#just told her it would never work

[hychlorions]

a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her

#trucy wright #apollo justice #ace attorney #.png #ough ough ough how many times has she helped 'ruin' someone's life... #like what if when she was so desperate to help phoenix get acquitted she gets hit in the face with the realization that #she might just be ruining her new-found brother's life too #so yeah. how would she even bring that up #haha hey polly. remember that time i handed you fake evidence. well did you know i saw your bracelet and remembered my mom had one too. fun #by the way did you know she told me she had two and gave one to her first-born who she lost a long time ago #like do we know how much trucy remembers about their mom. no! that's why i think this could work #ough i've wanted to make this comic for so long but i never knew how to format it #well i drew the first panel as warm-up and then was like. why not go all the way.... #that way i'd be forced to really think about composition

[stuckinapril]

It really is so true that you never know what someone’s going through behind closed doors. I’ve made being gentle and kind my default bc I’ve had super put together friends disclose the most harrowing time of their lives to me and it’s like oh?? You were going through that???? I would’ve never guessed

#It’s easy to reduce people to side characters or caricatures but you never know. You truly never know what someone’s going through or what #Could push them over the edge. Cruelty will never be worth potentially causing someone permanent damage #I’ve realized this after having a conversation w a friend of mine who sailed straight to med school #Tons of leadership roles #Thriving social life #Yet she just told me her hair was falling out from anxiety. Never in a million years would I have guessed that she was struggling #But she was and lots of people play things close to their chest like that #I really wanna be kind each time I can and to also come from a place of compassion #Bc ik I’ve been misunderstood by people before who reduced me to a caricature or just didn’t know what was happening in my life #I want to actively work on extending the benefit of the doubt to the same people I would want to extend the benefit of the doubt to me

[pickled-flowers]

Saw some of the grossest parenting today in the bus

#this dad was on his phone the whole bus ride ok #and his two kids were screaming arguing #at most he would periodically tell them to lower their voice while still on his phone #one time he told them to stop the one sitting next to him hit him 😭 and he went back to look at his phone with no reaction #my guy something is seriously wrong with you #your kids are screaming at each other doesn't even matter all that much that we are in the bus rn #theyre not just being loud kids you need to do smt!!!!!! its too early for this!!! i could hear them even with my noise cancelling headphone #anyways #ive never seen smt like this #and i work in a mall i see lots of parents and kids #idk smt really disgusting about a parent just not even interested in engaging with their kids #dude no wonder they're loud they probably want ur attention #also this one lady once who came in wjth a big stroller #and the store where i work has little moving rooms between the aisle so this woman decided TO LEAVE THE STROLLER WITH A KID INSIDE AT THE #FRONT OF THE STORE #the kids started crying and his hrother (toddler not in the stroller but not following the mom for some reason) started exploring and i #i had to watch them until the mom came back but like the woman just left them there??? #i just stepped in but what if i hadnt??? lady????????? #i see lots of cute interactions of course #like this little girl who came with who i think is her grandpa and he asked me to help her chose her next manga read 😭💖 #i basically work in a book/toy store #theres a lot of candy as well the kids love it #idk i like seeing kids being happy ok it is healing #like all the kids sitting on the floors deep in their books while the parents shop 😭😭😭 makes me smile every time top tier behavior

[fromtheseventhhell]

Saying that non-conforming female characters don't face as much misogyny as their "feminine" counterparts is so funny cause literally the misogyny in their treatment is more overt because they aren't staying "in their place" like men think they should. The disdain for women + misogynistic societal ideals are so much more blatant in male characters interacting with these women. Countless times they are, in essence, told they need to sit down, shut up, and know their place but somehow that translates into them having "masculine privilege". I can only assume that people with this take haven't actually read the books and only get their information from second-hand sources.

