#itsay fic

[bbillkins]

Through The Window Through The Mirror

Pairing(s): None, Oh-Aew x Hoon, Teh x Q if you squint Genres: self reflection, wedding, yearning, in love with best friend Warnings: adult humour, swearing, suggestive content, smoking/juuling Rating: 16+ Wc: 5.5k

“No one answer the phone! Only Teh answers the phone” Ma Sui shouted out from another room in the house above the ringing.

“Ma, I already said they would email or call my cell—“ Teh hollered back, picking up the phone from its base and putting it to his ear “Hello?”

It was the florist—let me correct that; it was one of the florists. Clutching the phone between his shoulder and his ear Teh took down his wedding planner from a dark wooden shelf that sat near the phone. The printed silk cover adorned with a liana and hibiscus border stared up at him, he didn’t pause to absent-mindedly stroke one of the names printed on the fabric as he often did. Listening to the florist's complaints he frowned, “No, we need clivia for the rehearsal dinner—yes—there will be people to help…Yes, it is on an island further off of Phuket. Yep, exactly…Great—and when are the lilies and crane flowers coming in for the brunch on Sunday?”

He made notes; messy scribbles on the page marking down expected arrival times next to the vendor’s name in the wedding planner. One of the people sitting at the table in the room got up from his chair, Teh could just glimpse them out of the corner of his eye: he paid them no heed, focusing on the voice at the other end of the line. The warmth of another form pressed against him for a moment, he felt a hand brush his waist and an ardent kiss pressed to his cheek.

“I love you,” Oh-aew hummed to his childhood best friend, the grin on his comely mouth could be heard in his words.

He lithely floated through the house as though he were an enchanting sprite, touching the panoply that nestled in its place on shelves and countertops, undoubtedly in Teh’s mind increasing the object’s value to have been touched by Oh-aew’s divine fingers. The willowy groom-to-be looked and behaved as though this were already his home, in spite of the fact that he had never lived here and never would. But old habits were difficult to curb, and Oh-aew had been part of and treated as one of the family in this house long before he was set to legally become a member of said family. Years of playdates and sleepovers with Teh through their childhood and teen years had blossomed into Oh-aew loitering in their manse during school holidays to catch a glimpse of Teh’s older, more attractive brother.

Hoon sat at their sturdy wooden table that shined from where Teh had waxed it the week before at Ma Sui’s instruction; he was reading the paper that his mother had left there, its pages crinkled from where it had gotten damp this morning before being brought inside. Teacups were scattered on the table from where the family had sat around having tea: Hoon had just gotten off from work and Oh-aew was waiting for him at the Saetan house to greet him before Aew was due in at work. Hoon’s lightly gelled obsidian-coloured hair was perfectly styled as always, his facial hair trim and precise (“Just as I like it,” Oh-aew would declare) as he fondly glanced up from the paper at his fiancé’s voice.

With a nearly imperceptible motion, Teh shifted his left shoulder further towards the side table and shelves in front of him as he felt Oh-aew preparing to leave.

“You’re so lucky, my darling; I’ve got no siblings to help with all this dreaded planning,” Aew pouted to his fiancé.

“What do you mean? You’ve got Teh and Q wrapped around your fingers and planning this whole weekend! Teh’s my brother and I practically have to ask you if I can borrow him,” the older man’s chastisements were coquettish and melodic.

“Rightly so! He’s been my best friend for nearly fifteen years, but I have to hand him over to you as your best man simply because the two of you share half of your DNA— And that damn Q, some best man he is; three days before my wedding and he still hasn’t flown in from Bangkok.” Aew huffed in return. Teh heard them kiss.

“Okay, I’m off—I’ll call you about dinner tonight. Oh! And, Teh, don’t forget about the tent tomorrow at the resort—Hoon and I are working, but Mom is there and I’ll try to be home as early as possible.”

Teh nodded in acknowledgment and waved his best friend off, still jotting down floral arrangement notes from his phone call as he heard the other two exchange ‘I love yous’ and ‘goodbyes’. After hanging up the phone he closed the wedding planner, this time hesitating a little longer to gaze at the names printed on its cover: Hoon & Oh-Aew. It felt surreal. Looking back on the last fifteen years: late childhood, adolescence, the Great Conundrum that was the better part of a half-decade journey realizing that he was A) madly in love with his best friend, and B) not as straight as he’d originally surmised. Retrospectively, the matter was almost farcical. He knew something was a bit up as he’d enviously watched Oh-aew flirt with his school crush (admittedly, a short-lived one), Bas; whom Teh had even gone so far as to spur his friend towards. And then he had briefly basked in the glory of Aew’s hanging around all the time when they were on uni breaks; not realizing at first that Teh was only partly the draw—the main attraction at his house at that time (and, realistically all times since) being Teh’s older brother, Hoon. How silly; to think you’re the main event only to discover you are the side-show.

But even before that, the dreams came. In them men he didn’t know would be gazing at his lips, and in his all-knowing dream state he understood that they wanted to kiss him, ’You can kiss me if you’d like,’ he would tell them. Afterward, upon waking he would come up with the most ludicrous reasonings as to why he would offer himself to be kissed by another man. Another time he dreamt that he had been in a room of beautiful people and making eyes at this one guy whom Teh would try and follow to a secluded place…but his dream was disorganized and he could never find the guy again. He also did have dreams about girls, which, if anything only added fuel to his burning pyre of confusion. He didn’t know anyone who has openly bisexual at the time, and media portrayals frequently avoided the usage of the term. The final nail in the coffin was dreaming that he was slow dancing with Oh-aew, but a strange slow dance: more like foreplay. As they cascaded around to the music they pressed their bodies up close to one another, creating heat and friction, they kissed and dream Teh grasped at dream Oh-aew’s chest—but they still danced to the music, upright and their feet never stalling: an agreement from some higher dream god that sex could not occur until the never-ending song was finished—hurrah! the song was complete and now things were really picking up— His alarm clock had gone off…among other things, and Teh had plucked himself up from his bed with a ”Well…that was weird,”, but silently hoping that someday he got to the end of that, particular, dream.

He remembered it lucidly; Oh-aew had come to him in the strictest confidence: ”I’m in love with Hoon,” Teh…had an out of body experience that day. Now, he had never done hard drugs, but if this was anything akin to what heroin was like then Teh swore to never touch the stuff. He remembered not a single action of his own that day, his mind and soul off, floating about morosely in the firmament. ”I hadn’t really thought about it much before, you know…but then when we were going out to celebrate going off to university—and he was out in the restaurant when Bas and I dropped by to pick you up…it’s like I saw him with fresh eyes. Suddenly he was right there.”

For a couple of years…Oh-aew did have to endure Hoon being ’suddenly right there’ with a girlfriend; a strange time for all as Oh-aew pined for Hoon, and Teh for Oh-aew. The younger brother assured himself that his friend would eventually outgrow his infatuation with the older sibling. He watched Reply 1997 over and over again; Seo In-Guk had a happy ending here—it didn’t have to be the “Please Don’t…” story for Teh, either.

