#lol social media is nothing compared to real life attention and smiles

[mimibtsghost7]

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

#Anonymous #hobisbeautifulass #don't mind the typos as I wrote this in one go #just because I am someone who do not punch back when someone hit me do not mean I will stand nicely when you touch my people #anyway~ bye~ #mimibtsghost

[greatfay]

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

[sakura-blossom28]

Modern Day Romance

Chapter 1

So I gave up on my other Gaara x Sakura fanfiction lol but it just made me sad to write.  So I’m writing this one and hopefully, it’ll be a little bit more upbeat since I myself and doing better.  I put a lot of myself into this, but I also want to make the best situations for the characters and hope I’ll be in a good relationship one day too!  Just trying to speak into the universe through writing and getting my feelings out there as well cause it has been rough the last few months.  Thought I was doing better but life always has other plans! 

Obviously, this is a modern au, but no COVID in this world cause I don’t want it! lol please let me know what you think!  Also planning on the next chapter to be Gaara’s perspective to change up my writing style!  

I do not own Naruto!  

...

No.  No.  Too short.  Too far away.  Swipe, swipe, swipe.

Sakura laid in her bed looking at the eligible bleachers that were in a 20 mile radius.  The internet had turned into her only means of dating in the last few years.  Having finished her master’s in nursing while working on top of that with her mentor, she finally was ready for a serious relationship.  It was harder than she initially thought.  

With the start of summer right around the corner, Sakura was finally ready to get back out there.  She got out of a very serious one-sided relationship back in the winter, right as she was finishing school, that left her devastated beyond repair, or so she thought, but she pushed through and devoted herself to finishing with top marks.  It took a lot of time to get over her ex, but it was worth it.  All those endless nights of crying over her textbooks allowed her to do some real digging and showed her that the person she loved with her whole heart was in fact, not good enough for her.  

It was strange getting over someone you thought you loved. For Sakura, it was easy getting over him but the hard part was that she lost her friends in the process.  They had chosen him over her, and it was finally obvious.  That’s what was killing Sakura at the moment.  

Earlier that day was Sakura’s day off in what felt like forever.  She was so excited to finally be able to spend time with her friends that she woke up early to be able to make plans with them.  Sakura text Hinata and TenTen first because she knew Naruto wouldn’t answer and she never really was that close to Neji. She had a beach day in mind, she was so pale compared to everyone else she saw because she was always at work or in trying to get some studying in.  

It didn’t take too long to get an answer from Hinata, but unfortunately, both girls were busy that day and wouldn’t be able to see her.  Bummed by the news Sakura crawled back into bed not sure what she would do now.  The beach wasn’t worth driving all the way there to pay for just herself.  She decided to lay in bed for a little while longer hoping that she could think of something fun to do by herself.

When Sakura awoke she lazily was scrolling through her social media accounts and saw something that made her heart drop into her stomach.  There on Hinata’s story was her and everyone else already at the beach.  Everyone was smiling and having a good time from what it seemed.  Sakura even noticed a new girl with red hair and glasses that she had never seen before.  Then next to the girl was him.  

Sakura made sure after the breakup that she muted everything on social media to help her heal.  She also made a strict rule to never look at any of his profiles because it would just upset her more.  Their relationship was over and there was no going back.  She was getting better.  The sight of his name liking things on Naruto’s page didn’t upset her so much anymore, which was a big sign of progress to Sakura.  In all honesty, Sakura felt okay seeing his face and seeing this new girl that he was clearly with.  She was more upset with her friends. Sure they had been there for her when they first broke up, but this wasn’t the first time that Sakura knew they were all hanging out and didn’t attempt to invite her.

They chose him.  Time to let them go, the voice in her mind said.  

This old habit had come back to her within the last year.  A sign to Sakura about how unhappy she was with Sasuke because that voice always tried to warn her about the red flags, but Sakura was too stubborn to listen.  Now it seemed that voice was the only person she talked to anymore.  

Why are they doing this?  I thought we all could have gotten along once in a while.  Didn’t he say I should still be friends with them?

Clearly, they don’t think the same way.  You knew your friendship with them had an expiration date.  They’re hurting you.  We don’t let people do that anymore remember? 

Sakura weeded through a lot of unhappy thoughts to get where she was today. She made a lot of promises to herself to be stronger than she used to be. Somehow she lost a sense of herself along the way and she would never sacrifice that again no matter who it was, friend or partner.  

She closed the app and went to text her best friend Ino.  They were so close and could tell each other everything, but Ino moved away to the city a few years ago and was living life to the fullest in Sakura’s eyes.  She had only met Sasuke once and Sakura didn’t reach out when they broke up anyway.  Ino just seemed so busy to Sakura that she didn’t want to bother her.  She could really use a friend right now.  

It seemed like every person she thought of was in a relationship besides herself. Why was dating so hard for her?  Everyone else was clearly doing something she wasn’t.  She never even had a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months.  She couldn’t even go out and meet someone at a bar because now she had no friends to go out with, not that Hinata and TenTen would have gone with her anyway.  All their comforting words came back to her when she first got dumped, was it all a lie?

Sakura was the type of person to say something and mean it.  If she said she’d help then she would even if it was months down the line, she would always keep her word.  Hinata and TenTen promised they would still be friends and hang out, but that only happened once.  A few messages now and again, but Sakura definitely felt a weird shift with Hinata one day.  It had been months after the breakup and Sakura was having a bad day and tried to talk to her about it, but at the mention of Sasuke and how upset he used to make Sakura because he ignored her all the time, Hinata clammed up and almost refused to believe Sasuke would have done something like that.  From that day on, Sakura never brought him up again.  

Jumping out of bed, Sakura was already tired of feeling bad for herself.  Anger always helped her move forward.  If they couldn’t be fair and hang out with both of them, then fine, she would find new friends!  No one was ever going to waste her time again!  She got herself ready for a day devoted to things that made her happy.

X

The men in her area left a lot to be desired.  For some reason, the only guys who seemed to like her were incredibly short.  Her not being that tall herself it shouldn’t have bugged her, but with past dates with guys that were short always turned out horrible for her, so she stayed clear.  Any decent guy that she found always seemed to be just too far away or even out of state which irritated her to no end.

The following weeks were a challenge for Sakura.  Matching with a few different guys was exciting, but none seemed too interested in her enough to ask her out and they just ended up ghosting her.  Some were a bit more forward in just coming out and saying they were looking for a casual fling.  At least these guys had the decency to be outright in what they wanted.  Sakura respectfully declined each offer.  

Finally, after talking to a nice guy named Zaku, things seemed to be looking up for Sakura.  They talked for about two weeks before he finally asked her out. The date was pleasant enough, but Sakura just didn’t feel that spark that she craved. Maybe it’ll get better, she thought, but alas Sakura had no such luck.  

A week passed after the date and Zaku made no effort in saying he wanted to see her again.  It frustrated Sakura to no end.  Here she was giving all the effort once and to have nothing reciprocated.  Sure there was no spark, but she thought it was a good change of pace after being totally obsessive over Sasuke. She thought maybe the guy would like her more, but this is exhausting.  They ended things amicably, but Sakura felt a bit hurt when he didn’t really give a reaction when she said they should see other people.  

