#might go again tmrw!!

[shinysora]

YESTERDAY WAS SO FUN

#:D #and today!! #the festival is really nice :3 #i got #erm. i spent a lot of money #erm #WHATVR.... #im so glad i went today and yesterday #i didnt feel like a third wheel yesterday either which is good -v- #YAYYY #i got some earrings (45 dollars. what.) #and i got a FAT porcelain FISH and BIRD #and some resin mushrooms in glasses??? i love the #m #AND WE GOT SOME CANDY #:3 #and a vinyl!! -v- #very fun #might go again tmrw!!

[soldier-poet-king]

I love my Nonna dearly but I also just got my first real "here's how you should find a man" advice so truly 2023 IS my Charlotte Lucas year

To be fair, I'll give them credit, this is one of the first times my family has pulled this shit on me. I suppose my "I'm too busy focusing on school" excuse that I used through all 8 years of undergrad and grad school doesn't really work now that I've been working full-time for a year. And she also didn't bring it up in front of everyone or out of the blue, it came up because we had been discussing how insane my motherhas been about babies lately and my Nonna said "oh it's BC she's waiting for grandkids"

And like??? Just because my mother got married and had kids by my age (which may have been the right decision for her, this isn't judging even if I think her life went to shit bc of it) doesn't mean it's the right decision for ME

In fact, it is the ABSOLUTE WRONG decision for me. Theres a whole long list of reasons why I'm not getting married + or having children, including but not limited to: the trauma of my parents marriage and my childhood, my own ongoing health stuff, the whole religious queer anxiety guilt complex I've got going, the fact that if I were to get pregnant the resulting mental health crisis and dysphoria would undoubtedly make me *** y'know not soemthing that is frequently a source of nightmares for me or anything, my inability to take care of myself let alone CHILDREN, and the anxiety of raising children religious when I don't even know wtf is going on with me, CHILDREN??? IN THIS ECONOMY????

Ofc I can't exactly say any of this to my Nonna who, while incredibly sweet and loving and Good, is also like. Not at all exposed to these concepts and would probably freak out if I was like hello yes I am a big fat queer and I rlly hate the concept of gender and societal ideas of womanhood :) it also doesn't help that rlly the only single, middle aged woman my Nonna knows is this lady who works at the church who is DEFINITELY a badly closeted lesbian but also she's super fuckin mean and condescending and no one likes her BC she's a bitch, on top of the whole being a badly closeted lesbian in a conservative heteronormative religious environment

Like even IF I were to get licitly Catholic married to a man. You wanna find one for me??? My Nonna was like "go to church more to find a man" HELLO??? WHERE??I GO TO MASS EVERY WEEK?? Every religious man I know irl is a radtrad women can't wear pants type or is a manchild. Even if I COULD find a normal man, he'd have to get real cool about some stuff real quick. In that forever dilemma of too leftist queer for the religious and too religious for the leftist queers. (Obvs your partner doesn't have to be your duplicate but I'm like. Generally being on the same page. The same BALLPARK. is probably conducive to having a healthy relationship, y'know?)

Besides a significant part of my having 0 social life is because I am living in my parents basement which is in a shitty not-a-suburb of mostly immigrant families with youngish kids or super old folks from when the neighborhood was built, so it's poor and run down but also super fuckin far from anything To Do, so it's the WORST of both worlds of urban sprawl. And I have no car. And I already spend 2.5 hrs a day commuting for work. And I'm chronically tired. And joining a fencing club or taking art class or whatever costs MONEY y'know the thing I'm trying to SAVE by living in this hell place???? She literally said in the same convo "live here as long as possible to save money" like??? YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO as long as I'm living here I'm NOT going out and meeting ppl BC there is literally Nowhere To Go. Big box stores like Walmart? Yet another strip mall? The highway??? THIS IS SOULLESS HELL of neither nature NOR accessible city amenities

And anyway, I would rather be in a long term marriage for tax benefits relationship anyway. Not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (jk but also serious). Like. Mutual devotion that blurs the lines and transcends labels. It could be completely chaste. It could not be. It's not a dealbreaker really. It's about trust and devotion and companionship and love. But also I'm insane and I KNOW how insane and obsessive I sound, and society prioritizes nuclear family relationships and not the weird ass shit I crave, and I feel too much too fast and would ruin any relationship I had even if I WERE to somehow find someone who prioritizes those things too