Oh-aew and Hoon hadn’t started dating until after Aew had finished university and begun working in advertising at the Phuket Tourism Department, and Teh would have to admit that despite being friends with one and related to the other he didn’t know the exact logistics of their getting together. His childhood friend, and secret love, video called him to say that he and Hoon had dinner three times that week!! And that Hoon had asked Oh-aew out to dinner already for the next week. If the floor in Teh’s dingy little apartment had all fallen out from beneath his feet he would have been less perplexed. He was also gripped with fear remembering the only person he had ever told about his feelings for Aew was Hoon. The call was short, but Teh hung on for as long as he possibly could to listen to Aew’s delighted ravings. ”What’s wrong? You look sick?” came his best friend’s voice. ”Yeah…I’m not feeling too well,” he shrugged, trying to brush off the fact that he was now anxiously sweating as his bowels and stomach did an antithetical jig.

It had been strange; seeing Hoon and Oh-aew holding hands…sharing long and fond gazes. A rollercoaster ride when he’d seen them first kiss. It was strange because it made him hurt, but it also made him so happy to see them so happy. He was home for a few days between theatre performances after the couple had been together for a few years. And in their childhood bedroom, Hoon confided to Teh that he wanted to propose to Oh-aew.

Not even a week later Oh-aew had video called Teh, frantic: ”Teh, I know it’s not cool of me to put you in this position but your brother has been acting really secretive this past week…and I just have to know if he said anything to you while you were home about proposing—“ Teh had fallen for the bait, or come to the duel unprepared—he was unsure which, but his face must have betrayed his older brother’s confidence because he heard Oh-aew’s squeal ”—AHA; I knew it! Oh my god, you’re such a terrible actor! I love you so fucking much Teh; you’re the best friend and the worst little brother—I’m gonna get maRRied! Ahhhh—“ Aew blew Teh some kisses and hung up.

As Teh stood there with the wedding planner, he admitted that things had not exactly gone as he had ever fantasized. No, Aew had not had an epiphany and suddenly realized he loved the wrong brother. No, he wasn’t exactly a big star in terms of acting but a steady stream of…frankly abysmal roles kept food on his table and a roof over his head. He checked his phone, hoping that he would get this callback. It had been the first decent project he had been recommended for and scored an audition at in ages. He needed to manifest a good omen.

____________________

Teh awoke at first daylight, its glare meekly filtering through windows as he rolled over and away from them. Gazing upon his brother’s bed, he felt strange; tonight would be the last night Hoon was to sleep in this room (as at this moment Hoon was likely sleeping soundly next to his husband-to-be in Oh-aew’s comparatively grand four-poster bed at the resort), and to occupy this house. He looked about the room, and it was as if the sun sensed his actions and so rose further to broaden his vision, and he felt bad for the room: when Hoon had moved out for university Teh had occupied it in his absence, and when Teh had moved out Hoon had lived here in his stead. Now the room was to be vacant, an unnecessary thing. He could empathize, but it occurred to him that the room might wish to be superfluous; a weight off of its proverbial shoulders. As he began his diurnal rituals he lost track of himself staring in the mirror—not at himself as he found he looked the same as he had yesterday, but at the reflection of an open window. What might be through that window if traversing the barrier of the looking-glass were possible. His phone buzzed.

~Q: We’re at the airport, see you in a couple of hours~

He did not bother responding to the other best man, instead checking his email as was customary every morning; finding no emails relating to any upcoming work offers but a few wedding related correspondences. He checked to see that the flowers had arrived for tonight’s dinner party, and skimmed through an email from Hoon’s friends who had agreed to plan his brother’s stag party as Teh already had his hands full with other wedding commitments. At least he didn’t have to worry about the venue, as Oh-aew’s parents wanted their only child’s wedding to be supreme, and so were going above and beyond for preparations. Anxiously he reviewed his itinerary for the day, which included ‘finish assorting guest favours and drop off at all guest accommodations’, ‘pick up OA uni friends’, ‘pick up rental car’, ‘confirm dinner orders for Friday’, and ‘book car service pick-up for band at airport Saturday morn.’.

The hallway, living room, and every other available surface was covered with the guest favour bags; each stamped with a custom stamp that stated each groom’s name and the date of their nuptials. He had stayed up late last night to finish them, so the first thing today would be picking up the rental car so he could even begin to transport all of the bags. Pulling up outside of the airport two hours later he had already made two deliveries around the town, despite being a precarious car driver. Oh-aew’s group of friends clambered inside the vehicle after depositing their designer luggage in the trunk; a cloud of perfume following them wherever they went. For half a second he thought to feel out of place in their presence, understanding that he was of a different ilk in the casual clothes and loud-print top he had thrown on that morning, half of a power bar shoved into his mouth to make up for the breakfast he had refused from his mother this morning already.

“You ready?” Q slapped Teh’s thigh, almost causing him to jump “This is going to be a long weekend,” for us.

The best men; Oh-aew’s best friends, confidants, and ever ardent admirers shared a knowing glance in the front seats.

Au popped in his head betwixt them, “What’s the big deal for you two? Party like hell in Patong tonight with Aew, speeches tomorrow during the reception—boom—you’re done; ready to kick back and get shit-faced.”

“You could be a poet,” Q dryly retorted, pushing his friend back into his seat.

“Remember Teh is organizing everything since the wedding planner quit,” Plug chastised Au from the very back of the vehicle. Teh could barely see him in his rearview mirror because of the large parcel he had refused to part with which sat on his lap.

“Man, I mean…I love Aew and all, but that is not something I would sign up for,” Pong stated from beside his boyfriend.

“It’s fine; I’m happy to do it,” Teh brushed off, smiling as though it didn’t pain him, waving his hand. He dropped them off at the pier, trusting that they would catch the next boat and soon be in Oh-aew’s ecstatic grip.

______________________

“Teh! We’re going to be late for my own rehearsal dinner,” Hoon called up the stairs.

“Sorry, coming!” With one last look in the mirror he tried to arrange a strand of hair that kept falling into his eyes—it flopped back—he gave up, giving a frustrated blow of air; now the strand stayed, admittedly at a contrary angle to the rest, but he accepted it. It was a plain suit that he wore part of; leaving the jacket hanging in his closet, he checked the tuck of his shirt and if he had buttoned it evenly.

The dinner was an intimate and joyous communion between the families. Aew and Hoon glowed, feeding each other morsels from their plates as they chatted with each’s parents. Aew caught Teh’s eyes when he rested his head on his fiancé’s shoulder, he blithely grinned at his friend. It wasn’t until the two groups were parting outside the restaurant: each groom heading out to his own party that was sure to extend into the wee hours of the next morn; Hoon’s friends were already waiting for him, Q and Aew were ready to join their group as they would head to Patong—when Oh-aew called out to Teh. Teh was not facing anyone else; he was turned and lost in thought as he stared down the festively lit quiet street. He had spent dinner talking little and eating less.

“Mmm,” he turned to Aew, who had his hand outstretched as if to beckon him.

“Come here,” and when he did, Oh-aew enveloped him in a hug; after all these years he still smelled of coconut, and for this Teh was grateful. His friend’s aroma had remained unchanged, much like his love. “Are you alright?” He whispered.

