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zabrak-show · 4 years

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this is kinda long but can i ask for a comedy where maul is a total drama queen about how sick he is? that is, until he sees who the doctor is (rival!s/o, jedi, idc) BUT ITS TOO LATE to insist he's healthy

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A/N: Lol here you go anon! This was fun to write I laughed a lot. Thank you so much for requesting something from me. The end is a bit of a cuckoos nest reference, not sure if anyone will get it, but still funny to me.

Summary: Maul has food poisoning and is ‘dying’. Savage calls the doctor and lo and behold who does the doctor turn out to be?

Warnings: bodily function humor (farts, food poisoning discomfort, see gif for reference lol), swearing, death of a certain character (not maul or savage), dumbassery on my part lmao, is this what the kids deem crack fic?

word count: 2.3k

“Brother, I do not think you should eat that,” Savage tried to reason with the smaller and angrier Zabrak who was about to shovel a leftover curry into his mouth.

“Quiet Savage. Nothing can harm me, I am far too powerful,” Maul protested, gulping down the yellow curry that had been sitting in the brothers’ fridge for maker knows how long. Savage turned his nose up at his brother’s poor dinner choices, tied his pink frilly apron across his waist, and began cooking his own dinner.

A delicious beef stew, sat simmering on the stove with an attentive Savage breathing in the steam and taste testing the broth every now and then adding spices and sauces as he went, a determined half-smile slapped across his face. Maul sat in his office just off the kitchen on his datapad doing the night’s work, his usual scowl overtaking his stunning features.

“Brother, if you would have waited, you could have enjoyed my delicious stew,” Savage beamed from the kitchen. Maul grumbled something incoherent from his office, but Savage continued stirring his stew and humming a happy little tune.

The next day started like any other. Maul held meetings with the Mandalorians about their next moves. Savage joined in, but he usually spaced out thinking about food and what he was going to cook for dinner later in the night. Savage was startled back to reality upon hearing a very deep rumble emanating from his brother’s throne. The room quieted down in shock at the noise not sure what to make of it.

“Lord Maul, are..you alright?” one of the Mandalorians asked in confused concern.

“I’m fine. It’s the chair. The chair. Something is wrong with this chair.” Maul clearly exasperated and sweating profusely, his usual deep crimson color now tarnished and a faded rust-colored instead.

“The..throne? What is wrong with the throne?” the Mandalorian questioned and stepped forward to investigate.

“No. Not the throne, I mean it’s fine, but it is broken… BACK away. I will have Savage assess the damage later. Let’s just wrap this meeting up for now.

“Brother, are you ok?” Savage leaned down to quietly whisper into Maul’s ear, “you aren’t looking so good.” Another deep rumble emanating from somewhere on Maul, inadvertently responded to Savage’s question. Savage, decided to take matters into his own hands, sensing his brother’s extreme discomfort and also being bored as hell by this meeting.

“Meeting adjourned.” Savage abruptly interrupted, all eyes now staring at the golden Zabrak. He felt his face grow hot with all the sudden attention on him and panicked scooping his brother up into his arms and running out of the throne room. Maul throwing a complete tantrum as he did this yelling, thrashing, beating his brother with his fists. The Mandalorians just stood and stared in confused horror at the spectacle happening before their eyes.

Savage ran down the halls of the Sundari Palace with Maul in his arms, not clear on what he was hoping to achieve or where to go with his now very angry brother.

“Savage, you need to put me down immediately,” Maul hissed through his teeth. Savage, not knowing any better than to follow directions, unhesitatingly dropped his brother on the stone hallway of the palace. Maul tumbled out of his arms like a rag doll making a pitiful sound as he hit the floor.

“Brother!! I am so sorry. Are you ok?” Savage hurriedly knelt down before Maul, now curled into the fetal position, the ashen rust color deep setting into his complexion now.

prrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaappppppppppttttttttt

It was a common sound for Savage having grown up with the nightbrothers and the endless fart jokes the brothers would play on each other, but in his short time of knowing Maul, his brother had never once farted in front of him. He always suspected it was because of the mechanical lower half of him, but never dared ask. The air soon filled with the foulest smell, almost worse than when Savage first rescued Maul.

“Brother, I wonder if you are sick?” Savage pensively asked the ashen curled up Zabrak at his feet as he picked him up on his feet to stand at his side.

“Of course, I’m sick you idiot. Take me to the doctor. I mean.. take me to the ‘fresh..” he heaved into his hand before finishing what he wanted to say.

