#like im sorry having DID is so bad for you but theres people with DID who dont have it as bad and theyre just as valid

[strawberryscorp]

albus comes home after having a bad day and collapses into scorpius's arms

scorpius could be doing anything but he'd pause and play with albus's hair while letting him rant about his day

#“scowbus... its so hard having a financially stable family and two alive parents :(” #i know honey i know #this is me manifesting i had a no good very bad day #im gonna rant about it in the tags so feel free to ignore me! love u #first of all. we had rehearsal for our dinner theatre. DOGSHIT #ME AND ONE OTHER GUY WERE THE ONLY BITCHES WHO KNEW OUR MUSIC #AND NONE OF THE WAITRESSES BESIDES ME DID THEIR THING #SO I LOOKED STUPID #and #i learned a whole dance for a pep rally and we had to cancel it because people stopped showing up to meetings #AND AND #theres this guy i really dont like. lets call him jake #i was backstage during the rehearsal of ANOTHER show #and this fucker grabs me but the hips and moves me out of the way. girl try excuse me #hes always so mean to me and for what. im friends with your fans. we have the same interests. WHY MUST YOU HATE ME #anyways. best part is theres even more but i dont feel like getting into it so. im just having a fun and grand old time #sorry for being annoying on main it will happen again #scorbus #albus sever potter #albus potter #scorpius malfoy #hp next gen #harry potter and the cursed child #all these marauders fans at school keep trying to hate on cursed child and i have to give them a ted talk about everything #im a nerd bookworm im studious 🤓☝️ #IM DONE

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

we've seen a lot of people with DID and OSDD hate being a system. most of us dont hate it per se, its more of the bad parts we hate. i, host, suffer much more mental pain from other disorders we have, not just DID- thats probably the smallest part. for us, our biggest cause of mental pain is bpd and denial of trauma/our posttraumatic disorders- so what were about to say will probably sound biased.

also a note, i only suffer the really dramatic drastic disorienting dissociation everyone with DID online complains about (and claims they have 24/7) only half the time or less. most of the dissociation i experience as host is dissociative amnesia, theres not a day i dont experience that but its usually of the past ill never remember or milder forms like "oh i did that? hm dont remember" "oh they said that? i only remember the interesting parts of the conversation and i cant even remember it verbatim", or emotional/mental detachment and emotional numbing (especially if my mood is too unstable), and staring off forgetting what to do or not knowing how to do it and having to mentally yell at myself

now, for the parts of having DID id absolutely get rid of right now and never want back.

i hate when im trying to do something, i wanna do it alone, i wanna have privacy, wtv. and boom, an alter suddenly appears out of nowhere invading the front. i dont wanna be rude to them because theyre a part of me and more than likely a trauma holder or protector i wouldnt be here without, but i want to have some privacy in my own head. have some things just to me. i am annoyed, i know they feel that. and for that, i feel guilt. for being annoyed by the presence of someone else inside my head, and the guilt gets even worse if its a little, understandably, or a trauma holder whos been through enough rejection already, or a protector who i wouldnt be alive without. i have to show common courtesy to a large group of selves inside my own brain, every second im awake. and that gets tiring. no wonder im always so mentally drained.

having to work around what alters want. this often goes hand in hand with them randomly intruding the front. ill be in the clothing aisle, just to get a simple grey shirt- and an alter will come out when they see a shirt they like. if i refuse to get it, they might feel hurt, and ill feel guilty. and if i look through a whole clothing aisle, more than one part will come out and make me feel drawn to the different clothing they like (sometimes a few alters making me feel drawn to a few different clothing styles at once) i get a headache from that and dont like how i feel pulled into many different directions by my own brain. (id experience that before i even knew what plurality was or really knew my alters or even remotely felt plural and it caused me a lot of mental pain and headaches)

feeling like a stranger to myself now because i realize how much i was a stranger to myself, i didnt even know i was abused, and i didnt even know a lot of things i did. and feeling guilt for not knowing i was a stranger to myself for most of my life. i should have known but i didnt. i was too dumb to pick up on the clues that someone inside me ran away with my body and my life. theres even small things i didnt know about myself i discovered years later. example, i didnt know i asked for a get-well card for a doll when i pretended it was sick until i discovered it about 8-10 years later. and theres big things i never knew. some of these things were people. when i was little, i was around people i should remember, i was around them enough. but when i see them again in 2019, i think its the first time even stepping foot in the place, and seeing the people. i only knew that i knew them when i was little because i was told that in 2019. i also dont remember an entire year, minus a small snapshot memory. i cant be sure if the memories i think i have of it are real. which leads me to the other part about DID i hate and if i could get rid of only one part of it, this would be it.

