#my husband in six weeks lmfao

[avocado-writing]

Hey 👋🏻 i just finished rewatching both seasons of good omens 🥲 can i request an ineffable husbands x r with an established relationship? after a night out they go back to the bookshop and r is pissed drunk so aziraphale and crowley tries to help them get comfortable and get settled but r keeps saying “back off i have partners.” and things like that because they’re too drunk to recognize the two which amuses them both. i read something similar online and thought it would be funny with the husbands. thank you so much ❤️

notes: put this once again in tltdatsib, hope that's ok! also yall: anyway nightingale is drunk / me: YES lmfao

pairing: crowley x reader x aziraphale

rating: T

notes: excessive alcohol consumption; gn reader but one reference to them being a primadonna; tltdatsib-verse

You’re all quite drunk.

The three of you are all impartial to a glass of wine or six after a nice day. Usually you can hold your liquor quite well, but you underestimated the vintage, and now you’re absolutely off your face. Crowley and Aziraphale are happy to sober up the miraculous way, the alcohol returning to its bottle, but you absolutely despise it happening to you and they’d never do it without your permission. So there you are, head-lollingly, body-flailingly drunk on the sofa in the back of the bookshop.

“Come on love, let’s get you to bed,” Crowley says, attempting to heave you into his arms. You push him away and make a low noise in the back of his throat. 

“Did… did you just growl at me?” he asks, both delighted and bemused; torn between actually trying to help you or recording this on his phone so that he can tease you mercilessly tomorrow. 

"My love - " begins Aziraphale, but you glare at him the best you can while barely being able to hold your head up.

“Oi! Back ‘ff sunshine,” you say, holding your hand up and wiggling your fingers, “‘m married! My husbands—spousesssss—won’t be too happy ‘f you chat me up!”

Aziraphale and Crowley exchange a look. You’ve not been this drunk since the three of you were invited to the Diamond Dogs release party in the seventies. Your hangover had lasted a week. 

“Darling,” says Aziraphale with a patient sigh, “we’re your husbands… spouses… oh, look, it’s us!”

"No-oo-oo! Lies! Won't be taken in by handsome strangerssss!" you cry, a primadonna of a show only you can see. You try to launch yourself across the couch for safety but get your foot stuck between two seat cushions.

"'Handsome', eh?" Crowely asks, grinning very wide indeed.

"Yessss, handsome! Very! But 'm TAKEN."

Aziraphale sighs, both wanting this charade to be over and charmed that even when you're too blotto to recognise them, you still find your husbands attractive.

"Look, let me show you proof, darling."

You squint, suspiciously. 

“Eh?”

Aziraphale reaches into his coat pocket to bring out his wallet. It has no cards or cash, nothing that one would actually need a wallet for - but he keeps it for one very particular reason. 

He flips open the leather and holds it out for you to inspect. It has a photo in it: a polaroid, taken for you by a kind passerby on the day of your wedding. It’s of the three of you, arms around each other, all smiling the widest in any photo where you are the subjects. You take it from his hands, scrutinise it, then cringe.

“Oh god, ‘m ‘n idiot…”

You collapse back into the sofa, letting your arm remain in its place so Aziraphale can take the precious wallet back safely. 

"It's alright nightingale. You're just a bit tipsy is all, my love."

"You're so kind to me even when 'm bein' silly..."

"For better for worse. For drunker, for sober...er," Crowley reasons.

“Should go t’ sleep…” you mutter, and before they can help you up, you turn over to face the pile of pillows and immediately make good on that threat. They cover you with a blanket, and Crowley does tease you the next morning.

-

@angiestopit @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster @lxsm2 @clarina04 @wtfhasmy-lifecometo @mrgatotortuga @wereallbrokenangels @night-affiliate @silcosmoke @kimqueenofhell @chewbrry @bajablast23 @h3k3t @am-i-obsessed---maybe @bakerstreethound

#aziraphale x reader x crowley #crowley x reader x aziraphale #ineffable husbands x reader #good omens x reader #request #fic: the light the dark and the spaces inbetween

[salemssimblr]

get to know me tag

I was tagged by @morrigan-sims. Thank you so much for the tag! ♥️

I'll put mine under the cut too cause I'm particularly chatty today

show your wallpaper and the last song you listened to.

For me this requires a photo! As I have my external display and my mac display and they're different. So, have a workspace reveal!

Last song is Your Love by One True God & Roniit

currently reading?

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff... but barely. I've been moving it from room to room with the intention of curling up with it but then I render or write instead. Oops.

last movie?

Don't laugh (ok you can laugh) but it was the second Austin Powers movie. My husband's never seen them all the way through and they're on Netflix only until June 30th. Don't judge us too hard lmfao

last show?

The Queen's Gambit. I watched it when it was released, but hubby didn't.

craving?

The New Orleanian in me is craving this one cocktail served at my favorite restaurant. The restaurant closed down for covid and reopened literally only a few weeks ago but it looks like that cocktail isn't on their menu anymore. Afaik I think it was vodka and raspberry jam??? Phenomenal. It was called the Little Red Dog. We're going to that restaurant tomorrow and I'm praying if I ask for it they can make it but I don't have my hopes up.

what are you wearing right now?

Sweatpant material shorts I stole from my dad one weekend years ago and a shirt from The Strand bookstore in NYC. (Work pajama outfit lmfao)

how tall are you?

My ID says 5'2" but I think that's bullshit. An even 5'. Would've been shorter but I had my scoliosis corrected at 12 (I'm a terminator, baybeee) & I gained 2 inches from the surgery.

piercings?

2 holes in each lobe, 1 nose ring, and a closed up lip piercing I wish I still had but not enough to get it re-opened. I hope to get several more.

tattoos?

Two so far, a semicolon on the back of my neck (gotten before the semicolon tattoo movement) & a paper crane on my right wrist in memory of my late best friend. I want to get several more and have been actively ignoring the itch because my big wedding ceremony is in October... but after 👀 I think I was a big crow on my back/across one shoulder. And a few other small ones I've been thinking about. I've also always wanted bats behind my ear so maybe that too.

glasses or contacts?

Glasses! I'd love to wear contact but, fun trivia for your Friday, did you know that taking birth control longterm literally changes the shape of your corneas? I didn't either. But I'm pretty sure that happened to me and now I can't wear contacts without extreme discomfort. So, glasses for me.

last thing you ate?

Sliced mango and pomegranate seeds (:

favorite color?

Red, black, dark blues.

current obsession?

My current and forever obsession is Vignettes, the story my bestie and I are writing together. It's wild how this one storyline has become my entire personality, and I'm not at all mad about it.

any pets?

One sweet sweet little fur-son named Loki!

he squint

favorite fictional character?

This is such a hard question for me to answer cause I have wildly fluctuating obsessions and right now I'm most obsessed with my own fictional characters, but. Kaz Brekker will always have a place in my heart. I loved him from his very first appearance in Six of Crows. Same for Nikolai Lantsov in Shadow & Bone. I loved Alina for the longest time too but I think her depiction in the show soured me on her a bit, idk. I have a lot of strong feelings about the Netflix adaptation I could write a whole dissertation on. I've also held the Abhorsen series (& Sabriel) close to my heart since I read it literally in middle school. I re-bought Sabriel a while ago and need to read it again.

last place you traveled?

I don't remember for sure if our most recent trip was to Houston when we got engaged or to North Carolina for my husband's best friend's wedding. Either way, it's been too long since we traveled and I need to go somewhere stat! haha

I'm tagging @buttertrait, @angelgnomeisdeadrip, @druidberries, @simlishpiadina, @kotpicard, @leafbatraccoon, @raiiny-bay, @chaoticsimlish, @omgkayplays & anyone else who wants to do this! Feel free to say I tagged you!

#get to know me tag #replies #nonsims

[bloodbending]

i think i am going through a particularly hard transition in my internal life. outgrowing friendships, reckoning with dozens of uncertainties, dealing with the shame and fear of letting go of the safe performance of straightness i held on to for years (i am not out to my whole family and only to some of my friends)...

and it keeps coming up, forcing me to think about it, as i go through milestones with the people in my life. i feel like i cannot ignore it like i have in the past

for ex.

i had two good friends/roommates six-ish years ago, and they're great. one moved across the country and the other stayed where i live, though they live pretty far away. we were a cute trio, though they were closer in age and in the same major/grew up in the same place, so they were always closer to each other than me.

we're all in different careers and now living in completely different parts of the country, so we naturally grew apart. definitely on me as well, i'm very bad at keeping up and don't do a lot of social media anymore. plus i realized i was bisexual a little bit ago, and they knew me purely as the straight girl undergrad (they're 3 yrs older than me). they were very much that brand of cishet college grad who study hard and party harder. so it was fun while we were in college.

years passed and tbh it became clear we were all going in different paths. their priorities were very much 1) career 2) get a man to get married 3) family, house etc. whereas i was 83749 steps behind not even knowing my own sexuality or even fathoming where i was going to be in five years... very much flying by the seat of my pants

i even told roommate 2, the one that lives far away, that i figured out i was bisexual and she was v happy for me. though when i speak to her now, she's very like... reticent to recognize that part of me? she's the type of woman that's like "my gaydar is so accurate!" if you know what i mean lmfao. she means well but it seems she's more comfortable pretending i never came out to her. i didn't tell r1 because we didn't really talk individually and i had always been closer to r2.

roommate 1 invited me to her wedding and me and my other former roommate were really excited. i even texted her when i got the invite like "yesss im so excited!"

cut to months later, when my roommate 2 was in town. we all got dinner together along with roommate 1's fiance (now husband). super nice guy, so glad to see them, it was like no time had passed

the next time R2 was in town, i recommended a place to get dinner. i made reservations. then day of, and R1 and her fiance say they can't make it. no worries, it was far, so i understood

when i hung out one on one with R2 instead, she told me they actually didn't want to go to the restaurant cause it was too expensive and they had to save for their wedding... and i was like oh shit i didn't realize that, i would have been fine going anywhere... i wish she had just told me that directly, and i wondered why she didn't

cut to months later, the actual wedding, which was this week. i get there with R2 who flew in from another state. her fiance greets roommate 2 when we get to the venue and completely ignores me. we'd only met once but i was still kind of taken aback

and then when we go to see where to sit on the tables, i'm not on the seating chart. i freak out, did i not RSVP? i realize i did, she must of just forgotten me on the list, but i of course am completely thrown off and feel so so so bad

i had to ask her like hey, im so sorry something must have happened, can i just sit next to R2? and she was like yes omfg of course when i saw you, i told my event coordinator right away, you have a seat! so it ended up fine

and the whole time i was there i felt myself sliding back to the person i was before-- straight acting among all these upper class new england white girls, unsure, putting up a facade of perfect mental health, etc.

