#ive been pushed aside

[andichoseyou]

im literally so alone😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 just so so lonely like i truly have nobody except for myself yoyok fr..... yoyok FR...

#all my friends are gone #my family has moved on #ive been pushed aside #all i have is myself now and i dont know what to do #im just so sad you guys #so sad #so alone #i hate waking up in the morning #i hate going to sleep because i know i will have to wake up #i just don't want to wake up!!!!! #my thoughts

[tomwaterbabies]

kind of blessed to have gotten into tts/vat7k After The Show Ended. the discourse would have driven me insane im sure. cassunzel is so real btw

#posting #ive glimpsed into people being absolutely fucking crazy about varian LOL #saying he should have been the main antagonist- that cass was irredeemable- etc etc #like yeah hes my favorite and i have issues with how they wrote the show #not exactly feeling like cass needs to be pushed aside for that tho. lol #kind of ties into how i dont like the whole... opposites attract thing with him and hugo #that was kind of cass and rapunzel's Whole Thing #theres nothing wrong with doing it again ig but. idk. it feels like focus is being taken away from the ladies #and their dynamic was SOOOO good. so good (even if the writing uh. faltered. at points) #and i say this as someone who Obviously has varigo as its favorite thing in the world forever

[ardate]

.

#just me rambling #badvibe #god. i feel so let down by my friends these days #it's been a billion things piling up for many many weeks #and right now i just got told by a friend with whom I was supposed to go to a convention that she forgot I was coming #so she won't be able to pick me up cuz she's going with her mom instead #we made plans for visiting that city in the morning before going to the convention and all. #i put it down in my agenda and moved plans around to accomodate for it. but she straight up... #entirely forgot i was supposed to be there #she forgot about me #and i'm SO. FUCKING DONE. ABOUT BEING AN AFTERTHOUGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME #this is just too fucking much. between this and my childhood friend who acts distant w me ever since there was a dumbass quiproquo #where i have to fucking work hard everytime at creating a good atmosphere whenever we see each other cuz she wont put in that effort #and another friend who's been utterly ignoring me on purpose for some fucking goddamn reason i don't know why or what i did #ignoring me or being rude other times #all of those are just examples but its been so many things #i have been. SO fucking patient with everyone. ive helped them so many times too- sometimes to my own loss #i've been so kind and understanding despite my personal struggles - keeping my feelings of anger and injustice at bay #and i get what in response? i'm fucking. forgotten i guess. pushed aside. treated like a nuisance #i feel like its at the point where the closer they are to me the less effort they put in. cuz i'm a given now. they can treat me like shit #they treat strangers better than their close friend cuz they know i'll just take it. or smth. i'm a punching ball for bad moods #i'm done being the understanding one. what about that. what if others were the ones having to come to me and be kind instead #what if i was the one people coddled and offered sympathy to for once in my fucking life #idk. just fucking explode #i feel so disrespected. and uncared for #and so deeply unloved #i'm done. i'm done #the convention thing was just the fucking hammer to break my back after everything #i'm so deeply heartbroken #do i matter to the people i care about

[filmfactors]

TOH FINALE SPOILERS

I think people acting like the bit of ‘some people are just bad and irredeemable!’ in Owl House is such a BOLD NEW TAKE need to watch more shows, or read more books or watch more movies. There’s more out there than She-Ra or Amphibia or Steven Universe, I promise...

I’m not even saying this take was wrong per-say in the finale, I just hoped for much more nuance and intrigue than I got.

#owl talk #toh spoilers #a lot was built up for belos and had absolutely zero payoff and i put a lot of faith in the crew for ANYTHING even more vague crumbs #but instead its all dismissed for UR GOOD HE BAD end of story #i generally wouldnt be so mad if i hadnt praised owl house so much #or how much ive said belos is my favorite recent animated villain in YEARS #belos deserving to not go out with a bang doesnt mean its good writing when they did that #theres loads of potential of something being anti climatic but still have good resolution #i wouldve been okay with luz just watching him die as he begged but they had to add in the curb stomp and it ruined the moment #it all just felt like one big joke and pushing a lot aside for the collector... which is a whole other can of worms #to keep it short: i dont think collector shouldve been in the show belos shouldve remained the sole antag

[orcelito]

Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

#speculation nation #'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain #frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches #(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week) #then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up. #and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So #in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those. #what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells #i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong. #but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden #i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches #all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick. #im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out. #havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling #and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now #idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it. #i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live. #im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired. #give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭 #i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[sketchdeath]

thinking about how i legitimately have a learning disability that was never ever caught despite [insert all the horrors] and now im an adult who has barely an elementary school childs basic grasp of math 😐🤨‼️👍