the dissociative amnesia (mostly of trauma) and its effects. i dont remember majority of my early childhood, and i only remember about half of my mid childhood, maybe a tad more than half. the memories i have, its like im watching an eerie, dark tinted movie of myself. i dont remember being abused in any of the memories before around 8, and very few are of me being unhappy. i think to myself, "if i was abused, id have memories of it or be unhappy." i didnt feel anything. i just... existed. no feelings, maybe an artificial happiness, but no feelings outside of that. its like i was a robot in control of my own actions. i tell myself i dont have trauma and im just holding onto the "impossible possibility" i was abused as a small child as an excuse for being this way "because i cant accept i was born broken, i dont have an excuse to be this way." then, someone comes along who explains to me what i did in the memories when i was little and throughout my entire childhood was a sign of abuse, and i feel valid and confident about myself because im reassured im not born broken scum, but then i realize that means someone violated my body and ill never know who did first, how old i was, where it first happened. and ill never know what all my body has been used for either. then ill feel disgusted with my body and want to escape it or self harm. and i live with a person who flip flops between being emotionally abusive/manipulative and being nice and shes used my dissociative amnesia against me before, used it to say things didnt happen and the memories were planted, and to say i did things i didnt do. other people used my dissociative amnesia against me before too. but the most painful part for me, is im stuck in a vicious, mentally draining cycle- feeling like my trauma isnt real and hating myself because i feel like i was born broken, just wanting to know i was abused, then i find out and i feel uncomfortable in my body, i cry, i feel alone because the only people id allow myself to seek comfort from arent around, and sometimes self harm.

for me, im fine with being a system. i wouldnt trade most of my alters or the memories weve made together since i found out i had a system and met them. they taught me what family really is. they taught me what community means. its the parts that make it disordered id gladly get rid of. sure, we want our own bodies, id like them to have their own bodies too, but im fine with them just being in my head when theyre not intrusive.

DID isnt fun, but it isnt always living hell 24/7. not for every DID system. not for us. but its still not "friends in your head" and even when you are friends with some of your alters they can still intrude on you when you want to be alone and you'll still have the distress from having DID. its not always fun but its not always hell.

#dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #tired of the “oh you have to be in constant agony from DID to have DID” posts its so invalidating tbh #like im sorry having DID is so bad for you but theres people with DID who dont have it as bad and theyre just as valid #people always spread negativity about DID when people with it wanna distract from their suffering and the “oh poor me” posts dont help much #it forces DID systems who dont suffer because of it 24/7 to think theyre faking and that makes them exaggerate symptoms #man the online DID community is toxic

[minglana]

also if i wanted to go to sleep i wouldnt be able to because of everyone yelling outside my room. how lovely

#and YES people have recommended earplugs but my ears are very irritated 99% of the time and i would rather not put foreign objects in there #bc they itch! so like. im just supposed to put up with the noise. its literally so unbearable. bc it doesnt matter who i complain to #that the complaints get dismissed one way or another #its so crazy how this turned from a students dorms (where study gets put above doing whatever the fuck you feel like) #and its turned into just. teenage dorms. where if you complain about kids' bad behaviors. you just get a 'well theyre young... #...of course theyre gonna behave that way <3' #i genuinely miss so much when we were split between boys and girls. and boys couldnt be on the girls side and viceversa #bc im sorry (not really) to say that the guys are the ones making noise punching each other listening to EXTREMELY loud music. #did i mention the punch each other and fight each other 'for fun'. and yell at each other. and knock so loudly on doors that they can break #and the girls the most they do is listen to loud music in the shower. you tell them to lower it AND THEY DO #and also im stuck on the ground floor and thats common space. but theres no separation between common spaces and rest areas #so the noise is. ALWAYS THERE #ta esborrare

