the art of doubting | jjk (m)
>>pairing: jungkook x reader / dilf!jk x grocery store clerk!oc
>>genre: friends with benefits, smut, a lil bit of fluff, angst
>>word count: 17k -.-
>>warnings: dom jk, sub oc, age gap, dilf jk stuff: asking for permission, saying thank you, sexual tension, gross domestic flirting 🙄, push up kisses, orgasms, oc getting overwhelmed bc jock is too gewd <3, oral (m), rimming !!, mirror sex, one (1) spank, jreampie <3, tummy bulging (kinda? he presses on her tum to feel it?), praise, dirty talk, encouragement, showering together, kisses 😚, ex wife has arrived, mentions of divorce, a lil bit of sad talk about nari :(, nari is two now!!, misunderstandings, arguments, jk lowkey got some issues he needs to work thru lol, he thinks in extremes, oc is in love </3, a very drastic 180 occurs
>>notes: ex wife arrives and literally makes everything explode lmao
this is part of my dilf jk series that can be found on my masterlist
>>summary: seeds of doubt are planted and unfortunately they grow faster than love. things with jk fall apart.
Soft grunting groans filter through the air as you slowly make your way down the stairs to the lower floor. Not really a basement, more of an indoor workout cave.
Jeongguk’s shirtless on the bench, pulling weighted arms down on the machine, the muscles in his back rippling and straining with every pull down. He sees you in the mirror as soon as you walk in, his eyes lighting up and a small winded laugh puffs from his chest.
“Hey— hang on… almost— done…”
You shift on your feet a little, watching him through the reflection. The sight you see is a little too obscene to just be a work out, you feel like. He’s not sweaty yet, probably just started, but his face is a little red from the excretion, and his lats are on display as he does the repetitive workout over and over with clenched teeth and breathy grunts until his body gives out. He catches his breath for a moment, shakes his arms out.
“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked,” you say, tiptoeing over to him and stepping over the plastic baby weight on the mat. “Also why do you do so many at once… looks miserable.”
Jeongguk laughs softly, looks up at you with his doe-eyes when you’re close enough to rest a hand on his shoulder. He’s warm to the touch.
“I usually don’t but I’m the only one here, and I knew it was you coming. Also my phone is charging upstairs so if you texted when you got here like normally, I would not have known.” he explains. “I tend to focus more on longer sets with lighter weights, than shorter sets with heavier weights because it helps keep muscles lean… I’m not trying to bulk up right now.”
You tell him that that makes sense even though you really have no clue. Just know that whatever he does to stay fit works. “Nari at her mom’s?” you ask.
He nods, standing up to go over to the pull up bar on the side of the machine. Wiping his hands on the tiny workout shorts he’s wearing, he jumps a little, and then wiggles his fingers on the bar to get a good grip. “All yours till Friday,” he says, cutely.
Rolling your eyes playfully, you correct him. “Till tomorrow afternoon. I have work… might get a raise soon.”
You wander around a little as Jeongguk goes on about how you should already be getting paid more considering you have a college degree, but you tune him out, knowing he’s trying to be on your side and make you feel better. A marketing degree won't get you far in a grocery aisle, and you both know that, but it’s sweet of him to try.
Instead, you opt to take in your surroundings. You’ve been all around his house of course, but you’ve not spent much time in the workout dungeon.
It’s fully equipped, and fully mirrored, with the flooring being that of wrestling mats to cushion dropped weights or baby stumbles.
On one side of the room there’s an elliptical, a treadmill, a rowing machine, a bench press, basically one of everything that you would normally see in a gym. But on the other side, blocked off by a baby safety gate, is a mini little workout zone filled with mini weights, those foam blocks that you normally find in a child’s gymnastics zone, and a little dance bar along the mirrored wall.
You smile, thinking about Nari holding onto the bar and doing that funny little squatting move of hers. “Are you going to put her in dance?”
He looks at you through the mirror, no longer doing pull ups, but just watching it seems. Seated on one of the benches with a water bottle in his hand, resting between his spread legs. “Ballet I think,” he says, “Me and her mom were talking about it. She thinks it’ll be good for Nari’s coordination…” He gives you a humorously exasperated look, “I just think she’ll look cute in a tutu. Though I suppose coordination would be helpful… she’s a bit clumsy.”
“She is only 2,” you point out, walking over to his side of the room again. “Was the party fun?”
It was on Saturday, just a few days ago. Jeongguk said it was fairy themed much like most of the baby’s things. You saw the pictures that he sent you, Nari adorned in a pair of tiny pink wings, her cake in the shape of a mushroom. The kids all got tiny bottles of ‘pixie dust’ to play with, shimmery bubbles floating through the air.
There was a woman in one of the pictures, blowing a bubble into Nari’s delighted face, her own smile matching that of the baby. She obviously wasn’t the focus of the photo, and you doubt that Jeongguk even realized when he sent it. But you already knew who the woman was anyway. The pictures around Jeongguk’s house were enough to tell you, even if he never explicitly stated it. And you know it makes sense and that it’s normal for her to be there, with Jeongguk at their daughter's birthday, but something settled into the pit of your belly when you looked at that picture. You haven’t been able to shake it yet.
Jeongguk’s voice brings you back. “Yeah it was fun, you got the pictures right?” He seems excited. You laugh a little, reminding that yes, you did see. You responded to them after all. He grins sheepishly as he goes to another machine, “Don’t be sassy, or I’ll eat the piece of cake we saved you.”
His sentence warms your heart. The fact that he was thinking about you, keeping you in mind. Reminds you of the bittersweet message you received from him on Saturday while he was at the party.
Wish you could have come
It took some effort, and you’ve done your best to not think about the fact that you could have, if he had asked you to. Saturday was your day off.
“What flavor is it?”
“Funfetti, obviously.” Jeongguk rolls his eyes, grunts quietly as he does another rep.
“Obviously,” you mime, with a small chuckle.
Conversation flows smoothly, just like always, everything seamless between you both. While most people wouldn’t probably get annoyed at someone hovering, Jeongguk seems happy to be near you, glad for the company. You sit beside him as he gets to the ground for some push ups.
He gets about three in before you’re laying flat on your back, boredom making a thought pop into your head.
“Do them over me.”
Jeongguk falters mid-way up, glancing at you with a suspicious look. “Why?”
“I wanna help,” you reason.
“Not sure being on top of you will be helpful,” he murmurs, but appeases you nonetheless, side walking on his hands and the balls of his feet until he’s over you.
You both give each other closed lip smiles as you try not to laugh. Jeongguk lowers himself, and you sneakily place a sweet kiss on his cheek.
“I knew you didn’t want to be helpful,” he says, his voice laced with faux annoyance. He does another one and receives another kiss. “You want to be distracting.”
“I’m not being distracting, I’m providing incentive.”
“I can’t even go all the way down, your tits are in the way.”
“You are so ungrateful.”
He smiles with his eyes as he goes down again, his nose brushing yours as he nuzzles into your cheek briefly. “And how are you providing incentive?”
You hum at the feel of his warm breath on your ear. “The longer you hold your plank, the longer you get to kiss me.”
“Who says I wanna kiss you?” he teases, voice soft as a feather as he does another push up.
“You always want to kiss me,” you tell him, just as quiet, tension radiating off of you as you readjust yourself, your legs opening so that the next time he drops down, he’s not just over you, but between your thighs as well. “And you haven’t yet…” you remind him as you drag your acrylics over his bare back, smiling at the way he shudders and at the way his arms buckle.
He grins, looking at you like you’re unbelievable, yet everything he wants right now. “Between you and Nari, I can never get anything done.”
You hum, “I just think you need to reevaluate your priorities, maybe.”
“And what do you think my priorities should be, __?” he whispers, eyes searching your face, lingering on your lips, a fond look coloring his features.
“Well, right now,” you start, looping your arms around his neck, “I think you should really focus on that plank, and on that kiss you’re dying to give me.”
Your teeth click before your lips lock because of how much you both are smiling.
But once lips lock, it doesn’t take much for Jeongguk to collapse onto you. Doesn’t even try to hold the plank, instead just melding his body to yours, the inside of your legs clamping around his waist. He goes from having his hands flat on the mat to bracing himself on his forearms, his knees hitting the mat between your legs. You use some of your weight to bring him closer, the slowly swelling front of his work out shorts pressing into the crotch of your leggings.
You work your hips, rolling them slowly up into him, in time with the slow, molten kisses he licks into your mouth.
Jeongguk’s always easy for you, but today he seems to be fighting himself, playfully fighting how bad he wants you. It’s the principle of the thing. To prove a point. The point being that you’re distracting, his weakness. His hips rolling into yours, only to pull back. He lips pressing hard against yours, only to pull back. Just for him to do it over again, just for him to give in like you both know he wants to and will. It's after a particularly hard rut against you that he peels his lips from yours, panting softly, how worked up he is so apparent in the way he can’t stop his hips.
“You’re going to kill me,” he whispers, his nose brushing against your cheek before he sinks his teeth into the apple of it like he just can’t help it, can’t get enough of you.
Your manicured hands cup his cheeks, as you nod and guide him back into a wet kiss. “Want you in my mouth,” you moan against his lips.
Jeongguk pulls back with a light blush on his cheeks. “Are you sure? I was just working out–”
A kiss cuts him off as you slowly start to sit up, him going with you. “Barely broke a sweat, and I don’t care,” you tell him, hands gripping at the elastic of his waistband, “just want you.”
Jeongguk laughs softly, grabs your eager hands, maneuvering to his feet and pulling you with him. It’s then that he strips you of your shirt, your bra. His hands come to cup your bare tits, rolling them in his palms as he brings his lips back to you, all while he toes off his shoes, as well as his socks with a little difficulty and stumbling, but not without sweet laughter filtering in through the kisses.
He makes his way down as he pushes your pants down, his lips latching to a nipple, making you mewl under the light flicks and the soft sucks, hands coming to his hair to keep your balance as you rid yourself from the stretchy material. His hair gets pulled when you’re free, and he’s biting his lip at the tugging when he blinks his eyes open to look at you again.
“Sit on the bench,” you tell him, hand slipping from his locks, and down to his flushed chest. You press lightly, backing him up to the benchpress machine that’s not too far behind him.
The bench is propped up, a reclined sitting position under the secured bar above, resembling more of a chair than the typical flat board of most bench presses.
He gingerly sits down, keeps his eyes on you the whole time, watching as you lower yourself to your knees, settling between his open ones. His cock is hard and pink, up and laying flat on his lower tummy. It pulses when you place your hand on his thighs, long nails running down.
You both smile a little because its funny in a stupid way, but your pussy pulses too, getting slick between you legs at the way Jeongguk responds to you. How eager he is for you, how the mere feel of your hands on his thighs is enough to make him throb in anticipation of what else is going to come, of how good you’re going to make him feel.
“Wanna make you feel good,” you say quietly. Your gaze flicking between his face and the flushed, shiny head of his cock in your hand.
He bites his lip when you slowly start to work your hand on him, his foreskin sliding over the wet tip of his cock, and when you rub the pad of your thumb on the under part of the head, you watch as his head tilts back, his eyes slipping shut, and his mouth exhaling a soft sigh. You squeeze your thighs together at the sight. Jeongguk is so responsive, pliant as he settles into the bench, hot and heavy in your hand.
“Put your mouth on it,” Jeongguk requests, eyes lazily shut.
When you oblige, Jeongguk sucks in a sharp breath, his back arching a little off of the bench behind him, his hips pulling back like the feel of your lips suckling on him is too much, too good.
You pull off with a little pop, holding his cock close smiling against his length. “Why are you trying to get away from me?”
Jeongguk gives you a crooked grin, looking down his nose at you with hazy eyes. “Keep going,” he says softly.
Humming against his length you begin to place heavy, wet kisses down his cock all the way to his balls. The kind where your tongue licks him before your lips suction softly. Then you lick all the way back up with the flat of your tongue, your lips wrapping around him, your head bobbing a few shallow times. Jeongguk keeps breathing those sweet, soft moans. So relaxed and relishing in the way you suck him off. He’s not pulling away anymore, instead trying to keep from bucking into your mouth, you can tell by the way his lower belly tenses.
When you go down a little farther, sucking his balls into your mouth, you moan at the way he whines, at the way his legs subconsciously open wider as you alternate between lapping at him, and teasing him with light circles from the tip of your tongue. He breathes praise, telling you how good it feels. It makes you want to make him feel even better.
His legs spreading wide for you gives you the idea to trail a little farther down, stray off the path of your usual blowjobs. You start with your fingers, something he’s used to and loves. Massaging that spot behind his balls with deliberate little pets, you moan softly when he pulls his legs back just slightly, barely lifting his feet off the ground so you can touch him better.
His brows are pinched, and his mouth is open in a silent moan, his expression one of pleasure and arousal as he brings his hand down to his cock. He slowly tugs at himself, watching as you bring your mouth back to his balls. He’s nodding, eager and encouraging, his hand speeding up.
“You’re–,” he moans, his head rolling back along with his eyes, “My baby.”
Laughing a little you pull back, focusing on just massaging him. He seems extra responsive today, his praise and sentences jumbled and hardly coherent.
“Keep licking,” he moans.
You hum, going to appease him but right before you suck his balls into your mouth you pause. He notices, brings his eyes to you with a questioning, needy gaze, his hand still working over his cock.
You place a chaste kiss to his balls and then one a little lower. Jeongguk jolts, and questions you with a gaze, but he doesn't stop you.
In all honesty, you don't know what you’re doing, have no clue why you even want to, but the desire to make Jeongguk feel good and curiosity spurs you on. He likes your fingers, maybe he’ll like your mouth there too.
Your eyes hold a question in them as you gently, wordlessly push his legs back some more, more of him on display than you’ve ever seen before. Jeongguk grows a little red, but his hand hasn’t stopped, and he just pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, watching you as you kiss on the backs of his thighs.
He’s tense, like he’s just waiting for you to do it. With your breath hot on his taint, you look at him once more, and he gives the slightest nod, permission to continue. His eyes are heavy and he licks over his red bitten lips, and when you press another one of your chaste kisses against him, his brows furrow and his mouth parts and he cranes forward, like he wants it so bad, is so eager that he can't contain it.
The first lick over him makes him gasp, and he breathes the most salacious, “Yeah–” as his legs get pulled back even more.
You smile at him with your tongue out, giving tentative licks to that spot he loves. Your hands are on his cheeks and you pull back some, looking at him with a grin.
Jeongguk groans, a laugh coloring it as his head falls back to the bench kind of like he’s a little bashful about being so worked up. His free hand pushes through his hair before rubbing over his face, eyes finally meeting yours again. “You’re so hot down there,” he tells you.
You purr, pressing your thumbs into his cheeks opening him up a little more. A quick wet lick is placed over his hole and he breathes out a harsh sigh, craning his neck so he can look at you, his tummy tensed.
“Is this what you want?” you murmur against him, getting a little more confident, the tip of your tongue flicking over the cinched muscle.
