#it's rlly nice. that feeling yk

[noxtivagus]

TODAY

#🌙.rambles #ARGHHH SCHOOL WAS SO ANXIETY FOR MOST OF IT BUT 😭 phew. i made it through #n talking w my friends at school n yk apollo n i staying later than we usually do bcs of our fair committee #it's rlly nice. that feeling yk #n this is the first time in so long that i've napped #my attention span is so bad rn so i'm prioritizing school first (i get so distracted still tho) #but. BUT #ohh earlier i rmb i was thinking otw back home abt how. recently life's felt so.. real & unreal #huh. it's rlly confusing but i've really just yk resolved to keep on moving forward. #my sleep's been rather messy lately for the past week bcs i have to wake up at 5:30 for school but #i've been hesitating less lately. i think. idk i don't know how to say it but #my attention span is so bad rn helpppp T_T i shld finish my part for this assignment n then #oh i have smth due tmrrw morning but i just have to write a few sentences to a question relating to like #smth w my fav 20th century lit n. IT'S SO HARD TO PICK ONE BUT #i'm gna write abt the giver a bit bcs it's rlly a special book to me. very integral in my childhood. #dystopian fiction n. utopias n stuff like that was smth i rlly grew up with as a kid. that concept #so i guess that says smth abt my conflict w my perfectionism n. the opposite. #i love late night talks so much yk something that's kept me sane is being able to talk w apollo on like #we have. very similar paths ahead of us. it's always intertwined n connected in some way. we're never really far. #i'm rlly grateful to have such a connection honestly even if apollo's an ass often (but i am as well) <3 sibling dynamic fr #resolved instead of dwelling on the past i'll keep on moving forward to. reach out to my many ambitions #i'll continue being productive for now n then i'll. get stuff done eventually.

[reanimatedgh0ul]

i think it'd be so funny for valerie to try decapitating danny only to then realize that it didn't work bc time and again this girl fails to understand that this boy is basically unkillable

so now she's forced to hold the sides of danny's face so that his head can start reattaching itself to his neck and how this is totally not awkward for either of them

#i think she would try to avert her eyes from looking directly @ him only danny to get annoyed #and be like yk looking @ me won't kill yk #she's like well you don't know #danny's ugh rlly how red and then she says smth silly like well given how freaky you are you can laser vision for all ik #he's like rlly that's the best you could up wow that's dumb #she's like hey you're one w a freakish body not me #danny's like oh ok well you're one who thought it'd be a great idea to come chop my head off #as valerie's forced to look @ him some more #she start noticing how freckles look and that they have a slight glow #that it's kinda cute actually only for to realize that's stupid and try to take her mind off it #meanwhile danny can't get over how weirdly nice it feels for valerie to be cupping his face given the circumstances #anyways they're both a mess #danny phantom #gray ghost #things to draw #robi rambles

[knifeslidez]

i really wish i could find some of that "trans community" yall always talk about

#cuz my experiences with the currently v separated community have been mostly hellish #if im in predominantly transmasc spaces there's usually rampant transmisogyny #plus yk. despite my presentation im rarely v masculine in my internal sense of gender #and i kinda feel like im invading transfemmes spaces if i try to enter those spaces cuz i dont rlly fit that label #and i dont wanna give the ladies any more issues by butting in #but i just rlly rlly want that feeling of belonging and familiarity with other trans and gnc people #cuz it just seems so nice #anyway sorry rant/vent over #ghoul groans

[self-spaghettification]

they/themavos real

#the dragon prince #lgbt #aaravos #i know tumblr hates chat ai but personally i enjoy it it amuses me #im also going into computer science so like #u can view me as The Enemy if you want ig #but #idk personally i feel yeah #publishing ai writing for a profit anywhere is totally wrong #and underpaying/overworking workers #but being a little silly and goofy with the chat bots #without feeding it anyone else’s writing #that’s coolio #yk basically there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed #it’s like any sort of technological advancement. it can be used for good but also to cause harm in the wrong hands. arcane tv series moment #but you can’t deny the advance it doesn’t rlly care if you do or not lmao #unsolicited rant yk but here u go #self spaghettification #😘 #original post #tag rant #it’s a tool. like anything else #it’s good not to become too reliant on it though #its a tool with a lot of possibility :) #i do have some of that guilt going into cs like am i selling my soul to the devil?…. i mean maybe #but also automating things is nice. making advancements is nice #so yk. ultimately i think it’s best to be a well rounded person with both scientific and humanitarian intent in mind #and im open about basically every facet of myself good or bad lol

