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selfmadesuperhero · 4 years

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i’m very much not okay

and i’ll probably take very long for me to explain why

i don’t know how to write this. i don’t know where to even start. i’m here because i just don’t have anywhere else to go. i can’t afford therapy. i no longer have any close friends other than Mabu (gf).

it’s getting pretty bad inside my head

i know most people’s lives are hell this year and i’m not special. i know that. to me, this year is feeling like the last nail in my coffin because 2019 had already chewed me up and spit me out.

i kept my last job for eight years. after my first year there, another developer came in, and we became friends. we worked side by side less than 4 feet apart for six years. our hours were flexible but we always agreed upon our schedule just so work would be more bearable, because we both hated it and often had to team up against our boss’ downright abuse. it was a very small company (at its biggest we were only 7 employees). we were also going to graduate at the same time from the same school (different majors), so we had a bit of a pact to leave our shitty boss once we’d graduated and start developing our own, way less shitty games.

at the start of 2019, he got an excellent job offer. i was thrilled for him and told him to of course get out of that hellhole we hated so much, we were only there because the pay was decent and the hours were flexible so we could get our degree, you know? it stung, but i was happy for him. on the last day i gave him a ride home (which is also something i did almost daily), he surprised me by hugging me and telling me i was like a brother to him and our plans weren’t going to change.

i believed him, and went back to work. he was soon replaced, obviously, by a junior developer because that’s how capitalism works. but suddenly, i no longer had someone to take a stand with me against my boss - there was no one left that i knew, everyone had resigned or been fired and i was the oldest employee. you’d think that’d earn me something, after eight years being dedicated to the same company, right?

(shortly after, my grandma passed, after years and years of agonizing in a wheelchair. we lived together)

fuck that

the first months were fine. i was being the senior developer and teaching the junior constantly, so my boss stayed out of my way. but see, this is where he started to get ansty. the more the junior stopped being a junior and was actually useful for something, the more that piece of gigantic ass just started thinking only about our salaries. i started in that company in 2012 making little more than 3 bucks/hour (remember i live in a third world country, but it was still specialized work), but by 2019, my salary was pretty much double of what the junior was making, and every penny extra i got during those years was a CONQUEST. i also worked six hours while he worked eight, so.

my boss basically started treating me even more like shit. he wasn’t nice to be around before, but he was bearable in small amounts. suddenly it was obvious to everyone that he was really fixating on me and my performance, and to me it was obvious he just wanted me to walk away too so he could replace me with TWO junior developers instead of just one measly charlie.

then, the nationals elections began. oh boy.

this probably wouldn’t read as news to anyone, but i’m a huge leftie, obviously. if you’re at all interested in politics, read about what socialist policies have done for uruguay during the past 15 years and how they turned us into AT LEAST a developing country, but i digress.

the people that sat in my office even shared my political views or whatever, but my boss is actually part of the conservative party and started actively campaigning. every time something involving politics happened, he made a point to come barging in the office and telling me and specifically me about it like i was personally running against his party. i actually recorded him once to have proof of him at least screaming at me, so i could check if i was crazy for thinking he had something against me. he frequently called me communist and just mocked my views. if you’re wondering, yes, this is illegal, but nothing happened.

then, two big things happened at once: we lost the election, and my recently adopted puppy was diagnosed with distemper. yes, it happened on the same that and it’s a day i’ll never forget.

my girlfriend and i had talked about getting a puppy once we moved in together. we’d named him like two years before it actually happened. we moved in together on may 2019 and on september i found the most precious boy for adoption on facebook and i was innocently all like “oh i’ve had to put rescue dogs for adoption before, let’s give back!”.

on october 27th, he had a seizure and the vet told us it was likely we’d have to put him down because only 20% of dogs survived, and it was even less for puppies.

when i went to work, i had to put up with my boss laughing and mocking me for winning the election “against me”. i guess i missed my running for anything?

this post is already too long for me to get into details about my dog’s disease. for months, every day we looked after him constantly. i read everything there was to BE READ about distemper online, spent thousands of pesos on medicine and treatments just in case he had a chance. good news is he did! this is the only positive note in this post.

it still wasn’t easy. he made us cry at least three times a day. we really thought he was dying, and we’d made the mistake of naming him 2 years before he was even born. we’d taken PERFECT care of him while he was unvaccinated, but the vet told us it was most likely he was already infected before he came home to us. i’d never seen such a small puppy so sick. he hallucinated constantly. if you don’t know, distemper is a neuro/digestive/skin/bone/HELL disease that’s really nasty. he’d have seizures almost daily and poop and pee himself. he stopped being able to control his body other than his two front legs, which he didn’t even have full control of. when he stopped being able to walk, he started crying constantly, it really tore the heart out of my chest

we called another vet, a dog physical therapist, so she’d tell us how we could help him. she told us to make him stand as long as possible, so every time he had a meal, i’d bend down with him and hold his hips - so he’d be able to stand, and slowly gain back some muscle mobility. every day we massaged his legs and flexed his joints, even his tiny toes, so he’d avoid atrophy. and we did it!! as i’m writing this, he’s one year old now, he’s no longer sick even if he’ll carry with him plenty of lifelong sequels, and he walks and runs and barks like the best of them ♥ i wasn’t going to plug anything but if you wanna see his progress, it’s on instagram @hamiltonthefighter

okay, i guess i ended up talking at length about his disease in the end, sorry. his walking again had a price to pay for me: my own back. for two or three months i was bent over this dog, you know? i still can’t get out of bed without help sometimes lol around december it got really bad but i just kept popping pills because joy oh joy, i was doing my thesis and i didn’t really have time or money for anything else. my job was basically paying for our rent, my university classes including the thesis course which was ridiculously expensive, and our dog had given me credit card debt out of desperation (we even had to buy those rubber things used for yoga to place on our floors so he’d have something to use his nails against instead of constantly slipping on the floor, we tried every medication that might help, we gave him CBD oils, all kinds of vitamins, constant vet visits where during the first two weeks he got like three different shots every day, etc)

i’m rambling, and i’m sorry, but i don’t really think anyone will read this. i started this post crying my eyes out and writing about my dog at least has been calming, because even if he’s a drooling mess now, he’s still the same he ever was and i love him very much and he’s sleeping soundly next to me and he’s finally close to fine.

remember the friend i talked about like half an hour ago? the one that worked with me for six years? nothing changed between us during the first months. for my thesis, i was going to develop a videogame with Mabu, but we were allowed to have external coding help because it was about GameDev, not the actual coding. i knew how to code, obviously, but Nico (the friend, guess we’ll give him a name) was also part of our project so he was gonna help us code so i had more time to focus on art and 3D modelling. the idea was kill two birds with one stone, make something we all liked, mabu and I were going to graduate with it and then we’d keep working on it during 2020 as we’d always always talked about.

by december, even if nico and i still talked regularly, i could tell he had just moved on with his life. he’d said he’d help us, but he was doing his own thesis, so i told him not to worry at that time, our final due date was in february. he asked us to forgive him during december and promised us he’d come back in january to DEVOTE himself to the project. i started coding the project besides working on the art and i was thankfully able to meet all the deadlines, so it was really fine, of course i understood where he was coming from.

then, on january 7th, Mabu’s grandma passed away. she was scheduled for a heart surgery that supposedly only had 1% risk, and she passed on the table because of a doctor’s mistake. the surgery was here in the capital, but Mabu’s family lives five hours away. she comes from a very big, very loving family, and her grandma (being the mother of five children) was very much the center of it. i also loved her. she’d replaced my grandma the second she passed and every time i saw her she hugged me like i was a lost grandson.

when my girlfriend called me during her surgery, i immediately left work because i just knew she would be crying if things were okay. this was a nightmare come alive for a family of 20+ people, and most of them were 5 hours away from their own house. my mother in law was (and still is) devastated by the lost of her mother because she was the one to encourage the surgery and she still thinks she killed her. i drove my her, my girlfriend, her sister and her sister’s boyfriend on my mother’s in law van for five hours while they all cried or slept and i had to really, really pinch myself because i was EXHAUSTED but what else could i do?

logically i missed work the next day. LOGICALLY. i had the service to attend and i was 5 hours away from the office and i didn’t even have my own car with me. i told my boss to discount the day, since i wasn’t entitled to the mourning day by law because it wasn’t my grandma. he didn’t even reply - he almost never talked to me by this point unless it was to berate me for something. i went back to work the day after the service.

now, remember we were doing our thesis and it was due in february? it really wasn’t great timing for anyone to die, but i was trusting Nico’s promise that he’d have more free time and he’d make up for not helping us code sooner. i told him the news about Mabu’s grandma, and then basically had to tell him to say something to her for her loss because he was supposed to be her friend, what the fuck, why aren’t you at least sending her a text.

let’s just say, january wasn’t a great month for Mabu and myself. two weeks after the passing, we still hadn’t had news from Nico. Mabu didn’t even have time to properly mourn because we had to turn our thesis in like, little over a month. i wrote to nico just downright ASKING if he was gonna be able to help us or WHAT, to which he said to me...

he’d never promised anything because he was really busy with his own stuff and he didn’t want to bring it up sooner because he knew Mabu was mourning and things were hard for us at the moment?

like that’s great pal, thanks for telling me at the last POSSIBLE second you were just dropping out altogether, what the actual fuck? it still baffles me that someone can be so thick headed, but he kept saying he had made no promises and both Mabu and I knew that was a lie and i honestly just couldn’t deal with someone so selfish he couldn’t at least give a heads up sooner

the icing on the cake during the beginning of this year is someone i haven’t even mentined: MY PIECE OF SHIT BROTHER. talking about him may deserve another post, because this is already so long and convoluted and i haven’t even talked about his involvement in my misery during 2019-2020. i’ll try to make the story short if anyone’s still reading this far:

a lot of years ago, our maternal grandmother moved to uruguay from russia and bought a tiny shitty house here next to my mother’s. my mother still hasn’t talked to me since 2013 because i’m trans, but that’s neither here nor there. i tried to keep in touch with my brother (we don’t share dads so he was no relation with my side of the family), and around 2017 i finally succeeded in making friends with him. or so i thought, clearly.

that grandmother passed... sometime. i don’t really know because they cut me off. she didn’t speak to me either, she was literally a crazy old nasty woman and i didn’t even care when i heard she’d died, to be honest. she was such a nasty woman, she’d put her tiny shitty house to my and my brother’s name just to keep her own daughter out of the inheritance when she bought it.

