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#ive got a strong back. allegedly.
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I Am Being Held Hostage. Send Help.
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wakeupfreanz · 2 years
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The other person in Monsta x seems to me is minhyuk or jooheon. Their company lucked out with IVE, but still they did dirty to these guys.
You should definitely do a reading on Red velvet as Selugi is coming out with a solo album in October. I need to know if they are stuck with 10 year contract allegedly.
I saw their company schedule calendar it still shows 2023- 2024 album comebacks. Are they going to get fx treatment? Their concert date got postponed, what is that trash company doing?
Irene also has her own show, trying to repair her image, I don't know if this is going to work. Even red velvet reality show is coming up next month, so I can see a comeback 👀
RV Comeback before years end?: Lovers, strong yes. Irene's redemption succeeds?: 8oC rev, likely yes. However this will not come without some pushback that is likely to be smothered out and silenced. In the end, Irene will win this one, despite whoever's opinion. RV receiving the f(x) treatment?: 4oW, likely yes. Feels here like there is at least one person who has been tempted many times to leave or try to differentiate themselves, but they always find themselves back in the same spot, working. In the end, the money for RV will not be drying out easily or very soon at all. If there is not a world tour announcement that has been made. We will be seeing one very soon, dare I say spring/late spring for the timeline. Keep your eyes out for Wendy over these next 6 months.
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mxpseudonym · 4 years
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Just Good Business IV
Pairing: Tommy x Reader
Reader Gender Expression: She/Her pronouns, “wife”
Summary: After Tommy has to put down his horse, you want him to lean on you for once.
Length: 2080 words (allegedly)
Warnings: animal death, cursing, and as usual, underlying tones of forced/arranged marriage
A/N: It’s my bday so I decided to post this part today! I hope you like it, it’s been a journey. I’m going 
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part V
--
You weren't what your mother would call nurturing or sentimental. 
Not that you didn't know how to love or take care. You'd just rather live life as freely as you could and not be tied down by attachments to those who don't love you as much as you love them or worrying about keeping a house. Your mother said it wasn't becoming, and men would be turned away. You wished she would have warned you instead. That when there was the right person, one you'd do just about anything for, you can be the thing you never thought you could be, just for them. 
It had been the better part of a year, and you were still learning that marriage was simple in definition, but by no means easy. Tommy only made that more accurate. He was driven and focused at work, which made you better at your job as well. You were making a name for yourself as a partnership, and things were as thrilling as ever at home. Tommy talked to you and let you in little by little. It wasn't something you asked for, but it did make you do the same. Even after knowing each other for a mere year and a half, you knew each other reasonably well. Which was why you were pacing in your bedroom, arms wrapped around yourself to stop you from biting your nails. You had asked Tommy not to leave earlier,  but he wouldn't listen to you or anyone. 
"Tom, please," you pleaded, placing yourself between him and the door. 
"Y/n,"
"Just let them do it. Let the stable hand take care of it, okay?" You asked. You thought you had him for a moment, but his eyes lowered, and he stepped around you.
"She's my horse, y/n. My horse that got sick, my horse to see through 'til the end." 
It had been hours, longer than was necessary. But it was in Tommy's nature as Romani man to go deep into the land on your property when he was upset. He'd done it before. Johnny Dogs was the one who told you that there wasn't anything to worry about, even if Tommy spent the night out there. It didn't take a professional to know that Tommy could only bottle so much up before he erupted, though. You were on a secret mission to get him to come to you instead sometimes. 
The echo of the door slamming knocked you out of your head and nearly sent you running to the foyer. It only took a few moments for him to be at your bedroom door. 
Tommy came in with just his socks, the muddy boots in hand were placed by the door. He looked you over but said nothing as he went to the restroom, closing the door behind him. You sighed and hung your head. So it wouldn't be straightforward. It didn't take long for him to wash up. You were just finishing putting on your own pajamas when he finally sat on the edge of the bed.
"How did the meeting with the Commissioner go?" Tommy asked. You walked up to him, ignoring his means of changing the subject by silently wrapping your arms around him tightly.
"I'm sorry, Tom. I'm so sorry you had to do it," you told him in his ear. He tightened the hug and buried his face in your neck. "Whatever you need."
"I need," Tommy began, pulling out of the embrace after a few long moments, "I need to know how your meeting went." 
Your comforting eyes met his desperate ones. This was how he was, and there was how you had to take him. You made your way across the room to where your notebook sat on the side table. 
"Of course. It went well, and I took notes for you this time."
It was 3:30 in the morning when you were sharply woken up by Tommy's yell and shooting straight up in bed.
"Fuck," you swore and placed a hand over your thumping chest. You turned on your lamp to see Tommy wide-eyed and sweating. 
"It's fine," his voice was hoarse as he ran a hand through his hair. He put a shaking hand on your leg to stop your fretting. You stroked his cheek anyway. 
"It's not fine, love, and that's okay," you assured. "I'm going to run a bath." 
"No," he gasped, still coming down from his terrifying high. "It's late." 
"It'll be good, promise. Let's just try, alright?" 
The steam of the bath filled the room, and swirled around the curls of cigarette smoke. The French lullaby you sang bounced off the white tile walls, pausing only momentarily when you took your cigarette in your mouth. You continued, reaching your hand forward to place it between Tommy's lips. He took over smoothly like it was what he was meant to do, and stroked the legs you had wrapped around him in gratitude. Asking for a bathtub you could swim in really came in handy, you thought with Tommy's back pressed against your chest in hot water. When you finished the tune, your arms wrapped around Tommy's shoulders, and you buried your face in his neck. 
"What do you dream about?" You asked. There were nights when his mumbling or twisting and turning woke you, but it was all brushed away with "the war." This wasn't the first time you'd asked, but it was the first time you had an advantage. If stopping Tommy from driving out into the darkness meant pulling him into the bath and wrapping your limbs around him to keep him there, you'd happily oblige. 
"I hear the shovels coming for me. They're loud, and they keep me up at night. When I sleep, I'm digging. I hear the shovels, the men, I see the darkness. There's nothing, no end or beginning. I'm somewhere between being alive and dead, but I don't know if I'll wake up again," he said it like he said everything. Straight to the point and methodical. "Today with Thunder, putting an end to her like that, just put my mind in a bad way."
"Is it the same dream every time?" You asked. It was. Which was a shame. Tommy, one of the most capable people you knew, was to live out his life as a terrifying metaphor. 
"Always will be," he concluded. 
"Always and never, they're liars more often than not," you told him. "And you belong to me now, so if you can talk to yourself in those dark tunnels of your mind, remind yourself that if you open your eyes, you'll have someone waiting for you." 
"Gonna fight my demons for me, are you?" Tommy chuckled. You couldn't help but join.
"Of course, if I get the chance." You kissed his cheek, and Tommy sunk even deeper into your embrace. 
"I don't know why I can't shake it. Seeing horses die stays with me." 
"You don't know?" You peered down at him. "It's because you're one of them."
"How can you tell?" 
"You're gallant like a horse, even who you don't want the medals. You've shown me how strong you are without using your hands. You're as much fire as you are ice, which is beautiful, like a horse."
You slid your hand over Tommy's chest to rest over the tattoo there. Under your palm, his heart thumped away.
"Your heart beats like a horse, a wild stallion who's made himself race. But a stallion that only races himself doesn't know when or how to stop. He will run so hard and so fast for so long that his heart will burst if he isn't careful."
"I don't know how you can see things in me like you do, y/n. I just know you're making everything better." Tommy clasped your hand and pressed his lips against your wrist.
You kissed his shoulders and any part of him you could reach for the short remainder of the soak. You were more than willing to stay up with Tommy, but your body was so tired it made you sick. With Tommy's head on your chest, however, you slept fully to the next morning. Your eyes fluttered open as you registered the light stroking sensation on your cheek. 
"Good morning," Tommy greeted you. Your groggy voice delivered an identical, albeit near unintelligible reply. Part of you wanted to tell him to sleep more, but you could feel Tommy hesitate. You allowed your eyes to flutter open to reveal Tommy resting on his elbow next to you. He looked down at you, clearly lost in thought behind those blue eyes. 
"I love you."
You could feel your eyebrows crease. Was this a dream? The words hung in the air, impending and waiting for you to reply with something just as sweet.
"What?" You asked, no room for elegance. 
"Fuck 'good business.' I don't care about any of that. I love you."
"Oh," you eventually stammered. "Why would you say that?" 
You tried to find the words, but in your sleepy haze, you chose the first words that came to mind. Tommy leaned forward, disappointment evident in his eyes, and kissed your forehead. 
"It's alright. I just want you to know," Tommy said, then climbed out of bed. You heard him head out of the door, which shook you awake enough to get up. 
"Thomas Shelby!" You yelled from the top of the stairs, just as he'd reached the foyer. He turned in his dressing gown and raised an eyebrow at you, only in your pajamas. "What the hell? Thomas, I," 
"It's alright, y/n. You don't have to say anything." 
"Would you stop? You know I hate it when you interrupt me," you scolded him. Tommy mumbled an apology then waited for you to continue.
"Listen, you surprised me. I just woke up for christ's sake. I didn't ask why you said it because I don't feel the same. I just wonder if you'd say that if we weren't married." 
"What do you mean?" He asked with his own brow creasing. 
"I don't cook or clean. I'm not sweet or easy to swallow. Believe me, I do enjoy myself quite a bit. But sometimes I wonder, if you hadn't been made to marry me, would you have found on your own that," you sighed, "I'm not someone you'd want to be with." 
You looked to your bare feet and took a breath. Being this emotional so early in the morning was not your speed. After a moment, you heard a soft chuckle growing in volume to become a full laugh. Tommy stood in the foyer, shoulders shaking and cheeks flushing. He made his way up to you on the landing and pressed the back of his hand against your cheeks then forehead. 
"Are you ill, Mrs?" Tommy asked, making you roll your eyes. 
"Tom, please." 
"You're talking nonsense, y/n. Polly told me to find a wife, but I'm the one who suggested it be you, alright? Your reputation proceeds you, love. Stepping into negotiations for your brother and conducting impressive business. That night we met only confirmed it. Every day since that dinner, you have kept me on my toes, and I love it. I love you."
You felt your cheeks warm, and you let out a laugh. 
"I fucking knew you liked me."
"Unbelievable." Tommy rolled his eyes, but let you throw your arms around his neck and plant a proper kiss on his lips.
"I love you too, how's that?"
"If you're just saying that to appease me, you don't have to." 
"When is it that I go around saying things I don't mean?" You asked firmly then kissed him again. 
"Good, then I have something to ask." Tommy lowered himself on one knee, anchoring himself by holding your waist. "Will you, with no deals or debts on the table, marry me and be my wife?" 
It occurred to you that you hadn't gotten a marriage proposal at all, especially not one from the heart. Who said Tommy couldn't be romantic? "I don't know how my husband is going to feel about that. I've heard he's quite in love with me," you said, hands running through his hair. Tommy smirked but nodded in approval. "Yes, I will marry you. But only if you'll marry me too."
"I'll have to ask my wife," Tommy said, standing and wrapping you in his arms. You reached up and kissed him once more. 
"She approves." 
..
