve nodded and head out. You needed to speak with Steve urgently and you will take your chance. Walking a little faster than needed you dragged Steve one floor of stairs before you started to speak, not without checking if Bucky wasn’t following yet. Steve was giggling and shaking his head, he was sure of one thing, you and Bucky are mad for one another. “Okay, so I have the camera ready, it is hidden on the top shelf next to the counter in the kitchen. When we are done setting the tree up I will excuse my self to our room and I need you t go grab the camera with the excuse you want a beer or something, stay on the counter, you’ll know when to take the picture, I’m counting on you, Steve.” Your tone was stern but there was a big smile across your face. He didn’t know what was it you were going to give Bucky but he could see you were excited and just how important this was, not only to you but for his best friend too. “I won’t let you down Y/N, I cross my heart.” He said and made the motion of crossing his heart. 

While you were plotting with Steve a floor down, Bucky was looking for the perfect place to hide the gift he had gotten you. It needed to be somewhere you wouldn’t accidentally found it while you guys finished decorating but somewhere he could reach easily for when the time came to give it to you. Bucky was nervous as hell, he didn’t know if you will like his gift. He had been searching for it for at least two weeks, knowing he needed to have it ready by December 1st, wether you guys won the raffle at the community center or not, it was a deal you and him had made, December 1st was going to be decoration day. He knew his gift would be either the cherry on top of winning the raffle or the perfect way to distract you from losing. Once Bucky decided to hide your gift inside the drawer he kept the videogames Sam keep on buying him he let out a breath and head to the door a smile on his face. He couldn’t wait to finish decorating and give you his gift. 

You guys ate in record time, especially because you had ordered an extra portion of fries and when dessert time came, you asked two spoons of ice cream on top of your extra-large portion of pie. Once you reached your floor you were dragging your feet, Bucky almost carrying up the last couple of steps. Steve and Bucky were laughing at you and your antics, “Oh god, why did you let me eat so much Bucky!” that made Bucky laugh harder. “In Bucky’s defense Y/N, you did threaten him when he tried to eat part of that big slice of pie, I think your exact words were ‘You are gonna spend the rest of the day in Tony’s lab if you dare take a bite, cause I’ll cut your hand with this spoon if you do!’” You just groaned and stuck your tongue out on Steve’s direction, which just caused the two supersoldiers to laugh harder. Once inside the apartment, Bucky spoke, “Okay, so we just got the tree left, you already untangled the lights, so this should be fairly quick.” You agreed and just like that the excitement flooded your body once again.  

It took you and the guys around forty minutes to finish setting the tree, you were just missing the star at the top of the tree. You were sitting on Steve’s shoulders while Bucky was holding the tree from the base so it wouldn’t fall. “ You gotta get a little closer, Steve,” you directed, “Now to your left, no my left!” “Y/N is the same left!” Steve exclaimed as he moved right, “Either way you got the idea didn’t you?” you said as you leaned closer to the tree holding the top branch and finally inserting the garment at the top. “Done! Now get me down, I wanna see it!” You said as Bucky stood straight up and helped you off Steve’s shoulders. Steve took a seat on the couch and Bucky hugged you from behind, his arms circling your waist and his head on your shoulder, “Do you like it, doll?” Suddenly your eyes starting watering a little and your throat seemed to have a knot so you just nodded, after a few seconds you composed yourself and speak, “I love it, thank you, Buck, for letting me do this, it means a lot.” you turned your face towards his and you find him already looking at you. “It means a lot that you want to share this with me Y/N. I love you.” you both smiled at each other and you closed the minimal distance between your faces and kissed him. It was a strange angle to kiss but it was perfect. After a few seconds, you broke apart and you snuggled further into Bucky’s embrace, Steve had disappeared into the kitchen you assumed, maybe stealing one of the cookies you had bought on your way home to eat later in the afternoon. “Steve Grant Rogers, if you so much as eat one cookie you won’t be getting the cinnamon rolls you like so much tomorrow!” Steve’s head popped from behind the counter eyes big as one of a deer caught in headlights. You chuckled and gave him permission to eat one of the cookies. Bucky had left and when you turned around you found him with his hands hidden behind his back and a cheeky grin. You look at him suspiciously and a smile threatens to brake in your face. “What is it, Buck?” You asked stepping closer. “Y/N, I know how much this tradition means to you. The moment you told how the last Christmas with your parents was spent this way I knew I wanted this Christmas to as closer to that was.” Bucky took one step closer to you and from brought his hands in front of him, a rectangular box wrapped in brown paper and a golden ribbon. “It took me a while to have this ready, but after asking for some help I had I found it, they say you can keep it if you can, as a Christmas gift.” Your brows furrowed as you took the gift in your hands. You took a seat on the couch and started unwrapping it. when you took the wrapping paper you found a box, you opened it, your eyes grew to double their normal size, and you had gasped. Once the initial shock from the surprise wore off your eyes started watering, this time there was no chasing the tears away or hiding them. Two tears, one from each eye run down your cheeks and you brought your hand to your mouth. Bucky was kneeling in front of you and you looked up, a sob scaping you at the same time a big smile broke on your face. You threw yourself to him and he caught you easily. You spent a few minutes like that until you composed yourself and seat back, this time on the floor Bucky by your side. You leaned into him and held the object up still with watery eyes. 

When you had gotten the box that morning you had taken out all the cardboard made spheres and carefully examined each one of them. You knew it was a long shot to find the one your parents and you had made all those years ago, but you still hoped to find it. Sadly, you hadn’t and even though you felt a weight in your heart you stayed happy because nothing was going to ruin your Decoration Day with Bucky. What you didn’t know was that the moment Bucky heard the story of this tradition he knew he had to find that sphere for you. He had gone to the community center the next day after you guys bought the raffle tickets and spoke to the person in charge and explaining his plans to them. They had easily accepted to help Bucky as they remembered your parents fondly. He spent several days looking through all the boxes at the community center until he found it, now those late nights at the compound going through reports with Steve made a lot more sense. 

The click of a camera brought you back to your living room. and you looked up to find Steve holding the camera in his hands and smiling at you both. Bucky spoke as he knew words may still be hard for you at the moment. “Where did you even got the camera, punk?” He said with a laugh at the end of his sentence, and it was as if a light had gone off in your head. You bolted to your share bedroom and Bucky looked confused as you ran off. not five minutes later you came back with a gift bag in your hands. “I got you a little something too, Bucky.” You said taking your spot next to him once again, a shy smile on your face. Bucky took the bag from your hands, “I thought gifts were meant to be given on Christmas, baby.” He said as he took out the three objects out of the bag and you shrugged. “I thought this one couldn’t wait until then.” You said and watched him carefully, now a little nervous at his reaction. Bucky looked at the three objects a little confused, the biggest one was a sphere similar to the one he had gifted you but this one was made of wood and at the top, the words “Our Little Family” were painted with golden paint. The next was a piece of paper, black and white and he couldn’t really make out what it was about until he finally looked carefully at the third object, it was a white stick, a pregnancy test he realized. His eyes went from the test to the ultrasound, he now realized and finally to you. You were biting your lip and holding your breath waiting to hear him speak. “Y/N, are you pregnant?” he asked and you slowly nodded, “I’m going to be a father?” His lips turned into a giant smile and now his eyes were the ones watering. “We are going to have a baby, Buck.” You said softly and he was the one throwing himself at you know, hugging you tightly to his body as he cries tears of happiness. 

In the background, you hear the soft clicks of the camera but you could care less. Last week you had noticed you hadn’t had your period in a couple of months, you then had a suspicion but before panicking, you went to the pharmacy to buy a test. You wanted to tell Bucky right away but thought better of it. The next day you went to the doctor just make a final test and she made you an ultrasound. You had already sent the sphere to be made in wood to gift it to Bucky as a mean to tell him he was now your family and will be for as long as he has you. When you got the message from the guy at the store that your sphere was done and ready to be picked you came up with the idea of telling him today. 

Once Bucky composed himself and separated from you, did Steve came closer with tears brimming on his eyes. He congratulated you both, “The extra food and threats have more sense now,” he said jokingly and you punched his arm and he started chuckling. 

You had lost your parents years ago, right before you became a legal adult and life had treated you roughly, but you wouldn’t change a thing. It was what had led you to this moment with the love of your life and your future family. 

One year later…

Bucky had an arm wrapped around your waist as you guys walk to the community center with your baby on asleep on your arms. Today was the day the community center opened the cardboard spheres workshop and the sale for raffle tickets started. On his other hand, Bucky had a folder with some pictures you guys had taken just a week ago, for this specific reason. Your little family is going to follow the tradition and make your own cardboard sphere to be donated to the community center.

#31 days of christmas #day 1 #bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x y/n #james barnes x y/n #james buchanan barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #james buchanan barnes x you

[pixiealtaira]

Dragged Kicking and Screaming  ( 6/ 22)

Title: Dragged Kicking and Screaming  

Or How Burt Hummel Mashed the Hummels and Hudsons Into One Functioning Family.

Characters(s): Kurt, Burt, Carole, Finn, with short appearances by the New Directions guys and various ops who mostly take up space. Rating: PG13 Summary: Somehow the Hummel household and the Hudson household had to come together…

Chapter One  Chapter Two

Chapter three  Chapter Four Chapter Five

6.

What it all boiled down to though was that on Saturday, Kurt was working on about four hours of sleep when the guys that Carole and Finn had invited to the Third Annual Hudson Lights Party showed up at 7am, ready to be fed breakfast before starting to work. Kurt had been sleeping on the living room couch because Finn had locked the bedroom and Kurt at nearly 3am didn’t want to cause a huge fuss.  Finn wasn’t even awake yet to greet his friends, so Carole made Kurt act as host and make breakfast.  In the first twenty minutes, the boys had knocked a coffee onto one of Kurt’s bags (‘It was just the bag that holds my shower caddy and face scrubs and lotions and stuff like that, Dad.  It is dark and won’t show the stain and everything in there can be wiped down or replaced easily.  I even have an extra hairbrush and toothbrush here at the house anyway…I am sorry about the carpet though.  I think maybe steam cleaning it might work…’), tipped over the box that contained all Kurt’s desk belongings from Dalton and then didn’t pick it up so the pens and pencils ended up kicked from one end of the house to the other, and decided to go through Kurt’s suitcases and make fun of his choice in underwear and his uniforms and his pajamas and his regular clothing (and got upset when Burt finally got the laptop and the books from the box picked up while Kurt picked the papers that were spread all over like they’d actually been picked up and tossed and told them to stop with the teasing). Puck and Sam showing up at that point helped corral the worst of the lot and Kurt took off to take his stuff out of the living room (three trips putting it back out into his SUV, which he then locked), even though Carole was upset with him for leaving the boys and not being a good host.  He didn’t even stay outside, but came back in and got the guys all sitting down and engaged in the TV and watching cartoons before he even was able to get dressed in clean clothing and do any sort of morning activities, like brush his teeth and hair or use the toilet. Still, Breakfast was served at 8am and Finn decided to make his appearance finally.