that also meant i was inheriting something for the first time ever, even if it was shitty. BUT my brother had his own fake grandma (the woman who looked after him his whole life instead of our mother) who was very old and frail and asked me if he could house her there. i said yes because again, i didn’t give a shit about the inheritance or the house or anything regarding my mother’s side of the family (other than him obviously), so for years this woman occupied the house. my brother basically took all existing furniture and appliances because he was moving in with a girlfriend and i even loaded up my shitty car with his stuff. all i wanted to inherit was the couch set, which had come all the way from russia and everyone had promised me since i was a wee lad, but he started whining about his fake-grandma not having a living room set and nowhere to sit and i didn’t even live by myself yet so i let them have the fucking couches, too.

oh boy this is already too long but now i’m too lazy to make a separate post

anyway, sometime during 2019, the woman moved out to an old folks home because she could no longer take care of herself. i immediately asked about the couch set with hope in my heart that it could finally be mine, but my brother told me our mother didn’t want me to have it.

he wanted to rent the house to make a profit, which sounded good to me because of that dog related credit card debt i talked about. and here’s where you might think i’m not that there in the head, but all my life i didn’t want anything to do with that house until my mother was in the ground - not out of hate but because i thought it was a shitty thing her own mother had done to her, and the inheritance should have been hers. she doesn’t have a degree or a stable job because she’s a russian translator so hey, whatever, they needed it more than i did. but then my brother starting getting ideas about improving the house so we’d make more money, and how we should do it together, and... i think i might have mentioned already why i didn’t exactly have time to redo a house? i was doing my thesis? about to graduate? my boss was constantly on my case? my dog was about to die?

i helped as much as i could at first, but then december came, and then january, and my brother just kept nagging me about the house like i was purposefuly sitting on my ass doing nothing, because oh every day it’s not rented it’s money lost. no amount of explaining how stretched thin i was seemed to suffice, not even when mabu’s grandma died and nico left us hanging with the thesis and i had less than a month left to code the whole project by myself while ALSO taking care of the art.

by the end of january, i was so stressed, i called a doctor after a panic attack. he gave me a weeks rest because of my back, because i wasn’t even able to get up without help at that time. it wasn’t much of a rest because i still used that time to sit at the computer and code 15 hours a day at LEAST, but hey.

it was the first time in 8 years i’d taken medical leave of ANY kind. i didn’t even get medical leave when i got my chest surgery. it happened on a friday and i was back to work the next monday. i’d never skipped more than 2 days of work at best when i had a bad case of the flu or something, but that was it.

when i went back to work, my boss immediatelly called me to his office. he started berating me about my performance again, bringing graphs comparing the amount of lines of code i’d written next to my coworkers. i didn’t mention this, but the graphic designer had also quit during 2019, so i was also covering that workload and no, that didn’t exactly translate to lines of code. i also had to spend HOURS every day tutoring the junior because he was too much of a cheap shit (didn’t use those words) to hire an experienced developer. i’d even WORKED AS A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR MEDIA CONTENT FOR HIS POLITICAL CAREER, EVEN IF IT WAS AGAINST MY BELIEFS AND NOT AT ALL RELATED TO MY JOB. he denied everything. EVERYTHING. he stuck to the narrative that i was just lazy and the proof was i’d just taken AN ENTIRE WEEK because “my back just hurt a little” and i had the audacity to skip work for someone else’s grandmother dying

i’m not exaggerating, i swear to anyone who might be reading this. that day was brutal and i’m still not over it half a year later, i don’t care if that makes me sound like a wuss. i worked eight years of my life in this fucking place.

this argument lasted for hours, but i kept my head down because i couldn’t afford to lose the job, specially not then. i even apologized for any loss in performance and tried to explain my point of view and what i was going through (which i’d already done to another superior weeks ago anyway). but just when i thought i’d MAYBE be able to keep my head above water, he told me he was denying my the request i’d made to take two weeks of holiday days before the thesis final due date.

i had already explained everything to him. everything, even nico dropping the team and my having to do everything by myself. i broke down and i told him he was forcing me to leave my job, i’d just have been certified by a doctor and i was asking for leave for SCHOOL (all things that are protected by law here), but he just kept repeating i could either walk away from my job or show up during those two weeks. he just wanted me gone, but he couldn’t fire me right away without having to pay me THOUSANDS because of my seniority (by law). he knew what he was doing to me and he didn’t care about it. he didn’t even let me TOUCH MY COMPUTER, he told me he wasn’t the one pushing me away, that i was doing this to myself, and he’d ask for a lawyer to check my computer for any “inconsistencies in my activity”, even. i really have a hard time just thinking about that day and how utterly humilliating it was. i lost a lot of personal files, because i sat at that desk for eight years and of course i had personal files because sometimes i stayed after hours before going to class.

imagine for a second a sixty year old man, rich as shit, political candidate, standing in front of a computer, disconnecting the mouse and keyboard so i couldn’t touch it, yelling at me i was doing this to myself and i was losing my job because i had the audacity to ask for two weeks leave to finish my fucking school thesis.

and yeah, i lawyered up. i didn’t have actual money to AFFORD a lawyer, but mabu’s cousin’s girlfriend was a lawyer and lived one block away and i immediatelly told her everything there was to tell. she brought me to the firm she worked in and they guaranteed me i had a pretty strong case and i was at least gonna be able to walk away with something.

that put things in hold for a while because the “trial” or whatever wasn’t gonna be held until after the thesis, so i tried to forget about it. my boss even owed me my untaken paid vacation days, which i told the lawyers because i was pretty sure he’d just forgot, but i wanted to know if it made a better case against him. they agreed, and i left it at that.

but you know who was still making my life miserable even when february began and i had less than three weeks to finish our project right? MY SWEET BABY BRO. he was constantly nagging me about having to do all the work himself, like I’D ASKED ANYTHING FROM THAT HOUSE TO BEGIN WITH. but see, the nastier he started getting, the more apparent his lies began to appear. he got nasty to the level where ON THE DAY I WAS TURNING THE PROJECT IN he kept calling me demanding MONEY for stuff he’d paid for the house without checking in with me. i was honestly baffled by his level of selfishness, i was already sleeping three hours a day tops and he expected me to what, paint walls? he was FIERCELY against having to wait for my project to be done even if it was two weeks away and he was asking and asking for money when i’d just told him i’d lost my job without a penny to show for it. nice guy, really.

suddenly, the following lies became clear:

my mother didn’t care if i took the couch set, he told me that because he was moving again and he was planning on taking the couches himself. (he ended up doing just so, too). he lied to me with the thing that hurts me most in the world: my mother hating me. he had even made a joke about it, because my mother had bought a new couch not long ago, and he didn’t “get” why she “didn’t want me to have anything”

years ago he’d told me he had refinanced a tax debt the house had, and i gave him money for it. now that the house was about to be put up for rent, he pretended that had never happened and suddenly started talking about how we needed to take care of that

he wasn’t planning on splitting the rent three ways between him, our mother and i. he was gonna keep two thirds, and i later even found out my own mother had given him the idea.

then poor mabu confessed to me once, two years ago, she’d wore a skirt one time visiting my brother and his then girlfriend, and he had told her nasty stuff to her year upon saying goodbye and she had never said anything because didn’t want to hurt our sibling relationship

talk about final nail huh?

i confronted him and he denied everything, obviously, he instantly played the victim card, how dare i think that way about him, how dare i break his dreams of reuniting the family again. he said things to me i’ll also never forget like, apparently, it shows that i’m a shit person because i have no friends and no one wants me around, unlike him that has so many. he told me i thought the world owed me when i was shit and i believed anything anyone told me before believing him. no one told me any of his lies, i caught them all by myself, but whatever. he cursed me and told me he never wanted anything to do with me because i was rotten and i only cared about money and i was so so selfish. this must have been around march and i still don’t know anything from him, or care.

what do i have to do for that side of the family to leave me alone, i wonder? all i ever wanted to do was be his friend

the “trial” against my boss came and suddenly every lawyer that worked at that firm was taking a fucking holiday except for the one that was supposedly leading my case - except suddenly, i didn’t have much of a case at all. i walked away with less than 2 thousand dollars and that was WITH the vacation days i hadn’t taken. the agreement was the lawyers were gonna keep 25% of however much i made but THAT vacation money wasn’t supposed to count because it didn’t come out of the “trial” thing, you know?

well, it did. the lawyer screwed me over too. but hey, at least he’d gotten me unemployment for a couple of months (you only apply for unemployment if you’re fired, not if you walk away from a job, and my having been fired or not was what was being contested), i still tried to be optimistic, i had a few months to figure things out while i looked for another job, and at least i was able to finish paying for school with that money.

yeah, this was late february, beginning of march. joke’s on me for being optimistic at all

my own brother plotting with my own mother against me has done a number for my mental health. i already had baggage aplenty, like every trans dude or girl whose parents would rather see them dead than be a dyke/fag (my mother’s own words, ladies and gents)

my boss of eight years kicking me to the curve at the worst moment in my life in the most humilliating of ways while blaming me for it has left me feeling so worthless to people in general. i’m getting better with time, i think, but i’m still all not there. i have a really hard time thinking my work is worth anything at all.

i keep thinking my brother was right, and i’m a shitty friend, and i don’t deserve anyone around. my only real friend at the moment is my girlfriend, which makes it really hard to have any arguments because i start feeling like my life is ending because she’s pretty much all i have left and she’s the most important thing in the world to me because i wouldn’t have survived all this shit i’m writing without her by my side. i would walk to hell and back for her. but nico also left me behind without a second thought, after telling me i was like a brother to him, no matter how many times i invited him to hang out or anything to keep in touch. i’ve been a shitty friend to a lot of people, but not him, and he still didn’t care about me at all, so i just stopped trying.

but now social distancing has got me all fucked up. i can’t trust people. i can’t go outside. everything is scary to me, i have at least two or three panic attacks per WEEK and they get nastier and longer every time. i know i need help, but i can’t even afford rent, let alone therapy. Uruguay has the worst unemployment rates since 2006 now thanks to our baby-Trump right now. i look for jobs daily even if the notion of having a job even SIMILAR to the one i had before gives me the shakes. programming isn’t as hard as some people may think, but the workplaces are usually VERY toxic because you’re valued by the amount of lines of code you write, and i’m so so tired. i’m still looking because I NEED. TO. PAY. RENT. but not because it’s something i want in life, at all. i’d much rather be poor and just do freelance work instead, but i’m failing.

i thank the people that have helped me or commissioned me these past few months from the bottom of my heart. i’m sorry i’m not more active, i’m sorry i’m still rusty and can’t draw faster, i’m sorry i sometimes spend half a day crying my eyes out because i just don’t know how to move forward. i have a week left, i still haven’t made enough for rent, let alone the bills or food. mabu used to get plenty of art commissions on etsy, but she hasn’t sold anything since march either and she’s younger than me so our financial struggles have an even deeper impact on her

i’m just so, so tired. i’m lucky to have mabu, and that is about it. i honestly don’t think i could have survived this year without her. for months the future has looked like a black screen to me. i can’t even trust the vegetable market in front of my fucking house because some piece of shit spread the rumor that i’m trans and now i can’t even open the door to my front house without getting stares sometimes, it’s ridiculous. i wish i could trust more than one person in the world so that everything wasn’t on her shoulders.

