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angelsanarchy · 11 days

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Fever Dreams: Mike x Y/N One Shot Series PRT 09

Tagging: @icarus-star @chainsawgvtsfvck @romanroyapoligist @liquidsmoothdomme @madamemaximoff06 @drazenka @blacksoul-27 @444rockstargf @kappasbbgirl @luzclarita57 @tempt-ress

Mike had gotten in a little later than he expected but when he went upstairs to get a fork to eat his dinner, he found Leff was also sitting at the table eating. He sat down next to him and started eating silently for a few moments before Leff let out a sigh.

"Why is it that I was eating in peace not even 5 minutes ago and then you sit down and I can tell you want to chat about something." Leff looked at Mike.

"I didn't even say anything." Mike pointed out.

"It's the way you carry yourself, like you got fucking emotional baggage that wafts off you. It drives me nuts." Leff put his beer to his lips and Mike chuckled.

"I might have emotional baggage but you're fucking wound up like a fucking drum man. Relax a bit. Enjoy your gruel." Mike tossed his head towards Leff's food which looked strange.

"I'll be sure to let Y/n know you think her food is gruel you prick." Leff said as he went back to eating it.

"Y/n cooked that for you?" Mike asked in disbelief.

"Yeah she knows how to cook and I don't have time so when she makes extra she gives it to me. Don't put your hands on what's left. I'm eating that tomorrow." Leff warned.

"What even is it?" Mike made a face and Leff rolled his eyes.

"It's beef stew and potatoes. What are you fucking blind?" Leff tilted the bowl down and Mike shrugged.

"I don't have a lot of home cooked meals man, relax." Mike chuckled.

"Yeah well all that bullshit fast food will kill you. You know we got that fucked up heart shit in this family." Leff looked back down into his bowl and kept eating.

"I don't know how heart health meat and potatoes is." Mike watched Leff cut his eyes at him and he put his hands up in defeat.

"Can I ask you a question without you losing your shit?" Mike tried and Leff dropped his fork in his bowl.

"Can a man just eat food in his own kitchen without being pestered?" Leff looked annoyed but Mike continued.

"Mom...how the hell did she hook up with Y/n? I mean she wasn't a..." Mike trailed off unsure of whether he wanted to know if his mom was a stripper or not but Leff shook his head.

"No God no. I'd have kicked her ass. She was buying out of the club that Y/n worked at. Y/n would stumble across her when she was leaving and make sure she hadn't OD'ed in the alleyway. Eventually I had to give her my number so I could pick her up from the hospital or her apartment." Leff explained looking a little more mellow when talking about his sister and Y/n.

"So she just decided to take on Mom in active addiction just because?" Mike didn't believe everyone had simple goodness in them, especially not in New York. He had only been here for a while and he had been cussed out more in the last few weeks than in his entire life.

"You know how your mom was. She could make friends with anyone. She was always gabbing with strangers. Y/n just happened to be the one she liked to talk to." Leff scrapped the bottom of his bowl.

"Y/n told me that mom wanted me to meet her so we could date." Mike said watching Leff's face carefully.

"You couldn't handle a woman like Y/n, man. She's got baggage to the 11th degree." Leff snorted.

"Everyone has baggage." Mike returned knowing that he's not the picture of a perfect date either. Leff focused his gaze at his nephew.

"Baggage that would crush you...her exboyfriend was that hulk sized bodyguard at ER's place. The one who stood silently and wanted to murder me with his fucking eyes. He's a roided out piece of shit who considers prison time a vacation." Leff explained.

"Well it's not like I would take her out to a strip club Leff." Mike chuckled and Leff shook his head.

"She used to get the shit kicked out of her Mikey. The amount of times she called for your mom and I was picking her up bruised and bloody was beyond the number of times you've had a cigarette." Leff pressed making Mike look at him. He could actually see some sympathy in Leff's eyes, which was rare.

"I'm not a shitty guy though. Maybe she could use someone like me." Mike suggested.

"I'm telling you, move on man. That's not a scab you should be picking at." Leff pushed up from the table and tossed his bowl in the sink before leaving Mike sitting at the kitchen table alone.

He looked at his takeout and suddenly realized he didn't have much of an appetite. He knew that he could treat a woman right in a relationship. He had never put hands on one in his life. He didn't believe in it but for some reason, Leff made it seem like Y/n was too broken for someone who wasn't as rough as she was.

He knew Leff would be pissed if he kept bringing up the idea of pursuing Y/n but he didn't care. He was grown and so was she. Mike wanted nothing more than to treat her how she should be treated.

#Film: 5lbs of Pressure #5lbs of Pressure #Fever Dreams #Fever Dreams series #One shot series #Mike #Mike x Y/N #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult

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xiaoluclair · 3 months

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Yo! Hi. So,

Lestappen 7, 16 or 48

Mctwinks 32, 13 or 17

Norstappen 22, 20 or 2

Please and thank you

hi boo, imma get one of these out bc it was draiiinning and write the other two later!

17. to distract // ln4.op81 // G

Liam was a terrible influence, really. The Logan of this morning, bleary eyed and braindead with the prospect of a new day, would never have picked a lock, let alone failed at picking it and been bestowed with detention the entire month.

So. Terrible influence.

It's in the hour before his first detention, where he's stowed himself away in the library next to Oscar, that he gets a WhatsApp notification from his mom. Don't forget eggs for tonight! Also Kat has something to ask you.

logan, pops down from the top of the screen a second later. He thumbs open the message thread. i left dad's present in m02.

good for you, Logan thumbs out, while trying to think of a way to get out of detention that isn't 'I have to buy eggs'.

"What's wrong?" Oscar asks him. "You've got your 'Something is wrong' face on."

"I have to run groceries for my dad's birthday cake," Logan tells him. The time on his phone flicks to 16:57. "And get my sister's present for him that she forgot in the art block, and do this while I'm in detention."

"I can do those," offers Oscar.

"We're going out for dinner at six," added Logan, swinging his rucksack over his shoulder as he stood. "I haven't even told my mom yet. Don't play the Jurassic Park theme tune at my funeral."

Oscar grins. "No promises. And don't tell you mum," he adds, grabbing his own bag and following Logan out of the library, "not today anyway."

"Okay," they turn down a corridor of lockers, "so I should just. Not show up? Happy birthday dad, your son's M.I.A."

Oscar doesn't say anything for a minute. Logan leaves him be, caught up in his own trainwreck. They get to the room with a minute left on the clock. Logan turns to give Oscar a hug. When they pull apart, Oscar gives his shoulder a squeeze, round lump of a nose scrunched up a little with his grin. "Sit near the window," he says. "And leave the rest to me."

Logan enters detention feeling suitably concerned about his best friend's mental health. There's a couple of people already sat down, and a girl takes up the seat closest to the row of windows so Logan takes the seat just behind her. There's no teacher. Two minutes later, a boy lopes in, and drops his backpack down as he props himself on the desk at the front of the room, a wrinkled piece of paper in hand. "Prigard?"

"Here."

"Lawrence?"

"Yup."

"Sargeant?"

"Uh, here," says Logan, staring. He's fairly certain the guy is too young to be a teacher. He barely looks older than Logan. No one else says anything about it though, so.

It's fifteen minutes into the hour, maybe, when the door opens. Logan glances up, history essay blurring on the table. A few others do too, including the guy at the front, who's spent the entire time after taking roll fiddling on his phone.

"Ella Hare?" he says, glancing down at the register sheet. "You're a little late."

"Sorry," says Oscar, slipping slightly awkwardly into the room. "Got stuck in a comb."

Guy At The Front lights up like a very small Christmas Tree. He leans forward slightly. "Glad you found your way out."

Oscar makes his way to the front of the room. By this point, everyone in the is watching with at least an absent boredom. "Sorry to interrupt, mister..."

"Norris," says the guy, grinning.

"Mr Norris," repeats Oscar, stopping at the other end of the desk, and Logan can see his entire face. "What are your thoughts on... defenestration."

Logan puts his pad of paper and pen carefully into his bag. He zips it up as quietly as he can while Mr Norris says, "I love defenderation." Logan's hand slips, and the zipping goes slightly high-pitched and too loud. He freezes, eyes on the back of Mr Norris's head. It starts to turn.

"Hey," says Oscar loudly, quickly, "Mr Norris, are you free right now?"

A pause. "Depends," says Mr Norris. Logan edges out of his seat.

"Would you mind listening to my sister's grade eight saxophone?" Oscar continues. Logan nearly chokes on his own tongue.

"Would I..." echoes Mr Norris, and now he sounds confused.

"Yeah," says Oscar. The girl next to Logan is watching him creep his bag onto his shoulders with raised, incredibly studded eyebrows. Logan wonders if they're legal. "She needs a second opinion?"

"I'm the second opinion?"

"On estimate," says Oscar, and then there's a saxophone blaring through the room, just obnoxious enough for Logan to lift his chair back into the desk and fumble the window open. Now everyone is looking at him. There's a set of twins who look like they're three second away from shitting themselves with laughter.

Logan looks to where Oscar has his phone out. Mr Norris has perched on the end of the desk, back of his curly head to Logan and eyes on Oscar. He reaches up just as Logan puts his leg out of the window, and presses a finger to Oscar's phone. The music cuts out on a high note. "She's good," he says. "But is that what you came here to ask? If you were looking for Brown, then-"

Logan's arm slips and bangs into the window sill. Shit.

"What the-" Mr Norris twists. Logan's mentally signing his death certificate, when Oscar lunges out and his hand goes around Mr Norris's cheek. And then he, to Logan's immense horror, crushes their mouths together.

Logan's pretty sure his jaw just hit the other side of the earth.

Then he remembers why Oscar's just kissed a teacher, and funnels himself the rest of the way out of the window as quickly as possible.