So like. It's fine. Most days (not all ofc, but I'm trying) I'm okay with this and being on my own and learning to cultivate my own peace and Goodness and I know who I am and what I believe and what I trust to be Good and I'm working toward that and I'm not sacrificing it for anything. But also. Can you give a bitch a break. Please. I'm so fkin tired

#franposting #my bday isnt even til JUNE #im going to bitch anyway #im genuinely really upset but part of that is bc my headache has come back #and its worse than ever #i might cry but my head already hurts too much #i got really good news at work and only the men in my family made a big deal #the women were just. meh. and ofc none of them have careers so why should ot be important to me? #as the only granddaughter ofc :)))) #i am going. to crawl into bed. hair washed. lavender candle on. #do a lil meal planning. and then read or maybe just sleep. #tmrws goals after church are gym and grocery shopping before dnd #have to make my body hurt so much i cant think again #ofc bro 1 has claimed the car. so maybe i cant go #god. gos. i fuckin need to get out of here #but i literally cannot afford even studio apt rent in the city #and moving to one of the boroughs doesnt gwt me any closer to anything esp without a car #literally. just like. fuckin kill me #or find me a decently paid not soul killing job in a smaller city or even a town #where i could have a garden #or a porch swing. sit in. the sunlight

[zaacoy]

SOMEONE ELSE ON TWT HAS MADE A TANG OUTFIT IN ANIMAL CROSSING TOO I MADE ONE LIKE A MONTH AGO AND HAVE BEEN WEARING IT SINCE THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS THE SAME KIND OF INSANE AS ME YIPPPEEEEE YIPPPPPPEEEEE !!!! !!

#hi exploding on tmblr out of the blue at 4 am because I can hi hello :3c #The post came up on my tl and I got hit with a brick of dopamine we are one in the same #Too nervous to reply to them showing them my own grr I want to so bad but Interacting hard graahhfhfgj #So I'm rambling about it here instead :3 probably will delete this later!! #silly sleep deprived excited zaacoy post feel free to ignore #Update for anyone who's read this far: arms and wrists are healing!! My hands are uncontrollably shaky so I can't draw yet but- #they should be good to go for sketches in a day or two #Might try again tmrw idk I'll see #bahdsghashh bye!!!

[neongreenllama]

I've been crying for hours does anyone want to send me headcanons about omega Remus or girldad Sirius or antifa Marauders or Wolfstar and their zoo of rescued animals or literally anything else

#i have to stay longer in hospital than the doc said #he said i can leave tmrw if i do all my exercises but apparently he's a liar #i am still stuck to udo #no one can tell me what's going on #i am so done with this place #i just wanna go home #i might just fall asleep but then again i can't sleep in this place

[dumbassv32]

he got too silly.... alas

#31st art #papyrus #papyrus undertale #undertale fanart #im going out for most of the day + tmrw sooooo papyrus time #also ive been relistening to 36 questions these past few days #SUCH a good podcast musical im obsessed again #i'd draw fanart but i cant stick to what the characters might look like + i wanna draw something with ocs relating to the song We Both from #-the musical because it fits one interaction they had

[trujellyfish]

not to sound like a quitter, but.

#wat do u do wen ur in iceland with two of ur best friends #but u cant fucking sleep #and u dont have any of ur creature comforts and by gods are u a creature of comfort #and u have no money #and youve put very little effort towards this trip and even less money lmao #like wow i have ppl who will just. buy me plane tickets and tour tickets and food #which is lovely but ultimately soul crushing #bc im going to spend the next four years repaying that #bc i cant get it the fuck together with my spending habits #like ffs im almost 30 and i keep spending my money like a 10yo who found $5 in the street #and cash doesnt feel like a real option in iceland #and unfortunately i also screwed myself by not getting my new credit card #there is. a lot of negativity in my brain rn. #yeah its bc im tired as shit but with the insomnia #like i would pretend to sleep bc i know its better than doom scrolling but fuck #my brain refuses to be distracted from the self loathing rn #2hrs of lying there and i was like okay ill read fic for a bit so i stop. Thinking. #but then i close my eyes and my brain just fucking flushes itself again #anyway. screaming. hollering. homesick. #i only have unhealthy coping mechanisms at this point and unfortunately my fave one is illegal here sooooo....... #might try buying a pack of smokes tmrw lmao #provided i dont find anything sharp first heyyo

