#like constant first place good

[momotonescreaming]

Modern au Steve not being into video games is out

Modern au Steve who's so good at first person shooters that he annihilates the party every time is in

#steve harrington #momo.txt #he definitely isnt playing the mega long fantasy sci fi rpgs the party is playing #but he enjoys the sports games like the fifa and nba games #and first person shooters like call of duty is where he really shines #he used to play online with tommy all the time and he got REALLY GOOD #like constant first place good #but he never brags about it #so the party always brush it off #until they play a shooter game together and steve destroys all of them to an embarrassing level

[fluffypotatey]

Which monkey would go more insane in a time loop, mk wukong or mac

MK couldn’t even handle it when he was placed in a fake world of his life in season 1 and you think he’d be ok in a time loop????

swk was stuck reliving his memories for who knows how long trying to find MK (basically a time loop) and MK ended up finding him at an all time low

who’s to say that Macky didn’t spend his afterlife in a time loop and is just like that bc of it?

#my money is on MK for snapping first #tho going by the definition swk fits it better because he would try every outcome to see if he’d get a different result #and given that Macky likes to stay in the shadows he might not even realize there’s a loop until the third try #however i like the ‘he was stuck in a constant time loop as punishment post death’ headcanon so maybe he’d pick up on it sooner #tbh i see them on even playing fields here bc none of them are good with being placed in that kind of situation #lmk #asks #lmk sun wukong #lmk mk #lmk six eared macaque

[thegirlmirage]

My kind friends... my kissing encounter with another trans woman... my general content feeling and happiness from HRT... things are good. They were so bad for so long but they are good right now.

#transgender #gender euphoria #trans joy #I didnt have good friends #I wasnt in a good place #I didn't have agency #I was abandoned for so long #ultimately it was Queer people who gave me a hand #and that was all it took for everything to get better #for one person to help me #and then one person again the first person found for me #and now I'm dashing around meeting good friends and genuinely breathing deep the feeling of being alive and enjoying it #looking in the mirror and telling myself that these good times are because I survived #I don't think I can ever take this joy for granted #I'm afraid to lose it but I am not anxious the way I used to be anxious about everything constantly all the time #I am still anxious about a few things but the difference I feel remembering what it used to be like to have constant anxiety all the time #I am in bliss now it's worlds apart I can't describe it #I love my friends so much and they are telling me about their happiness too

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[sombrerokiwi]

Me, watching the Good Place: Oh good god Hikari is a Happiness Pump. He's so obsessed in putting overall good in the world that he does it at his own expense and in turn kind of makes his own life miserable in an effort of wanting to make others happy. He's a happiness pump and that behavior is reinforced by so many people that he continues to do it.

#octopath traveler #hikari ku #kiwi says things #i've been watching the good place lately #and i'm starting to realize that hikari puts his friends first and then himself second #and that can't be healthy long-term #like yeah sometimes you got to sacrifice your own happiness for others #but this is constant and now you're just a sad blob #a sad blob who brings people happiness

[quietwingsinthesky]

thinks about child-but-growing-fast amara and lucifer in the same room and gets ill.

#im gonna get called a homestuck again im SORRY its a good trope #she’s not his mom but she is. older than him and older than god and a being he helped imprison. #and the effects of that. here and now. are that she is so weak she has to relearn how to exist. #that she has to eat souls. tear them out one by one. you have to imagine that lucifer once saw her devour whole galaxies on a whim. #back when everything was moving in constant flux between destruction and creation. you have to imagine. #what is it to see her like this. is it pitiable. awful. comforting because she can’t hurt him right now and if he struck first maybe she #never could? #would he think about this moment this experience later when he’s made human. when he experiences a similar powerlessness. #anyway. lucifer gets out of the cage and trashes crowley’s place to kidnap his aunt-who-is-baby-right-now #u know me i love when characters go on the run together. what a weird little bond they’d form. #how do you overcome the anger at someone who helped cage you for eternity? does it help to know he didn’t escape your fate just because he #helped seal it when it was you? do you think they trade cage stories. #do you think lucifer tells her about how michael is still trapped in there and when he goes quiet. it’s not him who says he’s glad michael #knows what it’s like. it’s amara who says it. with an anger older than time. bitter enough to sting. #arms curled around herself because she’s hungry now. always hungry. tries not to think about what lucifer would taste like. (powerful) #sitting on a bench together watching people (souls. meals.) walk by. talking about prisons. talking about justice. maybe. or revenge. same #thing. and amara is leaning against him coiled tight through every muscle in her body and so so hungry. and when she says she’s glad michael #is suffering she isn’t really talking about him. but when she says it. lucifer lets out a breath. and says. me too. #and then he goes to find her something(one) to eat. #u see my vision. u do.

