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daddynegandesires · 3 years

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My little runaway pt. 2

@buttercandy16

(Quick summary: after leaving the sanctuary you started a new life at Alexandria trying to hide away from negan he stumbles upon you while taking half of ricks shit and takes you back to the sanctuary with him.)

Warning: angst, fighting, jealousy, mind control/brainwashing, fluff

*sanctuary*

So many things have changed here since ive been gone so many more rules negan was more strict than ever and now Simon and arat were his right hand men i had no more existence towards those positions nor did i want anything to do with his killing posse his mind was sick and twisted he wasn't the negan i use to know. I was gone for months before negan had claimed rick after some people at Alexandria had killed down some of negns men. I knew me being gone had caused way more problems than there needed to be and i know i was in deep shit....

We arrived at the sanctuary coming to a hault hearing the breaks squeak as Dwight put the truck in park and turned it off. Negan flung his door open dragging me out causing me to fall on the dirt covered ground.. my hands were tied so i had no way to brace myself.

"Cmon darlin, you're back on your own turf now" negan bent down to my eye level

"But dont think for a second you are getting special treatment.....not after what you did"

his sacastic laugh filled my ears making me shut my eyes tightly. He yanked me up by my arm dragging me to the double metal doors of the sanctuary. He kicked the doors open holding me close to make sure i didnt break free. I was pulled down one of the many hallways untill he came to a stop at a door he opened it with his free hand still having a tight grip on my arm. The room had a bed and a small kitchen in it i wasnt use to staying in these rooms because i was negans right hand woman, his bestfriend before i left so i was given alot of special treatment.

"Home sweet home" negan said throwing you face down on the bed untieing you

You could feel him leaning up against your ass while he freed your hands he then flipped you over on your back holding you down by your throat.

"I missed you....." A grin grew across his face

"...if you think im going to be another copy and paste of everyone else and drop to my knees when i see you....then you are so wrong" you struggled to get the words out breathlessly as his grip slowly tighted around your neck.

"Oh baby....i know..i like the frisky ones. You forget i know you better than you know yourself" he released his grip from you before giving you one last good squeeze causing you to choke and raise up on the bed

"You know nothing about me..." You grabbed your neck rubbing at it

"Quite frankly i dont even know who you are anymore...youre sick..." You stood up getting in his face

Negans tongue slid across his bottom lip then causing his jaw to flex letting out a long groan

"Without me....they are nothing...they all love me" he paused and let out a sarcastic laugh "....just like you without me are nothing"

"You....you are nothing but a fucking monster....lucille never deserved a man like you.." You could feel tears swelling up in your eyes you couldnt believe what had just came out of your mouth after knowing what happend in the past between you two.

All of the color drained out of negan he was furious he grabbed a fistfull of your hair yanking you up to your feet and, dragging you down the hallway your screams were echoing off the walls you were trying to grab onto something to save yourself. He opened a metal door it was dark. There were no windows the room was completely empty. Negan threw you onto the cold floor you caught yourself with your hands before your face clashed with the cold cement floor. You looked up at him through the messy strands of your hair and couldnt see his face only a dark shadow casted upon him. You knew He had no expression just a blank expression almost terrifying youve never seen him like this out of all the years youve known him you didnt even know who he was anymore and its only getting worse.

"You....are going to regret all of this...." Negan slammed the door and locked it you could hear his footsteps trail off.

"AAGHH GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. YOU FUCKING COWARD!" all you could do was scream and yell and cry you were pounding on the door untill you finally gave out and got tired enough to pass out on the floor.

You were woken up by light shinning on your face someone had opened the door and was speaking to you your head was pouding and your ears were rining from all the screaming, yelling and crying you had done from the days prior.

"Get up. Im not gonna tell you again" Dwights voice hurt your ears

"D...dwight....you have to help me" you stumbled to your feet and walked towards him

"This...this isnt negan...hes going to get us all killed we have to go save Alexandria. Please! Believe me!" Your hands were gripped on his t-shirt yanking him towards you. All he could do was stare at you he had nothing to say just a blank expression. Footsteps came appraching up the hallway towards you two... it was negan

"Wellll....rise and shine babydoll!" Negan swung his bat up over his shoulder

All you could do was glare at him no words could come out

"Time to get to work dollface"

negan held the door open for you and you walked out watching him close the door he led you outside and put you on fence duty to kill walkers for half of the day the sun was blistering feeling beads of sweat run down your face you havent had a shower in days. Negan did nothing but stand around and make orders to everyone or he would spend time fucking his multiple forced wives. It was only a matter of time before he shoved you back into that hell of a room.

