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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

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So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

#anon #my spn thoughts #season 10 #spn 10x09 #spn 10x23 #dean and john #parental abuse #john winchester's a+ parenting #mark of cain #demon dean #spn #i love talking about season 10 uh

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sortasirius · 4 years

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“Drag me Away (From You)” and the Tipping Point

Anyway stan the writers of Supernatural.

As I thought, this episode felt very much like the pause at the top of a roller coaster before the big drop. It set up A LOT, sometimes with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, and sometimes so quietly it took me a second look to catch it.

Our themes today: Dean and Sam and secrets, Dean’s trauma and how that informs his choices today, free will, escaping Chuck at any cost, and, once again, CHOICE.

So lets dive in.

Guilt is the name of the game right off the bat. Caitlin’s guilt, Dean’s guilt, they are present throughout the entirety of the episode.

And right out of the gate, we find out that Dean has not told Sam about what will happen to Jack if they follow through with this plan. Sam immediately asks if he and Cas had another fight like the true brother-in-law he is, but the point remains that Dean, like he has done a billion times before, is keeping the big thing from Sam, because he knows that Sam will argue, will put up a fight and, in my opinion, Dean doesn’t want to change his mind, and he doesn’t want Sam to give him the opportunity to do that.

Also can we please discuss the “Have you told Sam yet?” from Cas? The peak married energy of it all.

My main takeaway from the young Dean and Sam scenes was, as usual, that the abuse that they have suffered is already apparent. Sam is already looking for a way out, looking for a way he can get away from the life, while Dean has settled into his unhappiness, accepted that this is destined to be his life. He’s already got that edge of aggression, the survival edge that he cultivated to not get hurt.

Did I cry over the mention of Sully and Dean’s “Americana” theme? Who’s to say.

Caitlin, Travis, Dean, and Sam are such cuties when they work together. I feel like Caitlin and Dean have a nice compatible energy, the immediately bond with that older sibling energy. She doesn’t take his shit which is refreshing when he literally starts the episode with pointed snark at Sam..

Another theme of the day: lies. Dean lies to Sam about Jack and Cas, Caitlin lies to the boys about why they’re there. Lies, and coming clean from those lies, are vital to this episode as well.

My bb boys hunting monsters, I love them.

“I’m sorry Caitlin, but that thing? It’s not here.”

“You’ve changed. Back then you believed him even before I did.”

Shall we remember 13x05, “Advanced Thanatology”?

Hm. More on that later.

I also want to point out how much Sam and Dean split up in this episode, and how much they’re aided by Travis and Caitlin when they’re separated. I think this is one of those things that we’ll see, at the end, that this is what they were leading us to. It has to be their choice of course, but Dean and Sam are being set up to part ways.

Sam and Travis playing Boggle???? I cry??? #letthembekids2k20

Dean’s guilt. Manifesting as his younger self.

“You failed.”

His failure sends him to his knees.

Sorta like:

Which, no biggie, was featured in the “then” for this week.

“Guys there’s one more thing...she keeps some kind of a nest.”

“A nest?”

“Yeah, when I was a kid I saw it...with a bunch of bodies. Dead kids.”

“That’s what you were hiding from me.”

“They were all about the same age we were back then. I guess she keeps them there, feeds.”

“Dean, why didn’t you ever tell me this?”

“Because I’d never seen anything like that before. So after I killed it or...thought that I killed it, I phoned in the bodies, let the authorities take care of it, shoved it down the old memory hole. I had nightmares about that for the longest time. I’m sorry, I shoulda told you.”

“No man, it’s okay. I mean you were just a kid. We were both just kids. Hell, we used to keep a lot of secrets from each other.”

OOF.

Dean’s growth. His growth has been the catalyst of the season. And we know he’s keeping a secret from Sam, so this whole exchange is just a neon sign that says “growth potential.”

And because nothing ever slows down anymore, we smash cut right to a scene with Death herself.

“Yeah, fill him up with your cosmic TNT so he can die. How’d you talk the kid into that one?”

“I told him the truth. Jack killed your mother, and all he wants is your forgiveness. And I surmise that the only way that he can get that is ending God and freeing you from the...what did you call it? Hamster wheel? Was I wrong?”

I mean not to be that guy but I literally talked about the repetition of key phrases in last week’s episode, including the hamster wheel here. Once again we are being told that nothing, even the smallest details of this season, are done on accident. Every episode is a callback to an earlier episode, showing growth, or change, or a pattern. Nothing can be discounted, nothing is without purpose.

Also. The Truth.

“According to Chuck’s book, I’m not in this part of the story.”

Sound familiar? I got the receipts babey.

Ok.

“I don’t like loose ends, Dean. I don’t like disorder. So clean this up. I need to know that you’ve got your house in order.”

This all feels very...deliberate in it’s phrasing. Getting his house in order, tying up loose ends, cleaning things up. I can certainly think of something that needs tying up in regard to Dean. Something that is, in all likelihood, is coming to fruition in two episodes.

That clown statute was a personal attack and I will not be accepting dissenting opinions at this time.

“Hey, that thing. Were you scared?”

“Always am.”

“You have changed. The old you never would have admitted that.”

“Well, I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”

“I think so. What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because you know that lies, they don’t make anything better.”

So uh. Well. Let’s start with 13x05 again shall we? This is also an episode about Dean’s guilt. It’s an episode about his anger. It’s also the first episode we see Death’s library, where we hear about the books, the books that everyone has, that not even Chuck knows the ending to.

Dean’s fear.

His guilt.

What losing Cas does to him (again).

Choice.

There is no subtlety here. This is a loud as hell megaphone, this is a bright neon sign being put in front out our faces. Dean’s anger, his guilt, his fear, his fear of being abandoned, his fear of losing the people he loves most, the fear of losing the battle against Chuck, it’s all right here, right in our faces, paralleled directly by the only conversation in Death’s library, where we’ll be next week.

And Dean’s growth potential is realized. He has finally learned his lesson. Maybe from Caitlin, maybe from Billie, maybe from Sam himself, but he tells Sam about Jack’s fate.

Predictably, and completely fairly, Sam blows up.

The anger. The anger that’s easier for Dean to deal with than the grief.

“So... you’ve been sitting on this. What the hell, Dean? I thought we were past stuff like this.”

“I know, Sam-”

“I can’t believe you, you know that? I mean how can you keep me in the dark about something so huge?”

“Because I knew you couldn’t handle it! You didn’t trust Billie’s plan, and then when we found out about Amara you started second guessing, you raised these ethical questions!”

“And I shouldn’t? Jack’s going to kill himself and I should just shut up about it?”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“This is how we end Chuck! Okay? This is the only way we’ll ever be free. So I’m sorry, Sam, you don’t get a choice! We don’t get a choice!”

“Oh we?”

“Look-”

“Stop! Alright? Just stop! Please.”

“I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Just...just drive. Just drive.”

Free will taken. They don’t have a choice. Even fighting for their free will, to make their own choices, they don’t get one.

And if that wasn’t enough, our preview for next week. With Adam, the first man. Sam and Cas headed to Death’s library, to read (presumably) Jack’s book, to meet Billie (though they don’t know that).

Once again, there’s so much to unpack here, there’s so much to discuss, but for the millionth time, we’ve heard about anger, fear, and choice, the three main themes of the back half of the season. Barring what I suspect is coming in 15x18, the main thing to take away is the importance of the brothers working with others. Even as kids, they have always worked better with others, even if it meant they had to split from each other.

#supernatural #spn #my meta #spoilers #lilly liveblogs supernatural #spn 15x16 #sam winchester #dean winchester

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fandom-imagines-stories · 3 years

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No Worse Company

gif credit: @holylulusworld

Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 2385

The Deal S2 E2: Series Masterlist

Summary: The reader copes with her return while Jody tries to get a hold of the boys. Cas deals with what Lucifer did while possessing him.

Notes: Here’s the next part in Chapter Two of the Deal Anthology! I hope you guys enjoy it. This one feels a little like a filler, but I’m really excited for the next part.

He couldn’t stop looking. After everything that happened- all of the pain and the anguish, all of it his fault- he couldn’t stop looking. He had to find Lucifer and he had to put him back in hell. He owed you that.

Driving down the road in his stolen truck, Cas’ eyes fell on the passenger seat. He frowned. That drive to St. Louis didn’t seem so long ago anymore. Sam and Dean’s cries as they watched the hellhound tear you apart were still fresh in his mind. He had turned away. At the time, he thought it's what you would have wanted. For him to have his final memory of you be one of your smiling face, content with the family you had found. Now he felt like he had turned his back on you. Now he was cursed to see your screaming face forever.

He had to find Lucifer.

Cas glanced down at his cellphone and sighed. Multiple missed calls and unopened messages from Dean filled his screen. He couldn’t face them. Not until he found the Devil.

One Week Ago

The police officer that found you had found some clothes that were two sizes too big but you took them gratefully nonetheless. You were sitting at her desk, staring blankly at a photo beside her computer. Her big happy family smiled over a picnic table on a beautiful sunny day. You wanted to put your fist through it.

“Alright sweetheart, I’ve got someone on their way to pick you up.” The officer gave you a small smile.

“Did you find Dean?”

“Not exactly.” She pulled up a seat across from you. “It’s a good thing I was the one that found you. I don’t know much about those Winchesters, but I know that if any other cop in this joint put them through the system, they’d probably take you in for questioning. Fortunately for you, I have a friend up North that told me to give her a call if I ever heard the names Sam or Dean Winchester.”

“Look, I appreciate your help, but I can’t stay here.” You stood up, but she blocked your path.

“Well you’re certainly not going out there on your own.” Her expression was caring, but stern. “I don’t know what happened to you, honey, but I know that going out alone will only make things worse for you.”

“Believe me, I can handle myself.” Nothing in this woman’s imagination could even remotely describe everything that had happened to you. Still, the officer stood her ground.

“Right now you’ve got two choices. You can either stay here and one of the other officers will take you to a hospital, or you can come with me and we can meet Jody half-way.”

“Wait… Jody?” Your face softened, the idea of seeing a familiar face warming your cool exterior.

“Yeah, Sheriff Jody Mills up in Sioux Falls.” She put her hands on her hips. “Do you know her?”

Jody, even though she wasn’t much older, was like a mother to you. She helped you and boys out when you needed and had saved your life on more than one occasion. You pictured being enveloped in one of her hugs and a small smile crept onto your face.

“I used to.”

“Then let's get moving. We can get you something to eat on the way there.” The officer grabbed her keys and started towards the parking lot. As you followed her, something caught your eye. Your face reflected back at you in the glass of the window and a moment of panic nearly took you off your feet. Your eyes were black.

Now

You could tell that Jody had been walking on eggshells for the past week. After everything that was going on, you couldn’t really blame her. When she saw you the first time, she tried to kill you, thinking you were a shapeshifter or some other kind of monster. When she realized that it was really you, she was speechless for the entire ride back to Sioux Falls.

Jody had been trying to get a hold of Dean for the past couple of days, but to no avail. The longer you waited, the more and more you debated running away in the middle of the night. Could you face him? Jody said that you’d been ‘dead’ for three years. A lot had changed. You knew that you were his Y/N anymore. Maybe he wasn’t your Dean.

“Coffee?” Jody offered, holding a mug in front of you.

“Thanks.” You took the warm ceramic mug and held it between your palms. The heat spread across your skin as the smell wafted up to your nose. Who knew a cup of coffee could hold so many memories. Sitting across from Dean in the kitchen of the bunker or looking over a case with Sam in the middle of the night with only caffeine to keep you going.

“I might be a little later at the station today. Do you think you’ll be okay here?”

“I think I can handle a few more hours of daytime television and boxed mac and cheese, Jody.” You smirked. She shook her head with a light chuckle.

“I have to say, I missed that snark of yours.” She finished her own coffee before putting on her coat. “Now you call if you need anything, okay? I’m going to try and get a hold of the boys again.”

“Jody…” You started, but looking at her hopeful face, you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Of course she would think that reuniting everybody would solve everything. She didn’t know what was lurking under your skin. You put on a smile. “Have a great day.” She put a hand on top of yours.

“You too, sweetie.”

She glanced back at you with a flash of concern before the front door closed behind her.

“I thought she’d never leave.” The voice made you jump out of your seat, the coffee mug sent shattering on the floor. A woman walked in from the hallway with a smug smile on her face. You lunged across the table, reaching for a knife from the counter. She grabbed your arm and pinned it to the table. With a single blink, her eyes turned jet black. “Boo.”

“Lavina.” You gasped, trying to yank your arm away.

“Aw, you missed me.” She laughed, raking her nails across the back of your hand just deep enough to break the skin. “So how’s my little protégé doing back up top?”

“How are you here?” She let you go and you examined the scratches.

“What? You think the security in Hell is really the top priority right now?” She wandered around the kitchen, picking up the knife you had been reaching for and twisted it back and forth in the light. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to kill you. That’d be too easy.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I’m just checking in to see how you’re holding up.” Lavina flipped on the radio and laughed at the tune. It was just the last few seconds, but it still sent a chill up your spine.

“You know that you’re the only one to say okay. But you’re motorin’ yeah motorin’.”

“I remember this one.” Lavina smirked. “Didn’t this used to be you and dreamboat Dean’s song?”

“Shut up.”

“What? Aren’t you excited to see your sweetie-pie Winchester again?” She read the fear behind your glowering eyes and chuckled. “Or maybe you don’t want to see him. Maybe you know.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about you black-eyed bitch.”

“Maybe you know that whatever soul you’ve got walking around in that meat suit isn’t all you anymore.” The song on the radio ended and you recognized the next song as Bad Company. “Man, this station is on fire this morning! There’s no worse company than yourself when you’ve become what you have.”

You tried to block out her words, but you knew that she was right. So you turned away so she wouldn’t have the satisfaction of seeing your fear. Your fists clenched at your sides.

“Get out.”

“Sooner or later, you’ll be begging to come back to me. Begging to finally tear all of those souls apart. Begging to embrace what you really are. Let’s just hope you realize it before your precious Dean gets hurt.”

Bad, bad company til the day I die

With an angered scream, you grabbed a plate and hurled at Lavina’s head. She caught it and held it out in front of her. Clicking her tongue, she let it fall to the floor. The sound of the ceramic shattering made you jump.

“Don’t worry. You’ll know how to find me.” The pieces cracked under her boots as she walked across the kitchen and vanished down the hall.

You were shaking- from rage or from terror, you didn’t know. The image of your reflection back at the police station had been haunting your thoughts ever since. You had yet to look into another mirror out of fear of what you’d see. Lavina was right. Whatever Amara had brought back, it wasn’t you.

Sam was surprised when Jody told him to meet her at the station rather than at her house. Maybe Dean was right. Something just felt off about this whole thing. Dean’s whole body was tense, his eyes scanning every part of the room, expecting to see a monster ready to pounce.

“There you boys are.” Jody let out an exasperated sigh and pulled both Winchesters into a hug. Both could tell how freaked she was. Sam pushed back and put his hands on her shoulders.

“Jody, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. There’s just… there’s a different problem back at my house.”

“Is something wrong with Alex? Or Claire?”

“No, no. It isn’t them. Alex has been taking a nursing course in Rapid for the past two weeks and god knows where Claire is.” She ushered them into her office and closed the door. “No, this is… weirder. It’d be best for you guys to just see for yourselves, but I wanted to prep you first.”

“Prep us for what?” Dean asked, that deep feeling in his gut returning. Jody looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

“For what you’re going to see.”

“Jody, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t explain it. I don’t know what happened. One minute I’m dealing with a couple of pot-smoking kids and the next I’m getting a call from a friend of mine saying that…” She took a deep breath to keep from rambling. “Like I said, it’s better for you to just go and see her yourselves.”

Sam and Dean exchanged a look and Dean’s forehead creased with confusion.

“Her?”

Cas stood alone, looking out on the vast lake before him. His search was getting him nowhere and nothing was helping with the visions. Everywhere he looked, he saw hands slick with your blood. Every car horn or singing bird was replaced by your screams. He was supposed to be your friend. Lucifer used that against him.

“Cas, please I know you’re in there somewhere.” You cried, just earning another punch to the gut.

“I’ve got to admit, you’re holding up a lot better than Dean ever did down here. Only took him 30 years to give in. It’s been, what, 300 for you?” He blew out a low whistle. “For a while, I liked having Crowley as my chew toy, but when I found out you were down here, man I just couldn’t resist.” He laughed as he ran his finger down your bloody arm.

“Cas…” You pleaded, screaming when he drew a blade down your face, just missing your eye. Blood dripped from your temple, making it hard to see You were used to pain by now, but this was different. This was looking at the face of your friend and seeing only malice.

“Lavina told you about good old Dean getting ganked by Metatron, right?” Cas’ gave you a fake pout. No, not Cas. Lucifer. “I mean, come on. Metatron? Of all the angels in heaven that’s the one that quote-unquote ‘Michael’s Sword’ bites the bullet for?” He laughed picking something up from the table. “I guess that’s not really the right expression, right? His death went a little more like this.”

He shoved the angel blade deep into your chest and your mouth fell open, but no scream came out. He grabbed you by the hair and lifted you up so his lips were by your ear.

“All of this- the suffering and the torture- was for nothing. You saved Dean only for him to die a few months later. You’re death meant nothing. You mean nothing.” When he let you go, you fell to the floor, held up only by the chains on your wrist. Your blank eyes stared back up at him. Not that it mattered. You’d be awake soon enough for him to start over.