Tommy Tag List: @soleil-dor;  @amysteryspot​
JGB Series Tag List: @biba3434 ; l0tsofpennies
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sage-nebula · 3 years
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the pokemon company be like *thinly-veiled misogyny*
To be honest, the sexism isn’t even really thinly-veiled if you think about it. Like off the top of my head:
— Professor Juniper was our first female professor, and it took until Gen V to get her. But whereas all the other professors got to stand on their own without needing anyone else, Professor Juniper had to have her father come in to provide answers to various plot occurrences that she didn’t know. IIRC, she also inherited her practice from him, which was also something that the male professors before and after didn’t have to contend with. It’s a miracle that this was averted with Professors Magnolia and Sonia in Gen VIII, both of whom are women.
— Speaking of female professors being screwed over, in Gen VII we’re introduced to Professor Burnet, whose practice specifically focuses on ultra wormholes and disturbances in space-time (which makes sense since she was previously working on the Dream Radar). Given how much of the plot concerns ultra wormholes, you would think that she would be the main professor of the story, or at least play a big part. But you’re wrong! Instead she’s only in one mandatory scene, and then is basically never heard from again. Meanwhile, Kukui shows up all the goddamn time even though his goal (to create a League) is literally meaningless in the scope of the overall plot. (And even that could have been cool if it had delved into the socio-political ramifications of what overthrowing Alola’s current system of government for another one would mean, but now is not the time to get into the failings of Gen VII’s plot. I’ve gone through that enough times.)
— Back to Gen V for a second, we’re also given two rivals in the first of the Unova games: Bianca and Cheren. While Cheren, the male rival, is taken seriously and has it talked up over and over how great of a battler he is, Bianca has her Munna stolen from her halfway through the story and spends the rest of the game talking down on herself and ultimately deciding that her father was right and she really is not cut out to be a Pokémon Trainer. Keep in mind that Bianca was the first mandatory female rival in the games, because while May could be a rival in Gen III if you played as Brendan, if you chose to play as her, both rivals (Brendan and Wally) were male. So on that note, our rivals so far look like:
Gen I: Blue Oak (male)
Gen II: Silver (male)
Gen III: Wally (male), optional May (female), optional Brendan (male)
Gen IV: Barry (male) 
Gen V: Cheren (male), Bianca (female), Hugh (male)
Gen VI: Shauna (female), Tierno (male), Trevor (male), optional Serena (female), optional Calem (male)
Gen VII: Hau (male), Gladion (male)
Gen: Hop (male), Bede (male), Marnie (female)
So, let’s see. We only have two mandatory female rivals (Bianca and Marnie), as well as two optional female rivals (May and Serena). Meanwhile, we have twelve mandatory male rivals, as well as two optional male rivals (Brendan and Calem). To cap this off, while the mandatory male rivals (outside of the useless Kalos ones) are always treated as strong, competent battlers who have important roles in the story, our two mandatory female rivals, well . . .
Bianca: See above
Marnie: Gets battled a whole grand total of two times and has basically zero impact on the plot despite the fact that her brother is the only Gym Leader who didn’t give into Rose’s vision for how Galar should operate and use Dynamax evolution
And even when it comes to the optional ones, since Brendan is treated as the default MC by TPCi, that means May is the one who gives up training to go be a professor like her dad. (Which is the exact thing they basically did to Bianca in Gen V, except she studies under Juniper instead.) Serena at least keeps battling if she’s the rival, but jeez.
So to say there’s definite gender inequality where the rivals are concerned is a bit of an understatement.
— Moving away from the rivals, let’s talk about villains! We didn’t get a female villain until Gen VII with Lusamine, and even then she wasn’t allowed to stay a villain because I guess Game Freak doesn’t want to accept the fact that women can be evil, too. Moreover, all of Lusamine’s achievements come from the men in her life, and all of her motivations revolve around her husband. To spell it out:
- She inherited the Aether Foundation from her grandfather / father, without having founded it herself like we’re at first led to believe.
- Her husband Mohn was the one who discovered how the ultra wormholes work, not her. IIRC, he was also the primary researcher behind Type: Null’s creation.
- The reason why she does what she does is because she’s looking for her missing husband Mohn, with an added dash of “women just go crazy (and abuse their children) without their husbands!!1!!!” thrown in for flavor. 
Compare this to Giovanni, Maxie, Archie, Cyrus, Ghetsis, Colress, Lysandre, and now Chairman Rose, all of whom formed their own organizations (Giovanni inheriting his from his mother is anime only and does not pertain to the games at all) and had their own goals and desires, versus relying on someone else for those goals and desires. And as if Lusamine not being allowed to form her own organization and have her own goals for her own sake wasn’t bad enough, they then had to go and make it even worse in USUM by turning her into a damsel in distress in the Rainbow Rocket plot, depicting her as not only less capable as the male villains, but also less capable than her male subordinate. Gag me.
— On that note, Oleana is sorely underappreciated by basically everyone except the Twilight Wings writers considering she’s the only reason anything Rose did got done, yet got none of the credit for herself. Damn shame.
— Stepping away from the games for a moment, Generations was a hot mess in terms of sexism. First of all, they only ever used the male MCs, pretending that the female ones didn’t exist at all, even in cases where the female MCs are vastly more popular (e.g. May, Dawn, Hilda). Second, most of the episodes focused on male characters from the series, and the ones that didn’t were either there so they could disrespect the best character in the series by not giving her the episode she deserved (Zinnia), or were told from the point of view of a male character despite that it was supposed to be a female character’s story (Emma). And lastly, there was whatever the fuck that mess with Cheryl was. It was animated in a way that made it look like an anime not suitable for anyone under the age of eighteen. Like honestly, what the hell.
— Leaf has been consistently and constantly disrespected all over the franchise. Despite there allegedly being four trainers who left from Pallet Town (counting Ash) in the anime, Leaf has never been seen or mentioned even once throughout the two decades that anime has been running. They had an opportunity to show her in at least a cameo form in the 20th anniversary movie, but they chose not to do that either, adding yet another disappointment from that movie to the list. She had no appearances in Origins, no appearances in Generations, they didn’t do what they should have done in HGSS by making her the rival atop Mt Silver if you chose to play as Lyra, she wasn’t a skin for Pokémon Trainer in Super Smash Bros. until Ultimate, I’m pretty sure they never made an Amiibo for her either, they replaced her with her Special counterpart in LGPE and her characterization absolutely bonkers to boot, and back to Masters, SS Leaf doesn’t have the Main Character designation for the theme skills that SS Red has, and is also routinely left out of any story bits that feature Red or Blue. It’s a miracle she was even included in the Battling Legends event or whatever it was. As far as TPCi seems to be considered, Kanto only has one main character and that’s Red.
— Oh and speaking of Iris, they gave her the Gym Leader theme designation instead of the Champion designation, instead choosing to act like Alder is Unova’s only Champion when he, no offense, didn’t really fucking do anything in Gen V. :’) We hate to see it.
— In the current run of the anime, the two boys (Ash and Gou) have gotten to go around and have adventures for ~50 episodes while the girl (Koharu) has had to stay home and go to school. You can argue, “She wanted that!” all you want, but you have to remember that she only wants what the writers tell her to want, and the writers said the boys get to have adventures while the girls stay home. She finally has an Eevee and will presumably go on adventures now, but we’ll have to wait and see. And don’t get me wrong, I like Journeys and I love Gou as a character, but it is absolutely a Choice to not have a female lead present in the adventures at all and it’s one that the writers deliberately made for whatever reason.
— On that note, let’s look at Ash’s female companions, shall we? 
Misty: A Gym Leader who has a vague goal (water pokémon master) and is largely out of focus during her run as a primary companion. She had no rivals or in-series (as in, concrete ones she could accomplish before leaving the main cast) goals of her own.
May: A coordinator. Does have rivals and has a story, which is nice, but battling isn’t her focus.
Dawn: Another coordinator. Even more focus than May (she was written as a deuteragonist), but also not primarily focused on battling.
Iris: A battler (her Gym Leader / Champion Status is written out) who actually does get decent focus and a cool arc surrounding her connection to dragons. 
Serena: A performer, which is a girls-only career path that doesn’t have battling in it at all, unlike contests. Does have a goal, but much of her character is written around her crush for Ash and at the end of the series she says that he is her goal.
Lillie, Lana, Mallow: Honestly I didn’t watch enough of SM to have an opinion on how these three were handled outside of hating how Lusamine didn’t get to be a villain in the anime either.
Koharu: See above, she’s only just now getting to be involved with things.
Now, don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing wrong with being a coordinator (and we do see male coordinators too, such as Drew and Harley), and I think that both May and Dawn are wonderful characters. But it does make me feel some kind of way that the female characters were often given the “girly” sidequest while the male main character got to go for the Gym badges, especially since AG and DP went on for a good chunk of years. None of the ladies so far have been treated as badly as Serena was (that performer stuff is just nasty, I’m not sorry), but again, it’s a deliberate choice and something to think about, especially since I feel the only reason they didn’t go that route with Iris is because of her Gym Leader / Champion status in the games. 
I could probably think of more examples of the casual sexism in the series if I thought about it, but this is just from the top of my head. As you can see, there is a lot. All of this being said, and I’m putting major emphasis on this since I don’t want anyone to get it twisted—
I love Pokémon with my entire heart, flaws and all. It has been my hyperfixation for 22 years and that is not going to change any time soon. So DO NOT even dare suggest that I hate Pokémon, or shouldn’t play it, or anything like that. I will be playing Pokémon on my deathbed and nothing and no one will stop me.
But that being said, I criticize because I care. Because I wish it would do better. Pokémon is for everyone. It’s for boys, girls, nonbinary folks, and people all over the gender spectrum. But the treatment of its female characters and the abundance of favoritism shown toward the male characters leaves a lot to be desired (though at least girls are at the table, whereas trans folk are relegated to background NPCs and nonbinary folk are nowhere to be seen :/). I think Pokémon can get better—Magnolia and Sonia felt like a proper apology for how Juniper in particular was shafted, not to mention Burnet—but it’s got a long way to go.
(And also, yes, you’ve understood this right. Twilight Wings is the only anime series to not fuck up at all when it comes to sexism. You go, Twilight Wings. Four for you, Twilight Wings.)
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lady-plantagenet · 3 years
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Hey, My curiosity and I can't stop wondering where your strong interest in Georges of Clarence comes from?My curiosity and I can't stop wondering where your strong interest in Georges of Clarence comes from?
Oh haha it was the long theory I wrote about, wasn’t it?
Well, it began when about a year ago I discovered that he was my 16x grandfather, which to be honest was quite a surprise as I am not even English. But that’s not why I am interested in him of course. The thing is, I had been interested in The Wars of the Roses ever since I was 12, of course that interest ebbing and flowing throughout the years. Out of nowhere this discovery came and it drew me back in but with a specific focus on him, Isabel Neville and Richard Neville 16th Earl of Warwick, because before, my favourite figures were rather Elizabeth Woodville, Richard III and Edward IV.
I’ve always been partial to him for some reason, I don’t know if it was the portrait, the unusual death or the plain drama that was his life. I’ve also found it quite strange how the most politically disloyal man of that time was one of the few faithful to his wife, it made me wonder but I didn’t go into this any further (though I had attempted a terrible go at writing the story of Isabel Neville then 9 years ago). But now I really wanted to read about him further (not like make a massive project out of it but just dip in), and the more I read the more undiscernable became his motivations and character and what emerged was a man more complex than I previously expected.