You could over hear negan on the walkie talkie he was speaking to rick. It was hard to make out what the both of them were saying but i could tell it wasnt good. Negan always started conflict or maybe it just found its way to him.

"Hey....hey is that rick" you walked over cutting negan over mid conversation

"Well you better find a damn way..." the beep of the walkie talkie went off after negan finished talking

"How does it feel to be on the other side?...working for points...getting yourself all dirty out here. You lost your chances" negan slid the walkie into his belt biting his lip

" let me speak to rick so he knows im okay...please" you begged

"Rick this rick that..ya know im starting to think you are developing a little crush" negan began to walk away

You ran to catch up with him standing infront of him to stop him.

"Why are you doing this to me...dont i mean something to you. You just kick me to the dirt...I THOUGHT WE WERE A TEAM" you screamed at him

"You. Ran. Away. You live here you follow my rules at all times no exceptions! I will not tolerate anything less from you!....things are different now..." negans face grew a frown

Negan pushed past you and walked off you followed right behind him to his room he surprisingly let you in and shut the door behind him.

"I...look....Can i atleast get a shower im filthy..." You said with your arms crossed

All he could do was point over to the bathroom you sighed and walked over to the door after locked yourself in the bathroom you began to take off your clothes and run the water waiting for it to warm up when you heard a knock on the door.

" one more thing.....no locked doors" negan said in a low demanding voice

You swallowed hard and walked over to the door unlocking it hearing the lock make a quick click. Negans footseps slowly faded out as he walked away. You slipped into the shower letting the hot water run down your body watching all of the dirt trickle down the drain. The hot water relaxed you letting out a deep breath you closed your eyes letting the steam fill up the bathroom. The door quietly opened you quickly sprung your eyes open your body went stiff.

"....i layed out some clean clothes for you....i know you could use some" negan said clearing his throat

"Oh...thank you" you replied shocked

"(Y/N)....you know i uh...i still care for you...things are just...different now but im still that guy you use to know. Look..i have to go out on a run just make yourself at home" negan closed the door gently and walked away

The room went silent you your eyes were swelling up with tears it felt like you couldnt get the right words out of your mouth. You knew deep down that warm hearted negan was still there the negan that you missed the negan that use to be your bestfriend. He was buried under all this power and built up rage from before the apocalypse and now. Maybe this was going to be a new begining...a fresh start at the sanctuary.

Just maybe.

#jdm #twd #the walking dead #jeffrey dean morgan #negan

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emoali · 3 years

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Thursday🔴

My plan is to go through this month at least... with only positive vibes really giving it a go and a try to really digggg to see what bothers me even when im in a good mood

I'm worried that iv told him that he needs to do this and that and change his ways but what if it was never him...

What if it's me that wants the experience of being single and independent

I want a solo journey of self growth...

Am I just looking for excuses to get out?

Blaming others for my feelings?

I'm wondering if I really do want to be single though?

I obviously have some sort of negative feelings that hold resentment... These feelings arnt false but maybe that's not the only reason i want to explore these thoughts more..

So yes There are things I dont like about my situation but there are also things that I want for myself that make those negative seem bigger than they are maybe...

I need to own up to how I really feel...

Why do I want to explore sexually with others...thats a big question...

Is sex enough to walk away?

What he doesnt know is that yes I created Wifey Wednesday to fuel a fire in us

But I also have my secret freaky fridays

Where i take care of my needs...

Yet I'm really not sure if being single is what I want...

How will I know???

I still have the erge to talk to other guys like Evan im still crushing on badly...

Is this normal for someone in a long term relationship?? 💋

I do feel like we are an old couple

Wasnt super attrachted to him to begin with and I had this mindset that I would still be able to find love if I could look past looks.... Idk where that came from....

I need to dig to find out what attraction is and am i attracted to him???

Did i some how fuck my head up by trying to rewire wires???

How did i do that???

Is it possible to not be attracted to someone than then grow to be attracted to them?

Or better Yet I think that I just found him less and less attractive as time went on because of the things he does on top of physical attraction.

So I think the things he does makes him less attractive in my eyes and iv even said that to him before... I cant recall why I said that to him but iv said multiple times " do you think I find that attractive?" And he always agrees "nooo" :(

Now I dont feel as shallow and i feel good knowing that not only did i stuggle finding him physically attractive at times his actions and words also make me feel less attracted to him....

Like i never realised how much these little things would effect me subconsciously

I feel so HAPPY like I had a revelation!!!

His mom is yelling at him like a child to clean up the kirchen more and help around the house more... thats the type of shit that should have been ingrained in him a looooong time ago...

It make total sense as to why I find it hard to find him attractive. Like omg revelation!

I always thought that would go away once we got our own place and once he started manning up but I think the damage is done... It might be possible to reverse this but id probably have some subconscious thoughts still that would take a veryyyy long time to get over...