When they got to Jody’s house, Dean had one hand on his pistol and the other clenched at his side. Sam stood up a little too straight, clearly on edge from whatever lay beyond that door. Jody turned the key and the three went inside. When Jody got to the kitchen, however, her face fell.

“Damnit.” She muttered, pulling out her own weapon. The boys joined her, looking down at the shattered plate on the floor. Sam and Dean went to search other rooms in the house while she cautiously opened the back door and peaked out into the yard. With a sigh, she holstered her gun. “Out here, boys!”

Sam was first, but he froze on the spot. He just stared, eyes wide and heart pounding. Dean had to push past him to get out the door. When he did, that feeling in his gut made him sick to his stomach. The last time he saw that face, it was being torn apart.

You dropped the whiskey bottle into the grass and felt tears welling up in your eyes. He was finally here.

“Dean…” You gasped, wanting to reach for him, but you couldn’t move. You were frozen under his glaring eyes. It wasn’t until his pistol was aimed at your head that you snapped out of it.

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination; @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks; @kendahl0216

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624; @halesandy; @livshaes; @d-whinchestergirl87; @mrspeacem1nusone; @crist1216

The Deal Series: @writeroutoftime; @ minninugget; @mia-ono; @erule; @ dannyo000

#dean winchester x reader #the deal #bad company #sam winchester #jensen ackles #supernatural imagine #jody mills #supernatural #castiel #lucifer #dean winchester #the winchesters #demons #hell #the deal anthology

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sir-elyan · 4 years

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Catalysts & Changes: a 15x16 Meta

I wanted to talk really quickly about Dean’s change this season, especially regarding 15x16.

My main focus of this meta is to talk about Mary’s impact on Dean being the catalyst for this change we’ve been seeing, but I’m also going to be mentioning some Cas/destiel things to tie into this. So, here we go:

I. Mary as Catalyst & Myth

Mary is Dean’s reason. By that I mean that literally the whole reason Dean hunts--or, rather, continues to hunt, since John honestly forced it on him--was all in the hopes of catching what killed Mary. That was the main purpose of season 1, other than finding John. This is Dean’s motivation, his basis as a character.

Dean has also mentioned on multiple occasions that Mary was why he was brave, why he kept fighting, and that he often thought about her.

Dean: I was scared, too. I didn’t feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom...I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day (1.03 Dead in the Water)

Remember this quote, because I think it’s eerily similar to the one in 15.16 that I’ll talk about later in this post.

This makes sense--she’s his mom, he should be affected in some way about her death. But Dean takes it to the extreme, based his life around it, held on to it for far too long. Sam was different, because he never actually knew Mary, and we know from earlier seasons that their feelings about her are pretty different.

Meanwhile, almost any time Dean has dreamt of something ideal, Mary was there (think of his djinn dream in 2.20 where Mary never died, and in heaven in 5.16). We can especially see that this is true because of what Amara said in Gimme Shelter:

Dean: What was the point?

Amara: I wanted two things for you, Dean. I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person. That the myth you’d held onto for so long of a better life, a life where she’d lived, was just that: a myth. I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary, was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life. (15.15 Gimme Shelter)

Here, Amara was anticipating a turning point. She had wanted Dean to be “released” by having Mary back, but obviously this didn’t happen. Instead, Mary’s death was once again the catalyst for Dean’s change, just like it was the first time when Azazel killed her. We can also see from this that Dean has always been stuck in the past, hence Amara telling him that he should be focusing on now, instead. Another thing to note for future reference is the “real” line. Remember Cas saying “we are” when Dean asks him what is real.

Mary was also not exactly what Sam or Dean--hell, not even the viewers--had been expecting when she returned. She was scared, alone, and had trouble dealing with being back in a new century with her little boys all grown up and even worse-- hunting. But Dean eventually accepted this. He accepted the real version of Mary, but continued to idolize her and bring up the past.

II. Mary’s Death

Now let’s take a look at what’s happened since Mary’s second death:

Denial. Dean hopes Mary isn’t actually dead, even though all signs point to this.

Grief. Dean cries alone at the site of her death.

Blame. Dean blames Jack and Cas for what happened.

During and after the funeral, Dean avoids talking about it with anyone. However, he is obviously affected by her death. Sam even holds Cas back from going to Dean while burning the pyre. Bobby makes a comment about Dean being a lot like him and not wanting to show his feelings to others.

These all sound like the Dean that’s been built up since season 1. Not dealing with his feelings properly at all, pushing people away, denial. The one thing that makes this time different from other deaths, though, is that--just like the first time Mary died--there's no body to bring back. It's implied in 14.19 that if there had been, Dean would have tried, because he even tells Sam:

Note: This is also an episode where we see Jack being a mirror for Dean by doing exactly that--doing everything in his power to try to bring Mary back by himself. It doesn’t work; Mary’s gone for good. And she’s happy--she’s in heaven!

In addition to there not being a body, Dean also knows who did it. It's not some unidentifiable yellow-eyed demon that he can spend years tracking down, it's Jack. It's his son, it's someone he can't and won't kill, because he's family, even if he’s guilty. So Dean has no outlet for his rage except to put blame on not only Jack, but Cas (specifically in 15.03 The Rupture, Jack is dead at this point and he pushes Cas away for several episodes). And here is where Dean begins to change.

III. The Shift: Anger, Apologies, and Forgiveness

Because then, in 15.09 The Trap, there is a big, significant shift. Dean forgives Cas:

Dean: You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.

He cries, looks around, and gets on his knees.

Dean: I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know-I just know that it’s just always been there. And when things go bad, it just-it comes out. And I can’t- I can’t stop it. No matter how--how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. And I forgive you, of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long to...I’m sorry it took me ‘til now to say it. (15.09 The Trap)

This is an incredibly important scene because it shows that Dean knows about his anger--the anger that Amara talks about in 15x15, and he wants to stop it.

Amara: I thought having [Mary] back would release you...put that fire out. Your anger. But I guess we both know I failed at that.

Dean: You’re damn right. (15.15 Gimme Shelter)

After this, Dean clarifies that he’s not only angry, but furious. This is change, this is change caused directly by Mary’s death--by Amara bringing her back again. Dean might say he is furious, but he has also said before that he wants to stop his anger. And, in many ways, he’s been taking steps towards doing that:

For example, here in 15.09 when Dean forgives Cas, (gif credit)

and here in 15.14 when he tells Jack he’s trying to forgive him for killing Mary, (gif credit)

and again in 15.16 for not telling Sam and Caitlin about the dead bodies when they were younger (gif credit)

and most recently, at the end of 15.16, when he didn’t tell Sam about Jack dying. (gif credit)

So now we’ve taken the turn towards forgiveness. Dean has been handing out apologies and forgiveness like never before this season, which is a definite change to how it used to be with him. He’s opening up, and he is trying to do better and be better than before. Billie also tells him this at the diner:

(gif credit)

I’m inclined here to believe that Dean is on that road to forgiveness with Jack. I mean, he said it himself in 15.14 that he’s trying, and Cas also vouched for him when Jack asked if forgiveness from Dean was a possibility. So in 15.16, when Dean says they have “no choice” but to let Jack die, it’s not because it doesn’t haunt him. It clearly does, with the entire episode dealing with Dean coping with the deaths of children, even his brother. He doesn’t want Jack to die, but his anger, his fury towards Chuck is taking precedence over that. It’s something he wants to change, but feels like he has no choice in the matter.

To add on to this, Jack has been a clear mirror for Dean this entire season. Dean’s argument with Sam about them having no choice is an indication of this. Just an episode prior in 15.15, Jack told Cas that the choice wasn’t his whether or not Jack died. So the pair ups in 15.17 aren’t all that surprising. With the episode being titled “Unity,” I think that the four of them will reach an agreement by the end of the episode (I keep mentioning agreements in all of my metas, because I think Chuck/Amara and Sam/Eileen’s agreement had important implications, but alas...), and be unified in a new plan to defeat Chuck.

As for Dean? I don’t think his ending is going to be expected. He is changing--he won’t be making the same decisions he used to make in earlier seasons.

I also find it fascinating that they made 15.16 a flashback episode to their past as children. Not only did 15.16 show us Dean being annoyed by sex, ignoring a possible love interest (which we were right as an audience to assume it would be written that way, because it has been so many times before), and how he’s dealing with the prospect of Jack’s death (with all of the imagery of dead children), but it really brought to light how much Dean has changed.

The most obvious way they showed us this was through this scene with Caitlin (who looks eerily like a young Mary...interesting), who says this:

(gif credit)

Dean: Always am.

Caitlin: You have changed. The old you never would have admitted that.

Dean: Well, I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

Caitlin: I think so. What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because lies...they don’t make anything better. (15.16 Drag Me Away (From You))

Now, ignoring the fact that Dean has admitted this (in 1.03), we know that the only time he has admitted to being scared before was in relation to Mary. But I think what the writers were going for here was not only to highlight Dean’s recent character growth by admitting to Caitlin that he’s changed, but also the running theme of lying this season. I’ve said it before that Sam has been the only one telling the truth in s15, and I think it’ll eventually come into play during the final episodes. The truth/lies aspect will become a central plot point--I mean, it already is. But I think it’ll factor into how the show will end as a whole, especially with this episode and previous ones alluding to normalcy and the possibility of it for Sam.

I’m going to finish this here, because I’ve dragged on too long, but some other (destiel) things to note are:

Dean falling to his knees in the hallway as a parallel to falling on his knees in Purgatory, praying to Cas, apologizing.

Dean cutting off Baba Yaga’s fingers, whereas Cas restored a woman’s fingers in 15x15. The pastor telling Cas that people are god’s hands; they lift each other up with each finger. The implications of Dean cutting people off, and Cas bringing people together.

another amazing meta regarding 15.16 and another about dean changing + 15.16

#i have literally spent HOURS on this #im so sorry it's so long oh my god #supernatural meta #rambleoncas meta #spn 15x16 #spn spoilers #spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #roc original #my post

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mattzerella-sticks · 4 years

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Swallow It Whole (Dean/Cas 1.1k coda to 15x16 “Drag Me (Away From You)”)

Read here on ao3

"The older you get... the less lies make everything better"

But when you've told as many lies as Dean has, it's hard to tell what's true and what's not. How can he remove all the rotten parts of himself without bringing everything down? Which lies have ingrained themselves so firmly, that removing them would change everything about who he was?

And, scariest of them all, who would he be without those lies?

Dean doesn’t stop him. The fire in Sam’s eyes, tense set of his shoulders – it’s suicide. Anything he said would be met with a sharp tongue that cuts worse than any knife and acid words which will scar indiscriminately. He’s tired anyway. Weighed down by over forty years of waking nightmares, a heavy, iron ball in his stomach. They cut his fuel line, letting it bleed along the road home.

He climbs out of Baby, once the echoes of Sam’s footfalls lessen considerably. Slinks towards the trunk for his duffel. Sam’s still there, untouched. Forgotten in his anger. Dean leaves it, too. Bag swinging with every step, dangling off his fingers.

His phone vibrates, chirping with a text. Cas, Have you told…

Rolling his eyes, Dean offers a curt reply. Dean tries pocketing it again, only his phone starts ringing. He answers immediately, “Cas…”

“Sam knows?”

“Yeah,” Dean says, shuffling down the hallway. Darkness ahead and behind, reminding Dean of how empty their home is. Haunted. A chill races up his spine. “He wasn’t too keen on it, either.”

Cas softly huffs over the line, “I had a feeling.”

“Yeah, yeah… your feelings.” His imagination recreates the night before. Their last conversation face-to-face. Cas looking soft in such a sad way, that cruelly tempted Dean. Urged his hand forward, like he can force a smile with a simple brush of his thumb. A band-aid on a mortal wound. He almost did it, then. Even now, it twitches at his side. Like he can reach through the phone and touch stubble. “You think it’ll make a difference?” he asks.

“I hope so.” Cas hums, the sounds of tires rolling on asphalt filling the background. He’s still on the road. “Two heads are better than one.”

“And three?”

“…Is that an offer?”

He wishes it was. Dean enters his room, flicking the light on. Dumps his bag without care and slams the door behind him. Shutting himself off from the rest of the world. “This is the best shot we got,” he tells Cas, “and I doubt you’ll find anything in the next few days that’ll top Billie’s.”

“We will,” Cas says, “we have to… for Jack.” He pauses, finger on the trigger. Tapping at it, Dean waiting for the blow. “If you… if you tell him that he doesn’t… that this won’t make up for Mary’s death, that might change his mind.”

It would. Cas mentioned Jack’s motivations, and Billie confirmed it… though Dean held no doubt about that. Dean sat with this truth for longer than he’d like, asking himself in an infinite loop if this can really balance the scales. Each time, the answer remained the same. A loss is a loss, and Dean’s tired of losing. Jack’s death won’t heal her absence. Hadn’t when Chuck smote him, and he doubts it’ll hurt less if Jack returns the favor.

But then he thinks about the other choices. Losing his son or losing the world.

Caitlin made a point, that lying won’t make anything better. For other people. Tell yourself enough lies, and you can convince yourself of even the most improbable things. Like how he has room for a few more. “I can’t do that, Cas.”

When he speaks those words, Cas deflates. Verbally, with a low hiss. Visually, he must mirror how he looked under the Bunker’s dim lighting. Weary, dragged through hell with miles to go. Unraveled and strung out for vultures that circle. His chest slams against his ribcages. Beating a mournful drum, the same cadence with which Cas walked from Dean’s side. Onto a ruinous path he couldn’t follow. How he yearned for it, though.

“Dean,” Cas starts. Voice trembling, unsure. “you can’t do this for Jack?”

He’d do everything for him. Switch roles, become the bomb, take Chuck and Amara into the sunset with him. Billie laid the plan out very clearly, any deviation from it would be very painful. His wants… aren’t important. Never were. There’s very little he can control. “No,” he whispers, blinking back tears, “I… I can’t.”

“Would you do it for me, then?”

“Cas…” It’s easier repressing these. Especially so without distractions like Cas’s hair, his eyes, the little cleft on his chin and the warmth that constantly radiates from his body. “I can’t.”

“I see…” The detachment in Cas’s words shouldn’t hurt as much as they do. He can’t ever believe this lie. “Then it’s me and Sam, then? Alone…”

Possibly. Dean bets his brother skipped past his room, exchanging sleep for the Bunker’s trove of secrets. Like they might hold more than the manifestation of Death, herself. Which… “Billie might pop in,” he warns, “not to help, obviously. She’ll be… making sure the house is in order.”

Cas chuckles, the noise uncharacteristically grating his ears. “I’ll be ready for Billie.”

“Will you?”

“I killed her once.”

“When she was a reaper,” Dean rubs at his jaw, “promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks… rock the boat too much.”

“I can’t do that,” he parrots him, uses Dean’s words against him. One lie for another. “It’s getting late… is there more you’d wish to say or…”

He can apologize. Cry, tell him how Jack’s sacrifice hurts with the same fury Cas must feel. That they’ve bucked fate before, their family can do it again. How there’s hope the four of them can see this final battle through. A peaceful future exists, where Jack is alive, and Sam isn’t angry with him, and Cas stays. With him. And Dean can finally… he allows… he feels…

Dean swallows each and every prayer, scowling. “No,” he says, “night.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

Cas drops their call. Dean stays on, listening as the ringer flatlines. Then, when the quiet returns, he remains there. Phone pressed on his cheek, rooted to the spot.

His stomach lurches, startling him into action. On wobbly legs Dean stumbles towards his bedroom sink, leaning over the porcelain. Gagging on all the mistruths and almost-saids he forced down his throat. Sick from his own bullshit. Tears freely flow down his cheeks while he coughs, choking, fighting himself.

Dean loses. A simple thing slips through, “I don’t want…” Then, the next. “Jack, he –“ Dean gasps, drool pooling around the drain, “He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t need –“ He groans, sweating now, too. Eyes burning, blood vessels popping from the strain. “Cas, I want…” It’s stuck there, chained by years of pressure. Millions of lies – little ones he says easily like a blink. And the larger ones, that required gymnastics to make sense. “Please,” he says, “don’t go where I can’t follow, angel. I can’t lose both of you…”

He glances at his reflection. Expression sunken, face wrecked from it all. Flashes of Jack, with his eyes burned out. Cas on the ground, wings scorched into the earth.

Living with so many lies, it’s hard to parse through the truth. Dean knows one.

His life has never been fair.

#supernatural #spn #spn15 #15x16 drag me (away from you)#dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #jack kline #billie the reaper #destiel #deancas #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #destiel coda #angst

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imaginesandinserts · 4 years

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Irreverent Pt. 21 - Dearly Departed

Title: Irreverent Pt. 21 - Dearly Departed Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: R Words: 2934

Irreverent Series Masterlist

"You're leaving?" It was Derek who had managed to speak first. The rest of you were still processing what Hotch had said.

"I have been given a temporary assignment in Pakistan by the Director and have been told I have minimal choice in the matter. In the interim, Morgan will be Unit Chief." That's what he'd said. You were pretty sure you'd heard him correctly. On their own each of those words held meaning. But strung together like that and coming from Hotch, they might as well have been gibberish as far as you were concerned.

He looked upset at having to leave. He doesn't want to. You tried telling yourself that. But this was also Hotch. You'd seen him stand up to Strauss on countless occasions for the better of the team. So why was he just going along with this? Why was he abandoning you while you were in the middle of the search for Doyle? What about Emily? What about the team? What about you?

You looked around and saw your thoughts in everyone's mind. Penelope still looked struck. Derek seemed more pissed off than anything else. Spencer looked broken - he'd had it the worst with Emily's death. You knew JJ had been with him a lot the past few days. Even Rossi seemed upset. You wondered if Hotch had bothered telling him first on his own or if this was intended to be dropped on everyone all at once.