“Oh man, brother, I gotta say, you absolutely cannot spew right now. I just got this armor and well, actually you gave it to me, but I mean, just no like..’blegh’ onto the new threads.”

Maul glared at his brother, shooting daggers at him with his fiery amber eyes.

“I’m not going to ..spew..” the word itself gagged him and Savage now hurriedly walked him to the refresher. Thankfully, there was one just down the hall and Savage opened the door and threw his brother in and stood guard outside the door. The noises emanating from the small ‘fresher were of the most offensive kind and Savage stood nervously trying to think of what to do or say as he stared down at his nails. A couple of Mandalorians walked by looking at Savage questioningly. He put his arm up against the wall in a flirtatious pose,

“Hey, how’s it goin?” he smirked to the Mandalorians and they skittered away confused by the beefy yellow Zabrak’s placement and actions.

“Brother, can I get you anything?” Savage asked through the door. Maul let out a low and long groan before answering,

“Get me a doctor, Savage. I...I’m...I’m dying.” Savage gasped at his brother’s revelation.

“Brother, you cannot die. I will NOT let it happen. I’ll find the best doctor in the galaxy for you. I swear it.”

Maul responded with yet another low groan. Savage ran off to call a doctor for his dear and very sick brother.

After Savage called for a doctor, he managed to get Maul to his bed to rest until the doctor would arrive. Maul writhed around the bed groaning in pain and discomfort. He tried to drink water and eat some of Savage’s infamous stew, but he couldn’t keep anything down and was left weak and miserable. Savage never left his bedside and was a nervous wreck for his brother’s well being. He hadn’t seen his brother like this since he picked him up on Lotho Minor. Maul reached his clammy hand out towards Savage and the golden Zabrak grabbed it at once.

“Savage, my brother, my apprentice...I...I do not know how much longer I have…” the crimson Zabrak trailed off, seemingly too weak to continue.

“Brother, do not talk like that. Your doctor will be here any moment and then you will be better than ever.” Savage attempted to reassure his brother, but it was no use. Maul was determined this would be the death of him and prattled on nonsensically about it until finally Savage just nodded and hummed as his sickly brother went on. Finally, they heard footsteps down the hall approaching the room.

“Oh at last, brother. This must be your doctor.” he rose from his bedside chair to meet the doctor at the door. There was a light knocking at the door and Savage opened it at once. A human man with brown hair and beard wearing a white lab coat stood before Savage.

“Oh thank you for coming doctor, right this way, it’s my brother. He is dying.” Savage motioned towards Maul, who had turned away from the door in his bed. The doctor stepped into the room, clutching his black leather medicine bag.

“Hello there,” he said as he approached Maul. Maul shot up instantly out of bed, recognizing his nemesis’ voice.

“Kenobi!” Maul screeched out with his last remaining amount of energy and then immediately collapsed on the floor.

“No, No no no, Savage! Don’t let this man touch me. He is playing a Jedi mind trick on you. He is no doctor!” Maul sputtered out trying to climb back into bed.

“I am so sorry Doctor. He has been spewing nonsense for the past 5 hours. I do not think he even knows where he is right now.” Savage patiently explained to the Doctor.

“It’s quite alright. He’s not wrong, I am Doctor Kenobi.” he smiled and outstretched his hand to Savage, and the Nightbrother hesitated but inevitably shook it.

“I’m not sure I’ve made your acquaintance, though,” Dr. Kenobi shared with the sickly Zabrak curled up in the fetal position on the bed. This admission enraged Maul and he attempted to get out of bed again fuming at the Doctor.

“I am surprised you could have forgotten me so easily, after I killed your master and you left me for dead on Naboo,” Maul piped out to the Doctor as he slowly walked towards him. Dr. Kenobi shuffled around in his medicine bag for something as Maul continued his advance on the Doctor.

“You may have forgotten me, but I will never for….OW, what the…” Maul crumpled down onto the floor as he trailed off on his diatribe. Savage looked on in horror as Doctor Kenobi removed a hypodermic needle from Maul’s flesh with a smug satisfaction.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Savage roared at the doctor igniting one end of his red lightsaber.

“Relax, it’s just a light sedative. We need to get him hooked up to an IV to replenish his fluids and electrolytes. Can you help me get him onto the gurney in the hallway?”

Savage grumbled, but turned his lightsaber off and helped the doctor move his brother into the gurney. They transported him to the nearby hospital and Doctor Kenobi hooked him up to the IV’s while Savage looked on with worry and hope in his heart.

“He’s going to be fine, Savage,” Doctor Kenobi reassured the anxious Zabrak.

