#lets see if this gets taken down again

[zayafeli]

Kyron having some fun with a woodland creature. Full uncropped version on my Patreon.

#kyron #art #my art #lets see if this gets taken down again #third time's the charm #also this is not lore accurate whatsoever but I had fun #maybe Ky's having a really good dream

[rntsuoka]

big buff hot nerd

#i just know hes the most popular dude at uni #i KNOW #and oiks would call every two hours to check in #and be like 'hmp guess what hajime chan i the great oikawa san got asked out 10 times today! 10! #and iwa would just be like thats great #and then their phone call gets interrupted when someone stops iwa to ask him out #and its like the 12th or 15th or whatever time today already #iwas sort of lost count #and oiks overhears #and even before iwa can gently let the person down #oiks is screaming IWACHAN U BETTER NOT ACCEPT THIS CONFESSION #OR IM NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN #and iwa just sighs #giving the person (who accidentally heard the whole thing) a look thats like 'see?' #he cant hes technically already taken #by some annoying guy whos obsessed with milk bread and volleyball and aliens #and whos basically his forever already #and then news spreads like wildfire that iwas off the market which gives everyone depression #very canon #absolutely 100% canon #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu!! #art

[nashvillethotchicken]

I'm think about claudia and louis again. 79 dead 1903 injured

#all that work to leave her abuser and get a better life for her and louis just to get taken out by louis husband again like omg #she shoulda been in the club! she should have been an aka! or an sgrho! she shoulda been upwardly mobile! but instead shes in an urn #on louis mantle with her picture looking down #or a tree in a garden in dubai or in a locket held tight in louis’s fist #like i truly feel for her so much #that baby is trapped!!! she literally cant escape not only from lestat but louis as well! #louis needs something to cling onto and its claudia #its always been claudia even when it was paul or grace or lestat or armand its always been claudia #and she cant leave his heart cus hell die if she does and oh how horrible itd be for the both of them #and she dont even get anything outta it! she love her father so much and all she got outta it was a soft casket #do you think she thinks about how louis killed her. even outside of what she says in ep 5 like louis killed her. he was the prox cause of- #the storyville fires/race riot like do you ever think about that? #do you ever think about how louis ended her life just to restart his own? cus i do. so fuckin often #and its not like she couldnt have done something with herself outside of them! she can! bailey!claudia was light enough where she could pass #for white pretty well and go and live whatever like she wanted but she didnt. cus she loves and misses her father so much and she wanted- #a life with him and her without the specter of lestat over them and louis couldnt let it go for her #see thats louis problem. he cant let anything go #couldnt let paul go. couldnt let lestat go. couldnt let humanity go couldnt let claudia go kept all them damn newspapers looking for a- #glimpse of his heart his baby his angel his claudia #claudia belonged to louis. cus nothing belongs to louis really #not the home he lives in (either rue royale or his childhood home) #he doesnt own his husband who galavants up and down the quarter with a white woman who isnt an 1/8th of him #he dont own his business cus that can be taken away by a lynch mob or a plague or a drink too many #he dont own his family who replaced him with some broke ass nigga the second paul passed #he dont own his brother who lives quietly in a mausoleum louis is so sure he put him in #he dont own his sister who so wants to connect with louis even when its rough and its eating at her like he almost did Benny #the only thing he really really owns is claudia. thats HIS blood. thats HIS daughter #he didnt make her but she is HIS and no lestat or armand or freaky vampire lufe can take that from him #claudia du pointe du lac #louis de pointe du lac

[theinfinitedivides]

this is so random but i would love to hear your opinion on mydramalist as a fellow asian drama lover. because it’s obviously well known as a reliable wiki of sorts in dramaland but i beg to differ. (the only plus i feel being the summary and cast list for info)

i mean, i’ve not seen a single comsec w more than two brain cells as a whole? there’s always complaints about female leads rooted from misogyny, they are never happy about story progression, and i just find so many of them kinda dumb sorry lol. like zero media literacy to be found, insufferable arguments, etc. the star ratings are rly just given to popular dramas w high profile actors too.

and i personally find it disheartening that so many ppl end up referring to mdl when considering dramas because so many gems are then lost and not given appreciation.