“Yeah, fuck…” he whispers.
The hand he has on his cock squeezes at the base for a second before he makes a ring with his thumb and index finger focusing on the tip of his cock with quick little strokes. The hand he doesn’t have busy pulls his thigh back a bit more.
As your tongue works over him, he chants over and over again, tells you how hot you look, how good your mouth feels, how wants you to keep going. It’s when you point your tongue a little, just barely pressing into his rim that his hand goes to the back of your head.
He holds your face to his ass, pushes you into him as he melts into the chair, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths that lilt up at the end.
“Good girl,” Jeongguk moans, his eyes blinking open hazily as he looks down at you again.
Your eyes smiles at him as you continue to work your tongue, little wet noises willing the air as you eat him out. When he removes his hand, you lick from his hole to his balls, repeating the action a few times, making Jeongguk almost tremble.
“Your dirty girl?” you ask him quietly in response to the praise he just gave you, giving him tiny little kitten licks over his hole.
He gives you a lustdrunk smile, licking over his lips. “Yeah, all mine.”
“What do you want?” you kiss into his taint, eyes big as you look up at him.
“Just a little more,” he whispers, his thumb spreading the precum leaking from his tip.
You get a hold of the hand on his pulled back thighs, guide it back to the back of your head once again. “Take it then,” you tell him, “take more from me.”
Jeongguk lets out a shaky breath, biting his lip as he pushes your mouth back to his hole. “Look so hot licking my ass,” he breathes, barely audible over the wet licks you’re giving him. He kinda shakes your head, his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched as he sucks a breath through his teeth. “Oh my god–”
When you point your tongue and press past the little resistance, Jeongguk’s mouth drops open and his brows arch upwards, and his eyes roll a little before he squeezes them shut, pushing and pulling on your head just barely, making your tongue fuck him.
It's kind of abrupt when he pulls you back by the hair, his legs coming down again. It’s abrupt when he kisses you. Deep, his tongue licking into your mouth like he doesn't care that you were just licking into him, making him pant, making his cock leak. It’s abrupt when he breaks the kiss. He’s still close, breathing you in, giving you one last soft little peck before he leans back again, his demeanor expectant.
Both of his hands are on your head, and he’s guiding you down, taking what he wants from you just like you told him to. His cock is so hard, flushed and angry looking as it stands, just waiting for your mouth.
It's a swift and quick motion when he pushes your head down, the tip hitting the back of your throat almost immediately. He whines softly, and rocks his hips up while pulling you down onto him, glucking noises filling the air as he fills your mouth.
His length and girth are a lot to take, your eyes prickling with tears as he holds your head down, but when you hear him whisper, so desperately, “Love when you choke on my cock,” it’s so worth it.
He sounds so unabashedly fucked out, like your mouth is the best thing he’s ever felt, like it's the only thing he ever wants to feel for the rest of his life. He’s being a little rougher with you, a little more crude with his words like he’s losing himself in you, losing his control. It makes you moan around him, wanton and needy.
His hips start to fuck up into you mouth again, his hands holding your head in place, keeping you from pulling away. He knows you wouldn’t have, always so well behaved, almost obedient in the way that you please him. But, even so, he just likes having his hands on you, likes feeling the way you struggle to take him.
“That’s a good girl…” he groans, soft and focused, his hips snapping up again. “You’re such a good girl…”
He holds you down once more, shakes your head by the hair so that his tip rubs against your throat, and then he’s pulling you up, kissing you filthily again, not even giving you time to properly catch your breath.
“Get against the mirror,” he says against your lips.
The heat from your hands makes the glass under your hands fog up, and the heat from Jeongguk behind you makes you flush, the heaviness of his cock rutting against the swell of your ass as he wastes no time getting into position.
At the first feel of his tip rubbing between your folds, grazing over your clit, you gasp and your arms buckle. Your legs spread naturally, but Jeongguk makes a tutting noise, and rests one palm on the outside of your hips, the other between your shoulder blades applying light pressure.
“Keep them together, but bend a little– yeah, perfect,” he breathes.
He takes a step back, looks at your ass pushed out for him, your puffy pussy peeking out from between your legs with your clit tucked inside. You’re drippy, shiny and smooth, your slick leaking out, making it sound lewd and wet when he pushes inside.
Your head hangs at the first thrust, Jeongguk pushing in slow but with a steady motion, and you exhale a soft puff.
He keeps his hips against your ass, his cock sheathed by your pussy. His hands grabbing and squeezing, roaming over your body while he waits just a bit for you to get used to him inside of you. Then he’s pulling out, just the tip of his cock still tucked inside, before he fucks into you hard and fast. It knocks the breath out of you, makes your hands on the mirror slip a little.
“F-fuck,” you whisper, your head still hanging, eyes squeezed shut as he fills you up.
Jeongguk’s eyes go from watching his cock slide into you, to the mirror. He moans, the contrast of his tattooed arm on your bare back as he rocks his hips into you is so pretty, just like the way that your shoulder blades push out, how your tiny waist feathers out to the swell of your hips. The fatty part of your hips ripples and pillows against him everytime he thrusts, dull slaps echoing with the whiny moans he punches out of you with his cock.
“Look baby,” he tells you.
It takes a little bit of effort, but when you lift your head, you’re met with a disheveled, messy version of yourself. There’s tears in your eyes, the feel of Jeongguk’s fat cock pushing and pulling in and out of you is overwhelmingly good, his girth rubbing against the sensitive walls of your cunt. Your makeup is messy, your under eyes dark with smudged mascara, the coverage around your mouth and on your nose completely gone, your lips kissed swollen and red.
Eyes moving to Jeongguk behind you through the mirror, you see the way he’s watching you watch him. Watching as your expression changes, how your eyes flutter when he hits that spot inside of you that makes your knees lock, makes your breath stutter and your brows furrow in pleasure.
“There,” you breathe, “God, you make me feel so good, baby.” Your hands slip down the mirror again, the force of his thrusts and the pleasure that’s curling in your belly already making it hard to hold yourself up. You squeeze your eyes shut to keep the tears from spilling over.
Jeongguk picks up the pace of his hips, his hands gripping yours, his thumbs digging into the little dimples at the bottom of your back, a perfect match, like they were placed there just for him. It’s almost like your body was meant for him, crafted with him in mind, fitting together so flawlessly that it’s hard for him to remember there were people before you, people that made him feel good before you did. Because when he’s inside of you, when he’s with you, it’s like that’s all there is. Just an endless loop of you and him, you and him, no beginning or end, no past or future, like the world is only as big as the room you’re in.
“Faster– getting close...”
Your voice echoes in his ears, and he realizes that his thrusts slowed while he got lost in thought. He clears his throat, gets back to work, back to fucking you like he means it, it’s the last time he ever will.
“You always cum so fast when I fuck you like this,” Jeongguk muses, biting his lip when he sees the way your tits jiggle in the mirror.
He expects you to be snarky, make a comment about how he’s smug, too cocky, but instead you nod your head, hands forming fists against the mirror. It’s airy and sexy when you say, “Yeah, you fuck me the best, love your cock… wanna cum for you…”
And it reminds him of the first time he fucked you. How you said more or less the same thing.
“Yeah, wanna fuck you all the time. Love your fat cock…”
That was 6 months ago. It’s not that long but it is at the same time. It feels like only a few seconds and a lifetime in the same breath. Jeongguk feels something stir in his belly, something mix with the steady build up.
“Yeah?” he asks, his voice soft and dreamy– almost fond, juxtaposing the way he’s fucking you. “What do you say?”
You wait a few moments for your body to get there, your head falling again like it's getting hard to support yourself. You’re chanting softly; pornographic ‘yeah’s’ and lewd mewls spilling from your lips nonstop.
“Fuck…” you start, “can I… can I cum?”
It sounds like it's hard for you to form words, so it's a little mean of Jeongguk to spring something new on you. But he can’t help himself.
“Who are you asking?”
A confused sound that turns to a moan at the tailend colors the air.
“Who am I, baby? What should you call me when I’m fucking you like this?” Jeongguk asks, patient and gentle.
You say the first thing that pops into your head.
A sharp slap echoes in the room, and you’re sure there’s a red palm print on your ass. You cry out, whiny as Jeongguk leans over you, his voice in your ear.
“You know better than that,” he says, a little out of breath, but still stern. “Try again. Be polite.”
At this point you’re so close that you’re crying softly, your knees turning inward as you squeeze your legs together as if that will keep your orgasm at bay until he says you can cum. You try to listen to his words, connect the dots and finally it comes to you.
“Sir–” you gasp, “Sir, can I cum?”
Jeongguk groans a little, feels his cock jerk inside of you, the title making that hot feeling burn within him.
“Yes,” he moans, “Look at yourself while you do, want you to see how pretty you look when you cum just from my cock.”
Hardly able to keep yourself up at all, even with the help of the mirror, you tell him in a whiny voice that you can’t, that it’s too hard.
You hear him coo before your world spins a little bit, Jeongguk wrapping an arm around your tummy, pulling you to his chest. His body is burning behind you, and his breath is hot in your ear as he pants, his hips punching into you from behind. The arm that he doesn't have wrapped around your torso comes up, forearm resting between your tits, fingers getting a hold of your jaw making you look straight ahead.
The sight looking back at you is indecent. So filthy that you and Jeongguk both falter, a soft moan echoing in unison.
“Look at you,” Jeongguk purrs.
“Please,” you cry, simply because you don't know what else to say, overtaken with pleasure.
“I already said you could cum, baby,” he reminds you.
And it's like it's all too much and not enough at the same time. Like the push and pull of his cock into your cunt is too good yet exactly what you need, like his hands on you are overstimulating but without them you wouldn’t feel that safety, that feeling of being adored and taken care of. Like his voice in your ear encouraging you is too nice but if he stopped talking to you you wouldn’t know wouldn’t know what to do, that it’s okay.
“Jeongguk,” you cry. Like actually cry. No longer able to hold in the tiny, overwhelmed sobs.
He presses into the side of your head, kisses you as well as he can when he’s jackhammering his hips into your cunt. He shushes you, and his hold on your jaw softens, his other hand petting over your front soothingly. “I know, baby, I know,” he coos.
And it just makes you cry harder. “I can’t– It’s– it’s too much–”
“Yes you can,” he whispers hotly, his eyes on you in the mirror. “You can do it, be good, cum for me…”
He uses the hand he has on your front to press you back into him, closer if that were even possible, but with the slight pressure on your lower belly he feels something.
The moan that falls from his lips is so shameless and lewd. It’s not loud, but more of a soft, wondrous keen.
His cock thrusting into you can be felt with the light push into your belly, and it unlocks something in him. He grabs one of your hands that’s clutching at his forearm and brings it down, his own hand on top of yours pushing so you can feel his cock inside of you too.
“Feel that?” he asks, nipping at your ear lightly, “So hard for you, so deep that you can feel me through your belly... Let go for me, baby, wanna feel you cum on my cock while I can feel myself inside you from the outside.”
Maybe it’s feeling him from the outside, or maybe it's the way he always manages to keep that soft, gentle way with you no matter what. Even if he gets worked up, losing himself a bit– he never leaves you, never becomes too harsh or rough. He’s always the perfect mix of both, and that’s what makes the pleasure that’s been ebbing in you wash over your body.
You tremble in his arms and soft, desperate whimpers get exhaled as you cum. No warning, but Jeongguk knows, feels the way you contract around him as he slows his hips a little, giving you longer, unhurried thrusts. He lets you bathe in it, the dreamy, dizzying high that makes you delirious as you thank him with teary words.
“That’s my girl, so good for me all the time… knew you could do it,” he says, his hips gradually starting to pick up again, his thrusts sloppy.
Vision is a little blurry when you blink your eyes, but the sight of Jeongguk wrapped around you, his face in your neck biting and moaning into your skin–
“Please cum inside of me,” you beg.
“Yeah, gonna–” he tells you, his teeth sinking into that spot between your shoulder and neck. You gasp when he sucks, knowing that there will be a mark, and you bring your hand up to his hair, keeping him close.
Jeongguk switches from those harsh sucks and bites to sweet kisses up your neck to your jaw. His fingers on your face urge you to look over your shoulder, and the distance between your lips and his is too small, too tempting for him to not take it.
He kisses you, desperate just like his thrusts are becoming until he's right at the crest.
“Gonna cum,” he pants against your lips, his hand on your tummy still pushing to feel himself.
You nod, still looking at him behind you, placing soft kisses on his lips at first and then wherever you can reach until he succumbs to the pleasure, his eyes closing and his head lulling back a little before he’s pressing into your sweaty hair, like he wants to hide yet stay close to you. He cums with a gasp, cock buried deep, throbbing with every shot of white that paints you from the inside.
As soon as he catches his breath, he kisses you.
He kisses you again and again and again.
There’s something so intimate… so vulnerable about letting someone wash you.
When there’s no ulterior motives laced with sex or lust. Just gentle touches, pure in the way they take their time with lathering up even the simple, boring parts of your body. Paying special mind to your hands, your calves. Behind your ears, your shoulders.
Jeongguk’s touching you like you’re sunshine.
Like he’s savoring the warmth of your body under his fingertips even though it's too hot in the shower.
He’s touching you like you’re the perfect day, one so perfect that he’s scared it will pass by before he can enjoy it.
He’s touching you with so much care and attention and it feels so good that it’s blissful. It feels so– it feels like when you’re a little kid and you return to the comfort of your home after a long day, to the familiarness of your bed, to everything that makes you feel safe.
It feels like your favorite memory. The one you keep adding onto because the details have gotten fuzzy, but you clutch onto it because it's too precious to let go of.
It feels like a–
It feels like–
Jeongguk takes his time with you.
It feels so good that it’s almost overwhelming in a way that you’ve never experienced before. It feels so good that tears sting behind your eyelids, so different from the tears you shed earlier.
He delicately untangles your hair, gets out all the knots he put in it. He cups your face, gently rubbing the pads of his thumbs under your eyes, getting the makeup off as best he can. He’s careful when he’s suds up your body, mindful of the light blossoms that he planted into your skin. The violet on your neck pulses under the care, a bloom that’s pretty, a bloom that aches, a bloom that feels good.
He’s adoring, he’s soft, he’s bliss.
When his lips kiss your cheek, it's almost platonic, simply because it lacks desire. It sounds bad, embarrassing maybe, that he’s not desiring your naked body in front of him, but it’s not– it’s something new and it's so incredibly wholesome. His kisses are so sweet, so pure, so innocent and just an expression of caring rather than wanting that it makes you want him in a way that scares you.
After the final rinse, you kiss his cheek. Hope and yearn that he can feel half of what he made you feel. You hope he knows what you mean when you say quietly, “Thank you.”
“Wear this one, you look good in white.”
Jeongguk has a fluffy grey towel tied around his hips, lingering water droplets disappearing when they trek far enough down his torso. And you’re scrunching your hair in a matching towel, warm from the heated towel rack. The atmosphere in his bedroom is warm too, soft and comfortable, sweet like a cup of hot tea.
