#ive been sleeping on it for way too long

[sleepanonymous]

Been a while since I've posted Jaws on this blog 😉 I'm 99% sure I haven't shared this video yet, but if I have I'm sorry. I just can't describe how magical it feels when 4:38 hits and II shushes the crowd and then III and IV finally come into frame and stay in frame while Vessel plays the piano. It's so... beautiful might be the wrong word, especially with III bouncing around like that, but it's the word i'm using 🤣

#sleep token #vessel sleep token #ii sleep token #iii sleep token #iv sleep token #vessel #ii #iii #iv #video #youtube video #song jaws #sleepanon jawspost #because it's been way too long #and the resident jawsposter needs to start jawsposting again

[brainrotdotorg]

My grandmother had a stroke . Shes lucid and out of surgery right now so i am thankful for that. Going to be staying at my grandparents place tonight. Drove a super long way to come back and im so so so tired and i have a cold n cant stop coughing and i miss my boyfriend and i dont want to drive ever again

#not doing well. my head hurts. im just exhausted and trying to sleep #but my nose is stuffed #im just glad my grandmother is doing better than the doctors expectee #i was so scared i was crying like half the drive back home #awful car crash on the high way thd blocked the roads for two hours. two cars completely totaled. #scared the shit out of me. #started raining like ive never seen before when i was on the road too. could barely see ten feet ahead of me #ive just been so on guard all day long and nos im laying in bed trying to decompress #before i pick my mom up from the airport #idk man.

[skitskatdacat63]

HE'S SO CUTE

#...hands 🫠 #old man who is in fact babygirl #i am posting a lot today wow! #thats bcs this is actually in my timezone so i can make gifs #and not feel constrained by the fact that i either still need to sleep or that ive been up for way too long #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #fa14 #formula one #2023 miami grand prix #2023 miami gp #we do a little bit of f1

[toaster-selfships]

Send me good wishes yall. I'm going to try and work on some late work when I get home but I'm chronically bad at doing that without an energy drink but I'm not ready for the impending doom of selling my soul to energy drinks so I can function

Uuhhhhhhhhh I accidentally went on a tangent and there's a whole vent in the tags oopsies

#i already get an energy drink every time on my lunch break at work. but thats partly cause im not too fond of my current job anyways #i dont need perfect grades just. as long as theyre passing i dont care #and are still passing grades after whatverr the finals do to it #im going to a trade school anyways gpa doesnt matter. ive just. QUITE LITERALLY. spent my whole life smacking my head into a desk- #-cause of school. and im so desperate to get my ass outta here. It'll be so much easier cause i will be free from family too #once i get my own place that is. I honest to God would rather sell my soul to two jobs and come home to peace and breathe #than this hell now. being at school is tourment and being at home is tourment. cant wait till im actually HOME. and not some. house. #home is where the dodge challenger that i will sleep in is. home is where the heart is. and my heart isnt anywhere here. #just. one more year. i can get my license at my brithday which is all the way in decemeber but. one more year from now #and I can scrape by and graduate and say adios. #i refuse to acknowledge the scenerio of not making it cause. fuck it we ball or something. am i using that saying right #i already did my time in prison(summer school) #i dont know about yall but summer school was honestly one of the WORST expereinces ive ever been in. horrible.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[skyeateyourdonuts]

weeoo

#this is gonna be me talking in tags today #ive been rather sleep deprived lately trying to keep up with everything around me #and its been taking a toll on my health like #if i go too long like this i tend to feel more lethargic and my allergies kick in #i got a sore throat bc my room has been Freezing and then i get headaches way way easier #often times my face will flush but its just my nose and idk why #well anyways lmao i just aint feelin great due to lack of sleep #so i emailed my teachers and stayed home and others might say this wasnt it #but i can barely get to sleep at all these days and just bed ridding myself #seemed like the only way for my body to be like #'fine 🙄 u can sleep' lmao #thats actually one of the worst symptoms is im restless i just Cant grt to sleep no matter how hard i try #ive had a couple days where i was running on 2-3 hours bc i spent even longer Laying there #anyways i hope this makes a difference im tired of feeling tired and shitty #luckily my mood has weirdly been high #its just my sleep and health that are low #i think when the sleepiest soldiers are unable to get sleep thats when u know smths wrong #i think also so much is happening and me trying to keep up is taking more outta me than i expected #im a gal who gets overwhelmed easily even if im happy w whats happening lmao #tho im not Happy im more In a Good Mood lmao #side tangent but i HATE being an adult who doesnt have like idk Help lmao #like my dad was so nice to me sometimes and helped me sometimes #i could go a whole day sleeping bc id be fucking exhausted #and hed qake me up and ask me when i last ate and if i couldnt decide but itd been too long #hed make smth for the both pf us or hed make it For me and id just be able to like recover lmao #ah adulthood is hard lmao #alright im done #gata #no need to read <3 yall

