#itll take a lot more work

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[perenlop]

i need to find another pmd project to love on relentlessly to make up for that. i almost feel bad hating on a fan project like that

#echoed voice #devs just know if you somehow find my posts: i respect the work that you do and its very impressive you made the first full length romhack #for this game #thats a great feat and im glad you did it and its this good technologically. the mind stuff was great and parallel timelines were fun #and pls take the fact that this won hack of the year a sign that im just one guy and i am clearly in the minority and that is ok #it just. sadly wasnt my thing and i was more frustrated than happy most of the time #we were talking abt this in discord but also in light of jelloapocalypse being kinda a hot topic rn- #i know im just one guy with a tumblr blog but pls know that whenever i bitch about something- i dont get pissed if you disagree #i dont think im like ''enlightened'' and everyone should just accept my opinions. im just an old man complaining on my lawn basically #if you adored this romhack then good for you! im glad you enjoyed it more than i did! #at the end of the day its still eos and eos is fun and exciting and feels good to play #if youre considering getting this romhack then dont let me convince you not to give it a chance. you may enjoy it more than i did! #maybe youll see stuff that i didnt! maybe itll resonate a lot more with you! #idk where im going with this. but i feel bad being mean to a fan project for too long jsdklfjdsf

[gibbearish]

the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email #ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown #at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in #and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm #m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚ #(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say) #n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna #keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time #so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool #and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said #or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚ #then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i #need anything‚ thank you' #and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case #i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only #acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard #keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before #and still my sentences prevail

[an-annyeoing-writer]

Hello guys, I'd like to make an announcement. It may sound disappointing, but I'd really appreciate it if you read it whole, with the explanation below.

In summary: Vulnerability (Baekhyun x Reader) won't be continued.

This by no means translates to "I gave up on the idea" or anything in regards to my motivation. It's more of about what happened in my life in the past few months.

When I started writing the story, my entire BDSM knowledge came from online articles, fanfics, stuff like that. I've never even been in a relationship, I've had absolutely no BDSM experience whatsoever despite my great interest in it.

In the past few weeks/months, however, it has actually changed. Not only have I met someone to Do The Do in practice, but also the community behind it.

In conclusion, now I could write Vulnerability much better and know that some things that I did write were not okay.

In other words! Expect me to scratch that and start something else in that area - hopefully not only better in quality of writing, but also more realistic and informative.

Cheers 💖

#also #knowing how certain things and hormones work and feel on YOURSELF takes the description game to another level #I already have a story idea but I want to take a bit more time researching the topics #although I might just use patterns I'm already familiar with since I assume itll be too long before I get a lot of expertise lol #vg: personal

[classicjdiesandgoestohell]

learning russian with a few friends :p this is scaring me a bit as im scared to lose progress in norwegian (im cusp of a2 & b1 so.. ive worked a lot for this) buuut i had the genius idea to make my flashcards russian-norwegian and cut out english entirely muahahayaahha. Genius

#tbh not tooooo stoked about russian its not a language i yearn to understand or anything #but perhaps with other people itll be more motivating #ik with norwegian it has sucked to not know anyone who speaks it #and if my friends end up realizing language learning takes a lot of work i can just stop lol #lucky strike

[rudy-redd]

I overthink what i post, look at my fucking guy

#like i dont post a lot abt what i like or am doing cuz im thinking about what my followers like #idk its kinds odd balancing being normal online and also being an artist who wants some clicks. #anyway his name is Rhodoline #Rhod (said road) for short <- somebody in a dungeon called him that first #still working on his drawn design. i think itll take until im get more glam that i can give him more indevidual flavor. #almost lvl 50 WAR tho. focusing on getting through ARR before i worry tooo much about looks. but i have my eyes set on some ARR dungeon loot

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Can't sleep. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter then go do an eight hour shift. Nothing could go wrong.

#remembering that stimulants make it hard to sleep #took a Vyvanse at noon #then drank two coffees #hmm i wonder why i cant sleep /s #on the bright side itll be the last shift at my current job #then im moving back to a much chiller job that doesnt make me want to stick my hands in the fryer #thank god. i couldnt take even one more day of this job #this next job is properly staffed which means i can get a lot more days off without it being a problem which is great #i remember there being days when id ask if i could leave early the next day #and theyd just say 'yeah. do you want to come in earlier so you still get hours?' and thatd be that #at this job i can just plug in my earbuds and make my food and im primarily alone and i love it #it makes me go a little crazy. being almost completely alone for 8+ hours a day. but whatevs #oh i used to work at this job and im going back to it. for context #i rarely encounter customers and i am so so so happy about that #a year in fast food reminded me that i hate people #in 1.5 years in this job (the new one) i dealt with like two bad customers #in my fast food job i had at least two bad customers per day #looking at an ideal future id only be there another year #then move in with my gf in a different area. get a better job. have a happier life with her #get a dog. have movie nights. make her dinner. come home and not be stressed so i can enjoy my time with her #help her with her college work. fall asleep with her every night. knit next to her while she plays video games #well this got very gay very quickly #i love her. i love you all. i hope you have the amazing lives you all deserve. i hope you find little things to fall in love with every day #i hope you find good music. i hope you see a cute animal today. and i hope you feel so so loved. youre all so wonderful and dear to me #sleep well and sweet dreams ❤️

[ilonacho]

the fucking audacity of watching the pixar short film “going home” while i’m home for my grandma’s funeral.