Scholarship revealed to me that he was apparently not mad, and although he may have liked a drink, was certainly no drunkard (at least no one at the time thought so). He had indeed masterminded some elaborate plans in his day and by all accounts seemed an illustrious and charming man who had some strong motivations and belief in those, however deluded those belief may be. Some trivia about his religiosity, idolation from the multitudes, patronages (printing press and foundations) and apparent outstanding knowledge of the law has endeared me a bit too but also showed me that there might be more to him than a greedy, foul-tempered himbo (we have histfic to thank for this ugh). Much of what we know from internet biographies might be true, but the issue is they are presented as facts whereas they remain mere assumptions e.g. that he had married Isabel Neville because he had designs for the crown - not necessarily the case as this marriage suggestion had allegedly appeared as early as 1461!
We all look at him as Edward and Richard’s brother, but the main narrative of his life is about his status as a magnate (an institution then heavily a threat to the crown). It all started looking more to me like a story about an overmighty subjects’ tension with the centralising tendencies of the government (despite his royal provenance). His father-in-law had been called ‘The Last of the Barons’ by David Hume and Clarence being his political heir, a personification of the last generation of the truly medieval aristocracy and someone whose reactions to (some aspects of) the new age were an exemplification of the old system of chivalry falling away and the anxiety, hatred and fear that people like him felt, made me very interested in not only him but also what he represented in the grand historical narrative. I thought to myself ‘wow this looks like a fatalistic tragedy someone should write a novel about this’, alas no one had. So then I started writing my own story on AO3 perhaps appropriately called ‘A Bygone Era’ but more centered on his Duchess, Isabel Neville (because a piece of trivia I had discovered about her got me likewise interested). I got a lot of support from some of the other users (shoutout to @feuillesmortes <3) during the earlier chapters and that made me feel inspired to expand the story into a grander one about the aforementioned three figures, also because I was falling more in love with the aesthetics and culture of that era.
With that, came the need felt to do more research and with the pandemic hitting, I had more alone time than before. The more I researched the more interested I got and also frustrated that very little has been written about him (and not for a lack of sources!), and a lot of the times when I would come up with my own interpretation of the sources I would find that no one had ever thought the same thing as me before, so I also felt I had something to contribute. I’m not saying that I intend to make out of his legacy what SKP and others have made out of Richard III’s, I actually don’t intend to do anything but just put some possibilities and facts out there (some not even that obscure but just rarely circulated outside academic circles e.g. his role as good lord of the West Midlands, his legal judgments e.t.c). Also, of course I find this all very entertaining for some reason, it might be my lawyer personality? I mean sure, some aspects of his career and life probably also hit me on some deeper level, but I’m not interested in him because he was necessarily a ‘good’ person, I don’t frankly know the real reason I find his (and Isabel and Warwick’s) life so poignant but I know there is something there and I like challenges. Not to mention the AO3 story just writes itself XD, and often without my permission. The events of his life are fodder for the greatest novel themes, you’d be surprised XD.
Lastly, his posterity also baffles me. I feel strongly about how he is often used by Richardians as a tool to further villianise the Woodvilles, by Whig enlightenment historians (but that’s more Warwick’s issue) as a symbol of corruption - an impediment to progress and constitutional democracy, and by attention-seeking weirdos on TV to discount the current line of succession (have they never heard of right of conquest or attainder???). I don’t know, surely everyone has a right to exist for themselves, not just as someone’s brother ?? In such an individualistic age you’d think people would sympathise with someone who wasn’t blindly loyal and made up their own mind as to what their interests were and by extension how society should be (because in a pious age people invariably acted on what they thought was divine ordinance). Don’t even get me started on how he remains the only individual in a popular historical period whose image as a pantomime villain has never evolved (and when it is it’s always for one of the above motives) into one of a balanced human being. You must admit it’s rare nowadays to find a controversial historical figure who hasn’t recently undergone some romanticised revisionism!
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irnwithdiego · 4 years
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omg pls rant abt Lila i also have.. a lot of issues with her and how ppl have reacted to her character
okay well first and foremost: i Love ritu. i absolutely adore that woman and im so happy that she's finally getting the attention she deserves, i support her and david dating too - so my opinions are genuinely not based on anything to do with that. just bc ive been accused of that by people who didnt realize ive been rooting for them since last summer lol.
anyway.
my biggest issue with lila is the fact that she was introduced as a chameleon. as brilliant or clinically insane as the situation requires. unpredictable. to me that sounded so incredibly interesting, because right from the bat i knew she was gonna turn out as the bad guy, or at least one of them and i was HOPING she would. i was really hoping she would be going batshit crazy on them, doing her thing as the evil person, then when s2 came along she got revealed to be the handler's daughter which to me made it even more exciting? because thats potential to get REAL crazy.
in the end, what we got was half-assed and incoherent and neither here nor there. we didnt get a chameleon, we got a mirror. lol. i expected her to be able to adjust to situations and people perfectly, charming them maybe, yknow. chameleon stuff. (would've loved it if she for example looked different to everyone and nobody actually knows what she looks like, alas. that would've been too creative i suppose)
and yeah her humor was "twisted" in a way, and she was charming... in a way. not to me, not to five, and i think the fact diego fell for her is really just him latching onto another problem/person/situation he needs to fix. the guy with the biggest trust issues on the show, openly telling her he prefers to know what people are even lying about, trying to cut her off multiple times the entire season, getting kidnapped and drugged by her to be shown off and introduced as "boyfriend" (??), turns out to be in love with her. okay. makes little to no sense, but i suppose you could partially blame it on her ability to be unpredictable and a chameleon (i still dont even know what they meant by that, where is the logic in calling her that-)
her undressing diego down to his underwear was creepy as hell to me, she knew exactly he’s only been stabbed and there was nothing else. she patches him up and climbs in bed with him as if they’ve known each other for ages. diego seems a bit "eh" at first, then just decides to fuck her. alright. a) diego, the guy with the biggest trust issues- b) i could see it as a letting off some steam thing tbh, just destressing or whatever. but he still had the stab wound that he allegedly almost bled out/died from so..... lmao. makes sense. in the end it wasnt just a quickie, it was ~love~ and that just doesnt sit right with me.
she lies to him from the get go, she manipulates his every move, she's invasive as all hell, she cant take a no in most situations, but sure. its love. sounds healthy.
the whole clusterfuck about their weird asylum relationship got completely drowned out by her "trying not to fall for diego", which essentially just made her character seem to be all over the place. she seems unfinished, like they disnt really know what to do with her, started off strong and then went off track and couldnt get back on. it seems like they changed a lot of things last minute and i cant make sense of her actions, especially not the way they wanted me to. its clear they were trying to keep up this guessing game about whether she would turn good for diego and his siblings or betray him. it was executed so poorly though, it just feels incredibly incoherent. she contradicts herself more often than not, and fine, lets say they wanted her to look confused about her situation and everything - it was still executed so poorly idk how else to put it. she was neither crazy enough for me to believe the character sheet we got beforehand, nor was she innocent enough for me to believe she really wanted to join them.
she literally tries to KILL all of diego's siblings and him in the end. she only seems to be considering joining them very last minute, like minutes before diego's little speech she was about to erase the entire hargreeves family. and she looked like she was having fun doing it too lmao. just doesnt sit right with me at all. diego proclaiming he loves her after all THAT doesnt sit right with me at all. like what, he tries to get away from her pretty much all season but decides she's worth it only after she tries to kill his family? diego??? im- come on.
i appreciate the thought of a redemption arc, but she wasnt nearly evil enough for me to even believe her original intentions, so i dont really know what her redemption would even look like.
and last but not least - the chameleon vs mirror thing. :) bro. that annoyed me so much. she essentially just goes and god-modes the entire season within 10 minutes, to say it with the words of a friend. like what was the point of that? the logic? how did they even know she could do that, if they allegedly dont know where the other kids with powers are? who did she train her powers on? plus, this is the oldest trope in the history of sci-fi/fantasy stories. someone turns out to be able to copy/mirror back the great powers of somebody else and overthrows everything. yawn.
what makes the others special if she can do whatever they do. maybe its just me being nit-picky at this point but i really dont want it. its so boring.
i had such high hopes for lila, i seriously was so excited to see her and it Still feels like such a let down just thinking of how s2 turned out. dont even get me started on all of them NEEDING a love interest apparently. because you cant be happy without one. thanks, but no thanks.
"s2 is gonna focus on the siblings' relationships!!" my ass. lila and diego's ~bond~ was as unnecessary and illogical as klaus' powers suddenly tenfolding and his paranoia of the spirits just lowkey vanishing with no real explanation other than "he's sober now ❤"
so yeah, all in all lila just seems the least fleshed out, randomnly thrown together and a Bit forced on the romantic part. i would've preferred her just being the big bad and going mental in the end. that would've been an interesting character choice for her.
from the bottom of my heart: why not.
sorry if this is too long, i couldnt help digressing here and there.