[toastsnaffler]

after I've worked thru my current library stack I think im gonna reread tlt for the millionth time. bc I deserve it <3

#i just wanna feel smth... ive been suppressing the hyperfixation too long I need to get rly annoying abt it again. and make so much fanart #fortifying the defences before the seasonal depression properly hits..!! #my flatmate was saying it would probably help to have a project or smth and shes right its just difficult for me to start things atm #so it might be easier to go back to smth familiar but interact with it a new way. i want to annotate more and draw a tonnnn #and dredge up the half finished art I drew 2 years ago when I first read gtn..... #I definitely have a list of personal projects id like to work on somewhere but maybe this can work as an on ramp to that. we shall see #anyway going to bed early bc i have parkour tomorrow morning and also i wanna read a few chapters of smth before i sleep.. byeeee #.diaries

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man. #like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread? #and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man. #so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

[skrunksthatwunk]

yeah i can't come to class today, sorry. yeah. yeah. it's cause my hair's too long. mhm. gonna put me out of commission til the weekend at least

#fuck it's too long it's too long it's too long hate hate hate hate hate kill kill kill #i am resisting the urge to cut it all off with scissors but just barely #i havent been able to go home lately and my clippers are there. fUCKK #ITS TOO LONG SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE #i cant stop thinking about shaving my head again or at least cutting it short #it's summer i should have short hair summer is for short hair FUCKK THIS IS WEIRD #i feel like a sad stonermetal mushroom. in middle school. and NOT in a cool way if that wasnt clear!! #hhhhhhhhgnnnghfhn fuckk i feel so gross and weird #i didnt even do anything why are my spoons gone FUCKK. SHITITTTUJ DAMMIT #this is so dumb i literally skipped my second class for no reason and i have so mucj work but i didnt even do anything #i shoudktn be this out ofnit. euhhhhhghh #and i have a new friend and he really really wants to hang out and i dont hav.e the spoons #but i feel so bad.. and i have other ppl i wanna hang out with but i cant bring nyself to readh out #and even if they reached ouy i probably wouldnt be able to respond and i have to go see a show thid week too #bc theyre doing into the woods and i love that shit and i promised id go ans ive been lookign forward to it for months #but i cant. bwuhhhhhhhhghhhh #and i cant just tell the new friend i don't wanna hang out twice this week (one is the play) bc i blew him off all last week #i really dont wanna hurt his feelings but i really can't communicate like he wants me to. and ive kinda said that but still #mmmmmmnnnnuguhghh hes only doing it bc i mean a lot to him but it's moving so fast ans I can't really be there forbhim the way he probably #deserves.. i should probably eat skmething idk. eughhhhhhhhgghhghhggh. melting into a pile of slop and slurry rn #just gonna sink into my bed and not sleep and feel bad. hoorayy

[needylittlegirl]

its the season of me forgetting that sun exposure can trigger autoimmune flare ups !!! born the be a little plant forced to be a sickly victorian child

#its HOT today so of course for my break i decided to sit outside in direct sunlight #5 minutes in i can feel it seeping into my bones in a bad way #i think its funny that all my life i’d spend sunrise to sunset swimming or playing outside #and i’d be *exhausted* and my mom just figured its cause i was so active #now we know !! #ive also gotten significantly more sensitive?? to it #like when i was little i could spend hours outside and just need to sleep alot the next day #now i notice the yuck seeping in within the first hour #its nothing horrible i just get achy and exhausted so its manageable #its usually in the middle of summer where it sucks cause im outside everyday so i never get recovery time #but i always just push through it cause i like being outside #so i push through it til i physically cant <3 and then i need like 3 days to recover #but thats only towards the end of summer #i also always get a lot of symptoms in summer that i dont usually get the rest of the year #and i think its cause it so suddenly trigger flare ups #idk #my thighs and shoulders are always the first to feel it when ive been outside too long #and then i start to get a headache #if i go inside when the headache hits i can prevent everything else #buuut <3 i never listen to my body <333 #u guys dont need to know any of this #if youre still reading ilyyy kiss kiss mwa mwa

[storm-of-feathers]

👍

#im done spiralling at least for right now #i double dosed on ambien bc tbh i probably need that good sleep #i have a beluga plushie i got from mystic. ive named him steve #i also have a jellyfish plushie i named peanut butter bc i think im hilarious #theyre both here. theyll help me with sleep #im so sorry for the past few days #ive been just. #this breakdown has been coming for a long long time #the summer is cruel. i want it to be fall #i can blame some of this on my period i guess #but deep down im just a broken person who takes things way harder than they should #so when bad things happen i dont always handle them well #july was cruel to me. i buried family and friendships. #im started to want to be buried too. #and that doesnt scare me like it should. #but it doesnt matter. bc ill eventually feel better. bc im supposed to be fully recovered and have dbt skills.