[running-in-the-dark]

the thing is. I've said many times that it'd probably be better if I didn't post on here so much, especially when I'm not doing so great. it does not feel good. but. when I don't, it just all stays inside my head and it feels so much worse for far longer, so I really just don't know how I would cope without this.

#I mean I used to write in my diary instead. but it's not the same. it's like talking to myself which is like thinking which is the whole #damn problem in the first place #I can't bother my friends every time I feel like shit because it happens so much #and they don't get it #except my best friend but I already message them too much and they have their own shit going on #it's either this or lie in bed imagining [current blorbo] and talking it all out with them and basically just. daydreaming therapy. #but that tends to not be great because then I get stuck and don't want to do anything else because I'd rather be there forever. #which. idk but it doesn't feel that healthy to me. #I juuust want to be normal it's all I want it's all I've ever wanted #and then people say being weird is good and they love me for who I am and it's so so sweet and lovely but. I don't mean that. I mean I feel #like I'm insane and there's something wrong with my brain and it's not the fun quirky bits that people love about me. it's the never ending #constant relentless bad thoughts that I can't make go away OR even the good ones really. like I'm. so fucking obsessed right now and all I #want is to think about Dan and Jenkins but if I'm not careful it takes over everything and I. can not stop. #so. yeah I'm. not gonna leave because I can't and I don't really want to and I'm sorry because that means I'll have to keep posting #dumb shit like this every time my brain gets stupid #😭

[gideonisms]

I can't read the aj book reviews on goodreads though because I feel like people collectively did not get that the gender thing was A) in service to her other themes not the entire point of the book B) not a girlboss everyone's a woman now thing either

#maybe the idea started like oh what if i just used she pronouns for everyone but the writing is more nuanced than that #it's the empire taking over different cultures it's not like universally a good thing #it's what many of the characters grew up with so it doesn't occur to them that they could be a different gender #it's not a universally bad thing either it's not like the book goes 'oh the empire is wrong not to have two specific genders' #it's just like. in the same way this empire enforces gender and restricts bodily autonomy through constant surveillance #your empire does the same to you. it's just like asking you to question things #but some characters have no problem with their given pronouns. it's all socially constructed that's the point #breq was probably the first time i was really envious of someone's gender though #there's no like. status significance to her pronouns in her culture. she doesn't wear different styles based on it #then you see her having to translate herself to other people's expectations when she's outside of the empire #and she's constantly botching it even after 20 years #never related to someone's experience with gender more #it's like i don't really do that. lol. but you're welcome to interpret me however. it is simply none of my business #i'll be whatever is most convenient when i'm trying to rent a place to stay. assigned woman at rental application #i never agreed to this system it's just a weird cultural quirk that makes my life slightly worse but otherwise isn't important to me

[lordiavolo]

to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.

when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.

but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.

#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL #ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as #possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch #i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my #peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts #i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont #even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix. #i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a #part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase. #i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know #there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem #for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes #im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times #anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better #than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know? #being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be #that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends) #hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a #good person it is within ur hands i promise u #ok love u goodnight #personal

[iyliss]

See all this is making me want to rant here about kain’s trial and everything god help.