He’s got one of his white shirts scrunched in his hands, ready to dress you. Quiet laughter putters from your lips as you reach your hands up and into the arm holes as he pulls the neck hole over your head. When you pop out Jeongguk is close enough for you to kiss him, so you do.
“We’ve kissed so much today,” he says thoughtfully, turning and digging in his drawers. Instead of taking care of himself, he finds a pair of your lounge shorts that you left here.
“I know, how gross,” you say with playful disgust in your tone, as you take that and step into the shorts. Panties are unnecessary apparently, since he doesn’t hand you one of the stray pairs you know are in his dresser.
He hums walking into the bathroom. “It’s nice, I like kissing you.”
You roll your eyes following him. Hopping onto the counter you watch as he does his skincare. “We already had sex, no need to butter me up, sir.”
The corners of his mouth turn up just barely as he tries not to smile, hardly glancing at you as he dabs his moisturizer in.
“I like it when you’re around,” he says simply.
Heat rushes to your face, and your heart beats loud in your ears and something feels so different.
So of course you just change the subject.
“I’m so glad we ordered food before the shower.” You place a hand on your belly, “I’m so hungry.”
“Hopefully you clicked the right stuff, since you were, you know, a little distracted… seeing as we were kissing… so much… because I like to kiss you...”
“Do you want a kiss right now? Is that why you’re being annoying?”
He makes an offended expression before immediately going back to his normal face, tinted with faux nonchalance. He shrugs his tattooed shoulder, tapping the cream in. “I wouldn’t object to a kiss or two…”
And so he gets a kiss or two or three, soft, giddy little pecks.
He pulls away, and just looks at you for a few seconds, doe-eyes dancing across your features before falling and lingering on the lovebite he left that’s peeking out. The neck of his shirt is too big, hanging loose. His hand comes up and he fingers at the material like he’s thinking of straightening the shirt out for you.
He doesn’t, instead bringing the hand to your jaw, making you tilt your head, looking up at him.
“You’re so pretty,” he says, his thumb gliding on the apple of your cheek.
Your eyes fall shut, content. A lazy smile laces your words when you say, “Thanks.”
Cute kissy noises ring in your ears until they don’t, the doorbell taking their place.
You pull away so fast that Jeongguk is almost insulted. Jumping from the counter you squeal about the food, tapping his toweled butt on the way out of the bathroom, telling him to hurry up and get dressed as you rummage through your purse for your wallet.
“Wait I’ll pay,” he says, finally dropping his towel and snagging a pair of briefs.
“It’s okay!” you call over your shoulder, speed walking to his front door.
The walk from Jeongguk’s bedroom isn’t too long, but your thoughts are fast, running a mile a minute. The thought of how good today has been, how easy it is to be with him. How whenever you’re with him you find that your cheeks hurt when you go home, laughter constant, and smiles ever present. You think about how warm his home is, how warm he is, how being with him is a comfort that you’ve come to crave.
The smile that is on your face is unconscious, the remnants of the soft emotions swirling in your chest, feeling like you’ve finally pinpointed what's so different about today.
When you open the door, that lingering smile falls and that hazy feeling evaporates.
In front of you is not a delivery guy.
It’s the woman from the pictures. The framed one in the hallway, the one on top of Nari’s dresser, the one in the photo albums Jeongguk let you browse through when you wanted to see his daughter as a newborn. It’s the same woman that was in the picture he sent you.
And your heart drops when you take her in. You knew she was pretty, but the pictures don’t even scratch the surface. Even when her features are pulled in perturbed confusion, she’s beautiful. She’s put together, long dark hair styled and sleek, make up done minimally but elegantly, her parted lips a sheer coral. Her straight, dark brows are furrowed causing a slight wrinkle between them. It looks out of place, an imperfection that doesn’t belong.
Her sharp eyes scan you, both of you just kind of standing there in the doorway, taking the other in. They go from your wet hair, to your face, down to where Jeongguk’s shirt hangs loosely off your shoulder. Her gaze hardens as she lingers there for just a moment, before directing dark eyes back at you.
It feels like it’s been hours, that you both have been there, but in reality it's not even a minute. She looks like she’s going to say something, but the impatient baby in the woman’s arms makes herself known.
At the high pitched squeal that Nari lets out, you snap out of it, plastering a smile on your face. The little one is smiling, clearly excited to see you, her doe-eyes curling and getting mini puffs under them. When she leans away from her mom, arms reaching out towards you, it’s instinct when you go to take her from her mom.
“Hi! Sorry Gguk’s in–” You falter, arms raised halfway, when Nari gets pulled out of reach.
The woman doesn’t go as far as taking a step away from you, but she turns at the waist kind of putting herself and some distance between you and her baby. As you let your hands fall in timid, jerky movements, you look between the two in front of you, and Nari’s doing the same, a cute confused expression on her face like she doesn’t know why she wasn’t allowed to play with you.
And it’s not like you blame Nari’s mom. It’s very apparent that she has no clue who you are. If anything you think it’s good that her mom is protective enough to not just hand Nari over to someone she doesn’t know. It makes sense, but it stings.
“Ba?” Nari babbles, to her mom.
The woman’s cold gaze breaks at the sound of her daughter's voice, and morphs into one of quiet love as she directs her eyes to the baby, giving her a soft smile. She bounces Nari a little on her hip, and Nari giggles. When they are looking at each other, their profile resemblance is striking. Of course Nari’s features are still baby soft, but it's obvious that they have the same nose. Small, slightly upturned. The same lips too; plump with the upper lip almost rounded.
“Who is this, Riri?” she asks her baby playfully, her eyes finding you again at the tailend of her sentence.
She’s smiling, but her eyes are stony, guarded, as she looks at you expectantly.
“I’m __– I’m a uh… a friend of Jeongguk’s?”
Her eyes narrow for a fraction of a second when you say ‘friend’ and the coolness she’s emitting is enough for you to call for Jeongguk for your shoulder, needing the comfort of him. The woman in front of you is intimidating in a way you don’t think you could ever achieve. It’s something about the way she carries herself, so collected and aloof, like she’s mastered the art of keeping it together.
And you’re not scared of her, not really. But what are you supposed to do in this situation other than call for Jeongguk?
At the thought of him, you hear his voice come from behind you and when you turn, you see him walking out of his room, bottom half clothed in dark joggers, his top half bare as he clumsily pulls a shirt over his head.
“Do you need cash for the ti–” When his wet head of hair pops out of the neck hole, and he sees not one girl in front of him, but three, his voice cuts out, and he slows as he takes in the scene before him. You see how his chest expands as he takes a deep breath, like he’s preparing himself before quickening his pace.
Nari starts to kick in her mom’s hold when she sees her dad approaching, excited little gasps puffing out of her.
“Hi, little flower,” Jeongguk coos, smiling wide as he brings his hand up, tickling Nari’s neck, making the baby squirm and curl in on herself as she bubbles out a giggle. “Dasom,” he says as a greeting to his ex-wife, as takes his place next to you, his hand settling on your lower back for just a moment, like he’s letting you know he’s there.
Dasom lets the corners of her lips turn up slightly as she says, “Jeongguk.”
“What are you doing here?” he asks. You can tell he’s trying to keep his voice neutral.
“Something came up at work. I have to go to the headquarters a few cities over for a few days,” Nari grabs at the dainty necklace she’s wearing, and Dasom gently untangles her little fingers, offering her her wrist instead. A heavier, more sturdy piece of jewelry keeps Nari busy. “I texted you hours ago letting you know I was on my way.”
“I was busy. I didn’t have my phone on me,” he explains.
Dasom looks between you both. The freshly washed hair on both your heads, the mark on your neck. The too-big, white shirt you have on that’s clearly not yours. “I can see that,” she replies coolly.
And suddenly you feel so out of place, so uncomfortable. Standing between two people who used to share the home you’re surrounded by. Two people who share the sweet baby girl that’s content babbling to herself. Two people who were married, who were in love, who have so much history together. You know it’s mildly absurd, because they’re divorced, but you feel like you’re intruding, like you’re doing something wrong.
You’re just about to excuse yourself when Jeongguk sighs, runs a frustrated hand through his hair, reaching out and taking Nari from her mom. “__, can you take Nari and wait for me in the playroom?”
“Daaa,” she peeps happily in her dad’s big arms, as he hands her off to you.
“Kook–” Dasom says, uneasiness lacing her tone.
“She’s fine Dasom, she’s been with __ many times,” Jeongguk says with a finality to his tone.
Dasom says her goodbyes to Nari, a tense silence falling over the house as you walk away with the baby. It’s not till Dasom thinks you’re far enough away that she speaks up.
“Who is that, Jeongguk?”
Jeongguk shuts his eyes roughly when he hears a hint of confused hurt in her voice. He can tell she’s trying to mask it, but he’s known her for a long time. Remembers clearly what it sounds like, memories of all the painful talks preceding the divorce edging on his conscience.
“She’s a friend,” he sighs.
“How old are your friends these days?” Dasom questions, confusion turning to judgement– obvious in her tone and her stance, her arms crossing over her torso.
Jeongguk hangs his head and scrubs his hands over his face. “How was Nari?” he asks, trying to change the subject.
His ex has different plans. “How old is she?”
He looks up at her sharp tone, a surprised color to his features. He looks over his shoulder towards the playroom before he turns back to her, a soft incredulous scoff leaving his lips. “She’s old enough, and I’m not doing this with you. So if you don’t have any updates–” His hand is on the door in the process of inching it closed when Dasom interrupts him.
“You know,” she starts, “I never thought I’d have to worry about this with you. Thought you’d be able to keep your personal and parenting lives separate.”
And she knows exactly which buttons of his to push; of course she does. She was married to him for years, knew him better than anyone else at one point in time. She knows that insinuating that he is a lacking parent, that he doesn’t always put their daughter first, will irk him enough to pull a reaction out of him.
It’s purposefully done– vindictiveness an ugly side of his ex that doesn’t come out of her often, only when she’s hurt and wants to hurt back. Or at least it didn’t happen often. It’s been over a year, and people change.
“Are you sure you want to debate which of us has trouble separating and balancing things when you’re the one dropping our daughter off in the middle of your week with her, to go to work?” he asks, his tone icy. He knows her well too. Knows it’s the same insinuations that hurt him, that cut her as well.
Anger colors Dasom’s features as she takes a step closer to Jeongguk, her head tilted a little as she looks up at him. “I do it for her. To provide for her. You know that,” she spits, “And I keep my lovers away from her while I’m at it.”
Jeongguk laughs, like he can’t believe he’s having this conversation. “I’m sure you do, Dasom,” he pauses, debating on whether to add what he’s thinking. “And for the record, I don’t have ‘lovers’. I’m only seeing one person.”
“And are you planning on committing to her? Making it long term?”
Caught off guard doesn’t even really begin to cover the whiplash-like feeling that Jeongguk experiences when he hears the question.
He hesitates, flounders a little. He cares about you, likes you so, so much. And he’s not stupid– he knows that he feels something for you that’s vastly different from what he’s felt for the others before you but– you’re young. So young, with your whole life ahead of you. Meanwhile, he has his life already booked for the next 16 years, at least. He’s never really let himself think about things long term, because it just doesn’t seem realistic. Asking you to commit to not only him, but a two year old as well? It seems selfish to ask that of you, like an unintentional trap that steals your freedom. He can’t ask for that. He won’t.
Dasom looks disillusioned, like she really did expect better from Jeongguk. “I didn’t think so. You’re not even dating her... She’s your ‘friend’?” she asks.
Jeongguk just looks at her with pursed lips and pinched brows.
“And when you’re not ‘friends’ anymore, Kook?” she asks again, “Are you just going to bring another ‘friend’into Nari’s life for her to get attached to just for them to leave again? And what about when she’s older? Do you want her thinking that’s what women do? Come and go?”
Dasom’s words are exaggerated and extreme– she doesn't know the circumstances between you and him, doesn’t know that it was Nari that introduced you to one another, so waiting to introduce you and his daughter wasn’t an option. And it’s not like Jeongguk is ever going to have a legion of women filtering through his home.
But the point is made all the same.
“No, of course I don’t want that,” he says defeated, as he tilts his head back for a moment, letting his eyes shut.
“Yeah, me either,” she says. Her voice lacks the judgment it held at the beginning of the conversion, being replaced by blasé melancholy. “So I hope she gets it out of your system. Please drop Nari off next Friday, just like always.”
Turning on her heel, Dasom makes to leave before she stops abruptly. She takes a deep breath with her head tilted back, before she’s looking down, like she’s tired. Like the fight with Jeongguk took a lot of her. She pulls a folder from her bag, turning back around and presenting it to Jeongguk.
“For Ri’s speech…” she says softly, “I took her to another speech pathologist yesterday. This one said try doing signs during meals. ‘All done’. ‘More’...” Dasom does the signs haphazardly waving her hands about. “Doctor said it...” She takes a deep breath, and laughs halfheartedly, and Jeongguk can see how she’s tearing up. “Well, like all the other doctor’s we’ve taken her to, they said it may help.”
Her eyes are glassy when she looks at him, and Jeongguk’s heart aches because he knows exactly how she feels.
The anxiety and constant worry you feel over your child’s well-being is one of the hardest things to navigate because you have to keep it together and not let yourself get defeated. You have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes there’s things that, as a parent, you can’t fix, and that sometimes you can do everything right and still have things go wrong– things that may never be able to go right.
He knows that there is an unexplainable guilt, that there’s always that little voice in the back of your head that tells you that maybe if you had done this, then that wouldn’t have happened. It’s a horribly helpless feeling, wanting nothing more than to make things better for your child, and not being able to.
“She’s fine you know,” he says softly, “she’s just taking her time.”
Dasom tries to nod, but she breaks. Her hands come up to cover her quivering chin and quiet her soft cries. She buries her face in her palms as her shoulders tremble.
“Hey, hey,” Jeongguk whispers, reaching out and pulling her to his chest. Her hands are still covering her face, so his arms circle around her as a whole and he rests his chin on her head and lets her cry, his own eyes stinging.
It’s only a minute or two that Dasom weeps against his chest. She’s then pulling away with a deep breath, blowing it out in that soothing way trying to calm herself, trying to regulate her breathing. She laughs, airy like she’s embarrassed, as she taps under her eyes, trying to save her makeup as best she can.
“Ah… sorry about that,” she says, “Haven’t cried in a while so that was bound to happen sometime soon.”
Jeongguk laughs quietly before he muses, “She can say juice now.”
Dasom rolls her eyes playfully. “Yeah… Joofs.”
They both laugh together, for a moment, a few moments, until it tapers off naturally. Leaving soft wistful smiles on their faces.
“Drive safe, Som-ie.”
The laughter that echoes from Jeongguk’s foyer feels like a punch in the gut after everything that you’ve heard. All the things you felt earlier seem stupid and childish in hindsight.