Liam hands him a carton of eggs, the present his sister forgot, and three packs of Daim. "Sorry," he says, sincerely. "I wouldn't have asked if I knew that was all today."

"No problem," says Logan, still reeling. "All in the name of love."

Liam looks at him concernedly. "Right. Are you. Okay?"

"Oscar kissed a teacher," Logan tells him. That's illegal, he's pretty sure. More illegal than twenty piercings in one eyebrow.

Liam's face goes bewildered. "Really? Why?"

Logan groans. "To get me out of detention."

"Why'd he have to kiss a teacher?" asks Liam, confused. "Wasn't Lando taking it?"

Now Logan's also confused. He asks, tucking the eggs, the present, and two of the Daim packs into his bag. "Lando?"

Liam elaborates, taking the Daim pack and opening it so Logan can arrange everything in a way that hopefully won't break the eggs, "Lando Norris? Curly hair, kind of tanned. He's a senior. And a teacher's pet, although I'm not sure how, he's not exactly known for being the perfect academic."

"So he's not a teacher?" Logan checks.

Liam shakes his head, confirming, "Nope," as he passes Logan the opened Daim pack. "Also you better get a move on, or Oscar kissing Lando to get you out of detention is going to mean nothing." Urged on and sufficiently comforted by the knowledge that his best friend will not be sent to jail, Logan rushes to flag down his bus home.

are you alive? he sends Oscar. he isnt a teacher btw hes a senior. also im on the bus.

The reply comes while he's video taping his dad cutting the cake and he's singing Happy Birthday a lot quieter than his mom. That's a relief, it reads, punctuation and all, because I'm pretty sure I asked him out for good measure.

Logan continues recording, and just hopes Oscar's bid for love never involves breaking into the cupboard of art supplies.

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wosoluver · 7 hours

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Not good at saying goodbyes.

Part 3/? - previous - next

Lena x childhood bestfriend!reader

Today you got ready like any other day. Had breakfast, got into the car and drove to work.

What you weren't expecting, walking

in was to see Lena's mother there.

When she saw you, her eyes were full of sparkles.

"Y/N! I can't believe this! You're all grown up!" quickly giving you a tight hug you had missed very much. "You're so beautiful. You look just like your mom. How is she? How are you?"

"I'm good, she's doing well, she's planning on retiring and moving back here."

"It's so good to see you. Can't believe Lena didn't tell me you were here."

"I can."

And she quickly looked for her daughter, who had opted for walking away, minutes prior.

"You meant no harm. I know it, sweetheart. And now that you're here, she'll come to terms eventually.

She still celebrated your birthday every year. And hung up your Christmas stocking, oh and she still hasn't watched that movie you had made plans to see together."

"I kept a full diary of the first two years after I moved, so she could catch up, when we were reunited. And watched as many of her games as I could fit in my schedule. Also, I kept the big bear she won me, at the fair we would aways go to."

"Everything is going to end up in the right place. I'm leaving, but just in case, let me give you my number."

"Thanks, it's so good seeing you again."

"You two honey, you have no idea. Have a good day at training, and if you see my daughter, let her know I went home and that I don't appreciate her walking away."

"Of course."

She was just like you remembered. And for a second it made you feel like you went back in time, when you'd aways pass on her messages to Lena when she tried running away from trouble.

You made your way to the locker room but most girls were already at the gym.

"Obi, your-"

"Lena." - she harshly said.

"Everyone around here calls you Obi, I'm the one who came up with it!"

"Well you lost the right to it, when you betrayed me!"

"I didn't betray you! I was a kid! Who didn't know what she was doing!"

"You hurt me!"

"I was hurting too! And I thought the best way to protect you, was not saying goodbye."

"Now it doesn't matter why you did it! I can't go back in time, and tell the younger version of myself that! I can't tell her that everything was just a misunderstanding. I can't unbreak her heart!"

"If I could go back in time and change everything, I would. I swear. And I'm sorry that's all I can give you."

"Yeah."

What was that even supposed to mean? 'Yeah'?

In truth Lena didn't know either. She didn't know what say. She only knew how she felt and that was, confused.

"As I was going to say in the first place, your mom went home and you are in trouble."

"For what?"

"Leaving while we were talking."

"She can't be serious! You did it first! And I'm the one in the wrong?"

You only gave her a sad look as she walked out of the room. It was like you were eight again, and getting in trouble for doing whatever the other was doing.

You tried your best giving her some space after that. After all you had nothing else to say to each other. She had bursted out her feelings and you had apologized. And you had been trying to accept the reality. You were far from doing good, but you decided to put her feelings first. Being respectful, to her wish to not be in touch with you.

"Hey Y/N! We're going out tonight, please come with us." - Said Georgia.

"Sorry, I can't. I have some plans I can't bail on."

"No you don't!" - said Giulia. "Stop saying that just so we leave you off the hook, for not showing up at our get togethers."

At this point Stanway had went her own way.

"You can't keep doing this. You're isolating yourself from the team. This has got to be affecting your mental health, the girls are worried."

"No they are not. They think I'm busy because of a relationship."

"Only Syd thinks that. And I know the truth. Please reconsider it?"

"Okay, I'll text you if I change my mind."

You didn't. Of course you didn't. And that had been the last drop, for her and some of your teammates. After a long talk through the weekend, they had decided on keeping to themselves. To not make things worse.

But Giulia could not hold back when you walked into training, Monday morning, with deeper under-eye bags, and a emotionless look in your face.

You were tired. Tired of crying. Tired of isolating, and only talking to your parents, through a phone. Tired of blaming yourself constantly.

As you left to the field, they all shared a look. Even Lena. You seemed to be doing okay... until stoped pretending you were.

"Don't act surprised! Your the one doing this to her!"

She said looking Obi dead in the eye, and going after you.

"Y/N! Wait up. We can warm up together."

"Is that an excuse for another lecture?"

"No. But you can vent out if you want to."

"There's nothing much to say... Except that leaving Barça was probably a mistake."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Thank you, for trying to include me the best you can, and for taking care of me. You're and the girls are great."

"I wish you gave yourself a chance, to be happy here."

"Give her a chance!" - said Lea trying to get it through her friends mind. They had stayed back inside.

"She did worse to me!"

"You're taking this to far! She made a mistake and apologized. And I think not having her best friend for the last 15 years, was punishment enough."

"But-"

"No buts. What she did was wrong. But she was a kid and she thought she was doing the right thing.

You're an adult, and you know you are doing the wrong thing! It's not the same."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Do you think your younger self would approve of this? Of anyone treating her this way? Because the Lena I know, would never treat someone like this. Especially someone she loves."

"You still care a lot about her huh?"

"I love her and I don't think anything can change that. I promised myself to never leave her again."

"Just don't break your own heart, to keep that promise."

"I don't think a heart can be broken twice. But I'll try my best not to push everyone away."

"That's a good start. You need to feel better for the match this week. Frankfurt is a little harder to beat."

It felt good having someone to talk to again. And you knew you could only blame yourself for the loneliness you had been in. And she was right, you had to give yourself a chance, with or without Lena. Although that isn't how you ever planned your life to go.

Next part out either today or tomorrow 🩷

#woso x reader #futfem #lena oberdorf #lena oberdorf x reader #dfb frauen #fc bayern frauen

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k4katsujin · 9 months

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something inspired by the "you sent flowers but i wish i didn't receive them" audio

(mixed with oppenheimer-ish romance vibes)

author's note: this won't be proofread bc im exhausted as hell because i spent my day playing splatoon but i hope you'll enjoy anyway 🦥

i don't know what to write as a summary but jk it's angst, earth 42 miles x gender neutral reader, AA so basically the two of you are in a toxic relationship because he hides too much things from you. when you find out he is the prowler, and he got in some serious trouble, you decide to leave him.

(sorry for the rushed end aaa)

(also this isn't the ennemies to lovers im sorry-)

it has been a while since you and miles didn't talk. a few days, a week, even a month? you lost track. he was weird with you in school, this being when he actually talked to you.

you made up your mind: you would break up with him tonight.

you went back home from school, with the firm intention to text him it'll all be over.

-y/n? someone's waiting for you, said your mom as you entered your apartment. he told me to give you this.

"i'm sorry. can we talk ? " you could read on a small piece of paper on a bouquet of bright pink peonies, your favorite flowers.

how can he remember my favorite flower but not my birthday? you thought.

-what are you doing here? you ask coldly.

miles gets up from your bed and gets closer to you.

-what do you want? you ask coldly.

-i want to apologize. (he seems honest. noticing you don't look convinced he continued:) i know i haven't been the best boyfriend lately, in fact i am aware i have been kinda shitty and im sorry.

-ok. you can go now. you say, as tears start falling from your eyes.

it has been a relief to see him there, but forgiving him was just too much to handle for your mental health.

-i have to admit i haven't been honest with you. i am the prowler.

those words felt like getting stabbed.

-oh.

a simple "oh" was all you could give him for answer. somehow you felt reassured, everything made sense- the avoiding, why he was so secretive about his personal life- but the truth still hit you like a truck.

-for how long have you been hiding it from me ? you ask, unsure if you wanted to know the answer.

-listen, i know this may not seem like it but i didn't tell you because i cared about yo-.

-stop. you reply dryly. for how long.

-2 years.

you didn't say anything.

instead you looked at him, with a mix of anger and disappointment in your look.