Kurt didn’t lose his cool at breakfast. He didn’t respond in any way other than to move when one of Finn’s football buddies pushed him out of the chair he’d sat down in.  He didn’t do anything other than get himself a new plate when Football Nelson took his plate (football Nelson had already eaten a full plate of his own).  Kurt didn’t even answer in anyway other than calmly when Finn noticed him there and questioned his presence, while stuffing food Kurt had made into his mouth.  Even Burt was getting ready to lose it then. It didn’t help that Carole had decided to make herself champagne and Orange Juice to go with her pancakes and omelet.

(“Mom, what’s he doing here?” Finn whined, with his mouth full.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full, honestly! I live here, Finn.” Kurt replied, rolling his eyes.

“No, you don’t. You live at Dalton.”

“No, I boarded at Dalton, and I don’t anymore.  My vacation started yesterday. I don’t go back to school until the 10th of January. And even then, I’m driving back and forth next semester. I live here.” Kurt explained slowly, like he was talking to a small child.

“Mom! He can’t be here, he doesn’t live here! And if he doesn’t have to go to school, I don’t either.” Finn hollered.  Other people at the table looked at him trying to figure out what he was talking about.

“Finn, your school doesn’t start break until the 22nd, you have to go and if you don’t go you will not get any Christmas presents!” Burt told him.

“You can’t say that. Mom, tell Burt he can’t say that!”

“Finn, dear, Kurt will be working, won’t he Burt.” Carole said.  “I’m sure Kurt will be working every day you have to be at school, because it wouldn’t be really fair if Kurt had so much free time when you didn’t.”

“We’ll talk about it later, Carole.” Burt said. “However, it is not Kurt’s fault his school gets out for vacation earlier than Finn’s.”

Kurt shrugged.  “I guess I could finish up the other things that need to be done while at the shop. I don’t mind. But I won’t work if it will effect anyone else’s hours negatively or if my time will be a problem since I wasn’t scheduled in. I also have to finish the supplemental courses that I started in August, so it’s not like I’d be bored if I can’t work.  Not to mention the all rest of the things that need to be done for the holiday season.”

“You’ll work for free, of course.” Carole said.

“Can’t.  I’m a certified worker. And Union.  I have to be clocked in and out and the taxes have to be done properly.” Kurt said. “Dad has a bit of leeway, because it is a family business, but not much due to union issues. However me being certified was way better than me not being certified.”

They all ignored Carole’s glass slamming against the counter and her plate being pushed away as she exited the room, supposedly to get the boxes they would need.  The boxes had been sitting in the corner of the dining room for three days already.)

Kurt didn’t respond with anything more than a whined ‘Dad!’ when Finn said not only were they only using Hudson lights and decorations but Kurt wasn’t invited and couldn’t help after Kurt asked if he needed to get the boxes of lights and outdoor items from the shed. And Kurt didn’t lose it when Carole told him to wash all the dishes and then make sure the bathroom was clean enough for their company. Kurt did mutter about how the boys were used to using the restrooms and locker rooms at the high school, of course a bathroom without crap smeared on half the surfaces was clean enough, but he didn’t yell or scream or even refuse. He cleaned up and checked out everything, even doing a quick clean of the bathroom.

The dark circles under Kurt’s eyes and his stance, which was not his normal good posture but more an exhausted sag, had Burt sending Kurt up to the master bedroom to catch some more sleep as soon as he heard Finn telling a few boys who didn’t want to actually go outside to go to the bedroom downstairs and play video games on Finn’s TV. Carole got upset –she didn’t want Kurt in their bedroom snooping about- but Burt asked if she was going to have Kurt help with the lights after all and she backed down and went back to her doctored orange juice and watching TV on the small TV in the kitchen that had come to the house with the Hudsons. When Burt looked in on him at 9:30, less than ten minutes after he sent him up, his boy was sound asleep.

By 10am, only an hour after the start of ‘putting up the lights, Hudson style’, Burt should have questioned things.  In that hour six packing boxes, the square ones labeled books, stuffed full of strings of lights had been dumped out on the Hummel’s front lawn…in the snow. In little squares were piles of lights in a tangled mess.  Personally Burt couldn’t figure out why the lights were outside in the first place but it was apparently a Hudson thing. The boys were supposed to untangle them and see which worked and which didn’t.  No one was doing so; they were running around pushing each other on the ice and into the snow. It wasn’t until Carole came out and shouted about finding the power strips that anyone looked at the tangled masses of lights after they dumped them out.  She handed them off to one of the football players and Burt went over to look at what Puck and Artie were doing…which was laying out huge inflatables along the front of the yard.  Burt could only be glad Kurt wasn’t seeing those yet.  Burt turned around just in time to see the football player who’d been given the power strips kick snow at one of the other boys, right onto the power strips which were plugged into the socket that had been covered by duct tape so it couldn’t be used.  The socket directly hooked into the inside electric system.  Not one of the well-grounded sockets that were not covered by duct tape which were all on their own breakers and system, one designed for outside electric use and one which did not short out things in the house…of which the kid had ten options…one less than a foot away.  

The snow getting into the ‘not for outdoor use’ power strip popped the fuse and Burt watched the lights in the dining room all go out. He heard the alarms on the smoke detector and carbon monoxide detector start up. He heard Carole yelling about how to make the noise stop.  He saw Kurt at the window glaring down at the boys in the yard who were still pushing each other around and kicking snow at each other for the most part.  Kurt left the window and a few moments later the noise stopped and the lights came back on.  Kurt then marched out of the house, no shoes on, and removed the power strip and then replaced the duct tape.

“Everybody look at me NOW!” Kurt shouted in a louder voice than Burt was aware his son owned. He sounded a bit like that batty cheerleading coach, which was probably where he learned how to do the voice.

All the boys looked his direction.

“Listen up, you imbeciles. You can plug things into outlets…the little holes that you put the end of the cord into…that have no tape over the covers. Tape….no pluggy. No tape…yes pluggy.  Oh, and remember electricity and water are not happy together…together they can make owies.” Kurt said with a smile…of a sort. Half the boys still looked confused.

“Dude.  There’s no water around here. It’s winter.” One of Finn’s football friends said.

“Snow is like water, Randy.” Puck yelled.

“No it isn’t.” Someone else yelled.  

The whole lot started screaming and yelling at each other about it…and Burt was terribly disappointed that Finn was on the snow wasn’t water, not really, side of the mess. Kurt just rubbed the bridge of his nose and went back into the house, shaking his head.

Puck and Mike, after watching the piles of lights nearly get stepped on twice and having close calls themselves in the shoving matches going on in the yard, took Artie to the living room where they got started untangling the lights that Puck had also fetched from the front yard.  It was not going well…and everything was damp because the lights had all been covered in snow.  Sam came and joined them, nursing a slightly black eye. Burt brought him an ice pack and told Puck that maybe if he plugged an end in he could at least see which lights went to that strand. They had only managed to free three strands of lights by the time 11:30 rolled around and Finn and the crowd came in demanding lunch. Nothing had really been accomplished outside that Burt could see. Burt watched as Carole put the sandwich supplies out and then got everyone mad at him when he kept the hoard from eating until Puck, Artie, Sam and Mike had got their food.  By the time the sandwich supplies had been devoured and nothing but empty plates were left, Puck and the other Glee club boys (minus Finn) had freed four more stands of lights that worked and three that did not work.  

#glee fanfic #burt hummel #Kurt Hummel #hummel household

[traveling-student]

Janurary 15th, 2018

Today was my busiest day since arriving on the island. I started the day off early. I woke up around 6 am and tried to fall back asleep/stayed in bed until 7:30. I finally got up and got dressed. I left the house by 8 am-ish and began walking around the colonial zone. On the corner of the block is a conscience store and I went here for a breakfast sandwich. It was kind of weird but it tasted good. It was a cheese sandwich with ketchup and mayo. Strange, but it worked and it was only DRP 100. I got two waters bc it was hot already and it was still early morning. I ended up meeting an American dude while walking and he introduced me to his other American friends. They were hilarious.

I left the guys to check out the first cathedral of the new world. It was really pretty. Not overly exaggerated or extravagant but really beautiful, simple, and humble. I liked the tour. I wasn’t dressed very appropriately to enter a church so I was given two scarves. One for my legs and the other for my shoulders. I’m glad I got them because otherwise I would have been freezing. There were 14 chapels in the cathedral itself if i remember correctly. The outdoor atrium was pretty nice as well. There was a beautiful tomb in one of the chapels made of marble and decorated with beautiful pieces of gold and colorful stones. That was probably the most impressive chapel to me. After the audio tour taught me a bit about the cathedral, I used the bathroom and called and Uber to the botanical gardens.

This garden was stunning. It’s enormously large. I only had an hour and 30 mins to explore this area but one could easily spend an entire day exploring. I went into the museum first, where I learned about the 8 biomes found on the island. There’s the rocky coast, the dry forest, the mangrove forest, the wet forest, the desert, one with many different mountains on the coast and others I’ve forgotten. After the quick museum tour, I explored their patio, waiting for the next train ride.

The little train they had was so cute. It was 35 minute ride with a 10 minute stop at the Japanese garden. The one part of the ride that caught my eye was the wet forest area. It felt so much cooler in comparison to where we started. You could even see the light difference. It reminded me so much of Costa Rica. I saw lots of forest that looked like secondary growth and it just brought me straight back to my time in Costa Rica. The tour was lovely but then I caught an Uber back to El Conde to meet the American I had met earlier in the day. He said he wanted to go to Los Tes Ojos with me so I took a bathroom break and ordered us an Uber there.