And yeah, you don’t blame Jeongguk for staying quiet when Dasom asked if he wanted to commit to you because that’s not something you guys have even touched on, but when he stayed silent as she went on about you just being his ‘friend’? Alluding to you just being a lay for him, just something he needs to ‘get out of his system’? Something disposable and unimportant?
You had at least expected him to defend you.
To tell her that while you may not be his girlfriend, you are important to him. More than a quick lay, more than just a young girl he needs to fuck out of his system. Because you know that’s exactly what she thinks you are. And what she thinks doesn't matter, not really, but if that’s what Jeongguk thinks?
Part of you knows that there’s no way that Jeongguk thinks that. That if he did, this thing between you both would have fizzled out by now or at least been harder to deal with. But that’s never been the case. It’s always been good with him, easy.
If he thought that way, he wouldn’t have been so worried in the beginning and would have instead jumped at the chance to get into your pants. You weren’t exactly subtle back then– there were plenty of opportunities for him to come onto you. But it literally took you throwing yourself at him for him to give in.
So like you know. You know, you know, you know in your heart that it’s not true, that he doesn’t think that little of you.
But his silence was enough to plant a seed of doubt, enough to break a little bit of trust. More than enough to hurt you.
You look down at Nari, and she reaches her hands up wanting to be held. A soft, pitiful laugh falls from your lips and you bend to pick her up.
“Sorry, wasn’t playing with you was I?”
Nari looks at you, studies you with those big eyes of hers. She pats at your cheek, a little roughly, but you can tell she’s trying to be gentle. Her little hand goes from patting to petting, almost like she’s trying to soothe you, like she can tell you’re upset.
“Buu?” she asks.
In reality you have no idea what she’s saying. But it feels like she’s asking if you’re okay, and just like if an adult were to ask you that when you’re close to losing it, close to breaking– it makes you cry.
Not the embarrassing type of cry, but just a tiny cry in front of the sweetest, tiny human. Your eyes just tear up, and your chin trembles a little bit as you try to muster up a small smile, but when you blink a couple tears spill over.
Nari gasps. “Nuuu!” she tells you, before she’s wrapping her tiny bread arms around your neck, clutching onto you like she’s trying to squeeze out all of the sad.
It makes you let out a watery laugh, and you squeeze back, enough so that she croaks a little like a frog. When you pull back she’s giggling in that pure baby way that probably has healing powers or something.
“You are so smart,” you tell her, sniffing a little, trying to get yourself together. You’re not sure if Dasom left yet, or how much longer it will be before Jeongguk comes back, and you don’t want him to know you were crying, or eavesdropping.
She tilts her head at you, then leans in with her lips pulled between her teeth making them pop out when they are against your cheek, a tiny ‘maa’ sounding with her smooch.
“That’s a new type of kiss,” you tell her.
“Sol-mi, Yoongi and Jimin’s daughter, taught her at the party.”
Whipping around at the sound of his voice, you turn and see Jeongguk leaning against the doorway with two glasses of wine in his hands and a sippy cup tucked into his arm. He gives you a soft smile, and you smile back because that’s the only thing you know how to do when you’re with him. Instinctive.
“Hi,” you say.
“Hi,” he says back.
“DAAADAAA!” Nari screeches.
You pull back, wincing for your ear drum, as you let Nari down with an endeared laugh. She toddles over to her dad, tugging on his joggers.
“Hi my babygirl,” he says. Then laughs when she tugs particularly hard, “Hey– you’re gonna pull Daddy’s pants down, quit it.”
“Joofs,” she says, grabby hands reaching for the sippy cup she spotted.
“I see how it is,” he says, handing you your glass and then grabbing the juice, “Didn’t even miss me?”
He manages to sit down without his hands and without squishing his daughter, and you follow suit, watching the daddy-daughter moment unfold, quietly sipping on your wine. Trying your best to push everything else out of your mind, trying to get that almost... safe, warm feeling back. The one that you always get when you’re with Jeongguk. It’s been missing since he came into the room.
“Give Daddy a kiss and then you can have your juice,” he angles his cheek to her and then adds on, “Also say please.” like it’s an afterthought.
You shake your head, smiling, and Jeongguk flicks his eyes to you, mirroring your expression.
“Peeb,” she spouts before she gives him a very quick, rather half-assed kiss. She doesn’t even do the ‘maa’. Her hands open out in front of her, expectant and ready for her drink.
Jeongguk tuts at her, but hands the juice over. “You’re rotten, missy.”
Nari says nothing, just waddles so she's standing in front of him with her back to his face. She plops herself right in his lap, his criss-crossed legs making a perfect Nari-shaped seat. Sipping away with her drink in one hand, her other comes down to Jeongguk’s tattooed arm that he wrapped around her belly. Tracing them with her pudgy little fingers, she tries her best to look down while simultaneously keeping her drink in the proper position.
It’s quiet for a bit, just Nari’s soft drinking noises. You take the moment to get up and grab something from your stuff in Jeongguk’s room, before returning. As you’re walking past Jeongguk back to your spot across from him, you feel his hand tug at the one you have dangling by your side.
You look at him, a small questioning noise sounding.
He pulls, making you bend at the waist getting closer to his level, and when he tilts his head back to look up at you, his eyes flicker to your lips and then he licks his and then he’s craning his neck and then he’s kissing you softly.
It’s fleeting but it's sweet. It makes the warm feeling settle in your heart again, just for a moment before it hides away, somewhere within you. Your eyes dart to Nari. Kisses usually being reserved for alone time.
He shakes his head. “It’s alright… Sorry that happened while you were here… Me and Dasom usually communicate better than that.”
You take a seat next to him and Nari, careful of his wine glass. “It’s okay…”
Gazes meet for a few seconds looking over the other like you’re both trying to figure something out. Things different from the ‘different’ you felt earlier. This different feels like something is off; the first one felt like a dream. Maybe it was.
“Okay,” he replies lightly, but he sounds unsure, like he doesn't know if it actually is ‘okay’. His eyes drop to the small bag that you brought into the room. “Whatcha got?”
You tell him you got Nari something for her birthday, nothing big but just something that reminded you of her. You ask him if it’s okay to give it to her.
He says of course, why wouldn’t it be?
For some reason the tiny exchange hurts.
Lacking an answer, you pinch at the little fat roll on Nari’s thigh, her tiny jean shorts putting all the chub on display. She looks up at you, and you raise the bag and shake it a little. Her smile grows as she realizes it's for her. Jeongguk is abandoned, your lap now occupied.
“She has no loyalty at all,” Jeongguk says.
“She’s just making as many allies as she can, and I think that is very smart of her,” you defend, watching as Nari plucks tissue paper after tissue paper out of the bag (with only one small hand, the other still holding her juice), until she’s squealing. Your face lights up at her enthusiasm, and hers lights up at the toy, and you don’t see it, but Jeongguk’s lights up at you both.
You’ve been good with her since that day you found her at your work, and Jeongguk notices when you go out of your way to ask about her, to be kind to her, patient with her... to take care of her. Never once have you treated her like she was a burden, or an inconvenience.
He sees the way that Nari is with you, too.
Sees how happy she gets when you walk in his front door, how she always shares her things with you in that sweet way that babies do when they like someone. She even asks about you when you don't come around for a few days. A babbled version of your name peeping from her little lips.
It’s no secret that his baby has grown attached to you, come to love you. Dasom’s words ring in his ears. The thing she said about Nari getting used to someone he brings into her life, just for them to not be permanent.
A medium sized, pink, stuffed Narwhal is pulled from the bag by the horn, and Nari swings it to the side to show her dad, just for a moment, before she’s squeezing it to her chest. She’s cooing, kinda nuzzling into it.
“Ba buuu,” she says softly, eyes still on the gift like it's something wondrous, rather than just a small plush. Jeongguk grows soft and your heart squeezes in your chest. The warmth comes back, flickers before going out again.
“What is it?” Jeongguk asks around a sip of his wine.
“A narwhal. You know, Nar-i, Nar-whal.”
His mouth twitches, fighting a smile, but he just nods. Until he can’t hold his laughter in anymore, making you laugh too by consequence. Easy.
The little crows feet at the corners of his eyes make an appearance and he scrunches his nose at you as he quiets. His hair is still just a little bit damp. “It’s cute,” he amends. “You didn’t have to get her anything, but thank you for thinking about her.”
The smile on his lips is tiny, but you can tell it’s genuine. Without laughter lightning up his face, you realize how tired he looks, warn out.
“Are you okay?” you say, arms raising so Nari is able to get up, making her way to her other toys, the narwhal tucked into her side. She grabs a babydoll, holds it to the narwhal and makes them move around like she’s introducing her toys.
Jeongguk sighs, and leans back on his hands. “Just wasn’t expecting that, is all… I get stressed when things don’t go as planned.”
“That’s why you broke out the wine in the middle of the day?” you ask with a teasing tone.
He rolls his eyes playfully. “One glass won’t hurt…”
The doorbell cuts off your reply. The food’s here.
The headboard behind Jeongguk’s back is hard, just like he is under you.
But his touches are soft, just like his kisses.
You’re straddling him, your hips just barely rocking over him as you lick into his mouth. Mewl against his lips. Hands in his hair, not pulling, but just twining your fingers in his locks, keeping him close.
It’s slow, unhurried and gentle. When he brings his palms to your chest over his shirt, he feels how your nipples pebble through the material as he squeezes, rolls them in his hands. So responsive to his touch, you pull away for just a moment to breathe out a pleased sigh before giving him a few cute pecks. Pushing into your lips, he deepens the kisses, his tongue teasing the seam of your lips until you open up for him.
He feels young again, like he’s making out with his crush, heavy petting because they are too scared to go all the way, but too into each other to not give in just a little. He hasn’t felt this way in so long. You gasp into his mouth when he pinches your nipple between his fingertips. His cock pulses, but his heart clenches.
It’s like reality is finally catching up to him. Reminding him that you and him were never supposed to get in so deep, were never supposed to get so entangled in each other’s lives. Fun and casual. That’s what it’s supposed to be. But it’s so much more than that now. At least for him it is.
His heart clenches because he’s not young anymore, but you still are.
The baby monitor that goes off with hiccuping cries just confirms his feelings.
“Sorry,” he says against your lips, his hands moving to your hips, squeezing before he helps maneuver you off of him.
“Bring her back in here,” you suggest.
Jeongguk pauses, twisting to crack his back. “You sure?”
You hum, “Yeah, wanna hang out with you both.”
And again his heart pulls, but he nods with a soft smile and a quick kiss before he’s hurrying out of the room.
Hands scrub over your face as you wait for him, your head knocking against the headboard. You purposefully focus on playing a game on your phone while you wait, refusing to let your thoughts loop incessantly around your brain.
It's a little while when Jeongguk walks back in with Nari on his hip. The sight makes you coo.
Nari’s looking around like she’s still a little out of it, her tiny round body in a light pink nightie covered in little bunnies sleeping on clouds and moons. Instead of her hair being in her trademark little ponies, it’s down, falling in messy little wisps around her face. The narwhal is clutched in her tiny hand by the horn and when she sees you, she blinks a few times before she smiles around the paci in her mouth.
“Hi sweet girl,” you say, when Jeongguk places her on the bed.
She tries to walk over to you, but the bed is soft and she’s very much still tired so she stumbles, hits the mattress with a small oof and an airy little giggle. Crawling the rest of the way she sits herself next to you, puts her plush in her lap.
“Think someone had a bad dream,” Jeongguk says around a yawn, taking his spot on the bed. “Also sorry it took a second, had to change her pull up.”
You hum, your hand coming up to pet at her hair, dark, silky, and baby scented.
“Wanna watch something, boba?” Jeongguk asks, laying himself on his side, one hand propped under his head, the other on the remote.
Nari nods, hunkers down in the fluffy pillow behind her. She looks at you and pats the sheets, as if telling you to lay down like her and her Daddy. Of course you listen.
It’s calm and quiet, just the children’s show playing in the background that you all are watching. You and Jeongguk half heartedly, Nari with round eyes. She lets out little laughs every now and then, her blinks slow and heavy. Jeongguk’s got a hand resting on Nari’s tummy and her little hand holds onto his thumb.
The scene is domestic.
“She doesn’t have nightmares often, does she?” you ask quietly.
Jeongguk glances at you, shakes his head. “Not here at least.”
“Has she always been a co sleeper?”
Jeongguk shakes his head again. “Not till after the divorce,” he says. “And I wouldn’t say she still co sleeps… most nights she sleeps on well on her own. I just don’t tell her no if she wants to come into my room.”
At the mention of the divorce your brain begins to whirl.
It’s not something he brings up often, and it’s never really bothered you. But after today, after you saw and heard how he and his ex interacted… It makes you curious. They seem to get along decently well, and they both clearly love Nari.
You sound a bit timid when you ask, “Why did you guys split up?”
Jeongguk’s quiet, doesn’t acknowledge that he heard you even though you know that he did. You worry that you’ve said something wrong, and you’re about to apologize but he speaks up.
“I’ll tell you… just getting my thoughts in order.”
Jeongguk stares down at the teeny, tiny baby in the bassinet. The light pink of the skirt at the bottom matches the accents on the walls of her nursery.
Her big eyes are watching the fairy mobile, big felt flowers dangling above her, the softest baby coos leaving her mouth every once in a while. She was already up when he got home from work.
When he puts his hand inside the baby bed and extends one of his fingers petting at her small hand, the baby jumps a little like she didn’t know he was there, but recognition is instant and she smiles up at him, her tiny fingers clutching around his.
“Hi miss Nari,” he says quietly, “How long have you been up, hmm? Bout time for some milk isn’t it?”
She blows a bubble up at him.
His heart swells as he picks her up, a big hand supporting her head as he pulls her to his chest. A detour to the changing table precedes his walk to the living room, where his wife is sat cross legged on the floor, papers and her laptop scattered in front of her on the coffee table. The video baby monitor is propped up as well.
“Hi honey,” Jeongguk says.
Dasom looks over her shoulder, sees the two of them and smiles. “Hey, how was work? And how’s our baby?” She types something on her laptop.
“Baby is good and work was work. Remember how I said we are thinking of setting up another branch?” Jeongguk asks, swaying a little with his cheek resting on Nari’s head. She smells like baby and Dasom hums in acknowledgement. “My brother finally got me a list of locations, so just a lot of assigning scouts to scope them out and budgeting for the cost of their travel.”
“That’s great, babe,” Dasom says.
Jeongguk watches her for a few more moments, as she flips through the papers like she’s looking for something. He walks around, so that he can sit in the loveseat off to the side, adjusts Nari so that she’s cradled in the bend of his arm. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“Just reviewing everything that’s happened at the office over the last few months…” She flicks her eyes to him.
Jeongguk frowns. “You still have two and a half weeks before you have to go back, don’t you?”
“Yeah, wanna be prepared though.”
Nari starts to wiggle in his arms, fussy. “Did you ever see if you could get a few more weeks since you guys were in the hospital for so long? That’s hardly a leave, if you ask me.”