-i think it's time you go. you say after a while.

~~~

you suddenly woke up.

-is something wrong, y/n? asked miles, who you fell asleep next to.

-i'm fine, you say, taking your breath. just a bad dream.

the two of you went back to sleep, in the same comfy cuddly position you were in before.

there's no way your boyfriend could be the prowler right?

#x reader #spiderman atsv #spiderman across the spiderverse #earth 42 miles morales x you #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles fluff #earth 42 miles x you #earth 42 miles morales x reader #atsv #atsv x reader

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saintsir4n · 5 months

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7. FALLING

thank you for the support

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF MENTAL HEALTH

"DON'T tell me you're fallin' in love, it's been what, a couple of weeks?"

"I am, he gets me you know," Carson gushed, speaking quietly to Keelie. "Sounds like bullshit I know, but word to God, I'm serious."

Fortunately, the nail salon wasn't busy so only five other people were being tended to.

Keelie huffed out a laugh, "The dick that good?"

"It's the best," Brian was probably the best she ever had. It was only two days since their date and they couldn't stop, he caught her whenever and wherever.

All the time she spent with him, she noticed a lot. He was quite jumpy, and anxious, especially when it came to his phone. Very cagy about his past and she knew to respect that even though it drove her to overthink.

"White boy got it like that?" Keelie was shocked, she'd never seen her friend act so enamoured about a guy.

In the past, Carson was very naive, and way too trusting, so she hoped that history wasn't repeating itself.

Carson giggled, "He really does. Girl, he talks me through it."

Keelie instantly choked on air, "He what?"

"You heard me."

"He's vocal?" Keelie lowered her tone, making sure the customers couldn't hear much to their disappointment. Carson nodded in response. "Damn."

"Voice husky and everythin', he puts it down, lifts me up, keeps me hooked even if he's just starin', he knows he's got some sort of power over me. Drive's me crazy, I swear.”

“He’s packin’ right? He has to be with that shit eatin’ grin.”

“Respect me, I wouldn’t settle for no little dick,” Carson’s response had them both snickering.

The friends abruptly looked up when the shop bell rang and Brian walked in, eyes immediately landing on Carson.

"Ladies," he nodded at a few of them as he walked by, greeted Keelie before leaning over the counter and pressing a few kisses to Carson's lips making the customers awww in the background. Keelie moved away to help them. "You good baby?" she nodded, noting the irritation in his eyes, but before she could say anything he asked, "You get your nails done?" she nodded again, showing them off to him. He pulled out a 50-dollar bill and put it next to her.

She looked shocked, "You don't have to."

"I want to," Brian insisted, still not smiling.

He's annoyed, she realised.

"You ready to go, your shift is done right?" Brian questioned.

"It's done," she replied, "I'll go get my stuff."

He nodded, watching her go into the back, then sighing when he heard Keelie's voice.

"I'm watchin' you," she warned, walking passed.

He snapped his head, looking in her direction as she picked up a new electric file, "I didn't do nothin'."

"Tell that to my third eye," Keelie took note of his annoyance, wondering why he was so worked up.

Brain didn't respond.

Carson came back, with her bag in hand and immediately saw how riled he was.

"Yo, Keke what did you say to him?" she asked, coming up to Brian who put his arm around her.

"Nothin', I only said hi. Didn't I Eminem?" Keelie taunted, sitting down in front of a regular.

"Yeah, Lil' Kim's right," Brian jabbed, making the whole store laugh.

Even Carson smiled, sticking her tongue out at Keelie who flipped him off.

Brian whispered something as they walked out and onto the street, "Come on, I gotta show you somethin' before we meet the team."

"What is it?" she wondered.

His ringtone disrupted his response. He pulled out his phone, keeping it close to his chest and ignored the ring.

She squinted at him, "Brian?"

His phone started to ring again, just as they reached his truck.

"Is that your mom or somethin'?" she pressed.

"What? No, it's just..." he trailed off, annoyed by the constant ringing and switched off his phone, but that only irritated Carson more.

She shrugged off his arm, "Do you have some secret life you're not tellin' me about Brian?" she was frustrated and he hated that he was making her feel that way. "Do you have a wife, kids, some white picket fence?"

He tried taking her hand but she didn't let him, "Baby, calm down, it's nothin'."

"Then why do you look tense?"

"Because you questionin' me alright? Nothing's wrong, I'm good, you good?" he didn't mean to snap at her. He'd never done it before.

Carson took a step back, looking him up and down. Why's he acting like this? her annoyed gaze settled on something she hadn't noticed before.

"Yo, what happened to your hand?"

It was red and slightly blotchy.

Brain flexed his fist and shook his head, "It's nothin'."

"Was it Vince, did you get in the ring with him again or somethin'?" she was met with silence, "Just answer the question."

"I just did," he breathed out. "Trust me, I'm tense 'cause everythin' is on top of me at the moment. I have bad days and good days like everyone else"

She had to ask, "And your phone?"

"It's Harry," he rushed out, "I left my shift early to come and see you, to spend to with you."

"Okay," she didn't have anything else to say.

He groaned, "Don't be like that, lemme show you want I got you."

Carson just nodded, watching him unlock the truck and pull open the passenger seat, retrieving the present he got for her.

She gasped when she saw the jewel-encrusted sunshine ornament. She remembered telling him about it on their date but she didn't think he was listening.

"Y-you... how?"

"I kept an eye out," he carefully placed it in her hands. "Just wanted to make you happy."

It cost nothing, but it meant everything.

She clutched it tightly, smiling so hard her cheeks hurt.

"Thank you, baby."

And it was like everything was forgotten.

So Brian smiled and embraced her tightly, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Let's get outta here."

The next day Carson squealed when she saw her car, more importantly, the engine that looked like it cost 15k. Jesse even claimed to have tweaked a few things, things she didn't notice before. She couldn't believe it. Her flashy rims, the turbine, and the compressor were fixed and the stereo was finally working again too.

"Like it?" Jesse asked with a proud smirk.

"Like it? you did this before street wars and whilst you were fixing the Supra?" she gawked, eyes blinking rapidly at the shiny parts.

He sheepishly shrugged, "Had to do it for you. The rims were the easiest to do. The engine took some time but it was nothin'. Speakers are all set. Check them out, you'll love it, drivin' down sunset blarin' them to the car Gods."

She laid a fat kiss on his cheek and hugged him.

"I love you, you know that? The biggest, bestest and brightest," she listed, beaming at the car.

"I love you too, now lemme get back to the Supra. Go paint your Charger, I know the designs will be sick."

Jesse left her to her own devices. Carson put down the hood, then reached into her pocket to add the last addition.

She slid into the front seat, slid off the plastic and placed the sunshine ornament on the dashboard, it stuck very easily.

"I hope you love it, Dad," she whispered, wishing he was here.

After a moment she jumped out, blew a kiss at the car and walked around the garage, finding the paint she was going to use for the designs, then pulled out her sketchbook and some overalls to protect her fit. She got lost in her own world when she started, everything was going to plan.

She felt so blessed.

So what could go wrong?

She heard some of the guys talking from the distance but she didn't pay much attention.

She barely flinched when she felt someone kneel behind her and wrap an arm around her shoulder pausing her painting.

"Hey blondie," she greeted him as he kissed her cheek.

"Looking good," Brian nodded to the design. Every time he saw her work, whether it was in her sketchbook or some other street racer's car, it made him wonder why she never did this professionally, just like Jesse. Art school or engineering.

She leaned into his hold, "Thank you."

They talked for a while, she asked if his hand was okay, but was told that it was nothing to worry about. He kept saying she would win any race she would enter and couldn't wait to see it happen, all while taking some pictures of them.

He had pictures of the pair of them all over his phone.

Pulling her from the ground, he cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers. The feeling coursing through their veins wasn't foreign anymore. They embraced it like a warm hug. It was light yet intense.

When she went to move away he squeezed her sides.

Carson's laughter caught Dom's attention and he stood by the entrance, but neither of them saw him yet.

"Check it," Brian tried taking the paintbrush from her but she ended up getting some of the excess paint on his shirt.

"That's what you get," she mused.

"Oh, that's what I get?" He wiped the rest of the paint on her overalls, earning a fierce glare.

Finally seeing a displeased Dom standing off to the side, Brian shifted back slightly.

"Need a cigarette," he murmured.

Carson's brows furrowed, "Didn't you say you quit?" damn he must be stressed.

"I have to make a parts run 'round Simi Valley for Harry," Brian dismissed her question, looking directly at Dom.

"Drive safe," The Torretto man said with indifference.

"Bye, Sonny," Brian breezed passed Dom, after kissing her goodbye.

Carson stood there awkwardly, Dom continued to stare at her, and she didn't understand why.

"I had a guy on the phone, said you hadn't finished his design yet," he expressed, breaking the silence.

"I'm on it."

"Are you, 'cause you seem distracted?" There was a lot of judgment in his tone.

She scoffed, "Get off my back. If I say I'll finish the design I'll finish the design," she put down the paintbrush and frowned, "Brian's not a distraction. I thought you liked him."

"Me likin' him got nothin' to do with anythin'. Just focus," he always said the same thing to both her and Mia. His sister for school and Carson for her occupation. He knew that his godsister was falling in love with the guy, they all did, it so was obvious. "You wanna win big at race wars right? Make sure you keep your head straight."

She huffed, "First Vince, then Brian, now you, must be somethin' in the water right? Why are you all in my grill? Just mind your business."

"You're my business. Always have been, always will!" he yelled, causing her to walk out of the garage in a huff, "And don't you forget that!"

Later that day, Carson stood proud, grinning at the finished product of her car, trying to forget all the stress and worries she felt. She was happy. I'm happy, she kept telling herself. The team congratulated her for creating such a beauty before leaving to go and see Dom and Brian drive off in the completed Supra.

She tried not to overthink. Everything was going to plan, right? But the feeling in her stomach was growing.

Carson wanted to ignore it but her dad always told her to listen to her gut.

The sun was fading and she knew it was time to get back to her shared apartment. Letty had dipped, Mia was studying, Vince and Leon were inside whilst Jesse with stuck in his head working on the computer.