The cave was stunning!! I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s called the three eyes because there are three lagoons inside but there’s technically four. We walked down to the first one and I was just stunned. The water was pristine! Crystal clear. The second was really dark and had a boat ride on it. I got on but my friend didn’t. This was the coolest thing, the boat brought you to the lagoon that’s not underground. It had a large open area and the sun was hitting the water beautifully. I was amazed. The four lagoon was very light colored water. Ever lagoon looked very different. I loved this trip.

After that we headed back to the colonial zone and my American friend bought me lunch. It was very sweet. He ran into his friend on the street and I got introduced to the most lovely Dominican woman. She was just a ball of energy and soooo sweet. I had great conversation with her. I feel so confident with my spanish now it’s such a great feeling. My friend had to leave so I bought an ice cream cone and headed back to my Airbnb. I took a nap bc I was exhausted from all the running around and sightseeing. I woke up around 6 and I don’t remember what time I opened my door and saw an American man and a couple sitting at the table downstairs talking. I went over and joined their conversation. It was so great. I met Kristopher, and American from DC! It was cool finding someone who lives so close by back home. We all talked at the dinner table for probably an hour or two. It had been pouring rain so we were all waiting for it to die down so we could go to dinner. The couple left and Kristopher and I talked a bit more before deciding to get dinner. We went and got French fries at a place nearby then stopped at the same bodega I had breakfast at. They were playing music, yelling, laughing and watching two different baseball games. It was a really cool atmosphere. I really enjoyed my day. I can’t wait to see what there will be in store for me tomorrow.

Nos vemos pronto,

Maria

#journal entry #dominican republic 2018 #GMT #GMTxVCU

[fancy--tuna]

College Update

So I’m phenomenally excited to be going back to the place where I can make my dreams come true. The ability to return to Miami this fall and see my favorite professor, by new, best friends, and such a breathtaking campus is incredibly thrilling to me. I’ll be going back home -- with a new and reinvigorated passion for what I want to do, and a desire to do it well. Every day I take another step toward the career I want, and towards expressing my love with the world.

Unfortunately, I have one single thing that has been caging that voice -- not merely caging it, but smothering it, blocking it from ever seeing the sun until it dies from choking on the void it’s encompassed in. 

My room situation last year was about the same as everyone’s. I was in a double with a randomly-assigned roommate, Peyton, who I got along with alright, more or less. We were two different people -- she an extrovert and I an introvert -- so we didn’t do anything together -- not even a lunch. However, I never had a problem with her.

Yet, as time kept going on, I grew increasingly uncomfortable being in my own room. I felt bad being on my laptop -- like I was being judged -- and when I went to bed I felt gross, as if Peyton was disgusted with me and never said anything. However, because she never said anything, I figured it was my own paranoia and life went on.

Right as the first semester ended, Peyton told me her buddy down the hall had a vacancy (their horrible roommate moved out), and she was going to move in. I was excited for her to be with someone she liked and I was excited for myself, to be in my own space. Peyton and I would have gotten along quite well, if we’d made the effort -- she was a big fan of Baseball and animals, and her Snapchat story always looked fun and inviting. She was pretty and had a good smile. I regret not investing more into our friendship, but it was a lesson learned.

Winter break passed and I was in a room by myself (I was assigned a roommate over break, but she never showed up). I loved living alone -- I had a space that was mine, where I could listen to my music and laugh at my movies and talk to my friends. I hadn’t had a space like that on campus. I could go to sleep when I chose and I could cry if I needed to vent. I was even able to get into Mythic Raiding with a single, seeing as the Australian times were from 4-7AM, and there was no way I could do that with a roommate. All awkwardness I felt on this campus vanished, and I was really beginning to excel in my schoolwork and make friends on campus. Truly, I realized, Miami was the campus for me -- and my lifestyle, in a single, was perfect. Nothing could go wrong.

Then Jessica moved in.

I received the email the day of Jessica’s move-in, which I thought was unsettling and a little bit out of left-field. However, when I asked the Residence Advisor about it, it made sense: he was told that Jessica had to move on an ‘emergency situation’, and that there was no way she was going to be in a livable space in her own dorm. I empathized and felt bad for her -- I knew what it was like to be in a space where a person didn’t feel welcome. I was also told that the situation had something to do with drinking, which struck a chord with me. My mother was a severe alcoholic, so I knew what it was like to have to live with someone like that. I made it my life purpose to make sure Jessica’s move-in was peaceful and quiet, and she was at home here in 209.

She moved in that evening rather awkwardly, showing up with a friend, dropping a neon pink-and-green Vera Wang tote, and saying “This is my friend, we’re gonna go back to her place to watch Real Housewives of Miami” and left without really much introduction beyond that. I remember calling my dad after she left to tell him she’d moved in, and joking that we weren’t going to get along -- anyone with a Vera Wang bag tended to be a bit preppy, which isn’t me. However, I swore I was going to make it work, and I resolved to put my judgments aside and really get to know Jessica.

She returned that evening and we sat and talked for awhile, making progress. I learned that she had had a very difficult time at Miami. She told me about how her roommate was an alcoholic, and how she’d come home at 2AM and flick on the lights whether or not she was sleeping. She told me how her roommate would bring over drunk friends and cause a ruckus while shew as trying to work. I felt horrible -- and told her quite clearly, “This is a safe space.” I wanted her to feel welcome and she seemed glad to hear it. We went to bed and I felt like, this could work. This wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

As winter progressed into spring I learned more about Jessica’s time at Miami. From what I heard, it sounded like her time had been pretty rough. Her roommate situation was bad, and her RA didn’t seem to want to help her. They didn’t have quiet time or anything like that in the halls after hours, and the RAs wouldn’t listen. She wanted a single, but when she applied they wouldn’t give it to her because she didn’t have a medical condition. She went to see the therapists on-campus, and they said they wouldn’t help her the way she wanted to be helped. She had a rough schedule and it was tearing her up. She said that 70% of the people on campus were preppy and rude, and she was so glad I wasn’t that way. She was done trying at Miami -- and after this semester she wanted to go home, and go to school in her home state, Maryland.

I sympathized and I listened and I understood. I felt bad that her time on campus had been so horrible, and I was determined to make her final semester here more bearable. I told her if I could help in any way, she should let me know.

About four weeks into our living situation, Jessica asked me politely if I would be willing to end online calls at about 10:30, as that was when she went to sleep. It was a gentle and understandable request, and the calls ended promptly. A week later, she asked me to turn off my reading light at 10:30, because it kept her up. I did as she obliged.

Then a week later, she asked me to stop typing at 10:30, because the key-clicking kept her up. I was frustrated, as there was nothing I could do at 10:30 in my room without audio, a light, or a laptop, but I obliged, knowing how she needed her sleep.

Things began to go downhill. I had noticed a change in Jessica over the first few weeks -- she had stopped going out to see friends and go swimming. In fact, she’d stopped going out at all -- she went to class, came back to her room, and laid on her bed, flipped open her laptop, and turned on Real Housewives, pulling a bag of chips from her bed or a tub of ice cream from the minifridge. I had those days too, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but eventually it turned into a daily habit that I didn’t even question anymore. the 50/50 split of our rooms became obvious -- while I kept my side of the room as clean and neat as possible, hers was piled up with clothes and trash. I loved taking pictures of my plants in the windowsill, but her desk was unseeable due to the pile of laundry. I crawled into my clean blankets easily at night, and when i woke up she had left dirty underwear on her bed, making it embarrassing for me to bring anyone over that day.

However, I didn’t complain at all. I understood she was dealing with depression from the way Miami was treating her, and I let it go.

One day Jessica asked me if I could stop watching movies on my phone at night with earbuds -- “the light keeps me up”, she said -- and I had just about had it. She had taken away any privelage I had of being in my room after 10:30 at night. However, instead of telling her that, I did something very stupid:

“Yeah, no worries -- I’ll take it into the livingroom downstairs”.

From that moment on, she’d won. That room had inevitably been conquered by Jessica and I had no right to be in it. The instant I would wake up, I’d grab my clothes, my backpack, and I’d leave. I’d change and do my makeup in the bathroom, and because I didn’t want to bother her I’d carry around my pajamas and makeup in my backpack all day as I went to my classes. I only had, at maximum, three hours of class on any given day -- but when I was done, I wouldn’t go back to my room. Every time I did, Jessica would be in bed, watching Housewives, and the instant I walked in she’d pause her show and stare at me until I left. Oftentimes I felt so bad I had to excuse myself -- “just grabbing an umbrella, it’s raining” -- “I left my phone charger here” -- and she’d watch and wait until I left to go back to whatever she was doing. I was an outsider in my own room -- I was not allowed in.

I learned a lot about Miami from being cast out of my room. I learned where the food is cheap and what classes took place in what rooms when. I learned about the buildings, and how long a walk from my room to another room took, and I learned what buildings I could pass through to get home when it rained. I learned the way to get into buildings that were locked at night, so I could cry in an empty classroom instead of in my room.

I spent a lot of time in the gaming library, which is where I took two classes with my favorite professor, Phill, and a few new friends from the IMS major. Grace, a Junior in the major, was an absolute joy. She was around a lot, working on this project or that, or playing DnD with Phill. She loved Moana and Blizzard, and she was loud and tomboyish. Grace listened to my problems a lot, and she was supportive in that way that kind of scares you -- I recall one day I was telling her about how I never went into my dorm and she got on the table and started shouting at me about how I deserved better. The day Grace said I was her friend was one of the best days I had on campus. She began opening up her room to me when I needed it. I was so thankful I stayed over once, but I was so afraid of mooching I never stayed over again.

The year was beginning to draw to a close, and I had 11 projects on my plate. I began to wake up at 8, leave the room immediately, and I wouldn’t be back home until 2 or 3AM. Not because I was working the whole time -- because I wanted to make sure Jessica was asleep before I got in, so I didn’t disturb her. I got a lot of work done while I was out of the dorm -- I think that was one of the better things that came out of this. If it weren’t for being cast out of my own room, I wouldn’t have spent so much time working. I’d spend 8 hours a day sculpting or writing html before I walked into my hall and prepped myself for bed -- unzip everything I needed to unzip before walking in, take off my shoes first so they weren’t loud, leave anything wet outside so it didn’t make a sound, remove jackets and backpack so I didn’t have to make noise when I got in, make sure I pulled my charger for my phone and laptop out beforehand so I didn’t have to go into my backpack. When that was all done, I’d sit in the hall for three or four minutes to muster the courage to slip through the door, make sure it closed quietly, then drop my stuff off and hop into bed. If I forgot a step, I wouldn’t do that step. Then I’d wake up at 8 and do it all over again.