#like….. yeah #2 weeks ago i did not know id be here rn #i did not know she would take a turn for the worse this fast #im very thankful things worked out to where i could be here #for my wife and her support and i guess my boss and coworkers for their understanding #i have been lucky to not have been here for the very tough times #im thankful to be here with my family now #theyre doing a lot of new housing in my town now #many buildings i walked by as a kid have been demolished and are being rebuilt #we emptied my grandmas room today. she had only lived there for about 3 weeks before passing #we drive by my mom olds house. the house i grew up in. the new owner still hasnt torn down my old curtains in my old room #the old curtains my grandma had sewn for me when i was a baby #my dad is thinking about moving too. too many new buildings too many new people too much noise #two of my cousins have kids now! and the third one is getting married soonish? her fiance seems nice. he seems like he cares about her #my nephew and niece are so big now. i still havent met my other niece #i wonder if any of my old classmates have had kids? if they moved too? #ill be leaving again on tuesday. itll be a looong day #my parents have more and more grey hairs every time i see them #i dont see my brother as much as id like. hes following his dreams and im proud of him. hes a good kid #anyway the guy who made said short film is literally just like me fr #from germany and had been in the us 5 years (at the time) and making this short film? #just like me fr #anyway. this became one of those diaries for me posts haha #it just really captured how it is really well

[szczek]

haha now to have your car have yellow plates aka be a vintage car it has to be 30 yo so fuck my life i guess

#i literally won't be allowed to enter krakow with my car in 2-3 years #what was so wrong with letting 25yo cars be vintage huh #like whatever if they just raised the age but the law will prohibit cars older than 25 to enter city if theyre on normal fuel and even youn #er for diesel which wtv diesel is shit #like in the past you would just drive your car and take care of it so you could qualify for the vintage thingy but now you wont be able to #enter a lot of cities so all you can is just throw the car away or store it and itll just go bad #im mad because Now itll be literally impossible for most people to keep their cars if they want yellow plates. theyll literally have to own #another car to move at all #i know most people are celebrating this cause cars ew but like 1. i don't have public transport in my village 2. theres no public transport #to go to my old hometown aka the place my mum works at for example #and 3. i simply love my car???? i wanted to put it on yellow plates as it deserves it but now #im just sad #whats the point just say no more vintage cars just throw em away cause we got bad air and well only be punishing cars and not doing anythin #this is very incomprehensible so whatever i just need to vent

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things. #thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me. #working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning & #prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st. #task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

[absentmoon]

HAD DINNER. hi guys:)

#daisy.txt #im so content rnnn today was good for me #i have a lot more responsibilities w the library club this semester but i think itll be nice B) #i have work to dobut im taking a little break.hiyyyyy

[wollfling]

Alice and the pirates be more generous with your pant leg sizes challenge

#why are you including 30cm extra (or more) in the waist with shirring but make the leg size so unforgiving in comparison #not to complain about my luscious thighs but like. this is the third time getting bottoms from them #where my legs are suffocating but theres a lot of room in the waist. like i can fit my arms in #im just like..... i wish they just made multiple sizes instead of adding waist shirring and calling it a day bc its lazy #and doesnt work for most people... some people i know it does so i guess its better than nothing but like its just misleading in general 😔 #and sometimes they make m size or f size but the difference is miniscule 😑 #i want to lose weight anyways so maybe itll help (tho i have shorts from them that are a lost cause i think) but also i neeeeeed #to get sewing again and make my own stuff. petty to complain instead of just doing it myself i guess tho lol #in no way am i complaining abt the people who fit into them im just saying i wish they had options that fit for me lol #body talking cw #weight cw #just incase! #i got a blouse from bpn thats cute as helllll i wanna start taking outfit pics again #delete later prob

[spearxwind]

If Brahm were able to somehow see current events of Graves past their death... Maybe as a ghost or something, not truly there, not seen or heard,... What would they think of Graves now? The fact they were a shapeshifter? And are close friends/ family with The Emperor and his murder boyfriend?

Also, can we get some more info on Brahm 👉👈

Thats complex to answer, Brahm was nice but she was really overprotective, so I'm not sure what she would think on the situation. On one hand, Graves is hanging out with her killers and succumbed to wishes of revenge, but on the other hand they are all helping each other end a cycle of violence (eh... somewhat.) And also, Graves WAS able to finally surpass Brahm, even if she didnt know just how deep a shadow she was casting on her pupil even after her death.

I think the general sentiment would be "im extremely happy for you but my lord i do not understand what happened here, what the fuck"

#i dont have a lot more info on brahm yet though sorry!! i keep putting off doing story dev for the sake of funnies 😭 #ask #anon #taking my sweet time but itll be good thats how it works #brahm