when her husband came to say hi to us again after i was like "hey we met before!" and he just said "yeah that was a long time ago" which... was so uncomfortable, i had no idea what to say

the reception was fun and i think my roommate was totally fine and she was very happy.

but after i came back from the wedding i was like.. damn, that all felt really bad.

like, again, why no text? no call? no nothing? i texted her the second i got the invite. if my RSVP didn't go through through some glitch, why didn't she reach out to me?

it was kind of awful and i felt so bad, both for potentially being a nuisance on her big day and also because i finally felt the result of me not keeping in touch, from work or stress or mental illness. i just can't help but think, man, my anxiety and adhd are real detriments to my life. but i also thought, well, that's just the way it is sometimes. friends stop being compatible, friends drift apart.

i thought about texting her in a few weeks (she literally just got married so i would never come to her with my hurt feelings right now, asshole move on my part) to apologize, say hey, i think there was miscommunication and i hurt you-- maybe you didn't think i was coming to your wedding so it made youassume certain things so i apologize for that.. i hope we're ok

but then i realized that i don't even think it's worth the effort now. she's not a priority in my life anymore, either... which fills me with sadness.

just been thinking about that. i feel i have to draw a line in the sand with who i pretended to be my whole life. i STILL act like that around people who i'm not out around, and tbh im realizing that it's filling me with resentment. i don't want to feel that way. but fear holds me back.

I want to be the person i have been afraid to be. it means facing all my flaws and potential disability-- and ACCEPTING that i have a disability. it that probably means a lot more grief and a lot of hard transitions.

it's a weird and lonely thing

#personal

[chthonicgodling]

🏳️‍🌈 PRIDE COLLECTION - ELYSIUM🏳️‍🌈 Part Seven - The End!

featuring, left to right: Cinthy [he/him], Eury [he/him], & Krokos [he/him] - all gay!

aaahh we made it to the end of my pride collection! (But never fear it’s always queer over here💞) the conclusion with two alt versions cause again I couldn’t decide on rainbow flag vs mlm blue flag SO I just did them both :)) Eury n’ ghosts!!!!

NOTES!!

🌈okay the dual version was. a fun project cause I’ve been shading in flag colors too so this was like, fuckin in depth to do twice ckgkffkfkdkgkg worth it I guess???

🌈Eury’s husband is Epi who was just two posts beforehand in these pride drawings!!!!! I love himmm sooo much he is the sweetest and he is also the god of decomposition fgkgkgk sOOO posing him next to Cinthy and Krokos - is hysterical - the two of them are both GHOSTS and DECEASED and so!! aside from Eury and Cinthy being friends thru Gany, Eury of course was the deity responsible for eating the corpses of these two when they died so uh 🤪😜🤭 friends!

🌈Cinthy (ghost, the hyacinth flower)’s fiancé (of like six years now something like that lmfao) is Gany who was one post beforehand!!! when looking up the blue flag I found people calling it Cinthian which is SOOOO cute and like hey!! HEY LOOK WHO IT IS!!!

🌈meanwhile ghostie Krokos, the crocus flower, holds the title for THE most annoying person in the palace he does not ever shut up omfg. he and Cinthy are coworkers in the sense that they’re both of course Flower Shades (like Karpos a few posts back, where the flower shade rundown is!!)

🌈Cinthy is the hairdye extraordinaire of the palace and changes his hair color every week (he dyed Krokos’ and Chal’s hair!) so two different dye colors per flag!

thanks for sticking around for all of these and I’ll now be returning to my regularly scheduled programming!! all seven Pride posts can be found right here!! Eury belongs to @fenixethekid & Cinthy belongs to @waywardfangir1!

#elysium pride 2023 #PHEWW okay:)) #my art #lgbt artists #oc art #LOOKIE..

[tiffgeorgina]

fuck it black monday soulmate au

this one goes out to brit pricevore and that damn quote rt about hating soulmate aus. also to all the time i wasted in the shower last night thinking about this. brit if you’re reading this i have done my part. 

this fic is sponsored by the hyuna and LE collab that i cannot stop blasting. it’s called blacklist and it kind of invented music

-ok so im starting with mo and dawn because of fucking course i am

-mo spends like four years in prison starting from when he’s 20 or 21 or sum shit. around this time, dawn’s getting her MBA from northwestern. as soon as mo’s out of prison, jammer stakes the jammer group and hands majority ownership over to mo. alright so mo needs some employees he can’t do all this by himself. so he schedules an interview with dawn and meets her and realizes that this is His Soulmate. 

-im not really certain what the exact soulmate au would be for this because frankly i don’t care, i don’t want to get into that rn lol. but it’s something obvious and clear-cut, like seeing color for the first time when you make eye contact with your soulmate or smth. Actually i rly like that idea so im gonna roll with it. Fuck it you see color the first time the first time you touch your soulmate (i’ll get into the general implications of this some more later on, maybe after keith/mike’s part stay tuned xx) i love me some ambiguous soulmate aus but all the relationships in this show are ambiguous enough so i’ll pass in that regard this time. also in this universe, your soulmate isn’t necessarily regarded as your romantic partner for life. some conservatives/evangelists/fundamentalists/traditionalists will consider any marriage/sexual or romantic relationships with people other than your soulmate to be an abomination or w/e, and the 80s were pretty conservative, but they were also pretty weird, so a lot of people give zero fucks and will date/fuck/marry whoever. these people tend to regard soulmates as the most important person in your life, regardless of the nature of your relationship with them. some people’s soulmates are like a parent to them, and could never imagine being romantic/sexual with them. lots of people never meet their soulmates due to distance/death/etc. basically fate is not as all-knowing in this soulmate au as it is in some others. there is more to a long-lasting, successful romantic relationship than just love. back in the 40s or whatever, people would meet their soulmates and marry like two weeks later, never having had sex or a romantic relationship with anybody else, and then two days into the marriage they realize how devastatingly incompatible they are and the relationship crumbles under the strain of resentment and confusion within a year. people in the 80s have started to learn the lessons the people in the 40s never had time to figure out, so most people have some romantic/sexual experience before they meet their soulmate. besides, who wants to wait that long to have sex? not me tf

-ok back to the plot now that we got the background is down. mo and dawn meet and know they’re soulmates. so they get to know each other, but their main focus is work bc they’ve got a lot of work to do if they want to get anywhere. the company is young, dawn’s just out of school, and mo’s just out of prison. there’s a lot of ground to cover and they’re impatient asf to be rich and powerful. 

-the romance sort of happens naturally, given how much time they spend together, and they fall hard. they start dating, and when it’s great, it’s great. but when it’s bad, it’s fucking horrible. they’re both really underdeveloped as people (should i mention that they both literally just entered the workforce lol) and they just. can’t. get. along. 

-they hire some more people, like keith and yassir and wayne, and even they can tell that their relationship just sucks. they fight all the time over petty shit, and their fights always go way too far and never get properly resolved. sure, the sex is good and they want pretty similar futures (lots of money and no kids), but emotionally, in the short term, they are as incompatible as it gets. they have the same argument that they’ve had a gazillion times about promoting dawn to partner, but this time it goes a little too far. the things they say are a little too hurtful, and at this point, the relationship is a little too broken to salvage. they both know that when dawn storms out that night, it’s the last time. she moves out the next day.

-but she can’t really quit, can she? at this point she’s put in like three years of work at this place, and it’s moving up the ranks, and she’s head trader. she’s not taking a pay cut because she’s too immature to work with her ex-who-is-also-her-soulmate. so she sticks around. it’s a little awkward at first, but she and mo just come to an unspoken agreement that they’ll spend less time together and let themselves detach as much as possible, because at this point, a romantic relationship just seems so impossible, so why try? they can be each other’s most important person without being romantic partners, right? of course they can! Yeah, maybe they were just destined to be platonic soulmates. this will definitely work.

-so dawn meets this guy. his name is spencer. they hit it off right away too. of course, they’re much less compatible (in terms of long-term plans and all that, especially regarding having a family) than she and mo ever were, and the chemistry is nowhere near as electric, but at least they can have a conversation about something other than how much they hate the lehman brothers without screaming at each other. despite how much she knows she doesn’t love him like she still does used to love mo, she thinks she can live the rest of her life like this. they get engaged after dating for a year, and then married after a six month engagement period.

-mo stays single for about a decade or so. the most serious relationship he has isn’t even monogamous and it’s like, barely a year. he tells himself that he’s not looking for love, and he’s much happier to just sleep around and count his money and focus on that. everybody he ever talks to knows this is a bald-faced lie. they choose not to bring it up.

-(IM REALIZING HOW SIMILAR THIS IS TO THE CANON BACKSTORY/PLOT OF BLACK MONDAY IM SCREAMING SHGLKSDFHGLKSDRGHLS WHATEVER IM HAVING FUN) so mo and dawn are still working together and their relationship is... getting better. time heals all wounds right? well, not if you keep rubbing salt in the wound by literally working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate and seeing them everyday. they know subconsciously that they could’ve been really fucking great, if only they hadn’t been such idiots in their 20s. but now that chance is gone, and they both just have to accept that. they still get into fights and shit, but it tends to be over much more superficial stuff. of course, people without fifteen years of history don’t get into screaming matches over tiny shit like they do. but that’s the territory of working with your ex-who-is-also-your-soulmate.

-so mo has this stupid fucking idea that he doesn’t even run by dawn before throwing $60 mil on it, because of course he does. so she has no choice but to go with it. they hire this kid, his name is blair, because they need him to pull this off. blair finds out that mo and dawn are soulmates who used to date but don’t anymore, and he’s really not even that surprised. of course, it’s weird to find out that your bosses whom you’re weirdly close to, who seem to hate each other, used to be in love and date and the whole nine yards and all that, but it makes a lot of sense.

-so they go off to the predator’s ball bc even rich people need money sometimes. you know that scene where they’re walking back to their rooms after that wild ass night, and mo’s like “you want to call it, or?” and dawn’s like “would if i could but im married” and then they get into a fight over collateral shares? fuck that scene entirely. let dawn find out about that 30% collateral shit like the next day or some shit idfc. instead, dawn’s just a smidge drunker than she was in canon, or maybe she was thinking more clearly than she has in a while, and she just fuckin goes for it. she kisses him, and of course he kisses her, and they... sleep in the same room that night. lmfao you know what i mean. and so starts this sort of friends/business-partners-with-benefits thing. 