anon. anon anon anon if you know the way i sat straight the f*ck up when i saw the notification and then read through this ask bc yes. yes to everything here that is exactly it. almost three fourths of what i've watched this year was either 1. not received well by the general MDL crowd (Moon in the Day. where is the taste brethren to not like MITD and not even for reasons that actually make sense), 2. received well but had a good chunk of people bitching in the comment section, or 3. received well but had the main point of the show (and its relevant characterization) go over their heads. (The Worst of Evil aka TWOE comment section, i am f*cking looking at you. i can count on one hand the number of people who understood what that show was supposed to be about) the one fourth that managed to escape was bc the toxicity did not reach the comment section and everyone was pretty f*cking civil. alas if only it could be like that all of the time

case in point for the ratings example, since we've already briefly tackled the lack of media literacy—j-dramas on MDL are notoriously rated much, much lower than either k- or c-dramas. half of the time that's bc there are less users watching (and rating) them therefore the average is lower but the other half it's bc people simply do not understand good media when they see it. don't get me wrong there's some freaky ass sh*t in the j-drama world that i would not touch with a Grinch level pole but to see MDLers out here talking about how slow j-dramas are and that nothing's happening. have you considered that you are either watching the wrong genre or you shouldn't be watching j-dramas in the first place bc their entire setup and general narrative framing arcs are not your style. have you even thought about that for six seconds or are you too busy expecting it to read like a typical tropey rom-com k-drama with your trending oppas. (no hate on my tropey rom-coms with [most of] said oppas, i need them when i don't want to think i just want to see sh*t on my screen and scream about hot people and the Hand Umbrellas in the Rain and the Back Hold when the male lead catches the female lead before she falls and you have the fifteen second focus on their faces just looking at each other)

and the misogyny. oh God do not get me started on the dichotomy that was the Cult, as we affectionatly called ourselves, on the feeds while THEE sageuk of the year My Dearest was airing (beloved show [that i still need to finish. JangChae i'm sorry ily life hates me like the mf it is 😭], beloved commentary on the feeds. they saw the vision on the feeds) vs the sh*tshow that was the landmine field of the comment section (the takes i saw on Gil Chae, Eun Ae AND Ryang Eum respectively.......... the misogyny wasn't enough we had to add the homophobia into the mix. buy one get one free deal fr fr). you mad man. that sh*t was insane there was a point i banned myself from scrolling farther than the cast section until the show finished airing. i kid you not on average they didn't have even half a braincell. maybe a quarter of a quarter of one. f*cked up just say you are not decent people and go

this is not to say that all of MDL is like this. i have gotten tuned into absolute masterpieces of content (and have tuned others, amen) bc of a comment comparing a show i'm watching to another one or a review being posted in the feeds about a film with less than 500 people interested. i have reconsidered my choice to not watch something after having spirited discussions in private messages discussing the pros and cons of the premise and whether they managed to get it done without f*cking sh*t up. i still contribute semi-regularly by adding relatively unknown actors and crew members to the database so they can get the credit due them. if you know where to look, you can get some good sh*t out of that place. problem is most users who are new to both the site and East/Southeast Asian cinema as a whole don't know where to look, and the cycle continues, and the ratings continue to be skewed/bloated and no one pays attention to the plot, if there even is any to pay attention to.

tl;dr: begging people to not let MDL be the be all end all for their drama recs a la 'well MDL doesn't like it so i won't watch it'. babe we have said MDLers complaining about how the ratings on Viki are too high but in my entire time watching dramas i've found that in the past two to three years the Viki ratings are making more sense than the MDL ones. sit with that for a sec. when you're done branch out and see the world (literally and cinematically), i promise you will be a better person for it

#inbox #q: anon #mydramalist #mdl #kdrama #not what i expected to see this Friday but i needed to see it #anon love this got a bit long i'm sorry i am just. Passionate about this subject as you can tell #honestly istg the only reason i still use MDL is to track my sh*t. plus i obsessively organized my profile page and i am not letting that #go to waste no ty #i feel like the Asian drama fandom over here on Tumblr are just. slightly more normal somehow. also you'll get f*ckingly long analyses #on shows that will have you face down on the ground shot in six different places taken apart etc etc #situations like these are when i'm grateful that Bollywood is not available on MDL bc the takes with even less than a quarter of #a quarter of a braincell that i would have to deal with then........... God loves me that's why it hasn't happened #also. the Caribbean seeped into this once again let me explain. 'you mad man' is a Dominican (DM not DR) phrase. it has nothing #to do with the 'you mad?' in the African American community that is an entirely separate thing. 'you mad' here means 'you crazy?' #or 'bitch you ain't serious'. could have also said 'you too have limyé' but that would need another paragraph by itself to explain #bc of the Dominican specific context and this is not the kweyol/patois class session today sksksksk

