#maybe someone else can be of more help!

[chrxnicdaydream]

Soukoku Height Difference —Reference

for any fic writers or artists who need it, here’s a reference for skk’s height difference at 15, 16 (according to dead apple), & 22

#Chuuya is red. Dazai is blue. obviously lol #i made this for myself but figured i’d share in case it’s helpful to anyone else #i’m sure someone else has made one before but maybe it’ll help someone #save me skk height difference. save me… #i say even tho i’m literally Chuuya sized #i had a friend in hs who was Dazai’s height #and since realizing that i have a whole new level of empathy for Chuuya lol #they didn’t even tease me that much but they did kinda tower over me so. #i can imagine his pain #Chuuya wasn’t lying in 15 when he said he was still growing #but he hit 16 & his body went nah that’s good enough #no more growing for you #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd fanart #bsd fic #reference #height difference

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

not being able to drive as an old-ass adult and therefore being a burden to everyone around you is so embarrassing. but it's the only option i have, thanks to My Poor Nerves

#my boyfriend locked his keys in his car and i'm just like 'welp! good luck with that!!!!' #guess i gotta maybe die trying to go help him out of this situation at some point today #technically i CAN drive but only in non-city environments. but tragically. i live in a city. #it's been real you guys. thank you for all these years of fandom joy! 🫡 #dollsome's deep thoughts #i get that the solution to this is just to drive more until i am no longer afraid of it and have driving skills #but instead my brain goes to 'what if i moved out in the middle of the deep wilderness and never emerged #and therefore no one could ever ask me to drive for any reason!' #and that sounds way more practical #update: omg i think i found someone else to go help him. i live to fight another day!!!!

[collieii]

i like how trigun handles the killing morality debate thing thru wolfwood and vash, when they said there's no easy right or wrong answer. obv vash is the pacifist and we root for him as the protag but when he starts arguing w ww about that stuff there's not really a clear "winner" imo. like they both have valid points over the other but they also concede to each other at different parts. like when vash admits that ww's methods on the seed ship helped save other people even if it meant killing someone else. and obv at the end when vash actually kills legato, he's put in a position similar to ww where he's forced to make a choice. still, there's a lot of praise for the resolve it takes vash to uphold his pacifism, emphasis on the fact that kindness is not naivety. it's not a descent or disillusion but a deliberate choice he made, not an easy one.

and when vash criticizes ww for being a coward, it hurts him bc he's right on some level. ww wants (or needs) to justify to himself making choices that he personally thinks are wrong. (the fact that he was forced into that life is a whole other thing that doesn't help lmao) i don't think vash ever calls ww selfish for wanting to protect himself, but he calls him out for advocating a philosophy he doesn't always agree with. ww coming to accept and eventually follow vash's way of life and refusal to kill isn't important bc it gives him moral superiority or absolves him, but bc he's finally being true to himself and his own values. he dies knowing that he's the person he wants to be, a big brother, not a murderer. obv im not saying anything crazy this is all right in the text but the way the debate is handled in a lot of other media can be tiring so i like when it's well executed lol

#trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #trimax spoilers #me: trimax has a lot of different ideas and themes can we look at more of them- #also me: we are on a 24h vashwood lockdown!! #trigun meta #.lieii #this is one of many spiels i wrote to help myself w characterization for a fic #but maybe someone else will find it useful or interesting lol #.lieii txt

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[faithfromanewperspective]

concert tickets are not an investment. hate how everything in this economy we’re like ‘ooh what if I buy it cheap then hike the price up and resell’ and it’s perfectly normal—it’s not. it’s not okay. what’s happening is you’re taking advantage of someone who’s really desperate to see this artist when if they wanna spend that money on the artist, the money should go to the artist themselves. who probably don’t change as much as they could because they’ve set a price that is financially sustainable for themselves and accessible to most who want to go not just the wealthy or those who don’t spend money on any other artists. and I’m not talking about if you can’t go to your concert and resell your ticket closer to it for like 25% more to get a bit back for all the time you spent waiting in queue for a concert you don’t even get to go to. the reason concert tickets are so hard to get is because there are people competing to buy them who are just gonna resell them for absurd amounts of money and honestly? as concertgoers and fans of artists we deserve better. our artists deserve better. they didn’t put a middleman in there. we don’t need it.