You could feel the stillness in your body. You weren't sure what you felt yet. Upset? Abandoned? Angry? All of the above? Hotch was clutching the papers that were undoubtedly his marching orders, tightly in his hand.

"What about Jack, Aaron?" It was Rossi who asked that.

You should move. Say something. But what?

"I've arranged for him to stay with Jess while I'm away. He should be alright there."

JJ was still gone too…Hotch was leaving. You looked around at the rest of the team seated at the table and you could feel Derek shouldering the full weight of what Hotch was asking of him.

You felt Hotch's eyes on you. You still hadn't spoken. What was there to say?

*------------*

You'd kept in touch with Clyde Easter after you guys had released him from detainment. At first you'd reached out to him to tell him about Emily - you felt like he should know. He'd come to the funeral and the two of you had spoken briefly. Before he left, he'd tucked a card with a different number on it in your hand.

The two of you had been corresponding for some months now as he worked Doyle from the Interpol angle. With Hotch gone, Derek had wanted to ramp up the search for Doyle but he'd been shut down by Strauss citing jurisdiction. You were forced to move underground. After months of nothing, Clyde had gotten solid proof that Doyle was moving and there might be a window of opportunity coming up. It was time to bring Derek in.

*------------*

"So let me get this straight, after Strauss shut it down, you took it upon yourself to open communication with Interpol to continue investigating Doyle?" You'd called Rossi and Derek over to your house under the ruse of dinner, feeling it would be safest. After dinner the three of you had sat at your dining room table over drinks, when you'd decided to reveal the true nature of the invite.

"Yes," you replied, standing to grab the file from the back of your hidden wall safe. "Here's everything I have on Doyle. Per Clyde," you note the look Rossi and Derek gave one another when you referred to Easter by his first name, "Doyle has operations underway but he has a visibility issue, forcing him underground for the most part. However, he has a meeting scheduled with his stakeholders for which he has to be present. That's our window of opportunity."

"And you trust Easter?" Rossi had left looking through the file you'd put in front of them to Derek. He chose to watch you instead.

"No, but he has nothing to gain by lying to us about this. He's still on Doyle's list and he would much rather we go after him than have Doyle barging through his front door."

"You should've told us, Y/N." Derek had flipped through the file and confirmed what you'd relayed to them.

"Look, you can choose to be pissed at me for not reading you in earlier, or you can help me go after Doyle." You weren't about to be guilted into feeling bad about how you went about this.

"Help you?" Derek raised his eyebrows at your word choice.

"I'm doing this with or without you."

He scoffed and finished his drink. "Yeah, you and what army?"

"I won't fight with you Derek. You want to be pissed, go be pissed. Break something and get it out. But don't act like you don't want to go after Doyle. You're not upset I did this. You're upset you didn't."

His shoulders tensed, feeling the brunt of your retort. You thought he might lash out at you again, but he seemed to be coming to terms with the situation much faster than you had anticipated.

"We still need to find where the meeting is going to happen."

"All we need in order to do that, is leverage over the right person. I have someone in mind," you responded. You'd thought this through. To the end.

"We need to call Aaron."

*------------*

He'd grown a beard. He was back after seven months and that was the first thing you noticed. What anyone noticed really. Besides that he looked tan and more rugged than usual, though that could be chalked up to the lack of a suit. He was dressed like a civilian. Which made sense. He wasn't SSA Aaron Hotchner, BAU Unit Chief. That title was still Derek's. As far as you knew, he was simply SSA Aaron Hotchner, temporarily in Pakistan running a joint task force. If the definition of temporarily had been swapped out with indefinitely, that is.

"Sir, the beard suits you," Penelope had told him in greeting.

"Thank you Garcia." Those were the first words you'd heard from him in seven months.

You hadn't gotten up to greet him. You'd looked up in his direction when he entered and smiled, stifling seven months' worth of anger tight inside. It didn't pass your notice that Spencer hadn't stood up either. At least someone else was also sick of taking the high road. You needed that kind of camaraderie.

"Morgan read me in before I arrived. If you're ready, we can talk through the plan to obtain the meeting location and see how it should be executed." Funny how quickly he fell back into the role of Unit Chief. As if he hadn't absconded the throne.

"It's handled. I'm running point on it. You're welcome to join the others in the van or listen in from here with Garcia." Your voice came out a little harsher than you'd intended.

He looked a little surprised but quickly recovered and nodded.

*------------*

"Subject is approaching." Spencer's voice came through the earpiece you had on. You were seated at a restaurant downtown, your hands folded in front of you on the white linen tablecloth. You remembered this place from one of the first times your father had visited you whilst you were doing your training at Quantico. He had come to talk you out of it but hadn't been able to resist taking you to a nice meal.

"Hello sister."

Dominic had arrived with his permanently cocky smirk firmly in place. He took off his coat and sat down across from you, unbuttoning the bottom button on his jacket. A waiter arrived to bring him a drink menu. You'd been nursing yours for some time now. After he had ordered, he looked right at you. He was trying to mimic your father's infamous staredowns. It fell flat coming from him. Maybe you had to actually be afraid for it to have its desired affect.

"So, you've finally come to your senses, have you?" He leaned back in his chair as the waiter quickly dropped his drink off.

"How are Katie and Amara?"

His brow furrowed slightly before he answered. "Katie is fine, she sends her regards. Amara is seven now. She's started second grade."

You smiled. It had been some time since you saw your niece. "That's a good age."

"Yeah, she's cute. She made a family tree for class, you know. Made sure to put you on it. Julian too."

"That's sweet," you answered, stirring your drink with the straw provided. "You love Amara, don't you Dom?"

There was a pause before he replied, his brow furrowed more if that were possible. "She's my daughter Y/N. Of course I love her."

"She's your daughter. You wouldn't want any harm to come to her."

His shoulders tensed immediately as he leaned in closely to you across the table. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"Just that it is regretful when children get hurt because they become pawns in their parents' wars."

He was still leaning across the table and his next words came out dangerously low. "You think you can just come in here and threaten me? Threaten my family? And you'll get away with it?"

"You have two options Dom. Tell me where Valhalla is meeting his stakeholders."

"Or?"

"I'm sorry, I misspoke. You only have one option. That was it."

"And if I don't comply?"

"There are US Marshalls waiting to escort you home so that you can grab your wife and daughter and pack any personal belongings. They'll take care of you."

"You didn't say what happens if I don't comply."

You looked at him sitting across from you in his expensive suit. Being almost fifteen years older than you, Dominic used to intimidate you. He was never the brother that spoiled you. When you'd been born he'd been a spoiled teenager used to bullying and taking his misplaced anger out on Julian. But your father wouldn't have stood for anyone laying a hand on you (Except him apparently, you thought, thinking back to your last encounter with your father.), so Dominic had tortured you in other ways.

You fixed Dominic with a small smile geared to unnerve him, before answering his question. "Papa used to say that I was the pretty one. Julian was his artist. But you Dom, you were always the smart one, right?"

You stood and retrieved a $100 bill from your pocket and placed it under the drink glass.

"You have fifteen minutes. I'll be outside. Clock's ticking."

*------------*

Hotch and Derek stood next to you as the Marshalls helped your brother into the back of the dark SUV across the street.

"You threatened a child in there, Y/N." His voice was low, and yet still carried the full force of his accusation.

You felt the roiling anger bubbling to the top. He had no right to tell you how to handle this. "I won't make excuses for how I choose to fix the mess you ran away from," your rebuke was at the tip of your tongue and thrown at him before he could prepare for the rally. With that, you turned and left, leaving him to watch you walk back to the van.

*------------*

The following day, Hotch had asked the team to come to the conference room first thing in the morning. When you had walked in, you saw JJ standing in a corner talking to Hotch. You'd smiled at her despite being confused as to why she was there. Once everyone was seated Hotch stood at the front of the room. JJ was standing too. Why was she standing? Why was she here?

With all eyes focused on him, Hotch began speaking. "Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team."

Your mind went faster than he could speak. JJ was there. Seven months ago. When he left. When Emily died. Seven months ago he made a decision. JJ is here. She was at the hospital. Why had she been at the hospital that day?

"She's alive," you expelled, pushing up and away from the table and towards the back of the room, furthest from Hotch and the door, your realization propelling you to put as much distance as possible between yourself and the two people at the front of the room.

"What?" Spencer looked at you as you had interrupted Hotch's speech before it had even started.

"She's alive. Emily's alive. That's it right? That's why we're all here. That's why JJ is here and why she was at the hospital that night. Emily's alive." Your mouth was on autopilot as you spoke. The words had left your mouth before you'd truly understood what they meant yourself. It just…fit. It made sense.

"Y/N, we buried Emily. She's dead." Derek stood to move towards you, as if you were having a mental break.

You ignored him. You only looked at Hotch who had stopped speaking as soon as you'd stood up. Both him and JJ were looking at you in what could only be described as horror. Why they were horrified you didn't know. If anything you should be horrified. What does it say about me that I'm not even horrified at this. It's almost as if you'd seen the lies coming.

"Tell them." Your eyes bored into Hotch's. It was a credit to him that he hadn't looked away yet.

"Yes."

His confirmation was accompanied by the click clacking of familiar heels outside the conference room and then the door opened and there she was. Emily Prentiss. Back from the dead.

Penelope recovered first, leaping up to go hug Emily. She looked well, you noted. She was walking around the room. She'd hugged Hotch and JJ next. Now she'd moved on to Spencer who looked like he should be sedated. She was apologizing to everyone. Derek could barely bring himself to wrap his arms around her. Rossi recovered remarkably. He pulled her in for a hug and even kissed both her cheeks, causing her to laugh. You hadn't heard that laugh in seven months.

She was walking towards you. You felt yourself physically recoil.

"Y/N." JJ was using her mom voice. The voice that told you to be fair and kind and sharing is caring.

"Don't JJ." You turned away from Emily who was standing closest to you, to face the front again where Hotch and JJ stood. The only two people who had known. Who had watched the rest of you fall apart and allowed it to happen. And instead of sticking around to watch the fallout, they'd both been conveniently far away.

"How are we supposed to trust you? Either of you?"

"Y/N, that's not fair." It's the first time Emily had spoken directly to you in seven months.

"You were dead. But he was here. He saw what it did to us and then he just left and the whole time! He knew! He knew how it wrecked us." You voice fluctuated throughout and you were breathing as if you'd just run a marathon.

There was silence and then Derek was standing in front of you, shielding you from the rest. He tucked the strand of hair that had fallen out of your ponytail behind your ear and leaned in to hold you so he could speak and not be heard. "Let's do this later. Eye on the prize, yeah?"

For him, you let it go. You owed him that. Not them.

*------------*

Hotch watched Morgan hold you and the visual was a gut punch.

No one else had said anything. But you were never quite that easy. You'd never once not shared exactly how you felt. Likely a testament to having stifled how you felt for years. After you'd confronted your father it was an awakening. You no longer held your punches and while it had been something Hotch had admired in the past, right now in this moment, when those punches were directed at him, he had to admit there was a downside. Even still, he couldn't help himself from being impressed. This was why he loved you. He no longer actively denied the fact.

Your words hurt more than he let on. He had prepared for Morgan to be pissed and for Reid to fall apart. From you he had hoped for a hug hello for both himself and Emily.

But then he had to remind himself of seven months ago. The hospital had been the last time you'd let him hold you. After that you'd been gone. There hadn't been any light behind your smiles. You hadn't confided in him about how much you missed Emily. Well you'd have to be around to have heard that wouldn't you. His guilty conscience had taken your side and was doing an excellent job beating him up in your silence since Derek had talked you down.

He couldn't deny that he was extremely worried about you. He'd talked to Derek after the Marshalls had picked up your brother but Derek had brushed him off, saying you were doing what had to be done to keep afloat. He wondered if Derek was right. You were treading water to stay afloat because he'd taken the life raft right from under you.

He worried how long you could keep going before the force of the waves drowned you.

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds reader insert #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotchner imagine #hotchner x reader #hotchner x you #hotch x you #hotch x reader #irreverentseries

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itisa-profoundbond-sarandom · 3 years

Text

Destiel, Buddie: the great love patterns and one failure.

I'm going to highlight the patterns of baiting and good storytelling. Chim sounds like the Sam to Dean!Buck. Cas!Eddie and Claire/Jack!Chris.

WARNING: not a negative post, this is from a destielshipper!POV looking to something so beautiful like 9-1-1.

As someone pointed out: if Eddie was a girl they would've already get laid. Same thing with Dean if Cas was a girl.

(my gifs)

We know Dean and Buck like to get laid with many girls...and have some homo-joke-scenes with guys.

Dean Winchester being a disaster bi (since S1)

(+ Josh and roomate!Albert - I know someone ships it xD) What I really enjoyed with Buck/Abby is the meaning of the storyline. D (who likes older women also) and B always get the part of having fun, and when it comes to express their feelings, not all their crushes understand their soul and they don't always admit those with themselves.

Abby: I think I was afraid that If I came back, I would become that person again. Because I missed you. I wanted to see you. But I didn’t trust myself.

Buck: Because being there, being with me, you might lose yourself again?

Shannon: I can’t fail him again, or you and I won’t. I’m still learning how to be someone’s mother and after that maybe I can be someone’s wife.

Eddie [to Bobby]: [...] she wanted a divorce. And I’m still mad. How stupid is that? I’m agry at a dead person and at myself because I forgave her for everything, and that wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

Buck [to Maddie]: You’re never the one getting left behind. You’re the one who leaves. You don’t know what’s like to watch someone you love walk away.

Dean [to Lisa]: When I do picture myself happy...it’s with you.

Lisa: You've got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out? Just, what, drink half a fifth a night and you're good? Dean: You knew what you signed up for.

Lisa: Yeah. But I didn't expect Sam to come back. And I'm glad he's okay. I am. But the minute he walked through that door, I knew. It was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen. And as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy. That came out so much harsher than I meant. Dean: It's not your fault.

Who does understand them? The best friend. Cas and Eddie are the best friends to who they talk to, they can feel judged by but it doesn't really matter (or it DOES); they trust each other and feel safe.

you gave up an entire army for one guy (dean)

thank you, for not giving up

stupid for the right reasons

maybe you could’ve come at it a little differently

The Abby-phase was very important 'cause B wanted to stop to think about just the sex part and really connect with the person, doin' romantic stuff, even VDay; feelings were in the game.

(He literally asked to the firetruck!girl to see her again...but she said no. Ali? She acted like a Lisa.)

B really tried to find someone and always felt left behind. D had two important relationships, one with Cassie (yeah, that's fun) and I liked her -but he couldn't have a black girlfriend, right(?). Always felt left behind, by his father, by his brother, his mother’ memories were a lie.

When we first see Cassie, they didn’t see each other in a very long time and they get a reunion during a case.

Much like Eddie and Shannon.

(not saying also this...but....this)

Lisa and the weird-and-bad-written-originally story with Amara...who knew Dean bc of his 'dark' side. (Amara has found Cas and Dean’s profound connection and Dean was scared by her darkness connected to his anger and loniless).

At one point Amara will find Dean thanks to Cas's heart just my reply to go fast (while Cas was possessed by Lucifer- an annoying bitch who is used as a destiel bait)

We know Buck for his autodiagnosed sex addiction with women and Eddie as a married man with a son and wife not in the picture...and the episode- I'm so sorry, but the beginning of S2 with Buddie can't be described as two hets - there are tropes.

We start to fall for them and Chim with Maddie, wait- Sam!Chim and Eileen!Maddie.

Sam and Eileen’ first episode is basically a blind date on a hunt. They flirt and make a badass duo, she's deaf and super sassy and they're so sweet together. Many start to ship it asap.

I cried with Madney asap.

What does Maddie do since Buck start talking about Chris and Eddie? Yeah.

What does happen in Fanfiction with Sam (he’s a Maddie here) and when Saileen comes back on S15?

Bros shipping their bros with their best friends, mirroring them.

Madney have Buddie patterns.

Saileen is presented as a Het!Destiel parallel...and they can kiss.

Sam asks Dean if he could start thinking about settle down with someone who understand the life, another hunter. Eileen is a hunter. Cas is an angel - the one who raised him from perdition and got lost for his beautiful soul/hunter.

I LOVE that Eddie can be just a friend to Lena and Marjan, basically (I hope not to see this ruined in the future).

Now, over the line: Dean has a mother figure in Bobby!Jody and Jody is shipped with Athena!Donna (also good friend to Dean) and he's got a sister figure in Hen!Charlie.

[Jody, Charlie]

(Jody and Donna have many daugthers figures and a spin-off who hasn't been picked bc too many poc girls, queer girls and two not young women with perfect bodies.)

Bobby!Jody helped him with his mother-plot-fiasco (that was really bad) and I loved Mary before s12.

[I'm having fun thinking about this connections, leave me alone if it'ss just a great big illusion]

I forgive you / of course I forgive you

personal space / personal space

Destiel, uncle!Sam and Jack

Destiel, uncle!Sam and Claire

*love is in the air*

oh and beside the MurphyPatterns (Klaine, Bryan&David) we do have the KripkePatterns also (Timeless, The Boys 2 3 )

One of the most loud BI!Dean eps

I’m ready for some domestic Buddie and Madney

Eileen and Cas back from the dead

Just to make you all laugh after this big movie, remember the chars:

what a destiel scene always looks like

THE END:

Yes, C*W and Fox aren’t the same, and yes producers can make the difference. all SPN writers WEREN’T the problem, directors neither, not to mention the actors.