[borderlinegerard]

i hope i die, you broke my heart

#personal #my posts #so fucking tired oh my god #just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic #sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do #like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me #taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group #as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it #all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you #theres a reason im always the person you go to #byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you #like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ?? #does it need to be completely equal to be fair #and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat #im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love #like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired #i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us #idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood #and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest #you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either #and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix #but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt #but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much #i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did??? #and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me #a little more than they were supposed to #i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me #iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary #okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow #byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh

[kirkwallguy]

What class and romance interests are your Warden, Hawke and Inquisitor?

omg thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about them

warden: matila amell is a blood mage / failed arcane warrior (bad at holding a sword), morally she's very good but interpersonally she's blunt and everyone is SO scared of her. she romances leliana but it's not actually super serious so she breaks up with her in a letter like a week after they agree to go long distance. she was also a little bit in love with morrigan though and will never actually get over it.

hawke: marcus hawke is a warrior and reaver, he only gets one specialisation because neither of the other two really make sense for him. he's very abrasive and rude and rivals everyone except isabela and the mages; he and varric have this really weird relationship where varric is obviously in love with him and marcus is trying to ignore it. and ofc he romances anders and they run off into the sunset to have a surprisingly normal relationship after the explosion.

inquisitor: mary trevelyan is a rogue archer. i think she's also a tempest but the rogue specialisations are weird in inq. she romances cullen because her family are very religious and she pretty much always assumed she was going to have to marry someone templar-related anyway. playing her is the only way i can feel bad for cullen because he's SO nice to her and she's just not feeling it at all. she absolutely leaves him the second she disbands the inquisition. sorry cullen.

#wisowind #ask #thank youu for the ask #also im realising theyre all kind of terrible people. marcus is so rude and mean how bad do you have to be to make him look nice #i think bc i find inq's story the least compelling i have the most lore for my character... meanwhile hawke is always fun to me so #theyre always just variations of each other and theres less to say. like oh yeah he grew up on the run protecting his family. thats just #every hawke. meanwhile not every inquisitor is mary trevelyan. her parents were so oppressive they didnt let her read tales of the champion #her mother got a censored copy printed for her and she thought it was the real thing. so she meets hawke and sounds insane #and do you know how bad she has to be for me to feel sorry for cullen? during wicked eyes and wicked hearts #he comes out to her and is like 'well done with the killing :) want to dance?' and she just looked at him and goes '-_- no.' GIRL. #i did feel a little guilty. but it was very funny. #also i saw your other ask im going to do that too..

[todayisafridaynight]

I genuinely can never thank you enough for the past year. I can't express how much it's meant to me to be understood and have my energy reciprocated with someone on the same wavelength. Although I've been in the fandom for quite a bit longer than most people writing in, and longer than you, even, I can't remember the last time I felt this welcome and motivated. A TRULY embarrassing amount of my work's just been fueled by "oh Snap's gonna wanna see that," and of course that circle's expanded since then, but it probably wouldn't have had I not met stream chat through you, aaaaaand if I'm honest you're still up there... lol...

It's always, always a highlight of my day to see your your work, your posts, and your responses, whether they're to me or to others, and it's always a highlight of my week to be able to make it to streams! You're a huge inspiration for me, particularly in terms of your work ethic across the board. I always come out of streams energized and feeling like I can actually finish things, and usually this is hubris, but it's gotta count for something.

Not to be dramatic, but you kinda changed my life, no exaggeration. I still really can't see myself the way I was two or three years ago not just calling it quits after some of my Gaiden experiences... lol... but I'm still around, and like always, I wanna be able to write in and interact as much as I used to sometime soon. Thanks for everything! I hope RGGS continues to deliver so we can stay in touch :3

i cant thank YOOOOU enough for the past Xsome months or so. feelins ABSOLUTELY mutual in that i wasnt sure anyone else would really be into talkin bout rgg as you and i have (or would be willing to read my. miles-long scrolls of bullshit LMAO) so it's been real fun gettin to know you an everyone and chattin !!

most bafflin thin to ever to think i have good work ethic, i feel like ive been behind everyone for the past couple weeks and even with the things i do make it's really not up to snuff. it's always nice to hear that's not supposedly exactly the case :) I Suppose :^)

rgg community (like any community lbr) can be. An Experience, esp for someone with a position like yours. so im glad i can make it worth to hang around somewhat LOL

regardless, i always look forward to you next ask or the next time you leave tags on a post i make. if i ever bother making a post again ☠️☠️