#I met someone who spent $1000 on a resold obstructed view eras ticket same as what I bought for $80 #that’s just unethical to earn that much from a ticket. honestly I’d say even 50% more or close to double is okay if you were gonna go #but the fact that people are already doing this for the PRESALE tickets for luke just has me like. okay maybe you changed your mind on tier #and maybe I gotta assume the best. but I can’t help but think how many people on these resale sites are just trying to get a bit of money #and they’re making money off someone else’s art. there’s nothing else to say. the artist should get a cut of your profits #bc for taylor or someone they have enough money. but with the music industry as it is there are so many who easily could not #or who have to overwork themselves touring back to back just to get financial security #and hopefully this doesn’t happen for most of them bc ticket scalpers tend to go for the big names #but then it just means if you’re poor you can only see the niche artists and you get left out of connecting over mainstream artists #which is another form of classist segregation this perpetrates

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it occurred to me to Juxtapose the current lackadaisy triumvirate w/the former, now especially mysterious one: namely [rocky ivy freckle] vs [atlas mitzi mordecai]

you have mitzi and ivy where this is sort of an alternate, glamorous, welcoming and potentially promising world. ivy saying everyone treated her like royalty, mitzi's focus on atlas individually and the surprise of his interest & treatment.

then there's freckle and mordecai at least somewhat spontaneously drawn into "but he's just so good at it!"-based professionally shooting and killing you. perhaps also being obliged to someone as further motivation, whether they helped you finish school or not be killed today.

atlas is too mysterious & undialogued to cite any examples while considering Parallels, but you can wonder about rocky kind of being at the helm of the trio / drawing the others in, and trying to get to compose the result you want even if you're improvising your way there, but the proximity of disaster anyways

#lackadaisy #mitzi and mordecai murder mystery #which is already enriching b/c it's like oh there's just gonna be themes & character material in there #versus that say it seems all-important whether mordecai noscoped atlas himself or someone else did to argue legal liability #sort of have a smoking gun even like yeah and i bet he shot him with atlas's own gun; as comparable b/w Revolver Silhouettes there #but the detective work is like; discerning apparent Themes. speculating on what could bolster Character Arcs lol. classic #like furiously rotating like ok if you suppose mordecai absolutely living for Professionalism & avoiding Professional Complications at the #fun new Uniquely Terrible gig is in part a reaction to [murder mystery] then how to figure in a potential parallel wrt mitzi.... #and that imo peak mysterious ''how Could she have even theoretically been like indirectly at fault for atlas's death'' matter.... #like if you presume mordecai's thusly Doubling Down. does mitzi think atlas died to leave her the Potential that lackadaisy offers. maybe! #since she's All About That now. and trying to figure out who can best help her with that; exactly #rocky trying to be a contender thusly for sure lol #of course plenty of differences in these juxtapositions but thinking about more general parallels wrt those themes; emotional arcs.... #we do love it #just have fun; that's what murder is all about. more like foulplay.die

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!' #(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

[tittyinfinity]

covid precautions: smoking fat dabs all day so you hack up everything in your lungs before anything can get in there

#i do it to clear my sinuses quite often actually lol especially recently bc of allergies #weed affects me so much differently than most people it's weird #i mean i definitely get a high from it but it makes me more clear-headed and helps with my anxiety #(doesn't help with the adhd) #it's the only way i can eat bc my stomach and appetite have been ruined by 12 years of multiple medications #i can go out and do anything and interact with anybody after smoking an amount of weed that would make someone else see Shadow People #i think one of the reasons it affects me differently is bc my body lacks the enzyme to break down thc from edibles #i've tried 800mg thc in a chocolate bar once and it did nothing. which like if you smoked an entire gram of wax at once. #50mg from the same chocolate made my mom so high she was scared. #so yeah i guess it just hits me differently #maybe it's because my mom smoked weed when she was pregnant with me? #actually that would kinda make sense ngl #.bdo

[scalproie]

Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power #if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life #and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits #but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality #he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle- #but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do #he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself* #bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth #and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin- #then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does) #and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her #but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff #and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain #hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him #(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else #like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process #hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out #and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍 #and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him #and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation #and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son. #also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot #anyway. yeah👍 #tagging later #tekken

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.

Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #sebastian vael #listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks #okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else #and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend... #that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't #it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more #even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline #whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke #i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.' #'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame #then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him #even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there #and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah #but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els #also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him #i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it #also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious #because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like... #i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like #an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks #i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power #and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai #and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think #i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#sigh. another vent post.... #almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope. #.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it. #......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for) #mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for. #thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

[brookheimer]

do i post my long explanation of empathy vs sympathy re: roman tonight or is that just excessive