Since then no one had really caught her attention.  Sure she was matching with guys, but once again they would stop talking to her after a few days.  Sakura was about to give up all hope and just accept that love wasn’t meant for her when a guy named Gaara popped up on her scene.  Now he typically wasn’t her type, but there was something about him that made her want to look at him more.

He was 5’10”, red hair, and had green eyes that were a very close shade to hers.  He seemed to be the polar opposite to her.  He mostly wore dark clothing but in a very tasteful way.  He definitely had his own style and fashion sense which was really refreshing.  Gaara wasn’t smiling in most of his pictures, but the last picture of his profile must have been taken by one of his friends at a party because he was laughing with a guy with big eyebrows who had a funny look on his face.  He looked so handsome and attractive to Sakura in that picture that she instantly liked it.  

She quickly realized what she had done and checked over her own profile to make sure nothing was too embarrassing on there.  She tried to think of some cute answers to put on there and some pictures of her over the years.  Nothing was that recent because all the pictures from the last year had been deleted. Looking over the pictures she seemed normal enough, but she was worried that Gaara would think she’s too preppy for him to like her.  The only thing that stood out to her was her music taste.  She did like a few rock bands, so hopefully that would intrigue him.  

Sakura hadn’t felt this much attraction for someone in a long time.  She looked over his profile and tried to memorize everything.  She didn’t even care if he was out of state.  Thankfully he was about a 20 minute drive away from where she lived.  The only issue she found with him was that he smoked, but maybe he would be considerate and not smoke around her.  One picture was him sitting by a window reading a book as he was surrounded by many potted cacti.  Sakura could just picture the rest of the room and imagine the two of them spending time together just relaxing.  

Don’t do that to yourself.  He didn’t even like you back yet, don’t go imagining things, the voice said.

Sighing, Sakura knew the voice was right.  She always got herself into a mess thinking about things before they happened.  She knew this bad habit caused a lot of problems for herself when she was in a relationship with someone.  She built up this imaginary person in her mind and got upset when they didn’t act that way in real life.  On the other hand, it did help her to see that the guys she was dating weren’t a right fit for her because she was imagining the bare minimum of a decent relationship.  

She was about to turn off her phone and do something else with her time, but she got a new notification.  Gaara has matched with you!  See what he said.

With her body moving faster than her mind, she opened the message.   

Ch 2 

#gaara x sakura #Sakura Haruno #Sabaku No Gaara #modern au #fanfiction #fanfic #naruto #Naruto Uzumaki #Hinata Hyuga #neji hyuga #tenten #Sasuke Uchiha #karin #My writing #gaasaku #dating au #online dating

[fmjoanna]

hola , mamakeishas ! 😍 i’m claire, and we love a good repurposing of intro posts. no but seriously, i’m really excited that this is finally open. i’m also really excited to meet all of your muses & write with youuuu. so without further ado, lemme introduce you to jo. aka my stupid, stubborn child who i love so much.  like this & i’ll swoop into your dms for some plots. 👉👈

☆ . · . cindy kimberly, twenty-one, cisfemale, she/her . · . ☆ JOANNA “JO” VASQUEZ lives in that huge mansion over there! no, not that one. look for PERFECTLY TRIMMED HEDGES and that’ll be it. the ACTRESS has offered occasional glimpses of MAROON walls and an impressive collection of WINE in the background of social media posts, but all of that is nothing compared to seeing the opulence in person. they’ve remained DILIGENT as ever since moving to tercet court FOUR MONTHS AGO, but it seems like they might’ve gotten a little more RESERVED too. maybe that’s why they’re rumored to have such a CAUTIOUS relationship with everyone else who lives on this street.

* BACKSTORY .

tw. mentions of drugs & death.

from  the  beginning  ,  it  was  never  jo’s  dream  to  be  famous.  while  most  girls  were  at  home  playing  with  toys,  jo  was  getting  prepped  for  auditions  by  her  parents.  they  had  ambitions   ————  to  get  filthy  stinkin’  rich  off  the  back  of  their  daughter,  and  for  the  most  part,  it  worked.

jo  landed  a  major  role  in  a  disney  show  (  think  like  hannah  montanna  or  wizards  of  waverly  place,  that  kinda  cultural  impact  ),  and  quickly,  she  became  one  of  america’s  sweethearts.  that  was  a  lot  for  one  kid  to  handle, with  all  the  filming,  press,  etc.  her  parents,  of  course,  ate  up  the  attention  and  capitalized  off  it  fairly  quickly.  brand  deals,  interviews,  anything  you  could  find  a  child  star  on  at  that  time.  it  pretty  quickly  became  overwhelming,  but  she  was  definitely  raking  in  the  dough.  that  meant  she  was  to  continue,  no  matter  how  tired  of  it  she  was.

which  is  where  her  perfectionism  comes  in  to  play,  she  had  a  lot  of  people  relying  on  her  ————  her  parents,  who  she  loved  regardless  of  the  stress  they  put  her  through,  director,  costars,  company,  etc.  jo  was  definitely  a  natural  when  it  came  to  acting.  she  knew  how  deliver  line  after  line,  emote,  and  successfully  pull  off   a  comedic  moment.  on  screen,  she  played  a  charismatic,  social butterfly,  which  was  the  exact  opposite  of  who  she  really was,  a  quiet,  nervous  girl  who  valued  her  privacy  and  just  wanted  to  live  a  normal  life.

which  began  to  take  it’s  toll  on  her.  the  older  the  she  became,  the  less  she  liked  being  seen  as  the  sweet  girl  next  door,  so  she  completely  had  a  breaking  out  of  that  mold  phase ( ala  like  miley  cyrus  or  britney  spears )  around  the  time  her  disney  show  came  to  an  end.  much  to  her  parents  dismay,  she  became  known  more  for  her  off-screen  antics  than  her  onscreen  one  &  definitely  kept  the  paparazzi’s  pockets  fat.  “jo  vasquez  spotted  (fill  in  the  blank  with  something  controversial)”  filled  the  pages  of  magazines  for  a  lot  of  her  17-18  years,  and  she  went  from  america’s  sweetheart  to  probably  one  of  america’s  most  hated lol.  it  had  a  negative  impact  on  her  career  as  well,  which  she  was  happy  about  for  awhile.  that  is,  until  she  realized  that  most  of the  money  she  made  as  a  child  was  collected  by  her  parents  &  not  her.

with  no  money  coming  in  &  the  relationship  with  her  parents  souring,  she  left  home  &  avoided  the  spotlight  for  around  three  years.  probably  lost  contact  with  a  lot  of  people  then  too.  she  thought  a  nice,  quiet  time  by  herself  &  without  paparazzi  following  her  24/7  would  be  healthy.  