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 2)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Maj. Kaidan Alenko With: Councilor Donnel Udina, Councilor Tevos, Councilor Laiel Sparatus, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng And a Special Guest Appearance by: The Illusive Man But sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Sophie. Later- when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity- then it matters. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #kaidan alenko #shenko #fshenko #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #james’s panicked face as the shuttle goes down you will always be famous to me bc you are so relatable #at this point i just know the normandy crew is not letting shep EDI or james near anything mechanical anymore #(something mechanical explodes around them on literally every mission at this point- cars.. bombs.. ships.. you name it!) :) #the way i didn’t even realize EDI and kaidan were wearing matching armor on this mission until i got to the elevator and i- 🥹 (blue crew!!) #but like- the way when soph gets off the elevator and kaidan has the gun drawn and she tells them to lower their weapons?? #and EDI and james don’t even hesitate? THOSE ARE MY BABIES!!! THATS MY SQUAD RIGHT THERE!! THE LEVEL OF TRUST BETWEEN THESE THREE!! 🥹🥹🥹 #and they don't raise their weapons again?? not until soph raises hers?? like it's the level of trust between her and them for me 🥹 #i will say i talk a lot about how me3 shenko canon doesn’t really follow my own shenko canon (and my canon coup is MUCH DIFFERENT) #but something i noticed about the coup that i really liked? when kaidan has his gun drawn on shep you can see his hands shaking a little #it’s SO SUBTLE (and it’s easier to notice when you’ve got the video slowed down) but like?? the way his hands aren’t steady?? #when he has the gun drawn on someone he loves?? i cried a bit making that gif ngl 🥺 #the soft little ‘you won’t’ from shep after ‘i better not regret this’ makes me 🥺 every time. #there’s a canon reason soph doesn’t take the renegade interrupt but part of it is bc i like kaidan’s convo on the docks better :) #speaking of the docks the intro to the convo is a bit nonchalant but i like kaidan’s speech about integrity/living with your decisions #and the conversation between him/shep about what happened on the landing pad (though i wish it was a tiny bit longer!!) #there’s no ‘i feel like you would have taken me out’ line in the soph™️ canon but we supplemented it with some rewriting bc loose canon™️ #(she never draws a gun on the landing pad either but that’s a story for the actual canon 🙃) #and yes i gif’ed the ass shot. there’s only one valid ass shot in the series and it’s this one! and you can quote me on that! ✨

[mifhortunach]

.

#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but #idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or #what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way #like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck #& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t #*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk #bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc #great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say #which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING #get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one #this is best left to be forgotten #so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

went to the HELM to say a last goodbye to the Exo Frame and hanging out there discovered I don't think the Warmind theme is in the orbit playlist anymore :< I miss my boy. I miss all the wonderful stories I thought Destiny was interested in telling and now know I'll probably never get. I miss this big grumpy computer so much.

#Destiny 2 #the Warmind Rasputin #godspeed you maniac #I don't want to say goodbye because that means giving up on seeing you again #and I hope one day I do. #want to remember the idea of a godlike AI that could have taken over the world and instead said #'you guys are adorable' #'hey let's hang out' #get knocked down #get...deeply depressed for a few millennia... #...then get back up again!

[mighty-poop]

Define a woman!

I’m gonna rant this here cus this argument keeps returning on the clock app and one day, I’m gonna be stupid and leave a comment in the wrong thread or smthn so I’m just gonna get it out of my system:

“How do you define a ‘woman’?”

Answer for idiots: you can’t.

You cannot possibly make a definition for the term ‘woman’ without excluding someone from the group when they clearly ARE part of the group (even if you’re a piece of shit transphobe and don’t want to include trans women). A woman is someone who has the potential to give birth? You just excluded every child before puberty, every infertile woman and every woman on menopause, next. A woman is someone who has a uterus? You just excluded a bunch of intersex women and all women who had a hysterectomy, next. A woman has a period? Excluded the millions of women who never get their period for various reasons AND all the women who take continuous birth control AND women who are pregnant AND again, little girls and women on menopause. A woman has to have XY chromosomes? Are you gonna check that for every feminine-looking person you’re gonna meet? How? Do you not think women with down syndrome are women?