At dinner his dad asked is when were getting married and I just cant hear that shit again... Like I'm not even engaged

His mom on the way home asked if she could help me work through anything and i said id let me therapist handle it and she asked if anything triggered these emotions lol I said yes but i couldnt tell her it was her talking to Brian through the door while he jizzes on me... That event for sure triggered lot of emotions...

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything.

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

youtube

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole.

#BackWithVengeance

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warmau · 7 years

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can i request a ten, taeyong, and haechan neighbour au?? hehe i really love your writing a lot

ten’s birthday is next week, so here’s a kind of early gift to all you ten stans!!and of course, taeyong and haechan stans~（´・｀）♡find mark + jaehyun (here)

Ten

definitely,,,,,, loud

he throws parties on the weekends and practices guitar on the weekdays while also getting REALLY R E A L L Y into nba 2k17,,,,,,

especially if johnny comes over like the two of them cannot shuttup and neighbors always have to go over and be like “quiet down” and johnny apologizes while ten just sneers and is like “YEAH JOHNNY WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD” and johnny is like “i swear once this door is closed-”

but he’s FUN,,,,,like there is not denying that he’s an entertaining, amusing, and great person like why else would his apartment be basically filled to the brim with people who he probably doesn’t even know all that well

yeah the snacks,,,,,but also like?? ten makes great jokes, he’s good at making everyone feel comfortable, and his dancing: a+

he’s the whole package,,,,,,,,,even though his place is a mess monday morning and he has to practically beg taeyong and jaehyun to come over and help him clean

and he once tried to ask hansol and hansol was like “you brought this on yourself lolololol” and the proceeded to hang up on him whenever ten tried to call him back (real friends are like this tbh)

speaking of which ten has ,,,,, like no idea how to keep his things organized,,,,,,,,because he has so much stuff like every time he leaves his house he’s wearing a brand new outfit

and everyone is like bro you spend way too much money on clothes,,,,,why do you need so much and ten is like Firstly: it’s fashion you Wouldn’t Get It,,,,,,,,secondly someone stole some of my pants from my last party ok leave it alone

but his apartment itself is pretty cool, like somehow he got mark to ask renjun to come over and paint on his wall and it turned out really cool and ten’s the type to have fancy stuff for no reason like did you really need to buy a lamp that looks like a chandelier and ten is like yeah i did bye

cute lil secret: he keeps letters from his parents back in thailand in a shoebox in his locked closet so it’s safe because it’s the one thing he refuses to lose,,,,,,,,,,,

but you know ten if not because you have to listen to the music he blasts at each of his parties and him yell at his friends when they play games but also,,,,,,,,,on multiple occasions

ten has come to you for help

with many,,,,,,,,,,different,,,,,,,,thing

one of the most common is he always ends up needing a place to crash for the night because someone else fell asleep in his bed,,,,,,and his couch,,,,,,,,and on his floor. then there was the time he woke up with his head in a bowl of uneaten ramen and the noodles had gotten stuck in his ear piercings and you had to get them out while ten cried about how gross that was,,,,,and of course the most famous: ten gets tipsy and Emotional and you,,,,,,,well

you listen to him

mind you in the morning when he’s all better ten is just like “hEY thanks for letting me cry and ,,,,,,,,, stuff let’s never talk about this again!!!!”

and you feel bad because ,,,,,,,lmao you’re just his neighbor who also knows his deepest insecurities and fears and it’s like????? you never have the heart to get mad at him for knocking on your door at 2 am

but also,,,,,,you like then ten that is open with his feelings. the ten that cuddles into your arm face first and mumbles that you’re so sweet to him, so kind

but when ten,,,,,,is being his loud, fun self he’s not exactly that person

until you end up being the one in need of help,,,,,knocking on ten’s door at some odd hour and he opens it, shocked to see you and you’re like

“where is your alcohol stash,,,,,,,,give it it to me” and ten slows you down by catching you around the waist and he’s like “are you o-?” and you’re like NOPE IM NOT ,,,,,,give me,,,,,,,,,the,,,,,,,,drinks

but ten isn’t letting you go and he’s like “sit down, tell me whats up” and you grumble that it doesn’t matter, trying to hide behind your hair a bit so he can’t see that you had been crying

but ten just shakes his head and he’s like “c’mon,,,,,i know you listen to me when i come sobbing over to you,,,,,,tell me what it is”

and you’re like “ten,,,,,,,,,,,do you even see me as a friend? or am i just the closest person near you when you have to complain?”