In the corner of her eye, Carson caught the orange Supra pulling up the garage.

Brian and Dom were talking intently about something, she couldn't get a good read on either of them, with their shades being on but she was too tired to even try.

"Yo Summer, where's everyone?" Dom asked, noticing her furrowed brows. The garage was scarce and Jesse didn't look up at the sound of his voice.

Brian smiled as he walked over to her since she didn't look too happy and he instantly felt a sense of dread.

"Inside," was all she had to say, "I'm bouncin'," she went to move but Brian caught her keyless hand, "Yeah?" Dom left the pair alone and eventually, Jesse joined him, finally snapping out of his trance and wanting to badger him about the sweet ride. "I gotta go, Brian."

"Why don't I come with you?" He suggested, with a smirk playin' at his lips.

"Won't your Sylvanian family be blowin' up your cell?" He laughed but she was serious as hell. "I've got work in the mornin' you know?"

"I won't keep you up and my phone will stay on silent. I promise," he came closer, pulling off his shades and staring into her eyes. The sun's falling rays struck her iris' had it stirred something inside of him. "I just wanna hold you, Sonny," he whispered as she scrunched her nose, making him cup her chin and peck her lips a few times. "We'll get some beauty sleep together. Okay?"

His words were making her trip and fall over any gut feeling.

So she agreed, "Okay. But we're just gonna sleep," she warned him as he pulled open the driver seat, letting her get in before jogging over to the passenger side. He gently shut the door, eyes lighting up at the ornament on the dashboard. "Only sleepin'."

Brian nodded, watching her start the engine, "A good night's rest and my beautiful girl to hold onto, not a bad way to live," he said softly, earning the cheesiest smile from her, "That's all I want."

"And that's what you've got."

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

a/n:

https://pin.it/1s5Uvmk (how i imagine her car to look, obviously with huge bratz doll silhouettes across the sides) it's funny because her street name at this point is "barbie" but that won't stop her from doing what she wants. and what's cute is brian's street name is "bullit" so we've got bullit and barbie.

https://pin.it/1c7m5sX (how i imagine the sunshine ornament to be but without the moon). in the behind the scenes videos of this film, the director wanted no rearview mirrors in the car, because he wanted it to be as accurate to the street racing culture of the time, so carson doesn't have one. so just imagine the gift sticking to the dashboard.

some more angst in this chapter between brian and carson. the way he caught an attitude with our girl was disrespectful but of course, all it took was a gift to calm her down. it's sad i know but it's all part of the build-up. carson loves love and even though she knows something is up she'll tell herself to be delusional for a little longer and let him "hold her".

i've been getting a few messages about how often i update but it states multiple times that i publish every sunday (even check the first few chapters pls!)

also with the mature scenes that i write, pls prevent yourself from saying "robbed" or "call 911". what i write should be enough and it gets annoying when i see things like that. as stated in my bio, don't comment on any of my stories if you're a minor!

#wattpad #fanfic #black reader #fastandfurious #fast and the furious #brian o’conner x carson baker #carsonbaker #brian and sonny #sonnybaker #brianoconnerfanfic #brian o’conner x black!reader #brian o'conner #y2k #2001 #black racer #stereo love

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sunnywalnut · 3 months

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Hey. i've been working on some things and wanted to send this.

Have you washed your epidermis, and are the soap(s) you use effective/non-irritant? Run a vacuum over the carpetting of your room? Run a wettened cloth over shelves to reduce the dust/bacteria? Washed the dishes you used today? Air-ed out the smell from your clothes, dusted the sweatstains/your armpits with baking soda? Done the dental hygiene? Hydrated (fresher breath), gotten your micronutrients? Stretched/physical activity? Played a fun show on the TV (yo gabba gabba on roku)? Gone to the library with your Mom or someone else? Found an article to send to your Mom/asked if that's something she might like? Found a self-esteem/mental-health specialist whose communication style you vibe with?

Sometimes we forget to care for ourselves (when we feel especially down or out of sorts.)

So a friendly reminder!

Hello friend!

I want to apologize for taking this long to respond, as I don't regularly get asks!

That being said, to answer each of your questions one by one,

-yes I have. Within the cold winter months, my skin is very prone to drying out and breaking out however I use Native brand body wash and it helps a TON! I also use it for my hair and it works very well. Very much recommend. And also moisturizing regularly. I think some people could benefit from lotioning their whole body after a shower, especially if their skin is very sensitive/dries out. Sometimes it's not the soap itself, just the lack of oils!

-i do not have very much carpet, however you did remind me to sweep today so thank you! Pet hair is WILD.

-i very much did wipe down my shelves, as well as some tables and counters, something I've been putting off because I'm just a little bit of a procrastinator.

-I did a load of dishes today!! Usually it is something I struggle with due to my muscles and joints in my hands, but today I was able to and I am proud.

-honestly, I have never thought of doing that before. Will have to keep that in mind! Thank you for the idea.

-i am very proud to say that I am about two weeks into brushing my teeth every single day. Sometimes I even do it in the shower when my legs decide they're on limited warranty. It's helped quite a lot, actually.

-thankfully my mom keeps us very well stocked with bottled water so I never forget to go without(thanks, Mom!) I actually tend to prefer it now that we have a ready supply.

-been trying to add more protein and fats to my diet lately and be more mindful of other things, so yes! I have more energy than I used to as well as growing stronger muscles^^

-I'm not really one for TV shows, however when i do, I usually watch them with my little sibling. Our current favorites are Adventure Time and The Amazing World Of Gumball. I think they're very impressive(TAWOG for the multimedia style, and AT for its ability to create complex characters that I enjoy)

-i haven't been to a physical library in quite a while but I've taken up meditation! It's something my Mom has been very dead set on me trying for a while and I finally caved and she's been kind enough to lend me her Teal Swan account. It's helped somewhat, I think. Besides it's nice to have some sort of "ritual" before bed.

-My mom and I differ very much on what we find entertaining/enjoyable so I actually don't know on that. I have however, made her a very super secret Valentine's Day gift that I hope she'll love. (It's heart shaped earrings. I make them by hand and she's been very thrilled by me and my little sibling's craftsmanship when making jewelry, insisting we make her bracelets from our extensive supply from Christmas)

-I will say that I prefer things very direct, but I also like to feel like I am listened to. So anyone who embodies those two aspects are very much wins in my book.

I believe that's all of them! Thank you for this lovely and kind reminder, I very much needed it and I enjoy being able to ramble as well so this was great actually^^ hopefully you're doing alright and are able to do some important things for yourself today as well and maybe take some time to rest if you haven't. Good luck!!

#submission

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yukidragon · 1 year

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Hey Yuki!

Remember when you create the story where Ian gets Alice (M/C) pregnant and Alice was tied in the relationship with Ian despite him cheating on her a second time also trying to excuse himself and marry Alice?

Well I actually really likes that idea beacuse how did you described the situation but i would like to know more about this AU if you excuse me. I want yo know who Ian feels when he held her daughter for the first time, their first meeting after Alice given birth to her little princess. How the family environment develops with the girl? Especially with her paternal grandmother, How the mother of Ian react when she had the little princess around?

This AU is a really great idea for you fanfic of Sunshine in another world, you're the most perfect person in this fanbase, the most created AND the most lovely person. Love you Yuki ^^

Oh gosh, you really flatter me with such praise! Thank you so much for such kind words. I don't know what to say. I'm a little overwhelmed. You're just so sweet.

Now onto the tone whiplash from flustered happy feels to dark drama and yandere horror, hahaha. I'm glad you found my previous post about Alice having Ian's baby and how things get all twisted between them to be engaging. Since you asked for more so kindly, I don't mind dipping back into this dark little AU to explore more of the drama.

I'm going to give this post the same warnings that I did for the last one. Content warnings for unwanted pregnancy, cheating, toxic relationships, discussion of abortion, chronic illness, risk of miscarriage, manipulation, yandere behaviors, gaslighting, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, and the like. Remember, this series is for Adults Only so things can get pretty mature, and not just because of the spice!

Let's start things off on a lighter note - the baby. Funny thing is while I'm still debating about names for the kids of my OTP with Alice and Jack, thinking about this AU again gave me the perfect name for Alice and Ian's sweet princess - Lily.

As a a quick aside... those who saw my previous post about the King family might remember that Lily was one of the names that I was considering for Mama King. While it would be cute to name the baby after her grandma, I've actually decided to go with Lycoris for Mama King, so I guess both names are going to be used after all, just in a way I hadn't originally intended!

The name Lily comes from happier times. Before Ian cheated, he and Alice would talk about their future together, which included marriage and children. They even had a sweet afternoon of coming up with names. It was a lighthearted moment between them, well before she ever got pregnant. There was plenty of playful banter and joke names thrown out, including anime and video game references. In the end though, they did come up with some names they seriously considered. One of them was Lily.

Ian's favorite flower is water lilies. He has a tattoo of them. Alice grew up in a home where flowers had strong significance to her family, so naming their daughter that felt very romantic.

Understandably, it's not quite so romantic in reality in this AU. Still, it was the name they chose for their future daughter once upon a time, when this baby would have been a blessing. It was still fitting, and regardless of what's happened between them, this child is both Alice and Ian's daughter.

The birth was rough on Alice due to stress. Though in so much pain, she cried happy tears the first time she held Lily in her arms. All the love she had for Ian, she tried to funnel completely into their child. Her mom was with her in the delivery room the entire time... and so was Jack.