-they are next level awkward when they get back to NYC, and blair and keith notice the fuck out of it. they aren’t exactly on speaking terms, so they don’t bring it up to each other, but fuck if they don’t bitch about to their respective soulmates (which i will get into)

-dawn feels soooo guilty it’s unreal. But she rationalizes the hell out of it. Her relationship with spencer has a textbook dead bedroom (which is actually sort of canon), and she signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. it’s not her first example of fucked up morals for sleeping with somebody other than her husband, anyways; there are worse things she can do (and has done) than cheat. It’s not fair that he gets to have all the sex he wants while she has to suffer in silence. So she keeps hooking up with mo even if it’s the worst thing she could do for her relationship with him (and her relationship with spencer, who doesn’t even know that she’s met her soulmate, let alone that her soulmate is her fuckin business partner [canon divergent, spencer does not find out about her and mo in 1x02])

-mo feels guilty in theory but really he’s just happy to be with dawn again in some way. They’re never in dawn’s apartment, so there’s no chance they can ever be caught ever. This is fine. They are fine.

-as one can expect, they are not fine and spencer notices dawn acting differently. Eventually she has a couple drinks one night and the guilt overwhelms her so she ends up coming clean. Safe to say she and spencer get that divorce.

-around this time, mo is telling blair about the georgina play, and blair is telling him to go fuck himself. Also around this time, tiff is getting kidnapped.

-dawn immediately suspects that mo did some stupid shit when she finds out mo told blair everything. So she goes to find him, only to find him at his lake house, spreading ashes. After he tells her he knows nothing of tiff’s kidnapping and he’s spreading the ashes of a friend, she relaxes and they spend the night together, just talking over all the shit they’ve been through. They don’t have sex that night, but they feel what they used to feel when they were together 15 years ago.

-in the middle of the night, blair calls dawn in a blind panic, talking about how tiff’s parents arranged her kidnapping for the press without telling her. Blair says, “Let’s you and me run the georgina play. That’s right, i know you knew, you’re too smart not to” and dawn says “no.” she doesn’t give excuses or anything, she puts her foot down because she will not let this kid she’s known for barely a year convince her to fuck up the most fulfilling relationship she’s ever had as soon as they get to a good place again. She tells him she’ll run the play with him, but it’s not gonna be against mo. either all three of them are fucked with mo and dawn $60 mil in the hole and blair out of a job, or all three of them can be filthy rich and successful. That’s the deal. Blair says he’ll call her back tomorrow.

-the next morning, mo and dawn are talking on the doorstep, and mo brings up the georgina play and how the kid fuckin hates him now, and there’s no chance of pulling off the play bc he quit. Dawn’s like “yeah, about that… we need to schedule a meeting with him” and mo’s like “what for?” and dawn’s like “i spoke to him last night, his fiancée’s kidnapping was a sham that her parents pulled off and he might be in the right headspace to fuck them over right around now” and mo’s like “holy shit you miracle worker” and they make out and when they walk back into the office, they’re hand in hand. 

-they call blair into the office and they basically just yell at each other for three hours. Keith, yassir, wayne, and ronnie do not know what is going on and frankly they are too afraid to ask. Eventually, they reach an agreement: blair will pull hand over 6% of georgina jeans in exchange for 20% of the jammer group, and another 25% to dawn (after they use blair’s algorithm to grab that last 30% from the lehmans). They shake on it, but none of them leave happy.

-blair’s not exactly happy to fuck over his parents-in-law, and mo isn’t happy to lose majority control of his own company. Dawn lucked out, gaining more power and losing little in the play, but her relationship with both of them is so on-the-rocks that she can’t imagine upholding a business partner relationship with them. This is gonna go so great after blair gets married in *checks watch* like two months.

-so blair gets married and the georgina play is a thing that happens (successfully might i add) and everything is kind of shitty because there are at least two relationships to repair here, and one that’s coming back from the dead. But little by little, they all get to a better place until they’re more or less back at where they were before mo told blair everything and they were all just friends except this time mo and dawn are dating xx

-WHEW and that is that on that. And by that on that i mean that on mo/dawn for this au. Dw im gonna get to blair/tiff and mike/keith and im super excited to write those too but i’ll make sure to put those in a separate post because i don’t think tumblr could handle a +7000 word post lmfao (since this post is nearly 2500 words jesus christ)

-i hoped y’all liked reading this as much as i loved writing it!! Again i love feedback and i read everything y’all say in the tags so please put stuff in the tags bc i love that shit!! Gn xx

#black monday #fanfic #fanfiction #andrew rannells #blair pfaff #mo x dawn #maurice monroe #dawn darcy #dawn towner #fic: bm soulmates #otp: partners. #slander #a million queue lawyers a million queue years to queue out

[rockettransman]

Rocketman Watch #4 Thoughts

i have so many MORE thoughts can you believe it wow here we go

(i wrote these as i watched it so they’re in order im p sure)

man, his intro monologue during group therapy is just as gripping as it was when I first watched it. And the transition to the bitch is back is so fuckin good. My palms are sweating.

There’s some commentary about forgiving and loving your inner/past child, but I don’t have the words for it at this moment. In the beginning he’s staring down, confused and scowling at his child self, but at the end, he embraces him in a way his father and loved ones never did.

Was he in therapy/rehab WHILE touring and doing music? Stomping into the room in his regalia would have me believe so. I know group therapy was a medium for storytelling. Was it just signaling the very beginning of his story, because we go through different stages through his actions and clothing changes?

Lmao I imagine it must take some pretty cool parents to allow their, like, six or seven year old child to be in this movie. He said bitch so many times.

Took me a hot second to realize the orchestra he’s conducting is playing Rocket Man. The violins are so pretty. Imagine being picked to be in the orchestra on set and getting smile up at the tiny little kid who played Elton. My heart would absolutely swell seeing a little kid being so fantastic at this really intense job.

Kit Connor did amazing in his role. He’s fifteen and he’s already done so much! Imagine growing up knowing you played Elton John as a kid. Getting to work alongside him and his husband and the dozens of incredible actors. Wowie. I’d never shut up about it.

I LOVE how 12 year old Elton is playing the piano SO HARD and is trying to rock out as hard as he can while playing classical music. The boy wanna ROCK dammit.

HE GLANCED UP THE TINIEST BIT WHEN THE MAN ASKED IF ANYONE HAD A FAG (slang for cigarette)

SATURDAY NIGHTS ALRIGHT GIVES ME CONSTANT CHILLS FROM THE START TO FINISH

WOOOW SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD ELTON IS CUTE AS HEEELLLL. The hair, glasses, and front tooth gap fit Taron so well. Goddamn I hope I look like 17 year old Elton some day.

The choreography for this number is absolutely breathtaking. You have to get that many people all in sync! We followed Elton running through the crowd and AAHHH it was a lot! The athleticism! And they did it in the rain! Wow I’m blow away.

Elton is JAMMIN in the back of the stage. It’s really sweet to see his smile and enthusiasm and his brain thinking and working.

That guy in the back peed a LOT lmao

I was wondering where thank you for all of your loving came in.

Charlie Rowe plays Ray Williams, and he also plays LEO ROTH from Red Band Society!!! The first time I watched the movie, I KNEW him from somewhere, but I couldn’t place it and it was driving me nuts. Man. RBS was a big crutch during the worst lows of my ED. Had no idea he was English.

Love to see how shy Elton was as a teenager. It’s a hot ass mood. Also, those silk scarves? Ascots? idk but they’re a LOOK.

“One frothy coffee, no froth.”

The acquaintances-to-best-friends montage set to Border Song *chefs kiss*

Rock And Roll Madonna Is A Perfect Song Send Tweet

Lmao Elton is NOT phased at all when he gets accused of being gay. He’s just like. “Nah. I’m like. Not.” Not overly defensive and surprised, like I’m sure other people would be lmaooo

STUMBLING HOME DRUNK WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A MILESTONE IN TEENAGEHOOD!!!!!!!

“You are a ssSSHHIIIITT HOT piano player—”

So delicate of Bernie the way he politely denied a kiss from him. It wasn’t weird or tense at all. Just a gentle “love you, but not that way. It’s okay” Some people may not be able to handle it that well even today.

Taron’s got nice thighs. That robe & underwear getup is a nice look.

Love love LOVE hearing him experiment with Your Song on the piano to find a melody that worked.

Honestly what the shit do these songs even mean. Bernie sometimes these words don’t make any sense. Don’t worry, they still slap. “See I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue” like what

AMOREENA IS A PERFECT SONG SEND TWEET

Doug flirting with Bernie makes me snort every time. “Oh, really? That’s.. cool.”

THE TROUBADOUR OUTFIT IS GOOD AS SHIT!!!!!!!!

“NO, BERNIE. YOU ARE UNDERREACTING.”

Taron was right. The overalls do make his ass look massive.

A week ago before this movie I was sick and fuckin TIRED of crocodile rock but now I can’t get enough of it. The movie transformed a lot of old songs I was sick of for me.

Imagine being a kind of shy, nervous kid, terrified to go on stage, but two and a half minutes later the entire venue is LOSING IT because they love the jam YOU WROTE. how cool for Elton.

I want a best friend platonic cheek kiss :(

Hmmmmm I’m wondering if they used the studio recordings that went on the album for the movie or have different movie-specific recordings. Tiny Dancer sounds a teeny bit different in the movie version.

Goddamn I sure hope Taron got to keep that jacket.

“So you liked the song, then?” “Not as much as the singer” *Elton glances away in gay panic*

LMFAO John said some weird colorful words to Elton that barely made sense and he was like OH FUCK GOTTA KISS HIM GOTTA KISS HIM

I’ve talked so much about the sex scene I don’t need to go on about it here. Go search the rocketman tag on my blog for my extensive gay thoughts about it.

Now I know glasses come OFF during sex

oh oh oh I was wondering where Hercules fell in the movie. I love how the songs he’s writing or getting notoriety for is played over the transition scenes.

Elton’s hand on his hip, knowing smirk as John enters the studio. “Hello.”

Bernie is like “HELLO are we RECORDING or are y’all gonna FUCK in the CLOSET?”