“Yeah, just a bit tired,” Teh confessed, not ready to let the other go but Aew made no move to release him either. “I hope Hoon isn’t going to require a lot of primping from me tonight or tomorrow,”

Aew chuckled into Teh’s shoulder, “I think Hoon can do his own primping,” For a moment it felt as though he were going to pull away, but then he remembered he had something more to say: “I wish I could have you for the night, Teh, part of me can’t believe that I’m spending the night before my wedding without my first best friend.”

Q was standing next to them and could overhear them, Teh blinked away the tears that threatened to fall and smiled at Q. “You’re in good hands,” he told Oh-aew.

“Teh, do you know what happens after tomorrow?” Teh could feel Oh’s chest swell as he spoke.

“You only have to fill out one tax return for two people,” he dryly commented.

“You and I become family—officially brothers,” the groom beamed.

Another thing Teh had never fantasized.

____________________________

Dreaded, cursed day. It was stunning, the weather was gorgeous, the sea gleamed spectacularly as though in approbation of the blessed event. Teh had spent the morning running around with a checklist to make sure that everything was as it was supposed to be. Oh-aew’s mother had managed to drag him away from where the florists were arranging the wedding arch, and Teh himself had been compulsively rearranging the orchids among the aisles where guests were to sit. She instructed him to have a little break, a nap, some food, anything; and when he’d protested she’d insisted. Briefly, as he was slipping in and out of sleep on a couch up at the main house he wondered if his mother had said something to Oh-aew’s about Teh’s late nights and early mornings this past week. Truthfully, he had been having trouble sleeping; once dreaming that a terrible cold snap had engulfed the country and frozen all the flowers that were being used by the florists, another time he dreamt that his suit didn’t fit at all and he’d be forced to attend the wedding as a groomsman in his high school uniform. That one still struck him as odd; it implied that he had no other even marginally more suitable clothes to wear to a wedding…nevertheless he had checked his closet multiple times a day to confirm that his suit was still there, and tried it on for good measure.

When Teh awoke, after dozing for likely not more than an hour, Oh-aew was sitting on the couch opposite him. His slim legs curled beneath him and still adorned in his pajamas, he looked up from his phone when he saw Teh stirring. He smiled at his sleepy former playmate, Plug padded in with a tray of coffee—the rest of the Patong-party-group remained slumbering or lounging in their beds. No one said anything, in case Teh should wish to sleep again, and they basked in the quiet content of each other’s company, enjoying what would likely be the most tranquil moments that day had to offer. After a while Teh wordlessly rose, fluffing up the couch cushions to their usual, un-squished state, and folding the blanket someone must have laid on top of him.

“How are you feeling?” Teh asked the groom.

Oh-aew looked up at him, cheekily smiling as he stretched his arms well above his head, his movements almost feline. “Good…excited,” he nodded, his smile grew as he brought a hand down to rub his abdomen, “My tummy is fluttering, but that might be from the coffee.”

Walking back out the pier, Teh squinted in the sunlight before bringing his hand above his eyes to shield them from the harsh light. He had to return home to assist the other groom in his preparations; Q and the rest of Oh-aew’s uni friends were helping the younger of the grooms. Teh doubted he could be of much service to his brother; Hoon had always been a much more fastidious groomer, whereas the younger sibling just stuck to bathing and shaving. Teh doubted the classes he had taken for stage hair-and-makeup would be of any use on a day such as this; he chuckled to himself as he imagined returning home to his elder brother needing help applying his wig or needing his eyebrows glued down. His assumptions were correct, and Hoon proved himself to be quite self-sufficient; and upon his inspection Teh found his brother to be wholly immaculate.

From head to heels, and even more particularly in demeanour, Hoon was the perfect man for Oh-aew. They were both intuitive and collected, Hoon staid on the surface and Oh audacious.

“Thank you,” Hoon broke the silence in the room.

“For what?”

Hoon hesitated, thinking and then nodded ever so slightly, almost as if to himself—“For everything—not just today or the last few months with the wedding stuff, but for all these years. You were so supportive of both Oh and me, both as a couple and as individuals, and I know it has to feel a bit strange to you but your actions have affirmed to me that you're just as capable and wonderful as I’ve always known you could be. I just wish you’d start seeing it in yourself, too.”

Teh felt his composure crack, just a hairline fracture, but he nodded in assent as he wiped the twin tears that had begun their downward migration over his bronzed cheeks. The older man bumped his little brother as if he was teasing him for becoming emotional, but engulfed him in a tight hug directly after. His brother’s affectionate actions made the task of staying his tears even more laborious. Teh had promised himself that if he was to break down today it would be at the end of the night when he found himself alone in his childhood bedroom. Swallowing the lump, reminding himself he still had to get through the ceremony and reception, Teh and his brother parted with a final nod, turning and beginning their long wedding procession to the Cape Panwa Hotel.

_________________________

~Oh-aew 🍧: miss you~

Was the text he received when he was standing there with Hoon and the rest of his groomsmen, waiting to get the go-ahead from someone that the ceremony could begin. Attached was a photo of Aew and his friends in his bedroom, all styled and dressed with champagne glasses raised in a toast. Teh could only focus on Oh-aew; he wasn’t wearing his suit jacket yet and his collarbone peeked out from his billowy and translucent lace blouse, his nose was scrunched as he grinned and stuck his tongue out ever so slightly from between his teeth. The end of an era; and he wouldn’t even get to be at Aew’s side for it. For within the half-hour he would be losing Oh-aew as a fantasy lover, a moon that you stretch your mortal hands to so assured that if you just reached out a little bit further it could be in your grasp. They would be brothers-in-law; a daily reminder to Teh that he had never made a valiant effort to lasso the moon.

The grooms wore ivory coloured suits, Hoon with his stiff collared shirt and Aew in languid lace that seeped out the edges of his jacket; Teh and Q wore matching apricot suits while the rest of the wedding party was dressed in tan. From where Teh stood he could see Oh-aew perfectly; how the late afternoon sun reflected off his radiant and shimming cheekbones, and the warm breeze tousled his already style-tousled tresses. His plump, glazed lips moved but Teh did not hear a word they uttered; Aew’s eyes shone with adoration, reiterating each pledge he made to the man before him, a pulchritudinous glimmer as the ring was slid onto his finger…

There was clapping; a hurrah as the newlywed husbands kissed. Teh clapped so hard his palms felt numb, Q did a small and rather awkward applause, made onerous by the bouquet of orchids and ranunculus he held. A vague remembrance of being pulled along with a crowd for wedding photos, all the while every guest in attendance jostled for a better glimpse or an opportunity to be among the first to bless the couple. A flute of champagne was thrust into his hand for a photo toasting the newlyweds: Oh and Hoon kissing, surrounded by their jubilant friends raising them a glass. Teh drank it, wincing as the acrid liquid coated his tongue.

The dance floor surged like an ocean, waves of people came and went—some songs were more popular than others. Some guests chose songs they liked over songs that were good to dance to, while others preferred to tap their feet from the safety of their table. Teh nursed his second glass of champagne, finding that the taste did not improve but deciding that the bubbles were, at least, pleasant. A lacquered hand dropped onto his shoulder, he recognized it as belonging to someone he hadn’t glimpsed since the speeches commenced.

“Come dance with me?” Q spoke, leaning over Teh from behind the chair.

