#just had the stupidest fight and now i cant sleep/stop crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

torivikachu · 3 years

Text

WARNING UNREASONABLE SHITPOST

recently, I see so much hate everywhere. magnetic storms or what but fandoms are getting rlly nasty when clashing with each other.

I think it is important to understand, that we shouldn't be bashing others, whatever we or they might like, as long as it is not offensive or reasonably immoral - and I stress, REASONABLY! some people believe homosexuality is immoral and that is just /warning! offensive language/ dumb.

as a huge fan of SNS I see a lot of anti's this days - antisakura, antiending, antinarusasu, antisasunaru, antinaruhina, antisasusaku, antiboruto and whatever. and - ugh - as much as I myself hate to admit that.... expectant drums sound.... nobody cares!

I mean - it's Kishimotos work. it's his idea, it's his story, it's his vision and - sadly - we don't get to decide whether he was wrong or not.

whether he should have ended the story with SNS,

whether he should have made female characters more prominent,

whether he should have killed Sakura off,

whether he should have made Naruto a better father,

whether he should have done many other things we all want him to do,

because - no matter how much we love the story or the characters - we are not the ones who created them, not the ones who understand them the most.

I mean, I have written myself a couple of paragraphs on how much I hate what is going on in Boruto - so yeah hi hypocrite! - but I sincerely mean well. yeah it pains me a bit to watch Boruto cuz of nostalgia I feel for Naruto series but I keep on watching, because I can't cut out that part of my heart that is responsible to crave more of Naruto universe even if I hate it.

and I am probably going to keep criticizing every damn thing - like, have you heard the Kara soundtrack? omfg I facepalmed the whole episode after that - and I wish it was better, but I am not going to bash characters for being created that way.

bc you know what? people are shitty. good people are shitty. bad people are shitty. everybody is shitty. so I guess made up characters get to be shitty too.

I mean, bashing Sakura for not having same problems as Naruto and Sasuke and thus not always getting them? - duh! remember yourself at 12, 13, 14, 15, you were a fucking whiner and you know it. and what were your problems? not getting a laptop you wanted? being punished for bad grades? getting into the fight with your parents for being unreasonable?

yeah, like you never said stuff like I wish I didn't have parents. I remember a moment after the fight I wrote a note to my parents before going to sleep that literally said ' sorry you got such a bad daughter I wish you didnt have to deal with me' and then went to sleep. in the morning - having completely forgotten it - I was woken up by my crying mom who said it was the stupidest thing on earth I knew I hurt her with it. and I regret it. it was dumb and shitty and I normaly consider myself a good person, but that was a huge shit I pulled. and I can't take it back. but I was like 10 and I didn't know better at the time.

why would I hold Sakura to higher standards then I hold myself?

then people bash her for being mean to Naruto - well, duh again - KIDS ARE MEAN. she got older and managed to see Naruto for who he was, but people still see her as a bully.

well, if we are not ready to accept peoples mistakes if they have managed to live up to them, I dont want to be a part of that 'we'

next I see a lot of bashing for Sakura being a bad mom - ugh, duh again /what is it, third time?/! how come? yeah she works a lot, since she is a single mother and all, but she genuinly cares for Sarada, even if she gets a bit overprotective at times. she doesn't have a very working relationship with Sasuke - well sure, he is never home!

then there's bashing Naruto and Sasuke for being bad fathers - you might think they'd learn to appreciate a family after being orphans.........

well where do I start. Sasuke is clinically afraid of losing loved ones after he has lost so much, so he is much better off not having many bonds and it is obvious as day. it doesn't make what he does right or good or wrong, it's just who he is. Naruto... well, lets start with the fact that he never had a role model. he had Iruka - at times, he had Jiraya for three years, but he never really had a family. he was a good dad - as we can see - when kids were little and he wasnt a hokage...

but now... he might work too hard, he might overdo it a bit at times, but if you think that he struggled his whole life to get appreciation why would you think he'd stop now? he just wants to manage everything, but he cant, and it kills him but he doesnt stop and its beautiful. yeah, its unhealthy and stupid but beautiful, because that is what the core of his character is. thats what this world has shaped him to be.

BUT THEN AGAIN THAT IS JUST MY PERCEPTION. I am pretty fucking sure Kishimoto and authors had their own reasons for it that are justified and totally okay because these are his characters who he can do whatever he wants to.

just like we people can.

and I can go on, because there is just SO MUCH HATING AND BASHING I just can't take it anymore.