“He said he was dying,” Savage blurted out, tears in his eyes.

“Food poisoning can feel like death, that is for certain, but once he gets his fluids and electrolytes back he’ll be back in full swing in no time. Right now, we must let him rest.” Doctor Kenobi put his hand on Savage’s back and led him out of the hospital room. Savage wandered around the hospital to kill time and soon found happiness at the sight of an ice cream cart outside the hospital. He strode outside forgetting his worries for a moment as the cart drew him in with a happy tune and bright colors.

Maul woke up in a dark strange room, slowly looking around for something to spark his memory of how he got here. He ripped the IV out of his arm and walked around the room, remembering the horrible sickness he had been battling and the loathsome Doctor Kenobi.

“I must escape this infernal place,” the Sith Lord exclaimed to no one. He looked down and realized he was only wearing a blue hospital gown. He searched the room desperately for his tunic and pants to no avail. He rushed out of the room, the hospital gown flowing with the wind of his swift movements, his robot ass in full view to any fortunate onlooker.

The hallway was bright in contrast with his dimmed room and nurses and doctors rushed around, paying very little mind to the crimson Zabrak sneaking around the hospital. Voices carried, machines beeped, papers shuffled, all the normal ambient noise of a hospital, as Maul made his way down the halls, looking for the nearest exit. He doubled back on one room, recognizing a force signature from his past.

“Could it be?” he whispered under his breath as he entered the dark room. A pale shriveled old man laid in the bed passed out. The smell of sanitizer and death ran thick in the air. The man was dying and laid there like a vegetable.

“Master…” Maul announced to the sleeping man as he grabbed a pillow from his bed and gently, but firmly placed it over his old Master’s face. The slight effort caused a small toot to escape the Zabrak, the remnants of his sickness still leaving his body.

“I would say ‘excuse me’ but…” Maul shoved the pillow down harder, his crimson forearms bulging with effort, “it appears you will no longer need excuses.”

The old man’s body flailed around in an involuntary attempt at fighting for his life, but Maul stood firm in his position, waiting for the movements to stop, killing his Master once and for all. Maul looked around the room for a way out. As anyone who just killed the man who was an abusive father-figure, teacher, and captor to them, Maul decided to rip the sink out of the foundation of the room in a feat of strength and force wielding. He lifted the busted sink over his head and threw it out the window, quickly jumping out of the hole it created.

It was quite the fall, but he used the force to slow himself down for the impact, the hospital gown blowing up around him exposing all his robot bits and pieces to anyone watching the crimson Zabrak flail out of the stone hospital building. Savage, just so happened to be taking a walk around the building eating an ice cream cone, when he saw the spectacle of his brother tumble out of the hospital. He ran towards where his brother landed with glee and confusion.

“Brother! You are alright? Why did you jump out of that window? Look, they have ice cream here!” Savage was so excited he couldn’t find what to focus on and stammered out a stream of consciousness on his brother.

“Yes. Savage, I am alright. Let’s go home.”

The two Zabraks walked off into the sunset, Maul’s bare robot ass cheeks clapping in the gentle breeze.

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I just love these brothers what can I say! They deserve to walk off happily into the sunset. Thank you as always so much for reading. xo

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the-maelstrom-tavern · 6 years

Text

Perhaps the one story I’m most proud of...

It was a dark and stormy night, at the imperial spaceport however this did not deter the many men who stood at attention as their prize was being unloaded. The lights on board the heavy transport vessel illuminating the area in a dim orange glow, while lights on the sides of the landing pad flashed brightly in the darkness, while on board the ship two heavy sentinel power loaders were carrying a large metal container off with extreme caution. The prize in question was a rare species of alien, one not native to the star system or even the galaxy; the cost to claim this prize was great: a hundred of the imperium’s finest soldiers, veterans of countless wars against the many species of alien that had come to call the imperium their enemy.

This one was special however, the only one of its kind. The first and the last to ever come into existence, a being of extreme intelligence and horrifying potential, with claws hard enough to rip through the densest metals, and the mental capacity to crush a man’s skull from a hundred yards with the merest glance. During the capture, it displayed the ability of mild genetic alteration; granting it the ability to alter the density of its skin and chitin plating at will, granting it nigh immunity towards almost all small arms fire.