[mirrortouchedsea]

.....no wips this week either. i'll try and get something for next week and also to the last request in my inbox this week. i'm just anxiously waiting for housing notifications from my summer job and i havent gotten anything!!!!!

#shay speaks #not writing #i did actually have smth from last week i might have mentioned it. but i did write a bit for a little #oc concept for genshin that lis had and what i have written is lis approved #might post that i'll ask them when i wake up tmrw if theyre online #or if they see this and give me the okay amsdpfioa #anyway. i have ideas for some of my wips. i think i'm gonna restart chapter 3 of the kaokana fic its just not going where i want it to #we'll just cut the things i like into a new document and try again so i can start fresh. #and then the other fantasy au i have many many ideas just. no motivation to write

[surreal-duck]

silly box thing i made for class

#animation #if anyone recognises this or me i simply ask you to please never speak of this to me ever. #not that it's particularly likely but just in case #man im glad i only have 5 days of school a week again instead of 6 like the past three semesters #cant believe im already a 9 to 5er at this age though fecking lmao #<- comes home too exhausted to do anything else every day #ahhh i wanna doodle silly stuff but i still have a very high priority piece im collabing with my friend on due in a week #well its not like its the end of the world if i dont make anything for them every once in a while ill just. stare at my almost full canvas #though i think the fact that im happy enough w my own art that it satisfies and satiates my need to look at Things is p good enough #yeah this is once again abt mdyz. i think about them too much for my own good i think #hnggggghnngng i wanna go to sleep..... i finished today's assignment earlier than everyone else so i might not have anything to do tmrw #maybe ill just bring my laptop and work on the collab at school. agh

[capricores]

getting asks makes me so happy, thank you guys for trusting my input and for taking the time to send asks!! 🥺💖

i have a feeling i'm going to be online quite often this week, so if anyone has any questions about astrology, spiritual stuff, healing, anything, i'm always here!! happy to answer asks about certain placements (ie: gemini moon traits, mutable dominance traits, etc), compatibility (taurus x scorpio sun compatibility), astrology topics (what do the planets mean, what are the houses, etc), take requests for posts (ie: what does saturn in the signs mean), etc!!! <3

#luna.txt #i'm going through some stressful weird life stuff rn #and it's nice to come back to tumblr again and talk about astro and take my mind off the bad 💕 #i feel like i'm in a whole new healing girl era but like still kinda in my endings painful girl era #im having feelings and thoughts and as a scorpio u can understand how stressful that is for me #JLKFDJFKLDFJ #anyway<3 love u guys #hope ur all doing well #pls send as many asks as u want #(i just cant read ur entire chart im sorry!!!) #anyway i was supposed to sleep early tonight bc i have so many work meetings tmrw #but now my brain is just like on Go mode and stress mode so #perhaps ill stay awake going thru old asks and answering any new ones i might get!!!! #and also.. staying awake for le sserafim comeback omg.. my fav gg (along w purplekiss) im so excited #ANYWAY!! im happy to talk anytime even if its not abt astro #feel free to come yell at me abt ur problems or ur wins or anything<3 #im always happy to give older sister advice too.. or younger sister advice if ur older than me.. #also always happy to talk about girl groups or genshin or myg or exo<3 #ok ill stop rambling now.. its been a while since i treated tumblr like a diary oops

[ihaventsleptinweekz]

Sometimes I think I'm a normal person then the 11 pm thought kicks in and suddenly I'm insane