Teh hesitated, almost shaking his head “I’m not a good dancer,” he told the other best man.

“I’m not asking you to be a good dancer,” he chuckled, “I just want to dance with somebody, and you haven’t budged since they served dinner.” He offered his hand out to Teh now.

With a final swig, Teh downed the rest of the drink trying to suppress a wince and stood up accepting Q’s outstretched palm. And for a minute on the dance floor they could simply jump around and mouth the words to the upbeat song that played, slipping on alcohol that had been spilled by others before them, Teh watched from the corner of his eye as Q took long and discreet drags from his juul that he knew how to deftly conceal from years of practice. The song changed to a slow one, the first slow one in ages it felt, but the dance partners fit together neatly. They had never been particularly close; neither would have chosen the other for company had it not been their mutual desire to be in the company of Oh-aew. It was comfortable, not difficult; just sort of holding the other as you shifted weight from one foot to the other.

“I’ve never seen you drink before,” Commented Q, slipping the juul back into his pocket.

“Tastes awful,” Teh shrugged in response, not feeling very loquacious.

“But how does it feel?”

Teh shrugged again, “I don’t feel anything from it,” Silence fell over them again, they just let the music move them as though it was the tide. Teh found himself staring across the dance floor at Aew.

“Are you in love with Aew?” Q asked, with his tone he could have as well been asking about the weather.

Teh hesitated, unsurprised by Q’s perspicacity, but also caught off-guard by a question no one had ever succinctly put to him before. “Yes,” He finally answered, drawing his gaze away from Oh-aew to look at Q.

“I am, too,”

“I know,”

Q threw his head back with a laugh, the mirth of their sorry situation not lost on either of them. Q pulled him closer, posing the next question in a lower tone as though it were juicy gossip: “So tell me; does your brother have any flaws? Tell me about Hoon, Teh; what are his vices?”

Teh found himself chuckling as well, at the absurdity of the question and of their conversation. Wracking his brain for something, he came up blank a couple of times until— “His Japanese is pretty bad,” He finally supplied.

The mirth left Q’s face, replaced by annoyed disbelief. “That’s it! That’s all you can come up with?” He playfully pushed Teh’s shoulder, “Fuck, I’m digging for dirt and all you give me is ‘he’s not particularly bilingual’.”

“Well,” Teh spoke, a somewhat joyless chuckle breaking from his mouth, “Hoon actually speaks English fluently, and, of course, Mandarin…so really it would be more of a fourth language.”

Q rolled his eyes with a groan, “Okay, never mind; let’s talk about something else,”

“I liked your speech,” Teh quipped with a grin, possibly the first one of the whole day.

“Thanks—I hope you don’t mind that I kinda put some words into your mouth about the ‘best men’ thing,”

“—Not at all; I liked what you said about how the ‘real best men’ were actually Oh and Hoon.” Teh assured.

“Well, it’s the truth…I mean, shit, they’re not marrying us.” Q stated depreciatively.

Teh hesitated, unsure if he should make the next joke or not; as it was a bit unsavoury. “Well, actually; I’d only want to marry Oh-aew between the two of them.”

“Understandable,” Q nodded “I’ll marry Hoon, and then have a torrid love affair with Aew.” He had taken the juul from his pocket, inhaling deeply and holding it in.

“You’d cheat on my brother!” Teh pretended to be hurt, Q laughed, swishing his hand back and forth to push the smoke away from Teh’s face. “I’d marry Oh-aew and then have torrid love affair with Oh-aew.” He quipped, glad that the music was loud enough for their conversation to be somewhat private.

“Silly!” Q chastised, “You’re supposed to say that you’d have a love affair with me!” They both laughed, and Teh wanted Q to blow smoke in his face again. “You smell good, what is it?”

Teh thought for a second, caught off guard by the statement. “I guess it’s my body lotion, it’s vanilla and pistachio.”

“You’ll have to text me the brand, I want to get some,” Q offhandedly remarked.

“What did you think of my speech?” Teh questioned.

His companion shrugged, his juul stowed away again. “You’re an actor; you can make anything sound good.”

Before Teh could ask if that was an insult, the song changed; the tempo picked up and thrummed in his chest, beating there like a second heart. Q jerked his head and pulled Teh along with him across the dance floor towards Oh-aew.

Aew danced hard, his skin glistened with a sheen of sweat, his jacket long since discarded as he swirled around his blouse reeling to keep up with the figure it adorned. He was gorgeous and sensual, people’s mouths watered to look at him. Q caught Teh’s eye as their best friend engulfed them in a warm embrace, and when he let go of them they spun him around and hoisted him onto their shoulders. Oh-aew let out a cry of surprise, but he laughed as he threaded his fingers through their hair for balance, and the matched pair felt shivers run down their spines as their love’s nails found momentary purchase on their scalps. A dense crowd formed around them, the music pulsating through their bodies, and a group lifted Hoon up as well, his hair disheveled in the night’s revelry. And after no small amount of jostling the husbands had been carried close enough to touch each other, grasping at each other’s arms for support as they laughed, drinking in the sight of one another. Teh looked up, watching as Oh-aew and his brother leaned in to kiss above the crowd.

#itsay fic #itsay writer net #itsay #ipytm #teh #ohaew #hoon #ipytm q #phantom ship #i told sunset about you #i promised you the moon

[oopsimafannow]

i've written a lot of fic over the years and have some highish kudosed fics out there but honestly one of my proudest achievements is getting three bookmarks and double digit kudos with my bas/oh fix-it that I genuinely thought only I would ever read haha

(my proudest achievement is of course my dean/pharm series -- i'll never top that)

#itsay fic #itsay #oh aew #bas x oh aew #pinkish fic #pinkish writes

[infallible-dreamers]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Michael Guerin, Alex Manes, Liz Ortecho, Max Evans, Forrest Long, Maria DeLuca, Dallas Haines Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, ITSAY au, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers Summary:

Michael had learnt a long time ago if things didn’t concern him, he needed to stay out of it. And even if it did, he probably should still stay out of it because he’d likely make things worse.

So Michael didn't know why Alex coming back made him unable to stay away.

Explores the relationship between Michael and Alex as they relearn their deep connection and come into terms with themselves, their friendship and their complicated and unstable feelings for each other.

An AU based on I told sunset about you.

#two chapters at once because I was sick this week and couldn't do much else #malex #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #rnm fic #itsay AU

[morathicain]

wip titles meme

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Tagged by @inrainprose thank you so much! ;)

My wips get usually titles as soon as I safe them, so I'll try to find all ...

Okay, this is making me cry because I have a LOT of abandoned wips that already have like 1-3k words for so many fandoms v.v

So, I'll make two lists.

Likely to continue/working on:

"Take my love and let it wither"

"It could be worse"

"Masters of (no) seduction"

"Hickey-licious"

"Family secrets"

"The softness of your love was a surprise"

"Subtlety isn't your strong point"

"Weren't you dead?"

"Changes of heart"

"A fluffy menace"

"Two sides to one Shin"

"Your hug means the world"

"possessiveness"

"Bloody promises"

2) Somewhat unlikely to continue but still exists and who knows?