#Men actually love it when the group they're oppressing doesn't conform with their restrictive measures that's exactly how things work 🙄 #George saying that his non-conforming female characters were outcasts was really just overkill cause this is explicitly stated in the books #It's such a stupid take to have or try to argue cause there's literally no basis for it anywhere in the books #the inherit misogyny in othering women for not conforming to a misogynistic and patriarchal society though...I have to laugh #Coming from the so-called feminists in fandom make a career of throwing female characters under the bus to prop up their faves #Brienne literally gets told not to go crying if she gets raped because she's asking for it by /acting like a man/ #and her mistreatment by both genders for her looks and behavior is well documented in her POV and those who interact with her #Asha gets denied her claim for being a women and repeatedly treated like an idiot for pushing for it anyways #Arya is an outcast in her own family and her behavior is lamented by her father mother and sister lol #I would just really like to know where this supposed privilege comes in??? where is it actually at?? #cause it doesn't get them better treatment...better access to their claims...security from being assaulted...so where exactly is it? #just another fandom idea that can never be backed up but people treat like an absolute fact anways #obligatory this isn't me that feminine female characters don't face misogyny cause people love misinterpreting my points #asoiaf #brienne of tarth #asha greyjoy #arya stark #daenerys targaryen #fandom nonsense

[moeblob]

Karen: LMAO every guy I meet reminds me of my big brothers that's so funny except if Paul is already my brother and you're also a brother that's a bit awkward, huh Hot bartender: THATS MOVING REALLY FAST AND I LIKE YOU AS A PERSON BUT - Karen: having my brothers date would be SO WEIRD Hot bartender: Well on the bright side I literally cannot speak more than five words to him so we aren't dating because he's so cute

(Everyone else: that is somehow the most depressing bright side we never want to hear)

#my characters #oops i fell in love #I just think its really funny how i view so many of the cast as either the only child or #somehow still the only child but with twin cousins that he grew up with somewhat like siblings but is older than them #and then THESE TWO LOSERS (beloveds) are definitely younger siblings #there is no way Karen developed her personality without the help of older brothers #there is also a very funny and agonizing thing where she is super single cause she can't view a guy as more than a brother #she meets an asshole and is like wow just getting huge brother vibes from him wtf #and meets the nicest man possible and is like HOW IS HE ALSO LIKE A BROTHER I WILL NEVER LOVE ROMANTICALLY #and she has all of the guy friends and its very clear if they were interested she has long since friendzoned them #but its fine because they all are also convinced that shes exactly what it would be like to have a brother #so its fine its all good no one really agonizes over not romancing her and she just as a found family in everyone #hi my name is salmon and you may recall my feheroes experience where i want to give a certain male all of the siblings #the sibling adopter extraordinaire ? yeah thats basically karen now that i think about it #you know one time at work at my first job there was a girl who had a crush on a guy and we all worked the same shift a lot #and one day she was whining because he was so friendly to me and he looks at the girl straight faced and says #ITS BROS BEFORE HOES aint that right and im like uh huh sure thats exactly right #and later i told him i really wanted to know where she went wrong because i had a crush on him in school until he opened his mouth #and hes like yeah sucks to wanna date me you made the right choice #and i just ..... will never forget that weird guy #he saw me in a hoodie once and goes NO WAY I HAVE THE SAME ONE and then makes sure he brings it in next time we work together to prove it #he was like an annoying younger brother to me and i thought it was very funny that apparently i too am a sibling to him #i might be adopted and i might be biased but i think everyone could use an adopted sibling that they dont live with #thats a special bond ok im just sayin #also sorry its so late tonight i had some uhhhhhh problems haha

[mummer]

now that i have been dating a girl for like 4 months im starting to get into situations where i do need to communicate that fact to like my parents and my coworkers but i still dont want to and am guarded about it in needlessly convoluted ways even though. i dont need to ❤️ like every time theres an opportunity to tell my mom im like noooooo….. i dont want to….. even though she would be So happy for me and there would be 0 problems. why am i doing that???? no one in my family or life is homophobic or anything like nothing bad would even happen!!! i was thinking about it watching all of us strangers and american fiction because they both have plotlines where gay people wish they couldve told their parents and regret not doing it. And its like well yes. but also. Idk why it still feels weird and scary for no reason then.