#Going to mildly and vaugly vent in the tags to buckle up ^_^ #Will not clarify on any of this because it's more fun not to. Hope that helps #Anyway I'm kind of just. Weirded out by myself rn. Like I'm fine but I'm side-eyeing myself a little bit #And recently I've been believing thay I think really I was more immature a year ago #and while I do think back at her (year ago me) and kinda laugh at her for being overdramatic I feel kinda bad about it because yknow I was #But then I got kind of weirdly slowed down? In my being less freaked out process #Mostly because of Hellenite everyone say thank you hellenite (sarcastic love those fics so much) #But reading the fic kind of reminded me of the emotions that were going on at that time #And while I don't really miss or regret what happened too much anymore I think the general emotions of it started popping up again #Like idk how to say this but I'm over IT as a whole- but the emotions are still kinda left over? #Man really do NOT know how to put this #Cause it's kinda old news and frankly I am wildly happy with where I am right now #And I'm kind of thankful?? But also just a little :I about the whole thing. Which is making me inwardly side-eyeish #And I do think that I probably wouldn't change much if I could- and honestly I'm a little more embarrassed than anything else #Sorry for the weird long rambling tags just didn't want to call either of the like- maybe 3 friends I'd consider bringing this up with #I probably should check in with them though #Ough and I have work to do tmrw #Ew ew ew ew #Feel like this week has gone too damn fast and also not fast enough lmao #I'm also kinda nervous because I might have to take the ASL placement test soon to see if I qualify for skipping a couple ASL classes #Which would be nice cause I would LOVE to graduate quicker #And with all the AP classes I took in high-school it'd be nice to knock a bit of time off my college thing #Although admittedly I DID get that scholarship so it couldn't hurt??? #It might actually give me more time to get EIPA certified and check out some internships?? #Which would make getting jobs out of college WAY easier #Although maybe it'd be easier to get NIC certified if I retook a couple classes instead of trying to skip them??? God maybe I'd be behind #Ofc that wouldn't be a thing until after college #I'll probably have to save up money soon to start thinking about taking the test since it's so damn hard and so damn expensive #At least from what other interpreters have told me #Which is good!!! The it being hard thing anyways. Makes sure Deaf people get GOOD interpreters thst they deserve!!

[seokwoosmole]

WHY DOES IKON’S LIGHTSTICK HATE ME

#I have bought 4 ikon lightsticks in my lifetime and only 1 functional one #istg I’m jinxed with it #I bought ver. 2 from Amazon and it didn’t light when I tried it out #shipped it back and got a refund #bought it again cuz I thought it might just be the one bad one in the batch #still didn’t work AND broken #bought it from a legit kpop store and yay it worked and everything!! #now I bought the newest version #also from a legit kpop store I trust #AND ITS NOT WORKING #I’m out of new batteries and I’ve literally pulled out all the batteries from other objects in my house #NONE OF THEM WORK WITH IT🫠 #ughhhhhhhh #I’m hoping so badly that ALL the batteries in my house are just old and have no juice #am going to buy fresh new batteries tmrw before trying to return or exchange it #but ughhhhhhhhh istg I rlly don’t want to return it cuz 1) lightsticks rarely have a return option #and 2) I’m gonna have to pay the shipping fee again🫠 #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh again #ikon #lightstick #kpop #personal

[caruliaa]

got a sudden urge to listen to the twisted soundtrack and now i am. i should rewatch it

#i might tmrw but i prob wont 😭😭 wanted to rewatch pibtlw today then i decided to intead draw and watch cunk on earth #bc from what iv seen that is rly good but then i didnt do that either 😭😭😭😭 SAD !! #also i remember twisted being rly rly rly good but also in hindsight having a lot of issues #esp w alladin j bc they v much ended up going a weird like. route w him like #im listening to i steal everything rn and um. ykw theres an implication when ur taking a cahracters whos whole main thing (at the beginning #anyway) is that they cant afford to eat so they have to steal and u make them an antagonist and you can choose to play into tht or not #and well. they certainly did play into huh •__• !! #also like. i appreciate the making him a perv as a better angle from which to make aladdin a villian but i also remember that like. #reaching the point of feeling overly gross but maybe that pov will change watching it again idk #also sorry to say but no one remembers achmed isnt that funny imo like. its fine but everyone treated it like the height of humor #and its rly not. there r funnier moment within the show #but like. other than aladdin i remember everything else being rly rly good. and can confirm the songs r rly good #listening to a thousand and one nights rn and !! TT__TT !! #i never cared for stories until u entered mine... TT__TT /lyrics #flappy rambles