*vibrating* Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat Honky Cat

Damn, the flowy white button down with the red pants really is a LOOK

The gestures, staring up at each other, leaning into each other, hands on each other’s chests, damn it makes me feel some typa way. Maybe their love WAS good and fun and exciting while they rode the high of everything before it all went so so bad.

Elton searching John’s gaze while he’s talking and looking like he’s not really paying attention, just looking for a kiss on the couch.. GOD I remember the honeymoon phase of my relationships. So much fun.

His dad going “N-Not really my thing.” That was a metaphor for his SEXUALITY TOO, huh.

Damn. He went to his dad’s to come out to him and he never even got to get to that part. He was just like “....nice shoes....” and even after all this time, didn’t show any interest in his music. If he never was into what he did, how could he even talk about being gay? I’m sure during that scene there were a lot of metaphors to sexuality but I didn’t bother to think much about them.

The eyebrow quirk after his dad says “ah—no. Could you make it out to Arthur?” DAMN Elton was like .. “really. This is what’s happening? Okay. Awesome.”

“What do you have to do to get a fucking drink around here, eh?” *cuts to Elton drinking straight from a bottle*

“Elton—” “Elton!”

John saying “don’t you ever put your hands on me” when he was the one who yanked him from the phone booth AND directly after punching him... woof man. What a shitty dude.

Damn, just noticed John talking very quietly and closely to another man right before he goes on and plays Pinball Wizard. Was this the first sign of him having fun with other men when Elton was indisposed?

Pinball Wizard is absolutely intense and loud and fun, but it DOES carry the tone of “god im SO miserable” under it all. You knew Elton wasn’t having fun.

“It is next week.” Jeezus.

LMAO I just caught the “mom, you’re ON my GOWN” when he reluctantly complies to give the Anderson’s a tour.

Damn, flowy, loose dress shirts with the first few buttons undone is a LOOOOK.

How did they do the overdose scene, you think? Surely the pills Taron took had to be like. Empty. Or placebo affect drugs? Idk. He did take a big drink directly after stuffing his mouth with them. I don’t think he spit them out.

God, there is SOMETHING symbolic about how he meets his child self at the bottom of the pool. Rock bottom? Apologizing? Wishing he could be better? Telling him he’ll never be better?

OH I watched a behind the scenes cut about the pool scene, and none of it was CGI. Taron was weighted under his robe and a SCUBA diver was on standby to provide oxygen. The singing and bubbles coming out of his mouth and stuff underwater was all real.

Dying to know about the choreography around the second chorus, about the undressing and twirling and dressing and injection and handing off of the bat and stuff. That sequence was incredible.

Bennie and the Jets. Damn. It fucks. I listened to it almost the entire time on my run today. (Five miles; I felt like garbage the entire time but it was good anyway.) The scene is wild. He’s in the middle of a drug induced haze orgy. He SHOULD be having the time of his life but he’s so goddamn miserable. (Also, the juxtaposition between Chris Fleming’s Bennie and the Jets is so funny.)

Part of the problem was that John never understood Elton. But, Elton broke it off with John, not the other way around like he said it was. He wasn’t the victim in that regard. John did treat him like shit though.

Victim of Love plays right after that lmao

Renate and he aren’t even close when they do the duet to don’t let the sun go down on me. They’re separated in different rooms, mirroring literally how closed off their relationship was.

The shot with them waking up in different rooms.. damn

His shirt is so LOUD I’m going crazy

Watching Taron down that orange juice made me a little nauseous I gotta say

“Not really I’m gAy”

It’s CRAZY to watch Elton and his mom interact at the dinner scene. He gets accosted and accused of so much by his mom, claiming SHE’S the victim of his actions, making it all about HER and then he turns around and does and says the exact same shit to Bernie.

He yells “Oh, don’t be so dramatic!” at Bernie as he gets into a taxi. THE PROJECTION!! THE DEFLECTION!!!!

I know there’s only so much they can put in two hours, but I wish they showed more of Elton’s eating issues. He had bulimia for sixteen years before he got help. It’s Absolutely the Man With Anorexia in me, but seeing that even men deal with eating disorders quells the lonely aching something in me. I feel that much less alone, you know. Eating disorders aren’t a “woman’s disease.”

How do you think they did his hair? A wig adds more hair, not take it away. He didn’t get his hair cut for it did he?

Seeing Elton’s first love fall apart because John was such a selfish, heartless prick in reality makes me sad.

Elton hugs his inner child when he reconciled with everyone in his past. Goddamn. He found peace and forgiveness for himself, who he was, even after all that time.

When Elton asks him not to go, Bernie refuses, saying this is something he had to do on his own. Healing comes from within alone. No one can help you do it. People can guide you, but you have to work at it. It’s fucking lonely sometimes, but it’s so, so worth it.

I used to loathe I’m Still Standing since i heard it so much at work, but the movie changed my entire perspective on it. I love the slow build up as he exits the rehab center. You don’t get thrown into something so happy and fast paced and fun after a cathartic climax you need to drink in. And the pan to his hat with the rainbow stripe to his smile. I get chills every time. Elton feels so right and secure and happy in himself. At first I thought it was a bit cheesy, but accepting your sexuality, especially after all the hell he went through during his life, grappling with unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment, he absolutely should wear it loud and proud. It’s easy to think times are much easier now being gay, and it shouldn’t be such a big deal. Relative to 1975, it is easier. But it doesn’t mean it’s not such a rough personal thing to work through if you’ve been spit on and resented all your life. Being gay, coming out, and accepting and being comfortable with that fact must’ve been such a HUGE milestone in Elton’s recovery and self-esteem.

Love me again after I’m still standing is perfect. The credits make me tear up every time. Jeez. What a good movie. What a good movie. Hit me up if you wanna talk about Rocketman because I absolutely will with you.

#like if you read pls #noah.txt #rocketman #elton john #rocket man #bernie taupin #richard madden #john reid

[wearethecyclones]

A Book Update!!!!!!

I’m one book away from my book-a-week goal and it’s been awhile, so it’s HIGH TIME for a book update fam. Under a cut because it’s 51 books long lmao

2019 (so far) Reads:

Always and Forever, Lara Jean - Jenny Han (3/5)

The Diviners - Libba Bray (5/5)

Winter of the Witch - Katherine Arden (150,000/5)

The Vanishing Stair (Truly Devious #2) - Maureen Johnson (4/5)

King of Scars - Leigh Bardugo (5/5)

The Prince and the Dressmaker - Jen Wang (5/5)

The Proposal - Jasmine Guillory (1/5)

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine (4/5)

The Witch Boy - Molly Knox Ostertag (4/5)

The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson (5/5)

They Both Die at the End - Adam Silvera  (4/5)

Inkmistress - Audrey Coulthurst (2/5)

The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt (5/5)

The Hidden Witch - Molly Ostertag (4.5/5, loved it)

The Queen of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner (5/5)

Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn (3/5)

The King of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner (5/5)

A Single Man - Charles Isherwood (4/5)

A Conspiracy of Kings - Megan Whalen Turner (5/5)

On a Sunbeam - Tillie Walden (4/5)

Milk and Honey - Rupi Kaur (1/5)

The Rise and the Fall of Dinosaurs - Stephen Brusatte (4/5)

Thick as Thieves - Megan Whalen Turner (5/5)

To Night Owl, From Dogfish - Holly Goldberg Sloan and Meg Wolitzer (4/5, SO SWEET.)

Red, White and Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston (4/5 but like 5/5 in my heart??? EVERYONE READ THIS, it’s so fun and queer and sweet and sexy lol)

Lair of Dreams (Diviners #2) - Libba Bray (5/5!!!)

SAGA Vol. 1 - Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (4/5, I stan forever send help)

Before the Devil Breaks You (Diviners #3) - Libba Bray (5/5 send HELP)

SAGA Vol. 2 - Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (4/5)

The Music Shop - Rachel Joyce (3/5)

Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng (5/5!!!!!!!)

SAGA Vol. 3 - Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (5/5)

Fence Vol. 1 - CS Pacat and Johanna the Mad (4/5, STAN FOREVER)

Spare and Found Parts - Sarah Maria Griffin (4/5)

Fence Vol. 2 - CS Pacat and Johanna the Mad (5/5 STAN!!!)

The Sky Fell on Splendor - Emily Henry (3.5/4)

A Study In Charlotte - Brittany Cavallaro (4/5)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid (5/5)

Sadie - Courtney Summers (5/5)

SAGA Book 2 (Volumes 4-6) - Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples (4/5)

The Last of August - Brittany Cavallaro (3/5 - which isn’t to say I don’t like this series or this book, it was just not strong enough for a 4/5)

Haikyu!! Vol. 1 - Haruichi Furudate (4/5, good weeb shit)

Fency Vol. 3 - CS Pacat and Johanna the Mad (5/5, big fan)

The Case for Jamie - Brittany Cavallaro (4/5)

Wilder Girls - Rory Power (5/5)

Haikyu!! Vol. 2 - Haruichi Furudate (3/5, good weeb shit)

American Panda - Gloria Chao (4/5)

The Raven Boys - Maggie Stiefvater (obvs 5/5 still, I’m preparing for Call Down the Hawk lmao)

Dream Thieves - Maggie Stiefvater (obvs!! 5/5 BTW this is the 5th time I’m reading this series)

The Trials of Apollo #4 - The Tyrant’s Tomb - Rick Riordan (4/5, stan for life)

Blue Lily, Lily Blue (5/5 lol)

To Be Read: (This is the fakest list of all time because it changes every time my idiot ass buys more gd books)

Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo (Current Read)

The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson

Other Words for Smoke - Sarah Maria Griffin

Wayward Son - Rainbow Rowell

Post Office - Charles Bukowski

The Raven King - Maggie Stiefvater

Call Down the Hawk - Maggie Stiefvater

Daisy Jones and the Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid

Severence - Ling Ma

The Odyssey or Iliad reread!!!! (LMFAO okay)

#book rec #book recs #bookblr

[purplesurveys]

507

Name everyone you know who... is Jewish: I don’t think I know anyone who is. Do people I don’t know personally count? ‘Cause the first Jewish person I thought about was Colt Cabana lmfao. is Christian: 92% of this entire country. is Atheist: Me. JM is also atheist I think. is of another religion: I had a classmate in high school who I heard quietly converted to Buddhism, but I was never close with her so I don’t know if that is true, and if she still is. I haven’t seen her since we graduated. has brown eyes: My sister probably has the brownest eyes out of all of us, but it’s still quite a dark shade.