[clarabowmp3]

omg also I have so much tea (?) to spill online cuz I can’t do it irl 😭😭😭

#okay SO #i have this long time friend from sec school #Like we’ve known each other 6+ years now and she’s rlly nice and fun #We were much closer abt 4-5 years back when we were in the same class #But other than that we were still kind of close cuz we stay like a block from each other + we shared a class all 4 years of sec school #So now that we’ve graduated from jc we went out etc and and it’s been so fun BUT #she met this guy on discord thru a server and they had/are still having some weird situationship thing #And at first I didn’t mind her telling me abt it etc but I mighttt be a lil tired of hearing abt it #I FEEL SO BAD she’s literally done nothing wrong but idk how to express how im feeling w/out seeming like im NOT 100% supportive of her yk #Like she also had a pick me phase (we were 14 when ELSE were we going to have that phase) and has always struggled a lil w emptions/affecti #Part of which has to do w her parents so also understandable #But I find myself feeling soooo annoyed now #Like recently she texted me that she texted him that she was taking a sm break which was true but now she misses him #And she was like omg I want to turn off my feelings 😭😭😭 #It makes me feel JSNXKLDLS girllll what r u doing #grow a backbone?? #Maybe it’s also cuz I totally don’t understand what she sees in that guy #Omg I could make a whole other post abt how MEDIOCRE he is jkskdn #but atp im starting to miss her pick me era 😭😭😭 and I feel SO BAD it’s smth I’ve had all my life #I will dislike ppl who I find annoying even when they literally did nothing and are living their best life #KILL ME #it’s okay I’m so normal abt this hehe

[tfshouldidohere]

i saw this video on instagram and i wanted to tell you i love your tan skin so much it’s so pretty baby my pretty baby mi amor

AND WHAT IF I CRY HUH ?????

#do u know #that its practically THE beauty standard here to be light skinned ??? #i quite LITERALLY grew up being told “oh ur skin looks lighter” as a compliment #ppl used to tell me (n still do) stuff like “oh tachi ur skin looks tanner than before” in such a weirdly regretful-ish tone like it was BA #n like my family rlly likes going to the beach n i used to ONLY wear longsleeves n leggings or basically anything to cover #bcuz i didnt wanna get tanned ??? #most of my relatives r light skinned cuz they use so many whitening creams/lotions/products ?? #n i always refused to use them bcuz the whitening soaps didnt smell as good as normal soap n it made my skin feel dry #n all the celebrities n my friends n everyone used to just *dream* of being light skinned n it was so weird #ive heard ppl say “shame she'd be so pretty if she wasnt dark skinned” like ?!??! #that was so fucked up n im glad im comfy in my own skin now #and ofc comments like that dont affect me know #n i do genuinely think morena/brown skin girls r beautiful #bcuz ik its only a product of like Filipino mentality or just asian beauty standards in general #but yk i nvr rlly expected u to like ???? yk #idk it feels good #it feels nice #idk i just love u n u hit a lil close to home n i love u yk ?? #but yeah #i love u mahal <33 #thankyu for that :)) #tfshouldianswer

[madwickedawesome]

im bitchless FOR A CAUSE ok 😤

#going on a tangent below #i think i would not work well in a romantic relationship #i think i come on too strong tee bee aich #like if i meet someone i rlly like i immediately feel like i fall in love w them #and suddenly all my thoughts revolve around them for like . a week #but im still super mood swingy so it goes away periodically and its Weird #i think thats too much unreliability for someone #i know like ‘but u can find someone who accepts u for that’ but like . id feel too bad #i fall in love at the drop of a hat then i grow too clingy and attached and its WEIRD LMFAO #im always all like ‘haha confess ur love to me😂’ bc it is nice to pretend someone wants me like that #like i would love to be loved and to receive as much as i give . does that make sense #this whole thing is weird i just wanna like say it somewhere #i am also just a Strange Fella so that probably adds an element to it #i guarantee there r very few people on this earth who would be like ‘i wanna kiss that guy’ after i get distracted n go on a rant abt like #flowers LMFAO or like some breed of cow or smth #im charming but not in the ‘oh id like to kiss him’ way i think #i am just too clingy and weird and strange to be in a relationship but honestly im ok w that #i love to give to the world either way yk #SORRY i just wanted to say this somewhere #u can ignore all of that its just me ranting

[kitttenteeth]

i just took tums 4 the first time in my life ever Does this mean i’m growing up. i’m losing my fuckin edge man normally if i have a tummy ache i smoke out on the steps nd make my nails bleed on the pavement. now i’m takin chewy bitch ass medicine nd reading myself 2 sleep ?? Bye