C*W thrived on Destiel for 12 years, building a very good story that could’ve show two men accepting the love they deserved....but they failed, erasing every other (lgbtq, poc, disable) characters.

Fox doesn’t need more viewers but they WILL gain more of them showing Buddie because representation of a M/M ship with BI/PAN (I see Pan!Eddie) it’s a huge thing for TV and it matters. I always see gay love not many other possibilities, with Murphy mostly, he can make the change again.

A reminder to what C*W did

#destiel #buddie #I just want my couples to be happy

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swiftlymoniquesblog · 4 years

Text

Old Man- Dean Winchester x Younger!Reader Holiday (Requested)

Request by Anon: Hey M! It’s been a while so I’m asking anonymously for some dean fluff. I usually request Sammy boy but I’m feeling dean today. I haven’t been on for a LOOOONG time. Can it be fall or Halloween?

A/N: Here’s some cute Dean for everyone! As we’re now less than two weeks away from Halloween; enjoy! I also picture the reader being at least 10 years younger than Dean, so brace yourselves ;)

Warnings: SMALL SEASON 15 SPOILER IN THE BEGINNING! fluff, pining, longing, minor angst, mention of The Notebook (its intense!)

Word Count: 2,400

Holiday Masterlist| Main Masterlist

-Monique xxx

Holidays with the Winchesters had normally ceased to exist, however, as they’ve grown older and their time felt more as it was coming to an end, they decided that maybe they were important. Dean wasn’t one for all the decorations and any of the usual outings of the seasons but he decided to make more of an effort; it was his idea.

“Sammy, I think we need to start paying attention to stuff around us,” he said one day, walking into the kitchen, in his robe, having just woken up not long before.

“What do you mean, Dean?” Sam asked, eyebrows raising in questioning his older brother.

“I mean since we killed God and Amara, I think it’s time we slow things down a bit. Enjoy the holidays; Halloween is in two weeks you know,” Dean explained.

“Is it? Didn’t notice,” Sam said, not giving his least favorite holiday much attention.

“Yeah it is, and I think we should celebrate,” Dean adds.

“Why? You hate decorations and I hate Halloween period,” Sam sasses back.

“But we have Jack now and y/n just moved in not long ago, we can do it for them,” Dean said, not giving it much thought.

“Because you love her,” Sam picks on his older brother.

“I don’t love her,” Dean snaps. “I just want her to feel comfortable here,”

“Because you love her,” Sam says again, doing what he can to egg Dean on.

“Sammy would you stop saying that? I don’t love her!” Dean yells, eyes widening as you enter the room.

“Who don’t you love?” You say to Dean, who fell silent.

“Taylor Swift,” Sam pipes in on behalf of Dean. “Dean doesn’t love Taylor but does enjoy her music on occasion.”

“Um, wait, no! That’s not true either!” Dean adds, growing angrier than he was prior.

You just laugh at the frustrated eldest Winchester, who was now pouting like a child.

“Whatever you say, old man,” you tease him and leave the room.

“God that girl is going to be the death of me,” says Dean, shaking whatever inappropriate thoughts he was currently having about you.

Not that he would ever admit it, but Dean was helplessly in love with you. He had been since the day you two met. It wasn’t a normal place for Dean to spend his time, a small coffee shop downtown, but he decided to change up his game. He was tired of the same old girls he would pick up in a bar. Well, he wasn’t really tired of them, but he did want to experience a different kind of girl and that’s what you were. You sat with a cup of coffee and a slice of pie on the table in front of you, nose buried in a book with plenty of others around you. He couldn’t help but immediately be drawn to you, as you nibbled on a piece of the pie, cherry he had noted, on the fork from the plate. You seemed to be so enthralled with the book, that you didn’t even see him staring at you at first, but when your eyes lifted from the pages in front of you, and over to the coffee first, then to him, he felt as though you were the only one in that little coffee shop and that he would spend the rest of his life, getting to know what makes you happy. In his lifetime, he’s never been shy or scared of women, seeing them as an “easy” target of sorts, but you were a completely different ball game. He felt his hands get all sweaty, his throat closing up as he fought to breathe, and his heart was beating faster than he ever felt it before.

Is this how Sam feels? He thought of his younger brother, who used to be timid when it came to women but he had quite a few notches on his bedpost too, except he valued them more now. Just as a small glimmer of confidence grew in his heart, he took that opportunity to talk to you. The intensity of the moment building in his chest, his throat suddenly growing dry, it was now or never.

“Hi,” he said and the rest became your history.

“Y/N, hey, so Sam and I were talking, and since this is your second holiday season with us, we thought we’d celebrate this year,” Dean said, joining you at the map table in the War Room. Once again, you were nose deep in a book, trying to find a case for the brothers.

“Wait, really? No holiday hunts?” That had become a running joke in the Bunker with all the hunters; hunting on the holidays had its own name.

“Not this year. We have Jack this time and he’s never experienced any of the holidays and since you love them so much, I thought you’d like to do it up this year,” Dean gave his permission, but you had a hard time believing it.

“Seriously? Dean Winchester, one of the greatest hunters in the world, is going to let his annoying friend decorate the place he lives just because?” You ask, wondering if there was any other reason for his sudden change of heart. Of course, Dean wouldn’t allow his real feelings to surface, for he couldn’t lose you, so he pushed that feeling the furthest from his mind, like he did with most of his feelings, and made up an excuse.

“I’m just trying to be nice is all. Take it or leave it, kid,” he says, adding an extra flare of attitude.

“I’ll take it!” You say, jumping up to hug him, and causing Dean to feel uneasy once more. It took everything in him not to kiss you as you separated from the hug.

“Okay then, get to it,” he says, playfully smacking your ass. You squeal, surprised by his action, but with the goofy grin he gave you, you just smiled. That was the kind of friendship you had with him. You could joke and flirt with each other but it never meant anything. You had hoped it would one day. At first, you didn’t like Dean, soon finding out about his history with women, as you became friends with him. You wouldn’t allow him to joke with you the way you two do now, but he changed your mind. When you first saw the way he was with Jack, you began seeing him differently. He acted more like a father figure than you thought was possible for someone like him, but what really did it, was the first time you were severely injured. Every hour of the day, he’d come in your room to check on you, and sometimes, he wouldn’t leave your side. He was worried, scared that you wouldn’t make it, as he held your body close to him walking in the hospital when it happened. But your injuries weren’t more than several stitches, and a cast couldn’t fix up along with plenty of rest. Dean made it his mission to take your mind off your pain, so movies and binge-worthy television shows distracted you. That and Dean’s constant pestering of how you were feeling. When he’d lay next to you, absentmindedly wrapping an arm around you or playing with your hair, you slowly began to feel more than just friendly feelings for him.

Recruiting the newest member of the Winchester family, you and Jack got to work with your decorating. Even Dean pitched in with some of the decorations, and yet, still complained the whole time.

“You know if you’re going to be such an old man and complain the whole time, you could find something else to do,” you suggest to Dean.

“I’m not old,” he argues back but silently feeling his heartbreak that you considered him old. There were at least ten years between you and him, but he didn’t care; he still loved you.

“That’s what an old man would say,” Jack joined in on your teasing, poking fun at the eldest resident of the Men of Letters Bunker.

“You know what, you kids better just leave me alone, alright?” And with that, he left the room.

“What’s his problem?” Jack asked but you knew Dean too well to know he wasn’t okay.

“I’ll be right back, I think I forgot some lights somewhere,” you lied quickly and rushed after Dean.

“Dean!” You yell, as you see him a few yards in front of you, storming down the street.

“Go away, y/n,” he commanded, keeping his back to you.

“Dean, come on, I’m sorry,” you say, trying to pick up your pace, but he was still faster than you. It was starting to get darker and colder, as storm clouds began to roll in above you. Yellow and orange leaves crunching under your feet as you followed him, wherever he was headed until he grew tired of hearing your footsteps behind him.

He suddenly spun around to look at you and spoke harshly. “Go home, y/n, and leave me alone.”

You knew he was really hurt, more than just the nickname you teased him with. Something more was bothering him; you felt it.

“Okay, something more than just the ‘old man’ thing is bothering you. What’s wrong?” You provoke, only adding to his anger.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says harshly, turning away from you again.

“Hey, you don’t get to do that! We have a deal, tell the other what’s bothering us; always,” you reminded him of the agreement he came up with. It came from when you grew sad because of your injuries. You hadn’t been able to leave your bed for a month, as your foot and ankle healed. You twisted your ankle and had broken two bones in your foot, enabling you to do much of anything.

“No,” he said, walking away from you again, but you reached him and grabbed his arm, turning him to look at you.

“Yes, Dean. You don’t get to shut me out just because I teased you about your age,” you say, anger rising in you.

“You think that’s what this is all about? Of course, you do because your so naïve to really see what’s going on here,” his words stung, but he wasn’t getting away that easily.

“Then tell me, Dean, what’s really going on here?” You fight back, not losing your stance now. It had begun to rain, no pour, at this point, but neither one of you seemed to really care.

“Oh sure, you think it’s easy for me to tell you that I love you? That I’ve been so desperately in love with you since I met you in that stupid coffee shop a year ago, that for the first time in my life, I was scared to go talk to a woman? You know, my life was just fine until you came into it, and honestly, you are too freaking adorable in your own way, that I can’t stand it! I was fine with just hooking up with random chicks from the bar but you make me want that apple pie, chick-flick moment lifestyle! I want to marry you, to be the father of your children, and these thoughts haunt me every damn time I look at you! So yeah, a lot is going on here y/n, but I know this isn’t your problem, it’s mine and I’ll handle it.”

Dean had yelled everything he just told you, but you weren’t scared. No, he simply surprised you by his confession of his feelings for you. Never, would you peg him for a guy who wanted all those things he mentioned but he did just admit all of it to you.

“Please, say something,” he said, the heaving in his chest slowing down, as his shirt stuck to his body from the rain. His muscles that chiseled out his abs you didn’t notice before just now, were very clear to you, under the white shirt that was covered by a plaid one.

“I love you, for fuck’s sake you idiot, I love you,” You say, right before he took three long strides, and grabbed your face with both his hands. Lips meeting yours in a kiss you both had imagined in such a long time, the pining and the angst finally coming to an end. The kiss was much like the one in the rain in the Notebook; the most famous scene from the movie. You had jumped on him, wrapping your legs around his waist, as his arms fell to your butt, keeping you close to him, as his lips wrestled yours for dominance. Obviously, you were no match to Dean, he was stronger in every way, so you let him take the lead. Now, the rain was the least of your concerns, as he held you tighter and closer to him. When your head began to throb from lack of oxygen, you pulled away from him.

“Took you long enough, old man,” you whispered just for him to hear.

“You know, that’s kind of a turn on when you call me that,” he said, smirking at you, before pecking your lips and letting you down.

“Hmm, good to know,” you winked as your hand trailed over his ass, giving it a small squeeze, as you two walked back to the Bunker.

“Hey, there you guys are. We just finished; what do you think?!” Jack exclaimed happily at the work he had done. You felt bad that he finished the decorating alone but he had done a really good job.

“It looks great, Jack! You’ve captured the Halloween spirit,” you hugged the young Nephilim, cautious of the jealous look Dean was giving you.

“Thank you,” he grinned.

“So, I see you two finally admitted those feelings,” Sam said, coming to stand in the middle of you and Dean.

“Yeah and if you come in between us again, I’ll shave your head,” Dean threatened his brother, as his hands went up in defeat.

“Hey babe, can we watch cute Halloween movies?” You ask, looking up at Dean.

“As long as I get to cuddle with you and interrupt with kisses, we can watch whatever you want,” he winked at you, causing your cheeks to heat up.

“I think that can be arranged,” you say, kissing his lips once more.

Tag List: @tloveswriting @fandom-princess-forevermore @akshi8278 @thinkinghardhardlythinking @deansmyapplepie @spnjediavenger @angeredcrow @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2 @lilulo-12 @thwiso

#dean winchester #dean girls #dean #dean x reader #dean x you #dean x y/n #old man #halloween #halloween mood #halloween movie #pumpkins #fall #fall vibes #dean fluff #dean angst

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arcanefaye · 3 years

Text

Ermmm...well hi :)

My name is Faye - i'm a sixteen year old, straight (C) student! I would probably be aceing my classes if it wasn't for my club lol

I was born and raised in New York City - with only my mother and grandparents.

...and two other siblings.

Besides the sibling part life's great!

at times.

I mean it can be difficult...moms a workaholic since my grandparents can't work. Being retired they still get money but only enough to feed them and one other person.

They use it for house bills and hospital money, which is why my mother (who i love dearly) works two jobs. one as a store clerk the other as a car dealer...or something like that.

I have an older brother and younger sister.

my older brother (Ian) is soon graduating high school - he's a lot more 'mature' than me, but that's only because he's never caught. like - ever.

One time i caught him vaping in his room (i'm not a snitch so i said nothing) , but my mother got angry at me after she mistaked my humidifier for a cigarette? how does that even happen?!

My younger sister (Amara) is only eight. She's much more wilder than me. My mom watches her more since she likes getting into things haha!

I tend to not get angry at Amara a lot because she has lots of morals and is very respectful.

Ian on the other hands likes to believe that since he's older than me and my sister he can say whatever he wants. I dont show my anger to him as much though seeing as it'll just fuel the flame.

So instead i try to ignore or just dryly reply to his remarks.

example being ;

Later today he was telling me about this girls he's been messing around with, then when i showed i was dis-interested he began to 'insult' me.

"Whatever...at least i can actually sleep with someone and i'm not cooped up in my room all day doing - whatever the hell it is you do."

so instead of giving him the attention he so badly wants i only responded with "okay."

that really pissed him off...

But just like me he doesnt like to fight. so he just walked away doing whatever he wants to do.

--- i guess i should talk about myself since this blog is about me - a bit.

Well, my name is Faye (as you may know lol) it's meaning is

{ Loyalty ; confidence; trust : belief }

i did take that from google ^^

I really do like my name. I think it's beautiful - even if someone people mistake it for May ... :/

Being sixteen girls my age would be wanting a car normally - Well I have my license just not my car.

Its okay though! Ian allows me to use his car once in a while - even though it smells badly of smoke.

My mom doesn't have the money to buy me a car - and my job only pays so much.

Im making excuses...

I strated saving up , but my mom needed money for bills and so I didn't have much left. I want to say i'm bummed out - but atleast I have a home.

AGH- this is sounding depressing, I apologize , I tend to rant without realizing it.

On a positive note; my club (i2iC - its a weird name i know lol) Working witinvolves study's of mental health and the education of others. It's based mainly around the stereotype that neurodivergent people can't learn, or people with learning disabilitys can't learn. so our group has made a way to show that, well that just isn't true!

It involves a lot of other things too.

We have some people in our grades who aren't doing their best, but we don't know their story, and we don't know what's happening. but it's a group to help them, and it's raised our scores extremely !!

Our average used to be 68-76 now it's 87-93.

Consdering the diversity and ability to allow the kids to go at a pace they're comfortable at really helps them.

We've had plenty of new kids move to our school in the last three years which helps expand our group.

Oh !! i should talk about my friends !!

My friends Amanda, Colton, and Margaret all help me out with the group. Along with Miss Lindsey who is our drama teacher and i2iC manager lol.

i2iC is really just "Eye to Eye See" it's a play on words - ig? It's like seeing eye to eye with things and allowing your creativity to flow and expand.

oop- ran out of space - part 2?

#blog #blog fiction #arcanefaye #know about me #fiction story #made up #part 1

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 5 years

Text

Broken Wings, pt. 8

08: Love the way you lie

Summary: Ethan and Grayson are both trying to say goodbye to her, just in case everything goes awry.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing

Word Count: ~ 3000

Broken Wings (Angel AU - G.D.) Masterlist

She laid with her head in his lap, her Y/H/C hair sprawled over his inked thighs as he propped himself up on his elbows. Grayson had spent every waking minute with her, terrified of what's to come once the therapist she called for arrives. He didn't want her risking her current life for a slim possibility of living it until the end only to lose her forever after. Sure, having her die in his arms for centuries has been a living hell, but he always he she'd come back to him after. He always felt her soul is still present. Grayson feared should she change the coarse of her destiny, she'd find peace and her soul would be laid to rest and that...facing a forever without her – the biggest heartache of his existence...that would surely be enough to kill him.

„Whatcu' thinkin' about, angel eyes?“ She teased, her tone playful and airy, so much giddiness hiding behind every letter of every word that Grayson felt his heart die little by little at the thought of losing her. It was a painful ache, a pinch at the core of his being, one that he couldn't fight nor deny.

„You do realize that silence usually means you're back in your broody mood and the bad thoughts are eating away at you?“ She deducts, sitting up to properly look at him, her hair falling all around her beautiful face, framing it in a heavenly manor. Out of all the faces she had in the past, there was never one Grayson couldn't love.

„I'm not broody!“ Grayson defended, his eyes narrowing and his eyebrows furrowing, as if the words itself was an insult when he really just wanted to throw her off his scent. He refused to burden her with his gloominess.

„You're as broody as they come.“ She giggled in his face, throwing a leg over his lap, allowing herself a straddling position as her hands came up to his face, holding it as if it's the Sun...and it is. It is a small piece of sunshine in the palm of her hand – beauty and flames, all together. „But I still love you just the same.“ She smiled, her eyes giving off intense longing and aching neediness he knew he couldn't indulge in.

But she was reckless. As always.