i’m not okay. we’re not okay.

that’s about it. i’m sorry i can’t end this on a more positive note. at least we graduated with an excellent score. not that we had a graduation, obviously. thanks corona.

thank you for reading if you read this far ♥

#this is literally 5k+ words of how my life went to shit :)#trying to write down feelings like i used to do seven years ago when i was transitioning because i have no other outlets #sorry new followers #(sorry old followers)

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extreme-technicality · 3 years

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i read ur entire ninjago post and now im lowkey invested,,, tell me abt ur daughter rumi

*evil laughter* yesssss, join meeeeee~~~

OKAY BUT MY EVIL DAUGHTER RUMI THO

She has like, fairly good motivations for Being Evil (as far as evil backstories go), and honestly if the writers had LET HER LIVE it could’ve been SO interesting, but I’m getting ahead of myself lmao. She was orphaned off-screen at the end of s1, and got adopted by the Ninjago Royal Family shortly after (why does ninjago have a royal family? who fucking cares lmao). BUT, she grew up hating the ninja because she blames them for her parents deaths. And since Garmadon was the one who actually killed the thing that killed her parents, he’s the only acceptable parental substitute in her mind. Basically, this poor girl has a lot of unprocessed grief and trauma and is coping as best she can - well, ish. She was actively choosing to manipulate literally everyone around her and attempting to bring back Lord Garmadon in his most evil form in order to enact her vengeance against the ninja specifically, but some people do that to COPE

And when I say she was manipulating everyone, I mean she was manipulating EVERYONE. Her parents, the staff, the other ninja - she played Lloyd like a fiddle at the start of s8, and the first hint we got was when she and Lloyd were having their heart-to-heart in s8e2(? I think). They were bonding over the stresses of their positions as leaders and the various masks they’ve had to wear and lay down, and Rumi mentions she has to spend most of her days in a mask. On the first watch, I took it at pretty much face value - she’s a princess, there’s a certain image and reputation she has to maintain, the mask she has to wear, and yeah maybe she likes girls instead of guys and that’s one more thing hidden under a mask, yknow? But once you find out that she’s SPEARHEADING the evil organization working to resurrect Garmadon, THAT CONVERSATION HAS SO MUCH MORE DEPTH!!!!! Honestly, the Rumi reveal is the best ninjago twist (imo) because it’s ASTONISHINGLY well-written!! There’s a few signs in the episodes leading up to the reveal, but they’re so subtle that unless you knew what you were looking for you wouldn’t see them!!!!!!! AND THEN THE DELIGHT ON HER FACE WHEN SHE COULD FINALLY SHED THE LAST OF HER MASKS AND WORK TO BRING GARMADON BACK AND HATE THE NINJA, LLOYD INCLUDED, OPENLY??? ABSOLUTELY UNMATCHED, MY BOY LLOYD WAS GETTING HIS HEART SHATTERED AND I FELT FOR HIM BUT ALSO SHE BECAME MY DAUGHTER IN THAT MOMENT AND SHE STILL IS

Also, there’s a lot about masks in the season - the monologuing from Rumi, plus the macguffins of the arc are three Oni masks: the Mask of Delusion, the Mask of Rage, and the Mask of Vengeance. The moment Rumi unmasks herself is also the moment she takes the Mask of Vengeance for herself, and if I had more brain power I would ABSOLUTELY analyze the FUCK out of that symbolism but I CANT RIGHT NOW AND AAAAAAAAAA

anyway lmao

Another thing I really liked was that Lloyd pointed out that she had a support network available to her, if she wanted it - doubtless the Emperor and Empress of ninjago could’ve gotten her therapy, she was in a stable environment, there were a NUMBER of people who loved and wanted to help her, but she CHOSE to stay rooted in her pain and trauma. She still deserved help!! But her ACTIONS were the problem, because she CHOSE those willingly, and the narrative points that out.

Regardless, she brings Garmadon back and he’s evil and heartless and they’re a perfect pair, honestly, he adopts her in a fashion during s9 and honestly it’s kinda sweet. I CRAVE fics where she lived and disappeared with her gf and Garmadon after s10 and they kinda fuck off for a bit, healing and becoming a Family (that does crime together on the weekend but shhhh) until Lloyd and the other ninja find them and go “oh hey ur our family too now, deal with it 😎”. UN FUCKING FORTUNATELY, she died and I’m high key mad about it!!!! Picture this: Lloyd and Garmadon are having another city-destroying fight, and Rumi goes “fuck this shit I’m OUT” and dips. She’s going through a building and comes across a family going through the exact same situation that resulted in her parents dying and her path to vengeance. She opts to save that family, and she gets a fucking BUILDING collapsed on her in thanks!!!! BRO OKAY LIKE I GET THE SYMBOLISM THEY WERE GOING FOR, BREAK THE CYCLE AND END VENGEANCE OR WHATEVER, BUT IT WOULDVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL IF SHE HAD SAVED THE PARENTS, THAT LITTLE GIRL, AND HERSELF IN THE PROCESS!!!! SHE GETS THEM OUT, IT LOOKS LIKE SHE DIED, TURNS UP AT THE END OF THE SEASON AND GOES TO THERAPY, SURVIVES S10 AND THEN FUCKS OFF WITH GARMADON TO REMEMBER HOW TO BE A FAMILY!!!!! IM GOING FERAL THINKING ABOUT WHAT RUMI COULDVE BEEN BRO!!!! SHE WAS ALREADY SO GOOD AND THEN THEY JUST!!! DROPPED HER!!!!!!!!!! AND I DONT THINK IM EVER GONNA NOT BE MAD ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EVIL DAUGHTER DESERVED BETTER AND I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ESPECIALLY since just about every season after she dies, there’s SOME reference to how hurt Lloyd is that she’s gone, or how badly she fucked him up, and basically just dragging out that fake forced romance longer than it kinda should’ve been dragged out. Literally none of that matters!!!! Or, it does, but not NEARLY as much as Rumi’s squandered potential matters!!!! And honestly I just think it would’ve been a much better dynamic if Lloyd and Rumi had gone from “hey I thought we were dating but you tried to kill me” and “I hate your fucking guts and blame you for the deaths of my parents :)” to “siblings who irritate the CRAP out of each other but are low key ride-or-die”. Let them be SIBLINGS for fucks SAKE

Oh I didn’t really talk about her gf did I?? Well one of Rumi’s underlings is a punk biker named UltraViolet and like, none of it was TEXT, but Rumi and UltraViolet DEFINITELY had something going on. I choose to interpret it as evil lesbians because I think it’s what they deserve, but that’s just me lmao (and I’m right)

Ooh no WAIT, UltraViolet got yeeted to prison post-s9, and honestly if Rumi has lived I think she would’ve faced the same fate (still, she needs therapy at SOME point), so in my personal canon the first thing Garmadon does after fucking off post-s10 is he busts Rumi and UV out of jail and then they like. Idk. Travel or something. Discover the meaning of family. Go to therapy together (how many times can I say therapy in a single post??? Let’s Find Out). Fucking LIVE dude, I just want them to be HAPPY

#technical talks #ask dadzawa #larry-the-demon #ninja hoe #thanks for asking and enabling me!!!! I’ve been DYING to get this out but like #it’s one of those things where I can’t organize shit unless I’m prompted by someone else first yknow?#deadass Rumi is my favorite character and I HATE that she’s dead dude TAT #in the interest of full honesty I saw u were asking about Rumi specifically and happy stimmed cuz tHANK YOU I LOVE HER AND I LOVE TALKING #ABOUT HER #anyway it’s 2:30am and I hve work tomorrow so I think I’m gonna call it a night

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teatitty · 5 years

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Logan and His Weird Brood of Endless Children (A Comprehensive List)

I promised to do it so here it is at last! Logan has had many children over the years (24 at least!) and all in different continuities. For the sake of this list, I’m only including the children that are canonically his own and not the people he only acted as a father/mentor for (so no Jubilee, Rogue, Kitty or Armor).

Honorary mention goes to Laura’s clones (especially Gabby) because they are technically Logan’s children but were cloned from Laura specifically instead (you’d think they’d be Laura’s kids but they canonically viewed her as their sister. The only one still alive is Gabby Kinney).

So! I’m doing this list in alphabetical order and I am going to include which Continuity they appear in. This is just a brief run-down of their origins and not the full history otherwise we’d be here for years.

1: Amiko Kobayashi (Earth 616)

Amiko’s mother (unnamed) was killed during a giant dragons rampage through Tokyo. Logan promised her dying mother that he would take care of Amiko. He also held her mother through her dying moments. Because he was a full-time X-Man Logan was unable to look after her personally, so he fostered her with his wife Mariko Yashida instead. Amiko lived with Mariko for a few years, seeing Logan on rare occasions, and enjoyed the plush life-style that Clan Yashida gave her.

She also met Kitty Pryde and went for ice-cream with her, Logan and Mariko. When Mariko was assassinated, no legal plan existed for Amiko’s care (why Marvel couldn’t have her move to the X-Mansion idk) and she ended up in the foster system. Logan thought that was fine, even sending money to help care for her, but discovered that her foster parents had been stealing the money.

Taking her away from the situation, he gave guardianship over to Yukio. Honestly Amiko got kidnapped a lot to be used against him but at least she’s still alive! She has limited martial arts and, due to her lineage, it is possible that she could develop mystical abilities though nothing has been confirmed for her.

2: Avery Connor (Earth 616)

After Logan’s skeleton was bonded to adamantium, one Dr David Connor took some of Logan’s genetic material and implanted it into the child his wife, Veronica Connor, was pregnant with (okay. Creepy.) The result of this was Avery Connor, specifically “designed” so that her powers would manifest when she hit maturity (yikes) with the hope that she would be stronger then Wolverine. By age 14 she was able to recover from a gunshot wound to the chest in about a minute. She only appeared in the 3 issue novel “Elektra and Wolverine: The Redeemer” which you can find on Comicpunch.net if you want to know her full story.

3: Brian and Mari Logan (Earth 1298)

These two are put together because they’re twins! They appear in the very last arc of Mutant X (#28 onwards). During this time, Logan is believed to be dead but is, in fact, alive and currently only has fragmented memories (basic Logan stuff really.) Instinct drives him to the house he shared with his wife, Mariko Yashida (the twins’ mom). While there, he runs into Mari who asks him if he’s her dad, because “mommy said that daddy went to heaven but Brian says he’s going to come back to us someday.”