#ffiv #i already annoy my friend about it too much. I MEAN ITS HIS FAULT IM OBSESSED WITH THIS GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE ANYWAY #but like something something kain and his very sexy conflict with his evil self who spends a bit too long talking about desire #for real not making fun of him the trial is just hitting for the way cecil hurt kain and #like all of this is about how kain feels about cecil its not even about rosa #he wasn't hurt that rosa spent time with cecil!! he was hurt that cecil went with her instead of noticing he was struggling!!! #and how it really highlights the contrast in kindness/goodness between cecil and kain #that yeah cecil is this absolute and naive force of good but that means he will hurt others adn especially kain in his unawaraness #while kain chosed to be good and kind but it's a constant choice he makes and there's always a part of him reminding him #he could be something else. and then BOUM cycle of self-hatred and intrusive thoughts #this is going nowhere i could give it such a better structure

[redysetdare]

I never understood how ppl answer the question "how are you?" Like no one ever actually wants the truth from that right? Like they all expect a "good" or "fine" and that's it cause it's awkward for everyone if u say anything about not being ok. Besides I can't even figure out how I'm feeling in the first place like it's all muddled and I can't remember most of my day anyways but I can't just say "idk lol" everytime.

Like what's the point of asking ppl this. No one ever wants to actually know it just feels like a weak way to make small talk.

#text #its been a constant question at work now that i work with actual customers #like 1 u are a stranger u dont care how i am #2 u are a stranger n telling u the truth is not a privacy im willing to give up #3 if i did tell u itd be uncomfortable for us all so lets just not ask in the first place yeah? #ppl dont need to know my feelings i dont 3ven know my feelings my guy #ive gotten good at pretending i didnt hear or asking a soecific question so that they cant ask me anything first lol #idk i dont like ppl asking me 'whats up' and 'how are you' it causes my brain to stutter #idk how to answer man fuck

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

head hurty

#not any more like that but last night #love having a pain condition triggered partly by anxiety but also it caused the anxiety to be constant in the first place #i dont get chronic migraines bc i dont get them often enough its usually like 1 every 2 months nowadays but sometimes it can be 4 in a week #bc having one makes it more likely i have a another soon after #but i sure as fuck have acute migraines #i remember being in school and classmates being like oh i have a migraine going off to take their meds and then coming back to class?! #whereas as soon as i had an aura id go to the office and be like can you call my mum she needs to take me home #and i thought i was just being weak and i should just push through it #but you can't push through acute pain nausea vomiting and disorientation #there are literally parts of my brain or thoughts i can't access during one ill be trying to think of a word and i can't find it #they usually only last like 2-3 hours but it feels like a lot longer when you're sitting in the dark can't even lie down feeling like hell #and ik some peoples go on for days some people have them more days than they dont ik im lucky to have such short and fairly infrequent ones #but its still beyond horrible and feeling like a ticking time bomb constantly watching out for an aura #and worrying about going somewhere you can't easily get home from #and I've only just started to be able to talk about it i could never understand how other people could talk about theirs flippantly #when mine terrified me more than anything the amount of bad feelings #but she's working on it having realised after 8 years that it doesn't have to be like that 🤣 #mine #n e way sorry for the rsnt all good now chillin in bed ✌🤣

[ishtargoestowar]

Got a new pill case :)

It's from KcyPassionArt on Etsy if you want to check out their other cute pill cases :D

#started taking nortriptyline about a month ago to help with my constant tension headaches #and good news is that it does help with those! i can watch tv and play videogames and exercise with little headache issues now #bad news is that its slowly upping my resting heart rate (or at least i think so. my resting heart rate when i started taking it was ~72bpm #and now im up to ~80bpm) and thats just giving me anxiety on top of my constant anxiety #i also keep having nightmares and its supposed to help me sleep (i dont think it has though?) #but i dont like taking meds in the first place. got myself a really cute pill case to help with the med taking anxiety #shes helping. shes really cute

[cantofworms]