"Hyung"

"Taji"

"We’re found family and you better believe it"

"Someone near me"

"Neutrally surprised"

"Hold my hand until the end of the world"

"The one who brings peace into chaos aka the Chosen One"

"How far until I miss you"

"Knowing myself has never been this difficult"

"So I’ll run as fast as I can to the end of the world"

"A sudden burst"

"Two of the same heart"

"Nice to meet you - once more"

"I don’t remember what “casually” is supposed to mean anymore"

"How to go from hook-up to enemies"

"Cherry magic yourself damnit"

"Brothers alike"

"Nice to meet you - once more"

"The last thing I need is you"

KPXLoA

"Part-time soulmate, full-time problem"

So, if anyone is interested in any or multiple of those titles, feel free to send me an ask! =^^=

Also tagging @ommited-miscellaneously @fishy-lava @bunnakit and @himmelsstern and whoever likes to do his =^^=

#tag game #wips #it took me ages to find all of them #so many folders and so many fandoms #absolutely had forgotten about several of those #there's itsay fics in there which I never finished #and more KP I never managed to continue #damn #I probably missed some too

[isaksbestpillow]

Thai BL Favorites Tag Game

No one tagged me in this, but I'm participating from the sidelines to practise sitting in front of the computer.

Favorite Thai BL: I Told Sunset About You, Bad Buddy, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, Moonlight Chicken, Atots. A lady of a certain age is allowed to have multiple favourites.

Current obsession: Be My Favorite though my obsession is not at a level where I'd be thinking about it day and night. It's a good show! I'm obsessed with Only Friends in advance based on the vibes of today's trailer.

Favorite pairing: PatPran. I don't have one in terms of actors. I'm bi so I'm open to anyone with chemistry haha.

Most underrated actor: I feel like most of the bl guys are doing pretty well with their designer bags and bmws so idk how underrated any of them are. Nammon was good as the doctor in Atots, it's a shame he didn't get more opportunities while in Gmmtv.

Favorite main character: Pat or Pran. I just counted that I've written 4 fics in Pran pov and 4 in Pat pov so I truly cannot choose. I also like Tian and Akk and a bunch of others.

Favorite side character: Suddenly I can't remember any side characters haha. I like many!

Favorite scene in a BL: I'm gonna pick one from the shows that I've listed as my favourites.

Itsay: The hammock scene. The ambiguity of it, how it's the hour between night and morning and everything is a bit blurry.

Bad Buddy: The why do you like me beach scene. Again, I love this type of nighttime intimacy where the rest of the world becomes distant.

180 degrees: The scene where they lie next to each other in bed, both trying to live dead person back to life through the other.

Moonlight Chicken: Wen and Alan breakup bbq scene

Atots: beard shaving scene

I think these scenes all have a similar vibe that I specifically like.

Favorite line in a BL: Don't give my time to others from Itsay. Such a stupidly romantic line with no self-awareness, only something a teenager would say. Also the entire script of 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us.

Most anticipated BL (& why): Only Friends because of strictly intellectual reasons.

Healthiest relationship in a BL: I'm not sure what we mean when me say healthy relationship. A couple that eats kale and goes to the gym? I don't really think in these terms. And like, I have quite a bit of relationship experience because of my age, both good and bad, so this popularisation of red and green flags feels like such an oversimplification. You can have a healthy relationship with a green flag and still go through difficult times. It's also impossible to compare all these bl couples when they represent such different ages and stages and life situations. Some are closeted high school students, some widowed small business owners.

Most toxic relationship in a BL: Again, I don't necessarily think in these terms. But if I were to pick a relationship the narrative expected me to root for but I couldn't, I have to say Pete and Kao from Dark Blue Kiss. I found Pete too aggressive and I got frustrated by how little say Kao had in their relationship. Trying to control your partner's contacts is not right and can even become dangerous.

Guilty pleasure series: I'm too old to feel guilty about tv shows.

Most underrated series: 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us. It's not on Youtube so accessibility is already an issue, but KP wasn't on Yt either yet got hugely popular. I'm promoting it on my blog with the official MV, please watch it!! It's about a 20-year-old developing a thing for a man from his dead dad's gay past.

[tobeornottotc]

#why is it always the bromance shows#the cinematography#chemistry#emotionalism#script and character work#the acting#it makes me get so conflicted

ngl in this regard it does bum me out. I really want more genre/sff based BL/GLs in the world. Kinnporsche (and others following it's footsteps or pre-date it like Trapped) so far was the closest we got since it falls under the crime/mafia genre that remained uncensored. The Untamed and Word of Honor def fall under that genre/sff range but they were unfortunately censored (I don't hold this against them it's just a shame).

But what I wouldn't give for something like Midnight Museum, with it's supernatural modernism mystery but actually including a queer romance at its center stage. I'll ship Khatha/Dome all damn day (and push for more fic to be made) but it does bum me out legit that genre fiction is still so reluctant to include queer romances in the mainstream.

Who knows, maybe Gmmtv will see the response and the way folks had been hoping for Khatha/Dome and next year or the following we'll see another genre show come along that will go there with the romance.

Yeh I mean this isn't the first time where I think GMMTV writers have used bromance in a very extra way that makes you go why didn't you just make it a bl? It would have been one of the best things to be seen as BL, from how we react to stories like Untamed I wish people would see fans are okay with more story telling and world building and two boys being in love with each other and getting together and being explicit about their love won't change the vibes or cheapen the story. I'm having a hard time with bromance used as a tool to remove the chance of directors making shows feel cheaper to them, there's this ideology in thailand because of the BL culture how BL works and how thats the only way it can be viewed, some people out right refuse to call their own deep show a BL (ITSAY) because it feels more than that to them, it really annoys me cause a bl can be just as great, and have a lot of depth to it and different worlds/narratives more than just that aspect. I'm more conflicted at the moment because Korea seems to want to take explicit bls and make them bromance, and that's been something as well as China which did it to censor and be homophobic, I know thailand isnt trying to do that well with this show, but i can't help but wonder, knowing GMMTV can bring something like this to life, why couldn't they have just made it explicitly romance and two lovers pining for each other, it wouldn't change any part of the script, it wouldn't change the way they interact so far in the show, it wouldn't take away from the plot it would have been the same thing and it would have been seen as a really great BL example to follow through with... I want more complicated stories, not just romance. But I will see MM as a bl even if its not because thats how I do shit, I did it with Gifted so meh, it would have just been so great to just get that confirmation that for once we got another GMMTV show that is both a BL and just so unique and different from how bl/queer shows is normally perceived

#thanks for answering me #i knew midnight museum would make me feel like this though #didn't expect so many scenes to be so romantic coded even more than other shows #just wanna enjoy it more and have it be something that could cause something greater #oh well #midnight museum

[gilly-bean]

8 shows to get to know me

Thanks @kyr-kun-chan for the tag it took me some time trying to really think these through but this was a lot of fun!

1. A tale of thousand stars

Atots has to be on this list because it was the first BL that I really really loved and the first thing that got me commenting and not just lurking on this hellsite. There was something really moving about this show, how tender and careful the love was, how fulfilling Tian's journey to self-discovery was- I'd never seen anything quite like it before. This is also why Earth and Mix will forever be one of my favorite pairings ever and I will watch them on anything.