#fave #snap chats #I DID SIT ON THIS ALL DAY OOPS #i got a bit busy with some stuff...... also i always try my best to write a sufficient response cause ill feel bad if i dont </3 #mad funny youre stoked for me to see stuff And I Am Always Stoked To See Stuff cause i got a similar sentiment towards you #i mean i TRYYYY not to get too in my head bout it since then i get paranoid but i always do hope on the downlow like #'ah man. hope this is funny. hope masu likes it. hope im shot for this one' VERY NORMAL things to want :) #so funny tho. funny timin of this ask i feel like ive been disappointin people an particularly yous #which 'snap that doesnt make sense please be happy with yourself for three seconds' which. NO?? no. impossible #but i do get worried im disappointing or being too annoying or yk. just being a pest or not being adequate #so it's fun/ny gettin this ask today all that considered LOL #I MEAN I KNOW EVERYONE BEEN NICE THE PAST DAY OR SO YK SO NO REASON TO THINK IT #i cant avoid thinkin a it... my number one bully is myself he Will Not leave me alone no matter how hard i try to complain to the board #the board also bein myself. i cant excommunicate myself from myself-- #REGARDLESS. very cool that i give you motivation :) esp after streams :) #every time i finish a stream i feel like i made an ass out of myself. ALWAYS HAVE FUN. but i feel at the cost of bein obnoxious #tho i guess theres no point stayin round if i was. lest its like Last Resort kinda deal then TRULY i am sorry im The Last Resort #ILL STOP WHINING FOR FIVE SECONDS TO SAY thank you :) for everythin :) both just chattin with me an all the work you do for the community #it truly is a lot and indescribable and its very cool i have someone like that who likes what i do. you do be the beyonce in walmart to me #to reference that post i rb'd last night LOL its still hard for me to understand but ig i dont have to understand it #i think i mentioned this before but i remember when id draw for persona (cringe ik) id mostly draw adachi (this is relevant Trust) #and this one mate one day was just 'snap its really nice how much. love you bring to the adachi community' #which is a hilarious thing to say since adachi sucks but POINT IS im glad i. i THINK im kinda doing the same thing now still #thats the consensus ive gotten the past couple asks.. lol.. its nice bringin people together and havin a fun and welcomin space :) #ILL WRAP IT UP HERE THO before i make people throw up. i kept this ask hoarded long nuff.. ill just hoard it in my chest cavity instead #once more thank you forever and always :) when we inevitability branch off to other things i'll always treasure all you've done for me

[samsrosary]

i miss him so much

#i wish we stayed friends #i really did want to #i loved him so much #i have to walk down his street every day to get to college and its fucking painful #i guess it was fine over the summer but i see him and i cant even say hi #hedidnt even stop talking to me by saying what he really felt #i dont know #i thjnmk trying to talk tk him would make it worse #im not allowed to miss him because i chose the wrong friends and now i cant talk t anyone about this whod understand #and the fact i know i treated him like a replacement in the absence of others was so fckjgng bad of me and i knew it #but the friendship i had for him was real and it was probably better than any of the other friendships i had and its gone its gone its gone #vent #when that winter depression brings back the guilt complexes #hes got me blocked i know be does and he doesnt want to talk to me #theres nothing i can do because i fuckigng wasted it in favour of people i realise now werent even fucking nice to me #i just want to disappear #im so sorry you genuinely were a betterbest friend to me than anyone else clukd have been

[mummer]

watching barry fans trying to twist themselves into knots to never acknowledge that barry is a war criminal who went to afghanistan (for unknown reasons) and not only participated in that war but went out of his way to murder civilians and got away with it and felt encouraged to do it because of america's culture of military worship and constant whitewashing of military violence. Is really funny to me. when the show is like. Reaaaaally fucking blatant about it, all the time

#barry #'so you were a marine? i couldve been a marine. guess i had too many options' ALSO a very interesting line. #i do have to wonder why he joined up? theres so much about his past thats obscured...... like did he think he had no other option #im so glad this thread came back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #like yeah actually lets get into it #LIKE sorry but this is anti-war media and the girls are not addressing it............. #he. was always. this bad #barry spoilers #he killed some people.... but that doesnt make him VIOLENT <3 because it was like... a WAR <3