has blue eyes: I doubt there’s anyone in my circle with this eye color. has green eyes: CM Punk? LMAO has another colored eyes: Almost everyone I know has black eyes. is between the ages of zero and five: My youngest cousin is turning 6 in December, but until then, he is 5. is between the ages of six and ten: My cousin Sam is definitely in that age range, I’m just not so sure what the exact age is. is between the ages of eleven and fifteen: Gabie’s sister is 14, turning 15 this November. is between the ages of sixteen and twenty: My sister (18, turning 19), Gabie’s other sister (16), my old busmates Yanna (18) and Lex (17). is between the ages of twenty-one and thirty: Me and almost all of my friends. A bunch of us were born in 1998, making us 21 years old; a handful are 1-3 years older, like JM (22), Jum and Aya (23). is older than thirty: Other than my parents, my internship supervisor. Not sure how old she is but she’s definitely between 30-40. is a morning person: My mom. It drives me crazy when she wants to get soooo much stuff done within the day since I’m more of a night owl and like it’s just not my schedule lol. is a night person: Me, and just about everyone in UP. is employed: One of the more senior members in my org, Toby, has a job. is unemployed: Everyone else I go to college with. works at the same place as you: I don’t work yet. is single: Laurice. Although we’re counting on her to get a boyfriend before she graduates, so she still has around two years to go. :)) is in a relationship: Jo, who is seeing Aya. is engaged: I have a high school classmate who posted a status about her boyfriend proposing to her many months ago. She hasn’t said anything about it since then so I dunno if they broke it off or nah.

is married: Uh...my parents. is widowed/divorced: The mom of one of my childhood friends is widowed. Her husband died from cancer a few years ago when their daughter and I were in high school, if I remember right. is pregnant: My class adviser from senior year in high school. I know she’s in her 40s, so it was a really pleasant surprise when she announced her pregnancy. has kids: My dog, hahaha. has no kids: My friends in college. has brown hair: Agatha dyed her hair brown a while back.  has blonde hair: Gabie had blonde tips until just recently. She had them cut off last week, so now she’s back to having black hair. has natural red hair: No one I know. has black hair: Aya. has their hair dyed an unnatural color: Everyone I know who has unnaturally-colored hair had it dyed, because Filipinos only have black hair unless they’re half-something. is good at singing: Hannah is a born superstar tbh. I know Ed and Laurice sing too. is good at dancing: Dianne. She’s a high school batchmate who was always the best dancer from our class. She’s a member of the Streetdance Club in my uni now. is good at drawing: Aya! She’s our go-to editorial cartoonist in the org. Angela too, and my sister. is good at painting: Gabie and her youngest sister. My sister’s really good too. She also has a classmate I follow on Twitter, and she’ll post her paintings from time to time, all of which are amazing. is good at acting: Gabie. She was president of the theatre club in high school. is good at writing: Me? Hahahaha gotta flex my own talent too :(( is good at guitar: Gabie’s younger sister. I swear those siblings have the most amazing set of talents. is good at piano: My cousin Luke has been playing the piano for as long as I can remember. His grandma (my great-aunt) also knows how to play and they have a grand piano in their house, so he must have picked it up from her. is good at drums: Denise, a classmate from high school. She was the drummer for my batch’s band. is good in another instrument: JM plays the violin. He’s still a rusty here and there, but can play a tune nonetheless. is athletic/sporty: Hans, Angela’s boyfriend. He plays basketball with his friends all the time. is into fitness and going to the gym: Gabie has a gym membership, but she’s not super obsessed with fitness. smokes cigarettes: Mik, an orgmate of mine. He has always extremely smelled like cigarettes the few times I’ve seen him and I honestly have to step away from him every time :/ smokes weed: I know Danika has had weed brownies. does shrooms: Not anyone I know in real life...I think. does other drugs: Can’t name anyone I know, buddy. drinks often: JM will have moods where he will buy a whole bottle of gin or whatever alcohol he’s feeling at the moment for himself and drink it all in his room, but he’s not an alcoholic hahahaha. doesn't drink: My eldest cousin from my mom’s side. His dad is a horrible alcoholic, so it’s understandable why he avoids it at all costs. doesn't do drugs [not even weed]: Me. is emo/goth/scene/alternative: I uhh...don’t know anyone who identifies as this since probably 2011 at the latest... is preppy/popular: KATE without a shadow of a damn doubt. doesn't fall in either of those stereotypes: Aya. has cats: My tita has multiple cats. It’s her business, but she also loves those cats to death and pampers them. has dogs: Gabie’s family has four dogs, but I only get to see Harley since the other three aren’t behaved all that well. JM has two dogs, Mika and Alley. has other animals: Michelle has a bird named Moonmoon, but I don’t know what kind of bird it is. A girl I used to be friends with in high school (she was from a different school) had a pet snake. has no pets: Jo. is vegan: @badsurveyshit​! is vegetarian: Not sure if I know someone. Filipinos are obsessed with their meat. is on some other diet: The same tita with a bunch of cats is on a keto diet. has no diet/dietary restrictions: ME is lactose intolerant: Also me. But I still have milk and other dairy stuff because yum haha. has/had cancer: My great-aunt died from cancer. My old Filipino teacher had thyroid cancer, but she beat it. is bipolar: Edi, a friend of mine. is depressed: Me, I guess. plays videogames: My sister, my dad, my kuya, Gabie. loves to read: LAURICE. It’d be such a shame if I went with someone other than Laurice. got a GED: We don’t use that here. never graduated highschool: One of my friends’ mom. graduated college/got a degree: Both my parents, and all of my friends who graduated before me, e.g. Kate, Aya, Luisa, Jane. is or has been enrolled in beauty school: I don’t know anyone. makes YouTube videos: Ricel, my sister’s classmate from high school. She seems like such a sweet and nice person so when she started her channel a few weeks ago, I was more than happy to support her. is white: My uncle from New Zealand (unrelated; he married my mom’s cousin / my aunt). is black: I have a mutual friend from high school who’s half-black, half-brown. His dad, if I remember correctly, is from Nigeria. is Asian: Literally everyone I know!!!!!!!!!! is Hispanic: I don’t know anyone in real life but one of my favorite wrestlers, AJ, is Puerto Rican. is of another race: Everyone I follow on this Tumblr :)) is into photography: Reiven. likes rock: Rick, I think? The few times his earphones were blaring his music too loud it was always hard rock. likes metal: I dunno if I still know any metal fans nowadays. likes pop: Hannah. likes hiphop/rap/R&B: Hans. And all the other kids in uni who think they’re white. likes KPop: JM and Jum. likes country music: No one I know. likes jazz: Gabie and me. likes classical music: Sofie. When I was driving us to Batangas a few weeks ago for a beach getaway, she was in control of the car music and she briefly played stuff from her classical music playlist :(((( I was shookt at first but I liked the music anyway, so I didn’t tell her to change it. is a male: My dad. is a female: Me. is non-binary: Gabie’s editor from this website she’s a part of. is trans: Mac, from high school. He was formerly Maica, but he started going by Mac once he graduated. is straight: Laurice. is gay: Gabie. is bi: Patrice. lives on the eastern half of the USA: My Tito Rocky, who lives in New York. My Tito Raffy is also from New York.  lives on the western half of the USA: Aubrey, Rielle, Norielle, Margeauxe. All originally from elementary/high school, but eventually migrated. lives in a different country: My Tita Pia and her husband, who is the one I listed under the “is white” portion of this survey. They live in Vietnam, but they used to live in New Zealand. is blind/visually impaired: I had a classmate from my History of Southeast Asia class who is legally blind. He has this device he puts on his eye to be able to read our professor’s slides. is deaf/hearing impaired: I don’t know anyone IRL. is in a wheelchair or disabled: One of my orgmates’ mom is in a wheelchair. is austitic/retarded/has learning disbilities: My Tita Bianca. is very thin: Aya. is overweight: Gabie is a few pounds overweight.

#survey #surveys

[misszarves]

timeline of my spiral for anyone who wants to laugh react

july 2019: hit a wall with sleep deprivation, anemia, gut problems and probably plain burnout, started having conflicts with my boss especially around my lateness (our workday started at 5:00 AM, he refused to simply write me up or suspend me but instead wanted to “talk about it” and this became extremely intrusive and uncomfortable fast)

also july: had my first encounter with an animal in a sticky trap, outside my apartment, a bird who I was able to rescue

also july: quit that job, went back to the golf course to bartend a couple of days a week

august: moved back in with my parents as a result of my changed employment situation

late august: read that shockingly graphic article in the NYT about child porn that some of you may remember (do I need to put a trigger warning or can y’all use common sense and refrain from looking it up). sharp spike in anxiety, making it worse than it had been in six or seven years

september: picked up more hours at the golf course, was able to make some investments in myself -- a new sewing machine and some singing lessons. had my two-year cake. 

mid-october: found out I was pregnant. on a friday (K, not J, was the father -- some people do ask). made the quick decision to have an abortion but was unable to get in touch with any abortion provider until the middle of the following week (due to phone/email tag, etc), giving me enough time to start Feeling Things about the pregnancy

november: continuing to live with my parents and work full-time as a bartender, succumbed to angst and anxiety as expected -- but family, friends and coworkers with the glaring exception of my mom (who still pretends she didn’t even know I was pregnant, lol) were very supportive. for a brief period, we settled on keeping the baby, and told my dad and picked godparents. when I changed my mind again, my boyfriend was devastated. that pretty much hasn’t changed

late november: in a last-ditch attempt to fend off the crushing dread, I took a trip north to see a friend and her husband (to be clear, I would have visited them anyway lmfao). it helped a little. on the way back, I stopped to see some of my mother’s cousins, who tried to rope me into a pyramid scheme.

november 28: abortion day! my aunt took me to the clinic and then out for burgers. while we were eating, one of the cooks, who my aunt knew, fell off a ladder and onto his back.

first two weeks following the abortion: the normal feel-like-shit-no-matter-how-secure-you-were-in-your-decision period

dec 3: relapsed! 

dec 3 onwards: since the relapse went on for about three months, I can’t nail down when that “two week” period actually ended. pregnancy hormones resulted in waves of anger and teariness, but no satisfying “mourning”. I drank more heavily than I ever did before, routinely got shitfaced or even blacked out while on shift. I told people about the relapse, but the actual inebriation mostly went unnoticed.