and it’s quiet and ten kind of looks at you, but then he gently pokes the center of your forehead and he’s like “of course you’re my friend,,,,,,to be honest,,,,,,,ive always thought of you as more than that. to me,,,,like i want,,,,,,,want you to be more than a friend but,,,,,,,i know you don’t feel that way so i just wanted to be close to you,,,,,,,,”

and for the first time you’re hearing ten stutter over his words (when he’s not drunk) and you’re like “wait wait wait stop”

and you put your finger to his lips and he’s like ??? and you’re like

“you want me to be more than your friend?” and ten is like ,,,,,,,, “how,,,,,,,,,well,,,,,,let me say it like this it’s hard not to fall for the person who pulled ramen out of my earrings for me.”

and you’re blinking a bit, completely forgetting the thing that made you upset because wait. is ten confessing??????

and you’re like “so you like me?” and he’s like “yes, i like you. i thought bothering you all the time made that obvious”

and you’re like aljfkddkskre it didnt,,,,,,and ten is like “huh, did you also not hear when johnny screamed ‘GO CONFESS TO THE PERSON NEXT DOOR THAT YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH THEM YOU IDIOT’???”

and you’re like holy shit no i missed that too

and ten is like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how

Taeyong

the model neighbor

as in he looks like an actual model, and is also super clean and quiet and ??? just very overly polite like he just wants people to like him ya know?????

he’s barely home because he’s always over at his friends houses doing their chores because they never want to,,,,,,like when taeyong explained that you have to change your bedsheets at least every three weeks ten dam near had a heart attack because he was like “ive been sleeping on just my mattress for the past 7 months” and taeyong was like HOW ARE YOU A PERSON

taeyong loves cute stationary, and cute mugs, and owns an apron with little kitten embroidered on the side and those hanging plants that he decorated his bedroom with and idk he’s got like,,,,,,a clock that looks like a sunflower

like taeyong,,,,,,,,is just a boy who loves things that make his apartment more adorable and clean

owns every cleaning product imaginable and dedicated a whole closet to them

the type to have labels on all his cupboards and shelves and you open his refrigerator and everything is labeled it’s like,,,,,,how does he have the damn nerve to do this

also: uses coasters for his drink because he gets anxious about drinks spilling onto his rug

but yeah other than that,,,,he’s kinda awkward around most people,,,,but he does his best to smile and come off sweet

and you’ve seen him,,,,,,lugging home like three different brands of detergent and a new mop every week and you’re like huh so he’s super,,,,,,like,,,,,,,into cleaning

which you’re like is fine but you,,,,,after only recently moving in,,,,hasn’t even unpacked half your things yet and everytime your friends from your original hometown call you’re like (—: im an adult. my apartment is nice and sparkly and im doing fine

(this is a lie. you’ve been living off fast-food and half your stuff is still in boxes)

which is why when your best friend says she’ll be visiting tomorrow you’re like HOLD UP

and you know just the person to go a solicit help from. taeyong

and when you knock on his door he’s like surprised because you two have never held a solid conversation

and he is like “oh hello, i know we’ve never properly-”

and you’re like “you have 309458 mops right. you got a duster,,,,,,thing,,,,,,,,right”

and he’s like “feather duster?” and you’re like YEAH THAT,,,,,,,listen i need help now

and when you explain that you (being the lazy person we ALL are) didn’t unpack or clean or do anything and your friend is coming tomorrow and you don’t want to look like a Failure of an Adult in front of her,,,,,,,well taeyong kind of looks at you and is like

“,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,fine ill get the swivel sweeper”

and you guys spend like 7 hours getting your things unpacked and taeyong is really good at like????? decorating and he’s like “OH i have the peRFECT thing”

and he runs over to his place and comes back holding this cute like paper weight in the shape of like a giraffe and he puts it on your desk and you’re like “,,,,,,,,,,what is that” and he’s like “are you really an adult?”

but he helps you a lot and it’s kind of fun, he has like,,,,,,,,a really nice laugh you made a pun about like cleaning and he almost fell over laughing it was really,,,,,,,,,,cute

and once you’re done you’re like how should i thank you

and he’s like “it’s fine, you don’t have to!!”