#my boss at work was asking me about it and did the whole… the man you’re dating.. OR woman ❤️ and i was like. Haha. Well lets not get into #am i just being crazy and stupid?????!?!?!?!?!? #personal #and my mom clearly knows im gay shes never asked and ive never told her but she clearly knows. So whats with me #i understand why i dont want to tell my dad not that there would be issues i just dont want him prying into my life Lmao 😁 #its just residual nervousness from never Properly Coming Out and not really knowing how to handle it #and not wanting anyone to ever make a big deal out of anything because i am a WEST COASTER ❤️

[ducktracy]

yet another reprise of the same post i’ve made dozens and dozens of times before but GEEZ! i am so incredibly lucky to be doing what i’m doing! to think i spend hours and hours and days and weeks and months and years and hopefully DECADES pouring over animation history, lauding the masters and studying their work so intently and absorbing it and feeling and identifying with it, and the fact that i get to walk the same turf they did. that i get to be a part of this business that they established. that i get to carry the torch and that, some day, no matter how small or insignificant, my own work and contributions will be regarded as “animation history” because i work in animation and all history is history. i just can’t believe that i’m privileged enough to indulge in some of the same practices that The Greats did, that i get to study their work and, if i’m so lucky, channel and make homages to it where possible.

this isn’t to say “i’m just like Tex Avery because i work in animation TOO!!!!”, but, rather, an expression of my sheer GRATITUDE and amazement that i get to do what i do at all. i’ve met so many nice people. blossomed so much as an artist and cartoonist. get inspired each day by the talent i am constantly surrounded by. and to think that i get to be a part of it!!!!! that i get to carry the torch! i know this sounds so conceited and pompous and i really don’t mean it that way at all because i don’t WANT to be known as someone who people are only interested in because i work in cartoons. i just wanna be known for me! what “me” is i guess is for you to decide! but, regardless, i’m just feeling extra thankful tonight that i’m able to indulge in my passions and SPREAD my passions and have said passions fostered. that i’m lucky enough to tread the same ground as some of the greatest creatives that gave me this ground to tread on. there will never be enough words to properly articulate just how deeply and passionately my gratitude extends.

#not naming names because i feel weird bragging about them behind their back but one person who works on our show i look up to very very #highly. I MEAN I DO FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE. i am literally surrounded by some of the best in the business. but one person i particularly revere #said they were a ‘big fan of my work’ and when i was told that i legitimately went lightheaded for a few seconds #or again Ruth Clampett commenting that her dad would ‘love to see this cartoon live on’ on my art and making me bawl like an absolute baby #IT’S JUST SO CRAZY #i just. man #it’s really beyond words #and so many other kind words from bosses coworkers friends mutuals acquaintances total strangers #i don’t take any of your kindness or even just. awareness for granted #i know i’m not often vreat at responding but i do read every single tag every ask every DM! please know i never take it for granted #thank you for keeping me company and deciding i’m worth the company to keep #okay i think i have officially gone into word salad territory so it’s time to retreat #i’ve gotten much less candid for fear of maintaining some semblance of professionality but sometimes you just need to speak from the heart #(and i’ve gotten much less neurotic about that in recent months thankfully. Tumblr is my little safe haven) #so thank you for making it a safe haven at all

[philippagordon]

hello everyone, I hope you're all doing great! just passing by to say i'm officially going to be a librarian :) follow your dreams kids

#took me a while but i got there! all on my own #quit my masters bc i had health issues and had an existential crisis moved out of my parents' to live with my sister #i didn't know what to do so i applied to volunteer in a retirement home i was paid a little and it literally saved my life #i found meaning and purpose again met incredible people and i still go there every sunday :) #but most importantly i met the director of the town's museum who recommended me to the library for a summer job #i got it and i loved it just like i imagined one of the librarian was retiring and she told me i should apply to replace her #so i did and after months of not knowing for sure if they would hire me i finally got the email! i'm starting in February #in the meantime i worked at a bookshop in paris which was also a cool experience #but i can't wait to start for real at the library #also did i mention the town i moved in (and where the library is ) is the town of my dreams? #it's calm there's a river and small shops and i also got an apartment with a balcony #2 years ago i thought my life was over i didn't think i would ever make it out #so if i can give a little hope to someone things do get better #i'd love to post again on this blog btw but i keep saying that and never do it 😭

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[i-didnt-do-1t]