I contacted my RA multiple times to mention that I wasn’t comfortable in my living space. CC was a joy -- she was so sweet and concerned. She asked if any intervening needed to happen, and I always told her, no, it’s just eight more weeks. it’s just six more weeks. Four more weeks. Two. CC finally mentioned to me that Jessica and I hadn’t filled out our roommate agreement form -- a general form that every roommate fills out with guidelines about how to live with eachother, what the general guidelines were, and how each roommate lived. She suggested we fill ours out together, and try to set some guidelines to make my life easier in the room.

That evening I went home early to discuss this with Jessica. She seemed to understand the idea and agreed to us filling it out together. Yet, as I went through the questions, there was little to no compromise. I recall distinctly a situation in which I asked Jessica if we could push bedtime on weekends back -- it’d always been lights-out at 10:30PM, even on Fridays and Saturdays, and I suggested we push it back to 11 -- and she was firm in her bedtime. Exhausted, I just accepted what had always been -- no bedtime push, no music, no friends. I noted that she was a light sleeper and made suggestions to help her with that -- earplugs, sleep medication. All I got in return, however, were excuses: “Well, I get these really bad ear infections, and sleeping with earplugs...” “I mean, I’ve tried sleep medication, and it’s never...” I didn’t have the willpower to debate her on this and accepted it for what it was.

At this point living this way was the norm. However, it had drawbacks: I was suffering from a lack of sleep and an excess of work, and the anxiety of not having a place that was mine was getting to me. I was beginning to have breakdowns in empty classrooms, since I couldn’t cry anywhere else. Every weekend my parents had to bring me home because I was crying so much when I called them. I was losing drive and pushing too hard to maintain it -- whereas my roommate seemed to care less about her drive. One day it was raining and I decided to muster up the courage to return to my dorm for an umbrella after multiple friends encouraged me to do so.

I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard Jessica speaking -- she was on the phone with someone. Horrified of disturbing them, I instead sat in the hall and attempted to get the guts to open the door for about ten minutes. During those ten minutes, I happened to catch bits and pieces of their conversation -- Jessica was complaining that the process of applying to her new college was horrible and they weren’t helping. Her mother (who was on speaker) mentioned it was likely because of her grades -- I was shocked to discover Jessica was failing most of her classes. She excused it by saying the classes were hard and she was depressed, and it didn’t matter anyways since she was going somewhere else. Knowing how delicate a situation this was, I decided I was brave the weather without an umbrella and left, feeling conflicted. I felt bad for her, since I knew how difficult the application process was, and I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to apply to a new school from another, better school. I also knew that depression could, indeed, affect one’s motivation to do schoolwork. I hoped internally that she could pick it up and get the grades she needed by the end of the semester.

Finals Week was a week early for me. In my major, most if not all of my finals were project-based, meaning we turned them in the week before final exams and did not take an exam on the given day. We were free to go the Friday before exams week. I was thrilled -- I had B’s and low A’s across the baord, and all of my final projects were looking phenomenal. I’d spent time after classes with all of my professors going over my work and getting help, and they assured me that these turn-ins would give me A’s in each of their respective classes (with a B+ in Web Programming -- I hated Javascript.) being out of my dorm so much had given me the push to get extra help where normally I’m too scared to do so, afraid I’m wasting a professor’s time. I was proud of my work and proud of my year.

The last Monday of classes I decided I was beat and I wanted to get a well-deserved nap. I debated between going and not-going, and finally I decided to head back to my room for a bit. It was my last week, after all -- if Jessica had a problem with it she could deal. As always, I returned to my room (though this time midday) and needed to muster up the courage to enter. I sat in the hallway and waited.

Again I heard Jessica on the phone, and knew better than to enter while she spoke. I waited politely for the call to end -- then began hearing some of the conversation. 

“...Just disgusting, I don’t want to deal with it! What am I supposed to do with her nasty-ass stuff?” “Honey, it was probably an accident, has she done this before?” “No, but she puts her horrible plant on my desk and it’s like, it’s not mine! I have half a mind to throw it out...”

I realized horribly that I’d left my plant that I was going to water today on her desk when I left the room. Her horrible words shook me to the core as I listened, mortified.

“No, mom, I’m not going to talk to her, she comes home at weird hours, and it’s not like she cares! She makes these horrible messes, T-shirts covered in nasty hair, it’s fucking disgusting.”

I don’t remember at what point I got up, but I ran into the staircase and just started bawling. I didn’t deserve this. She was lying. She was outright lying. I wasn’t in that room enough to cause any mess, and I was a clean person to begin with. I didn’t understand how this could have happened to me when all I did was for her, when I spent eight weeks practically homeless so she could sit in there and watch her TV show and eat and be unproductive? It was just a plant. I remember calling my mother and repeating that, as if something within me had snapped. “It was just a plant, it was just a plant.” Something within me had snapped; I had been lying in the mud so she wouldn’t have to walk in it, and she was still complaining that I was uncomfortable to walk on. My mother had had enough, and she was coming to get me for the week. By the time she arrived, I had three RA’s surrounding me trying to console me, and she had walked into my room unannounced, grabbed the plant Jessica was so concerned about, and plucked me up to take me home. I didn’t want to go to my mom’s house -- but it was better than Miami.

By the time I had sobered up, one thing had become clear to me: I had done nothing wrong. I had done everything that could’ve been asked of me. It wasn’t my fault. It occurred to me that the entirety of Jessica’s personality, that I had grasped, was complaining. She was mad at the world and she was going to blame everyone else for it. She didn’t get a single so she blamed the therapists, she didn’t get good grades so she blamed the classes, she didn’t have any friends so she blamed the people. She didn’t like herself -- so she blamed me. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I was certain her old roommate was likely a fine roommate. The words I’d caught her using to describe me were so similar to the way she had described her other roommate that I was certain Jessica, in all likelihood, was the only one with the problem -- wherever she was, she couldn’t be happy, and she’d make everyone else bend to fix it. I had been the victim of this one horrible woman, and it had ruined my time at Miami and made me horrified of the future.

Despite knowing that Jessica was a bitch? Living like that still affects me to this day. All summer I had my best friend over to spend time, or the night; and no matter how much I tried and how long I tossed and turned, I couldn’t sleep; in my mind, being in the room with her was equivalent to being a bother. I’d sleep in another room, or wait until someone else got up to sleep in their room, or I’d even sleep on the decaying couch in the livingroom without pillow or blanket -- anything but sleeping where people I care about would be bothered by me. I requested any single I could get back in April, and I’ve doubled and tripled those requests since then. I now have 7 requests for any single I can get on campus -- but those requests won’t be granted without medical documentation.

I know I have anxiety -- that’s a given at this point. The problem is having medical documentation. I haven’t seen a doctor all summer -- in fact, I haven’t seen a doctor in years. The last time I can recall seeing I doctor, I was about 8 years old. Under my dad’s roof, as long as it’s not broken you don’t need to see a doctor. we got through Strep Throat without antibiotics, we’d get through colds and flus without help, and anything mental was absolutely not a medical condition. I’ve gotten into multiple, loud arguments with my father begging him to take me to a doctor -- all were in vain.

I’m well old enough to take myself to a doctor -- but I’m horrified of the prospect. I don’t know how to pay for it, when to do it, how I’ll get a hold of a car, what to do if I can’t find transportation. I don’t even know where a doctor is or how to find one or who to go to. I’ve asked my sister for her information and she hasn’t given it to me, I’ve pleaded with my mom to help and she hasn’t, I’ve begged my friends to help me with it and they’ve managed to skirt the situation, and I’ve argued with my father until I was in tears, asking him to please, please help me. Nothing.

But until I get this documentation, I can’t get a single. Until a doctor says I have anxiety, I’ll be in a situation which furthers my anxiety. I won’t be able to eat, sleep, or breathe in my own room because of a fear of bothering my roommate.

Today was a better day. I got up and decided I was going to call my roommate for next year -- I knew her, but not well -- and see if we could get together, have lunch, and talk about school. Calling anyone is a feat of mine -- and it was my biggest activity for the day. I left a voicemail with her and sent her a text.

I got information back today that Sarah had been moved out of my room -- I don’t know where, I didn’t ask. Now, I only know two things: she’s not there and I am. I’m currently in a double in the same residence hall as last year without a roommate. The likelihood is that I’m going to be paired with a random roommate, like I was twice last year -- and I’m so horrified that when I said goodbye to Sarah, I broke down. I can’t do it. I can’t be in that situation again. I’m so scared of being in a room with someone and upsetting them. I can’t do it.

I love Miami, but I’m horrified to return.