&  it  was.  jo  used  the  last  bit  of  her  childhood  savings  to  fund  her  time  away,  but  with  money  tight ,  she  was  a  bit  unsure  of  what  was  left  to  do.  that’s  where  her  great  aunt  came  in.  her  great  aunt  had  gotten  rich  of  her  stocks  in  a  successful  makeup  line  when  she  was  in  her  late  30′s  ( something  that  joanna’s  parents  were  super  jealous  of ).  with  that  kind  of  money,  she  was  able  to  move  to  the  hills  and  purchase  a  beautiful  home.  joanna  had  met  her  only  once  or  twice,  but  there  was  definite  tension  between  her  parents  and  her  aunt.  the  only  thing  she  really knew  about  her  was  that  she  was  wealthy  and  lived  alone,  no  kids  or  significant  other. 

unexpectedly,  her  great  aunt  passed  away,  news  that  didn’t  reach  jo  until  she  got  a  letter  from  her  aunt’s  lawyer,  saying  that  since  her  great  aunt  didn’t  have  kids  &  didn’t  want  to  leave  her  belongings  to  her  niece  (  jo’s  mother  ),  she  had  left  everything  to  jo.  it  completely  caught  her  off  guard,  and  she  considers  herself  pretty  lucky.  

she  knew  that  she  couldn’t  stay  in  the  hills  forever  without  some  income,  and  because  she  feels  like  acting  is  what  she’s  best  at,  she  decided  to  contact  her  old  manager,  and  together,  they  came  up  with  a  plan  to  revive  her  career.

sooooo ,  now  she’s  back  in  los  angeles.  media  has  def  heard  of  her  return  (  apart  of  her  manager’s  plan  )  &  there’s  been  a  small  amount  of  buzz  around  it.  she’s  more  of  a  former  a-list,  so  she’s  really  not  that  in  demand.  however,  she  did  manage  to  land  a  supporting  role  in  a  major  blockbuster  (   something  like  a  marvel  movie  probs  )  so  she’s  hoping  that’ll  change  fairly  soon.

* PERSONALITY .

probably  fake  lol.  let’s  just  be  honest.  kinda  hates  the  celebrity  lifestyle  &  is  cautious  when  it  comes  to  other people  in  the  industry  so  yeah,  she’s  the  type  to  smile  in  your  face  and  then  glare  when  your  backs  turned.  she  knows  how  important  connections  are  in  this  business  &  word  travels  fast  so  she’s  probably  not  “real”  except  with  the  people  she’s  closest  to.  also  the  type  to  be  like  “OMG ofc  i  know  what  that  is. 😍  it’s  my  fave”  but  then  have  absolutely  no  clue  what  the  fuck  it  is  lmaoo  a  tragedy

she’s  a  hard  worker  &  def  a  perfectionist.  everything  has  to  be  perfect,  and  she’ll  do  as  much  as  she  can  to  get  it  right.  it’s  probs  the  reason  she  stuck  with  acting  b/c  the  trial  and  error  of  learning  something  new  would  be  way  too  much  for  her  lol.

but  also  enjoys  time  out  a  lil  too  much  prolly.  is  a  regular  to  night  life  &  partying  (  more  under  wraps  now  than  back  in  the  day  )  &  will  out  drink  just  about  anyone  you  know.  it  makes  her  a  bit  more  brave  &  she  believes   ppl  bare  their  souls  when  they’re  inebriated  so  it’s  easier  to  get  to  know  ppl.  what  a  weirdo.  also  partakes  in  her  fair  share  of  prolly  just  weed.  no  hard  drugs  tbh  she’s  not  the  one

your  average  gal  just  looking  to  have  fun ,  but  could  def  potentially  catch  feelings  that  she  would  deny  til  she  can’t  anymore  or  until  it’s  too late. 🤪  lowkey  wants  someone  to  just  sweep  her  off  her  feet,  but  she’s  blind  to  the  reality  that  she  always  be  making  things  complicated.

behind  the  facade,  she’s  a  bit  stubborn.  probably  also  a  side  effect  of  being  a  perfectionist  &  also  her  need  for  control  ( since  she  lacked  that  when  she  was  young )  so  be  prepared  for  that

* WANTED CONNECTIONS .

ok  but  plots  really  do  be  making  my  world  go  ‘round. 😳 i  love  em,  so  literally  hmu  with  anything  you’re  feeling,  and  i’ll  be  down.  just  wanna  plot  &  write  with  everyone 💕  but  here’s  a  couple  of  wanted  connections  for  y’all.  i’ll prolly  have  a  most  wanted  tag  sooner  or  later  &  i’ma  be  make  a  plot  page  soon.  

best  friend  /  friend  group:  there’s  no  way  jo  could  function  without  friends,  so  pls  give  her  some  good  ass  platonic  tingz.  these  are  the  people  she  can  be  herself  around,  so  she  holds  them  really  dear.

people  from  the  past:  someone  she  knew  from  the  past.  could  be  friends,  enemies,  lovers,  costars,  etc.  she  didn’t  really  let  that  many  people  know  that  she  was  leaving  so  now  that  she’s  back  it  could  be  like  👀  dramatic.

unrequited love / crush:  these  are  fun.  joanna  doesn’t  really  know  how  to  handle  her  romantic  feelings  so  it’d  probably  be  her  getting  the  cold  shoulder .

hookups / fwb:  past,  present,  future.  fwb  would  probs  get  messy.  maybe  she  caught  feelings  or  sumn.

former  friends:  something  happened  &  they’re  no  longer  friends.  we  can  plot  it  all  out . :^)

childhood  friends  to  lovers  to  exes  that  ended  on  bad  terms:  saw  this  on  a  plot  masterlist  &  it  sounds  fun  so  i  thought  i’d  put  it  here lol.

literally anything  your  heart  desires: a  lot  could  work.  we  could  even  just  start  from  nowhere  &  have  them  meet  for  the  first  time  b/c  jo’s  only  been  back  for  a  couple  of  months.

#linksintro #oh hey :^)

[in-madhouses]

i dont mean to bother you but can you link me to the epilogue of your fic ‘they’ll hang us in the louvre” i absolutely have adored reading and im happy i stumbled across your blogs and fics and i cant wait to read more!

HELLO! NO BOTHER AT ALL. Life has just gotten in the way a little and I’ve been absolutely trash about updating. But here’s the epilogue for louvre for those who are actually still out there reading things I post  😭😭😭

.

“So what can you tell us about the Marauders film coming out in a couple of weeks?” The excited host asks with a little glint in his eye, as though he’s asking something he already knows the answer to.

“I.. I can tell you what I don’t know, which is everything,” Aahna deflects instead with a bit of a blush staining her cheeks.

Niall forces to keep a straight face at the sight of her on the screen, slightly squirmish but totally acing it.

Despite being high key in the interview spotlight (on and off) for well over two years by now, he can never get over the fact that Aahna confident to the point of arrogance Deakins doesn’t do very well with interviews.

For all intents and purposes, she does just fine. She carries her confidence like a shield and her charm simply radiates onto the screen. But after being intimately acquainted with her and her idiosyncrasies for a better part of a year, her slight awkwardness is evident. Especially when it’s on red couches and with interviewers that she binge watches on a regular.

“You have to know something!” Graham presses on.

“They didn’t exactly… I mean, at this point I know more about how nuclear reactors work than I do about the Marauders movie,” Aahna says casually.

“Are you saying you haven’t watched it or that you’re surprisingly well educated about nuclear reactors?”

“Both?” She laughs.

And Niall knows she’s not lying, she’d looked it up the week before and spent her night explaining to him it how it worked in detail.

The flamboyant host presses on, “Do you even know if you’re in it at all?”

“I don’t… I… I’m not sure,” she stutters a little before chuckling.

The petite host all but practically screeches at that, “You’re not sure?”

“Is it because they don’t trust you to keep things off social media?”