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tabloidtoc · 4 years
Text
National Enquirer, October 12
You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks
Cover: Queen Elizabeth’s 73-year sham marriage to Prince Philip collapses
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Page 2: Kanye West is in top-secret talks to launch his own TV network and is crowing it will be bigger than the Kardashians -- he wants it to reflect his lofty vision of what the world should be and to provide a spiritual awakening for the masses but he doesn’t realize there aren’t a lot of people who want to spend hours a day listening to him rant about how the world would be a better place if he was in charge -- meanwhile Kim Kardashian is at the end of her rope again 
Page 3: Furious Angelina Jolie is tearing into Brad Pitt’s new girlfriend Nicole Poturalski blasting her as a scheming psycho and as a borderline stalker who is dating Brad just to get famous and it’s going to end in disaster for the whole family not just him so she’s already told Brad to keep Nicole away from their kids and she’s looking to make this part of their ongoing legal case 
Page 4: Newly single Kelly Clarkson has enlisted fellow country star Maren Morris to help her find a new man -- Maren advised Kelly to use her talk show to connect with men she admires but Kelly may have taken her advice a little too literally when she had her crush Keanu Reeves on the show and was drooling all over him though she knows it’s probably wishful thinking 
Page 5: Ellen DeGeneres kicked off her new season by publicly apologizing for allegations of misconduct on her talk show but body language experts blasted her remarks as tone deaf and missing the mark totally 
Page 6: Jimmy Fallon’s wife Nancy Juvonen is furious over the time he spends nurturing his bond with close pal Kathie Lee Gifford -- Jimmy loves to reminisce about the old days at NBC with the former Today yakker especially during today’s challenging times and he worships her and he’s the only late-night host who treats Kathie Lee like an A-lister but Nancy can’t stand Kathie Lee’s constant self-obsessed talk and considers her a squeaky third wheel 
Page 7: Cher keeps trying to turn back time with plastic surgery but the results have been disastrous and although she insists her most recent work is a facelift her kisser is frozen and packed with Botox and fillers and lip injections -- she also appears to have had a nose job and a face and neck lift to achieve a smooth jawline and neck and the results have left Cher barely able to move her face and even made it difficult for her to speak let alone sing, disgraced chef Paula Deen had emergency eye surgery this summer in a desperate bid to save her sight -- Paula had been suffering from declining vision for months and was shocked when doctors told her the cornea was dying and going under the knife was necessary to save her sight 
Page 10: Hot Shots -- Tiger Woods took a brief break during practice, Leighton Meester caught some waves in Malibu, Kristen Taekman in a New York Jets bikini, Dolph Lundgren doffed his mask after leaving a lunch date in Beverly Hills, Dominic Cooper took his electric bike for a spin in London 
Page 11: Cash-strapped Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott are back in couples therapy and on the verge of filing for bankruptcy -- they’re in counseling for the same old stuff which is their constant fighting and spending money and work that isn’t happening -- the parents of five were hit with tax liens totaling nearly $1 million and were also sued by American Express over an unpaid credit card bill of almost $90,000 which Tori asked her mother Candy Spelling who is worth about $600 million to pay but Candy refused and after Candy revealed her plans to leave her fortune to animal charities Tori and Dean may file for bankruptcy because they both love to spend, Bravo bigwigs are hoping hotel heiress Kathy Hilton will fill the vacancy left by Denise Richards and Teddi Mellencamp on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and producers are trying to keep ratings high by getting veteran Kyle Richards to recruit sister and former castmate Kim Richards and half sister Kathy -- Kathy is said to be high on producers’ wish list because of her wit and humor and is also considered old-school Beverly Hills and show brass want her to bring a certain glamour and sophistication to the show 
Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Demi Lovato at a NYC screening party (picture), when the ball drops on New Year’s Eve in Times Square Anderson Cooper won’t be there because he would rather be at home with his baby boy, The Bachelor has cut all ties with Colton Underwood after his ex Cassie Randolph got a temporary restraining order against him, Teresa Giudice plans to move to NYC after listing her New Jersey mansion but she still wants to keep her job on The Real Housewives of New Jersey and to get around that Teresa hopes to pretend she’s moved into her brother Joe Gorga’s home in Jersey 
Page 13: John Legend revealed couples therapy helps strengthen his marriage to Chrissy Teigen and said they keep their romance going strong by communicating and being considerate and listening, Jackie Stallone was more than just Sylvester Stallone’s mom -- she was also one of the world top astrologers and psychics who predicted the fall of the Berlin Wall and Kanye West’s presidential run 
Page 14: Crime -- convicted Melrose Place killer Amy Locane is in lockup again for a fatal 2010 drunk-driving smashup that took one life and nearly took another after a New Jersey Superior Court Judge said she got off too easy by serving two years behind bars and sentenced Amy to eight more years in state prison 
Page 15: The gruesome house of horrors where Drew Carey’s ex-fiancee Amie Harwick brutally met her untimely end is on the market for $1.5 million and her family can’t wait to get rid of it, Shannen Doherty is in pretty good spirits amid her ongoing battle with stage 4 breast cancer according to her former Beverly Hills 90210 co-star Jason Priestley
Page 16: Cover Story -- After decades of turning a blind eye to her husband’s cheating Queen Elizabeth’s 72-year marriage has shockingly collapsed and Prince Philip is now banished to a remote cottage far away from the monarch -- despite royal courtiers painting a rosy picture of the couple quarantining together at Windsor Castle since March the truth is their marriage has been a sham for decades and they’ve been living separate lives for over 50 years and all this forced togetherness was simply too much for them -- Philip has been cheating on Elizabeth since before they were married and has several love children; he has rumored to have had flings with actress Helene Cordet and Daphne du Maurier and Pat Kirkwood and Jane Russell and Merle Oberon and Zsa Zsa Gabor and Princess Alexandria and Sacha Duchess of Abercorn and most recently Lady Penny Romsey -- there will be no divorce and they will just quietly continue their separate lives to the end of their days but the queen never wants to see Philip again 
Page 18: Larry King’s estranged wife Shawn Southwick is demanding $33,000 a month in spousal support because she claims she gave up her music and TV career to marry the frail talk show host and then raise their sons Chance and Cannon, Hollywood Hookups -- Halle Berry and Van Hunt dating, 90 Day Fiance stars Ashley Martson and Jay Smith split for good, Justin Duggar dating Claire Spivey 
Page 19: Tom Cruise is set to shoot the first major movie in outer space and he’s headed to the International Space Station in October 2021 with director Doug Liman -- the two and possibly one additional actor will hitch a ride aboard Elon Musk’s SpaceX Crew Dragon capsule to film the unnamed project, the IV needle allegedly used to administer the fatal dose of propofol to Michael Jackson on June 25 of 2009 is up for auction by the estate of the late singer’s father Joe and the chilling item used by Michael’s physician Dr. Conrad Murray is reportedly still stained with Michael’s blood -- it was submitted to the auction by Michael’s cousin Marsha Stewart who says she took it from Michael’s bedroom days after he died, Sharon Stone has pressed her lips on a long list of Hollywood hunks but picked Robert De Niro as far and away the best kisser but rated her other leading men as kind of like meh 
Page 20: Stars Playing Stars -- how they did it -- Muhammad Ali and Will Smith, Frida Kahlo and Salma Hayek, Ray Charles and Jamie Foxx 
Page 21: Marilyn Monroe and Michelle Williams, Queen Elizabeth and Helen Mirren, Billie Holiday and Diana Ross, Bob Dylan and Cate Blanchett 
Page 22: An adopted son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen has charged it was his mother not his father who was the monster in the family -- Moses Farrow says Woody did not molest adopted daughter Dylan Farrow in 1992 and that he can no longer stay silent as Woody continues to be condemned for a crime he did not commit 
Page 26: Less than nine months after Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna died in a helicopter crash a vicious feud has ripped the family apart -- the row erupted between his widow Vanessa Bryant and her mother Sofia Laine after Sofia went on TV to publicly accuse her daughter of tossing her out of the family home -- Vanessa feels she’s already given her mom so much and then she heard through the grapevine that Sofia complained she should have more -- it does seem cold that Vanessa would take such action against her mother but she’s ready to take on anyone using her husband and child’s deaths as a selfish cash grab and that includes Sofia 
Page 27: Danny Masterson’s rape trial is looming and the Church of Scientology is doing everything in its power to back the scandal-scarred actor -- the church’s leaders have assigned their top lawyers to aid Danny who is a prominent member of the religion and the lawyers are scouring every law on the books to get the case thrown out or get him acquitted -- the church has previously been accused of trying to get the other side’s defenses dismissed or judges thrown off cases and using all manner of tactics to delay due process 
Page 28: American Life -- Bighearted ex-billionaire Chuck Feeney has spent 38 years giving away nearly all of his vast fortune and the generous do-gooder said he wouldn’t have had it any other way 
Page 29: Famed stoner Willie Nelson can’t stop sampling his own marijuana products and now friends fear the 87-year-old music legend is smoking himself to death -- Willie’s a believer in the powers of cannabis and promotes it passionately but years of smoking has done a number on his lungs and he can barely breathe at times, Julia Duffy has been keeping close a tragic heartache for more than a year -- her only son Danny Lacy committed suicide at age 29 after years of suffering from mental health issues 
Page 34: Comic Kathy Griffin has seen her popularity plummet in recent years and it’s played a role in her plans to sell her sprawling Bel Air estate -- Kathy has burned a lot of bridges and concerts and TV appearances have dried up because of her many industry conflicts so she’s trying to unload her massive manor with wine cellar and movie theater and eight bedrooms for $16 million -- she didn’t want to sell it but the cost and size have become too much for her to handle 
Page 36: Health Watch 
Page 38: CIA bigwigs once hired a psychic to determine if there was life on Mars -- the misguided mission was said to be part of Project Stargate which was launched in 1978 and somehow cost an astronomical $20 million after the CIA hired a man who claimed he could see the surface of the planet in his mind -- the unnamed man claimed he could see huge pyramids and an obelisk structure and road networks on the Red Planet as well as living creatures, John Lennon’s killer Mark David Chapman shocked the parole board when he admitted he deserved the death penalty even as he begged for his freedom at his last hearing -- his murderous motive was seeking self-glory -- the board denied his parole saying they found his statement infamy brings you glory disturbing 
Page 42: Red Carpet -- London Fashion Week 
Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Luke Bryan and his dog Choc 
Page 47: Odd List -- doctors remove granny’s football-sized tumor 
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sharkmobster · 5 years
Note
spider verse coffee shop au??
Anon im sorry i wanted to draw the coffeeshop au but ive been so tired lately so imma just overshare about what goes down bc this au is just (thick tombstone voice) : “everybody’s traumatized bitch lets get you a latte”
 • this au is incredibly villain centric bc uhhhhh all i do is think about villains
 • its also very aaron davis centric bc time to project my anxiety onto a grown ass man babey!!
 • anyway this takes place in a normal world where there’s no superheros or avengers or what have you, everyone’s super average 
• like i said this is more or less aaron centric and focuses on him readjusting to society and making connections with other people, and just healing in general. Aaron’s whole deal is that he was wrongfully arrested for defending himself against an off duty cop who was harassing him and ended up with a 10 year sentence  (but was let off a year earlier for good behaviour). He’s got a lot of guilt bc of this if only for the fact that he feels like he let down his brother and Miles (who was a small lad at the time).
 • Fun Fact! Jefferson was the one that picked up Aaron at the jail when he served out his sentence! The ride back to brooklyn was awkward! but also jefferson loves his brother and even tho they’ve had their falling outs he never once stopped believing that his brother was innocent. Jefferson also made sure to pull some strings and ended up getting an apartment set up for Aaron (even though jefferson and rio were 100% down to open their home to him for as long as it took him to get back onto his feet but of course aaron denied them bc he didnt want to be a burden) Aaron’s grateful but he tends to avoid his own family…a lot….
• it’s ridiculously hard to find a job bc nobody wants to hire an ex convict no matter the circumstances and Aaron’s legitimately about to lose hope when he spots an expensive looking shop nestled in between an old arcade and a knick knack shop
 • ‘Vanessa’s Cafe’ is neatly printed above the door in fancy gold lettering. it’s obvious that the owner has serious cash bc the shop looks too damn good and too well maintained to be a regular mom and pop shop. there’s a help wanted sign hastily scribbled on a piece of notebook paper in the middle of the window which is odd since it off sets the professional vibe of the place. But hey it’s worth a shot so Aaron walks in ready to be denied another job only to find the weirdest looking group of people he’s ever seen.
 • The first guy that catches his attention is the very large albino man who looks way too stressed out and manic to be working in a coffeeshop, but the job must pay well because he’s very well dressed.
 • “Liv, for fuck’s sake! Clean your goddamn station!” he’s whisper shouting? Is that even a thing? oh look at that he’s got a full set of razor sharp teeth. huh. that’s a hell of an aesthetic he’s going for.
 • The lady in question isn’t even giving him the time of day, just enthralled by her phone with a smile that looks too peaceful given what’s happening around her. She’s got wild hair tied up messily in a knitted bandana, weird glasses (custom made??) and when she glances up at aaron, her eyes widen in interest like he’s some anomaly to be cracked open. aaron looks anywhere that isnt the wild eyed lady at the counter.
• Theres another big guy that’s hanging around the back, heavily tattooed and lifting stacks of heavy boxes. Aaron takes notice of his prosthetic hand and the tattoo guy takes notice of Aaron. 
• “Lonnie. Customer.” The Tattoo guy seems nonplussed about Aaron and walks into the back. aaron assumes that he’s offended him by staring at his prosthetic for longer than necessary which yeah….yeah he’s probably not happy about the staring. 
 • lonnie’s got a bad case of resting bitch face so he’s glaring at aaron without actually glaring and he’s just rough around ALL the edges so his tones got that nice bite to it as he shouts from across the counter (which is not something you do to a customer but it’s lonnie…..)  "Hey! Ya looking for a job, skinny jeans?!“
 • Aaron blanches at the idea of working with these people but he is absolutely desperate for a job at this point.