It nearly stopped Grayson's heart when he saw her face coming closer to his, her lips pursed and nearly on his lips. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the soft plush of her lips brush the tip of his nose, his hands premature with their action as they were not only on her hips, but already pushing her off in a rough manor she despised.

„Seriously?!“ She exclaimed, her face one of anger and disappointment, a brewing fight just under the surface. „STOP THROWING ME INTO THE SAND LIKE I'M A RAGDOLL!“ She huffed, getting up on her own as Grayson tried to help, which she ignored completely....Of course. She's as stubborn as they get – one of the traits nearly all her previous reincarnations possessed.

„I'm sorry. I just didn't want to risk it.“ Grayson put his hands in his front pockets, managing to keep eye contact with the stormy eyes of his forevermore, wondering how dead he'd be if looks could kill because she had the deadliest eyes he has ever seen. No one, not Y/N, not Amara, absolutely not one had the same fury in their eyes as Caroline. She was unpredictable and perhaps that was the part of why she's different and why she might end the cycle....or it was because of years of mental torture her past lives had subjected her to.

„It's not just about that, Grayson! Okay?!“ And there it is, the avalanche he knew would come. She had been bottling everything in...if you could call it that, but despite her being openly discontent in the past, Grayson knew the look she held in her eyes wasn't a look of someone who simply shows their unhappiness, rather a look of a woman who's keeping in a storm – an enraged look she let out.

„Hey, guys! Darren is here!“ Ethan called out, his voice getting lost in the sound of crashing waves, but they heard him fine.

„NOT NOW!“ They both screamed in unison, allowing Caroline to spew fire.

„You keep saying you want to protect me, but every little bit of protection you provide only hurt me more! YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO BE WITH ETHAN! And to make matters worse...I actually think I could survive the kiss. I don't think I'm going to die in this life and while I'm not particularly eager to die a horrible death, I'd still try because that's how much confidence I have in us.“ She stopped to draw in a breath, her cheeks flushed a darker pink, one Grayson would usually run his fingertip over, but he feared losing a finger if he tried at all.

„And then you tell me not to try this hypnosis thing? Literally the only thing that would let us be together?!“ She huffed, smacking her hair back against the wind.

„You...do you not want me?“ Her tone finally returned to normal, but it wasn't the normal Grayson had hoped for as he remained silent, allowing her this chance to blow off some steam. He had wanted the cheery, playful Caroline, not the defeated, vulnerable one.

„Is that what this is about? Do you not like this body? Or this personality?“ She began to list, making his eyes bulge and for the first time since she started this rant, Grayson had opened his mouth to speak against her.

„Absolutely not! I love you – all of you!“ He stepped toward her in his attempt to prove it so, but she stepped back at the same time, not wanting the contact because this is when her illness came to collect, convincing her she's not good enough...not for him. Convincing her he didn't want her. Not this version, at least.

„Then why do I feel like I don't measure up? Huh? How can you ever claim to love me, when I'm never the same woman you met in the past life? I'm never the same in any way, so how can you love me so unconditionally? Maybe it's just a pattern – a habit of sorts. Because I don't think any of us could ever fill the giant hole Y/N left in your heart and I may be mistaken but“, a choked sob stopped her mid sentence, not allowing her to continue as she looked away with tears in her eyes...those beautiful eyes, her lips thinning as they set in a firm line.

„But I don't think I am...She was the original and I...all of us were merely fading copies of the masterpiece you always wished to have. And as all copies tend to do, we're nothing like the original...no one can paint the same image thousands of times.“ She shrugged, taking note of his stunned silence and near desperation as a confirmation of sorts, one she knew he wouldn't utter but lingered deep in his subconsciousness.

She turned on her heel, walking back to meet with Darren. If she got lost in time, at least she'll make it worth something. Perhaps her breaking the curse at the beginning will give Y/N and Grayson the happy ending they deserved. Perhaps Ethan will be happier without ever knowing or losing Amara. Perhaps Cameron will be happier without chaperoning her brothers across the world and a new copy of herself who was probably the least favorite part of her immortality.

Wiping her tears away, she took in a deep breath – one that filled her lungs and set a bundle of oxygen running through her body and to her brain, clearing her troubled thoughts enough to make herself seem presentable for Darren. Otherwise, he wouldn't help her – any sign of instability and her plan is gone.

And then she saw the older man, her legs taking her to him faster and faster until she had her arms wrapped around him. She had the only man who believed she wasn't insane with her again and it did give her some solid ground to build herself back up again.

„You needed me?“ He chuckled, noticing the difference on her already, but remaining quiet about it.

„There's so much to tell.“

They spent hours talking, enough to explain everything, but not nearly enough for him to wrap his mind around it – especially when the fallen angel she spoke of was nowhere to be found.

„What if you can't come back from it?“ Darren questioned, his previously cheerful persona replaced with a worried man.

„Then I don't...Better than spending the rest of my life fighting visions of the past, alone.“ She bit on the inside of her bottom lip, gnawing on it as he eyed her carefully.

„Caroline...“ Darren tried, but he knew she made her mind up already. Anything he says will fall on deaf ears.

„Please. I'm ready. Just do it. Now.“ She pleaded, her hand atop of his, tightly holding onto him.

Reluctantly, he agreed, but not immediately. „Tomorrow.“ He said.

„Okay.“ She whispered, giving the man time to recuperate and put himself back together. She needed some time too.

Caroline sat on her bed, looking at her bare feet in thought. She could still see flashes of her previous lives whenever she shut her eyes close or with eyes wide open if she concentrated hard enough.

„Care?“ Ethan's voice broke her focus, stopping her from delving deeper into her mind.

„Yeah?“ Her voice is small, her tone weak. She's on edge and he sees it. He's gotten too good at spotting people's weaknesses and exploiting them for his own gain. But he also knew she'd appreciate him not commenting on it, so he didn't, even if he felt the itch to do so.

„Can I ask you something?“ He licks his bottom lip, coming closer to her only to sit on the bed across from hers...where her roommate used to sleep before jumping to her death.

„Always.“ She offered a reassuring smile, despite not knowing if she had anything left to offer to anyone. Ethan seemed to take it to heart, giving her a small smile in return, the best one he could afford to give without it looking forced.

„Do I stand a chance? If you come back and the curse isn't lifted, would you be mine?“ Ethan decided to put it all out there, make sure she knows she has choices and Grayson isn't the only one. And perhaps she was right, he did see Amara in her and it drew him in for she was so much alike her in too many ways for it to be a coincidence – more than any other version of her ever was. But Ethan found he loves the debris of Caroline's essence as well, even if those debris longed for his brother more than they'll ever long for him.

„I...I don't know.“ She was honest. A part of her was screaming no, because how could she ever love someone that wasn't Grayson? How could she love a man who looked like him, but wasn't him? How could she love a man she knew loved another that lived deep within her? But another part of her was wistful and it wanted Ethan and the easy love he brought with him. It was so effortless with him – no looming curses, no death caused by a simple kiss...he was kind and understanding, beautiful and thrilling and sexy as the hell he belonged in. But he wasn't Grayson...even if he would have made her life an unforgettable adventure.

„At least it's not a no.“ Ethan chuckles dryly, moving over to sit beside her, his weight shifting the mattress, tipping Y/N into him.

„I gotcha!“ He held onto her, his eyes immersed in hers as the panic of possibly falling fled her and he couldn't help but think how he wished Grayson wasn't around anymore. How he wished his brother was gone and he could have this chance with this incredible girl who would surely drive him insane five times a day, but he'd still be happy. He'd still count his lucky stars for having her in his life.

„I really want to kiss you right now.“ Ethan admitted, making her mouth go dry. She couldn't lie, she wanted to kiss him too. Just once, simply to know how it feels, to let him have that one kiss that would give him a piece of Amara back. She didn't want him to be miserable and she didn't want to be the reason why. So yes, she wanted to kiss him. But every fiber of her being told her not to.

„Ditto.“ She whispered, smiling as he frowned because he knew that if she hadn't replied with actions, but only words, she wouldn't do it. He knew her enough to know she's a wild one and considering her lips weren't on his, they won't be. Not for a while, at least.

„Look...whatever you see or hear tomorrow, make sure you come back in time, okay? If you can't convince any of us to bring you up, disappear. Don't let us touch you until you find a way out. Okay?“ Ethan repeated, swallowing thickly because he still remembered the horror of Y/N's death. It was gruesome and he never wanted for Caroline to feel it nor see it.

„I'll do my best, Mr. Bossy!“ She embraced him, her hands wrapped around him, hooked at the back of his neck as he buried his face in hers, inhaling her – all of her.

„Got time for one more?“ Another voice, one that sends chills down her back spoke, her eyes opening at the sound. She'd know his voice anywhere.

„I don't think it's the best idea.“ She detached herself from her favorite demon, a title she'd ever tell him about, only to wrap her arms around herself, needing an extra layer of protection despite the fact the hurt he causes is from the inside and there's not shield for those kinds of injuries.

„Please.“ Grayson's plea was the hardest thing she could ever hear right now, because he never just asked – he poured every human emotion into it, giving it weight of a hundred collapsing stars, wrecking her defenses.

With a nod, Ethan had decided to place a kiss on her forehead before heading out, respecting her choice. He didn't give up completely, but he respected her primary choice is Grayson at this particular time.

„You do know all those things you said on the beach are just a figment of your untamed imagination mixed with insecurities, right?“ He began, making her scoff.

„That's not an apology I hear, rather a start up for a new fight.“ She sent him a glare, one that meant he better stay in his position because if he came closer, she'd let her evil out.

„No. What I mean is, none of what you said is true. I never fell in love with your face, Caroline, although it's a very beautiful one. I never looked for body shapes – you've had them all. And yes, sometimes your personality is difficult to deal with, but I still loved you. I loved you because your soul is pure light that calls to me like a siren. If your soul hurts, I hurt. If your soul is happy, I'm happy. If you're feeling lost, I'm desperate. It's like two magnets, pushing and pulling in the need to be as one. Your beauty lies in the unchanging goodness of your soul and heart that can be a stubborn nightmare at times, but it never lessened the beauty. It never stopped calling out to me. I never stopped running to it when it did.“ Grayson sighed, deciding to be brave and step closer, brushing his knuckles over her cheekbone as she turned away from him.

But then she turned back, her eyes shooting up and connecting with his, her heart jumping out her chest with their proximity.

„I can't help but be insecure. You've known every dark, twisted, dusty part of my soul and you have so many memories with...me! But I don't remember most of them! It's like...Imagine if I dated a thousand versions of you and you didn't remember...It's silly, but I'm jealous and I'm bitter about not remembering. And I'm so pissed for being put in a position to be jealous and bitter about my own damn self.“ She stood up, stopping Grayson's breathing for the second time in a day, but this time she didn't try to kiss him anywhere close to his face. She just wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head on his chest.

„Just know I love you. Whatever happens, that can't change.“ She whispered, feeling him shift their weight as he laid her down on the bed, half his weight pinning her under but she didn't complain. She enjoyed feeling him on top of her, wanting not only a kiss anymore...she wanted him in every sinful way possible. She wanted to feel him around her, inside her, enveloping her entirely. She wanted to be his, just once in this damned life she was given. Just once.

However, without even knowing, she fell asleep to the sound beat of his heart, her mind in the gutter, but still on him.

The morning came too soon.

„Wake up, love birds. Time to do some time traveling! Curse breaking!“ Cameron clapped, ignoring the groans and grunts and their cutesy snuggling closer together. But even they knew it couldn't last, slowly getting up in silence, simply looking at one another. While Caroline was still convinced half the things Grayson told her last night were lies to make her feel better, she didn't care. She loved the way he lied, just as she loved him.

And she would fight for him.

Tags: @dancerwriter @peacedolantwins @heeydolan @accalialionheart @graydolan12 @xalayx @fallinginlove-16 @deeteeeeevee @heyits-claire @riverdalesserpent @dolandolll

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #dolan twins #grayson dolan x reader #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan series #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan angel au #grayson dolan au #ethan dolan angst #ethan dolan demon au #ethan dolan au

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cureruby · 5 years

Text

Karmiro Week Day 1: Confession

Two months...

Two whole months...

Two whole months without her there.

And he was suffering from her absence.

Everyone, even Fred could tell whom the young man was missing.

Yet no words of comfort could fill the gap in his life...

... and he knew it.

"Hiro? Hiro! HIRO!!!" a voice shouted, snapping the boy back to reality.

Also causing him to fall from his chair.

"Ow." Hiro said, "Did you have to yell directly into my ear?!"

"Sorry, but you did force my hand when I caught you daydreaming in the middle of our conversation." a girl of Latino descent stated.

Hiro slunk back into his seat with a sour expression, "Yeah, well it's not like we're not going to be able to hang out and talk ever again. Besides, I've got a lot of stuff on my mind right now, Megan."

Somehow, he had unknowingly revealed to the girl his true state of mind with the hostile undertones of his words.

"Alright, I give up," Megan replied, "Who is it?"

"Who is what?"

"The person you're 'not able to hang out with and talk to ever again?'"

Hiro was officially stumped.

"How did you..."

"Figure it out? You're forgetting that I moved here just three months ago. I know what it's like to miss old friends. So, who is it?"

Hiro sighed, unwilling to talk about her, but understanding that he needed to, for his own sake.

"It's a former SFIT student. She was just a couple years older than me, but..."

Megan sensed his hesitation, and like the good friend she wanted to be, said, "Say no more. I know how you feel."

"Really?"

"Of course! There was this guy back at my old school. He was the star of the drama club and the heartthrob of the whole school. It didn't work out for us as a couple because long distance relationships rarely ever work out."

"Wait, what?!"

"But, who knows? Maybe someday that red string of fate will pull the two of you back together again."

"Whoa, whoa! Hold up! This wasn't a romantic relationship I was talking about!" Hiro interrupted.

"It's not?"

"No! We started out as rivals! She got on my nerves, I got on her nerves, stuff like that. But then...she was having trouble with a project...she needed a robotics expert and...I offered to help." The young man explained.

Megan watched as her friend told her about what had happened with sympathy in her eyes.

"And you know the worst part about all this? I never even got to say goodbye."

After thinking over what to tell him, Megan said, "Maybe that's a good thing. Not in the way you think I'm saying. I mean, if you didn't say goodbye, then you said 'See you later'."

The boy just gave a look of sheer confusion in response.

The girl clarified, "Look, do you have her number?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No 'buts', Mister! When it comes to romance, long distance relationships don't work out, but long distance friendships can! Use that big brain of yours! You can video chat, call, text, write a letter for crying out loud! But for the love of all that is wonderful, STOP MOPING AROUND!!!"

Megan took a deep breath and apologized, "Hiro, I'm sorry for my outburst, yet I only did so because it seems to me that you've been keeping how you feel about your friend bottled up for way too long. Please just let it out."

"I'm not keeping anything bottled up!"

"Well, you've moved up to the stage of denial. That's a good sign."

"I'm not in denial!"

"Look Hiro, having a friend move away suddenly, that will bring about feelings of loss, and with those feelings come the five stages of grief. I've had to go through that and I'm the one who moved away. If it helps, it's highly probable that she's going through the same thing. The sooner you get through this the better off you'll be."

...

Later that day, Hiro considered what Megan had told him.

Then he decided to discuss things with Baymax.

"Hey, Baymax? What do you know about the five stages of grief?"

"The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You had gone through these stages after Tadashi's death, but you seem to be going through them again. Is this about Karmi?"

"Yeah...it is..."

"Karmi is still alive. You have her contact information. Why do you not want to contact her?"

"Because... because I'm scared. What if she's forgotten about me?"

"The only reasonable way to answer that is to contact Karmi herself."

...

The next day, Hiro took a side trip on the way to SFIT through the botanical garden.

He had looked at the roses and couldn't help but think about Karmi and her brilliant flower project.

It was thanks to her that his nano-microbots were able to work at all.

He thought back to that awful night...the night she was betrayed...the night she had reached out to him for help...

She had been mutated into a frightening creature just to force him to help the real Liv Amara.

He should have known that the clone wouldn't keep her word, but somehow he knew Karmi was stronger than the mutation.

His pleas broke through.

She fought back against Di's commands and protected Hiro from Chris's attack.

He couldn't help being relieved when Liv turned Karmi back to normal.

Having her safe in his arms felt... perfect.

"Wait. What am I thinking?!" Hiro asked himself, "That's not how people are supposed to feel about a friend!"

But who was he fooling?

He felt something much more than friendship towards her.

Tragically, by the time he confessed to himself, it was too late to confess to her.

Suddenly, his phone rang, interrupting his thoughts.

Hiro was surprised to see who was calling him!

Maybe it wasn't too late after all...

#big hero 6 the series #big hero 6 karmi #karmiro #hiro x karmi #bh6 karmi #hiro hamada

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kittenshift-17 · 4 years

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that whole is ‘i love you’ ‘you don’t but thanks for saying it anyway’ UGH I HATED THAT. GOD it was just so patronizing! like thx for sacrificing urself! could’ve given this to my ex but i chose you! bc ur in love with me and will do anything for me! like that was just a slap in the face. she clearly never saw him as an equal even with a soul. with angel she would’ve given him a million chances even if he killed more people she loved but spike was just a punching bag. (4/multi)

Actually, for my own thinking (which I confess has been wildly influenced by the amount of Spuffy fanfic I’ve devoured) I do think Buffy meant it when she said she loved him. I think that SMG did a really bad job delivering that line, but I do think she loved him. Maybe not like we would hope, but she realised when she was about to lose him that she loved him and liked having him in her life. We see that in the way she says “I’m not ready for your to not be here” and we see it depicted through the eyes of the others, like Giles, “There’s a connection. He relies on you. You rely on him.”