#i’ve been doin rlly okay lately it’s a weird feeling #i always felt like there was genuinely no part of me that wanted to b happy Bc it didn’t seem like smth in the cards 4 me ever #but i like boring calm nd takin care of myself nd being nice 2 myself Yk like no one else ever is so it feels bittersweet but mostly happy

[minasweep]

being sleepy does so many things to a girl

#breakfastless behavior fr but also severely cursed 2 limited consumption i am ughh !!!! #mina mumbles #i cant even say sleeping will fix me every morning im waking up like i slept wrong 😭 #first morning in a good while in which i had a lil bit of time to get ready and im not just rushing out the door #did get 2 clean out my bag n stuff it was rlly nice being up late #my hair feels like yk what thats the reason i woke up feeling ugh . a shower would heal me okay <3 #also careless whisper started playing like how am i not gonna get blorborot its such a good song

[chryzuree]

the thing abt castor in the modern au is like. he’s not an AWFUL person. for most of chrysi’s life, he was jst her fun friend in their friend group. he showed up to study sessions where they’d team up to quiz jacks on basic concepts. they were frequently in group projects together, and they were also on student council together. she saw him a lot at sports, since she was in cheer and he was on the football team. besides him having a crush on her, she enjoyed hanging out with him well enough.

but he could NOT get over his crush on her, and it killed him and put her in a coma.,… & then he haunted her, because!! she was the only one that could see him!!! he was scared and confused, because what do you mean he’s dead?? don’t lie to him. there has to be a reason nobody can see or touch him… please, let it be a lie. he doesn’t want to be dead. he wanted to graduate high school. he wanted to go to college. this isn’t fair. this isn’t FAIR.

and that rage towards the world ends up warping him into a monster :( and chrysi’s friend became the guy she wanted to avoid because he couldn’t take no for an answer, then became the vengeful ghost she wanted to eradicate :(

#memorie.txt #idk jst musing on castor thoughts. #i don’t feel i rlly have a grasp on his chara in canon but i also feel like. I Know Who He Is. #which is aggressively straight nice guy who isn’t BAD but also he is Not Great yk??? #dunno if i’m making sense.. took my sleeping meds and they are WORKING #au.modern

[bingobongobonko]

methinks i will make a new kind of commission section cuz colored sketches are actually really fucking fun, not finished with it rn but wow. my depth and shading has gotten better, if not adapted to my style.

#i have THAT goin for me!!!!!!!! i admit ive been in a sour mood and im not in the best mindset but. this is nice #i feel accomplished... my art rlly has taken a turn for the better #well objectively #i loved my style back then even when i wasnt good #i say good but i dont think me or anyone for that matters ever been BAD at art its just a learning thing yk #whatever that means but idk theres merit in the growth #i like how it is rn .. proud of myself #ofc i still wanna emphasize and improve my linework but do think me pathing off into color-heavy artwork has been REALLY good for me for #not getting like #bored #now coloring is fun!!!!!! its not something im afraid of anymore

[vamptastic]

Um one thing Abt college in florida is that everyone has been telling me nooooo you don't need to leave the state every college in florida is a liberal haven and nobody will care and Uh turns out they do care a fair amount and its mostly the same environment as high school bc im an engineering major and engineering dudes are fucking awful

#well ido have like legal protections if ppl harass me now which is nice #but idk yeah ive been constantly needing to remind my professors of my name and everyone has been misgendering me anyway #which im not terribly upset abt im very used to it i was just hoping it maybe wouldnt be a big deal in college #nobody has called me a slur or sexually harassed me (yet)! so it is a win there #or well they haven't at school its still florida #ummm but im going on T n my name change is happening soon so maybe that'll help a little #but the school is like Idk they have policy of like dont be homophobic or youll get in trouble buuuut its not rlly enforced per se #i don't need everybody to alsp be a socialist yk i just dont want to be misgendered all the time it's grating #and the way the dudes in all my stem classes talk to me is so like. idk alienating and condescending and it annoys me #feels like if i get smth wrong im like proving my Female Inferiority and its like damn we r in calc 2 ok shits hard #n they're always assuming that im either a Brillant Girlboss or a Fucking Idiot n its annoying #i am just uh normal average math skills. im out of practice rn but im good at calculus. im just a little guy :(

[devilishdelights]

some mammon stuffs from awhile ago. I did this for every character (pain.) to figure out how I want em to look like + use as refs.