“Pretty much,” Aahna nods, her grin wide and bashful at the same time, “I wasn’t exactly given a script. Everyone on the principal cast knew what was going on, they literally jumped straight into filming after the last season but I was only given the scenes that I was in, and mid-way through production, so I could be a ghost, a memory, a spell-induced hallucination, I’m possibly not even in the movie at all.”

Niall smiles to no one in particular, somewhat proud how well she’s fending despite the multitude of complicated factors surrounding the interview;

a) the possibility of letting too much about the movie slip and therefore violating her NDA, his NDA, and everyone’s NDA basically because she only knows as much as she knows because they’d told her,

b) the possibility of not talking about the movie enough which would cause the audience to be less excited about the boys being on the show in the following week,

c) the fact that she’s not actually on The Graham Norton Show to promote the Marauders movie but the new season of her own show, and of course,

d) the possibility of deflecting everything far too much and then having to maneuver questions about their relationship status which was a newly hot topic of much speculation.

Despite them not even trying to be sneaky about things after the completion of Marauders: The Final Chapter, the internet stayed unsuspectingly calm.

Apart from that one grainy low quality images of them having dinner surfacing on a fan blog, they’ve actually managed to evade the full force of rumours and speculation with Aahna busy with season two of her show and Niall preoccupied piecing together the parts for his own expansion of title from just ‘actor’ to ‘actor slash screenwriter slash director.’

It only unexpectedly comes to a head when Aahna tweets one of the March Madness bracket charts comparing the fictional men on television by replacing every name with Remus Lupin.

Twitter, as it does, promptly loses its shit over it.

@itsAahna

Fixed the chart for you 🙃 @BBCOne

@BBCOne

Wow what were even doing before you came along? @itsAahna

@itsAahna

Sleeping on Remus Lupin, clearly @BBCOne

@drowningg-in-deniall

can @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial just get together already i want peace 😭

@mishchiefnmayhem

OTPOTPOTPOTPOTP #drowningindeniall

@moooony

I WILL REVOLT #wandsattheready #drowningindeniall @MaraudersMovie

@padsnprongs

I mean we all know #jily is endgame in the movie but i want to see @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial IRL #drowningindeniall

@NikkiSwiftCeleb

If this doesn’t change your opinion on the “friendship” between @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial nothing will.

@PerezHilton

Can we say we called it first? @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@EW

@MaraudersMovie exclusive. The cast weigh in on the new fave will they won’t they couple and THAT tweet >> bit.ly/Jh8e3rd4

Niall was back in Ireland when it happens, but his Twitter blows up with fans asking if they really are dating. Oddly, none of the guys or any of the Marauders’ cast members pester him about it. Probably because they think that Aahna’s contractually obligated to keep the conversation on the upcoming Marauders movie, but keeping their sexual relationship turned actual relationship a secret for months on end is surprisingly easy when your friends aren’t being complete nosy fucks.

The only person who truly suspected anything had Caroline, and even then, she’d only thought they were having hate sex to fix all their problems. (Not like she was wrong.) But when they decided to come clean when they wrapped filming with a round of drinks, they find out that there’d been a betting pool going on in regards to their relationship instead.

“I had a tenner riding on this,” Louis says, swaying a little after his umpteenth shot, “I still can’t believe the two of you didn’t get together before the movie wrapped!”

Niall and Aahna share a look at that, but before either of them can let the cat out of the bag, Louis then goes off on how no one but Harry expected them all to become friends and how this lead to them all losing money to Harry and they telepathically decide against telling their friends. (Seems only fair, since their friends were all proving to be complete pricks.)

Which only brings things to their current conundrum of having to promote a movie whilst making use of their fan favourite characters’ practically non-existent romance while some fans were emotionally invested in the actors’ very secret but very real romance.

He smiles at the thought. Because he likes to tell people that he was in love once, back in Ireland. But he didn’t really fall in love, fall in love. Not really. It was more of a familiarity. Like one day something that was there all along that just… became love. And it’s entirely the opposite of what happened with Aahna. Before he was even fully aware of what was happening, she was just… all over his life. Everywhere. Like someone poured her over every inch of him and she just seeped into the very fabric of his life and he can’t wash her out no matter how much bleach he used.

The on screen conversation shifts to the other guests for a bit focusing on the projects they qere involved in, but when the host with the big red couch says he has some tweets to pull out circling back to her, Niall could see the subtle signs of panic creep in on her face.

“Lips were obviously sealed quite tightly when you got cast for the backdoor pilot on Marauders, but an incident got leaked to the press didn’t it?”

“Wait, is this the video?” Aahna asks realisation dawned upon her.

“These were the tweets following that video that most people seem to have forgotten about.”

“Something that you won’t let happen, obviously,” Aahna comments good humouredly, mentally bracing herself for whatever the Graham Norton team has managed to dig up on the interwebs.

“Obviously,” the host announces as they move their attention to the screen on set, “Now these tweets are, I believe, the immediate aftermath of the video hitting the internet.”

@NiallOfficial

4 yrs on a top rated tv show only to end up sharing scentime with someone who got famous lookng gd in thr underwear

@NiallOfficial

that’s not me throwing shade at modesl that’s me throwing shade at @itsAahna

@NiallOfficial

it’s really not my fault that @itsAahna finds memorising lines harder than slupring tequila off her girlfriend’s belly button

@itsAahna

are YOU slurping tequila off of your girlfriend’s belly button right now? @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

lol kidding (what girlfriend) 😂 @NiallOfficial

@NiallOfficial

at least i’m not about to send in a sex tape to @DailyMirror to distract people from how i cant act atall

@itsAahna

if you wanted to make a sex tape all you had to do was ask @NiallOfficial

“And this went on for like a whole hour at 3 in the morning,” Graham titters excitedly as he continues scrolling through the seemingly endless barrage of tweets.

“They do say that the best relationships start from heated online arguments,” Aahna shrugs, a smile dangling coyly on the edge of her lips.

Niall’s heart skips a whole beat at that.

But luckily, no one on the red couch seemed to have given it as much thought and they glide by the whole topic unsuspectingly.

“I mean, at one point you weren’t even typing words!” The host exclaims, still scrolling through tweets.

“No, you have to say it really fast, it’s… it’s a joke on the Irish accent, I was making fun of his accent,” Aahna admits, looking a little pink in the cheeks in embarrassment and nerves.

She then does an (in his opinion, piss poor) impression of his Irish accent.

Niall can’t help it though, his smile is still so wide, he’s at risk of his face splitting in half.

“You might as well have insulted potatoes,” Graham responds, rather aghast at her impersonation.

“Or Guinness, the Irishman is rather fond of his Guinness,” Ines chimes in.

The rest of the interview goes on with attention bouncing back and forth between the guests and before he notices it, the musical guest comes on and the credits are rolling. He does his best to pretend to be upset when she breezes into his apartment like it’s hers the next day (although to be honest, it’s all hers really; his apartment, his mind, his soul, his heart).

“That’s your best impersonation of me?” He tuts, faking being insulted so hard he wonders how he was ever employed as an actor.

She, in turn, does a very poor job of not smiling as she sets down boxes of takeaway in his kitchen, “Seeing as that was the dumbest I’ve ever looked on telly, I think it was pretty on.”

He grins, “You were great.”

“I can see why you need glasses,” she raises a brow at his direction.