and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,but i should but he’s like really no it’s nothing

but even after he leaves,,,,,,you’re like this is mean he worked so hard for me

and it bugs you, even after you friend comes over and is like WOW this place is so clean im impressed

that you end up going out and buying one of those cute little home humidifiers and you’re like “this seems taeyong-ish”

and you knock on his door again and he’s like “oh!!! do you need to borrow my mo-” and you’re like “here!!!!!! it’s a small gift,,,,,,but i thought you might like it,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

and he looks down at the bag and he gets super duper red and he’s like “i,,,,,,,,i can’t accept this,,,,,,,it’s too much,,,,,,”

and you’re like ashofvd you spent SIX HOURS cleaning my house for me pleASE

and finally you manage to get taeyong to take the gift and you’re like “anyway,,,,,,,,,,seriously thank you”

and taeyong kind of hesitates but he’s like

“do you,,,,,,,,,,,,wanna come inside,,,,,,,,,i don’t usually let people over but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

and you’re like huh oh sure!!! and ok his house looks like a palace there isn’t any dirt anywhere

and when he makes you a cup of tea there’s like little cute bears on the mug and you’re looking at the cup and at taeyong’s beautiful face and you

can’t help but giggle and he’s going red again like,,,,,,,am i funny?? are you laughing at me??

and you’re like “no no no you’re just so,,,,,,,,,,much cuter than i expected!!”

and taeyong damn near falls over,,,,,,,you called him CUTE?!?!?! and you’re like “i didn’t think someone so chic would be into little cute animals” and taeyong is like im not,,,,,,chic,,,,,,,,plus animals are so,,,,,adorable right

and you’re like omg taeyong you i should have gotten you a big stuffed bear and he’s like aGHDSd no,,,,,,i love what you got me don’t worry about it

and he’s so cute getting nervous and staring at his lap,,,,,,,you can’t help but wanna lean over and like kiss his face but you don’t

even though tbh taeyong is like,,,,,,,,,i wouldn’t mind being kissed by them,,,,,,,,like in his head LOL

Haechan

thought he was old enough to be totally fine living alone. and he is,,,,,,,except he goes over to everyones house for his meals and got mark’s netflix password so he didn’t have to pay for it himself

how many times has yuta lent him his nintendo ds? like 32424234

jaehyun is convinced haechan took his ricecooker,,,,,,,,,but he has no way to prove it except that haechan was like “nooo hyung i got this at the mall on sale i promise!!!!” and jaehyun is like “then where did mine disappear to?” and haechan is like thats your problem,,,,so,,,,,,

but it’s ok because everyone adores him because if he wants something all he has to do is be a cute kid and bam! he gets it

and although he’s a little trickster, and sometimes his hyungs fall into his traps. he shows that he cares for them too

and especially for his friends that are younger, like when chenle and jisung come over to hangout haechan will literally be like “if you stay past 10. you have to sleepover. im not letting you go out in the dark.”

and he knows how taeyong hates messes so he brought coasters just for him and he always has snacks that he knows mark likes

like YES he can be a bit of ,,,,,,,,,,, a devil but he’s a sweetheart too

his apartment isn’t full of too many toys or anything he actually has a pretty mature taste

and if anything he just really likes having a space for him to write and think clearly because to me, haechan is really creative and so he’d like a big desk with post-its and books full of ideas,,,,he just comes off that way

but he’d have some like cute joke stuff like a really bad photo of johnny framed and on his bookshelf or something LOL

also idk why,,,,,,but haechan seems like he’d have a dog,,,,,like a corgi,,,,,or a beagle,,,,,,,,,

anyway you’re really close with haechan because you love love love teasing doyoung and mark and jaehyun

you guys kind of bonded over pulling harmless pranks together

and so for ten’s upcoming birthday you and him decided to make cookies but to fill some up with hot sauce or wasabi just to see ten run around the room arms flailing

but as you know,,,,,,doing anything with haechan can’t be a calm and clean process

halfway through you try to feed him some vanilla extract saying it’s melted white chocolate and he tries to get some icing on the side of your face

but it’s all fun and games like,,,,,,,you love being in each others company because you guys never get sick of being silly

until someone (probably haechan) ends up spilling some of the eggs on the floor and neither of you notice

until you slip on your way to the oven and go tumbling backwards

and you’re like haechan!!!!!! look out!!!!!

but he’s like throwing down the flour he’s holding to outstretch his arms and catch you

but it just ends up with both of you on the floor, covered in the eggs and sugar and flour

and you’re leaning against haechan whose hit his arm on the counter coming down

and you’re like “are you ok????” and haechan is like “no i think im bleeding”

and he puts his hand up and you see some red and you’re like HAECHAN oh my god im so sO SOrry let me get a bandage omg do you not have any here let me rip some off this tissue -

and then out of nowhere he starts to laugh and you’re like ??????? and he’s like “it’s just some red icing, im fine!!!”

and you sit there on the floor, and frown and you’re like “you scared me!!!!! i thought you were hurt,,,,if i had hurt you i don’t know what i-”

and haechan can see the sadness in your eyes and automatically his smile falls

and he’s like “im sorry, it was a dumb joke why are you so worried about me anyway, you know im indestructible!”