I mean this whole war of sasunaru and narusasu - why would you care who fucks whom as long as both enjoy it and dynamics in bed dont influence dynamics in the relationship.

I mean... fanfics are not real. hell, even Naruto is not real, but fanfics exist entirely separately from the anime (most of them don't even get personalities right) and it is OKAY. they can exist separately to please those who are unhappy with how things go.

but please please pleeease stop bashing everything just for the sake of it. and I don't mean you are not entitled to feel and I am not telling what you should feel but there is so much more wholesomeness and awesomeness and beauty in portraying and seeing Sakura as a supportive friend and Sasuke as a helpless child inside and Naruto as a strong person who just really can't catch a break. and Boruto and Sarada as a way to make SNS canon in some twisted way.

you know? positive thinking.

but Next generation still sorta sucks.

no offense, though

😆

20 notes · View notes

foxes-evermore · 6 years

Note

Hey,,,, if you wanna you know,,,, whip me some of that angst you got,,,, that could,,,,,, that could work,,,,, that could be cool,,.

listen,, im in physical pain and also am not able to sleep at the moment so im sitting up in the kitchen getting ready to eat a whole cheesecake and preparing to cry,,,, the angst hour is upon us,,, lets do it

if this is about the thing i said yesterday, the specific angst i was talking about was a Kevaaron Song of Achilles AU, which, im not sure if that’s what you were hoping for, but im emotional,,,, just @ me again if you meant something different sjksldjlksdf

anyway here we go its long im so sorry alksjlskdfj

I’ve said this a lot before but like

Sporty-Boy-With-A-Destiny Kevin Day

Boy-Whom-Was-Treated-Like-Shit-By-The-Only-Parent-He-Knew-But-Succeeded-Out-Of-Spite-And-Became-A-Healer Aaron Minyard

t his writes itself

originally….. listen… originally i was like “of course Riko is Paris and Ichirou is H*ctor,,,, and Jean is Helen”

bUT then i got to thinking

and i’ll be damned if the mcfucking USC Trojans aren’t the for real trojans

and like this adds a whole knew level of angst because like

hear me out, i want Jeremy to be Paris just because of the Jerejean™,, but in reality,, the boy is H*ctor. Honorable and Loyal to a Fault, and best of the best right after Kevin.

which also means that Riko is actually Menelaus, and Ichirou is Agamemnon. and that makes a lot of sense because honestly the tension between them and Kevin with everyone going “no, IM the Most Important, fuck you” is 100% there.

Back to the boys though,,

like here’s Kayleigh Day, a simple sea nymph whose only desire is to protect her son and also make sure he is remembered and worshiped forever,,, and young Kevin is so on board,,,,

meanwhile

Aaron gets in some Trouble for killing a man who dared to lay a hand on his twin brother, and Tilda is overly happy about getting rid of him for the crime, so she sells him to a king who is known for adopting outcast orphan boys for his army. Aaron never hears from/sees his mother or brother again, but ,,, he meets the stupidest boy he has ever encountered in his LIFE. the kid is an absolute IDIOT, but he is half a god and destined for greatness and everyone dotes on him.

Aaron doesnt care.

Kevin does.

Why is Aaron ignoring him?? Why doesn’t Aaron fawn over him like the other boys do? why won’t Aaron pay attention? it’s frustrating but intriguing.

The second time Aaron gets in trouble with royalty, the king wants to know why Aaron isn’t training and sparring with the other boys. He doesnt care about anything anymore, that’s why.

But he still knows pain and fear, so he does the only thing he knows how to do when a superior is angry: he finds a small/dark place and he hides.

Of Course someone finds him, and OF COURSE it’s that talented brat.

Kevin drags him to the king because its the right thing to do, but instead of leaving him for the wolves, Kev is like “I choose him. as my brother-in-arms. i want him by my side at all times” and obviously the king is like “why” because look at this fucking tiny pale stick-boy,,, he’s not even 5 feet tall yet,,, will he ever even get over 5 feet?? (spoiler, the answer is no)

and Aaron is also like “????” and Kevin just smiles for the king and then gives Aaron this look that says “try to ignore me now, you piece of shit” :))

So these 2 spend some quality time together and for a long time it’s basically just like that one part in SoA where Achilles is training and Pat goes I stepped forward. ‘’fight me.’’