Niall merely shakes his head at that. It’s a quarter past four and the gang should be at his place in about an hour because everyone unanimously decided that he needed to host a party to celebrate his script selling and the studio wanting him to direct and she’s doing the dishes because ‘only losers eat out of takeaway boxes at a party’ and he can’t stop staring.

She looks up and finds him sort of looking at her weird.

“What?”

You, he thinks, I’m looking at you. I’m always looking at you.

“You know this is probably what Sierra meant,” he points out, a little breathless over absolutely nothing, “About distractions.”

She links her hands behind his neck, feigning ignorance, “No idea what you mean.”

And then he’s kissing her against the overflowing sink and she’s laughing, and he thinks it tastes better than anything in his whole atmosphere.

And honestly, Niall is pretty sure he could live off of that feeling for the rest of his life.

@Harry_Styles

I don’t mean to alarm anyone but I think @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial are legitimately dating.

@AinsWills

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@LeeyumPain

Pics or it didn’t happen @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

DELETE. NOW. @Harry_Styles

@Louis_Tomlinson

SSSADFGDSASDFGDSADFSF

@Louis_Tomlinson

#DROWNINGINDENIALL @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

#AAHNAANDNIALLERSITTINGONATREE @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

Stop yelling or I s2g I’m coming over there and choking you @Louis_Tomlinson

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinky. I take it @NiallOfficial likes it rough?

@NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson keep your kinks to yourself. yes this is me kinkshaming you

@itsAahna

There are children on the interwebs!! @Louis_Tomlinson @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinkshaming is my kink @NiallOfficial 😉

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kids, kinkshaming is bad

@NiallOfficial

jokes on you kinkshaming kinkshames is my kink @Louis_Tomlinson

@AinsWills

Caaaaan we bring it back to the betrayal bit @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

Yes. In case you’re all wondering, the @MaraudersMovie cast has a betting pool on @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

And I want my money back @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

Et tu @C_Davies? Et tu??

@Harry_Styles

None of that 👆 was a ‘yes, we’re dating’ @C_Davies

@itsAahna  

I’m blocking all of yous. @Harry_Styles @Louis_Tomlinson @LeeyumPain @C_Davies @AinsWills

@NiallOfficial

Yes, we’re dating 🙃

@itsAahna

BLOCKEDDDD @NiallOfficial 😡😡😡

@zaynmalik retweeted @AinsWils

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna  

Okay internet (and former friends) You win this one.

@Louis_Tomlinson

I want my tenner back @Harry_Styles

#anon #answered #fic: louvre #this one's shtty and rushed and i'm sorry #but that you for having an interest in my little fics nonnie #💖💖💖

[ritebeforeyoureyes]

Haunt

Sorry this took me a while to write! I have been super busy running errands and adapting to a lifestyle that doesn’t involve studying 24/7 lol.

Masterlist – Plot: Zendaya learns more about Tom’s lifestyle.

Haunt (Chapter Seventeen) 

Zendaya was in her studio and for the first time in a while, Tom wasn’t with her. With some elusive charity gala coming up, Tom had reluctantly gone to speak with his father about the details. As a result, Jon was sat on a bench looking as stern and yet surprisingly joyful whilst Darnell ran about doing mundane chores.

“I like that one.” Jon ushered to a photograph that made both Darnell and Zendaya pause with what they were doing. The picture in reference was one that Zendaya was initially incredibly hesitant to put on the market; the picture being one that she took. Her studio held pictures taken by both her and Darnell and an array of local photographers, but it was always the freelance photographers who sold the most. They were usually photographs of the stereotypical skyscrapers and the sunset; pictures that normal American families hung up in their living rooms.

But the one that Jon was admiring was one Zendaya had taken on the streets near her apartment. It was of a deserted children’s park during the fall, the swings in motion with the wind and a sullen eeriness haunting the whole space. There was graffiti on the walls, a grey cloudiness in the sky and benches that looked as battered and bruised as the slides inhabiting the park. It was meant to be a place of happiness and childishness and this picture didn’t embody that. In Zendaya’s mind it inadvertently showed off the inequality in New York. This tucked away spot hadn’t been cared for in months, years even, and Zendaya thought it was sad. Because parks, to her, were a symbol of childhood innocence.

Her childhood, before everything hit the ceiling, was a decent enough one; one that had shaped the person that she was today. Her parents were pretty crappy, but Nikki and Dom had been the substitute parents that she’d always needed. One of her fondest memories was of them taking the whole Holland clan and her out for some time in the sun at their local park. They’d drink Nikki’s lemonade on a picnic blanket before making a ruckus whilst trying to fight for the two free swings. It was always Tom and Zendaya who won, a very young Sam and Harry left sulking in the corner. But, those memories – regardless of how painful they were for Zendaya to look upon now – had reminded her that there was good in the world. That people like Nikki and Dom were kind and loving and that she could also be one of those people. That one day, when Zendaya had children of her own, she’d be able to be parents like they had been.

So, it didn’t sit right with Zendaya that something like a park – that was meant to be so wholesomely good – had now probably just become an abandoned spot for dodgy drug deals as it got dark. It was why she taken the picture in the first place, to expose the bleak reality of living where she did. Children from her local area didn’t get a childhood, not one that enabled them to run freely outside or hang with their friends at a play area. Parents were worried for their children, locking them insides and away from the dangers of the world and Zendaya wanted to embody that in her picture. But, it was definitely not something your average person wanted to purchase; nobody wanted the reminder of how screwed up the world actually was hanging in their home. “It’s real, I like that.”

“Really?” Zendaya tilted her head and admired her work. “No one’s ever said that to me.”

“You’re not capturing perfection, like that.” Jon pointed to another picture that had been taken in the fall. It looked like a college campus, NYU’s maybe, with autumnal coloured leaves covering a pretty gothic building; people in the foreground sipping coffees and dressed warm in sweatshirts and big scarves. There was a streak of sunlight hitting the front and it was picturesque. It was the type of photograph that was destined for the cover of a university prospectus or brochure. “Life isn’t all chai lattes and smiles. You’re basically calling out the bullshit of that picture with your own.”

“That actually means a lot, thanks Jon.” Zendaya nodded with a sense of pride, glad that somebody other than herself had picked up on the message she was trying to convey. “You’re the only person who’s ever picked up on the message behind that picture.”

“It’s crazy, you know-” After a pregnant silence between the two, Jon had Zendaya’s undivided attention. She stared at him curiously, urging him to explain himself. “How you and Tom are so different and yet so alike.”  

“Why is that?”

“He’s like you, always sees that differing view on people.” Jon had only ever known wealthy Tom Holland, but he had spent enough time with him to know he wasn’t just the stereotypical rich man that he was portrayed as in the media. “But-“

“But what?” Now Zendaya was intrigued. Jon knew more about this newer version of Tom than she did, and she was interested to know what Jon truly thought of him. Zendaya had seen Tom snap at Sam and Harry, masking his behaviour under the pretence that he was their boss and now, she was genuinely how he treated Jon; a man whose fatherly qualities she’d grown accustomed to.

“That’s not always a good thing. You’re humble, down to earth-”

“And Tom isn’t?”