 •"Yeah. I just got out of-”
 •"Great, you’re hired! We’re speed running this whole introduction thing, string bean.“
 •and that’s all i got other than like small details like:
 •Peter B Parker owns a ”“’'cafe”“” across from Vanessa’s and its literally just a burger joint that h a p p e n s to sell coffee and Parker will fight you if you call his place a deli ahdhdj
 •Liv and May are dating (big shock) and peter b has to constantly deal with seeing his competition over at his place all the time and it’s yikes
 • Tombstone and Noir will 100% throw hands on contact. They don’t hate each other tho??? Its weird they just like to fight. gives them a chance to work on their banter i guess. Noir works the coffee machine at Peter’s “'cafe”’ so i guess he’s the “”barista”” of the joint but he drinks the coffee more than the customers do
 • Miles and the rest of the spider kids “”“”“"intern”“”“” at the cafe which basically translates to free labor
 •  spider ham works there but he isnt a pig he’s just john mulaney. i know its weird. nobody actually sees him tho so he’s a complete mystery as to what he looks like so he could be john mulaney you never know. the only person who’s seen him is noir and that’s only bc they’re  a thing???
 •oh speaking of everyone being gay:  everyone’s gay
 • Lonnie and Gargan (tombstone and scorpion) are 100% dating but everyone legitimately thinks that the both of them are straight old men despite the fact that they live together, go to work together, hang out afterwards together, and they’re just always together
 • lonnie’s  daughter (janice)  visits every other week (def the product of a divorce he went through years ago) she’s alright with gargan but she’s very distant towards her dad and def has that teen angst phase that she’s going through
 • (lonnie can and will talk to you for hours about how much he loves and supports his daughter despite the fact that their relationship is very estranged)
 • you can find janice hanging out with the cute blond punk girl at that weird burger/coffee place across the street
 • oh gargan’s big and strong despite the fact that he’s missing three limbs, liv works in robotics on the side and constantly tweaks and repairs his prosthetics when they start acting up which leads to them having this weird friendship where they both borrow each other when they need something and dont really expect anything in return (like gargan’s good for getting her supplies and doing heavy lifting when she needs it and liv’s always down to run check ups on gargan)
 • oh yeah liv used to be a scientist but immediately lost her license and phd when she started going above some board members heads to buy less than legal things through super illegal sources
.• that’s another thing, kingpin tends to just hire ex cons and criminals to work in his cafe just bc he believes that a person willing to work hard to better themselves deserves a chance to re enter society again.
 • like they’ve all done bad things but still ended up with a job at the cafe. aaron fought a cop, liv did some shady deals for an illegal experiment, gargan used to run a drug ring years ago due to personal reasons but once he was free from jail he never dealt with the stuff again, and lonnie killed a dude (allegedly. he never went to jail bc they couldn’t prove anything but hey word spread around quick and everyone knew not to go anywhere near this guy)
 • kingpin is in this au btw he’s just……a very depressed man who’s still grieving over his wife and son dying in a car accident
.• he rarely shows up to run the cafe bc its too much for him being in the place that his wife loved and built up from the ground. he used to be the manager after she died but couldn’t handle it and mostly left lonnie to take care of it
• which holy fuck lonnie is trying his best to keep this cafe alive and well and there’s only two other people working there so like its enough to have him scrambling all over the place trying to find more help (thanks aaron)
 •miles doesn’t know aaron’s working at the cafe across the street and aaron def wants it that way bc even tho he’s out of jail he hasn’t actually……visited miles yet….. it’s the shame that’s keeping aaron from reaching out to him which is….sad bc miles doesn’t care what happened he just wants his uncle back.
 • oh oh one more thing RIPeter used to run the deli across the street but had to leave brooklyn to go volunteer at homeless shelters across the states indefinitely so theres no telling when he’ll be back, so he left the cafe under the guidance of pb parker (peter b parker voice: my cafe now)
 •and uhhh thats all i got, like i said this au is just found family trope + the healing we all want + bad people getting redemption which is all the tropes that i love all compacted together in the most cliche au you can imagine!
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cancer-man-speaks · 5 years
Text
Cancer Sucks But You Live
My punctuation sucks because I haven’t evolved thumbs.
---------------------------
Sometimes I put things off so long that I feel ashamed and in turn try to bury it even deeper in the pile of things to do. As far as excuses go it’s not the greatest but most fall short of that. A great deal of that lost time is laziness but there is also a part of me that doesn’t want to look back, that doesn’t want to remember what it was like to be where you are at.
    Always obsessed with outward appearance, I cracked a joke when the doctor told me that my PET scan lit up like a Christmas tree on crank. I cried in my sister’s arms when she ran to me across the snow dusted parking lot of the clinic. I smoked a pack of cigarettes on the car ride home, trying to keep my hands busy, to do something other than think about what this all meant. I calmed down before walking in, steeling myself to be as stoic and stone faced for my family as I could. In my head I thought that I couldn’t feel this for the sake of others around me. The moment I walked in the door, I saw the tear streaked faces of my mother and sisters. The dogs milled around their ankles not sure what to make of all their sorrow and their inability to help (or in our beagle’s case, his inability to get fed.) All my bluster, all my hubris fell away when I saw my loved ones, the things I had to lose all in one place. They embraced me one at a time then we came together as a group and I lost it. All motor control lost, my legs felt like jelly. They as a group, as a family supported my weight until I could stand on my own two feet again. The beagle, ever caring, bit me in the ankle for being too far into my mother’s person space.
When I got home from the biopsy, that confirmed the doctor’s suspicion of cool case of type b small cell non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, I took to sleeping on the floor. I told myself it was to keep my bad back comfortable but the truth was it felt good to have something solid underneath me as everything was changing. The days passed and the face in the mirror grew ever more foreign. The bone under my flab carved itself out in my cheeks and jaw. Hollow pockets formed around my eyes that gave me the look of an upstairs basement dwelling gnurdsferatu. The only thing that didn’t change were the patterns on the pitted hardwood of my floor. I’d take off my glasses, lay my head on the cool floor, and follow the whirls in the grain with my weary eyes until they lead out of blurry site. There was a comfort in knowing that just because I couldn’t see where the rich, brown lines ended it didn’t mean they were done travelling.
Either through pity or not being able to read the signs of chemotherapy I’d occasionally get compliments on my physique. Over a beer or two somebody would ask, “You look really good, man. What’s your secret? You been going to the gym or doing heroin?”
Nothing beats the satisfaction of the anti-joke that is responding with an off handed, casual, “I have cancer. It beats the hell out of doing palates.” After you explain the sitch to people a million times explaining it one more time is mundane and boring. They will stumble a second on their words; not sure if you are telling the truth or a joke in poor taste. It’s the ultimate, “Gotcha,” moment. When your diagnosis becomes blasé your spirits soar.
    From a few days after I was diagnosed letters poured in by the boatload. Friends, family, friends of family, people that had passed me once at the mall and paid a compliment to my shoes all wanted me to know that there was hope and that I was not alone. I’d read them and be dumbfounded by the amount of care people could express for a stranger. I was even more dumbfounded by the amount of care the family could express. No matter how hard I tried to blend into the background, to continue my weird, self-isolation from my family they kept firing salvo after salvo of cards and gifts. They’d send me gum, stickers that said, “Fuck Cancer,” (Because as we know cancer is terrified of strong language.), and all manner of sweet, sweet candy treats. There was no way for me to stay off the radar of the people that loved me.  
    I held it together through my first few rounds of chemo. It really didn’t bother me until my hair fell out. Until my fourth round I was feeling like a million bucks. I was getting skinny, I lost a few stray hairs, and I had an actual license to smoke pot. What 24-year-old wouldn’t love that? I was driving to the store to grab a drink and I ran my hand through my hair and it came back in tufts between my fingers. Pulling off the road into an abandoned store’s parking lot I started neurotically, compulsively picking away at my scalp and beard. Handfuls of the stuff coated the front seat of my 03’ Accord but still I couldn’t stop. I watched in horror as my reflection warped in the rearview mirror. I just couldn’t stop. After a half hour of what scholars refer to as, “Going bananas real manic like,” I regained my composure. I drove myself over to a friend’s house and had her shear my head with the clippers her dad used to shave his back. From that day on I was bald. It wasn’t so bad when I got used to it. Every now and then I would get a weird phantom limb sensation, as though I still had a rugged mane of hair, when the breeze blew on my naked scalp.
    I was in and out of the hospital all the time. My guts exploded one time when a tumor responded to the chemo and disappeared. It was what we wanted with the tumor, not so much what we wanted for my intestines. They cut out ten feet of my goop and stitched me back up. I was locked up in the cancer klink for two weeks after that. They had me on a tube and all of my food and fluids came from an IV, except when family or friends were around. They would sneak me a small cup of ice cubes, a rare sip of water, or even, once, a whole bottle of tangerine Bai over a whole night. Even when I was being a real grumpy cancer boy my friends, family, and everybody else would stick it out just to let me know I wasn’t alone. In that exact same stay, a friend of mine actually saved my life because he was able to understand my garbled speech through my nose/mouth tubes. I’d been trying to explain to my nurse that the bile vacuum they had in my guts was pumping my green-black bile back into me but she may have been one of god’s special people. When my friend confirmed that my gunk was being pumped back into me, he snagged somebody. Without that kind of support, I’d have either been dead or in the hooskow weeks longer. Not every situation is bubbling gut ooze but when it is remember to trust those people around you enough to say, “Hey, my bubbling gut ooze vacuum feels like its acting weird. Can you go look at the container the ooze is collecting in and tell me what it’s doing?”
    You’d think that with all this gut busting and chemo I’d be taking it easy. Wrong. I’m a big idiot so instead of resting I kept smoking, went to the bars regularly, and tried my hand at in the DIY rock n’ roll venue game. My nights before chemo were full of putting anything and everything I could inflict on my body. Jumping through tables, mosh pits, and drinking beer bongs to Jean Claude Van Dame flicks were everyday occurrences. I’d been dumb before cancer. With the ability to live a bohemian, YOLO life I did just that. I’d burn the candle at both ends because I didn’t know if there was going to be a tomorrow. Tomorrow always came; usually with a Jimmy Buffet grade hangover. Dumb. I was dumb. I did seven rounds of chemo then stem cell and not once did I let off the gas petal of stupidity.
    But you know what?
    I survived. Against all odds, against odds that I was actively trying to stack against myself, I survived. Was it a miracle sent down from the heavens? Maybe. Was it aliens? I’d like to think so. Was it the constant support of my friends and loved ones coupled with cutting edge, state of the art technology in the hands of the most competent doctors and nurses in the industry even though I was hellbent on dying young and beautiful because I’m an idiot? That’s a run-on sentence. It’s also a pretty good idea of what kept me alive, what will keep you alive. I was full to the brim with cancer while dancing on the brink of self-immolation. If I did everything in my power to give myself the odds of a three-legged horse at the Kentucky Derby what do you think yours are? I bet you take care of yourself at least slightly better. I’d like to think that if I beat cancer there is an infinite amount of hope for you, who is not an idiot with a death wish, to go into remission.
    There will be moments in the dead of night where you doubt your own survival. There will be bright days that you will sleep away. There will be moments where you lay on the floor in the fetal position bathed in hot tears and cold sweat. You will think of what a life without this hell would be like. You will feel like the cards are stacked against you. The, “What if’s,” will mix a cocktail of fatal fear in your skull eating away at your resolve. You will walk into your kitchen and forget for half an hour that you came in there for soup. You will throw that soup up and lay hunched and miserable over the porcelain for an hour. You will wonder who will carry your name? Who will see your babies walk across the stage at graduation?