With so many people around who don't know he exists, Jack was forced to pretty much fade into the background during the birth. With everything going on and their relationship so new, Alice wasn't in a state to really introduce her new friend even to her family. With how taxing it's been on her health and all the stress, she's less sure he's real, even if she tries to treat him as such. It's only after everyone else has left and it's only Jack, Alice, and Lily that he's able to remind her of his presence.

Jack, naturally, was his sweet, supportive, and reassuring self. Alice did such a good job. The birth was hard but she pulled through, and her baby is so beautiful. His kindness is just what she needs after such a hard delivery, and he dotes on her and the baby, silently feeling like a proud papa with his new family.

At least... until the father of the baby arrives.

It's after visiting hours, but someone suddenly barges in - Ian. He took the first flight out as soon as he heard Alice was in labor. He snuck past the hospital staff after figuring out what room she was in.

As soon as Ian sees little Lily, he freezes... and the tears immediately start. There's so many complicated emotions, but he just loves Lily even at first sight. Alice freezes as well, instinctively clutching Lily closer... but when Ian asks if he can hold her... Alice can't deny him.

Ian coos over Lily, introducing herself as her daddy. He's so happy, and he just loves her so much. He promises he's going to take care of her and Alice. Things are a little rough between them now, and it's his fault, but that's why he's going to fix them. He's going to make things right.

Alice doesn't want to fight with the baby there, especially when Ian is holding Lily. She's not in any state to fight after giving birth, and she feels so many unpleasant emotions around him... as well as something else she isn't used to. He seems... off in a way, stressed. His wrists are still covered in bandages from his suicide attempt. The sight of his wounds makes it so hard for her to say that there is no repairing this after he cheated on her twice and everything else, not when she can see how miserable he is. She took care of Ian for so long... it's a habit hard to break.

Though Ian insisting they're going to be a family and he's going to fix everything after everything that happened... it does make something else inside of Alice break just a little more.

Fortunately, Jack is there to help by whispering in Alice's ear, reminding her that she doesn't need Ian, and neither does her baby. Jack is there for her and Lily. He'll never leave them or hurt them like Ian did.

His words give Alice strength to tell Ian that they're not going to be a family. They're co-parents for Lily. That's all. She asks Ian to leave, since she's tired.

For a moment there's something scary in Ian's eyes, but then he looks like a kicked puppy and he apologizes, tears coming to his eyes. He promises again he's going to fix things. He brings up the past, how they need each other. The tension in the air is so strong the baby can sense it, so Lily starts to cry as well.

Jack points out the manipulation in Ian's words, and Alice insists Ian give her Lily and leave.

Ian almost doesn't, but eventually he reluctantly does. His hold on Lily lingers though, making it so that Alice has to hold onto his arms while she's waiting for him to transfer Lily to her. Leaning in close, he promises he's not going anywhere this time. He'll fix things. He loves Alice and Lily so much... He'll make sure that everything goes right this time.

Alice starts to feel a little scared, and she jolts when Ian kisses near her ear, when suddenly a nurse comes in. Jack hit the call button and got their attention. It's touch and go with Ian wanting to stay, but he's urged out since visiting hours are over and Alice wants him to leave. He does so reluctantly, promising he will be back tomorrow as soon as possible.

After Alice calms Lily down and does another feeding, the nurse takes the baby to the nursery to "give mom a break for a while" since Alice is barely keeping it together and visibly stressed. She's told to get some sleep until the next feeding.

Once left "alone" with her thoughts, all it takes is for Jack to gently ask if Alice is okay for her to finally break down in tears. He's by her side immediately, holding her close and encourages her to let it all out. He's here for her, whether she's okay or not. It's okay for her not to be okay. She doesn't have to keep forcing herself to be okay when she's not.

That fully unleashes the floodgates, and Alice lets out wailing sobs as she cries into his chest, just a mess of so many awful emotions that she feels like she's coming apart. She tried to remain strong for so long, even with her family, knowing that she has to be strong for her baby, to deal with the affair, to deal with Ian, to deal with pregnancy, to deal with giving birth, to deal with her new life that was nothing like how it should be...

Jack is there the entire time to hold Alice and keep her from completely falling to pieces. He encourages her to vent all her pent up feelings to him, promising no one else has to know. She can tell him anything and he'll never judge her. He'll be here for her no matter what. She can feel he means every word, and she just unloads everything, all of the stress and pain and just everything that was crushing her. Jack listens to every word and is gentle and reassuring the entire time.

His heart breaks for Alice... and his hatred for Ian grows ever stronger for doing this to his sunshine.

The good cry was something Alice needed in the end. Eventually she cries herself to sleep in Jack's arms. He tucks her into bed, cuddling up with her because she refuses to let him go even while sleeping. It's only a couple hours later when it's time for the next feeding that she pulls away from him, but Alice feels a little better. She feels so grateful for Jack, and he stays comfortingly close to her, stroking her hair as she feeds Lily, and telling her he's so proud of her and she's being such a wonderful mother.

Jack's love and reassurance is addicting while Alice is in this vulnerable state. After the breakdown, she's opened her heart to him more and tells him things she's reluctant to share with even her family. They support her and are kind and loving, but Jack quickly becomes someone special. He knows just the right things to say to her. It's almost like he can read her mind sometimes with how close they've become. He immediately can pick up when she needs a supportive cuddle or cry. He's so in tune with her emotions and needs. She's actually able to smile because of him... and able to find joy in motherhood.

Ian has difficulty seeing Lily much while she and Alice are at the hospital. During visiting hours there's always someone around, mostly her family, and they're no longer happy to see him. Even Coraline has stopped pushing for them to make up after he cheated a second time, though she does sympathize with him being suicidal. It creates an awkward atmosphere, and more often than not, he's taken out of the room, as someone wants to chat with him. Most often these conversations lead to him being tearful and insisting that he'll do whatever it takes, even if that means counseling or whatever.

Daytime at the hospital is a mercy, as Alice doesn't have to deal with Ian. At night though... he keeps sneaking by, when no one is around. She can't bring herself to say anything about it, though she knows she should. Strangely enough, the nurse's call button always gets pushed right as he's sneaking in, so Ian is barely there for a few minutes before a nurse comes by. His constant breaking in urges the hospital staff to add more security to that particular floor, making his attempts at after hours unannounced visits even harder.

Between all the attempts every day and night, Ian doesn't get much sleep, and what little he does is plagued with nightmares to leave Alice and the baby alone. It doesn't help his mental state, and unfortunately makes him that much more desperate to fix this broken family he created.

Alice can't bring herself to bar Ian from access to his daughter even after everything, though his constant gifts for her and the baby are painful. Though minimizing contact with him, she does send messages family members and friends, and they manage to set up an informal custody arrangement.

It can't be a 50-50 split with the baby, not while Ian is still at his school across the country, but he gets weekends whenever he flies back home to the apartment. Ian takes every opportunity to use the times he sees her to pick up or drop off Lily to remind Alice of the good times they had, how important she is to him... how he's not strong enough to handle life without her. He takes every chance to touch her when he can, anything to remind her of what things used to be...

Of course... Ian's mom does insist on "grandparents' rights" to see the baby. She would've seen Lily at the hospital if she could sneak past security like Ian did. She's loud and obnoxious, demanding to see Lily, and telling anyone who'll listen that Alice is unfit to raise the child. She berates Ian for having a baby out of wedlock, emphasizing how much of a sin it is, and how much of a shame that Lily had to be born a bastard. It's just another way he's a failure.

Needless to say, Alice insists on no contact with grandma Duff. Ian actually manages to resist his mother's influence as his sanity is crumbling, growing more resentful of her... and more desperate to make sure he won't lose Alice and Lily. He'll agree to anything to Alice asks of him... no matter what... even if that means finally standing up to his mother.

It's a shock to everyone that Ian is capable of doing so. Alice is certainly taken aback when he outright yells at his mother after being so meek around her for so long. He's actually taking his duties as a father and protecting his daughter seriously. He's stepping up like he insisted he would. He's still paying for the apartment and Alice could move back in any time. He has plenty of stuff for the baby there and he can take care of them both once he finally finishes college. They don't even have to stay in the same room, and Lily deserves having both parents 100% of time rather than only fragments at a time.

Shaun visits as soon as he's able. He's been away at school as well, and doesn't have as much cash to burn as Ian. He was there during the initial cheating incident to support Alice, but he had to leave for school when things spiraled out of control. They still talked online and over the phone, but it wasn't the same as in person support. At least she had Jack and her family to help her while he was away.

Alice wants to support herself and be independent, but raising a baby is hard, especially when the only job she can find is minimum wage at a clown operation that sells frozen yogurt. It's far, far from ideal. She has no choice but to depend on support from her family and the child support money Ian is sending her. She loves her family, but she wants to live her own life with Lily, to actually build something similar to the future she's been wanting for herself...

Alice does consider Ian's offer to move back to their shared apartment... but only for a microsecond. She doesn't need Jack or anyone else to tell her that's a very bad idea.

Alice's feelings for Ian are even more tangled up than in Sunshine in Hell. She's suffering so much because of him, and he's constantly making her feel worse because she keeps avoiding him. The worst part is she knows that she can't deny Lily her father.

To that, Jack suggests that Lily deserves a better father... one who isn't using her as a bargaining chip to pressure Alice into marrying someone who doesn't actually love her.