Creed kidnaps the family, Logan tracks them down and has a heartfelt proper reunion with them, even hugging Brian. Pretty much the only thing Logan cares about during this last arc is getting his family to safety which is, you know, fair enough tbh.

4: Cameron Pryde (Earth 25158)

Cameron is the son of Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin. He was born shortly before the mutant control act, which led to all surviving mutants being locked up in camps (oof.) When Kitty was taken away by sentinels, Logan took Cameron to safety and raised him as his own son, training Cameron to be a hunter in the wilds of the Sentinel Territories. Cameron was 17 when he met Kitty and his younger sister, Christina, whom ended up killing him.

5: Daken Akihiro (Earth 616)

Daken is probably the most famous of all Logan’s children, right next to Laura. Putting a trigger warning here for bullying and one suicide.

Daken is the son of Logan and Itsu. In 1946, during the last moments of her pregnancy, Itsu was murdered by Winter Soldier (yea) in an attempt to lure out Logan and return him to Madripoor. Romulus cut Daken from her womb, which Daken survived due to his healing factor. Daken was left on the doorstep of Akihira and Natsumi, who took his arrival as an answer to their prayers and raised him as their own. He was given the name “Akihiro” but the servants and other families secretly called him “Daken” (bastard dog), a slur about his mixed heritage.

This harsh treatment caused him to develop a cold persona to everyone but Akihira. One night, Natsumi confessed to Akihira that she was pregnant and didn’t actually love Akihiro. Daken overheard this, and within a year of Junichiro’s birth (sometime in 1957 so Daken was 10-11), he confronted Natsumi and said he’d killed her son (this was true). Akihira disowned him, Daken said his real name wasn’t “Akihiro” and then Natsumi tried to run him through with a bayonet on the end of a rifle. This triggered Daken’s mutant powers, and he ended up accidentally slashing her down. Akihira committed suicide.

Romulus appeared and told Daken that he was what Daken would someday become. Romulus sent him to a training camp in Canada, the same one Logan had been trained in 40 years prior. Other stuff happens here but basically Romulus ends up telling Daken that Logan is his father and lies to his face, saying that Logan was the one who killed Itsu with Daken still inside her, which is why Daken hates Logan’s guts. In the following years, Romulus nurtured this hatred.

You can’t see it in the image above but Daken does have a third claw on the underside of each wrist.

6: Erista (Earth 616)

Literally Erista only appears once. His mom is Gahck of the Savage Lands Fire Tribe and the only time we see him is when Logan is leaving said Savage Lands.

7: Hudson Logan (Earth 982)

Hudson is Rina’s half-brother and was a member of the Revengers, who attacked the Avengers on more then one occasion. However, he switched sides to fight against Galactus and then asked to be an official Avenger. Though suspicious of his motives, they let him join as they needed help fighting Sylene, Loki’s daughter.

8: Hulk Jr/Bruce Banner Jr (Earth 807128)

Baby Banner was the newest addition to the Hulk Gang, and Bruce’s favourite among them. When Logan killed the entire gang (you’ll find out why in a little while), he felt it was poetic justice that Hulk Jr be the first member of his new team of heroes to help retake the country.

500 years into the future, Hulk Jr helped defeat Galactus, using him as a power source for a time machine. He and his team ended up on Earth 616 and the F4 convinced them all to go live on Nu-World instead. The last we see of him is on a rebuilt Galactus engine heading to a new world.

9: Jade and Scotty Logan (Earth 807128)

Jade and Scotty were born 50 years into the future, to Logan and Maureen. Logan owed the Hulk Gang rent money and went off to collect it. He returned 2 weeks early only to find that his family had been killed because the Hulk’s “got bored.”

10: James “Jimmy” Hudson Jr (Earth 1610)

James’ mom is Magda, who you will probably know as Magneto’s wife and the mother of Wanda and Pietro. Logan entrusted Jimmy to his war friend, James Hudson. His last name was changed from “Howlett” to “Hudson” to make the adoption official, and his mutant origins would be kept a secret until his highschool days. Jimmy grew up to be like Logan, with a taste for red-haired women (okay Marvel, sure), a reckless lifestyle and a feral personality.

Unfortunately, Logan died before Jimmy could ever meet him. When Jimmy was drag-racing at 17 his car crashed and this is when he discovered he had a healing factor. His gf was disgusted by it and left him (ouch) and the next day he got a visit from Kitty Pryde. She told him he was Wolverine’s son, and gave him some of Logan’s old things, including his canadian dog tag (and a lock of Jean’s hair because god forbid Marvel let that go).

A holographic message from Logan told Jimmy “you’re my son, dont ask about your mother, don’t focus on the past, be thankful the Hudsons raised you and learn to live with the choices you make” (paraphrasing of course). His last message to Jimmy was that he never regretted having a son.

With Kitty’s encouragment, Jimmy found he had inherited Logan’s claws and formed a metallic coating over them. He would then seek out Jean, who helped him recruit other mutants.

He ended up bonded to a Symbiote eventually and now he goes by the alias Poison. Also he got rid of that dope beard and went with mutton-chops instead which, like, worst decision by far they hella look ugly on him.

11: Kendall Logan (Earth 9811)

Kendall’s mom is Ororo! She also has an unnamed baby brother! Kendall can manipulate the weather like Ororo and possesses a healing factor like Logan. She also has her father’s temper but her mother’s good attitude. She’s highly trained as a fighter and is as stealthy as an assassin. She was born in a universe where the Secret Wars never left Battleworld.

Due to various circumstances, Kendall and a bunch of other mutant kids ended up on an alternate earth where Sentinels ruled America. The kids then decided to stay here and wipe out the Sentinels.

12: Kirika Yashida (Earth 295)

In this reality, Logan and Mariko had a romance before the ascension of apocalypse. This romance led to the birth of Kirika. Logan was unaware of her birth and, after Japan’s destruction, joined the X-Men. Mariko joined the Human High Council and Kirika ended up the property of Sinister though how this happened is never stated. Magneto found her in a containment marked “X-23″ and was surprised when she unsheated her claws.

Kirika ended up being trained by Magneto and was tasked with bringing her father back to America with her. Important note, but on this earth Logan is still going by “Weapon X”. A bunch of other shit happens, and Kirika ends up being killed by Weapon X with 616 Logan mourning her death as he holds her charred remains, right before he went feral and attacked his 295 counterpart.

13: Kouen (Earth 13119)

A teenage clone of Logan, Kouen was created by an unknown organization, who ordered him to kill Logan, who they believed was the missing link they needed to create the “perfect race.” Instead of doing that, however, Kouen chose to help Logan rather than kill him.

14: Laura Kinney (Earth 616 and Evolution/Earth 11052)

The second most well-known of Logan’s children! Her comic origins are a bit more convoluted then her origins in Evolution so I’ll talk about both. Personally, I prefer her origins in Evolution but, ya know. Prefences and all.

I’m going to talk about her comic/616 origins first because it’s. A lot to get through and condense.

When Facility (yes that’s what the organization is called) failed to find a subject capable of surviving the bonding process of adamantium to bones (because they wanted to recreate the Weapon X program that made Logan), mutant geneticist Sarah Kinney was brought in to create a clone.

After 22 failed attempts of cloning, because they couldn’t find a Y Chromosome in the only bit of damaged genetic coding they had of Logan’s, Sarah proposed they make a female clone instead. Initially rejected, Sarah went and did it anyway, using her own genetic material to complete Logan’s. Dr Sutter was impressed but Dr Zander Rice claimed insubordination and forced Sarah to be the surrogate.

Laura spends 7 years training in the facility while Sarah tries to ensure that Laura retain some semblance of humanity. Rice had her subjected to radiation poisoning to acclerate her mutant gene growth and bonded her claws to adamantium.

Other shit happens, she ends up being harshly trained (and punished) by Kimura, then 3 years later she got her first mission, was punished for not returning with Rice, ended up ordered to kill Sutter and his family and then she managed to kill Rice. Unfortunately Rice exposed her to “trigger scent” which sent her into a rage that killed Sarah. In her dying words, Sarah names her “Laura.”

Other stuff happens but I’m skipping it so fast-forward and Laura tracks Logan down to the x-mansion where she beats him in a fight. She tells him who she is, he says he already knows cuz he got a letter from Sarah telling him the whole story (??? okay sure) but before they can have a proper talk Steve Rogers arrests her.

She gets interrogated by Steve and Matt Murdoch. Matt claims she’s innocent given her backstory, but Steve wants her to atone for her murders. Ultimately, Steve frees her so she doesn’t get exploited by SHIELD as a weapon.

Laura joins the X-Men and immediately gets protective over Logan, even following him on missions.

Now for Evolution/11052 canon which is way fucking easier to get through!

Logan learns through SHIELD that Dr Deborah Risman, working for HYDRA, managed to create a female clone of him after 22 failed attempts. Her only codename was X-23. (She doesn’t get the name Laura in the cartoon but that might be cuz it was cancelled before the last season.)

Denied a normal childhood, X23 was lonely (seriously you actually see her hugging teddy bears in Kitty’s room and getting jealous over how happy the X-Men teens are). She’d never had a companion, spending most of her time honing her skills under observation.

She breaks into the X-Mansion, defeating the other X-Men, and eventually confronts Logan. Logan refuses to fight back against her, spending his time trying to talk to her instead. X23 lashes out, screaming “everything I am is because of you!”

Logan eventually catches her wrists, telling her he’s the one person who understands what she went through, and admits he had no idea about what they did to her. When X23 breaks down in his arms, Logan hugs her back, saying he’s the closest thing she has to family.

When SHIELD shows up to take her in, Logan tells her to run for it. Laura hesitates, not wanting to leave him (you can tell by her face) but Logan repeats the order. She leaves and Logan tells Fury to leave her alone because she’s been through enough.

(Also fun note, the reason Laura is white in the comics and not brown is bc they wanted her to look “more like Logan” apparently).

15: Mongrels (Earth 616)

Led by Gunhawk (William Downing, one with the bandana), the Mongrels team consists of Fire Knives (redhead girl), Shadowstalker (purple girl), Cannon Foot (the big boy) and Saw Fist (green mask), all children of Logan’s from various different mothers. Put together by The Red Right Hand, these mercs all have a hatred for Logan though it’s never explained why, and wanted to cause him as much pain as possible. During their final fight with him, Logan manages to kill them all but is devastated to learn they were, in fact, his children.

He ends up burying them with their respective mothers.

16: Raze Darkholme (Earth 13729)

Raze’s mom is Mystique, whom he killed and replaced some time in the future. His claws are really short and he uses shapeshifting to make them longer (lol). His shape-shifting is supposedly stronger then Mystique’s. The first time we see him, he’s impersonating Kitty Pryde in order to get close to Logan and strike him down.