“It’s not that, necessarily.” Jon tried to provide Zendaya with an insight into the life she had unfairly been thrust into whilst simultaneously treading on eggshells. He obviously couldn’t reveal anything of substance that would get him in trouble with Tom. “Look, what we do is dangerous, and you experience a lot of shit that even your worst nightmares couldn’t compare. That screws with a guy’s head, then when you throw money into the mix, it’s-”  

“A mess?”

“Exactly.” Jon nodded as a sombre expression clouded over Zendaya’s face. She was beginning to grow more and more sympathetic to Tom’s situation, her defences weakening as she exposed herself to him little by little. “To a working-class person, this life looks so easy. This is what they aspire to become and it’s not as black and white as that. Wealth and privilege isn’t all it’s made out to be.”

And Jon’s were the truth. Because the root of all of Tom’s problems originated from the wealth and privilege he had been thrust into and as he hit the gym with his father, that thought circled through his brain over and over again.

“Hit me again.” With a loud groan and a heavy swing at his Dad, Tom tried to punch Dom square in the chest. Dom bounced around a boxing ring with his arms up in defence. His eldest son, due to his obligations with Zendaya, hadn’t hit the gym in a while and Dom thought having a business conversation over some laddish time would be good for Tom. However, the hit demonstrated how laxed Tom had become with his combat skills. Dom had deflected the punch instantly and forced Tom’s body to the floor with a loud thud. The sound resonated through the room and Dom huffed in evident frustration. “Get up.”

“Jesus, Dad.” Tom groaned as he slinked over to the side of the ring with an aching shoulder. He clutched it tightly, aware that it would probably bruise in the morning. “Could have gone a little easy on me-“

“You get into a fight, no one’s going to take it easy on you-“

“I know that.” Tom retaliated quickly. “But you know I haven’t been training-“

“And whose fault is that?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” As Dom made the remark, Tom jumped on the defence immediately, his tone of voice snappy.

“It means you’ve gotten your priorities mixed up.”  Before Tom could respond, Dom held his hand up with an aura of authority that even Tom couldn’t ignore. Despite ruling over the majority of their employees, Tom was still inferior to his father in the hierarchy that was their family. “Son, you know I like Zendaya, she was like a daughter to me, but this isn’t good for us. This thing you’re doing, keeping her protected, it will only last so long. Harrison will keep trying and one day he’ll succeed. It’s a cat and mouse game-“

“I’m not letting that happen.”

“Maybe you should.” Dom muttered it under his breathe but the comment rang eerily through the spacious gym space.

“Are you crazy? That’s happening over my dead body.” Tom jumped up, ignoring the pain in his shoulder as his eyes bulged open. He couldn’t comprehend how his father had gone from referring to Zendaya as his daughter to dangling her in front of Harrison and his men as bait.

“Don’t talk to me with that tone, boy. I am still your father.” Dom instructed with a wag of his index finger and Tom reluctantly lowered his gaze. “All I’m trying to say is, is she worth it? Because you’ve got tunnel vision right now and all you see is her. But our business, my business is suffering because of it-“

“Nothing is suffering!” Tom didn’t understand where his father’s lecture was coming from. Surprisingly, Sam and Harry were taking good care of The Brother’s Trust since Tom had adopted the role as Zendaya’s primary bodyguard.  There had been a handful of successful drug shipping’s and a few social appearances that upheld the Holland’s’ charitable stature; all of which had occurred without Tom or Dom’s intervention. And, the planning for their upcoming charity gala was going well too. “The twins are handling the gala-“

In fact, the twins were handling the gala so well, it had become all the talk among New York socialite. Actors and actresses, CEOs and musicians; everyone who was anyone had gotten an invite for what the papers were calling the event of the year.

“Speaking of which, does she know about the gala? Zendaya?”

“Yeah. Of course, she does.” Tom had had the initial chat about the gala with Harry in front of Zendaya; she just didn’t know why the event was being held. He didn’t want to ruin everything and risk her freaking out about the prospect of seeing Harrison in the flesh. But all in all, she was excited about the event; a possible space for her to network her own business. She had never been to something of such a magnitude before and she was eager to schmooze with Hollywood’s finest in a pretty dress.

“She’s not on the guest list, right?”

“Dad, what’s going on with you today?” Of course, she is!”

Deep down, Dom understood Tom’s reasoning behind caring for Zendaya so deeply. Tom had always loved her, but love made you weak in the business that they were in. It was why Dom had allowed Nikki to be the loving and caring parent in their world. It was also why he slowly but surely faded into a loveless marriage. His marriage was a pretence of fake smiles and paparazzi pictures; an act to fool both their children and the world. And Dom didn’t want Tom to have to deal with the heartbreak that came with that. He was the practical person, the person that called out the bullshit and unfortunately, he was having to do that exact thing to Tom now. With his family and only his family’s best interests at heart, Dom knew Tom’s relationship with Zendaya wouldn’t end well. She would ruin him and his inability to fight efficiently at the gym proved that. She was his Achilles heel and as Dom grew older, he knew that soon, he needed Tom to have full reigns of the business. Tom needed to be involved in the nitty gritty details of this corrupt world and no woman could love a man like that. No woman could lie next to a man who killed for a living and be okay with that. And he didn’t want Tom to face that realisation three years or thirty years from now.

“You think bringing her as your date will be wise?”

“I don’t get your sudden vendetta against the girl you just called your daughter but I’m bringing her to the gala-“

“Fine. But let me tell you this, have you thought of a back up plan if everything goes tits up on the day-“

“What do you mean?”

“The twins’ plan is good, clever, actually! But it’s too idealistic, what if things don’t go to plan? What if Harrison’s already one step ahead? You’re basically giving her to him if he is.” As Dom spoke, the gears turned in Tom’s head. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, his Dad was right. Harrison was unpredictable, and Tom had no clue what he was planning. What if he saw right through his gala’s true intentions? What if it was his chance to cause some real damage? “So, listen to me and listen to me clear, Thomas, don’t bring Zendaya anywhere near that gala.”

If you enjoyed this piece and would like to help further me and my work, please support me whilst I get through university. The money you donate will go towards assisting me in my student fees, rent etc. It is one hundred per cent a voluntary pursuit and greatly appreciated, however, your lovely comments, likes and reblogs are always welcomed too. Thank you for being the greatest: https://ko-fi.com/D1D072V0

#tomdaya #tomdaya fanfiction #tomdaya fanfic #tomdaya fan fiction #tomdaya fan fic #haunt #haunt chapter seventeen #alternate universe #au

[the-legal-duchess]

Reflecting on 2017 and Setting Goals for 2018

2017 was a good year. My husband and I were just talking about how nothing terribly exciting happened- it was just an average, good year for us. I really can't complain about that; generally, our family was healthy and happy and we made a lot of great memories.

Early 2017 started off exciting when we rescued our sweet Annie. This dog reminds me of all that is good in the world. When we adopted her, she was 1.5 years old and had already had a litter of puppies, had been shot in the shoulder with a pelleted shotgun which it healed poorly without medical attention and the pellets are still in her leg encased in a large amount of scar tissue and leaves her with a small limp, and she was found running stray on the streets of Kentucky. After all of that, this dog is still the sweetest and happiest dog I have ever had the privilege of knowing and has a trademark smile for whenever she gets excited. She fits perfectly in with our other two dogs and has meshed into our life like she was always here. We simply cannot imagine our life without her now and we are so thankful we got to adopt this sweet little angel. #adoptdontshop

January also featured me getting reared ended in a hit and run which lead to two weeks of my husband and I share a car and a rather big bill to get my car fixed. Not very fun but I am just thankful I was not injured and the car was fixable thanks to good insurance.