She laughs lightly. “That’s true. But I don’t think it’s necessary? She’s doing really well, and I think that that Montessori nursery will be good for her.”
Tension fills Jeongguk’s body. “I thought we talked about letting Yeoreum watch her when you go back to work.”
“Well yes. We talked about it– but we didn’t commit to–”
“We didn’t commit to Montessori either–”
“What benefits is Nari getting if we do that?” Dasom says, finally giving Jeongguk her full attention. “No offense to Jin’s wife, but it’s not like she’s certified to care for newborns.”
“She’s a mother, Som. A very good one, she knows how to care for a baby. And Nari would be the only baby she’s taking care of so it’s one on one attention and it’s someone we know and trust so–”
“Montessori has curriculum, and it teaches children to be independent–”
“She’s a baby! She doesn’t need to be independent. She needs to be–”
Nari’s fussiness has escalated, her tiny cries filling the living room. Jeongguk starts rocking her, shushing her with soft coos. He tries the pacifier attached to her onesie, but she just pushes it out, crying louder.
“She’s hungry,” Jeongguk says, getting to his feet so he can hand her to her mom.
“I pre-pumped when she was napping earlier. There’s a bottle with 6.5 ounces in the fridge.”
Picking his battles and barely suppressing a frustrated sigh, he walks to the kitchen and places the bottle in the warmer. Nari’s cries continue to sound as he waits, bouncing her a little, rubbing her back.
Back in the loveseat, he tries to give Nari her dinner but she’s grumpy, turning her head or pushing the nipple out of her mouth, growing angrier by the minute, her tiny body turning red from how hard she’s crying.
“She’s not taking the bottle, I think she–”
“Is it warm enough?”
“Yes, I think she wants you.”
Nari’s mom looks over the top of her laptop and nods. “I’m just about done–”
“Dasom, please,” Jeongguk says, “She’s hungry and she wants her mom.”
Almost like a fog clears, Dasom’s face falls before she’s nodding hastily. “Yeah, yeah… I’m sorry I– bring her to me.”
As soon as Nari’s in her mom’s arms she quiets some, and once Dasom holds her close and starts to feed her it’s serene again. Nari’s little hand opens and closes rhythmically, until her mom gives her her finger, like Jeongguk did early. Ever since she came home from the hospital, she’s liked to hold hands.
“I’m sorry,” Dasom whispers again, without looking at Jeongguk. He can hear the guilt in her voice.
He tells her it's okay and that he’s going to shower.
Later when Nari’s down for the night and he and his wife are laying in bed, Dasom apologizes again. Tells Jeongguk that she was just stressed with preparing for work and juggling the baby.
“Som-ie, that reminds me, I was thinking…”
She turns to look at him from his side of the bed, smiling. “Not too hard, hopefully.”
“Ha-ha,” he says, unamused. He continues nervously, like he’s walking on eggshells. “But I was thinking– what if you took off for the first year or so?”
The shift in atmosphere is instant. Dasom goes stiff in her spot next to him, and she says silent.
“I only say it because we would be fine, you know?” He tries to explain, “My job brings in more than enough for us to be okay, and if you just stayed home with her, you could teach her the way that you want and I would get the peace of mind knowing that she’s safe with someone I love and trust. We would solve the daycare dilemma…”
Still, his wife says nothing, her brows furrowed.
“And you wouldn’t be so stressed…” Jeongguk continues, “you wouldn’t have to worry about work on top of being a mom… You would never miss any of her firsts and–”
“When we talked about having a baby, I told you I didn’t want to be one of those moms.”
Dasom’s voice is upset, her tone hard.
“I know, I know,” Jeongguk says softly, “But it wouldn’t be for forever. Just until she’s older… I read that companies will give extended leaves sometimes, kind of like a sabbatical.”
She laughs in disbelief, “How long have you been thinking about this? I’m not taking an extended leave, or a sabbatical, or a hiatus or whatever it is you’ve been researching, Jeongguk. I worked so hard to get to where I am,” she closes her eyes like she’s trying to stay calm, “You can’t ask me to throw that away.”
“That’s not what I’m asking–”
“But it is!” she exclaims, “Even being gone for 3 months has already put me back. My position isn’t one that can stay open for extended periods of time. And that means if I take off for even just a year– it’ll be given to someone else. Someone else will come into what I built and either reap the benefits or ruin it.”
Jeongguk stays quiet, looking at the pattern of the duvet over his lap.
It’s softer when Dasom speaks up again. “If that’s the kind of mother you want me to be– the kind that has no substance, or passions, or goals outside of being a mom– then… you may as well get the papers.”
Jeongguk’s head snaps up, his expression shocked and confused. “Divorce? Why is that the first thing your mind goes to?”
Dasom runs her hands through her hair, pressing the heels of her palms against her temples. “I’m not gonna bend on this, Kook.”
And it was almost like when the idea of divorce was spoken into existence, it was something that hung over them, like a curse that took only 7 months to come true.
“Dasom is a good mom,” Jeongguk says slowly, “We just parent very differently.”
You stay quiet, waiting for him to continue, adjusting yourself so that you’re looking at him.
“That’s the root of it, really. We couldn’t agree on anything when it came to Nari. And obviously we talked about things before she was born, and had a loose idea of how we wanted to raise her…” He stops for a moment to think.
“It’s just so different when they are born, like you think you know what it means to be a parent but you really don’t. Not until it’s already happened and they are in your arms and you’re searching for a daycare and coming across horror stories about the workers abusing the kids. Or thinking about how it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she doesn’t talk but also knowing how much harder her life will be if she doesn’t.”
You can feel a heaviness cloud the room. Jeongguk is so good at keeping this part of himself tucked away, good at putting on a brave face that when you look at him and see him looking down at his baby with worried, furrowed brows, your heart aches.
“And it led to a lot of really bad fights and it just got to a point where one day I decided I wouldn’t raise a baby in a home that was tumultuous.”
“What did you guys argue about?” you ask softly.
Jeongguk gives you a sad smile. “More like what didn’t we argue about. Daycare… But I’ll admit I agreed to it before she was born and then changed my mind... Her speech, how to deal with tantrums, where she slept, what she ate. I think Dasom’s too tough, she thinks I’m too soft…” he taps his fingers on Nari’s belly, “She thinks I’m part of the reason why she doesn’t talk. That because I dote on her, Nari thinks that she doesn’t need to use words so she just doesn’t.”
Your brows furrow. “Babies hit milestones at different rates, my cousin didn’t talk at all until he was three… Taking care of her isn’t hindering her development.”
“Thank you,” he says, quietly. “I think she’s starting to understand that too, as we keep getting outside opinions…”
He falls silent and you can tell he’s sad, his hand coming up to push Nari’s hair off of her forehead, the baby now sleeping, her round tummy expanding as she takes deep breaths. You feel bad, having brought the tense atmosphere on with your questions.
“Nari’s so smart, Gguk,” you say, kind of hasty, eager to make him feel better. “Like earlier I was upset, and she just knew… she’s so emotionally intelligent and has such a pure heart–”
“You were upset earlier?” Jeongguk asks, his gaze questioning as he looks at you.
Your mouth opens and closes like you’re trying to find the right words, but none will come out.
“Why were you upset?” he asks again, genuine worry on his face.
And just like a few hours ago, when you felt like Nari was asking you if you were okay; when Jeongguk asks you why you were upset, tears begin to well in your eyes.
At the sight of tearing up, Jeongguk sits up gingerly trying to not wake Nari, but also be attentive at the same time. “Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me…”
You sit up too, looking at Jeongguk for a moment before looking down at your hands in your lap. A tear lands on your skin when you blink, and you take a deep breath before you say, “I… I heard you earlier…”
His face pulls into one of confusion. “Me and Dasom?”
Your head tilts back, and you sound exasperated when you say, “Who else?”
Jeongguk thinks for a moment, goes over what he and his ex talked about, remembers her being a bit touchy about your age, and then he thinks he gets it. His features soften as he says, “Don’t listen to her… seeing you just caught her off guard, she–”
You give a hopeless watery laugh, turning to look at him with sad eyes. “It’s not what she said, it’s what you didn’t say.”
And once again confusion takes over his features, his mind trying to comprehend how and why something he never even said could hurt you to the point of you sniffling in his bed, your eyes begging him to get it. He feels bad when he says, “I don’t understand?”
It was never in the plan for you to be the girl that’s crying about why a man did or didn’t do something– that’s never been who you are. You’ve never really cared enough to get upset, you’ve always been independent, just cutting your losses and moving on.
But with Jeongguk, cutting your losses feels a lot like cutting out part of your heart, and you don’t think you’ll make it if you do that. One can live with half their lungs, only one of their kidneys… but no one ever lasts long when part of their heart goes missing. Jeongguk has become vital to you.
“Jeongguk,” you whisper, “What are we doing?”
Maybe it’s unfair of you to ask him something like that, when you both agreed to something carefree, no strings attached. But you think that falling in love with someone is a lot like how Jeongguk described being a parent: You think you know what it means, but you really don’t. Not until it’s already happened.
Because that’s what felt different prior to opening that door and letting doubt in with the breeze. Everything felt warmer, easier, safer, better because it was laced with the realization that you love Jeongguk.
His face has fallen when you look at him, waiting for his reply. The corners of his lips are down turned, and his brows are turned up. He begins to shake his head softly, his mouth parting a few times before he’s raising his shoulders in a hopeless way.
“I– I don’t know anymore,” he whispers back.
That’s the answer you expected, but it still makes you exhale pain, like his words knock the wind out of you. It’s shaky when you catch your breath, but you nod.
“I think I should leave for tonight,” you tell him, starting to push his comforter to the side.
Jeongguk feels his heart start to race, and he reaches out for you, his hand landing on your shoulder. “What? Right now? It’s the middle of the night– don’t– it’s–”
“If you don’t want me to leave,” you interrupt him, “then we need to talk.”
His mouth snaps shut and he rolls his lips between his teeth like he’s thinking. He glances at the baby sleeping between you, and gives you a quick nod. “Yeah, okay… Just not here, I don’t want her waking up again… let me get the monitor from her room. I’ll meet you in the living room.”
Nodding wordlessly, you slip out of the room.
You’re pacing lightly, in nothing but his shirt that hits high on your thigh and a pair of panties, when Jeongguk comes out. He’s still shirtless, but he pulled on some joggers before leaving the room. One hand is pushing his hair back like he’s stressed, and the other is holding the baby monitor. He places it on the counter, and turns to you. A sad smile is offered, and you give him one back because it’s instinct.
It seems like neither of you know where to begin, both just breathing heavy in the artificial light. You take a deep breath.
“I wanted you to defend me,” you admit.
Jeongguk stays quiet, but his brows pinch.
“Or maybe like… defend us…” Embarrassment creeps into your bones.
“Defend us over what?” he asks. He doesn’t sound like he’s being dense, but like he actually doesn’t know.
Sighing, you say, “The way she talked about me, Gguk… She said I was something you needed to ‘get out of your system’... just a friend you fuck that’s disposable and unimportant and–”
“You know that’s not true,” he interjects.
“Yeah I do. Why didn’t you tell her that?” You can feel the first licks of anger in your chest, your voice coming out harsher than you intend. “Why did you let her talk about me like I’m just some stupid kid that doesn’t know what she wants? Like you don’t know what you want?”
Jeongguk thinks about it, realizes the answer is quite simple.
“Because I don’t know what I want, and I don’t think that you know what you want either.”
You look taken aback, and anger colors your features. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that this turned into something it was never supposed to and now we don’t know how to navigate it or what we want from each other anymore,” Jeongguk explains, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.
It’s true and it’s not at the same time. Because Jeongguk knows what he wants, at least to some extent, but he knows he can’t have it. Meaning that if he can’t have what he wants, he doesn’t know what he wants instead of that. And he supposes he can’t speak for you, but he doesn’t correct himself, instead says, “We’re in too deep, __… I care about you.”
It doesn’t sound like much, but you know what he means… know that it’s a confession of some sort.
Tentative hope bubbles in your chest at his words, and you take a few steps closer to him. “That’s not a bad thing, I care too. We both care so we can–” you pause, and look up at him. “We can just take the next step or something, right?”
Jeongguk smiles softly, and his hands come up to cup your face and it’s warm again, and it’s safe when you’re in his palms and when he’s kissing you. Your hands come up to just hold at his wrists, eyes shutting, and it’s sweet again and–
“It’s not that simple, baby…”
–and it’s over.
“There’s something that Dasom said that’s true.”
And you know it’s childish but you shake your head in his hands and tears begin to brim. She ruined everything. She planted that seed of doubt in both your heads, and she’s the reason why Jeongguk doesn’t feel safe anymore and why his hands aren’t warm and why everything is falling apart. You squeeze your eyes shut and scrunch your brows together, a few tears spilling over. “I don’t want to talk about her,” you whisper.
He smiles, a sad curve to his lips. “I know, you don’t... But we both need to hear it… We don’t agree on a lot when it comes to Nari, but she was right when she said that thing about people coming into Nari’s life and then leaving after she gets attached. That’s not fair to Nari and it was selfish of me to let it happen.”
“How do you know I’m just going to leave?” you ask.
“Because I’m not going to let you stay,” Jeongguk whispers, his thumb wiping away the tears that have already started to flow.
Words don’t even come to you, because of how badly it hurts. And you’re doing your best to keep it as together as you can because you aren’t pathetic. You’re not going to beg him to let you stay but you want to understand why. Your voice cracks when you ask him.
“You’re too young, __. And I’m not saying that’s why I don’t think you know what you want… But I don’t think you know what being with me long term means, and what you would be missing out on… I’m not going to trap you, it’ll just lead to you resenting me,” he says gently. His hands have left your face, and he walks around a little like he’s trying to gather his thoughts. “And there’s just so much that I have to balance. I don’t know if I have room or the time–”
It feels like a slap in the face. How did everything change so quickly from this morning?
“There was room in your bed for me,” you interrupt him, bitter pain lacing your words. “You had time to fuck me.”
He winces. “You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he tells you gently, “I just meant… I think I need to think about things, reevaluate my priorities–”
It sounds a lot like what you said earlier, when you were under him, taunting him with kisses.
You hum, “I just think you need to reevaluate your priorities, maybe.”
“And what do you think my priorities should be, __?” he whispers, eyes searching your face, lingering on your lips, a fond look coloring his features.
“Well, right now,” you start, looping your arms around his neck, “I think you should really focus on that plank, and on that kiss you’re dying to give me.”
And god, you wish you could go back. Wish you could rewind and just replay everything up until the doorbell rang. But you can’t because the reality of the situation is that this was always going to end.
Jeongguk has his mind made up. The fear of you leaving him and Nari and the fear of you resenting him if you stayed are inevitable feelings that he would have realized eventually. He has priorities and if he doesn’t change the way he thinks, it won’t ever work because–
“Because I’m not one of them…” you realize quietly. He cares, but not enough.