Decades of feminism working so hard to make sure women are more than their genitals and potential to give birth, all flushed down the drain because you refuse to believe trans women are more than men in wigs? You’re weak as shit.

So answer for people who actually want to use their brain:

Woman is defined through experiences. Which experiences? Entirely up to whoever defines themselves as a woman.

The ‘female experience’ is so broad. You cannot possibly define it in one sentence and stick it on everyone who calls the word ‘woman’ their own.

You feel feminine and empowered by doing your nails? Congrats, that’s the female experience and makes you, therefore, a woman.

You feel feminine and empowered by wearing plaid and splitting wood in two with a giant axe? Congrats! Female Experience. Woman.

You feel feminine in a dress? Woman. You feel feminine in a tux and suit? Woman.

You feel empowered as a mother and love being pregnant? Woman! You despise the idea of being pregnant but find empowerment in your career? Woman! You feel like your period makes you more in tune with your femininity? Woman. You feel like your period makes you less than human and getting a hysterectomy makes you feel more comfortable in your body? Woman.

you love long hair? Woman. You love short hair? Woman.

You love loving men? Woman. You love loving women? Woman. You love both? Woman. You love everyone? Woman. You don’t feel like love is your thing? Woman!

Sitting at home with a good movie and a bottle of wine? That’s a woman. Getting bloody in a game of soccer? That’s very woman! Taking a walk with your dog? How very woman! Going to the gym? Such woman! Eating out with friends? Friend woman. Shooting a gun in the yard from the patio you built yourself? All woman!

Whatever the fuck makes you feel in sync with your femininity is your female experience, and if you have female experience and you like it, you are a W O M A N ✨

Same goes for men and the male experience btw! Since the question “what defines a man” is never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER asked for SOME 👀 reason. (We all know the reason….) Also same goes for my fellow enbies and the non-binary experience. If painting your nails bring you closer to your enbie side, you’re non-binary.

Gender is such a deeply personal experience, it’s just dumb to define it for someone else, let alone the entire human species. It’s like asking to define a chair, like, you KNOW what it is but you can’t possibly define it without excluding some chairs (“has at least 4 legs”, that’s a horse also swivel chairs exist).

Sidenote: If some idiot tiktokker shoves a microphone and a camera in your face and goes “WHAT IS A WOMAN” or “HOW MANY GENDERS ARE THERE” just go along with whatever dumbass scenarios they come up with. “How many genders are there?” “My dude, as many as you want!” “Oh so like 40??” “Yep!” “Can I identify as a helicopter lol?” “Sure, who cares, do it!” “Should I demand everyone at my job calls me a helicopter” “You can go to your local townhouse, request to change your name to ‘helicopter’ and they’ll most likely let you. You’re an adult, you can do whatever you want as long as it’s not hurting others.” “You don’t think it would be dumb of me to do that?” “Why would I care, I don’t know you?”

#Imma get off the clock app for a while again #My fyp is on the wrong side of the argument again #Saw a lot of comments basically boiling down to “you’re delusional and you need to grow up” #Y’all the ones breaking down an entire socio-biological science to just “can u make baby or nah” #And it’s always under videos of enbies with really Out There fashion senses who have Such Trouble talking on the spot #Or who clearly have trouble explaining themselves #And the transphobe eat that shit up like sugar #Cus that’s all we are right #Blue-haired snowflakes who are so confused about our gender experiences that we fumble whenever asked #Like i love y’all fellow enbies with daring fashion but pls be more mean and confident about your identity #“What does that mean being a they/them” #I’m not a woman and I’m also not a man it’s that simple #“Is it that simple?” Yes what are you not understanding do you need me to tell you like a 5 yo? #I’m a brownhaired twink-looking gremlin who dresses like a skater boi who likes musicals and hates make-up and loves books #TRY to define me #Put me in one of your silly little boxes and see what happens #I’m gonna rip the box to shreds until there’s nothing left unless you leave me the fuck alone and let me pee in whichever bathroom i need #I have more pressing matters than worry about you thinking I’m confused but not empathetic enough to wonder why #There’s too much other really bad shit happening in the world for you to wonder if the blue haired young adult deserves to be taken serious

[slverblood]

oooooooh feeling things about when you ask what Isobel intends to do now and she's like "take care of my angel, of course"