There’s no denying that they do feel something for each other. I think it’s just that Buffy spent so long fighting it - so long being determined to hate him, and to want nothing to do with him even when she lusted after him, that even then - even when he’s about to die after proving once and for all that he IS the good guy, despite a lifetime as the Big Bad - it’s hard for Buffy to accept, and harder for her to admit. The human animal is conditioned to believe that we’re never wrong, and to feel shame and anger when it’s proved that we are, in fact, incorrect about something. Buffy is stubborn and prideful and self-righteous and to have been so wrong about Spike, and to have made him suffer for it - to have made herself suffer for it by resisting him when she could’ve been loving him - had to be a bitter pill to swallow.

Spike’s evil. There is no doubt about that. He’s without conscience for the majority of the series, and he proves time and again that he’s in it for himself first, and everyone else as an afterthought. Even when he admits that’s he’s a Grey Hat, or even part of the Scooby Gang, he is begrudging and childish and immature about it. You spend a century being evil and ruthless and a killer, having been trained in it from when he first rose at Angel’s knee, and it’s a hard habit to break. He plays Kitten Poker, don’t forget. He eats kittens. He eats babies and little children. When he first comes to Sunnydale, he kills a man who he claims is too old, because he prefers lamb to mutton. He’s not going to eat him. He just kills him for kicks. Like... Spike is a bad guy. He’s a Big Bad and he’s proud of it because in the world he’s come to know, that’s the thing to be. The demonic underworld is where the biggest and baddest are the best off and the most popular and Spike covets that and acts in whatever way necessary to be that and maintain that for a long time. He pitted his will against Buffy. Stalked her. Studied her. Learned everything he could about her in an effort to kill her - and he didn’t have any good reason for wanting to kill her, other than to improve his reputation as the Slayer of Slaryers and an extra oomph for his Big Bad image. He didn’t need her blood. He didn’t need her soul. He didn’t need to kill her. He just wanted to. Okay, yes, so did Angel, but at least with Angel it was because he claimed she made him feel human and without his soul, being/feeling human is a despicable weakness. Humans today kill people for that very reason. Spike just wanted to kill her because he thought it would be fun, and because he wanted the thrill of the fight and the rush of tasting her blood.

So, yeah. I do understand Buffy being a bitch to him all that time, and I understand Buffy hating herself and beating herself up for wanting him even despite knowing what a bad guy he was, had been, is, and could return to being. Don’t forget that when Spike came back to Sunnydale and got chipped in the first place, he came back with the Gem of Amara, intending to kill Buffy. He still tried to kill her and to hurt her friends several times even after he was chipped. He wasn’t all sunshine and puppies. That said, neither was Buffy, and the older and more mature she gets, the more we see of that.

The show did a fabulous job of depicting the hard knocks that come amid the transititon from idealistic teenager into cynnical young adult and I commend all of the writers for the way they portrayed that. Buffy grows steadily more bitter with age, not just after being ripped out of heaven, but right from the beginning. We see the idealism and hope of first love, and the crushing pain when it’s dashed. We see the fear and despair of learning someone we love has betrayed us and wants to hurt us. We see the betrayal of a father figure turning on us for the sake of doing his job, and the misjudgements our parents make. We see the transition from high school into the real world, and the way it can warp and twist friendships we’d relied so heavily upon into something that becomes a chore. We see the way friendships change as we grow apart, and the way the choices our friends make impact not just their lives, but ours too. We see the way it feels to want someone you know is bad for you; someone who is bad, period. We see the trials of losing a parent, and takcling motherhood, and the tribulations of needing to find work to have money, and the wretched disappointment when the good things we were all promised don’t pan out that way. Watching those scenes as an adult, having lived a number of them myself, those things are bang on, man.

There are definitely things about the show that I hate; that “I love you” “No you don’t, but thanks for saying it” scene among them, but there is so much richness there, that how can you not love it? Even in that scene, those words from Spike scream so much. They show that he’s been pushed away one too many times. That he doesn’t trust easily anymore, not even himself, and especially not Buffy. I truly think in those moments, when Buffy says she loves him, she can barely beleive it herself, and she doesn’t want to say it at all, but she says it anyway because she knows this is her last chance to do so - her only chance to do so - and we also see how Spike’s been bitten once too often to beleive her. He wanted so long for her to love him, and she spurned him every time. Never said it. Refused to feel it, even, perhaps, when she did feel it just the same way she felt lust for him. He doesn’t believe her because he’s spent a lifetime, it seems, listening to her tell him what a monster he is and how she could never love something like him. He refuses the words because he thinks she’s only saying them out of pity. And in a way, she kind of is. Were he not about to save the world by sacrificing himself, she likely never would’ve fully, truly beleived it herself that she loved him, and even if she did, she would never say it. She only says it because he is dying, and so he thinks she is only saying it to make him happy in his final moments. But there’s too much pain and too much bad blood and bad feelings and hurt and anger and betrayal there for it to feel like more than a platitiude to Spike.

As a fangirl, as a viewer, a reader and a writer, the whole scene is a kick in the gut and not the HEA we all so desperately wanted for the two of them. But as an adult, as a person with understanding of everything Joss was trying to portray - everything that is so much bigger than fanciful romance - I do completely understand the purpose and maybe even the necessity of that scene playing out exactly as it was written. No matter how painful and ugly and disappointing. That’s life, after all....

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thecorteztwins · 4 years

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Well, these are some headcanons that I have for some of my favorite minor Marvel characters that I don’t have a blog for-- Aireo, Aqueduct, Catsye, Darkstar, Fantasma, and Skein. Under the cut in alphabetical order!

AIREO AKA SKYBREAKER - Aireo was originally imprisoned in Attilan for rebelling against Black Bolt’s rule. And after he had been exiled into the human world and became a criminal there, he was imprisoned in a superhuman jail, where he said that it was even more regressive than his fellow Inhumans. Based on this, I think he probably had a lot of problems with the shittier aspects of how Attilan was run, like the arranged/forced marriages and control of who could reproduce with who. He clearly thinks Inhumans are still superior though, as evident by remarks he makes to Firestar. - He’s frequently sick due to the pollution of the human world. This is also why he has to only eat organic. - He’s a vegetarian, since Attilan doesn’t have animals that’s what he’s used to. He finds the idea of eating meat to be barbaric. - His skinniness might be unhealthy on someone else, but it’s how he’s SUPPOSED to be, to facilitate flight easier on the winds he summons. - His brother is HELIO, another villainous minor Inhuman with long hair and wind powers. - He connects with his teammate Terraformer over their respective lack of humanity (in the sense of literally not being human), with Firewall over their mutual anger at regressive systems, and yet it’s Aqueduct, who has the LEAST in common with, that he’s ended up being best buds with...even though he won’t ADMIT that he’s FRIENDS with a HUMAN. - After being exiled from Attilan, I think he just kind of fell into human crime because it was all he could do? He has no human identity, citizenship, or documentation, he has no job skills or degrees, he wouldn't even understand human culture or money when he first started. I imagine he was probably manipulated and exploited a lot for his powers at first, which didn’t help his opinion of humanity. - It pisses him off EXTREMELY how his former boss Maximus gets all the second chances just because he’s Black Bolt’s brother. AQUEDUCT aka Peter Van Zante! - There are SO MANY Peters in Marvel already that I always refer to him by his codename, so I would write him as strictly going by Aqueduct, Aque, Van Zante, Van, or Zante because calling him Peter just makes even ME think of other characters...and after typing that I nearly called him Peter instead of Aque during every point of this list. - He fought in Vietnam so of course he’d be much older if he aged in real-time, but this being comics he gets to eternally be 30 to 40. I picture him as like....33. Maybe 36 max. - He just seems to be a real loser in canon no matter what he’s doing and who he’s fighting, and I like that. Being an aquekinetic should theoretically be an INCREDIBLE power, especially when he gained the ability to instantly dehydrate someone to death, but the poor guy has just never managed to be anything above a D-list threat. He doesn’t seem very smart or imaginative in how to use his powers, and he also just has terrible luck in terms of the heroes he winds up going against (who often end up being immune to water powers in some way) All of this makes him super endearing to me because of course it does. - Heterosexual. He’s had three steady girlfriends in his life, none of which worked out, and he’s not great with women. He’s visited strip clubs and even paid for sex before but he’s not proud of this, he’s just lonely. -His self-esteem seems very easily influenced by external events. For instance, when he's suffered a setback or defeat, he becomes insecure, pessimistic, and dumps on himself terribly. All the insecurity vanishes, however, the moment he has the upper hand. He becomes a gloating megalomanic, drunk on his own sudden rush of self-esteem, certain of his unbeatable supremacy. - I think he feels much better when he's working with a group; he hasn’t left Force of Nature since he joined up. I think it’s because he can enjoy the mental high of success, but escape the lows of defeat by deferring the responsibility for it on to whoever is in charge. But I also think he genuinely enjoys having friends and comrades. -We never see or hear anything about his family so I headcanon they’re estranged from him due to his being a loser, like he probably has borrowed a lot of money from his parents over and over that he never paid back, that kind of thing.

- He's moody, and not very bright. He's not bad socially, definitely the sort you could have a beer with, but he's also not the most sensitive or astute. He’s probably the nicest person on the Force of Nature squad, though of course he’s shown to hesitate to kill at all during his job as a merc for exco-terrorists. - While I see the rest of Force of Nature as genuinely having some degree of personal investment in Project Earth (the eco-terrorists who hired them) I don’t think Aque does. He doesn’t hate nature or anything, just the usual limit of his “environmentalism” is that he’ll put his beer can in the recycling bin if one is around. - He’s listed as rather overweight for his height. That’s probably meant to be muscle mass, especially given how he’s drawn...but his teammate Aireo/Skybreaker is listed as drastically underweight and drawn the same way, suggesting more to me that the artists just can only draw one body type for men. Because muscles or not, there’s a 100 pound difference between these dudes, they should NOT look this close in size. So my headcanon instead is that AIreo is super skinny and Aqueduct is kinda hefty, and I draw them that way. While there can be many reasons a person is fat or chubby, I admit I do go the common cliche route with Aque---he just doesn’t have a great diet, I picture him as mostly eating at greasy cheap diners and fast food and probably having one too many beers at times. - He’s pretty much trapped in villainy at this point, he can’t really get any kind of legitimate job anymore, so he’s just go to keep doing what he’s doing. He’s not opposed to it, he doesn’t have a moral issue or anything, but he doesn’t like not having a CHOICE, or the knowledge that he put himself here. - He doesn’t seem to have any issues from being in Vietnam, but his encounter with the Ghost Rider and the effects of his whole hellfire-stare thing messed him up so badly he had a mental breakdown and spent time in an asylum, and loses his shit whenever the Ghost Rider is near or even mentioned. So I don’t think it’s even a headcanon to say he’s traumatized by that, it’s just canon. All of Force of Nature also gets a little unhinged from the weeks they’re trapped fighting in a Trans-Sabal war zone, and I imagine there were effects of that afterwards for Aqueduct too. - He’s introduced with SHORT HAIR when he’s the solo Water Wizard, but gets a LONG HAIRSTYLE when he joins Force of Nature that later changes to a MOHAWK STYLE...I draw him with the original short hair, I like it best on him and I think it suits the personality that I read into him. - We never see him in civilian-wear, but I picture him as in just like...very basic working-class guy stuff? Like flannels over t-shirts with jeans and work boots, that kind of thing. Probably leans towards blues and greens with brown neutrals. CATSEYE aka Sharon Smith! - Fanart often depicts her with collar-style necklaces and chokers, but I headcanon her as hating these, since a lot of real cats actually can’t stand them. - She had to be taught to wear clothes, of course, and that was a battle for Emma, but now that she does, she picks her own out. She has a preference for things that are comfy and allow for a lot of movement, without being too restrictive or too loose. A lot of her stuff is therefore athletic-wear, and she always has a swimsuit-like garment underneath that is made of unstable molecules so she can transform without being naked when she resumes her human state. She’s developed a surprisingly good eye for what colors look best on her, such as yellow, orange, pink, and teal. She even knows to limit the purple she wears, and to not wear it close to her face lest it clash with her purple hair, despite purple being her FAVORITE color because that’s what color she is! - According to Emma’s files, Catseye could detect lies and hated them, but it’s never explained HOW she knew that someone was lying. My headcanon is she could smell them, or more specifically, smell the subtle physiological changes that accompany someone lying. So if someone is lying and THEY KNOW IT, she’d smell it. If someone thinks they are telling the truth, these changes wouldn’t take place, and thus she’d believe them. Likewise, these scents won’t accompany things like billboards or commercials, so she would believe those, hence one issue where Jetstream explains to her that television is a bunch of lies. - Emma’s theory is that she was abandoned at birth for her mutation and adopted in a feral cat colony, but my theory is she was actually abandoned at an older age, around five, at which point she’d have already learned how to speak English. She just forgot it, along with her formal life, after years with the cats as a cat herself. So it’s not that she LEARNED English after never having known it, she REGAINED it. This is much more realistic for a feral child; if a child isn’t exposed to language by a certain age, it is pretty much impossible for them to learn to talk at a later age like Catseye did. I looked up a bunch of real feral child cases, and age five is the youngest at which they could be abandoned and still regain speech later. Obviously, telepathy from Emma would help too, along with Sharon’s own ferocious intelligence, which is probably how she managed to do it so quickly instead of it taking years and years! - Catseye was a lesbian. She only ever remarks on the appearance of girls (Amara, Angelica, Rahne) and if she finds them pretty or not. I just think it would take a long time for her to come around to it, not because they are girls (she doesn't care about THAT, she never absorbed any homophobia to internalize from CATS) but because they're HUMAN, which she does not see herself as being, so feeling attraction to humans is super weird for her. - I think that Jetstream really looked out for Catseye. He does things in canon like stopping her from jumping on Magma when she's in flame mode, or explaining to her that she can't trust what the television tells her. I think they were total bros and he was always making sure she didn't hurt herself or get in trouble as best he could. And while Catseye didn’t think she needed the help, I think she was affectionate to him right back, there’s a panel where she rubs against his hand in feline form, which we never saw her do with anyone else to my memory. - Sharon same allergies and dietary limits as a cat (such as lilies making her very sick), and is vulnerable to feline diseases along with human ones. But she also has the feline resistance needed to do things like eat raw meat without fear of illness or parasites. - We know animals have their own languages in Marvel (see: Squirrel Girl talking to squirrels) so I headcanon she can communicate with cats, they just don’t give a shit what she says because they’re CATS, they’re not going to do what she says the way dogs or squirrels do. So what if she’s another cat? People don’t do what another person tells them just because they’re both human! - She’s not afraid of water, nor does catnip make her go crazy, but the laser pointer does! She also has a big collection of things like milk bottle rings, hair bands, and other things pet cats love to play with. DARKSTAR aka Laynia Petrovna! - At the board I write her at, I write her as a lesbian. There is admittedly NO canon evidence for this, but there’s also very little against it? She’s only had ONE boyfriend, when she first showed up, and none since. There could be a LOT of other reasons for this, of course, but I also think it’s totally beieviable that a teenage lesbian (I estimate she was like 19 at that point) who was in the employ of the SOVIET UNION (which was not nice to gays) to have a beard (and probably believe herself she was straight) and to stay closeted as an adult since because Russia is still...not great, to the say the least. I think she’d be cute with Monet, so based on that I’m going to say her type is good-but-dangerous women with shoulder-length-or-longer hair who have toned arms/biceps and are moderately-to-high femme like her. - I estimate her age as around 33 now? Like probably close in age to the O5 X-Men. - Based on a remark she made to Iron Man in one issue, I see her as viewing anyone she fights beside as automatically being her friend, even if they don’t feel the same way. - We rarely see her in civilian clothes, I think only once, so my fashion headcanons are all based mostly on her costumes. I think she bases her outfits around a dark, cool color scheme, like black or blue, then adds bright accents/accessories. Due to coming from cold Russia, short bottoms aren’t in her wardrobe and most of her sleeves are long. She favors high-necked blousy belted tops with sleek pants and functional but pretty boots. Her long blonde is eternally pushed back. by some sort of headband. Cloth, plastic, wood, plain, pearls, bejeweled, patterned, she has them in near every variety possible and they are her most common accessory. She also owns a large assortment of stylish winter coats, scarves, gloves, and hats. Because, again, Russian. She's not much one for bracelets, preferring brooches and pendants more, typically in oval or starburst shapes. She has a love for black velvet, and it will show up for dressy events in forms such as a rhinestone-dotted envelope handbag or round-toed pumps with ankle straps. - Laynia collects small antique music boxes and crystal glass figurines of pretty things like ballerinas and swans. She likes black velvet jewel pillows, gemstones (clear, black, or yellow) all sorts of museums (but especially art, astronomy, and natural history) and the sight of pure white snow under the street lamps at night before people can ruin it into dirty slush the next day. Laynia likes sweet delicate desserts like rock candy, powder candy, jujubes, marzipan, and bliny or oladyi with varenya style fruit preserves. She likes classical, romantic, disco, pop, and synth music. Her favorite animals are white weasels/minks (because they're so pretty and cute) and wolves (because they're beautiful too, but also such social animals with strong family dynamics) Laynia likes “slice of life” fictional media, such as domestic drama novels or family-centered sitcom shows. These are fantasies for her, these are escapes from what’s “normal” in her life. For the same reason, she avoids spy thrillers and similar genres, no matter how unrealistic they are in their depictions. She delights in mundane tasks. Likes working in small groups, dislikes working alone or large groups. Black flowers and butterflies