Raze has an older half-brother, whose father is Xavier (yes really). Raze wants to kill the entire human population, and bring all persecuted mutants from the multiverse into one place to create a mutant paradise. This plan is ultimately stopped by an alt earth’s Phoenix.

17: Reine du Rien (Earth 616)

Reine (pronounced “ren”) is a french sorceress and I think she’s also half-romani. She has Logan’s healing factor and claws, which glow a faint blue, and her clans magic. Her mother, Sylvie, had a one-night stand with Logan in the 60′s specifically to create Reine so that their clan would have an immortal child capable of killing a demon called “Truth” so they wouldn’t have to rely on Logan anymore.

As per usual, Logan didn’t know about her. In 1989 Logan tracked down her hometown but was told to fuck off by her aunt because he wasn’t needed anymore. Unfortunately, he caught Reine’s scent and, not one to let things go, kept trying to talk to her whenever he happened to see her. In 2008, Reine finally confirmed she was his daughter and said her clan didn’t think she needed a name, but began calling her Reine which meant “nothing.” (Oof.)

After explaining that it wasn’t her he was trying to hunt, but Truth, Logan and Reine crossed their claws and promised to kill Truth together, thus setting them both free.

18: Rina Logan (Earth 982)

So! Rina’s mother is Elektra! She’s a skilled martial artist and gymnast. Her claws are made of psychic energy! She used to get bullied at school for being the child of an immigrant and unemployed biker, but then opinion changed when everyone saw Logan pick her up from school and learned that her mom was a wealthy martial arts master (lol get fucked). Rina is canonically a daddy’s girl, and a lot of heroes give her a wide berth because she’s considered as dangerous as Logan is.

#random facts #lore post #snikt family #and thats it! thats all of them!#god this took forever #my arms hurt from typing #condensing laura and daken's stuff was. a challenge #so much happens with them and it's h #anyways

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winemom-culture · 5 years

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You really had a kid at 18? Damn you fucked your life over for letting a guy cum inside you. Where is the father? Gone for a better younger looking girl ;)

y’know i was sitting here thinking like “how can i be funny about this and write it off” like i would normally given my online jokester persona but something cool happened tonight & i was prob gonna write about it anyways to sort out my thoughts so this is a beautiful opportunity

i really had a kid at 18 and i left the father at about 19, i had no school, had a minimum wage job, and i had a lot of shit to get together before i was ready mentally & emotionally to be married. I didn’t feel like his father was the best fit to support me through all that (as most 19/20 year olds aren’t) and not to mention, we objectively downright weren’t compatible, but continued clinging bc we were high school sweethearts. we were literally aware of this before we had a kid, but unfortunately shit happens- so we tried to make it work, but i eventually had to rip off a long overdue bandaid. i wanted more for my life.

shortly after we officially broke up, he started seeing my closest friend at the time. it stung, i won’t lie. even though i initiated the breakup, i felt very betrayed. he ended up getting her pregnant too, twice, and having two more kids- my son’s half brothers.

the hurt turned into rage & hate for a while afterwards. i spiraled into a very deep depression. i hated them. i hated them very personally, i had hateful people around me adding fuel to my fire for no good reason in retrospect, i instigated some petty fights, and swore i’d do everything in my power to keep my son away from them.

just this year i’ve started to not only be civil, but on good terms with them again. i realized i am very happy with the current state of my life. I’ve finished a trade degree and I’m still in school working towards a more long term goal, i have a really good job that i love, i’ve found faith, got a lot of close good friends, i recently started seeing someone who’s been emotionally supportive of me & i’m on better terms with my family than i have been in the last 3~ish years give or take. i realized that holding onto this hate in my heart is basically useless because i’m in the process of getting all those things that i was initially looking for when i broke it off- and it doesn’t do me, or my child, any good whatsoever.

tonight his dad & stepmom invited my family and i to their house to his 5th birthday party. we had a great time, and i can tell you one thing for sure is that my son is surrounded by a lot of people who love him. tomorrow his dad & his gf, my bf and i all take charlie and his little brother to disney world for the day to wrap up the birthday weekend.

so, that’s where the father is. go be miserable in another ask box!

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imkindanerdforlanguages · 5 years

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aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was actually right about everything about my crush and her maybe girlfriend! Full story below and some will be repeat if anyone’s actually been keeping up with this. Skip to the third to last paragraph if you only wanna hear what happened today and not all the back story. I wrote this mainly so I could look at it later and remember and it turned out wayyyy longer than expected

Ok so I’ve like this girl a long time and we’ve been friends never questioned too much of she liked girls or not so that was never really a problem. So cut to football season 2017. We’re both in marching band and that’s how we became friends that year. We ended up both being in the same English class that school year and I become good friends with some of her other friends, including her maybe gf. (Shout out to those friends they’re super great). Since I have a massive crush on her (it’s 2018 by now) I pay more attention to her and stuff and I kinda notice how she acted with maybe gf. Like paying attention to maybe gf like I payed attention to her, looking at her lips, always mentioning her, stuff like that. So I think “oh she likes her, oh well, I wish her the best.” I’m quite shy irl so I wasn’t gonna make a move or anything and I was content what it was, though hopeful that she’ll maybe like me someday. I hate if people come on too strong myself and kinda believe that feelings are just gonna be what they are, rather than things that can swung heavily (idk if that makes sense but whatever)

So summer break happens then we’re at marching band 2018 still got my crush, still hopeful but not expecting much bc I still notice things between my crush and maybe gf. I think maybe gf is straight (I know, I know I’m not for assuming people’s sexuality but it was what it was) maybe it was my feelings making me think that maybe gf would never reciprocate but anyways I mainly feel bad for my crush bc it looks she really likes this girl and I can relate lol. So homecoming comes and I really wanna slow dance with her but I miss my fucking chance bc I go to the bathroom. Oh well. She did grind on me at one point but all the girls in our group were so whatever it was nice but didn’t really mean anything. And I actually worked up the nerve to text her that she looked gorgeous at homecoming (which she did) and I’m still proud of myself for that

One day shortly after, we’re at a band competition in the warmup room chilling bc we’re waiting for the rain to stop so we can go on. We’re talking in a group and someone ends up asking her if she has a crush on maybe gf, and she quickly denies (and I think yeah right lol) but then they ask if she has a crush on me and she stutters our her denial. The way she did it made me think that maybe I had a chance (there were other things too of course like the occasional look, etc). So the next day I muster up all the courage I have and text her asking if she has a crush on me, she says no, and I confess that I like her to get it off my chest. I thank god that we still remained great friends after that. We actually haven’t brought it up since.

Then the next football game she’s asked if she’s ever kissed a girl and she says yes and I’m like ah ha! I bet they are actually dating. (Side note that I kinda came out to like have the band that night cause someone asked if I was straight and I said no). I get a text from maybe gf the next day asking for relationship advice (she had never mentioned that she was in a relationship before) or something (I can’t really remember anymore). She’s playing the pronoun game so I figure that it’s a girl she’s dating and she’s says so later and tells me she’s bi. I told her I was bi too and we bonded over that and stuff it was nice and brought us closer etc. She says she doesn’t wanna tell me who it is and I respected that but I kinda figured that it was my crush. I think oh well that sucks for me but I’m happy for them. For things like this I largely live by just flowing with life and seeing where it takes you. If I didn’t I’d probably literally explode from stress lmao

Over then next couple months she tells me various things about her relationship which went through ups and downs. She felt trapped and pressured to come out and like nobody else could ever love her (which I always denied). There was a rough patch where she overloaded me with emotional stuff (which I am not prepared to handle) but it’s not too relevant to the story other than that a lot of the things she said made me more sure that my crush was her gf bc it just sounded like how she would act (note that after this she pretty much stopped texting me about her gf so I didn’t really get anymore info)

Sidenote: I’m not too sure how healthy their relationship actually was and since I only ever got one side of it I’m still not too sure how much of what I was told was truthful vs exaggerated since maybe gf was going through a rough patch. There were things like her panicking bc her gf was talking about marriage (yikes) and coming out and stuff. But she also talked about how it was easy to not cheat bc there was no one else in our town and she would kiss other girls as like a shock factor thing at parties and be like “my gf shouldn’t get mad bc it’s not like fr” (also yikes). I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that both of them had things that weren’t the best but we’re teenagers and this was probably both of their first relationships so I’m not labeling them as bad people or anything. The biggest clue tho that my crush was her gf was that she said that her gf was the only person who knew all the terrible things about her/her life and since my crush was probably the closest to her I sorta assumed

Sidenote 2: some other things that made me sure of their relationship: my crush once got jealous of me in the group chat (she jokingly told me no to something, idk what anymore, and my crush was like what about me??? Lol), maybe gf kinda tripped and my crushes hand went to her waist in an intimate way to stabilize her, they were always each other’s lock screens, my crush would always give in to maybe gf (which sometimes I didn’t like bc I felt like she had to give into some things she shouldn’t have— not like really bad things but just kinda :/ and she’d have to apologize for playful insults even tho maybe gf said like the same level of insult), the eye contact when our teacher mentioned interracial sex lol, also the constant FaceTiming and calling that lowkey got on my nerves (nyc trip was the worst but really wasn’t that bad. It was mostly the jealousy that made it suck)

Sidenote 3: prom happened somewhere in here and we cuddled on the couch a bit but not like what your thinking, more like sat really close but it was nice. At one point she was like completely on top of me bc she was fighting with someone playfully

Anyways moving on to the end of the school year, I’m like 90% sure they’re dating, and I notice things seem tense between them. My crush would put her head down a lot and they would playfully insult each other with a bit more bite. They didn’t hang around each other as much as they used to, etc. I was just really picking up on some vibes. Eventually things seem to settle down a bit buts it’s the end of the year already and they’re graduating and stuff.

All three of us ended up doing this program at a university that lets kids work with scientists and learn about stem etc. we each work in different labs so we don’t see each other everyday but the group gets together like 1-2 times a week. During these, I notice that they just don’t seem as close, like they didn’t sit next to each other, phone lock screens aren’t each other, crush’s name in maybe gfs phone is her full name not nick name (though this could have always been that, I’m not sure), my crush no longer apologizes or cares as much if maybe gf gets a little mad (which she gets easily). Taking this with the tension before school got out into consideration, I figure that they must have broken up. Cool cool, maybe I have a chance but also she’s moving across the state for college in a month so :/

That brings us to the grand finale: today. So I have no idea really if they have broken up or if they were even together in the first place. But then maybe gf mentions that she is now dating this guy (which I approve of, he’s super sweet). I kinda suspected bc a picture of him was her lock screen, they had been hanging out a lot, initials in insta bios (which Ik should be a dead give away but she once said that she hates how people assumed that her and this other guy were together when she was dating her gf do I didn’t wanna assume anything) and I was like ah ha! At lest Ik that they aren’t dating now if they ever did in the first place. She invites me to come hang out with her, her bf and another couple that I’m good friends with tomorrow. So after I get home, partly bc I don’t wanna be the only single person there, partly bc I wanna see if I can weasel out the truth, and partly bc I may have day dreamed about us being all coupley too and maybe a kiss (oh how I wish). I text her and ask if my crush can come too so I’m not the only single person there. She texts back saying that it would be a good idea. So I figure it’s now or never so I ask if it’s bc they dated. She originally says no but then says admits that yes they dated but she broke up with her and they are still friends.