Most of my spring was just busy busy busy with law school. Over spring break I had an emergency root canal which put a little damper on my vacation time. I did finish spring semester strong with a big improvement on my GPA and my first A in law school. Soon after, I found out I made the Moot Court Products Liability team which was a big dream of mine in law school.

I spent my summer interning at my local prosecutor's office and I loved absolutely every minute. I had the opportunity to work on murder cases, write official briefs and memos and attend and assist at several trials. I have officially decided that criminal prosecution is where my career plans lay and I can't wait to continue forward in my career path by interning with a local Judge this coming summer.

At the end of the summer, my hubby and I took a vacation to Maine. Maine is one of my absolute favorite places on earth- my dad grew up there and we have visited almost every year of my life. It is one of few places I can visit over and over again and love it just as much every time. We had a wonderful and relaxing week full of ocean views, mountain hikes and family time. If you are looking for a vacation spot, mid-coast Maine is one of the best.

School started back up in August and I embarked on my busiest semester to date. I started working in Law School admissions as a student ambassador and I absolutely love it. It is the best job as I love helping new law students (hence the whole point of this blog) and I have the best bosses! I enjoyed most of my classes this past semester: I took a Criminal Adjudications class with my favorite professor which I absolutely loved, I took an appellate procedure writing class to prepare for my moot court competition in the spring which was so informative and helpful and I surprised myself by getting through a very challenging commercial paper class despite my lack of natural ability in those type of classes. My grades are trickling in slowly and thus far I have been very pleased and my GPA is rising. In between the craziness of school and life, I did get a chance to go to two amazing concerts: I saw the legend himself, Sir Paul McCartney, and he was just as fantastic as I expected. I also saw my favorite artist of all time, Garth Brooks, and it was the absolute best night.

During the early Fall semester, I competed in my school interscholastic appellate advocacy competition. This was fashioned in the format of Moot Court and involved weekly head to head argument sessions that eliminated one person each time, bracket style. I made it all the way to the final four in my class which involved arguing in front of three federal judges and my entire school. It was a grueling experience on top of all my regular school work and my job but it was such a wonderful opportunity and I grew so much as an advocate through it.

We had a lovely, quiet holiday with family and enjoyed a white Christmas for the first time in years. The snow is still hanging around and I am hoping we can sneak in a ski trip sometime soon.

That brings me to now- winter break. I have been lounging around the house, reading novels, drinking too much hot tea and completing some various little projects and cleaning/organizing around our home. This time to relax, reflect and rejuvenate had given me some time to think toward the new year and all that I want to accomplish. 2018 will bring another semester of law school, my first moot court competition, a new internship, a Carribean cruise in May and I am sure many other adventures. I did sit down to make out a few goals.... we shall see how I do with those.

2018 Goals

1. Make My Health a Priority

I recently purchased a treadmill and I am absolutely determined to get in shape and run a 5K in 2018. I have a Fitbit, I have a jug of lemon water in the fridge and I am ready to get in shape. I am tired of spending my days hunched over a desk and feeling like a bump on a log. I am also starting the Tone It Up 5 day Detox tomorrow (you can still sign up and it' completely free!) and even once that ends, I am vowing to eat healthier and improve my overall wellness in 2018.

As a part of improving my physical wellness, I am working on my mental wellness as well. I have been on a mission to remove as much negativity from my life as possible- cut out toxic friendships and toxic influences. I am trying to make an effort to seek out the positive in every day... something I have always struggled with as I can be a somewhat glass half empty type of person. But I am vowing to try see the glass half full from now on. I am vowing to be a better friend, a better daughter, sister, wife, dog mom and overall better and less negative person.

Also, I am working to make social media a little less toxic. The beauty of social media is the connections and relationships it fosters. The ugly side of social media is that it encoruages comparing yourself to everyone else and only seeing the highlight reel of peoples lives. This can feed into my natural propensity for not seeing the positive so I am trying to delete any negative influences through social media and make a constant effort to see the best out of social media and not compare myself to the highlight reels of seemingly perfect Instagram feeds. I know guilty of this as much as anyone else- as a blogger, I tend to carefully select everything that goes on my blog or social media and it becomes a bit of a highlight reel... I try to strive for transparency and try to keep it real but I, like most, fall into the trap of only showing the best parts of life on social media. In the new year, I am going to try to keep in mind that behind every gorgeous, jealousy-inducing Instagram feed, is a normal person who has struggles and ugly moments just like me... letting that jealousy from comparing myself eat away at me is just silly so I am going to try my hardest to avoid that from now on.

Similarly, this is true in law school as well. It is a competitive environment. It is easy to compare your grades to others, be jealous of someone else internship or job... this is not helpful. In the new year, I am doing all of this for me. The only grades I am trying to be better than is my grades from last semester. The only internship I care about is my own. I am getting this law degree for ME and the accomplishments of everyone else is irrelevant to that goal.

2. Professional Networking

As an aspiring attorney, networking is so key in getting jobs in the future. In fact, both my internships thus far in law school have been the result of pure networking and had nothing to do with my grades or anything else. In the new year, I am setting a goal to increase my legal contacts through networking and start setting myself up for the post-graduation job f my dreams.

3. Be a Better Wife

In the hustle and bustle of life, I have realized I often forget to put my husband first. Remedying this is one of my goals for the new year. I am blessed to be married to a thoughtful, sweet, patient man who goes out of his way to make my life easier and works so hard to support me through law school. My goal is to remember to thank him more often, send a surprise note and cookies in his lunch more often and make at least one evening a week a date night where I turn off everything else spinning around my mind and focus on my husband and my marriage. After all, we are still technically newlyweds LOL.

4. Explore

It is easy to get caught up in the day to day routine and forget to explore. When I was in Europe for study abroad, I explored: I tried new things, stumbled upon crazy adventures and had the time of my life. I am not in a place in life where exploring can be European vacations but it doesn't mean that I have to stop exploring completely. In 2018, I am going to make exploring more of a priority. I am going to explore other places through books, I am going to explore my city on weekends, I am going to explore my limits by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and eat new foods, try new drinks... basically I am going to treat everyday life like it's a European vacation and find the beauty in every day, ordinary things and attack life with the mentality of exploration.

So that's my recap of 2017 and my goals for 2018... I am really looking forward to another great year. Hopefully, I can stick with my goals! I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve and a wonderful 2018.

#2018goals

[pikadotnet]

Passion Is The Power

At First When You Don't Succeed...