Really wanna write/read something of Livesies/uksies Delancey brothers meeting Sarah somehow

#I just have this idea #of Oscar running into Sarah at a market or something #and she looks familiar and he can’t pin down why #and by the time he works out it’s cuz she’s Davey’s sister #she has already turned and confronted him about staring at her #and then through various miscommunications about how he knows davey #she assumes he’s a newsie and one of Davey’s friends #and at this point Oscar thinks this could be a great way to get under Davey’s skin #because he never really got to get back at him #for his contribution for the strike #so he walks her home #gets invited in for dinner #and davey can hardly say anything because he doesn’t want his mother to worry #because he hasn’t told her about the delancey brothers #because he knows how she would react #and it is the most uncomfortable meal of his life #and Oscar knows this

[hella1975]

realising something bad about someone that means the world to you should be illegal. id like to live blindly actually

#ive been tiptoeing around this realisation for a WHILE now but today was the first time i actually verbatim in my head #went 'i dont like living with my mum'. and the moment i thought it was like no nooononono lets NOT do that #like objectively my mum is my favourite person in the world and i love her more than every other person in my life combined #but LIVING with her in HER HOUSE is just not... it. and it makes me feel awful for even thinking it bc that's her biggest fear #that we're gonna grow up to have the same relationship that she had with her mum and that ISNT what's happening like i could never #be distant from my mum in fact the reason she has such a chokehold on me is BECAUSE there's so much love there #but it would still break her heart to know i felt this way and i just feel so shitty for it. but like? i CANT relax here #like the thing that made me think it this morning wasn't even an explosive thing like it usually is with her #like every shouting screaming argument we've had ive just taken it. but then this morning when nothing exceptional happened #i was just. done. so basically i told u guys she wanted me to hoover today and already yelled about it YESTERDAY which. whatever #and she goes out every thurdsay until lunchtime and i think ive said on here before that the days we're home alone are HUGE flashpoints #bc if she comes home and perceives that not enough chores have been done/one thing has been done wrong she just hits the ROOF #like her temper is entirely disproportional she gives the same energy for the washing up not being put away that another mum would #give for finding drugs in their kids room. ive truly never seen someone maintain a temper like that woman can it's actually impressive #so yeah she was gone this morning and it just always leaves me On Edge it's never a huge thing bc im not SCARED of her but im not relaxed #and i hoovered for an hour and washed up and then also dusted the stairs and did some other tiny irrelevant jobs #and my sister did fuck all. she pulled a sickie off work and stayed in bed while i fussed about what to do with the dogs and shit #and so when my mum came home ig i was expecting some sort of acknowledgement? like not a round of applause #bc obvs it's just chores and the hoovering she literally told me to do but when my sister had been SO unhelpful and it had been #SO on my mind for hours now i was just. waiting for something? and even i didnt know what so it's not even fair #but my mum came home and decided she was in a bad mood and she had a go at my sister for being lazy and not doing the chores she said #she'd do today and she DIDNT yell at me which she sometimes does just do if she's pissed at my sister. but she just got mardy with me? #like she got up and left to go watch TV in her room and i was like 'oh i can watch it with you?' bc sometimes when they row my mum #hints at me and her going somewhere else to bitch about my sister. but she just shook her head and snapped at me for some dumb shit #like TINY shit id missed and then wouldn't even spend time with me and i was just like. are you serious #and THAT was when i had the thought bc i was like there is actually no winning with her temper #and i can never fully relax around her because of it. even when we're getting on she is at any point seconds away from ripping my head off #and it's not nice being around someone like that ALL THE TIME. and i dont mind it when im at uni bc im at my own house in my own life #but when it's HER house and she makes it very clear that it's HER house and we need her and the car if we want to so much as LEAVE #then that's just not a fucking pleasant environment to be in? right? even if it is just me being a baby? ugh idk and i hate this

[gamebunny-advance]

Today's NSR Trivia: Rare(?) DJSS + DK West Art

Likely due to being the first proper boss in the game, DJ Subatomic Supernova has a lot of unused/cut content, including a theme for a nonexistent "approach" level (which can be heard in the "NSR Approach Megamix"), cut voice lines, and no debriefing profile.