What Ian did to Alice isn't love, and Jack makes sure to let Alice know that. What he's doing to her is twisted and wrong. She is so kind to worry about him even after everything that he's done, but... is he really worth all this pain? What does he provide her that has actually made her happy?

Of course... Alice needs the child support money. It's a sad fact. Ian is providing something she needs, and Jack hates that. But there's more to life than money, far, far more.

Jack will be there for Alice and Lily no matter what, and has been such a good support. He helps with everything from feeding to changing to entertaining little Lily. He's endlessly patient with her, and he dotes on Alice as well.

At some point Alice wishes that Jack was Lily's father instead of Ian... though she feels guilty about it. Jack is absolutely thrilled when he picks up on that thought, and he latches onto it hard, gently guiding their conversation in that direction to get her to admit the thought out loud and accept it.

Why can't Jack be Lily's father? Why can't he be Alice's partner? He'll be whatever Alice wants him to be after all, and he loves her and Lily so much...

It's so, so tempting to Alice. Even if no one else but Alice and Lily can see Jack, that doesn't mean he can't make them both happy. It doesn't make him any less real.

Perhaps if Jack solved the money problem, then Alice won't even need Ian for child support. Then it won't matter if Ian just goes away for good...

Hooo... this post has gotten a lot longer than I anticipated. I think that's enough heavy baby drama for today, don't you? Let me know if you want me to continue talking about this or any other AU/headcanon I've made in another post. Thanks again for enjoying my stories, even if they can go into pretty dark and twisted territory like this!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask

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mmandibles · 2 years

Text

Help me get outta Texas and not die from sepsis!

Look, it rhymes! Anyway…

Yo! It’s Vic again—your local Black nonbinary barista—and I’ve started a GFM!

Long story short:

I have some serious dental work/surgery to get done that I’ve put off because of the cost. The infection has reached the point of affecting my overall health and potentially becoming lethal.

But also, my partner and I are moving cross-country from Texas back to Pennsylvania so we can be closer to her mom and family. Her mom’s health has been seriously declining recently, and we don’t want to risk being so far away for another year.

Even with working full-time, having dental insurance, and taking a loan outta my 401k, there’s no way I can afford this without some assistance. I’m trying to reach out to all avenues I can including posting my:

VM: @Victoria-Barton-2

CA: $mandibles

Any help at all is so appreciated. Thank you! 🙏🏾

#me #gfm #happy belated #Juneteenth #I guess

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jackalsprey · 2 years

Text

Yo! Stan! @strawberrylapin ! I got Lightnesco for ya cause you're a wonderful human being! I'm sorry that it's shit, I literally wrote it in ten minutes.

I call this one Memories.

"Holy damn," Lightning chuckled, setting his fork down. "Mama Bernoulli, this has got to be the best meal I've ever eaten."

Mama Bernoulli giggled. "Really, Signore McQueen, tis nothing. I only a-want to make sure my Franny's friend is comfortable."

"Mama!" Francesco hissed, blushing. "Non chiamarmi così!"

"Aw, ma sarai sempre il mio bambino!"

"Mama!"

Lightning laughed. The language barrier wasn't thick enough for him. Mama Bernoulli sure loved her son.

The American racer was staying in Porto Cosa as he did a small world tour for racing. The World Grand Prix hadn't left too much time for sightseeing, between all the blowing up and worries over Allinol. Besides, no one in their right mind would miss Mama Bernoulli's famous chicken marsala. Or her coddling her son. They were chattering furiously in Italian at the moment. (Something about either babies or soup, he couldn't tell.)

Feeling like something of a third wheel, Lightning slowly stood and pushed his chair in. "I'm going to get a little fresh air."

Not quite sure if either of them heard him, he nonetheless went out the front door.

The night sky was gorgeous. With the light pollution that came with being a wealthy city, it was nowhere near the starscape of Radiator Springs, but damn, it was still gorgeous.

Reminds me of when I still lived in...

No. You're here to enjoy time with your buddy. Not think about that.

Living in Austin hadn't exactly been good for his health. Between the smoking, the drugs, and all the unsafe hookups, well, it hadn't done anything except leave a massive hole in him. That was just before he got discovered by Harv and been...

"Enjoying the stars?"

Lightning breathed a sigh of relief. Francesco's voice was a welcome distraction from his memories.

"Eh, not as good as Radiator Springs."

"Oh really? So you're saying you'd rather be there instead of here?"

"Yeah," McQueen teased. "Then I wouldn't have to be talking to you."

Francesco gasped dramatically and clutched his heart. "McQueen! You wound Francesco! He a-thought we had something special!"

"In your dreams, Franny!"

The Italian cursed. "Francesco told her not to use that name! Especially not around you!"

The American bust out laughing and punched him in the arm. "Hey, be grateful! At least your mom's not a-"

He snapped his mouth shut before he went further. No, no, no, dammit, God dammit! Why did I say that?!

Francesco cocked an eyebrow. "McQueen? Earth to McQueen?"

Lightning chuckled nervously. "Eh, d-don't worry about it. Just a slip of the tongue. It's nothin'."

"Francesco begs to differ," he said, folding his arms. "McQueen, what were you going to say?"

"It-I-I, uh..." He bit his lip before sighing dejectedly. Francesco was just as stubborn as he was.

"atleastyourmomsnotawhore," He muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"At least your mom's not a-a whore, ok?" McQueen stated.

He turned away from his friend. Shoot. Shoot, shoot, shoot. Francesco seemed to be taken aback."

"I, er..." The Italian stammered out. "I-I take you, uh...you don't have a good relationship with your mama?"

McQueen scoffed. "I don't have a relationship with her, period. She left me and my dad when I was 4."

"Ah," Francesco nodded. He already knew about the tense situation between Lightning and his father.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," McQueen sighed. "I just wanted to-"

"McQueen, if you wanted to get that off your chest, there is no better place to do it!" Francesco assured him, wrapping his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Francesco is always here to support his favorite competitor! I must keep you in tip-top condition! That makes it only more satisfying when I kick your ass on the track!"

McQueen smirked a little bit. "Thanks, Francesco. Or should I start calling you Franny?"

"MCQUEEN!"

Despite his slightly soured mood, McQueen couldn't help but break out into laughter. He loved seeing his buddy all riled up and cursing so badly, Mama Bernoulli came out to wash his mouth with soap in the fountain.

#pixar cars #cars #lightning mcqueen #francesco bernoulli #cars 2 #cars fic

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moonjxsung · 2 months

Note

pls brain either keep doing mini skz fics in my dreams or stop altogether bc every time i wake up from one i can’t think straight😪

and frrr with religious trauma!! my religious trauma doesn’t even revolve around my fam forcing religion on me but like everyone else around me. my mother in law is super catholic and im not baptized so for like a year or two in our relationship she was trying to get me to get baptized. and in a way i’ve always thought of doing it bc of my guilt but i don’t want to do it by force, yk?

so yeah i guiltily love stories that contain blasphemous aspects!! (juno has an anon that wrote priest!hyune🛐). so almost having sex with changbin at a church was top tier. i still think about it all the time. i also dreamt that i dryhumped jeongin at a church once at minho’s orders🛐🛐🛐.

and let’s be honest!!! jisung would love blasphemous sex bc bro is the biggest freak (idk if he’s religious or not bc he’s made like references about jesus and has a jesus shirt) so it’s either a humor thing or religious but either way he’d love it but maybe with a lil guilt too. i think you’d write a fantastic blasphemous sexy story but i get the apprehension as well.

past lives is so good! im so glad your mom enjoyed it! i cried sooooo much as well. it’s such an interesting story. and so beautifully written and directed too. (my bf spent the whole movie saying yoo teo looks like an older version of taehyung and i cannot unsee it).

and i am also so keeping up with 🦢🧡🌙 and star drama and im living for it. my fav long-term storytelling.

the fact that you said that you’d read a dissertation from me, im crying. ilysm bb💜

-🐈‍⬛

No I totally get that! It should be on your terms and whenever you feel ready!

TW below the cut: long blurb about my impending religious trauma 🫶 (seriously if anyone struggles with religious trauma please proceed with caution lol)

I struggle so bad with religious ocd which is strange because I grew up attending church and I was baptized AND confirmed into my church so I was a very active participant and my parents never forced anything on me, but in college when I began questioning specifics and taking lots of science courses I became like a raging atheist and I would get so annoyed whenever religion was brought up and I just shut it out completely. Navigating my sexuality and just being a young adult and not understanding religion/feeling very detached from it was super difficult. And then in sophomore year of college was when I began getting really bad religious themed intrusive thoughts (I won’t bore you with the details) but basically I began developing ocd rituals that began to take a toll on my physical health and I was hospitalized twice for it and put on medication for about 5 years (I stopped about one year ago now!) and I felt like it was God punishing me in a sense. For 2 years straight I could hardly leave my house without feeling like I was under the watchful eye of a higher power and I would keep a BIBLE in my purse, it got so bad that I quit my job and almost took a year off college just to to engage in my ocd rituals 😭 luckily I had a really good support system so I got intensive therapy and I was really close to a writing professor of mine who was very understanding about it and encouraged me to write about what I was feeling so I have notebooks full of my 5 year struggle with religion and it was just…….. not fun LOL

Luckily I’m much better now (I still struggle with it, just not to a debilitating extent!) and I think that’s where a lot of the attraction to blasphemy comes from, because I already have been funneling my religious guilt into writing for so long and I already write smut after being so sexually repressed as a result of my medication (and fear that god was going to punish me for exploring my sexuality) so I think combining the two would be a fairly easy task. I’m always just worried that if I spiral again I’m going to equate it to my writing and blame myself 😭 BUT if you guys ever see themes of religious guilt in my writing, that’s a little backstory to it because it’s a huge part of my personal identity and I think it’s going to follow me around forever. ALSO THE JISUNG BIT…… I could so see him in a blasphemy themed story, he so gives off church crush vibes 😭😭😭😭 my brain is FUZZY I may very well have to write something about it 👼