17年09月02日 - 5:19 PM EST | So...when we last left off there was a promise of trying to be more "timely" and "proactive" on posting and round-about just getting stuffs done.  Well...*hides under a rock*...in my um...*looks around shyly*...ummm, in my defense...(if I even have one?)...I have been proactive but just in ways that you all can't actually see.  ﾟ. :｡(*´ｪ`*)ﾟ. :｡  So, let me explain a bit if I may?  Shortly after we left off last, I had a TERRIBLE ear ache that knocked me down and out.  Being down and out stinks for anyone, but it really, REALLY offset my whole balance.  So...I started to think really hard about HOW exactly I would accomplish the tasks I set out to accomplish; like making sure I was able to post on a more consistent basis, right...remember that?  Wellllll...that's when I started making a list at work of things that were keeping me from being able to accomplish this task.  Here's what I came up with:

Catching up and completing assignments at work

Finding time (while still awake) to sit down at my computer

Focusing on the task of writing a post

My wonderful furry and spiky family members (2 Dogs / 1 Cat / 1 Hedgehog)

Finding media to complement my post ideas

Realization that Instagram / Facebook / Twitter would all suffer if I spent my time just writing

Spending time and catching up with loved ones like friends and family

Monthly bills and stretching money to last (currently achieving PRO level BOOYAH!!! lol) 

Desire to just be a little lazy-log-loaf

A little game called Pokémon GO

So, of course I realized that some of these things just can't be helped.  Things like work, taking care of my furry and spiky family members, friends, family, and stretching money to pay bills and do life-stuff (something I like to commonly refer to as adulting) just cannot be ignored.  Can I just say...and for the record...ADULTING TOTALLY SUCKS!!!  (๐•̆ ·̭ •̆๐)

But out of all this list making and chronic complaining (sometimes I whine ok...sometimes I can be a TOTAL PAIN LOL just ask any of my friends) something really, REALLY good came out of it!  ✧◝( ◠‿◠ )◜✧˖°  I found that I was living in total chaos while mundane tasks in life were truly dragging me down and wearing on me in ways I hadn't really fully comprehended or maybe didn't want to accept?  Well...that all ended as soon as my ear ache cleared up!  By the way, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH for all your wishes to feel better soon!  That really made me smile and helped me to feel better, so...THANK YOU!!! *GIANT HUGS WHILE SQUEEZING TIGHTLY*  Sooooooo, after getting all better and catching up somewhat at work I decided that I could either give up, or fight!  I gave my mommy-chu a call (something I commonly do because my mommy and I are super close *waves happily* I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!) and she told me, "Pika...I've known you a long time sweetie...and I know that not only do you have this...you'll find a way to fight and achieve even MORE than you originally hoped."  I asked her, "You really think so?"  Even though she lives thousands of miles away, I could feel that smile and it warmed my heart.  NOTHING is better than when you FEEL the love from your family, and my mother means THE WORLD to me!  Then, my brother, who means more to me than he'll prolly ever know (YES YOU!!! *sticks tongue out and makes a face*) commented that, "if you just find a balance, I know you'll be fine.  Don't worry so much!  Your problem Pika is that you overthink everything and make it more complicated than it needs to be."  I thought about that and realized, as much as I didn't want to, he was right.  Can I stop for a second and just say how much it BOTHERS me that he is like, ALWAYS right!!!  -_-#  UGH!!  I love him to pieces and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, but it wears on me when I hear him say something, and as much as I may deny it...he's...always...(annoyingly) right...  Well...I decided something needed to be done.  I didn't want to walk away from everything I had started, and push away everything that I fought so hard for.  I want so desperately to find a balance between life / work / social / blog / and storefront (soon to be revisited and opened).  My brother was right, somehow I just needed to heed the infamous Nike slogan and "Just Do It" but in a way that wouldn't topple me over and make those things I want so badly feel like a chore instead of a pleasure.  Why am I sharing all this with you, you ask?  Well, I do care about you internet-readers out there that actually take the time and read my posts.  I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!!!  I figured that if anyone out there ever has struggled or may currently be struggling with the same things I am right now that possibly sharing my approach with you all could help someone out there?  Well, after reflecting on what my mother and brother told me, thats when I think I found a solution (maybe?) !

Passion Drives Everything

The heading says it all doesn't it?  LOL  My secret weapon?  Passion.  Some may say structure is key, others have told me scheduling, or planning.  All of those things are nice, but without a drive, a reason, a cause, or simply put...passion...they're kinda...worthless?  ^_^;;  So, my best advice to anyone in this situation is to evaluate, or re-evaluate in my case, your passion.  Sometimes your original goal changes and morphs into something else!  Sometimes its bigger!  Sometimes, sadly passion just fades, and thats okay too, ya know?  Well...in my particular case, my passion hasn't faded but its kinda taken a backseat to life at the moment.  The "backseat-ing" of my passion has become kinda apparent sadly, but I think this was the best thing to happen to me.  The stopgap of time has allowed me to reflect a lot and truly realize how important this endeavor of love (this website and social media outlets) is to me and how starved it has become by letting it sit like it has for far too long.

One of the analogies I like to draw upon when considering whether or not I am giving enough attention to a passion of mine is this:  Is my passion my acquaintance, my friend or my child?  If my passion is my  "acquaintance" than I suppose like an actual acquaintance I would give my time briefly and be polite, but the truth really is that an acquaintance doesn't get terribly too much attention, right?  (・'v`・)？？  What about a friend?  Some might argue that people give more attention to friends than their own children but in this case, lets say that that's NOT the case, ok?  XD  In the same fashion as a comparable to an acquaintance, a friend would get more attention and dedication, and one might even say some tender love and care.  Children are different though.  Children would require nurturing and compassion, and when those very rare moments occur (or at least we aim for rare) when children fail or are lost without direction, they turn to their parents, right?  So, in this analogy, if you were the parent of your passion; the one...true...dedicated...controller of this little one's fate...don't you owe it to your passion to plant seeds towards its success?  Maybe thats the answer then?  If you truly own your passion and make it yours, can anything really stop you?  Would anything stop you as a parent if something were to happen to your child?  In this new light, it gave great perspective to my situation.  A perspective I can honestly say allowed me to see the flaws of my "parenting" and a call to ensure my "child" receives the attention it truly deserves.  I can start by committing real definable goals to my "child" and seeing where that takes me.  In order to do this, I'm gonna have to consider how to fit everything in and find ways to make things easier while still keeping my promises to my "child". 

A Solution At Long Last (Maybe?)

So the challenge seems SO much clearer now:  How do I commit to my passion while making it feel less like a chore but still giving it the dedication it deserves and needs?  The answer is less clear but at least now with the challenge defined it allows what others have suggested to start falling into place.  Once you make the choice and can commit fully to your passion, the rest seems to be semantics and details.  To try and aide me on this journey I decided to take a leap of faith and gave in and bought a shiny new iPad Pro(hibitor) to hopefully help make the issue of pulling out my computer a tad easier?  The thought was that if I could write posts with the Apple iOS device, maybe it would help at least provide a way for posts to get written at a faster and more steady rate than relying on when I pull out my computer.  Honestly, I think the only reason that pulling out my computer currently causes "Lazy-Loaf Syndrome" (LOL) is because my work, personal email and website data is also stored across this system?  Also, I think that having an interface where I don't have to work with media and can just write might actually be a HUGE benefit and help with one of those other issues...focus.  UGH!  Me and my ADHD can get pretty bad, but as the first post written entirely on the iPad Pro (before being edited on my Apple MacBook Pro) I have to say that the only thing I personally feel that I have to work on now is my ability to write quicker!  LOL  XD  Honestly though, I think this might actually be a big part of the solution that I needed.  LETS HOPE SO!!!  *Fingers crossed*

Signed with love, compassion, and sincere desire for change,

ピカさん

#Personal #Goals #//LIFE #reflection