- Dislikes: Being asked about Putin or the Romanovs or things like that, just because she’s Russian. People not knowing the difference between Russian and Belarusian, zhurek and tukmachi (too fatty), any kind of preserved fish dish (fish should only be served fresh or not at all!) Getting her eyelashes in her eyeball when they fall out . - In one comic, she anthropomorphizes the Darkforce, calling it "she" and believing it has feelings or at the very least is capable of pain. My headcanon for what she actually feels when she feels the Darkforce in "pain" is due to simply her mental connection to her own Darkforce constructs that allows her to create, maintain, and manipulate them. When they are attacked, dissipated, or changed against her will, she feels that as pain, and interprets it as the Darkforce being in pain "herself" - Based on a comment she makes at one point, I think that though not religious aside from a vague conception of Heaven and its goodness/judgement, Laynia is a strong believer in the supernatural, in particular of ghosts. She is not, however, a fan of them, and would prefer to stay away from anywhere that is rumored to be haunted, had a tragedy occur there, or simply feels creepy to her (based on another comment she makes in another instance) - Because Laynia was brought up not to complain, she often won’t express that something is bothering her or that someone has offended her. She thinks she’s doing the right thing, but many people would in fact far prefer that she speak up if she’s got a problem. -Laynia lacks a lot of basic life skills because they simply weren’t taught to her in the “school” she was raised in. For instance, what outfits are appropriate where, car maintenance, budgeting, cleaning, and cooking. She was taught how to find and prepare food in the Siberian wilderness should she ever be stranded or stationed there, but not how to go to the supermarket and make a normal meal in a normal kitchen. She knows to turn to Google for most of this stuff, she's not stupid, but it can be surprising to some people what she doesn't know, and she often doesn't even know it's something she needs to know until it comes up. - Laynia is automatically inclined to trust and obey doctors, professors, and similar people, as well as military personnel. It doesn’t mean she’ll do or believe absolutely anything they say, that depends what it is, but she gives their opinion and approval more weight than she does other people. Laynia also takes criticism from her superiors very personally, but doesn't show it. Crying every time you get reprimanded of course wasn't something you're allowed to do when being trained by the State, so of course she'd never show it, but she would FEEL it because she was taught that her entire purpose was to serve said State, thus her self-worth hinges on it, and a failure hurts that self-worth. This need for approval from authorities means she’ll try to evade blame when something goes awry, and is loath to step out of line. This can make her a snitch, a suck up, and disliked by her peers for it. Laynia does her best to put up a kind and cordial demeanor to all, and retain a polite decorum even when it’s not returned. This is more to avoid making waves in the team than anything else. If there is discord in the ranks, she refuses to ever be the one to blame for it. It’s not that Laynia doesn’t question orders ever. She does. And she does sometimes find her moral conscience at odds with them. The problem is that she seldom acts on these thoughts, instead proceeding with her missions despite her misgivings. FANTASMA sometimes called Fantasia (all for her PRIOR to finding out she’s a Dire Wraith and resuming the evil ways of her kind) - Given the name Faina Neizvestny (Neizvestny meaning "unknown" rather than the usual patronymic Russian surname) and the codename Fantasma. She thought this was a reference to how she was essentially a ghost, someone with no past and no paper trail. In fact it was someone's idea of a joke---a phantasm is a ghost, and another word for ghost is wraith. She didn't know the implication, but she felt far more connected to her codename than her civilian name, perhaps because it wasn’t a human name at all. She quickly grew to only introduce herself as Fantasma whenever possible, and to only answer to such. What’s more, she leaned towards preferring codenames for her teammates well, finding it somehow infantile that they kept their human names when they had earned something grander. Nicknames: Fanny, Fanty, Fan, Tas (all disliked) - Likes elegant perfume bottles that are as much decoration as container, beluga caviar and raw squid, The Conet Project recordings (it's basically music to her) as well as Imogen Heap/Frou Frou, ethereal darkwave, and some trance music, the cold Dislikes confined spaces (we see this in canon) When one first meets Fantasma, she gives the impression of being cool and aloof. Despite her unfailing and prim politeness even in dire circumstances, her manner is cold, brusque, and impersonal, even among those she counts as allies and friends. The best way to describe Fantasma might be a sociopath who is trying not to be a sociopath. In fact, that’s exactly what she thinks she is. Fantasma does not have an internal sense of empathy or morals. She wants to, and she does her best to compensate for this lack, but it's not something she naturally has. Her bio-fields allow her to recognize the pain of others, to share in it, but she doesn't actually feel anything when she sees people hurt or danger. Not without the aid of tapping into her bio-field. And while she will do her best to save innocent people from being hurt, that's because she knows as an intellectual fact that it's what a "good person" would do, and she desires to act as a good person would. All her good actions are exactly that, an intellectual choice to be what she deduces from the norms of society is "good"; she has no internal guiding sense of goodness whatsoever. She wants one. But it's not there. So she just does her best, trying to learn what's "good" from outside sources---books, television, the actions and reactions of other people--and act accordingly. But her heart isn't in it; she knows logically that murder is worthy of greater punishment than jaywalking, but she doesn't feel greater ire at one or the other. She simply understands both are wrong by the standards of law and society, and one is considered more wrong, and should thus be treated as such by a "good" person. Fantasma often feels disconnected from the rest of humanity, like she's a monster or at least not normal. Partly, it's because of her aforementioned lack of "human" mental traits. But it's more than that. She has a constant, distinct sense of simply not belonging, like she's perpetually a stranger in a strange land no matter where she goes, no matter how long she's been there. She doesn't even feel comfortable in her own body, no matter which form she takes. When she's in her true form, she feels like a hideous monster, because that's what it is. But when she's in the beautiful human form that she's so painstakingly crafted to be perfect, she feels what almost might be called dysphoria. She hates both states, and also craves them equally, wanting to be herself and wanting to be a beautiful normal woman. It's torment. It's this feeling of alienation that drives her to try to be as "good" as she can. She feels that she can "fake it til she makes it" in terms of being a normal person, that if she just ACTS like a person with normal empathy and morals enough, she can eventually be one, or at least indistinguishable from one. She'll be like everyone else. And then she won't have the horrible feeling of NOT being like anyone else. Her feeling of not belonging has also made her desire acceptance, and she's learned that her natural personality doesn't win her any favors from most folks, she feels that she can instead be loved and accepted for heroic actions. This has the added bonus of letting her be loved and accepted from a DISTANCE, by society as a whole, rather than having to develop an actual relationship with another person. One can imagine how someone like her might have trouble with that. And she doesn't really want it anyway. She doesn't want to be close with anyone, not anyone she's ever met anyway. She just wants to feel she's one of them. She wants to feel comfortable in the world she lives in, like she belongs in it. Maybe once she does, she'll feel comfortable in her own skin too, or at least one of them. And...she really does want to be good, to be a person. She's aware she's missing something, she's aware she's probably little different than many of the evil individuals she's encountered. But she can be different in her deeds, at least if not her soul. And doesn't the DESIRE the be better than what she is, in itself make her better? While she has an intellectual understanding of how to be deceitful, and will do so in the service of the greater good (ex: lying to an enemy), she cannot understand how to be truly manipulative, as that requires understanding of the normal human thought process and emotions that she does not have, and Fantasma’s feelings are mainly loneliness, irritation, and resilient acceptance. She doesn’t feel affection and love but knows when she should and based her relationships on that. Her sense of pleasure is mainly physical, though she’s never found any food or drinks she actually LIKES, nor is she sexually attracted to humans. Might seem odd that someone essentially asexual dresses as she does, does so for approval, desire, to show off her body and be wanted and seen as beautiful. She's proud of what she's made, and wants it to be admired. She also of course perceives the negative emotions that her attire elicits---the scorn, the the scoffing, the catty comments, the raw animal lust and sexual presumption--but she has decided it's an acceptable cost for the right to display herself as her own living work of art. Her feelings seldom run hot even in the height of battle, and when she's angry, it's an icy cold anger. When not merely coldly polite and cordially distant, she'll often use her bio-field abilities to simply tap into the other person's mood and reflect it back at them. Fantasma prefers cold climates She innately respects female authorities more than male. She’ll obey a male commander because she’s supposed to follow who’s in charge, but dominant “alpha” females in positions of power give her an actual URGE to obey them and seek their favor (based on Dire Wraiths being matriarchal and serving a Queen Moher) Fantasma can be loyal if she chooses to be. And she does choose it. It's a deliberate choice, not a feeling. She selects what organization she will be loyal to (she has an easier time with these than with individual people) based on how ethical it is and the opportunity it will allow her to use her powers for the good of others. She knows that she herself may not be able to find these opportunities on her own, nor always make the right ethical decision on her own, and thus prefers being able to look to an official authority, such as the state, for instructions. She's savvy enough, of course, to realize that a government-sanctioned team will be given instructions with the government's benefit in mind, but so long as that also involves protecting and serving the people, she's willing to do as she's told either way. Thus, she chooses to be loyal by simply acting as a loyal person would, taking orders and carrying them out, and taking a bullet for her teammates even if she feels nothing for them personally. Fantasma knows when others dislike her, but never feels hurt or angry about it. She's the definition of not taking it personally, even when it's very personal. Because of this, she is never one to fuel a feud or participate in petty squabbles. She does feel vindictive when slighted, but since she believes good people don't seek vengeance over personal slights, only justice against real evil and wrongdoing, she does not act on these feelings. Not many things give her joy. But she sometimes feels an urge, something deeper and far more primal than a daydream, of pieces of herself spreading far and wide, taking over everything, overtaking all life like a fungus covering a forest. And that...feels so right. Overall, Fantasma is basically a humanitarian robot, going through all the motions of goodness and compassion as dictated by the norms of society, without any of the internal drive normally behind such actions. She essentially encapsulates the philosophical question---does one's motives for doing good matter, so long as one does it anyway? SKEIN aka Sybil Dvorak - Her backstory is that she was always a loner who kept to herself by choice, til she fell in love with an American movie star who took her back to Los Angeles with him. Because she was an illegal immigrant (and he wouldn’t marry her to make her legal) she ended up confined to the house, and she suspected he was having affairs. After she got her citizenship and he mysteriously died, leaving everything to her, she started a “cult” in which she provided drugs to junkies in exchange for them worshipping her and bringing her soft things. Now, the thing is, drugs are going to cost more than fabrics, feathers, and even some furs. If she JUST wanted soft stuff, she could have bought it directly herself. I think what she really wanted was the people. Despite how much she came to hate her late lover, she was lonely after his death, something she had never experienced before, having always previously been a loner by her own choice. She wanted people around for the first time. But this time, she wanted the control. Hence, the use of drugs to keep them wrapped around her finger as their provider. - She has a cold, haughty, almost emotionless affect when she first appears, and for awhile after, as well as speaking very formal English and wearing a very modest costume. In the 90s, when she takes the new codename “Skein” as opposed to G****y Moth, she also takes on a new thrill-seeking and hypersexual persona, a revealing costume, and a much more casual way of speaking. My theory is that as she became more exposed to wild and criminal lifestyles through the junkies and through the other supervillains she worked with later, she began to find that thrillseeking hedonism made her feel “alive” in a way she hadn’t previously been, hence her change from a cold personality to a very hot one. I feel like engaging in lots of sensual pleasures is all an extension of her sensory fascination with soft things. As she spent more time in America, her English also just naturally got more casual since that’s how most people around her would be speaking it. - Problematic representation though she is, I do indeed agree with the fanon opinion she’s hinted as bisexual. - She’s from Romania, but her surname (Dvorak) is Czech. As it happens, Czech Romanians are an ethnic minority there numbering about four thousand, so my headcanon is that’s what she is. - Her canon backstory is that she was “raised by Roma” (except of course Marvel uses the g-slur) which...implies she’s NOT Roma, and that they just raised her, which begs the question of what happened to her family? It reminds me of antiziganist myths about Roma stealing children, not to mention that given how Roma are stereotyped as thieves (and the women as hypersexual) I decided to minimize her connection to anything Romani in my headcanon, and say instead that she came from a Czech Romanian family and she just TOLD other kids she was “raised by Roma” because they seemed cool to her, being the little loner she was. - I headcanon that her love for softness extends to people, that she’s most attracted to people who are “soft” in some way, be in physically or in their personality. Case in point, I headcanon her with a crush on Haven, because like...curvy body, soft hair, soft clothes, soft-looking eyes, soft voice, gentle personality. Total package right there as far as Skein sees it...aside from not being sexual at all or at all into women. Drat! (I feel like Aqueduct is kinda sweet on Haven too, though I feel weird about making TWO characters attracted to her but I mean...shit, I would be, and she’s not even my typical type!) - I think being overtly flirtatious might be the only way she knows how to connect with people. I don’t mean to pathologize her sexuality, like women can just BE sexy and flirty without there being some deep reason, and I think that’s partly it here too, but also in the context of her larger personality I think this is partly it as well.

#marvel #marvel comics #marvel villains #marvel headcanons

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mutantsrisingrpg · 4 years

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Congratulations SAMWELL! You’ve been accepted as TITANIA.

Sam, your app blew me away! I really got a sense for who Kiara is, through a bio that gripped me and made me feel for her. The idea of how fear, especially fear of the unknown, can have someone turn so quickly on a loved one is heartbreaking, and really made me understand Kiara’s motivations. Honestly, one of the lines that made me get exactly who you saw Titania as was from the headcanons: Kiara, while quiet, is not soft-spoken. She certainly made a loud impact on me, that’s for sure!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out Of Character Information

NAME/ALIAS: Samwell/Sami/Sam

PRONOUNS: He/him

AGE: 20

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: EST and I will say a solid 5? I’ll try and reply to any response within a week.

In Character Information

DESIRED ROLE: Kiara Mandal (Titania)

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cis-female, she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Kiara to me, is someone who lives and breathes violence, but chooses not to let it consume her. Constantly, she is fighting a battle within herself, challenging her powers, making sure to demand just enough, but never more. Even if she knows she could give more, she forces herself to give just enough.

The kind of power she has is something she could let consume her, but it’s through her experiences that she finds the inner strength to do only what must be done, and nothing more than that. She is a bruiser because she is good at it, not because it is something she loves to do.

Kiara is the kind of person to find as much strength in a well placed punch as in a sturdy block. In fact, I think she is more of a defensive fighter. She could physically crush what was in her way, but instead chooses to redirect it. Push it to the side.

Pain is all that she has known, whether it is what she’s felt, or what she’s dealt. There is a sick sort of comfort in that that she allows herself to have. She finds confidence in knowing that nothing has broken her this far, and it is unlikely to change.

BIO:

Tw: violence, explicit child abuse, explicit domestic abuse, gore, death during pregnancy, suffocation, implied sexual assult

The first thing Kiara could remember was pain. The sharp slap of a hand too big on the back of her skull, knocking her down. In that moment, she screamed in pain and confusion, a cry for her mother or father to come to her aid.

She would learn to remain quiet when hit quickly.

For the beginning of her life, Kiara knew of little else but fear and pain. At least, that’s how the nights were. Daytime was for kisses and watching as her mother patiently tried to coax her to speak and read and learn. But even at four years old, Kiara knew that sound was dangerous, and even more serious, that her mother was weak. There was no protection to be sought in her arms. None offered until her father was gone the next morning.

And then it was, oh, my darling Kiara, my princess, my light. Four years old, and she was cynical and numb as her mother gripped her arms too tight, always too tight, and begged her for forgiveness Kiara didn’t know how to give.

It made sense, in a way, when her mother passed away giving birth to her little sister. She wasn’t strong enough. Amara, one of the last things her mother said. Kiara was the first to hold her new sister, her father too drunk to care that his wife had died and his new daughter was born. Amara. Eternal. She was seven and smooth talking the nurses into ignoring her dozing father. She had learned young how to do that.

“I fell.”

“So clumsy at this age, right Kiara?”

Seven and staring into her sister’s eyes, grabbing onto even the hint of a purpose where she had previously had none. Or at least, no purpose beyond something to satiate her father’s anger. And Kiara was a good sister. She cleaned her, and fed her to the best of her abilities. She did what she could remember her mother doing for her, and then what her mother never could, for when the porch lights flickered on and the door handled bashed the wall for the umpteenth time, Kiara was hiding her sister away and willingly stepping into the maw of a beast. In this way, she could be stronger than her mother, for this was all she knew.

When she is nine years old, her father gets to Amara first. She watches her father pick up her two year old sister with a grip too tight, tight enough that she screamed. Amara was too little to understand that screaming just made him angry. Made him careless.

Well, that evening, Kiara discovered that anger made her careless as well.

All she could see was red, all she could hear was her pulse. All she could feel was the way her father’s metacarpals crumbled in her tiny hand, her fingers barely flexing around them. He screamed, and her sister screamed, but Kiara felt steady, centered for a nine year old who should be too young to understand pain.

She held her sister close as her father spit curses, violent even while clutching his hand to his chest. His voice was grating, it always was, but instead of smothering the irritation out of fear, she stoked it, her eyes burning as she stared her father down.

When she got close again, he stilled out of fear, and Kiara had her first taste of vengeance. Of visceral satisfaction so sweet, that she took her time patting the top of her father’s head with too much force, enough that his teeth clicked together.

“You won’t touch us again, will you Father?” she asked as sweetly as she could, which wasn’t much. Kiara didn’t understand what sweet was outside of the sugary taste of fake cherry from the cough syrup used to cure everything. When he didn’t answer, too drunk to give up his pride, she gripped his jaw tightly in her hand, and squeezed until there was a sickening pop under her fingers, and he wailed, nodding frantically. A cowardly man, something even someone as young as Kiara could see. She hated him.