[biteapple]

? Olive has the same meow for "please come pet me while i eat" and "please come here and play with me" now, which only developed after i bought her a new toy (quickly became her new favorite) which is interesting. maybe this is a general meow for "pay attention to me" now .. she no longer really meows for being pet while she eats anymore after buying this toy for them both, for some reason, which is good (that was a REALLY bad habit of hers ive been trying to wean her off of)

#her meow for ''please play with me'' USED to be a very high pitched cry which changed #i feel like ive been playing with her in the same amount as i used to though so i dont think its that #she has the ''pet me while i eat'' habit because as a kitten my family had many adult cats that used to bully her #so i would make sure they didnt push her away from the food dish by staying near her when she ate. which she then wanted into adulthood #i then specifically would feed my cats upstairs in my room after that went on too long #that was a combination of a lot of bad things all at once that she grew up in (family only giving cats one food dish & free feeding them) #i would later atleast convince them to add a second and third dish to different areas that i'd maintain #while having my own food and water up in my room for my cats #.. still .. there were 7 cats. #its a lot better now though. there's only 3 cats that live in that house now. and i took my two girls with me here #i get to care for them how i'd like now .. its better that way #she developed the very high pitched cry when i left for a year while i was trying to sort out my living situation. #apparently she used to meander the house carrying a toy around and looking for me the year i was away #i know thats a separation anxiety thing (she also does this when i go to work and go to sleep) but she'll do it for play as well #they both have different toy collections and styles of play they prefer that im trying to add to and expand #i wanna get one of those kick-y toys next. those fish that wiggle. i think Olive specifically will LOVE that #Hope is more of a ribbon-toy and laser light girl. Olive likes to kick and kill her toys but has overlap with toys Hope likes too

[weenhands]

i dream about being loved just the way that i am. i think sort of an indifferent boyfriend towards my traits would be the dream

#it would be like my last but i would ask a million questions all day long. the most useless rabbit hole questions. #and he wouldnt forcefully find it lovely or endearing nor would he find it annoying. hed just....understand and kinda tolerate #i would ask him for all of my same foods when he cooks and he wouldnt really find it cute or infantilize me. he wouldnt find it annoying #hed just make them over and over and hed take care of me when im complaining that its too bright and my brain is going dizzy because of it #hed remind me to eat and do all of my other executive dysfunction stuff #i think i want someone who gets along with my disability not in a way where he has fallen in love with them #because my traits are objectively weird and annoying sometimes and strange to allistics #ill always feel that way or feel that judgement #i just wanna feel “tolerated” but mostly have room for my traits to just be with someone #just. understanding. its not a big deal to them ig #its 4am and i cant sleep so im typing this instead #idk i guess lately ive been thinking alot abt this and its annoying but. Yea im not like other ppl that is Way too obvious to anyone #who pursues me👍 and i guess i hate that feeling when ur disability just inevitably severely alienates u from ppl #and with wanting to feel loved lately. This fantasy just keeps popping up

[pepprs]

#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running #away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made #basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not #doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start. #purrs #i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any #sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY #part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move #out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older #but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings. #forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only #made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to #move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest. #i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use #my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a #atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i #did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging #fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy #home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it? #delete later #i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 #also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#focus who? i dont kno her #its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers #annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me #do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time #and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol #maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol #maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs #bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like #ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine #shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus? #well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal #or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not #there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand #how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me #bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful #ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-] #but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning #being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure #maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭 #unrelated

[hiraya-rawr]

This ask probs sounds weird from the beginning, but like I'm so comforted that you also are/went to college and finding your own way out there?? Like, I get so sad and stressed about finding money for college and my stuff, but then I see that you've also been through/working through the same things?? And it just makes me feel a little more motivated/happy? It's like that one chant of "one of us! One of us!"

no no no it's not weird at all! the main reason i started sharing random things about me was exactly because a content creator i admired talked about their daily life and it just— it made things so much more human? it made me feel more connected to them?? like they're not just a blogger centered around genshin but they're also people with a whole other life and yeah 🥹 i get what you mean and im so happy you feel the same way!

#life is too short to keep to myself #im an advertising arts student #im living away from home in a condo unit #i struggle with the language but im getting the hang of it #my schedule is usually full but i find time to socialize #i also take walks around campus for exercise #and ive been visiting the library every day to do work #i flirt with the barista in my starbucks and he's pretty cute #he knows me by name now #im stressed about a lot of things but i feel like i have everything under control #i sometimes get sad and lonely #but i try not to let it get to me #sleep is the best way to get rid of sadness in my opinion! #second only to shopping or good food or a long walk #hira rant