#every time I draw him it feels as if I can’t get him right. like these are the peak mammon drawings I have that 100% show how I envision him #maybe I just need 2 do a big study. hehe #or maybe I need to draw someone else for fucking once god damn #he has such a tiny nose in the first one LOL ❤️ #n his hair I kinda like. I’m trying to draw it more accurately now though but idk I think it works for me in my style. but in other drawings #it just looks off. drawing bangs r harder than it looks #bc u wanna get them even n pleasing 2 the eye. so when u flip the canvas it’s chill #do not flip these I have not seen the flipped LMFAO I don’t wannsee it #he also has this angular eyeshape I do that just makes it feel like mammon to me. #angular as in there’s like three lines. if that makes sense #I think u can see it in my other drawings #like the eyes here are round. but it’s still like. drawn in three parts instead of one continuous line. #I feel hunched over like a scientist explaining his greatest creation to those who accidentally stumble across him #my other faves r beel’s + solomon’s icons. they’re just so fucking nice!!! not to toot my own fucking horn but I’m tooting it toot toot #enywey. back 2 the guy here. I also think he has a crooked smile or just one side that lifts higher than the other. yk that boyish charm bs #u read in YA books. yeah. and he’s got dimples on his cheeks. and lower back !!!! #both noses r different n the left is one where I was still figuring it out. the right is how I envision it more/all my other posts w him #he’s got a soft round shaped nose. very squishable too #ALSO GOLDEN FANGS YEAH but I’ve had a hard time drawing them without it looking weird with all the other teeth #n his eyebrows have that little spike at the curve that I rlly like but it’s always covered by his fuckinf hair so most of the time u can’t #even see it. anyway I’m done rambling I’m just bored as fuck. cheers #also sorry for changing my icon all the time. it cannot be helped

[sunnydice]

man.

#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and #to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but #its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him #the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique #or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like #a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily #and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v #goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil #but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism #its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual #full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out #its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how #ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over' #sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt #it is an inconvenience for you llol #and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and. #eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose #its just bein parroted ik i get it but #am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned #ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first #idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows #but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad #the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it #idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone #and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally #huri.txt #discourse #<- ig

[sapphic-woes]

The more and more I think abt the roomie thing the more it makes no sense

#so now she hangs out without asking of i wanna come which is fine by me #she literally just asked if i was okay like. the next day and i said yea and then she just walked away so #ig her whole thing abt understanding i had an ed rlly was just only cuz she had no other friends #now she can just throw me in the dumpster lmao #but. also she insisted and asked like over and over that day it happened if i wanted her to come as like emotional support #when I initially told her it was okay not to #and then when i cave. cuz obviously doing this alone is scary and i say yea yk it would be nice #shes!!! frustrated!!! with me!!! #like im sorry you feel the need to help even when it inconveniences u but u cant get mad if u ask over and over until i tell u to come #i and i heard her talking on the phone and it was smth like 'well if shes mad then...' and i didnt hear the rest but it gave me like #if shes mad i didn't support her oh well #and its not?? that??? its this weird pitying??? id didnt even ask for! #like she acts like i was expecting her to drop everything and help me when i literally told her she can enjoy the game. like. literally #if this is like an excuse to throw me away then ok but this literally wouldn't have been an issue #if she had just said smth lik #'okay but im here if u need me' or smth #cuz now i feel like she thinks i think im entitled to her help #but I NEVER ASKED FOR IT

[callilouv]

idk if i rlly am unable to feel intense hate for something or i conditioned myself into thinking that hating soemthing makes me even more of a bad person so i refuse to feel such things HMMM

#cw rant #ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat #IDK❕i was always known as that one really caring and generous big sister #and whenever i express that i am upset i always get told 'why are you being like that?' and idk . perhaps ive been too nice to people #ALSO WHEn I RANT ABT STUFF LIKE THIS IM NOT LIKE . SAD ABT IT . #i just genuinely wonder hawuhhebfil #but yeah i think the emotional invalidation that i grew up with fucked me up like that LMAO #ngl i dont rlly even feel VERY strongly abt anything??? #i know that my posts here on tumblr r very like yk energetic and BAM BAM but when it comes to irl i just . dont hklwhjr #gosh i am the exact opposite of my online self its so weird #thinking back on it though my childhood rlly shaped me into who i am today in maybe not so very good ways huhu #my childhood was pretty good though . it could be way way worse but there were very miniscule things that rlly impacted the way i behave😭 #like 4 example the expectations set on me as a child was ABSURDLY high . #and everybody always praised me and stuff and i was so goddamn afraid of disappointing my family that i fainted on my desk while doing hw at #10 yrs old . yeah . JUST 10 YRS OLD #fainted due to overworking hawjgvhfk #also i was going to like . 2 schools at the time so like the stress was doubled hahahah darkest time of my life fr #ngl i like being my own therapist a lot and psychoanalyzing myself and my own thoughts🔎 #its pretty interesting. the way i think ;0