While the official twitter has shared what this hypothetical debriefing would have entailed, I don't think the unused art for his profile has ever been posted through a first party source or exists in the game's files.

However, it is viewable in a Steam trading card.

Similarly, DK West, who also lacks a proper debriefing, is a part of this set and thus also has unique art only shown in these trading cards.

Whether this art was drawn specifically for the trading cards or if the art existed prior is currently unknown. (Though I personally suspect the latter.)

#nsr #no straight roads #dk west #djss #dj subatomic supernova #i've been working on other stuff #but nothing i can really post #so here's some trivia i found that you may or may not enjoy #we've had the unused profile for a while #and access to the trading cards for as long as EE has been out #but i've never seen them posted so here ya go~ #since i can't talk about NSR without bringing up my favorite guy: #i think it's funny that the DJ is the one instance where kliff would have blatantly told B2J to beat a man to death #it's like the opposite of the yinu situation #'no you don't have to murder this child just destroy everything she holds near and dear to her heart m'kay thanks :)' #for the dj he's just: #'kill him' #i don't think DK West has an unused debriefing because he was never supposed to be a part of NSR #(even at early stages of conceptualization) #thus kliff would have no reason to gather data on him #but i still wonder what it would have been like~

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it #my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store #and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person #dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much #for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is #trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u #treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her #dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a #god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close #my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he #feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom #which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were #saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were #a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was #distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their #relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her #expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she #grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear #in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i #saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The #Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and #unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much #unrelated

[bumblingbabooshka]

I will walk down to the end with you / If you will come all the way down with me.

#B'Elanna Torres #B'Elanna art #B'Elanna #-thinks so hard about B'Elanna's self image issues and about how Tom Paris could be baked into an apple pie he oozes so much All American #Charm and about how B'Elanna was literally ready to break up with Tom because she felt he wasn't committed to her emotionally #and didn't prioritize her needs/wants and when she tried to bring it up he didn't address any of that and instead just asked her to marry #him and she said yes bc it's what she wanted wasn't it? But also thinks about how getting married solves literally 0 of their problems bc #that wasn't the issue - and how they never REALLY talked about the issue she had and the proposal seemed more like a desperate attempt to #hold onto her and B'Elanna's acceptance was her tightening her grip as well and thinks about how the solution to Tom not prioritizing #B'Elanna was framed as B'Elanna trying to do what Tom wanted and about how B'Elanna blames her mother entirely for her father abandoning #them - how she blames SPECIFICALLY the fact that her mother was too Klingon and about how Tom blames the fact that he never showed how much #he cares about/is committed to B'Elanna on the fact that she has 'that tough Klingon exterior' and how her response is #'do I look that tough right now?' and about how B'Elanna associates Klingon features so strongly with negativity - unloveability - rejection #that she tries to erase her features from her daughter's face and make her Human which to her means Good and Beautiful and Loveable and #about how she STILL after all this time only wants her father to love her again. Thinks about fear of abandonment which makes you hold onto #something which doesn't work bc you can't bear to be alone or fail. If she said no to Tom's proposal who else would she have? And #doesn't it feel like a prize? Like you finally WON. The Human Prince wants to marry you - you're FINALLY good enough for someone to sign #a contract saying they'll never leave you. Even if they don't pay attention to you - even if they abandon you to pursue their own interests #every time something shinier comes up they'll never LEAVE and that's what you're the most afraid of. Thinks about the fear of being too much #and too klingon and about how B'Elanna told Tom it was okay he forgot their romantic getaway even though she took so much time to plan it #and was so excited for it because she didn't want to spoil his fun (is being with her work?) and about how she still remembers that little #human boy who pointed at her forehead ridges and called her 'turtlehead' until she beat him so viciously they had to pull her off him #Thinks about all of those things VERY hard and EXPLODES- #bea art tag #st voyager #st voyager art #CHARACTER. OF. ALL. TIME.