[skrunksthatwunk]

somebody's probably already talked about this but i cant get that fucking mountain goats post outta my head and ive been talking to myself about love as a central theme of frankly most art but especially the art i love the most and i got to undertale and i need to talk about it

god it's all about love. wanting love, not wanting to lose it, grief, hope, determination, it's all fucking love in like 8 different hats. it's the monsters' love they show you (the mercy they show you) that allows frisk to help them get their freedom, it's the player's love for them that brings mercy in the first place, it's all fucking love.

flowey only got his power to reset from dying with his sibling after an act of love for them and you know what he did? he spent years of his life interacting with the people and world as much as he could, in as many ways as possible. he loved being with them and wanted to experience everything because everything was worthwhile to him because of love. and that greed for love led to oversaturation, led to boredom, led to him hurting people to feel anything in that absence of love. he never stopped loving chara, y'know? he was always looking for someone else to play with, someone who could make him feel like nothing had happened. so much so that he follows frisk throughout the underground, insists on keeping them and you there as much as possible, both bitter and needy. and he has to admit that frisk isn't chara to move on. you're not them. they're gone. asriel's gone, too, or will be after this. it's love for chara that leads him to break the barrier, as it was for asgore to try and stop you, and for toriel to take you in at the beginning and the end. it was the desire for love that kept him from letting go, and that caused him to harm so many, as it was for alphys, undyne, asgore, toriel, etc. him, arguably more than anyone else, hurt people out of desire for love and grief over it. and it's him acknowledging that desire and letting it go when it hurts people that sets everyone free.

it is love that makes you go back through the underground, calling papyrus and undyne and toriel in every room just to see their different responses. it is love that leads you to check everywhere before finally ending the game. it is love that leads you back to where your friends are standing, talking about how they've been changed by you, about how the love between you has led to this. it's love that makes you end it to see them happy, and curiosity (which in this case is often just greed for love) to some extent.

and it is love and greed for it that brings you to the reset screen. and flowey, whose desire for love almost consumed everything, that kept the people he loved from their happy endings, from their futures, that asks you to reconsider. having seen all you have, having seen his mistakes, and how happy your friends are now, are you willing to put your desire for love above their happiness? above their freedom? will you make the same choice as him after seeing what harm it caused, after finally getting what you wanted? because whatever reason for resetting you have, it'd probably boil down to love in some way. love for the characters, for the game (experience or lore), etc.

flowey's downfall, to some extent, was in the apathy that came from overconsumption. instead of cherishing the life he had, he had to know the rest. he couldn't let it lie, couldn't find peace about it and move on. he had one life, as do you, as do (in theory) these characters, one you would at that point snatch from them by resetting. flowey's asking you to think twice about whether or not you want to control them, to play with their lives for your own happiness. even if it is out of love.

because it always is.

#god idk does this make sense. fuck #i really like this game guys #idk i havent thought that hard about it in a while or maybe ever but it's soo so good god holy shit #xoxo sincerely someome who hasnt and maybe cannot play anything but true pacifist #yeah being in the ut fandom at like 12 was A Lot at least partially bc of how fucking HARD ppl go with resetting narratives #anyway i think it's cool #games and interactive media in general have so much power to engage the audience with and undertale rocks it with the best of em #literally so beautiful gggahrhuhaghg #the villain asking you if youve learned from his mistakes and pleading with you to not repeat them after all that is just #hhhhhh #i just think it does it really really fucking well #god #undertale #utdr #sheesh #sorry not gonna edit this its like 3am. youre getting the mush #im honestly rusty/never was that deep in ut lore so if i fucked up thats why #asriel's story fucked me up so bad as a kid and STILL fucks me up and now i kinda understand why a bit better #he just wanted to love people he just missed his sibling he just loved the way things used to be so much he did everything he could to #bring it back and it came back all fucked up. maybe theres a reason you only see the true lab in this route huh #and like with the amalgamates you can and should still love what's left. you cant make it what it used to be #but it is always worth loving anyway. #always fucked me up that you have to leave asriel though #flowey still deserves love. is it punishment by the narrative? is it tragedy? idk.. #he's stuck in the underground he forced everyone to keep reliving #but idk. wish he got out. i hope he's well now #and yes im aware these are fictionl characters but the game wants you to treat them like theyr real and you should consider their happiness #and i feel like if you missed that then you didn't get undertale yk #and i think most people can compartmentalize their love for these guys and doing the other routes and that's fine #i just choose not to specifically for this game bc it confronts you about it. it's not completely passive (or acts like it)