#OOC / HOLLY. #the whole like . . . she's been through horrors and it fills me with rage and I'm gonna love and support her . . . #I think with Aylin being the daughter of a goddess and the Moonmaiden's Sword etc etc #there's been this acceptance her whole life that she can handle everything and doesn't need support or to be taken care of or any of that #something she herself has bought into. she's immortal and kickass and of divine lineage filled with holy purpose #it's a given that she be indomitable and tireless at all times right? #Isobel was probably the first time someone told her she can be vulnerable and weary #and that that's not a failing. that she can lay down her sword a moment. take off her armor. and rest #lot of thoughts of Aylin immediately kneeling when she saw Isobel again #there's So Much to that gesture but relevant to the current discussion — Aylin putting her head in Isobel's hands or her lap #and letting some of her weight being held by another for a while #do you see what I mean do you get it

[jackdawsfavorite]

Trying to listen to something about that small college in Florida Desantis took over for politics but hearing it described as it was before reminded me of college-hunting with my mom and triggered the shit out of me.

#School was just. #Around 9-11 school stopped being something I could manage and transitioned more to like #‘’Welcome to the world! This is hell and it lasts forever. At the bottom of our pit here you can see the churning toothsome maw which it #is your sisyphean task to crawl away from even as the loose dirt of the sloping pitsides crumbles beneath your hands and feet carrying you #ver closer. If you fail to escape the maw something that brings you pleasure in life will be taken from you and you will be reconstructed #and returned to the pit to fail again.’’ #Looking at residential colleges makes me so sad to look back on because of how low my standards for my life were. #My mom was carting me around California and filling in a major for me on tour paperwork and I was trying to be as small and socially gracef #l as possible and that was it. No thought of what I wanted. No thought of my own future at all aside from a vague sense that #given how all my efforts towards anything collapsed in their infancy #I would not be the type of person who Gets Into Colleges. #And I was right! I don’t remember if I couldn’t handle the application process or if I just never got accepted to any residential colleges #r if it was a decision my mother made for me after I dropped out of high school and got a GED instead of graduating properly but I just wen #to community college for a semester. And then I convinced my parents to let me take a year off from struggling in the hell pit and they jus #let me walk out! And I never went back! And it’s only by luck of circumstance I’ve been able to get away with that! #Christ it’s 11 am and I haven’t had my breakfast smoothie. Calm down bitch.

[unholyplumpprincess]

Fun facts for those of you that follow my peachy chronicles (not that I update abt my life recently but lmao): But I went from being upset i wasn't being treated well/right by people to now putting down my foot and stating my needs/wants clearly without room to misunderstand me.

And I think that's super important progress! The problem is is that now I'm seeing p clearly how and where people treat me and it's not very fun! I'm v good at compromises and am super patient! And I'm realizing people take that hella for granted and it's like. Dude.

Im just happy I'm figuring it out! Being autistic and people being my special interest is,,,hard bc I know where ppl perceive me and how ppl can use that and it's just,,,

Gosh idk! I think it's great progress but strange.

#princess talks #Knowing ppl perceive me as childish doesn't hurt my feelinfs bc sure hey i am! i love dolls i love plushies i love pink and cute junk #i get excited at the smallest things! etc! thats okay! #its the infantilizing and almost fetishizing thats hurtful #like im not a child and im also Not your manic pixie dream girl uwu hypersexual dream #but im now able to CATCH and SEE it and can make myself clear #but im also noting i always Have and Had made myself clear and open to clarifying further and it was taken advantage of to confuse me #hurtful! but now that i can see it i can really put my foot down #even in my romantic life! but thankfully Sprite is such a good listener and gotten so much better at communicating #its startling in a good way! that someone loves me that much theyre going to figure out how to work with me #and my beloved friends that understand my communication style can be odd! aivaiva i know i ask SO many questions #i just learn ppl better that way! and im so grateful to my buds that understanding that im like a lil interviewer #and im so glad i have friends that also let me know if smth is uncomfortable right away! clear communication! #bc ive been going through this hardcore ive been going through rough mental gymnastics but now im inching back intk hang outs #and im SO excited to hang out wiyh friends again! let it be known i am so grateful to yhe ppl aroujd me that dont make fun of me #i really appreciate it!! #anyeay thats all lmao

[seagull-scribbles]

Just an FYI, the ban hasn't been lifted. All that's changed is the site's filtering function. Site rules still state that explicit NSFW and the like are still bannable, and people doing test runs of it are getting flagged and Thanos snapped to oblivion. Just be careful.