I still need to get around to watching Past Lives BUT it seems so good and tragic from what I’ve heard!! I personally love media with sad endings too, it just scratches an itch on my brain 😭

Also thank you for keeping up with 🧡🌙🦢 drama we are a chaotic MESS right now……. I think I’m technically cheating on so many of my virtual partners right now (I still love u all) but their silly little messages keep me going fr

I love u so much pookie!!!! Also of COURSE I would read a dissertation by you it would be FANTASTIC like all your messages always are 👼💓🩷💕 I hope you’re having the best day ily ily

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

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bad-science · 2 months

Note

yo wait ur sister was arrested?? On your birthday??

🤪🤪 lol yUP. She’s… yeah. “A mess” doesn’t even begin to cover it. There’s a massive amount of detail spanning years that I can’t even put in a single post but I have no issue putting her on blast here LMAO. A bit of a vent I guess, Warning for mention of suicide, abuse, and sort of domestic violence

I’ll put it under a cut sjdhsj but the TLDR is she fought with her shitty bf and threw an empty soda can at him, threatened to kill herself and all the cops, and now has a charge for domestic violence.

Happy birthday to me!!!!! My life is a divine comedy and I am not laughing <3

The summary is that she’s a shit tier person who’s dating another shit tier person and they abuse each other until she threatens to kill herself, which she has done for basically the last 10 years if anybody tells her no about anything at all and if she doesn’t get her way. It’s always just a threat and she uses it to get attention and manipulate everyone around her - and I would NOT say this lightly. She is legitimately a sick and horrible person who has mistreated and abused me and my mother to the point of our own mental health reaching a very seriously bad state. I do believe she has some sort of mental illness which could be influencing her actions but my god she refuses to get any help and nothing we do or offer her is ever good enough. When she was a teenager a psychiatrist diagnosed her as a narcissist?? But nothing ever came of that and she never got treatment. (Auto-disclaimer that people with NPD are not automatically abusers, but my sister absolutely is one lol). She is also a compulsive liar and has made up outlandish lies since she was a literal toddler (another thing the psych pinpointed immediately, but again nothing was ever done about it since she outright refuses treatment unless she can abuse or sell prescription drugs.) Back then it wasn’t as big of an issue. But now I see it as a red flag.

Today at 6am I woke up to a call from my mom and learned that my sister had finally been arrested for “domestic violence”. According to her, and this may not be the full story, her boyfriend accused her of cheating (again) (she is a cheater but to my knowledge has not cheated on Him specifically). They fought. She threw an empty soda can at him?? And then he called the police who apparently drug her out and arrested her. They said she was resisting arrest, she says she wasn’t. Acab per usual but my sister is the type to actually fight the cops when she’s in this mental state.

She did in fact threaten to “come back and slit (the cops’) throats”, they asked if she knows that threatening an officer is a felony, and she said “well then I threaten you with everything EXCEPT that,” which is a normal thing to say… and then they put her in a straight jacket bc she was acting out and threatening everyone. Lol.

My mom went to bail her out, $1,300 later my sister was screaming bloody murder in the car, yelling FUCK YOU in my mom’s face over and over, and got even more angry when my mom would not drive her to her bf’s house “to kill him”. Somehow she has decided that all of this was our mother’s fault? Bc she cannot ever be wrong ever and flips out when she doesn’t get her way. She is 24 years old.

They came home, I heard her scream outside, she came in screaming the same typical fuck you’s and all at my mom, I was honestly trying not to laugh bc I’m so desensitized to it by now and everything she says is ridiculous. Then she stormed out and started walking barefoot down the road claiming to be going to her bf’s house. Refused to get in my dad’s car when he found her. Then she stopped at the lake, texted a picture to her bf, told him essentially “it’s ok, you’re setting me free.” The picture was of his shoes by the lake; her intention being that she thought it was perfectly horrible to leave his stuff in the place where she “planned” to kill herself. Specifically to manipulate him and scare him. Bc guess what! She didn’t do anything. She just wanted him to think of having to go to the place where she “died” to retrieve his shoes and feel like everything is all his fault. Again… she didn’t do anything and it was all a threat to guilt trip him.

Bf called the cops AGAIN not even 12 hours into her bail djdgjd but this time the cops did nothing. She is now as okay as she can be I guess, and… we’ll just have to weather the aftermath storm bc she takes a long ass time to stop treating all of us like shit. NEEDLESS TO SAY, if they don’t fuckin break up after this they’re both lost causes and they can drive each other crazy for all I care.

We are all exhausted and stressed and I put up my own birthday decorations… but I do have a lemon cake. So that’s nice.

#queries #suicide #suicide mention #domestic violence #abuse #pls pls pls tell me if I need to tag this in any other way #anyways. yeah #I’m goin thru it but we stay sillayayyy #happy birthday I am shakily eating cake #ALSO I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH MY SISTER IS NOT NEARLY AS BIG AND BADASS AS SHE THINKS SHE IS LOL #she would literally never be able to kill a person or physically fight anyone enough to do so #so she’s all talk and Crazy Bitch Disease and nothing else

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cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien · 3 months

Text

Solar Opposites: Mighty Solars The Movie Ch. 3

Two weeks later, at a wedding dress store, Terry was looking around for the perfect wedding dress. Terry then sees a lovely pink dress with a viel and gasp in joy.

Terry: This one is perfect!

Terry picks out the dress and takes it to the cashier.

Terry: I’ll take this dress.

Cashier: The color's very popular. You getting married.

Terry: Hell yeah. This wedding is going to be…

Suddenly, Terry’s eye vision starts getting blurry.

Terry: Wh-what?

Cashier: Sir? Are you okay?

As the cashier hands Terry his wedding dress, Terry starts coughing and wheezing as he began to walk weakly.

Terry: What the fuck is…

Terry then starts coughing out blood as he collapse on the floor and nose trickles from his non existent nose. People gasp and backs away in horror to give Terry some room. As Terry’s vision goes black, he wakes up and sees a monstrous black spirit looking down at him and purring as he nuzzles in Terry softly.

Terry: Huh?

Spirit: It's okay, Terald. I'm here.

Terry gasp and sits up as he looks at the spirit in wonder.

Terry: Oh hi.

The spirit takes Terry's hand.

Terry: Huh? What is happening?

Terry suddenly starts floating.

Terry: Whoa. What are you?

Spirit: I haven't any time to explain now. So you must figure it out on your own.

Terry: I have to? What do you mean?

The spirit disappears. Terry looks up and touches a light as he wakes up and finds himself with Korvo, in an orange wedding dress smiling at him as he rubs his head softly.

Korvo: There’s my Terry…

Terry: What the fuck happened?

Korvo: Oh you poor thing. One of our neighbors called us and said you collapsed at the store. Must’ve been wedding stress, huh?

Terry blushes while smiling.

Terry: Yeah.

Korvo: Oh Terry!

Korvo hugs Terry as he blushes.

Terry: Yeah to be honest, I am really nervous.

Korvo: I am too. But we'll get through this. Together.

Terry smiles in tears.

Terry: Oh Korvy!

The two kiss and moan. Terry then puts on his dress and veil as he looks at the mirror and smiles.

Korvo: You never looked more beautiful

Terry laughs and does a twirl.

Terry: I feel like a princess right now.

Korvo laughs as he put his arms around Terry’s shoulders and looks lovingly at him.

Korvo: You ready for this?

Terry nods.

Korvo: Let’s do this.

The scene then cuts to Stacy G frosting a bunch of goodies while singing “How Does a Moment Last Forever”.

[STACY G]

How does a moment last forever?

How can a story never die?

It is love we must hold on to

Never easy but we try

Sometimes our happiness is captured

Somehow a time and place stand still

Love lives on inside our hearts

And always will

Minutes turn to hours

Days to years then gone

But when all else has been forgotten

Still our song lives on

Jesse blushes and smiles. Stacy G watches Jesse and starts to feel something in herself as a heartbeat sound effect is heard. A romantic music is heard in the background as Stacy G feels love at first sight upon seeing Jesse.

Louise: offscreen Stacy!

Stacy G gasp and accidentally spills a little icing.

Stacy G: Yes mom?

Louise: You need to see this!

Stacy G: See what?

Louise: Come with me.

Stacy G follows her mother as she puts down the icing tube.

Stacy G: What is it?

They then sees Terry and Korvo while wearing their wedding dresses and heading to the wedding hall with Yumyulack, Jesse, Pupa and Phoebe while their neighbors cheer for them. Pastor Philip is waiting for the family as they arrive.

Stacy G: Wow. You two look amazing.

Korvo and Terry then walk towards Pastor Philip as they hold each other’s hands while Jesse drops flower petals on the floor and then turns as everyone takes a seat. Pastor Philip gets out his bible.

Pastor Philip: Dearly beloved. We've all gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Terald and Korvotron.

The neighbors grow excited as Darcy wipes away her tears while her mascara is running.

Pastor Philip: Terald Wearspreada do you promise to take care of Korvo, to honor him in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?

Terry: I do

Pastor Philip: And Korvotron, do you promise to love Terry for all time sakes, to keep him safe in sickness and in health? For as long as you both shall live?

Korvo smiles with tears in his eyes.

Korvo: I do.

Jesse sniffs. “Unconditionally” from Katy Perry plays in the background as Korvo and Terry prepares to say their vows:

Korvo: Terry, I don’t care whatever comes our way. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I never want to give that up. I promise no matter what happens, I won’t let anyone hurt you, because you’re my Terry and always will be.

Terry: And Korvo, I promise to love you for all eternity. No matter what happens, I won’t let anyone harm you and get in the way of our new happiness. Because, you’re my Korvy and I love more than anything.

Yumyulack gags.

Pastor Philip: I now pronounce you two husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.

Korvo and Terry helps pull up their veils and embrace in a kiss as everyone cheer for them. Tears fall down the husbands tears as they moan lovingly.

Terry: Come here you!

Korvo and Terry kiss again as the sunsets. Jesse is crying with tears of joy, Phoebe claps for her friends Yumyulack gags while the Pupa eats the flower petals. Two hours later, Terry and Korvo are looking at the sky as Terry has a surpise for Korvo.

Terry: Hey, Korv. I’ve got a surprise for you.

Korvo: What is it?

Terry shows Korvo some ticket bookings for a beach resort Korvo loves. Korvo gasps.

Korvo: Oh my gosh. A week at Earth-4’s Silverstone Beach Resort? How did you book it?