The answer is you. This may be the worst moment of your life but it will not be the one that defines you. What defines you will be all that comes after this nightmare. With your two hands you will make great works. Gardens resplendent in their rainbow will call your master. You will see the white sands of far off beaches, will feel the artic chill of the frozen wastelands allegedly known as, “Canadia” far to the North. Mortal peril will be replaced with picking up the kids from karate and a gallon of milk. You will watch your children grow and cover this earth like that brand of paint I can’t mention for copyright reasons. As you watch them cross that stage or walk down the aisle you will have at your sides the same faces that did their best to make you smile from your bedside during your weakest moment. Trust in them as you would have them trust in you. They will be your guide when you cannot find yourself, we will be your guide.
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The Last Jedi Sin #12
I was hesitant to name this post this title because I know how easily it turns people off to reading the post, but honestly, that is what this is and honestly, this one is really worth the read.
It is The Last Jedi Sin #12.
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12. Plot-Driven Characters
Up until yesterday night, I didn’t know how to describe what was bothering me so much about TLJ in the respect I will be talking about in a few. It was just “wrong” and “unconvincing” because honestly, what Rian chose to do to these characters is rarely done.
Why? you ask
because this isn’t how you write, Rian!
When I was a Senior in HS, I had skipped a grade, but was taking college classes nonetheless. One of the classes I was taking was English 101 from a local college for dual high school and college credit. At the same time, I was taking English 102 from another local college. One of the first things I learned in my college classes, after y’know...being told them for years, was that good stories are driven by strong characters. This was reinforced when I elected to take Screenwriting 101 when I was a Sophomore in college. The plot is something that happens as a result of what a character does or fails to do. Of course, sometimes you have to push a character to push forward the plot...that’s a necessity of character development, but it has to feel natural and the plot has to feel like it was meant to happen. It has to make sense. The build-up to the climax has to feel as seamless as possible and plot is really to bend around the characters...
Not the other way around.
Did Rian not get that memo? Did like...no one tell him?
What bothers me so much, and is, in fact, The Last Jedi Sin #12 is that the whole movie of The Last Jedi is the plot driving the characters and not the characters driving the plot. It’s hard to describe, but I'm going to do my very best.
In The Original Trilogy, the protagonists and antagonists have a certain dynamic. Vader and Sidious have a master-apprentice relationship, but almost like equals. Luke, Han, and Leia have the friendship dynamic. Luke and Vader, however, have a very different dynamic because they are father and son and are the “Functional Skywalkers” of the Trilogy. (This is not meant to sideline Leia...it’s just that her dynamic with her father was not established until late into VI so the dynamic was overshadowed by Luke and Vader’s that was established as early as the end of IV, but formally established in the middle of V.) 
Vader and Sidious wanted to control the whole galaxy and worked their asses off to destroy the Resistance. Luke, Leia, and Han were members of the Resistance and Resistance heroes; Luke was a Jedi and was bestowed a legacy upon him. The dynamic that really pushed forward the entire saga was the relationship of Luke Skywalker to Darth Vader. 
The plot of the entire Star Wars OT was to redeem Anakin Skywalker, establish Luke Skywalker as a hero, and bring balance to the galaxy, all of which was accomplished, but could only have been accomplished through the dynamic that was Luke being the son of Darth Vader, taking the legacy of his father upon himself, believing in the goodness of his father, and being the strong, emotional, loving, faithful character he was. It could only have been accomplished because Darth Vader still had a heart and cared for his son more than he ever could care about power. 
The entirety of the Prequels was the fall of Anakin Skywalker. The PT was, truthfully, so character-driven, it may have been character-driven to a fault because they were so focused on getting Anakin’s descent to the Dark Side satisfying and “right” that other things seemed to be pushed to the background. The main villains in the PT weren’t the most intimidating, except for Palpatine/Sidious, dialogue was clunky and awkward, but for the most part, the Prequels did a decent job at clearly displaying the internal struggle of Anakin Skywalker to remain good in the face of his dark tendencies, intense emotions he couldn’t control, and disdain for the Jedi Council. 
Even TFA was a pretty character-driven story. JJ knew what to do, as much as few have faith in him. 
The Force really Awakened when Finn saved Poe from the clutches of Kylo Ren and chose to finish Poe’s mission by bringing BB-8 back to the Resistance. Along the way, he met Rey, a girl whose emotions were very strong, had a very hard life, and wanted nothing more than a family. TFA repeatedly reminded the audience that Rey needed to return to Jakku because of her family, but because she found a family in the Resistance, she went full speed ahead into helping them and finding the belonging she sought ahead of her. Kylo Ren’s intentions in the movie were clear: to find Luke Skywalker and presumably to kill him. Why? We allegedly find out why in TLJ, but it’s unbelievable at best. He also desired to “finish what his grandfather started”, which was always a very confusing motivation because we all know Anakin Skywalker defected and murdered the Emperor as his last act in his life.
I digress.
How does TLJ differ from the OT, PT, and TFA?
Aside from the fact nothing in the movie should have logically happened, which I keep saying again and again...things just inexplicably happen to these characters and they just respond to it. 
Like, the Resistance is suddenly on its last legs, so now Poe is a trigger-happy fly-boy and causes the death of lots of people.
Rose Tico sees Finn leaving the Resistance cruiser, so she tases him with no questions asked, thus resulting in this stupid side-quest on Canto Bight.
Rey hands Luke his lightsaber and he rejects it (which he never would have done), so she follows him around for days with literally nothing happening for the most part.
Kylo Ren and Rey have an inexplicable Force-Bond.
Like absolutely, a lot of those things happened because of what a character did, but these things just happen to these people. They react to it and we move on from it. It kinda dies as a concept as soon as someone reacts and by the end of the movie, the characterizations of all of the characters are basically unrecognizable, there was no plot, and we’re right back where we started...a return to normalcy.
Like Finn is exactly where he would have been without the trip to Canto Bight. Poe is exactly the same character. Rose Tico had little to no characterization in the first place. Kylo Ren is just as dark, if not a little darker. Luke’s character was assassinated. And Rey’s character regressed. Like...there was no point to this movie. 
I said at the beginning that “strong characters drive a plot”. With what was just said and is true, none of those characters are strong, especially the one that so desperately needs to be- Rey. Rian Johnson altered their characters from TFA and changed them so that it would fit his narrative. That is an astoundingly stupid move. Because not only are these characters now weak, but they are not even themselves anymore! So these characters, who we didn’t come to see, are not experiencing any character development, in a movie with no plot, are doing nothing. I’m literally watching a movie about nothing with nothing happening!
The Last Jedi was boring in every single way but visually because there was no plot. There was no character development. There was no point except super cool visuals. 
What drives a story is character development and a convincing plot based off of the characters, neither of which The Last Jedi had. 
It has tHiNgS happen, but nothing that actually pushed the trilogy-long plot. 
A lot of stuff happened in the Empire Strikes Back, like Lando in Cloud City with Darth Vader, Luke continues to train with Yoda and learn the ways of the Force, Han and Leia’s relationship happens, Han gets frozen in carbonite and given to Jabba, and whatnot. But what pushes the plot forward was the reveal that the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker’s father, is still alive as Darth Vader. But had Lando not kinda “sold out” his friends to Vader, which led to Han being frozen in carbonite, Luke would have never left Jedi training to save his friends and fight his father, which led to the reveal that he was his father. Most of things that happen in this movie support the advancement of the trilogy-plot.
BUT NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE LAST JEDI. 
The reveal, which could have been the turning point in the movie, making Rey a Skywalker or even a Kenobi, was shot to shit and actually regressed the plot because just when we thought we were getting somewhere, after the shitty central conflict of the Resistance running out of fuel and the slow-motion cat and mouse chase, Finn, Rose, and DJ’s failure and sell-out, we got literally nothing. Nothing supported any kind of plot because there was no plot to begin with. Rian was- objectively- trying to rip off ESB, but failed because he so desperately wanted to subvert fan expectations that he actually sacrificed his plot and characters so that he could be “edgy” and “different”. 
Just when the Kylo-Rey dynamic was beginning to really be grounded and justified, Rian decided “hell fucking no” so whatever plot he was trying to go for, whatever character development he was trying to push forward, whatever he was trying to have happen, literally crumbled in front of the audience’s eyes. 
The whole reason ESB was so good and the dynamic going into ROTJ was high-octane was because of the dynamic between father-son Vader-Luke. There were high stakes in place, there were risks involved, there was faith being tested with the legitimate possibility for validation, and Vader’s possibility of redemption. Luke and Vader’s lives were in jeopardy because of their relationship.
There is no dynamic between Rey and Kylo because they, yeah maybe sorta understand each other a little better, but they still hate each other. They allegedly have no relationship with one another whatsoever, so where are the stakes?!  Kylo betrayed Rey after getting her hopes up. Like I honestly don’t know what to say about this. 
I fear for the franchise because I don’t know how it can be saved at this point.
Rian Johnson wrote not only himself, but JJ Abrams into a corner.  
You can’t write a compelling narrative where nothing happens and the characters simply respond to what happens to them. You can’t write a compelling narrative based on no stakes and no character development. People get bored when nothing happens and nothing progresses. I’ve had children tell me that TLJ “finished the same way the last movie did”. If children, Disney’s target market, can see it, that’s catastrophic. 
This isn’t how writing works, Rian.
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actualfarless · 3 years
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The Prophecy Girl
You are the chosen one, or so you were told. You find more and more evidence that they may have lied to you
Story below or read on Wattpad.
Throughout the centuries, The Society of Seven managed to maintain their secrecy. Always in the background, they stole influence in politics and amassed a fortune large enough to fund their activities, but never once fell caught the gaze of the public.
That was all by design. The society was founded on the end of the world. Some ancient evil would rise up to start the apocalypse and only a chosen hero could save us. Information was on a need to know basis and the public didn’t need to know.
But as time passed and the world grew smaller, the secret was harder to keep. The number of potential apocalyptic threats rose, and time was running out. The Society of Seven needed to find its hero.
That hero, they decided, was me: Veronica Aubrey Langdon IV. Ronnie to my friends. Aubrey to my mom. The prophecy girl to the society.
Allegedly.
I’d been with the society since I was a child, training the the standard apocalypse prevention skills: swords, magic, stage magic, math (gross), and gymnastics. As the years went on, I slowly learned more and more about the society and the old castle they called home. Slowly they revealed more and more truths to me and, finally, on my twelfth birthday, they told me about the prophecy.
Then I took the test.
“Now, Ronnie, I know you’re nervous,” Dr. Blake said as he led me down the steps to the castle’s catacombs. Even with the flickering torchlight, the darkness obscured his face, but his soothing English accent was enough to calm the thunder in my heart a bit. “We’ll all be on the other side of the gate. If it becomes too much, just scream and we’ll be there. Hold still.”
I nodded to him, rolling up my sleeves. Dr. Blake offered me a kind smile as he administered the shot. He slowly swung the gate shut. My heart rate quickened again as he turned the key in the lock.
“Good luck,” he whispered.
Then the world went dark.
Once I woke up again, I was back in my bed with a broken arm, one less tooth, and a destiny. I passed. I was unquestionably the hero in the prophecy. My training became more intense. I dealt with more supernatural threats (not the world ending kind). I felt stronger.
Way stronger.
Saving the world involved more cuts and twisted ankles than TV led me to believe, but every time my body seemed to heal a little faster and Dr. Blake was always there to tend to my wounds. For a while I saw him on an almost daily basis.