christmas eve: after convincing J to come spend christmas with my family, got drunk again, we got in some sort of argument. I don’t remember.

christmas morning: J left as soon as possible.

the blurry period between christmas and mid-January 2020: 

more drinking at work, and a peak in the mouse and rat problem my workplace had been managing badly for several months. saw and heard three tiny, dying, bloody mice on two separate sticky traps (two different days). on a slow ~pasta night~, knocked back a couple of drinks so I could ask one of the cooks at the pasta buffet to leave his post and euthanize the second and third mouse. which he did as humanely as possible -- with a shovel. at this point I wrote a letter to my GM telling him how unacceptable it was to make his hormonal, post-abortive employees deal with sentient animals in their dying agonies, and could he please come up with a different pseudo-solution. about a week later, he came up to me and, with great diplomacy and tact, told me to shove it up my ass.

powdered bait laced with rat poison was placed on the floor in and around the bar and kitchen. I called the health inspector, who brought the hammer down on both the poison and the sticky traps. the poison was cleaned up (part of that job went to yours truly, with no protection) as were some but not all of the sticky traps

I developed a small crush on a long-time coworker (cook #1) who began behaving in what I assumed was meant to be a flirtatious way (eye-fucking, going out of his way to talk to me in a way he hadn’t before, etc). this included some pointed questions about my mental health (the abortion and the relapse were public information at this point). bizarrely, he refused to tell me anything personal about himself. he started dating one of the banquet girls. he eventually told a mutual friend (cook #2, and our shovel-killer from above) that he “got [a] vibe” that I “wanted to fuck” but (as cook #2 gleefully reported to me) made a face and expressed disgust at the possibility of ever being involved with me in that way. (WHY ASK ME ABOUT MY FUCKING ABORTION THEN, YOU WEIRDO)

cook #2 started trying to fuck me. I did not reciprocate. he then told me he thought I was a “six” and that he wasn’t interested. a few weeks later he tried to fuck me again

early january 2020: got both a yeast infection and bacterial vaginal infection

january 6: J had a grand mal seizure on my kitchen floor. I had never seen a seizure and the tremors were so severe that my dad, who had seen many, thought he may also have been having a stroke (turned out, just a seizure). he was hospitalized overnight and kicked to the curb -- but the process was begun to get him back into rehab

january 7 (?): employee gift exchange at work. I was on shift and wasn’t participating, but there weren’t a lot of customers and my coworkers asked me to come join them. there were five-gallon buckets of old sangria to which we were given unlimited access (and remember that I was the bartender, so I took the trips to the fridge and back). I blacked out. cook #2 called my mother and I vaguely recall getting in her van.

the days following that “party”: cook #2 and several other coworkers told me I “didn’t seem that drunk,” ie was not a horrible embarrassment. however, cook #2 told me that I’d made out with him. then I started to hear rumours that I and a third cook (cook #3) had disappeared for half an hour to “go have sex”. let me be graphic for a moment: I was wearing a panty-liner that night because the spotting from the abortion hadn’t stopped, I had a yeast infection, and I hadn’t trimmed my pubic hair in about a month -- no matter how drunk I was, I cannot see myself agreeing to take my pants off around a random coworker. someone told me that I had a cheeseburger in my hand when we disappeared and was still eating it when she saw me again so she doesn’t think anything happened -- but I was suspiciously sore the next day. was it the yeast infection or was I sexually assaulted? I don’t know because I was blacked out and I never asked cook #3

january 10: actual staff holiday party. cook #3 introduced me to his long-time girlfriend. we all smiled and shook hands.

mid-january: mac miller’s circles album dropped. I decided I wanted to live. I continued to drink until the end of february, but stayed sober for much longer periods between much shorter binges

late january: I put in my two-weeks’ notice at the golf course and borrow some money from my dad. stinky came to live with us.

february 1: k, stinky and me moved into a small house my parents’ church is renting

most of february: fighting, gossiping, and faction-forming in my AA homegroup, culminated in a member being expelled and a series of “group conscience” meetings which involved yelling, fighting and crying. a relatively new arrival to our group (but a longtimer in the program) started to power-grab, which wouldn’t have fazed me except that she started openly singling me out as a “newcomer” whose vote did not count. this despite other members relapsing in the same period I did, and said power-grabber having been in attendance at my fucking cake five months previous. things got awkward.

mid-february: J went back to rehab

also mid-february: I got pulled over driving drunk in washington state. ironically, the confidence and ease I got from the alcohol kept me from being rude and short with the officer as I usually am, and he told me in a very friendly way that the speed limit would increase by 10 mph a little further down the highway, so perhaps I was confused, and I should take care out there. no ticket. a sign from god?

also mid-february: I got formally assessed for ADHD and tried ritalin for the first time. this did not end up working out.

mid-february: I was invited to dinner by the much older man who does the irrigation on the golf course, through one of the gardeners, a woman a few years younger than me with an established father-daughter type relationship with the irrigation guy. the three of us ate dinner at his house, and she proceeded to pass out from drinking too much. irrigation guy took the opportunity to feel me up.

end of february: I took my last drink and decided to start applying for jobs

also end of february: my ADHD symptoms as well as my anxiety began to spike, throwing a wrench in my resume-writing and hand-shaking plans

march: something else threw a wrench in my hand-shaking plans, as it did with all of yours. it goes without saying that I have been terribly anxious. the upside is that I know for certain that the abortion was the right idea.

also march: I switched to vyvanse and began to see better results.

mid-march, at the very beginning of shut-downs where I live: I see irrigation guy again and he takes the opportunity to pat my ass. 

end of march: J relapsed in rehab, was discharged and will see at least a ninety-day delay in his plan to complete the program and then get into secondary housing. he was briefly hospitalized, during which time the doctors did so little for him that he would have literally been just as well off in a drunk tank. service canada lost some of his paperwork so he still doesn’t have his medical EI money.

yesterday: J moved into my shed. he spoke to his counsellor, who will try to get him into a recovery house. I am confident that some things, particularly his EI money, will work out very soon. but whatever happens I have felt a reduction in the second-hand stress. as I said, and now he agrees: it’s a pretty nice shed.

[thisdaynews]

Wimbledon junior champion Noah Rubin on improving mental health in tennis

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/wimbledon-junior-champion-noah-rubin-on-improving-mental-health-in-tennis/

Wimbledon junior champion Noah Rubin on improving mental health in tennis

Noah Rubin (centre) has captured the stories of Grand Slam finalists Bianca Andreescu, Petra Kvitova and Madison Keys (top row), comedian Miranda Hart and LMFAO singer Redfoo (middle row), plus British players Heather Watson, Cameron Norrie and Katie Swan (bottom row)

Recently crowned US Open champion Bianca Andreescu speaks of “feeling worthless” as she struggled to cope with the attention of being a rising teenage star.

Former Grand Slam finalist Madison Keys reveals an eating disorder left her living off three low-calorie bars a day.

British player Katie Swan talks about the impact of her coach’s son falling through a glass window and needing life-saving surgery.

Mental health issues. Sexuality. Financial worries. Leaving home for the first time. Death.

American player Noah Rubin, the 2014 Wimbledon junior champion seeking to fulfil his promise on the ATP Tour, is giving his fellow professionals a platform to open up – whatever the subject.

His Behind The Racquet project, inspired by Humans of New York – a revealing photoblog of the city’s residents now tracked by millions of social media users worldwide, sees current players, former players and celebrity fans including British comedian Miranda Hart pose behind the strings of a racquet.

Accompanying the striking image is an emotive personal story.

“This has never really been done before, something that shows what these people, who are thought of as having perfect lives or doing really well because they are professional players, are really going through,” Rubin tells BBC Sport.

“You really get an understanding of what they’re going through on a day-to-day basis, what their thought process is, what their mentality is, how they are feeling, how their family is, just how difficult tennis is.”

Rubin, 23, is determined to influence change in a sport which he says is “very tough on the body and the mind”.

Belgian player Alison van Uytvanck, in a post published earlier this month, gives a candid insight into the low self-esteem she felt as a youngster when she was bullied at training camps because of her ginger hair.

“I never felt so alone, having no friends and unable to really talk to parents,” she says. “I had no-one to lean on for help and found myself crying in my room day after day.”

Rubin believes a fundamental overhaul of the game is needed to help improve the mental wellbeing of the players, while he also says more support pathways need to be opened up.

Improved access to psychologists and the creation of outreach programmes for youngsters, where a former professional is easily contactable to offer advice, is a key strategy outlined by Rubin.

“The seasons are way too long, the matches are too long, it is not fan-friendly, it is not promotable, it is not TV-friendly. There are so many issues,” Rubin says.

“I think we are a little scared of making true fundamental changes – but we have to.”

The ATP Tour’s 2020 season begins on 2 January with the newly launched ATP Cup, starting just six weeks after some of the world’s leading male players took part in the inaugural Davis Cup finals.

Top female players have a slightly longer break – the season-opening Brisbane International on 6 January comes two months after the WTA Finals finished.

While men’s five-set matches are now reserved for Grand Slams and the Olympic final, the length of matches has still prompted plenty of debate.

Tentative attempts to introduce shorter formats of the game have been made – notably with first-to-four-games sets at the ATP NextGen finals and the creation of the Tie Break Tens events, but are yet to break through on the main ATP and WTA Tours.

Uniform change is difficult, however, with seven governing bodies – the ITF, ATP, WTA and four Grand Slams – rarely pulling in the same direction.

“We’re at a time where we have to break down the sport of tennis, invest, take a hit for a year or two and bring the sport to a place to where it has never been before,” Rubin says.

The WTA says the health and safety of its players – physical and mental – are its “number one priority”.

“The WTA has a comprehensive sports science and medicine and athlete assistance support system in place, which is staffed by experienced and expert therapists within the WTA,” it said in a statement.

“The WTA provides extensive resources and education to [help] players manage the challenges professional athletes may face, such as performing under pressure, international travel, managing health, public scrutiny, public commentary and ‘growing up’ in the public eye.”

The WTA added that players can receive individual counselling and support if needed from qualified mental health care providers, both at WTA tournaments and remotely.

The ATP said it was “continually looking to build on its duty of care towards its players” and had recently carried out a review of this area with players, team members and industry experts.

In a statement, the ATP said: “Tournament physicians and physiotherapists on the ATP Tour are in continual contact with players and their support teams throughout the year. In cases where a player were to express psychological concerns, we have an infrastructure that would refer them to the appropriate consultant.