#sorry i didn't do a read more but #i wan't people to read my story #me #anxiety #Miami University #long post

[canaryatlaw]

okay it’s midnight and I should get writing because I can’t sleep in all day tomorrow which would afford me the ability to stay up later (that sentence was horribly phrased but I’m too lazy to fix it so oh well). today was pretty great! some stuff not ideal but overall still pretty good. I woke up to my alarm at 9 and got dressed and got prepared for our first quest of the day, which was trying to get yet another pair of concert tickets for a KPop band Jess wants to see. This was one she cares slightly less about so we weren’t under quite as much pressure to get the good seats, we were just aiming for the cheap ones. So I put our usual breakfast order in on ubereats and it arrived shortly after she did at around 9:30, the tickets went on sale at 10. Since we’ve had not great experiences trying to get tickets up to this point we wanted to try to maximize our chances of getting them by using multiple accounts (which is probably cheating but tbh idgaf I’m sure the ticket scalpers are doing much worse with many more tickets) so I had my main one up in my main browser and then the one attached to my old email up in another one (it was funny, I logged onto it and it was under the name “Ann”- my mom’s name- and the credit cards stored on it expired in like, 2012 😂) and then Jess had hers up on the chromebook. Unlike the other ones thus far this one wasn’t doing the thing where they had a virtual queue form 10 minutes beforehand, so it was just whenever they decided to let you in. The lack of a virtual queue was objectively a good thing because it meant there weren’t as many people trying to get tickets, but it also meant it was just totally random with everyone who was there at that minute. But thankfully we got in after not too long and Jess was able to snag two tickets before anyone else clicked on them (because it does this really annoying thing where the page with refresh with the available tickets and you’ll click two but when you try to go forward it says somebody else already got them and then refreshes your page and it’s a pain in the ass) and after some slight panic over getting the right credit card the tickets were ours for the least amount of money, so we were pleased with that result. May is gonna be crazy, as it stands we have at least 2 concerts (well 3 for Jess being that she’s going to BTS twice) in the same week and are very likely going to end up with another when the Monsta X tickets go on sale on Friday (and of course for them we’re trying for Chicago and New York, so it might involve a NY trip as well). so that’s gonna be a lot, but nothing we’re not used to haha at this point I think we thrive in chaos. So once we had that taken care of we grabbed our things and headed out to Jess’ car. In case I forgot to mention this up to this point we were cosplaying as Ariel and Snow White in their pajama outfits from Wreck It Ralph 2 which is 100% a lazy cosplay but I really give zero fucks because it was comfy and easy. So we drove down to the convention center, this isn’t in the one that most of the Chicago cons are in out by the airport (northwest of downtown in the top corner of the city) but rather C2E2 is in the convention center that’s adjacent to the loop that happened to be the place that they used for my law school graduation and bar swearing in, so I’ve had some very different experiences in this building, lol. I did my make up in the car and was fairly pleased with how it turned out. Once we got there there was some confusion about parking, we were originally planning on parking in one of their lots that’s right connected to the place so we didn’t have to walk in the cold (we were leaving our jackets in the car so we didn’t have to carry them all day; I was in shorts but was wearing my extra thick ice skating tights underneath them so it wasn’t terrible) but that didn’t end up happening so we had to walk in the cold a little bit but we managed. Later in the day Jess mentioned that apparently all of their parking had filled up and there were people with tickets who couldn’t get in because they didn’t have anywhere to park, so the con probably oversold their tickets in that sense. So we got in fairly easily, it was already opened at this point since we were doing the tickets that delayed our arrival a bit. So we start walking the show floor a bit and then decide we should check out artist’s alley first, but try not to buy anything on our first walk through, just consider stuff. the issue of course is that artist’s alley is generally full of great art, but I have literally no room on my wall for anything haha and I still have to hang up my 3 photo ops from London (though they are only 6x9′s instead of the standard 8x10′s so hopefully that will make it easier) and my Matt Ryan one from Cleveland. so I could really only consider very small things, lol. but there was a lot of cool stuff, always a pretty great assortment of different art styles and subject matters. I spotted a few things I may come back and get tomorrow, we will see. I really wanted to see if they had any art from The Cursed Child but I didn’t see anything, besides one drawing that I’m pretty sure was supposed to be Draco but could conceivably be Scorpius from the way he was drawn (but he was with drawings of the original trio so probably not). still a cool drawing though. so that took a while, though definitely less time than it did last year. So after that we went in search of anybody we might know that was there but didn’t see anybody, so we started wandering the show floor. Now, in terms of not needing to buy anything, this was even worse because the solid majority of it is clothing, and we both already own way too much clothing, especially comics related lol. so we made our way through most of everything, some cool stuff, not managed to refrain from buying anything up till that point. We had checked the schedule for panels at one of the smaller stages (their main stage panels are super crowded and there wasn’t anyone we cared that much about) and Colin Donnell (aka Tommy from Arrow) was doing one at 1:30 and it was like 12:50 at this point, so we went over to the little row of food vendors they had and managed to get some decent food for lunch that we sat and ate before returning to the panel stage and managing to find seats right before it started. It was pretty entertaining, he is very pretty in person, though that’s probably not a shock to many. He talked about Arrow of course but also about Chicago Med being that that’s his current show and it is after all filmed and set in Chicago. He also talked about his background doing Broadway which I wasn’t aware of so that was cool to hear about. one of the questions they asked him was like “if you’re on jeopardy, what category would you want the final jeopardy question to be from?” and I was like “musical theatre trivia” (answering somewhat for myself but also for him) and right after I said that he was like “broadway trivia” haha so I felt validated, that is definitely what I would choose given that question. So that lasted about half an hour and was pretty fun. After that we went back to wander the rest of the show floor that we hadn’t made it to yet, most notably a few KPop/Anime/etc. themed booths that were wild, Jess ended up getting into a conversation with these like high school girls about going to BTS and they were like, unironically fans of them when Jess is only a very ironic fan, and they were like “oh who do you stan??” and then the girl said she stans the one guy Jess hates and I busted up laughing at all of it, I couldn’t stop myself, it was truly hilarious. they were talking about the concert and what nights they were going and the girls were like “oh yeah Sunday’s gonna be tough you know because it’s a school night!” and I just fucking died because they’re clearly like 15. So that was very amusing. Jess ended up convincing me I needed one of the hats they sold at that booth, they were the snapback style with the big plastic letters attached across the top which said “THICC” in pink and I got it for the pure reason to wear to ClexaCon next month and it’s gonna be great, I of course put it on as soon as I bought it too. We then went upstairs to where they host the main stage panels just to check it out, there were a lot of people in very long lines, and I was glad I wasn’t in one of them. So we hung out up there for a while just to chill out a bit. We ended up heading back downstairs to see if we could locate an internet friend who’s working the con but we weren’t able to find her today (probably will see her tomorrow) and ended up finally seeing some people we knew, so we sat with them for a while until they ended up heading out, and after that we did a little more wandering before deciding to call it a day, it was a little earlier than we’d normally leave but Jess was feeling kinda crappy and there wasn’t really anything else we were dying to do so it made sense to just go home. Drove back and got dropped off, I changed into comfortable clothing and didn’t really have anything I needed to take care of so I ended up sitting on the couch and watching the last four episodes of season 5 of The Americans, stopping somewhere in there to make two eggs for dinner (which was a bad plan, I go through weird phases with food and I had convinced myself that I was fine eating eggs but I really wasn’t), and then before the last episode to shower before returning to finish it. This season happened to have a fairly brutal finale, in my opinion at least- trigger warning here for self-harm/suicide. So the plot was basically that they had befriended this family that had just defected from the Soviet Union and for some mildly important reason they wanted at least the wife and their son to go back, so one of the methods they employ is using their fake spy son (not their actual child) who had originally befriended him make things at school really bad for their son to the point where he would be so miserable that his mother would want to return to Russia with him. Well, it didn’t look like it was working, and their fake son ended up advising his friend to “slit his wrists” in order to get his parents attention enough for them to take him back, and the spy apparently “showed him” how to do it without hitting an artery, and the spy is calmly recounting this to his fake parents, saying he was going to do it at 7 pm that night, right when his parents were supposed to get home. Of course their majorly alarmed but were split on what to do because they didn’t want to compromise the mission, but the dad ends up storming out of their fake home and walking to their friend’s home and are trying to get in when his parents arrive, and so they get into the house and sent the spy son up to the other son’s room, and a second later you hear him yelling for help, so they storm upstairs to find the boy unconscious on his bed with blood all over his arms and bed. And I mean, I knew going into this episode I would probably see this (they left the previous episode at a cliffhanger about them intervening) but I really was not prepared for that image. And then of course his parents start freaking out and his mother is just next to him sobbing while everyone is scrambling to call 911 and try to bind his wounds the best they can until the paramedics get there and like.....the whole thing just made me so mad. To be fair, the main characters were very alarmed that this was used as a tactic and think their fake kid way overstepped in doing telling him to do this, but the whole idea of basically risking sacrificing the life of a child for a part of your mission that was not even very critically important meanwhile you go home to your own children.....like how as a parent could you ever live with yourself?? And I mean, I know these are spies that regularly just shoot people, some innocent some not, but like, interfering in this boy’s life to make him absolutely miserable and it culminating in something as horrible as this really just pissed me tf off. and I mean that’s for obvious reasons, this is an intersection of two issues I care deeply about, mental health advocacy and the wellbeing of children. So that whole storyline left me pretty angry. And I mean I know, it’s fiction, this didn’t actually happen, but just to see the callousness to the life of a child portrayed like that was really disturbing to witness. But I finished the episode and then turned the tv off for the night and started getting ready for bed, and shortly after I started writing this and now I am here. It’s almost 1 am and I have an 8:30 alarm set, so I think it is time for me to go to bed. Goodnight babes. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

#daily journal #March 2019 #Rachel's cosplay adventures #Jess tag #hit almost 2500 words with this #had a lot to say clearly

[ihearticie]