2. I told sunset about you

I told sunset about you was like a transforming experience to me. It's hard to capture it now but watching it the first time I felt like I was a teenager again, I felt those same butterflies, the same anxiety, the same shitty feelings you feel when it's difficult cos you're in love but you don't really understand it and it makes everything awful and beautiful. Itsay made me write and actually post my writing on ao3 for the first time ever that's how much it meant to me.

3. Bad Buddy

I love Bad Buddy, I was obsessed with Bad Buddy, I did nothing else but think about what was going to happen on Bad Buddy for 12 weeks when it was airing, I wrote like a 35k long fantasy au fic about Bad Buddy cos I was so obsessed with it. But what makes Bad Buddy so important to me is the friends I made along the way while watching it- the clown server was my first proper fandom experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

4. Last of Us 

The one thing you should know about me is the fact that nothing gets me going like stories about familial love. If I'm not watching the gays falling in love in a million different ways, I'm watching a show about family. Which is why Last of Us has to be here. Not only is it genuinely a brilliant show, it has all the things I love in it- horror, queer love, a parent destroying the world for their child- yeah I'm all in. And the games were fucking awesome.

5. Succession

Succession is on this list to demonstrate how much I love shows about families. If the Last Of Us is about the lenghts you would go to protect those you love, I think Succession is the opposite- it's about how far you can go in destroying the people you love, how much damage you can do precisely because you love. The characters are all genuinely terrible people and yet they make me feel things cos it's family and family fucks you up. Also it's incredibly funny. Mostly it's incredibly funny. The only thing funnier than the show is Jeremy Strong saying that it's not a comedy.

6. Shameless US

Shameless has to be here because of how much Mickey and Ian meant to me. I think they were the first proper canon queer couple on a show that I actual liked. Season 4 and 5 remain legendary. Mickey still owns the best coming out scene in tv history. And Shameless fundamentally was about family and the relationships between all the siblings were so dear to me. It all felt so familiar and comforting despite no because of the chaos.

7. SKAM 

SKAM has to be here since I truly do not know another series that occupied my brain quite like this one. Not only were the stories so good, the format where clips and texts and photos could drop at any minute made me insane. I was Isak staying up all night. I was him waiting for that text or celebrating that picture that let me know everything was alright. That feeling can't be recreated but I'm so grateful I got to be there for it. Once in a lifetime.

8. Moomins

This is really hard. There's so many shows I love so much but it's really difficult to think what would say the most about me, what has had the most meaning. I ended up choosing the Moomins because that was my favorite series when growing up and it still kinda is. Those silly little characters embody to me what it's like being Finnish and the wave of nostalgia I get from it has everything to do with the sense of place it has. Moomins are home to me.

That was legit so fun. I'm tagging wifeys @elnotwoods and @liyazaki just because I really need to know what those shows are for you even though we've talked about it a lot. No pressure but you know 🥹🙏

#tag game #thai bl #atots #itsay #bad buddy #succession #tlou #shameless us #skam #moomins

[liyazaki]

Good mor-ning! (Sorry, I'm bored today). Questions 1, 30, and 48!

bahaha- never apologize for using puns w/ me 😌

1. what are your top 3 favorite sets you’ve made?

ooo, this is a toughie. it changes, but as of now in no particular order:

the VegasPete tarot set: this is the LAST tarot set I will ever make, so HELP ME (no one let me do that again- friends talk friends off bad-choice cliffs; got it?)

two VegasPete sets that are sort of meant to be a pair: one from Pete's perspective (that inspired a soon-to-be fic; AHHHH! so honored) & one from Vegas's. the second one isn’t a fav really, but again- they go together.

the Fire on Fire redux set: it's nothing spectacular editing-wise, but remaking my first set & comparing my progress over a year was really encouraging (plus it’s ITSAY, so hello sentimental).

30. how frequently do you like to post?

whenever the gay spirit moves me 😂 I don't GIF anything I'm not really into & I mainly GIF currently-airing shows, so it depends on how many have me in a chokehold at the time.

48. how would you describe your giffing style?

if wanting to make GIFs so sharp they look like they could cut you with vibrant AF coloring & great contrast is a style, that’s mine.

I hate the soft visual haze that seems to hang over Thai BLs in particular, but I loooove getting rid of it. I changed my sharpening drastically in February & it's made all the difference.

I haven’t been quietly redoing my old sets because they look blurry & sad by comparison or anything...

ask me gif making questions

#mor answers #ben tag #gif making #ask game #itsay #bkpp

[storyweaverofgondor]

Storyweaver Stranger Things Fanfic Rec List

Time Loop Fix-its:

Steve Harrington's Unwilling Time Loop Saga by badpancake: A two part series and exactly what itsay on the tin. Soooo much angst in this bad boy!

you are going to die in your best friend’s arms. (but he won’t let you leave like that) by oaseas: Dustin Time Loop and one of the first fics i read for this fandom. I LOVE IT!

Steve Centric:

hold on to what we’ve got by KatrinaCastillo: I LOVE THIS FIC! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! A Steve has powers au with him and El and Hopper being a family and lots of angst.

let’s exchange the experience by KatrinaCastillo: Steve gets Vecna’d. Love me that sweet sweet whump!

This Storm Brings Strange Loyalties by windatyourback: Steve centric Upside Down shenanigans. Chapter 5 is one of the best cliffhanger i ever read.

Three Shots by steveharringtoned: Steve jumps in front of a bullet for El. Such good whump!   

Eddie Lives AUs: (technically Eddie’s alive in some of the others, but that’s a central plot point with these)

are there ghosts here or is it just me? by shinshoyu: This fic . . . Holy Toleto, it’s good! Steve thinks he’s hallucinating Eddie . . .or is he? ;)

The dangers in my mind by PrincessAmericaChavez: Steve has a panic attack. Eddie’s alive. Robin’s a good friend. The fic is awesome.

for your eyes only (i'll show you my heart by strawberryspence: Stedde fic.Steve wears glasses and Eddie has feelings about it.

And because i just LOVE IT!

show no fear, for he may fade away by hearth_goddess: Dustin gets Vecna’d and Steve sings one of my favorite songs.

@tending-the-hearth @statisticalcats

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things rec list #fanfic recogmendations

[heesulovebot]

i was tagged by my bb @itoldsunset​ everyone say thank u dawy 😌💕

favourite time of year:

fall!!!!! i am an absolute sLUT for sweater weather!!! cozy hoodies??? long sleeves that cover your hands??? hell yEs

comfort food:

i just love food in general............... like genuinely, i love all food sm always kfdnjsnf i can’t pick just one :((( i would say pho is up there tho. and pork jowl bbq 🤤

do you collect something?:

i haven’t bought a cd in years but i technically do have a cd collection lol 

favourite drink:

boba bitch life 🧋just a plain milk tea??? amazing. i had to cut myself off tho the addiction was getting pretty bad sobs

favourite song:

earth wind and fire’s september AND boogie wonderland are the greatest songs of all time no i do not take constructive criticism thanks 

current favourite song:

currently obsessed with hamid al shaeri’s maktoub aleina 🪩🕺

favourite fic:

so i don’t read many fics but i used to be obsessed with reading 2gether fics because they were so fluffy 🥺 there was this one that was inspired by a studio ghibli film and it was aDORABLE!!! it’s called ‘when he was there’. but the best fic i’ve ever read in my life is also coincidentally a smutty itsay fic but tRUST it’s just gut-wrenching angst lmfao like i don’t like smut really but THIS was art i’m not even exaggerating when i tell you the author of this fic deserves a literary award it was so good. author of ‘mouth trouble’ if ur out there just know that i hate u for making me cry so hard with just oNE word 🥲

tagging!: @patspran @billlkin @elnotwoods @porschetheerapanyakul @pajindapat @snimeat @kinnporsche @kaonoppakao @basvpr @mrdumpling @taeminie @aquynh @jemmo

#tag game #no because mimilamp's writing style is so???? good??? i hope they're a published writer #their minimalism makes me go FERAL how they can say so much with so little

[bbillkins]

Blood Rain

Pairing: Teh and Oh-Aew Genre: Horror, Gore, Fantasy, Supernatural Rating: 15+ Warnings: Implied minor character death, blood, fear, suffocation Wc: 917

repost from twitter and write.as!