She basically says that she broke up with her bc she’s not ready to be out bc she doesn’t wanna lose some of her friends, wants to be normal, etc. she’s always been insecure, so it’s not too surprising for me. I sincerely hope that one day she reaches a place where she can be herself and not worry. I also feel bad for my crush bc I have a feeling that she’s probably still pretty hurt over it and I wish her the best too. I’m not gonna try to like make a move or anything bc a. I have no idea how long it’s been since the breakup and how she feels about it b. I’ve already expressed feelings so I don’t wanna be that person who keeps pusing after they’re rejected c. She’s moving like 6 hours away in a month

All in all I’m super surprised that I actually picked up on the fact that they were dating and had broken up bc I’m am not very emotionally intelligent at all. Honestly I doubt I would have picked up on much if I was paying such close attention bc of my crush. I spent like an hour+ writing this I can’t believe I actually had so much to say and it makes my life seem much more dramatic that it is. Thank you if you actually read all this or have kept up with my woes in the slightest bye

#i was gonna stufy chinese but i wrote this novel instead #me

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officialkendallroy · 5 years

Note

hello sab! how was your day?? what did you do this summer? are you ready for autumn ? fjsjdkkss oh i wanted to ask you are u still in school or do you study at uni/college? by the way this is my second year in my university haha!

hello!!! my day was fine!!! i just did some chores around the house and watched some youtube, in the afternoon i went to our garden and had a dip in our little pool bc it's so hot here at the moment!! and then i prepared dinner (my family and i had burgers sjdjdjdj) and watched some tv with my brother (we always watch this show where a cook goes to failing restaurants and helps them basically like hell's kitchen with gordon ramsay but in german) and yeah that's it!!! oh my summer was nice!!! i went to finland and met some friends and had lots of fun there!!! we stayed in a Finnish cabin and I went to a sauna for the first time in my life :D and to a hot tub as well!! It was so lovely!! And we went to Helsinki as well and had a wonderful time there (I miss it so much and all my wonderful friends as well :((( ) and I met my best friend there too and their gf and we spent a whole day together and it was so so so lovely and I miss them so much :((( Anyways shortly after that I went to amsterdam!!! there I met some friends as well (all of them included the ppl I met in Finland are friends from tumblr :') love that this shitty website made this possible). I got to see the rijksmuseum and the famous painting of rembrandt called "the nightwatch" WHICH WAS SO COOL!!!! As someone who loves museums and art and history the museum was a treat!!! And one of my favourite shows aka sense8 was shot there as well :') and we went to pride together!!! loved that so much :') I had such a lovely time!! so back in germany, my dad had his 2 week holiday and we went to dresden and visited some museums and the city and it was so lovely!! and on another day we went to the zoo in berlin and saw the pandas!!! the female panda is pregnant!!!!!!!! AHHHHH JSJSJSJSJ and yeah the rest of my summer was just me being lonely and depressed ksdhsjshdj I don't really have friends irl so I just had to stay home the entire time :(( But I'm seeing bastille on saturday and that's gonna be so good!!!

OH IM SO READY FOR AUTUMN!!! I don't like summer, it's always way too hot and I'm sweaty sjdhjdhsjd and autumn is so lovely!!! just the perfect weather :') and autumn means starting uni again which makes me excited!!!

Oh I studied English and social and cultural anthropology in Berlin but I hated it so much :((( i did that for two semesters but it made me so unhappy,,, i just wasted a year of my life basically. now I'm starting at new, smaller uni where I also gonna be living and hopefully be happier. I'm gonna do social work!!! I'm so excited for that bc I think that social work fits me well?? idk

how was your summer? did you do something nice? did you have fun as well? And what are you studying in uni? do you love it? or not so much? TELL ME EVERYTHING PLEASE!!!

#im so sorry this is so long #SJSHSJSHS #im also sorry if that made no sense #anon #asks

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alexisexeses · 5 years

Text

The ex’s ex

So I’ve been wanting to start this blog since I last broke up with my current ex about 1.8 years ago (lol) but since I was busy trying to make the relationship work again, I stepped away from this project. This is a very important project as well, since I feel girls need things to relate to, they need experiences outside their own, so that hopefully they don’t make the same effed up mistakes others before them have made. I’m 28 years old, I’ve been married, divorced, single, in a relationship... I’ve cheated, been cheated on, been with married men outside of my knowledge and also as a homewrecker (yes, I am ashamed, but I wanted to be transparent), Anyway, needless to say, I feel like I have a lot of advice to give to those women who have not had as much experience as I, or perhaps have had similar experiences... My first recommendation, per the above written, is that if you have tried it once and it failed... DO NOT TRY IT AGAIN, it will just be a temporary gratification for him and a waste of your time and energy for you! As women, we tend to have stronger attachments to things/people that show us attention, that make us feel pretty, that make us feel loved. I mean, we’re coming from a society that has long been telling us that we are not good enough, that there is better looking people out there, girls who have bigger boobs, asses, wallets, brains, muscles... prettier faces, better personalities, better jobs, better bodies, better lifestyles... you name it. So coming from this, naturally and scientifically (hormones and what not) we tend to be more caring and we tend to latch on more (science... motherly traits) to eye candy who show interest in us, even if it is not healthy. I’ll sum up the above relationship quickly and will at another point write more details on it... But basically, I got with him after I broke up with my husband of 4 years, and partner of 7 years. I’d like to deny that he was a rebound, but to be honest, he probably was. I worked with him and he was sweet, he had an amazing smile and I felt like i could talk to him for hours about everything. One day he made me some CD’s ( we both love music) and he wrote his number in one of them. I ignored the number because I was in a relationship, however, when my husband and I broke up, I decided to call the number. Shortly after, we dated, I fell in love, I knew he was a player, but I was hoping he had changed, we tried it out, had fun and then he left me. Later on, I found out he cheated on me multiple times. 8 months go by... I’m single, getting over this dumb boy and then decide I am ready to booty call him (he is amazing in bed!) and so it is.. We do the deed, he falls in love with me, promises to be faithful and be the best man for me and says that his greatest regret was cheating on me. Fast forward 1.5 years later and I am single again, after having found out that yes.. you guessed it... HE CHEATED AGAIN!!! And it got worse... Upon finding this out, I tried to make it work, but my trust had been shattered and I was being snoopy and found a video of him getting a blow job in our house, on our couch!!! And... that’s another story for another day, but you see... TOXIC, not worth it!

DON’T DO IT!!!

So now.. About the ex’s ex.. During the 8 months my ex and I were not dating, he had a lot of experiences. It was my first time in my adult life being single, so.. I had experiences of my own (more than I am proud of, but his were double the amount.) ANYWAY, when we got back together, he asked me why I was still single and i told him about some of my crazy dating stories, and he told me the amount of people he had slept with when we were apart and mentioned that he tried dating a girl, but not really a relationship since it was short and they never got past the dating stages.. and so I thought, eww on the number of people he slept with, [although a higher amount than mine, mine was still pretty eww to me (and to him) as well] and okay on him not being in a relationship there after. BUT, I do not judge, and I know that people have the power to change if they want and I know that I am not perfect and that my past should not define me, so I gave him the same courtesy..

GOLDEN RULE: TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED ( I live by this!) Anyway, I’ve been single for about 1.6 months now... (lol) and I’ve been trying to start up my instagram following so that I can make extra money for school and rent... So I’ve been putting in work and adding people left and right and one day, I get a message from a girl, she tells me not to message her back but to text her, and so she sends me her number..

I text this girl only because she has a familiar area code and her IG profile indicates she is a real human being, and so she proceeds to ask if I am her ex’s gf/ex gf.... And so far... That’s where I’ll leave the story. I will let ya’ll know what comes of this later. I know it’s probably not wise to speak to this woman, but I am curious, because clearly... and it is becoming more clear that I did not know the man that I was with, and for all the time we spent together and all the love I had... this man is more of a stranger than I thought, and as a Sociology major.. I’m curious to see what she says and to discover more about him in order to analyze why he is is the way he is..

TBC...

#relationships #relatable #relationshipadvice #dating #girlproblems #cheatin #blog #vice #cheating

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littlebloogirl · 3 years

Text

20 Questions

@a-sirius-crush-on-moony tagged me in this!! Ily Hannah

1: what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Atlas, like the Titan.

2: when is your birthday?

January 5th

3: where do you live?

The U.S 🤠

4: three things you are doing right now?

Right now: Watching Kitchen Nightmares, FaceTiming Lizzie ( @chaoticgarbagepailsister ) and texting my gf

5: four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

I’m answering how Hannah answered, fandoms that I’m not a part of that interest me. Supernatural, as someone who was here in like 2016 oh my god these past couple of months have been entertaining. Teen Wolf only bc I’ve heard the Sterek timeline and I am so sorry for you all. Homestucks are interesting, but they intimidate me and I am too lazy to get into that and I don’t really think I want to. I don’t have a fourth so one that I recently got into is Hannibal and I love it so much. Chilton is my absolute favorite and his luck is really shitty and I just wanna give him a hug, although right now that probably hurt worse for him-

6: how has the pandemic been treating you?

Absolutely terrible. I got super depressed over summer “break” and basically never talked to my gf, only to Lizzie about Harry Potter bc that’s all that was keeping me afloat. This caused my gf and i to take a break shortly after school started back bc even though we saw each other now it was still strained. We’re together still though and everything is so much better, I even got her into Harry Potter!

7: a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Our Word from 36 questions. It’s the only song I’ve heard from this musical but it’s been stuck in my head.

8: recommend a movie.

I don’t watch many movies, but the IT movies for horror fans are really good imo. Enola Holmes is also super good.

9: how old are you?

10: school, university, occupation, other?

I’m in high school, I’m physical because online school absolutely killed my grades. It’s really weird, we all wear masks and have a block schedule. Three classes a day, each 1 hour and 40 minutes and one of the days sucks a lot.

11: do you prefer heat or cold?

Cold bc I hate sweating and I can never be comfortable if I’m too hot

12: name one fact others may not know about you.