Later as they sat in the emergency room while they attempted to uncrumple his hand and set his jaw, it was Kiara’s turn to bounce her sister on her knee and tell the doctors placidly, “He just fell. My Father can be clumsy.”

Kiara kept her father in line after that. Less demanding things of him, and more requiring that he stay away from both she and Amara. It meant Kiara had taken up mothering Amara, but she didn’t mind it. Her sister deserved it.

That did mean, however, that money became an issue quickly. Their father barely had enough money to feed himself after indulging in drink, and once Kiara made it clear they stayed for the shelter and he allowed them to for tax cuts, she knew that she needed to do more than just provide food for her sister. No. Her sister deserved someone approaching normalcy.

She realized how much someone would pay for protection on accident. She was eleven years old, ripping a bully off of some trembling kid. The bully flew through the air. Hit his head. She didn’t blink at the blood that dripped from his head, but only because he shook it off so quickly. He looked at her with something almost like respect, which made her bare her teeth. Cowardly, just like her father. But he wouldn’t tell, as he ran away with his tail between his legs. No. He would never let the others know he had been beaten by a girl.

The kid thrusted money at her. It wasn’t much; five dollars for lunch. She wouldn’t threaten it from him, but he seemed adamant, as if to make sure she really didn’t try and throw a punch at him. She took it, and kept it for food for Amara.

Her morality was a strange thing. From age eleven, she played the hidden bodyguard. Word got around that she was not someone to be messed with. People paid her to walk them home, or to show up to a fight to just stand there and look. It only took a couple of people showing up with misshapen faces for her to make her brand known, and it was one she didn’t mind having.

That being said, she did not find pride in her strength. In fact, it was something she felt like she couldn’t control. It was why she preferred her presence to do her work. Sooner or later, someone would snitch, and she would be up shits creek without a paddle. The older she got, the more aware of the fact that her strength was not normal, the more aware that she could be taken away from Amara, who would be left to fend for herself.

Kiara upgraded from a schoolyard bodyguard to a dirtier one when she was sixteen, accompanying drug runs for seniors dipping their hands into a more profitable business. She didn’t have to watch her fists as much. No one would tattle on a busted skull from a bad run in with a drug deal.

Kiara didn’t think it was possible for her to grow more powerful. She thought she knew the limits of her powers after using them for so long. But on her sister’s eighteenth birthday, that was proven wrong.

Kiara was twenty-five, covering for her sister in an apartment she rented using the money she got protecting her clients. Because that’s what they were at that point. Clients. Disgusting greedy pigs, but who paid up when the deal was done. Kiara licked blood off her upper lip as she pushed the door to the apartment open that fateful evening, and was met with a horrible scream.

Heart in her throat, Kiara had rushed to her sister’s aid, breaking the door off of her sister’s hinges and storming into the room, her blood boiling, alive. It happened in a blur; she plucked the man plastered over her sister up by his neck and simply squeezed. His throat and neck crumpled like a bendy straw. There was no moment to beg for forgiveness. There was no moment to explain. Kiara saw and Kiara killed.

It wasn’t the first time; she had heard of the injuries she caused putting men in the hospital only for them to die later. But she felt almost removed from them; they deserved it for raising their hand to her. But this? This was unexpected. This was intimate; Kiara could feel the exact breath she stole as she sealed his windpipe forever.

Amara’s scream was bloodcurdling. “What did you do? Oh my god is he dead? He’s dead oh my god Kiara you killed him, what did you do, what did you do?!” she moaned and begged, her eyes covered by her hands, and for the first time in a long time, Kiara’s own began to tremble.

“Amara-,” she had tried, still numb, still muting the gurgling sounds coming from the floor out of her mind. Compartmentalize. What comes first, always: Amara. But Amara flinched back from her hands, screaming.

“Freak! You’re a goddamn freak you just- you just killed him!” Amara was hyperventilating, trembling, sobbing, and all Kiara wanted to do was fix fix fix, but there was nothing that she could do. All she knew how to do was break, but never to put back together.

“I always knew there was something wrong with you- you’re a mutt, aren’t you? Is this what you do?! Have you been housing me with blood money?” she shouted, demanding answers. Fierce and fiery and bright. Bold, like Kiara hoped she would be, just not like this.

“I’m calling the police,” Amara finally said, stumbling for the phone, and Kiara moved without thinking, reaching out and snatching her wrist from where it was stretched out for her phone.

Snap.

A pause for a hush of horror.

“You broke my wrist! What the fuck, Kiara-” but Amara’s shrill cries felt like they were being heard from underwater. Gurging, gurling, like the man on the floor. Her hands were red, Amara’s eyes were red, everything was red, red red.

Amara was on the phone.

So Kiara ran. And she never, ever looked back.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Gerrard: What Gerrard thought was strength pissed Kiara off. Fighting and winning in combat was not strength. There was no glory to be found in that. The fact that she would be the perfect pet cage fighter made her blood boil. When she looks at Gerrard, she sees greed and a weak heart. He has no values in her eyes, which makes him pointless. A fight for the sake of a fight wasn’t worth participating in, and so she will never give him the satisfaction. It was not strong to show off. No- true strength came with self-discipline, something Gerrard never seemed to have.

EXTRA:

Kiara loves to draw. She loves to create. In a way, it creates a balance between the inherent violence of her grip, and what she chooses to do with it.

Kiara, while quiet, is not soft-spoken, but she isn’t a hard-ass either. She values her words, and the words of others, so she usually picks hers deliberately. Don’t be fooled though; she’s just as likely to cite a haiku as she is to quote a meme if the mood is right.

Kiara doesn’t think of herself as kind, even though others might see her that way. She likes to think of herself as just, maybe, but not kind. Kind implies you don’t inherently deserve the respect she is willing to treat you with.

Pinboard!: https://www.pinterest.com/nenapie0890/kiara-mandal/more_ideas/?ideas_referrer=1

ANYTHING ELSE:

I ADORE YALL

#accepted #accepted: titania

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bigherosixfeels · 5 years

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Hello! You can make a fanfic about Karmi,you could write, please, a story where maybe her mother does not support her being a biotechnologist and they argue and she ends up in the bad-tempered lab and ends up talking to Honey or Baymax and about how her father is support. Thank you!

I was already planning on having Honey Lemon being the one to comfort her, but now that we know they get along, I’m even more excited about this!!

—

Needed Support

Fandom: Big Hero 6: The Series

Rating: K

Characters: Karmi and Honey Lemon

Word Count: 2,121

Summary: Honey Lemon comforts Karmi after she has an argument with her mother

—

“Why don’t you ever want to hear about myprogress at Sycorax?! I created a serum that cured Orso Knox and you barelyacknowledged that!

“You know how I feel about all this. You’rerushing into this bio-stuff too quickly. It wasn’t that long ago that you gotaccepted into SFIT and now you’re interning at some new business? You’re toocooped up in your labs all day.”

“Doing important research that will shape thefuture! All of this means so much to me and you don’t care! You never have!”

“I never said I didn’t care. I just think youneed to be smart about this. Don’t let all of this be the only thing you do inlife. There’s a big world out there. Make some friends…outside of yourviruses.”

—

It may not have been their worst argument, butit wasn’t exactly the best start to Karmi’s morning. While having breakfastwith her parents, her father asked about her most recent work at Sycorax. Stillfull of pride to being an intern for Liv Amara, Karmi immediately went into detailabout how she, Liv and Chris managed to stop the Mayoi from attacking SanFransokyo. As she was telling this thrilling tale, she noticed how differenther parents’ reactions were.

Her father was fully invested; nodding andsmiling at what his daughter had to say. But each time she glanced over to hermom, she was either paying attention to the remainder of her breakfast orchecking the time on her watch. By the time Karmi was explaining how the serumwas made, she watched as her mother got up from her chair, hurriedly going intothe kitchen to wash off her plate. Instead of returning to the table to listento the rest of Karmi’s story, she went upstairs to grab her briefcase for work.

Her actions weren’t surprising to Karmi, but itleft an nagging pang in her chest. Nonetheless, she finished the conversationwith her dad who congratulated her on her hard work. He made sure to tell herhow proud he was, bringing a temporary smile to his daughter’s face.

It faded the second her mother came back downstairs,announcing that she was going to work. Karmi could admit now that she probablyshould have voiced her dismay over her mom’s lack of enthusiasm later thisevening. Yet, in the moment she decided to confront her about how she wishedshe would have been more engaged in the conversation rather than rushing off togo to work. It was admittedly a bit selfish on her part. She knew her motherworked hard to provide for the family. San Fransokyo traffic was unpredictable.Trying to talk to her about something like this when one foot was practicallyout the door wasn’t a wise move. Not only because her mom was in a hurryanyway, but also because they’ve had talks like this before.

Unlike her father, her mother rarely asked abouther schoolwork. When she asked how school was going, she was more curious aboutwhether or not she was making friends than scientific breakthroughs. She knewher mom meant well and wanted her to be more social, but that wasn’t a concernto Karmi. In the past, classmates tended to let her down, but science neverdid. Over her years of school, Karmi realized she didn’t need friends to makeher happy. She was perfectly content growing pathogens and now discoveringcures for the recent monsters that had been popping up in the city for whateverreason.

As anticipated, an argument followed. Neither ofthem raised their voices too high, but it ended on a sour note. Karmi’s momstormed out of the house, slamming the door on her way out. After trying tokeep her emotions from spilling over, Karmi rejected her father’s offer ofdriving her to school, preferring some alone time on a trolley.

The fight was still bothering her as she walkedonto campus. Karmi held onto herself, fingernails pressing against her arms.She was at a point where she knew tears weren’t going to fall, but anger stillbubbled in her veins. All she wanted was for class to be a decent distraction.To go to her lab later. To be alone. She had the feeling that it wouldbe a tense evening at home.

As she walked through the halls, she unknowinglypassed by the Nerd Lab. While doing so, she had paid no attention to who wascurrently exiting the room.

Honey Lemon absentmindedly hummed to herself.Being the morning person she was, she had already stopped by her lab to work ona project before her first class. With that done and none of her friends beingaround, she decided to get going to her class a little early.

When leaving the Nerd Lab, she happened tonotice Karmi passing by. Her face instantly lit up seeing the biotech genius.They hadn’t talked much since they cured Globby together.

“Hi, bio bestie!” She cheerfully greeted.

Karmi stopped walking. No. Not now. Of all thetimes for Honey to spot her in the hallway, why did it have to be now?

It’s not that Karmi didn’t like Honey Lemon. Sheenjoyed working with her when they found a cure for Globby. She was nice totalk to. She was friendly. Very friendly. At times, she was too bubbly andoverly optimistic, but she always meant well.

Her personality was something Karmi still wasn’tused to. She’s never been around someone as energetic as Honey. It didn’t takelong for her to figure out how fitting her nickname was. While a part of hercould admire her positive attitude, it was off-putting considering she’d ratherbe by herself.

Despite that, she didn’t want to be rude andkeep walking. Karmi could pretend she didn’t hear Honey, but that would onlyraise concerns. Forcing a small grin, Karmi turned to face the chemist.

“H-hi, Honey Lemon.” She raised a hand up togive her a little wave. Hoping that that would be all, Karmi quickly turnedaway.

The second she continued walking, she could hearthe heels of Honey’s shoes clicking in her direction. She caught up to Karmi,beaming down at the younger girl.

“It’s been awhile since we talked. What’s new?”Honey was going to eagerly wait for a response, but something about Karmilooked off. The way she clung onto herself and how her eyebrows were slightlyknitted together were huge giveaways that something was wrong. That on top withher looking away with a frown didn’t sit well. “Is everything okay?”

Again, Karmi stopped walking. She didn’t want toget into what happened earlier this morning. She wasn’t in the mood to vent toanyone. Especially someone she hardly knew. “I’m fine.” She lied, makingherself smile to ease Honey’s worries. “Just going to my lab.”

Unfortunately for her, Honey didn’t buy it. Shecould always tell when someone was feeling down.

“Hey, you can talk to me if you need to.”

“Really, I’m ok-”

“Karmi. You helped me when I needed it forfinding a cure for Globby. Now why don’t you let me help you?”

Karmi froze. She looked down at the floor,wondering if she heard Honey correctly. A fellow classmate offering help to herwas such a foreign concept. She was used to dealing with her problems on herown. To being ignored and invisible to those around her. Honey wanting tolisten to her troubles shouldn’t have been all that surprising. The older girlthought of her as a “bestie” after all.

While they got along great, Karmi still didn’tview Honey as anything more than a classmate. Maybe it was because she was goodfriends with Hiro. Maybe it was because they didn’t see each other much due tohaving different classes. But she knew Honey enough to know that she wasn’tgoing to let her walk off without an explanation.

“I just…got into an argument with my mom thismorning.” Karmi mumbled. “No big deal.”

Honey Lemon frowned. She was glad that Karmiopened up to her, but she could tell how much this was upsetting her. From thedeep scowl growing on her face to her fingers shaking as they clenched harderon her arms, she could tell it was bothering Karmi.

“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure you twowill work things out though.”

Karmi scoffed. “It won’t. We’ve had fights likethese before and they never get resolved. Anytime I talk about what I’m workingon either here or at Sycorax, she never wants to listen. She thinks I’m tooinvested in my studies and is more concerned about my social life.” Karmi letout a huge, frustrated sigh. “I’ve tried telling her that I’m more interestedin working, but does she listen? No.”

She still would have preferred her space, butventing was helping somewhat. Karmi could feel her tension easing, but it wasstill present. She didn’t know why she had decided to reveal so much personalinformation to Honey. She insisted on wanting to help, but would she care nowthat she knew? Or understand?

“I’m sure your mother cares about what you do,”Honey responded. “From the sounds of it, it seems that she wants you–”

“I know what you’re going to say,” Karmiinterrupted. The last thing she wanted was for Honey to finish her naive statement.“I’ve heard more times than I can count from her. ‘Make some friends.’ ‘Yourviruses aren’t much for company.’ ‘Staying in your lab all day isn’t good foryou.’” She remarked in a mocking tone. Pinching the bridge of her nose, shecontinued. “In her own way, she means well. That I understand too. I just wishthat when I talked about what I’m doing, she was more…attentive. That’s all.That’s not too much to ask for, is it?”

Honey gently reached out to Karmi, placing ahand on her shoulder. She flinched at first, but allowed herself to look upHoney. She was smiling, but it wasn’t the usual, cheery one she almost alwayshad. It was warm and comforting. Karmi’s shoulders lowered, her grip on herarms loosening.

“Of course not. Biotech is something you’rereally passionate about. It makes you excited and you want to share thatexcitement. I’m the exact same way with chemistry!” Honey exclaimed. “You dohave someone to talk to about all this, don’t you?”

Karmi nodded. “My dad. He’s always been sosupportive. I know that when I have something to tell him, he’ll listen andwant to know all sorts of details. He may not understand all the scientificjargon, but he always hears me out. He’s the best.” The smile that had made itsway on her face faded the second she thought about her mom again. “I don’tknow. I guess that’s what I want my mom to be like too. I don’t expect her toknow what I’m talking about, but it’d be nice if she was as intrigued as mydad.” “Well, maybe you should try telling her that.”

“…I-I’ve wanted to. But I don’t like arguingwith her. Why did I even bother trying to confront her this morning? I knewshe wouldn’t listen. It wasn’t a good time when she was trying to go to work.”

“Try telling her how you feel when it isa good time,” Honey encouraged. “When both you and her aren’t busy. Patchthings up. Maybe this is all some misunderstanding. If you’re both open andhonest, you should be able to find common ground.”

Karmi took Honey’s words into consideration.These days, talking to her mom was like pulling teeth, but perhaps Honey made agood point. When she argued, Karmi only mentioned what her mom seemed to notcare about. Things only escalated worse from there until one or both of themstormed off. She was tired of it. She was sure her mother was tired of it too.They needed to figure things out sooner or later. Sooner being the betteroption.

“Okay…I’ll do what I can.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Without warning, Honey wrapped her arms tightlyaround the biotech major. The embrace was suffocating, not to mention a littleembarrassing due to being in the halls. Karmi nearly forgot how much of ahugger Honey Lemon was. She had told Honey that she wasn’t a hugger before.Either that slipped her mind or she chose to ignore it in an attempt to comforther. Whatever the case was, Karmi reluctantly leaned into the hug. Maybe alittle support from someone else was needed after all.

“Thanks.”

—

I really like how this one turned out!! I definitely wanted to get this fic out and done before season 2 started, but I’m actually glad I didn’t. Season 2 gave me more stuff about Karmi to work with for this fic and since her and Honey get along so well, it made this even better imo!! I loved seeing their interactions in Nega-Globby!

I do hope that at some point in this series we get to meet Karmi’s family (as well as the nerd gang’s family PLEASE LET US MEET THEM!!!) While it’s hard to guess what Karmi’s family life is like, I do hope she has parents that love and care about her. I can see at least one of them being a little unsure about what she wants to do, but still approve of it at the end of the day. Only time will tell (possibly)

Anywho, I guess that’s it. Thanks for the request @ficsinhistory I really enjoyed writing it!! :D

#fanfiction #karmi #honey lemon #big hero 6: the series #bh6: the series #bh6 series spoilers #big hero 6 fanfiction #bh6 fanfiction #big hero 6 fanfic #bh6 fanfic #big hero 6 #bh6 #ficsinhistory

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