Jeongguk’s composure breaks and it’s written all over his face, how much it hurts him to hurt you, even if it’s not intentional. “I’m sorry,” he says, and it sounds desperate like he’s yearning for you to know that he means it. “But it’s always going to be her, Nari will always be the most important thing to me.”
And you won’t beg for a place in his life, but you want him to understand.
“I’m not asking to be the most important thing in your life, that’s not what I want,” you tell him.
“What do you want?” he asks.
“I want you to understand that I just want to be with you,” you tell him.
He’s by the couch now, sitting on the armrest. His lips are pressed in a tight line, and you can see redness around his eyes from fighting tears of his own. You’re still by the counter where he left you.
“It doesn’t have to be so extreme, Gguk… It’s not like we’re getting married, we would just be taking a next step–”
“But we might, __!” he yells, before shutting his eyes roughly and taking a deep breath. His tone is softer when he continues. “Obviously I wouldn’t spring that on you, but being with me means that you have to be okay with a lot of things,” he says.
When you ask him what kinds of things he says, “You would have to be okay with never coming first, with me cancelling on you whenever something comes up with Nari. You would have to be okay with me still having a relationship with my ex because I refuse to let my baby have parents that hate each other.”
You try to keep your face straight but he must be able to see how he’s getting into your head because he continues, almost like he’s trying to convince you it’s not worth it being with him.
“At 22 you have to be okay with potentially getting married, with being a stepmom… I know you care about Nari, but if you were to commit to me, you would have to commit to her too. There would be boundaries that me and Dasom make, and you would have to respect them. You and her would have to learn to get along.”
“You’re only 22, __,” he continues, his voice borders on whining, like he just wants you to get it. “You don’t want that. You would lose your freedom… while your friends are travelling or doing whatever, you’ll be in a relationship, tied down… I won’t do that to you, __.” He looks at you for a moment. “Maybe you want a relationship,” he amends, trying to acknowledge your feelings. “But you don’t want an instant family, it’s too much for someone so young. It’s even a lot for people my age.”
“Why does it have to be so… all or nothing?” you ask, a little desperate because it's hard to understand the way he thinks.
“I can’t think short term when I have a baby who depends on me long term,” he replies.
“Then what have we been doing this whole time?”
Jeongguk opens his hands, turns his palms up like he’s giving up. “I was selfish and I got caught up… I made a mistake.”
A mistake. Your heart breaks a little but it beats loud in your ears as you let his words sink in. It's a lot to take in, especially when you two haven’t spoken about being in a committed relationship even once before. And it's confusing because he said he cared.
“I thought you cared about me… Why does it feel like you’re trying to scare me away?” you ask him, voice hurt.
Jeongguk looks at his hands, like he can’t face you. “I do care about you, and I’m not trying to scare you,” he says quietly. “I’m just telling you a fraction of the things that you really need to think about.”
And think you do.
Do you really want all that? Was he right when he alluded to you losing more than you gain? Are you ready to get into a relationship with someone who has marriage as the end goal when you don’t even have your life figured out? Are you really mature enough to handle his relationship with his ex, when you can’t even maturely handle things with your roommates sometimes?
Would being with you be a good thing for him and Nari? Or would they be better off with someone else? Someone with goals and passions, and their life a little more figured out. Maybe someone who has a kid of her own, because she knows what it’s like already. Someone older and more mature with a good job. Someone who is nothing like you.
You didn’t even notice that you started crying, but when you come back, your eyes are blurry and your cheeks are sticky with old and new tears.
“Okay,” you say. You try to smile, but your chin is quivering. “I’ll let you know when I’ve thought through everything.”
When you go back to his room to get you things, you give Nari a tiny kiss, and you tell her that you’ll miss her. As you walk past Jeongguk to his front door, he doesn’t try to stop you this time.
You love Jeongguk, you’re sure that you do, but maybe being with him isn’t what's best. Doubt has made a home in your heart, that warmth you long for nowhere to be seen or felt.
AYOOOOO don’t scream at me too much, that's not the end lmao but whoa... how’d they go from kissing to crying just like that hmm... also, opinions on the ex wife?? genuinely curious bc i actually dont hate her ?? 🤔 anyway, i hope you liked it, if you did please do all the things~~ please reblog, like, comment, send an ask... very curious about how we feel about this one 🙇🏻♀️ thanks for reading and as always i love u, sorry im posting late lol byeeee <3
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𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 | 𝐡.𝐢𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐢
⁂ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x female reader
⁂ genre: smut, fluff; established relationship!AU, tattoo artist!iwaizumi
⁂ word count: 8.9k
⁂ warnings: swearing, semi public sex, ddlg (daddy dom— little girl) dynamics, jealousy, really subby!reader, possessive!iwa, heavy degradation & dumbification, size kink, slight overstimulation, impregnation kink, choking, mocking/teasing, lowkey hard-dom!iwa, pussy slapping, spit (mouth and face), face grabbing, oral (f.receiving), orgasm denial
⁂ A/N: this fic is lit just to feed my hunger for the concept of tattoo artist!seijoh so plot’s not the craziest, just some established relationship stuff. it basically plays in the back to life universe !! i genuinely hope you guys enjoy this one just as much. feel free to leave any kind of feedback if you did!!
— all the love. zade
⁂ summary: you visit your boyfriend at work and quite a few things happen…
You don‘t know what it is, but something about your boyfriend‘s workplace never fails to excite you.
There are definitely a few things you can think of but one of the main reasons is the heavy contrast your own and the tattoo shop‘s aesthetics build, which makes you even more nervous and excited about being there.
With all the black and grey, the few dark green and blue shades, everything about it reminds you of your lover and just how fascinating the two of you must look to outstanders.
And even though you look more than just out of place the second you step your foot through that door, you know that no one‘s going to make you feel uncomfortable simply because Iwaizumi won‘t let them.
As the owner and one of the best artists of the shop, everyone, including the regular customers pretty much know about you. You don‘t know how Iwaizumi managed it, but you also don‘t bother questioning it. After all he‘s the boss and you‘ve been with him even before he opened the now incredibly successful studio, so it just seems to make sense.
You approach the big glass door with a big smile and patiently wait for your boyfriend‘s best friend and fellow tattoo artist to see you.
“Damn, Y/N”, Oikawa chuckles and takes the bags with food from you, his lips stretched into a handsome grin as he gives you a quick hug, “I thought this would take you another hour, to be really honest. You‘re awesome, thank you, little one.”
You follow the tall male to the big counter at the very right of the shop, your eyes quickly grazing over the dark lines on his arms, waiting for him to set the bags down before you shift your attention back to his handsome face.
“Haji left the house without breakfast again and I hate it when he only has one meal a day so I was already on my way to that place when I texted you to ask the others for their orders”, you explain to him, a soft pout on your lips at the mention of your boyfriend‘s bad habit.
“That guy”, Kawa sighs, taking a sip from his RedBull and shaking his head as he looks at you just as disappointed, “he loves to live off of cigarettes and if it wasn‘t for you, he‘d be a walking nicotine addiction.”
You chuckle and let your eyes roam the beautiful interior of the tattoo studio, your boyfriend‘s love for minimalism rather obvious in every little detail, starting from the furniture all up to the decorations.
“Oh, my God! Miss Y/N, I fucking love you”, the raspy yet excited sound of Saeko makes you smile and with a small chuckle, you watch the blonde almost brutally push Oikawa away from the bags of food.
“Yours and Hana‘s is in the bag with the napkins, Saeko!”, you say and start giggling at the way she looks at you with literal love gleamin in her pretty eyes.
“How much was this, little one”, Oikawa asks, plopping down on one of the big armchairs on the other side of the room before he pushes half of his cheeseburger into his mouth and takes a bite.
You furrow your brows at his question and roll your eyes before you ignore him, your gaze slowly wandering to the door of your boyfriend‘s workplace.
“I‘m going to rat you out to Iwa-Chan, I literally don‘t give a fuck, Y/N”, Oikawa huffs and angrily continues to munch on his burger.
You just shrug his threat off, watching Saeko take a seat next to the tall male with her mouth stuffed to the brim and yet a content smile on her lips.
The sudden sound of deep laughter manages to get your attention and at the realization that you only know two of the three voices, you curiously let your eyes wander to the hallway behind the counter.
Mattsun and Kyou are quick to spot you, both of them shooting you a genuine smile and a small wave as they listen to the tall brunette standing in between them.
You smile and wave back happily, trying your best not to stare at the stranger too much but for some reason your head is trying to make out his handsome features, as if you knew him from somewhere but couldn‘t pinpoint where exactly.
“But seriously, the girls over there are a whole new level when it comes to that and-”, the tall guy suddenly stops in his tracks, his cat-like eyes roaming your body shamelessly and for the first time in what feels like forever the feeling of slight discomfort overcomes you.
“And who is this pretty girl in the cute little dress?”, he says, nudging Matsukawa‘s arm with his elbow as he never once averts his prying gaze from you.
In some kind of twisted way, you enjoy the way he so obviously seems to like what he sees but the disgusting feeling of anxiety creeping up your spine is what slowly drives you crazy.
You stare at your shoes like your whole life is depending on it; nervously fumbling with your fingers as you begin to regret your wardrobe choice yet again.
“Back off, Kuroo”, Oikawa grunts and suddenly gets onto his feet before he approaches you, “remember the doll Iwa kept talking about? That‘s her. So you better not even think about it”, he adds and comes to stand right next to you, tattooed arms crossed in front of his chest as the two males stare at each other.
“Oikawa”, the stranger cooes and breaks into a big smile, his astonishingly pretty features almost blinding you and if it wasn‘t for him running his inked hand through his thick hair, you would have stared at him for another good minute, “at least let me introduce myself to her, hm? I don‘t want her to think that I‘m impolite or rude.”
“It‘s okay”, you say and place your hand on Kawa’s arm, smiling at him rather confidently to make sure he knows that you‘ve got this.
“There we go. I‘m Kuroo”, the stranger begins and holds up his hand, “Kuroo Tetsurou.”
And at the sound of his name, it finally clicks.
You can‘t even remember the amount of times you‘ve heard his name; the boys talking about him so much, you couldn‘t help but get curious as to who he is, yet never once having the chance to meet him in all those years of dating Iwaizumi.
Never once did he say anything negative about him despite the male’s annoying habit of natural pettiness and that‘s probably why you‘ve been so eager to give a face to the name. You definitely remember seeing pictures of him with the boys from High School since they were all somehow connected with each other through their volleyball clubs, which is why he probably seemed so familiar at the first glance.
And to say that you‘re positively surprised at the actual face would be an understatement.
“I‘m Y/N”, you say and shake his hand, gulping harshly as you try your best to maintain eye contact but feeling yourself fail miserably.
“No wonder Grumpy Zumi never stops talking about you when we go out for drinks”, Kuroo chuckles, a row of loud sighs coming from the boys and leaving you even more overwhelmed, “I wouldn’t shut the fuck up either if I had doll as pretty as you.”
“Back the fuck off, Kuroo”, Kyou hisses and rolls his eyes, Mattsun shooting you an apologetic smile since he knows – everyone knows – just how anxious you get when someone flirts with you. Which you like to blame on your lack of experience with males as well as your social anxiety.
“Oh, calm the fuck down, guys”, Kuroo laughs and tilts his head to the side, “you know I can‘t hold myself back when I see a pretty girl.”
“That‘s enough, Kuroo”, the sudden resounding of your boyfriend‘s incredibly deep and slightly raspy voice calms you down in almost an instant; the familiarity and feeling of being absolutely safe putting you at ease just like that.
You turn around with a big smile on your face before you finally meet the gaze of your lover.
Without even thinking about it, you let your gaze roam over his broad shoulders and his strong torso, the fabric of his black shirt clinging to his skin in just the right places. You shamelessly ignore the customer right next to Iwaizumi as your eyes fall to his thick thighs; the smooth leather of his pants and the chains dangling from his belt just emphasizing the beauty of them even more.
Just when you finally come to look at his heavy boots, Iwaizumi starts speaking again; this time a lot less strict and rather relaxed.
“And again, if you‘re worried or anything like that, just give us a call or come to the studio and one of us will have a look at it, yeah?”, he says, his lips stretched into a genuine smile and you feel your chest growing warmer and warmer the longer you watch him.
Everyone says their goodbyes to the customer before the boys grab the other bags and go to join Saeko on the couch.
You nervously wait for Iwaizumi to say anything; his eyes just strictly staring Kuroo down who easily holds the stare; not really caring about the intimidating aura of your boyfriend.
“Da- uhm I mean, Haji?”, you mumble and look at him with needy eyes, your whole body craving his presence but for some reason you‘re still a bit too shy to go up to him with everyone so close.
You softly grip his shirt, hoping to get his attention that way and as he continues to keep his focus on the tall guy, the heavier the feeling of disappointment fills your chest. The thought of him not being happy to see you upsets you a lot more than you would have expected it to.
“You‘re one of my dearest friends and I‘d do a lot for you but I will actually break your kneecaps if I have to. I have even less shame and decency than usual when it comes to my doll”, Iwaizumi mumbles, rubbing the sides of his pierced nose with his thumb before he runs his inked hand through his freshly dyed, black hair.
“Haji, it‘s okay-”
“Oh, come on, Zumi Zumi”, Kuroo scoffs and raises one of his eyebrows at your boyfriend, making the tattoo artist tilt his chin even further up as his whole body tenses up in one go, “you know I can go even further, I‘m actually holding myself back because of you.”
“Stop it, you two”, the soft, calming and almost motherly voice of Hana, the other female tattoo artist of the studio, cuts through the tension in the right moment and with a soft sigh you let go of your boyfriend‘s shirt and look at her with a little smile.
“I‘m just fucking with you, Zu-”, “Don‘t. Not when it involves her”, Hajime interrupts his friend, pressing the words through gritted teeth as he obviously tries to remain calm.
“Calm down, champ”, Kuroo spits back, your boyfriend’s behavior obviously irritating him, “we both know I would have fucked her already if I wanted to.”
“Have some respect, you piece of shit”, Iwaizumi suddenly yells and pushes the brunette away, the sudden action making you gasp in shock and an instant wave of discomfort overwhelm you.
You watch the two of them continue their now slightly physical argument with your heart pounding in your chest and tears pricking at the corners of your eyes the heavier the feeling of your anxiety becomes.
Thousands of thoughts rush through your mind, ideas on how to separate them by yourself and calm at least Iwa down only to be quite quick to remember that he hadn‘t even spared you a simple look.
Mattsun and Kyoutani come to pull the two males away from each other; obviously used to their bickerings since they‘ve been friends for so long and even though you want to shrug it off and blame it on your boyfriend‘s short temper and protectiveness, you can‘t help but start crying at the sight of him so angry and upset.
You know it‘s not just because of you; after all it was Kuroo who pushed his buttons. However, you still feel responsible and guilty and in combination with the heaviness on your chest, you can’t hold yourself back anymore. Your body craving him, his presence, his touch and his reassurance in an unbearable way.
With shaky legs you walk up to him, tears streaming down your cheeks as you nervously try to stop yourself from crying too hard.