[yelloworangesoda]

the worst part about my incredibly low pain tolerance is when people literally don’t believe you. why would i lie

#its not like. that interesting #it just makes me look that much more weak and pathetic #yes that literally!!! hurts!!! that hurt when you did that. apologize? #dont just go ‘that didnt hurt’ well. it did. so :/ #its like sensory issues other people don’t experience them so they assume im lying #volume is a big one for me you cant. yell thats my thing. yelling hurts my ears but its not important enough for anyone to #even notice they do it and apologize i have to go ‘hey dont’. i try to be on top of my tone bc i understand thats important to people and i #don’t always do it right (its not like. actively choosing a tone but it’s more often accidentally having a more. um annoyed or bored or #angry sounding one). and bc i know i dont get it right i go ‘whoops sorry i meant it like this’ but people yell and scream and grab and all #and dont even bother going ‘oh im sorry simon i know that hurts you #i know you dislike that for one reason or another i will continue my effort to not do it again’. and like theres an understanding i try to #put across that i know volume control doesnt come easy for everyone and yelling is often an instinctual reaction god knows i do it. but #like acknowledge. please that you hurt me #i hate my shitty pain tolerance it makes things legitimately harder for me. i have a lamp that hurts to turn off and a hairdryer that hurts #to turn on and off. i like being moved around my boyfriend but it hurts 100% of the time. when he picks me up. thing i enjoy. it will hurt #theres no way around it. it sucks really bad is all. i wouldnt lie about this :/ #simons spouting #vent :(

[hecksupremechips]

Trying to comfort myself by watching Kiki’s delivery service for the first time in a while but now I’m thrown off cuz this version im watching is just completely different than what I know??? Like I always watched it on this old dvd version but rn im watching it on hbomax and everything is completely off like there’s not music when there’s supposed to be and 90% of Jiji’s dialogue has been cut so it’s just full of weird silence??? Is this a thing is this how everyone has been experiencing this movie am I going crazy???

#the klock keeps ticking #I WAS TRYING TO COMFORT MYSELF BUT NOW IM FEELING WORSE CUZ WHAT THE HELL LOL #like rn kiki just got to town she just met the bakery folks and already its unbearable how much is different #first off the opening song when kiki is flying on her broom is different and i was like whoa wtf #it wasnt bad but the one i know is english and it goes like IM SOOOORRRYYY and idk the other words lol #this one was in japanese and i liked it but i wasnt expecting it #and yeah like jiji has barely talked at all in this one and its so quiet like whats happening #in the version i know theres like this cute dialogue when theyre flying in the rain where jiji is like #OKAY KIKI REMEMBER DONT PANIC TRY NOT TO PANIC OH AND DID I MENTION NOT TO PANIC #but this one had nothing!!! wheres my man jiji being scared but still trying to be comforting but failing spectacularly!! #and when they first see the town jiji is like ‘oh god thats a lot of cars how are we supposed to live here’ and kiki is like yay! #im really mad whats going on here this is really really weird #if the majority of people have been watching this version of kiki i am so so sorry lol #you guys have been DEPRIVED

[nomaishuttle]