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

The fetal echocardiogram was scheduled for 10 am. I couldn’t help but judge the other pregnant women in the waiting room that already had healthy children with them. I was not happy. I was trying to disconnect myself from the situation I was in. I wanted to not feel. Once in the sonogram room it was the same ol’ song and dance. The tech was really nice but I wanted no parts of conversation at that point. I just wanted to get it over with and get answers. I had the entire weekend to think about what horrible things could be going on with our baby’s heart and could care less about small talk. The tech told Carl and I that the pediatric cardiologist was following along remotely in the other room as the fetal echo was taking place. The sonogram was all based around our daughter Icie’s heart. I did get see her little self moving around from time to time on the screen and it just made me want to cry. Once done we were moved to the pediatric cardiologists room. She wasted no time telling us what she saw and what was going on with Icie. Carl and I were told that Icie had Tetralogy of Fallot. The doctor had a printout of a heart and showed us what she meant. It is a heart defect that has four problems. 1. A hole in the lower chambers of the heart 2. Pulmonary valve is to narrow 3. The aorta lies right over the hole in the lower chambers 4. The muscle surrounding the lower right chamber becomes overly thick. I sat there wide eyed and just listened to what she was telling us. She told us to let her know if she was going to fast because she understood it was a lot to take in. I’m pretty sure I told her that I had no idea what that diagnosis meant, like in real world situations. I understood the physical issue of the heart but what does that mean for our baby? She went down the list of what it means. Once born, Icie would be taken from me, wiped down and would have her O2 levels monitored. The cardiologist told me that mothers of babies with TOF usually don’t get to be close and hold their baby after birth. ( This was another instance that I felt my first time mother experience was being taken from me.) If her O2 levels dip below 85 Icie would get transported to Children’s Hospital. Once there she would have open heart surgery to patch the hole in her heart and to slit the pulmonary valve then stitch a piece of gore tex material over the valve to make it wider. She would stay at Children’s Hospital for ????? amount of time till she improved. During this time I’m expected to stay in the hospital for 3 days after giving birth while Carl runs to Children’s Hospital to be with Icie. Good luck with keeping me there! Unless I am physically unable to walk for some time I plan on leaving against all medical advice. I totally trust Carl to be there watching over our daughter alone that isn’t what this is about. There is no way I see myself trying to take naps and relax while my first child is having open heart surgery in a different part of town. Hell to the Fucking no! Stitch my ass up, give me some Tylenol and too-da-loo.✌I’ve told my midwives and doula about that plan and they all say they understand and I shouldn’t be forced to stay away from Icie. Now after birth if Icie’s O2 levels were 85 and up she would be able to go home with us but only stay at home for 4 -6 months. That time is basically “ Fatten her up and make her as big as possible” time so that open heart surgery can occur while she is bigger. Babies with TOF have a hard time eating because they become tired easily. If she has issues staying awake to eat it would be difficult for her to gain weight. Icie would have to be fed more often than normal babies to try to get the nutrients she need. I was told that formula may be incorporated into the breast milk supply for greater nutrient density. She could also have a hard time swallowing which could make feeding more difficult. Another issue we would be dealing with if she did get to come home is she could possibly be deprived of adequate oxygen or cyanotic, and could have “tet fits.” Tet fit meaning Tetralogy fit. When those occur Icie would turn blue and could possibly not catch her breath. Babies with this congenital heart defect do typically have a blue tint to their lips, skin, and fingernails. That being said, Icie could turn even more blue than normal. Things that could set it off would be if she got startled, if she was crying, if she got to excited, basically anything that made her heart beat faster than normal. Once in a tet fit we would need to try to calm her down and put her knees to her chest to help with O2 flow. If that didn’t help we would be calling 911. It’s a lot of information, and I am sure that I didn’t catch everything that was told to me that day. Carl and I will learn more as we go. What we do know is surgery will happen, either right after birth, or after 4-6 months to correct the issues. Then surgery will need to happen again, usually not to long after the first surgery, to put a flexible piece of material in the pulmonary valve. Icie will have to see a cardiologist for the rest of her life to check up on the valve and hole in her heart. She will need to have the valve replaced, how often we really won’t know till it’s happening. Some kids need it every 7 years, some 10 years some 20 some 30, it’s all case by case. After hearing all the ins and outs of the heart defect we were told that if TOF is evident usually DiGeorge Syndrome is too, since DiGeorge is known to cause this type of defect. Digeorge syndrome can be a mutation that occurs randomly or passed down from parents who have it. My husband and I will be tested to see if we have DiGeorge but we are both pretty sure we do not. The only way to tell if Icie had DiGeorge Syndrome was by doing a procedure called amniocentesis. By getting samples of the amniotic fluid that Icie has been shedding chromosomes into we can tell what if any chromosomal issues she has. Terminating the pregnancy was brought up also. I was 20 weeks at the time. I honestly don’t know how it was brought up, I may have asked, it may have just been in the list of things to discuss with patients but I am happy she brought that to the table as well. I like to know all of my options. The pediatric cardiologist had us meet with a woman to help us schedule another set of appointments. The woman in the next room made our next fetal echo appointment. Since we know there is an issue we have to have sonograms of Icie’s heart every 4 weeks to monitor it. The scheduling lady brought up risks of having amniocentesis done but my husband and I agreed that we wanted to go ahead and have it done. She left the room to go try to find the doctor who would be doing the procedure to see if we could be seen that day. Her room was small and she has Christmas music playing. If you know me you know my feelings on Christmas music. I hate it. Sitting in that room with the news we just received, knowing a procedure was about to be done to see if there were even more problems with our daughter, while Christmas music was playing made me sick. I remember thinking “ now I really hate the fucking song” to what was on. Thank god I don’t remember what it was. Here it is, days before Christmas and people all over the place are celebration, playing Christmas music, being all happy and me and Carl are in a small room feeling like our lives are falling apart. I was becoming really angry. I contemplated turning her music off and just being like “really??” when she came back in to a silent room. Does anyone actually think sad ass depressing Christmas music is great background noise for a family who just received horrible news? I HATE CHRISTMAS MUSIC! Anywhoo! She came back in and said they wanted to have the amniocentesis done that day. They really were trying to get us as much information as possible before the deadline for pregnancy termination. It really scared me that they were jamming me in for these tests. I was thinking" is something seriously wrong with our baby to be working this hard to be in termination time constraints?" We were scheduled and off we went to the genetic counselors waiting room once again. Once there, google fest 2016 occurred. DiGeorge wtf is it? What are symptoms? What does it do why, how , all of it. What stood out to me was the possibility of cleft palate, learning disabilities, schizophrenia once an adult, breathing problems, and some with it develop autoimmune disorders. It was all scary to read. Once in the genetic counselors office we went over the risks again of the amniocentesis, signed some papers and off to a waiting room again to wait for the procedure. Carl and I had blood drawn while we waited. If any abnormalities were found in Icie’s results they could possibly be explained by looking at our blood. It was probably an hour of waiting when we were called into the procedure room. The procedure was straight forward. An ultrasound guided needle was poked through my abdomen then through the uterus and into a space away from the baby that had a good pocket of amniotic fluid. Then 2 tablespoons of fluid were taken to be tested. It didn’t hurt much. Me stubbing my toe would feel like pure hell level 14 pain compared to what it felt like, which was like a 2-3 on the pain scale. I did get light headed once it was done. I thought for a second I was gonna pass out but I just kept breathing and the feeling dissipated. We were told 10- 14 days for results but some could come as early as 3 days. So off we were. Mentally drained, angry, crampy, shocked, terribly heart broken, back into life outside the hospital. I cried more that day than any day so far. I would go upstairs to the bathroom to cry because even though Carl is no stranger to me crying ( I’m a Cancer OK…I’m emotional and I cry lol) I didn’t want to make a stressful situation even worse by breaking down right in front of him every 15 min. I could hear him crying quietly downstairs and it just made me cry harder. It killed me knowing he was upset. I’m fine dealing with my own self but having my husband be upset and hurting and me not being able to do something about it was a feeling that just crushed me. We were going through it together. Something new, horrifying, heartbreaking and so out of our control. Something so exciting became so upsetting within a few days. I could feel Icie moving around inside of me. So I just sat on the bathroom floor holding my belly letting her know how much I loved her while I cried. All we could do at that point was wait for the test results.

#tetralogyoffallot #tof #congenitalheartdefect #chd #heartmom #heartwarrior #firsttimemom #daughter

[meraenthusiast]

3 Steps Doctors Can Take To Stop Trading Time For Money

3 Steps Doctors Can Take To Stop Trading Time For Money

We’ve been lied to. Myself included. What does society teach us to do?Live the American Dream, right?

We get an education (for much longer if we’re doctors), work 40+ hours a week for 35+ years then retire and HOPE we’re healthy enough to enjoy it all withOUT running out of money.

Sounds more like a Nightmare on Elm Street rather than a dream!

Who wants to live like this?

Why is the American Dream supposed to be what we’re striving for?

The good news is that you don’t have to follow everyone else’s dream. If you want to be normal, and normal is middle-class and broke, then by all means keep on going.

But if you’re ready for a CHANGE then read on….

Trading Time For Money

It didn’t take long after starting my practice to realize that trading time for money was for the birds. Especially when I wanted to spend the majority of my time watching our two boys grow up, compete in sports, attend their school outings, etc.

Since when was there a rule that said we always have to work like this?

To me, this is one of society’s biggest hoaxes.

I once heard a story about a 90 year old bed-ridden billionaire that wanted to give all of his money to a 25 year old in exchange for his youth.

The younger fella declined by saying, “What’s the point in having all of the money in the world if you can’t enjoy it?”

The old man could NEVER get his time back but could ALWAYS make more money.

Time is our #1 commodity and all the money in the world can’t replace that fact.

Time Limited

As a doctor, whether you realize it or not, your income (active) is limited by time.

Congratulations! This puts you on the left side of Kiyosaki’s CashFlow Quadrant as either:

an employee (you have a job) or

self-employed (you own a job)

This means that you HAVE to get up each morning, put on scrubs, treat patients and trade time for money which will ALWAYS limit your income.

Reread that again…especially the last part.

If you continue to practice like this then your income will always be limited.

Let’s break this down for you:

Each day, God only gives us 24 hours to do what we need to do.

Sleep: We all need to sleep and most of us need 8 hours.

Commute: If you live in a metro area then the average commute is one hour each way = total of two hours per day.

Eat and chill: After a hard day treating patients, it’s time for a little R&R with the family and friends (grilling and chilling). This usually will take up around 2-4 hours per day.

After subtracting out these hours, we’re now left with 10-12 hours to trade our time for, you guessed it, income.

But keep in mind that no matter how much your time is worth to you in your current situation, there will ALWAYS be a cap imposed on you.

And that cap is TIME.

Do you want to keep running on the time treadmill exchanging hours for money?

No?

Most of us don’t want to either but have no clue what to do.

Good news. Sit back and relax and let me show you as it’s really easier than you think.

3 Steps To Stop Trading Time For Money

More than likely you ONLY get paid if you show up to work. I’m in the same boat too but have a game plan out of it.

Do you have a game plan?

If not, then let’s get you started on one NOW.

#1 Mindset shift

There’s a reason why one of the best selling investment books of all time has the word “Think” in its title.

If you’ve read Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” then you understand why.

Hill interviewed the richest of the rich in the early 20th century including:

John D. Rockefeller

J.P. Morgan

Henry Ford

Many of the traits that led to their success originated via a mindset shift FIRST including:

Desire – They WANTED success; they didn’t wish for it

Imagination – Hill claimed that, “Whatever the mind can conceive and belief, the mind can achieve.”

Decision – The #1 cause of failure is LACK of decision making. You must decide specifically what you want first before proceeding.

Start off by replacing the beliefs that you MUST trade time in order to get money. Once you do this then you’ll begin to open up your mind to other possibilities that exist.