Terry: It’s a long story. But-

Korvo kiss Terry again.

Korvo: Oh Terry! I’m so happy we’re together. Whatever you want me to change, I will!

Terry takes Korvo’s hands and smiles at him.

Terry: There is nothing to change. You’re perfect just the way you are. Oh by the way, your sister sent you something.

Korvo gasp and looks at a box.

Korvo: This is from Janiz? What did she give to us?

Terry: See for yourself.

Korvo opens a box with a note inside and a glowing aquamarine crystal fragment.

Korvo: Whoa.

Korvo then reads the note and it says…

“Hey Lil Bro. Heard about your wedding day! I am happy for you! There is artifact I went you take for safety reasons. It’s a Crystal I found last night! It might be very special for you. I hope one day we can meet again one day. I am so proud of you! You have a family now! A big one! Tell Terry thank you for taking care of my brother. Tell the kids I hope to see them one day and tell your nanny Phoebe thank you for taking care of the family too. I love you Korvo. You are so brave. - With Love, Janiz.”

Korvo smiles in tears as he looks at the fragment and puts in a safe container.

Terry: What did it say?

Korvo: It said thanks for taking care of me.

Terry is stunned in surprise.

Terry: Wow. She knows me so well.

Korvo: I know. I write to her all the time.

Terry: Well, I’m glad you mention about the rest of us too.

Korvo smiles.

Korvo: Of course I always do. So when do we leave for our trip?

Terry: Tomorrow morning.

Korvo laughs and kisses Terry on the cheek.

Korvo: I’ll go tell the kids to pack their bags. Terry smiles They will be so surprise.

Terry: I’m sure they will.

The next morning, Yumyulack, Jesse and Pupa scream in joy as they pack their bags.

Jesse: I am so freaking out right now!

Pupa: Beach!

Yumyulack: I know right! I bet they have training course!

Jesse: I highly doubt that.

Yumyulack: Relax, it’s gonna be breeze. Some resorts have a fun course for families. Plus, they have a spa! You like spas and manicures!

Jesse: Hell yeah Yummybear! This is gonna be great!

Phoebe: You kids almost done?

Yumyulack, Jesse and Pupa: Yep! chanting Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!

Korvo: Alright alright. Settle down. We’re leaving in five minutes.

Yumyulack, Jesse and Pupa: Yay!

Terry smirks seductively.

Terry: You ready for sexy kinky vacation for honeymoon honey?

Korvo: Fuck yeah I am.

The two husbands kiss. Then, cues the family driving to the resort while “Holiday” from Madonna plays in the background:

Jesse is lip-syncing to the song.

Yumyulack: Man, Jesse really love road travel songs. This one truly fits our trip to the beach resort.

Terry: Hell yeah, my sweet little dancing lip-syncing princess.

Jesse giggles.

Jesse: Thanks Terry.

Pupa: Are we there yet?

The family laughs.

Phoebe: Yes we are.

Yumyulack: LET’S GOOOOOOO!

The family drives to the resort as the suitors carried their luggage. The family check in into their room and Korvo and Terry smile at the view.

Korvo: This is so beautiful.

Terry: I know. Look at the ocean.

The ocean starts shimmering as Korvo smiles.. Terry notices that Korvo’s eyes are sparkling because of the water.

Terry: I love when your eyes do that when you’re near the water. It makes them shine.

Korvo blushes.

Korvo: Oh stop it you.

Terry: seductively You know that’s true you beautiful shimmering stud.

Korvo giggles and unbuttons his shirt.

Korvo: You ready for some fun my darling?

Terry blushes and stammers.

Terry: Oh baby! Fuck me now! takes off his clothes as he leaps and embraces Korvo on his arms as they kiss and falls down on the bed

Korvo starts to dominate Terry as they moan lovingly.

Korvo: Mmm, yes! So tight!

Terry: Shit! I’m gonna cum!

Korvo: Oh yes! Oooh! Do it was we cum away! OOOOOH FUUUUUUCCCK! moans as he cums

The two husbands cum as thens moan lovingly. However, Yumyulack, Jesse and Pupa are disgusted by their dads having sex.

Terry: cums on Korvo’s chest YEEESSSSSS!

Pupa: Eeew! Yucky!

Yumyulack and Jesse: Aw eeew! Sex again? You guys are disgusting! Come on boo! Gross!

Phoebe MacCarthy: Alright kids, out now. Give your dads some alone time.

The kids and Phoebe leave as Korvo and Terry catch their breath.

Korvo: Oh baby, I never had this kind of sex before in my life and it’s amazing!

Terry: I know!

Korvo and Terry kiss with tongue as they moan.

Terry: Oh baby. moans

Korvo: Mmm…

The two husbands then fall asleep as they smile.

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

Note

I say this as someone who's followed you for years and with as much kindness as possible:

Get the fuck away from your mother. Ditch her fuckin ass. She's repeatedly making things worse and refuses to learn. You need to get away from her, for your own good.

I know I might be repeating what other people have said, or even what you have thought of doing, but holy shit this bitch is actively ruining your life through sheer stupidity.

I hope things get better

I feel bad that people have to keep giving me this kind of advice because I realize it's the most obvious answer, and there are multiple reasons separating from my mother would be good for us both. I feel bad that i keep sharing all these worrying stories and worrying people and then at the end of the day, I'm way too scared to actually try and fix things. I just worry so much about not being able to take care of myself, not being able to drive, what if I go somewhere and it's harder if not impossible for me to get to work, just. I worry about everything. Honestly the thing that worries me the most is keeping my job or not being able to transfer if I went somewhere else. My wage is currently $19 an hour, my 58 yo mom was making $22, so like, I'm helping hold it all together with rent BECAUSE of that income. I'm so scared of losing that.

I've had people ask if there's any family I can go to and the only possible option would be maybe my father who is in another state, I cannot remember if it is in Illinois or Missouri (ugh, they may have passed recreational weed but thats the only good thing thats came outta thar state in like the last 2 decades). And I don't know if that would be good either. But it's an option I'm beginning to consider. But I am sort of still in the reconnecting process with my dad and we've butted heads a few times and he also has his own physical and emotional issues. Actually I think he is where I inherited a lot of mental illness from because he also has an anxiety disorder and we are almost positive he has equinus like me. He also has developed type 2 diabetes and I am really bad with sugar impulse control, what if I hurt my dad because I can't stop bringing sweets into the house and he eats them too 🥺

It just. Personally makes me hate myself to even think of "hiya pops, we've barely spoken in the last 10 years, I've been really ahitty about talking to you consistently since we've said hi again and lost my temper with you a few times, hey I know you're on a fixed income and out of a job right now (or was, maybe he has one now, we've spoken so little idk) but is it OK if I come live in your house as a whiny codependent barely functioning weed addict of an adult?" 😅

But yeah I just. This is really. It just never ends. I keep fighting myself and beating myself up on "who's right, am I right, am I wrong, am I overreacting, whats going on, what do I do, someone tell me what to do because I'm too stupid to do things right" and it's just. I also still love my mother even if that love is being increasingly mixed with resentment. I worry about her ability to take care of herself because her health is getting worse and, like, I worry about her mentally a lot. Like this tooth infection she has, is because she doesn't have the best dental hygiene, and had fillings and such, and even after needing fillings still takes shit care of her teeth, and was putting off getting like broken teeth and such taken care of, and, they're now having to pull SEVEN of her back teeth. She'll need dentures to eat certain foods now. And I'm not better, I basically stopped brushing my teeth for many years because I literally expected to be dead before they rotted out of my mouth and now I'm scrambling to adopt that routine again, and also like.

Sorry but my mom and a dentist literally lied to me when i was a little girl and said i had several cavities because they thought i would be scared into brushing my teeth and all that did was convince me everything was pointless and needed to give up since it was already damaged, and she refuses to apologize or even acknowledge how that literally helped me develop a complex and felt helpless when SHE LIED TO ME, A CHILD, HER CHILD (and also i think my difficulty keeping routines is a combination just needing to apply myself and having adhd issue because like, I've been pretty good with my skincare at least)

I just. I love her but I hate her. If I'm not careful to keep myself calm I'm going to escalate to the physical level. And to be honest I've had the opinion for many years that, all those times my mom told extremely age inappropriate stories to little tiny baby Miranda about her experiences with assault and domestic violence, even as a kid I would think, "well you like don't listen, you shut people down, you insist youre always right, I want to hit you all the time too, maybe it wasn't them but maybe you got yourself hit by constantly pushing everyone around you to their breaking point" like clearly that's not a healthy thought to have and I. I am kind of convinced at this point that almost every single bad thing that had ever happened to this woman was her own fault in some way shape or form. But you could also say that about me

What's scary is that I can't even think of going anywhere without having savings first and I'm constantly being pushed to my limits to the point I don't HAVE any savings, it's all getting sucked up. I dunno how else I can get out of this pit and I'm just, mentally worn down from any entire life of this. I feel useless and exploited at home and then I go to work and feel useless and exploited at work and by society. Like. Life feels so bleak. My Canadian friend is getting in worse health. I still have a lot of affection for him but he's also uh done and said a few things I really disagree with on personal levels and it, gives me some pause, like. I genuinely am so sad all the time. I need to go back to the psychiatrist to get some medicines again but, I am working and making enough money that after my state insurance expires in October, I'll have to go through my work, and that doesn't 100% cover everything so, j wouldn't be able to afford anything at that point

Just. Ugh. I try to write down my thoughts and listen to music and try to write on my other blog to cheer myself up but I just. What can you do right. What am I good for. What is anyone good for. What is this world itself good for. Our entire species is gonna go extinct with climate change anyways. Why should I keep struggling and suffering like this when it's. Idk. Arguably all for nothing. We'll all be nothing more than just dogs following commands and paying bills until we die

#im just very. im on autopilot. i cant think about hurting myself because the desire is there #and i dont want to think about it to the point i do it #i just keep trying to redirect my thoughts and distract myself #but this sucks. everything sucks. my country sucks. my species sucks. my planet sucks. my skin. my hair. my body. my voice. my age #my arms my legs my eyes my ears my heart my soul my hopes my dreams it all fucking sucks #i just have to keep drinking or smoking and playing phone games until the bad thoughts go away

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