Uhhh friends know this but I’m 99% sure I have ADHD (causing my hyperfixations and a whole lot of other shit) but my parents won’t get me diagnosed.

13: are you shy?

Kind of? I’m shy around new people but really loud with friends, social anxiety gang

14: your pronouns?

They/Them

15: biggest pet peeves?

People inserting themselves into my relationship or making assumptions abt it when they haven’t had/have barely had relationships of their own.

16: what is your favorite “dere” type?

Himedere

17: rate your life from 1-10.

Uhhh 7/10 I love my gf and Lizzie but quarantine can go to hell

18: what’s your main blog?

This one

19: list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

@spookybloogirl is used to reserve my Halloween/October username

20: Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

I’m loud and opinionated, and you can’t be mean/harsh with me when I’m excitedly talking about one of my interests bc I’ll get upset.

I tag @chaoticgarbagepailsister bc her and Hannah are my only mutuals here

#🖤 post

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pressingtobinheath · 7 years

Text

Nikki and Sam masterpost (Samton)

Well it all started when Sam Kerr joined her best buddy Caitlin Foord at Sky Blue FC after the 2015 WWC. Despite popular belief Sam and Caity never dated. It’s fake news and alternative facts... anyway

Summer 2015

Sammy joins Sky Blue! and they seem to be hanging out a lot

A post shared by Sam Kerr (@samanthakerr20) on Aug 9, 2015 at 10:55am PDT

Sky Blue season ends and Sammy heads back to Australia

Australia Season 1 (US Fall 2015- US Winter 2016)

but then.. a wild Nikki appears in Australia to play for Sam’s home team Perth Glory

A post shared by Sam Kerr (@samanthakerr20) on Oct 12, 2015 at 11:35pm PDT

Posted on Billie (Sam’s dog) instagram: Nap time with @gutinikki7 ☺️

Sammy gets injured and Nikki post this insta wishing her luck on surgery

They continue posting pics post surgery (First selfie Sam post of just them, pay attention to the caption)

samanthakerr20 🎯

Nikki is still in Australia and going on adventures with Sam

Nikki goes on family vacay with Sam’s family

They come back from vacay and Sam continues to show her around, now featuring Dibernardo

This is the last post of Australia Season 1

samanthakerr20 😋 😠 (her caption for the post below

nikkiguti7🙋🏼😊 (nikki comments)

Sam nor Nikki bares each other goodbye on social media

Sky Blue 2016 - NWSL Season

Before Sam arrives in NJ she begins to do what she does best: Embarrassing and making fun of Nikki.

Nikki’s only strike back is correcting Sams terrible grammar. Grubka decides to do the same and Sam refers to Nikki as a peasant

April - Sammy finally comes back to SBFC (Still rehabbing from injury)

and influences Nikki’s way of eating

May comes and Rachel Breton begins to spill the tea via her insta go pro vids

They attend a baseball game (Confirms what we all expected) - May 30, 2016

WHAT’S THAT? That’s Sammy holding her girl as they walk into the stadium

Heres the Rachel Breton videos of tea being spilled 🍵🍵🍵🍵

A post shared by Rachel Breton (@rachiebret) on Jun 5, 2016 at 6:01pm PDT

A post shared by Rachel Breton (@rachiebret) on May 27, 2016 at 12:59pm PDT

Then things begin to add up as the season goes on...

Sam is wearing Nikki’s shirt from her high school* (Breton actually didn’t spill this tea, Nikki did it herself on insta)

They go and see the GOAT of Mens soccer aka Messi play even though Sam is a Real Madrid fan 🤢

June 25th, 2016 Sam can finally play again, gets subbed in and scores basically right away. She then full on SWERVES her teammate to run to Nikki who’s on the sidelines. Sam did an arrow podcast not that long ago where she talked about almost giving up due to her last injury, so her finally scoring and being healthy was a big deal. (gif credit to @uswntinmotion )

youtube

Resulting in the best SBFC picture that they use for everything.

Back to normal posting as they both post the same selfie

Sammy leaves for the Olympics in mid July

Kimmy post this picture of the housemates as Sammy leaves ( I cropped them because Nikki looks all teary-eyed)

Nikki post this shortly after wishing her the best of luck in Rio.

nikkiguti7 Good luck in the Olympics @samanthakerr20 👋🏼👋🏼!!! #riobaby

Sam randomly posts this picture at the end of July after a game (obvi missing Nikki, we find out this becomes a theme: Sleeping nikki pics)

samanthakerr20 Mood .

And then the Olympics begin and a wild Nikki appears in Brazil wearing Sam’s jersey and traveling with the Kerrs (the small fandom is shook) Unfortunately we never get a picture of them together at the Olympics.

nikkiguti7 What a game. What a stadium. What a group!!! 🇦🇺⚽️💪🏾 #aussie #aussie#nicegoalsammy #kanga #andnicewinusa

nikkiguti7 Had the most amazing time in Brazil!! Didn't get mugged, or get Zika! Met some great people, watched some great soccer, and got to be part of 50 Aussie fans in a stadium of 60,000 Brazil fans. Thanks for all the Aussies for being so great 😊 Now back to New Jersey to get back to work! We got some unfinished business 🇧🇷⚽️💪🏾🔹🔸 #greatjobmatildas#didntgetmybraids

(comment on post) samanthakerr20 🐨

The Matildas are eliminated and Sam post this on instagram

samanthakerr20Leaving Rio tonight to head back to Jersey. Thank you to my amazing support crew for always being there for me on this roller coaster journey! Back to Jersey to rejoin @skybluefc & push for play offs! #grateful 🇦🇺

They return back to Sky Blue Fc and back to normal frat dad/flop activities

such as: Boat life

Attending Red Bull games

and sleeping Nikki

Sam being a good gf

Sams birthday - Sep. 10th

nikkiguti7 Happy Birthday to my best friend @samanthakerr20! I hope that you have the best day and it's the best year yet!! Im so happy that you're in my life. You are one of a kind! 23 never looked so good🦄🤖🐶😍👌🏽👵🏽👵🏽👵🏽!! #idiothead

Sam posts a pic for national peanut day aka calling her girlfriend a peanut aka saying she’s cute.

Sky Blue has a last Cloud 9 event to celebrate the season and this cropped part of a team photo emerges. THE FANDOM IS SHOOK.

They don’t make it to the playoffs (I don’t want to talk about it) and Sam heads back to Australia early but they interact on twitter briefly

Everyones like “stay in seattle?” 🤔😏

and Mid october Nikki is headed to Australia gain

Australia - Perth Glory 2016-2017

(Screenshot credit to @stephcat )

Nikkis birthday in Australia. Sammy being cute.

samanthakerr20 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Spending her birthday having coffee with cats 🐱☕️ So happy to have you in AUS for another birthday 🎉👌🏽 @nikkiguti7

Australia continues

samanthakerr20 Uhh 😍

And so do the adventures

(Screenshots of instastory credit to @pughnation )

They puppy sit for some friends

(screenshot credit to @pughnation ) It’s a video of Sam showing the puppys, cricket and then ending on Nikki.

(following two screenshots from @agent-sarahwalker )

Christmas at the Kerrs feat. Nikki, Dibernardo and Mautz

Australia 2017

New Years Eve ( Vid of Nikki holding Sam from behind, it’s cute and worth the click)

They attend the Aussie open with Dibernardo on Jan 5

Club time

Twitter banter over own goal scoring

Dry waterfalls in Aus.

They both get suspended for the same match. Couples that get suspended together stay together?

Sammy gettin jealous

Back to Adventures

and the sleeping pics continue in australia

Perth Glory makes it to the grand final of the W league

However they sadly lose to Melbourne City and Nikki along with Mautz and Dibernardo are headed home while Sam prepares for Matildas camp

samanthakerr20 Sad to see my 3 American buddies head back home! Been a blast, See you all soon 🇦🇺🛫🇺🇸🛬

🤔

Feb. 24 Sam is away with the Matildas in Portugal and post this

samanthakerr20 Dreaming 💭💦

nikkiguti7 This is you: 😝

samanthakerr20 @nikkiguti7 this is you 🐸

nikkiguti7 No this is me: 👸🏼

And then she post this on her dogs instagram.

(Also note, Nikki wearing Sams shorts from AusWNT.)

Nikki’s fave part of Aus 2017

March 26th Sam bids Aus fairwell on insta and includes these pics on her insta ( i cropped the one)

NWSL 2017 - PRESENT

Sam’s back to being an ass on instastory

but she’s back and they’re living together again with Kelley, Taylor Lytle and Sarah Killion

being typical flops again

This tweet becomes important in a few posts.

First game of the season in Seattle which is Nikki’s hometown and also on Easter weekend.

Nikki takes over SBFC snapchat

Quality time with the parents

They stay in Seattle to celebrate Easter and hike

nikkiguti7 Happy Easter from the top of this mountain #hikers

They come back from Seattle and Sam gives Nikki a fresh pair of Nike’s taking care of her girl for the season

April 20th, 2017 they begin a family... okay not really but they brought Brooklyn home from the shelter to foster her

They go away for a game and rookie Kayla Mills blesses us with A++ content on her snapchat takeover. (Not sure since it’s early in the season if the rookie didn’t know, didn’t know that we all know or that nobody generally cared)

Best house at SBFC aka the Frat House

Sam leaves for Australia and misses the next game but wins a major award from the W- League,

When Sam gets back to Jersey, she post on her instastory a picture of a card and balloon waiting for her on her bed back at the frat house

Referencing this tweet becomes important

Because Nikki posted this picture while Sam was away

Anyway the inference is that they live in the same room at the frat house

Back to their family

I wonder who she sleeps with?

Sam and her bike helmet being a derp

Kelley is their constant third wheel

Happy family

Sam’s instastory of her little family sleeping

another one of Brooklyn on their bed

Recent FIFA - June

They go hiking in Utah

and take a helicopter tour of the grand canyon ( which im surpised sam did since she said she absolutely hates flying)

Current - Mid June

Back with Brooklyn after FIFA Break

Sam wearing Nikki’s Perth Glory shorts

Embarrassing Nikki asking her Curry or Lebron.. and Nikki chooses Curry while wearing a Lebron shirt that is clearly Sams

June 17, 2017

Portland vs. Sky Blue

After Sam’s 2nd goal

At the end of the game (Sheridan ships it) heres the vid of this

http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/161953058178/scnnett-look-how-happy-she-is-oh-you-got-it credit to @scnnett

After the Portland game they stay in Oregon to celebrate Fathers Day with Nikki’s dad

Giving the people what they want at Volleyball Tuesdays

End of June/Beg of July 2017

Goal celebration hugs

Riding Bikes on 4th of July - Click for link

July 9th game, Sam scored a hattrick to win the game 3-2 in 12 minutes right at the end. Post game hugs and tweets

After game day snuggles with Brooklyn

http://padfootnprongs21.tumblr.com/post/162799775646/nikkis-my-spirit-animal vid posted by Sammy of Nikki and Brookyln

http://padfootnprongs21.tumblr.com/post/162942060821/i-am-still-nikki-nikki-is-still-me - another one

Game Day 7/15/17

After game Frat Dad activities

Boat days are back!