“In situations where ATP physios and tournament physicians are concerned about a player’s mental, emotional and psychological health, we would recommend that the player seek treatment and assist in the initiation of the appropriate care.”

‘I had dark times. This sport isn’t conducive to happiness’

Passionate, articulate and determined to influence change, Rubin speaks from the heart.

Around the time of this year’s French Open, he almost stopped playing a sport to which he has dedicated most of his life. As an 11-year-old, he was said to have been described as “one of the most talented players” fellow New Yorker John McEnroe had come across.

“I didn’t know whether I was going to stop for good or just some real time off. I was telling my family and friends that I just don’t want to play the sport any more,” Rubin remembers.

“I wasn’t happy – the sport isn’t conducive to happiness. I don’t know if I want to throw the word depressed around, but at moments I felt like that.

“I was really thinking this was the end and the last time I was going to hit a tennis ball competitively.”

What changed for the world number 212 was spending less time on court, addressing his work-life balance and rediscovering the fun which made him enjoy tennis in the first place.

Rubin moved back to New York from Florida, practised about an hour a day, and then qualified for Wimbledon where he missed out on a third-round meeting with Roger Federer by losing to British youngster Jay Clarke.

Rubin repeatedly makes it clear he still loves the sport, and believes a change of focus – he talks of his love for fashion and photography, as well as still having time for Netflix and HBO – can enable him to crack the world’s top 50 next year.

“I started to figure out that it is far more important to put happiness on a pedestal rather than spend eight hours on a court,” he concludes.

“I had dark times where I didn’t know if I was going to make it out as a tennis player.

“This world of Behind The Racquet has opened up my eyes, it has given me another passion and helped take some pressure of the world of tennis.

“Now I understand it is far more important to be happy.”

Rubin pauses as he recalls one story, which he says still gives him “chills”.

“It was Jolene Watanabe, who was a top-100 player and played in the Grand Slams in the 1990s. She had cancer, was in remission, and I thought she was going to make it.

“Then I got a message from her husband on Instagram saying ‘I just want you to know she is saying her final goodbyes right now and it would be very much appreciated if you could post her story’.

“To hear that they’re going through something where she’s not going to make it and he was thinking he wanted me to post her story on Behind The Racquet so people could know about it, be a part of it and inspire them… it leaves me speechless.

“To have that kind of impact was something I could not have fathomed, especially this early on, and that’s why I keep pushing on.”

Jolene Watanabe, who famously beat Jennifer Capriati at the 1997 Australian Open, had her story posted by Behind The Racquet on 2 May this year. She died on 22 June.

How it began… and what next?

It was during a sleepless night after arriving home from Australia that Rubin formulated the concept of Behind The Racquet.

After inspiration struck at 3am, he acquired the name of his new project on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Within three days he had posted for the first time.

Ten months later, Behind The Racquet has about 35,000 followers across the three platforms, along with a podcast and clothing range as Rubin aims to build the brand.

The next phase is already being worked on, with Rubin aiming to link-up with Talkspace, an online therapy platform which boasts legendary American swimmer Michael Phelps as an ambassador, and the National Association of Mental Illness, as he looks to set up mental health camps for players and perhaps film a docu-series.

Sharing the stories of the sport’s biggest names – Rubin hopes seven-time Grand Slam singles champion Venus Williams and US Open runner-up Daniil Medvedev will feature before the end of the year – is another target.

“Not only are many in a sport where they can’t make money, they’re in a sport where you don’t win very often, so they’re combining failure on the court with failure financially,” Rubin says.

“What I’m really trying to do is pave a way for people that, in five or 10 years from now, are saying ‘this is better because of Behind The Racquet’.”

Noah Rubin launched Behind The Racquet with a post on 19 January where he revealed his “most daunting fear” was letting down family and friends

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#Health #mental

[acenancy]

bending too far backwards to say i didn’t try

Fandom: American Gods Pairing: Mad Wife Rating: Idk, T?

AN: Anyway, I misunderstood the prompt physical hurt/comfort from an anon and wrote this for them. Like, i 100% misread the ask lmfao I’m sorry. Also, this is just kind of pointless banter? But whatever, I wrote this at work (shh) and it’s half-assed, anyway. I owe you a proper one, anon!

(ao3)

It's twenty below in Michigan and the ice cream truck's AC is blasting. Sweeney shivers in the passenger seat, body shaking, teeth chattering, glaring at Laura with enough heat it could melt the snow bank they've crashed into.

She doesn't pay him any mind. Her attention is glued to a point in the distance, to a beacon of something Sweeney has yet to see for himself. Laura calls it Shadow and love and her newfound reason for living. Sweeney calls it a pain in his ass, and that’s on the good days. On bad days, Laura pinches his lips between her fingers so hard he can't speak ill of anyone, much less her husband, for the next two weeks.

"We can walk there," says Laura, still fixated on the horizon. "It'll only take, what? 6 hours?"

"You're out of your skull if you think I'm leaving this ice cream truck to prance through a fucking blizzard."

"If we don't, we're stuck here. All night. Probably all of tomorrow. Until this snow clears. Do you get how much time we'll be wasting?"

"Oh, I get it.” Sweeney tugs the blankets swaddled around his body tighter. “I got it when you insisted your puppy needed us to go after him again,” he snarls. “I got it when you turned the air on in the dead of winter because you felt the meat sliding off your bones. I get that you have no regard for my life whatso-fucking-ever. But this, I refuse to get. Walk your six hours in this hell storm all you want, Dead Wife. I’m staying here.”

"You're such a fucking wimp," Laura sighs. She falls against the back of the driver’s seat, her fight on the backburner for now. "It's not even that cold."

"Tell that to my snowballs."

One of Laura's eyes gets stuck in its socket when she rolls them at him. Casually, she pulls it back into place with her pointer finger.

"Why are you in such a hurry this time, anyway?" asks Sweeney. "It’s not as though this is anything new. Your husband is always in trouble as long as he's Wednesday's man.”

Sweeney doesn't expect Laura to answer. Snow falls heavy against the windshield in the silence that follows, obscuring the gray winter light of day and Laura's Beacon of Bull until all they can see is a blanket of white. She does speak though, eventually, quietly. "Because I feel…a shiver."

Sweeney's eyes flicker to Laura's chest where she keeps his coin, the only thing animating her corpse.

Laura feels her bones grinding to dust; she feels her skin disintegrating like wet toilet paper and her hair whisping away; she feels the maggots and bile eating away at her organs; she feels formaldehyde sitting heavy in her veins. Not air swirling in her lungs or blood pumping from her heart or every other sensation humans take for granted.

Laura does not feel what a living person feels. Laura does not shiver.

"A shiver," Sweeney parrots, disbelieving.

"Or, like, I'm about to shiver and can't," Laura elaborates. "Like my skin is aching to shake one off."

"Are you saying you feel cold?" Sweeney slips his hand out from the pile of blankets he's buried himself beneath, pointing viciously at the AC. "Because I’ll fuckin’ tell ya why you’re cold-”

Laura turns the air off so hard she snaps the knob off the console. She throws it onto Sweeney’s lap where not even the blankets can cushion the blow to his groin.

“You bitch,” he wheezes.

“Take me seriously,” she demands. Sweeney doesn't make another peep, so Laura continues. "I know I'm feeling whatever the hell this is,” she gestures to her body as if there’s anything interesting to see other than a woman who should be six feet below the dirt, “because of Shadow. Anytime I feel anything it's because of him."

She says this simply, matter of fact; the same way you would say “alternate side parking is in effect for today.” Sweeney doesn’t think Laura realizes the weight of what she says most of the time. He does, because it sits heavy in his gut, dragging it to his knees without his permission. It feels a little like anger or disappoint or longing. Maybe it feels something like missing your chance.

Or being in love with a dead girl.

Same thing.

Sweeney clears his throat, schooling his features into some semblance of unbothered. “Okay,” he drawls, “and how do you know something bad is happening to your husband?”

“I dunno. Is shivering a good feeling or a bad feeling?”

“Uncomfortable, mostly. Are you sure your husband isn’t just a tad chilly? That he’s forgotten to close the refrigerator, perhaps?”

“It’s a bad feeling, asshole.”

“Debatable. But fine, I suppose it isn’t particularly pleasant.”

Laura’s nostrils flare. A centipede curiously pokes his head from one’s depths with the motion. Furiously, Laura yanks it out, throwing it on the floor at Sweeney’s feet. She pulls her bony legs up to her chest then, wrapping her arms around them and rolling her head to stare out the frost covered driver’s side window.

Sweeney conks his head against his headrest, cursing his immortal mortal flesh for not being able to withstand the cold for her. Then he curses Laura for making him curse himself in the first place. But as much as he loathes the notion, if he could, Sweeney would help Laura climb Mount Everest in a speedo and flip-flops if Shadow were at the top, only because she’d want to.

And it’s always about what Laura wants, isn’t it? She wants to feel again, so they go after Shadow; she wants to come back to life, so they track down the goddess of rebirth; she wants to set Salim free so they steal a fucking ice cream truck. This journey was never about helping her husband – it was about hunting him down across this American wasteland in the off-chance Shadow could make her heart beat again. Then, when Sweeney promised her resurrection, it was about finding the queen who could breathe life back into her veins. Now they’re back to square one, chasing the scraps Shadow leaves her, and it still is not about him. Laura never loved Shadow; she only loves what he does for her.

They’re both dumb fucking suckers, in Sweeney’s opinion, but he’s still the dick hanging on for the ride.

"You can go, if you gotta," Sweeney tells her. "I'll hold down the soft serve while you're gone."

"No. I'm not going to leave you," Laura tells him. Always, such heavy words thrown around light as rice at a wedding. Then, "I don't trust you won't steal my truck."

Sweeney shoots Laura a severely unimpressed side eye and catches her running hands up and down her biceps, trying and failing to rub heat into her arms. It’s not possible for her to actually be cold, he knows, but nonetheless, Sweeney finds himself staring, waiting for goose bumps to rise along her skin, for any indication she could possibly be regaining some likeness of life.

Nothing.

It’s pointless, the hoping and waiting and pretending he doesn’t long to touch her icy dead flesh, so Sweeney decides to fuck it all and hold open his blankets. “Get under if you’re so shivery,” he tells Laura, and doesn’t even bother sounding like he doesn’t want her to.

She barely spares him a glance before looking back out the window. “I’m married,” she reminds him.

“Never stopped you before.”

She snorts. “I’m dead.”