A sultry breeze rustled the sweaty strands of hair across his forehead; the only sound that rose above the lapping of water against the sides of the boat, and the gentle glide of the oars he could feel blistering his palms, was the rhythmic pound of his heart in its bone cage. He knew the young master was sitting in the darkness across from him, not even a curve of his form was visible to Teh, but he could sense the other man. Just as he could sense the body wrapped up in a sheet in the bow behind him. The groundskeeper’s hands were in agony as the rough oars grated against the skin that was usually protected by gloves during his day job. Pausing his movements a moment, he listened for a whispering breath from his companion to indicate that he wasn’t all alone…but the young master was silent. A shiver passed over Teh as he resumed rowing; was he out here alone with the body? Had Young Master abandoned him with his lifeless pet? In his head, he conjured images of the other man slinking soundlessly over the side of the boat and into the water; abandoning him to the cave—the cave! The groundskeeper felt his stomach drop when he thought of traversing the cave alone—without the protection of his master—surely he would die!

The wind shifted, chilling the sweat that ran down his face, and pressing his lips together to endure the burn caused by the weight of the water against the oars he slid his foot over the floor of the rowboat, tentatively at first, in search of the other person. He wouldn’t leave him, Teh told himself; Young Master wouldn’t leave him. He had no reason to be sure of this, but a part of himself kept assuring that he wasn’t alone, that he hadn’t been sentenced in this way: there was still so much he hadn’t experienced, that he didn’t know…like how it felt when the young master let go of his inhibition’s and—

Teh felt his companion’s foot now; Oh-aew didn’t budge at the pressure, his feet remaining planted on the boat floor. Breathing a sigh of relief, Teh felt the first rumble of thunder move sonorously through his chest as he exhaled, rattling his ribcage and echoing in the hollow chambers of his lungs. A crack of thunder sounded again, louder and reverberating in the groundskeeper as though he were a shell, nothing more than a pained husk. Big, warm droplets began to fall from the clouds above, soothing the ache in his fatigued muscles. It was a sticky rain, a choking rain; beads of it ran down his face into his mouth, warm and salty where it coated his lips. He licked them, thirsty from his tribulations, but his tongue rejected the thick liquid that coated it; the never not recognizable taste of a bitten tongue or split lip. The macabre rain ran down into Teh’s eyes and hastily he brought his arms across his face to wipe the blurriness away, which only left his eyes stinging.

“Keep rowing,” came the command through the hot, dark night in a cold growl (reminding Teh of the first time Young Master had ever spoken to him).

He could not disobey; he had an inkling of what Young Master could do if he did. The slippery, saturated oars twisted in his grip and his sore hands fumbled to remain true; no one could know about what happened to Pet, it would be their secret. A bolt of lightning split open the sky and through the red blur Teh saw his companion: his beautiful, fanged teeth bared in an exultant way that Teh had never before seen. These sharp pearls ran with blood, Young Master’s head was tilted back paying no attention to the groundskeeper. He needs this, he has no Pet. Teh remembered, not caring anymore that the rain ran down into his eyes and clouded his vision with its red bitumen. Blood rain fell harder, and soon he could not hear as the thick coagulate settled in his ears; he swore his lips were closed yet his mouth seemed full as he sputtered and choked on the heavy downpour. He felt it settling in his nasal passages and running in rivulets down the back of his throat, suffocating him. Desperately he choked out a gasp, but he found no reprieve…only blood, blood, blood. Teh’s mind cried out in terror, but his body remained still, unable to fight.

No, no! He couldn’t fail, Young Master needed his help with Pet, and with his remaining resolve he flailed—

He cried out in horror when Pet’s sheet wrapped around his sticky legs, binding him. Shuddering, he gasped sitting up in his own bed; his own bedsheet coiled about his legs. Teh flinched when the small mattress dipped beside him as his companion shifted: he tried and failed to remember how it had come to be that Young Master was in his bed. The room was absolutely still aside from Teh’s breathing, still in a particular way as only a room with the young master in it could be. Oh-aew rolled over, his eyes glowing faintly red in the night like embers to remind anyone of the growing ache within him. In the moonlight Teh looked for those fangs he had just seen so vividly in his dream on the other, but Young Master kept his pledge despite his increasing thirst and Teh’s pleas.

#teh #ohaew #teh x ohaew #ficlet #horror fiction #i told sunset about you #itsay fic #itsay writer net #let's start #gothic ficlet #itsay

[oopsimafannow]

guess who just watched itsay and desperately needed a better story for oh-aew because he does not deserve that

what if bas could show oh-aew that love doesn't have to hurt? a character study through smut aka character smutty

#itsay #i told sunset about you #fix it fic #bas x oh-aew #oh-aew x bas #oh-aew #bas #itsay fic

[infallible-dreamers]

Chapters: 9/11 Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Michael Guerin, Alex Manes, Liz Ortecho, Max Evans, Forrest Long, Maria DeLuca, Dallas Haines, Kyle Valenti Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, ITSAY au, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers Summary:

Michael had learnt a long time ago if things didn’t concern him, he needed to stay out of it. And even if it did, he probably should still stay out of it because he’d likely make things worse.

So Michael didn't know why Alex coming back made him unable to stay away.

Explores the relationship between Michael and Alex as they relearn their deep connection and come into terms with themselves, their friendship and their complicated and unstable feelings for each other.

An AU based on I told sunset about you.

#malex #rnm fic #ninth chapter of my story is finally out #I'm so slow #but only two left and they're already planned #promise happy things to come #heads up I know very little about cars and that might become evident this chapter to people who know something about cars #michael guerin #Alex manes #ITSAY AU

[gumpasgarage]

Tag 9 People You Want to Get to Know Better-

Thank you @arisprite for tagging me 🙇‍♂️ (side note- I am attached to your art and I enjoy it sm I swear i’m your #1 fan)

Moving on—>

Favorite Color: Forest Green, Navy Blue, Black (pretty basic choices I apologize)

Currently Reading: Several canon-divergence Beyond Evil fics, recently I also started reading the manga “Restart wa Tadaima no Ato de” after having watched the live action movie a long time ago (which was a very easy watch, I remember enjoying it)

Last songs: Songs I’ve consistently listened to for like a month now.