“D-Daddy”, you whisper and look up at your boyfriend, ignoring the way his best friend obviously gulps harshly at the sound of the word because at this point all of them know about it and you‘ve stopped bothering.
Iwaizumi furrows his brows even more before your voice finally seems to get through the heavy cloud of anger as he takes a deep breath and averts his gaze to meet yours.
It‘s the sight of your tears and the scared expression in your beautiful eyes which pull him back to reality completely.
“Baby”, he replies and takes your face into his inked, ring clad hands, his touch calming you down almost instantly.
You bury your face in the crook of his neck, your arms tightly wrapped around his strong waist as you let yourself enjoy the feeling of safety and security in his embrace.
“It‘s okay, baby”, IWaizumi sighs and places a soft kiss on your temple before he looks at his friend and shakes his head in annoyance, “Daddy‘s got you. I didn‘t mean to scare you, I‘m sorry”, he continues, his eyes never once leaving Kuroo’s who seems to be slightly taken aback by the sudden usage of a word so forbidden yet so powerful.
“She calls him-”, “Yes.”, Kyoutani quickly cuts his brunette friend off with an answer, knowing how weird it is to process information like that since he still quite vividly remembers the day he had heard you call Iwaizumi ‘daddy’ for the first time.
“I‘m sorry, Y/N”, Kuroo says, “I was being disrespectful and disgusting, I hope you can forgive me.”
You pull away from Iwaizumi and turn around to look at the handsome giant, a soft smile on your lips before you simply nod and quietly thank him for his apology.
“Zumi-”, “It‘s fine, Tetsu”, your boyfriend sighs and lets out a tensed chuckle, “I tend to get extra protective and even less patient when someone talks about her”, he explains and lets his eyes roam over your face, enjoying the intensity of your love-filled gaze.
The atmosphere in the studio returns back to normal and comfortable rather quickly, everyone enjoying the joined lunch break while talking about random things.
As usual, you find yourself listening and talking to the girls a little more than to the boys, who are currently busy trying to figure out a bar to go to later and since you‘d rather not hear your boyfriend planning a night out without you, you put your whole focus on Hana and Saeko.
It‘s not that you don‘t want him to have fun or go out with his boys but you know that usually those nights end with him coming home rather drunk and – or high at five in the morning and you can‘t help but get worried.
On top of that you like to get a tiny bit jealous, especially when Iwaizumi dresses up and goes out looking like a Goddamn runway model.
But the longer you watch the excitement in his eyes grow, the easier it is for you to just let every doubt and worried thought in your head go and be happy for him.
By the time everyone is done eating, the four males are ready to leave; Kuroo apologizes to you yet again before he gives you a soft hug and tells your boyfriend to treat you well.
Hana and Saeko both welcome their last customers of the day, handing over the front of the shop to you just as usual before you and Iwaizumi finally get a bit of time to yourselves.
You can‘t deny just how impatiently you‘ve been waiting for this exact moment. For different reasons Iwa has been coming home a lot later than usual, which wouldn‘t have been a problem if he also didn‘t leave the house way earlier than on his regular days. However, with the new tattoo studio opening soon and him being the most requested artist, he‘s been extra busy and the two of you have barely gotten a minute to yourselves.
You can‘t even remember the last time you‘ve had breakfast with your boyfriend, despite living with him. It took you a lot to get used to him being away from home more, your anxiety using dark and mean thoughts as a weapon to keep you up at night even though you haven‘t been sleeping at all in the past few weeks.
“Thank you for bringing us lunch, baby”, Iwa whispers and wraps his strong, tattoo covered arms around your waist, burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I‘ll leave my card to you tomorrow so you can go and get yourself some nice things while I‘m at work, hm?”, he sighs and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you turn around to look at your boyfriend with your lips pressed into a straight line.
“I have my own money, Daddy”, you begin and let your fingers graze over the little metal in his brow as well as the ones on both sides of his nose, “and I keep telling you that you can‘t spend so much on me.”
Iwaizumi scoffs, tilting his head to the side before he pushes his hands underneath the fabric of your dress and shamelessly starts groping the soft flesh of your ass.
You let out a soft gasp and look at him with a pout on your lips, loving the way he pulls you even closer to his strong body and easily sends soft jolts of arousal straight into your core.
“But now that I actually have the money, I want to spoil you, baby”, he explains to you and is quick to lift you onto the counter, spreading your legs and coming to stand in between them, “let me give you the world.”
“I already have everything I need, Daddy”, you sigh and pull him into a quick, sloppy kiss; the taste of cigarettes and mint quickly capturing your taste buds and making you hum against his lips.
“You‘re so cheesy, baby”, he chuckles; the sound making your smile grow even bigger and it‘s the way the soft brown of his eyes is filled with nothing but love and affection that has you gasping softly.
“But seriously”, Iwaizumi mumbles and nudges your nose with his as his eyes flutter shut, “with the new studio opening next month and the new deals settling in, I can finally offer you the life you deserve, my love. Please, let me.”
“No”, you smile and shake your head softly, chuckling at the way your boyfriend dramatically throws his head back with a groan.
“You‘re a hopeless case when it comes to this”, he grunts and sits down on the little chair behind the counter, pushing himself to find his position in between your legs again.
“How is it healing, baby?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, pushing your thighs even further apart to reveal your clothed cunt to his curious eyes before he lets his fingers graze over the dark lines of your new tattoo.
You shudder at the feeling of him so close to where you‘ve been craving him the whole day.
“I don‘t know”, you whimper and cringe at the feeling of your arousal gushing out of your clenching pussy right into the fabric of your panties, “y-you tell me.”
Iwaizumi smirks at your reaction, his eyes roaming the word 'ace' engraved into the skin at the very top of your inner thigh before a calming jolt of warmth finds its way through his veins at the memory how you had asked him to give you your first tattoo and the meaning behind it.
The smell of your arousal and your squirming easily manages to distract the tattoo artist and you whimper softly when he suddenly presses his face into your clothed cunt.
“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi groans and pulls your legs over his broad shoulders, “I want to eat this pretty pussy right now, right here. You‘re so fucking ready for me, I don‘t think I can wait any longer.”
“Y-You have two more customers– one of them coming in a few minutes, Daddy”, you whine and pull his face even closer into your pussy.
“Let me just get a quick taste, baby”, he grunts, pulling your panties to the side and revealing your drenched cunt to his hungry eyes, “after all this pussy is mine anyway and I‘m just taking what rightfully belongs to me”, his deep, raspy voice sends vibrations through your body, eliciting another row of moans from you.
Iwaizumi doesn‘t even hesitate as he pushes his tongue into your tight hole, lapping up every bit of your juices to make sure nothing goes to waste. You subconsciously start moving your hips to meet the movements of his hot muscle, the pleasure easily clouding your mind and leaving you craving for more.
“D-Daddy!”, you whimper and try your best to keep your sounds down, which is basically impossible because of the way he’s fucking you with his strong tongue.
“My baby has the sweetest pussy, f-fuck”, Iwaizumi groans into your folds, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as your essence coats his tongue and pushes him deeper and deeper into the haze of his own arousal.
“Da-Daddy, please…”, you beg, not knowing if you‘re asking him to stop or keep going because of the way you slowly but surely are losing yourself in the delicious feeling of pure pleasure.
Iwaizumi pulls his head away with a soft moan before he lets a thick drop of spit fall right onto your hot flesh at the same time he pushes one of his fingers into your spasming cunt.
You arch your back, desperately looking for a way to hold onto something, your grip on the edge of the counter painfully tight before your hands find home in his thick hair.
Iwaizumi slowly starts thrusting his finger into you, making sure to hit the right spot as he sucks your clit into his mouth and takes in the sound of your little whimpers and high pitched moans.
“I‘m c-cumming…”, you whisper into the air and throw your head back, “s-so close, Daddy.”
You feel your relief creep up your spine, the taste thickly coating the inside of your mouth, you know you only need another thrust of his fingers and the tiniest bit of pressure against your throbbing clit to fall over the edge.
However, as if he had it all planned out, the loud ringing of Iwaizumi’s phone brutally pulls you out of your lust-filled haze; the sudden lack of any form of stimulation and penetration leaves you completely breathless.
You gasp for air like crazy, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes the more your cunt clenches around nothing and for a good second, a thick black veil falls over your eyes as your body struggles to handle the denial of relief.
“Alright, buddy”, Iwaizumi says and pushes his slick coated finger into his mouth, his eyes roaming your helpless form with pure amusement whereas all you do is sob in despair.
You slowly start calming down again, your cries dying down and your body finally finding its balance again after falling into emptiness just like that.
Once you’re all okay again, you get down from the counter, your legs still shaky as you adjust your panties and your little dress before you try to make yourself look a little bit more presentable again.
By the time you‘re not shaking anymore, Iwaizumi’s next customer enters the shop; the tall guy‘s face hidden behind a black face mask, soft, black curls falling into his handsome face as he comes to stand in front of the counter.
You shoot him a soft smile, welcoming him calmly and offering him some of the hand sanitizer you like to keep in one of the drawers, which he accepts with literal relief gleaming in his eyes and words of appreciation leaving his lips.
“Hey, Yoomi”, Iwaizumi greets the tall male, nodding at him while trying to stay focused on the things the person on his phone is saying.
The following three hours pass by rather quickly. A couple of customers coming to get new appointments with one of the boys, as well as a few either canceling or postponing the ones they‘ve already had and by the time the last one of the day enters your boyfriend‘s studio, everyone else has left already and you try to kill some time by cleaning up and watching a few videos on Youtube.
Your boyfriend makes sure to give you a quick visit to check if everything‘s fine; a habit he‘s come to develop after some random guys had tried too hard when they realized that you were all alone in the studio a few months ago.
However, nothing like that had happened again after that day and you‘ve been trying to make your boyfriend be a little more relaxed whenever you took over for the girls.
But you can‘t deny that you‘ve been feeling a little bit more nervous.
After he sends his last customer away, Iwaizumi gets comfortable on one of the big chairs, positioning himself right behind you to watch every single one of your movements with hungry eyes.
You love the way you can feel his gaze dripping in arousal and want, the intensity something you‘ve grown oh so used to and have always been obsessed with.
No one has ever made you feel as beautiful and loved as Iwaizumi and that‘s something you won‘t ever take for granted.
However, despite his hungry eyes basically devouring you alive, you still manage to focus on putting all the appointments on the little post-its into the digital as well as the normal calendar, not wanting to fuck up anything.
“Baby”, he suddenly sighs, one of his big, ring clad hands groping your thigh before he lets it wander to your waist, “enough of that, want you to come and sit on my cock, please.”
And just like that, you gulp at his words; your whole body slowly starting to heat up the more you think about his delicious request.
“I’ve missed you so much, pretty girl”, Hajime continues, pushing his hand underneath your dress for the nth time today before he hooks his thumb into the waistband of your panties and casually pulls the fabric down your legs, “couldn’t stop thinking about you and your perfect pussy, especially after I got to taste you earlier today.”
“P-Please, Daddy”, you choke out, throwing your head back while grinding your cunt against the hard bulge in his leather pants, “need you to fill me up. Want your cum inside of me”, the words leave your lips just like that and even though you’re still consciously present, you’re already way too deep in your heavy haze of pleasure to properly register anything.
“Anything for my pretty girl”, he grunts, taking your chin into his tattooed hands before he pulls it down, making you part your lips and casually letting a thick drop of his spit fall onto your tongue.
As soon as the taste of his saliva coats the hot muscle in your mouth, you grind your cunt even harder against his clothed cock, a high pitched moan falling past your lips.
“So needy for Daddy’s cum, angel girl”, Iwa chuckles and leans back to take in just how desperate you seem to be for him and his touch; something he won’t ever get tired of.
You know he’s mocking you, the shit eating grin on his pretty lips and amusement sparkling in the dark green of his eyes giving it away rather easily, yet you still can’t get yourself to be a little less subtle about your arousal.
“No teasing, Daddy”, you pout and look at him with big eyes, your cunt clenching like crazy as your relief slowly but surely climbs up your spine, “been so good for you after all.”
Iwaizumi lets out a loud chuckle at your words, the sound making you whimper even louder before you pout harder at him, yet your hips never once halting their movements.
“Don’t fuck with me, angel”, he suddenly hisses and digs his painted nails into the soft skin of your ass, making sure you’re not able to grind even further against him and basically taking away your high from you for the second time today, “no matter how good you’ve been, if I don’t like your behavior, you’re not getting D-D-Daddy’s cock or his cum, you know that”, the mocking of your little stutters has tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as you look at him, whispering a soft response of approval.
“But I am going to reward you for being such a good little slut for your Daddy”, Hajime sighs, pulling the top of your little dress down to expose your tits to his hungry eyes, “gonna let you choose the position but if you fuck around, I’m gonna put the tip in and cum inside of you without fucking your little hole, understood?”
You’re quick to start nodding like your life’s depending on it, excitement mixing with pleasure inside your veins as you try your best to stay composed.
“Good girl”, Iwaizumi grunts with a playful smile on his lips and you know he’s not done teasing you just yet but unfortunately you’re way too far gone to even care; the thought of having his cock fill you up to the brim just how you’ve been craving it, the only thing on your mind.
“From behind, please”, you say, trying your best not to look away yet failing when the last word falls past your lips, “want you to fuck me from behind.”
“Look at my pretty little whore, using her words for me like a big girl”, Iwa praises you, followed by a firm spank on your left ass cheek which sends the sweetest jolt of pain through your body and right into your cunt.
“M-More, Daddy, please”, you beg, your body literally craving the mixture of pain and pleasure in a way you simply cannot put into words.
“Sometimes, when you stutter and squirm and whine the way you do, I forget what a cockhungry little slut you are, do you know that?”, Hajime presses through gritted teeth, wrapping his big hand around your throat just when he lands another harsh slap on your skin.
“But then you ask to have your cunt fucked from behind and stuffed full of cum or your cute little ass spanked and I remember just how much of a fucking whore you actually are”, you listen to his words attentively, but the light lack of oxygen making your head spinning at definitely a lot harder to stay focused.
“Only for you, Daddy”, you whisper breathlessly, “only want you to fuck and stuff my pussy, I promise.”
“I sure fucking hope you do, pretty girl”, Iwa’s response is harsh and doesn't leave any room for arguments, his strong gaze reflecting his natural possessiveness in response to your words, “because that fucking cunt belongs to me and me only.”
He doesn’t give you the time to respond, pushing you from his lap before he tells you to get into the position you had asked for.
You’re quick to obey to his order; the thought of finally feeling him inside of you again overwhelming you in the sweetest way possible.
It’s not like Hajime hasn’t been fucking you the past few weeks, despite his busy schedule; but for the first time in a while, you don’t have to rush things and you can’t help but get excited.
However, as soon as you get rid of your dress and put yourself back into your original position on all fours, you hear the clicking of his tongue, followed by a deep chuckle which easily sends another jolt of arousal straight through your veins.