i will not let one bitchy resident ruin my good day . affirmations

#i have a few ninregular rooms bc brenda is. idek what the fuck shes doing the the new girl. shes STILL in training and its been over a week #usually we get 3 days. daj got one.. like #and shes still taking like. an hour and a half for studio rooms... idk #it sucks bc shes getting some of my favorites likee. she got 258 which is one of my favorite rooms bc hes so sweet and i just know shes #gonna do a bad job and im like :( bc hes such a nive guy and he doesnt deserve to have his room halfassed #the other day she did her rooms super fast like 30 minutes per room #so then brenda went to check at the end of the day and. dude. it was like she hadnt been in there #one of the toilets was Caked in piss like. she didnt touch it at all. #theres a bit of a language barrier bc shes from the ivory coast so some things im like. yk i understand it might get lost in translation a #bit for sure but like. brenda writes everything down bc nee and dee are from thailand english isnt theur first language either. and brenda #is rly understanding of the language difference thats why she writes everything down so its easier to understand etc. #and ik this girl knows the steps to cleanjng the room bc. multiple people trained her. ik she knows how to clean the toilet #idk. its frustrating basically. bc i keep getting pushed to new rooms im not familisr with which slows me down bc i dont know them #and then this one was just. rly rude like cussing me out saying Youre way early like half an hour #like. im trying to fucking stay caught uppp whatever. i hate rooms that bitch at you for being early #i get it if u like have a routine thats fine but why . be a bitch abt it. you can judt say like Oh im not quite ready for you to come in #yet sorry! and ill be like oh no problem! ill come back in a bit and thats fine. but rhis guy was like Fucking christ swearing while he #walked to the door and opened it and went Youre a goddamn half hour early come back at my actual time. and i was like oh s and he judt shut #the door in my face. like. ugh

[hershelchocolate]

Good luck with that clip studio paint thing! Sounds brutal

THANK YOU ITS FUCKING AGONIZING OUT HERE

I'm at such a weird crossroads where it's like. Okay cool, I can fix my references for myself, and I can make sure nothing gets desaturated in the future, but uploading anything anywhere else will just revert it BACK to being deaaturated literally WHAT am I supposed to do about that

Plus not to mention results seem to vary depending on whether or not the person viewing it has a Mac or not, I've had people helping me tell me it looks 100% fine on their screen but mine is still very visibly Wrong and I can't! Trust! My computer! I think it's either always going to look wrong to me but other people will be fine, or it'll look fine to me but not anyone else WHICH IS. UNDERSTANDABLY FRUSTRATING

Can't afford to get a non-Mac computer rn and my family can't afford to help me with it so right now my solution is Hope And Pray That Artistree Doesn't Desaturate My Stuff So Commissions (At Least) Will Be Fine 👍

#it is sooooo fucking stressful but also like. theres not much i can do? #plus getting it to look nice for everyone else at the expense of it looking bad for me #involves re-exporting EVERYTHING through an entirely different program that ih #not gonna lie kinda Sucks Ass on mac. it is so fucking hard to navigate that #and its a program i used to use!! just not on mac #its literally a lose-lose-lose scenario rn so i think i just have to cut my losses #at the very least i hope i let other people know so they dont do this as long as i have been #but yeah. probably THE biggest motivation block ive ever had #in the sense of Why Bother Making Anything If Itll Always Look Bad No Matter What I Do #not to mention all the people who thought i did it on PURPOSE...... #yeah hi sorry i just needed to yell for a while im fine now #thank you for the sweet ask im dying just a little bit but itll be fine #ask #mayhamster #randy rambles #yeah this counts as a ramble

[rosykims]

act 3 cillian hawke listening to shelley duvalls he needs me he needs me he needs me he needs me he needs me on repeat <3

#tay plays da2 #oc: cillian #''maybe its because hes so alone maybe its because he never had a home'' <3 #hehe im going to lose it #the convo during justice where anders straight up blackmails you if you give him the slightest pushback... #and then he hits you with 'i AM the mage cause. there is NOTHING else inside me' #cillian's like Oh. #so the four years of loving each other ? wheres that ? does that just mean nothing anymore ? did it ever? #like he still supports/forgives anders and their relationship continues post da2 but its like. he cant forget #and it haunts the relationship even up until dai and the fade. bc like how tf could it not. sigh #god. listen i love anders and tbh. the chantry thing was still based imho sorry. but also jokes aside its very fucking sad #and ppl who dislike him dismiss him for his (still based) actions as if wasnt literally possessed by a demon when it happened lol #thats what makes me so sad about him. that people forget how he was in TURMOIL every single second of every single day #for over half a decade. #imagine having such a kind and gentle soul that your desire to heal and protect people. could stand a chance against a literal demon #and that fact that he FOUGHT against justice for years before reaching that point. theres literally an act 3 codex entry about it #abt how he TRIED for three years to heal and move on and to regain control over justice but in the end the spirit was too strong #and thats not his fault lol. god. he breaks my heart i love him so fucking bad girlies #anyways. he needs me he needs me he needs me he needs me he needs me he needs meeee