[itspileofgoodthings]

me to Nina yesterday: explaining how due to a headache and exhaustion I wasted away the end of my afternoon just watching Ryan Gosling interviews

Nina, instantly sympathetic: and I completely understand that, a valid thing to do

#the thing about Nina is that most of the time she not only hates my coping mechanisms she also plain doesn’t understand them #one of the many tensions of our relationship #but she was just 100% like yeah. I fully get it #and it made me feel so much better #my relationship with Nina the work of a lifetime because the moments of mutual understanding are so rare #but so powerful when they happen. and it takes years to discover that sudden gold #(my mom is often so troubled by our relationship. she’s just like (whisper voice): do you guys even like each other) #because we’re just SO sparks fly (antagonistic version) in many of our interactions #and it’s just like. YEAH. We’re just going to have an intense altercation and clashing of opinions viewpoints values and perspectives #at least every other day. LOL #but we will navigate it! #no one on the planet I smooth things over with as fast as Nina. it is lightning-speed reconciliation #because we both move on so quickly in the same way. in that the mood will just lift #we got in a fight the other day. Nina left and stormed out. 10 minutes later I get a text going #‘I’m sorry Maria. I should not have said that about your mother’ #which made me laugh because we weren’t fighting about our mom. She just likes to quote Jacqueline from ever after sometimes out of context #and my mom was on the couch watching me like ‘you’re reconciled???? It’s over?????????’ #because my mom a) is so different from both of us in the speed she processes in and b) has no sisters #0 sisters. 4 daughters. and she still isn’t used to it lol. because my mom’s strength and weakness is that she never gets used to anything! #ALSO Nina told me the other day that I’m the one that taught her to apologize because I would just make her do it when we were kids #not to me but to other people! I would just sit there and explain how verbal acknowledgement of wrongdoing would make things better #and she was always like ‘ughhh I hate it so much. FINE’ because she always does want to make things better #anyway this SHOOK ME TO MY CORE. Because I never thought Nina actually internalized any of the things I’ve said to her ever lol #and she was like ‘yeah you gave me that good habit’ #(I love apologizing. Love to put it into words and I have an intense need to do it immediately and thoroughly) #(tbh it’s only with time that I’ve come to see that other people do not work that way. and need more time. and are not just — #instantly comfortable putting everything into words especially the hard things) #(because it’s not like I’m always driven by more charity and compunction. I just ducking HATE unresolved things not put into words) #(so it helps me feel better. and sometimes you just gotta learn to not say it right away if it’s only going to make things worse #(or learn to say it in different way without words. that actually communicates the sorrow. And that can sometimes look like giving space!)

[eddis-not-eeddis]

Looking back on my childhood...some things become much funnier and also much sadder in hindsight.

#when i was in school for a brief window before my parents decided to homeschool us #there were two girls about two years older than me who i retrospectively realize were trying quite hard to bully me #(and did in fact bully many other girls...so badly in fact that there was a lawsuit and several children were pulled from the school) #the one girl was the ringleader and would rile up the other girls in her class and her special pet henchman would help her #they used to say really awful things about and to me #i have one very vivid memory of the three of us playing all alone at a park and we were fighting over what was essentially a kiddie-zipline #we were all three taking turns but the ringleader and her pet henchman wanted it to themselves #so they started telling me to go away and play by myself #i knew they weren't allowed to tell me to go away and i didn't want to go away #so i just kept taking my turn #when they tried to jostle me away i jostled back (and i was a very sturdy five year old) #when that didn't work they tried to tell me that they didn't like me #and i told them very frankly that that was okay because i didn't like them either #then they tried to tell me that NO ONE liked me #and i listed off three other girls who did like me #so they told me those other little girls had told them that they were just pretending to like me #and i told them that no i was pretty sure netty and angie and kayla wouldn't say that-- #(the most hilarious things was that these girls had never met kayla to begin with--a fact i was quick to point out) #--and that they were just saying that so they could hog the playground to themselves #it went on and on like that until all three of us had to go home #and i was completely unfazed by the whole thing #i only realized when i was MUCH MUCH older how vicious they were trying to be #but i was used to fighting with my siblings and that's how you warded off that kind of attack #you had to be matter-of-fact and a little brazen and never let anyone jostle you off the playground! #(not being afraid to tattle-tale was another asset XD)