[soldier-poet-king]

AND pathfinder is cancelled tmrw. Which makes sense. Presumably other people actually DO want to spend time with their fathers on fathers day. But like. I wanna play game with friends. My weekly social time :(

#franposting #anyway. tmrw is like. mass (hell bc brian scruples). gym (the only mental break i get all day) #practice for highway driving test this week (extra SUPER hell if i fail and cry again i might just ***) ontarios driving laws are so stupid #IM A GOOD AND SAFE DRIVER #anyway. yeah. its gonna. be a bad day #AND my boss is gone for 2 weeks at work #which sounds nice but actually me beinf left alone for 2 weeks makes me feel a little insane #no background chatter or short convos in the morning. makes my brain wander #and i get real sad #im such an introvert and i like working alone #but 8 straight hrs completely at my own devices sometimes. when im already havign difficulties. it gets bad #no julian of norwich isolation for me or else i might just. go off the deep end

[stoneocean2011]

everyone at the goth club loved my outfit and was so niceys and they played depeche mode <3

#like not kidding i got so many compliments i felt like gods most specialest princess #diaen #le me derping around :p #i might go again tmrw eye dont know tho

[dreamertrilogys]

i’m so fucking tired (physically but also emotionally/mentally) like i don’t even feel like a person rn

#i still have to finish my diary entry for yesterday + i have to do one for today bc once again my life has been insane and like. AUGH #i don’t have the energy to do that right now tho so tmrw night it is i suppose. anyway ummm. i still genuinely truly deeply have no idea #what the fuck i’m supposed to do about the dani (possibly my girlfriend???) situation like i cannot deal with this #like if she just wanted to casual date or whatever i might be fine with it but no she like ACTUALLY likes me and it’s fucking terrifying #and like. oh my god. ok so there’s this new app or whatever idk i hate it but point is you get lame ass questions like who’s the hottest #person or whatever and you have to pick out of the 4 randomized ppl from ur school it gives you #<- like when you download it you pick ur school and then it suggests you people only from ur school yknow. anyway she showed me some of the #ones ppl picked her for (it doesn’t tell you who picked you for what it just says their grade and gender) and anyway what i’m trying to get #at here is that in english class (while we were sitting super close together thighs touching and all) she showed me and one of the ones #someone picked her for was most likely to marry their high school sweetheart and she kinda looked at me and was like hopefully! #and uhhhh. obviously nobody’s talking about fucking MARRIAGE rn and she’s dated plenty of people in high school but STILL #and like. as i’ve said before i genuinely can’t see myself with her in the future and going into a relationship knowing it’ll end just feel #so fucking mean and like a waste of everyone’s time. except i don’t even know if i feel that way anymore or i’m just telling myself that bc #i’m scared of commitment or whatever #fuck!!!! #and of course there’s still my friend (diff person not dani) who i’m genuinely in love with like it’s actually so fucking bad #like i need to **** *** ** ******* *** *** *** **** ***** #.txt #fake ex gf #crushposting #this is just a word for word repeat of my last 3 posts on this topic but anyway. the thing is if you asked me to choose between them (crush #and girl who likes me who i also kind of like) i’d pick my friend/crush like it wouldn’t even be that hard of a choice. but there is no #friend vs dani there’s only dani asking me out and like. ughhhhh #i can’t deal with this!!!!!!!!!! #gf

[transfagholmes]

tried to make a mini trans pride notebook but it was Too Small and i had to switch tracks. i need to make a stamp like this ⚧️ instead and ascertain which of the fabric/paper designs i have that are Most Transsexual

#i need to find some lino and ooh i might be able to borrow my brother's lino cutters tmrw so i'm not going at it with a box cutter again #to be clear i didn't go at a bit of lino with a box cutter it was an eraser but still too finicky for the job #first officer's log #bookbinding adventures #i need more fabrics.... (<- he was way more than enough) #i need queer fabrics....