There’s so much bickering and whatnot and, just like in SoA, they don’t even truly realize they’re falling for each other until the Big Bad Ocean Mom comes and tells Aaron to fuck off and then sends Kevin away to train with the horse dad, Wymack, to keep him safe.

Aaron follows him and Kevin is like “I knew you would come :)” and Aaron is like “shut the hell your mouth” and they finish their journey together.

and they fall in L

they fall in Love on that mountain.

just two bois dicking around and experiencing foolishly strong emotions where no one can stop them.

But Then Aaron’s past that he conveniently forgot to mention catches up with him when men come to tell them that it is time to die to fight Troy. Kevin is an amazing warrior and it’s expected that he go to fight in the war, but Aaron can hear his own blood pounding, because he Remembers something that he hopes everyone else might’ve forgotten.

He’d made a promise to Jean of Sparta. not a promise. A blood oath, to go to war for the most beautiful boy in the world if something like this ever happened. and now it was happening.

Kayleigh warns him that if Kevin goes to fight the trojans, he’ll die, but she cant elaborate anymore, aside from telling them that Jeremy will die first.

Who can kill Jeremy, though? N o o n e. Kevin is the only swordsman good enough to best him, and why would he kill the devout trojan prince? he’s an honorable man. an admirable man,,, in fact, Kevin has heard so much about him, and he adores the prince,,

and What has Jeremy ever done to him?

Kayleigh tries one more time to save her son, spirits him away to an island at night,, weds him to a beautiful princess named Thea, they promise her a child and in return she disguises him as one of her lady dancers whom she calls her “ravens”

Aaron finds him though, recognizes him, because he would know those green eyes a n y w h e r e.

Thea invites Aaron to stay, too, says that the three of them could work something out. The two agree cautiously and they start to get comfortable, incorporating Thea into this thing that used to be just them

But eventually men come and find them,,, find Aaron,, and they’re dragged off to Troy to fight with Riko and Ichirou,, one man determined to bring back his caged lover and one determined to seize the city.

It’s exciting at first, in that “we could die any second” sort of way. everything happening all at once, arrows and spears flying, swords clanging, and fire on the beach.

but Aaron watches from day one as Kevin loses himself. the way comes back to camp the very first day of battle covered in blood and sweat and grinning like he just won the world.

Something about it twists Aaron’s stomach, but he pushes it down because there’s only room right now to be glad that his love is alive and that they’ve successfully arrived and that maybe there is hope and the war will end with both of them on the other side of it, going home.

The night after that first battle, Aaron sees a trojan girl being handed off as a spoil of war, probably to Ichirou or Riko, and demands that Kevin take her as his prize. Kevin is high off the fighting still and doesn’t really question this.

The girl’s name is Katelyn and she’s eternally grateful to Aaron, but even warier than he is of Kevin’s lust for battle and glory.

Anyway.

time passes. years. Aaron and Katelyn save as many of the captured girls as they can, and they make a family and they get close, and one day Katelyn admits that she loves Aaron.

he’s shook.

But he’s not as shook over her feelings for him as he is over her justifications for why they should be together and forget Kevin.

“He’s a monster,” she tells him. “He’s not a person anymore. He doesn’t love you, he can’t, because he doesn’t know how to love.”

and that can’t be true, but it is, isn’t it?

he only knows how to fight and kill. he only feels the need for glory, and nothing else, doesn’t he?

When did it become like this? When did Aaron lose Kevin? a few months back? years? the day they arrived at Troy? earlier?

had he ever even really had Kevin? he’d never had him to himself, at least, had he? It was always Aaron and Glory. Kevin was born to be remembered, and they both knew it. and Kevin wanted it more than anything, didn’t he?

did he want glory more than he wanted Aaron?

but it’s like Kevin is reading his mind,, every time Aaron has these thoughts, Kevin is there, on top of him, kissing him, holding him, touching him with these burning hands that leave Aaron wanting more, more, more.

he’s driving Aaron crazy and Aaron is fine with it because they have each other and they’ll be back home together one day and that’s all that matters.

and then Riko pisses Kevin off,

and the gods see this story and how it ends, and some laugh at the tragedy of it, and some hurt for the poor souls involved.