Twice a year, he’d take me down to the castle’s catacombs to repeat the test from my twelfth birthday. He always had a soft smile and a good sense of humor as he administered the shot, but as the years went on and my training continued, I noticed the sadness in his eyes. The older I got, the more concerned I became. Something was off.
When I was sixteen, I learned the truth.
I woke up the day after my birthday with only a bruise and all the teeth from the day before. My body ached, but it was dull and easily ignored. Dr. Blake and my mom stood by my bed, talking in hushed whispers. My mom shifted toward me as I slowly woke, but I kept my eyes shut. For a moment, they didn’t say anything, waiting until they were sure I was asleep again.
I wanted to call them out, but I knew I’d never learn whatever secret they were hiding that way. I shuffled slightly, convincing them I was just turning in my sleep, and focused on their conversation.
“I have to tell her,” my mom whispered. “I should have told her the moment I found out. I spent my life on the society. Aubrey shouldn’t have to.”
“Veronica, please,” came Dr. Blake’s reply. It was weird hearing my mom’s name. I always just called her ‘Mom.’ “Please just give me some time to figure it out.”
“We don’t have time. If the world’s going to end, then at least my daughter can live an ordinary life. She can stop doing these psychotic tests.”
“It might not.”
“You heard him, Henry.” I almost sat up at that. I assumed Dr. Blake’s first name was Doctor. “My grandmother failed. We can’t keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” I asked. I heard enough. They’d have to answer my questions. I sat up in my bed, crossing my arms.
Dr. Blake and my mom turned to me with quiet surprise. My mom’s worried expression was quickly replaced by fake warmth. Dr. Blake tried, though he struggled to maintain the mask as well.
“Aubrey, you’re awake. We were just talking about breakfast. What do you want?”
“Answers.”
“How are you feeling, kid?” Dr. Blake asked.
“Well enough to kick your butt if you don’t answer my question.”
Dr. Blake and my mom exchanged a glance. With a sigh, my mom sat on my bed, gently patting my leg. Dr. Blake locked my door and, for safety, stuck a chair under the handle. He pulled the blinds as well.
“What did you hear,” my mom asked quietly.
“Enough. I know something’s wrong. Just tell me. I hate that no one will tell me anything. How can I save the world if I don’t even know what I’m saving it from and no one will ever tell me what’s going on. I…” I took a deep breath. I slowly relaxed my hands. “I just want you to stop keeping secrets from me.”
My mom slowly nodded. “You’re right. Aubrey, when I was twelve, I took a test. I don’t remember it very well - I’m pretty sure I blacked out - but when I woke up, a member of The Society of Seven told me that I was the chosen one. They said I would save the world from some monster and began training me. The same training you’re doing. I was the girl in the prophecy.”
“But… I’m the chosen one.” The words fell stupidly out of my mouth, but the news hit me hard. Either the society had lied to me and was forcing me to  go through training for no reason, or they lied to my mom.
“That’s what I said when they told me about you. I spent years training for a threat that never came. They told me they were wrong about me and that you would be the one who’d save the world. So I let them train you.” Tears welled in my mom’s eyes. That hit me harder than any punch ever had. “Aubrey, I’m so sorry.”
I gave my mom a hug. I couldn’t punch her sad, and I honestly wasn’t great at magic, but a hug seemed like it would work. I knew I’d feel the same if someone told me I wasn’t going to save the world after I spent my entire life training for it.
I slowly released the hug as the thought ate away at my mind. Someone already had.
“There’s more,” I said flatly.
My mom looked to Dr. Blake. Dr. Blake sighed and nodded.
“The society’s training is meant to make your body stronger, but not just so you can handle these monsters. Twice a year since you were twelve, they’ve been channeling magic into your body. That’s what the test is. That’s where your strength comes from.”
“I’m strong because I’m the chosen one.” I knew what was coming.
“You’re not the chosen one, Ronnie.” There it was. Even though I knew it, it still hurt to hear. Dr. Blake didn’t give me a chance to recover. “The society’s been trying to turn you into her so you can complete the prophecy, but the truth is, they’re just hoping you’ll somehow succeed. The prophecy isn’t about you.”
“Then who is it about?”
“Veronica Aubrey Langdon. The first,” Dr. Blake clarified. “Your great-grandmother. She was supposed to defeat the beast. She did fight it. She wounded it. But she didn’t kill it.
“She failed.”
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art-now-russia · 3 years
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La vie en rose, Maria Ermilova
There are a lot of old wives' tales about roses and rose culture. Some seem to have merit, others don't. During our Exhibitors Rose Trip IV, we started a list of what we called rose myths or mistruths. We have found rosarians around the United States disproved many of these oldtales, some of which are very basic and covered in every rose culture book. Pruning & Deadheading of Roses One of the first myths is we have to cut or deadhead roses at a 45 degree angle away from the budeye. Now allegedly the "sap" from roses will seep over the budeye and kill it or stop it from growing. This is false. First off, how often do you see rose sap oozing from a wound on a freshly cut cane? Almost never. Rose canes are porous and very pithy, which holds onto water. Since the rose isn't a true hardwood plant, there is no sap per se, at least the way we think of tree sap, such as with pines and maples. Even if it did, it would not hurt the budeye at all. Think about it. Why would sap hurt a budeye when many of the roses shipped around the United States, especially the northern climates, are dipped in wax? If wax can't kill a budeye, it is doubtful sap would. Now it is true that if you prune high above a budeye, then that section of the cane will die back to the budeye. So always cut just above a budeye, it just doesn't matter if it is flush or at an angle. Next would be the myth that you have to cut back all your roses in the summer time, aka summer pruning. Frances Ballentine of South Carolina disproved this myth. And what she said makes sense. Roses transpire gases and water through leaf pores called stomata. This helps cool down the plant. If you remove all the foliage, then the rose is left to the harsh environment unprotected, which means 110+ degree weather in some areas. You know this cannot be good for the rose, similar to not winter protecting at all up north. So the more foliage, the more the plant has a chance to cool down during high heat. Similar to this is the myth of having to cut back to a five-leaflet leaf, especially during the summertime. Exhibitors have shown that roses do fine if you simply remove the spent bloom at the base of the peduncle, just above the bracts. This gives more foliage for cooling. During rose show season you would cut back to a strong budeye, and not likely down to the first five-leaflet leaf. All rose books say you must prune during the winter. Do you really need to prune your roses at all? Not really. My favorite saying is roses will survive despite us. I think pruning does help the plant with a good start coming off dormancy, whatever little we get of it here in our area, and for aesthetics it is good. But what if you never prune at all or never got around to it? Will the plant die? No, it will survive and grow on. We still suggest getting rid of dead wood and diseased parts.
https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Painting-La-vie-en-rose/889452/3137122/view
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A Transcription of the Late 1st Era Tele-Memetic Artifact “M.N. Captain Nero’s Adventures through Oblivi-Space!!, Vol. 17”
Transcriptor’s Note: One of the great pitfalls of modern academia’s myopic fascination with relics from great tombs and Ayleid ruins is that it tends to find a lot of incandescent crystals glowing every color of the rainbow that ironically shed virtually no light on how people of the past actually lived. While my colleagues at the I.C.A.U. were busy announcing what Dwemer outpost they’re going to spend the entire yearly budget (and probably a few graduate student souls) exploring, I just happened to look into my sweet neighbor Dynatia Geelteus’s request about a small cache of old artifacts workers found while excavating to expand her shop’s basement.
Who would have guessed that while we scrape the bottom of the barrel to plunder every single crypt for the last few legendary maces of +10 stamina damage, the real cultural treasures have been here all along, moldering beneath the ground of our city that’s been continuously inhabited by man and mer for at least 5,000 years. But by all means, don’t take my grant proposals.
This artifact appears to be a piece of entertainment or propganda of an unknown format. The physical object is two smooth translucent disks that can freely rotate around a single axis, apparently intersecting in physical space but able to pass through each other freely. Each disk individually is covered in Remen-era proto-Cyrodiilic text which this researcher is not fluent in. Nonetheless, when focusing not on the individual disks but instead the system as a whole, one is somehow able to pick out and resolve the competing overlapping fragments into clear meaning and even full color images.
Since this style of pictorial dissemination has been lost to time, this scholar will merely have to transcribe the language and events into mundane text for publication. Originally an artist was commissioned to recreate the images for closer inspection, but for some reason this style of tele-memetic transmission resists such replication. The images flee from the mind like fragments of an interrupted dream the moment a brush touches canvas. Until further investigation, it is unclear whether this is due to the metaphysics of observing a message through conflicting constituent aspects or if it’s some type of copy protection.
Humbly and respectfully, Ashei Tigonus Sr. Professor of Tamrielic History Imperial City Arcane University, 4E194
Transcription: “M.N. Captain Nero’s Adventures through Oblivi-Space!!, Vol. 17”
[A tall dark structure lies suspended high above the twin planets Zenithar and Mara. Three figures drift towards it, all decked out in full mundane-simulacrum frames of imperial mothsilk1 — a near-necessity for all but the most tenacious mortals in the interplanar stretches of oblivion. The wingcloaks of the suits flap slowly, propelling them forward and giving off gentle fuchsia pulses with each beat. In the background behind the three figures is an enormous moth imperator. The behemoth floats lackadaisically in the void, sunning the hanging gardens in its wings and the silver cathedral built into its back with the rays of distant Magnus.
Four title cards: “FIRST MATE YAL BOETH,” “CENTURION CLAI DUNLAIN,” and “BURGLAR XEIRSAAR” appear on the silhouetted figures. “THE N.V.N. MYRRHMIDON” names the far-off moth.]
YAL — “Remember: this warp-spire has been allegedly abandoned, but that just means there are no Alinori soldiers in there. These empty things have a tendency to accumulate all sorts of riff-raff, fugitives, and Khajiit before the last sunbird is even out of sight.”
XEIRSAAR — “I once found a grounded Akaviri cloud litter on the fourth ring of Kynareth. It was a tiny thing, no bigger than a large hut. And yet, when my egg-brother cracked open the hatch no less than six kaoc Khajiit shot out and scattered to the winds.
[Clai laughs as the party reaches the surface of the spire. Xeirsaar pulls out a small set of tools and gets to work on removing a silver plate from the surface while the others wait.]
XEIRSAAR — “I tried to grab one but they were the small quick ones that seem to squirm out of your reach before you’ve even considered moving your arm. We got the last laugh though. All the original Akaviri artifacts had been stripped away, but inside the Khajiit left behind a 10,000 drake cache of moon sugar — ahh, here we go.”
[The armored plate pops out of place and Xeirsaar spins it like a discus out into the void. Clai draws her catalyst staff and drops into the exposed hole. After a few seconds the others slide in after her.
The party emerges from the ground of a huge cylindrical colony with livable space wrapped around the spinning inner surface. The habitat environment looks it was plucked right out of the Alinor countryside — well-trimmed gardens filled with fountains and flowering trees blanket the gently rolling hills, soaring prismatic palaces shimmering in the artificial noon-light dot the landscape, birds flit to and fro among the trees and wheel through the expansive central sky. The crew removes their bulbous M.-S.F. helmets.]
CLAI, letting out a slow whistle — “Woah. Nice place. And the Dominion abandoned it? Why in Mundus would they do that?”
YAL — “Uhh, I know the high elves have strange architecture, but I’m pretty sure that one wasn’t built that way.”
[Yal points to one of the palaces behind the crew which is significantly shorter than the others. Rather than coming to an elegant peak, the blunted top is ragged and gashed, with chunks of shattered crystal and steel strewn all around the yard. Several trees on the surrounding hills appear to have been wrenched up by their roots and more deep gashes can be seen in the gardens themselves.