and you know he’s playing around but you still take his wrist and turn his arm to make sure he isn’t hiding that he might be really hurt

and you’re like “im glad you’re ok,,,,,,,,,,,,”

and haechan looks at you, still holding his arm and he’s like

“wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,did you get all worried about me like that because maybe,,,,,,,”

and you look up wide eyes and you’re like “UH”

and haechan is like snapping his fingers like “YOU LIKE ME?”

and you’re ike UHHHHHH WHAT SHUT UP NO WAY

but haechan is like mimicking your voice and he’s like “you scared me!!!” but then he reaches out and pulls you toward him into a hug

and he’s like “seriously, you could have just told me because i like you too!!!!!!”

and you’re like haECHAN don’t be playing some kind of joke on me-

and he’s like “this isn’t a joke, i promise, for real this time.”

and you can’t help but blush and be like “we’re covered in eggs let’s not hug-” but haechan just pushes you closer because like c’mon he totally would

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sxdomy · 7 years

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All numbers

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? not @ all3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? tissues, napkins, sticky notes, random cuts of notebook paper4: how do you take your coffee/tea? two-four sugars w creamer or 1/2 n 1/2 (tea)5: are you self-conscious of your smile? not after i got braces6: do you keep plants? no7: do you name your plants? 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? idk the only art i do is in photography, and i try to do dark/spooky shit.. it doesnt have a meaning9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? i dont rly have a friends group, less drama that way12: what's your favorite planet? smth has always intrigued me abt mars13: what's something that made you smile today? lars (:14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? idc it's somewhere to live.. we can fix it up if we have the money. if so, i would prob have a bunch of shit everywhere lmao15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it says language programming ??16: what's your favorite pasta dish? some plain old penne/rigatoni w red gravy, but it has to be GOOD red gravy .. none of that ragu/preggo shit17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? black and it already is dyed that color, but i do want to experiment a bit and get few pieces red18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. JESUS.. these are endless... once i RLY had to pee, and i was @ school. it was after school hrs. my friend and i were waiting for the game to start. all the doors were locked up @ the school. i think they took out the portapotty from outside, so i said to my friend, "let's go to the lower field" (we have an upper and lower field idk what other schools have lmao) despite it saying there are cameras down there (which IK for sure bc i've seen the computer w the school cameras, and there are ones surveilling the fields), i peed. in 8th grade during lunch, this girl pissed me the fuck off. i can't remember what she did, but i picked up her sandwich and threw it to the ground.another time in 8th grade during gym, my friends and i were fooling around during a fitness walk (walk thru the trail surrounded by woods oooo). i was yelling "IN DA GREENZ" bc i was a rly weird kid, and now we bring it up whenever we see bushes. OKAY lasT memORYYY in 8th grade, i was on the soccer team. i sucked @ it... the ball was coming to me, and i tried to kick it. instead of kicking it, my foot went on top of the ball resulting in my fall19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i used to keep a journal. last winter was the most recent journal i'd had, and my guidance counselor purchased it for me. i was going thru a rly hard time, and it was an outlet from that. after the winter ended, i never felt the need to write in it again.. it hasnt gotten that bad20: what's your favorite eye color? lars' eye color21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. 22: are you a morning person? depends... if my sleeping schedule is just like that, I LOVE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING. if i don't usually, then no fuck it lmao23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? literally nothing, but i do that when i have obligations... i get to it @ some point24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? lars25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? i've broken into my friend's house and my own. breaking into my friend's house wasn't rly that weird. i was out of it bc i had hardly gotten sleep the previous night. i also had permission lmao it wasn't as if i just went in. my friend had forgotten her key. breaking into my own house was actually bizarre ...26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i usually wear my docs, but i switch out. before getting my docs, i wore my all black vans W LITERALLY EVERYTHING. the only time i wouldnt was when i wore a light outfit, which wasnt often bc 98% of the time i wear all black27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don't chew gum. it has aspartame, which is literally poison28: sunrise or sunset? i haven't seen a sunset since i was a child, and i want to definitely see it again29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? monty is my lover30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. socks are good. if you wear them in the cold months around the house, you are less susceptible to sickness. they also work well when you wear them w most shoes bc they prevent sweat. lars take notes (; i love wearing weird socks. i love socks. i usually never match socks bc no one will see them?? if i wear a black sock, i try to match w another black sock tho. i do sleep w socks in the cold months. otherwise, my feet would freeze. sometimes i wear multiple socks in the summer to keep my feet warm. i do wear white socks sometimes32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. i wasn't w my friends, but i found a drunken man in my rm after 3am on st. patricks day two yrs ago33: what's your fave pastry? cannoli34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept this one stuffed animal who was a girl. she had blonde braids, and i used to