Featuring a not so impressed Nikki and Sam just living life

wait there’s the smile

and the abs

End of July 2017

Sleeping in Seattle

Nikki irish step dancing and Sam recording her calling her a “flog”

Tournament of Nations

- coffee in Seattle

Australia vs. USA - Nikki is there, we hear she’s in street clothes but her dad is wearing a Kerr jersey

Be your girls biggest fan

Sammy and the Matildas win the Tournament of Nations and Nikki can’t wait for Sam to get home

Sam’s flight gets delayed on the way back to Jersey and a Sky Blue Cloud 9 member tells me that Nikki rushed out of the Washington game saying she had to get Sam from the airport.

They’re back and go on a mini golf date ((August 2017)

and to the beach

https://scnnett.tumblr.com/post/164182577728/she-got-it-from-kelley - Sam scaring Nikki

http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/164226533858 - Nikki cuddling Brooklyn with her legs on Sam

Sam gets nominated for Fifa Womens Play of the Year

Sam scores 4 goals in the Sky Blue FC vs. Reign game. Reclaiming her 1st place spot in the golden boot race, extending her record for NWSL All Time Scorer, becoming the first person to score a hattrick 2 times in one season, becoming the first to. score 4 goals in one in league history.

When the final whistle blows Nikki eats kisses Sam’s ear

http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/164424572937/anyway-heres-the-clip-of-nikki-eating-kissing - Here’s the link

Here’s pic by pic ( credit to @uswnt-tobin )

Days after the game they visit DC because Sam’s mom is visiting

Mini gold with Sam’s mum

http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/164679192478 - Sam attacking Nikki with a stuffed snake

Presents!

8/26 Nikki assist Sam’s goal against Boston

http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/164760751973/dashonkelley-these-two - Sam messing with Nikki during her post game interview

Another sleeping pic

Brooklyn taking over the bed

(Nikki’s story)

Sams story

Coffee Dates

- http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/164756403758/coffee-date

THE PICTURE THAT SHOOK US ALL 8/28

http://pressingtobinheath.tumblr.com/post/164839490870/im-brooklyn-getting-yelled-at-in-the-background - Sammy doesn’t really care about the flowers Nikki is painting

US Open with the Frat dads

Stud muffin!

Sam’s birthday!

http://dashonkelley.tumblr.com/post/165206770910/happy-birthday-sammy - Sammy’s surprise birthday party at McDonalds

Holding Nikki as they walk into Mcdonalds

Rachel Breton and Taylor Lytles live insta describing this as. “Their natural habitat” (playing cards)

Visiting Brooky girl at her new home

Picking up new foster dog (Nikki wearing #20 Australia shorts)

“Who’s gonna wash your pants? (Nikki to Sam) “You are cause you’re her girlfriend” - quote from Maddy Tiernan

Season ends... time for Australia 2017/2018

Missing cuddles

Counting down the days

*Reached video limit so I have to just put links

*Shoutout to @scnnett for offering help and trying to help me get the videos even though I failed

*Shoutout to. @voices-from-above for encouragement

*Shoutout to anyone whose post I used, I credited them and everything else I got myself

*They don’t have a ship name.. - send me suggestions

*If I’m missing content submit it or put it in an ask and I’ll look for it

*I’m thinking they’ve been together almost 2 years

*Sammy is 23 and Nikki is 26, they’ll be 24 and 27 in the fall

*GUTI stands for get used to it and was Nikki’s nickname in college because she used to tackle hard and say “get used to it”

*If I made a grammatical mistake, forgive me I’ve been doing this. for 2 hours and I’m over it. I’ll fix it eventually.

*Thank you and enjoy this wonderful ship

*We’ve been exposed. Evacuate. Nikki liked a tweet about this post.

#masterpost #nikki and sam masterpost #nikki stanton #sam kerr #sky blue fc #auswnt #nwsl #perth glory #w league #woso couples #UPDATED

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darthsuki · 7 years

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Hey dad, I've got a problem. I've known this friend of mine for years and we dated for a while but it didn't work out. I dated one other guy in the time where he and I didn't talk (I'm the anon that also talked about the admin whom we could call Daddy, if you remember) and now we're friends again. Our conversations usually end up with a lot of sexual tension and while I've decided that I don't love him anymore I still take advantage of the tension, if I can call it that. (1/?)

I still live with my parents and they’re on vacation this week so I told him I’d be cool with voice/video calls. Again this ended with sexual tension and we ended up doing some mutual masturbation (we were both reading doujinshi) and it was okay. We both weren’t noisy (but I did let out a lot of sighs especially during the end) so it almost felt like I was just masturbating alone. Now he knows I don’t love him and the chance of us getting together is p much zero but he still likes me. (2/?)

He doesn’t care what I want to do, he trusts me enough to do basically whatever. I know he’d never use anything against me if that makes sense. Now the worrying part. While we were chatting I had fun but I keep wondering if maybe I do like him, but I always come to the conclusion that I don’t. The other guy I dated (I’ll call him W) I know for sure that I loved him. I felt comfortable doing whatever with him and that we were a good couple (even tho I ended up being wrong in the end) (3/?)

With this friend (I’ll call him P) I know I can tell him anything but I don’t want to date him. He told me after last night that we don’t have to speak of it again if I didn’t want to, or could try again. Thing is, we were looking for a time where we could meet up again (since we’re long distance) but after overthinking a lot again last night I don’t wanna see him for a while. When I thought about dating him I just couldn’t see it. P’s romantic, but I don’t want to be part of it. (4/?)

With W, I could imagine us doing everything, to just normal couple stuff and anything on a sexual level (we had almost exactly the same kinks) but I just don’t even like imagining myself with P. With W I felt beautiful and happy and such, with P I guess it just feels more platonic than anything? I feel really bad “using” him to feel less lonely. W has a new gf and I’m happy for him because I still lowkey love him, but I feel that it’s unfair because I’m a great gal as well.(5/?)

My relationship with W was ldr so I never saw him outside of my phone’s screen. That’s why I tell people I haven’t ever been in a relationship. I see people around me dating and being happy and I love tumblr imagines but I get scared when thinking of dating. Like I’m not worth being loved, but I have a lot of love to give. I’m a little clingy, love romance (and my kinks) (6/?)

I’m a senior in high school this year and I’ve accepted I won’t get a good relationship until I go to college. I’m trying to lose weight to feel better about myself but I also know relationships aren’t everything. What I’m trying to ask is, what should I tell P? I don’t wanna hurt his feelings but I feel uncomfortable doing “couple things” with him. And should I be worried about a relationship? Tysm (7/7)

Long answer short: you should absolutely tell P that you do not feel the same way that he seems to feel for you. I have a very personal story about a similar relationship that I myself had in high school, which I look back on with some regret because I was too passive and didn’t communicate or work for what made me happy.

Longer answer under the cut bc it’s a bit long

I started dating someone in high school that I had a mutual friend with–for the most part, he was part of my friend group that sat together at lunch, hung out during in-school free time, ect. I was at a time in my life where I wanted to be in a relationship and utterly romanticized the idea without being very knowledgeable or experienced in myself or what I wanted (I was questioning my sexuality, gender, and a billion other things at the time). Though my ex at the time (lets call him R) was more or less a sweet guy, he was obviously very inexperienced and had way more romantic (or perhaps only sexual) feelings towards me. I wanted to be in a relationship and so I stayed with him, even though I eventually decided that my feelings for him were purely platonic. This became an increasing issue for me; it made me stressed and anxious, constantly second-guessing my own wants simply so that I didn’t upset anyone.

I was with R for a total of years, and while he was a good friend, he was definitely not someone I should have been dating, and not nearly for that long. Among problems that made it a bad romantic relationship, I simply didn’t share any romantic or sexual attraction to him, and almost got to the point where I told myself I was straight-up broken and that fictional relationships had ruined my ability to feel love for other people (a total cop-out excuse, but I nevertheless believed it). It wasn’t until shortly I graduated that I finally stood up for how I felt and told him that I didn’t share his romantic feelings and we broke up, but not without a shit-ton of guilt-tripping where he tried to convince me otherwise (keep in mind this was the SECOND break-up attempt, because the first time a year prior, he guilt-tripped me and won, furthering my self-doubt).

Because I didn’t prioritize my feelings over others, I was in a relationship for 3 years that I was absolutely unhappy with and, to some degree, felt extremely uncomfortable with. I like to blame that for my inexperience and lack of self-confidence at the time, along with the turmoil that came with trying to figure out my sexuality and gender in a very cisheteronormative home.

Always prioritize how you feel when it comes to any relationship–the moment you start to make excuses, that’s when its worth really flies out the window. You will definitely hurt yourself when you don’t remember to keep your wants and needs in the forefront of your mind, and I absolutely say that you need to tell P how you feel, regardless of how he’ll feel or take it. He is not entitled to your love, your feelings, your anything. A relationship is based on mutual respect, adoration, and a desire to encourage and help the other people involved in it. It is ALWAYS mutual.

If he can’t respect that you don’t share romantic or sexual feelings for him, if he can act like an adult and understand that no attraction is obligated to become something more, then you shouldn’t affiliate with him at all in all honesty.

On the same topic of relationships, I learned a bit of a hard way that you’re honestly better off looking for them once you’re out of high school. I know this can seem weird, but the romanticism of being in a relationship–especially when you’re younger/still in high school–can lead to a lot of inexperienced people hurting themselves and others because they don’t yet understand what they want out of a relationship.

It wasn’t until I got my feelings and self together that I was emotionally prepared to be in a relationship I would consider deep and fufilling in all honesty, and that’s the one that I’m currently in with my two partners. I’m gonna be 23 next month, if that’s any sense of an anchor-point for where you’re at. It’s nice to be in a relationship, I won’t deny that! It’s helped me learn even more things about myself in a healthy environment, such as me being trans and asexual, but it’s also because the people I’m with understand that we have to put our needs first and worth them out together.

As long as you stay safe, focus on your needs and desires, and work hard on being confident to stick to your guns to make sure that whatever relationship you may find yourself in is healthy and mutual, then you don’t have anything to worry about. Just enjoy life one day at a time as best as you can, and I’m always here if you ever need any other advice or help with something.

#sukirambles #sukianswers #Anonymous

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