I don’t remember studying anything in college or dental school that said: “in order to make a certain amount of money $X, I had to work Y hours.”

Realize that there’s other ways of making more $$ which do NOT include working extra hours, getting a second job or seeing more patients.

No matter what career stage you’re in (recent graduate or seasoned professional), you have the ability to make small mindset shifts to begin transitioning away from trading your time for money.

Make it a point to change your thinking about wealth today.

Wealth accumulation is not about having money, it’s about having options.

Money gives you the option to do whatever you want, on your own time. Not somebody else’s.

That’s financial freedom.

#2 Be the best you can be

Focus on doing what you know (do) best. For most reading this, your skill could be dentistry, medicine and/or surgery.

To help free up trading time for money, you have to make dollars at first. The MORE you make, the quicker you can achieve this goal.

How do you do this? Become THE Authority/Expert in your field.

If you’re a dentist/dental specialist, become THE Dental Implant Authority.

If you’re a cardiologist, become THE Stent Guy.

How do you become an authority? Focus on what value you can provide for your patients.

Education is the key.

When you think of theme park, what’s the first one that comes to mind? Disney, right?

They strive to give their guests a memorable experience by providing an unbelievable amount of value during your visit.

Focus your efforts of doing whatever it takes to be the best at your God-given talents. If your state only recommends that you take 30 hours of continuing education a year, don’t do the minimum, double it instead.

People like to feel like they’re important. Make them feel this way and you’ll be amazed at what that can do to your business.

Have you ever stayed at a Ritz-Carlton, Montage or Four Seasons? If not, then I give you permission to treat yourself and then understand what it means for someone to make you feel important.

We love visiting the Ritz Carlton at Bachelor’s Gulch. We started going on an annual basis ten years ago.

Why? They make us feel important.

The morning during our first visit, we went to the downstairs ski concierge searching for our skis and poles that we rented the previous day.

He told us, “No problem, follow me.” He walked us to within 20 yards of the ski lift where he’d placed our skis on the ground with the poles next to them.

Talk about customer service!

We’ve never forgotten that moment and is one of the reasons we go back each year. It’s the little things that matter and can be so easily replicated in any business.

#3 Start learning about passive income and take action

You’re off to a great start with this step as you’re already here now, beginning the learning process.

Nobody is going to do this for you but YOU.

You first have to choose the route you want to go to help you stop trading time for money.

For me it was passive real estate.

There’s other options out there such as:

index funds

dividend stocks

starting a new business

Once you pinpoint the route you want to take, then it’s time to develop a game plan.

How much money do you need to move away from trading time for money?

The best approach to this is by working backwards until your plan comes together.

But the key factor in all of this is you MUST develop passive income streams so you can get off the treadmill. Work MUST be done upfront so you can make the changes later.

Creating passive revenue streams is not a passive activity. Passive revenue streams take a lot of work and sacrifice up front, BUT when you DO build them right, they can generate you income for days, weeks, months, even years to come.

It’s not easy, but what is?

Start the process by planting seeds today, so you can harvest freedom for your life later.

“Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.” – Ecclesiastes 11:6

Active income is not scalable. Passive income is!

Your Next Steps

Hopefully I’ve gotten you to start thinking differently about your future. Especially about a future that will allow you to claim back your most important resource: your time.

Start out by writing down what you’re hoping to achieve. I just got off the phone with a brilliant ENT surgeon out of North Carolina.

She recently joined our Free Passive Investors Circle and during our initial investor’s call, she informed me that one of her main goals was to spend as much time the next few years while her kids were still young.

Active investing was NOT in her future as she had NO DESIRE to becoming a landlord.

Being a doctor is hard enough. Why try to complicate things?

She was interested in passive investing as she wanted to retire in 12 years.

All it takes is a desire and then ACTION to start the process.

Are You Ready To Stop Trading Time For $$?

If so, join our Free Passive Investors Circle today.

You won’t regret it.

Additional Resources

If you want to hear more on this subject, check out my podcast interview:

Debt Free Doctor: Stop Trading Time For Money, with Dr. Jeff Anzalone

The post 3 Steps Doctors Can Take To Stop Trading Time For Money appeared first on Debt Free Dr..

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[elfcreations]

The birth story of Penelope Amber

We decided in the fall of 2016 that we were ready to add another child to our family. After two months of trying we decided to take a short break after Christmas. I traveled with my son to Florida to spend time with family for two weeks. On the way home I was feeling sick since we all had spread a stomach virus around and I was the last one to have it. I was 5 days late when I decided to take a test just out of curiosity. I thought I was still recovering from the stomach virus and that it had messed up my cycle. To my surprise the test showed a positive. I was in shock. I took two more tests to be sure and they all came back positive. The one time we decided let's just take a break and not try right now and I wind up pregnant. I told my husband later that day to which he responded "How? You've been gone for two weeks? Is it mine?" Of course he was joking but just as in shock as I was. 

 While I was down in Florida I had actually been researching birth center births and looking for the closest ones to us. I found two birth centers about an hour and a half away from our home and saved their sites. I had discussed having a birth center birth with my mom, husband and best friend. The main concern was distance since our hospital is only five minutes from our home but I knew that it would be worth the drive. When I had my son I had a vision of a natural and calming birth. I researched everything to figure out what was best for me and my baby in the process. I learned breathing techniques and how to get through contractions. I unfortunately did not get the experience I had imagined and was left feeling like I missed out on the experience I wanted which is why I started looking at birth centers in the first place. We went and visited two birth centers. I felt at home at the Women's Birth and Wellness Center and knew it was the place that my next child would be brought into the world. 

During my prenatal visits the midwives made me feel in control of my pregnancy. Everyone was so friendly and helpful and so in tune to what I wanted. On Monday, October 9th I was 41 weeks and four days pregnant and was starting to get discouraged that I was going to have to be induced. I went in for a checkup and I was almost 3cm dilated and 80% effaced. Our midwife Lydia did a very thorough membrane sweep and got me to 3 cm dilated. They went ahead and scheduled me for a hospital induction to be performed at 9 am on Saturday, October 14th and told me to come back Tuesday the next day for a midwife induction. Monday night was full of sporadic contractions, cramping and spotting. I took a Tylenol pm around midnight to help me go to sleep since the contractions were probably going to keep me up. I knew I wasn't in labor yet but I was still trying to hold out hope. I had been induced with my son and was miserable and was hoping that it would not come to that this time. 

 Around 4:20am on Tuesday, October 10th I was awoken by a contraction. This one felt different than what I had experienced before. Six minutes later I had another one and decided to start timing to be on the safe side. They were coming every 6-7 minutes and lasting around 50 seconds. I laid in bed and counted them in between dozing in and out of sleep until 9:30 am when I finally got out of bed. I drank some cold water and started bouncing and doing hip circles on my yoga ball. Still staying at 6-7 minutes for 50 seconds. I was getting so anxious thinking this has to be it. I have to be in early labor. At around 10:20 am the contractions felt a little stronger lasting 50 seconds and were 5-6 apart. I decided it was time to call the birth center to see what they thought I should do. Carey called me back and I told her what was happening. At first she just told me to stay home and rest but I was anxious wanting to know if this was real or not. I told her I was supposed to come in for a midwife induction that day so she told me to go ahead and come on in. I jumped into the shower and got ready to go. I woke up my husband and told him what was happening and that we were going in. At first I don't believe he grasped that I was possibly in labor. He then finally understood and he went and quickly got ready as I finished getting our son ready to go. We hopped in the van and headed to the birth center. I sat in the third row so I could spread out better and we stopped at the easiest place to grab food near our house to get my energy up. 

 My contractions on the way there stayed consistent and strong. Once we arrived around 2:30 pm we entered in downstairs and met one of the nurses who told us the blue room was all ready for us. We went and got settled into our room and our midwife Rebeca came in and hugged us and asked about what had been going on. She checked me and I was 90% effaced and 4cm dilated. I had made some progress that morning but not too much. She stripped my membranes while she did her check and went to get some herbs to help me progress. I was so excited they weren't sending me home. I took two different herbs and then they had me go and walk the staircase. My son and husband came with me for support. It was a hot day so walking up and down the stairs was not fun but I persisted. Rebeca came to check on me and give me more of one of the herbs. My mom, niece and nephew and mother in law showed up while I was walking the staircase. After being outside on the stairs for about half an hour Rebeca had me come inside for a while. I unfortunately have scoliosis so I have very bad back labor. Rebeca wanted to do everything she could to help alleviate some of my back pain I was having during contractions. At around 3:20pm Rebeca put me in a position on my knees and arms with my back and butt up in the air to help encourage my cervix to lower and the baby to move into position and take pressure off my spine. I laid in that position for about thirty minutes and then she had me lay on my side with a pillow under one leg and under my head. These positions did help with some of my discomfort. She also showed my husband where to press down on my spine during a contraction to help with my back labor. 

At about 4:20pm Rebeca had me go back outside to walk the stairs and the side of the side walk to continue to encourage labor, my cervix to drop and the baby to move down. It was a lot harder for me this time around. There was a change as I walked up and down that staircase because I started feeling extremely nauseated. I told my mom who was outside with me that I had to go inside because I was feeling too nauseous to be outside any longer and didn't have the energy to go up the stairs anymore. This was around 4:40pm. I told Rebeca how I was feeling and why I came in already so she told me that was a really good sign and we would hold off on any more herbs. She asked if it would be ok to check me again and I told her it would be. She said my cervix was still pretty high but I was at 5 cm and 90% effaced. Rebeca assured me things were going well. She asked if I wanted to labor in the shower and I told her I would. She went and got the shower ready for me and came back and placed acupuncture seeds on my ankles. 

The shower was like magic. I sat on the birthing ball and when a contraction came I pointed the hot water right on my lower back. It made the contractions so much more bearable for me. I could have stayed in there forever but it started to get too steamy in the room for me to breathe well enough through my contractions so I came out. This was around 6:30pm. I sat on the edge of the bed and labored until around 7pm when Rebeca then had me lean on a birthing ball on the bed and roll my hips on it. She then asked me around 7:40pm if I wanted to get in the tub and I said I did. At this point my contractions were lasting well over a minute and were close together at about 3-4 minutes a part. 