kiss her on the lips when no one was looking. i knew it was weird bc she wasn't real. i also used to pretend i was fucking her... it was a weird childhood. idk where she is now35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I LOVE PENS!!!! okay im going to sound like a weirdo.. i only love certain kinds. i hate cheap ass pens. my fav pens are the ones that u click on the bottom to get the tip bc the clicking helps me concentrate. it's also fun to just click it. i haven't used a clicky one in awhile bc i bought myself pentels. i love pentels as well bc they come in nice colors, and i rly like the cap for it. i like pens that come from certain companies bc it looks like i've been somewhere.. maybe i have? i've gotten free pens from places and some of them i just found w that lettering lmao 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? nine inch nails (:37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? dont care as long as ik where everything is. my parents call it messy, but i call it my peace38: tell us about your pet peeves! i hate when ppl put things back where they don't belong. idk i dont keep track of this shit39: what color do you wear the most? black40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? none41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? 1984 by george orwell42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbucks LMAO43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? no one44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? the last time i was w lars45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yes46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. idk47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? high fructose corn syrup48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? idr what it was then, but now it's getting raped.. ive had this fear since i was 14 i think49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? i dont usually buy that shit50: what's an odd thing you collect? wristbands.. i like to say i've been places51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? lars , peach // the front bottoms52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the yr just started, bUT I LOVE IAN'S (IDUBZZZZ) VIDEO OF "I HAVE CRIPPLING DEPRESSION"53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i want to see rocky horror picture show. i've seen heathers, beetlejuice, and pulp fiction. i love heathers and beetlejuice. i didn't understand pulp fiction entirely, but that could be bc i was spammed by a gc while watching it54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? idk56: what are some things you find endearing in people? smile57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i never realized that this song sounds like five mini songs put together... i did reenact them in my head58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? nonexistent lol59: what's your favorite myth? black eyed children60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? anything from edgar allan poe61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? idk i hate getting gifts i'd rather give them, but i don't usually give them bc i never have money when it's time62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ORANGE!63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? no64: what color is the sky where you are right now? grey65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? lars66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i have SAD soooo68: what's winter like where you live? FUCKING HORRIBLE, but it's worse in other places69: what are your favorite board games? ive been missing guess who? lately70: have you ever used a ouija board? no, but my math teacher says u have to make it from a certain wood and put a spell on it for it to work... too much work 😩71: what's your favorite kind of tea? lipton lemon!!!!!72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i try to note everything down, but sometimes i can remember things w/o writing them down73: what are some of your worst habits? staying in bed for too long74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. bye75: tell us about your pets! i have a dog, and she's old af lmao i never rly liked her idk i hate dogs76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? homework and probably calling up my new job to see when i have to go in.. cant be arsed.. 77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? FANCLUB!!! (:79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?lars gave me cute cat headphones80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white.. i didn't choose it81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i can't rn82: are/were you good in school? i made it into university, so i guess so83: what's some of your favorite album art? the devin n god are raging inside of me // brand new .. cant think of many in particular84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? one in remembrance of my friend who died and a full sleeve85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YES YES YESSSS MANSON 'S CONCEPTS R SO GOOD (: 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? idk88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i just rly like frida kahlo89: are you close to your parents? no90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i want to visit/live in philly so badly ):91: where do you plan on traveling this year? texas92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i only put a little fresh mozz on it if there is quite a bit93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? i just wear my hair the same everyday94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? lars95: what are your plans for this weekend? none96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? omfg i had 20 or so awaiting updates last summer that i had to finally do bc it was fucking up my computer97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? what98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i dont hike99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. NOBODY'S PERFECT BY HANNAH MONTANA100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 yrs into the future.. why would i want to relive the last 5 yrs of life ?? idk im just fine living w my past mistakes.. they've shaped me