Thanks anon but again my art isn't that bad

Tumblr guidelines state to not have any genitallia, female presenting nipples or sexual acts- I can't stress enough that I have not done any of that

It's a bit suggestive so I was scared to share after the whole baguette incident the other month, but now I can flag it all accordingly 💕 so I'm pretty confident I'll be okay

when I was wrongly flagged in the past my blog still existed it just couldn't be searched for...but idk I'm not here for exposure or followings I'm just here for fun so that's not a bad thing persay

Thank you for the worry though x it's nice knowing someone's looking out for me

#anon #seagull squawks #this stuffs been poted in private for a while #ones like five months old #so if tumblr really hated it they'd have told me off by now but honestly im past caring #i work full time im tired im unwell #this is my silly little blog #i want it to be a safe space for sure #but i dont think ive done anything wrong #not like when a baguette sketch got me in trouble anyway lmao #ask #i think im being quite responsible the reblogs are off and warning it on the caption outlines the nature its tagged #and again you cant see anything its just suggestive #one accidentally more than the other #thank you for the fyi though if i do get taken down i hope you get a selfie with my grave like that meme #also if someone really hates it and lets me know i can do edit my file and censor it more #I also just want to add these where on private because I didn’t want people seeing them Non-consensually #so the filters have made me feel comfortable enough to share them #but my asexual ass just struggles knowing where the line is so you need to let me know

[thebuttsmcgee]

so. um. 👉👈

hi guysies.

Ig I should just say like. Hi

I haven't been posting here as much cause. Idk. Might be depression? I keep thinking its cause I've been so busy, which also wouldn't be not untrue, but these past, like, 3 weeks I think so far? I've had some free time but I haven't cause. I dunno, then again, I haven't been doing too much in general? I gues, besides very mandatory things, hell I've even been lacking in my regular skyrim hours of playing.

That, and as said, I get super melancholic when I remember just how sad and bittersweet it is that t0h is. Actually legit over. The show and experience, that is.

Oh all that and also becuz my headphones broke! Fuck! That's like number 2 in my bare necessities for when I post, do almost anything really! It's seriously been painful this past month going without headphones holy shit. Dude I've been scratching at the bit for some relief for headphones, I NEED music legitimately. Even right now, as I'm typing this on my phone, my music is on low levels.

But yerp. Its been. Rough. Really rough. I really do appreciate yall, everyone of yall. Have a sweet week everyone, ✌️!

#the butts chronicles #ogh but yea. been rough. #as said I have no idea if we'll keep this house cause man shits been fucked #uhhhh. lets see. recently my sister got into a fairly nasty argument with her husband since they were both drunk and hes a bit of a. hm #quick to being mad guy? I spose? but yea they made up and he actually apologized to me and my family for that so. its okay? #OH YEA FUCK LOL a few weeks ago fuckin tecksas got hit nasty with a hurricane and GUYS. I FREAKED OUT SO BAD LOL #cuz there was hail with the rain but since. I dont think we even ever experienced hail here I was scared that my ceiling roof broke again #and that it was the rain leaking to my room ceiling and was about to burst my ceiling so I legit started hyperventilating and panicking #with like. short and heavy breathing and almost crying badly until I went to look outside and saw hail and only slightly calmed down #oh but yea it was nasty lol. then the next day almost the entire block lost power and apparently sparks were happening cause fallen trees #uhhh. lets see. hmmm. OH OH RIGHT DAMN I FORGOT WE GOT A PUPPY LOL #we've gotten a lil pup all the way back from dec? iirc and she is now older and a shit lol shes in her teething phase and whatnot #still p cute tho and very puppyish. oh yea also during dec our power went out and ogh man dec was so freezing literally. #almost as bad as the one from. uhhh I cant remember the exact year but I remember it being within these past 4 years at least cause I read #a t0h fic during it lol. oh yea speaking of. we also changed our light company and damn. its been not bad so far! we had to pay up to 300 #in our old company and now we dont even get to 200 so far! hope Im not jinxing it! hmm oh did I already say before that I had to get a new #phone? cause I did and I did not enjoy it lol. had it for a while and now and its arguably worse cause no damn headphone plug-in #I think I did mention this but in case. I did finish counseling. well more accurately they required payments again since things and whatnot. #I think? I mentioned the stuff I got for my bday and chmisas. I got mostly neat stuff. I guess. one of them has still yet to arrive lol #uhhhh. hrm. I did get Mr. Martinet's autograph as a present! hrmmm #my other sister got another surgery a while back and its been relatively the same since. hmm. my only other living grandparent passed away #me and my ex got into a. not great argument cause mistakes and whatnot. raccoons in the attic thats hopefully taken care of for now #aaaaand the plushes I ordered a damn near year ago have been technically canceled cause of unfortunate circumstances for the creator #who just kinda. posts things now lol ig. #but yea. lots. holy shit guys. lots has happened. fuck man. I think Ive been way more tired than I thought. #not to mention the past weeks of just. reflecting. man #uhhh #long post #LOL i gues #but yerp.