#slipping thru the cracks like water #sorry i just had a random memory of like. all the times thruout my entire life that i just. couldn't do it and thought that i was going to #grow up to be a failure. #debatable rn to be honest‼️👍 #mine #i feel like i cant even talk about how little i know too. i feel like ill be ridiculed. because i have been lol! #yes ive made the effort to learn yes i went to tutoring. i just got pushed aside the majority of times because well. lol. i was coasting. #and now even doing basic math makes me actually legitimately panic. its like im reverted back to trying to do it in school and not being #able to. #i can not do mental math. i can only do some very basic stuff #i can not read fractions or decimals #i can not read big numbers #it is difficult for me to count things in a row especially if those things are very similar #i can not properly measure time or estimate the time it takes for me to get ready/leave for things. i have to plan things in advance to #extreme lengths #cant calculate a tip on the fly. very bad at estimating that. have to preplan. #struggle with coming up with how much things will cost when put together/estimating cost #super fun stuff that makes me feel infantalized as an adult 👍

[alice-the-arcane]

That's it, I'm dedicating my tongue piercing to Odin.

This is the most painful piercing I've ever gotten and because of the swelling and pain, I haven't eaten since Friday (my diet has primarily been Arizona Green Tea). I won't be able to eat until Saturday. I asked Odin for strength as I was getting it done and my anxiety definitely subsided (granted my piercer was very nice and also helped my anxiety).

So, Odin, I dedicate this tongue ring to you.

#original post #witchblr #witchcraft #norse deities #odin deity work #odin deity #ive been pushing aside my fear of needles for piercings

[hermanunworthy]

me at the grocery store the other day as i buy the same comfort food that i always do and listen to dndads like i always do, trying my best to act normal in public and resist the urge to stim bc im so happy: ....holy shit i might be autistic

#i just think its funny that ive been like nahhhh theres no way for years #but dndads has been one thing to make me reconsider #idk how to know for sure though #for now its just a silly thought i will have to push aside #siren says

[attaboy-art]

day 7: plvsaa

[Image ID: A digital portrait from the waist up of Ridelle Mystere from Professor Layton Vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, facing forward and slightly looking upwards with her right hand held up in preparation as she's choosing a book from an unseen bookshelf. She is shrouded in darkness and behind her is a bookshelf packed with low-detail multicolored books. /.End ID.]

@layton-npc-appreciation-week

#slams my head into the wall. I did it I finished another art week #jokes aside THIS WAS VERY FUN... ive always been meaning to draw some of my favorite npcs from these games so this event was a godsend #i also got to experiment w/ perspective work and doing a blendless style which was fun #i am. so tired. i have a painting WIP thats been in the works for a while now but i think im just gonna Relax for a bit before revisiting it #sighs. once again Very fun event loved seeing everyone elses art & enjoyed pushing myself when it came to making backgrounds #but ohh. Ohh im taking a Looooooong nap after this #art #professor layton #pl #plvsaa #plvspw #fanart #digital art

[truckstoptigers]

my cousins miss me but i can't talk to them yet

i have to get better at coping with what i remember before i can do that. i love them so much but sometimes the abuse happened in their trailer while they were home and i can't help but think about that whenever i do see them (very very rare occasions).

they don't know what their uncle (my father) did to me or how badly it fucked me up. they have no idea that the reason i don't feel like i can talk to them right now isn't because of them or because i'm not interested, it's because i'm too fucking scared i'll let something slip or that, somehow, that information will get into the wrong hands and i'll end up with a shitstorm of victim blaming, gaslighting, and denial (not from my cousins, but our extended family) because i know the adults won't believe me. i know. they've shown me just how much they 'care about' me before.

my older cousin has a son now. he's beautiful. i can't wait to meet him someday. i just... don't know when that will be, and i wish i did. i just don't think i'm ready.

#it makes me so fucking sad im scared to see my own family bc of my trauma #but their dad is also the same uncle im unsure of whether or not he abused me too #i wish it was different. but its not and i have to just deal w that first. i know i cant push myself too hard w that #theyre the only family on that side i care abt aside from my siblings (and my stepmoms aunt & their mom) and i cant. even see them. #my stomach is hurting again and unfortunately that usually brings Thoughts w it so. yeah. #milo murmurs #csa vent #tw csa vent #csa tw #fucking hellllllll #i feel like ive been having a nasty ptsd episode for three months straight

[mimzy6bunny]

so humiliating, my professor wanted to see examples of my art and since I don't post fuckin anywhere i had to open fuckin tumblr in front of him so i could show him my drafts 💀