I only watched the first three seasons and a little of season four maybe I should go back and rewatch it. Void Stiles was a highlight for sure I don’t know how they can top that

there’s honestly sooooo much to say about this show like I was NOT expecting it to be this good you def should rewatch season 4 is fucking solid like I was thinking the same thing bc void stiles was fuckin CINEMA but s4 and 5 so far (I’m on ep 7) have been saurrrrr good too

#like they do a really good job of developing characters in slow and realistic way #like almost all elements of the show is done in a slow burn way that no dynamics or storylines feel forced/rushed ya know #and they’re always finding new dynamics to explore esp w the introduction of new supernatural creatures #also there’s always a few new characters every season which I love #but all the constant characters are awesome and just more and more fleshed out and beloved as the seasons go on in a really nice way I think #also stiles but look so far has been season 4 so if you need one (1) reason to rewatch there u go👍🏻 #ALSO they do such a good fucking job w their villains and the overarching story for each season #like the last three episodes of each season are always so intense and wrap everything up well #they all have a different vibe to them while maintaining the qualities that make the show good in the first place idk I’m really just #rambling now LMAO im def gonna rewatched s3b when I’m done tho Dylan’s acting is fucking phenomenal #stiles best* look so far has been s4 lmao

[sapphicautistic]

i just for the millionth time had the realization ''oh maybe the worse than usual multi day headache and the worse than usual nausea that both started around the same time are connected somehow'' 🤔🤔🤔

#had this realization TWO DAYS after my neurologist appointment to get 31 injections to help with my constant migraines... #the thing is. i'm usually nauseated for other reasons. and i usually have a headache. #it makes sense i wouldn't connect them cuz they're just background noise until they get really bad like right now #and bc i don't have visual symptoms i always hesitate to call my headaches migraines anyways despite multiple neurologists saying they are #so like. i forget my headaches can cause nausea cuz i forget they're even migraines. #OH ALSO my neuro is trying another place to refer me for a tilt table test #cuz it's been crickets so far #but this new place is an autonomic clinic which would be amazing cuz they could do other tests #i kinda figure i wont get in but #BUT #she said she'd be happy to prescribe beta blockers if i want to try them esp if this falls through #i wanna get tested first if i can but if not im happy i can at least try to treat it #i have a strong suspicion my headaches are worsened by whatever autonomic thing is happening that looks suspiciously like pots #it can't be good for me to have such a fast heartrate all the time

[snekdood]

oh wait sorry i need to correct myself again- not even mass shooters have a specific political ideology. literally the only real relation these people have is too much ability to access firearms. conservatives were already trying to pin the blame on "democrats" (which we all knows means anyone left to them)

so no you cant just swap it around on conservatives and act like its reality. yall NEED to acknowledge the facts and what experts are saying about these situations; that too many ppl who shouldnt be able to are able to access firearms and also a lot of them have mental health issues and ALSO school shooters specifically are more likely to be bullied. any "bullying works" crap I see i'm going to look at as regressive. it's conservative thinking and it always has been, yall just need to delude yourselves into thinking its not to feel okay about being a pos to people. #stopbullying has always been a progressive movement. i'm so tired of ppl spewing whatever crap bc they think it feels right enough. i'm sorry but you're not an intuitive genius on this one. look at the actual information out there. you hurt our movement by denying facts and stomping your foot in the ground about how much you *think* its correct.

#im sorry but the world isnt black and white. its not 'oh all the bad things in the world are conservative and all the good things are left #leaning' like thats a take i could only ever see a tankie having as they dismiss everything stalin did bc they dont wanna admit #that they havent actually found the Perfect Flawless most Bulletproof ideology. #im sorry but get comfortable w the fact that you'll never have the perfect ideology. otherwise we'd already have perfect countries out here #but clearly we dont. clearly every country no matter how great you think it is has issues.. #stop pretending to be a smug know it all bc you literally just look like a dipshit to anyone who knows better. #you will never know everything and the one constant in life is that everything is always changing and is often unpredictable #get comfortable with the fact that the world is going to KEEP slapping you with the unknown #get comfortable with just. not knowing. you'll never be a know it all bc that defeats the purpose almost of being here in the first place