[daisychain-unchained]

not feeling very Peace and Love today

#i haven’t been out socially since January #yet the day before I’m finally about to is when I have to babysit adults #now I get to spend the entire weekend wondering what I’ll come home to #and if my parents are gonna kill each other while I’m gone #i am once again living august Osage county #and my mother is Meryl Streep #when she’s not on her pills she’s unstable #and then when she finally gets them she puts them away somewhere to try to better portion them but can’t find where she put them!! #the anger issues are just so absurd #the way they act about their pills in this house is insane #if this was the 1950s my entire family would be lobotomized #i feel like 80% of my life has been listening to people complain #but I can never say what I’m thinking or it’ll make it worse #last night I had to ask her to stop talking out loud to herself on the couch so I could sleep #once she’s at that level it takes hours to gear back down #i was looking forward to seeing my friend but now my mood has taken a blow #i dread her asking so what’ve you been up to! #and I’m thinking lol dying inside but let’s talk about you! #anyway just venting bc therapy is expensive ✌️😗 #rambling on

[29121996]

.

#soo close to breaking down and just beibg like #well i cant do this !!! i dont want to be away from you i dont want to have yo find someone else. i jsut want you #and im so scared of how thatd be taken n i dont wanna be . shut out again. #like . im supposed to just yrust this and trust thst its gappening even if i sont ubderstand whats goijg on #but my fear is slightly stronger than my ability to just Trust myself and the universe. #i want this so bad n ive never eanted ANYTHING as badly as i want . to work it out with him. #like yhats so unsettling ??? im just . i dont know how to proceed #esp not after that fucking messagw like . how do i respond to thst !!!! what am i supposed to say !!!! #like shit dawg . i CANT move on. uoure so deeply dug into me and what i want that i . am Struggling to like . even fathom the idea #of anyone else bc wjy would i . why would i find someone else wjen i had and found all i wanted. please tell me #youre coming back to me . please tell mw that youre not . going to let me go bc i cant lwt u go !!!! i tried so hard !!!! to do that !!! #and i couldnt !!!! i knew almost insta tly that i wanted him forever . n i know iy now more thsn ever thats what i want #. god . what the fuck do i do #im not supoosed to do anything !! im jus supposed to . trust that this is gonna work out anf that . it will haooen #even if i dont see it or understsnd it . n that rlly is the hars part bc oh my god i wanna throw in tje towel and die . #ive tried so hard to get over this and get over him but i literally cant. and just Livinf with this feeling is awful. #esp bc how my brain works like . atp i need a cold hars rejection to lessen my grip on it and to . move away from it #fuck. idk what to fucking do any.ore i am . abt to break and crack and . just tell him i miss him too much to keep doing this. #ive reread that message 293939 times sincs i recoeved it. its not hslping me in any shape or form! #it just has to work out. it has to .

[ask-chivist]

I would say 'not to overshare', but this is tumblr. It's what we do here, right?

#i joke sometimes that when my mental health gets better and the skin on my face gets chance to recover from the crying I get a cold #then my skin dries up from all the nose blowing #then as soon as the cold clears up my mental health tanks again #it's a never ending cycle I've been locked in for literally my whole life #anyway #anywayyyy #i just managed to shift a cold and my life has fallen apart #i'm lucky I haven't really taken any time off work for my mental health over 5 years #well I called in today #and I think I'll do the same tomorrow #and next week too #and #oop then it's my birthday #i'm looking forward to that #oh wait no I'm not #so that's me losing money as punishment for losing family I guess #how dare you love and care for people despite your fear of loss and struggle to to trust people #how dare you see the best in people after experiencing a lot of the worst of people #that's what you get for putting yourself in a position in which people can (and do) let you down #and it hurts so fucking much #i feel cold on the inside #i've not stopped shaking or shivering for a solid 16 hours #back on my bullshit #alright love ya