#like warning it is Long. will cut it down some bc i wrote it in a mad frenzy at 3 am in my notes app last night but still #tl;dr: roman is intensely empathetic and entirely devoid of sympathy. the seemingly contradictory displays of compassion vs disregard/ #cruelty are not contradictory at all and make complete sense if you understand the actual definitions of empathy and sympathy. i’d argue #that while rome’s capacity for empathy stands out in a show a #of people who are not prone to empathy his complete and total void of sympathy is much more unique in terms of humanity at large. it’s just #a show filled w cruel people so it’s less noticeable that the forms of cruelty he displays are rooted in empathy/lack of sympathy rather #than sympathy/lack of empathy like kendall and shiv (and just most people more generally) #sympathy is predicated upon difference distance and logical dissection of emotion while empathy is rooted in identification intimacy and #visceral experiences of emotion #you guys just literally do not know what these words mean. but that’s fine ! most people do not ! they are frequently confused and conflated #! that just doesn’t mean they SHOULD be. so . maybe i can help w that #also for further reading edmund burke is an absolutely fascinating figure to read esp his writings on british imperialism #although the term he uses is sympathy mehta & other later thinkers who have talked ab him have concluded that his cosmopolitanism of #sentiments/sympathy is much more like the modern definition of empathy (the words have shifted meaning slightly over the course of history) #or rather that the sentiment is empathy but the push to action is sympathy and combining together u get the cosmo. of sentiments #but basically burke is the founder of modern conservative thought basically. he is also the only british thinker who at the time of british #occupation of india actually spoke out against imperialism. this is because he viewed others not from a lens of sympathy/pity (feeling bad #for their plight) but empathy (identifying with their circumstances and placing himself within them) #love burke bc i find it so fascinating how someone i disagree with so frequently also holds a mindset that i value greatly and is anti- #imperialism despite everything else about him #kind of like rome in that sense. except rome’s sense of empathy is slightly broken because a) he doesn’t have any sympathy to supplement it #with and b) his visceral/emotion/gut instinct leading way of viewing the world + the way obscene wealth makes the rest of reality feel #fungible = inability to feel anything towards that which he does not identify #and unlike burke rome is too skewed by wealth and his upbringing to see resemblance in the masses and empathize w them #the other sibs function using sympathy and feel bad for the poor without having to relate to or understand them #but roman doesn’t do sympathy. he doesn’t feel FOR people he feels what people are feeling instead #but only so long as they’re seen as people. sympathy requires hierarchy so not viewing others as ppl v much allows for sympathy. #empathy requires some level of perceived horizontality so rome cannot empathize w that which is not horizontal to him #me: should i post this long thing? also me: posts another long thing in the tags that’s a long short summary of the much longer actual post #anyways. ahem. back to work

[waterloggedtomorrow]

A lot of posts have been spilled abt being taught to write a 5-paragraph essay, but Personally I think the biggest failure of My academic writing education was that no one sat me down + told me to use headings. So much hullabaloo about how to Structure an Introduction or whatever: you can just write "introduction" at the top + write your introduction + then when you want to move onto something else, you write "something else" and bold it and everyone knows you've moved on.

#obviously you don't really need them if your essay is only 5 paragraphs #+ maybe this is also a failing of the particular classes I took + writing I did but #''how do I let people know I have moved on to talk abt something else'' #just throw up a heading! #very helpful for me as someone with a more conversational writing style as well #I can do a little digression + you know it's not the focus of the paper bc I didn't start a new section for it

[sucrose-soymilk]

hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better

#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow #Seven’s Small Thoughts #not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary #and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much #i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know #i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else #which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways #and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog #i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t #nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty #anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic! #anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah #i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently #it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy #maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get #i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller #and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!! #so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available #which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless #that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine #trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip #i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly #eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the #colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and #yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its #absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the #provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing #seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp #their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid! #also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl #ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat #and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way' #this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural #conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his #ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more #complex than that by this point aaaaaugh #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #siren says #I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em) #ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I #like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona #experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably #upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people

[spocks-kaathyra]

really nothing more detestable than a coward

#monumental vent post incoming don't read the tags if u don't want to 🫡🫡 #about me to be clear. disgusted at this part of myself that I don't seem able to change at all #even ppl who do shitty things. at least they have confidence and intention and purpose. u can admire that #nothing lower than someone who harms others through inaction. someone who knows the right thing to do and can't bring themselves to do it #really subhuman in my cowardice. I don't think anyone has ever deserved respect less. I don't think anyone has ever been this useless #I contribute nothing to the lives of the ppl around me or to the world. #I could never be the hero of any story. #not suicidal but what is the point if I'm this useless. sure I can enjoy my life but I will never contribute anything to anyone else's life #I will never contribute anything of value to anyone's life. I will never be able to help in any meaningful way. #I can't even bring ppl the brief simple joy of laughter. #maybe that's why I like characters who were raised to be tools. at least they're given a purpose. a skill to hone. a cause to contribute to #even if it's like a bad evil cause that hurts them. at least they earn their existence somehow #I'm really like a waste of oxygen #ppl ask why we're here and I answer that I'm here to have fun. as if that's enough. is there anything more selfish than that #as if I've earned that. as if I've ever been anything but a burden on the ppl around me. ''I'm here to have fun'' god you're disgusting #I. enjoy my life. I just feel like I don't deserve to. I haven't earned it. I'm disgustingly useless #disclaimer I'm not suicidal and nothing really prompted this I've just been. thinking. #having new bad realizations. do u understand how privileged I am if I tell u I've never had these thoughts before #and I will think all this and continue to act as selfish and cowardly as I have always acted. I will continue to be paralyzed by inaction #nothing worse than someone who apologizes and then doesn't change their behavior #narcissus's echoes #vent