Can’t Translate - Billkin (ITSAY OST)

Into The Black - Chromatics

Empty - CAR, THE GARDEN (BEYOND EVIL OST)

Represent - Nas

One Love - Nas

Player’s Ball - Outkast

Last Series: I’m watching Vice Versa atm as well as Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! Both in my opinion have been pretty good so far

Last Movie: I rewatched Night flight (2014) recently. This movie is very upsetting and has lots of mature themes and I suppose I rewatched it again for the angst fuel I’m not really sure

Currently Working On: I actually started writing again (which I honestly thought I’d never try again) I’m trying to finish this short post-canon fic for one show I recently finished

I started this sketching page solely for breaking bad character doodles, I’m trying to encourage myself to get into my interests again

I’m working on short multi-drama edit with all the shows which have brought me the most anguish

Tagging: @cy-cece @rustinged @haephestus-daughter99 @pepi-nillo @soonsam @ragingbyesexual @heathyr @h1mbog0th

< Casual tagging, I enjoy all your blogs & theres no need to reply if you don’t want to :]

#tag game #⚡️

[soundsaboutrighttumblr]

Crystalline - I told sunset about you ficlet

read on AO3

                     Summary:            

After the final scene of ep 5 on the Cape.

                Salt. It permeates all life along the ocean.  Finds its way through roots and cracks and right down into the coconut water they drank, the memory still remaining on Oh-aew’s tongue.

It’s in the air, crystalline, drifting up the rocky coasts inside the spray of the breaking waves.

It’s inside their sweat, lingering from the long run, prickling on their skin as the evening sun warms each surface it reaches;

it’s also inside the tears that found their way onto Oh’s lips. That he almost can’t remember shedding just seconds ago, now that he has Teh in his arms, against his pounding heart. Almost.

And it’s all inside the taste of Teh’s skin, when Oh holds his lips pressed against him, smiling against Teh’s neck, shaking and laughing and sparkling through every facet, all those emotions finally breaking along his shores.

His breaths still hurt Oh’s lungs and throat, strained from the harsh pace of the run and tight held sobs, then sobbing laughs.

Their bodies together radiate a joined heat, left over from the climb’s exertion, and they just stand, stay inside it. But something cautious still clings to the cracks along Oh’s core.

“You won’t change your mind, right?”

A wet and broken hiccup shivers through Teh, and then his head is shaking along Oh’s shoulder.

“I won’t.” It’s laughter. It’s pain also.

Oh’s legs still feel too unsteady to put his weight on, so he leans against Teh, and they sway together, Teh’s palms rubbing roughly against his back above the backpack: trying to give a calmness he surely doesn’t have himself. So giddy, so desperate and sorry, but so here and now and from now on.

A part of Oh stays afraid that the blink of an eye will steal this Teh from him, like a dream upon waking. Still, it’s half his choice, half their very own gravity, that has him surrender into their embrace, all in, despite everything.

Because he will take it. All of it.

It’s what makes him bury his face in the crook of Teh’s neck, inhaling and tasting, a line of salt-wet kisses along the seam of Teh's shirt.

It's what -once Teh shivers- makes Oh pull back, and before they can fully look at each other, finds Oh’s lips just shy of the corner of Teh’s mouth, continuing the kiss there.

When Teh freezes, Oh stops; moves. Takes himself back a bit, and glances up to the stairs of the Cape. It’s almost dusk now and they’re far from all others and the concrete walkway, but he doesn’t know the extent of their new secret.

Yet, when he turns his eyes back, Teh’s are already waiting, just looking back like that, and Oh thinks, here, like this, it might just be okay.

Then Teh kisses him.

Just a dry soft touch of lips to lips, a leaning in, a reassurance, as sweet on Oh’s skin as the grip of Teh’s trembling fingers in Oh’s shirt is coiled tight.

There’s so much in that kiss that is held back, yet it all pours into Oh anyway, for all that is not held back flows.

When they stop, it’s hard to, but they do. Their foreheads stay close, hair damp with sea-salt and sweat.

“I might need some time. To tell Ma. Is that okay?”

Oh looks up at the scratchiness in Teh’s voice. When Oh nods, stunned still, Teh adds like an afterthought:

“Hoon knows, though.”

It takes a few moments for Oh to wrap his mind around it, but when he does, it feels like he understands better now how they ended up standing here today, just for it.

Teh's fingers play with the straps of his backpack all the while through. The muscles in Oh's shoulders throb faintly from running with the weight all afternood, but it's only a side-thought.

“What about the others?” Oh makes his tone soft, the embrace of his arms around Teh’s middle looser, so that he knows there is no pressure.

Teh shrugs, then fumbles for his phone, holds it up next to them. Oh feels fingers intertwine with his and looks down, just as he hears the click of the shutter.

The picture that Teh shows him on his phone then is just of their hands holding each other, grainy and a bit dark, the dusk-grey sand and muted green of the Cape behind them.

Teh raises his eyebrow in question. Oh gives him a playful stern pout in return:

“There will be teasing.”

Another one-shoulder shrug, jostling gently against Oh's side:

“Let them make of it what they will.”

“Oh, they sure will.”

Teh holds Oh’s gaze all the while moving his thumb to the post button, to give him time to object. With a lift of his eyebrows, Oh doesn’t.

Teh posts it to their group chat, without caption.

This is okay, Oh thinks. It’s subtle but true. Bas will understand, and he deserves to know. He just hopes this will hurt him the least possible way.

Oh looks down, at their still entwined hands between them. The day and the ocean has made them damp and a bit sticky with salt, but Oh doesn't mind one bit.

They speak at the same time: “Do you want to get something to eat?”/ “Do you want to come stay at the resort tonight?”

Because Oh can’t stand the thought of letting go just yet, even with the sun setting.

“Okay.” Teh answers first.

And Oh nods, waves still breaking inside, and not stopping soon.

They'll have few days left here like this. Before everything will be new again.

A big city. University.

And their new secret that seems less and less like one, yet still more and more like their own private promise.

One that is no longer just a letter, a sign, a word and a name to a feeling.

But also a taste that Oh is allowed now, a taste of salt on skin.

                             Notes:  

Everyone, I always love your feedback, it makes my day, and sometimes gives the push to start scribbling again, like in this case. Thank you all so much for that, and let me know what you think, of them, of this, always <3

#itsay #i told sunset about you #my fic #itsay fic #Teh and Oh-Aew #episode five #finale #kiss

[soljiwann]

feeling insane i must read some soljiwan fics to feel normal again

#literally they have wormed their way into my head #and made their home there once again #and now suddenly i miss them VERY MUCH #maybe its inkpha and the fact that we have. so little wlw stories #i wanna hold the ones we got so tight to my chest and never let go #godd which fic should i start with #i love that i have memory issues so like. i can #straight up just start with the fic i wrote myself #and take it from there #if anyone has soljiwan fic recs........ #god how unhinged would it be if there was a soljiwan itsay au.... HAHA.. #unless!!!!!! ...................unless.... #god now i wanna write one so bad brooooo #if enough ppl say yes i would do it. soljiwan itsay au #kdrama #soljiwan #sapphics #wlw