“Aren’t you a little too eager to have your cunt stuffed, little one?”, Iwa grunts, followed by the delicious sound of his belt being unbuckled and shortly afterwards his chains and pants hitting the cold floor.
“Been waiting all day, Daddy”, you reply softly, your thighs shaking slightly and the feeling of your juices slowly running down your inner thigh becoming uncomfortable the more you start clenching around nothing like crazy.
“I know, baby”, you hear him chuckle coldly, his big, ring clad hand feeling like ice cubes against your heated body as he softly starts groping your ass with his palms, “my cock and cum are all you think about after all, am I right? You sit at home, thinking about getting your little whore-hole ruined all day long, hm?”
You know he’s expecting an answer and you want to give him just that, but the harsh sting from an unexpected spank on your sensitive ass followed by the breathtaking feeling of his tip grazing your spasming hole makes it impossible for you to respond.
“F-Fuck, Daddy…”, you whisper breathlessly, burying your face in your arm and whining when he slowly pushes a little of his tip in, “need you so badly, please just fuck me”, you’re not really sure if he can hear your muffled words but you mumble them regardlessly in hopes of finally getting what you’ve been waiting for.
“Cut the fucking whining, angel girl”, Hajime lands another hard spank on your sore ass cheek, the sting making your cunt clench even harder around his sensiitve tip and you feel your heart picking up its pace at the sound of his deep groan.
“I’m s-sorry, Daddy..”, you reply, your voice hoarse and still barely audible but no matter how hard you try, the feeling of his tip stretching you out has clouded your brain with a thick haze of want and the disgusting need to feel more.
“You’re s-s-sorry, huh? If you’re that fucking sorry then why is your sloppy little cunt clenching like that, you fucking slut?”, Iwa presses through gritted teeth, his thick fingers finding their way around your throat before he pulls you flush against his chest.
And at the feeling of his cock slipping out of you, a row of whimpers and whines falls past your lips; your body craving the feeling of being filled without even getting a proper taste.
Iwaizumi, however, can’t help but chuckle at you.
The vibrations of his chest and the comforting yet humiliating sound of his laughter has tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and as you wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, you subconsciously start moving your hips in hopes of getting some kind of stimulation.
“I asked you a fucking question, you desperate cockwhore”, Iwa spits, tigheting his grip around your throat before he lifts his other hand and harshly spanks your sopping wet cunt; the metal of his rings hitting your clit in just the right way.
The delicious combination of pain and pleasure elicit a loud sob from you, the first few tears finding their way down your cheeks.
“And now you’re crying? Oh, goodness-”, Hajime scoffs, rolling his eyes and letting you go to watch you fall back onto the couch, burying your face in one of the pillows.
“D-Daddy..”, you manage to lift your head up, sobbing and whimpering when you finally realize the lack of his touch, “please, fuck me. I’m n-nothing but a stupid little c-cumwhore for you.”
You can sense his next move coming, you can see the way he lifts his arm from the corner of your eye, yet the second Hajime’s big palm meets the sore skin of your ass, you still can’t prepare your body for the beautiful pain it comes with.
A loud mewl falls past your lips, your hands gripping the pillow underneath you even tighter as your cunt clenches at the pain you’re so familiar with.
“You’re such a fucking crybaby”, Iwa replies, his voice even deeper than before, building a bittersweet contrast to the way he’s caressing your burning skin oh so softly, “you know what I do to slutty little crybabies, don’t you, baby?”
And suddenly, at his words, you feel a cold shiver run down your spine and without even missing a beat, you get yourself to stand on your knees, trying your best to look back at him with tears blurring your sight.
“No-”, you whimper, your heart thrumming in your throat when you turn around and take the soft fabric of Iwa’s shirt into your fists, “no, no, no, no- please, Daddy- I want more than the tip. I promise I’m gonna be a good girl- gonna stop being a crybaby”, you don’t really know what you’re saying, the thought of being denied taking up every bit of your rational thinking.
You look up at Hajime with big, tear filled eyes, your breath hitching in your throat as you try your best to stay composed and be good for him but as soon as his pretty lips stretch into a teasing smirk, you can’t help but let out another sob because you know what’s about to happen.
“God, you’re so fucking pathetic, did you know that?”, without missing another moment, you start nodding, your cunt clenching in despair every single time his cock twitches right against your tummy.
Iwa’s sudden grip on your face has you gasping for air, your eyes rolling into the back of your head, “you love being treated like this, don’t you? You love it when your precious, precious D-Daddy plays with you like the fucking toy you are, don’t you?”, you struggle to comprehend every single one of his degrading words but just the tone of derogatory in his deep voice pushes you deeper into the sweet haze of submission.
You look up at him, the sudden urge to get the familiar sense of reassurance from his pretty eyes overwhelming you and as soon as his gaze finds yours, you smile softly when you’re met with just what you were longing for.
His green eyes are still filled with the same warmth and love you’re oh so used to and you feel yourself calming down even further, despite all the mean things he’s been saying to you.
“Mhm”, you hum and feel your lids grow heavier, “of course I love being treated like this, Daddy. You always fuck me so well- how could I not?”, your reply is calm and from the way you’re looking at him, Iwa can tell that he’s got you right where he wanted you.
“Oh? So you do remember how to use your manners, baby? That’s good because I really wasn’t feeling like fucking some into your bratty brain”, Iwa grunts, rubbing his cock against your cunt, making sure to not touch your little clit at all before he moves to push himself in between your thighs.
“Spit”, is the only thing you manage to reply with as your brain only comprehends the way your boyfriend runs his tongue over his plump lips, a sheer layer of saliva coating the skin in the most alluring way possible, “please, Daddy- want it so bad.”
Iwa cocks his head to the side, stilling the subtle movements of his hips before he tightens his grip on your chin again, pulling you even closer to his handsome, blushy face.
“At least you’re asking properly for it now”, he growls, his green eyes attentively roaming your fucked out expression, “but this is the last thing you’re gonna get, whore. It’s not like you’ve been anything but a needy little crybaby to deserve any more than this.”
His words echo in your head and you feel your juices leak out of your clenching cunt, sending shivers down your spine before you mumble a quick response of gratitude and part your lips in anticipation.
However, Iwaizumi has other plans.
He calmly watches the way you open your mouth and stick your tongue out before he chuckles deeply and pulls away before he spits right in your face instead with a loud, lewd noise.
You whimper almost instantly at the feeling of his saliva dripping down your cheek, your lids fluttering shut and just when you’re about to close your mouth, Hajime lets a thick drop of spit fall right onto the back of your tongue.
He doesn’t give you a second to swallow properly, just eagerly pulling you into a sloppy kiss, groaning and moaning into your mouth like a man gone mad.
“Enough of this”, hajime suddenly growls, running a tattoo clad hand through his messy curls as he pulls away, “turn around and get on all fours, now. If you make me wait any longer you won’t get a drop of my cum- got it?”
You’re quick to obey, nodding at his words and doing as you’re told getting into your original position from earlier with your cunt spasming with excitement.
“Please, D-Daddy”, you whimper and bury your face in the pillow, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of his leaking tip lining up with your entrance, “fuck your baby into my belly- I need it so bad.”
Those are the words which elicit the deepest, almost animalistic groan from Hajime as the thought of stuffing you with his cum to the point where it’s impossible for you to not be pregnant cloud his brain.
“Fuck, baby”, he moans and slowly pushes into your tiny cunt; the stretch from his impressive size, especially in girth, should be something you’re already used to yet you still find yourself gasping for air before he’s even halfway inside of you.
You don’t even realize how close you are until you feel Iwa grazing your sweetest spot deep inside of you for just a mere second and that’s the moment you start begging.
Usually Iwa loves to hear you beg; his only goal is to have you a sobbing, begging and cum stuffed little mess on most nights.
But not this time.
He simply ignores the row of begs and pleads falling past your lips like a goddamn mantra; the feeling of your tight walls gripping his hard cock in just the right way easily becoming the only thing on his mind.
Iwaizumi doesn’t give you time to adjust to his size; not when you’re both this worked up because he knows you can take that little sting and the pinches of pain from your pussy being stretched out. He makes sure to set a fast, merciless rhythm from the very beginning; pulling his cock all the way out of your tiny hole just to quickly ram it all the way back inside with one thrust. The emptiness of the studio is filled with the lewd noises of skin meeting skin, deep grunts and muffled whimpers as well as a few sobbed out pleads every now and it doesn’t take long for either of you to get drunk on the atmosphere those exact noises seemed to create.
“There you fucking go, you little whore”, Iwa groans, burying his cock deeper and harder into your sensitive hole, shoving your face even further into the pillow with each thrust and easily pushing as close to the edge as possible.
“I’m gonna stuff you full of my fucking cum”, he continues when all you manage to respond with are a bunch of sobs and high pitched, muffled moans, “gotta make sure you are nicely bred, right?”
You start nodding like crazy before Hajime easily manhandles you, easily lifting you up to have you flush aginst his chest yet again, his thrusts never once slowing down as he buries his teeth in the sensitive skin of your neck and tightens his grip on the flesh of your hips.
You feel yourself getting closer with every second passing by, your clit throbbing as you lose yourself in the delicious feeling of being stuffed so, so full by the one you love oh so much and you know he’s just as close as you are. His sloppy thrusts, heavy breathing and increasing moans giving him away just as usual.
“Daddy”, you sob, tears streaming down your spit and drool stained face, leaving a burning trail behind as they find their way down your neck, “so close – fuck – please...make me cum. I need it so bad-”, your words are slurred, barely coherent and you have no idea if you even said or just thought them but once Iw wraps his pretty, ring and tattoo clad han around your neck while the other one moves in between your legs to rub your clit, you know he understood every single one of them.
“Come on then, angel”, he presses through gritted teeth, tightening his grip around your throat to make you gasp for air as the pleasure slowly becomes overhwelming right when you’re about to cum, “I want you to cum all over my cock so I can fill you up. And since we both want the whole world to see who the fuck you belong to I have make sure you’re pregnant by the time I’m done with you, right baby?”
“Yes, D-Daddy...oh - mhm, yes yes yes-”, your whimpers grow louder and louder every time Iwa hits your sweet spot with his big cock, the tip grazing the entrance to your womb in the best way possible.
“That’s my good...fuck-”, Hajime groans in response, not able to finish his praise.
And just when you’re about to cum, he tightens his grip on your waist, his fingers rubbing harsh circles into your clit and pushing his cock as deep as possible into your tight cunt with one last, sloppy yet hard thrust before the feeling of his cock twitching inside of you finally pushes you over the edge.
The waves of your high break down onto you in the best yet most suffocating way possible and if it wasn’t for Iwa’s perfect timing, you would have passed out from being overwhelmed like this. For a good second everything around you disappears in a complete blur and you feel yourself getting more and more lightheaded; your cunt clenching and creaming around Iwa’s cock as you start sobbing even harder.
You have no idea what either of you are saying; Iwa’s praises and words of encouragement as well as reassurance passing by without your brain getting a single chance to proceed the meaning of them yet you still manage to snap back into reality right when Iwa cums inside of your tight cunt with a row of loud moans falling past his lips.
He buries his face in your neck, lazily thrusting his cock into you to make sure not one drop of his precious cum goes to waste and you can’t help but whimper at the feeling of being stuffed to the brim.
You have no idea how much time passes; both of you way too busy to calm down and catch your breaths, Iwa firmly holding you in his arms and keeping his cock buried inside of your tight cunt because he doesn’t want to make a mess.
The last thing he wants or needs is another lecture from Saeko about why fucking in the studio is a no-go.
“Baby”, he suddenly whispers, his voice still raspy and hoarse, “wanna get dressed and cleaned so we can head home? Wanna spoil my pretty girl with a nice bath, some wine and movies?”
You can’t even giggle as the exhaustion takes over every bit of your being, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of your lips before you let out a hum of approval, placing a sweet kiss on his palm.
“You can take a nap while I bathe you but I wanna fuck you all night, baby...feels like I haven’t stuffed you in weeks”, Hajime casually adds and lets go of your upper body, gently helping you to lay on the couch again; his big hands constantly caressing the sore skin of your ass.
“Don’t pull out..”, you whimper, not quite ready to feel empty just yet, “let’s stay like this for a little longer, please.”
“My good girl…”, Iwa sighs softly, his green eyes attentively roaming over your fucked out figure, focusing the way your lips are pushed into a pout, “how about this: I’m gonna pull out now and then I’ll have you cockwarm me all night, hm? Wanna take you home, pretty girl..’s way cozier anyway.”
However – you don’t get to finish that sentence.
The louds knock on the front door of the shop easily startling the both of you, Iwa almost automatically digging his nails into your ass as his head shoots to look at whoever the hell is trying to come inside at this time of the day.
“Iwa? Y/N? Are you guys- Oh, my God”, as soon as the sound of Oikawa Tooru’s voice finds your ears, you both let out a loud groan, your eyes rolling into the back of your head before you chuckle at just how dramatic he’s being.
Iwa doesn’t immediately reply to his best friend, his hands gently caressing your ass before he lets you know that he’s about to pull out, eliciting a row of hisses from the two of you as he does just that.
He’s quick to turn you on your back, pulling you into a deep kiss and then getting himself dressed again.
You hear Oikawa’s ranting from outside, two more voices joining in not long after and it doesn’t take you long to figure out that Mattsun and Hanamaki are with him too.
“Iwaizumi Hajime, open the fucking-”, “Shut the fuck up, I gotta get her dressed, you piece of human garbage”, your boyfriend eventully spits back at his best friend, quickly growing tired of his whining.
You don’t really know how long it takes Iwa to put you back into your little panties and your dress, your head still cloudy and eyes feeling extra heavy from exhaustion.
The next thing you know is a soft kiss on your forehead, followed by the sound of keys turning in a door and loud, deep voices filling the emptiness of the studio.
“You did it on the...couch? First the counter, then the bathroom, then the office and now the couch? I fucking hate you two”, Hanamaki Takahiro’s gentle voice is filled with a mixture of disgust, mockery and humor and easily gives away that he’s not fully serious.
“What the fuck do you guys want?”, Iwa just replies, rolling his eyes at the sight of Oikawa putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head in disappointment.
“I forgot my phone in the office and we were gonna have drinks at the bar around the corner”, Matsukawa explains calmly, his eyes finding your fucked out figure on the couch before he chuckles and winks at you before looking back at Iwa.
“Good job, Ace”, he chuckles deeply before giving your boyfriend a quick fistbump only to have Pikawa interrupt them.
“I will tell Saeko-chan everything, I don’t give a fuck. You deserve her lectures-”, he says and eventually averts his strong gaze from Iwa to you.
“Finally”, the brunette groans, lifting his hand to give you a high five before he runs his tattoo clad fingers through his curls, “you’ve been getting way too desperate, best friend. You really needed this.”
⁂ mentions: dedicating this fic to my fave aqua bitch and baby val @spikesbimbo bc she's been helping me throw a tantrum in tumblr's email box this past few days and I love her with my whole heart MWAH
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