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

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yesterday i felt like both me and our friend was kind of offended by him. he wanted to grab and knew i was with our friend anyways. he also knew i was having trouble earlier. we showed up to drop off his shit and i thought id take the opportunity to quickly use his card to pay for my college application. its not that i dont have the money, its not that i didnt try - its that i had like no other option on a time limit. but both him and his mother were super rude to both of us - why they would be rude towards someone who was asked to be there is beyond me. and ive learned to break these delusions of like.. this must be okay. it must be me and i mustve done something to make this happen. but i didnt. i did what theyve wanted me to do. when we left, which i asked if we could - our friend came to a point that he didnt even believe hed tell us if he found it anyways. we were there for a total of twenty minutes and my greeting was being told by his mother that they were expecting dinner with some insurance guy from his work at 8pm. i said thats cool - we werent there for dinner? it was 7pm. he didnt bother to see the person he invited when i told him he was there and when i went back in a second time to get him, he rudely snapped that he can knock on the door - as if me going in the backyard up to his face and saying "hey were here" was not enough. his mother also made a second comment about how this guy was coming for dinner. i told her that our friend was waiting for him and she gave a heavy sigh and made a big deal out of it. when he finally made the deal, i asked about the card and he said he couldnt find his wallet. he started looking for it and after five minutes my friend and i felt very uncomfortable so i popped back in to say goodbye and his mother was equally rude again - we know, someone youd be ashamed if they knew we existed is coming to dinner. we get it. as we drove away, my friend began brainstorming solutions to my problem with the card. i realized i wasnt in the wrong. and i was grateful to have someone who witnessed both sides of the story see that all i wanted, really, was to accomplish this goal because it was important on multiple fronts. and this person who claims to want to help just ignored me asking for help and made me feel like crap for it. but he felt offended too - he wasnt treated very nice either. you know, i dont have parents i can ask to borrow this shit. im relying on flaky and immature 20 somethings to come through on things that dont relate to them. no matter what the fuck i offer in return it doesnt matter. i shouldve lived their life and had the things they had. everyone should just be on their level. so i am offended, i guess. i wrote on it last night and described it as living within this bubble and they see everything from the perspective of this bubble and things not inside the bubble are completely cast off. when his friend died, his mother audibly shared to people that she was glad it wasnt her son. when i first heard this i thought no way - maybe they misheard. but she would absolutely say this because she exists in her bubble. like.. i think my friend also sees the unspoken parts of this too. here is someone who has struggled for months, been hospitalized, medicated, malnutritioned, clincally depressed but continued to support and give to those around me as much as i could - he never yelled at me for wanting to die. he sat across from me and believed me, every single time. because every single time was serious. he cant imagine nothing - he knows something without luxury and he knows i dont deserve that a d he respects that i have nothing. he knows it. its nof an obligation, its ljke.. genuine love. not romantic, but a genuine platonic love and desire to see someone be well. but here i am trying. im really trying. and among everything else, im looking ahead for the first time. do i deserve to go to college? maybe i dont. maybe i donf deserve an education or trade for the same that i dont deserve the 'free money' to eat. do you know the amount of obstacles a person in poverty faces. ore than just unemployment? they could BE employed and in poverty. every obstacle placed in front of them is another blow to the ego - as they watch other people afford to eat, to have clean clothes - and this creates anxiety. which leads to depression, which leads to not giving a fuck, which leads to spending what money they do have on comforts like cigarettes or alcohol because the fight to get ahead is already killing them and theyre trying to ease the pain. whether you have a handful of money or not in this scenario it doesnt matter. and every blow leaves a scar. this is my medical community experience. every blow, every attempt at help shot down by a judgemental person, it left a scar over my desire to do better and keep going. and each time that scar got thicker so i was less hurt by the failure eventually but still affected. but the scars replace a hopefulness and a naivety about the world. because i convince myself above all odds to believe it will work. i tell myself theres no reason for it not to. i ama human like everyone else. what do they have that i dont? everyone deserves medical treatment. teenagers go to college. why shouldnt i recieve the same treatment? i talk down my anxiety. from experience, four, fives timez before - didnt work. but this time, for whatever reason, its going to work. for whatevrr reason it didnt before. theres no rhyme. i dont know why or how. what do i do to avoid it? so here i am about to apply for college. the first obstacle was the desire to be alive to think into the future. which was a big one and still a struggle. it meant a certain promise to myself. then the obstacle of getting the money to apply. just to apply. which took 7 days. and now, a one step payment process which should be done without issue - not working. not working so much that i need someone elses card which means another obstacle of finding and asking and then actuallly doing it. to be treated like dirt while attempting to solve this simple problem only adds to it. and our friend knew this. he knew another scar had been placed on top and he anxiously tried to offer solutions before i decided to give up completely. and i do kind of feel like that. like i just want to give up, like who was i fooling? i didnt even want to tell people because it was probably goi g to fail and lead to another embarassme t of shit i somehiw cant do. its a -credit card-. fuck man. it shouldnt be this difficult. but since im a fucking nobody with no real ties, it is. so i woke up feeling offended. he didnt make any further effort to find his card or contact me. so why should i bother? thats how i feel about all of today now. why should i even bother? i cant for e these things to be important when theyre stuck on simple road blocks. ive had friends buy concert tickets easier. the funny thing is - hes probably offended that i just ~showed up. like im in the wrong for trying to do somerhing for myself when hes a major figure in my life that creates negative judgements of me. i dont like being trapped. like do better but expect nothing from me except to take up your time without worry or second thiught. i hate that i have to borrow money from him because its going to be a disaster. i absolutely believe itll end badly.

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