The tub was so relaxing and very warm. I enjoyed the water very much. My two year old son saw me in the tub and insisted on joining me so I let him get in with me for a little while. He stayed in there for about 20 minutes then my husband got him out and Rebeca came to check on me. She put some more warm water in the tub and then I felt a big pop in my stomach that took me by surprise. I wasn't sure what it was so I didn't say anything but then Rebeca asked if I had felt anything. I told her about the pop I felt and she said that she was wondering because it looked like something had happened. She said that was my water breaking. It was getting even more real now and I was getting anxious. My water had broken all on its own and I knew that meant this baby was getting ready to come very soon.

It was around 9:05pm I felt an extremely strong contraction that made me lift my bottom up and moan. It happened so suddenly but I looked at my husband and said someone needs to get my mom now. Rebeca rushed in and checked me and said yeah go get her mom! I never planned to have a water birth. I had been undecided my entire pregnancy so the baby made the decision for me. I started pushing at 9:10pm. I first tried pushing sitting down in the tub but I kept sliding and I didn't feel like I was able to push down easily so we switched to my side. I still felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with that position so Rebeca asked me to get on my hands and knees. I felt more in control in this position. I pushed through the pain and cried a little when I reached the ring of fire because I was getting frustrated that it was taking me so long. Rebeca, Carey and my nurse made me feel so supported and kept encouraging me that I was doing great. I had forgotten how much it hurt to push a baby out and how hard you have to push. I felt for her head to be sure I wasn't imaging that I was so close. I let out a scream of relief after each contraction ended and I had to stop pushing. At 9:41pm I finally pushed my little baby out with one strong push. My husband caught her and handed her to me through my legs as I crouched. I sat down in the tub and was immediately overwhelmed with love and joy. I started crying as I held my little baby close. For a good 2 minutes I held my baby against me and then realized that I didn't know who I had given birth to, was it a little boy or girl? I picked up my baby and started crying its a girl! My little Penelope. Everyone had been right in their guess.

Rebeca waited for the cord to stop pulsating and let my husband cut the cord. They showed me the placenta once I had birthed it and asked if I wanted to keep it. I decided we would keep it to plant a tree for Penelope. Some may think this is weird and thats ok. You can read more about it here http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-body/pregnancy-health/planting-your-placenta/. I wanted to have a link to what supplied my child with life for 9 months.They handed Penelope to my husband for skin to skin time while I got out of the tub. I didn't want to hold her while I got my stitches. I had a labial tear that had to be repaired. Rebeca stitched me up very well. She even said it looked better than before! I then got positioned in the bed to hold my baby girl. They handed her to me and my husband said she was already searching for my breast when he held her so I tried her out and she started breast feeding very quickly. She was 20 1/2 inches long and 8 lbs 2 oz.

I am still so extremely happy with this birth experience and couldn't of asked for anything else. It was absolutely perfect. Even though it was much longer than my sons 9 hour pitocin induced birth at our hospital five minutes away it was hands down 100% better. All the hours driving over to the birth center were well worth it. They treated me like family and were also so very happy to meet my little girl. I will forever have a special place in my heart for them.

#penelopamber1010

[epicurioustraveler]

The morning started like most all others have the past four months. Hostel rooms seem designed for vampires and my reluctance to get out of bed is powerful each morning. Light barely creeps in and with the cool weather and no heat in the room, your desire to stay warm and cozy usually wins out. But knowing I was needing to be in the queue at the Palace of the Alhambra by 09:00 and still needing to book a flight or train to my next destination, I was out of bed by 06:45. Taking a seat on the couch in the reception area and powering up my Dell laptop I quickly, but thoughtfully, planned my next adventure’s locale. I honestly did not yet know where I would go next in Spain. Looking at prices for transportation and weather reports I had made up my mind. Destination? Barcelona!

With that decision made and flight booked for the following morning, I still had to visit the Alhambra (“the red female”) that dominated the backdrop of this amazing city. My ticket (advice – buy at any Caixa ATM, this will save you a lot of headache) to enter the Palaces was set for 9 AM and you have to be in line at that time in order to be granted entrance. I set out from the hostel around 08:15 to give myself time to walk to the entrance of the Alhambra. Meandering through many streets I had ventured down during the week I then began my uphill climb. It’s a fairly steep climb with many steps from the route that I took. Arriving at the entrance gate, sweaty, the gate attendant told me I only had 10 minutes to get to the Palace entrance and “it’s a 15 minute walk” he told me. How did I manage to make up the time? Simple. Everything ‘time’ in Spain is over budgeted. Countless times I was told something was a 30 minute walk, that only took 15 minutes. But perhaps their estimates of time is predicated upon walking a slower pace to take in the Spanish architecture or scenery, but most likely to have a cerveza or copa de vino. I made it with time to spare, of course. Entering the Palace and walking through its intricate interior, with many archways, beautiful lush gardens and gorgeous scenery overlooking Granada, one begins to easily understand why this is one of the most visited tourist site in all of Europe. There were hoards of people milling about everywhere with tour group after tour group affecting my photos. Once you exit the Palace you can’t return so take your time and realize the tour groups are on a tight schedule so they rush through generally. I was inside for about an hour and a half enjoying all the history and detailed tile and glass works. Not to mention many times to stop to look out of its many windows at the city of Granada below.

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Leaving the grounds of the Palace, I made my way up to the Alcazaba and fortress complex that were originally built atop Roman ruins in 889 AD. The palace’s were constructed, along with the renovations of the fortress and surrounding buildings, in the early 13th century after centuries of being ignored. From the top of the fortress, the Torre de la Vela, you are blessed with amazing panoramic views stretching from the snow capped Sierra Nevada’s, across Granada city and up to the Iglesia St. Michael (which is worth the hike up to for its amazing views – more on that below). There are still some of the ancient Moorish homes that still partially exist (the structure at least) inside the fortress walls.

The Generalife and gardens that surround the Alcazaba, the Palace’s and fortress grounds lead to beautiful fountains and one impressive stairway structure where water flows just above where the handrails would be on either side. Every 10 steps or so is a landing platform to break the climb/descent. There is a fountain in the center of each platform and the water running along the handrails here moves around the circular platform on each side in a crescent shape ( o ), then continues in a straight line until the next platform. In all there are about 4 or 5 platforms. So your walk up or down is harmonized by the sound of moving water and fountains at each platform to rest. It’s a gorgeous setting to relax here, listen to the running water and be surrounded and cooled by the shade. This is a great way, in my opinion, to end your Alhambra tour as it’s also not too crowded here.

Departing the Alhambra I took another route down which leads more or less to the Albaicin and a more direct route back to the hostel where I checked out of earlier that morning.

Collecting my bag I then headed to check in at the other hostel where I would stay for one night, Oasis Backpacker Hostel in the Albaicin. Unpacking my things I met Denny who was just checking in as well into the same room. A Costa Rican now living and studying in Germany, we made fast friends and agreed to meet up downstairs with a couple of other people, Fabian and Alice, to go to have Tapas together. The first place we arrived at was closing in a half hour so we only had time for one cervaza and tapa there. Leaving there we found another great place just around the corner. Taking a table outside we would enjoy 3 or 4 cervezas and equally satisfying tapas. It was turning very chilly with wind picking up to cool things further. We all headed back to the hostel, added some warmer clothes and then to buy a couple cervezas before making the climb up to Iglesia St. Michael to watch sunset. The climb up is a long one with a stair climb that would make runners of the Santa Monica stairs jealous for its length and amazing views.

Traversing through the Albaicin, steadily climbing higher along cobblestone streets and narrow passageways, we arrived at the point where I had finished my descent from St. Michael a couple days before. The view from the top is breathtaking. You have unobstructed views over all of Granada, the incredible Alhambra situated perfectly atop mountain cliffs and the Sierra Nevada Mountain range. After having had quite a few beers and food, the gang didn’t want to make the climb all the way to the top. I knew a great half way point where luckily no one was sitting or standing. Only about 1/3 of the climb up as well which made everyone feel better. Settling in we positioned rocks to act as our seats for the next hour or more and I could tell this was going to be an amazing sunset. The cloud cover was just right, the Sierra’s were exposed in clear blue sky and once the lights of the Alhambra are lit this sunset would be magnificent. Fabian took out his Bluetooth speaker, connected it to his phone and then he requested that we each choose a song to play. We would take turns but I only requested one turn. I was enjoying the music that Denny, Alice and Fabian were playing and my one song (Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam) would complete my day as perfectly as it was. Popping open our first tall boy cerveza of San Miguel (in the shadow of St. Michael, fitting huh?) we watched the sun dance a slow slide into goodbye but it left us all wanting more. I can honestly say this was the most beautiful sunset I have ever experienced. And as my best friend, Cecil, could tell you we have seen a lot. The only sunset that rivals this one, and it is very close, was the one Cecil and I saw in Koh Samet, Thailand (inserted below) on our first night on the beach there. The cloud cover over the ocean as the sun set behind the hills of the island were simply amazing on that night.

With some long periods without words being spoken, we took in the majesty that was her sunset that night. I recollected on all my past journeys that had led me to this very spot meant to be at this very moment with people I hardly knew, yet who seemed so familiar to me. The four of us come from a variety of backgrounds, cultures and for me, a different generation, as the three of them were all in their mid to early 20’s. I’m in my ‘middish’ 40’s. Is 43, middish or younger? However, the magnificent thing that traveling and encountering different cultures and foreign lands breeds is a commonality of communication that seems to bond us all together. In those 2 hours we enjoyed together, there wasn’t any jealousy, nor greed, nor envy. What did occupy the space inside and outside our circle of rocks upon which we sat was a respect for one another, an equal sharing in the joy of laughter, the feeling of connecting each story told somehow to our own lives, and also the sagacious understanding that it’s truly moments like these that last a lifetime.

My paths with these three youthful souls may never cross again in the physical sense. However, the events that day unfolded the way they were destined to leading me to intersect with each of their lives at the perfect moment in time. The incredibly beautiful sunset that closed out a perfect day will always bring me back to each of their smiles, their laugh, the music played and the connection we had, if only for that one day.

Thank you Denny, Fabian and Alice for allowing me to be a part of your lives if only for just a few hours. It’s a connection that will endure a lifetime.

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The Sun May Set Over Granada, But The Memories Light My Journey The morning started like most all others have the past four months. Hostel rooms seem designed for vampires and my reluctance to get out of bed is powerful each morning.

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