As the power loaders stepped out from the vessel, they began the arduous process of walking it towards the forty guardsmen standing ready should the beast attempt an escape, the high lord inquisitor followed behind the power loaders barking orders to any man or woman who wasn’t busy manning a heavy weapon or tending to the chimera armoured transport-which would serve as the beasts primary transport to the research facility from then on- “YOU THERE!” he leveled the tip of his ancient blade at one of the guardsmen “GO FETCH THE ARTIFACT WE FOUND WITH THE BEAST!” he shouted as a bolt of lightning struck one of the high spires of the communications tower.

The guardsman nodded and ran back into the transport vessel, making haste while trying not to slip on one of the many puddles that had begun forming on the landing pad. The artifact was an unusual find, it was a dual-headed scythe, approximately four feet long, and weighing roughly fifteen pounds, particularly unusual in that each blade was honed and sharpened to a monomolecular edge and bore the sign of chaos, to touch the weapon in any way would mean certain death, not by the weapon, but by the hand of the inquisition, but there was something far more unusual about the weapon, it exuded a stench of the foulest sort.

The stench was a blend of decaying flesh, the kind of decay you would smell from a corpse choked battlefield in the middle of a wet, humid summer, but yet it also held the smell of plasma; a heavily ionized metallic smell, which in its own right has a certain appeal to it, but is very overpowering when not expecting it. The guardsman returned from the vessel carrying the scythe in a cloth- a feeble attempt at preserving his own life, but a valiant try- “here lord inquisitor”

Taking the weapon in his hand the lord inquisitor turns and, in one swift motion cleaves the man in two, his ancient relic blade crackling with powerful energies “many thanks guardsman, may you serve the emperor well in death as you have in life…” he turns on his heel and approaches the metal container “BE CAREFUL WITH THIS I DON’T WANT IT RUNNING RAMPANT THROUGH THE STREETS!” another bolt of lightning strikes the communications tower as the sentinels finish placing the container in the chimera, the armoured transport rocking violently as the container is placed within its armoured chassis.

Within the confines of the container, the mighty beast stirs, awakened from its chemical induced slumber by the violent rocking. It looks around the confines of its metal prison with large golden eyes; it stretches as best it can in the confined space, its thick chitinous plates scraping against the metal. It looks with no small amount of dissatisfaction, through the small air slits into the new environment, looking about as best it can it counts up the guardsmen, their heavy weapons teams, and the sentinels. A total of fifty-nine men, four three man heavy weapon teams, the lord inquisitor, one combat worthy sentinel, two unmanned loader sentinels and their pilots, and one deceased guardsman, a total of seventy-five men and women, and one combat sentinel. The sight of the deceased guardsman causes a wave of hunger and thirst to course through its body, it moved forward and pressed its armoured head against the door and pushed, the door gave way within minutes and it took several steps out of its confines, walking past the guardsmen, the lord inquisitor, the heavy weapons squads and the combat sentinel.

There was a long silence, broken only by the sounds of rain and thunder, most of the guardsmen there had never seen this beast before, and looked on in a confused horror as this creature walked over and began to consume there fallen comrade. The beast itself eight feet long, five feet tall, and three feet wide at the shoulder, the front legs were six feet long when fully outstretched, and tipped with razor-sharp diamond hard segmented chitin which functioned much like hands and were well adapted for climbing as well as slashing, the back legs were five feet long fully outstretched and were powerfully muscled, the feet were hoof-like in shape -though they had two long curved talons along the sides of them- much like the species it had descended from, it had a long tail covered in wide segmented armor plating that had naturally grown to possess razor sharp edges, the tip of which had a long curved scythe-like appendage. The beast finished its meal then turned its attention skyward, opening its jaws wide and letting rain water fall into its gullet.

The guardsmen continued to look on as they tried to make sense of its face, it had the general head structure of its ancestors, thick armour plating covering the brain, with two large horns that curved inward, although its mouth was a different story: the jaws were opened to twice the size of its head, large enough to swallow an average guardsman whole, the teeth were like something you would see from an organism from the deepest abyss, many of which were so long they had to slide through special holes in its jaws for the mouth to close all the way. Then they began to notice several small things about the eyes and carapace, the eyes themselves had a hypnotic appeal to them, as, if one looked long enough, they appeared to reveal the deepest -and sometimes- the darkest memories one’s mind could hold. The carapace was different though, deep gouges and rends in various places throughout, and several large ridges running the length of its body, the ones that were in light appeared to be sharpened for some unknown purpose, and finally visible under what little light there was, there were large dark streaks running the length of its flanks, which the guardsmen had been told were highly adapted pressure sensory nodes far more biologically advanced then even the biologists who sent for the beasts capture had no clue of their capabilities.

#short story #ive been wondering how I do

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