#my drafts r the only place I put my art aside from my own pc #if i didnt hate my drawings sm i would make like an artblog or an ig account maybe #im hoping to get some illustrations assignments on my internship thats why i showed it to him #art has been kicking my ass for like 5 years in a row #and ive been art blocked for most of it its hard to push myself to post it meh #he did like my drawings tho so that's nice ig #i don't like them but at least i know someone does #myn.txt

[dizzybevvie]

Feel free to ignore this!!! this is kinda like public journalling?? i dont wanna keep talking to my friends about it <3

#So obviously i dont want to “make this about myself” but im gonna push that aside to examine my own thoughts foe a bit #obviously 6 hours isnt a good time scale but i want to get this out of the way #so ive journaled some thoughts about how I WANT to let myself feel discomfort #-and gross and stuff so I can release it instead of pushing it aside and just prolonging the feeling #I want my brain to know i forgive myself for feeling like this in spite of not being the injured person because its normal #I am not worried for the guy that got hit because I know that other than a broken leg he is all around okay #although i did find out that my age estimate of 13-14 was wrong and hes actually 11 or 12 #i feel bad for him obviously !!! #but this is for me to get out my own feelings #I am easily disturbed and his leg was VERY broken #ive not broken a bone before (or really been injured at all) and it made me very uncomfortable #I felt sick and/or like i was going to cry #I called my mum but she had to go in a rush because of Plans (totally fair!!!!) #The noise of the hit was insanely loud and definitely whats twisting me up the most #since i wasnt looking i dont know if it was just him getting hit OR if it was also the bone snapping #although the bone snap could 100% be something my mind made up #i think thats psrtly whats frustrating idk how much of this is real #like I thought i saw the inside of his leg but i almost definitely didnt #i dont know #im not like. DISTRESSED. #Im just feelinf kinda queasy i havent stopped thinking about the noise it made and how LIMP his leg was #I was so anxious crossing the roads on my way home #and getting off my bunkbed makes me think im gonna snap my ankle everytime #But its natural to feel that yknow?? like ill move forward and after that ill be able to move on too #I think feeling it is the easiest way to do this i dont want to push it down #i cant ask for a day off for reasons #oversharing on main #beverly says stuff #tw bones #tw car accident

[cybertranny]

.

#it's morbidly fascinating how differently ive reacted to the recent anti-trans legislation compared to others #i don't think i ever really saw cis people as being on our side. and in general people who arent queer very very rarely will stand up for #us when it comes down to it i think #and ive never really lost that perception of 'it's us queers vs the world' unlike many people who've actually like experienced acceptance #(or at least a lack of extreme discrimination). #idk. for many this is a horrifying new development for me this is horrifying but not new. the veils just been pushed aside #cw transphobia #(to clarify im referring to cis people as a whole privileged group ive met individual cis people who are incredible allies)

[excadrill]

UNREAL how bad i want to work on art but Cannot right now

#and it's fine bc i'll have time after i move !! #but basically all my art lately has been for zines and stuff for Me gets pushed aside and i just wanna do smthn for Me rn 😭😭 #not that ive been able to work on zine stuff either like ive hardly been at my laptop at all recently u__u;; #sorry i keep saying this but not being able to drive when i have the motivation to is a form of torture #simon says

[innovation-daughter]

but like on a srs note i so desperately wish to be loved in a romantic way but after the fuckery that was my last relationship and the way that whole ordeal made me feel, i am absolutely terrified to date again

#its been 2 years since i last even saw someone or hooked up or whatever and i feel like ive forgotten how to put myself out there #turns out when u spend a year with someone that pushes ur concerns aside and only pays attention when they want to get off is not good #like i never realized how hard it is for me to trust someone or even believe that im loveable bc of that #and ffs im 21 almost 22 i am young i am a spring chicken #but its still hard cause everyone around me is in long term relationships meanwhile #i dont reply back to texts bc im convinced im gonna get screwed over #so basically this is a psa to not date ppl with severe mommy issues #mine

[pinkseas]

i think im starting to get better at forming and holding my own opinions #girl

#usually i like. idk #SOMETIMES i go yeah i Know this i think This and i know that i think this etc #but for the most part #i tend to assume the people around me are smarter and know better than i do #so i always view my own thoughts as silly and self indulgent and theirs as more correct #but ive been thinking about stuff with like. cabinetduo and with cq and some abt karlnapity and the egg and stuff #and i dont like pushing those aside as silly. not really. i like the way i think about them i enjoy and reinforce my own view #like ofc i also GREATLY enjoy interpretations that r different to mine but #now it feels like thats Alongside my own thoughts instead of above or in place of them #its. nice #feels a little like healing #alyalyoxenfree