Kevin won’t let his men fight anymore, and the Trojans are taking ground back and hope is lost, but Riko and Ichirou won’t swallow their pride, and neither will Kevin.

Aaron begs. “These are our friends,” he says, “if the trojans just see you, they’ll retreat”

“You’re letting them die,” he tells Kevin from down on his knees, “you could save them. please.”

his lover’s tears are enough to snap Kevin out of his rage, but not enough to make him fight.

“You dont have to,” Aaron bargains, “let me ride out in your armor.”

#i m sad im gonna stop #im halfway through the cheesecake and i hit a wall #is this how you write an au #is it supposed to be more unique #i dont know hwat im doing #im tired #i have to pee #i wonder what will happen if i just dont go to sleep tonight slkjfsljflk #anywhooooo #kevin/aaron #aftg

30 notes · View notes

notoriousnewnew · 7 years

Text

Talking to myself 3

Maybe He’s Too Late You’ve been hoping, wishing, waiting for him to call. You’ve been busying yourself with projects and plans, filling your calendar with lunch dates with girlfriends and workout classes and part-time jobs to fill the empty spaces in-between. You’ve been pretending that you don’t miss him, that you don’t reread through the old texts, that you don’t find yourself scrolling through old pictures of you two, so full of life and love. You’ve been forcing yourself to think of something, anything else, diving headfirst into that bucket list, into those to-do notes, into relationships that you’ve neglected during your time together. You’ve been working on you, on your goals, on anything and everything that contains no trace of him. You’ve been acting like you’re fine, letting go and moving on. Until suddenly, surprisingly, you did. One day you woke up and didn’t immediately think of him, didn’t automatically find yourself wandering to thoughts of the two of you together, walking hand-and-hand into another day. One day you rolled over and didn’t feel his absence on the other side of the bed. You brushed your hair and got dressed without wondering whether he’d like the new jeans you bought. You made breakfast that didn’t include his usual request of sunny-side eggs. You got ready for work. You answered emails. You scrolled through your social media. You got in your car and turned on your favorite radio station. And you didn’t think about him at all. You let him go. It wasn’t easy. There were days when it hurt so bad you wanted nothing more than to just sulk in your misery, wrap the blankets tightly around you and call in sick to work with the debilitating ache of a broken heart. You had slivers of hope that he would return, and they were crushed. You had days where you wondered whether you could actually make it work, and they were defeated. As time passed, you moved on. You found new people, a new purpose, a new sense of hope and self-love. And then, just as suddenly as you found yourself over him, you found him trying to come back. This was subtle at first, a few texts here and there, maybe a voicemail or ‘like’ of an old photo that sent your heart spinning into overdrive. Here was the man you lost, the man who walked away, leaving your heart a mess on the floor, the man who said goodbye, giving you no choice other than to let go because he had already released his hold. But here he was, coming back. Before you knew what was happening, he was asking what your Friday night plans were. He was bumping into you at the local bar. He was wondering about your love life, your work, your family. He was making a small space in your life, wedging his way through your stubbornness and independence to hopefully make a home. And then, he was wanting you back. Not just the causal, ‘I miss you,’ or ‘I haven’t seen you in forever,’ but the ‘I want you in my life. I’m sorry. I need you.’ that pulled the rug right from under you. How dare he walk back into your life as if nothing had changed, as if there hadn’t been months and years since you’d last seen him, as if everything could, and would, fall back to how it used to be. You were angry, confused, frustrated and elated. You were hopeful, suddenly, at the prospect of getting back together. And then you were disappointed in yourself for even considering him. This is no hard decision, no easy place to be when you finally let go of someone you know you needed to, and find them back in your life as if nothing changed. But sweet girl, please remember this—there comes a time when love grows up, stands up, and knows what it wants. There comes a time when you don’t have to question someone’s intentions or desires because they are clear, because they are present, because that person never left. You may have let go of him, you may be in love with him still, but you need to ask yourself this: Do you want him back for the right reasons? Does he deserve a place in your heart? Are you willing and able to love him enough to forgive him, to bring him back in? And is he worthy? Does he love you enough to never let you go? Did he already lose you? Maybe he’s lost his chance this time around. Maybe he should have known months and years ago that you were the one he wanted. Maybe he’s a little too late. I know this hurts. I know this is confusing. I know there’s a weight on your chest too heavy to bear. But you have to know what you deserve, sweetie. You have to know that there is love out there that never leaves. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the person you should be pursuing. The one you don’t have to chase because he’s beside you. Because when push comes to shove, he stays. I mistook your abuse for love. No, you did not hit me. You did not lay a finger on my skin, you couldn't. Not because I was a girl, but because it was against your morals, and your ego. You did worse. You emotionally and mentally abused me. But maybe I did the bigger mistakes here. I let you. I didn't leave. I romanticized it. You would cuss me out and call me worthless and say it was out of love. You'd say I wasn't worth your time, and that you were doing more important things - and i'd still talk to you later. You'd call me stupid and brainless and I let you, just so you'd calm down and then tell myself you only said all of that because you were angry at the time. You'd look me in the eyes and tell me you were sick and tired of you. I'd look at the ground, sigh, and say I'd try harder next time. You'd scream at me and say unfathomable things that I can't bear to recall. I'd say to myself that you'd scream at me only because you don't know how to get the words through to me and want the best for me. You'd leave me to cry, look at me teary-eyed and red faced and make fun of me. I looked back at you and apologized. I told myself you only made fun of me because you were pissed and did not care about my emotions at the time. You'd tell me to stop crying because it's useless and I would say okay and force myself not to cry. I told myself it was because you wanted to make me stronger. You'd fight with me over the stupidest things, and I'd tell myself it was because I was wrong - and should not have said that. I'd tell myself that I was stupid, that I shouldn't have said that and I can't afford another mistake, can't afford to lose you. I told myself everyday that I was a dirty liar with no self worth and that I could be better, that you could love me again. I told myself that I was stupid and an oblivious idiot, because that was what you had told me. I told myself I deserved everything I was getting because I had broken your heart beforehand without even realizing it. But now, you broke mine. And you realized it. And you didn't do anything. I romanticized every single insult, every single fight, every harsh look you threw at me. I told myself you could have left but you didn't. That you loved me. That you were better than this. I was so full of false hope, that it would one day kill me. I told myself that I did not even deserve you. I told myself you abused me out of love. And I am still telling myself that. I remember the time when we were bothing lying down in bed for about two hour or so. He was asleep. I was awake. I can't sleep. It has always been like that. Maybe I long for some cuddle (but it irates him because the weather is hot even at night), or maybe my mind just cant keep quiet, i don't know why but that routine is tiring. I was staring at the wall just below the ceiling for merely an hour maybe, after i got tired calling out his name, asking him stupid questions and disturbing his sleep. He wakes up easily so i had to refrain from moving, which i barely accomplish. Thoughts flowed. Flashbacks. Realizations. I realized for a thousandth time that i dont want to be in a relationship with this boy, but as always, i cant seem to end it. It's either he'd threaten me he'd kill himself or i'd feel bad breaking up with him cause he'd beg for me like a toddler begs for his mom when she's leaving for work. I closed my eyes to drift away the thoughts and try to sleep when tears snuck out of my eyes. I really couldnt do this anymore, but telling him triggers a big 'fight' that i just cant risk having over again. But I knew he wasn't the right guy for me. He claims he love me when in fact he really doesn't. I dont have the talent as to explain myself without him getting annoyed. And then i prayed. I asked God to touch my boyfriend's heart to end this, and to save his heart from suffering (if ever). I can't remember how but eventually i fell asleep, waking up earlier than him, as always. My prayer was somehow heard and granted by God. But when that time finally came, i forgot that i was the one who prayed for it. One time, i became the girl that begs him to let me stay and not chose this other girl that he once chose over me with. I was desperate and stupid to win him back, then i eventually got tired, and again it was the other way around. It was a bit tug of war back then, until i was the only one left holding the tie. Maybe he got tired of begging for me. Or maybe, he just grow up. He is not the boy to cry for her mama anymore. He can now live without me. And it gave me an unpleasant feeling, a big amount of unpleasant feeling to the point of being a freak. We got together, and break up. Together. Break. Together. And now finally, end. Well, i guess. I was depressed since he let me feel like he doesnt want me anymore, before i remembered that i was the one who wanted this. My reasons now came rushing through. I really did not want us anymore. The fact that he can live with himself and he is returning to his former love were the ones making me sad, but that did not mean i really want us back. Things were a blur up until we had that 'distance'. You really can see things clearer from a far.

0 notes