All at once birds from the surrounding area all take flight at once and stream away from the ruined mansion as a low hum begins to emanate from it.]
CLAI — “That’s probably not a good sign.”
??? — “MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE MYRRHMIDON…”
[Two title cards: “CAPTAIN NERO” and “CHIEF CARTOGRAPHER GAILIEL.” Gailiel is lying on her back in the glass-roofed observatory when Nero swings open the door and strides in. The top of the panel shows the canopy of brilliant stars speckled across the void of oblivion.]
NERO — “Hey Gail. Looking for something?”
GAILIEL — “There are 1,007 other known Magna-Ge tears out there. Who knows how many have their own system? Their own planets?”
NERO — “Surely only the Star of Magnus is great enough to sustain worlds. Our manometer measures the minor tears’ power at a thousandth of a thousandth of a thousandth as strong. They’re tiny compared to the sun.”
GAILIEL, breathlessly — “I’ve been thinking about this ⁠— that might merely be a matter of perspective. The Bosmer of my old homeland worship Y’ffre chief among all gods, while you Alessians relegate her to barely a footnote as merely one of the Earth-Bones. Perhaps the inhabitants of a sub-planet of Thief-IV have done the same with Magnus, and venerate their own king tear of the Magna-Ge instead.”
NERO — “That’s an interesting hypothesis, so where’s your proof?”
GAILIEL, exasperated — “Well surely that’s what explorers like us are for. Until we try, who would know?”
[Gailiel stands up and looks at Nero for the first time.]
GAILIEL — “Sorry. That’s why I’ve been so frustrated with our orders to set back for Tatterdemalion. I just want to push forward, not retrace paths that a dozen mananauts have tread before.”
[Nero smirks mischievously and pulls a two-disk tele-memetic device out of his pocket.]
NERO — “Oh these orders? The ones I read conspicuously aloud to everyone in front of that ‘merchant’ sunbird on Dibella?”
[Gailiel catches on and grins back in return while Nero crushes the disks with one hand.]
NERO — “Oh don’t worry, as soon as the exploration team gets back I have a much more interesting destination in mind…”
??? — “WILL YAL’S AWAY PARTY ESCAPE THE DANGER? TUNE IN NEXT VOLUME TO SEE THE INTREPID CREW OF THE MYRRHMIDON’S NEXT GRAND ADVENTURE!”
??? — “Bonus section: On this volume of ‘Meet the Crew!!’”
[Title card: “CHIEF META-ENTOMOLOGIST OCTAVIA OCTA’VO”
A young Cyrodiilic woman stands confidently, holding a butterfly net leaning across her shoulders with one hand and presenting a sealed glass jar with a silver-green moth inside with the other.]
??? — “Octavia is in charge of tending to the needs of ALTRRUHN, the moth imperator that serves as the foundation of the Myrrhmidon2. While the species doesn’t require mundane food or drink, its wings need to be continuously checked for voidmites or the dreaded silk shalks that have brought down multiple N.V.N. mothships.
When the crew makes landfall, Octavia keeps the Myrrhmidon in an chronoglass — a jar blown by the famed Glass-shouters Guild of Windhelm. The Nords say that Kyne’s breath fills the glass so uniformly that not even Akatosh has room to get in. Storing the Myrrhmidon inside will keep ALTRRUHN in near-perfect unaging stasis — important since moth imperators are hard to find, even harder to train, and don’t tend to live a particularly long time.”
??? — “THAT’S ALL THIS WEEK. CHECK BACK IN VOL. 18 TO MEET HELMSMAN ZYKLOHS!”
Transcription endnotes: 1 To see a rare surviving M.-S. frame from the era in person, contact Professor Hlov Gateri at the Imperial City Arcane University who regularly displays one from his private collection in his office. He’d love to talk to anyone who’s interested about the Remen-era New Void Navy.
2 The Elder Council Public Archives keep records of every known moth imperator of the first, second, and early third eras and ALTRRUHN is not on the list. The existence of other places, events, and individuals listed in the text is harder to ascertain, since many of those records are still held in confidence by the Royal Imperial Mananauts and are never disclosed publicly.
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redtutel · 4 years
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Rewatching Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
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Or as Gen X calls it, Star Wars. But I was born in 1997, so it’s a New Hope to me.
I watched bits and pieces of the original trilogy on TV when I was a kid, but I never saw them all the way through until Middle School.
Can I even say anything about these movies that haven’t already been said? I’m not sure, but I’ll try.
Star Wars lore used to be as simple as Rebels good, Empire bad. And despite all the complexity that’s been added to it since, that’s still the core of this franchise, and I honestly think that’s for the best.
The opening action sequence is one of the greatest in film history. It does a fantastic job of establishing the stakes, as well as showing just how powerful the heroes are in comparison to the villains. Darth Vader looks awesome, and is a fantastic threat.
Rogue One is ending right now. That’s so crazy to think about. Since it’s not a part of the main Skywalker saga, I’m not revisiting it, but I might some other time.
Leia’s such a cool character. She gets captured sure, but she goes down swinging, and she’s just as capable a fighter as the others when she does get rescued. 
There are things that infamously don’t make sense with this movie, like “Why didn’t the Imperial Officers take droids into account” or  “Why is there a small hole that destroys the Death Star.” (although that last one was explained in Rogue One), or “How come nobody remembers the Jedi and the Force?” But back then, people understood that those little things don’t matter, or at the very least they didn't care. Why can’t nerd culture go back to those days?
I remember being so surprised that the Senate was in the original movie, although it was only mentioned and never seen. Same with the Clone Wars
The retconned in CGI is odd, but at the same time, I kind of understand where Lucas was coming from. He had a lot of ideas he wanted to use, but couldn’t because of the limitations at the time. And now with CGI, he can finally puts those ideas into the movie. Although it’s very anacronistic. I agree re-adding deleted scenes was a mistake. Delete scenes are cool, but a majority of them are not in the movie for a reason, or the final product made them redundant. 
17 minutes before we meet Luke. That’s a lot better than the hour spent to meet Anakin, and the events that happen beforehand are much more coherent as well. 
Did R2-D2 kill another droid for the sake of the rebellion. That’s...troubling.
Luke is a likable bright eyed dreamer that wants more out of life. There are many like them, but to be fair, he did inspire a lot of them. Leia being Luke’s sister is very, very clearly not the original plan.
The acting is a little hockey, although the Darth Vader and C-3PO’s acting is still fantastic. And its overall a lot better than the prequels.
It is troubling to see the continuity errors the prequels had. Owen and Buru only met Anakin once, so it’s a bit weird how they talk about him. Obi Wan and R2-D2 should remember each other, but don’t seem to know each other (although Obi-Wan could be faking it. He does tend to lie. Then again, there isn’t really  a reason for him to lie about R2). As well as Darth being a name and not a title.
The twin sun shot. It’s one of the greatest moments in film history. There’s a reason it’s refrecened again and again.
I never noticed how often Obi Wan says “Hello There.”
On the subject of Obi Wan, I love how well he conveys his friendship with Anakin with just he acting. Although he probably wasn’t indeed to be a liar, it's still really sad seeing him lie to Luke to spare his feelings. And he’s one of the definitive mentor characters for a reason.
Tarkin is a character I never thought much about, just another guy in an Imperial Officer's uniform. Which is odd seeing how he blew up a planet. Which is odd because technically, he has superiority over Darth Vader, and is the actual main villain of the movie. Although he was an amazing villain in the few episodes he was in in Rebels.
The Force was pretty simple early one. Fast reflexes and choking people, I guess they didn’t have the ability to do more advanced things with the force back then.
The fact that Owen and Buru were killed so brutally is seriously dark. Although they’re forgettable characters, I feel bad for Luke.
The interrogation machine is super creepy, especially since we don’t see how it actually works.
The brainwashing with the force scene is amusing to this day. Some other great jokes include “She’s Rich” (a favorite of my cousins'), Chewie scaring away the mouse droid and the scene where Han gives up bluffing and just shoots the communicator. Star Wars is allowed to be funny people.
I love all the alien spices in the cantina. It’s a great source of world building. I imagine it must’ve been very difficult, given the low budget of this first movie.
I saw a red eyed, blue skinned alien. Is Thrawn’s species in the first movie?
I do find it funny all of Han Solo’s big accomplishments happened in one day. It doesn’t bother me, though. Anyway, Han’s another good character. He’s your classic rouge archetype, and a good foil to naive farmboy Luke.
...I honestly don’t care who shot first. I’m watching the Blu Ray, so I didn't get to see “Marlarky.”
The movie has a ton of worldbuilding for something meant to be one stand alone story. That’s probably one of the best and worst things about it.
Although it’s definitely overused, the Death Star really is that good a concept. A space station the size of a moon, that can shoot a beam that can destroy a planet. It’s a very intimidating concept, and an excellent obstacle to overcome.
Although we never see Alderan, the fact Leia comes from there helps give the scene the emotional weight it needs. Obi Wan’s iconic line definitely helps as well.
I love how despite advancing technology, that chess game is always designed so that it move like stop motion. 
Of all the Star Wars protagonists, Luke is the weakest in the force at first. Part of me wonders if it’s because they were very limited in what they could show about the force back then. Although it mike be possible Uncle Owen prevented him from experimenting with it, while Anaking got to practice with Pod racing, and Rey got to practice with scavenging. 
The beginnings of the Leia/Han relationship. Two very strong willed people. It’s a good dynamic that only gets better in the next movie.
The trash compactor scene. Again, one of the greatest action scenes of all time. There’s a monster in the water and the walls are closing in. It’s a classic.
...you know if a character like Leia came out today, the dark side of geek culture would despise her for being an “SJW Mary Sue.” Screw those guys.
The bridge scene is another classic, although the rope swing kind of portrays Luke and Leia in a different light than the rest of the movie.
Darth Vader vs Obi Wan. As a child of the prequels I found this battle...underwhelming. I’m warmed up to it since, but I couldn’t help but miss the crazy choreography of the prequels. Later Star Wars works found the proper balance, thankfully. And I love how Obi Wan knows full well death won’t be the end for him.
Poor Luke lost his aunt and uncle and his mentor on the same day. That definitely gives him a reason to despite Darth Vader personally, especially seeing how Vader allegedly killed Luke’s father too.
“There wasn’t anything you could do.” I never noticed those arc words. Much like his father, Luke just keeps losing and losing family. But he also gains family during his adventure as well. I guess that’s one of the unifying themes of all three trilogies. Dealing with the loss of family, and learning to accept new family. 
Although he denies it, Han is torn between collecting the money and living another day, or staying and helping his new friends. And in the end, he chooses his friends. It’s a nice character arc.
Was Wedge in the original cut? I honestly don’t know. And there’s the Roge One “Woomp”
I know I’ve said this a million times, but the death star battle is another one of the greatest actions sequences of all time. I’ve heard that the ticking clock aspect was actually something George Lucus’s wife at the time, Marcia Lucas. So good on her for making this action sequence as great as it is.
Overall, this is one of the greatest movies of all time for a reason.
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wgfjmj758-blog · 5 years
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Is this a good first car???
Is this a good first car???
2001 saab 9-5se 133,000 miles $3900 2 wheel front Or 2002 Lincoln LS 87,000 miles $5200 Rear wheel drive We live in ohio, it snows quite a bit, and I am looking for safety, and which is cheapest maintenance wise?????
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :COVERAGE-FINDER.NET
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