“Do I look like a fucking necrophiliac to you?”

Amusement flickering in her eyes, Laura returns her attention to him with a slick smirk.

“Don’t answer that,” snaps Sweeney. “Just get under the damn blankets.”

“I’ll only make you colder,” Laura warns him.

“You won’t,” he lies. Then, because she’s hesitating, he adds “as long as that godforsaken air conditioner stays off.”

Bored of his complaints, Laura only blinks in response. Then she climbs from her seat to his, jabbing him with her blade sharp elbows and pushing him halfway off the seat to make room for herself.

Annoyed, Sweeney huffs into her hair, ignoring the smell of death in his nose, and wraps his arms around her middle. Holding her is the equivalent of hugging a block of ice, but something in his chest heats and melts, and he’s never felt warmer in all the centuries he’s been alive.

Laura curls into him, short legs thrown across his lap, arms folded against his chest, and rest her head against his fast beating heart. She places her hand over it, staring at the spot with something like longing. “Let’s just go to sleep,” she whispers. “We have a long way to walk tomorrow.”

“Perun strike my down if I’m walking in this shit.”

Through the fabric of his shirt, Sweeney can feel Laura’s cracked lips break into a smile. He watches her veiny eyelids flutter shut against him.

“Don’t be a little bitch,” she murmurs to his heart.

#american gods #mad wife #mad wife fanfiction #american gods fanfiction #madwife #madwife fanfiction #mine

[speaknowslut13]

Dearest Lauren!

I had a message partway typed up this morning and then I had to sprint after my landlord (who I’ve been trying to track down for like six weeks about renewing my lease) and by the time I got that sorted out, tumblr had refreshed, so back to the drawing board!

I love your photos, thank you so much for sharing them! 💖 your wedding dress is gorgeous and you both look so happy 🥺 I also love your husband’s teal shirt and the flower choices! The sea looks so beautiful, ugh I miss her! 😫

That’s a really tough situation to be in with the brother in law, I’m sorry you had to go through that! It’s so important to do the things that are right for *you* though and it sounds like getting married when you did was the right choice, despite the bil. Would you ever want to do like a vow renewal ceremony at some point to have that celebration or is that something that matters to you anymore?

I’m sorry to hear about your father in law and your grandmother. Expecting a difficult thing never makes it easier when it happens. I hope the project is bringing you peace and that it’s been something nice to do with your mom! My gram is not doing well lately, we recently found out that her cancer returned, so that’s been really hard because I’m not able to see her. My sister visits a lot though so we video chat often.

I can definitely appreciate that! Family is tricky as it is, let alone when extended family gets brought into it. When I was in my teens and really not getting along with my parents (for a variety of reasons lol) my best friends mom told me to “avoid optional trauma,” so I really try to be deliberate and have firm boundaries with my interactions with a lot of my family.

I love your poem! “And I watched my heart be sold” is such a pretty line. Tell me more about the folklore musical 👀👀👀 that’s a very intriguing idea to me.

Okay cool! I personally prefer puzzle games, and I never really got into Pokémon, but I have a bunch of friends who play. What’s your favorite character?

Vancouver is totally cool! I adore the PNW and I love coast so much. Plus it’s close to Seattle, which is easily my favorite US city. Lots of cool museums and cool music!

Understandable! I’m hoping that some of the things we’ve seen appear throughout the pandemic, like zoom, asynchronous classes, and open note/book tests will remain more of the norm so that people who can’t be in a traditional classroom setting can still access an education. Though sitting in front of a computer all day does have its drawbacks too 😅 the fashion design program sounds super interesting, what kind of classes did you take for it?

I mean I don’t think that acknowledging and honoring the hard stuff and the struggles takes away from the good stuff and it definitely doesn’t make you ungrateful because bad stuff is just a fact of life sometimes.

I also have a bunch of plants! 🪴 my collection makes me so happy and makes the place feel so nice. (I also named them all last year during the lockdown lmfao, do your plants have names?)

It’s crazy to me to watch everything happening in the US, because stuff is still very strict here, like we’re required to wear FFP2 masks and restaurants only recently reopened for in person dining, and you can only go if you show your vaccine card or a negative test. Testing is super easy and free here, I’ve been tested almost every other day since like January when we resumed partial in person teaching. I really feel for all the little ones this year, it was horrible for my students (who are high schoolers), I can’t imagine what it’s like for the under 10s! But I agree, health & safety is the most important thing, even if it’s difficult. Ugh. Hoping that more people in the US get vaccinated and that the vaccine becomes more accessible around the rest of the world too.

Do you have a comfort movie? I’m particularly attached to Coraline and the Labyrinth with David Bowie haha.

Have you heard Lorde’s new song yet?? It’s all over my dash but I haven’t found an audio yet. I’m so excited!! Halsey would definitely be amazing, and I’m super stoked because I got my chemical romance tickets today for their tour next summer!!

Hope you’ve been having an amazing week! Xoxo 💖 Drew

Hey Drew!

I wrote that poem after a situation I was in that made me feel powerless. So that’s actually my favorite line, too. I had to write a villanelle structured poem for a class and I chose that subject. I don’t know anymore how accurate to the format it is, but it’s still one of my better pieces.

Someday, Chase and I would love to do a vow renewal. We originally wanted to do one on our five year mark. We are aiming for ten, though. I’ve also just accepted that it may not ever happen. There aren’t many people in my life I’d invite. Mostly immediate family and our best friends. I don’t associate with any extended family that’s still living anymore. We will see what happens, though.

I’m sorry your Gram isn’t well. I’ve seen too many of my loved ones struggle with cancer. It’s a viscous disease. So, I will be sending out love and strength to you and your family.

I’m a charmander girl, generally. I love doing puzzle type games too. Although, I can get a little too hyper fixated on them, so I don’t play puzzle games too often.

I named my succulents, too. They are: Belinda, Amadeus, Steve, And Mimi. I have another one I haven’t named yet. No name has really stuck yet.

I like Solar Power! I heard it yesterday. It’s got this great 60’s vibe. It’s more quiet than I was expecting but still so upbeat.

One of my favorite movies is the Princess Bride. It’s quotable and sweet.

Folklore the Musical was an idea I had when I was listening to the album one day. Even though the songs aren’t all interconnected, they can be. They can tell this story of love lost and found. It was a silly idea that I shared.

The fashion program was a lot of art and design classes. You had to take basics like color theory. We also had to take some business and marketing classes. The latter half of the degree was mostly illustration and construction. Construction included things like pattern making. By the end of the program you would have a collection and portfolio you had to present. I was halfway through it when I got pregnant. I was just starting to get into pattern making and illustration. I was excited to take some of the more advanced technique classes and specialty classes. It was easy for me but a lot of work. My pregnancy was not smooth sailing, and like I said my health took a nose dive. I tried to come back after my pregnancy but my health wasn’t stable enough to handle it. Then the school closed. So now I’m stuck with debt and no degree 🤷‍♀️. Sucks but oh well.

I never asked, but what are your pronouns? I was telling Chase about my new friend and I realized I didn’t know them. If you don’t want to share, that’s fine too! Mine are she/her, though.

I hope you got your lease all sorted out! And I hope your week has been going well. ❤️

#themodrenreplies #inthaf anon

[theonewhereiramble]

The One with the Second Survey

I’m super bored and procrastinating lol

50 (yes fifty!!) Things You've Never Been Asked.... Let's see how interesting my life ISN'T LMFAO

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? - current one is purple

2. Name someone who made you smile today? - the lovely ladies I met tonight at the running club I joined!

3. What were you doing at 8 am? - sleeping

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? - running with new friends.

5. What is your favorite candy bar? - umm, honestly I don’t know. I like reese’s pieces or fruity candy really.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? - yes lol

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? - Hiiiiiii (to my cat because she screams hi from down stairs)

8. What is your favorite ice cream? - cookie dough

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? - water

10. Do you like your wallet? - I do. 

11. What was the last thing you ate? - ummm rice and kielbasa stir fry thing I made

12. Did you buy any new clothes this weekend? - no.

13. The last sporting event you watched? - um I don’t even know to be honest.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? - just butter. I don’t like flavoring on popcorn.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? - Becca

16. Ever go camping? - oh yes. I love it.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? - nope. I sometimes take magnesium if I can’t sleep.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? - nope. I don’t believe in God and I definitely don’t believe you need to go to church for worship. Also, 90% of the people I know who go to church every Sunday are the least Christ worthy people I’ve ever met.

19. Do you have a tan? - I always have a tan lol

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? - always.

21. Do you drink you soda with a straw? - nah.

22. What did your last text say? - "it was nice meeting you too! I hope we can run together more”

23. What are you doing tomorrow? - doctor’s appointment then working.

24. What terrifies you? - losing everyone I love.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? - the most comfortable blanket in the world.

26. What chore do you hate doing? - washing dishes, folding clothes.

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? - the fires and all the death brought on by them

28. Favorite soda? - sprite or dr pepper

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? - drive thru, but I honestly don’t eat fast food often. Usually just during a long period of traveling.

30. What is your favorite number? - 13

31. Who's the last person you talked to? - my husband

32. Any plans today? - I have to go grocery shopping

33. Last song listened to? - I needed to lose you to love me.

34. Last movie you cried at? - Oh geeze, I’m not even sure. Movies don’t make me cry usually.

35. Favorite day of the week? - Thursday

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? - yes

37. Do you have a maid service or you clean? - I clean.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear? - barefoot is best. But my running shoes otherwise

39. Time you normally go to bed? - depends on if I’m days or nights

40. Time you normally get up? - it depends on if I have to work

41. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunset? - sunrise, though I rarely see them

42. Do any of your friends have children? - yes

43. What do you usually do during the day? - run, hike, clean, annoy my pets, work sometimes. Depends on the day.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? - I don’t hate anyone. It takes too much energy to hold on to that type of dark energy. You do you, I do me. It’s all good.

45. Do you use the word "hello" daily? - usually

46. What color is your car? - black

47. How many kids do you want? - I don’t want any

48. Are you thinking about someone right now? - no

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? - back when Geauga Lake turned into Six Flags.

50. How did you get your worst scar? - My worst scar is on my left knee. There are technically two on that knee. One is from 4th grade when I fell and needed stitches. The second, which is over the first, is from when I tripped and fell while running on the sidewalk and probably should have gotten stitches. But you know how medical professionals are...we “have it handled”. But hey it’s healed and I didn’t acquire an infection or have to take antibiotics ;)